Chapter Text
The party bustles with lively music and the conversations of guests overlaying among one another. It becomes almost as if static is stirring through the radio. Her hair up in a low bun, tendrils of curls framing her face, she can feel the warmth of a hand press against her lower back. She wants this. She thinks to herself she wants to be this person. It’s what everyone expects from her. It’s Anne’s ten-year-old dream to find herself a knight and shining armor to be galloping towards her and whisk off her feet and take her to the castle of her dreams. To be covered in loving affirmations and delicate kisses like petals touching the ground at the end of the spring; This is what she wants, and she smiles, laying a hand over the man next to her like paper. She feels her facial expressions drawn to become the curves and etched of Anne Shirley Cuthbert’s perfect picture. Her diamond princess cut ring and wedding band heavy on her ring finger; she preferred emeralds or pearls. But she won’t complain when she has someone that can make her happy.
The guests’ laughter she didn’t know half the names of echo the halls as the next groomsman Adam or was it Geroge she tries to remember is giving his speech to them. More laughing, she laughs and feels her cheeks flush, taking another sip of her wine. The wedding reception is covered with elegant colors of ivory, greens, and greys. Anne wanted an intimate wedding, outside in the spring, but it’s about compromise, or that’s what her mother-in-law had mentioned. Marilla was scoffing at the notion of Anne not having a slight decision for her wedding except for the cake and her dress. She’s happy she repeats to herself she will make the best out of this marriage. Roy loves her dearly and encouraged her on her adventures. The feeling of a kiss on her cheeks brings her back to life as she turns to see brown eyes crinkled as if he had just been exposed by the brightest star and found a way to bring it back home.
“To Mr. and Mrs. Gardener,” George she now remembers, raises his glass to the couple, and all cheer.
Diana comes towards the couple with a microphone in one hand and the other occupied with her phone.
“Anne, my darling best friend, my sister. I love you, dearly, and I can’t believe you are now married. It felt like yesterday when we would make up stories about our futures and those we would get to share those adventures with. You wanted your knight in shining armor, and you got him. Though I admit that after the many years of your obsession with Jane Austen, I believed you would switch from the knight to a Mr.Darcy. But you said, and I quote, “no one can be Mr.Darcy; Mr. Darcy is entirely unreachable and highly too fictional.” She looks at Anne to see if she recalls those moments and if Anne is thinking the same thing she was. Anne feels a certain pair of eyes on her, and she can recognize the warmth of the green and brown liquid honey iris’ anywhere. She looks away, her attention now on Diana once more.
“Yet, you proved yourself wrong when you came running home one day to say you think you found your soulmate. It was Roy she described, and look where you’re at now. I love you, Anne. And Roy, take care of my sister, or you will be hearing from me.” Diana teasingly threatens Roy, who laughs and nods at Diana. Anne gets up and goes to greet her best friend in a hug, eyes glassy, and as she looks up, she notices Gilbert giving a small smile, but it wasn’t a real one. It didn’t reach his eyes, it wasn’t bright, and he was taking short breaths taking sips of his champagne. He’s trying, and she is too. Their eyes remain locked, and like a spell, they contain and keep that trance of possibilities and locked secrets of the magic hidden as if not to let the audience know their story. A polished hand lightly grabs his face and kisses his cheek. Bringing them out of the trance, she smiles at Winnie and releases herself from Diana.
Diana looks at her with her eyes in tears and whispers in her right ear, “If you need me to distract Roy for a bit so you can get some fresh air, just give me the signal.”
Anne shocked, giving Diana a questioning stare mouthing the word, “how?-”
“I just know Anne.” Anne nods and kisses her best friend on the cheek, heading back towards her seat.
Just for a couple more hours, and then they head off to New York and start their lives as husband and wife. Her dress feels tight, and the five-course meal of caviar and venison does not please her appetite; it feels as though her throat has been constricting from screaming anything out while eating with her husband and friends. But she sees her adoptive parents smiling and laughing with her Avonlea friends, and it feels like a blanket of warmth and hope. Anne takes a moment to relish their faces trying to imprint this memory of them to last in her brain as a keep safe.
“Hey, are you okay?” A hand entangles with hers underneath the table and squeezes tighter trying to anchor herself down at the moment.
“I am better than okay. I’m thrilled.” She smiles up at him and cups her cheek, and kisses her gently and sweetly.
“Just making sure you have been quiet.”
“I was just taking things in; little Anne would not have thought this would happen.”
“Like finding your prince charming.” Roy charmingly smiles at her and kisses the inside of her wrist.
“Well, aren’t I just lucky?” She answers and gives him another kiss.
“I’m lucky that a real Mr.Darcy doesn’t exist and swept you off first.”
“Right, exactly very lucky” Anne looks at Gilbert. Her eyes soften, and she bites her bottom lip from saying anything else. He’s sitting laughing at something Moody said; his suit reminds her of a mature version of the one he wore to their prom. His hair unruly; Gilbert could never tame those curls of his there was also one that stuck up in the air. He would always complain about them, but she loved it. Anne becomes aware of the woman next to him. She was everything she was not—beautiful blonde hair, manicured nails, an accent, tall and incredibly proper and kind. Winifred was the epitome of a perfect woman, sitting next to him; they looked like a catalog couple. She kisses him, and they both grin at one another. She laughs at something he said, and Anne takes her eyes off, clenching her fists as hard as she can that the marks from her nails create crescent moons prominent on her palms. As if he could tell that she was battling her inner wounds from the past. They catch each other’s stare, and both breathe in, trying to compensate for the air that had left their lungs as if both knew the deep feeling hidden between them. Three breathes, she tells herself and turns to the man sitting next to her and thinks of the life she has yet to begin. Anne loves Roy. He was always the man on paper, and he fit that list that she had written in her mind. He was kind and gentle to her, he was successful, and he always asked for her input before working on a legal case. Roy was perfect in all essence of a book character. It was the matter that Anne still found herself to remind herself just how lucky she was. She wants this, and she will live the life she wanted.
