Chapter Text
“Whatever is the matter my dear Leonardo?”
Leo turned from his bedroom window. He had his forearm and fist pressed behind his shell. It was a stance that marked a gentleman, and one that had been indoctrinated into his teaching at a very early age, “I,” Leonardo paused glancing back towards the window; he could see tents being taken down from the day's celebrations. He had a been so excited to see those same tents go up just yesterday, now they made his gut twist in pain, “May speak my mind Mother?” He asks in a calm proper voice he’s also learned to use.
“Of course my Prince, what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t?” Big Mama’s head slid to the side with her empty unblinking eyes on him and painted smile as beautiful and flat as one of the many oil paintings of Big Mama that hung around the Palace,
“I-I really thought you were going to be here today. You-“ Leo feels himself tremble, even though he knows the truth, the reality of this conversation, he still feels a small tremble creep down the back of his shell, “You promised me you would.“
“I’m sorry my little Prince, does this make you sad?”
Leo bit his bottom lip, “Y-yes Mother. It made me sad. You left before I even woke up. You didn’t even leave a note telling me why you weren’t going to be here.”
“I’m very busy Leonardo, just because I am not there doesn’t mean that I do not care for you.” Her head tilts to the other side though her eyes don’t change, her eyebrows tilt upward as though to simulate sadness. “I love my son very much. He is a very good boy.” Her arms began to rise from her sides, as though they were being lifted by the strings of a puppeteer.
He knew better, Leonardo knew the scope of his own illusion magic, that this version of his mother was just a projections of his desires. But his naivety won out and he stepped closer, his hands brought up to grab onto hers. But when they connected, they gave off a spark, scattering at his touch like fresh fallen snow caught on a new breeze. Leo felt his heart ache and shatter like the shards of his broken dream.
But like a good Prince, he swallowed his emotions erasing the shaking from his breath, and pivots his steps. Walking over to his large bed and sitting down with a proper straight back and his hands on his lap. He raised his shaking hands up and drew the scattering remains of the illusion to him and gathered them in his palms, using his magic to roll them around and blow into them again. The lights scattered around the room and in a shimmer, they formed glittering white birds. Despite his burning eyes, he smiles at his creations and watches them flutter around the room as though they had a life all their own.
A Prince must be perfect.
A Prince must be strong.
A Prince must not cry.
(#)(#)\/(#)(#)
(Five Years Later)
A rumble in the distance wakes Leo with a gasp pulling his eye mask off his face, his other hand finding his rapier in the dark as he sat up. The castle illuminated for a moment in the wake of a lightning strike and coaxes his fears of the monsters that live in the shadows. But his heart still hammers for a moment before he lays his head back down on his pillow. Already he’s falling into the pattern of slow breathing and allowing calm to fill his body.
His very thirsty body.
With a groan of someone who hated to be inconvenienced he sat up from the bed, absentmindedly reaching up and pulling off his thick silk eye mask and dropping it behind him. Leo kneels down by the two traveling bags his loud yawned drowned out by another rumble of thunder outside and the incessant rain. He finds his water carrier by his bag and takes a swig from it, but mentally reminds himself he has to refill it eventually. Hopefully with something more tasteful then river water. His eyes drift against to the other bag, wondering if that was the one he had brought his spare spats in, when he realizes the bag doesn’t have the quality of his but rather a dark brown satchel covered in patches and definitely not something he’d own
Doniel
Every ounce of sleep left in him flees in a strike of adrenaline as he rises to his feet, remembering he hadn’t been sleeping alone, the form that had been sleeping by him was missing.
Big Mama
The Mud Dogs
Doniel’s family.
“Doniel?” He calls pivoting on his step with his rapier out checking his surroundings, had someone snuck in without him knowing? No, impossible he had set a protection spell on the castle to alert him when someone entered. Leo wondered if he had accidentally set something wrong (not likely, he was very adept at spells) when a soft tremor took over the ruined castle reminiscent of the one that had woken him, freezing him in his steps. Echoes of the night before rang through his head, the cracking of trees tearing free of their roots, Doniel’s scream of despair.
He remembers the rain.
He remembers the Mud Dogs’ sacrifice.
