Chapter Text
If you go out away from the city far enough, you’ll start to see more and more stars making their circular trips across the night sky as the light pollution starts to fall away. If you’re far enough out, you’ll see the Milky Way. A shining sea of stars and light. The further from the city you get, the closer you are to the cosmos. The glittering array of strange lights, with nothing between them for light-years.
“Quackity?” A voice shook Quackity awake, someone rustling his shoulder as he heard the sounds of the crinkling plastic of their sleeping bags.
“Come on Q! Come with us!” Another voice called out, further away.
Quackity yawned, blinking awake in the pitch-black darkness of the tent. As he squinted open his eyes, a blinding light suddenly flooded his vision. When his eyes adjusted he realized it was just Sapnap and Karl, both leaning over him as Sapnap held a flashlight in his hand
“Wh… what?” Quackity grumbled, sitting up as icy cold air cut through his pajamas and he shook slightly.
“Let’s go stargazing!” Karl’s eyes lit up with excitement as he practically dragged Quackity out of the noisy sleeping bag, away from the warmth of it from his own body heat. “I mean we’re nowhere near town, so we gotta be able to see some really cool stuff right?”
After being dragged from the comfort of his sleep, Quackity pulled on his shoes and a jacket, all the while the other two begging him to hurry it up.
Quackity gave a laugh of partial acceptance of his fate as Karl pulled him out of the tent and Sapnap followed behind. He heard the zipping of the tent before they were standing outside, and heading for the edge of a small cliff face. It looked out onto a black ocean of rustling trees, casting shadows to block the moonlight.
The sounds of the woods echoed in the still night, the only living creatures wandering the dark woods being them. Quackity barely was able to keep up with the flashlight guiding their path, headed by Sapnap.
Not everything in the universe can be seen. What can’t be seen when someone looks at the Milky Way, despite what they say, is that in the center is a void. An inescapable force pulling everything in. There was light in the cosmos, brilliant supernovas and stars, but also beautiful things humans couldn’t even see. Forces pulling everything ever closer over the course of billions of years.
As they stood on the edge of the darkness, the moon cast its light upon everything as he looked up.
On a mountain, it almost felt like the stars were within reach, as if just by stretching out his hand he could touch it.
“We’re looking into the past, you know.” Through the dark of the trees and the rustling of the wind, Quackity hear’s Karl speak.
Quackity, glanced over, raising his eyebrow at Karl. Before he can speak, Sapnap beats him to the punch. “Huh?”
“Well, light has to travel too.” Karl explained. “So what we’re seeing isn’t actually what’s going on right now. That light had to reach us first.”
Sapnap stared back up at the sky. “Like… traveling through time?"
"I guess you could think of it like that." Karl nodded.
Karl was strange, but honestly, that just made Quackity want to be around him more. There was something special when the three were together, something that couldn’t be explained. A gravitational force. With all three of them together, that force was the strongest and made him the happiest.
“It’s kinda like, it’s all relative so who gives a fuck right?” Quackity tilted his head. “I mean, on the billion years, the earth’s existed… we’re just a spec.”
That’s how he explained it, but Quackity also couldn’t deny how real the moment felt. How the icy chill cutting through his jacket grounded him to reality, how even though every atom was minuscule on his body, he wouldn’t be the same person if those atoms were to change.
“You two need to stop talking all this existential shit.” Sapnap snorted as he wrapped an arm around both of them.
Karl leaned into Sapnap’s side, head tipped up to look at the stars. “It’s cold.”
It was a simple statement, and one Quackity had just thought moments ago. The way Karl said it was different, though. Quiet. Faraway. His gaze was fixed on the sky above as if the coldness he spoke of wasn’t the same one Quackity felt here on earth.
And for a moment as Quackity looked at Karl, the stars were reflected in his eyes. The same thing in both his voice and in his vision: unfocused. At that same moment, Quackity wanted to see the world the way Karl did. To talk about existence so intimately, to see the universe as something so vast and understand it.
They’d all known each other for years, been inseparable. Even now, Quackity found himself drawn to both of them, the question always at the tip of his tongue. The question he wanted to ask every time his heart lurched in his chest seeing Sapnap smile, or when Karl would cuddle with him on the couch at home, or when all three of them spent weekends in the woods like this only a few miles from town. Just the three of them and the empty wilderness.
It still made Quackity worry when he left, despite how many times his brother told him it was fine. But once he was out with Sapnap and Karl? His fear seemed to melt away.
