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Chapter Text

Yoongi prided himself for his work ethic. Staying up late, not eating and other various forms of personal negligence didn't make him flinch. It was common for him. After all, making good music had its consequences.

So that's why he was angry when Hoseok knocked on his studio door one night to get him to come back home. Couldn't the dancer understand that he had just come up with a good beat?

"Yoongi hyung?" Hoseok called from outside.

The eldest rapper chose to ignore him. Maybe Hoseok would leave then.

"Yoongi!"

Hoseok banged on the door.

"I'm not leaving until you come out and go with me!"

Yoongi sighed, pressing his lips together in annoyance. He had to get up to shoo Hoseok away.

Ripping open the door, he glared coldly at Hoseok who was standing there clad in his dance clothes.

"Can't you see the sign out here?" Yoongi pointed exasperatedly at the famous mat at the front. The cat, who was doing the middle finger, seemed to reflect the rapper's own expression.

Hoseok pouted. "The sign doesn't apply to me or any of the members. Especially when you are neglecting your health like this."

"I need to get something finished." Yoongi said instead.

He turned to go back inside but Hoseok grabbed his arm.

"No hyung."

"Who are you to tell me what to do?" Yoongi snapped.

Hoseok stood up straight and a faint smile appeared on his face. "I'm your hope, you're my hope, I'm J-Hope."

Yoongi rolled his eyes.

The dancer, noticing this, wiped the smile off his face and sighed. "I'm serious Yoongi. You're going to get sick if you don't get some rest. Go in and save what you were working on and I'll wait for you out here."

Muttering curses under his breath, Yoongi did as Hoseok said. The dancer's face lit up with a bright smile when Yoongi stepped out of his studio, jacket in hand.

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"Jin saved some food for you." Hoseok said as they walked into the dorms.

Yoongi hummed in response. He was tired. All he could think of right now was eating whatever Jin had left for him and going to sleep in his bed.

Hoseok must have sensed this because he didn't say anything else, only nodding to Jimin who was standing at the door.

Jimin raced over to the kitchen to get the food ready as Yoongi went to his room to take a shower.

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If there was anything Yoongi hated more than Converse, it had to be him being wrong. And he was going through one of those moments now.
Hoseok had been right.

He lay on his bed staring blankly at the ceiling. At the back of his mind, he could recall that he had to shower and eat, but those thoughts remained thoughts and never turned into actions. He just lay there, hearing the clock tick endlessly.

"Hyung, are you done?"

Jimin's voice seemed to be a trigger for Yoongi to get up and hurry to the bathroom. He grabbed his clothes and turned on the shower.

"Are you done yet?" Jimin knocked on the door.

Yoongi sighed and looked around. He hadn't even started taking a shower.
"No!" he yelled through the door.

He could hear Jimin chuckling through the door. Why did the mochi find everything funny?

"Okay okay hyung, not like I was going to walk in or anything." Jimin laughed.

His footsteps receded and Yoongi heaved a sigh of relief. He just wanted to sleep and suddenly even taking a shower seemed too exhausting of a task.

Stepping out of the bathroom after changing into his clean clothes, he stumbled into the dining room where Hoseok and Jimin were.

The two dancers cheerfully waved to Yoongi who felt compelled to roll his eyes at them.

Jin had left Yoongi naengmyeon to eat. Though the eldest rapper wasn't too fond of it, his heart warmed a little when he remembered that is was one of Jin's favourite foods, but he had still left a lot of it for Yoongi to have.

He picked up his chopsticks and began eating slowly. The flavour from the noodles overwhelmed his senses for a second and his eyes started to water, him quickly wiping the tears away.

"What did you get done today?" Hoseok asked. The dancer sat opposite Yoongi on the table, propping his elbows on the table.

"Nothing much. I was just about to lay down the bass track for a song before you came in and rescued me like a knight in shining armour, so yeah."

Hoseok laughed, Jimin joining in.

But then Jimin became serious. "Yoongi hyung you are tired."

Yoongi hummed in response, silently agreeing to Jimin's words.

"The others went to sleep?" he asked instead trying to change the subject.

Hoseok nodded. He suddenly frowned when a loud ding echoed from one of the rooms. Groaning, he got up.

"Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook! Get off-" Hoseok screamed as he ran down the hall.

Yoongi and Jimin shared a look. Tae and Jungkook were probably playing video games at night again. When Hoseok got angry, even Yoongi cowered in fear.

"Is it good?" Jimin suddenly asked.

"What? This?" Yoongi asked pointing to his food.

When Jimin hummed, Yoongi nodded.

"I'll thank Jin in the morning." the eldest rapper said.

Jimin agreed enthusiastically.

"I'll go get some water." Yoongi said, standing up.

"I can-"

The eldest rapper cut the mochi off. "Don't worry, I can get it."

Flipping on the light, Yoongi walked into the kitchen. The dishes were stacked neatly in the sink. Jin must have been too tired to wash them and the others too unwilling to help out. The rapper sighed as he poured himself a glass of water. He didn't know when he had actually drank water last, but it certainly wasn't recent. His throat begged for it.

He was just about to put the glass to his mouth when he felt his hands start to shake. He tried desperately to cling on to the glass, tried to save it from breaking, but his hand quickly went numb.

The last thing he remembered was Jimin screaming his name in a panic.

-------

Jimin got up as soon as he heard a loud crash in the kitchen, followed by a thud.

Yoongi had collapsed. There was a pool of blood around his head and hand. He himself was surrounded by broken shards of the glass.

"Yoongi hyung!" Jimin screamed. The mochi was too scared to touch him.

Hoseok was close on Jimin's heels. The dancer walked right up to Yoongi's fallen figure and examined him with a deep frown etched on his features.

"Did he hurt his head?" Jimin asked, eyes filled with concern.

Hoseok shook his head. "It's his hand. I still think we should get him to a hospital though, I mean, something else could be wrong."

Jimin nodded obediently and got up to get his phone.

Hoseok lifted Yoongi off the floor and swept up the glass while Jimin called Sejin to come over.

Yoongi didn't wake up.

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The world was hazy at first, tilting at the sides, black spots burning holes in his vision. Eventually Yoongi was able to focus on his surroundings.

Jin was asleep on a chair next to him. Tae and Namjoon were whispering lowly to each other, not having noticed him yet. Jimin, Jungkook and Hoseok weren't in the room.

Yoongi cleared his throat loudly.

"Hyung, you're awake!" Tae chirped cheerfully.

Namjoon giggled, but then got serious. "You need to take care of yourself better. Stitches in your hand and having to get an IV for two days isn't healthy you know."

"Two days?"

"Yes. Jimin, Hoseok and Jungkook were with you for the first two days and we are here now."

Yoongi glanced down at his hand which had a bandage around it preventing him from moving his fingers.

Tae smiled noticing Yoongi's small pout.

"I'm excited."

"For what?" Yoongi's sad voice was enough for Tae to say his true feelings.

"I'm excited for us to finally teach you how to take care of yourself."

-------

Chapter Text

Yoongi dumped the rest of his water from his water bottle into his mouth. He could hear Jungkook's footsteps down the hall coming to check if Yoongi had had his water yet. The rapper wasn't in the mood to hear any of their fussing and scolding.

Jungkook burst through the door with a big smile on his face.

"How are you feeling hyung?"

"Well, I was never sick in the first place. . ."

"Shut up hyung. You were."

Yoongi laughed at Jungkook's words. The maknae looked strangely defiant with a pout and steely eyes.

The rapper's hand was still wrapped in bandages. As he tried to move his hand, the bandages prevented his fingers from stretching all the way out. It resembled a barrier for his fingers. He sighed quietly.

Jungkook cleared his throat. "Tae said we can watch a movie together. Wanna join?"

"Yes!"

Yoongi bounded off his bed. Starting to sway almost immediately, Jungkook caught the rapper without much effort. Yoongi could only look at the maknae's eyes as his vision steadied.

"'Never sick in the first place' my ass." Jungkook muttered.

Yoongi rolled his eyes. "You might not want to talk like that if you don't want Jin to chase you with a spatula."

The maknae giggled, eyes shining with laughter.

"Let's go."

Jungkook insisted on keeping his arm around Yoongi the whole way to the living room. The rapper grumbled initially, but both he and the maknae knew that he secretly enjoyed Jungkook's attention.

"What movie are we watching today?" Jungkook asked Hoseok who was flipping through one of the art books Namjoon had gotten.

The dancer shrugged. When he looked up and saw Yoongi, he grinned and moved so he was beside the rapper.

"Hey, I wanted to sit there!" Jimin called from the kitchen.

"Too bad." Hoseok said.

Jimin settled himself beside Jungkook, a small pout on his face. Tae came down from his room and excitedly ran to the TV remote to pick the movie.

Yoongi, with his head on Jungkook's shoulder, watched Tae with amused eyes as the second maknae again picked the same movie to watch. The others collectively groaned at Tae's boxy grin.

Namjoon turned the lights off and the members sat on the couch, arms draped around each other as the movie started.

It hadn't even been twenty minutes when Yoongi's eyes began to close and he tucked himself securely into Jungkook's shoulder. All the exhaustion from the past week had drained him and he was too tired to sit and watch a movie. The maknae placed his hand gently on the rapper's back, feeling his quiet breathing.

"Wait." Hoseok said quietly. He got up and went to his room to get something.

Jin looked up at him in confusion, then straightened out when he saw that Yoongi had fallen asleep.

"He's so cute..." Jimin whispered, reaching over to touch Yoongi's nose.

Namjoon giggled.

Hoseok arrived with a blanket and his big pillow. The pillowcase was decorated with little Mangs all over it, characteristic of the dancer. Jin had once remarked that the pillow would never help him sleep because Mang only danced, never slept.

The dancer slipped the pillow on Jungkook's shoulder so Yoongi could rest comfortably and draped the blanket over him. Hoseok took his spot beside Yoongi quickly because first, so Jimin couldn't steal it and second, so Hoseok could share the blanket with the rapper.

Namjoon smiled, showing his dimples when Hoseok grabbed Yoongi's good hand and settled under the covers with him.

"Okay, start the movie again." Hoseok said.

Tae started the movie up again, but after a while it was clear that nobody was watching it, they were all too busy looking at Yoongi.

The rapper looked peaceful and there were no worry lines on his forehead. Curled up with Hoseok's blanket and the Mang pillow under his head, Jimin was right, Yoongi did look cute.

Jungkook, being extra careful not to wake Yoongi up, removed his shoulder from underneath the pillow so the rapper could lay down flat, Jin pulling up his feet so they were on his lap. Hoseok was still holding Yoongi's hand. Only when Jungkook felt someone looking at him did he lift his head to see Namjoon staring at him, a look of pure envy on his face.

Taehyung burst into laughter when he saw the leader's expression. His hand immediately flew up to his mouth, trying to quiet himself. Namjoon broke his mask and giggled alongside him.

Jimin contented himself with playing gently with Yoongi's hair. His small fingers brushed the rapper's light brown hair from one side of his forehead and back again. Yoongi hummed in his sleep, a small smile appearing on his lips.

Jin leaned against Hoseok. The dancer noticed that the eldest's eyes were fixed on Yoongi. The signature heart-shaped smile bloomed on Hoseok's face, threatening every flower in existence.

"Tsk tsk tsk . . ." Jimin mumbled after a while. "None of us are watching poor Tae's movie."

Jungkook looked up to see Tae, who didn't even seem the slightest bit fazed, turn the movie off and attack Jin, the nearest member to him, with a huge hug.

"Imagine what Yoongi would say if he knew that we stopped watching a movie to watch him sleep instead." Jungkook said.

Jimin smiled. "I know that he might sound like the type that would cringe and everything, but we all know him, and secretly he would enjoy it and cherish this memory."

Namjoon ruffled the mochi's hair, causing his small body to start shaking with laughter. Jimin threw himself into the leader's arms as he giggled.

"Well, I think. . ." Taehyung's voice was strangely deep. ". . . I think that Jiminie is pabo no longer!"

The famous windshield wiper laugh came out of Jin as he almost started crying at Tae's words.

"I-" it took Jimin a few tries before he was able to talk through his laughs. "-I think that I was never a pabo, but thanks anyways."

Hoseok, strangely enough, hadn't downright laughed at the others' words, only smiled. This struck Namjoon as odd because the dancer was usually laughing the loudest if anything funny happened.

When Taehyung burst into loud snickers, Hoseok held a finger up to his lips.

"He's sleeping." The dancer pointed down to Yoongi, as if it wasn't obvious that the rapper was currently exploring his dreamworld.

Jin patted Tae on the back. Hard. "Control yourself Tae. Follow your hyung's lead."

Jimin buried his face into Namjoon's shirt so he could laugh while not bothering Yoongi.

Hoseok saw Jungkook looked tired and within a few minutes, the maknae was fast asleep. How he managed to sleep while Jin and Jimin were giggling so loudly, the dancer had no clue.

A longing look in his eyes, Namjoon watched Hoseok pull Jungkook to sleep on his shoulder. The maknae's mouth was hanging open, terribly characteristic of him.

After a while, Namjoon, the laughter long gone from his face, suddenly asked, "Is Yoongi-hyung's hand better?"

Jimin stood up and knelt down in front of Yoongi. Lifting the blanket, the mochi caught sight of the rapper's injured hand.

"There isn't any more blood on the bandages right now. When did we change them again?"

Jin thought for a moment before answering. "After lunch, I'm pretty sure."

Namjoon sighed in relief. The glass had gone in pretty deep in Yoongi's hand but thankfully, there seemed to be no more complications.

The leader slung his arm around the mochi when Jimin sat back down, his arm drooping a bit to accommodate for Jimin's shorter height.

"Yoongi-hyung needs to take care of himself more." Tae mumbled.

"I mean, we're making him drink lots of water and sleep a lot. Don't forget the gourmet meals. He will be fine soon."

Hoseok's words provided some comfort to Tae because his eyes brightened up and his boxy smile reappeared.

"Even if Yoongi overworks himself like this again, we'll always be there to help him out." Jin said.

The others couldn't agree more.

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Chapter Text

There were a lot of things to consider when Yoongi tried to come up with his opinion on Bang PD. On one hand, he was a genius producer who hand-picked Yoongi from the contestants on the Hit It! auditions. The rapper was beyond thankful for that because now he had an agency, although cramped and with massive financial struggles, that supportes him. On the other hand, however, Yoongi had a lot of things that he didn't like about the CEO of Bighit.

One of them certainly was that Bang PD wanted him to become an idol.

Yoongi did not want to become an idol. Being an idol meant being pretty, something that he knew that he wasn't. Of course he had his moments when he looked in the mirror and found himself admiring his features, but idols were different. They had to have top notch visuals. They had to dance and perform. Yoongi did think that his rapping had improved, but he certainly wasn't at performance level. Bang PD had promised him that his rapping would get there, but Yoongi felt differently.

His rapping would improve, but he would never be able to dance at the idol level. His dancing was decent. But he had seen this other trainee, named Jung Hoseok, who lived and breathed dance. Yoongi would never compare to that level.

He tried not to think about performing. The rapper thought of him as shy, and honestly, he didn't really know how to make people scream their lungs off. Surely just standing there and fiddling with your sleeves wouldn't make people start clapping.

He bet that if he became an idol, his group would never go far. Yes, pessimism was one of his traits.

And he was also willing to bet that he would make a fool of himself in front of his members.

--------

"Yoongi, I'm waiting!"

"I'm coming!"

Yoongi scrambled to take his headphones off, getting up from his seat as fast as he could. Bang PD was behind the door with a big smile on his face.

"The kids are all excited to see their Yoongi-hyung that they have heard so much about!"

"Kids? How old are these people that you're putting me with? Surely I'm not going to be the grandpa of this group?"

Bang PD laughed. His eyes sparkled behind his round glasses. "That's not what I meant! To me, you guys are all kids. You're not even the oldest one there!"

Yoongi sighed and rolled down his sleeves. He didn't want to meet anybody right now. To be honest, he would rather wear Converse than meet anybody new. He followed the producer as they walked down a hallway to the room where the other members were.

"Relax." Bang PD chuckled. "You've seen some of them around. Rap Monster, you know him right?"

"He's in the group?"

"Of course."

The smallest wave of relief went through Yoongi. Rap Monster, or Namjoon, was a wonderful friend who Yoongi had come to trust. He was younger than Yoongi, but he was smart and had clear plans for the future.

"Do I know any of the others?"

Bang PD shook his head. "Not unless you met them during individual schedules."

"Then no."

The producer grinned. "I knew it."

He pushed a door open and they stepped in. The room was empty, save for six young men sitting in a circle in the middle of the room.

One of them with uneven eyelids and an infectious boxy smile, waved as soon as Yoongi laid eyes on him. He was attractive even though there was a goofy glint in his gaze.

"I'm Taehyung! You can call me V for short!"

Yoongi nodded. He couldn't really figure out what to say, so he offered a small smile in return, hoping that he didn't come off as awkward.

"Why don't you guys introduce yourselves in order and say something that you enjoy doing?" Bang PD called from the side.

"Okay, I'll start then." Namjoon said. "Hi, everyone! My name is Kim Namjoon or Rap Monster. I like writing lyrics."

The shy boy beside him cleared his throat and took a deep breath. He had a nice frame, complete with wide shoulders. His face had a sign of maturity in it, unlike the others. "My name is Seokjin, Jin for short. I love to eat!"

The boys laughed at Jin's proud statement. Jin looked a bit overwhelmed by the others' giggles, but he managed to crack a smile nevertheless. Yoongi glanced carefully at him but when Jin caught his eye, the rapper quickly looked away. Shame flooded over him and Yoongi could feel his face starting to turn red. He shook his head. He tried to focus on the other boys as they talked.

He quickly learned the boys's names. The short boy with the adorable chubby cheeks and muscles was Jimin, the boy with huge bambi eyes was Jungkook and the sad-looking one with the baseball hat was the dancer that Yoongi had seen before, Jung Hoseok. The rapper wondered why he looked so unhappy. The boy could dance like a king, why did he look so sad?

It was Yoongi's turn and he still hadn't thought of what he was going to say. He glanced at the other boys who waited patiently for him to start speaking.

The rapper inhaled shakily. He just knew that he was going to come off as awkward, as a loser who joined the agency with a stupid dream to be a producer. These kids were going to become idols, and he would forever be Yoongi at the back.

"Aren't you going to talk?" Jimin asked. He cocked his head, staring at Yoongi with curious eyes.

Yoongi licked his lips. He patted his thigh awkwardly trying to think of something to say. He could feel the others staring at him and he started to sweat. Through his shirt, his skin heated up and his face turned red. His mind was completely blank.

"What's your name?" Taehyung asked. "You must have one."

Yoongi could notice that his hands had started to shake. The boys were judging him, he could tell. Yoongi was the shaky one, the one who got nervous introducing himself to the people who he would spend time training with.

"Yoongi?" Namjoon was beside him whispering in his ear. "Are you alright?

"Yeah." Yoongi swallowed hard and tried to control his shaking voice. "Hi guys..."

Hoseok shot him a strange look. Yoongi couldn't read the emotions in his expression, but it looked like the dancer wasn't too pleased with Yoongi's introduction. The rapper needed to hurry up otherwise the others would hate him too.

"Hi guys," Yoongi's voice shook like a leaf, but he forged ahead. "My name is Min Yoongi or... Suga, yeah Suga, that's uh...my...stage name, yeah. I like...writing and making music."

Jimin sighed and nodded. They didn't look too interested in the rapper frankly. Only Namjoon reacted to his words anyways. Or it might have just been Yoongi's disappointed mind which didn't notice Jin and Tae flash supportive smiles in his direction.

"Okay, so now that's done. What should we do now?"

"Let's say where we're all from." Hoseok said quietly. He glanced up to see Yoongi staring at the floor. "I say Yoongi should start." The dancer stopped for a second when Yoongi sighed. "Wait, Yoongi are you my hyung?"

Yoongi didn't want to start. He hadn't really recovered from his previous speaking experience and he sure didn't want to mess something up again.

"Yoongi, how old are you?"

"Oh, ah, haha. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention." The rapper paused. "I'm...nineteen."

A chorus of "oohs" came from the boys who sat forward in their chairs to listen to Yoongi closer.

Hoseok smiled gently, his eyes full of warmth. "Then you're my hyung."

"Let's say where we're from along with how old we are." Namjoon said. His eyes sparkled.

Yoongi took a deep breath. "I'm from Daegu."

"Same here!"

The rapper looked up to see Tae's excited face light up with a bright grin. Yoongi was happy that the others were reacting to his words.

Jin had his mouth over his mouth as Tae quickly continued, "I'm sixteen by the way.

"I'm from Busan. I'm also sixteen."

Jungkook's wide eyes widened further when he heard Jimin's statement. "I'm also from Busan!" He shyly glanced around after his yell. Yoongi could see the slight trace of fear in his eyes. "I'm fifteen."

Jin exhaled loudly. "I'm nineteen. I think I'm probably the oldest here because I'm turning twenty this year. I was born in Gwacheon."

Jungkook, who Yoongi figured must be the maknae, giggled with a hand over his mouth. Jin sent him a mock glare in return.

Yoongi gazed around the room. He could feel his heart rate slowing down gradually and himself starting to relax.

"Hi guys, my name is Jung Hoseok as I've said before. I'm eighteen and from Gwangju." the said man exclaimed. The sad look in his eyes remained much to Yoongi's dismay, but at least the dancer was trying to appear happy.

Namjoon cleared his throat. "I'm seventeen, but I'm turning eighteen in a week. And I'm from Ilsan."

"Happy early birthday!" Jimin cheered. Yoongi clapped along.

Yoongi shared a look with Bang PD in the corner. The producer had been right. The boys had won over his heart, though he was still slightly nervous around them.

Even though he would probably always be the awkward one at the back, Yoongi would do it if he got to stay with these boys who had not made fun of him at first glance.

-------

Chapter Text

The concert ended later than they would have preferred. It was already 9:39 pm and they were changing out of their outfits now. Though the concert had been an overwhelming success, there was one thing that they had been looking forward to.

Sejin and Hobeum had made Bang PD promise that the members, along with the two managers of course, could get a company dinner tonight. And eating out meant... a little bit of drinking (in Jimin's words).

Jimin's little got Jin all excited, which in turn had gotten Jungkook happy, which...yeah so Yoongi was also looking forward to it.

As soon as they were all ready, the members piled into the car one after the other. Hobeum, clad in his t-shirt and jeans, looked a bit out of place, but his smile made up for it. It had been forever since they had had a company dinner.

"I'm excited!" Jimin was practically bouncing in his seat. His hair, still wet with sweat, bounced with him.

Windshield wipers answered him. Jin giggled, almost giddy with the knowledge that he would get to stuff his face and drink as much as he wanted.

After a short drive, the restaurant came into view. Yoongi could feel himself starting to get that little twinge of happiness in the pit of his stomach.

They already had a table booked at the back. With masks tightly on their faces, the members and their managers got to their tables and settled down. A few moments later, a waiter came around to pass around menus and pour water into their glasses.

Jin and Jimin grabbed the first menu and flipped to the back where it listed all of the alcoholic drinks and their costs. Hoseok and Taehyung, who were not that fond of drinking, sighed and exchanged looks with each other.
Jungkook sat in the corner with his classic "Jungshook" expression pasted on his face. He was confused.

"Are we going to eat here or just drink?" he asked.

Yoongi sighed. "Both."

A noticable wave of relief went through the maknae. Jungkook leaned back with a faint smile on his face. Yoongi could only shake his head in disbelief. How did Jungkook not know?

Namjoon was the only one who didn't look happy. He had a bad cold and food was tasteless to him, and he was probably not going to enjoy this.

--------

Yoongi's predictions came true: Jin and Jimin were the most drunk at the end of the night. Their heads hanging, they had issues walking to the car. Namjoon and Yoongi, being the most sober of the group, had to physically assist them outside. Luckily, their masks were on, otherwise they might have caused a scandal.

Yoongi prided himself on not being a heavy drinker. Of course he had his moments, but today wasn't one of those days where he felt like drinking. As soon as he had his first sip, something had felt wrong. He didn't dare tell the others because they wouldn't miss the chance to tease him.

The car ride was a mess. Namjoon insisted on driving and even though Yoongi knew that he had a proper driving license, he couldn't help but feel nervous. On top of all that, Jin's head was on his shoulder and Jimin's loud groans echoed throughout the vehicle. Jungkook had started elbowing the mochi in desperation.

"Right turn here," Sejin said to the leader who nodded.

Yoongi didn't know what it was, maybe Jin's drunk mumbling or Jimin's suspicious moans, but he had started feeling weird. Maybe he had ate too much or something, because he felt insanely uncomfortable.

He leaned back in his seat. Jin yelped in surprise and Yoongi had to resist the urge to not roll his eyes.

Licking his parched lips, Yoongi thought he knew what was wrong. He was thirsty.

"Jungkook, I'm thirsty..." the rapper cried just as Jimin let out a loud moan.

Taehyung, Hoseok and Jungkook tried to stifle their giggles, but, as usual, they failed and ended up laughing their hearts out like hyenas. Yoongi didn't find it funny because his lips really were craving water.

"Ehh...what happened?" Jin swung his head around to face Taehyung.

Tae was too helpless to offer him an answer. Jin scrunched his nose and pouted, but didn't press the matter.

"I'm not kidding, I really am thirsty..." Yoongi said again.

"Y'all can shut up and give the poor man some water!" Namjoon said from the front.

Sejin clicked his tongue, "You can shut up too. Knowing you, you would probably get distracted with some philosophical nonsense and then get us attached to the back of a garbage truck!"

"I was just telling-"

"I don't want to hear it Namjoon. It's a miracle that I even let you drive. And Jungkook, please give Yoongi some water and get your dirty-minded thoughts out of your head!" Sejin shot back.

Jungkook obeyed, though still giggling, and handed Yoongi his water bottle from the back.

The rapper took it gratefully and gulped half of it down. Usually at this point, the thirst would've been washed away, but today, even his water didn't quench it. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself.

The car's constant tossing and bumping was making him feel worse. Yoongi sucked in his breath, willing himself not to throw up. It was getting harder to hold it in.

"I'm going to throw up..." he groaned to no one in particular. Yoongi knew that the others were too drunk to focus properly, maybe other than Namjoon.

Jin leaned closer to him. "Same here Yoongles!" His breath reeked of alcohol, making the rapper gag.

"You're going to what?" Namjoon was ignoring Sejin's advice again.

"Stop the car!" Yoongi was starting to panic.

Namjoon sniffed, slamming on the brakes. "Fine, nobody likes my driving then. Why didn't you just call a cab instead of making fun of me the whole way?"

Not bothering to listen to Namjoon's sentimental speech, Yoongi ripped Jin's heavy body off of his own. He exited the car and collapsed onto the ground, body heaving. He couldn't feel any emotions as he lay there on the wet grass, only blinding pain. Yoongi didn't know that death could be so painful.

"What the heck happened Yoongi?"

Namjoon grasped Yoongi by the shirt and helped him stand up. The rapper clung onto him like an overgrown koala and Namjoon staggered, struggling to stay upright.

"What happened Yoongi?" the leader asked again.

"I don't-don't know!"

"Did..." Namjoon thought for a second. "Did my driving make you sick?"

Yoongi blinked, trying to decode the words that Namjoon had just said. His eyelids fluttered.

"Hyung?"

Struggling to get the words out at this point, Yoongi looked up into Namjoon's eyes and saw only the blank gaze of confusion. "Namjoon-Joon...take me to the... hospital-"

A gasp was heard before Namjoon picked Yoongi up in his arms and carried him back into the car, beside Jin. Hoseok looked confused, his normally bright expression filled with worry.

"What happened?" the dancer asked.

Namjoon mumbled something to Sejin before getting into the driver's seat. "I don't know." he admitted. "Yoongi told me to take him to the hospital so...might as well just go?"

Jin sighed loudly. "We all went drinking, and Yoongi gets to go to the hospital? What kind of an unfair society-"

He froze when Yoongi suddenly screamed. The rapper's face was stuck in a frozen yell as his hands started shaking. He crumpled into Jin's lap as his shaking continued.

"What is happening?" Jungkook leaned over from the backseat.

Sejin turned to face Namjoon. "Hospital. Now."

--------

"They said there was something mixed in with his drink and that caused him to get sick." Namjoon said with a frown.

Hoseok mirrored his frown and sighed deeply. "Someone tried to kill him?"

"Hey don't say it like that! That's..." the leader closed his mouth as tears started to pool in his eyes. Hoseok helped him sit down and wrapped an arm around him.

"What's important is that he is alright. Bighit will take care of the lawsuits and cases, but we will take care of our Yoongles."

"Yeah..."

--------

Namjoon and Hoseok were the only ones allowed to go and see the rapper because the others...were either too drunk or were too hungover.

Yoongi looked peaceful, no worry lines on his forehead as his head rested on the pillow. Hoseok gently held his hand as Namjoon collapsed into a chair and tried to sleep.

"Hey, Namjoon?" Hoseok suddenly asked.

The leader grunted in response.

"Your driving is great, you know?"

Hoseok thought he saw Namjoon blush the tiniest bit, but that could've just been his imagination.

--------

Chapter Text

Yoongi shouldn't have stayed at the studio last night. He should have listened to Namjoon and went back to the dorms with him. But no, Yoongi was far too arrogant about his own choices and so here he was, going through the choreography and feeling like his heart was going to beat right out of his chest.

It was obvious even from the beginning. Yoongi felt the world fading and the ground rose up to catch him as his feet stumbled. He collapsed onto his knees, everything else fading black.

-------

Jungkook flung his sunglasses across the waiting room. He watched them hit the wall with a sickening crunch. The side detached from the lenses and in two pieces, they hit the floor with an even louder sound.

"Don't do that."

A small humorless chuckle escaped the maknae. He whirled around to face Jimin who had talked.

"Its been thirty minutes Jimin. Yoongi hyung still hasn't waken up yet. Only Hoseok and Jin are allowed to sit with him because they're older."

Namjoon sighed and ran his hands through his sweaty hair. "I'm worried too, but throwing things won't help."

"Who are you-"

"Just sit down please Kook."

Jungkook, for once, listened to Taehyung. Something in the second maknae's voice indicated exhaustion - and Taehyung got terribly annoyed when he got tired. He rubbed his eyes, leaning back in his chair.

Jungkook played with his fingers, not knowing what to do.

--------

The first thing that Yoongi noticed when he woke up was that he couldn't use his knees properly. He felt woozy.

A hand stopped him when he tried to sit up. Hoseok sat opposite him, frown lining him. Beside him was Jin. Yoongi could already hear the lecture starting to ring in his ears. These two were the lecturers of the group, yet they ignored their own advice and practiced all night-

"Yoongi," Jin began and the rapper internally sighed. "You need to take better care of yourself. The GDAs are in a week, but I don't think you should perform like this-"

A nod came from Hoseok. "I can't let you perform like this hyung. You fell directly onto your knees, you know, and they had to pump blood from your bruises because they were so bad."

"No, I need to perform!' Yoongi said. He shook his head when Jin and Hoseok tried to protest.

"They said to rest for at least two weeks!" Hoseok yelled.

"It's just one performance, I can do it. You guys have danced while being sick so I can do it too. My knees will be fine..."

A thoughtful look came over Jin's face. He leaned back in his seat, looking up at the ceiling as he muses about something in his mind.

"What about...Yoongi performs-" Hoseok instantly frowned when he heard Jin's words, but kept quiet- "Well, he can perform but he won't be allowed to do anything else."

Hoseok's frown stayed on his face. "What do you mean by that?"

Yoongi stared at them both quizzically. He had no idea what either of them meant, but as long as he got to perform, he was happy.

"I meant, Yoongi can perform but we'll carry him everywhere else!" Jin finished with a bright smile.

A small smile had appeared on the dancer's face. Slowly it took over it all and he was positively beaming with joy. "That's our wise hyung! We can just carry Yoongi wherever he goes!"

"Wait wait wait..." Yoongi said. "You guys are going to carry me?!"

The smile shining on his face like the sun, Hoseok nodded. "Yup, and nothing you say is going to stop us!"

--------

Jungkook, though a little pissed still, was all smiles when he saw Yoongi. He snuggled into the rapper's right arm immediately. Tae sat beside him.

Hoseok and Jin stayed where they were despite Jimin asking if he could sit on Yoongi's other side. The dancer only shook his head when the mochi had got to his knees and practically begged.

It made Yoongi get a little shy, if he had to be honest.

His knees still felt a little sore when Namjoon placed the table full of food on them. Despite that, Yoongi ate everything on the plate because the last time he had eaten was probably more than a day ago. Jin smiled when Yoongi handed the plates, small gummy smile evident on his face.

"I'm done!" the rapper grinned.

--------

The next day brought Hoseok and Jin's plan into its first day of action. Tae and Jungkook were the first to volunteer. The two maknaes easily lifted Yoongi between them as Jimin and Hoseok bounced in front, leading them to Sejin's car.

Jin and Namjoon had hung behind, finalizing medications and treatment plans with the staff. They had to run to catch up with the others.

Jungkook remembered to hold Yoongi's legs as tightly as he could to prevent him from slipping from his grasp. It was cute seeing him so worried about Yoongi.

Tae chuckled when Yoongi groaned as he was settled into the car. The second maknae wrapped his arms around the rapper and helped him sit up next to him. They were safe.

Now if only if Yoongi would survive this week of the members fussing.

-------

If Yoongi had to describe it, the member's fussing was the definition of being heaven in the disguise of hell. The rapper had to keep his poker face active to prevent the members from babying him more, but he secretly enjoyed the special treatment and attention.

"Yoongi!" Namjoon entered the room with the biggest smile possible. Dimples deepened in his face as he cheerfully sauntered over to sit beside Yoongi on the bed. "Did you miss me?"

"I see you everyday...so not really, no." Yoongi rolled his eyes when he saw Namjoon's smile turn into a big pout. "Okay, fine, yes a little maybe."

The leader grinned again. He whipped out his phone to show something to Yoongi.

"What do you think of these lyrics?" he asked, serious voice in action now.

Yoongi leaned over and took the phone from Namjoon. He read the lyrics through a couple times before nodding with a faint smile on his face.

"Is that a rap verse there?" the rapper pointed at one of the sections. He looked at Namjoon who confirmed it with a nod. "That's perfect then! I have a melody all ready to go-"

"That's for later though. You need to rest for now. Maybe tomorrow I can take you to the studios."

"I can go by myself, you know," Yoongi mumbled, face red.

Namjoon shook his head. "You're not walking until the rehearsal so I'll have to carry you."

The rapper groaned but, as Hoseok had said, there was nothing he could do to change Namjoon's mind.

--------

"Don't worry hyung, I won't drop you. I actually am quite good at giving people piggyback rides..." Namjoon said loudly as they walked into the studio hallway.

"-Except for that one time you backed Tae into a wall." Yoongi mumbled under his breath. Namjoon heard him.

"That was an accident! I didn't see the wall there."

"It was right in front of your face! How could you not see it-"

Namjoon stopped to open the door to his studio. "Aish, shut up hyung."

Yoongi obeyed Namjoon and shut his mouth, though he chuckled fondly as they entered the studio.

The room was still the same. The figurines that the leader had collected over the years rested on huge shelves which stretched from the floor to the ceiling. Yoongi often wished that he could decorate his studio like that as well, but to be frank, the rapper was more interested in making music than having an aesthetic studio.

"I can't wait until the performance Joon." he said as the leader gently helped him sit on the couch.

"Yeah?" Namjoon hummed, setting up the computer. "Me too."

--------

Chapter Text

Today was the day of the GDAs. Yoongi had managed to last through the rehearsals, but every time they did all the jumps for Idol, his knees burned in protest.

