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First Practice: August 15th, 2022

The thing is, Buck has worked through blood, sweat, and a lot of tears for his place on the University of Southern California swim team, so sue him for being immediately intimidated by the newest recruit. 

It’s the very first practice of the season. Buck takes his space in Lane 4 with Chimney, who’s fumbling with the tightness of his hand paddles already. 

“Christ, man.” Buck gripes. “Just get new ones already. Those are older than Bobby’s purple crocs.” 

Not bothering to turn around from the whiteboard, Bobby sighs in the all-suffering way he does when one of his swimmers is stuffing themself with unhealthy carbohydrates. “They’re mauve.” 

Before Buck can correct the color of Bobby’s shoes, because he would swear on his sister’s life that those things are a shade of lilac thank you very much, Chimney’s eyebrows are raising and his gaze falls on something over Buck’s shoulder. 

“Now that is a beautiful man.” 

That, regarding the most unfairly attractive man Buck has ever seen. Christ. The guy is almost as tall as him with toned, tanned muscles poking out of his too-small practice suit. He’s got the physique of a Greek God and the hair to match. Not that Buck thinks this poser is as hot as Neptune or anything—thank you Percy Jackson series for providing sexuality crisis-worthy DILFs— just, for once Chim is right. He’s breathtakingly beautiful. 

“Who the hell is that?” 

Buck knows he’s fucked as soon as the new teammate is walking over with a smile so bright it makes him want to shield his eyes so they don’t get burned. Fuck. He’ll resort to what he always does in the face of sexually terrifying man, and absolutely hate his guts. 

Before Buck can figure out a way to scare this man away from sharing a lane with him, Bobby is walking over and slapping the man’s bare back with a friendly smile. “This is Eddie Diaz, our new recruit from Texas A&M. He was top of his class in the nursing program. UCLA was dying to have him but I convinced him to join us.” 

“Uh, what do we need him for?” Buck asks, earning him a flick on the ear from another teammate. 

Bobby only laughs. “He’s broken multiple national records, is trained in every event, and is a fantastic breastroker. We need him, so play nice.” 

Chimney, as always, is oblivious to Buck’s real crisis and sticks out a hand out for Diaz to shake. “Did your old team nickname you Eight-Pack?” 

While most of the team crowds around to swoon over their new member. Buck can’t help the bitter taste rising in the back of his throat. The one chanting that he’s being replaced, that he’ll never live up to the pearly, perfect Eddie Diaz. 

Look, Buck doesn’t doubt that Eddie is a great guy and a great swimmer. Bobby wouldn’t bat so hard if he wasn’t positive that he would slot right into the team dynamic. There’s nothing Buck can do but sit aside and watch the team instantly accept him, something they’d done for him just last year. He’s still finding his footing and it feels like this Eddie guy just tipped him over then kicked him in the knee while he’s already on the slippery deck floor. 

So Buck doesn’t do much warming up to Eddie. The rest of the USC Men’s team has done that for him. When Eddie puts his water bottle down next to Buck’s and focuses that dazzling grin right on him, no one should blame the way he flinches away from it. 

“Anyone ever call you Diaz?” Buck asks, you know, like a dick. 

Eddie raises his eyebrows in amusement. It’s as hot as it is infuriating. “Not if they want me to respond.” 

It goes like that pretty much for the rest of the week. Buck can feel Bobby’s disappointed gaze on the back of his head every time he’s snarky with Diaz. The worst part is, Eddie never rises to the bait. He’s not snooty or petty, just gives as good as he gets. When Buck is an absolute asshole he smirks and retaliates by swimming slowly during warm-ups so Buck can’t pass him. When Buck leaves him the shittiest flippers, Eddie makes sure to leave Buck the least buoyant kickboard and Christ do those make his arms ache more than usual. 

Like every inconvenience in Buck’s life, he whines about it to his sister while he lays on the shaggy run on the floor. Chimney has come with him this time, and Buck is weeping so much he nearly doesn’t notice how they’re pressed shoulder-to-shoulder on Maddie’s Twin XL bed. 

“-just so fucking annoying with his lime green drag suit and–wait, when did this happen?” Buck pauses, swiveling his finger between the two of them.

“When did what happen?” Chimney replies as his right eye twitches. The poor guy looks like he’s about to break into a sweat. “Nothing happened. We didn’t do anything. Stop that! You know pointing makes me nervous.”

Maddie rolls her eyes at the antics. “Howie and I are just friends.” 

“Yeah,” Chimney agrees weakly. “Just friends. The best of friends.” 

Buck wrinkles his nose at them. “Okay, you guys are being freaks. I’m out.” 

“Thank God, please take a shower. You stink like chlorine.” Maddie replies, picking her notepad up from her laps and scribbling notes in pen along the already covered paper. “And don’t forget we have brunch tomorrow with Hen.” 

“I do not smell-” 

“I invited Eddie.” Chimney blurts, effectively cutting off Buck’s self-defense. 

“What is wrong with you today?” Maddie scolds, knocking her small fist into his shoulder. “I thought we were going to ease him into it.” 

“He’s fine,” Chimney argues. “Look at him.” 