“We should probably head back to the tent then.” Sapnap chuckled, leading Karl away. “Get warmed up with a fire.”
As the three started walking back through the woods, Quackity smelled the faint early scent of pine and aspen. Their feet crunched as they stepped on twigs, leaves, and other branches. And as they walked, the sky faintly lit up with the sun still not visible. The stars slowly moved above them, becoming fainter by the second.
Sapnap stared as they came upon another ridge. His eyes lit up as the sun started to peak over the tip of a mountain. “Woah…”
It took Quackity a minute to reach him, but when he did he realized what Sapnap was staring at. In just a few seconds the trees had turned from a black canvas of shadow to a sea of gold. Each tree was colored a beautiful sunshine yellow, covering the valley below in a gorgeous light as the sun turned the sky a fiery red in the dawn.
It wasn’t the first time Quackity had experienced the aspen turning color, not by a long shot. It was however the first time he’d seen it so early, with the musk of the forest filling his senses.
“Karl?” Sapnap muttered turning around. “What-?”
“Karl!” Quackity grinned, turning back as he heard the footsteps behind him stop. “Are you seeing this?”
As Quackity turned, however, the space there was empty. His heart skipped a beat at the empty tree line as if nothing had ever been there. As if like the black hole at the center of the galaxy, he had never been visible to them.
Quackity ran forward to look in the trees, Karl couldn’t just be gone. They hadn’t even heard anything, Karl was probably just still catching up. He turned back to look at Sapnap, who quickly followed while they looked through the trees, calling out Karl’s name.
After an hour of searching, the sun was firmly in the sky which was a clear blue, and Karl was still nowhere to be found. They tried texting him as well, to no avail as there was no signal due to the surrounding mountains.
“He might have gone back to the campsite?”
They wouldn’t find him at the camp, they wouldn’t find him that day when the search and rescue team would look for him, the next day, or in the proceedings months.
Karl Jacobs was gone.
—
Not every bad event made sense. Not every bad event had a clear beginning, middle, or end. Sometimes it already happened and it's impossible to know until it's over. The day Karl disappeared was like that. One moment Karl Jacobs had existed; the next he had been erased by the universe. It happened without warning, without explanation.
Quackity wondered sometimes if Karl had been real. If Karl hasn't simply been some fragment of his imagination. The posters Quackity had seen around town the next year, next to the bar, in the window of the welcome center, and in the grocery store had grounded him back in reality. If that hadn't been enough, Sapnap's assurances would have been.
It had been three years since that day. Three years since one of the most important people in Quackity's life had suddenly vanished.
If Quackity was a poet he might have made up some grand story about how Karl had been taken by the sunrise, how he'd faded like the stars in the morning. Then just like the stars, he’d come back. They’d find a clue, something to tell them what had happened that day. However, that's not how the story went.
It was instead the type of story with no answers. The type without a bow to wrap it together or a clear ending.
When Quackity left, two years after Karl's disappearance, it had been with the plan to never return. To leave the sleepy mountain town he'd grown up in his rearview mirror and never look back.
A year later, one year into Quackity's freshman year of college, he found himself driving up I-70 back to his childhood home.
Or well, they would be driving in a few minutes.
"Need my help?" Quackity called out through the window of the car.
"I'll be okay! Don't worry!"
Quackity stared out to the highway, other cars making the slow crawl up the interstate. Campers , Quackity thought grumpily.
The road was always at a stand still on Saturdays. People traveling for trips cross country, or even just people from the foothills heading up for the weekend. Quackity felt somewhat protective of the area, and despite the fact he'd decided to never turn back he also didn't want strangers there either.
Suddenly Quackity heard a pop as the engine roared to life, a mop of brown hair peeking over the pulled up car engine.
"I got it Big Q!" Tubbo came around the side of the car, hoping in the shotgun seat, "Let's go.”
“I still don’t get how you understand that stuff.” Quackity hit the gas, turning onto the highway into the traffic. He sighed. “Looks like we’ve got another hour till we get to mom and dad’s house.”
With the mention of their parents, Quackity noticed the way Tubbo’s foot suddenly bounced nervously in his seat.
“Hey,” Quackity muttered gently. “It’ll be okay, we’ll be there and out before long.”
Tubbo nodded. “I know. It’s just, I… miss everyone, you know. Tommy especially… But also, I don’t- you know?“ Tubbo didn't need to finish, Quackity understood. Their friends weren't enough to make either of them want to go back home.