He could only hope that he wouldn't mess something up.

Following at the other member's heels, he managed to walk fast enough to keep up. His knees felt stiff and unflexible, moving his legs severely hurt. Yoongi took a deep breath and tried to not whimper.

After all, it was his fault that this had happened to him.

Tae suddenly stopped. He turned to face Yoongi with a serious expression.

"Hyung, do you want me to give you a piggyback ride? It looks like walking is hurting your knees."

Yoongi nodded gratefully. Tae grinned like he had just won the lottery and allowed the rapper to get onto his back. Putting his hands onto the second maknae's shoulders, Yoongi smiled too. He was thankful that his members looked out for him no matter the cause.

The other members pointed and laughed at the two, making Tae and Yoongi start giggling as well.

"Look's like one ship will have many more uwu moments," Jin said. He slowed down so he was walking beside Tae.

"Aren't you scared of heights Yoongi? I can always carry you-"

Jimin was cut off by Tae. "He's actually quite happy on my back Jimin. After all, he did agree to me, not you."

"You didn't give me a chance to even ask-"

Sejin flicked Jimin on the arm. The mochi snapped to attention rather comically, turning to face the manager with the most sincere poker face.

"It's time for you guys to step out to the stage, so stop arguing. And Tae, don't drop Yoongi or else you'll catch these hands." he smiled devilishly at the second maknae. "Just kidding. Have fun out there!"

Tae shared a look with the manager as they walked out. They were both worried about the performance - and Yoongi. The second maknae tried to forget about all his fears and put on a big smile for ARMY.

Yoongi pasted a smile for the crowd. The fans roared when they saw BTS and witness the rare sight of Yoongi accepting affection from Tae. The rapper grinned wider when someone screamed, "Min Yoongi!" from the back. He didn't trust himself enough to wave, so he hoped that his smile was enough.

Tae carried him all the way to the seats and Yoongi thanked him. The second maknae only nodded and said, "Anything for you hyung."

He was a crackhead, but also a warm-hearted beautiful individual. But Yoongi would never say that in Taehyung's face. The rapper was much too shy.

Their performance was coming up soon. Yoongi could only hope that nothing major went wrong.

-------

The stage lights went on as BTS prepared to go on. Their performance wasn't that long: only two songs would be performed, Idol and Fake Love. But the choreographies were intense, requiring both body control and strength. Yoongi was nervous. Everybody had worked hard for this performance, he didn't want to be the one to mess it up.

The music started up, signalling the fans to start screaming. Namjoon started rapping his part from Idol, Yoongi and Hoseok following soon after.

The chorus was probably the most painful part. They had to do several jumps in quick succession, making Yoongi's poor knees whine in pain. The rapper lowered his face every time, he knew that he was involuntarily wincing. The fans would get worried if they saw.

For his next verse, Yoongi made sure to look at the audience and rap with as much vigour as he could muster. The fans cheered. He felt giddy with relief that they hadn't noticed anything.

He made sure to keep his head up for the last chorus. Knees throbbing, Yoongi managed to land the last jumps with difficulty. He was sure that he had cried out or made a pained expression because Jin had shot him a worried look. As long as the fans didn't notice, he was happy.

The lights turned off and the members got up to change outfits for their next performance. Yoongi sat there on the stage longer than the others, partly because he couldn't feel his knees properly. He was going to mess up the next song.

Taehyung was beside him in an instant, talking quietly and hoisting Yoongi onto his back. The rapper couldn't express how thankful he was for the second maknae in words. Yoongi could only wrap his arms around his shoulders as Tae started running to get into the dressing rooms quickly.

--------

Stylists ran around them, fixing up makeup, fixing hair or doing up their shirts. Yoongi was sitting on a chair as a stylist applied foundation on his pale face. Everything was happening too quickly around him.

"Okay, guys take your positions!" One of the staff said loudly. Yoongi pushed himself out of the chair, thanking the stylist, and stumbled to where his bandmates were.

His knees were too stiff. It hurt so much to simply walk onto the stage. Yoongi wished Taehyung could carry him throughout the dance. Or maybe Yoongi could've just sat on the side and rapped his part. Anything but dancing.

Luckily, he was at the back. He could do the moves a bit more sloppily, and maybe the fans wouldn't notice. It hurt for him to think like that. He had promised himself that he would always put his fans first, performing at the best of his ability. But here he was, dancing as little as he could so his knees wouldn't hurt more.

Hopefully the fans wouldn't notice. He could only hope.

His rap verse could've been better. Yoongi nearly tripped during it but Hoseok managed to catch him. The whole incident wasn't too noticeable. The next chorus part was too difficult for him to do, and Yoongi only walked and did the hand movements. Would the fans call him lazy?

He gazed at the screen in an attempt to reassure the fans again. Most of them were waving their lightsticks and screaming like banshees. Yoongi was relieved. They had enjoyed the show.

Fake Love ended, the members stuck in the iconic pose. Jin held his hand up while the others stood around him. Yoongi could feel his knees starting to give out. He couldn't stay like this for a long time.

Lights turning off, the members got out of the pose. Jungkook and Taehyung gathered around Yoongi, them putting their arms around the rapper to help him walk.

"How was that?" the maknae said quietly. Their mics were off but they still had to be quiet.

"I messed up a couple times... but at least I didn't collapse!" Yoongi giggled lightly. He was happy that he hadn't caused a mess.

"That's fine, you did a great job!" Jungkook said quickly. His bright bunny smile made the rapper laugh.

---------

Yoongi didn't remember getting back to the dorms. He fell asleep in the car, bundled in between Jimin and Taehyung. Hoseok had snapped pictures because of how cute Yoongi looked with a little pout as he slept.

They had to wake up the rapper to change his clothes and eat a light dinner. Even then, Yoongi's small eyes were half-closed. He was exhausted.

Jungkook and Taehyung practically fought each other to be the one who got to spend the night with Yoongi. In the end, Tae won. The maknae, with a sad expression, left the rapper's room reluctantly.

Yoongi was too tired to argue with Tae, but secretly he was so happy that they cared so much about him.

-------

Chapter Text

Yoongi had had appendicitis before. And oh man, did that hurt. He felt like his stomach was trying to digest himself. It was the worst pain he had ever felt.

So now, as he sat with the members at one of their celebration dinners, he brushed aside the pain in his stomach. It hurt, but it didn't hurt as badly as it did when he had appendicitis. Yoongi assumed that this couldn't be all that serious.

"Look at all the food!" Jimin yelped. The mochi was clearly too hyper right now and the others were giggling at him.

Yoongi couldn't bring himself to laugh however. He tried to focus his attention on the steaming plates of hot food that were being placed on the table. Normally his mouth would've been watering by now, but today all he wanted to do was lie down in his bed and sleep.

Yoongi picked at his food. He felt like he was going to be sick, and he sure didn't want to be sick in front of all the boys. He moved his chopsticks carefully, slowly so the others would think he was eating.

"You want to know something? Jimin sure is funny when he gets hyped about something!" Hoseok said. There was a goofy grin on his face.

"Yeah, for sure!"

The voices of the boys blended together in Yoongi's brain. He just wanted to sleep.

He forced himself to open his mouth and keep eating. Keep feeding his nausea. Make it worse.

It was just food poisoning, he told himself. He had had some food from a new restaurant a few days earlier, it was probably that. Yoongi would just go home, take some painkillers and feel better the next day. This wasn't such a big deal.

Dessert, usually one of Yoongi's favourite things, was missed by him. The others asked him why, but a smile and a "I'm just tired" fooled them all.

Yoongi would just sleep this off.

-------

He had been so sure a few hours ago that this wasn't anything serious. Now he wasn't so sure. Yoongi had woken up twice in the night to throw up his dinner. The burning pain in his stomach nearly brought him to tears. This wasn't just food poisoning.

Yoongi was convinced that this wasn't anything serious though. In a few days, he would be fine. There was no reason he should tell the others.

Still, he didn't get any sleep all through the night. Tossing and turning from one side to the other, Yoongi could swear that the pain was just getting worse and worse.

The next morning saw him struggling to get himself up. He needed to use his hand as support to actually stand up. As soon as he did, Yoongi just about fell back down. The pain was horrendous. It felt like he had drank acid, and everything was mixing up inside him.

But still, he swallowed hard, told himself that he had just gotten food poisoning from the ramen that he had had two days earlier, and that some painkillers would save the day.

----------

(Spoiler alert: his day wasn't saved by the painkillers after all)

Hoseok was a great rapper and composer, but after listening to him talk for what felt like hours, Yoongi wanted to lay down. He wanted to lay down and sleep in his favourite warm fluffy pajamas. He felt like he was going to throw up.

The rapper placed his hands near his stomach. He had to be careful that Hoseok didn't catch on because the dancer would go full-mom mode otherwise. Yoongi wasn't in the mood for people to fuss over him.

"I'm thinking of adding a diminished chord here, what do you think? All of the major sounds are really... making the song too happy. We need the fans to realize that everything that seems happy has a darker side-" Hoseok seemed to be talking to himself now. He didn't even stop to hear Yoongi's input anymore, all he cared about was the chords and rhythmic beats in the song.

Minor chord, that would sound better, Yoongi wanted to say, but he didn't trust his mouth to speak. He didn't want anything coming out of his mouth, especially anything liquid. He hadn't had any breakfast today especially for that reason.

"Hyung? Are you even listening?" Hoseok flicked at an invisible bug on Yoongi's shoulder. His fingers had barely brushed the rapper's shirt fabric, when Yoongi jumped up, immediately scrunching his face up in pain.

"What happened? Yoongi?"

The said man didn't respond and instead bolted for the hallway bathroom.

Hoseok was conflicted for a second. He didn't know if he should follow Yoongi and watch him throw up, because he knew that the rapper valued his privacy and because Hoseok himself was terrified of puke.
In the end he decided to follow the rapper because he would never forgive himself if something went wrong.

They had all seen each other cry before. Whether it was over a mistake in the performance, hate comments, or even hormones, they had all learned how to comfort each other. But when Hoseok heard the way Yoongi sobbed as he threw up, tears dripping like raindrops down his pale skin, he had no clue what to do. The rapper's cries were filled with pain as he clutched his stomach in agony. The last time Hoseok had heard him cry like that was when Yoongi had had appendicitis, and Jin had been there to take care of things then.

"Hyung, why didn't you tell me that you weren't feeling well? I could've taken care-"

"Hurts." Yoongi cried. He turned his head to face Hoseok. His tear-stained face burned holes in the dancer's mind.

"Let's-let's," Hoseok inhaled sharply. "Clean you up and go home."

Yoongi nodded. He tried to wipe his tears, but ended up wincing in pain so he just sat there as Hoseok leaned forward.

He thought he was done. But suddenly the fire flared up again, sending Yoongi into a coughing fit. He coughed, not caring whether he embarrassed himself or not, because at this point all he cared about was comfort.

"Holy shit!"

The pain increased. Yoongi was too tired to lean over the toilet anymore. Surely Hoseok could clean something up right?

"Shit!" the other man suddenly sprang up. His face was enveloped in horror and fear. Yoongi was throwing up blood. He needed help. Hoseok could hear his heart thumping in his ears.

Feeling like he himself could throw up at any time, the dancer dashed out of the bathroom to get his phone.

It was dead.

Yoongi's cries could be heard from out here. Hoseok needed to do something quick. He grabbed his car keys.

"Come with me hyung!"

Yoongi, shirt covered in spots of blood, could only look up at Hoseok with wide eyes.

Okay, guess I'll have to...

Hoseok reached over to get his hands underneath the rapper's armpits, pulling him up slowly and carefully. He didn't want Yoongi slipping in the blood.

With one arm wrapped around the rapper's body, the dancer managed to unlock his car with his free hand. The hallway was long and Yoongi was moving slower than ever. It wasn't his fault, after all, he could barely even talk with the amount of pain he was in.

He decided to carry him. This wasn't something he would normally do, but then again, this wasn't a normal situation.

He ran faster to the car. Yoongi groaned the whole way.

Hoseok would drive faster than light to make Yoongi stop crying. Tears didn't belong on the rapper's pale porcelain skin.

----------

The dancer made sure to call the other members to tell them where exactly he and Yoongi were, as well as telling the whole incident at the bathroom.

Oh, the rapper would kill him if he found out.

Or maybe he wouldn't. Yoongi was a big softie underneath the shield he held up.

Hoseok was just thankful he was alright.
Yoongi had had a stomach ulcer. He had been throwing up blood because it had started bleeding, and the doctors had rattled off a bunch of complications that could've occurred if Yoongi hadn't been brought in that fast. It gave Hoseok chills.

One thing that the dancer was angry about was the fact that Yoongi hid his pain for so long, until his life got into direct danger. He could've gotten some antibiotics to get rid of the infection, and yet, Yoongi had tried to be tough again. He had probably not learned anything from his appendicitis experience.

But, as all of the members knew, Hoseok found it difficult to stay angry at Yoongi forever. Especially when the rapper was still unconscious from his surgery, laying in a small bed with white sheets draped over him, and a small pout decorating his face.

The surgery had gone well, and that's all that Hoseok had ever wanted.

---------

Chapter Text

It was a well known sequence of events in the Bangtan way of life: Yoongi staying up late at his studio. He would never find time to work during the day, due to dance practices and recording sessions, not to mention the long company meetings.

Working during the night was more peaceful too. Yoongi didn't need to get up to close the blinds when the sun fell in his face. He could just focus. While people slept, Yoongi worked. And though Jin and Hoseok would probably whoop his ass later, he would still keep his work habits up.

His one true friend through this was coffee. He loved it so much that he spent one of his first paychecks on a coffee machine. Now he has a much fancier one, but the output is still the same. Coffee. Yoongi had a flask, a dull steel one that kept drinks warm for long durations of time, and he uses it quite frequently. It was second nature to him to drink more than four of those flasks a day.

Caffeine, the others warned.

Addiction, Hoseok yapped.

Don't, Jin scolded.

They worried too much. Drinking some coffee won't hurt Yoongi. He was a grown man after all, he could handle things.

How else was he supposed to produce those smashing hits that BTS was known for? How else would the rap line spit straight facts if Yoongi didn't work hard?

He would work like this til the end of his days. No matter the consequences to his physical or mental health.

---------

Yoongi pressed the flask to his mouth, only to get no hot drink touch his tongue. He had ran out.

Sighing softly, muttering a quiet curse, he stood up. He threw his headphones down onto the desk. The coffee maker was just a little ways from the computer, but for Yoongi, it was quite a long way.

"C..." the rapper hummed under his breath. His voice trembled in the air for a second, but faded away quickly. He wasn't much of a singer. He decided to hum along as the coffee maker chugged merrily, making his favourite drink.

Nimble fingers grabbed his now full flask. Impatient to get back to work, Yoongi took a small sip. The coffee was hot. Just how he liked it.

Namjoon had once described Yoongi's studio as well-worn. With its homely rugs making up the floor, dainty frames hanging on the walls, and the rapper's coffee maker in the corner, the small yet cozy room gave off a very comfortable vibe.

Yoongi had designed it with that idea in mind.

The screen was too bright for the rapper's eyes now, he turned the brightness down by a lot. He plopped down in his chair, rolling it over to his keyboard on the side.

Yoongi had learned to play piano from a young age. His parents could afford to pay for a teacher when he was little, but as he grew older, the costs increased and so did their debts. Thankfully his brother had had a friend who could afford the lessons, and she agreed to teach Yoongi in her spare time for free. It had been a dream come true for the young boy then. Because he knew how to play an instrument, making and writing music had an enjoyable side for Yoongi. It was frustrating at times, especially when under a time constraint, but when he had free time, the job was relaxing and rewarding. The piano was his first love.

His fingers slid easily over the keys. Closing his eyes, he recalled the melody he had come up with a few minutes earlier and he transferred it to his fingers. The melody was nice but it needed some bass notes to it to harden the sound. Yoongi tested out some notes. Since the song was in C minor, he decided to test out C, Eb and G first. He eventually settled for a variation of the three notes.

"Low C, middle C, E, then G..." Yoongi mumbled as he played it out after scribbling the order he made up on a scrap of paper. "That sounds pretty nice."

He went back to his computer and inputed the lower notes to the screen, the notes showing up as little red "squares" underneath. Yoongi put on his headphones and gave it a listen.

"That's pretty nice," he said after listening a few times. He changed the bass notes from a grand piano to a synth, and after doing so, the notes sounded much clearer. "Namjoon could input some lyrics, Hobi can do some of the melody and..." he paused, finally stopping to look at the time.

His computer showed the time in bold as Yoongi leaned in to read it. "Oh, 3:38 am."

He grabbed his flask, taking a long drink from it. The hot coffee soothed his throat. He smiled softly as he turned the piano off and shut his computer down.

"I got lots of work done today!" he giggled. Yoongi didn't normally feel this ecstatic, but today he was proud of himself for getting quite a bit done. After all, the rapper had always told himself that he had to be the biggest fan of himself. Or maybe Jin had told him that. He couldn't remember.

Throwing his jacket around his shoulders, Yoongi stepped out of the studio. Keys in hand, he walked out into the hallway, ready to fall asleep in his warm bed.

---------

His alarm rang with a loud buzz. Yoongi, blearily opening his eyes, glanced around the room. He was still dressed in his studio clothes. A blanket was thrown around his shoulders - probably an act of Jin's compassion. The clock on his bedside table glowed red. It was nine thirty. Normally, Yoongi would have panicked, but today was a rest day. The company was letting them take the rest of this month easy. These days were going to be relaxing, but next month they would have to dive down back into the horror known was comeback season.

Jimin raced past his door, breaking the rapper out of his thoughts.

"Taehyung, I'm gonna kill you!"

Yoongi grumbled a swear under his mouth. He wanted to sleep longer, but now that he was awake, he could no longer sleep properly. On top of all that, his head was hurting, a steady throb over the bustle of the others running in the hallway.

This situation happened quite frequently to him. He would stay late at the studio, then crash into his dorm bed even later, and in the morning, he would wake up to Hoseok and Jin screaming in his ear. The only thing that would calm him then, and now, would be a cup of coffee. It might have been a well-known joke, but Yoongi was unpredictable without his morning cup of coffee. The quality of his coffee in the morning set the tone for the day: if it was good, then the day would be good, and vice versa.

His skin tingling slightly, he pushed himself off his bed. He already missed the soft feeling of his pillow under his head and the blanket around his body. There was a reason he liked to sleep.

He wanted coffee.

-------

When Yoongi walked into the living room, he saw the others engaged in what can be only called as "crackhead behaviour". Jin and Hoseok were on their hands and knees, trying to get Jungkook from underneath the couch, who had somehow managed to get his arm caught on the leg. Yoongi wondered why the maknae had even bothered to go under the couch. Jimin and Taehyung were blasting loud disco music from the '70s on the TV and dancing along. Namjoon was the unofficial DJ of the two, changing songs whenever he felt like it. Yoongi sometimes wondered why he ever put up with their bullshit.

"Ah, Yoongi-ah! We were wondering when you would come!" Jin said. He sat up, wiping his forehead with his hand.

Hoseok grunted, tugging on Jungkook's wrist. The maknae's face was visible, light hitting it at an awkward angle. Yoongi tried not to look. He was exhausted.

"I'm going to get some coffee." Yoongi went into the kitchen.

"What? No!"

Jin and Hoseok abandoned Jungkook and ran into the kitchen. The latter raced forward to rip the cup and coffee maker out of Yoongi's hands. Jin unplugged the machine, leaving a confused rapper staring at them in shock.

"What are you doing? Go pull Jungkook from underneath the couch!" he yelled.

"No, enough is enough Yoongi. You're too dependant on coffee, all day long all you're drinking is coffee. You need to cut back." Hoseok's eyes widened. "I'm serious Yoongi."

"He's right, you know," Namjoon said. He was standing in the doorway. "Too much caffeine isn't good for you."

Yoongi just wanted coffee so his head would stop trying to self-destruct, for once, he just wanted nobody to bother him. He knew the others meant well, but his temper was going over the roof. His hands were shaking. He wanted his headache to stop and all their screeching and yelling wasn't helping.

The dam burst.

"Why are you guys always bothering me? Can't you guys worry about yourselves rather than always sticking your noses into my business-"

"Whoa, whoa, calm down there, it's okay," Namjoon's smooth voice was muffled. The leader's back was towards Yoongi; he was pouring something.

"Here," he smiled, holding a glass of water at Yoongi. "Water is a better choice than coffee. You won't be this moody and irritable if you drink this."

Still seething, Yoongi took it from him. The clear liquid in the glass looked dull and tasteless. He turned around, away from all the others. His hands were trembling. Yoongi wondered if he was going to even be able to hold the glass. The sides of the glass were wet - Namjoon had never been good at pouring drinks properly. Yoongi's hands were shaking harder, himself unable to stop the tremors that ran through his fingers.

The glass slipped from his hands. It fell to the floor. Luckily, it was just a plastic glass so it didn't break. But the water spilled across the floor all the same.

"Why did you drop it?" Namjoon asked.

Oh no... He thought I dropped it on purpose...

"Why did you drop it?" Namjoon repeated.

"He bothered to pour a glass for you and your thank you is to drop it on the floor?" Jin sounded angry.

Both Hoseok and Jin looked furious when Yoongi turned around to face them, but Namjoon looked sad. In a way, the rapper felt horrible. Namjoon had only been trying to help.

"Stop making that face and apologize to him," Jin said.

Yoongi wanted to explain himself, but the others weren't listening to him. Namjoon kept mouthing, "Why did you drop it?" over and over again. Jin and Hoseok didn't look pleased as they marched back into the living room to continue helping Jungkook.

Yoongi's vision narrowed down to one thing: Namjoon's face. It wasn't even such a big deal, but the leader had tears in his eyes, he thought Yoongi didn't care about him anymore.

"I didn't drop it on purpose!" Yoongi screamed.

Namjoon kept his gaze on the floor. He slowly shuffled away from the kitchen.

Yoongi took it as his signal to storm back to his room. The others yelled his name, but he didn't care. Hoseok had taken the coffee maker away and his headache was worsening.

Only when he shut and locked the door did he finally feel at peace again. He stumbled into his bathroom and opened the cabinet. At the very back, behind the rolls of gauze and bandages was a box of painkillers. Yoongi usually avoided taking them because he didn't like the taste, but today was an emergency. He took a few, washing it down with water from his faucet. He felt uncomfortably hot in his own skin.

He laid down again on his bed, wrapping his blanket around him. Loud knocks came from his door, probably the maknae line. Sure enough, Jimin yelled something.

"Yoongi hyung, can I please come in?"

Yoongi ignored him.

Namjoon's teary eyes were the only thing he could think about right now. He felt terrible for hurting the leader's feelings.

--------

He must've fallen asleep sometime after that. Nobody entered his room even though the others did come and knock on his door multiple times throughout the day. He didn't answer, so they assumed that he didn't want to talk to them.

When Yoongi woke up, it was half past twelve. Three hours had passed since he had first gotten up in the morning. His headache was still there, but the pain wasn't as excruciating as before. Now he was hungry.

Then he wondered if any of the others would be willing to make him something to eat because he felt too tired to do anything.

Before he could do anything, however, he heard something.

"Hyung?" a soft voice called from outside the door. Namjoon. "Hyung, Jin hyung told me to call you. You need to eat something."

The rapper stumbled to his feet and opened the door to come face to face with a sad-looking Namjoon.

"Didn't you guys eat already?" Yoongi asked.

"Us? No. The maknaes wanted you to be with us when we eat."

Namjoon was about to walk away but Yoongi latched onto his arm. The leader looked surprised, but didn't say anything.

"Joon, I'm really sorry. I wasn't trying to drop the glass, I was going to drink the water, but my hands started shaking-"

Namjoon sighed. His eyes were starting to water again. He didn't look like he even heard what Yoongi had said. "If you didn't want the water you could've just told me..."

"I did want it!"

Namjoon's eyes widened. His eyes flitted back and forth from Yoongi to the floor. He felt awkward. He turned to walk away again, but Yoongi wrapped his arms around his body.

"I'm sorry Joon. I'm really really sorry. I'll make it up to you. Ask me to do anything and I'll do it for you."

Yoongi waited in silence for the leader's answer.

A sigh escaped Namjoon's pouted lips. "Help me make something to eat. The others are making seafood and I'm not eating that."

"Fine." A sweet smile spread across Yoongi's face. Namjoon also had a faint grin on his face. "We'll make it together. Just the two of us."

Chapter Text

It was a hard life for sure. Yoongi sighed bitterly. After a long day of intense dance practices and rap sessions, he felt like laying down and sleeping for the next two centuries. For a person who wasn't used to dancing, the long practices were draining. But if he wanted to be able to afford the costs for transportation, the rent and food, he needed to work extra jobs. And that meant working after practices.

The dorms didn't have enough room yet for all of them to live together. They had decided to let Jungkook, Hoseok and Taehyung stay in the unfinished rooms that weren't fully furnished. Jimin was staying with a family friend and both Jin and Namjoon had family who they could stay with. They had offered to let Yoongi stay with them, but he turned them down. He had had an one-room apartment when he had first arrived in Seoul, and he decided to stay there. But with the rent always increasing, he couldn't support himself with only his measly trainee pay.

"Yoongi!"

The rapper turned to see Jin running towards him. Yoongi had only met him a few months ago, but he could safely say that the eldest was one of his closest friends. It was easy to talk to him. And he was very friendly.

"What hyung?"

Jin stopped a few steps away from Yoongi, gasping to catch his breath. "Hey, hey... Yoongi, come back quickly from work."

A small little grin played on Yoongi's lips. "I will try to."

Jin nodded. "Don't fall off your bike, don't crash into trees and follow all the rules of traffic-"

"Yes, yes, I know!"

Jin giggled. He patted Yoongi's shoulder before turning on his heel and leaving.

Yoongi sighed, watching him leave. He wanted to stay here and hang out with the others. But the world ran on money, and if he didn't have it, then he wouldn't be able to survive.

His footsteps sped up as he walked closer to the bike racks. His bike was one of the cheapest models that were available, but at least it was sturdy and he could depend on it. The light backpack hanging on the handlebars was filled with loose bus tickets and empty water bottles. He flung it around his shoulders, adjusting the straps so it was tight enough. Throwing a leg over his bike, he settled himself on the seat.

Yoongi took a deep breath. He took a quick look at his surroundings. Quickly, he started to push on the pedals.

He was off to another day filled with delivering and biking.

---------

The bundle of things that he was assigned to deliver had been stuffed into his backpack. There were too many things to handle and not enough time to do it all. Yoongi also sometimes had to slow down so he could catch his breath.

Right now, it was nearly half past seven. He had just finished delivering to a house and was biking back to the main road. He didn't know this area very well, so he was going slowly, observing everything around him. Yoongi always tried to memorize the roads wherever he went. If he ever came back, he would hopefully know the area better.

His feet pedaled. Yoongi took several deep breaths, trying to feel his shoulders that were cramping up from underneath his backpack. He shouldn't have taken so much stuff. His shoulders were killing him.

A sudden roar of an engine knocked him out of his meditative state. There was a car right behind him. It was coming towards him.

A cold sweat ran down Yoongi's back. The car wasn't supposed to be right there. There had to be a distance.

He imagined himself getting hit by the car. He imagined himself laying in a pool of blood, limbs twisted beyond repair. But the thing that scared him the most was the blinding pain that flooded through his veins, muting his voice and deafing his ears. He imagined the driver just driving off, not bothering to stop. Yoongi had lots of graphic daydreams. He started to pedal faster.

The sounds of the engine played with his inner ear. The car was getting closer, he was sure of it. The cold sweat had turned into a cold shower. Yoongi wanted to turn back and tell the driver to fuck off for scaring him this much.

But before he could even turn around, the roar got louder. The car was speeding up. Yoongi barely had time to react before there was a loud banging sound, and his bike wasn't moving forward anymore.

The ringing in his ear increased.

His right shoulder slammed into the ground, his bike's back wheel landing on top of his legs. His face would've slammed into the handlebars, but luckily he managed to cover it with his left arm.

He lay there weakly in the dirt. His backpack was still on his back, the delivery items safe from destruction.

The car drove off. The driver didn't even stop to make sure that Yoongi was okay. The rapper was lucky that he fell to the side and not directly on the street because otherwise he might've just gotten run over.

The first thing that Yoongi felt wasn't fear or shock. It was pain. After a few seconds of peace, an intense pain started up in his shoulder. The backpack strap dug into it. He couldn't sit up. Everything was too painful. It felt like there was a fire burning his shoulder, he couldn't move, everything hurt. Yoongi must've looked like a mess right now. Tears sprang to his eyes, he was trying not to cry, but something was seriously wrong with his shoulder.

He imagined getting kicked out of the agency. He imagined Bang PD-nim quietly arranging for him to leave because he couldn't move his shoulder properly. In a few moments, according to Yoongi, his whole music career was over.

Despite his hazy mind and teary face, Yoongi knew one thing. He wasn't going to be able to bike all the way back. With his good arm, he managed to reach into his pocket to grab his phone. He pressed the first contact who he saw. Jin.

The phone rang. Yoongi waited impatiently for Jin to pick up.

There was a slight pause, and then a familiar voice came into Yoongi's ears.

"Hello? Yoongi?"

The static buzzed in his ear as the rapper tried to come up with an answer.

Jin said, "Yoongi? What's going on? Are you coming home early?"

"No..." Yoongi choked back a sob. "Hyung, I'm hurt!"

A gasp. Then a "What?!"

Yoongi tried to control his emotions but the heaving sobs took over control and suddenly he couldn't breathe, his crying suddenly too violent to stop. Every time he cried harder, his right shoulder burst into a fresh batch of pain.

"Yoongi?"

"Yoongi, where are you?"

Jin repeatedly asked the same question.

His voice cracking, his face twisting into the most extreme grimace it had ever been in, Yoongi managed to choke out his location.

"I'm-I'm in... Samcheongdong."

There was another brief pause before Jin spoke again. "Hold up, I'm coming. I'm taking my dad's car. I'm coming Yoongi."

-----------

Jin was true to his word. In less than ten minutes, a gray car pulled up next to Yoongi. The eldest jumped out, face paling when he saw Yoongi's position.

"Hyung..." Yoongi couldn't get the rest of the words out.

Jin shushed him quietly before stepping closer. There were red patches on the rapper's shirt and pants. Yoongi could barely move.

"I think you need an ambulance."

"No!"

Jin raised his eyebrows. "Why not?"

Yoongi shook his head and looked away. Shame made his face burn.

"Okay fine," Jin sighed. "I'll take you to the hospital myself. But... I have no experience in first aid so if I accidentally hurt you, your injury might get worse."

"It's fine hyung."

Jin stared skeptically at the boy, caked in blood and dirt, who looked more in pain than anything else. There was a noticeable bump in his right shoulder.

"Okay, Yoon. But if you get hurt, I'm really sorry."

Jin moved the bike off of Yoongi's legs. There were going to be nasty bruises on the rapper's legs in a few hours. Then he wrapped his arms gently around Yoongi's torso and easily lifted him up.

The car door was already open and Jin gently slid Yoongi into the front passenger seat, making sure that his shoulder didn't hit anything. It wasn't completely painless for Yoongi, but it wasn't that bad.

Getting into the driver's seat, Jin glanced at Yoongi first before starting up the car.

"You good?"

"Yeah-yeah."

Jin was just about to start driving when Yoongi cleared his throat.

"Hyung, can you... please not tell the agency what happened?"

The eldest looked confused. "Why? They should know that something like this happened to you."

Yoongi clicked his tongue. "No. They're going to kick me out."

"No, they're-" Jin stopped abruptly in the middle of his sentence. He slowly shook his head. His hands went to rest on the steering wheel and his foot pressed on the gas. It was time to go.

Yoongi remembered pedaling his way down the quiet road just an hour earlier. It had been so quiet, so tranquil, he couldn't believe something like this could've happened. His heart skipped a beat; he could have very well died today.

Jin drove quickly as Yoongi tried his best to catch his breath and calm down.

-----------

Jin was right there when Yoongi was given a muscle relaxant to reduce the pain in his shoulder. The doctor had to manipulate his shoulder and move the bones into the right positions. Yoongi needed Jin to hold his hand during that part.

The next few days were a blur of appointments and painkillers. Jin invited himself over to Yoongi's place to make sure he was alright. They told the agency that the rapper had sleepwalked and fallen down the stairs, and had somehow gotten sick from that. It wasn't all that believable, but the dance teachers ate it up.

All the members knew the truth and Jungkook went out of his way to buy Yoongi a small card and a chocolate bar. It gave the rapper jitters just to imagine the young fifteen-year-old maknae in a big store all alone. But the thoughtfullness did cheer him up.

A few weeks later, Yoongi's "illness" cleared up and he was able to go back to dancing. The staff members and producers were suspicious, quite a bit actually, but they never found out the real reason.

They would never know the right reason until Yoongi told them.

----------

"Go on," was all that Jin said.

Yoongi gulped nervously. He remembered feeling paralyzed with fear about getting kicked out when the accident had occurred. It sounded stupid now, but it was a major concern of his at the time. But now he would say the truth.

He pushed the door open to Bang PD-nim's office. Yoongi bowed in response to the CEO.

"So, what brings you here Yoongi-ssi?" the older man said with a playful smile on his face.

"I-I came to tell you something." Yoongi took a deep breath. "You remember that day-"

"What day?"

The rapper's face turned red. "You know, that month before debut when I got sick and couldn't come to practice?"

Bang PD-nim nodded.

"I didn't actually get sick... I was hit by a car and dislocated my shoulder. I didn't tell you because I was scared you would kick me out of the company. Jin hyung paid for all the casts and painkillers."

Yoongi shut his mouth after that, not knowing what to say. He felt the skin on his face get hotter and hotter with each passing second.

"Aish, you brat..." Bang PD-nim started. "I could've paid for all those things! I wouldn't have kicked you out of the company for an injury, at the very least, I could've kept you as a producer."

Yoongi nodded. He felt the tension slowly come off his body.

"Thank you Bang PD-nim," he said, before turning to leave.

"And Yoongi?"

The rapper turned to face the CEO who had a small smirk on his face.

"Yoongi, don't worry. Your place in this group is justified."

With a growing smile on his face, Yoongi nodded, shutting the door and walking down the hallway. Jin was waiting by the elevators.

"How did it go?" the eldest whispered.

Jin didn't need an answer when he saw Yoongi's smile. He knew the outcome had been great.

----------

Chapter Text

It was one of the first times that they had ever promoted in Japan. They were all still rookies and they had to make sure that they performed to the best of their ability at all times, people were still forming an opinion about them and they needed it to be positive. Their rehearsals were challenging, their performances even more so and every single of the answers they gave for interviews had to be well-thought out and perfect.

Yoongi, usually, didn't have much of a problem of getting into this kind of a routine. The others struggled quite a bit, especially the younger ones who often still had schoolwork to finish. The rapper had to admit, he felt terrible when he watched Jungkook practice all day and then stay up to finish his algebra homework. Namjoon and Jin sometimes helped him out but at the end of the day, the maknae had to be the one who had to go and give the exams to pass. What kind of grades would he get if he had no time or energy to study?

But this time around, he was the one really struggling. The others were starting to notice too.

It had started a few days earlier but it had slowly started getting worse. Yoongi had first thought that it was just some simple cramps but now they had worsened and he couldn't move too suddenly unless he wanted to double over in pain and start groaning. During the performances, he dumped down painkillers and clenched his teeth and somehow kept his act together. He couldn't join in any of the celebratory activities that Hoseok dragged them to after, and even if he did, he didn't eat or talk, just kept his mouth shut and tried not to show how much pain he was in.