Buck is not, in fact, fine. Not only is he being replaced on his team, but now his friend group, too. They’re all going to realize how much better Eddie is at, well, everything. They’re all going to compare Buck and Eddie side-by-side and see in great detail how Buck could never live up to half of the man Eddie is. 

Only one of them has a pack of chiseled abdominal muscles and it is definitely not Buck. He is so, so screwed. 

First Week of Classes: August 22nd, 2022

When they’re not at practice, the team does hang out. They are genuinely friends even if some of the younger kids are still a little starry-eyed and annoying. They’re a little family unit; always looking out for one another no matter how much they run you up the wall with irritating questions. 

Take Ravi for example. Buck is well aware that they’re both on the younger side than the rest of the team. There aren’t too many underclassmen on the USC Swim Team to start with, much less ones in the A Relay. 

Their first party is a tradition after their first invitational. It’s always held bonfire style in the parking lot of the Aquatics Center. An entire group of twenty-something year old men does tend to draw a crowd, so most of their parties turn into complete tailgates. Buck is looking forward to eating s'mores and getting blackout drunk on Watermelon White Claws. 

He just has to get through this week. 

Much to Maddie’s dismay, Buck did not attend brunch on Sunday. He had slept right through his alarm and only woke up to his roommate’s unfortunate shower rendition of Adele’s song Set Fire to the Rain . He had to restrain himself from slamming his head against the bed post if only for the reason that a concussion would seriously deter his one-sided rivalry with Eddie. He spent the rest of the Sunday getting ready for the first day of classes and moping as one does. 

Buck spends his first day towing to Environmental Science Lectures accompanied by a three hour lab. It’s boring and also syllabus day. Buck deserves a treat for not throwing in the towel and dropping out altogether. 

“It’s literally the first day,” Hen says even as she hands him his iced strawberry green tea, knowing completely why he’s buying it. She unties her apron and sits at a circle table next to the window to take her break with him. “You’re gonna piss yourself at practice.” 

Buck had met Hen in the fall semester of last year as they struggled through Advanced Chemistry together. She’s seen him at his undeniably worst moments–chemistry brings that out in him. They’d sit outside the science lecture halls and pretend to study during rerun episodes of Ru Paul’s Drag Race, picking apart every outfit and wig in the show. It was a friendship of pure destiny and also bullying strangers on television shows that are richer than either of them will ever be. What more could anyone want in a friend? 

“I am not.” Buck scowls. He does tip her even though she’s glaring at him. Hen is his lovely best friend and she always puts an extra lemon slice in his drink and he doesn’t want her to slap the back of his head the second she clocks out. 

“What’s got your panties all twisted today?” 

“Stop bringing that up. It was one time and Chimney dared me.”

“It’s an expression.” Hen rebuts with pure exasperation. “Trust me, I’m just as scared as you are from that. No offense, but if I ever have to see both of your ass cheeks again I’m going to gouge my eyes out with a coffee stirring stick.” 

“It's convenient that you work at Starbucks then.” 

They argue back and forth for the entire fifteen minutes of Hen’s break. Buck doesn’t get to feel success that he’s distracted her from his sour mood as she’s calling him out while he ties her apron for her. 

“You know, Eddie coming along doesn’t mean we’ll love you less.” She tells him, too uncharacteristically soft. “I know you, Buck. I know what you’re thinking in that big head of yours. You’ll always be our favorite blond.” 

Buck lets out a breath. He doesn’t know how Hen manages to pinpoint the insecurity of every person she comes across. He has to say it’s a lot less impressive when she’s doing it to him. “I’m the only blond you know.” 

“If I could ban you from this establishment I would.” 

With that Hen leaves him in favor of talking to one of her coworkers— Karen, the name tag says— and it’s time for swim practice. 

The rest of the week is a blur of preparing for their first invitational. Thankfully, Buck isn’t too busy to try to get on every single one of Eddie’s last nerves. They’re in the A Relay together, Buck is doing butterfly off of Eddie’s breaststroke. Chimney is their backstroker starting them off and Ravi is making his freshman debut as an anchor with freestyle. 

Everyone knows the middle of the relay is what can make or break it. The order is Chimney leading, then Buck and Eddie, with Ravi last. 

Buck has to admit it’s a solid relay. Bobby knows what he’s doing as head coach with this arrangement. It’s smart and wicked, everything they need to place in the top three at the Berkeley Invitational.

“Stop slowing down when you come in.” Buck grunts at Eddie from the block above. 

Eddie pants in the water below. “You do know that you’re supposed to dive in when I touch the wall, right?” He snaps in frustration. 

“I would be able to if you kept a steady pace.” 

“My pace is fine -”

“Alright!” Bobby claps his hands together. “Let's try it again. Eddie, try to have more of an even pace. Buck, dive off this time no matter what. You don’t get a second chance with the real thing. Run it back. I’ll start you.”

For the rest of the week, they grow more tired and stressed at practices, often taking it out on each other. Buck and Eddie more than anyone. The rest of their team is dutifully aware of their dislike for each other. Eddie has even leaned into more of a snarky attitude where he once was chilling. 

