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Published:
2020-09-30
Completed:
2020-09-30
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66,311
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24/24
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Burning Heart

Summary:

Stuck between acceptance and denial, Seokjin finds himself trapped in a nightmare disguised as a living dream. Creating for his fragile heart a fake sense of comfort and happiness that would send him deeper into the world of darkness he didn't know that he's burning in.

Will the broken boy be able to move on or would he let life damage his soul until he was no more?

_______
Warnings: Depression. Mental illness. Blood. Major character death. Suicide attempt.

Chapter 1: Suffocating

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Finally, after so many years of almost nonstop working and travelling from one country to another, the seven boys of Bangtan Sonyondan were finally going to take the long needed break for about two months, away from the eyes of public and cameras to live like normal young men with their families.

When Lotte Duty Free concert performance was done with and the preparations were complete, all that was left was for the seven boys to leave.

They had agreed to eat out for the night to celebrate and have a meal together since they wouldn't be able to do such a thing for a long while nor will they get to see each other. However, that was only what they thought would happen because when the boys were on their vacation, some of them had found time to hang out together. They surprisingly had a lot of time to waste in between their plans.

They all spent their time a bit differently. For example, Namjoon traveled to Europe, he was spending most of his time visiting museums while Jimin who supposedly didn't have that much plans on hand, got his driver's license and traveled to many places.

On the other hand, Yoongi was working on his mixtape. Jungkook was busy playing games and working on some music. Hoseok went to Los Angeles for a collaboration and Taehyung went out with his friends to the outskirts of Seoul.

Meanwhile, Seokjin slept half of the time and played games during the other half. He had played games for about 16 hours a day for five days straight before realizing that this wasn't a healthy life style or way to spend his time, thus he tired to spend more time out with his friends and family.

Even though they all felt weird about this change where they weren't performing for anyone anymore, they were still happy and enjoying their time. It was all going so well.

___

Time moved fast and before they knew it, they only had 6 days left before they were supposed to go back to their dorm, or rather, their second home.

After a call, Seokjin was inviting Jungkook to have dinner at his house and stay over for the night.

"Seokjin, do you have any plans for tomorrow?" It was long after the sun had set when the kim family and Jungkook were finally gathered around the dinning table. 

Seokjin's mother had made sure her youngest son always stopped playing games and joined them so that he could enjoy eating her home made food like he said he wanted to when he first arrived back home. It always brought a smile to her face to see Seokjin eating so well and happily even if it was a bit of a hassle to stop him in the middle of a game and bring him to the table just like she used to do when he was a kid.

"Not really. Why?" Seokjin asked with his mouth still full of food. He was curious as to why he was asked this question now. Did his mother have any plans for him?

"Great. We were thinking of going on a trip to Haneul Park after lunch tomorrow, the weather is nice these days and you're here too so we should spend more time together before we part away again."

"You're right, we should.." Seokjin already regretted not spending most of his time with his family instead of playing games and hanging out with his friends. It wasn't like he could help it though. Seokjin's family were busy people, they were out at work most of the time and when they were back at home, they'd be tired so he couldn't just go sit and chat with them just because he was home. He'd feel bad to keep them up. However, the weekends made up for everything. They'd spend all of their time together, eating, watching movies, going out, they'd do it all together. 

Seokjin's father, Nam-jung looked at the youngest person in the room "Jungkook-ah, would you like to come with us tomorrow if you have time?" Anyone from Bangtan was like family so it wasn't weird to ask the younger to join their family trip.

Jungkook's eyes widened slightly. He wasn't expecting to be invited "Thank you but I've got plans tomorrow so I really can't join you." He gave a small bow to show that he appreciates the invitation.

"That's too bad..We really would've enjoyed your company. Maybe next time you're on vacation we could go" Seokjin's mother smiled and Jungkook returned it.

"Seokjin, you know what dad told me? He's preparing a surprise for us tomorrow. What do you think it could be? I'm so curious but he wouldn't tell me a thing at all, ask him maybe he'll tell you cause you're younger." Seokjung nudged Seokjin's elbow playfully to get him to do as asked.

"Come on. I've told you it's not that big of a gift, you might not like it since you two are picky about everything."

Seokjin chuckled "We're already grateful that you're preparing something for us."