It was probably just food poisoning. They had been eating mainly takeout for the past few days and something probably hadn't agreed with him. That made him think though. Yoongi wasn't too sensitive but some of the others were.

Why weren't they getting sick at all?

Nah, it's probably nothing.

It was nothing.

-------

"You should move more to this side of the stage Yoongi," one of the managers said. "Standing in one spot too long might make you look too boring."

Yoongi shakily walked to where the manager was pointing.

Today was the climax. As he learned this morning, the past few days had only been practices for what was to come. He had only had to deal with pain before. Now he had to deal with the feeling that he was going to throw up everything he had eaten.

A shiver ran down his spine. Yoongi shoved his hands into the pockets of his big sweater.

Please don't throw up. Please don't throw up.

"Should we run through our song again?" Hoseok asked from somewhere above him.

"Yes... and I think that we should run through the other song as well. I need to see how you guys look while you perform both," Sungdeuk said.

"Wait, where did Seokjin go?"

Yoongi didn't bother listening to the managers argue about where the eldest member had disappeared off to. Sungdeuk told them to take the positions for No More Dream. Yoongi settled into his spot behind Namjoon, his head poking out from beside the leader's shoulder.

"Get him back here right now!"

Jimin chuckled seeing the way the manager stormed out of the hall. "Looks like hyung landed himself in a bit of trouble."

"Just a bit yeah," Taehyung said.

"Shut it." Hoseok's outburst made them the two both stop their nervous giggling.

Yoongi bit his lip. He really wished he could lay down right now. Namjoon stood there, straight as a board, not even moving an inch.

Yoongi took several deep breaths. He hoped that would help him a bit with the pain, but it only jolted him up and forced himself to swallow back his bile to prevent himself from throwing up.

"Where the fuck was he?" The choreographer screeched when the manager came in with Jin.

"He was getting a vitamin shot because apparently he passed out earlier today."

"Oh..." Sungdeuk's eyes softened slightly. "Well then... Seokjin just get on the stage and if you feel sick at any time, just sit out."

Jin nodded and scampered to his spot.

Yoongi was already feeling sick and he wanted to sit out too.

---------

That night was when it started. Yoongi managed to skip dinner by feeding everyone else the excuse that he was tired. Everyone else was tired too so nobody questioned him too much.

But later that night was when he started throwing up. He hadn't even had all that much to eat that day but his body refused to acknowledge that. Moving in any way worsened the pain so throwing up was torture. Yoongi had to press his nails against his skin to prevent himself from screeching out loud.

None of the painkillers he had used had worked. The pain would numb for a few minutes but as soon as he would move slightly, the pain would strike up more sharply than before.

-------

"Hyung..." Jimin stepped inside Yoongi's room. "Do you want to join us? We're going to go get some ice cream."

The rapper groaned in response. He was curled up on his bed, trying to block everything out. Jimin's loud voice brought him back to reality.

"Hyung?"

Jimin shook his shoulder.

Yoongi shrieked out loud. He kept his eyes squeezed shut as he waited for his body to settle down.

"Is something going on?"

"Yes, you idiot, I'm dying," Yoongi muttered.

"You good?"

"No, I'm not!"

Yoongi could picture the pout on Jimin's face when he said the next words.

"What's going ooooonnnn? Do you need somebody to keep you company while you go through your daily ritual of not talking to anybody-"

Mumbling in annoyance, the rapper got off the bed and stumbled towards the bathroom. When he started throwing up, he heard the door open. Jimin shuffled in.

"Hyung, you should've told me..."

The rapper's hair was pushed back, Jimin's thin arm holding on to his shoulder tightly. Yoongi felt himself relax in his grip. The mochi touched his forehead, and Yoongi heard him suck in his breath.

"You have a fever."

"Thanks-thanks for letting me know."

Jimin hit the rapper's arm lightly. "Do you think it's a bug?"

Yoongi shook his head. His body felt lethargic and weak all of a sudden and he shivered into Jimin's warmer body. The cramps hadn't lessened. He wanted to cry.

"Jimin, I'm sick..."

"I can tell, come on, let's get you back to bed," the mochi murmured.

"No, I'm sick!"

Jimin's expression morphed into one of confusion. "What?"

Yoongi shook his head. His resolve to keep talking was weakening like Deniska's when she tried to do her science homework. Jimin glanced worriedly at him.

"Does something hurt?"

"Yeah... my right... side," the rapper mumbled into Jimin's chest.

"How bad?"

"Really bad." Yoongi let out a quiet sob, trying to muffle them into Jimin's shirt. He shouldn't be crying. But Jimin didn't flinch.

"I'll tell the manager to take you to the hospital," the mochi said.

Yoongi nodded weakly.

"Everything's going to be okay, hyung, don't worry."

--------

His appendix had burst. The doctors were saying that he should have the surgery right there and now but Yoongi begged to have the surgery in Korea. The members got frustrated, they didn't want Yoongi to go on a flight with all the pain he was in, but eventually, they gave in.

He was taken back on the first flight back while the others prepared for their concert.

-------

The events at the hospital were a blur.

Yoongi wasn't in much pain by the time they got there. He didn't feel like throwing up anymore and he felt a lot better.

He remembered blood being drawn from his arm at one point. The lights were dimly lit. An IV channel got inserted into his arm and antibiotics were sent through it. Yoongi got knocked out soon after that. He was too groggy to focus on anything anyway.

He was given a drug to paralyze his airway so the intubation process would be easy. Yoongi's head was tilted back and a scope with a light on it was inserted into his mouth. The tube was then threaded into his windpipe. The cuff was blown up when it reached the right spot. The ventilator was attached right after. Food wasn't going to go into his lungs accidentally then.

A small cut was made on his right side. The muscle was separated. After his appendix was tied off and the infected issue was cut off, his insides were washed with saline. Then he was closed up with stitches (or sewn back together as Taehyung would've said) and a bandage was placed on the cut to prevent infection.

The whole process took less than an hour.

--------

Yoongi woke up in the PACU. The lights above him were too bright for his eyes and he groaned, a nurse beside him gently shushing him. The breathing tube was gone. His blood pressure was checked, along with his pulse, breathing and temperature.

A few painkillers later, Yoongi was knocked out again.

--------

When he opened his eyes again, it was morning. Yoongi blinked a few times, trying to clear his vision. He was still connected to an IV line for fluids and medications.

There was a thin plastic tube going through his nose and inside him removing other fluids and air that he had swallowed.

Yoongi felt exhausted, but at least he wasn't in too much pain anymore.

"How are you feeling?"

His mom was sitting in the plastic chair beside his bed, a strained smile on her face.

"Mom?" His voice came out a bit scratchy.

"Yeah, honey, it's me," she murmured, giving his arm a pat.

Yoongi smiled lightly. "I'm okay."

"Your dad is here too, he just went to get a drink from the vending machine."

His mom leaned forward to press the button beside his bed. A few moments later, a nurse came into the room.

"I think it would be great if you can get up and walk around a bit." She removed the blanket from around his body. "I'll go get some painkillers for you."

Yoongi and his mom were alone again for a moment. Just before the nurse arrived, his dad stepped in, a Gatorade in his hand.

He smiled widely and rushed over to the one empty chair on the other side of Yoongi's bed.

"You okay now?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Yoongi coughed loudly. The tube at the back of his throat was uncomfortable.

His dad nodded in relief.

The nurse came back quickly. She gave an injection to Yoongi.

"Wait about ten minutes and then you can get up."

Yoongi's dad spoke up again after the nurse left. "That Sejin guy called earlier. He said that the show went great."

The rapper sighed, glaring at his hands. "I wish I was there."

"Of course you do," his mom said. "But right now you need to focus on your health and yourself."

Yoongi nodded dejectedly.

---------

The members visited him a few days later. Promotions in Japan had wrapped up and everything had gone well. Yoongi was still in the hospital and he was starting to get back to his regular diet. The nurses said that he was healing nicely and would be ready to go home in two or three days.

They took a few pictures together. Yoongi knew the others were tired so he didn't bother talking to them too much. They all looked happy to see him looking a lot healthier and the rapper was, in turn, relieved to see that they had survived without him.

"Get well soon," Jungkook mumbled. The others were about to leave but the maknae hung back, looking Yoongi over to make sure he was alright. Jungkook's face was all red, highlighting the dark circles under his doe eyes.

"I'm going to, now go home and get some sleep too," Yoongi said.

"No really, you already broke your shoulder and now you had to get your appendix removed and-"

"Jungkook, it's time to go, come on." Hoseok grabbed the maknae's hand and dragged him towards the door.

Yoongi chuckled, seeing them leave.

-------

His pen was the only audible sound in the room. He had asked the nurses for a piece of scrap paper and a pen because he had gotten a melody in his head. Yoongi needed to write it out or he was going to forget it.

Just one day, he wrote at the top.

-------

Chapter Text

It was moments like these that made Yoongi really thankful to have the other boys around him.

They were learning the choreography for a new song.

Their comeback wasn't for a long time, so for once, they could take their time learning this dance. Hoseok was cheerful, so was Jimin, and Jin was also cracking his cheesy jokes. The whole atmosphere was cheesy, but Yoongi liked it. He relished it.

"Shouldn't you be lifting your leg a little higher Taehyung?" Namjoon asked. "I was told to lift mine super high, but yours is barely leaving the ground."

"What?" Taehyung shrugged. "I don't know what I'm doing. I'm kind of confused. But I think that you're wrong."

"Hoseok!" Namjoon yelled. "I need help!"

Yoongi zoned out of their conversation. Jungkook was saying something funny and Jimin was on his knees laughing. Yoongi found himself starting to laugh halfheartedly as well. They goofed around for the next fifteen minutes. Hoseok didn't bother teaching Namjoon or Taehyung anything; they just talked about off-topic things and made each other laugh.

But soon enough, the room fell silent and it grew serious once more.

"Guys, we need to learn the chorus, come on," Jin said.

"Yeah," Hoseok said seriously. "We need to get this down, come on."

Yoongi obediently took his position. Jimin was right in front of him and Namjoon was right behind. The loud music thumped started up and echoed through the room. They waited until the chorus part was playing and then they started practicing.

They ran through it a few times. Then they had a water break. The dance teacher came in to answer any questions and demonstrate again. Hoseok corrected Taehyung. Namjoon smirked at the second maknae, knowing that he had been right.

Hoseok laughed. Jin said some dumb pun. Yoongi accidentally giggled. Jin knelt down in prayer as a sign of thanks. The maknae line went into hysterics.

-------

"Okay, guys, I want us to go from the beginning a few more times," Hoseok announced.

A few groans answered him, but everyone took their position without too much hassle. The music started up again.

Yoongi spun to the side just like he was supposed to. The three jumps, the arm movement... he seemed to be doing quite well. He wasn't making any silly mistakes. Except a moment later, his right foot twisted weirdly. He had put his foot down weird after lifting it up. A strange popping sound filled the air and Yoongi crashed to the ground. Pain flooded his right ankle.

"Whoa, Yoongi, you alright?" Namjoon asked. He stopped dancing, running over to where the rapper was.

"Yeah..."

The music was turned off. The boys ran to his side. Many questions were fired off, asking if he was alright.

Yoongi's problem spot was his ankle. It was starting to hurt. He remembered hearing a popping sound when he fell. He wondered if he had sprained his ankle or something.

"Huh... Yoongi hyung, did you hurt your leg?" Jimin asked.

The rapper pointed gingerly to his leg.

Jimin put his hand on Yoongi's ankle, causing the latter to whimper and shake his head.

"Here," Jin said. He held out his arm. Yoongi looked at him and rolled his eyes, but took it. Jin kept his other hand firmly on Yoongi's waist so the rapper didn't have to put his ankle on the ground.

"I'll take him to the clinic," the eldest called as he left the room. "You guys go home and get some rest."

-------

The clinic was thankfully quiet when they arrived. After a quick examination, it was confirmed that Yoongi's ankle was sprained. It was wrapped in a light compression bandage. Jin was told to give him ice when they got home. Elevation was also a good option. He was given some mild painkillers to help with the slight throb that accompanied his ankle. Nothing too heavy though or else he would start getting delirious.

Yoongi walked out to the car with the help of the crutches under his arms. Jin helped him put his crutches in the backseat. He helped Yoongi get in too.

"Thanks," the rapper said breathlessly when they were settled in the car safely.

"No problem."

-------

It was a bit mind-boggling for Yoongi. As soon as he reached the dorms, Jungkook was unlocking the door, Jin was getting his crutches for him; they were all being so helpful and sweet.

Yoongi walked with his crutches to the living room. Hoseok had set up the rapper's favourite armchair up nicely. There was a foot rest in front of it, elevated so he could get comfortable. There was calming piano music playing. Namjoon was sprawled on the couch, snoring.

"He's there for comic relief," Taehyung said when Yoongi gasped.

The rapper made his way to the chair. He set his crutches to the side and sat down. Jungkook helped him put his ankle up on the foot rest. Taehyung fetched a cold pack to put on his ankle.

"Wow, you set so much up for him and nothing for me?" Jin asked.

"He's injured," Jimin said.

"Next time... next time." Jin shook his head. "I'll throw myself off a cliff and then you can prepare some nice stuff for me."

"I can plan your funeral," Hoseok said.

"That would be lovely. Thank you dear Hoseokie."

Yoongi rolled his eyes. "My gosh, you guys are so strange."

"It's not me, it's them," Taehyung said seriously, vaguely gesturing to Jin and Hoseok.

"Yeah..." Jimin sighed. "Are you feeling alright Jin hyung? Had too much sugar recently?"

Jin laughed before being pushed off to his room by Hoseok to go change his clothes.

"Yoongi, do you want me to get you anything?" Jimin asked.

"No, I'm good." The rapper grinned. "Thank you."

"No problem."

"Who decided on the music?"

"Taehyung."

"What kind of playlist is this? It's nice."

The second maknae grinned. "It's a dark academia playlist. I listen to it all the time."

Yoongi hummed. He closed his eyes. Listening to the piano felt nice. He imagined himself playing the pieces that were playing, in front of his crush, impressing them...

"Guys, I think something is wrong with Jin."

"What?"

"He won't stop making bad jokes."

"Hey," a voice that sounded distinctly like Jin's said. "My jokes aren't bad! They're just... too exquisite for your tastes."

"There's a sick, old man over here!" Yoongi said. "Please, carry out your harmful attacks against nature somewhere else."

"Hey-"

"He's older than you Yoongi hyung," Jungkook said.

"Notice I said 'sick'. He's not sick, he's just screwed up. I, however-"

"Why do you guys talk about the same things all the time?" Namjoon asked. The candle of Taehyung's comic relief had been extinguished; the leader was no longer snoring and was quite alert and awake.

"Isn't that what all humans do though? We talk about the same, meaningless topics over and over again until we die," Taehyung said.

Namjoon raised an eyebrow. "I did not ask for an existential crisis, but here we go."

"Can you get more painkillers?" Yoongi suddenly asked. The old ones were starting to wear off and the dull throb had started up again.

Jin automatically scurried off.

Yoongi spent the rest of that day listening to Taehyung talk about aesthetics while he rested his ankle and his body.

------

The next few days was a blur. Yoongi felt a bit overwhelmed with the amount of overprotection the other members offered him.

He wasn't used to relying on them that much, but now he needed their help at times. And they gave that. Without hesitation.

Jin and Jimin made food for him. Whatever Yoongi wanted to eat for meals, they tried their best to make or they ordered from a restaurant. Even if Jin had "whined" about all the attention that the rapper was getting, he was quite content to give a lot of attention to Yoongi as well.

-------

"Huh...?"

"Namjoon, hold up!"

Yoongi set his crutches underneath his arms. His armpits were really starting to hurt; this was torture at times.

Namjoon waited. He had a small smile on his face as he waited for Yoongi to slowly catch up to him. He held any doors that were in the way open for him.

"Call me if you need anything," Namjoon said when they finally reached Yoongi's studio.

"I'm gonna be fine," Yoongi huffed, but a warm feeling enveloped his insides. He really was loved here.

--------

"Can you move your toes?" Hoseok asked.

Yoongi wiggled his toes a bit. The swelling in his ankle had gone down. The area was a bit bruised and it hurt when he touched it.

He had just woken up and Hoseok was already standing in front of him, trying to help.

"Do you still need any painkillers?" the dancer asked.

"No, I'm good."

Yoongi wrapped a compression bandage around his ankle, using the clips to fasten it properly. His toes stuck out.

"Here."

Hoseok handed over his crutches.

"Thanks."

"Yeah, no problem."

Yoongi slid them underneath his arms. He slowly got up, his good leg helping him keep his balance.

"I really screwed up our progress for the dance, I'm sorry," the rapper said.

Hoseok shook his head. "No, it wasn't your fault. Don't say that."

Yoongi shrugged. "If I didn't fall-"

"If you don't shut up-"

"Fine."

Hoseok nodded and patted Yoongi's head. "Don't you dare blame yourself for something out of your control."

The rapper screwed his mouth shut. Hoseok pasted a sickly sweet smile on his face.

"Yoongii, please try to understand. It makes me sad when you put yourself down like this."

"Oh, okay."

Yoongi giggled lightly.

"Now, stop arguing and let's get to the living room."

------

The physiotherapy started a bit later. Jin and Taehyung usually drove him there. They had to go rushing back to their schedules right after. It made Yoongi a little upset; he was causing them more trouble. But they never said a word about it and didn't complain.

None of them complained. Jimin was even enthusiastic when Yoongi came back from the centre.

Depending on them was nice. They were crazy and weird at times, but deep down, they were really sweet.

-------

"Whoa... Yoongi!"

Jungkook managed to grab him as he tumbled to the floor. A moment later, Yoongi was laying on the floor, the maknae's arms protectively around him. His crutches were thrown to the side.

"What happened? Did you get dizzy?"

"No..." Yoongi mumbled. "I tripped."

"Oh..." Jungkook sighed in relief. "You need to be more careful."

The rapper nodded. He hadn't managed to hurt himself this time, but he felt woozy and weird.

"Can you get..." Jungkook shook his head. "Wait, hold on. I've got this."

The maknae lifted him up, bridal style, and took him over to the couch.

"Just catch your breath here, hyung."

Yoongi nodded.

--------

His ankle healed quickly. The bruises faded away and soon enough, it didn't hurt to touch his ankle anymore. Yoongi could support his weight on his ankle. He didn't need the crutches anymore.

The other members stayed as supportive as ever. Jungkook paid him a lot of attention and made sure that he didn't fall again. Yoongi felt like rolling his eyes a lot of the time. It wasn't even all that serious. But the others took extra precautions. All the rugs in the living room were taken away so there was no tripping hazard for Yoongi.

-------

"Be careful with your ankle," Namjoon said.

"It's okay." Yoongi nodded. "I can dance today. We're all good."

The dance teacher demonstrated the dance for them again. The same song played. Yoongi knew the chorus, but the others already knew some of the verses. He had some catching up to do.

"Yoongi, can you stay for a few extra hours today?"

Yoongi nodded. "That's fine."

"Good," Sungdeuk said. "You have to learn this dance by the end of this week."

"Okay."

------

Jimin stayed until Yoongi's dance session was over. He hung out in the recording studio, practicing his lines as he waited.

"How was it?" the mochi asked when Yoongi entered the studio, after finishing his dance lesson.

"It wasn't bad."

"Good." Jimin grinned. "Ready to go home?"

"Yeah."

------

One of the first things that Yoongi heard after he and Jimin reached home was Jin's loud scream. He was coming down the stairs to say hello to them, but then he tripped.

He was fine in the end. He didn't hurt himself at all other than a small bruise on his knee.

Yoongi was glad. He didn't want anybody to walk around with crutches in the household anymore.

-------

Chapter Text

-------

Yoongi knew it was useless. He had tried to get therapy for his social anxiety, but it would always come back to haunt him.

They were preparing for a concert. Stylists were running around, getting makeup ready and clothes out. Yoongi was getting his face done. He looked calm on the outside, but inside, he was freaking out. The others couldn't tell at all. They were happily chatting along. Yoongi felt a little jealous when he saw them. He wished he could be as carefree as them.

There were so many things that could go wrong. He was scared that he would forget the lyrics...

He wasn't a great dancer either. He could mess up the choreography. Ruin the hard work of all the others.

The fans probably didn't like him as much as the others. They probably thought he was weird and too aggressive with his rapping. Maybe he was strange and awkward. He never knew what to do with his arms. What was he going to do...? What if he screwed something up?

"Yoongi, I just want to say... that shirt looks awful on you," Jimin said. He was obviously joking because there was a big smile on his face.

"I... okay, thanks, I guess."

He smiled gently at Jimin too. Yoongi tried his best to hide his shaking hands. It was embarrassing for him. The older brother who was scared of people. What a joke. Jimin didn't see anything wrong.

"I was just kidding hyung," he said, starting to giggle. He moved away to go away somebody else. Yoongi sighed in relief.

-------

"I can't do it."

Hoseok frowned. "Yeah you can Yoongi hyung. You did a great job preparing for this concert."

Yoongi shook his head. The anxiety was growing, making him shake more and more. He was going to screw something up. He couldn't do it. He couldn't do it. He was going to mess up. No. Yoongi tried to take a few deep breaths.

"Yoongi hyung, everything is going to be okay. Don't worry," Hoseok said. It wasn't like the dancer was paying attention to him seriously; he was looking at his phone and saying stupid things to try and make Yoongi feel "better."

He got up and locked himself in the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror. Jimin was right. He did look awful in this shirt. Yoongi felt his heart break. He didn't look good in anything. Why did he have to be such a failure?

------

--------

Yoongi, you can do it. You can do it. The others can! You can too!

-------

There were so many things to mess up... he was going to look stupid up there... he would freeze up during his speech and the fans would roll their eyes... they would go home and make fun of him to their friends and families...

Yoongi kept staring at himself in the mirror.

Ah, why am I so ugly?

He bit his lip angrily. This wasn't helping. Why couldn't he just get over this? It was so stupid. Why was he this scared of people and their judgement?

He was hiding in the bathroom. He couldn't have become a bigger loser even if he tried. He was one of the older members and instead of comforting the younger ones, he was freaking out in the bathroom. Yoongi wanted to chuckle.

I can't do it. I can't perform. I can't.

His lip trembled. Yoongi bit his lip again but it didn't work. His eyes filled up with tears. They burned. His makeup was going to get ruined, the stylists would be mad, ahhhh...

His hands were shaking. He sank down to the floor. His knees were trembling. Yoongi's mind was blank, but not in a "white screen" kind of way. It was like there was a neon green screen in his brain which was too bright for him to handle.

-------

"Did you see where Yoongi hyung went?" Jimin asked.

Hoseok shook his head. "Wasn't he here just a moment ago?"

"Yeah," Jimin said. "I got up to go change my shirt and when I came back, he was gone."

The dancer shrugged. "Maybe he went to the bathroom. Just give it some time. I'm sure he didn't get kidnapped."

There was a worry at the back of his mind though. Yoongi had mentioned to him that he was feeling nervous again. Maybe he had gone somewhere to calm himself down, Hoseok figured. When Yoongi came back, he would be more relaxed.

-------

Yoongi was not more relaxed. He could barely breathe. His shirt was soaked in sweat. He probably smelled disgusting.

He couldn't do this. Now he had his personal hygiene to worry about. Yoongi couldn't perform.

--------

"Where did he go?" Jin asked. He absentmindedly walked into a door while he spoke.

"I'll go check the bathroom," Hoseok said. "And you better watch where you're going."

Jin nodded.

Hoseok didn't have any time to reply to him because he was already running towards the washroom. He knocked on the door. He knew Yoongi was inside. The small sniffs from inside could only belong to the rapper.

"Hyung?"

Hoseok knocked again.

"Hyung? It's me, Hoseok. Are you okay?"

-------

Yoongi inwardly screamed at himself. Why did Hoseok have to come...?

He turned on the tap and carefully washed the tears off his face. His makeup was ruined. Yoongi wondered if there even was time for the stylists to redo it. He was always screwing things up. Hoseok was probably annoyed with him right now.

--------

The first thing that Hoseok felt when Yoongi stepped out was concern. The rapper had tried to wash his face as best he could, but his eyes were big and teary. His skin was paper white and his trembling hands were hidden behind his back.

"Yoongi hyung, will you be okay to perform tonight?"

Hoseok put his arm around his shoulders and led him to an unused dressing room.

"Yoongi, hyung..."

Yoongi nodded. "I will be fine."

Hoseok raised his eyebrow. "You don't-"

"No, I will."

There was no arguing with him. Yoongi was too stubborn for his own good. He furiously wiped his tears away and stood up a little straighter.

Hoseok noticed there were wet patches all over the rapper's shirt. There was a lot of sweat. Yoongi was nervous.

"Okay, fine," the dancer said. "Come on along to the main dressing room then. The stylists can get you ready quickly."

Yoongi wordlessly followed Hoseok back. His hands hadn't stopped shaking. His heart was beating out of his chest. He didn't know why he had agreed to this. It would have been so much easier just to sit out.

If the others saw how sweaty and terrified Yoongi looked when he entered the dressing room, they didn't comment.

--------

He was making a fool out of himself, he knew. He could tell. Yoongi was shaking. His voice was shaking. He couldn't perform.

Jungkook kept circling around him, making silly faces and trying to cheer him up. He was trying so hard to make Yoongi laugh and keep it together. All the others had to work hard to make Yoongi get it together. He was so useless, such a burden, so stupid, so ugly... he felt like ripping his hair out.

His new shirt was sweaty too. Yoongi wondered if he was getting dehydrated. He hadn't started fainting yet, so probably not. Plus, with the way his heart was beating, he probably wouldn't be fainting anytime soon.

The third song finished. Yoongi broke. His eyes filled with angry tears. The only reason the fans were cheering was because of the other members. Nobody wanted him there.

He ran off backstage. The others didn't try and stop him; they understood what was going on. It was supposed to be a comforting gesture towards Yoongi, but he took it the wrong way.

The members didn't want him on stage with them, he realized.

He stomped into the bathroom again. His hands were freezing cold. Yoongi glared at himself in the mirror.

"Yoongi?"

Oh damn. Now it was Sejin. Now the managers were getting involved.

He had forgotten to lock the door. Yoongi felt the tears start rolling down his face.

Why can't I do anything right? Why is it always me? Why, why, why...

Sejin unlocked the door. He stepped inside and hugged Yoongi.

"It's okay Yoongi, it's okay."

Yoongi angrily started to cry. He had wanted to perform tonight with the others. This was his job. He wanted to do it. Why couldn't he? Why did he have to be so weak and useless?

Sejin kept his arms around him and didn't let go.

--------

"Is Yoongi hyung okay?" Jungkook asked when the group came in for a short break.

"Yeah, he fell asleep," one of the stylists said. She pointed to Yoongi. He was laying on the couch, his hoodie on top of him. There was ruined makeup on his face. But at least he was getting some rest.

"I should've stopped him from performing," Hoseok murmured. "But he was so stubborn. He really wanted to."

Jimin sighed.

"You guys are on in seven minutes. Hurry up!"

Namjoon went over to pat Yoongi's head. "Let's go and finish this up guys. We can fret over Yoongi as we do."

-------

As they drove back to the hotel after the show, Yoongi was quiet. The others talked nervously, most of them just saying things to fill the silence. But Yoongi didn't say anything. Namjoon asked him if something was wrong, but the rapper only shook his head and turned to look out the window.

They were going to have to talk this out tonight. Yoongi would talk then. Namjoon would make sure of that.

-------

"Do you want to explain what happened today, Yoongi hyung?" Namjoon asked. There was no annoyance in his voice, only gentle concern.

Yoongi shrugged. He fiddled with his hands. "I got nervous," he said. "I thought I was going to mess something up."

"Oh."

Yoongi sighed. He wanted to apologize for screwing the show up, but he didn't know how to. The others would probably tell him to stop and say that it wasn't his fault. It was his fault though in a way... if only he wasn't so scared of people and what people thought, then this wouldn't have happened. Yoongi's mind wouldn't be so polluted then.

"I'm sorry for not noticing earlier Yoongi," Jin said.

The others echoed his words.

Yoongi felt a little stupid, but he nodded along anyway.

-------

That night was one of the hardest in his life. Yoongi kept thinking what kind of rumours would come out of the show, whether any fans would be rude towards him, and other fears similar to that. Most of all, he regretted not performing. He thought about what his parents were thinking.

They had called him a few times and he hadn't picked up. He didn't know what to say to them. His mom would probably overwhelm him with questions about his health and his dad would threaten to sue the agency for overworking him.

But that wasn't the case. It wasn't anybody's fault. It wasn't Yoongi's fault either, as Hoseok had loudly pointed out.

-------

It was so hard. Yoongi practiced a smile in his head. The fans hadn't been hateful at all. They had supported him. They wrote sweet messages to him, asking him to feel better soon.

Yoongi had wondered if he should start going to therapy again. Sejin had agreed. So he did go. He felt a little lighter afterwards. Not like all his baggage had been taken away, but just enough so he could actually walk and function.

He was trying his best. Yoongi was giving it his all to be able to perform. Because, despite everything, he loved doing it and desperately wanted to keep going.

--------

Chapter Text

These days, Yoongi had found himself feeling quite subpar. It seemed like he never had the amount of energy that he usually did. At first he thought it was because he sometimes stayed up late. So he started going to bed earlier and earlier, until he was going to sleep at nine. It didn't really help. The exhaustion ended up getting worse.

The others weren't too concerned. Yoongi wondered whether they had even noticed. He had mentioned his condition a few times to the boys, but they had never asked him if he was doing any better or worse. Yoongi figured that they had bigger things to worry about.

It hurt though. When Jungkook stubbed his toe, they got extremely worried. But when Yoongi was exhausted for weeks on end even while getting proper sleep, they weren't too concerned.

Yoongi decided that his thing wasn't such a big deal either. He took a few rest days and tried his best to keep up healthy habits. He made sure to drink enough water and get enough food. That should've made him healthy. That should've been enough to make him feel better.

But the exhaustion continued.

Until today. The exhaustion was still there. But it had grown to also be described as nausea and weakness. Yoongi felt like crying when he woke up. Hoseok chucked a pillow at his head to wake him up and the rapper, quite literally, felt like he had been hit with a rock. His leg had a horrific cramp in it. It took all his energy not to scream. He clung onto his bedsheet while the cramp gradually faded away.

Thankfully, there were no schedules today. It was a rest day. Unfortunately, the others had planned to go to a restaurant today. Yoongi had to go to. He had no appetite whatsoever.

-------

"Yoongi, can you hurry up?" Hoseok called. "We have somewhere to be and if you don't get moving soon, then we are going to be late."

Yoongi was laying on the floor of the bathroom. He had thrown up. Except there wasn't really anything to throw up so it was just dry heaving. But it was still ridiculously painful and he got worn out quickly. Everything was just so exhausting for him.

"Yoongi?" The dancer knocked on the door, but there was no hint of concern in his voice.

It made Yoongi tear up. Did none of the others notice that something wasn't right? Did the others even care about his well-being?

"I'm coming..."

"Good. We're having something light to eat, then we're heading straight to the restaurant."

Fuck.

Yoongi slowly got to his feet after hearing Hoseok shuffle away. When he looked at his reflection in the mirror, he wasn't really surprised. There were dark circles and his face was puffy. He looked sick. He had tried to go to bed early but there was no effect of getting all that sleep. Yoongi needed to go to a clinic, not to a restaurant.

-------

"You should eat something," Jimin said. "You might get hungry on the car ride there."

"I'm not going to-"

"Just eat something!"

Yoongi shrugged. "Why are you yelling?"

He felt like laying down on the kitchen floor, he had no absolute interest in screaming at Jimin right now. He felt so exhausted.

"Because you were late! What were you even doing in the bathroom for that long anyway?"

"Probably looking at his face." Jin chuckled. He automatically ducked his face when Yoongi shot him a glare.

"No, guys, seriously," the rapper said. He hoped desperately that the others would tune in to how awful he was feeling. "Guys... I'm really not feeling that great."

"Are you getting that tired thing again?" Taehyung asked.

Yoongi felt a spark of hope. The second maknae was starting to look a bit concerned. He was eyeing the rapper up and down.

"Yeah," Yoongi said.

Taehyung shook his head, sighing in what seemed to be relief. "That's okay hyung. Just eat a lot of food at the restaurant and you'll feel a lot better!"

"You stole that from me, you little-"

Taehyung launched himself out of the seat in order to not get hit by Jin's hand.

Yoongi sniffed. He sipped his coffee slower than ever. He held on as tightly as he could to the countertop to stop himself from collapsing. His knees felt like they were going to give out.

--------

His hands and feet were tingling. Yoongi felt like he was going to fall right into the plate of food. He had tried to get the smallest amount of food but the others hadn't listened. They had made him get lots of food.

Speaking of the others, they seemed to be having the times of their lives right now. They were eating, a few of them were drinking, laughing and enjoying themselves. None of the jokes that they said were funny enough for Yoongi to laugh at. He was sandwiched between Taehyung and Namjoon and he felt sicker than ever.

The food tasted awful. Maybe normally it would taste good, but now it just tasted bland and tasteless. Yoongi choked it down. His body threatened to bring it back up. His eyes were closing. His leg was cramping up...

"You should eat more hyung," Jungkook said. He put two more lamb skewers on Yoongi's plate.

The rapper shook his head. "Please... Jungkook no. I can't eat anymore."

"Do you not like the food?" Namjoon asked.

"I love it! What are you talking about Yoongi?" Jin said.

Hoseok shrugged. He eyed Yoongi with an annoyed glance. "Why aren't you ever happy with anything hyung? What did you want? A buffet stretching from here to New York City and with all the foods you can imagine?"

Yoongi swallowed. His face was turning red. If he had the energy, he would've started yelling. But he stayed silent. He kept trying to eat. He had had food from this restaurant many times before. He usually loved it. But now...

"Just eat it up," Jimin said. "It's paid for."

"You're going to pay Jimin," Namjoon said. He giggled.

The loud chuckles and laughs that echoed over the table then worsened Yoongi's headache. He felt like he was going to collapse. He couldn't take this much food.

"Please," he said. "I really can't eat this much. You guys can take it. I didn't lick anything or-"

"Fine."

Jungkook whipped away the lamb skewers and Jin took the soup.

Yoongi munched on his lettuce half-heartedly. When he swallowed, it felt like paper was going down his throat. He felt like choking. He didn't have enough energy to chew properly.

His mind wandered. He dreamed of his bed. He wondered when they were going to go home. Yoongi so desperately wanted to go home.

"Time for dessert!"

Jimin excitedly clapped his hands.

"Ice cream!"

"Chocolate!"

"No vanilla."

"Basic people. I'm getting cappuccino."

"Isn't it called-"

Yoongi started to cry. Everything was so loud.

"What? Yoongi hyung?"

Taehyung leaned over. He glanced at Yoongi.

"Don't cry hyung. You don't have to eat it if you don't want to," he said.

Yoongi felt a small bit of comfort when Taehyung patted his back and Namjoon slung his arm around his shoulders.

--------

The moment that they walked into the dorms was the moment that Yoongi bolted. His legs shook uncontrollably as he stumbled to his room. Everything was uncomfortable. His eyes were blurred with tears. He was starting to feel hollow.

He was trying to make it to the bathroom but his knees gave out before then. Yoongi collapsed onto the floor. The stinging feeling of acid burned his throat. Before he could stop himself, he was throwing up onto the floor. Yoongi curled his fists to his side. He would have to clean this up.

He gasped and choked over the mess that he made, unable to catch his breath. Every breath made his chest ache and Yoongi kept shuddering. He couldn't stop shaking. His hands had a mind of their own.