When Quackity had left for college, moving from the mountains down to the foothills to the cheapest place he could find, he’d found himself bringing Tubbo along. Now they were heading back if only for a few days.
Biting his lip, Quackity thought of a quick distraction. He turned on the radio to the local station, crackling music coming through the speakers as the radio announcer cheerfully listed off the songs. Top hits of the… 70’s? 80’s? Quackity didn’t really care, anything to fill the silence of the old car.
They drove along the winding highway, traffic giving in every once in a while and allowing them to make faster progress. It was autumn again, the aspens still had their golden hue, the river in the valley below sparkling in the midday sun.
It was another hour before they had to stop again, Quackity noticing the point of the needle that told him how much gas he had left was getting dangerously low.
There was a gas station five miles out of town and had the cheapest gas Quackity could get. He was now regretting not gassing up more before they’d left the city, the mountain prices were always jacked up significantly.
“Want anything from inside?” Quackity asked Tubbo as he stepped out of the car.
Tubbo shrugged. “I’ll go in, I need to use the restroom anyway.”
After Quackity had gassed up, he and Tubbo walked across the black pavement into the gas station store, the bell on the door cheerfully jingling as they entered.
The first thing Quackity noticed was the man at the front desk, a black-haired man with a white fleece vest and flame designs over a black shirt. Of course, Quackity would end up at the one place Sapnap would work at.
He had been hoping to get into town, sign the papers to transfer custody, then leave with Tubbo before seeing anyone. Perhaps he still could, just because he'd ran into Sapnap didn't mean they'd do anything more than exchange a couple of words.
Sapnap wasn't looking up, instead, he was reading a magazine quietly. Quackity grabbed some snacks as Tubbo used the nasty restroom in the back of the tiny convenience store.
When Quackity approached, Sapnap finally spoke. "Anything else I can-"
His gaze turned up, Sapnap's expression shifting when he saw Quackity into something that Quackity thought was probably a mixture of confusion with a hint of pain.
Quackity didn't say anything, instead just set the items down in front of himself like a very unhealthy offering of m&m's, a bag of spicy takis, and cokes. With luck, Sapnap would just scan the items, and let Quackity walk away.
Sapnap does not just scan the items and let him walk away. "Didn't think I'd see you around here again." He looked right into Quackity’s eyes making Quackity want to melt into the floor.
"I'm… just here for the food. I promise. I'll be out of your hair after that."
Sapnap nodded quietly as Tubbo approached the counter.
“Hey!” Tubbo waved excitedly. “How’s it been? Thought you’d be out of here by now like Q.”
“Nah,” Sapnap chuckled. “I mean it’s my home isn’t it? Gotta help my dad and his boyfriend around the house still.”
“Come on Tubbo,” Quackity gestured to the car out front in the parking lot. “We should get going. Mom and dad are probably waiting for us.”
Tubbo pouted but shrugged. “Bye Sapnap!”
“Bye!” Sapnap waved, that same cheerful look on his face that once would’ve made Quackity’s heart race. “See you guys later.” His gaze seemed to set on Quackity for just a moment, “You’re always welcome to come around sometime.”
"Thanks for the offer." Quackity tried to say in a way that would tell Sapnap he wouldn't be taking it up.
Once in the car, Quackity sighed, leaning his head against his chair. Tubbo slipped into the shotgun seat next to him soon after.
Had things ended properly, perhaps he wouldn’t be feeling like this. Had their relationship ended neatly, the sort that both people could move on from with a mutual understanding. The same quiet death of a white dwarf. Instead their relationship had ended with the bang of a supernova, collapsing under the weight of all the pressure. Karl’s disappearance had been the ignition, the rest had happened without him.
Now Quackity was feeling it again, that force pulling the three together. The one that had made his cheeks flush bright red as he left the small convenience store, the one that even then was telling him to go back inside. To apologize for everything.
“You’re kinda pathetic, Q,” Tubbo said simply, as if he was telling Quackity about a deer passing by the road.
“What?”
“I said you’re kind of pathetic.” Tubbo grabbed a bright red taki from the bag, dust falling off of it as he stuffed it into his mouth. “You’d think because of everything you two would’ve gotten closer than before.”