Leo re-sheaths his rapier and cupped his hand upward, spinning his other over it before tapping his palm. A light formed from his palm. “Doniel?” He called, ducking farther into the castle. When he had first carried Doniel here, he had been unwilling to go any deeper; he didn’t trust a building this old to not collapse on them. He turns his palm and aims the light around the tunnel. The castle had long been ransacked by thieves and collectors, the only reason he even knew the building’s original purpose was the faded paintings on the wall that reminded him of the castles Uncle Draxum would force him to tour with.
The tremble came again, this time it lingers in his legs for a moment. “Doniel?!” he called louder. Ahead he can see an old tapestry covering an archway. Lightning again illuminates the edges as another tremble goes through the castle. With a deep breath and shaking hand he ducks past the tapestry.
He’s now in the large remains of what was probably a mess hall, the ceilings curved overhead covered in cracks that let rain drip in around him but not enough to make him feel unsafe. Not until he hears a soft gasp and shines his light on a familiar form sitting on a large piece of rubble, panting with his elbows on his knees it gives Leo whiplash to still see Doniel wearing the fancier clothes he had lent him yesterday. “Doniel!” Leo felt a flush of irritation , “are you klipping kidding me?!” he demands., “I called your name, you can’t even respond?!I I thought my tickery ticker was going to give out.”
“For the love of the Moon Leo please make sense or don’t talk pick one.” Says the thief, dragging a hand across his forehead.
Leo puffs up his chest for a moment, ready to make a few comments of his own when he stops. Forcing himself to take a deep breath, “What are you doing anyway?”
“Training.” Donnie turned pointing his palm towards a large boulder just in front of him. Leo already feels a swell of dread, his hand starts to unwillingly tingle as his magic unconsciously comes to attention. But after several seconds of Doniel staring at the boulder with a furrowed brow he lets out a deep breath and lets his arm drop, resuming his exhausted position Leo had seen him in when he first arrived. “I’m,” Leo starts, rethinking his word choice, “I’m not surprised you’re having trouble.” But obviously he didn’t rethink his words enough since Doniel glares at him anyway. “You used a lot of your power yesterday, when Big Mama-“ Leo cuts himself off but it’s not enough to stop Doniel’s eyes from filling with tears as he turns away, before Leo can offer any semblance of an apology Doniel grabs the sides of his head , the boulder he had been trying to move earlier slides across the room and the trembling Leo had felt earlier consumes the castle again for a few seconds before ceasing. Doniel lets out a pained gasp that pierces him in the heart before he slides off the boulder onto the ground. Leo moves closer, but is unsure of what to do, “I thought you exhausted your powers-“
“They are, my body and my magic are out of sync right now. I thought if I trained a little bit I could reconnect them sooner. But it figures it wouldn’t work, I can barely get them to work when I’m fully stable-“ Doniel rests his head on the boulder behind him, pain in the corner of his eyes, “I don’t have full control anymore. So I’m trying to fix that before something worse happens.” For the first time since Leo entered the room, Donnie looks at him, “Look I hate sounding melodramatic but you need to get your stuff and go. I’ll give you some food, but you have to go meet up with Mikey and Raph. I’ll join you when I can.” Doniel sighs, closing his eyes, “if I can,” he whispers.
“Wh-“ Leo blinks, before throwing his hands in the air, “Ok for someone who doesn’t want to sound melodramatic you’re failing at it. Why are you talking like this?!” Leo demanded, “are you trying to sound like a super cliché’ hero with a blonde wig and tight tights name Lê-Sean and rides a Uni pony named Jazzy?!”
“I-“ Donnie blinked for a moment, ”Ok that was really specific. Do you know a hero who wears a blonde wig named-“
“Yes, but that’s beside the point.” Leo didn’t feel like talking about Lê-Sean the hero who wore a blonde wig and rode a Uni pony named Jazzy or about going into their elaborate backstory , so he continues “For a guy who always claims to be the smartest person in every room you sound stupid.”
“Doniel’t you get it Leonardo?!” Doniel bites back, “It’s dangerous to be around me right now. At least before I was able to calm down before it got bad. But that was only because my Dad-“ The thief pauses. His gaze becoming far away for a moment as his eyes begin to swim with tears. But as quickly as they came, Doniel blinks them away, “I have nothing to calm me down here. I don’t want you to get hurt, so just go.”
There was a part of Leo who understood everything Doniel was saying. Understood Doniel was trying to protect him from a power he couldn’t control. It would be better for him to just go and let Doniel rebalance himself on his own. But in the back of his mind, he could still feel the front of his shirt being twisted as he was pulled closer to the face of a father with a red lighting mark over his eyes, he can still hear his words echoing in his head ‘you take care of my boy’ digging into his heart.