"Yoongi hyung?" It was Taehyung's voice.

Yoongi couldn't say anything. He heard Taehyung's dull footsteps stop beside him and felt his warm hands touch his shoulder blades. The rapper would've thanked him but he felt like he was slipping. Spots in his visual field gave way to black. His body gave a violent shake again. Oh lord, this really wasn't just tiredness...

"Yoongi...?"

"Guys!"

Yoongi slumped over. Taehyung pulled him away so he didn't fall into his own mess. The rapper's face twitched, his arms still shaking slightly. His expression went blank and his eyes glassy.

Namjoon rushed over. "What's going on?"

His face paled.

"Can you get Seokjin over here?"

-------

Yoongi's senses returned. He blinked upward. The others were around him. Someone was on the phone. He couldn't exactly figure out what was being said. He felt too tired to process what was going on. Somebody's hoodie was underneath his head.

A heavy feeling pulled him down again.

-------

"He's having another one," Jungkook said. He glanced at Jin in panic. The eldest was calling an ambulance.

"Yeah, my friend," he was saying. "He just had a seizure. Wait no, he's having another one now.... No, he has no history of seizures... Does he have a fever...?" He glanced up. "One of you, check. Is he feverish?"

Taehyung touched Yoongi's forehead. The rapper groaned loudly, but didn't react otherwise.

"No," Taehyung said.

"No, he's not feverish," Jin said. He kept talking to the dispatcher for a few moments before hanging up. "They're going to be here in a few moments. We should try to keep him comfortable."

Yoongi's eyes were slowly blinking open again. He couldn't figure out what kept happening to him. The hoodie underneath his head wasn't as comfortable as his pillow was. The colour of the carpet wasn't the colour of his bedsheets. Who had changed his bedding? Yoongi was so confused. Why were people always changing things in his room without his permission?

Jin gently brushed his hand through Yoongi's hair.

Yoongi could finally get some rest. His arms and legs had no energy left. His eyes shut again. There were too many colours around him and it took too much thinking to process it. He couldn't think clearly.

------

"He has severe hypomagnesemia. Why wasn't he brought to the hospital earlier? This could've gotten more serious!"

Namjoon shivered. The words of the nurses and doctors weren't exactly the nice type. The paramedics had been nice enough to not point any fingers, but the others weren't so polite.

Yoongi's magnesium levels had fallen. The staff were trying to figure out why. Yoongi's blood had been tested and the low levels had been detected. But even before that, a few of the nurses had recognized his symptoms.

"I thought he was just tired," Taehyung mumbled. "He said he was tired. He didn't say that he was dying."

"He isn't dying," Namjoon said. "They'll give him some magnesium through an IV and then he'll be fine."

"Oh."

Jimin sighed. He leaned back in the plastic chair. "I feel so bad. I yelled at him this morning. I didn't know..."

Taehyung shot him a look. "Yeah, I guess it sucks to be you."

"Taehyung..." Namjoon shook his head.

"Right sorry!" The second maknae patted Jimin on the shoulder. "I'm sorry.

Jimin sighed. "It's okay."

-------

After a few days on drips, Yoongi started to feel better. He was actually very relieved to find himself in a hospital. He was relieved to be feeling like himself again. The energy was coming back to him and he didn't feel like passing out every moment of the day.

His parents had been told what had happened to him and they dropped in regularly to visit him. Yoongi was thankful to see them. It got lonely in the hospital sometimes.

Yoongi's magnesium levels were monitored closely. He had been taken off the IV after the second day, but the oral supplements continued. The pills didn't exactly taste the greatest but he had to take them.

------

Jimin had expected Yoongi to hold a grudge against them or at least give them a lecture, but none of those happened. Yoongi was surprisingly quick to forgive them. He waved all their aplogies off and said it was alright. They hadn't known afer all; that was his argument.

Jimin disagreed. He felt a little guilty about the way he brushed Yoongi aside. He should've noticed sooner. Something worse could've happened.

As he glanced at Yoongi's tired but cheerful face, he couldn't help but feel a huge sense of relief that everything had turned out to be alright.

-------

Chapter Text

When it came time for a new album, there were always lots of things to get done. Choreographies to master, vocals or raps to get down perfectly, all their outfits had to fit well, the songs had to be produced and finished, the album art had to be made...

Yoongi tried to calm himself every time. He told himself that everything was going to be finished in the end. If things went wrong, they could always push the album release date back. It wasn't worth getting so scared over. It wouldn't be the end of the world if they couldn't release their album on the first fixed date. The fans would understand.

But he always, every single time without fail, he got overwhelmed. The amount of work that needed to be done was too much for him. He ended up crying in his studio or in front of the others and frankly, it was a bit embarrassing for him. Very embarrassing for him.

He struggled to meet the deadlines. Yoongi was a chronic procrastinator and he always ended up finishing things at the very last second. It was nerve-wracking and downright terrifying at times.

So this time, he had a plan. He would take a "mental health day" as he told himself by telling the others that he was sick. Yoongi felt a little bad, but he convinced himself that, in a way, he was sick. He needed a breather for one day. Practicing eighteen hours a day caused burnout pretty quickly for him. Taking a day off would improve his mood by a lot. The others would probably be off at practice so he could have the whole dorms to himself. He could shake his ass to WAP and nobody would be laughing at him!

Now, if he could only make the others fall into his trap.

--------

"Min Yoongi, if you don't wake-"

Yoongi groaned. The sun hit his face. The clock in the hallway chimed nine times. He had purposefully tried to get up late so he could pretend like he was sick.

Jin stopped. He put the pillow down next to Yoongi. The bed dipped as he sat down.

"What's going on? Yoongi?"

"Hmmm...?" The rapper turned his head away from the window, trying to burrow his face into the covers.

"Are you okay? Does something hurt?"

"Yeah... my-my... head hurts."

Jin nodded. He patted Yoongi's side, then stood up.

"I'll call the manager and let them know okay? But wait, oh no..."

"Huh?"

"There's that meeting today, remember? We all have to go," Jin said. He ripped the covers off of Yoongi. "Come on. How bad is the headache?"

"Bad."

Yoongi grimaced, pretending to be in pain. His fake expressions of pain nearly made him crack up so he hid his face with his hands. Jin didn't notice anything.

"I'll get some painkillers okay?" Jin said. "If it gets super horrible then we can bring you home."

Yoongi sighed. He regretted picking today. He would have to be around the others the whole day and they would probably notice that he wasn't sick at all. He wouldn't get to spend the rest of the day at the dorms after all. And worst of all, he wouldn't get to have a solo dance party.

"Go and brush your teeth. I'll let the others know," Jin said. He helped Yoongi stand up and walk over to the bathroom.

"Okay."

Jin smiled at him, ruffling his hair before leaving the room. Yoongi immediately dropped his sick and trembling facade. He walked into the bathroom. Slowly brushing his teeth, he thought about what he could do.

But he couldn't think for long because soon enough, Namjoon was knocking on the door gently.

"Yoongi hyung? The painkillers are on your bedside table. Do you need any help?"

"No, I'm fine!"

Namjoon raised his eyebrow. Yoongi sure sounded more energetic than he usually did when he had a headache.

"Okay, well, call me if you need anything," Namjoon said before sauntering away.

-------

Yoongi drank the painkillers down. They probably wouldn't harm him right...? And even if they did, it would help convince the others that he really was struggling.

He would have to put his acting skills to test.

-------

Any suspicions that Namjoon had had about Yoongi faking soon vanished. The rapper barely ate during breakfast and kept clutching his head. Namjoon wished he could make him stay home and rest, but the management had told them all to be at the meeting no matter what.

Yoongi came up with a plan while eating breakfast.

-------

The meeting was boring. The managers and other staff members were discussing the budget and their schedules and safety measures and other topics that Yoongi usually would have tried to pay attention to. It was unfortunate that today he had had to be struck down with the worst migraine ever.

Yoongi kept his expression blank, occasionally twisting it up once in a while to show pain. He nearly started to giggle when Jungkook looked at him in concern. This was so funny.

"Yoongi, do you want to catch a breath of fresh air?" Jimin asked.

"Sure-sure..."

Yoongi shakily got to his feet. He clutched onto the table as if he was getting dizzy. Hoseok immediately got up to steady him.

Time to execute his plan.

Yoongi crumpled onto his knees. Hoseok gasped, careful to keep his voice down. He held onto the rapper tightly as he crouched down next to him.

"What's going on hyung?" the dancer asked in a worried voice. "Is the headache getting worse? Do you want to go home?"

Yoongi sniffled. Actual tears came to his eyes.

Such good acting. Keep it real smooth, Yoongi. You got this.

"It's really bad!"

A few of the tears rolled down his face. Hoseok hugged him close.

"Take him home. We can fill him in later," one of the managers said.

Yoongi's heart leaped up into the sky. He nearly jumped up but held himself back in the nick of time. He kept sniffling and gripping onto Hoseok's shirt.

Taehyung came up behind them.

"I can carry him." His voice was characteristically deep. "Move aside peasants."

Yoongi was lifted into Taehyung's arms. He buried his face into the second maknae's shirt as if trying to shield himself from the light.

Yoongi managed to keep his act up while still in the car. He kept his hands tightly over his ears and let out a convincing groan every now and then. Taehyung even looked concerned. He kept glancing around to make sure the rapper was comfortable.

--------

Taehyung was planning on staying to take care of Yoongi, but the management called him to say that he needed to come back to the meeting. The second maknae was upset. He didn't want to leave his hyung all alone when he was sick. Taehyung made sure to make Yoongi all comfortable in his bed before leaving.

But right after Yoongi was sure that Taehyung had left the premises, he leapt off his bed and headed into the living room. Loud blasting music was soon heard from the dorms.

Yoongi relaxed into the couch. He watched music video after music video and soon lost track of time.

The others won't know, he assured himself.

The meeting was going to go on for a long time, right?

------

The meeting ended early. The others decided to stay with the managers for a bit, discussing things. Jungkook decided to head home. He knew that Yoongi was sick and he wanted to provide him with some comfort.

-------

"Hyung? Why is there music playing? Didn't you have a headache?"

Yoongi stopped the music. He wiped the smile off his face. Jungkook was standing in the doorway with a shocked expression.

"I... um, you see, I took some painkillers and now I'm feeling a lot better..."

Way to go Yoongi. Way to blow your cover.

Jungkook laughed. "That's good then, isn't it? Which painkillers did you take?"

"Tylenol."

"I thought we ran out. Namjoon gave you the last few in the morning."

"I have some in my room."

"Ah..." Jungkook hummed. Yoongi was carefully avoiding his gaze, he noticed.

Yoongi leaned back into the couch. The loud music rang in his ears from before. The TV had turned off. He just wanted to rest. But instead Jungkook was here, drilling him like he was testing a suspect's alibi.

"Do you want me to make you something to eat?" Jungkook asked.

"No, I'm good."

Jungkook sighed. "I don't know what else to do with a sick person! I-"

"Jungkook, stop yelling!" Jin entered the room, a worried expression on his face. The others were starting to come home too. "Yoongi has a headache, why are you yelling?"

Yoongi took that opportunity to lay down. He slipped the blanket over his head and buried himself into the pillow and couch. Within moments, he felt Jimin's hand on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry about that," Jungkook was saying." "He was listening to loud music earlier so I thought it would be okay if I raised my voice a bit."

"He was listening to loud music?" Jin asked. He frowned.

Yoongi felt his heart skip a beat. He was losing his battle. The others were going to find out.

"Yoongi hyung, why were you listening to music-"

"I was trying to practice the choreography!" Yoongi said. He made sure to make his voice nice and shaky. Crying always made the others get worried.

"What?"

"Huh?" Jungkook said. "But that wasn't the song-"

"For the last time, shut up Jungkook!" Hoseok said. "Can't you see that Yoongi is sick?"

Jungkook shrugged. "I'm just saying that the song he was listening to wasn't the song that we're learning the dance to. It's called common sense, Hoseok. Yoongi hyung is lying. He was never sick in the first place. He's being lazy with this. He doesn't want to work hard so he lays at home and twerks to random songs."

Namjoon didn't know what to say. Jin stared quietly at the floor.

Yoongi felt like screeching. Jungkook was getting too smart for his own good. Oh where, oh where had his clueless maknae gone to?

"I'll go to the studio, bye everybody," Jungkook said cheerfully. "Call me when Yoongi feels better!"

"Oh wow, okay," Jin mumbled after he left. "I see it now too. That's what I get for being too nice."

Hoseok stared off into the distance. "Yoongi, you-you shouldn't have done that. I'm just saying. We have a lot of work to get done. I don't know why you did this, but it was wrong. Just plain wrong."

Jimin and Namjoon stayed silent. The mochi kept his hand on Yoongi's shoulder. Yoongi kept his face underneath his blanket. He felt like crying.

"I'm going to my room," Jin said. "I'm tired."

Yoongi was starting to get tired too. He felt his eyes burn with unshed tears. Everything had been ruined.

"I'll go to the dance studio."

"Yeah, okay, I'll go talk to Taehyung about the outfits."

"What are we going to do about them?"

"Nearly everyone's done the fitting. It's just... they have to make alterations and they want to make sure about the sizes."

"Ahhh..."

The voices blended together in Yoongi's brain. Goddamnit why did all the bad things have to happen to him?

You're so lazy. You can't do anything right. The others are working hard and you're not doing anything! Get up. Go to the studio. Work hard. Now.

Yoongi felt paralyzed. He couldn't do anything. He could feel Namjoon still sitting beside him. Namjoon probably understood. Namjoon should've. Namjoon did, didn't he? Namjoon was smart, right? He knew that Yoongi got overwhelmed and freaked out around comeback season. He knew that, right?

"Yoongi?" It was Namjoon's voice. He didn't sound angry like the others.

Yoongi stayed silent.

"Yoongi hyung, just... talk to me, please? It's me, your Namjoonie. You know I won't say anything bad to you."

Yoongi didn't have time to react before Namjoon scooped him up into his arms. The rapper tried his best to bury his face into Namjoon's shirt. He didn't want to face the world right now.

"Yoongi..."

Namjoon's voice was too close to him. It was laced with concern and care. He actually bothered to understand. Yoongi started to cry. He was so stupid for thinking this would actually work. All he wanted was a break. That's all.

"You just wanted a break, didn't you?"

Yoongi clung onto Namjoon's shoulder and sobbed. He was pretty sure that he fell asleep there later on as well. He woke up in his bed, Namjoon sprawled next to him.

The strangest thing was, the others didn't bring up Yoongi's "lazy scandal". They actually seemed to be quite apologetic towards him.

Yoongi didn't know what Namjoon had done or said to them, but he was thankful. Very thankful.

--------

Chapter Text

During the course of his lifetime, Yoongi had struggled with anxiety quite a bit. It was exhausting. He had had laid awake many times, endlessly worrying about the outcomes of the decisions that he made. He worried about what people thought of him, how he came across to people who didn't know him, what the members thought of him, etc. The list was never-ending and new things were added to it every week.

He had sought help for it many times and it had helped. Yoongi knew that he was in good hands now. His family was on board with who he was and what his passions were, and his friends and members around him were there if he needed any help.

But, if he had to be honest, it was he that needed to fight the real battle. He had to be the one to comfort himself when he fell and heard someone laugh. He had to keep himself strong when people hurled insults at him and expected him to break. Yoongi hated the horrible aspects that came with his job, but he kept himself going.

It wasn't always like that. There was a time when he didn't a supportive ring of people around him. When the people who he loved the most didn't understand why he wanted to do what he wanted to do, and those lovely ties that they used to share had grown to become chains of resentment. Yoongi dealt with everything himself and was too ashamed to ask for help.

He deserved everything, he told himself. Now, he knew, he didn't. He didn't deserve bad things to happen to him. Yoongi had to listen to Jin's jokes every night. Hopefully that was the only punishment that he deserved.

But, to tell the story of what Yoongi was like, we need to go back to the beginning.

-------

School wasn't easy. And for Yoongi - who wasn't the greatest student - it caused him a great deal of pressure. He tried to study for his tests, but no matter what, he always made silly mistakes that cost him a great deal of marks. He had a bad habit of procrastinating on his homework and studying. Yoongi always had to race against time hours before the deadline to get his work done.

Don't get him wrong, he hated that routine as well. He tried to get his life more organized. He made to-do lists, used his school-issued agenda (sometimes), and tried to ask questions in class. But then, he would get bored and tell himself that his grades didn't matter to him and goof around in class. Yoongi wasn't the most popular in his class, but he did have a good number of friends who he could joke around with. That's when he didn't pay attention in class. That's when he didn't bother doing his homework and winged every single test that came his way. Yoongi told himself that things would change when he got a bad mark, but he never did. Geumjae - his brother - had his life together. Yoongi did not.

His parents were disappointed in him. Money was tight in their household and they both hoped that their sons would grow up to get a well-paying job. It was the wish of every Asian parent that their children grow up to become lawyers, doctors, or engineers. They wanted Yoongi to pick one of those options. But with the quality of Yoongi's grades, there was no way he was going to get into medical school.

Yoongi got easily frustrated with himself. He wanted to do better. He really did care about doing well. His parents called him lazy and a failure. His mom talked worriedly about his grades to his other family members. They all agreed that Yoongi needed to get his shit together and focus, like Geumjae was doing.

But Yoongi wasn't Geumjae. He wasn't capable of doing what his brother was able to.

Over his middle school and early high school years, that anger piled up on him. Yoongi started dreaming of being a music producer, but wondered if he was capable of becoming one. His parents told him to stop being silly and start working harder.

-----

There wasn't any reasoning with them. When Yoongi's parents discovered that he was writing lyrics in class instead of paying attention, they went ballistic. He has a horrible memory of hiding in the bathroom while his mom screamed about how his "focus had shifted" and that he was going to end up nowhere if he continued like that. Yoongi was angry at her for a long time, understandably so. He was confused with his future. At school, everyone was always talking about "following your dreams" but he didn't have any concrete dreams. He had hopes of being a music producer, but he had no clue how to become one. Plus, his parents' arguments made sense. He was setting himself up for failure if he tried. Few music producers achieved success.

Yoongi didn't know what to do. He started learning how to rap. He wasn't sure what he was going to do with that skill, but it gave him something to do.

He struggled through three years of high school. His grades were average.

Then, after weeks and weeks of pondering, he came up with an idea. He would convince his parents to let him go to Seoul so he could become a music producer. Yoongi was convinced that they would stop him, but he had to do something. He didn't want to live like this anymore.

His parents put up a fight at first. They tried to tell him how scary Seoul was. How many clueless boys like him were abducted. But eventually, they let him go. As Yoongi thought later, they were glad to see him go. But that wasn't true. Yoongi was taken out of his school and went over to Seoul to begin a new portion of his life.

------

His parents were right. Yoongi was nowhere near as successful as he had hoped he would be. He had heard the horror stories, he had heard them all, but a part of him had hoped that he would get to an agency quickly. But no.

He barely had any money. He spent all morning at a public school where people teased him relentlessly. Yoongi played basketball on the team, but he didn't most of the team members and he felt lonely often. All in all, coming to Seoul had been a very bad idea. Yoongi didn't dare talk to his family too much, just in case they decided to sass him and tell him that he was a dimwit for doing what he did.

The greatest problem for him was his lack of money. His parents sometimes sent bits of money to him, but it wasn't enough. Yoongi worked two delivery jobs, struggling to make ends meet. He had no family members in Seoul and was forced to rent a cheap apartment where he lived. Geumjae sent him emails about when he got a well-paying job, he would support him. Yoongi smiled at his sentiment. Yoongi continued writing songs, and tried to sell them. But he was often cheated and came back with an empty pocket. None of the big agencies were interested in him. His mom had been right. Seoul was no place for clueless boys like him. He had been stupid to think that the world was fair.

There were days when he didn't have enough money for transportation and food. He was forced to choose one.

But more importantly than everything, Yoongi was lonely and upset. He wanted to do something and he wasn't able to.

------

While returning to his apartment one night, Yoongi noticed a flyer on one of those shady alleyways. He squinted as he read the fine print.

Hit-It Auditions! Audition for Big Hit Entertainment today! Looking for new hip-hop artists who-

Could Yoongi give it a try?

The date was a few weeks away from now. Yoongi tilted his head. He should go. He could rap. He had some kind of a chance.

------

Short story short, Yoongi got in. He thought he looked absolutely ridiculous in his striped green shirt but it was okay. He got in! He got in! He could scarcely believe it when he was told so by the staff at the agency. He hadn't even come first place! This Big Hit thing, it was tiny. They were low on money, but its CEO Bang PD-nim wanted to start a hip-hop group. Yoongi was selected as one of the possible members.

He told his parents the news. They didn't sound that pleased. Yoongi figured that they must have been hoping that he wouldn't get any success so he would come back to Daegu to resume his normal schooling.

Life didn't magically start getting better. Yoongi started having to work harder. He started rapping more and he had to write those raps himself. That CEO guy helped him out a lot. Yoongi also met this other guy, who was around his age. Namjoon. They had to become housemates after a few days. He had joined the agency earlier than Yoongi. His head was in the clouds often and he was very clumsy, but Yoongi managed it well.

Namjoon didn't know how to tie his shoelaces either... he was embarrassed about that fact, but Yoongi found that cute.

-------

Yoongi's struggles worsened after he started training. Some of the trainees were amazing at what they did. They were good-looking, tall, and fit. Yoongi hated that about himself. Despite all his basketball playing, he had a big frame and wasn't all that sporty or athletic. He was somewhat on the shorter side.

Bang PD-nim told him to try becoming an idol. He said that Yoongi would be the perfect candidate for the concept. Yoongi hated that. He wasn't becoming an idol. That was too sugary sweet for someone like him. No.

He started to compare himself with the others. Namjoon was the better rapper. Namjoon was tall. Namjoon was fit. Namjoon was cute. Namjoon had big dimples that looked beautiful when he smiled. Yoongi had these weird eyebrows that turned upwards that made him look like he was on a permanent high. He hated that. It drove him nuts. He tried to work out. He tried to lose weight. He tried dancing. Yoongi was no good at it.

His parents came to visit him one day. Yoongi was happy to see them. He really was. But he couldn't escape the overwhelming disappointment in their eyes. They weren't happy to see him there. They wanted him to come home.

But Yoongi wouldn't give up now. He wasn't going through as much now. He knew that. Until, a few weeks later, everything became too much for him. He tried to overdose, and was hauled off to a mental health clinic. His parents came in again. His mom cried and begged him to come back home. Yoongi said no. He was not going home.

-------

Yoongi started meeting more people. There was this boy named Hoseok who was training to be a rapper. Yoongi envied his dance skills.

He had been given medication now. There were some therapy appointments that he had to go, but they usually conflicted with his schedule and Yoongi found it hard to allocate time towards them.

He also had a horrible shoulder injury while trying to do his delivery job. It hadn't healed properly. Yoongi was too afraid to tell anyone in the agency. What if he was kicked out? Trainees got kicked all the time for the silliest reasons. He wasn't going to wreck his chances now.

Namjoon was really caring towards him. Yoongi found it a bit stifling, but he was touched deep down.

Yoongi, or "the rapper" as he had started calling himself now, had been given a little studio where he sat sleeplessly hour after hour, trying to write something. Negative thoughts kept swirling in his head. Would he ever get to debut? His rash ambition would be the cause of his downfall one day. He wanted success.

He had given it his blood, sweat and tears. Now, he wanted his euphoria.

--------

The final lineup was made. Namjoon, Yoongi, Hoseok, Jungkook, Jin, Taehyung, and Jimin were part of it.

Yoongi got along with most of them very well. All of them were a bit standoffish, and they could be harsh with their insults at times. But Yoongi was okay with that. He wasn't the nicest all the time either.

His parents met the other boys too. His mom dryly commented later on that they were "well-behaved, but a bit rowdy". Yoongi was okay with that.

He knew his parents were finally on board with the idea. Geumjae was as supportive as always. And best of all, Yoongi had the members beside him for the first time.

-----

Chapter Text

Yoongi made sure to not talk about what he was feeling. It didn't matter. He didn't want to ruin the mood.

"I think we should go camping!" Jungkook suggested. "Come on, we're finally free. We should go somewhere together!"

"That sounds like a good plan," Namjoon agreed.

"Um... so are we going to go to a cabin place or are we going to be in a tent...?" Jin asked. "I heard that spiders can get inside your tent at night. Please, I don't want to-"

"Right you are hyung," Hoseok said glumly. "You guys can go sleep in a tent. Me and Jin hyung can rent a cabin."

"Stop being ridiculous," Jungkook said. "Spiders aren't that scary."

"Yes, they are!"

"No, they aren't."

"Spiders are friends, not enemies," Namjoon said. Nobody argued after that. Hoseok rolled his eyes, but didn't try to fuss.

"I think we should ask Yoongi," Jimin said. "If he says tent, then we sleep in a tent. If he says cabin, then we sleep in a cabin."

"Cabin, please," Yoongi said.

Jungkook groaned.

"I never told you this Yoongi, but I really love you, you know? You're truly the most special person I have ever met, full of understanding and empathy," Jin said.

"Okay, I get it," Namjoon said. "Fine."

"What Yoongi says is what happens," Jimin said.

Yoongi nodded. He totally wasn't holding himself back from throwing up right now. His stomach totally wasn't hurting right now. Really, he didn't feel like he was going to pass out or that the only thing he had energy for was laying down on his bed. No, he really didn't want to ruin all their plans. Jungkook had been wanting to go camping for a long time. Yoongi didn't want to wreck his mood by saying that he was sick.

It would really come to bite his ass later on.

------

A few hours in, and Yoongi was already regretting this. They had set off in Hoseok's car. The road was bumpy and uneven and it was not a pleasant ride for anybody, especially not for Yoongi. He kept having to swallow back. Hopefully he wouldn't throw up.

"Aren't the trees beautiful?" Namjoon asked happily, looking out the window.

"Mmhm," Jin said. He was playing a game on his phone. "Lovely."

Jungkook was sandwiched between the two, sleeping.

Yoongi was fortunate enough to be sitting by the door. If he really needed to throw up, he could get out. Not that he would tell anybody yet. Just in case.

He kept his eyes firmly planted on the moving trees outside. He had read somewhere that looking outside helps carsickness. Yoongi didn't know if it was true or not, but as of now, it wasn't helping.

"Yoongi hyung," Hoseok suddenly said from the driver's seat. "I haven't thanked you yet for choosing the cabin option. You're an angel-"

"Focus on the road," Jimin said.

Namjoon laughed, Jin joining in. Hoseok was smiling too. Yoongi twisted his lip and prayed that the nausea wouldn't increase.

------

During that first night was when things really started to worsen for Yoongi. They had all had hot dogs for dinner, and that really wasn't sitting right with him. He kept tossing and turning all night. He threw off his covers a few times, trying to make himself more comfortable, but ended up getting freezing cold after a while.

------

Yoongi sat up, breathing hard. A quick tap on his phone revealed the time to be four in the morning. He didn't have much time to think about that though because his stomach gave an angry churn, and he was forced to get to his feet.

The bathroom was down the hall. Yoongi stumbled towards it.

He slammed the door shut before falling to his knees in front of the toilet. He couldn't stop himself from immediately bringing up his dinner. Tears came to his eyes as he finished. Yoongi had hoped that he would feel a bit better when he had thrown up, but that wasn't the case. His stomach hurt like hell, and his head was close behind.

Yoongi managed to get to his feet, flush the toilet, wash his mouth and get back to his room. Placing a hand on his forehead, he knew he was feverish.

This was going to be a long week.

-------

Yoongi managed to hide the fact that he threw up his breakfast from the others. He sneaked away while they were arguing about something - something stupid - and returned quickly. His face was pale and he was sweating, but the members either didn't notice or they thought he was excited.

To his great dismay, he found out that the members had decided on going hiking today.

------

"Do we really have to go?" Yoongi asked. Everything around him felt like a fever dream. Was he even awake?

"Yeah," Jungkook said. "We agreed."

"Walk around for once hyung," Jimin laughed. "It will be fun."

"There might be bugs," Hoseok said.

"Take your bug spray."

"There isn't any poison ivy, right?" Jin asked. He shared a worried look with Hoseok. "I read that some do grow around the hiking trails. So what should we-"

Jungkook shrugged. "If you see any, don't go in it. Boom. Problem solved."

"If you see any, don't go in it," Hoseok taunted in a high-pitched voice. "Not everything is that easy honey."

Jungkook laughed, shaking his head. "Everything will be fine. Lighten up. It will be fun."

-------

Yoongi was not having fun. Namjoon had taken pity on him and taken the backpack that he had been carrying. Even so, he was stumbling around dizzily. His vision was blurry. Let's not forget that his stomach was still hurting and he still felt like he was going to throw up. No, Yoongi really wasn't having any fun.

The trail was narrow and slightly steep. Yoongi didn't know where the heck they were going. He had heard some of the others talking about having some kind of picnic.

------

Yoongi knew it was coming. It was only a matter of time before he tripped over his feet and tumbled off the trail. For a moment, he was scared that he was going to fall to his death, but that was irrational. He came to a rest right next to a bush with interesting three-leafed plants.

"Yoongi!"

"What happened? Did you get hurt?" Taehyung called.

"Are you okay?"

The members who had been further ahead ran back to see him.

Yoongi sat there for a second in shock, then burst into tears. Crying made him feel worse. Within a moment, he was throwing up his water on his clothes. Thinking about it made him feel grossed out, which made him cry, which made him gag, and in the end, he was a hiccupping mess. The members stared at him in concern.

"Let's take you home," Namjoon said. But before he could take a step towards Yoongi, Jin grabbed his arm. He pointed to the plants in a panic.

"Look-look, that plant, you see, that's poison ivy-"

Namjoon froze in place. Jungkook and Jimin let out a gasp at the same time. Hoseok and Taehyung's face turned white. Yoongi screamed.

"Um... Yoongi, don't move at all," Hoseok said. "Don't worry, everything will be okay." He took his backpack off and took out a pair of pink plastic gloves.

"Why do you have those...?" Taehyung asked.

"For emergencies," Hoseok said seriously. He put them on and carefully stepped towards Yoongi. He nearly lost his balance a couple times, but managed to not fall into the bush himself.

"Don't touch your clothes or face at all Yoongi, you got me?" Jin said. "We'll take you home and you'll take a shower. Everything will be alright."

Yoongi sniffed, nodding. "... 'm sorry."

"It happens," Jungkook said, while the others nodded. "It's fine."

Hoseok reached out his hand to Yoongi and helped him up.

"Don't cry honey, come on," Namjoon said. "You'll feel better soon."

-------

Yoongi's clothes were thrown into a plastic bag after he was forced to take a shower. Hoseok was very particular about nobody touching them. He was the only one who touched them, while wearing his pink plastic gloves.

In the meantime, Yoongi had admitted on the way back that he hadn't been feeling well for a while. Jungkook had immediately shushed him when he started to apologize.

------

Yoongi was shepherded to his bed right after his shower. Jimin checked his fever and made him take medication. Taehyung offered to keep Yoongi company. Hoseok - who seemed to have everything - gave him a hot water bottle to rest on his stomach.

For most of the day, Yoongi was mostly alright. Sure, lunch time was not a good time for him and he was too tired to do anything properly. But his condition was tolerable. The medicine and the rest helped him.

He expected Jungkook to be upset because his vacation had been ruined, but... that didn't seem to be the case.

Hopefully Jin and Hoseok had just been being dramatic about the poison ivy.

------

"Taehyung!"

Yoongi's face was red.

"What's going on?"

Yoongi held up his right arm. There were painful-looking blisters all over it and other parts of his arm were swelling up.

"It's really itchy Tae!"

"Oh no... um..." Taehyung scratched his head. "I'll call the others, wait. Don't scratch your arm, hyung."

Yoongi pretended not to hear the last sentence. He got a bit of relief when he dug his nails into his arm, so that's exactly what he did. Any mosquito bite he had ever had in his life didn't compare to this. His arm felt like it was burning.

Jin was beside him soon enough, along with Taehyung and Namjoon.

"No, don't do that," Jin said. He pulled Yoongi's left hand away and held it tightly. Yoongi squirmed in his grip, the itching driving him insane.

"Get those hot towel thing Joon."

What hot towels?

Namjoon nodded and headed off.

Yoongi shook his head. "It itches, hyung."

"Don't scratch. Your arm is going to bleed."

"Please."

Namjoon was back quickly with a towel and bowl of warm water. Jin snatched them from him, dipped the towel in the water, and put it on Yoongi's arm.

The itchiness was still achingly present, but the towel did soothe him a bit.

"Does that help?"

Yoongi nodded. "Still itchy though."

Jin nodded as well. "I know Yoonie, I know."

"It will get a bit better soon," Taehyung said. "Hoseok and Jungkook bought this lotion thing from the drug store in the town nearby. That will help too."

"Where is the nearest town?" Yoongi asked.

"About forty minutes away."

"That's far."

Taehyung shrugged. "It's not too bad."

Yoongi gritted his teeth. Jin seemed to sense his discomfort and took the towel off to dip it in the water again. The next time he put it on, the comfort wasn't as high anymore.

"Try to think about something else," Namjoon said.

"I can't." Yoongi whimpered. "It's hurting too much."

"It will get better hyung," Taehyung murmured, patting his back.

-------

Even after they had put the lotion on his arm, the discomfort remained. Yoongi tried his best not to scratch it, but sometimes he couldn't help himself. He couldn't eat any of his dinner. Taehyung made him eat a granola bar so Yoongi could take some allergy medication that would help him sleep.

It did help. Slightly. The first night was still hell for him. He threw up the granola bar in the middle of the night. Probably the medicine too.

Hoseok gave him more lotion and more towel compresses then. Jungkook got the hot water bottle out again to make sure Yoongi was comfortable. He also curled up next to Yoongi for the rest of the night.

Yoongi would've taken the time to be sentimental if he wasn't in agony most of the time. Being sick was bad enough, but the rashes were the icing of the cake for him. It was a death sentence. Yoongi cried a lot.

------

They came back to the dorms after three days. In the main city, it was much easier to get any medication that was needed. Jimin also made sure that Yoongi saw a doctor just in case. Hoseok washed Yoongi's old clothes, very carefully as usual.

The food poisoning resolved within a week. The rashes, however, lingered for two weeks. By the end of the ordeal, the blisters went away and Yoongi's skin wasn't so red anymore.

Really, if he had to thank anyone, it was the members. They made sure that he was comfortable at all times and took care of him well.

Yoongi also personally thanked Hoseok's pink plastic gloves right before they were thrown away.

--------

Chapter Text

As much as Yoongi liked performing, he did get tired of the whole ordeal sometimes. Each concert was just so tiring and he was so exhausted after them. Plus, he did like seeing his family and friends and spending time with them. Being on tour prevented him from doing that.

Thankfully, their tour was coming to an end. They had one more show to do and then it was finally over. Yoongi had promised himself to try and enjoy it as much as he could. He was pretty worn out though. But with enough energy drinks and vitamin shots, anything was possible.

------

"What book are you reading?" Jimin asked.

"Something about art," Namjoon said.

"Ooh, nice," Jimin said half-heartedly. He didn't seem to be too interested, but he stayed beside Namjoon anyway. He perked up a bit when he looked at the nice paintings however. He eventually pulled a chair up beside Namjoon so they could look at the book together.

Yoongi watched the exchange from the big couch. The book did look interesting.

"When you're done with the book, can you give it to me?" he asked.

"You want to read it too?" Namjoon asked.

"Yeah, later though."

"Okay."

"Since when did you get so interested in reading, Yoongi?" Jin asked.

"I love reading!"

"You never read though...?"

"I do!"

