Work Text:
Sun. 14, Mar
(10:57a)
RING ME, CROWLEY.
(10:58)
Is something the matter, Angel?
(10:59)
TICKETY BOO, I JUST CAN’T SEEM TO FIND THE TELEPHONE BUTTON.
(11:00)
I gave you the cell so that we could text, not ring. It’s less conspicuous.
(11:01)
WELL, I DON’T CARE FOR IT. IT'S MUCH NICER TO HEAR YOUR VOICE.
(11:02)
And yours, Angel. Must be careful, though. Don’t want to alert the feathery arseholes or the decomposing knobheads down under.
(11:02)
YES, INDEED. HOW DO I MAKE THE LETTERS LOWERCASE ON THIS DEVICE?
(11:03)
The arrow on the left side.
(11:05)
:$:&:
(11:06)
Erm…the arrow, not the numbers.
(11:07)
Right, do think I’ve got it.
(11:08)
Well done, love.
(11:09)
Yes, thank you. Do you have plans for today, dear?
(11:10)
Thought I’d ask my mate to go for a nibble. If he’s not engaged, that is.
(11:14)
Oh, yes of course. Pip Pip, then. Do write to me later.
(11:15)
….I was referring to you, Angel.
(11:17)
Would you like to join me for crepes? I’ve freed a table at La Petite Bretagne.
(11:18)
Why yes! That sounds scrumptious.
(11:20)
Are you sure you don’t wish to invite another friend along?
(11:21)
I’m a demon, Angel. I have no other friends, nor do I want any. It’ll be you and I, as always.
(11:23)
Well that will be quite nice! I dare say, some of my favorite moments are spent just you and I.
(11:24)
Mine as well, love.
Tues. 16, Mar
(6:00a)
Would you say that I am a…Quentin Coldwater?
(6:02)
It’s 6 in the morning, Angel. I don’t know my arse from my dangly bits this early.
(6:03)
Yes, right. Sorry. I’ll ask again later.
(6:05)
…What’s a bloody Quentin Coldwater?
(6:06)
I don’t quite know. I was researching my magic tricks and then my phone asked me some questions and now I’m apparently a Quentin Coldwater.
(6:11)
It seems this Quentin is a character who goes to Uni to learn magic in a story called The Magicians.
(6:12)
Oh, my. That sounds fascinating. Is this story in a book?
(6:13)
Yes, love.
(6:13)
Well, then I must read it to find out if I truly am this Quentin person.
(6:15)
Check outside your entryway.
(6:18)
Oh my, there are so many books! Must get started right away if I’m to finish by tea time.
(6:19)
Happy reading, Angel. Wake me when you’ve finished.
Fri. 19, Mar
(1:16p)
I may be away for a day or two. Would you be so kind as to mind the shop?
(1:20)
Very well then. Where’re you off to?
(1:21)
Well, uh, upstairs, I’m afraid.
(1:22)
I’m on my way. Stall if you must.
(1:23)
Don’t, Crowley. Gabriel is waiting.
(1:24)
He can’t just take you against your will, Aziraphale. I’m coming over.
(1:27)
It’s not against my will. It is my duty to report annually.
(1:28)
Your duty? Oh, now I feel much better.
(1:29)
If I comply, then it will only take a day or two. Just mind the shop for me, would you?
(1:30)
Comply? Yes, that certainly sounds consensual.
(1:30)
If they touch you, I’ll start WWIII myself.
(1:31)
They’re afraid of me after our stunt, remember? I assure you they won’t cause me harm.
(1:33)
Please, Crowley. Please let it be.
(1:34)
Angel, are you quite sure you’ll be alright?
(1:35)
Yes, dear. I’m quite sure. When I get back, we’ll have a cuppa and listen to that beebop group you’ve been on about.
(1:36)
Okay, love, if you insist. I’ll keep the kettle warm.
(1:38)
And only you would call ‘The Who’ beebop.
Thurs. 25, Mar
(3:23p)
Look at these lovely flowers that have grown in my garden!
[photo attached]
(3:25)
Daffodils. I planted them last season. They’ve bloomed nicely.
(3:26)
You planted flowers in my garden? Without telling me?
(3:27)
Yes, well they call that a surprise, Angel. Thought you might enjoy a bit of scenery.
(3:29)
Oh, Crowley. They are quite striking and so yellow.
(3:30)
You did mention that yellow brought you happiness.
(3:32)
It certainly has! Thank you, darling.
(3:34)
Oh, dear. That’s unfortunate.
(3:35)
What’s happened?
(3:36)
Well, one of the daffodils had a fluffy little bee hiding inside. Beautiful creature. My fault for disturbing her during her meal.
(3:37)
You’ve been stung, have you?
(3:39)
Well…yes...on my finger. It’s quite red and oh…throbby.
(3:40)
Put ice on it, love. I’ll pop over.
(3:41)
So sorry, darling. I do still love the flowers.
(3:42)
I know, Angel. You’re quite welcome.
Wed. 31, Mar
(9:07p)
Aziraphale, are you alright?
(9:10)
Oh, yes Crowley. Tickety Boo. Why do you ask?
(9:11)
I've not heard from you all day.