Everyone has their breaking points, Buck supposes, and Eddie did seem a little like the hothead type.

“What’s your problem, man?” 

“You,” Buck snarls back. He pretends that the rough edge to Eddie’s voice doesn’t make a whole different kind of spark crackle all the way down his spine. “You’re my problem.” 

“We’re on the same team. You don’t need to feel threatened by me.” 

“I’m not threatened by you.” 

Eddie gives him a tight-lipped smile. The smile that’s not really a smile, the one you give to people passing you when you don’t want to seem rude. Buck has seen Eddie’s real smile. The one where his canines prick into his bottom lip, that’s so big his eyes have the subtle beginning of crow’s feet from how genuine it is. 

It is not the one Buck is on the receiving end of right now.

 “Good.” 

The Berkeley Invitational: September 3rd, 2022

From Ravi, 7:44am 

When is a good time to tell coach I forgot my suit at home? 

To Ravi, 7:46am 

literally never

From Ravi, 7:47am

buck my beloved do you have an extra suit for the light of your life ME to borrow by any chance? 

To Ravi, 7:51am

u can keep it if you promise to never call me that again 

From Ravi, 7:52am

i could kiss u rn

To Ravi, 7:55am

please never do

Buck has always appreciated the quiet ambiance of the pool. Even as spectators from the bleachers and swimmers right on the deck scream and cheer them on, it’s barely intelligible. It’s distinct, something far away. 

It’s the starting Invitational of the year. Seven Division 1 teams in Barkley college’s crowded pool area to race for medals and bragging rights. Buck hasn’t missed shoving his genitals into too-tight racing suits although he does giggle when Chimney has such a hard time he breaks out the wretched suit lube.

“It’s called Glide.” Chim hisses, red-faced from the effort of pulling the garment over his knees. “Get your fingers in and help me Buck or so help me God I will never buy you Pink Whitney again.” 

“You wouldn’t!” Buck laughs. 

Together, with the suit lube, they manage to get the suit secured properly and make their way to warm-ups. It’s always a hassle and a half to get a proper warm-up in with how crowded the pools are. There are seven teams here, but Buck is never sure why they haven’t come up with a better system that doesn’t include his balls getting kicked every other lap. 

Buck doesn’t get nervous for Invitationals. Eleven years of competitively swimming club knocks that right out of you. Though for whatever reason, trailing after the rest of his relay team up to the blocks has his stomach turning. 

Even the inspiration, Chimney slaps Buck on the back and leans in. “Don’t fuck up.” 

“Don’t drown.” Buck bites back, making sure for the hundredth time that his goggles are tight enough to the point of not falling off.

The relay goes as smoothly as it can for four large men jumping off a plastic board into a fifteen-foot deep pool. Men’s swimming isn’t as elegant as women's, but they’re just as ruthless. It’s over in less than two minutes and Buck’s nervous trembling like a chihuahua hasn’t slowed.  

From the side of the pool, Bobby is whooping out cheers and throwing his coaching clipboard all around, nearly hitting an official in the face. It’s only then that Buck looks up at the scoreboard and he goes catatonic at what he sees. 

“Holy shit!” Ravi yelps, bounding out of the water just to bounce excitedly on the pool deck.

“Holy shit.” Buck breathes. “Holy shit, Chim!” He says louder, gloating and turning to Chimney who’s looking just as hysterical as he always does when he does well and can’t believe it. 

They placed first by three milliseconds. It was such a tight race that Buck had blocked out most of it, prepared to be disappointed but not wanting it to affect the rest of his day. He’s happily surprised and it’s only enhanced by all their smiling faces and how Bobby is still cheering. 

Even Eddie is delighted, smiling with the red flush of exertion. He meets Buck’s eyes and doesn’t look away. Something like pride is in his expression and it takes all of Buck’s willpower not to lick at the water droplets cascading down the other man’s body. Buck would rather explain the plot of Riverdale to Bobby than ponder that particular urge. 

Buck might not particularly like Eddie, but he has no shame in admitting he’d sleep with the guy. 

The rest of the invitational goes just as well. Chimney shaves a whole second off of his 100 backstroke time. Ravi makes finals in his 50 freestyle, along with Buck. Eddie completely obliterates the competition in his 100 breaststroke heat and in his 100 butterfly. 

The ride back is always quiet, this time in a satisfying way. Buck pretends to be annoyed when Ravi concks out on his shoulder, snoring loudly into his ear as his teammates laugh at him for being stuck. Bobby gives a quick congratulatory talk as they approach campus and tells them all to rest up before practice again on Monday.  

All Buck has to do is survive the bonfire. 

The Bonfire: September 4th, 2022

Avoiding Eddie is getting more difficult with every practice. They’re on the same relay team for Christ’s sake. It’s not like Buck can get very far before Eddie is reeling him back in for a quick suggestion about technique or their relay heat number. Buck is barely able to hold his facade of hatred. Eddie proves to be a very, very tough person to dislike.