Quackity bit his lip. How did he explain to Tubbo that it wasn’t that simple? That no matter what they did, there would be something missing. They’d leave an empty sleeping bag behind if they went camping, there’d be a missing space on the trail if they went for hikes together, a missing seat at the table if they went for lunch. It had been the three of them, together.
“It’s not…” Quackity muttered, trying to find the right words. “It’s not that easy.”
It never would be.
“It could be if you just talked to him you know.” Tubbo pointed out. “You two were so close before.”
Maybe Tubbo was right. Maybe it could’ve been that easy years ago. When Quackity and Sapnap had been younger, had been dancing around each other trying to figure out what to do without Karl, maybe things could’ve fallen into place for them again. But reminiscing on what could’ve been was pointless, things had changed since then and Quackity wasn’t keen on fixating on a past that couldn’t be fixed. All they had was the future ahead of them, and Quackity had already had his laid out.
The rest of the drive was in silence, the mountains passing by the window as they continued down the road. Out the front window, Quackity noticed herds of antelope in the distance, the specks of color in the grass signaling wildflowers, all the while a clear sky passed overhead.
He turned onto a dirt road, heading further up the mountains and into the rustling trees. Eventually, they came upon the house, a wooden structure with large windows and rocks piled along the base boards. A small pile of wood was stacked next to the house, ready to be used when the night got cold.
Despite the fact that in the foothills, the average day was still sunny and warm enough for light clothes, a cold breeze blew by the house. A chill shot through Quackity’s blue coat as he helped pull out Tubbo’s suitcase.
As he moved to head to the door, walking down the driveway before glancing back at Tubbo, “You coming?”
Tubbo glanced down at the road, kicking up dirt as he silently thought through it. "I…"
Quackity bit his lip before sighing and gently placing a hand on Tubbo's back. "Why don't you go see Tommy?" He offered. "Then you don't have to see them right away."
"Are you sure?" Tubbo asked, looking up at Quackity with an expression that twisted Quackity with guilt. Tubbo needed him, looked up to him. He had to at least try to live up to that.
"Yeah." Quackity nodded. “I mean, his house is just up the road. So don’t worry about it. Just make sure you’re back by tonight.”
"Thanks, Q." Tubbo's expression and body visibly relaxed as he turned up the driveway, waving goodbye as he left Quackity alone.
Quackity's attention shifted to the house in front of him as he made his way inside.
He greeted his parents who asked about Tubbo, but Quackity just explained he'd just wanted to go see his friend. Then from the car, Quackity moved his and Tubbo's things inside their old bedroom with their bunk bed.
It felt strange being home again. He and Tubbo hadn't visited the entire year. During Christmas, Quackity had made up an excuse about too much work and wanting to take an extra class to get ahead. The excuses wouldn’t work now. He had to come back, if only for a week or two.
The room hadn't changed one bit, only now just completely empty without his and Tubbo's things. And the rest of the house looked exactly the same too, left just as it had been the day he'd packed up for school. As if the entire town had been put on pause while he'd been gone.
It didn’t take long for Quackity to get cabin fever and wonder if he should wander around for a bit, maybe revisit some of his old spots from high school.
Making his decision, Quackity stood up and walked out to the car before turning the key and pulling out of the dirt driveway. He found himself driving back on the same road they’d come in on, crossing back the same path as before.
The drive took him back to the convenience store, still nestled in a small grouping of trees and rocks.
Parking the car, Quackity got out and headed around to the side of the store. Letting out a heavy sigh, Quackity pulled out a cigarette and lit it, sticking it in his mouth and letting the smoke envelop his senses.
He’d never liked it, the smell was terrible and each time he did it Quackity felt the smoke festering in his lungs. His father had been an alcoholic, and his father before him. Meaning logically Quackity should know to be better, his parents certainly thought he was.
Quackity might have stopped a long time ago if it were for the fact that he wouldn’t know how to handle the feeling, the idea that he could be better. That he had something worth stopping for.
“Figured I’d find you here ” Sapnap gives a half-hearted smile as he approached Quackity from the side door. “Our old spot huh?”
“Yeah.” Quackity pulled the cigarette out of his mouth, staring at the dim light on the end as he breathed out. He turned his gaze onto Sapnap with a slight frown.
Sapnap leaned against the wall next to him. “Thought you were planning to stop once you went to college.”
It wasn’t an accusation, Sapnap wasn’t making a moral judgment like others would in that moment. If anything Quackity hated how understanding his voice sounded.
