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I think the idea of having no friends in a place like California is stupid.
I find it fascinating here. The culture is different, which is no surprise when compared to Hawkins, and so many different kinds of people reside here. It’s kind of… nice actually. A change of pace.
Yeah, there may be some bad eggs (a lot actually), but I have yet to run into any true asshats like those in Hawkins. At least here I’m not known as ‘Zombie Boy’. I’m just Will, Will Byers.
“Will?” A quiet voice muffles from beside me. I turn to look up at Jane, perching my head on my free hand. I must have been drifting off.
“What is it?”
She taps a pencil to her paper. We’re in class working on a history project together.
“Do you know who George Washington is?” She whispers and looks around, as if waiting for someone to add something.
I blink, “I do, do you not?”
The conversation quickly devolves into teasing and banter. It’s been nice getting to know Jane better. She’s always been kind and thoughtful, but I never really knew her. I never knew her thoughts, her feelings, I just knew she saved me from the Mind Flayer.
That’s all it was up until the move, and then suddenly a floodgate was opened.
Jane is very similar to me and my core personality. We both don’t take bull, and we are both very sarcastic. We’re so sarcastic that our sarcasm doesn’t sound like sarcasm most of the time, it’s insane.
Jane prods at my arm suddenly, pulling me away from another daze. I have to stop doing that.
As the period floats along, my anxiety gradually grows. I may have been a bit of a hypocrite, because if I were to claim I have friends here, it’d be the biggest lie. Life isn’t like Grease, it’s been more like The Karate Kid if I’m being honest. Being friend-less and surrounded by snarky rich kids gets tiring very fast.
Also, I was definitely, 100% projecting earlier. I think it’s dumb I don’t have friends yet. I mean yeah, I’m nerdy, but I have gotten my fair share of ‘ask outs’ from girls. Every single one I ignore, awkwardly inching away as I sink into my lonely, single desk. I want a friend, not someone who just likes me for how I look, and can slobber on until they’re bored.
The passing period after History, Jane and I take our normal route to our lockers, and she gives me a sympathetic glance. She knows how I feel here, as much as I know how she does. It’s a mutual feeling that this school is kind of shit. Neither of us have found anyone to talk to, so parting ways everyday feels like torture.
Before we turn to head to our classes, I wave to Jane. She smiles that heartfelt smile of hers, before quickly waving back. I then walk into my next period, Drawing 2.
———
You know that whole ‘friend’ thing I keep mentioning? Well, to my surprise, someone is sitting in the seat next to where I usually sit at the art table. A girl with short, messy black hair. She seems to be wearing a ragged jean jacket and baggy jeans.. All I can hear in my head is a siren that screams: ‘Go sit somewhere else!’
The problem is, there is nowhere else to sit, so when I fumble through my bag as I sit down, I pull my chair as far away as possible without her noticing.
It’s strange, really. I've never seen her before, being that I have nothing better to do than just watch everyone else from the back of the class. I take an opportunity to look at her, and she seems to be arched over a sketchbook. She sketches frantically, completely absorbed into whatever she’s doing.
Thank god, I can not handle an interaction with anyone right now.
Almost as if she read my mind, she turns to me, dropping her pencil on the table. I jump, and she chuckles, “Scared ya?” I stay quiet.
She tilts her head, tongue darting to lick her lips. Oh boy, here we go again. I hate how awkward this always is.
“If you’re here to say you want to be my girlfriend, I’m not interested in dating right now,” I mutter, turning back to my bag which now lays on the table.
I start pulling out my own sketchbook and pencils before I’m poked in the side. I sigh, turning back to the girl, “Yeah?”
“You’re funny,” is all she says as she rests her head in the palm of her hand, “I have no reason to ask you out. You’re not my type anyways.”
I don't know whether to feel relieved or offended, but I choose the latter. I follow what she was doing earlier and begin sketching in awkward silence.