At the time he hadn’t had time to protest or express his own thoughts on the matter.
And yet…
“Are you kidding me?!” Leo demanded, “It’s raining banana cows and orange utan’s out there. I won't make it five feet before it ruins my make up.” He points at his eyeliner and eyeshadow (ignoring the fact they probably were already ruined getting here). “If you think I’m going to die so quickly because of a peasant like you then you really underestimate me.”
Doniel narrows his eyes at him before dropping his head on his knees. For a moment Leo felt a pang of concern (at least he’s thinks it’s concern, he’s still getting used to caring for other people) but Doniel lets out a soft sigh. “If I let you stay,” Doniel starts, “the you have to promise me that if I lose control, really loose control, that you get out of here. You don’t look back. You don’t try to help me. You just run.”
Leo makes a show of rolling his eyes, “You don’t have to tell me twice.” But moves closer, holding his hand out, “Come on, we should both be resting.”
Doniel eyes his hand suspiciously hesitating before reaching up and taking it, allowing Leo to pull him up. For a moment Doniel stumbles and he has to grab Doniel’s other arm to keep him from falling over, “Are you alright?” Leo asks.
“‘M fine,” Doniel starts with what can be described as an embarrassed pout, “My leg brace got damaged in all the ruckus yesterday and I’m going to have to fix it.” He sighs, and looks over to him, the pout fading leaving only shame, “I hate to ask-“
Leo immediately puts himself under Doniel’s arm on the side of his bad leg, putting an arm around his waist and taking his weight. He’s almost satisfied to see Doniel’s look of surprise fade into a tired, if not grateful smile. The two moved back into the castle, and despite himself, Leo keeps a tight grip on Doniel as though afraid he was going to pull away and disappear altogether.
He may not have been able to respond to Leonard’s request.
But he intended to keep it.
(#)(#)\/(#)(#)
Before , when they had been traveling with Raph and Mikey, he had been sure to always have some sort of divide between him and the others (to maintain his dignity of course). So the fact he had to sleep next to Doniel not only threw off his mojo but gave him a begrudgingly sense of security. But of course, all that went out the window when his stomach suddenly grumbled so loud that Doniel jolted awake next to him, giving him a half exhausted half ‘are you freaking kidding me’ look. “I’m assuming you’re hungry?” he grumbled weakly.
“No.” Leo sat up crossing his arms over his chest, before his stomach betrayed him again, “Ok yes.” He half expected Doniel to make a joke at him or a sarcastic comment. But Doniel sighed, “Yeah I guess that’s fair.” He said sitting up on his side of the bed and swinging his leg over, Leo felt a twang of guilt as Doniel lifted his bad leg over the side of the bed. “Do you have any parts to fix your brace?” he asked.
“I did but I used them all up. My leg brace isn’t used to traveling this much. I have spare parts at my hideout,” the thief let out a sigh, Leo could feel his frustration. He looked around the room before standing up and walking towards the window into the surrounding forest, if you want I can go out to the forest and try and find you a walking stick,” he says despite the still pouring rain.
Doniel sighed, “Is that a joke or-“
“N-No.” Of course Doniel would think he was just trying to be mean, he had spent weeks mocking him for a disability he had no control over. He took a deep breath, “No I mean it, I’ll find you something to walk with, if that’s ok with you?”
Doniel gave him a suspicious look for a moment, probably judging his sincerity. “No its ok I have a walking stick in my bag that I use. But, you know, thanks for offering,” He said with a small shrug. “If you could hand me my bag I can get it out.” Leo did as he was told. It always surprised him to see Doniel pull out impossibly large items out of his bag, and it was no different when Doniel pulled out a cooking pot and a frying pan out of a bag no bigger than a book. Then a long walking stick with a handle and a curve on top where Doniel could put under his arm. Though it wasn’t intricate or fancy, whoever had carved it for him had taken care to make sure it was sturdy and strong.
Someone who cared.
Someone like a parent.
For what feels like the hundredth time, Leo has to push the thought of the Mud Dogs out of his mind as he stands up and moves over to Doniel’s side of the bed, taking the pan and pot from him, “I got it.” He said stepping back, giving Doniel room to balance on his good leg and situate his walking stick under his arm. “Thanks said.