The Kim's late dinner continued with the family planning for their trip excitedly and discussing many other topics with Jungkook.

 

___

 

"It's been so long since we last danced. Hell is waiting for us after filming Bon Voyage" Seokjin pressed on the Send button on his phone. A sigh leaving him as he thought of how bad his muscles were going to ache after almost no kind of real exercise for about two months.

 

"I don't want to even think about it." 

 

"But we've been dancing for years so I guess It wouldn't be so bad."

 

"I wonder about that.."

 

"Do you have any plans for what's left of our vacation?"

 

"Just chilling with my family I guess."

 

"Me too. I've got to tell them a few more dad jokes before going back"

 

"lol good luck with that"

 

"Anyway, sleep is calling me and Jk went to sleep already so I can't stay up for long. I don't want to wake him up by mistake."

 

"Wow It's already almost 1 am, no wonder I'm sleepy too."

 

"Dream of me! Good night."

 

"Haha only if you dream of me first."

 

"Good night."

 

No more messages were exchanged between the two after that. They've been chatting for about an hour but Seokjin never got bored during their conversation. It was interesting to know about what Taehyung did during his time off and such things. If it wasn't for the need of sleep, they would have probably continued chatting for another hour. After all, It's been so long since they last spoke.

 

Seokjin turned on his left side on the bed. Letting out a soft sigh before sitting up to pull the blanket over him and going back to the same position.  A yawn left him as he rubbed one of his eyes before looking at Jungkook's sleeping figure that snored a bit too loudly and then back at his phone that shone in the darkness of the room. 

 

It was a bad decision to check Instagram instead of going to sleep, due to that, another hour was just wasted for nothing good. He thought he couldn't stay up anymore since he was very tired after all the games he had played with Jungkook. He was only straining his eyes all day until the sleep finally pulled him into the land of dreams in midst of watching yet another Social Experiment video. 

 

The sleep was going to do him well. It was what it always did and the next day he'd wake up refreshed with the sun brightly greeting him first.

 

But that was if he got the needed sleep.

 

Seokjin fluttered his eyes open, feeling as though he hadn't slept at all. However, that feeling did not last long. His ears were filled with this so very annoying and loud ringing. He groaned as he tried to cover his ears, wondering what that noise was in his sleep dazed state. It took him two seconds to recognize the sound as his nostrils finally recognized the horrible smell.

 

In a split-second, Seokjin was sitting up on his bed, looking around with frantic eyes as he pulled the covers off his heating body. He could hear the sound of cackling fire from outside of his room as well as smell the scent of smoke despite not being able to see any of it with barely any light from the still barely rising sun.

 

"What's going on?" Seokjin muttered under his breath as he jumped off his bed with a confused frown visible on his face. He rushed to the door in high alert and opened it only for even more smoke to greet him. 

 

Instantly, Seokjin covered his mouth and nose with his hand as well as shut his eyes closed just like he did to the door, coughing as his panic levels began to rise. 

 

'Gosh, what's happening..' He knew exactly what was happening but couldn't swallow the reality of it. He's never been in such a situation before nor did he think he'd ever be in one. 

 

Seokjin's hand moved to turn on the light of the room but before doing so, he opted not to. He didn't want to risk anything at all and turning on the light could be a bad idea during the fire, he didn't know if it could really affect anything at all, maybe it's actually fine to turn it on but it was better to be safe than sorry.

 

In swift movements, Seokjin walked back to his bed to first wake up Jungkook, shaking him frantically a few times as he called his name out before holding him up from his shoulders to get the sleep out of him when he was asked what was wrong. It was always hard to wake up the maknae "Come on get up. The place is burning. It's burning, ok? Do you get me?" At Seeing Jungkook's eyes open wide in disbelieve, Seokjin moved to get his phone before opening one of his desk's drawers to grab a few face masks. He only had the ones made of cotton in his room but to him, it was better than nothing right now. 

 

"What..Hyung are you serious?" Jungkook knew that Seokjin was serious. The stinging smell of smoke was already filling his nostrils, making him scrunch up his face as well as cover his nose and mouth with his hand before Seokjin was handing him a face mask.

 

It could a really big fire or just too much smoke from a small fire somewhere in the house. Seokjin didn't know. He desperately hoped it was the latter.

