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Adrien took a deep breath as he walked through all the job booths in the Paris career expo. It was career day after all, and he was hoping for the small chance he’d be able to find out what he wanted to do after school.
Adrien doesn't know what he wants.
His whole life he’d done whatever it was his father wanted for him. Whether it be modeling, fencing, piano, or studying foreign languages. None of these things are something that Adrien actually chose for himself .
His whole life is already planned out for him. He has no say.
Modeling for example; it was fun at first but now it’s more of a chore than anything. Sure, it may seem fun to pose for a camera and have tons of people adore you. But it’s tiring always having to put up a front even when you feel sad, never having complete privacy, and holding up a sophisticated image at all times.
Piano. Did Adrien ever enjoy piano? He’d like to think he did but it’s hard to enjoy anything when you’re being forced to do it and achieve it perfectly every time. Adrien remembers his mother playing piano and maybe that’s why he liked it. However, his father sucked all the joy out of piano- something he actually liked for once- with his strict expectations. The only time he could enjoy himself was by playing his own tune quietly, or just completely giving up and turning up the volume of a recorded video.
Everything Adrien ever did was planned. He didn’t do it because he liked it, he did it so that his tightly held image would appease his father.
So, when Adrien was asked what he wanted to do in the future he blanked.
Of course, the first thing he thought of was modeling. If his father continued to control him, he would no doubt continue his modeling career and anything else he was made to do. It was quite simple, really. He had nothing to worry about.
But that was the thing. He had everything to worry about.
Because for the first time he asked himself what he wanted. And his mind went blank. Any thoughts of his desire for his future were unclear if not nonexistent.
There had to be something . Something that Adrien liked; something that Adrien enjoyed. Yet there was nothing. There was nothing that he wanted for himself.
And that scared him.
Who is Adrien?
Adrien doesn't know.
Is he the perfect, put-together, heart-stopping model? Or is he the adventurous, carefree, pun-making Chat Noir?
At first Adrien loved being Chat Noir. Being able to protect the streets of Paris, fight alongside Ladybug and most importantly be himself . At least that’s how he felt at first. But was Chat Noir even his true self? Or was he just using all the puns and jokes to cover up his own self-doubt?
Surely, he wouldn’t be Chat Noir forever. Was he even needed as Chat Noir? If not Chat Noir than who was he?
Adrien felt as though there were two versions to himself yet he couldn’t even figure out one.
Adrien walked past what felt like hundreds of booths, however none of them caught his eye. Would he never truly have a passion?
Most kids would dream of being superheroes, astronauts, or firefighters. However, Adrien can’t remember ever having a big dream when he was younger. Though, he does remember following his father’s very instruction.
So maybe that was his life goal, as miserable as it was. To do whatever his father wanted from him. Was he destined to never be anything but his father's shadow?
Adrien felt himself grow overwhelmed after eyeing so many booths and finding interest in nothing. He walked away from the commotion weaving his way out of students (who all probably already know what they want to do with their lives by now), teachers, and booth owners explaining their jobs.
Ahead of Adrien was a large patch of sand and a blue river- an attempt at a beach. Adrien found a quiet place away from all the noise, right next to the sandy beach and the rising sunset. He sat down on the bench trying to focus on anything other than the depressing thoughts on his mind.
It was almost pitiful. Everybody was out and about discovering their dream jobs while Adrien was sitting isolated, having a midlife crisis.
That’s how he felt in life. Isolated .
Suddenly someone sat next to Adrien. He nearly didn’t notice them with all the thoughts on his mind but he could never miss the distinct presence of the person next to him.
“Luka??” Adrien gasped.
Luka gave Adrien a soft smile that strangely comforted him. He then turned his head to the side taking in the view.
“The sky is beautiful today.”
Adrien nodded, somehow feeling calmer after being in the blue haired boy’s presence.
“I noticed you here all alone,” Luka started. He paused for a moment as if hearing a striking tune.
“The sound of your heart is...a bit off. Is something bothering you?” He questioned.
Adrien almost wanted to flash Luka a smile and tell him everything was fine. Yet he didn’t. There was something about Luka that made Adrien want to come clean about everything about him.
“I just have...a lot on my mind.” Adrien truthfully answered, albeit vaguely.
Luka hummed in acknowledgment.
“Does it have to do with the career expo?” He asked, as if reading Adrien’s mind.
“You could say that. I guess I just don’t know what I want to do with my life after school. I feel so behind.”
Luke nodded.
“You don’t have to figure everything out now Adrien.”
“That’s easy for you to say, I mean you have your own booth!” Adrien pointed out, giving an attempt at a joke. Clearly the joke didn’t fully reach his eyes because Luka turned to look at him with a considerate expression.
“That’s true but you still have so much time to figure out what you want to do with your life. I’m sure there’s something that you enjoy doing, even if it’s not seen as a ‘career’.”
“Honestly, I don’t know if there is…” Adrien looked down, feeling himself shutting down. When Adrien finally met Luka’s gaze he felt as though Luka was telling him it was okay to go on. Something about the look in his eyes made Adrien want to open up to him.
“…ever since I was a kid,” Adrien started, hating how shaky his voice sounded.