The bonfire starts a few hours after the bus pulls in, giving them all time to recover before destroying their livers and eating junk food that would give Bobby high blood pressure. When Buck arrives there’s already a litany of people there, bouncing to whatever bubblegum pop songs are playing through another teammate’s car speakers.

Buck’s immediate response to these kinds of things is to look for Chimney and Hen. They’re usually stalking the makeshift drink bar (the tailgate of someone’s truck) and making fun of people that are already drunk. 

“Can I get you a drink?” 

Fucking Christ. Of course Buck would run into him first. “Can’t get enough of me, Diaz?” 

The single most aggravating thing about Eddie is that he is never bothered by Buck’s admittedly  bratty behavior. The man downright giggles at how interesting this seems to be for him. Buck doesn’t know what he would want to do more: slap the guy or kiss him. 

Being attracted to men isn’t new to Buck. He’d dabbled around and flirted, kissed a few, got as far as shoving his hands down a guy’s pants and jerking him to the finish line. Buck has found men pretty and as aesthetically pleasing as one finds a nice house plant. 

Having a full blown crush on a man is completely new territory. Despite Buck’s best efforts to push Eddie away it’s as though they’re drawn to each other like magnets. They’re partnered together for stretches and timing and everything under the sun because Bobby is as good an observer as he is a coach, and he knows Buck hasn’t warmed up to their newest member yet. 

Buck will stick to hating his guts. 

Infuriatingly, Eddie is unconcerned. “I gotta say, I thought you would’ve dropped the dick measuring contest already.” 

“We all know who would win,” Buck grumbles slyly under his breath. Louder this time, he says, “I can get my own drink.” 

“Suit yourself.” He pauses, smirking at himself. “No pun intended.” 

Buck couldn’t control the snort of laughter before it came out so he walks away as normally and  quickly as possible before he does something stupid like wax romantic poetry to the guy. 

Trying again in his search for his friends, he does spot Chimney and Maddie laying on a blanket next to each other. They’re secluded from the party and pressed up together like they can;t possibly bear being apart. Buck has to admit, it’s a little adorable. Maddie is talking animatedly with her eyes glued to the sky, pointing out stars and constellations. Chimney is nodding along with his gaze solely on Maddie. There’s something more than just adoration- it’s love. 

For how much shit Buck gives them, it’s undeniably adorable. 

When he spots Hen, she’s giggling and obviously a little more than tipsy. She’s hanging onto the shoulders of a woman Buck recognizes but can’t place. They're both smiling widely and a little bashfully at each other. 

It’s a reminder that Buck is alone. He hasn’t dated anyone since Abby dropped out of graduate school and moved to Ireland. The ache isn’t as throbbing anymore, and the only thing Buck misses is someone to be around. Someone that likes him enough to stay, even if only for a while. 

“Buckley,” Eddie calls. Buck turns to see him setting up a beer pong table. He’s waving like a maniac and grinning like one too. “Come be my partner.”

After rounds of beer pong and no success on the Buckley- Diaz team, Buck and Eddie are slumped across from each other in the grass. Both of them are happily buzzed, playing a childish slapping game with each other. Their knees are touching and even with only the illumination of the moon, Eddie is breathtaking. 

“You're a badass in the water, man.” Eddie blurts out. Buck doesn’t know if the redness in the other man’s face is from the alcohol or at the admission. 

Feeling his own blush rush to his cheeks, Buck ducks his head. He doesn’t quite manage to cover the slow upturn of his lips at the praise. “Me?” 

“Hell yeah,” Eddie confirms. “You can have my back any day.” 

“Or you know… You could, uh, you could have mine.” 

“Deal.” 

They shake hands. Eddie’s pulls their clasped hands to his chest and smiles like he’s got bottles of sunshine stored in his chest, and now Buck is fucked for a completely different reason.

First Team Water Polo Tournament: September 23rd, 2022

After their moment at the bonfire, Buck and Eddie instantly became inseparable. It’s been barely two weeks and they’ve hung out every day; walking each other to class, meeting in the courtyard, doing their assigned swimming workouts, going on grocery store runs, just sitting in one of their apartments and watching shitty movies on a laptop. They enjoy each other’s company even in silence, which Buck isn’t used to. Even when they’re not laughing their asses off, they’re still able to enjoy quiet moments together. He’s never had a taste of enjoyable silence and now he can’t get enough.

Buck learns so much about Eddie. His friend is a night owl, studying his Nursing textbooks into the early hours of the morning and waking up well after noon on days he doesn’t have class. Eddie likes going for runs at sunset and drinking hot chocolate in his coffee mugs to look more sophisticated. His first and only girlfriend’s name was Shannon. Eddie has trouble falling asleep, which Buck finds hard to believe since the other man is constantly drooling on his shoulder during down time at swim meets, but he doesn’t call Eddie out. He swims competitively because his grandmother always took him swimming in ponds and lakes as a kid and he couldn’t get enough. 

Eddie likes watching shitty old horror movies and listening to Queen. He’s from El Paso, Texas but doesn’t have any drawl. He drinks smoothies like it’s a religion and, much to Buck’s dismay and scolding, uses a bar of soap to wash his face. He does push-ups shirtless in his room at which Buck has to leave the room and stick his head into the small freezer of his mini fridge. 