It’s quickly broken by a grunt after the teacher has passed out the rubric for an assignment. I curiously look over at her, and our eyes meet.
“Sorry,” She turns to me, looking around her before leaning in, “This assignment is just kind of crappy.”
Surprised at what she says, I laugh, and she smirks. She turns back to the paper for a moment before sliding me her open sketchbook. I raise an eyebrow at her, and look down.
“I’d rather draw stuff like this, to be honest. The real good shit.”
I look in awe at an unfinished drawing of a dragon, incredibly detailed.
“You drew this?” I ask in exasperation (which may be a little bit over the top). She nods and smiles. It’s toothy, and I quickly notice the gap between her front teeth.
She reaches over and flips a few papers, revealing more art of dragons, and some references to D&D. I gasp at each page.
“Woah woah woah, wait. Do you play D&D?” I fully face her, and she gives me a goofy grin. I take that as a yes, and I sit motionless for a minute.
She clicks her tongue, “I assume you play too?” My feet shuffle under the table as I hum in response. She laughs, and suddenly she hits my back, “Alright man! I finally found someone cool!”
I giggle (yes, giggle), and then look between her and the sketchbook.
I still have questions, but I’m not able to ask her anything more as she runs out right after the bell. She is a strange character for sure.
———
It’s the next day when I see the strange girl again. I hadn’t mentioned anything to my family yesterday, not even Jane. It just felt unnecessary, so I filed the one-off experience into the back of my head.
It’s not one off though, which is very evident by the same girl sitting in the same seat doing the same thing she did yesterday. Jeeze, that was a mouthful.
Less awkward this time, I drag out my chair and sit down next to her. I don’t even have a name to her face, she’s just ‘she’.
“Hey Will,” she smiles, and I give her a small hello back. How she knows my name boggles my mind, but I ignore it like how I ignored every weird thing yesterday.
Today we are set to begin our new art project. I forgot to even review the rubric at all yesterday, so I audibly groan as my teacher passes out the materials. Mr. Ghast isn’t the most pleasant of teachers, even though this class should be fun.
“Will, you okay?” the girl knocks her elbow into mine, as if we haven’t just met. It eases the tension a bit, like cutting back the foliage that is whatever this is.
I ease up, “Yeah, just forgot to really read the rubric. I have no idea what to do.”
She nods, sifting through the mess of papers and pencils on her side of the table. She pulls out her rubric (somehow), and offers it to me. I take it, albeit hesitantly, and read it over.
When I’m finished, I thank her and pass it back over to her and begin working. A comfortable quiet hangs over us as we focus on our respective works, until she speaks up.
“My name is Maya.”
It takes me a second to process that she’s speaking to me, but when I do, I pause what I’m working on.
“Good to know. I kept forgetting to ask,” I nervously laugh, shifting in my seat. She huffs out a chuckle and rolls her eyes.
“I just moved here. I assume you did too, pretty much.”
It’s the middle of the school year, but Will agrees to it.
“I heard some girls talking about you, so I figured your name out pretty fast. You seem popular with them,” she smirks before opening her mouth to pop a piece of gum into it, “I can tell you’re not too fond of them though. Can’t blame you, I’d rather get to really know someone before they leech off of me.”
And I laugh at that, fully heartedly laugh. It’s a laugh I haven’t experienced in a long time. Not since I last saw Mike.
“You’re pretty quiet, you know that?” she scribbles on her rubric paper.
“Yup, I don’t really talk to a lot of people.”
Ouch, that sounds sad.
“Not that I don’t have friends but, y’know, I don’t know people here still and…” I trail off, feeling Maya’s burning gaze on the back of my head.
I push myself around to look at her, and she’s snorting. I can’t help another laugh from bubbling up, it’s so natural.
“God! You’re so funny. I honestly thought you’d be boring,” she grins.
The dam finally begins to break, a small weak wall I built to hide the Will left in Hawkins. It’s almost like a part of me can see where this is headed. She wants to talk to me, and that’s what I’ve been looking for. I’ve been looking for a friend.