Jimin sighed, rolling his eyes. "Seriously, can't you guys ever be quiet?"

Jin nodded. He closed his mouth and suddenly, looked very interested in his phone.

"Respect your elders," Yoongi said. "I'm older than you."

"Ah..." Jimin sighed. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I was just kidding."

"Good. That's what I thought."

Namjoon shook his head.

-------

His outfit was sparkly, Yoongi noticed. He giggled. He felt like a little kid for a moment. But he quickly straightened himself out, and got serious. The setlist was posted on the wall. He had it memorized but he looked at it anyway. Everything was listed in the correct order.

"We have twenty minutes left," Taehyung said.

Yoongi nodded. In the past, these last minutes before the show started were the scariest moments in his life. He panicked about anything and everything that could go wrong. But now, he was calmer. He had learned how to keep his anxiety at bay. Now, he could think clearly about the performance and actually enjoy it.

"Seokjin hyung?" Jimin asked.

"Hmm?"

"What time is it?"

"Like... 6:10 pm."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

-----

During their non-choreographed songs, the members would walk around the stage and get as close as they could to the fans. Yoongi liked doing it a lot. He loved to look at the faces of their fans, and how they would light up when they saw Yoongi making eye-contact with them. It made him feel like he was a part of something. He liked that feeling.

This concert was no different. Yoongi sat down on the edge of the stage and performed their songs. The fans around him were respectful and didn't try to touch or hurt him in any way. Yoongi stopped worrying about it after a while. He was fine.

The song ended. The concert continued. Yoongi didn't pause to think about anyone or anything that might have seemed a bit off. Everyone was being nice. He was focused on the performance, not on analyzing how suspicious someone might have seemed.

------

The last song was also of that type. The idea was for them to walk around emotionally on the stage. The song was "Young Forever". Yoongi knew that he was going to start crying. He wasn't as emotionally unavailable as he liked to act. Even Jin was going to cry. He knew he was going to.

------

One minute he was singing along happily, and the next minute, he was crumpling up in pain. Yoongi clutched his head. Someone had thrown something at him and they had perfect aim. As he blinked downwards to see what had hit him, he saw that it was a cracked Army bomb. Great.

Jin's hand was on his back. The crowd was awwing. Jin was saying something. Yoongi couldn't hear. Fuck, that had hurt. His head was pounding. That had really hurt. His eyes were starting to water. It could've just been an accident, but he had a feeling that it wasn't one. Jin kept his hand on his back and guided him towards the backstage entrance. Yoongi couldn't see anything properly. He hoped that the other members were continuing the performance. He would hate it if the whole show was ruined because of him. But then again, it wasn't his fault.

When he finally stumbled backstage, Jin pushed him into a chair. Yoongi sat down heavily, panting. His headache had cleared up slightly, but it was still throbbing. He was handed an ice pack. Yoongi held it up to his head. It numbed the area, which relaxed him. Jin stood off to his side, making sure that he was alright.

"I think you should go back," Yoongi mumbled. "I'll join you guys soon, don't worry."

"You sure?" Jin asked.

"Mmhm, it doesn't hurt that bad. I'll be okay."

"Do you... do you know what happened?" one of the staff members asked. "Did someone throw something?"

"Lightstick," Jin replied quickly. "I don't know if it was accidental or on purpose but..."

"I know what happened!"

Yoongi groaned. Of course, Taehyung had decided to join them backstage as well. He was more talkative now than Yoongi had ever been in his entire life.

"I was over there when it happened, I heard what that person said! It wasn't an accident. She screamed how she didn't want you being in the group. It wasn't an accident, I swear!" Taehyung said quickly. "I was right in front of her when it happened, it wasn't an accident! She said she didn't want you in the group and-"

"Do you remember what she looked like?" the manager asked.

Taehyung shook his head. "The lights didn't illuminate her face. But I heard it! I had taken my earpieces out so I could hear the fans. I heard her! I promise! I'm not making things up!"

"Taehyung, we can't just-"

Yoongi sighed. He tried to take deep breaths while he sat there. Taehyung's voice was too damn loud. He was sure that the whole building could hear him. Thankfully Jin was quiet.

"I saw it! I heard-"

"Taehyung, be quiet and go back out on stage," Jin snapped. "It doesn't matter what you saw or heard, screaming like this won't help anything out."

Shaking his head, Taehyung lowered his voice and kept talking. "That girl doesn't like Yoongi, that's why she threw her lightstick at him. It wasn't an accident, I know it wasn't. I was in front of where she was sitting. I heard her yell death threats at Yoongi hyung. I heard it. Why would I lie about this?"

Jin didn't reply, but he was twisting his lip. He nervously looked up at Yoongi, whose face had turned white.

"Do you want to go back on stage or what?" the manager asked. "Yoongi?"

"Don't let him go back out!" Taehyung said. "Who knows what else she brought?"

"But..."

Yoongi groaned. He adjusted the ice pack on his head. "Give me one moment."

"I suggest that you don't, hyung."

"Okay, let him decide," a staff member said.

"But-"

"I think I'll go out," Yoongi said. "It probably was just an accident."

Taehyung sighed, but didn't try and argue anymore. He glanced out towards the stage entrance. The others were still on the stage. They could hear the loud music playing. They could even hear the fans.

Yoongi stayed seated for a moment longer before he stood up. He nodded at Jin who didn't reply, only headed towards the entrance. Taehyung clicked his tongue. A flash of panic went through him. He knew what had happened. He knew. He saw.

But he took a quick look at Yoongi's expression and he knew. Yoongi wasn't going to listen to him. He was determined to finish the concert.

-------

"So Taehyung, you were saying that you saw someone throw the lightstick at Yoongi? It was on purpose, you say?" Namjoon asked.

Taehyung nodded. "Yeah."

The concert had ended without any other incident. Yoongi had missed the entire last song, but he had managed to get there in time for the final goodbyes. The fans had screamed really loudly when he had come. It made him feel loved.

But by the end of the whole sequence, his head had started throbbing again. Yoongi didn't tell a single soul that it had started hurting again, but he struggled through it now. Of course, he should have known. He had barely managed to change into his casual clothes before Namjoon had dragged him along to an "emergency meeting" (aka to listen to more of Taehyung's conspiracy theories).

Except now, it seemed like everybody had started to believe what Taehyung was saying. Even Jin. Yoongi was astounded. Taehyung could be making stuff up.

And why did it even matter? Really, Yoongi wasn't even hurt! Mostly.

"Do you know where she was sitting? Like... where in the seats-"

"Yep," Taehyung interrupted Namjoon. "I can point it out for you too."

"Are you sure you actually saw anything? The concert lights were kind of... not very clear, and it could've just been an accident..."

"Yoongi hyung, I'm telling you, I saw! I heard her yell death threats-"

"You had earpieces in! How the hell did you hear anything? You can't hear anything normally and all of a sudden you can hear one voice among thousands?"

Taehyung glared at Yoongi. "I had taken the earpieces out at that time, you nitwit. Everyone was singing about how they were forever young and I'm walking around, enjoying myself and all of a sudden I hear 'Min Yoongi is so useless, he should go kill himself' and then... BAAM! She was in the front seat. I know."

"That couldn't have happened."

"It did."

Yoongi grimaced. Taehyung's face was red.

"Okay, then I guess we'll address this later," Namjoon said quickly, trying to stop the argument. "Yoongi, does your head hurt?"

"Kind of, but not that much."

"Rest today," Jungkook suggested in a soft voice.

"No thanks, I was planning on running cross country tonight."

"No time for jokes Yoongi," Taehyung said. It was weird to see such a serious no-nonsense look on his face.

"Oh okay."

"I have an ice-pack for you if you need one, don't worry," Jin said. "Do you need it?"

"Not really," Yoongi said. "Some painkillers would do just fine."

"I have those too."

"Thanks."

"No problem," Jin said.

Yoongi stood up. He made the mistake of looking directly into the light and the headache flared up. He accidentally let out a yelp and clutched his head. Yoongi squeezed his eyes shut, but the bright flash of the light stayed in his mind.

"Oh, it doesn't hurt that much, does it?"

Taehyung's deep voice sounded in his ear. Yoongi let himself lean into Taehyung's arms and get helped by him.

Taehyung helped him walk out of the room, down the hallway, into the elevator... all the way to the car. Yoongi slid into the car as quickly as he could. This day was awful. He wouldn't even be able to get a good night's rest easily. He buried his face into Taehyung's sleeve. He hated this.

Yoongi was thankful that Taehyung didn't say much. Everything was very quiet and tranquil. Just what he needed so his head didn't hurt as much.

---------

The next day, at Hoseok's urging, Yoongi was forced to pay a visit to the doctor. After waiting nearly three hours, it was determined that he didn't have a concussion. He was told to go take it easy for a few more days so the headache would stop.

Over the next few weeks, the agency cracked down on the identity of the mysterious lightstick thrower. Taehyung pointed out the area in which she had been sitting and her name was found out quickly from ticket records.

Damn, Yoongi hadn't seen this coming. He got to see her once. She didn't look particularly scary, just a regular person. But, oh no, she was messed up. She hated Yoongi for whatever reason and wanted to see him fail. It was so weird. The agency sued her. She was forced to pay a big amount of money for damages. Yoongi received a good chunk of it and honestly, he was relieved.

He would take a smack on his head for 5000 dollars everyday.

Just kidding.

If it wasn't for Taehyung though... let's just say Yoongi was very thankful.

--------

Chapter Text

Yoongi's grandma had passed away a few weeks ago. She had been sick for a while, so he knew it was only a matter of time. But still, it still hurt. He used to go see her whenever he had a break from his schedules, but now he would never see her again. The truth hurt.

The others noticed that he was a bit upset, but they didn't push him to explain why. They were gentler with him in their own ways. Jungkook usually never let anybody else shower before him, but he let Yoongi use up all the hot water one day. Yoongi was touched.

He had gone to the funeral, spent time with his other family members, but he hadn't properly allowed himself to feel things. He dove back into work after he came back in an effort to keep himself busy and stop his mind from wandering. Yoongi found himself thinking about fun memories from when he was younger though. He got distracted easily these days.

-------

The other secret that Yoongi was keeping from the other members was that he had haemolacria, which meant that his tears were often bloody. It wasn't painful at all. It had started up when he was younger, the doctors couldn't find the reason. It didn't cause any problems for him, so they just let it be. His tears weren't bloody all the time, but sometimes, they could be.

Yoongi didn't want to explain to the others how everything about it worked, so he opted to simply not tell them. It's not like he cried regularly. Hoseok would probably freak out and start writing a research paper on why Yoongi should tell them everything. No. Yoongi didn't want that.

He had been lucky so far. Every time he had cried in front of the members, there hadn't been any noticeable blood. Even if there had been, nobody had noticed. Yoongi needed to keep that up.

-------

It was one of those days where Yoongi was just chilling and scrolling through social media when the facts hit him. He was never going to see his grandma again. She wouldn't be able to see her grandson achieving anything any more and Yoongi hated that fact. His eyes filled up with tears and he put his phone away.

Before he could stop himself, some of the tears had spilled over the edge and were rolling down his face. He clapped his hands to his face. Memories flooded through his mind. A vital part of Yoongi's life was gone, and he wasn't ready to let it go yet. Or, let her go, maybe. He leaned back into his pillow and started to cry. His chest felt empty. He didn't like that feeling. Yoongi tried to keep his sobs to a minimum so he laid down and curled up into a ball. He tried to talk himself out of it, but it was no use. After a while, he gave up and just cried. He clutched the bedsheet between his fingers as he did. He thought about all the things about his grandma used to do, how everyone else cried at the funeral and how he stood there with a blank look on his face, and how such an amazing person was gone and she would never come back and how Yoongi would never see her again and... the thoughts went on like this again and again.

Eventually, he got tired too. Yoongi drifted off in sleep, not caring about anything else around him. He touched his face one time just to check. His fingers came back bloody. For a moment, he considered getting up and washing his face, but he quickly decided against it. He was far too tired and the bathroom was way too far.

He could just clean it up in the morning. He would wake up early and wash everything.

-------

"It's 9:45, wow," Jimin said. "He's still not awake?"

Jin shook his head. "I don't want to disturb him because... you know how he is, but..."

"What time is our practice?"

"Oh no, that's later. I just don't want him waking up at 2 and then crashing into the kitchen like a half-dead zombie."

Jimin laughed. "Yeah, same here."

"Should I go wake him up?" Taehyung asked. "He probably stayed up late last night and is tired now."

"Sure." Jin nodded.

-----

"Hyung? Wake up, it's nearly ten!" Taehyung ran over to Yoongi's bedside, shaking his shoulder. "Wake up..." he suddenly noticed Yoongi's face. There were faint lines of blood snaking all over his nose and cheeks. Taehyung gasped. "What happened? Yoongi?"

"What's going on?" Namjoon asked from the doorway. "Why are-"

"Yoongi hyung's bleeding!"

"What?" Namjoon ran up beside Taehyung. "What?"

Yoongi woke up amid the confusion. Taehyung and Namjoon were busy fretting over his face. He quickly sat up. Taehyung's eyes were filled with worry. Oh no.

"Did you get hurt, hyung?" Namjoon asked. "Should we take you to the doctor just in case?"

"No, I'm fine," Yoongi huffed. He wanted to stay in his bed for the rest of his life, but now he couldn't. He couldn't figure out how he would explain to the others about his haemolacria. He cursed himself. If only he had washed his face, if only he hadn't cried like that... ugh.

"We can book an appointment-"

"I'm fine," Yoongi yelled, shutting Taehyung up. He gaped at Yoongi in fear. Yoongi felt guilt wash over him. Shit. Taehyung was only trying to help. This whole situation was making him irrational.

"Did something happen?" Namjoon mumbled after a while. "Yoongi?"

"No." Yoongi pushed past them and stomped towards the bathroom. He knew that the others hated it when he was irritable, but he couldn't control the fact that he found everything annoying. He went inside and slammed the door shut. Turning on the sink, he started washing his face. Had he gotten it on his pillow? With Taehyung and Namjoon there, he couldn't check either. Yoongi sighed.

-------

Taehyung shrugged. Yoongi's eyes or face were probably painful, that was probably why Yoongi was so irritable. He nudged Namjoon. "Why is he bleeding?"

"I don't know."

Yoongi was in the bathroom for a while. They could hear the sound of running water, but nothing else. Namjoon figured that he was probably washing the blood off.

"Was it just a nosebleed?" he asked.

"But the blood was around his eyes though," Taehyung said. "Were his eyes bleeding?"

"Ow." Namjoon flinched. "If that happened, then he needs to see a doctor."

Taehyung nodded. He went forward and knocked on the bathroom door. "Yoongi hyung, why are you taking so long? Are you okay?"

The running water stopped. They heard the towel rack squeaking, then the door opened. Yoongi's hair was wet, and all the blood on his face was gone. He looked upset. And very tired.

"What's going on?" Taehyung asked gently.

"Nothing," Yoongi mumbled. "I was sad last night."

"Oh," Namjoon said. "You can tell us why, but like... why did your face have blood on it?"

"It sometimes happens."

"What?"

"Sometimes blood comes out of my eyes-"

Taehyung frowned. "Very funny. Blood pours out of your eyes sometimes? Really? You expect me to believe that?"

"Not like that." Yoongi sighed. "Just a bit. Sometimes."

Taehyung's eyes widened. Namjoon frowned.

"Shouldn't you see a doctor?" Namjoon asked. "That sounds painful."

"No, it's not."

"What?"

"What's going on, hyung?" Taehyung asked. "Are you dying?"

"No..." Yoongi chuckled, despite himself. "No, I'm not dying."

"Then-"

"I'll tell you," Yoongi said. He headed over to his bed again and sat down. "I'll tell you what's up. There's nothing wrong with my eyes or any part of my body, really."

"So why is-"

"Ugh, be quiet Namjoon. So basically, about my eyes bleeding, it happens sometimes. I have this thing called haemolacria, where your tears sometimes become bloody. I don't really know how mine started, but it started when I was...-"

"This has been going on for a while?" Taehyung asked. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Sorry." Yoongi shrugged, as Taehyung shook his head and twisted his face into a hurt expression. "Wait, it started when I was about twelve. Yeah, around then. Trust me, my parents thought I was dying too. So did I. They took me to many doctors, but there wasn't any cause. There were lots of tests done, but nothing came up. Back then, my eyes used to bleed a lot, and it was a big deal, so-"

"Wow, wow..." Namjoon said. "Wow."

"... I missed a bit of school and stuff then, but my eyes didn't bleed that much after that year. Every once in a while, my eyes start tearing up randomly and they bleed. It's not pouring blood either. Just a bit mixed in with regular tears. That's all."

"Does it hurt?" Taehyung asked.

"No, not at all actually," Yoongi said. "It doesn't cause any pain or problems for me other than the inconvenience of having to wash my face after."

"Oh..." Namjoon sighed. "That's good to hear. But, uh... why didn't you tell us before?"

"You scared me!" Taehyung said. "I thought you had gotten hurt somehow and... see all of that could have been avoided had you just told me that you had this thing!"

"Sorry," Yoongi said. "Didn't want to scare anyone."

"You scared me."

"Sorry."

Namjoon sighed. "I still don't understand something though."

"What?" Yoongi asked.

"You said that you were sad last night. Do you want to tell me what was going on or do you want to keep it to yourself-"

"Sometimes..." Yoongi was about to make up an excuse, but decided against it. None of his excuses worked and the others would find out eventually. Plus, he wanted them to comfort him. "Um... I was sad... well, my grandma, she, um, a few weeks ago, passed away and... yeah-"

"Oh," Taehyung mumbled sadly. "I'm sorry."

Namjoon stayed quiet, but went up next to Yoongi and wrapped his arms around him. Namjoon rested his head on Yoongi's shoulder. Yoongi leaned back, letting himself rest on Namjoon's body. He felt his eyes tearing up again, but he let them roll down his face. He hoped they weren't bloody, but judging by Taehyung's gasp, they probably were.

"You don't tell us anything, do you?" Namjoon murmured.

"I'm sorr-sorry-"

"Hey, hey..." Namjoon lifted his head off of Yoongi's shoulder and hugged him tightly. "You know I didn't mean it like that."

Taehyung sat beside Yoongi awkwardly and grabbed his hand. He couldn't think of anything to say so he just stroked his hand and tried to comfort him. Namjoon was quiet too. It made Taehyung sad to see Yoongi crying, especially since Yoongi wasn't all that vocal about his emotions. He avoided looking at his face though, because the bloody tears still spooked him out a bit. He still needed to get used to that.

"'m sorry," Yoongi mumbled after a while of sniffling. "I'll go and get my breakfast now, wait-"

"Yoongi!"

Jin burst through the door and ran up to him. He had a tissue in his hand, which he used to wipe Yoongi's face carefully. The other members sheepishly stepped in after him.

"Were you idiots listening from outside?" Namjoon asked.

Jungkook nodded.

"If I ask for privacy, I never get it-" Taehyung started.

"Are you okay?" Jin asked Yoongi gently.

Yoongi nodded. He grabbed the tissue from Jin and pressed it to his own eyes. He smiled at Jin's worried expression. He almost wished Jin would hug him too.

"Here, I will throw this out for you..." Namjoon said, taking the tissue from Yoongi after a while. He got up off the bed.

Jin somehow got the hint, without Yoongi having to tell him. He picked Yoongi up bridal style and carried him out of the room. Yoongi could tell that he was struggling to carry him all the way to the living room, but Jin didn't utter a single complaint. He carried Yoongi all the way to the living room couch and laid him on there gently.

"I'll get your breakfast, okay?"

"I'm not that hungry-"

"It's just two slices of toast, not that much."

"Okay."

Jin headed into the kitchen. Just a moment later, Jungkook and Jimin bounded up to him and curled up next to him on the couch.

"Did you hear everything?" Yoongi asked.

"Yeah," Jimin said. "We heard your whole conversation. I mean, it was a good thing we did, because otherwise we would've never found out."

Yoongi nodded. "Fair enough."

Jungkook nodded as well. "Fair, fair, fair... Yoongi hyung, you know that we would support you through anything, right?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah," Jimin said. "Anything."

"Here." Jin came in and placed a plate in front of him. "Eat."

"Hyung, I was thinking," Taehyung started. "Do you want to take time off to deal with all of this?"

Yoongi smiled and shook his head. "I'll be alright. Don't worry."

"Oh, okay." Taehyung nodded. "Let me know if you need anything, alright?"

"I will."

--------

Chapter Text

About three weeks ago, Yoongi fainted. He had been exhausted for a while, and that day, everything came crashing down on him all together. He had a terrible migraine for the rest of that day and he didn't manage to eat anything either. All in all, it was a horrible day.

But that day finally prompted Yoongi to go get a doctor's appointment and get himself checked out. After having a blood test done and waiting a few days, Yoongi got his results back. He had anemia. At the beginning, it was bad enough that he had to spend two days in the hospital, but he started to feel better after he started taking the supplements that he needed. Yoongi got nearly a month off to recover. He was feeling a lot better now, but there were still days sometimes where he would randomly feel sick.

He made a point of going in to his studio regularly to keep track of things, but on those days, all he could do was lie in bed and rest. The members took care of him well. He stayed with his parents sometimes too. But for Yoongi, it was easier to stay in the dorms because the company building was closer. His parents often fretted over him way too much, leaving him feeling concerned for them. The members did the same, but at least he could tell them to leave him alone. He couldn't say that to his parents.

But really, the members had taken care of him well. None of them hesitated to drop everything and go to his side if he needed it. Some of them had offered to stay with him during the night, which Yoongi had needed sometimes.

He might seem indifferent at times, but he really was grateful for the affection that they had showed him.

------

It was one of those days. Yoongi shivered. The thought of getting out of bed and being productive was too much for him. His legs felt like they wouldn't be able to support his weight. He slept until eleven in the morning and then managed to eat the breakfast the others had left for him. He was getting dizzy easily too, he realized then. Yoongi went off to his bed again soon after that. He figured that the others would call him when it was lunchtime. Then, he would get up to make himself rice.

-------

He didn't make himself rice. He didn't make himself anything, as a matter of fact. Yoongi fell asleep again and slept a good chunk of the afternoon away. The clock read five o'clock when he woke up.

--------

Yoongi blinked blearily. Behind his eyes, he could feel a headache starting. He shut his eyes. He couldn't get up to make himself something to eat. The others would be home soon.

They could worry about him then.

-------

He awoke again to see Taehyung shaking his shoulder.

"You're still in your bed?" he asked. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Mmm? Yeah, I-I... fine..."

The hint of concern in Taehyung's voice didn't go away.

"Did you eat anything today, hyung?"

Yoongi shook his head. The room was slowly coming into focus for him. He was still so tired. He felt like curling up and going back to sleep again. Oh, but his hands and toes were so dreadfully cold. They hurt. Yoongi sniffled.

"Just breakfast?" Taehyung asked. He raised his eyebrows. "Oh... um, I'll go make something hot for you to eat. You need to eat something."

"No, no, fine..." Yoongi stumbled over his words. "Fine, don't worry-"

Taehyung shook his head.

He headed away. Yoongi was just about to drift off again, but he suddenly heard Jungkook's voice.

"I can lay down next to you if you're really cold, you know."

Yoongi barely managed to mumble out a yes before Jungkook snuggled up next to him. Yoongi gripped onto his shirt collar and clung onto him. Jungkook's hair was slightly damp, probably from the shower that he had just had.

Yoongi tucked his head into Jungkook's shoulder. His toes were still frozen, but at least his top half was toasty warm. His eyelids shut again. Jungkook pulled the blanket tightly around both of them.

--------

"Wake up, your food is here," Jimin sang.

Jungkook shook Yoongi awake.

Yoongi opened his eyes to see the six of them sitting on and around his bed. Taehying had a plate full of rice and broccoli in his hands. Yoongi nearly gagged.

"Were you in your bed the whole day?" Hoseok asked gently as Jungkook helped Yoongi sit up.

Yoongi nodded.

"Aw," Jin said. He went forward and stopped the blanket from falling off of Yoongi's shoulder. He redraped it around Yoongi. "Are you sure that you're feeling alright?"

"Yeah."

"I think you should go get a check-up just in case," Taehyung said. "You can never be too careful, you know."

"I know."

Namjoon grabbed the spoon and picked up some rice with it. He carefully held in front of Yoongi's face. Yoongi turned red.

"I... can-"

"No, no it's alright!" Namjoon said quickly. He grinned. "Open your mouth, say 'ahhh'."

Yoongi reluctantly opened his mouth. He felt like he was in seven years old again. His mom would have been making him eat healthy food in exchange of him getting to miss school.

Does it ever drive you crazy, just how fast the night changes?

"How are you feeling?" Jimin asked in a soft voice.

Gosh, it was so awkward. Yoongi's already red face turned even redder. He finished chewing his food before he spoke.

"I'm okay."

Namjoon picked up another spoonful of broccoli and rice and held it up to Yoongi's mouth. Yoongi let him slip it in. The others gazed at him patiently. They didn't even look tired, even though they had had an entire day of practice.

"You're not-" Jungkook pressed his hand against Yoongi's forehead. "Yeah, you don't have a fever."

"I'm okay," Yoongi mumbled again.

The food was so unappealing. Yoongi gulped it down as quickly as he could. He shouldn't have expected anything from Taehyung's cooking.

But he enjoys this time, despite the awkwardness and bad food. The others are quiet. The blanket is wrapped around him. Namjoon is as sweet as ever, not even spilling a morsel of food on the floor as he helps Yoongi eat.

The headache was present but it wasn't too bad. Yoongi could tolerate it. For the time being, he let himself relax.

--------

"Here."

Jimin came over and dumped his blanket onto Yoongi's bed.

"You can use this too."

Hoseok chuckled. "He's going to suffocate if he uses that many blankets."

"He said he was cold though."

"You're cold?"

Yoongi nodded. "My feet hurt."

"Ah... why don't I get you my fuzzy socks?"

"That would be great."

Hoseok beamed. "I'll be right back." He got off the floor and left.

"Why don't you go wash your face and brush your teeth and go to the bathroom or do whatever you need to do in the meantime?" Jin asked.

Yoongi nodded. Jungkook grabbed onto his arm to steady him as he got off the bed. He took the blanket off of himself. His feet felt so cold. He stumbled off to the bathroom.

When he saw himself in the mirror, he gasped. Yoongi did look sick. Despite all the sleep that he had gotten, there were dark circles underneath his eyes. His hair was ruffled and messy, sticking up in different directions. Yoongi sighed. He turned on the sink and splashed water onto his face.

Brushing his teeth wiped all his energy out. He had to hold onto the counter to keep himself upright.

Was everything alright or was he just tired?

------

Hoseok practically slid the socks onto Yoongi's feet.

"Thanks," Yoongi mumbled.

Hoseok only patted his head as a reply.

Jimin took the opportunity then to attack Yoongi. He clambered onto the bed and wrapped his arms around Yoongi's waist. Yoongi found himself getting pulled backwards, until he was laying on top of Jimin. He groaned.

Namjoon and Taehyung weren't in the room - they were washing the dishes and fixing up dinner - otherwise, they would've joined in too.

Jin and Hoseok got onto the bed too. Jin felt around for Yoongi's hand and held onto it tightly when he found it. Jimin rolled onto his side.

Hoseok was laughing. It was such a pleasant experience to hear him laugh. They had all been so stressed recently that Yoongi hadn't heard him do that in a while.

"You guys are so heavy," Jin grumbled.

"You sound like a grumpy old man," Jungkook said.

Yoongi couldn't see Jungkook's face from underneath all the others, but he could picture the silly grin on his face.

"Let me join!"

"You little-"

Jimin squealed loudly.

Yoongi fought through the pile of limbs until he could sit up. Taehyung was laying next to Hoseok, who was next to him. Jin had fallen off the bed and was on the floor.

"I still think you should see a doctor," Namjoon said from the doorway. "You still look so tired."

"Yeah, you should," Jin said. He got up off the floor.

"Tomorrow, sure," Yoongi said.

"Yes, tomorrow," Taehyung said. "Today you're staying right here with meee...."

"Why are you so clingy today?" Hoseok laughed. "It's cute."

"I would appreciate it, if next time, you didn't make me fall off the bed," Jin said. "That would make you even cuter."

"Hey!"

"Let me just remind you that falling out of the bed hurts more than you-"

"Okay, okay, calm down," Hoseok said. "Everybody be quiet. Yoongi needs his rest."

Yoongi tiredly listened to them talk and laugh. He soon laid back down though. The long day of sleeping and resting had worn him out.

When he fell asleep, Jimin's blanket was on top of him. Hoseok's fuzzy socks were on his feet. Jungkook had stolen Yoongi's blanket and was stretched out on the other side of the bed. Jimin and Taehyung were squished into Yoongi's sides.

Namjoon and Jin decided to sleep on Jin's bed a few feet away. Hoseok joined them. All of them were together. Yoongi liked that.

--------

"I don't think anything's wrong when I look at the reports," the doctor murmured.

Yoongi shared a glance with Taehyung. Everything seemed to be fine. He didn't know why he had felt so tired yesterday. He was feeling a lot better today, so maybe it was just a one-day thing.

"Are you worried about anything in particular or...?"

"I mean, he was just really tired and because of... everything that had been going on, we were just worried," Taehyung said.

"Ah okay." The doctor shook her head and smiled at the two of them. "No, Yoongi, your blood levels are fine. Don't you worry about that. If something serious happens, don't hesitate to get help, but as of now, nothing is going on."

"Phew good," Yoongi mumbled. Hopefully he wouldn't need a hospital stay.

"Okay, that sounds good," Taehyung exclaimed. He smiled and shook the doctor's hand. "We'll, uh, get going then."

Yoongi automatically stood up from the chair. He waited for Taehyung to do the same. When he did, they headed out of the doctor's office together.

As they walked towards the parking lot, Taehyung slung his arm around Yoongi's shoulders.

Usually, under normal circumstances, Yoongi would've pushed him away, but he found himself leaning into Taehyung today. Taehyung laughed when he did so. He knew that Yoongi had a giant weakness for him.

And for once, Yoongi was willing to admit that.

-------

"Everything is fine with him," Taehyung said.

"Oh thank god, thank god," Jin said. He sighed in relief. "I don't know why, but I was really worried."

"You were?" Yoongi asked.

"Yeah, I was."

"Me too!" Taehyung said.

"We all were," Jungkook said.

Yoongi rolled his eyes. He pushed past them and headed over to the couch. He flopped onto it dramatically. Jimin, who was watching TV, crawled over to him.

"What are you? Five?"

"Yeah!"

Yoongi rolled his eyes again. Still, he found himself melting when Jimin hugged him. Why oh why were they so clingy and why did he secretly like it so much and why was he too shy to initiate it?

"You like this, don't you?" Jimin mumbled. "You like skinship a lot."

"Sure."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not!"

Jimin only giggled in that very unique way that he always did.

"Do you like it when we show affection to you?" he asked again.

"Mmm..."

Yoongi smiled. He pressed Jimin a bit closer.

"Thanks Jimin," he murmured.

-------

Chapter Text

Nobody knew. Yoongi was pretty good at hiding everything.

He was good at so many things, except one thing.

--------

Fuck. Yoongi groaned.

He collapsed onto the floor next to his bed, breathing hard. His heart was beating way too quickly. Maybe not eating today and working out for two hours wasn't a good idea.

He lay on the ground for a while. The air rushed past his ears, making him feel light-headed. Yoongi gulped in as much as he could.

But he was so hungry. He longed to go to the pantry and chow down all the chips Jungkook had gotten.

No, no, no, he did not want to do that. That was a lie. That would destroy his progress. That would break his fast.

All of a sudden, there were rushed footsteps to his door. His heart thudded.

"My guy, Yoongi, what are you doing in there?" Jin asked from outside.

"I was cleaning my room!" Yoongi called back.

"Oh... okay then!"

Yoongi tried to slow his breathing. The others would never find out. Jin's footsteps faded away. He was leaving. Yoongi was safe.

The room spun when he got to his feet. Yoongi gritted his teeth. This was just a small side-effect. When he could finally be proud of himself, everything would be fine.

------

He let himself go.

Yoongi couldn't sleep at night. He was so hungry and desperate for food. Jungkook had gotten those big bags of chips. It wouldn't hurt if he had a few. A few wouldn't hurt anybody.

He carefully slid out of the bed. Yoongi nearly crumpled onto the floor. He was so tired. The floor felt freezing to his feet.

Heading out of his room, he went towards the pantry. Everyone else was asleep, nobody would see him stealing the chips.

The chips were on the second shelf. Yoongi opened the shelf door, and took them out. The chips were the big family size packs, meaning that there was lots of stuff inside.

At first, Yoongi wanted to only have handful of chips. Just enough to satisfy his appetite and let him go back to sleep. But that didn't happen. Once he started eating, he couldn't stop. He hadn't eaten properly in weeks and that was finally coming back to bite his ass.

He finished the first bag of chips, then the second, then the third. He ate it all in less than an hour. Yoongi couldn't stop himself. In those moments, he didn't care. He needed something.

When the guilt finally started to set in, it was too late. The calories had already been consumed and everything had been ruined.

-------

"I swear, I bought a whack load of chips the other day. Where did they go?" Jungkook asked.

"What? They're gone?" Jin asked.

"Yeah! All three of them too!"

"Whoa... whoever ate all that must have had a real appetite," Taehyung said.

Yoongi kept a blank look frozen on his face. To punish himself after eating, he hadn't had lunch or dinner for three days afterward. Surely, that was enough punishment. Hopefully Jungkook wouldn't yell.

"Do you know who could do that?" Jin asked.

"Well... other than you, I don't-"

"Hey! I didn't do anything!"

Jungkook shook his head. "I'm not mad, not really, but whoever did do it needs to speak up right now. That was a heck load of chips. Why was someone that hungry in the first place?"

Usually, Yoongi made sure to erase any trace of any binges that he did. But this time, he had forgotten to do so. The chip bags had been thrown into the pantry bin. He was screwed.

He wasn't going to admit anything though. The others would think he was a pig if he did admit it.

So he only watched as Jungkook frowned and sighed and wondered where in the world his beloved chips could've gone.

Internally, he screamed at himself for losing the precious control that he had had in his life for a short time.

He was falling down a slippery slope and the descent was only going to get steeper from here.

-------

"You ate them, didn't you?" Jin asked.

Yoongi blanked. Fuck, why were people so smart nowadays? The air grew heavy. Jin stared at him, making his throat clog up even more.

"Yeah, I did, I'm sorry and... yeah..."

Jin shook his head, sighing. "Why couldn't you have told everybody right then and there?"

"It"s scary telling people-"

"Yoongi, we know that you like to eat. It's not scary telling people that you like it. Look at me, I love eating. Do you see me having any shame?"

Yoongi's ears were bright red.

"No-no," he stammered. "No, you're fine."

"I know."

Jin slapped his shoulder. Yoongi winced.

He had embarrassed himself yet again, and unlike Jin, shame filled him from head to toe.

-------

The chips incident completely destroyed him. Now the others knew how much of a pig he was. Yoongi couldn't look them in the eye anymore. He was sure they all laughed at him behind his back.

He took that anger and frustration out on himself. He made himself drink freezing cold water so his throat would hurt. He took freezing cold showers so he could sit and freeze. Yoongi made himself do stretches on the hard floor, so his body would hurt more.

He was going to make himself pay.

------

Hoseok cast him a worried look. "Yoongi, is everything okay?"

"Yeah why?" Yoongi asked. A million thoughts ran in his head. Oh no. What did Hoseok know? A deep pit opened up in his stomach. He felt like he was going to burst into tears.

"You seem so sad these days."