How his skin is perfect, Buck isn’t sure. He is eternally bitter at how unfairly attractive Eddie is just all the time. Even after debilitating practices or lift sessions he’ll still have the stupid easy grin on his face. In the ratty black sweatpants and an oversized swim championship hoodie from the late 2010s that’s riddled with holes, Eddie is still the most beautiful person Buck has ever seen. Eddie could be dripping in sweat and wearing the ugliest, shortest workout shorts known to mankind and Buck’s mouth still goes dry at the sight of him. 

Buck knows how hard Eddie is on himself. The pressure to be the best never lifts. He’s constantly putting in over a hundred and ten percent, always working himself to points of pain. Eddie attends every single double practice, every weekend practice, every team lift day, and every 5k run. With school and swimming. If Eddie isn’t practicing swimming, he’s got his head buried in an advanced biology textbook because he got a seventy-six percent on a test one time and has not let it go since. 

“You know, you could do homework with me. In the library. Like normal people do.” 

“The library smells like hard-boiled eggs.” Buck reminds him, to which Eddie scrunches his nose and turns back to the book on his lap. It’s a pretty gnarly scent to deal with along with the stench of disappointing his parents as an Elementary Science Education major, so he tends to avoid the place at all costs.  

They always wanted Buck to do better for them, not himself. His parents all but begged him to do something that won’t ‘waste potential’ like teaching would- whatever the hell that means. 

Eddie gets a nasty look on his face when Buck tells him about this. “Aren’t they in real estate?” 

“Dirty capitalists.” Buck affirms, like that would be an insult to his parents. They’d leap for joy if Buck acknowledged their financial success in front of them, even if it comes at the cost of kicking people from their homes and selling them at thrice the price. Buck despises them. 

Eddie does, too. He listens with this sunken look on his face when Buck tells him about his parents, about how they haven’t come to a single swim event in over nine years, how they never really loved him like they should. Buck doesn’t talk about them much because it makes Eddie sad, and Eddie has more than enough on his plate without Buck dumping some insolescent childhood trauma on top of that. 

“I think it’s great.” Eddie assures him quietly when Buck is near tears about his major choice for the fifth time that week. He pats Buck’s back and hands him tissues from his bedside table. “You’re great. Don’t listen to them.” 

Buck has never had someone in his corner like Eddie. On his side no matter how ridiculous the situation is. Buck gets a dirty look in the narrow campus stairwells and Eddie will glare right back at the person. It’s different from how Maddie is. She wants him to be better, she wants what’s good for him and will tell him even when it might hurt too much. Eddie also wants what’s good for him, but he doesn’t judge when Buck doesn’t pursue it. He doesn’t judge when Buck makes mistakes, just takes it in stride and nods along. 

Buck tries to be as good a friend to Eddie as Eddie is to him. He always feels as though he’s falling short when Eddie’s eye bags look more like permanent bruises than temporary shadows. He brings Eddie hot chocolate and forces him to take breaks in the form of watching episodes of Community. Eddie always accepts it with a hesitant smile like he’s not used to people being kind to him for no reason other than the fact it’s him. 

After all, maybe no one has. It makes Buck’s heart break a little bit. More than that, it makes him determined to show Eddie he’s worth it even when he’s not working himself to the ground. 

The monthly team water polo tournament is today, and Buck is buzzing with how excited he is. Eddie just laughs at his excitement and scrambles to change as quickly as Buck does. He looks forward to it every time. It’s the one day a month they aren’t doing sets so hard his shoulders ache for hours afterward. 

“I’m so fucking excited,” Buck says, like Eddie couldn’t tell from the way he’s been jittering all day. “Is it normal to get boners for water polo?” 

Eddie looks at him a little strangely. There’s something else in the look too that Buck is far too elevated to contemplate. “I think you know that it’s not.” 

They end up on opposing teams. Eddie ties the strap of the cloth helmet around Buck’s chin and pats his cheek for luck, earning them a peculiar look from a few of their teammates. 

The game goes on for almost an hour before Bobby is calling the last round. The coach does it every month when they’re tied so high that it’ll cause a ruckus to whatever team ends up winning. 

Buck is treading water on opposite sides as Eddie when the ball lands right in front of them. They lunge for it at the same time, struggling and gaining purchase on each other for the ball. Eddie dunks Buck’s head under, cackling with laughter when the ball goes flying. 

When they’re panting right into the same space so intently that it’s disgraceful. If he were to lean in just an inch they would connect right where Buck wants it most. 

It’s captivating being this close to Eddie. Buck is memorizing the placement of every single eyelash and the few dark green specks inside his otherwise inky brown eyes. There’s a beauty mark underneath his left eye that Buck knows his lips could fit around perfectly. 

Eddie seems to be thinking the same thing. His eyes are wide and his mouth is gaping like he was the one submerged and thrashing underwater. He looks a little ridiculous in the water polo hat, and Buck wants to pull the strings under the tie of his chin and kiss him so hard they’re actually breathless this time. 

That is until the ball hits Buck in the side of the head and sends him sprawling to the side. 

