Work Text:
Have you ever had a tense, homoerotically charged conversation with your semi-former boss about how you shouldn’t have saved them from an anti-vampire cult? Guillermo wouldn’t recommend it, because now here he sat, in the silent car, driving back to the house that had felt suffocatingly empty the past month, in a selfish quest to fill that void.
He tapped his fingers against the wheel impatiently, craving some, any noise. And yes, he did, in fact, notice Nandor tensing up and tightening his jaw in response, he just chose to do nothing about it. This was a selfish quest, not a selfless quest.
And just as he got comfortable enough to turn on the radio (some extra selfish part of him was quite content with Nandor’s reaction to the finger tapping and was ready to make him more irritated), he was interrupted. Not by Nandor, god forbid, y’know, speaking like a normal vampire, but rather by the car, sputtering and rumbling suddenly. That was never a good sign. Guillermo, in turn, sighed and pulled over, just about ready to start sobbing, emotions piling up over the month that Nandor was gone. And, honestly, the months he was there. Really just all of the months that existed past Panera.
Nandor said nothing about the car pulling over or about Guillermo stepping out. He just sat and pouted like a petulant child, which wasn’t surprising, considering ‘petulant child’ was his trademark.
After a minute or so of staring confusedly at the engine, squinting and tilting his head to try and get a grasp on the situation as if he would ever know how a car works, he figured that the car was broken. Or something. All he knew was that there was a lot of smoke, and that was bad. So he pulled out his phone, punching in not the number for a mechanic, but rather his mom’s number.
One mom-length phone conversation and an additional thirty minutes later, a red minivan pulled up in front of Guillermo’s car, and out stepped his mother, worry etched into the lines of her face. She quickly ran up to her son the moment her eyes landed on him, and cupped his face in her hands, examining him as if he had just been in a car accident. After thoroughly searching his face, she wrapped him into a tight hug, spouting various things about, ‘Thank god you called me’ and ‘I’m so glad you’re okay’ and unexpectedly, ‘Who’s that man in your car?’
The last one nearly made Guillermo vomit. He hadn’t exactly explained the whole ‘vampire’s servant’ situation, and he certainly wasn’t about to now. Especially considering the extra layer of ‘the vampire in question just got saved from a cult and somehow he’s mad’. So, really, the only way to answer that question without giving his mother a heart attack was to lie. Guillermo wasn’t a skilled liar by any means, so he just said the first thing that came out of his mouth, hoping it wasn’t anything stup—
“Él es mi novio.”
FUCK.
For those unaware, Guillermo just called Nandor his boyfriend.
His mom looked to be in shock for a moment, looking between the idiotic man child who sat in Guillermo’s car and Guillermo himself. Not long after that moment, however, she gave a sly grin of approval and nodded, mouthing, ‘Nice catch!’.
The lie had just begun and he was already in too deep.
“Él no puede… no puede oírte, mamá, está en el auto.” That was also probably a lie, given vampiric heightened senses. Guillermo hoped to god it wasn’t.
“Lo sé,” she said, even though she didn’t seem to actually know that.
“De todos modos,” Guillermo started, eager to move on from the boyfriend topic, “¿Puedes revisar mi auto? Creo que está roto. O algo así.”
Silvia furrowed her brows at the ‘or something’, but she went to check out the engine nonetheless.
Once an appropriate time of checking out the engine had passed, Guillermo piped up. “¿Está bien?”
“No.” Was all he got in return.
“…Y?”
“Y voy a tener que llevarte a casa, llamaré a una grúa.”
Hm. Ok. Cool. No problem. Just sit in a car with your mother alongside your new fake boyfriend who’s pissed with you.
Guillermo, oddly calm (likely from the fear and shock) as he came to terms with this, made his way back to his car, opened the door, and informed Nandor of the new plan, hoping he wouldn’t run away during the car transfer. Nandor simply nodded, refusing to meet Guillermo in the eyes. When Nandor didn’t move, Guillermo informed him again of the plan.
“Guillermo, I cannot comply with your plan because I am contained by a silver rope lined seatbelt.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh.” And then he proceeded to mutter something that sounded almost exactly like ‘fucking guy’. Guillermo pointedly ignored this, going from one side of the car to another and taking off Nandor’s seatbelt. He also pointedly ignored how insufferably intimate the action was.
