Work Text:
“I still can’t believe you didn’t give me a heads up about ‘The Number’! I thought we had a good thing going, Brewer.”
“I didn’t know it was happening until I got there!”
“Do you have photos at least? Video?”
“If you’d seen it Stevie, you’d know why I couldn’t look away, not even to record it for posterity.”
“What good are you then?”
“It was sweet … seeing David up there, performing, to help Mrs Rose.”
“Put those heart eyes away, your boyfriend isn’t here to see them now. Tell me more about the flat hair!”
“Oh, we’re not- he’s not- I mean…”
“At the risk of sounding like your boyfriend , oh my god Patrick! Of course he’s your boyfriend.”
“It’s not that I don’t think of David as my boyfriend. It’s just that …”
“He’s an idiot.”
“Stevie”
“What, I’m right. He’s your boyfriend. You know it, he knows it and the only reason you’re not using that word is because you’re both scared of how the other idiot will react to it … Lucky for you, I’ve got a quiet day and a plan that’ll meet both of our goals.”
“What exactly is your goal today?”
“To torment David. Obviously.”
“And you think my goal is ...”
“To leave here today calling David your boyfriend .”
***
“Oh this is gonna be fun! C’mon, what’s the thing David would absolutely lose his mind over if it was at the front of the store. There must be some fungal cream or something hidden away.”
“What exactly, do you plan to do with our stock?”
“I’m not going to do anything other than put it on display at the front of the store, promise! I won’t even touch David’s displays. Much.”
“Well then, the brooms and toilet plungers are this way, Ms Budd.”
***
“Hey Stevie?”
“Mmm?”
“What’s the deal with Pony ?”
“Nothing. There’s no deal. Jake is just very good at celebrating my body. Also, have you seen him?!”
“I have eyes, Stevie.”
“Who else do you think is hot? Don’t say your boyfriend. We both know he’s hot and so does he. Don’t tell him I said that.”
“I dunno.”
“Ted? Mutt? Oh wait, you haven’t met Mutt … sports. You’d be into hot baseball players for sure. Or hockey? No, baseball with the tight white pants. Hometown hotties you lusted over?
“I- Uh … There wasn’t really anyone. Before David.”
“You two really are disgusting ... Speaking of baseball, you look like you do sports. Do you play?”
“Used to, before I moved here.”
“The Cafè Tropicale team needs another player. You should talk to Twyla, if you want to play again. Then I can kick your ass.”
“ You play baseball?”
“I’m not just a pretty face y’know”
“It’s more that it’s a team sport that’s thrown me. All those people, the need to cooperate ...”
“Shut up.”
“If that’s all you’ve got, sledging you is gonna be fun. Wait, if you don’t play for the cafe team, who do you play for?”
“Ronnie roped me in to playing on her team years ago. There’s not much else to do around here and there’s usually a barbecue after games and drinks after practice.”
“I’ll talk to Twyla. Thanks. It’s be good to meet more people.”
“Have you heard David’s position on team sports though?”
“No?”
“You’ll see. And you know he’ll have opinions about the uniforms.”
“Of course he will.”
***
“You’re thinking about him. Stop it. It’s gross.”
“What?”
“Your face. Make it stop.”
“This is just my face, Stevie.”
“Turn those heart eyes off or think about something else before I lose my lunch.”
“What was he like? Before?”
“Before you?”
“Mmmmm”
“Look, I’m not going to talk about the before Patrick times sober-“
“You don’t have-“
“-I’ll say this though. I like you for him. He’s happier. So don’t fuck this up or I might have to kill you.”
“I won’t. I mean, I’ll try not to.”
“Just … don’t give him a reason not to trust you. He trusts you for some reason and that’s hard for him, historically.”
“Got it.”
“This is far too much sincerity for one day, ugh. Oh look! Here comes your boyfriend.”