“Oh no, Buck.” Chimney says in a deadpan, humored tone that confirms he knows exactly what he’s doing. “You good, man?” 

“I hate you, Chimney,” Buck replies cheerfully, rubbing the spot where the ball bounced off his head. It doesn’t hurt, not really. Won’t even leave a bruise from the protection of the helmet. “And one day I will kill you.” 

Eddie treads next to him, eyes filled with concern. “That was a pretty hard hit. You sure you’re okay? I could take you home.” 

“Buckaroo here would love for you to take him home. Maybe spread him out in bed and-” 

“Okay, okay.” Bobby claps his hands together from the side of the pool to grab the attention of their teammates. “Eddie, take him home.” 

“Oh, Jesus Christ. It was one hit!” 

“To your head.” Eddie scolds, prying him out of the water by brute strength that Buck does not have time to process if the man is coming home with him, so help him God. “You’re sleeping it off. We can stop at Whole Foods for green smoothies. I know you like it there.” 

“Godspeed, boys.” Chimney calls, saluting from the deep end of the pool. 

Oh, he is so getting Chimney back for this. 

Another Week of Classes: October 3rd, 2022

Buck wants it on record that no, he does not skip every class. However if his alarm goes off and he swiftly kicks it to stop and then immediately falls back asleep, it’s in God’s hands. 

Every Tuesday in Educational Psychology there are chatterboxes talking over the professor, and Buck certainly does not pay thousands of dollars to listen to their overcompensation of theories. He opens Sims 4 on his laptop the second one of those kids opens his mouth to talk over the teacher and zones out for the rest of the hour and a half. 

Buck does his stupid homework assignments and completes his silly little tasks until he’s so exhausted he can barely pull himself out of bed to attend swim practice. He stops by Starbucks to see Hen and brings Eddie with him on the premise that he’ll go for a run- which he won’t, but Eddie doesn’t need to know that yet. 

“I don’t know how you drink that,” Eddie utters, giving Buck’s frappuccino the stink eye. “It’s chock full of sugar.” 

Buck takes a loud, obnoxious sip just to get under the man’s skin. As usual it does not work. “I wouldn’t have to drink so much sugar if you were sweeter.” 

“Please, for the love of God, shut up.” 

That’s pretty much how the rest of Buck’s week goes. Eddie drags him out to a hiking trail with beautiful scenery and waterfalls, takes photos of Buck standing in front of them like a father would on a family vacation. It’s endearing. How Eddie manages to be adorable as a twenty-something year old is bat-shit crazy. 

They go out to breakfast and go grocery shopping, spending most of the day and weekend together. On Sunday they meet everyone for brunch and then Eddie follows Buck back to his dorm room and studies while Buck goes back to bed. 

Waking up to Eddie’s shy smile from the top of his textbook, clad in a baggy blue hoodie and sleep shorts, his hair unruly from being comfortable, and Buck never wants to wake up without him. 

Halloween Invitational: October 30th, 2022

“You gotta stop bulking up.” Eddie grunts, pulling on the seams of Buck’s suit. 

What people don’t warn you about swimming is that other people will constantly see you naked or almost-naked. Buck has seen enough penises to last him a lifetime. It doesn’t help that his teammates are shameless and comfortable around each other. 

It should make Buck a little more self-conscious that Eddie is currently face-to-face with his penis, and not in a fun way. The skin of Buck’s thighs and hips are raw at every attempt to pull up his tech suit. Some of the cuts are starting to bleed and his fingernails are broken from pulling on it. 

“I think it’s time.” Chimney nods seriously, holding his half empty bottle of suit lube. 

“Get that shit away from me, Chimney.” 

From his position kneeling on the floor, Eddie wipes sweat away from his forehead with the back of his hand. “We do this everytime. Just use the lube, Buck.” 

“Are you saying I have a fat ass?” Buck asks joyously, clapping his hands together in glee. He knows those extra hip thrusts were doing something for him. 

Eddie huffs in indignation, though his lips are betraying him by twitching upwards. “That’s not a good thing right now.” 

With a little more tugging, making Buck’s skin bleed and after all of their fingers are blistering from the effort, the suit is on as decently as it can be. It’s a little low in the front, cutting into the halfway point of his hips. Buck has gotten over the point of feeling exposed in these tight suits. There is also the disgusting feeling of suit lube everywhere, and Chimney is grinning too violently for that to be a coincidence.  

“Fucking finally,” Eddie says on an exhale. 

Even as he stands from the floor, Eddie doesn’t let go of Buck’s hips. He presses his thumbs into the divots on Buck’s V-Line, his fingers splayed widely on the space below the junction of his spine. 

Buck might be a little mentally unstable, but he doesn’t hallucinate. Eddie’s eyes had flickered down to his lips and lingered there. His pupils had even twitched a shade darker and it’s all Buck can do to not swoon like a Victorian maiden in a fainting spell. They’re noses are nearly touching, just a sliver away from the Water Polo Tournament Incident. Buck will never get tired of having this view of Eddie’s eyes; a dark brown that has the fiery potential of melting metal, a comforting shade that Buck has always felt down to his toes. 