“I always did what my father wanted. I mean, I have my whole life planned out for me so I never really gave much thought to what I actually wanted, much less a career. Well, you already know I model and I know I should be more grateful that I even have the chance to make a career out of it but- I just I-I don’t know if I even like modeling. I don’t know what I want and I don’t know if I even know who I am -…” Adrien’s voice broke off as he bit his tongue, trying to fight off the threatening tears.
Adrien felt his ears tint pink in embarrassment when he realized all that he said. He mentally cursed himself for oversharing.
“S-Sorry.” Adrien apologized, after a moment of silence.
Suddenly Luka’s hands were in his. Adrien’s eyes shifted from Luka’s hands intertwined in his to Luka’s caring gaze.
“You don’t need to apologize, Adrien. It’s okay to express how you feel, and I don’t mind listening.” Luka’s gaze was unbroken.
It’s almost as if Luka knew exactly what to say. Adrien felt strangely comforted with the newfound warmth holding his hands and Luka’s caring nature.
“It’s completely understandable how you feel. You weren’t given much of a choice in what you do so it makes sense It might take longer to find out what you enjoy. But that’s okay, that only means you have more time to figure out what sparks your joy.”
Luka reached his hand up to wipe a stray tear from Adrien’s cheek.
“Even if you don’t know for sure that’s okay, just do what feels right. You’re not behind Adrien. Everyone discovers themself at different paces. Some people do one thing all their lives and later find out they want to do something different, and that’s okay too.”
Adrien never thought of it that way before. He supposes he doesn’t have to know right away what he wants and he could always change his mind…
“You don’t need to live for anyone else, Adrien. There’s something in all our hearts that shows us what we’re truly passionate about. If you don’t know, I'll do my best to help you until you find it.” Luka promised.
Adrien felt himself turn a shade red at Luka’s sincere promise. It felt as though all Adrien’s worries had vanished after listening to Luka’s soothing voice.
“T-thank you Luka, so much…I didn’t know how much I needed to hear that. I actually feel a lot better about it now.”
“Anytime, Adrien. I’m just glad you feel better.”
It seemed that from out of nowhere Luka pulled out his silver stringed guitar. Adrien wasn’t sure if he was always carrying it with him or if it had just somehow appeared.
“Before, your heart’s tune sounded something like this.” Luka stated, strumming his pick across the strings to create a sorrowful tune. It was a beautiful melody but with a sad essence. Adrien closed his eyes as he listened, finding himself drawn in by Luka’s music.
“But now, your heart sings a more hopeful tune.” Luka began strumming a new equally beautiful melody but with a happier tune and joyful theme. It was exactly how Adrien felt.
Adrien laughed softly, listening to the tune.
“I’ll never understand how you can understand exactly how I feel.”
Luka smiled back, ending his joyous melody.
“I could teach you a few chords.” He offered with a soft smile that made Adrien feel… something .
“I’m sure I’m not good at it. I could never compare to the grand guitar expert.” Adrien joked.
“Well, who knows?” Luka said, as if challenging him. “How about you give it a try?”
Adrien does love a challenge.
“Alright then.”
Luka passed his guitar to Adrien, positioning it correctly across his lap. He handed the pick into Adrien’s hand. He gently put an arm around Adrien and placed his fingers across the right strings.
“Try to place your finger here and use the pick to strum the strings.” He instructed; his soothing voice awfully close to Adrien’s ear.
Adrien nearly shivered with how close Luka was to him; it was somehow nerve-wracking yet freeing ? Adrien couldn’t quite understand it. However, he pushed back those feelings and focused on placing his fingers on the fret correctly. He’d think about that later.
“That was…perfect!” Luka exclaimed as Adrien strummed the C chord.
Adrien looked down feeling shy from the compliment.
“Ah, t-thanks.”
Luka eventually took back the guitar, placing it in its case and setting it next to them. He looked at the sunset for a moment before speaking up.
“I’ll keep finding hobbies or jobs until we find something you like.” He stated simply.
‘We’
“You really mean it?…you’d do that for me?” Adrien questioned, not wanting to be a burden.
Luka turned his head, giving his full attention to Adrien. The two made eye contact as Adrien found himself lost in Luka’s bell blue eyes.
“Of course, I would, Adrien.” Luka confirmed, with honesty in his gaze.
The corners of Adrien’s mouth turned upwards into a sincere smile. Luka reciprocated the smile shifting closer towards Adrien.
Whatever overtook Adrien? Adrien was unsure; yet he found himself inching his hand closer and closer to Luka’s. Before he knew it, Luka had taken the last step and connected both of their hands for the second time.
A sudden shyness overcoming Adrien, he shifted his gaze from Luka to the serene sunset. He didn’t need to look to sense Luka’s soft smile directed towards him. Hand in hand, the two boys watched the sunset lazing over the beach. An unfamiliar feeling of warmth exploded from Adrien’s chest as Luka held his hand.
Adrien wasn’t so sure what any of his feelings meant, and he still wasn’t so sure of what he wanted. And maybe these new found feelings should have added to his confusion yet being with Luka gave Adrien a sense of peace he hadn’t had in a long time.
Adrien knew if he had Luka by his side, he'd have the whole world to figure it out.