“Yeah. I was.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I guess I just-” Quackity tried to put it into words, “I was trying. For Tubbo then I-” He bit his lip. “There was this guy, Schlatt…” Quackity closed his eyes. “Fuck Sapnap it’s so easy with him. He’s a piece of shit but I- I don’t know.”
There wasn’t the same pull with Schlatt. In fact, Quackity was repulsed by him half the time. The guy was a sleaze, a wanna-be politician. Yet he had connections, ones Quackity needed. Plus it’s not like it was long-term, Quackity knew he’d just be tossed to the side like any of his other girlfriends.
“You deserve better Q.” Sapnap said quietly as he stared at Quackity’s face. "You know that, right?"
Quackity went silent, closing his eyes. Perhaps if he ignored Sapnap he would just go away. He didn’t need his childhood best friend to point it out to him. Point out that it was slowly killing him.
“Right.” Quackity finally spoke, still holding the small rolled-up paper.
“I’m serious,” Sapnap's voice dips dangerously close to pity. "You-- You're not happy, are you?"
"Dude."
"You're not. You deserve to be."
Quackity didn’t know how to feel about it, how Sapnap had read him like a book after only talking to him for barely ten minutes. How genuine Sapnap’s voice sounded, as if he cared about Quackity and wanted to look out for him.
"And you're a shining example of making people happy, are you?"
Sapnap's eyes glinted bitterly. "I didn't say that."
"You mean it."
"You've been gone for a year, Q. You don't know what--"
"I was two hours away. It's not like I fucking disappeared." Quackity folded his arms tightly, facing away from Sapnap. "I'm still here Sapnap. Don't confuse me for Karl."
He hadn't meant it to devolve it into an argument, but ever since Karl had died it seemed like every long conversation they had together ended up being one. Every bit of baggage held onto their words.
If this was a story with a resolved ending, Sapnap and Quackity would have grown closer from Karl’s disappearance. Perhaps it’s what would’ve prompted Quackity to finally ask Sapnap out. It would’ve seemed only natural they’d bond over their missing friend. Maybe their classmates would’ve said something about how they expected it to happen, how happy they were that the two had gotten over themselves.
“You did disappear Q.” Those words made Quackity pause. Quackity had just decided to leave town, Sapnap could’ve gone looking for him the entire time. He could've reached out if he really cared.
"What do you mean…?" Quackity's brow furrowed.
"You and Karl both left." Sapnap's voice held the bubbling anger and Quackity recognized the tone from their previous fights, spilling over yet Quackity knew how much worse it could get. "I was the only one who stayed. You two went off while I was left here in this shit backwater town. Karl didn’t have a choice, but you did."
"It's not my fault you decided to stay." Quackity tossed the cigarette to the side, onto the small ashtray on top of a trash can.
The words stung, feeling like poison in his mouth.
Sapnap folded his own arms, voice still tense. “I don’t blame you for leaving. But you… didn’t say anything. I had no idea where you’d gone.” He sighed.
“You didn’t even try to look for me, if it meant so much to you.” Quackity pointed out with a tight glare. “You keep saying all this shit but you have no fucking clue what I’ve been dealing with the past year.”
“Why did you come back Q?”
It was a simple question, and one Quackity should be able to answer easily. However, the long explanation got caught up somewhere between his mind and his mouth as he spoke. “Our parents don’t want Tubbo.”
It wasn’t the whole story, didn’t even explain half of it. Though Sapnap knew some of the other parts.
Sapnap turned to Quackity gaze softening. “I figured it was something like that.” He bit his lip. “Do you really think that’s the best idea, for either of you?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Quackity tensed again, lips tightening.
“Just that… you think you could handle that alone?” Sapnap raised an eyebrow. “Q you act like you’ve moved on, like none of this matters to you but I know you. I know you’re not okay. You really think you can handle a kid on top of that?”
Quackity knew Sapnap was right, but it didn’t stop it from hurting less. Didn’t stop the accusation from cutting him like a knife.
“What the fuck do you know.” Quackity spit out, anger fuming in his chest. “What am I supposed to do? Send him to social services?! Sapnap if that happens I may never see him again. Don’t act like you get it because you don’t.”
“You don’t have to do all this alone!” Sapnap pushed back with a huff. “Quackity you’re not ready for it, not when you’re still not handling your own problems.”