———
About 2 months into talking I really begin to open up. Maya and I talk like we’ve known each other forever (nothing like Mike though), and I keep it a secret that I have found myself a friend. I still keep most things to myself, but I find I’ve been really looking forward to my art period. Not today though. Something is off today, and I can’t put my finger on it.
Actually, I know why.
I found out Mike is visiting this Spring Break during breakfast. Normally I’d feel thrilled, even giddy, but it made me feel sick. I actually had to leave the table afterwards, earning myself a handful of worried looks. I shrugged it off, saying I’ve just been feeling sick.
That’s definitely not the case. Ever since the argument in the rain last year, with Mike saying I don’t like girls blah blah blah, destroying Castle Byers and almost dying to the product of the Upside Down for the third time, our friendship hasn’t been the same. It’s as if someone has taken a knife and pointed it at both of us, threatening to stab if either of us did so much as to interact with one another. Basically, I’m not thrilled.
I’m not sure why I’m scared though. If anything, Mike is the last person to be feared. I have more blackmail on him than anyone in the Party, so why am I so jittery?
Maya apparently catches onto my nerves quickly, because I miss her obligatory ‘Hey man’ today. I uncharacteristically lay my head in my arms, and Maya pats my back.
“Dude, you alright?” She whispers into my ear. I grumble, “No.”
“Tell me, what is it? Is it something to do with something I said yesterday?”
“No, not at all I just… I’m feeling really weird.”
Maya’s hand momentarily stills before pulling me up. She puts my head on my forehead and I laugh, “Idiot! I don’t mean I’m sick, I just feel terrible.”
Her eyebrows furrow, “What do you mean? Look Byers, I can’t help if I can’t fully grasp the ass of the situation here.”
She moves her hands suggestively and I groan, a small smile playing on my face.
“There we go! I got one out of you,” she ruffles my hair. I groan even louder, pushing her hands away.
I turn to her and lean down on the table again, “I guess I feel bad because I found out my best friend’s coming over Spring Break.”
Before Maya can reply, I cut her off, “Not that it’s a bad thing! Obviously not. I feel… weird about it though.”
And I explain to her the jist of what happened, without the supernatural stuff. I tell Maya about our argument over Jane and D&D, how I destroyed the last piece of my childhood and survived a ‘traumatic mall fire’. Throughout my rant her face morphs at everything I say, and once I slow down and reach the end, she raises a hand up.
“Hold on, so what I’m getting here is you guys argued, and never resolved it.”
I sheepishly nod, “Yeah, but I mean it’s not even my fault! If anything, he should apologize… but I still feel bad. It feels like maybe I’m just feeling this way so I have something to hold against him. I don’t even know if I’m really mad at him.”
Maya looks around the classroom thoughtfully, then her eyes widen. She glances around before leaning towards my ear, “I had an epiphany.”
I squint at her, “Yeah, well what is it?”
She giggles softly, “You totally have a crush on him.”
What?
My whole world starts spinning.
“No! No way! What do you mean,” I say a bit too loudly, and she covers my mouth for me. A few kids look at us but turn back around when I’m quiet.
“Look, I don’t know how to break this to you but you love this Mike kid. The way you talk about him is so,” she taps her chin, “Endearing? You describe him beautifully, noting every little perfect thing about him as you continue your story.”
I gulp and then she realizes why I’m now so pale.
“Oh gosh I’m sorry! I thought you knew I was well… you know already, right?”
I blink, not a thought is forming behind these eyes. She motions to herself then me, and then slaps her face, “God, I shouldn’t even be surprised.”
Completely clueless, I try to decipher what she means but my brain can’t seem to. I’m still stuck on the fact she’d mention me liking Mike. It almost makes me blush when I shouldn’t.
“Dude, I’m a lesbian. I like women,” she murmurs so quietly into my ear that I hardly even catch it. That’s when it hits me. Oh. Ohhhh.