“No prob,” he pulled a chair a bit away from the bed, gesturing for Doniel to sit, “How can I help?”
Doniel quirked his eyebrow,”Wow you must really be hungry.”
“NO. I mean, I tried to find food earlier, but I'm just not very good at it yet.”
Doniel narrows his eye at him suspiciously before looking around their little base. Leo feels his face burn as Doniel’s eyes fall on the patch of grass that grows in around cracks in the stone that’s considerably shorter than when they arrived. Doniel gestures at it with a dumbfounded look on his face. “I was hungry ok?!” Leo wails,” I didn’t know what else to do!” he shame deepens when Donnie drags a hand down his face. But the small laugh he lets out somehow helps his wounded pride, “Ok you spoiled feather what do you want to eat?”
“ I don’t suppose you have banana steaks with sauerkraut sauce and sugar dust?” He asks, but when Doniel gives him a deadpan look Leo gives a sheepish smile, “I’ll be happy with anything. Can I help?”
“Yeah, I want to get a soup started for tonight, since this is a castle it should have its own water source or a well. I’d use rainwater but I’d rather have a reliable clean source.”
“Ummm.” Before Leo could voice his concern over crawling around an old decrepit castle looking for water (especially since there was a nice rainstorm to get water from) Donnie pulls out a small brown book, “Here,” he says holding it out, “There’s a spell in here that should help you. It might take you a while to master it but it’ll help you find water. I wouldn’t ask you if I thought it was dangerous.”
Leo blinked before looking at the cover ‘Practical Magic.’ “Ooh,” he said before flipping the pages open “You know I think this is the only other book I’ve ever opened for myself. Other than that book on ducks Raph carries with him.” He opened the table of contents and found a section marked ‘ mapping spell’ “Oh wondergirific,” he said before turning to the page, reading the passage, and internalizing the words. “Ok easy enough.” He held the book open with one hand as he held out his other to the side. He summoned blue magic to the palm of his hand, allowing it to roll around as he focused before lifting his palm upward. The blue magic spread out from his palm and up the walls disappearing from sight. In his hand was left a small outline of the castle, according to the spell the red marked parts of the building that were decrepit and unsafe (ok so it looked like the castle was mostly red, that was bad) but their little camp was in a secure spot. Doniel had been right when he had assumed there was a source of water, according to the blue line near the bottom.’ “OK, I think there’s a source of clean water nearby, and it also looks like there’s a safe passage to it.” Leo beamed, looking over to Doniel. It surprised him to see Doniel look, well, surprised “You ok?”
“You-you just got that right? On the first try?” Doniel asked, “I’ve been trying to do those spells for months. And you got it right on the first try?”
“Well it’s a pretty easy spell-“ Leo started before he caught himself. Unsure of why for a moment, before he saw Doniel look back towards his hands, a mournful look on his face. He had almost forgotten that Doniel couldn’t perform even the simplest spell. And here Leo was bragging and showing off. He reached and took the pot, “I’ll go get us some water,” he offers before walking by. His hand hovers for a moment over Doniel’s shoulder unsure if he should pat it or offer some sort of comfort, but he pulls it back in and follows the small map on his palm deeper into the castle.
(#)(#)\/(#)(#)
For not the first time in the past five minutes, Leo lets out a shriek of despair, setting the heavy water filled pot onto the ground, whimpering, “Why is it so heavvvvvvyyyyyyy.” He looks at his poor palms, which had once been clean enough to eat off of, are now covered in black rust and dirt. With a loud high pitched whine, he sits down hard on a piece of rubble, shaking out his hands. “And to think, I was once featured on the Aetherwave called ‘Magnificent Manly Manicures Monthly,” he says with another mighty whine.
He watches his poor hands for a moment before sighing. Gathering magic into the palms of his hands and blowing on them, like a fog that rolls onto the floor before twisting around. His illusion magic takes form of a familiar woman with silver white hair, adorned in gems that were worth more than most people’s farms, empty eyes look to him with a hollow smile.“Hello my sweet prince,” Says the illusion of his mother, “Are you alright?”
“Look at my hannnnnddds.” He holds them up. The illusion of Big Mama step closer tilting her head down to look that them, “Why yes, you must be working hard my prince. Why are you working so hard?”