"Nothing's wrong," Yoongi said. His voice wobbled. Tears filled his eyes. Hoseok frowned. "Nothing."

"Don't lie to me." Hoseok wrapped him in a hug, pulling him close. "Please don't lie to me."

"I'm not ly-" Yoongi couldn't finish his sentence. He burst into tears. He fell against Hoseok's shoulder and let himself cry.

"What's going on?" Hoseok murmured.

Yoongi didn't answer. He kept sobbing. Here, in Hoseok's arms, he was safe from all the negative thoughts. Here, he could stop hiding and be visible to all the other members.

Hoseok tried to pull out of the hug so he could look into Yoongi's eyes many times, but Yoongi didn't let him. He hung on tightly.

"Can you tell me what's going on?" Hoseok asked gently after Yoongi had calmed down a bit.

"I can't," Yoongi mumbled.

"That's fine. Anytime you need someone, just talk to me alright?"

Yoongi nodded. Hoseok didn't see him, only felt him move his head against his arm.

-------

Back in his own room, Yoongi went back to hiding. As he had expected, just a few hours later, he waa furious that he had let himself be vulnerable to Hoseok. Hoseok probably thought he was having mood swings, or something stupid like that. Hoseok was probably cringing the whole time Yoongi had cried.

"Nothing is going to happen if I keep going this day," he said to himself. "I need to fix myself, somehow..."

Yoongi felt tears spring to his eyes. None of the others had to worry like this. Why did he have to?

Hoseok might even laugh at him with the others! What was he going to do? Yoongi nearly screamed at the thought. They all probably made fun of him. He was sure of it. They all did. Behind his back. Online. They all did. They all did.

"Yoongi, what is..."

"Yoongi?"

Jin came into the room, his eyes as big as saucers. He gasped when he saw Yoongi shaking, crying, and screaming.

"What's going on? Yoongi?"

Yoongi saw Jin. His mind went into more spirals of panic. Jin was the one who first asked him if he ate the chips. Jin knew everything. Jin knew that he was a pig. Jin knew-

"What do I know? What do I know?" Jin asked gently. He was holding onto Yoongi's hands and was sitting in front of him. "Yoongi... calm down... take some deep breaths."

Yoongi could only hyperventilate and cry.

"Is he crying...?" Hoseok peeked his head through the door. His face twisted up in worry. He didn't know what was going on with Yoongi, but it was concerning.

"Yoongi, Yoongi," Jin said slowly. His voice was low and controlled. "Please. Look at me. I won't hurt you. Look at my eyes."

Yoongi did as he was told. The frantic feeling started to fade from his body. Now he was starting to get angry. Why was he such a disaster all the time? Why was he always making a mess wherever he went?

"It's okay Yoonie, it's alright," Jin said. He patted Yoongi's knee. "I know that you're probably feeling embarrassed, but it's okay." He reached over and grabbed a tissue. He started wiping Yoongi's tear-stained face.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Hoseok asked from the doorway. "We would be more than willing to listen."

Yoongi took a deep breath. He didn't care anymore. The secret was already out. "I'm a mess."

"What?" Jin asked.

"I'm always messing things up."

"No." Hoseok shook his head. "That's not true."

Yoongi shrugged. He ran the tissue harshly across his face. He wished his skin was so delicate and fragile that it tore.

Jin stared in worry at him.

"Don't give me dinner," Yoongi said. "I don't want it."

"Dinner?" Jin asked in confusion. "What?"

"I don't need food," Yoongi said. "Don't give me it."

"Do you want to lose weight?" Hoseok asked. "Because you don't need to-"

"Yeah, I do," Yoongi said softly. "You don't understand."

"Yoongi..." Jin placed a hand on his shoulder. "You might think that we haven't noticed, but we have. You're sad, preoccupied with something and you are hard on yourself. You're right, I don't quite understand why you're going through this, but I do understand that this isn't normal."

Yoongi's face turned pale.

"You're saying that you need to lose weight?" Hoseok asked. "Why?"

"I don't know," Yoongi said.

"Your life won't magically fix itself if you lose weight. You'll find something to pick on," Jin said.

"I know." Yoongi sniffed. He felt like he was going to start crying. He hated being lectured. Always made him feel like he did something wrong.

"My friend dealed with an eating disorder in high school," Hoseok said. "She went through hell and back. Trust me when I say that her eating disorder practically destroyed her life. It took her a while to get back on track, but when she did, she never looked back. I know it's hard though. It's really hard."

"I don't want to get help."

"It's not a 'want' Yoongi, it's a 'need'," Jin said. He hugged Yoongi close to his chest. "I didn't want to approach you all this time because I know you would close yourself off, but now that you're admitting that something's wrong, it's time that we look into some options."

Yoongi sighed. He did really need to fix himself. In which way he tried to acheive that was really his choice.

"Fine."

A moment later, he added, "Please don't tell the others."

"We won't," Hoseok said. "We won't say anything to anybody unless you say that it's okay."

"Unless we're concerned or worried that something might happen to you, we won't say anything," Jin said.

Hoseok nodded.

Distrust was filling Yoongi's mind. He didn't know whether the others were being genuinely caring or not, but he decided to trust them. It's not like he would get magically cured if he went to the doctor anyway.

"Promise me that you'll try your best to recover," Hoseok said. "I don't want anything bad to happen to you. You already look so sad and quiet. I don't want it to get any worse."

"Yeah, sure, sure," Yoongi said. "I promise."

-------

All the plans he had made for himself before, all his goal weights, everything seemed so distant now. Four months after Jin and Hoseok had forced him to get help, Yoongi was doing a lot better.

Sure, there were hard days when he hated his face and looks. Yoongi usually avoided looking in the mirror for that very reason. He couldn't stand himself still.

But he was starting to eat healthier. Meal planning was a big part of his therapy and though it was irritating at times, it did help. He was learning how to take care of himself better. And more than anything, he had learned that it was okay not to love your body all the time.

There were bad days, but the good days were far more numerous.

Chapter Text

"Yikes, it's her again."

Dami gulped. No matter what she did, she never managed to fit in. She was too awkward, not good enough... it made her want to screech.

She stood awkwardly in front of the class, waiting for everybody to quiet down. The paper for her presentation was in her shaking hands. She had practiced her whole speech many times before, but now she had forgotten everything. Her mouth was a desert that hadn't gotten rain in several months. Oh, this was not going to go well.

"Okay, you can start whenever you're ready."

She nodded. She turned her presentation slides on. Looking at the PowerPoint now made her get embarrassed. It didn't even look that good. Whatever. Dami turned her attention back to her paper. Her voice shook like a leaf as she read.

People had told her previously that she had no expression in her voice, that she always spoke in a monotone. Dami did try to be more expressive. She tried hard even now. But all that happened was that her already wobbly voice got even wobblier. She carried on. Reading. Sending a few panicked glances upward so she could get marks for "eye contact".

She heard someone sigh. She was boring.

"Um... so... my personal opinion about this issue is that politicians should stop making empty promises that they have no intention of keeping..."

She wished she had an eloquent way of speaking, but she didn't. Dami started talking faster. If she got done with the presentation quicker, she would stop boring people.

It seemed like an eternity, but her presentation finally ended. Dami silently thanked the heavens that she hadn't done anything majorly embarrassing.

"That was very well done Dami, but was it just me or did several people have trouble hearing?"

More than half the class raised their hands. Dami's face turned red. A few people laughed. They tried to hide it, which made her feel even worse.

"It's okay Dami, don't worry about it. You tried your best." The professor flashed her a thumbs-up. Dami stumbled off to her spot. Her hands were shaking. She had tried her best. Clearly, seeing her try her best was funny for some people.

Ah well, at least it was over. Hopefully nobody would make any comments to her face about how awful it was.

------

"Man, I don't get it. What are you so scared about?"

She froze up. She never knew how to answer when someone asked her questions. This Hoseok guy and his friends always found a way to make fun of her. What was she supposed to say anyway? They were only asking so they could have a source of amusement.

"I..." she mumbled. She looked at the floor in front of her, so she wasn't looking straight down, but wasn't meeting the person's eyes either. "I..."

"Ah, look, she's stuttering again!"

Dami's face turned red again. Her clothes weren't so thick, but she swore that she had never felt this hot before in her life. Why did people always have to make fun of her? Almost as if the gods wanted her to suffer more, she started to tear up. She wasn't much of a crier, but just at this instant...

She put her head down and started running. There were yells of "Oh, she's crying! What did you do?" and "Oops sorry, I didn't know girls cried that easily!" behind her. Dami wanted to run and hide. She ran past several rooms, and down many hallways. She didn't know where the heck she was after a while. Her next class wasn't for a while anyway. Only one more class and then she could head home.

She made up her mind right there, she was going to skip tomorrow's class. There was no way that she was going to be able to face anybody. The embarrassment ran deep. The tears kept dripping down her face. Dami, as usual, had made a mess of herself.

She sat down on a bench and set her binder down. She didn't have any classes in this part of the campus, so everybody that walked by was unfamiliar. She got a few curious glances, but nobody said anything. Dami got busy looking at her phone.

Many times, memories of her awful presentation came to mind. She blocked them out. If she didn't think about it, she wouldn't get hurt. Nobody would bother her about it.

She sat there for nearly half an hour, tapping uselessly on her phone. She had work that she could've been doing, but she didn't have the energy to start.

"Hey."

Dami nearly jumped out of her skin. A guy had come to stand in front of her, his bag thrown over his shoulder. She had never seen him before.

"Can I sit here? The other places are full."

Dami nodded, wordlessly moving her bag so he could sit down.

"Are you okay? You look like you've been crying."

"Oh no, no, it's fine," she said quickly. She didn't meet his eyes. "I'm fine, really."

"If you say so."

He sat down next to her. Dami avoided the urge to check him out and instead concentrated on her phone. He was probably going to find her awkward if she looked at him.

"What's your name? I haven't seen you around here," he continued. His voice was low. Somehow, he sounded bored but interested at the same time.

"Dami."

"Ah." He turned towards her, reaching an awkward hand out. "I'm Yoongi, Min Yoongi."

Dami sucked in her breath. She accepted his hand and let herself meet his eyes. Oof, yikes. He was good-looking. Dami smiled slightly.

"I'm usually in the other side of the building," she said. "I just... yeah."

"Oh I see, I see."

It was so awkward. Dami looked down at her lap and nodded. Yoongi turned to face straight again. He took out his laptop.

"I'm sorry, I don't have social skills," Dami blurted out. "Sorry."

"Oh no, don't worry," Yoongi said quickly. He smiled at her. "I'm very awkward too. Don't know, I'm having a good day so that's why I'm talking a lot."

"Ah." Dami nodded. She relaxed slightly. Yoongi seemed nice. Who knows, maybe they could even become friends... kind of crazy, someone actually wanting to be her friend. Ah well, she could dream.

-------

Slowly, slowly, her dreams came true. Though their next few meetings were still awkward, Dami started to enjoy Yoongi's companionship. He was quiet and unassuming, and never made her feel like she was lame. He did ask a lot of questions though, some of which she didn't know how to answer.

They had none of their classes together, but the breaks and spares that they had, they spent together. Most people didn't talk to Yoongi either. It was like two loners came together and just matched. Slowly, Dami came to appreciate her time at college a whole lot more. People still made fun of her, her presentations still sucked, but hey, someone could make her laugh during spare.

That's what mattered. She knew in her heart that Yoongi went through the exact same thing she did, and that's brought them closer.

Things were still hard, but they were much easier to face when someone was by your side. Dami was glad that it was Yoongi.

-------

When it was a bad day, it's almost as if everything turned out bad. Yoongi had said that they should go to the library together, but Dami really wasn't up to it. Her entire day had gone badly.

It started in the morning. A steady rain had been falling and walking through it was miserable. She walked into the lecture late and wet. She was sure that somebody saw her and laughed. That socially-awkward kid who got wet in the rain, how funny. Let's all point and laugh.

Most of her math questions were wrong. That's what she got for doing everything last minute. She listened along as the professor listed all the right answers. One by one, she crossed all of her work out, and wrote "REDO" in big block letters.

But she had promised Yoongi that she would go to the library with him. She didn't want to leave him hanging, that would be rude.

He said that he would pick her up after her last lecture ended. Dami would have to wait.

------

Hoseok didn't miss his chance. He strode up to her right after it ended. Dami was packing her soaked papers into her bag. Thankfully her laptop hadn't been soaked.

"Why you so wet?"

"Rain," she said simply.

"You had to walk?" He laughed. He glanced back at one of his friends and they started laughing too. Dami knew who it was by their loud squeaky laughter. Seokjin.

"Yeah," she mumbled. Internally, she felt like melting. All of them had circled around her desk, preventing her from leaving. Her face got hot again. Oh no.

Hoseok snatched one of the papers out of her hands - her math worksheet.

"You got everything wrong, oh man." He shook his head. "You can't talk, you can't do math... what are you good at, huh?"

Dami tried to grab it back, but Hoseok held it out of her reach. Just her luck that she wasn't that tall.

"Relax," Hoseok said, a small smile on his face. It didn't match the sneer on his voice. "I'll give it back to you in a moment. Let me look at it first!"

Dami kept reaching. She looked stupid, she knew. She was stupid. She didn't see Seokjin's hand reach out to push her. She only felt it. Dami tumbled over, landed on the edge of a step on her knees. Tears burned her eyes again. Everyone else had left the lecture hall. It was just her, Hoseok, Seokjin, and two others.

Hoseok laughed, seeing her fall.

"Oh, you're so clumsy too! You can't walk either?"

"Fuck you," she managed to mutter.

"What the hell did you say?"

Dami wanted to take her chance and snap at him, but she didn't get the chance. Yoongi walked into the hall, a surprised look on his face.

"I was waiting out there, I thought you weren't..." His eyes narrowed, seeing Hoseok. "What are you...?"

"Who are you?" Hoseok asked innocently.

Yoongi came forward, his eyes still narrowed. His trademark bag was slung over his shoulder.

"Leave her alone," he said. "Why do you keep bothering her anyway?"

"Who are you?" Seokjin asked, echoing Hoseok's voice. He smiled at Yoongi.

Yoongi pushed through them. Hoseok yelped and grabbed onto his shirt. Yoongi didn't react, only gathered up Dami's folder and papers. Dami grabbed it from him.

"Who are you, her boyfriend? Her knight in shining armour?" Hoseok asked. "Get lost, you little twerp." He pushed Yoongi aside, him losing his balance and falling backwards. Dami managed to grab her bag in the mayhem. Hoseok still had her math worksheet but she figured that she could just print another one out. One of Hoseok's friends tried to stick her foot out to stop her, but she somehow got to Yoongi, helped him up, and together, they bolted out of there. It was ridiculous. Both of them didn't say a word to each other, only huffed and puffed until they got to the building's exit.

"Who are they?" Yoongi asked. He grabbed onto Dami's hand and met her eyes. "Does this happen every day?"

"No." Dami shook her head. "Hoseok and Seokjin. I don't know the other three."

Yoongi nodded. He took an umbrella out of his bag and opened it up.

"Here."

He put it above both of their heads and together, they stepped out into the rain. Dami's leg was still hurting, but she didn't complain. The rain seemed more tame now.

"Hoseok, huh?" Yoongi muttered. "I feel like I've heard his name before."

"It's a common name."

"True."

Yoongi giggled, Dami joining in.

The library was a fifteen-minute walk away. It passed by much quicker than Dami had thought it would take.

-----

It was strange, but Hoseok and his friends didn't bother her after that day. Sure, they still made fun of her behind her back, but they never came up to her ever again. Dami wanted to think that it was because they were intimidated by her swearing. Or by Yoongi's scary bag.

Whatever the case, it was a welcome relief. She could finally let her guard down in class. She could finally let herself enjoy things without being so worried.

Seriously, she was so grateful to Yoongi. He said that he was grateful to her too. They had each other.

-------

Chapter Text

Yoongi preferred not to talk about what happened when he was four. He preferred to forget about how his uncle had forced himself onto him and hurt him. His parents made his uncle babysit him for a few months.

Yoongi hadn't told anybody about what had happened. Not his parents, nor a trusted adult, nor his bandmates. This fact was only for his mind to know.

But at the back of his head, he had a sneaking suspicion that they already knew that he wasn't fully alright. He had major gaps in his memory. Maybe he had told them at one point and had completely forgot?

Sometimes, he heard the others reference events that he had never heard of, even though he had been there.

He felt like he wasn't in charge of his own life. Sometimes he felt like he was going to fall asleep, and then he would have no recollection of what happened in the next few hours.

Wiped. Just like that.

But maybe it was better that way.

-------

Jungkook wouldn't consider himself a medical professional, yet he could tell when something wasn't right. And in all the years that he had known Yoongi, he could tell that something was very different about him.

He was one way sometimes and other times, he was different. Like, very different. It was as if Yoongi consisted of two very different people. One version loved to sleep, one was energetic and loud. Jungkook had put it off to mood swings many times. But surely, Yoongi didn't have such dramatic mood swings so often?

Quite honestly, Jungkook was worried. Was something going on?

Yoongi also forgot things a lot...

Jungkook had a lot of figuring out to do.

-------

"Is everything okay Yoongi?" Jin asked.

Yoongi nodded. His face was pale, but his eyes had a reddish tone around them. He had been crying.

"I'm really tired," he said in a low voice.

"Ah..." Jin didn't make any more comments, but patted Yoongi's shoulder.

Jungkook eyed Yoongi carefully. No matter the occasion, Yoongi always looked sad and gloomy. He wanted to ask him what was wrong, but Yoongi always gave the same answer. That he was "tired" and "hadn't gotten much sleep at night." Lies. Jungkook knew he was lying.

"Were you crying?" he asked.

Yoongi looked at him in surprise. "Why... no-no, no I wasn't."

"You can't lie to save your life Yoongi," Jin said. His eyes crinkled as his voice became more gentle. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Yoongi furiously shook his head. "I'm tired."

"I can stay with you tonight. You'll sleep well if you see how I sleep," Jungkook quickly said.

"That's a great idea!" Jin said. "That way, if you need anything Yoongi, Jungkook can be there for you."

Jungkook didn't miss the brief flash of fear that went across Yoongi's face. Yoongi was scared? Was he hiding something? But he couldn't investigate the expression further. Yoongi quickly recovered and set his mouth in a straight line.

"Okay, fine."

"It's going to be fun, hyung, don't worry. I'm a lovely person to be around."

"I know."

-------

Yoongi was known for being more on the quieter side, but he was very talkative during dinner. He couldn't stop rattling away about silly stories that he had seen in the news. He talked so much that it worried Jungkook. None of the others seemed to notice anything off.

On the contrary, Jin seemed to be relieved because Yoongi seemed to be more lively. At least he wasn't crying anymore.

Something wasn't adding up for Jungkook. Either Yoongi was a very good actor or maybe... something else was up.

-------

"I can't believe it Jungkook, oh, listen, listen to this and..." Yoongi took a quick breath. "... did you know that some people say octopuses came from outer space? I didn't even know that-"

"Okay, okay." Jungkook laughed. Even though he was worried, it was hard not to be carried away by Yoongi's infectious enthusiasm. "It's nearly midnight. I think it's time for you to go to sleep."

"You too!" Yoongi sat down on his bed and pouted. "I'm not going to sleep unless you do."

"I'm going to." Jungkook pointed to his pajamas.

Yoongi sighed. He sat still for a few moments before jumping up.

"Fine!" he said. He slipped underneath his covers. Jungkook went over to him and tucked him in gently. Yoongi giggled.

"You should sleep too!"

"I'm going, I'm going," Jungkook said. He headed over to his side of the bed. Turning off the lights, he laid down next to Yoongi. Yoongi immediately turned towards him and snuggled into his grip. Jungkook buried his face into his shoulder and tried to relax. The nagging worry at the back of his mind seemed to be dormant now. He was too sleepy.

-------

In the middle of the night, Yoongi pushed him away. Jungkook woke up. Yoongi was sitting on the edge of his bed, shaking slightly.

"What's going on?" Jungkook asked. "Hyung?"

Yoongi looked back at him. "Oh, you're here," he said.

"Yeah, I said I was going to stay with you tonight, remember?"

"Yeah."

Jungkook nodded. Yoongi glanced at him for a moment before looking straight again.

"Is something bothering you?" Jungkook asked. "Why are you sitting up?"

"Can't sleep."

"Why?"

"Can't sleep."

Jungkook could tell that Yoongi didn't want to talk further.

"Okay... I'm going to go back to sleep, okay?"

"You should, yeah."

There it was, that stark contrast in personality. Just a few hours ago, Yoongi had been loud, energetic, and cheerful and now he was distant, sad, and tired. Jungkook couldn't believe it.

"Hyung?"

"Yeah?"

"I have something to ask you. It's fine if you don't want to answer, but it's been worrying me for a while and I really need to know," Jungkook said. He held his breath as he waited for Yoongi's answer.

"Me? Question?" Yoongi forced a laugh. He still didn't face Jungkook. "Yeah, sure, ask away. I won't mind."

"Why do you have mood swings so much?"

"Mood swings? What do you mean?" Yoongi finally looked back at Jungkook. He appeared confused.

"No, but like..." Jungkook sighed. "When we were going to sleep, you were loud and energetic, but now you're... you look sad now..."

Yoongi stared at him for a moment. "I don't remember going to sleep."

"You don't? It was just a couple of hours ago though?"

Yoongi shook his head. "No."

"Do you remember me telling you that I wanted to stay with you at night?"

"Yeah..." Yoongi nodded. "You said that you're a lovely person to be around, or... yeah, something like that."

Jungkook twisted his lip, thinking about what he had just heard. So Yoongi didn't remember last night, but he remembered yesterday morning? Yoongi had also been sad and quiet in the morning. Was it possible that Yoongi didn't remember anything from when he was loud?

"Hyung..."

"There's something wrong with me, isn't there?" Yoongi asked. His eyes suddenly filled with tears. "I knew it! I knew it! I knew all along that I was weird and stran-"

"No, no, no," Jungkook said. He reached forward and pulled Yoongi into a hug. Yoongi grabbed onto his shirt and started to cry. Jungkook had never been so confused.

-------

Many times Jungkook had heard, "Don't Google your symptoms!". But, he really didn't have any other resources, so he decided to search up Yoongi's symptoms. He didn't know whether there was actually something going on with Yoongi or whether he was having drastic mood swings, but Jungkook decided to go through it anyway.

Yoongi seemed to match depression symptoms very well. The other thing that stood out for him was dissociative identity disorder. Everything that went on with Yoongi, everything that he was worried about, it made sense. Jungkook had never encountered it in real life before, but reading things up on WebMD, made him a bit more aware of the condition.

But if he wanted anything to work out properly and make Yoongi feel a bit happier, he needed to get Yoongi an actual diagnosis.

The only thing was... apparently DID usually happened because of childhood trauma. Had Yoongi gone through something? Jungkook's heart broke thinking about it.

-------

"I need to make Yoongi an appointment," Jungkook said. The others looked up in surprise. Even Yoongi looked stunned. They had been eating dinner. Now nobody dared pick up another piece of food.

"Why?" Yoongi asked, trying to make himself as small as possible. "Why me? What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing." Jungkook shook his head. "I'm just worried, that's all. You dragged me to the doctor once because you thought I had lice, didn't you?"

Yoongi frowned.

"Is it because he's sad these days or...?" Namjoon asked. "Because if so, I would say that it's a very good idea."

"Yeah, because of that," Jungkook said. Namjoon nodded.

"Nothing's wrong," Yoongi said. He looked around at everybody in a panic. "I'm fine! Really! Look at me! I'm absolutely fine!"

Jungkook shook his head.

"I can show you though," Yoongi said. "I can eat, I can talk, I'm breathing air, everything is absolutely fine." He laughed when he saw the others looking more worried. "Why do you guys look so worried? I'm not worried! You guys don't understand!"

"Okay, okay... um Yoongi... it's just a check-up, okay? Just a check-up," Jin said.

"Yoongi?" Yoongi asked. He looked confused for a moment before his face cleared. "Ah, Yoongi, yes."

Jungkook swallowed. Yoongi grinned at him, cheerful as ever.

"I'll go ahead and book it then," he said.

------

Jungkook had expected the diagnosis to happen quickly. He wasn't a very patient person, so when the process dragged on, he got annoyed.

Yoongi practically begged him to come with him to the sessions. The doctor asked him all sorts of questions, some of which he didn't know the answers to. Having Jungkook there to help him was a huge relief.

A few weeks later was when Jungkook found out. Yoongi told him and the doctor, in a rush of tears, what his uncle had done to him when he was younger. Jungkook started crying as well. Yoongi described it in as much detail as he could. Jungkook was surprised. The incidents had occured so many years ago, but Yoongi remembered them perfectly.

It was hard seeing Yoongi in a new light. Instead of seeing him as just his bandmate and friend, Jungkook saw him as someone who had gone through so much in his life. The one thing that Jungkook and the others tried their best to do was not treat Yoongi any differently. They made sure to still laugh and joke around with him and include him in their activities.

-------

Nearly two years after Jungkook had first brought the issue up, Yoongi finally got his diagnosis. This was after getting multiple wrong diagnoses and successfully proving that they were wrong.

Jungkook hadn't expected it to be so complicated. Ah, not everything was as simple as he wanted it to be.

It was hard explaining the whole thing to Yoongi. He didn't want to believe it at first, but over time, he came to accept it. Both "versions" of himself came to know about each other. The louder, more carefree one had been aware that the quieter Yoongi existed, but not the other way around. Yoongi might have had more alters, but this one was the most prominent.

Loud Yoongi was funny. Quiet Yoongi was wise. That's how Jungkook knew it.

------

"Is it hard?" Jin asked. "I can't imagine knowing that there's two different people living in your body."

"What?" Yoongi shook his head, smiling. No matter what, he was a lot more cheerful nowadays. He still did have a few memory gaps and they still did cause problems for him, but they weren't as bad as before. He would have to deal with them for the rest of his life, but it didn't scare him as much as it once did. "It's hard to accept, yeah. But, you know, it's okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah." Yoongi shrugged. "I'm sure you remember what I was like when I found out. I cried a lot. But... you know, it's not something I can just change."

"Yeah." Jin nodded.

"Yeah, over time I accepted it."

"Ah," Jin said. "As long as you're happy and comfortable, I'm fine with anything."

"Good." Yoongi shook his head. "Man, I'm so glad that Jungkook stepped up and did something. Or else, I would've been miserable for the rest of my life."

"I didn't know what to do, I'm sorry," Jin said quietly. "I couldn't tell that something was off."

"It's fine," Yoongi said. He patted Jin's shoulder. "You take care of me well."

"That I do, yes." Jin perked up. "Very well."

"Very very very very well." Yoongi smiled, eyes a little hazy. He suddenly went forward and hugged Jin tightly. "Thanks."

Jin laughed and hugged him tightly back.

-------

Chapter Text

People always told him, "Yoongi, please be more careful! Watch where you're going!"

Yoongi did try. He tried to pay attention to the world around him. All the pebbles laying on the sidewalks, the ice, the slippery mats, the water, the banana peels, the doorframes, he tried to watch out for all of those things.

But give the poor man a break. It wasn't his fault that he was careless sometimes. He had too much going on in his head and he couldn't always be alert. Plus, even if he did fall, it's not like he would get hurt or anything.

Right?

-----

"I need you guys to think of some costume ideas," the stylist said. "I do have some suggestions, but I want you guys to be involved in the process."

"But..." Jimin sighed. "I feel like if I design some stuff... it will look good in my head, but then it will look stupid in real life."

"No it won't," Jin said. "It will be fine. Let's just try."

"Yeah," the stylist said. "I can fix some things and change things around if I think it's necessary. Don't worry. If you need help, I'm here."

"Okay." Jimin nodded. He had a nervous look on his face. Knowing him, he was probably expecting his design to be perfect.

"Do we have to work individually or can we work in groups?" Yoongi asked.

"This isn't a school project!" The stylist laughed. "You can do whatever you want, it's up to you."

"Phew." Yoongi sighed. He glanced over at Namjoon. "You, me, and that Jungkook kid are going to be together."

"Me?" Jungkook asked. His face gradually brightened into a smile. "Yeah, sure, that's fine. I like that idea."

"Me and Jin hyung," Hoseok announced. "We'll be a group of two."

"I want to work by myself," Taehyung said. "I think Jimin wants the same."

"Yeah." Jimin nodded.

------

Working with the two proved to be a major challenge. Yoongi wished he had been smart like Taehyung and Jimin and worked by himself. All three of them had good ideas, but neither were willing to compromise to let one design take center stage. It was frustrating. Instead of working all together, they spent their time arguing about whose design looked better.

"But like look... see if Jimin wears this, it would look so good on him," Namjoon said. He pointed to the crop top that he had picked out. "Don't you guys agree?"

"But if Jimin wears a crop top, we would all have to wear crop tops," Yoongi said.

"What? Who said that?"

"We should all wear the same outfit," Yoongi said.

"We don't have to," Namjoon said.

"But that was my idea," Yoongi said. "I want us to all wear the same kind of clothes, just different colours."

"Where's the fun in that?" Jungkook asked. "Mixing and matching is literally half the fun."

"Exactly," Namjoon said. "No offense, but your ideas are so lame sometimes."

Yoongi rolled his eyes. "Offense taken, thanks. But look, it will look very cool."

"No it won't."

"Yes-"

"Listen, listen," Jungkook said. "Instead of arguing with each other about your ideas, why don't you just use my idea? I was thinking that we could all wear those yellow construction hats and then all black clothes. Think of that. That will look cool. But you see, we'll each have something that stands out. Like Hobi hyung could have some Hobicore patterns or something."

"My crop top idea is better," Namjoon said. "It's the best."

"Guys, I'm an expert at making up concepts and outfits and I say that we should go with my idea-"

"Oh for heaven's sake, can your 'wear the same outfit and walk around' idea be better than my construction hats?"

Yoongi sighed. Namjoon was staring at the two of them in wonder.

"Have you ever realized that the others have already started doing things?" he asked. "We're still sitting here and arguing."

"Isn't that your fault too?" Yoongi asked. He smirked when Namjoon faltered. "Come on, let's decide on something."

"Tell me," Jungkook said. "How am I supposed to pick another idea when mine is clearly the best?"

"Yours is pretty good, I would agree," Namjoon said surprising both of them.

After a moment of silence, Jungkook regained his composure. "See? What did I tell you?"

"That your idea is the best?" Yoongi said, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, exactly!"

"We should go with his Yoongi," Namjoon said seriously. "Think about it. If we don't, then he's going to be unhappy. Plus, he's the youngest, shouldn't us elders let him have his way?"

Yoongi sighed. This was so stupid. His idea made the most sense to him but...

"Come on, we're going to have to prepare for award shows after this anyway hyung," Jungkook said. "You don't want me to be unhappy do you?"

"Fine."

Namjoon smiled in relief.

"It's a good idea, I know, thanks, thanks," Jungkook said.

Yoongi could only sigh.

-------

After their little disagreement had finally been resolved, there weren't any more fights. They started working on their project without any problems. Inside, Yoongi was a bit unhappy that his idea had been cast aside, but Jungkook's idea was probably (definitely) better than his own.

But soon, the focus shifted from designing clothes for fun to preparing for the award show. Little to no time between rehearsals didn't let any of them work on their clothes. They had to switch to learning their stages and performances.

Yoongi wasn't too sad when they switched over. He didn't like designing things anyway, he told himself.

-------

"Freeze!"

Yoongi froze in place. The dance teacher walked around, making sure their positions were perfect. He was wobbling.

"Yoongi, steady yourself."

Yoongi tried to stiffen his body. Wrong move.

"Not like that! Don't stiffen up, just have some energy in your body. Look at Taehyung over there, be like him."

Yoongi glanced over at Taehyung, who had a smirk on his face, seeing his struggles. He tried to copy his body.

"Your feet should be a bit more far apart," the teacher said. When Yoongi did, he only got a "Okay, you need to work on that."

Yoongi dropped to the ground after she moved on from him. They had been going at this for the past two hours. He wasn't sure of how much more he could take.

"This is hard," Jin said.

"Yeah," Jimin said.

Yoongi agreed silently. He couldn't wait to go home. Maybe Jungkook would pull him and Namjoon aside to work on their design again.

-------

Jungkook sat them down that evening. Yoongi was half-asleep. He could only watch as Namjoon and Jungkook brainstormed ideas about how each member's outfit was going to be personalized. Nothing they said made any sense to his muddled up brain. Every so often, he would catch himself nodding off and he would try to sit up straighter and focus. But it was hard. He just wanted to sleep.

"Yoongi hyung?"

Yoongi snapped awake. Jungkook had called him.

"Hyung, can you get one of your baseball hats from your room?"

"Huh? Why?"

"I want to see how it will look with the whole outfit," Jungkook said.

"Huh?" Yoongi shook his head, trying to clear his mind. "Right... um, okay."

He slowly got to his feet. The others were peacefully in their room, sleeping away, and here he was... well, he guessed that's what happened when they argued instead of working at the beginning. His legs were wobbly as he walked. Yoongi felt like he was sleep-walking.

When he reached the familiar door of his room, he pushed it open without a second thought. He stepped inside. Unfortunately, he didn't see the doorframe right at his feet and he tripped right over it, crashing to the ground in a spectacular thud. His ear seemed to catch on something. Yoongi sat up quickly, the shock waking him up completely.

He pressed a hand to his ear and wasn't suprised when it came back bloody. He felt the beginning of tears flood his eyes. He had already gotten yelled at today, he just wanted to sleep... ugh...

"Did something happen?" Namjoon called from down the hallway. Yoongi was about to reply but he heard Namjoon's hurried footsteps coming towards his room.

"What happened?"

"Not-not a big deal." Yoongi forced a watery smile to his face. He hoped Namjoon couldn't see the blood. "Just fell."

"Did you get hurt?"

Namjoon didn't wait for an answer. He crouched down next to Yoongi and eyed him up and down, checking for injuries. He saw Yoongi's ear soon enough.

"Yikes... Yoongi... you should try and wash the blood off, come on."

Yoongi grabbed Namjoon's hand and stood up. He felt woozy. Everything felt like a dream.

Namjoon led him over to the bathroom and turned on the faucet. Yoongi bent over the sink as Namjoon clumsily splashed water on his ear. The water streaked red. Yoongi gulped and tried not to look.

"Man, that cut looks pretty bad," Namjoon murmured.

Yoongi could only sniffle. He let Namjoon keep splashing water until the faucet was turned off.

"Here press this."

Namjoon grabbed a paper towel and pressed it to his ear. Yoongi gritted his teeth. His ear was really starting to sting now. And the most terrible thing was that he had gotten water inside his ear. It was awful.

"I think you should go to the doctor and get this checked out," Namjoon said.

"Why?"

"It looks deep."

"Oh." Yoongi took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Okay."

"I can take you."

"Thanks."

"Yeah," Namjoon said. He patted Yoongi's shoulder.

"Does Jungkook know?"

"Yeah, he knows something happened, don't worry."

"Okay."

"Yeah."

Yoongi didn't say anything to argue. He let Namjoon lead him along.

-------

He ended up needing stitches. The cut was deep enough. The doctor did it for him quickly enough, but it was past midnight when they got home. Yoongi was given painkillers. They made him get drowsier than ever and Namjoon had to practically carry him.

His ear hurt. Today was just such a rotten day. Yoongi fell into a thick dreamless sleep when he fell into his bed.

-----

The ear injury was bad enough that Yoongi had to be cut from the award show performances. He had to be on painkillers for most of the time and they impacted his performance. Yoongi nearly burst into tears when the manager told him. He had been looking forward to it so much. If only he had been less clumsy! These stages were a big deal for them and he couldn't even be on there...