This was where he was actually thankful for the brainwashing, seeing as it prohibited Nandor from using his vampire strength as he tried to run out into the road, allowing Guillermo to easily block him. Remembering his mother, he looked back to her, finding her staring worriedly back at him, clearly concerned on why her son was pushing against his ‘boyfriend’, preventing the other man from moving. Guillermo mentally groaned as he turned his blocking efforts into a hug. Nandor, to his surprise, hugged back. At first. Eventually (less than 30 seconds later), however, he went back to struggling.
Guillermo, tired of this man’s brainwashed shit, leaned close. Voice dropped to a register below a whisper, he said, through gritted teeth, “If you don’t stop acting like a fucking child, I will make a stick into a stake and stab you through the heart.”
Nandor played along with the whispering. “You idiot, I’m human. I can’t be killed by a stake anymore.”
“Humans die when their heart is punctured, Nandor.”
The struggling stopped. Guillermo let go. And so, the car ride resumed, this time with a functioning car.
Nandor may have been childish, but he wasn’t stupid. The minute Silvia started talking about relationships and Guillermo’s lack of them, he seemed to have caught onto what was happening.
“—I mean you had the work crush at Panera, right? But that didn’t work out—“
Guillermo tensed as Nandor leaned to the side, inching closer to him. “Guillermo. Tell me that you didn’t tell this woman we’re dating.”
No response.
“Guillermo.”
“Fucking…Just roll with it. Please.”
Nandor stared daggers into Guillermo, who now had his turn to not look at the other and sit in awkward, angry silence. Silvia didn’t notice any of this was happening, too busy with driving and embarrassing Guillermo (which would pack a lot more punches had the relationship been real).
“So,” Silvia began once they got into traffic, “How long have you been together?”
“Eleven years,” said Nandor, at the same time as Guillermo said “Five months.”
Guillermo made another mental groan. This is fine. He read enough fanfiction to be prepared for this. “We’ve known each other for eleven years. Dating for five months.”
If his mom wasn’t in the middle of the freeway in the dark, she surely would’ve slammed the brakes and whipped her head around so fast her neck snapped. But she was. So instead she just made a strained sound that can’t exactly be described. “ELEVEN YEARS? How haven’t I heard about you?”
“Never came up,” Guillermo refuted, something that his mother rolled her eyes at.
“I’m no longer talking to you. Your boyfriend seems to be much nicer.” Silvia put on a faux angry face, one that made Guillermo wished he was in a joking mood. Wished he was in any mood that wasn’t ‘man being in a relationship with Nandor is kinda nice. Oh haha, also he hates me’. “Speaking of which, what's your name, mystery boyfriend?”
“Nandor.”
“I asked him, not you, Guillermo.”
Nandor, to nobody’s surprise, answered the question similarly. “Nandor.”
Silvia made another noise, this one best described as one of approval. “Nandor..that’s a lovely name!”
Alright Guillermo, time to sell this fake boyfriend shit by swooning.
“Yeah, it is.” Guillermo did a happy little sigh, hoping that Nandor caught the venomous undertones.
This sort of interaction was pretty much how the entire car ride went. Silvia asked a question, Nandor responded curtly, and Guillermo covered it up with lovey dovey garbage, acting as if he hadn't threatened to kill the man earlier. It was all in all a horrific experience, and by the time they got to the house, Guillermo was ready to swan dive off of a roof.
“Now Nandor, what do you think of G—“
“WOW! Great story Mama, ok, time to leave, there's the house, love you bye.” Guillermo shoved Nandor out of the car, grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside, ignoring everything his mother said about coming inside and staying for dinner and, who’s house is this, Guillermo? He had tunnel vision and was ready to throw up, his only objective being to remove himself from the hell he put himself in.
Once inside, Nandor didn’t say or do anything. No complaints, no more struggling. He let Guillermo pull him through the hall, towards the basement and into the cage. He simply watched as Guillermo covered the outside of the cage in silver, and only spoke up when Guillermo got ready to leave.
“Guillermo, I think I l—“
“No. Save it. Save it for tomorrow. I’m done. Possibly forever. Fuck you and goodnight.”