(9:13)
Oh, my apologies darling. I’ve been slightly tied up I’m afraid.
(9:14)
Something Heaven related? Shall I pop by?
(9:15)
No, nothing of that sort.
(9:16)
Right, then. Jolly good.
(9:18)
Shall I still pop by?
(9:20)
If you’d like, dear. No need, of course.
(9:25)
Have I cocked up again?
(9:27)
Not at all. Why do you ask?
(9:28)
You’re awfully quiet. You’re certain you’re not miffed at me?
(9:29)
Quite certain. I’ve simply…well I’m playing this strange game involving the throwing of pigs. It’s rather engaging, though I feel awful for the pigs.
(9:30)
Ah, yes. I finished it awhile back. Tricky one it is.
(9:31)
Oh, good! I’m rather stuck on this particular obstacle. There simply aren’t enough pigs to be thrown. Care to pop over and help?
(9:32)
Already on my way, Angel.
(9:32)
Splendid! I’ll put the kettle on.
Tues. 6, Apr
(10:37p)
Azi, are you therrre
(10:39)
Crowley, are you quite alright?
(10:40)
Yes, Angel. Er…jolly good that is. Just thinkking abut your eyes. Sooo blue.
(10:41)
Erm…well…yes I suppose they are.
(10:42)
And yourr hair. Like bloody cotton. Loooks so soft.
(10:43)
It’s rather a nuisance. Sticks up in all the wrong places.
(10:45)
Isss perfect…can I touch it? If it’s not a bother, that is. Would never want to hurt youu. Would smite anyone whoo did. Anything for you Angel.
(10:48)
Crowley, are you pissed?
(10:49)
I’ve only had a feww
(10:50)
glasses or bottles?
(10:51)
Erm…
(10:52)
Right, then. I’ll pop over and join you.
(10:57)
Maay I touch your hair then?
(11:00)
Yes…just…nicely.
(11:01)
Wouldn’t dream ofany other way
Sat. 9, Apr
(1:37a)
Crowley, are you awake?
(1:40)
I suppose not. It’s terribly late. So sorry.
(1:45)
I’ve just been wondering…what are we to each other?
(1:46)
I enjoy your company immensely. Sleeping beside you the other night was heavenly. I didn’t mind you touching my hair at all, in fact I found it rather pleasant. My more discreet bits, though, I think I’d rather keep to myself.
(1:50)
Nothing against you, of course. You are quite fetching, really lovely to gaze upon. I simply don’t wish that sort of interaction with anyone. Oh, it’s all rather confusing, I suppose.
(2:03)
Oh dear, I’ve gone and made this awkward, haven’t I? So sorry. Is there a way to erase these letters?
(2:05)
If not, would you kindly be a gentleman and forget I said anything? I’d hate to lose my best friend.
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(8:59a)
So sorry, love. Are you there? Was so knackered I slept straight through.
(9:03)
Right, then. Best just pour my evil heart out and hope you’re listening...er...reading.
(9:04)
First off, Angel, you’ll never lose me. If the bloody apocalypse couldn’t separate us, then I do believe nothing will.
(9:05)
Secondly, you’ve no reason to apologize. I've had the same sort of tingly feelings for you for some time. We can call ourselves whatever you’d like- mates, partners, companions. As long as I may remain beside you I'll be quite content.
(9:07)
Lastly, click on this link. The information might help to clear things up a bit.
(9:17)
Oh, my. Asexual? Is this accurate? It sounds like me.
(9:18)
Yes, Angel, it’s true and completely valid. Just like you.
(9:19)
Oh. I always thought there was something not quite right about me. I really did try to fix it.
(9:20)
There is nothing wrong with you, Aziraphale. Nothing to fix. You are lovable as is and you needn’t change for me or anyone.
(9:22)
What does that mean for us, then? If I am…asexual.
(9:23)
It means that we’re a delightful, nauseating, sappy asexual couple. If that’s what you’d like.
(9:26)
And you could be…satisfied…with me this way?
(9:27)
Aziraphale, I’ve spent hundreds of years by your side. I’m quite sure that no one else could make me as happy.
(9:29)
Besides, I’m Grey-asexual. It means that while I may take part in physical intimacy when the mood is right, I certainly do not need it to be satisfied.
(9:30)
Oh. Well that’s lovely, Crowley. Thank you for being honest with me. I do so enjoy learning about you.
(9:31)
Thank you for telling me how you feel, love. I know that must have been worrisome for you.
(9:33)
Maybe you could pop over? It seems we have much to discuss.
(9:34)
Absolutely, Angel. Prep the biscuits. I’m already on my way.
Mon. 10, May
(10:25p)
Angel?
(10:27)
I’m lying right beside you in our bed. No need to write, darling.
(10:28)
Yes, of course. I just thought I’d practice in this format first.
(10:29)
Practice?
(10:31)
I love you, my angel. I’ll always love you, ineffably. I’ll always protect you, take care of you, and I’d really very much like it if we could…be husbands.
(10:33)
Why yes, Crowley! Yes. Always yes. Oh, I would very much love to be your husband.
(10:34)
Jolly good. Put your phone down, love. I have a proper question to ask you and it’ll require your finger.