“And you think you’re any better!?” Quackity fought back. He knew at this point it was lashing out, that it was his insecurities talking. He knew he wasn’t prepared, but he didn’t have another option. “At least I got over Karl, you’ve just been stuck on his disappearance even though everything should be telling you to just move on!”
“You would’ve done the same if you saw what I did!” Sapnap’s voice was barely lower than a shout.
It had gotten to the point they usually arrived at, the point they started saying things without thinking. When the tension had spilled over to the point there was no going back.
“What?” Quackity asked quietly.
Sapnap swallowed before taking a breath. “I saw something that day. I’m… not entirely sure, I don’t totally understand it.”
“What did you see?” Quackity frowned. Sapnap’s tone told Quackity this wasn’t the time to fight.
“I turned back before you did, I saw Karl disappear.” Sapnap’s eyes seemed to glance around as he thought before he focused back on Quackity. His voice was calm, but some what strangled. “It was like, the sky had reached down, as if he was becoming part of it. The stars were there, in the trees, flooding over him- like…” Sapnap shook his head. “I don’t know…”
Quackity paused, listening quietly and calmly. “You’re sure?”
“I know what I saw!” Sapnap said quickly.
Quackity raised his hands slightly. “I know I know.” He assured. “Did you tell anyone?”
“No, why would I!?” Sapnap shook his head, “No one would’ve believed me. You know that.”
“Right…” Quackity nodded, trying to make his tone as understanding as possible. “Have you seen anything like it since?”
“Of course not- Q it was real. I know it was.” Sapnap explained seriously. “It wasn’t a hallucination. I knew you wouldn't believe me, I almost didn't at first but I know it really happened."
"I…" Quackity frowned. "Look, it doesn't make a difference. Karl's gone, Sapnap. Whether he was swallowed by the sky or- whatever? He's not coming back."
“I have to get back in.” Sapnap closed his eyes, stepping forward to leave as a cool breeze passed by them. “My break is almost over." He paused with his hand on the door. "You know, I figured things might’ve been… different now that you’re back.”
Quackity shoved his hands into his pockets. “What would make you think that? Things don’t change just because you want them to.”
People don’t come back just because someone wished for it.
Quackity spoke with finality, Sapnap heading back into the convenience store while Quackity moved to his car. Perhaps if his heart was a bit smarter, he would’ve chosen anywhere. Any place else in the small dusty town that he knew Sapnap wouldn’t be at. And yet, escaping a gravitational pull was nearly impossible.
When Quackity headed back up the road to the outskirts of town where his family’s house was. Back through the trees past the various small ranches. Quackity had to admit he almost missed the scenic drive back home, colorful fields of paintbrushes dotted a blue sky.
He saw Tubbo sitting on the front porch, on the stairs leading to the front door. His hands were folded pensively as he seemed engrossed in a pebble on the ground.
“Tubbo?” He wondered what had happened, had Tubbo already been in to see their parents?
Tubbo glanced up. “Hey, bossman. Didn’t realize you’d left.”
“What’s with the long face?” Quackity asked, sitting down next to Tubbo. He knew it was a silly question to ask, he already knew the answer if Tubbo was sitting outside their house. “...Mom and Dad?”
“No.” Tubbo shook his head, going quiet for a moment. “Tommy was gone.”
Quackity’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“He said…” Tubbo looked at his hands again. “He said his family was moving out to Arizona. I didn’t think-”
“You didn’t think he’d be gone so soon.” Quackity attempted to fill in.
Tubbo tossed a tiny rock in his hand out onto the dirt path, “Yeah.” He then seemed to glare at nothing in particular. “Coming home sucks.”
“Can’t argue with that logic.” Quackity leaned back, setting his hand on the wooden porch step.
“Do you have to take custody?” Tubbo asked, looking over at Quackity. “You’re only like a few years older than me.”
“Pretty much.” Quackity shook his head with a frown. “Mom and dad wanted me to so… I don’t really have a choice.” He smiled at Tubbo. “But, hey, at least it means we’ll be able to be closer than before.”
“You said the same thing when I moved down with you when you went to college.” Tubbo said pointedly, his expression not warming.
“Lo siento tiene que ser así.” Quackity muttered. Tubbo’s eyes soften, and Q offers him a small smile in return. “Mereces mejor, cabrito.”
“Está bien, big Q.” Tubbo shrugged it off, standing up and dusting himself off. “I’m going to head inside.”
Quackity glanced over at the pitiful pile of wood before sighing as he stood up after Tubbo. “I’ll follow you in a bit.”