He was so disappointed.

He knew that it was for the best but he couldn't help sulking when he saw the others practicing. He wasn't happy at all. He was supposed to be there with them. Screw Jungkook and his stupid ideas.

------

"Is everything going alright?"

"Yeah," Jimin said. "We're all ready to go."

"That's great," Yoongi said. He stared wistfully at the outfits everyone was wearing through his screen. He was at home, in sweats and a T-shirt. His ear still had stitches in them. It was stinging a bit today - he was glad that he wasn't performing. It was borderline unbearable.

"Are you alright?" Jimin asked. "Is your ear bothering you?"

"Kind of."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Jimin's concerned face flashed into view as he whipped the camera towards himself. "Do you need anything?"

"No, no." Yoongi shook his head. "Don't worry about me. I'm doing absolutely okay. It just hurts a little."

"Oh, okay, okay good," Jimin said. He sighed. "I think I'm going to have to go soon. They're all getting ready. Watch our performance hyung. Either now or later-"

"Yeah, don't worry I will."

Jimin grinned. "Good."

Yoongi sighed when the call ended. He flung his phone to the couch and sat down. Gently touching his ear, he automatically pulled his hand away when it throbbed.

"It's okay," he said out loud.

-------

The stitches were taken out a week later. He still had a nasty scar on his ear that did improve as time went on, but it would stay for quite a while. Tripping on the doorframe had proved to be a bigger deal than he had originally thought.

He came back to performing only two weeks after the award shows. That was disappointing in its own way, if only the accident had occurred a bit earlier! He wouldn't have missed out!

The others tried to console him even though he tried not to make his unhappiness so obvious. Even though Yoongi was tempted to hate Jungkook for forcing his design idea onto him, he was touched by how caring all of them were.

At the end, it all came down to him being thankful for the others. That's all that ever mattered.

-------

Chapter Text

"I won't miss you, don't worry," Yoongi said. Jungkook, on the other side of the telephone line, chuckled.

"I hope you have fun, hyung. I know you really wanted to do this."

"Yeah, that I did."

Yoongi checked his watch. There was still half-an-hour before boarding started, and he didn't have anything else to do before then. His boarding pass rested on his suitcase. The world had just settled down into its evening routine.

"I'm going to have to go now," Jungkook said. "I know you're probably tired of talking to me too, I can tell."

"No, that's not true, I-" Yoongi sighed heavily. "No it's just that I can't think of anything else to say. Nothing about you."

"Sure, sure."

Despite Jungkook's dismal words, he sounded just as cheerful as ever. He was probably saying it for dramatic effect to make Yoongi feel guilty. And it had worked. Jungkook had the whole world wrapped around his finger and he took advantage of that fact every single day.

Not that Yoongi minded too much. Nah, it was actually endearing for him to see.

"Bye," Jungkook said before cutting the call.

Yoongi dropped his phone back onto his lap before letting out a deep sigh. All around him, the bustle of the airport continued. There was a Starbucks nearby. He could smell the coffee from here. He would've gotten up to get some, but getting up seemed like too much hassle so he didn't. Plus, he didn't want to attract too much attention to himself. Yoongi pulled his mask up to cover more of his nose. He didn't know why he was so paranoid - nobody was even looking at him.

A few months ago, Yoongi had been contacted by this Japanese singer. He had been listening to her work for years now, and as it turned out, she was also a big fan of him. So when she asked whether he was able to produce her next single, Yoongi jumped at the chance. What followed was hours of calls and explanations and culminated in this - Yoongi finally getting to go to Japan to work with her. He would've preferred that she had came to Korea instead, but it was what it was.

Yoongi was excited. He had some ideas for the song, he had already made some sample beats, and they had talked about some ideas. He couldn't wait until he could see the whole finished product, with her vocals added in and everything. He loved her voice. He loved her style. Gosh, Yoongi couldn't go a moment without fanboying over her. She was just (chef's kiss) perfect.

He tried not to show any of said excitement as he sat there in the airport terminal. He had bothered the members and his family nonstop when she had first emailed him, and he had gotten relentlessly teased because of it. The main culprit was Jungkook, as usual. It was good to see that nothing ever changed.

In just a few days, Yoongi would be able to sit in that studio and work. And see her sing completely live. And she would talk to him face to face and he would be in seventh heaven. She would be impressed with him and he would get her autograph and be able to show it off. She and Yoongi would get together to hang out. Yoongi would tell her everything about himself. And she would smile and tell him-

He shook his head. Since when had he become such a simp? All he was doing was produce music for her, not marry her, even though he would be willing to do that any day.

Yoongi was sure that his face was redder than a tomato underneath his mask. Goddamn it. He should be more professional, but he couldn't stop freaking out.

He took a deep breath and opened his phone up again. Scrolling through YouTube seemed to attract him the most. He flicked through several videos. Nothing interested him too much, and he couldn't bear to watch anything for more than five seconds. But it passed the time.

Before he knew it, it was time to board the flight. Yoongi felt like he was going to cry the entire time. He could barely wait.

-------

Shortly after take-off, Yoongi relaxed into his seat. He slid his seatbelt off. He never liked having it on. He couldn't be comfortable with a tight band around his waist. He leaned back and sighed. No matter what, he was always cold during flights. Even with the sweater that he had on, he was still shivering. Yoongi sighed.

The roar of the engines had familiarized itself in his ears. Yoongi had an aisle seat. The two seats next to him were unoccupied though, so he didn't have to worry. The one good thing was that he could sleep and not have to think about anything else. Before soon, Yoongi had drifted off. He wrapped his arms tightly around himself so he could stay warm.

He was too tired and keyed-out. It had been a long week.

--------

When he woke up, a flight attendant was next to him.

"Sir, can you please put your seatbelt back on?"

"Huh?" Yoongi stirred. He sat up straight in his seat. He snapped back to reality soon enough. "Sorry."

"All good."

She hurried away before he could ask any more questions.

Click.

The seatbelt snapped into place.

The atmosphere was much different than before. The calm scene that had welcomed his sleep had disappeared now. The cabin lights were dimmed. Every so often, the plane would move suddenly.

There was nobody around him. Yoongi shuddered. He shrank into his seat. A ding sounded. The plane jerked.

What was going on?

The seatbelt sign was on. Yoongi tugged it tighter. He frantically looked around. The small window only showed the blinking lights on the plane's wing. The plane shifted again.

There was a sense of alarm going through the cabin. Yoongi could sense it. He could see other passengers doing the same as him. He took a deep breath, but the waves of fear were starting to go through him. Every time the plane moved suddenly, he was aware of how hard his heart was beating. This had never happened before. Yoongi was sure that he hadn't been afraid of flying, but this was making him lose his mind.

"It's only a bit of turbulence, not to worry," he said to himself. "It's not like people don't know how to deal with this... it's okay..."

He forced himself to lean back into his seat and take deep breaths. Within a moment, the plane lurched again, and he grabbed onto the armrests.

Another ding. The words "Passenger Announcement" showed up on his screen.

"Hey ladies and gentlemen," the pilot's voice came through the intercom. "There's no reason to worry... we're just heading through some choppy skies right now, but don't worry, there's no reason to panic. Just keep your seatbelts on. Thank you."

The words disappeared.

"See?" Yoongi muttered. "No reason to panic. Everything's okay."

Even so, the waves of fear swimming through his body did not slow down. His heart kept beating just as fast, and his breathing was just as quick. He was going to remember this day for as long as he lived.

-------

Twenty more minutes of that followed. The plane kept rocking and shaking during most of the time. Yoongi held his breath and tried to distract himself. Just when he thought he couldn't handle it anymore, the pilot came on again.

"Hello ladies and gentlemen, after assessing the situation carefully, we have... uh... come to the conclusion that it would be better if we diverted to the nearest possible airport. So we're going to be diverting to..." The words muffled out. Yoongi couldn't understand anything. "And... we will go from there. Thank you and sorry once again..."

More muffled words came through, but Yoongi had stopped listening. He shuddered and looked out the window. The familiar lights were still blinking on the wing. So he wasn't going to land at Tokyo after all. That was fine. He would be thankful if he ever made it off this plane in one piece.

Maybe it was because he was all alone, but he was a terrified mess now. Usually he always had someone who he could exchange a panicked glance with, but now there was nobody.

Yoongi sighed. He took a deep breath in, then out. It was okay. The plane was going to land and then everybody was going to be okay. The crew knew what they were doing. Old plane crash shows played in his mind. Pilot error this, pilot error that, that wouldn't happen, he was sure of it.

They would be on the ground soon.

-------

The plane was coming in for the landing. Yoongi glanced out the window from his seat. The orderly orange lights of the airport greeted him. He had no idea where they had ended up. The plane was descending. The runway appeared beneath. Yoongi held his breath. Faster, closer, faster, closer, faster, closer...

Smack. The wheels hit the ground harder than Yoongi would've liked. He was pressed back into his seat. The engines roared. Flaps stuck up on the wing. The plane continued moving, speeding down the runway. Briefly, Yoongi wondered if they were going to be able to stop. But soon enough, the plane started to slow down and the roar of the engines faded. They were on the ground. They were safe.

They were moving much slower now. The plane turned off the runway. They were heading towards the gate, where they could finally get off. Yoongi took more deep breaths and tried to relax. He was alright.

--------

When he went into the airport terminal, there were these large boards showing when the trains to the main city were going to depart. Yoongi scanned the screen, looking for Tokyo. There was one train leaving at midnight. The next flight wasn't till the next day. Spending the night at the airport wasn't the most comforting idea.

There wasn't any time to lose. As soon as Yoongi got his bags from the conveyor belt, he sped off to the train station. He figured that he wouldn't have to tell the others what happened, he could always tell them later. He only had time to run.

-------

"I heard that a flight from Seoul to Tokyo ran into a storm?" Taehyung asked.

"What?" Namjoon raised his eyebrows. "When? Which one?"

"Last night."

"Wasn't it when...?" He glanced at Taehyung, who turned to look at him.

"Yeah... that's what I was thinking," Taehyung said. His voice was quiet. "Hyung, what if something happened?"

"I don't think..." Namjoon sighed. "I'm sure he's fine. The plane landed safely. But, I'm-"

"I know, but..." Taehyung scrolled down the news article. "See? It said that there was a thunderstorm going on and then something was malfunctioning on the plane, and then..."

"Did Yoongi call?"

Taehyung shook his head. He looked up at Namjoon again.

"What if something happened?"

Namjoon pressed his lips into a straight line.

"Taehyung, we can call him now. He's still at the airport now probably, waiting for the next flight."

"Good idea." Taehyung nodded. He exited out of the news app and went into his contacts. He tapped on Yoongi's icon. "He'll pick up right now, no?"

"Yeah."

--------

The train had reached Tokyo in the early hours of the morning. Yoongi had managed to catch a few winks of sleep on it, but he was exhausted when he got off. The thought of contacting his friends and family had completely escaped his mind. He took a cab from the station and headed to his hotel.

He didn't even bother showering when he reached his room. The only thing he had energy to do was change out of his clothes and flop into his bed. The messy plane ride had also faded into a hazy mess in his mind. Now, sleep.

--------

He was woken up at around seven by his phone ringing. Sleepily, he threw his hand onto the dresser and tapped aimlessly at his phone's screen to make the sound stop. It stopped after a few seconds and Yoongi rolled over and fell back to sleep.

He was heading into the studio the next day anyway, he wasn't in any hurry.

--------

"Something did happen, I'm sure of it!"

Even Namjoon didn't look calm anymore, much to Taehyung's dismay. It was already early morning, Yoongi probably should be awake by now. The plane to Tokyo should be taking off soon, so he should've had access to his phone in between, so why hadn't he contacted them...

"Um... he might be on the plane, guys... are you sure that it was even his plane?" Jimin said.

Taehyung nearly jumped out of his skin. "When did you get here?" he cried.

Jimin shrugged. "I could hear your conversation from my room, so I decided to come down..."

"Ah."

"So he's not picking up?"

"Yeah," Namjoon said. "There's no reason why he couldn't have texted or called...?"

"Huh?"

Jimin shrugged. "I read the news. It said that there was a problem with the plane and it diverted to a nearby airport. Everything was fine. Also, it might not have been his plane. They didn't give the flight number or anything."

"No, it must have been his plane. It matches the airline, the approximate time, the destination, everything really. It also said that the landing wasn't good and the pilot struggled getting to the airport because it was hard to steer the plane," Taehyung said.

"Which news site are you on?"

"I don't know... Apple News?"

"What?"

Taehyung threw his hands up. "I Don't know it came up on my phone and I clicked on it. I don't know, standard news site."

Jimin sighed. "Everyone's still alright though."

"What if he got lost?" Namjoon asked.

"What's going on here?"

Jungkook and Jin came into the living room, their hair messy and their clothes ruffled.

"Well, you see, we're thinking that Yoongi's plane was in some sort of incident last night, and they had to divert. We called him and there's no response," Namjoon said.

"Whoa," Jungkook said. "You know that he might be sleeping right?"

"Sleeping where?"

"Like maybe he's at the airport and he fell asleep?"

"I really wish he let us know what's going on," Taehyung said. "I don't know what's going on and that's very worrying."

"Yeah, I agree," Jin said. "Not to worry guys. If his plane landed fine, then he landed fine."

Jimin nodded. "Honestly, that's what I have been trying to say."

"I know," Taehyung said. "It's just worrying, that's all."

Namjoon agreed.

"Oh, by the way, where's Hoseok?" Jimin asked.

Jin shrugged. "Sleeping probably."

"Ah."

--------

"Oh fuck."

It was three in the afternoon. Yoongi sprang up. He didn't know why he was so tired anyway. All that stress from that shaky plane was getting to him. He didn't bother checking his phone before he went to the bathroom. He finally took his sticky pajamas off and hopped into the shower. Another set of clothes was taken out and put on.

Yoongi had stayed in this hotel before to know that there was a small restaurant just outside. He grabbed his wallet and headed there. He couldn't remember being this hungry in a while either.

Only later did he realize that he had forgotten his phone. By that point, it was too late to go back up and get it again.

"It's fine," he whispered to himself. "It's not like anybody is waiting for me to contact them or anything."

There was no way that any of the others knew about the plane. It was just a minor diversion. However scared he had been, it hadn't been a desperate situation. There had never been a threat to his life.

-------

"Man, I've called him like twenty times today," Taehyung said. "Why doesn't he answer?"

"How in the world should I know?" Jungkook asked. He was starting to get worried too. Yoongi wasn't super good at answering texts and calls, but in a situation like this, there should be some sense of urgency on his part.

"His parents are worried too," Namjoon said.

The day had passed by slowly. Even when they had been at the studios, the topic of Yoongi and his safety had been on everyone's mind. None of the messages that they had sent him had been read. Their calls had been unanswered. And worse, there had been more news about the plane.

"I heard that apparently the plane was 'badly damaged' during the storm," Jin said. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know," Namjoon said.

"The plane landed safely though," Jimin said.

"Didn't mention the people inside," Taehyung said. "Like... the plane might've landed safely, but are the people safe? Did something happen?"

"I'm sure everything's fine," Jimin said.

Jungkook sighed. "It's been nearly like twelve hours though, how has there been no news from him? After an event like this has happened, you expect him to let us know something, you know?"

"Exactly!" Taehyung said. "Which leads me to believe that Yoongi hyung is not okay and something happened and they're not letting us know!"

Namjoon nodded. "That makes sense."

"What do you think Hoseok?" Jin asked.

Hoseok nodded as well. He had woken up late and even though it was past six in the evening now, he still looked like he was half-asleep.

-------

"Is it good?"

"Mmm..." Yoongi nodded, shoving a spoonful of food into his mouth. The warm taste was heavenly. "Yes, it is absolutely perfect, thank you."

The waiter smiled and moved on from his table.

Once again, Yoongi had to be careful and keep a low profile. He ate slowly, really trying to enjoy the meal. It was fine if he got back to the hotel later. He had nowhere to go today. The work started the following day.

The whole time, he thought about how lucky he was. The plane had gone down relatively smoothly despite the challenges that the pilots had faced. Despite everything, all had been well and Yoongi found himself starting to forget the full extent of the panic he had faced then. He wondered if the incident had been covered in the news. Probably not. Planes get diverted all the time. Not everything becomes major headlines.

After having his meal, he decided to wander along the streets for a while. He knew that if he went back to his room, he would lay right back down, and after a meal, that probably wasn't the best idea. Plus, seeing the little shops and the big skyscrapers towering over them was much more fun. It had been a while since Yoongi had been here.

Everything looked the same - nothing had changed. The cozy bookshop was still situated where the small road met the main. Yoongi wanted to go say hi to the owner, but there were too many people there and he didn't feel like stepping out of his comfort zone. Cars zoomed by.

It was past six when he finally decided to head back.

--------

"Something happened for sure..."

"He would've contacted us by now, like..."

Hoseok sighed. He was too tired to process any of this, but Namjoon and Taehyung were making everybody worry. Now he too was wondering if Yoongi was alright. There hadn't been any other news about the plane.

"I'm going to call again," Jungkook said. "It's nearly seven where he is. He should've landed in Tokyo ages ago, even if he took today's flight."

Jungkook tapped Yoongi's contact frantically. Taehyung watched him carefully.

-------

Yoongi had only managed to get inside and take his shoes off when his phone started ringing.

Oh fuck.

His phone. He had completely forgotten. Yoongi cursed under his breath as he hurried over to get the call. It was Jungkook.

"Hel-"

"Oh my gosh, are you alright?"

Yoongi frowned. "Huh?"

He could hear the others gasping and talking amongst themselves.

"We heard that there was an accident, are you alright?" Namjoon asked.

"What accident?"

"I told you, it wasn't his plane!" Jimin grumbled.

"Shut up," Taehyung said.

Yoongi's frown only deepened. How the hell did they know about the plane? He had never texted them or let them know what had happened.

"When did you reach Tokyo?" Taehyung asked.

"Um... I'm not sure exactly, it was like... early in the morning. I had to take a train."

"Train? I thought you took a plane?" Jin asked. "What?"

"Yeah," Yoongi said. "My plane was diverted. So I had to go from there." He still wasn't sure how or what the accident was all about.

"So there was an accident?" Taehyung asked. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Goddamn it Taehyung, what accident?" Yoongi snapped, exasperated.

Taehyung fired right back.

"It said in the news that your plane had to make an emergency landing! I was just worried that was all! You could've just let us that you were alive and I would've dropped the subject! I wouldn't have bothered you then!"

Yoongi could practically see Taehyung's face in his mind, all red and sweaty.

"Okay, okay, calm down..."

More reassurances came for Taehyung. Yoongi stood there, trying to understand the situation. The plane diverting... accident, news, media... what?

"So you're telling me that it was in the news?" he finally asked. The edge was gone from his voice.

"Yeah, yeah, it was," Jungkook said, his voice small. Yoongi could hear Taehyung sniffling. Now he just felt bad.

"You're alright, right?" Namjoon asked.

"Yeah."

"You sure you're the real Min Yoongi?" Jin asked.

Yoongi laughed. "Yes, yes, I think I am."

"Seriously though," Namjoon said. "When something like this happened, you should've let one of us know, and your family as well. Do you know how worried your parents were? I don't think I've heard your mom ever be that worried. I get that you thought the situation wasn't all that bad, but think about us who read in the news that a plane was in an emergency, and all the descriptions of the flight happened to match up with yours. Do you know how worried we were?"

"Oh."

"I hope you never do this again," Namjoon said. "Poor Taehyung nearly had a breakdown because of you."

Oof, yikes. Yoongi took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I'll be more, be more responsible in the future."

"Good."

"I'm really sorry Taehyung, I didn't mean to yell at you like that," Yoongi said.

Taehyung sniffled. "T'is fine," he mumbled. "I forgive you."

"Can you, uh... tell us maybe what happened?" Jungkook asked. "On the plane, I mean. Also, tell us what important work you were doing this whole day that you didn't respond or see any of our calls or texts."

Yoongi sat down on the bed. Oh no. Something told him that he was going to get yelled at again.

"Yeah, okay," he started. "Well, you see, I fell asleep on the plane. When I woke up, the plane was shaking, kind of. The pilot said it was just turbulence. I don't know what it actually was. But the plane was moving, like up and down, and it was shaking and-"

"Were you scared?" Jin asked.

"Uh..." Yoongi decided not to lie. "Kind of, yeah. See, I didn't know what was going on."

"Ah."

"Yeah. Eventually the pilot came back on and said we were going to land at the nearest airport. She didn't mention what the heck was going on, but just that they had 'assessed the situation'". I guess the situation was bad so they landed."

"Was the landing hard to make?" Jimin asked.

"Um... I don't know? Do I look like a pilot to you?"

"No," Namjoon said quickly.

"Was the landing good?" Jungkook asked.

"Man, I don't know. It wasn't super smooth, but honestly, I was thankful that we were on the ground."

"Ah."

"Okay, so everything was fine?" Namjoon asked. "No crashes, no dying, no injuries, everything good."

"Yeah."

"Good."

"Okay, so what took you so long to answer?" Jimin asked. "We've been texting and calling since like seven in the morning. I can't think of a reason why you couldn't-"

"You see, I took a train from that airport directly to Tokyo. And I fell asleep and then, I kind of forgot that-"

"Oh man, you and your sleeping," Jin said.

Yoongi couldn't see them, but he could tell that they were getting annoyed. He didn't want to hear more comments about how much he slept, because in his mind, sleeping was a good thing. Plus it had been the middle of the night.

"When did you get to the hotel?" Namjoon asked.

"Like... three or four, I think. I went to sleep immediately. And I think I woke up at around... um, three I think."

"You woke up at three in the afternoon?" Jin asked.

"Yeah."

"So that's why..." Namjoon sighed. "You could've let us know then, why didn't you?"

"Um..." Yoongi sighed. "Well, I went outside to get food and then um... I kind of forgot my phone."

"You little shit!" Jin automatically snapped.

Hoseok sighed.

"Sorry, I-"

"That is yet another thing that you should never do again," Namjoon said.

"I know," Yoongi said. "I should've checked it then and let you guys know that I was safe and that everything was okay."

"Yeah," Jungkook said. "Even if you didn't want to say anything to us, you could've at least called your parents. Do you even know how worried they were?"

"Yeah, I-"

"Oh, you do know?"

Yoongi sighed. No, of course he didn't know. He had never bothered to call them. "Okay, I'll do better in the future I promise."

"I have your word," Namjoon said. He sounded so deadly serious about such a trivial topic that Yoongi nearly started to laugh.

But he really did need to call his parents. And oh no, he was expecting a whole new level of lectures from his mom. He shuddered just thinking about it.

"I-I need to go now," he said. "I have to call my parents."

"Mmhm, you do that," Jin said.

"Also, when you meet your crush tomorrow, can you tell her that Jungkook says hi?" Jungkook asked. "Also, tell me how it goes. Don't embarrass yourself in front of her, be polite, but don't overdo it. Just be smooth."

"For the last time, she's not my crush!"

Jungkook only laughed. Yoongi could hear Jin chuckling along as well. They couldn't not make fun of him ever. Yoongi sighed.

"Okay, fine, fine, I'll tell you guys how it went, fine," he said.

"You better."

--------

As he had expected, his messages app was filled with worried texts. His mom never texted him and even she had written him a good ten or so. He finally worked up the courage to call her and... got the longest lecture he had ever faced in his life. From asking about why the heck he had slept so long, to why the heck he had bothered to go to Japan, Yoongi was questioned on every single little thing. In that way, it was also an interrogation. Yoongi felt like he was a criminal.

His dad nearly started crying when he got on the phone. No way, had people that worried? Deep down, Yoongi was starting to realize how careless he had been. If what happened to him had happened to anybody else, he would be awake all night, worrying and thinking. No, Yoongi had felt deep and hard that what he did was wrong, and he was determined to change himself in the future. It wasn't good to be so careless when he had people worrying about his safety!

Even after the phone call ended, Yoongi found himself lost in thought. He stayed like that for the rest of the evening. He didn't bother going out to get his dinner or ordering anything. That late breakfast/lunch/only meal of the day had been enough for him. He curled up in his bed by one in the morning, but he couldn't get a wink of sleep. Half an hour later, he was up again.

Yoongi pulled out his laptop and decided to get working on his ideas.

--------

The next day was when all his dreams came true. He got to go to her studio, listen to her sing, and listen to her address him in a casual manner. Yoongi was sure that he was extra awkward and strange around her. He couldn't stop smiling. She could say anything and he would start nodding and agreeing along. If Jungkook was there, he would've had the time of his life, making fun of Yoongi.

Yoongi literally had to force himself to focus on the music. He knew what he was doing, which was good. Still, he knew that if he was by himself, he would've gotten a lot more done.

By the end of the day, they hadn't gotten much done, but they had discussed some things and how they were going to work out. Yoongi was only in Japan for two weeks, he had to get things done as quickly as possible. He promised himself that he would work harder for the remainder of his stay.

Also, he did remember to text everybody that night, and succeeded in keeping his promise.

-------

"Does this sound right?" Yoongi asked.

He played the track. It only consisted of one bass line and some drum beats at this point. Above it all, her guide vocals soared.

She listened to it carefully.

"Yes, that sounds great," she said as soon as it ended. "I'll re-record my lines by the end of this week and then you can add in the effects and other lines in later. Sounds good?"

"Yeah," Yoongi said. He nodded. He couldn't make himself look into her eyes.

"I really like how this song is turning out. It's exactly as I wanted it to happen."

"Oh really?" Yoongi felt himself melt inside. His face turned bright red. "Th-thank you. That means a lot to me."

She only laughed.

-------

Chapter Text

When Yoongi had finally given up and gone to bed, he knew that Jungkook wasn't home yet. Jungkook had told all of them that he was going to stay late at the studio and come back in the middle of the night. Yoongi had done that many times himself.

So he wasn't worried or anything. He knew that Jungkook would be safe and he would get home fine. He might be exhausted the next day, but that was his problem to deal with.

Yoongi was quite content with going to sleep early for once.

Everyone else was asleep too. Surprisingly, the dorm was silent.

-------

Jungkook sighed. He checked his laptop again, but it was clearly dead. He had searched through the studio for a charger but he had come up with nothing. It was time to leave.

He had gotten a ton of work done though. And when he checked the clock, he was surprised to see that it was already past two. Jungkook had stayed much later than he had initially planned.

He got out of his chair and stretched. His eyelids were heavy. He couldn't wait to sleep.

His bag was still on the floor where he had left it. Jungkook packed his laptop and some papers into it. His pencil case was still sitting at the bottom of the bag. He never used anything from it, after all it was easier to just type, but it gave him a source of comfort. Just seeing it brought back happy memories. He shoved his phone into his pocket. You never knew when you might need that thing.

He slung it over one shoulder and headed out of his studio. As he was the last one to be in here, he had to make sure that he locked the doors properly when he left. One time, he had forgotten to do up the lock. Nothing had happened, but he had gotten a long lecture afterwards. Jungkook shuddered just thinking about it.

The night was chilly. He only had a thin hoodie on and the air went right through it. Jungkook hugged himself tightly and went along his way.

--------

The walk back to the dorms wasn't very long. Many times, the manager had offered to drive him back but Jungkook had declined. He liked getting fresh air. Though the night did scare him a little, it wasn't too bad. He would feel worse if someone had to stay awake for him. Speaking of which, he really hoped that none of the members were awake.

They had done that sometimes, back when he was younger, and it made him feel guilty to no end. It was a sweet touch. But seeing them be so tired the next day was hard. They seemed to listen to him now.

The streets were deserted. Once in a while, a car went by, but even that was rare.

Jungkook hummed a song as he walked. It gave his mind something to focus on.

Around the corner, just a few more blocks to go. There were a bunch of fenced off buildings here. Jungkook didn't know exactly what they were for but he knew not to go inside. There were all kinds of people here. Without thinking about it, he quickened his pace.

Just a few more blocks to go... just a few more blocks to go...

There was a bad feeling in the air. Jungkook walked faster. He heard something rustle off in the distance. A car flew by, not acknowledging his distress.

Then there were footsteps, getting quicker and quicker. Jungkook glanced back. There were a bunch of shadowy figures coming towards him. His breath caught in his throat.

He started running.

It seemed like whoever was following him reacted by even faster.

Jungkook's heart was beating a mile a minute. In desperation, he pulled out his phone and tapped the first contact he saw. He knew he should've called for actual help, but his brain wasn't working anymore.

-------

The phone rang.

At first, the dinging was just part of his dream. But then it got louder and louder and then Yoongi was wide awake, in his bed, somewhere in Seoul.

He groaned. There went his sleep.

He grabbed his phone. Jungkook's name was at the top. Yoongi frowned. Why was he calling at this time? Had something happened?

"Hello," he said into the phone. He waited to hear Jungkook's familiar voice.

But instead all he heard was heavy breathing. He heard heavy footsteps and then he heard someone gasp. Then, a cry.

"What's going on?"

It was Jungkook's voice, he recognized. Yoongi was wide awake now.

"Where are you?"

"Jungkook?"

"Jungkook, answer me!"

He heard Jungkook yell something. Everything was muffled and he understood nothing. Yoongi heard the panic in Jungkook's voice though. Something was wrong.

"Jungkook, where are you?"

"Oh it's Jungkook."

Yoongi stalled. Who was that? That voice wasn't familiar.

He tried to calm himself down. He had to figure out where Jungkook was, but there was no way he could get that information out of Jungkook now. He wondered what he should do.

Maybe he should call for help. But there was no time.

Logically, it would make sense that Jungkook was heading home now. He would probably be on the road somewhere. It was a fifteen minute walk to the studio. If Yoongi ran, it would be even faster.

The line went dead. Yoongi gulped.

There was no time to waste. He had no clue how to do anything yet he hurried. He threw a hoodie over his pajamas and headed out the door.

The others were still asleep. Yoongi sent a message on the group chat just in case. You know, just in case something went seriously wrong. He didn't expect any of them to wake up though.

--------

Jungkook gasped. He considered himself a fast runner but the other people quickly caught up to him. He could barely breathe. They surrounded him before he could catch his breath. He couldn't see any of their faces. There were no street lights in this portion and all he could see was darkness.

He didn't dare glance down at his phone.

Yoongi's voice wafted through though. Jungkook could hear the panic in it.

"Answer me!"

He was going to but he couldn't say anything. Suddenly, there was a knife at his throat. His vocal chords would get sawed in half if he tried to talk. He felt his backpack being tugged on from the back.

They hadn't noticed the phone yet. Jungkook was shaking like a leaf. His wallet was ripped out of his pocket. There was cash in there. He watched in horror as they took it all out and it disappeared into their pockets. The knife was pressed harder against his throat. Jungkook cried out.

He shut his eyes to bear the pain. His throat burned. He was sure that he was bleeding.

"Jungkook, where are you?"

Yoongi's voice was louder.

"Oh, so this is Jungkook!"

He heard Yoongi hold his breath, but before he knew what was happening, a strong blow to his nose knocked him right out. He collapsed backwards. Nobody bothered to catch him. He smashed into the pavement, landing on his arm. His eyes watered.

The line went dead. As his phone landed next to him, a large crack formed on the screen.

They left him alone soon after. They had already taken everything that they needed.

-------

Yoongi had gone down this route many, many times. But this time, it was different. He ran as fast as he could, while also trying to keep an eye out for anything about Jungkook.

The streets were empty. It was the middle of the night and this area was never busy. He ran past green lights.

All the while, he worried about what could've happened. Had Jungkook gotten hurt? Had he gotten kidnapped? Yoongi regretted not having someone else with him.

When he had ran a few blocks, the street lights illuminated something up ahead. Yoongi recognized Jungkook's backpack. His heart slammed in his chest. Oh no.

Jungkook was laying on his back on the pavement. Yoongi could see blood dripping from his chin, coming down from his nose. His backpack was open. Some of its contents were littered on the ground. But what worried him most of all was that Jungkook was unconscious.

He rushed over.

Yoongi gasped. Close up, it looked even more scary. He touched Jungkook's hand. At least it was warm. He tried to calm himself down. He fished his phone out of his pocket. Finally, after everything was over, was he calling for help.

The dispatcher asked him lots of questions but unfortunately, he couldn't answer a lot of them.

"Can you explain the situation for me, sir?"

Yoongi took a deep breath. "I found my friend, he's been knocked out. His nose is bleeding."

"Do you know how it happened? Did you see anything?"

"No, I got here after everything was already here. I found him in the street like this."

"Ah, okay." There was a pause, then she sighed. "Where are you right now?"

Yoongi stood up. He squinted into the dark trying to see the street signs. He could just about make out the letters. When he did see them, he said it as clearly as he could.

"Okay, an ambulance will be heading over there as quickly as possible," she said. Her voice was so calm. Yoongi wanted to cry.

"You need to stay calm, sir. Everything's going to be okay."

"I know," he said. He crouched down next to Jungkook again. Jungkook better start waking up soon or else he would start having a panic attack right here. A new worry sprang into his mind. What if the people who hurt Jungkook were still nearby? What if they came back to attack both of them?

"Is he still bleeding?"

Yoongi glanced at Jungkook's nose. It wasn't bleeding anymore, it seemed.

"I don't think so."

"Okay."

Yoongi tried to wipe some of the blood away. The sleeves of his hoodie got blood all over them. He didn't care. Jungkook's eyelids fluttered.

"Is anything else going on?"

"I think... I think..."

"Hyu... ng?" Jungkook's face scrunched into a frown. He seemed confused. His voice was scratchy. Some of the blood accidentally went into his mouth. Jungkook coughed. Yoongi froze in place. He didn't know what to do. Jungkook kept coughing, the dispatcher was saying something, and he was panicking.

Eventually common sense kicked in. He pushed Jungkook onto his side so everything wouldn't flow backwards into his throat. He shuddered when Jungkook's coughing didn't stop immediately. The dispatcher had gone quiet.

Then slowly, everything went quiet. Jungkook stopped coughing. His breathing was fast.

"Hyung?"

"Shhh," Yoongi said.

Jungkook slowly moved back to his own position. He groaned. Yoongi hovered over him worriedly. He ran his sleeve over Jungkook's mouth so there would be less blood.

"Hyung?"

"A little bit longer," Yoongi said. "Shhh."

Jungkook sighed. Slowly, what had happened came over him. He remembered being attacked and being robbed. At least he was in safe hands now. Yoongi was here now. He would save the day. He closed his hands. He was uncomfortable. His head was pounding.

Yoongi kept trying to wipe blood away. He noticed a small cut on Jungkook's throat as well. It hadn't bled too much, but it was a scary sight. He shivered. It was cold.

But he didn't have time to think and worry anymore because soon enough, he heard sirens approaching them. An ambulance pulled up next to them. When he glanced back to Jungkook, he saw that Jungkook had drifted off again. Panic threatened to make his hands shake but at least he wasn't in charge anymore.

The paramedics were quick. They loaded Jungkook into a stretcher and put a mask over him. The excess blood was wiped away. Yoongi was allowed into the ambulance.

Before he got on, he tried to gather all of Jungkook's things. Everything had been scattered all over the place. He could've sworn that his laptop was supposed to be in his backpack, but he couldn't find it. Yoongi hoped that Jungkook had left it in the studio, but fear went through him anyway. Had it got stolen? It wasn't a super expensive laptop but it probably had important files on it.

Oh no.

Whatever. At least Jungkook was going to be okay now.

-------

Yoongi was relieved to find out that Jungkook wasn't seriously hurt. His nosebleed had already stopped and after his face was cleaned up, he didn't look all that scary. The cut on his throat wasn't very deep. He had a bump on his head. But other than that, he was fine.