“How about a dance, love?” Roy sticks his hand for her to take in, which she accepts.
“I can’t believe we’re married.” Anne looks up, her hands wrapped around his neck.
“Seems like yesterday when I met you.”
“You mean when you accidentally spilled coffee on my shoes.” They laugh, remembering the day when she got so angry when her new pair of boots were covered in coffee, she was already having a rough day, and then like the universe had just gone, “we’re not finished.” That incident happened, but it turned out to be better in the end.
“I did buy you a coffee and a pastry as an apology. Oh, and took you out the next weekend to that art museum.”
“It was a perfect day” Anne rests her chin on Roy’s shoulder, and she catches Gilbert sneaking towards the small balcony. She catches Diana’s eye as she is dancing with Jerry. She gives a head nod, whispering to Jerry. They immediately go into a conversation about New York, and Jerry pipes in about which team is better, Nyx or Yankees.
Anne takes the diversion heading towards the balcony. She sees Gilbert, his back facing toward her, his elbows leaning against the rail, and his head tilted up towards the night sky. He looks peaceful, and Anne almost doesn’t want to intrude, but she feels a tug like raising the anchor back from the ground. It pulls her and keeps tugging, and no matter how much she tries to fight it, she becomes a magnet so compelled towards the magnetic field that there is no fighting the inevitable.
“It’s so peaceful. The moon, the stars, the quiet it makes it feel less suffocating.” Gilbert’s eyes are closed, his breath coming out in puffs of clouds from the cold air. His eyelashes wispy, long, and the moonlight was creating small reflections across his face. He was art at the very existence among nature itself, a painting with so many layers and paint strokes, each with a hidden meaning. Some she had the pleasure to strip and understand.
“It’s freedom from the unknown from everything.” Anne takes her time to take in the moonlight leaning against the rail, their arms so near that she can feel the heat radiating from him.
“Will you miss it? Avonlea?” His gaze lingers on her, the long pearl earrings dangling from her ears, the whisps of hair, the small goosebumps on her arms, her button nose tinted pink, and her freckles scattered like little kisses from the sky.
“I’ll miss a lot of things, green gables, Matthew, Marilla, Diana, the lake of shining waters, the haunted woods, even Jerry but don’t tell him that. Delly, our family dinners, apple picking, but I will miss you terribly, Gil.”
“I’ll miss you too, very much.” Their hands found their way closer to each other, their pinkies now pressed against each other. Both feeling the rush of fire flow through their veins with just the small touch.
“You’ll do amazing things, Gil, promise me you will give Delly an extra kiss from me, and don’t forget me when you discover a new medical research or application that will change the world.”
“I could never forget you, Anne. I’m happy for you. You accomplished so much, and look. You just got married.” Gilbert tells her earnestly, giving her a small smile, but it’s still not the smile she wants. His eyes are not how they usually are. They are not bright pools of liquid honey and green shiny whenever he talks or looks at her. It seems hollow and dim as if a light was distinguished.
“Yea, married. The homely freckled Anne, terrified she wasn’t ever going to settle was wrong after all.” Anne laughs to herself.
“You were never homely, Anne. You always and are beautiful.” She sucks in a breath and keeps her eyes trained at his eyes.
“God, Gil, why is it when you say that it makes me feel like I can never do bad in your eyes?”
“Because even though you are hot-tempered, I know when it’s just you being scared or guarded, and you’re right, in my eyes, you can never do bad. You’ll always be the Anne that was kind to others who didn’t even deserve it. The one I had a crush on since we were twelve years old.” Gilbert feels the urge to tuck a tendril of her curl behind her ear but refrains and keeps himself as far as he could from doing anything stupid.
“I was so blind and stubborn, I’m sorry.” Anne starts to prick at a hangnail in between on her index finger. She wants to feel something other than the thousand needles constricting her throat to let out a sob.
“Don’t be. It’s water under the bridge besides your happy now, right?” Gilbert gently pries her hands away from her, pricking her finger. His hands were caressing her fingers, trying to see if she had hurt herself in any way. He takes his time gliding his thumb across hers. She can feel small callouses, and just like a figment of a dream, her hands become cold once more.
“I think Roy can make me happy, yes.”
“There you have it; You will do a great of many things, Anne. New York is not ready for what has to come.”
“Gil, I just need to know, did you-” Anne whispers and can feel her body and the words trying to come out constrict as if barbed wires welded into her skin and pricked, keeping herself rooted.
“Love you; I’ve always loved you. Always will,” Gilbert admitted running his thumb across her cheek and giving her a light kiss on her forehead.
“Gil I-”
“It’s okay; I have to go Winnie will be wondering where I am.” He wipes her tears, looking at her how he would always look at her like she wrote all the love poems and held the universe together. She nods and presses his forehead against hers. She swears she can feel small droplets fall on her arms, and she tries not to cry even harder. He backs away and gives one last smile heading out the door. Anne could do only one thing if not for him but herself before she lives the life of Mrs. Gardner.
“I love you too.” She whispers so quietly like it’s a sin, and she thinks she saw him stop for a second, his hands clenched in fists, his head shaking, and all at once, the flashes of colors and what if possibilities disappear. Her body becomes shackles and cracks, but as if she was porcelain, she glues herself together, plants a smile on her face, and ignores the missing gap she forgot to piece back together. It’s time for a new chapter, she tells herself and walks back inside, heading towards her laughing husband and pushes all that has happened in the past twenty minutes between her and Gilbert at the furthest deepest part of her mind.