Chapter Text
“Professor M?”
Merlin turned to find one of his students hurrying towards him.
“What can I do for you, Cassie?”
Cassie looked at the ground nervously.
“Sorry to bother you, but I have a project for my psychology class, and we have to interview some of our professors about their lives, and I was wondering if I could interview you if you’re not busy?”
Merlin glanced at the clock, then scoffed to himself. What, was he going to be late for dinner with himself?
Besides, what harm could a few questions do?
He smiled. “Of course.”
Cassie gave a relieved smile. “Thank you! Okay, so I’ll just set up the camera, and I’ll ask you some questions.”
Merlin nodded, and they headed to one of the lecture tables.
“Okay, so,” Cassie started after she set up her camera. “Full name?”
“Uh...William M.”
“No last name?”
“I use M for the same reason my grandfather did; our last name is long and hard to say.”
Cassie nodded.
“Where were you born?”
“A really small town a long way from here. No one knows it.”
“Favorite movie?”
“That’s a hard one...I’d have to say Harry Potter.”
“Good choice. So now the questions are going to be more personal, and if there’s any that make you uncomfortable, you don’t have to answer.”
Merlin nodded, but he was regretting his decision. He was terrible at thinking on the spot.
“Do you have any siblings?”
“Nope. Only child.”
“Which of your parents were you closest with?”
“My mother, but to be fair I only knew my father for a short period of time before he passed. I think if I had known him longer, I would have been just as close with him. In all honesty, I was closest with my uncle, since I lived with him from the time I was a teenager until he passed away.”
“Alright...let's see...are you married, or seeing anyone?”
Merlin blinked, surprised. “Er, not at the moment.”
“How many times have you been in love?”
“Er...once.”
“What is your biggest fear?”
“Oh my god, these are intense,” Merlin chuckled.
Cassie shrugged sheepishly. “Sorry, Professor. These were what I was given.”
“No worries, Cassie. My biggest fear is probably...spending the rest of my life alone. Which, now that I say out loud, sounds really stupid.”
Merlin could only imagine what Arthur would say if he could hear Merlin now. This was one of the few times Merlin was genuinely glad that he wasn’t there.
“No it doesn’t. It makes perfect sense,” Cassie reassured him.
The questions went on for another ten minutes before coming to an end.
“Now, last question. It’s actually two parts. What is the biggest secret that you’ve never told anyone? And then, can you elaborate?”
The most obvious answer, I have magic, sprung to Merlin’s mind, which he ignored for two reasons: one, he would sound insane, and two, he had told many people back in Camelot.
So he chose a secret he had never told anyone. Not even Gaius.
“I was in love with my best friend. But I haven’t spoken to him in a long time.”
Merlin saw Cassie’s eyes widen a bit.
“It was a long time ago. I was young. We met when I moved in with my uncle. His name was Arthur, and yes, it’s just a coincidence,” Merlin lied. “He was being a prat to some boys, and I told him off. He didn’t like that. We were paired together for a long time by his father, and I realized he wasn’t as big of a prat as I thought. It took me awhile, but I fell in love with him. But when we got older, he fell in love and married one of our other friends, an amazing woman.”
“Oh...is that why you’re not friends anymore?”
“What? Oh, no. No, he never knew how I felt, and I was happy for he and Gwen. They were wonderful together. But years ago...there was an accident. He...went missing.”
Merlin was trying his best to explain, and he wondered to himself why he didn’t just tell her Arthur was dead. He couldn’t bring himself to, he realized. It was still too painful, even after all these centuries. He always told himself Arthur would be coming back. Eventually.
“After that, the rest of my friends all drifted apart, and we lost contact. I miss them all terribly, but I haven’t been able to find them.”
“I am so sorry, Professor,” Cassie said quietly.
“That’s alright, Cassie. I’ll find them one day, I’m sure of it.”
“You still love him, don’t you?” Cassie asked bluntly.
Merlin smiled sadly. “I do. I always will, I expect, as sad as that is. But like I said, he was happy with his wife, and I was happy for them.”
“That’s very cool of you, Professor M. But I have to say…”
Merlin raised an eyebrow.
“You’re life somewhat reminds me of Merlin’s.”
Cassie grinned, and Merlin sighed good-naturedly.
“Maybe that’s why I studied his history so much. I guess we’ll never know,” he said genially. “Any plans over break?”
“Yeah, one more day, and then I’m going to France with my family. Do you have any plans?”
Merlin shrugged, picturing another lonely holiday.
“Not particularly. I might go on one of those road trips I mentioned.”
In truth, he hadn’t been back to Avalon in years. Like, over a decade.
“Okay, well, thanks again. See you tomorrow!”
“Bye, Cassie.”
Merlin headed back into his office and collapsed into his chair, head in his hands. Why did he think that was a good idea? Dredging up the past personally always ended in a wicked hangover for him the next day. It was one thing teaching his students about the mythical King Arthur, but another thing entirely when he let it get emotional.
He groaned and gathered his lesson plan for the next day before heading back to his flat.