Chapter Text
Devi pulled away from Ben with astonishing speed as she saw her mother approach Ben's car out of the corner of her eye.She couldn’t help but frown at the loss of the feelings of his lips on hers, but knew that it was better than her mom catching her making out with a boy mere minutes after spreading her dad’s ashes into the sea. To make matters worse, Ben Gross might be the only boy on the planet that Devi’s mom liked, she’s not going to ruin that now. Ben looked at her with his eyebrows raised, clearly confused, but Devi ignored the look as she tried to piece her fragmented thoughts into full sentences. Suddenly, being around Ben made her palms sweaty and caused words to get caught in her throat.
In a matter of seconds, Ben realized exactly why Devi had pulled away. He let go of her hand- that Devi didn't realize she was holding-but now that they weren't holding hands all she could think about was how good it felt, and he scooted impossibly far from her in his seat. Devi's mom knocked on Ben's door, her face stern yet kinder than usual when addressing her daughter. Her hair was pulled into a tight low bun, a few loose strands of hair flying around her face that she paid no attention to. Devi rolled her eyes in true Devi fashion and pressed her finger on the button in order to roll the car's window down. The breeze makes its way into the car and Devi can feel the slight chill on her legs, she almost regrets wearing shorts. She looks up at her mom expectantly, unsure as to what she is waiting for.
“Devi, can you please explain to me why you are sitting in a car with a boy?”
Her mom says, much more composed then she was down on the beach. Although her words couldn't exactly be described as sweet, the tone underneath it is warm and friendly. Devi isn’t sure if her mom has decided she's going to give her daughter some slack for once in her life, she's afraid of Devi running away again, or if she just liked Ben. Devi didn't have time to contemplate the matter before her mother requested she remove herself from the ‘poor boy’s’ car and come home with her and Kamala.
Devi couldn't help but turn her direction towards Ben, trying to read the emotion on his face which was proving especially hard because Ben was seemingly doing everything in his power to avoid her eyes. She let out a frustrated sigh and reasoned with herself that maybe she should let her mom win this one. Devi turned back to her mother, the slightest indication of a scowl on her face.
“Fine. But I get to pick what we have for dinner”
Devi's mom shook her head despite the smile on her face and Devi promptly opened the car door and stood up sneaking one last squeeze to Ben's hand and a look that hopefully said ‘text me as soon as you’re home.’
“See you later Gross”
Devi said through a smile that she tried desperately to suppress, although she guesses that there's no use in pretending that looking at him didn’t make butterflies erupt in her stomach. Devi couldn't bring herself to close the door behind her so her mom closed it gently, not wanting to damage the outrageously expensive car too hard.
As Devi was dragged towards her family Subaru and away from the beach, she started to comprehend the events of the last couple of hours. Everything was finally something near okay. She had her best friends back, let her dad go, and just kissed a very cute boy. As she sat in the backseat of the car, her fingertips pressed into her cheek as she stared out of the window onto the cars passing next to them she let her thoughts wander back to Ben. She supposed it always came back to Ben. As soon as they arrived, she rushed to her room muttering a weak excuse of, ‘i have to go to the bathroom.’. She barely took any time to soak in the familiar surroundings, instead throwing herself on top of her covers. She closed her eyes and finally allowed herself to really think about him.
She thought about his hands in her hair and their lips pressed together. She thought about his tongue gliding over teeth and her hand on his chest. She thought about when he tried to kiss her at his party, twice. She thought about how they grew up together always competing, how she stayed up at night thinking about how she was going to kick his ass in math class the next day when she was little, how she still stays up at night thinking about him, and how whenever she won it hurt more because she felt like she had to prove she was better. She thought about every time they’ve ever talked and every time they've ever touched. But she also thought about all of the bad things that had happened, like when he called her an unfuckable nerd and how she said she wished Nazis would kill him. She knew that neither of them had meant those things and she knew that, even before all of this, they would have never done anything to actually hurt each other in any way.
Then she spent a little bit of time thinking about Paxton, because these things tend to go hand in hand. She thought about the times that he's saved her, about when he kissed her in his car, about when she first talked to him after swim practice. She thought about him and everything they've been through even in the short time they've actually known each other.
