Work Text:
Sanji stares straight ahead. Luffy stares back, a ridiculous grin on his face.
“What the fuck is going on?” he says, almost dropping his cigarette.
He stands in the doorway to the bedroom (well, more like the hammock and futon room) of the Going Merry, his new home. On a pair of futons pulled close together, Zoro lies flat on his back, snoring softly. That’s normal for someone like Zoro, but the rest… isn’t normal. Beside Zoro, Usopp curls up on his side, head on Zoro’s chest (well, he was until Sanji appeared, because he now sits up, blushing) and Zoro’s hand linked with his own. And Luffy has his legs twisted around Usopp’s, spooning him.
As Sanji stares, Luffy untangles himself and sits up. “It’s pretty simple. Just a queerplatonic poly snuggle pile.”
“Uh, what?” Sanji says.
“I mean what I said. Poly as in polyamory, cos—”
“Yeah, I know what poly means,” he says. “But… that means you’re dating each other, right?”
“Yeah, course we are. Right, Usopp?”
Usopp looks like he wants to die of embarrassment, but he nods. “Y-Yeah,” he mumbles. “That’s right.”
Sanji momentarily forgets about this weird conversation, a thought flickering into his mind. Luffy, Usopp and Zoro are dating, so that means… Nami is available? Could it be…?
“What about Nami?” he asks, as nonchalant as he can manage.
“Oh, Nami, she—”
“Did someone say my name?”
Sanji jumps, spinning around to see Nami stood behind him. She looks past Sanji and glares at Luffy and Usopp, hands on her hips.
“Seriously, guys?! I leave you alone for five minutes and you’re in bed? Zoro’s allowed to bail, but you two promised you’d help me sort the treasure. So get up before I make you.”
“Come on, calm it, Nami,” Luffy says. “Why don’t you join us, just for a few minutes?”
Sanji’s mouth hangs open, Luffy’s words rattling around his skull. “Wait, you mean…?”
Luffy nods. “Yep. Nami’s dating us too!”
Her cheeks turning ever so slightly pink, Nami looks from him to Sanji. “Oh, I guess you just found out, huh?”
“Found out what?” Sanji says.
Nami shrugs. “That, well, the four of us are polyamorous.”
Okay, so that dream didn’t last long.
“Oh.”
“Come on, Nami!” Luffy calls. “It’s not a real queerplatonic poly snuggle pile without you. you need a break, anyway.”
Nami rolls her eyes, but stalks across the room. “Okay, fne. But just ten minutes, okay?
“Okay,” Usopp mumbles whilst Luffy whines about the time restriction.
As he watches Nami cuddle up to Zoro, hugging his arm, irrational jealousy twinges in Sanji’s guts. Still, he ignores it, confusion over this relationship of theirs overtaking his other emotions.
“Uh, so, I get the poly bit, but what the fuck is that queer-something part?”
“It’s the name for a relationship without romance,” Usopp says.
“And our relationship’s queerplatonic cos I’m aromantic,” Luffy adds, grinning.
“The rest of us aren’t aro – Zoro’s asexual, I’m bi and Usopp is pansexual – but we still don’t like each other romantically.”
“It’s literally an aromantic relationship,” Luffy says. “Isn’t that awesome?!”
Sanji stares at them, exhaling a plume of smoke. “Wait wait wait… what does aromantic mean?”
Nami groans and covers her face with her hand, and Luffy starts laughing – and both noises wake Zoro.
He blinks blearily and reaches for his bandana on some kind of reflex, only relaxing when he finds it still tied around his upper arm. Sanji hasn’t known him very long, but he’s seen lots of evidence to suggest the rumour about Zoro being autistic is actually true.
“What’s going on?” Zoro mumbles, yawning. “And what’re you all doing in here?”
“Oh, we came to join you – for a bit,” Usopp says, adding his last three words in a higher pitch when Nami shoots him a look.
“And Sanji was confused so we’ve been teaching him about the queerplatonic poly snuggle pile,” Luffy says, saying the exact same phrase yet again.
“Hmm, okay then,” Zoro says, and he falls back asleep.
“By the way, Luffy is the only one to call it that long name,” Nami says.
Sanji studies his captain and crewmates. That was… a lot to take in.
“Look, I can’t say I totally understand everything you said, but… it’s fine with me, really. Look, just enjoy your ‘snuggle pile’ and I’ll sort the treasure, okay?”
And, without waiting for an answer, Sanji heads off to do just that.
“Thanks, Sanji,” Nami calls, and he blushes despite knowing they’re not going to be an item.
“Seriously thanks! But it’s not a ‘snuggle pile’. It’s actually called a queerpl—”
“Shut up, Luffy!”