“Doniel asked me to fill this with water so he can make food for us. But its heavvvyyyyyy.” He finally notices that his silk sleeves were even filthier,” and dirrrttttyyyy.”
“If he wants the water so bad, why not have him get it himself? Doniel’t you know that you’re far too good for this sort of physical labor?”
“I-“ Leo frowns lightly at the illusion. She wasn’t supposed to say things like that, “I mean, he can’t really walk right now.”
“Why is that your problem?” The illusion tips her head to the side, “Oh my sweet, have you forgotten? You are royalty. My special chosen child loved by thousands, if not millions. This sort of work does not suit you. Go and tell him that it is beneath you.”
Leo glances back at the illusion for a moment. While growing up, his mother had a habit of not being around and backing out on promises. But he didn’t mind so much, not when he could always summon her as an illusion whenever he missed her or just wanted someone to talk to. Usually it made him feel better, the reminder that his mother still loved him.
But.
This felt different.
“It’s alright Mother, I don’t mind.” He stands up, “I’ll talk to you later.” With that he scatters her illusion away, watching her fade with a nervous look before restarting his journey. By the time he returns, he was welcomed with the smell of cooked bacon, eggs and toast that makes his mouth water more than banana steaks ever did, “I got the water” he says, setting the pot down.
Doniel peers inside, “Thanks you, next time though you don’t have to fill it up all the way. It wasn’t too heavy was it?”
Despite his twitching eye Leo puts on a strained smile, “ Only a little.” Though to be fair he is mad he hadn’t asked how much water Doniel would need. He hooks it over the mushroom fire like had seen Doniel do so many times, “Is it ready yet?” Leo asks, hoping he didn’t sound too desperate.
“Soon,” Doniel says in way of response, poking at the bacon with a spatula. Even though Leo had seen Doniel pull an insurmountable amount of objects out of bags, he wasn’t sure how Doniel managed to carry around so much food. From what he had gathered Doniel was a sort of a clean freak, “So, where did all this come from?” he asks.
“Want me to show you?”
Normally Leo would have started weeping from boredom and curled up on the floor until an attendant entertained him (usually by juggling knives) but he nods anyway. Doniel picks up a small wooden box that Leo had overlooked and pulls the lid off, revealing several small vials that confused him even further, full of multi colored grain. Doniel pulls out one that was full of orange grain and sprinkles some out on the cutting board. The thief places his hand over it and took a deep breath, though nothing happens with Doniel’s hands, when he removes them, large carrots are left in their place,” What how?!” Leo asks, picking one up, “That-that’s so cool!”
“Its magic-dration. It's It’s all science, well magic science.” Doniel rolls his hand, already cutting up the carrots and sliding them into the pot. “I made a device that turns edible products into grains. It allows me to carry a lot of food on me at a time without making a mess. All you have to do is concentrate some magic on it and it returns to its original form. It’s something even I can do.”
“That’s amazing! How have I never heard of this?! How much food do you have on you? Have you tried it with cooked food? Does it taste better? Does it taste worse-“ Leo blink, realizing he had started rambling fluttering his hands (and the carrot) in excitement.“ Um sorry I didn’t mean-“
“It's ok.” Doniel gives him an endearing smile before he pulls out a plate, “ Go rinse your hands off in the rain and then you can have some food.”
With a bit more eagerness than his mother would have approved of, Leo does as he is told, making sure to rinse off the black dust and shake it out before returning. “Thank you,” he says, quickly taking the plate. He is shoveling half the food in his mouth before he realizes Doniel is giving him a confused look. “W-a-t?“ he asks the best he can without choking.
“You’ve never thanked me before.”
“I-“ Leo finishes off his plate, “ I mean I’ve said thank you before.”
“No, you’ve said ‘you’re welcome for being here,’ ‘thank you for admiring my appearance.’ When I was trying to warn you about a spider on you. But you’ve never thanked me for making you food.”
“I-“ Honestly it was probably true. Big Mummy had always told him that ‘please and thank yous’ were for beggars and liberal art graduates,’ and that he was above that. But honestly, he would have said a thank you a million times to keep from getting that hungry again. He uses his sleeve to wipe his mouth without thinking before setting his plate aside, leaning back to enjoy the feeling of being full. Leo couldn’t remember the last time he had been that hungry. Probably never. That was what it meant to have money and wealth, it meant always having food ready, never being so hungry that you’d try eating grass.