Eventually, she realized that she didn't really know him. She couldn't tell you anything about him besides what every single person their age with Instagram knew. Paxton just seemed so unattainable, sure he likes her, but she wasn't convinced that she could ever see him as a person, to her he would always be Paxton HY- the hot guy at her school.
Paxton and Ben were completely different. She wasn't going to lie to herself and say that she didn't have any feelings for Paxton, the thought of him still made her head spin, but she knew that she had to actually start making the decisions that were right for her. She needed to work on herself, so she could be a better friend and a better daughter. If her dad was still here he would tell her she needed to focus on what she needed, and what she needed was Ben. She didn't know how, but she knew. Maybe it was something about the way that he had looked at her in the car or how he touched her arm that one time during their 8th-grade dance. It doesn't matter what exactly it is, it doesn't matter what clicked, but the second Devi saw Ben asleep in that car she knew this was it. This is what she was looking for. She's spent so much time looking for things to fill the gaping hole that her dad left in her chest. This whole year, Ben has been the one to fill it, it just took her this long to realize but now that she did she had to make sure she was right. She had to talk to Ben.
Eventually, Devi opened her eyes, staring at her ceiling looking for the answers she was so desperately searching for. She turned to her bedside table, picking up her phone where she had abandoned it and desperately typed out the most cohesive attempt at a text to her arch-enemy/new crush.
“Hey Gross I'm coming to your house”
She figured that was good enough, Ben would pick at her no matter what she texted him but she figured there wasn't really a right thing to say in this situation. Devi took a shaky breath and emerged from her bed, bending over to see herself in the mirror of her vanity and making sure she looked good enough to see someone that she could possibly be kissing in the near future. She smiled at herself, wondering just how she got here and what made her who she is today. Shaking herself out of her weird, self-reflective daze, she raced down the stairs.
She didn’t plan on waiting for a reply. Then, it dawned on her, she was seeing Ben again, very soon. Even the thought of seeing Ben in real life made her palms sweaty and her entire body antsy, like needed to shift her weight. She needed to calm down, it was just Ben. It's the same Ben who's seen her at her worst and her best, the same Ben who let her live with him even after she rejected him twice in one night. Everything was going to be fine. Devi had almost managed to recompose herself, until she remembered her mother, who was now standing in front of the door, arms crossed.
“Where exactly do you think you’re going?”
Devi was fully prepared to make up an excuse for her mother and rush out of the house, until she realized she had no way to get to Ben’s house. Devi's cheeks flushed realizing she would have to text Ben to pick her up.
“Ugh, just give me a sec mom” she looked exasperated, but did not put much effort into the expression, and blatantly ignored the jittery feeling lingering in her stomach. She pulled out her phone, glancing at the four messages that he had left her while she had rushed down the stairs.
“David you can't just invite yourself to other people's houses”
“God, I assumed your mother taught you basic manners but I guess not”
“But seriously, you can come over”
“Do you need me to pick you up though?”
Davi smiled as she looked at his texts and texted back.
“Yeah, I didn't really think that one through, did I?”
Ben responded within seconds.
“Don't worry I’m already like a block away ;)”
Devi’s heart skipped a beat, he had no business sending a winky face and causing her to blush like some sort of boy-crazy teenager-which, in all fairness, is basically who she is, but at least she has a decent personality to make up for it. Devi turned back to her mother, telling her that Fabiola was picking her up for a study night with Eleanor. By the look on Devi's mother’s face she knew that was definitely not where Devi was going, but she figured that it might be time to loosen up her tight grip on Devi just a little bit. Her mom nodded, as her daughter practically skipped out of the door after her phone lit up with a notification.
Closing the door behind her, Devi saw Ben sitting in his car, not unlike he was earlier today. Seeing him made her feel something in her chest that she couldn’t quite name, something warm and floaty. She’d never felt anything like it before, not with Paxton at least. She had a feeling that if things started going well with Ben and their talk went okay, she would start getting pretty familiar with the feeling.
At that exact moment, Ben met her eyes, smiling one of his cute dorky smiles and Devi's heart melted right out of her chest and onto the sidewalk outside of her house. She walked towards Ben as he got out of the car and practically ran to the other side in order to hold the door open for her like some kind of gentleman. Devi got in the car, her hand brushing against Bens and her cheeks starting to flush from being in his general proximity . Devi didn't know what was gonna happen next, but she figured that she might finally be ready for whatever the world had to offer.