He had gone through his belongings. A bunch of his cards from his wallet were gone. There was no cash. Jungkook would be horrified when he woke up. Yoongi tried to calm himself down. It was okay. At least Jungkook wasn't seriously hurt. That's what mattered.

-------

"Are you okay?"

Jungkook blinked. Everything around him was changing so quickly. Last time he had woken up, he was laying on the street. Now, he was laying in a hospital bed. Maybe if he slept for even longer, he would end up laying directly on Namjoon's thighs. You know, because they were hot.

But no, this was Yoongi and he looked worried.

"What... happened?" Jungkook managed.

"Oh, thank God that you're alright! I was so worried, and it's such a relief to see that you're alright, thank God."

Jungkook blinked. Yoongi was near tears. He could feel everything all right. His nose felt like it had been shoved in a direction it shouldn't have been and his head was hurting like crazy. But everything felt so surreal. He couldn't believe what had just happened. Was this all a dream?

"You're real?" he asked.

Yoongi's eyes widened. For a moment, Jungkook thought that he was going to burst into tears but when his face widened into a smile, he relaxed.

"Yes, you idiot, of course I'm real. I'm not a figment of your imagination."

Jungkook hummed. He tried to smile a little. Yoongi still looked so worried and panicky. The lights were hurting his eyes though, even though they were dim. He closed his eyes.

"Should I-I call someone?"

Jungkook hummed again, his voice breaking at the end. He hadn't gotten any sleep. He should sleep. He could practically feel Yoongi's worry through him though. A few moments later, he heard a nurse come in and check his pulse and breathing.

"Everything's fine, don't worry."

-------

The next few days were so blurry for him. Sure, he was okay but he couldn't think or feel anything. He ate whenever he had to and slept the whole day. The nurses and doctors checked on him and they said he was doing fine. He knew the others were worried.

Everything felt so surreal. He was in a trance.

He felt like everything that happened to him was unreal. Sometimes, the others told him about what had happened and he just sat there. He was mugged? He got attacked? He called Yoongi? How had he gone through all of this and not have a single solid recollection?

But when he thought carefully, he remembered things from that night. How tired he had been, and how scared he had been. It was a scary thought.

He was lucky that Yoongi had been there to get him to safety.

-------

"How are you feeling now?" Hoseok asked. "Does your head hurt?"

"No," Jungkook said.

"Good."

He was finally getting to go home. Hoseok had come to pick him up.

Jungkook just felt woozy. He knew that he was too worn out to go to practice for a little while. He needed to take it easy. He knew the others would listen to his concerns. After all, they were the ones with the most concerns. All day long, he heard them stew in their own worries, which he knew was-

"Are you okay?"

"Huh?"

Hoseok looked at him through the rearview mirror.

"Like mentally. Are you shaken up about anything?"

"Not really." Jungkook shrugged. "I mean, I don't feel safe going out at night by myself, but in general, I'm okay."

"Ah."

Jungkook leaned forward to catch Hoseok's troubled expression.

"Please hyung, please don't be so worried. I'm fine."

Hoseok nodded, but Jungkook could tell that he worried the same.

------

The first thing that he did when he saw Yoongi at the dorm was hug him tightly as he could.

Yoongi laughed.

"Stop, you're breaking my bones," he said from under his hold.

"I'm not." Jungkook's words were muffled as he spoke into Yoongi's shoulder. He tried to bury himself, but he was too tall. Yoongi still kept chuckling despite his obvious discomfort.

He wouldn't lie, Jungkook knew that he might have not come home had Yoongi not come and helped him. There were lots of questionable people who prowled the streets at night. Other people might've come in and finished him off while he was unconscious. That Yoongi was willing to sacrifice his sleep and come and rescue him was something that Jungkook would never forget.

"Thank you so much for doing what you did," Jungkook mumbled.

Yoongi froze. "Of course," he said slowly after a while. "I would do anything for you."

Jungkook nodded. He knew. He had seen it for himself.

"I'm sorry about your laptop."

"I'm sorry, what?" Jungkook pulled away to look Yoongi in the face. Not his laptop, no.

"Your laptop was stolen from your backpack." Yoongi shook his head sadly. "I had hoped that maybe you'd left it in the studio, but no. I'm really sorry."

Jungkook blinked. All his files were gone. But maybe, just maybe he had backed them up. Maybe.

But Yoongi looked so upset that he felt the need to comfort him.

"It's okay hyung, I'll see what I can do. Don't be so sad, it wasn't your fault."

-------

Some of his files were gone but some of them were still there. He would have to redo some work. Jungkook was upset at first, but then he managed to calm down.

At least he was safe.

-------

Chapter Text

Yoongi gritted his teeth as he tried to concentrate on his work. The laptop icons looked like they were bouncing around. He couldn't focus. His thoughts kept focusing on how badly his stomach was hurting. He wanted to lie down. At times, he considered it. He could just lay down on the floor for a couple minutes and then, hopefully, he would be okay.

But the others kept coming into his studio to ask him questions and he didn't want the others to know. They would get worried and tell him to go home. Yoongi would never let that happen! No!

The thing that he was dreading the most was dance practice. He felt like he could barely move out of his chair, forget dance around. Just the thought was enough to make him break out into a cold sweat.

"Yoongi!"

Jin's loud voice broke him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"I've been calling your name for the past minute, but you were just looking off into space," Jin said. A look of concern appeared on his face. "You good?"

Before Yoongi could stop him, he put his hand on his forehead.

"You're kind of warm."

Yoongi shook his head, forcing a smile. "Forget it, hyung. It's sort of hot in there, that's all."

"If you say so."

"Yes."

Yoongi tried his best to straighten himself out and act like his stomach wasn't screaming bloody murder at him right now. He looked up at Jin.

"You needed to ask me something?"

Jin still didn't look fully convinced, but he nodded, shoving a music sheet in Yoongi's hands.

"I need you to help me with this. The producer keeps saying to go down an octave, but in the original music it says to keep it in the same range. What do you think sounds better?"

Yoongi shrugged. "I think we should keep it in the same range. Just easier for all of us."

"Thanks, that's what I was thinking," Jin said.

He headed out. Yoongi sighed. He honestly hadn't understood a single thing that Jin had just rambled on about. He had just said the first thing that came to mind.

Instead, he shifted in his chair. Yoongi needed to find a comfortable position. He eventually settled on getting up and laying down on the couch. He buried his face into a pillow. It was starting to get a little bit too much. Moving around hurt.

Ugh, he was in so much pain.

-------

He awoke with a start. His watch was beeping. Yoongi cursed when he saw the time. Dance.

He slowly got up off the couch, careful not to move too quickly. One wrong move and he would get such a bad cramp that he wouldn't be able to get up again.

He wouldn't be able to change into new clothes. With all his strength, Yoongi prayed that they wouldn't be doing anything extreme in class today.

-------

Two steps into the room and he knew he wasn't in any luck. Loud music was blasting through the room. Yoongi tried to swallow back the growing headache. He was already in pain.

He shuffled to the back where the others were. Jungkook and Hoseok were standing near the mirrors, joking around with each other. Yoongi avoided Jin's gaze.

But there was no avoiding him at times.

"Is everything okay, Yoongi?" he asked.

Yoongi nodded quickly, hoping that none of the others heard.

They hadn't. Because just a second later, Jimin came laughing into his arms, trying to run away from Namjoon.

Yoongi clenched his teeth. He eyed the clock, silently calculating how much time he had left.

------

He could barely move. He knew the others were noticing. The thin T-shirt that he was wearing was no match for the constant shivering that he was going through.

"One, two, three..."

Yoongi stumbled into position. He tried to follow along, but his feet were weighed down with lead.

He wanted to go home. Never before had he-

"Watch out!"

He couldn't lift his head fast enough to see Jimin tumbling into him. He slammed into Yoongi's side, bringing them both into the ground. Yoongi screamed. With Jimin's sudden accidental shove, it felt like one of his organs had been dislodged. No matter how long he tried to hold his breath, the pain would not end. He gasped.

But quickly, he realized that Jimin was also hunched over in pain. Yoongi sat up. He ignored the pain as much as he could.

"Jimin, is everything okay?"

He touched Jimin's shoulder. Jimin slowly uncurled himself, his face contorted with pain.

"What's wrong?"

"My ankle, I think-"

Yoongi tried to lean over to look, but the others were faster than him.

"He twisted it!" Jungkook exclaimed. The others were starting to gather around.

Yoongi's mind flooded with alarm. He gazed at Jimin sadly, but his own pain was causing him serious issues.

"You should put some ice on it. I'll get some, hold on," Namjoon said.

Yoongi tried to focus on Jimin to calm himself down. It wasn't working. With each breath, he could feel his own panic and pain rising. His fever was rising.

"Hyung, are you okay?" Taehyung asked. "Did you break something too?"

Yoongi shook his head. He tried to say something, but a wave of nausea washed over him. He swore, his entire vision was swimming. Instead of him looking at Jimin with concern, it was going the other way around now.

"Mm... fine," he mumbled. He kept his words short.

"Here!" Namjoon was back with the ice. Yoongi wasn't aware that he had left. Everything was swimming. He felt like he was floating. He swore, his face had turned green. He had never felt this sick in his entire life. Maybe looking at Jimin would help. But now, he couldn't even see him anymore.

"He's burning up, hyung!"

A cool hand was on his forehead. When Yoongi glanced up, he saw Jin's worried face in front of him. Jungkook's voice was audible.

"Yoongi, what's going on?" Jin asked.

Yoongi could only shake his head. He didn't trust himself to speak. All of sudden, it just became too much. He doubled over and threw up. Instantly, he shut his eyes so he wouldn't have to see the reactions of the others. He didn't want to see it either. Gross.

"Hyung!"

He tried to mumble out an apology, but his words were too slurred. Everything was shaky.

When he blacked out, he remembered seeing Jungkook's tattooed hands in front of his face. Maybe he fell into his arms, he figured.

--------

He woke up only a second later. Jin was next to him.

"Yoongi, what's going on?" he asked.

"Noth-nothing."

Jin touched his forehead again, hissing when he felt the heat.

"What's going on? What hurts? Do I need to take you to the hospital?"

Yoongi tried to shake his head. As he gained more consciousness however, the pain became more pronounced and he couldn't help but let out a whimper. He gritted his teeth.

"Did you get hurt when Jimin knocked into you?" Jungkook asked.

"No, it's just..." Yoongi couldn't finish his sentence. He held his breath as another wave of pain crashed through him. When he finally let out a gasping breath, he decided to admit what was going on. This level of pain wasn't normal.

"Something's going on," he admitted, his voice low.

"What?" Jin asked.

"I don't... it's just, my stomach really hurts and I feel really sick. If I could just go home and rest, that would be..."

"You're throwing up, you have a really high fever, you're passing out, your stomach hurts," Jin said. "I should take you to the hospital."

Yoongi wanted to refuse. He really did. But at this point, his irrational logic had been replaced with survival instinct. He just wanted relief.

"Sure," he mumbled weakly.

But when Jungkook finally let go so he could stand up, he found out that he literally couldn't move. When movement that he made would jostle his body too much, sending shockwaves of pain through him. Tears sprang into his eyes. He sniffed.

"I can carry you," Jungkook said.

"No-"

"Come on."

Yoongi wanted to stop him. But as I said, his survival instinct made him go limp as Jungkook gently picked up bridal style. Jin followed close behind. Briefly, Yoongi thought about Jimin and what was going on with him, but the thoughts were quickly washed away with bright pain. He couldn't think anymore. To everyone's surprise, tears kept dripping down his face. He couldn't stop. As long as the pain kept going, he wouldn't be able to stop either.

--------

The car ride was a blur. He was nestled in Jungkook's arms. His head was on his shoulder. At times, he remembered sobbing loudly. He was panicking.

Jungkook held him close.

-------

He managed to ask one question when they were waiting for the doctor to show up.

"How's Jimin?" he managed to whisper out.

Jin's face crunched. "Goodness, stop worrying about him. He's going to be fine. He just twisted his ankle. That's nothing compared to whatever is going on with you."

"I'm worried."

"We're all worried about you," Jungkook said. "Namjoon hyung told me to text me details."

Yoongi closed his eyes at that. He didn't want to hear the details himself.

--------

He had appendicitis. When Jimin had crashed into him, his appendix had ruptured. That's why the pain got so much worse and why he suddenly started get ten times more sick.

Yoongi wanted to freak out, but he was wheeled away into surgery before he could. The last he saw of Jin and Jungkook was them waving goodbye at the entrance of the operating room.

There was a small pinch on his hand soon after, someone was counting backwards from ten, and then he was well and truly out.

-------

"How is he?" Jimin asked. "What happened?"

Namjoon had taken him to the clinic as well. He had gotten his ankle wrapped up and gotten a pair of crutches. Unlike Yoongi, he was relatively alright.

"He's getting surgery. He'll be okay. Don't you worry," Jin said. "Get some rest."

"I'm horribly worried. He was so sick in the studio today."

Jin nodded. "Did somebody clean the room up?"

"Yeah, Taehyung did."

"Good."

Jimin sighed. He let his crutches drop to the floor as he relaxed into the couch. Namjoon had made sure to put a cushion nearby so he could elevate his ankle. Jin wanted to say something to comfort him, but he found that he had nothing to say. His thoughts circled back to Yoongi and how he was doing.

------

Yoongi coughed. His throat felt like sandpaper. From the waist down, his body was numb. Someone shoved a straw in his direction and he gratefully sipped on it. Cool water slid down his throat. It stung. But it felt good.

He glanced up to see a nurse next to him. He tried to thank her, but his voice was too weak and he was too sleepy. He quickly was knocked out, too tired to focus.

------

"We're here for you," a very familiar voice said. Yoongi felt like he was dreaming. When he sleepily blinked his eyes open, he found Namjoon smiling next to him.

"Huh?"

Namjoon, still smiling, shook his head. "You were mumbling in your sleep."

"Oh." Yoongi tried to mirror his smile. His throat still felt scratchy. And today, the numbness below had been replaced with a dull pain. He didn't dare try and move.

"Have some water."

The same straw was there. Yoongi had to maneuver his body up and around to get to it. It hurt. As he sipped on the water, he tried to relax.

"How do you feel?"

"Okay."

"Good."

Namjoon leaned back in his chair. There were dark circles around his eyes, Yoongi noticed. A stab of panic went through him.

"Is Jimin okay?" he asked. His throat burned.

"Huh?" Namjoon's brow furrowed. The tension in Yoongi's voice rattled him for a bit before he visibly relaxed. A smile came to his face. "Yes, he's fine. His ankle injury isn't that bad."

Yoongi frowned. "You sure?"

"I'm absolutely sure."

Yoongi sighed in relief. He fell away from the straw and took a deep breath. He nearly cried out in pain. He made a silent note to himself: do not take deep breaths after surgery, unless you were trying to get out of going somewhere.

Namjoon seemed to sense his discomfort. "How about you? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

Yoongi was sure. He knew that recovering would still be painful but the worst was behind him, and he was going to get better.

------

Chapter Text

Yoongi couldn't do it anymore. He had had enough. For the last however many years, he had struggled against this invisible enemy. He had stayed up nights, driven himself to tears, and to near insanity, and he hadn't found any peace yet.

He didn't know when it had exactly started. All he knew was that there always this empty feeling chasing him. He had tried so hard to keep it under wraps, but it wasn't working anymore.

People always said that it would get better, but what if it didn't? How were they so sure? What if he was one of those outliers who never got their happily ever afters? He had been like this for so long. If the end still wasn't in sight yet, Yoongi was ready to give up.

Suicidal thoughts were never something that he consciously summoned, but rather things that creeped into his mind when he was too tired to think about anything else.

It somehow provided peace. Yoongi wasn't stupid - he knew how sad his loved ones would be. But what about him? Didn't he deserve some happiness? Or was he forever doomed to a life where he could only think of others? Was it selfish to put himself first, in just this - perhaps the biggest in his life - one choice?

Yoongi didn't know. But for once, he was too tired to find out.

-------

There was a sense of finality in everything that he did. It was weird. He didn't have a plan or anything. Just... a sense that he wouldn't be here for much longer.

He felt lighter somehow. He felt like everything was going to be okay. No matter the situation, Yoongi had a way out. He had a way that he could escape any problem. He didn't have to deal with anything.

He drifted through the days, not caring anymore. He was going to be gone soon anyway.

-------

"He's so weird nowadays," Jimin said.

Jin shrugged. He glanced at Yoongi carefully. He was sitting, turned away from all of them, on the couch. There was a pale look in his eyes, but other than that, he looked utterly disinterested in the world around him. Jin couldn't help but feel that one of them had done something wrong. There had to be a reason why Yoongi was so detached.

"It's getting kind of annoying," Jimin continued.

"Mmhm. I guess so."

"I wish he would just talk."

"Yeah."

Yoongi absorbed himself into his phone. He could hear the others murmuring something on the other end of the couch, but he didn't really care. He didn't try and understand the world around him anymore.

"Want to come sit next to us?"

Yoongi glanced up at Jin, who asked the question. He shook his head.

"I'm good." His voice came out as a weird croak.

He didn't miss the way that Jin's face fell or the way that Jimin subtly rolled his eyes. It's okay, he had a solution for all of this. Just give him a few more days to plan and finalize.

--------

Slowly, slowly, he was aware of the changing attitude towards him. He had thought that maybe they would be sympathetic to his issues, but they seemed indifferent. Yoongi guessed that they might not know everything, but still. A little bit of care goes a long way.

He had thought that he didn't care anymore, but he was wrong. The subtle cold shoulder that he received made the empty feeling grow and grow until he was sure that he was just a walking-talking black hole.

Useless. No one will even notice when you're gone.

Just kill yourself already.

Just a few more days, he told himself. Then, maybe they would feel some regret, and he would finally be free.

-------

Taehyung was waiting for him at the dining table the next morning. As soon as he saw Yoongi, he stood up.

"I have something to talk to you about," he said stiffly.

Yoongi feigned innocence. "What?"

"I don't like the way you ignore us all the time."

"I don't ignore you."

"Yes, you do. You barely talk to us. You barely talk to anybody. If any of us did anything wrong, then tell us, and we'll work on it. But this is just rude and I don't like it."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Yoongi said.

Taehyung sighed loudly. Yoongi could see the exhaustion on his face. He felt bad.

"What do you want me to do?" Yoongi asked.

"Ask yourself that question."

Taehyung turned away from him and headed into the kitchen. Yoongi sank down into one of the chairs. His head was spinning.

"I'll get the others to talk to you. Maybe you'll do better with them," Taehyung called.

Yoongi felt tears spring to his eyes. Oh no. Oh no, how was he supposed to get through this. The mere idea of someone getting upset at him filled him with a sense of dread.

-------

Somehow, he managed to hold his tears back for the entire day. Being ignored was killing him - literally. Yoongi knew that whatever he had to do, he had to do quickly.

--------

But by the end of the day, he knew that he wouldn't be getting any time to plan. The others surrounded him like hawks, ready to extract any information from him. They didn't seem to understand that he didn't have a reason for being distant, that it wasn't his fault, and that he didn't really care about anything anymore.

Taehyung glared at him.

"Can you just explain what's going on?" Namjoon asked. "This is bothering all of us."

Yoongi shrugged. "Nothing."

"It's clearly something."

They were on that same dratted couch again. Yoongi had wanted to get rid so many years ago, but it remained like some unwanted vermin.

He fiddled with the zipper of his sweater. Glancing down, he avoided everyone's gaze.

"Is something going on?" Jin asked softly.

Deny, deny, deny.

"No," Yoongi mumbled. "Of course not."

"You need to talk to us, you can't just ignore us like this," Hoseok said.

"I know."

"Why are you always like this?" Hoseok continued, completely unfazed.

"Hoseok, maybe-" Jin was cut off.

"There's literally nothing going on. You always make a big deal about nothing. It's so annoying," Jimin said.

Yoongi curled his hand into a fist. His nails pressed into his palm, and he pressed harder, letting the pain ground him. Just a few more days, come on.

Jin's face was strained.

"Talk to us, come on. What's going on?" Namjoon asked.

"There's nothing wrong. He just feels like being rude on purpose," Taehyung said.

The anger had slowly been building up, but now there wasn't any ability left in Yoongi to fight back.

"What the hell do you mean?"

Yoongi stalked up to Taehyung. He didn't see a person that he cared about anymore. He just saw someone that never bothered to care about him, someone that he'd always had to make sacrifices for, only to receive nothing in return.

"Oh, you have something to say now-"

Yoongi reached out and punched Taehyung's face as hard as he could.

Then, he felt like he was thrown underwater. The world descended into a blurry set of noises and unclear sights. He felt like he was dreaming. He heard Taehyung cry out and the others gasp. He saw the blood dripping out of Taehyung's nose. He felt horror boil up in his own chest as he understood what he had done. He was a monster.

"Okay, now you're getting too far," Jimin said. "What the hell are you doing?"

Yoongi staggered back. Namjoon grabbed him by the shoulders. He could see a bit of concern. Namjoon knew that Yoongi wasn't like this. He knew that this wasn't him. He knew. He could tell.

Right? Yoongi thought he knew how to read body language. Maybe he didn't. Maybe he just didn't know anymore.

His eyes filled up with tears. He knew that he didn't have the right to cry anymore. He was the one who had caused this mess. He was always making a mess.

Always.

Turning on his heel, he ran down the hallway to his room. His bathroom cabinet had the pills. They were his dad's prescription pills that he had stolen when he had last visited.

He was a monster, he knew.

He choked down a handful. His throat clogged up and refused to let anything through, but he put more into his mouth. He couldn't swallow. The bitter taste nearly made him cry out.

The back of his mouth was so dry that he couldn't breathe. He coughed and coughed, until his lungs themselves felt like they were bleeding. He couldn't hear himself think. Would all this chaos eventually lead to peace? Really, would it? Or would it lead to just more pain and sadness?

Yoongi rocked himself back and forth. The pills would soon start acting. Soon. He knew these pills could kill him. He had looked it up.

If everything had been on his terms, he would've left behind a note and everything. Wrote a real tearjerker of a letter, left some mystical clues that would make people wonder, and all that jazz. But no. The world never worked on his schedule.

He never noticed it, but there were tears running down his face. He didn't know why. He wasn't sad. He didn't care at all, he thought.

After rocking for what felt like a while, Yoongi leaned against the cabinet. The cool tiles beneath him seemed to sense his pain. When he began to cry, he felt cold and forgotten just like them.

-------

"What in the world is wrong with him?" Hoseok asked.

Namjoon shrugged.

Taehyung's nose had stopped bleeding now, but his face was swollen. His eyes were teary and red.

"What is he trying to show us?" Jimin asked.

"I'll go ask." Jin stood up.

"He's going to do something to you too."

"I'll be able to talk some sense into him."

"I'll come with you," Jungkook said. It was the first time that he had spoken since the start of the incident. He looked like he couldn't believe anything that had just happened.

"Don't get hurt, that's all I have to say," Hoseok said.

-------

Yoongi was in a haze now. He didn't know what was going on. Was he crying? Was he dying? He didn't know.

Then, all of a sudden, a familiar face came into view. Their eyes were filled with confusion at first, but the empty pill bottle made them fill up and overflow with concern.

"What did you do?!?"

"Yoongi!"

-------

"Yoongi!"

Jungkook was as white as a sheet. He scurried off to get his phone to call for help.

"You idiot-"

Jin shook Yoongi's shoulder. Yoongi looked up with sad eyes. His face was streaked with tears. The bright bathroom lights highlighted the dark eye circles and the hollowness of his cheeks. What had been going on? Had Jin been blind this whole time?

He wrapped his arms around Yoongi's trembling frame, helping shield him from the world. Maybe if he held him tight enough, everything would turn out to be okay.

"What happened?"

The others were streaming in with their loud questions and voices. Yoongi sobbed into his shoulder.

Jungkook pushed his way in. He was on the phone now. He picked up the pill bottle with his free hand and turned this way and that, reading the labels. His face turned pale when he read the warning.

"Where did he get that?" Namjoon asked.

Jin didn't reply. He let Yoongi cry. He could feel Yoongi's heart slamming against his own. The medication affected heart rhythms. Jin imagined the rhythm of Yoongi's heart changing and changing, until it stopped altogether.

Maybe he was dreaming?

-------

It was weird, but Taehyung was with him when he awoke. His nose wasn't bleeding. His face was swollen. He even managed a small smile at him.

But Yoongi didn't want to see him. He tried to tell him to go away, but his mouth wouldn't work. He was connected to too many wires.

"Hyung, I'm sorry," Taehyung was saying. "I'll make sure you get the help you need. I promise you."

"We'll take care of you," Jimin whispered softly from his other side.

Yoongi closed his eyes again. He would never get his happy ending.

When he opened his eyes again, Jin was there. There was a kind exhaustion playing at his lips.

"It'll be okay," Jin said. He played with one of Yoongi's hands. "I give you my word."

Yoongi took a deep breath, and tried to imagine a future where it would be okay. If he dared to dream about it, maybe it would happen.

--------

Chapter Text

Yoongi could talk. Just... not very well. It took him a long time to get to know people and feel comfortable to talk to them. Over the years, there had been a multitude of people who had kindly informed him that he was boring, lame, stupid, stuck-up, and all those other beautiful adjectives that Yoongi loved to have connected to his name.

It impacted his self-esteem, but at the end of the day, he couldn't change who he was.

When he had first become an idol, performing had been a daunting task. It was something that he'd dreamed about, but he had no idea if he was actually going to be able to do it. But then, suddenly, he was doing it.

He was terrible at first. But he got better. He got so good at rapping that he knew he wouldn't screw up anymore. He got comfortable on stage.

But his stubborn silence around strangers remained. It was ironic. He could address thousands of people on stage, but not a single person off-stage. It was stupid.

The other members had slowly learned that he was just really quiet. When he was around them, he was able to be his normal self. He was able to laugh and joke around, just like anybody else would. Watching their videos, people probably would've thought that he was just like everybody else.

Yoongi tried to mask it. He tried so hard to hide it.

------

"I get weird vibes from him," Taehyung said.

Namjoon stared down at the tall new guy who was one of their managers. He had just joined the company a couple of weeks ago, but he had already been promoted to being one of their primary managers. Probably because his dad was one of the main shareholders of the agency, Jimin joked.

Yoongi didn't think it was a joke.

If the others had noticed, he would've definitely notice. He was usually the first one to point these things out.

"I hope I don't end up in a room alone with him," Jin said quietly, smiling. "He looks scary."

"Scarier than my sister when she gets mad." Hoseok nodded.

"Did he do anything to any of you?" Namjoon asked.

Jin shook his head.

"It's just... weird vibes," Hoseok said. "It might be nothing."

Again, Yoongi bristled. It wasn't nothing. He glanced at Hoseok, but didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say anymore. He never did, but...

The manager walked up to them. Namjoon and Hoseok fell silent.

"Hi, everyone." He smiled, looking at each of them in turn. "You don't need to introduce yourselves to me, I already know all your names. I am Hyukjin. Nice to meet you all."

The others seemed to chorus a hello in reply. Namjoon did some official leader stuff, like talk about the group and their goals, blah blah blah. Yoongi always thanked the heavens that he wasn't the leader. They would literally get nowhere if he was in charge. Speaking of him (hehe), he didn't even open his mouth. He could only stare at Hyukjin.

Something was off.

Why was he thinking that way?

--------

"He's freaking me out," Jungkook said the next day, when they had just sat down to have breakfast.

Jin glanced up at him, his mouth full of food. Yoongi frowned.

"Huh? What happened?" Namjoon asked.

Jungkook shrugged. He carefully tore his toast into two even pieces. Yoongi watched as he ripped the corners off perfectly before answering.

"It's... I don't know, he's just weird. In a bad way. When he talks, he looks into my eyes and makes me feel that I'm not normal. I don't know how to describe it. It's like he's examining me from within."

"Like, judging you?" Hoseok asked.

"Mmhm."

"Does that happen to anyone else?" Namjoon asked.

Jimin shook his head. "Babe doesn't even talk to me."

"What?"

"He ignores me."

"Why?"

"I don't know." It was Jimin's turn to shrug. "He acts like I'm boring."

"You're not, though," Taehyung said.

When Jimin turned around to look at him with heart eyes, Jin cleared his throat loudly.

"Yoongi? What about you?" he asked.

Yoongi shook his head. "Same as Jimin, I guess."

Hoseok frowned. "I don't like this. He's literally making everyone feel uncomfortable. What are the other staff members saying?"

"I don't know," Namjoon said. "Haven't talked to them."

"Just don't leave me alone with him, I'm begging you," Jungkook said. "He scares me."

"We won't," Yoongi said.

"Yeah."

Taehyung nodded.

"I'll talk to the others. I'll get him removed somehow, you'll see," Namjoon said.

"Look at that. Super Namjoon to the rescue," Hoseok said.

Yoongi laughed, the others joining in. But deep down, he had the same worries as Jungkook. With his quiet attitude, he knew that he was just going to get picked on.

--------

Jungkook gripped onto Yoongi's arm tightly as they walked down the hallway. They were nearing Hyukjin's office and Jungkook seemed to get more scared the closer they got.

"What's wrong, Jungkook?" Yoongi asked.

Jungkook shook his head, too keyed up to answer.

"Why are you scared of him? Did he do something to you?"

Jungkook shook his head again. Yoongi was left with a frustrating blank space as an answer.

"What happened?"

"Nothing," he finally said. "I'm just scared."

"Okay." Yoongi nodded. "Well, we just have to walk past it to get to the second dance studio. Then we're all good."

"The others will be here soon too, no?"

"Yep."

"Okay."

Jungkook seemed to relax.

Yoongi straightened himself. It was just down this hallway, and then they would make it. There wasn't that much left.

Hyukjin's door was ajar. Soft music was filtering through. Jungkook and Yoongi slowed down to a tiptoe and tried to sneak past. But it didn't work. The door was suddenly flung open, Hyukjin standing behind it.

"Oh, it's you two." He smiled again, that scary smile that Yoongi didn't know how to interpret. Jungkook shivered next to him.

"Why don't you two come in? I haven't gotten to know you two very well yet."

Yeah, that's because you keep looking at me like I'm some weirdo just because I don't talk much, Yoongi thought. He didn't say anything out loud though. His voice had disappeared. It had sunk through the invisible waves of his shyness and he had no idea how to fish it out.

Before they knew what was happening, they were ushered into the office. The old space had been redecorated nicely. Yoongi felt his skin crawl. Jungkook wasn't going to say anything, and neither was he. This was going to be so awkward.

"So." Hyukjin shut the door behind him. "What are you two up to?"

Yoongi swallowed. He glanced at the floor. He felt Hyukjin's gaze on him. Jungkook mumbled something underneath his breath.

"What is it? Scared?"

Yoongi's face was starting to get warm. He swallowed again, trying to get rid of all his spit. But then his mouth got too dry, and he could only regret all his actions.

"Okay, listen to me."

Yoongi glanced up, his heart racing. Hyukjin's booming voice was terrifying him.

"Jungkook, why don't you go to the studio?"

Jungkook nodded. He seemed all too happy to leave the office. Yoongi watched in stunned silence as he slipped out the door. Great. Now he was all alone.

He still hadn't emotionally recovered from Jungkook's departure before Hyukjin was talking again.

"When I watch you on stage, you're so much cooler than this. What's happening now? The cat got your tongue?"

Yoongi shook his head. He glanced at his feet still, not knowing how to respond. He hated that expression with his entire soul. Anxiety tore at his chest. Why did Jungkook have to leave?

"Yoongi, look at me."

He managed to glance up again. Hyukjin had a dizzying smile on his face. Sickly sweet. Yoongi swallowed. There was nothing left to swallow.

"Why do you never talk? Do you even know how to talk?"

Anger flared up inside him, but he still couldn't reply. It didn't make any sense. He could talk just fine in front of Jungkook, but as soon as he got in here, his entire vocal chord system and its associated brain components would mass destruct. It was so stupid. But he couldn't fix it.

"What do you say?" Hyukjin's voice was teasing, taunting almost.

"I..." A brief moment of hope tumbled into a disaster as Yoongi's mouth refused to work any further. Frustration churned through him.

"You're so much cooler on stage."

Yoongi nodded. Sure. Just get him out of here and he would automatically become so much cooler.

Hyukjin's back was towards the door, Yoongi facing it. All of a sudden, Yoongi thought he saw someone standing in the hallway right outside the door. Then Jungkook peeked in. Hoseok was next to him.

There seemed to be a question in Hoseok's eyes: "Are you okay?"

"You're so disappointing and boring in real life," Hyukjin said.

Yoongi met his eyes again. Hoseok and Jungkook disappeared around the corner.

"I thought you were going to have some wit and spirit in you. Instead, you're just a boring old loser who can't even hold a conversation properly."

Okay, now this was getting too far. Yoongi was sure that he was furious, and he knew he was. His fists were clenching up and he knew that his favourite pasttime now was to smash Hyukjin's face into a pulp. But he couldn't muster up the courage to talk. He felt overwhelmed. He wanted to cry.

No, he wanted to scream in Hoseok's face, he wasn't okay.

Hyukjin had started pacing around now. He was still saying things, but Yoongi couldn't hear him anymore. His thoughts drowned everything out. Where was he even? Wasn't he supposed to go dance at some studio? What even was the time?

Hyukjin's sudden shove took him by surprise. He held Yoongi tightly by the shoulders, his grip almost crushing him. Yoongi wondered if he would need to get his shoulder surgery all over again.

Hyukjin was quite a bit taller than him, so he towered over Yoongi, his breath warming up his face. There wasn't a single doubt about it - he was trying to intimidate him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jungkook appear at the edge of the doorframe again. Yoongi didn't know what else to do, so he stuck his hand up, behind Hyukjin's back. He held his hand up, trying to signal the trouble he was in.

Jungkook got the hint immediately. He nodded at Yoongi before disappearing again. He couldn't get through the door just yet, Yoongi translated.

"Now you listen to me," Hyukjin was saying. "You listen to me. I have big plans for this group. I don't know why I'm telling you this, you probably don't even understand what I'm talking about, but I have lots of ideas. You guys are going to do lots of things that you've never done before. Lots of new things. Do you understand?" He was standing so close to Yoongi that his words were deafening to his ears. Yoongi felt like he was going to collapse.

Just when he thought that he was actually going to have a heart attack and die, the door was flung open. Jungkook was still standing off to the side, but the people that came right into the office were Jimin and Jin.

Hyukjin didn't budge.

"Get off of him," Jin said.

He came over and tried to pry Hyukjin's fingers away from Yoongi's shaking shoulders. The words kept ringing in his head. They weren't unlike anything he had already heard before, but they still stung. Jimin helped Jin, and before Yoongi could take another breath, Hyukjin's grip had lifted.

"I was talking to him," Hyukjin said. That smile was back.

"Sure," Hoseok said. "Sure you were."

"I was!"

"Let's go," Jimin said.

"I'm writing you up," Jin said. "You better watch your mouth if you don't want me to directly publish it to the media."

"That's stupid, I-"

"Let's go," Jimin said loudly.

Yoongi grasped his outstretched hand and ran out of the office. His face was white. He was positively shaking.

"Did he hurt you?" Jimin asked when they had made it out of earshot. They could still hear Jin and Taehyung yelling, though. Oof. Hyukjin was in for quite the night.

"No," Yoongi managed to sound out. Crazy how his mouth managed to work now. His heart was still beating like crazy now though. He felt like he couldn't breathe.

"Hey, hey, look at me, hyung," Jimin said. He stopped and gave Yoongi a hug. "Ignore what he said. We'll make sure that he's gone by tomorrow. We'll keep you safe."

Yoongi nodded and that was enough.

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