Was this how it felt to be a peasant?
Was this how it felt to be Donnie?
He blinks at that thought, watching Donnie pick at his untouched food with a faraway look in his eyes. Back when they had been with Mikey and Raph he had overheard Doniel mention that, after Big Mama had kicked him out of her mansion, that he had lived on the streets for many months, he must have been hungry all the time then. And he had just been a child. So traumatized that he had forgotten how to speak. Of course, at the time Leo hadn’t missed an opportunity to say ‘that’s all fair and good since trash shouldn’t talk anyway’. At the time he had chuckled at his own joke despite Mikey looking at him in shock. Doniel hadn’t bothered to look at him, but he knew it had hurt.
Why had he said that?
Why did he have to be so cruel?
Leo pulls himself out of his thoughts in time to have another plate deposited on his lap, “I’m not hungry.” Doniel offers as an explanation, putting his walking stick back in place. Before Leo can ask where he is going, he is kneeling down and taking up the clothes Leo had set aside the night before to dry, “How did you learn that spell so quickly?” Donnie asks, pulling off the silk shirt Leo had lent him.
“I-“ Leo hadn’t noticed how much thinner Donnie was then him, the scars that covered his biceps that looked like they came from crossbows, all markings of a life spent running, “It was a pretty basic spell. I had magic tutors that helped me with that sort of thing, if you want, I can show you how-“
“No.” Donnie pauses, “No thanks.”
“It’s really not a hard spell though I’m sure-“
Donnie’s shoulders hunch ,”I said no Leo,” he barks, a tremble went. through the room again, Doniel twists his face away , his hand holding the side of his head. Leo freezes, looking around the room to make sure that nothing had come loose, but there then a few scattered leaves it looked like the castle was undamaged, “Donnie I’m-“
“Why can’t you ever let anything go!?” Doniel demands looking back at him, the pained lines around his eyes returning, “I can’t do magic Leo, not like you. I can’t even do the most basic spell. That’s why I have my magic items.”
“I-“ Leo was spiraling a little, mentally berating himself for making Doniel that upset, “If-if it helps, I might be good at spells but I’ve never had that amount of raw power like you-“ Another tremble going through the room warns Leo he’s said the wrong thing as Donnie turns back to look at him.
“You think it’s a good thing!? We live in a world where everyone can do magic with proper training but I can barely re-animate my own food. All I have is a destructive levitation power that almost killed my Dad once. So this isn’t a case of ‘oh well at least’ here. I’d rather be able to just shoot bubbles out of my nose then have a power that just hurtspeople.”
For a second the two just stand there, even though the room has stopped shaking he can’t stop his body from trembling. Out of the corner of his eye he inspects the room to make sure it’s not about to come down on them, when he’s satisfied it’s not, he looks back in time to see Donnie heaving his bag over his shoulder. “Donnie where are you-“
“I can’t be around you, not unless you want me to bring the building down on us both. I’m going to stay in that room I was in earlier, I’ll leave the food with you. Just don’t eat anymore damn grass.”
Leo freezes for a moment, watching Doniel start down the hallway. He suddenly sees all the birthday party his mother bailed on. He sees the back of a tall man with long white ears walking away. He sees the turtle he promised to protect walk away.
Everyone leaves.
No one ever stays.
Before he can stop himself, hot tears fill his eyes and panic starts squeezing the life out of his lungs as he struggles to breath. Even holding the front of his shirt doesn’t help. “S-stop!” he shouts lacking the dignity that had been drilled into every fiber of his being “Please stop, I don’t know what I did wrong,” he begs. Through his blurry eyes he can’t tell if Doniel’s still walking away, and that somehow makes him panic more “I’m sorry, I’m trying I really am. Just-“ he can’t stop his shoulders from trembling as he grabs at the front of his shirt, desperate to keep from collapsing in on himself, don’t leave me all alone.
A hand grabs his shoulders. “Leo? Leo calm down it’s ok-“
The sound of Doniel’s voice makes him let out a small sob. “Pl-please don’t’ g-go,” he lets out a painful wheeze, growing dizzy from the lack of oxygen. Doniel’s other hand grabs the back of his head and before he knows what’s happening, Doniel’s arms are wrapped around him, his face trapped in Doniel’s shoulder pinning it there. At first his body stiffens at the contact, worried he was about to be thrown to the ground or put into a chokehold, but then he feels Dons hand start stroking the back of his head.