Suddenly every interaction makes even more sense now. One of Maya’s first comments to me was so subtle, it’s easy for anyone to pass it by, but she was definitely hinting at liking girls. I’m just a bit clueless.
“That makes so much sense now!” I gasp and then I remember what she said earlier, “Wait. Are you saying that I’m…?”
Maya loses it, and I watch her keel over in her seat. She hits her hand on the table, and it’s my turn to quiet her down before we become too rowdy.
“Will, you listen to The Cure. What guy here listens to that?” she belts out another laugh, and now I’m covering her mouth. She bites my hand and I yelp, retracting it.
“Hey! Not fair!”
“Totally fair, I could have gotten steam rolled by you if you weren’t okay with me.”
I go quiet and nod, “Yeah, yeah you’re right. I’m sorry I just… it never clicked.”
“Just like how it didn’t click about you and Mike?”
And now I finally blush.
“Okay, shut up. I never realized that could be the reason. People aren’t really nice about it, you know,” I pretend to frown at her, and she just flicks my side.
I feel a bit at ease, but a new tension grows inside of me. I like Mike? God, would my father love to see me today. Obviously he would not.
It makes me recoil a bit inside. It’s an uncomfortable conclusion, especially since I’ve seen and heard of so many terrible gay people, people who are sick and twisted. I don’t want to be called a fairy again, I don’t want to be called a fag, and I definitely don’t want California to be like Hawkins 2.0.
“Hey Will?”
Maya seems to sense my tension, and I let out a strained sigh as I relax my shoulders, “Mhm?”
“It’s okay if you’re not sure yet. I mean, no one’s forcing you to know.”
She’s being oddly quiet, but her voice is soft, almost like she’s trying to tread on shaky ground.
“I know how it is, and finding love is nearly impossible everywhere, but if he’s your best friend he will love you no matter what comes of your feelings towards him.”
The ugly pang of despair and worry diminishes and is replaced with the curl of something new and different. The corners of my mouth curl up, and I impulsively hug Maya.
“I love you, thank you,” my voice wavers, and she wraps her arms around me and squeezes me tightly.
“Of course man, I’m always here.”
———
It’s a few weeks before Spring Break when Maya has another one of her many ‘epiphanies’. Thank god it’s not onion flavored ice cream this time.
“You should paint him something to show how much you care about him.”
Totally caught off guard, I stop mid-stroke to look at her.
“What?”
We’re supposed to be practicing painting techniques, not like we’ve already been doing it all year.
“Mike, you should paint something for when he comes. It could be for your Spring project,” she grins, eyes lighting up at her own idea, “You could do so many things but come on, don’t tell me it’s a bad idea.”
Actually, she’s right. As I’ve had to process the first epiphany she had for me, I’ve come to terms with my feelings towards Mike, and feelings in general. I hate being stereotyped, but I’m definitely gay like everyone has been saying, no doubt.
“Okay, you’re actually onto something there,” I stare at the canvas in front of me, “Any other suggestions?”
“Yes! I knew you’d like my idea this time,” she grins, “You should do it about a memory only you two share. It would kinda show how deep in shit you are.”
I smack her arm with my free hand, and she drops her paintbrush.
“Ouch! Asshole…” she rolls her eyes, grabs her paintbrush, and sets it on the table, “I’m serious though, if it’s something personal you can pass it off as a simple gift from a friend, only if things don’t work out.”
I consider her words for a second before making up my mind.
“Okay.”
“Okay what?” She looks at me, confused. I smile cheekily, “You know.”
———
So when Spring Break rolls around, and I bring home my painting to work on adding the last few touches, my heart sings. It’s the perfect gift, it’s got my entire soul in it. It took my whole soul and more to finish it in time.
All I wish for is that I get the chance to tell Mike how I feel, but until then all I know is I can’t wait to tell Maya how it goes. I hope, oh god I hope it’s not bad, and if it goes terribly, she and Jane won’t hear the end of it.