 

A few coughs left Seokjin as he walked back to the door. Feeling his eyes start to burn a bit as he and Jungkook turned on the flash light to finally see the smoke engulfing the room. It wasn't so thick but it was everywhere, making them feel even more uneasy.

 

"Hyung. I'll call 119." The younger was already dialing the number as the words left him. They needed firefighters to put the fire down wherever it was before it could get out of hand if it wasn't already.

 

With worry for his family eating him up, Seokjin opened the door again. His eyes twitched as he felt how hotter the handle had become in seconds before letting more smoke into the room, ignoring his now reddish palm. He was horrified to see just how much smoke there actually was in the corridor, making him hesitate in moving forward for a second as he looked around at nothing, feeling his stomach getting upset from the feelings of fear that were slowly sinking into him.

 

When Seokjin stepped outside of the room, Jungkook held his shoulder, coughing as he  motioned for him to walk while crouched down as he once heard a person in a fire should do, he didn't remember exactly why though and he didn't try to since his focus was on the voice of the woman on the phone against his ear, trying to listen to her and tell her what was happening and where they are.

 

Sweat poured down their body as the two hurried to Seokjung's room near the staircase with their hands on the wall to avoid tripping as they moved with their body as low as it could go from the thick smoke which was filling the place, preventing them from seeing anything or breathing properly. 

 

Seokjin saw his brother's door open as always, the thick smoke filling the place more than his own room. His heart beat quickened even more as he walked in, the awful smell was stinging his nose as the smoke burned his eyes greater than the second before, forcing them to tear up a bit and blurring his vision as though the smoke wasn't enough already.

 

"Hyung!" Seokjin called out when he spotted Seokjung on his bed, still sleeping unlike he hoped he'd find him in the pitch black darkness of this room.

 

"Hyung wake u-" More coughs left Seokjin who tired to shake his brother awake. "Wake up." He placed the face mask he tucked in his jacket earlier on his brother's face and continued to shake him, trying to wake him up to get out before the fire could reach them. "The house is burning hyung" Burning was what Seokjin's body felt like from the great heat that's surrounding them, he was sweating excessively, his breathing getting heavier by the second.

 

Finally Seokjung blinked his eyes open. Instantly coughing from how much smoke he had inhaled in his sleep. 

 

"We need to get out hyung. We need to check on mom and dad." Seokjin looked at his brother who was still coughing in worry, not knowing what to do to help him stop as he looked around the room before settling his eyes for a second on Jungkook who suddenly wasn't much better than his brother in his coughing fit. The situation was very disorienting. It was taking a lot of effort from Seokjin to get his thoughts straight. He was unable to come up with something useful to himself or anyone, feeling helpless as he too felt himself struggling to catch his breath with the oxygen in the room reducing in contrast with the heat and smoke levels which only continued to rise faster than he could tell.

 

"119?" Seokjung spoke between his harsh coughs.

 

"Yes" He was trying to speak in fewer words. 

 

"They're on their way." Jungkook spoke. Fortunately, it seems someone had already called them not long ago so help was on the way. 

 

Seokjin looked back at Jungkook before he walked to open the window to let the smoke out. He placed his index fingers in front of his mouth to create an X sign, silently telling the younger to not speak much and to breath less of the smoke. 

 

The dispatcher asked Jungkook to get out if he could and the idol really wanted to do that but he didn't know if it was possible, all he knew was that the fire was coming from downstairs where the exit was.

 

"Seokjin.."

 

Turning to look back a his brother who had not moved much, Seokjin approached him again, instantly pulling the covers off his heating body.

 

"Get up." Seokjin helped Seokjung sit up but the oldest started to cough again. 

 

''I can't..breathe.."

 

"Y-You'll be fine." Nothing was fine. The sound of glass breaking in the house, the cackling fire, the smoke, his brother's words and dizzy movements as he moved him to sit right in front of the window. He couldn't breathe well nor could he see well. He didn't know if his parents whose room was downstairs managed to get out or not and it all tormented him greatly, feeling like he might throw up as his heart hammered in his chest.

 

"Stay here." Seokjung looked like he'd pass out any moment so even if Seokjin didn't tell him to stay in place, he knew he wasn't going to move. 