The sun was setting, but they still needed firewood, or else the night was going to be miserable. It already would be, but Quackity knew how cold autumn evenings could get in the mountains. How once the sunset, the temperature would go down to freezing. Winters were always the longest and hardest.
Quackity’s feet crunched against the soft earth, grasses tickling his legs as his picked up an axe and started chopping large logs into a more reasonable size. It was hard work but it allowed him time to think. The time he’d forgone by going to the one place he should’ve known Sapnap would be at.
His life had been one of harsh coincidences. Being the favored child of his parents, the law student, the responsible wanted kid. Meanwhile doing everything in his power to keep that love while supporting Tubbo. Then the glaring mark on his life that was Karl Jacobs. Quackity wondered if it was his fault bad things seemed to happen to the people he was around, a bad luck charm of sorts.
After collecting enough wood to cover them for the next couple of days, Quackity’s arms felt sore. It had been nearly a year or two since he’d had to do anything like it and he was out of practice. He brought the wood up before looking at the trail behind his house.
Perhaps a small walk would be good. It had been ages since he’d really been for a hike.
The cool air filled Quackity’s nose as he followed the trail. After a bit he noticed the first stars, twinkling in the colorful sky. Faint but still barely visible in the fading golden light.
Looking into the past. That’s what Quackity was doing when he looked at them. He wondered if someone or something could see Earth from one of the multitudes of planets orbiting those stars; would they see that day? If they could, then they would have more answers than Quackity ever would.
Karl had always talked about the universe as if it was a living being, something that could understand them. While the memory before would’ve made Quackity smile at how silly his friend could be, now it just created a festering feeling of guilt and anger. Regardless it was something even now Quackity couldn’t help but think about it.
That something could be analyzing the arguments he and Sapnap had, thinking about how Quackity could’ve done it better. It was strange, knowing that the universe knew more about Quackity’s life than he did.
The trees overhead cast shadows onto Quackity as he walked, every once in a while he’d get a glimpse of sunlight through the needles of the pines or the thin leaves of the aspens. Quackity wasn’t quite sure where he was going as he let his feet carry him across the forest floor.
His parents would’ve told him to keep an eye out for animals, telling him that they were the most active between night and day. But Quackity didn’t really care, he wasn’t out just to explore nature or even to look at the stars like some kid. He was out for the sole reason of finally getting some fresh air. Not to mention, something was drawing him forward, it was the same feeling he had around Sapnap and Karl. The calm nonexistent whisper that pulled Quackity to them and told him they felt the same.
As Quackity finally took note of his surroundings, he realized his feet had carried him all the way back to his, Sapnap, and Karl’s old campsite. Sometimes they’d taken others, and Quackity could swear he still could smell the faint scent of smoke in the area from the fire pit,
It was another empty void, a stinging feeling of nostalgia hitting Quackity with all the subtleness of a train. Logs sat around as makeshift chairs when they forgot them, the echoes of laughter could be heard in the clearing.
It didn’t take long for Quackity to find the ridge after that. The one they’d gone to that day when Karl had left.
As Quackity stood at the edge of the tree line, he closed his eyes. Tried to put himself into Karl’s shoes.
Even years later, Quackity hated that he was still looking for clues. Was still trying to find an answer to a tale that would never have a resolution. So he stepped forward, looking over the ridge to the valley and ponds below. There was a peacefulness to the woods, a calm only disturbed by the chirps of crickets. The rest was silence.
There was nothing there. Just the same peaceful sight Quackity had seen before, like everything else it had been frozen in time.
“Q? Is that you?”
Quackity had to be imagining things, or dreaming. Because there was no way he’d just heard that voice. It wasn’t real.
Slowly, Quackity turned to look at the tree line, downed branches littering the ground. There at the edge, framed by the golden leaves of aspens, was a man the same age as Quackity. As if during his time away he’d been living at the same pace as everyone else. His hair was long and bushy, his coat patched together, and his expression gaunter than the same eyes Quackity used to see entire universes in when they were younger.
Quackity knew he had to be dreaming, was sure the figure in front of him wasn’t real. Could feel it with every fiber of his being.
He was back, the light from the fading sun bathing him as the stars started to peer in the dark blue of the sky behind him. He was standing there. As if to take all of Quackity’s understanding of his entire world and throw them into a dark ravine.
Quackity’s voice was small, disbelieving. “Karl?”