Eddie takes a step back, letting his fingers drag across Buck’s abdomen as he pulls away. He leaves goosebumps on Buck’s skin in his wake. “You’re all good.” He says, sounding slightly breathless. 

“Thanks, man.” Is all Buck can reply without accompanying it with something stupid like please let me suck your dick, or worse, I’m falling in love with you.  

Buck feels the prints of Eddie’s fingers in the skin of his lower back for the remainder of the day. Let’s just say that being in a freezing cold pool all day and then shriveling up like a prune is very good for getting rid of any inappropriate thoughts. 

The rest of the Invitational goes as planned. They’re all swimming off events to get times for the season. Despite not being placed in their best events almost everyone places in finals so they have to stay until the very end. By the end of the invitational his teammate’s energy has completely flagged. They’re barely dragging their feet into the bus before dozing off in the uncomfortable seats. 

As always, Eddie climbs over Buck to collapse into his aisle seat despite the onslaught of open rows. Eddie doesn’t say anything as he bullies Buck into a good shoulder-resting position, cradling Buck’s arm to his chest like he owns the damn thing. 

From the row next to him, Buck meets Chimeny’s gaze. His friend’s eyebrows are nearly at his hairline at the sight of them. 

“When Bobby said the two of you would end up real close I don’t think he meant this.” Chimney whisper-shouts, gesturing wildly between the two of them. 

Buck makes sure Eddie is asleep before he answers. “Meant what?” 

“You’re an idiot.” Chimney seethes quietly. 

Buck replies with a one-sided shrug as to not dislodge Eddie’s head on his other shoulder. “Okay, Chimney. How’s Maddie?” 

As expected, the other man splutters. “Why would I know how Maddie is? I don’t even know a ‘Maddie.’ We’re not- there’s nothing with Maddie.” 

“Either date my sister or stop hanging out with her so much, it’s getting weird.” 

Buck can only assume Chimney is glaring at him from the darkness of the bus. “Says you. Checking out Eddie’s ass once could be a bro thing, but by the ninth and tenth time I have to shield my eyes and ears from the sexual tension. Seriously Buck, either have sex with the guy or stop trying to lick his abs.” 

Touché. 

Second Bonfire: October 31st, 2022

After some gentle (read: aggressive) nudging from everyone he knows, Buck is going to tell Eddie how he feels. It’s only fair. They spend a lot of time cooped up around each other and it’s not fair to sit on it when Eddie is the one laying next to him in bed more often than not. 

From Chim, 11:15pm 

maddie says good luck. 

To Chim, 11:17pm 

and what do you say? 

From Chim, 11:18pm

use protection

Just as Buck looks up from the phone screen to find Eddie, he met with such a quick slap to the heart he nearly gets whiplash from it. 

From across the way he can see it clearly now. Eddie is leaning against the side of his truck and none other than Ana Flores, the senior captain of the Women’s Tennis Team, is pressed against him and kissing him with the passion of a thousand blazing fires. Eddie’s hands are gripping her hips tightly where Ana is gripping his impressive biceps through his green washed out henley. Her light blue shirt compliments the long, black, inky curls bouncy with every movement. 

Buck doesn’t know how long he’s been standing there, it can't be more than a few minutes, when Chimney stumbles upon him with a green Jell-O shot in his hand. 

“Hey, what’s- oh.” Chimney intakes a sharp breath, looking at where Buck’s gaze is trained. “Oh. Buck. I’m sorry.”

Buck shrugs, even as the lump in his throat wells up tight. He closes his eyes in a vain attempt to prevent them from spilling over. “It’s okay. I think I’m going to head out.” 

“I’m coming with you.” 

“No,” he shakes his head, lightly pushing Chimney away. Buck can’t take the sentiment right now, not when he’s so close to losing it in front of all of his teammates and various very cool and gorgeous upperclassmen. This is going to get embarrassing very quickly which means Buck needs to be as far from here as swiftly as possible. “You should go back to Maddie. I’ll see you at practice tomorrow.” 

To torture himself a little more, Buck chances another glance at Eddie. They’re not kissing anymore. Ana slots under the crook of Eddie’s arm like she’s meant to be there. She fits perfectly, smoothly, daintily. She’s small and doesn’t take up room, she isn’t too much. 

Ana is everything Buck can never be for Eddie. 

At his dorm, his roommate pays him no mind to his moping besides telling him that the hot water isn’t working in the shower when he hears Buck yelp in the bathroom. He stands underneath the head until he’s shivering and blue and can barely stand on his own two feet. 

Everything else can wait until morning. 

From Eddie, 12:56am

Where are you? I got you a glass of Pink Whitney before they ran out

From Eddie 1:15am

Did you need a ride? I can swing by and ge tyou

From Eddie, 1:19am 

Can you at least tell if you’re coming or not?

From Eddie, 1:23am 

Please let me know if you’re okay. 