“Take a deep breathe with me.”
In his state of confusion, he has no choice to obey, taking a slow if shaky, deep breath in sync with Doniel’s. Even though he hadn’t been hyperventilating very long, that long deep breath is enough to keep his head from pounding. He finally realizes that the arms around him aren’t tight enough to trap them, but enough to hold him close to Doniel. He can also feel the subtle beat of Doniel’s heart against his forehead. Slow and soothing, like a metronome.
After a few seconds, he feels Doniel’s arms loosen around him as though asking him if wanted him to let go. But the greedy part of Leo wins over and he wraps his arms around the other turtle far tighter than how Doniel had been holding him. “Please don’t let go,” he asks in a broken whisper. When Doniel’s rewrap around him, he shudders in relief, allowing himself to weep softly in the other’s shoulders, all while Doniel strokes the back of his head.
He knows he’s been greedy, it’s part of his nature, but dignity wins out over his desire to be held and he pulls away slowly. It’s only then he realizes he had hugged the other turtle off his feet.” So-sorry,” he apologizes as he sets Doniel on his feet. Shame finally wins over as he starts digging in his pockets and pulling out his fan, but Doniel takes it from his hand, “Lay on the bed.”Too tired to argue or make a witty comeback he does as he’s told, laying on his shell wiping at his eyes. But a moment later he hears his fan snap open and a gentle breeze on his face. “Th-thanks,” he says weakly.
“Just relax, it’s ok.”
“It’s not ok. I’m-“ Leos eyes begin to burn again as he presses the palms of his hands against his eyes, “I’m not supposed to cry.” Now that he was getting oxygen, Leo’s head was clearing up. With it, came a soft sigh, “I only ever remember crying twice. Once in front of mother and when I did, she gave this, this disgusted look on her face. She said that if I was going to keep being so weak that I wasn’t worthy of being her prince, but when I saw you walk away just now,” Leo swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut ,”I thought she said it to make me stronger, but now I know she just didn’t want me to inconvenience her.”
The fan falters in airing him for a moment.”That’s, a pretty awful thing to say to a kid,” Doniel pauses for a moment, “My Dad always told me that it was ok to cry that it was just the heart’s way of letting others know they need help.”
“L-Leonard right? He raised you?” Doniel squeezes his eyes shut in a way that makes Leo regret saying his name ,” Yeah, Len raised me. Uncle Mickey and Danny helped but he is the one who I considered my father.”
“He-he never shamed you for crying?”
“Never, after my family moved back to their base after our first winter together. I used to have panic attacks like yours all the time. My Healer thought it was the stress of transitioning from being an orphan to having a family again. But Len did everything he could to help me even as I got older. Whenever I had to cry or had an anxiety attack he’d be there a moment later to hold and comfort me.” Doniel looks back to him. ”Big Mama never held you, did she?”
A new surge of tears threaten to burn past Leos eyelids as he shakes his head. ”When I was little, she would, but the older I got the less interested she became in showing affection.” Leo feels embarrassed talking about his mother in such a way, but feels Doniel wipe the new onslaught of tears off his face. “Damed stars,” Leo curses, “I’m supposed to be keeping you calm and here I can’t,” a small sob escapes him, “I can’t even take care of myself.”
“You’re doing a good job Leo,” Doniel stops fanning his face for a moment long enough to put it in his hand. ” You can get back at it after I make you some tea, ok?”
Leo nods, “O-ok, but you have to eat something.”
“Ok Leo.”
“An-and you should rest your leg, stop moving around so much. And a-and eat,”
Doniel chuckles, “You already said eat,”
“You need to eat twice, you’re too skinny.”
“Ok boss, but until then you rest too,” Doniel takes his shoulder and gently guider him to lay on his stomach before pulling his blanket over him, moves away to prepare the tea.
In the back of his mind, Leo can feel Big Mama’s disapproving glare, her nose crinkled in disgust. But it somehow feels much further away than it was a moment ago, trapped by a sense of safety and security he hadn’t felt in years. He thinks again to Leonard, imagining what it was like to have a parent always willingly to hold you. How many times had Leonard calmed Doniel down? Did he make Doniel tea as well? Did he roll Doniel onto his stomach as well and pull a blanket over him? It’s a thought that follows him as he fades into a light doze.
It must have been a nice life.