 

Seokjin could hear the sound of sirens as well as the sound of his phone ringing. He looked out of the window and they were indeed approaching their house. It was a tiny bit reassuring to see them but they were not saved yet. Nothing was good or fine yet.

 

The idol didn't answer the call from his phone. He had priorities and looking back at his brother, "Hyung?"  Seokjin felt new levels of panic and fear consume him, seizing his heart. Making him feel even more lightheaded and sick.

 

"H...Hyung?" His voice edged with fear, quivering as he looked at his pale face. It has only been about a minute or two since he woke him up so why was he already out of it? Seokjin shook him again but no matter how hard he tired, Seokjung would not wake up again. 

 

'Come on hyung..Stop playing.' Seokjin knelt down. He held his hyung's wrist as more tears gathered in his stinging eyes, coughing again as he checked for a pulse in fear of the worst case scenario happening right in front of his helpless self. His heart clenching painfully in his chest.

 

Seokjin felt weak from the relief that his hyung was still alive even though his pulse was a bit hard for him to feel, draining any left colors from his face if there was even any.

 

They were supposed to have a happy day today so why is this happening instead. Seokjin couldn't understand it. Why was he in fear of losing the people he loved?

 

'Hyung...' Seokjin's lips turned downwards despite his efforts to hold himself 'Don't leave me..please...' He pressed his forehead on his brother's hand, praying that his family could survive somehow 'I'm scared..' He bit down on his trembling lower lip.

 

'Don't cry. He's not dead.' He told himself.

 

With the thought of carrying his brother and leaving this place with Jungkook in his mind. The idol wiped at the tears in his eyes before they could drop down as he looked back at the younger and at the door in worry for his parents only for his eyes to open wide in horror to see that the upper part of the door had already started burning as well as part of the wall near it, making its way inside of the room like an uninvited devil that's threatening Seokjin's whole life. It was a mistake to underestimate how fast and easily the fire could spread.

 

Seokjin began to cough once more as various dark and hopeless thoughts danced in his mind. They were trapped, Seokjin knew that much and knew deep down in his mind that if they don't get help soon enough, it wouldn't end well for them.

 

Risking it with only the pure thought of preventing more smoke of entering the room, the youngest had approached the door in order to close it but without registering it, his body was hitting the floor before he could even really reach the it.

 

"Kook-ah!" Seokjin called out. Horrified, his heart sinking into his stomach once again as he look with dilating eyes at the younger body, no longer able to hold the few tears which left his eyes like small crystals in the dark.

 

It was all suffocating. One after they other they were falling right in front of his eyes and there was nothing he could do about it as his own coughs only continued to get harder and harsher. 

 

His throat felt very dry, as though he was forcefully being fed ash, feeling like his insides were burning with every heavy breath he took and for a moment, he thought someone had sent his body to hell to burn from it's heat. It was very hot where he is and Seokjin couldn't bear it at all. It hurt to lose hope to do anything at all. He was feeling nauseous and weak, feeling like he's choking as he continued to inhale more smoke even though he was trying to not breath as much.

 

He held his brother in fear, wishing he could grab Jungkook and hold both of them in a useless attempt to protect them from the devil on it's way to steal their lives from them.

 

Seokjin looked out from the window, seeing the firefighters there, getting into the house and trying to put out the fire which was destroying everything it could touch.

 

With one hand, Seokjin weakly waved to the firefighters with what little amount of strength was left in him, letting them know where they were just like that, unable to scream to them or say anything for the coughing never truly stopped.

 

'Please...Help..' These words kept on repeating in his mind because right now, all he needed was help, for someone to reach their hand to him and rescue them, it was all he wished for right now.

 

The fear coursing through his veins and the unbelievable reality he's living in was weighting him down. He knew that the firefighters were already down there but he couldn't tell if he, Jungkook or his brother were going to be able to make it out alive by the time someone gets to them from either the window or the burning door.

 

Putting both of his hands on the window stool to hold himself as he felt his world turn, Seokjin couldn't feel it when his body finally gave out just like the other two.

Notes:

Thank You For Reading!

Here is another rollercoaster for poor Seokjinnie to ride even if he's not ready because I, the author love angst and suffering 💜 I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter and would continue to enjoy the book as I update it weekly on Thursday or Friday.

It'd be great to read your thoughts in the comments 😊 Don't forget to leave kudos if you liked the chapter!