From Eddie, 1:29am 

Seriously Buckley. Where the fuck are you

From Eddie, 1:34am 

Fuck you, Evan. I’ll be at your dorm at 7am sharp

From Eddie, 3:48am 

bukc be there in jejien ayn 2 mnutie s

From Eddie, 9:56am 

Your roommate just told me that you are dead. If you do not answer this phone in three minutes I’m climbing through the window

“What the fuck are you doing in here?” 

“I fucking told you I would do it.” Eddie grouches, dusting dirt and leaves off his sweatpants and onto Buck’s bedroom floor. “Where the fuck have you been?” 

Having woken up to the sound of Eddie prying his window open from the outside, Buck hasn’t prepared himself for this yet. When he looks at Eddie's lips he remembers exactly why he’s in bed uncomfortably congested from crying, seeing the images of Eddie and Ana behind his eyelids with every blink. 

“You know there’s something called texting.”

“I did text you, asshole, and you didn’t answer.” 

Buck groans into his pillow, letting his head fall back into it so he doesn’t have to look at Eddie’s painted concern. “I’m tired.” 

“Scoot over. I’m tired, too. And a little hungover.” 

“No. Go back to your own bed and do whatever it is you do in there. You smell like beer.” 

“Buck. I will push you off this bed.” 

“Jesus Christ, fine. You’re so fucking irritating.” 

Once Eddie is situated under the covers, they’re in the only position they can be: nose-to-nose on the single pillow, chest-to-hip-to knee under the blanket. The warmth of the other man’s body is comforting, even after what Buck had to witness yesterday. The room is dark, and it’s another protective blanket that hides Buck’s fucked-up internal cocktail of pure want and irreparable mental agony. 

No matter how much Eddie may hurt him (admittedly unintentionally), Buck will always want him to stay. 

“Now what’s wrong?” Eddie asks. It’s the most gentle he’s been since he crawled through the window to get here. “C’mon, Buck. It’s just me.” 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Okay, okay. Then let's go to sleep.” Eddie shuffles impossibly closer, letting his hand come up to cup Buck’s neck and rub soothing circles into the tenseness there. “You’re freezing.” 

“It’s cold in here.” Even Buck’s voice sounds pathetic. He’s within reasonable kissing distance with the stupid guy he’s been falling head over heals in love with and here Buck is about to become a blubbering mess. 

“You’ll warm up soon.” 

Practice & A Week of Classes: November 8th, 2022

At practice Buck is so off his pace that Bobby sends him home early with the request that he sleeps off whatever is going on. Chimney drives him back to the dorm and has dinner with him in relative quiet. They cook frozen chicken nuggets and toaster waffles in the communal kitchen. 

Buck has sex with a girl in one of his elementary education classes, Ali. She’s majoring in business and is as smart as a whip. She’s charming and cocky and so blonde and tall, she should be everything Buck wants. 

Ali is rough in bed. She pushes him into the mattress and takes what she wants, which is as hot as it is degrading. She leaves visible marks and claws at his chest with her acrylic nails so hard that they bleed a little. They barely kiss and Buck doesn’t stay the night- he’d feel a little pathetic asking her for whatever reason. It’s not like she kicks him out. They mutter to each other after and when they run out of things to say, Buck leaves. 

It’s easy, being with Ali. He doesn’t love her and she definitely doesn’t love him. It’s simple. Buck rolls on a condom and is rewarded with sharp attention. It’s transparent. 

The marks are visible at swim practice. Fucking obviously. He’s more than ninety percent naked. Buck gets a five high fives, a few open-mouthed responses. Chimney looks something akin to disappointment and Eddie seems downright unsettled. 

“Would you believe me if I told you it was a curling iron?” Buck mumbles to Eddie as they’re grabbing pull buoys for the rest of the team. His attempt to ease some tension fails miserably when Eddie won’t even look at him. 

Eddie rolls his eyes. “No, but I would if you told me you were mauled by a bear.”

All Buck can think about is Eddie. Eddie and Ana. Eddie kissing Ana. Eddie holding Ana in his big hands. Eddie taking Ana out. Eddie texting Ana. Eddie and Ana. 

It’s not far from his usual thoughts, just this time they’re riddled with the sadness of knowing Eddie isn’t his to have. He could have a girlfriend. Eddie might be taken and not in the cool and sexy way. 

It's in the way that makes Buck want to lay across train tracks for Christ’s sake.

What a way to realize that not only does he want his best friend to rail him into the next week, he also wants to be Eddie’s in every way that matters. Buck wants to call Eddie his boyfriend and take him on stupid pottery painting dates and kiss him with the softness of flower petals. 

Buck can’t have that. 

From Ali, 1:59am

U free? Want to hang? 

To Ali, 2:13am

my room or yours?

Practice and Brunch: November 12th & 13th, 2022

Practice drags, as it always does during Hell Week. The three hours feels like three days, and even Ravi is losing his positivity by the end of it. Some weird kid from Lane 2- Jonah Greenway, Buck thinks his name is- keeps going on about medical malpractice. It’s more than a little concerning with the high level of his enthusiasm at the topic. Buck loves indulging in late night Wikipedia page research as much as the next guy, but Greenway is too fucking odd about it. 

During a set break where Buck is gulping down water like he’s never had a sip in his life, Chimney turns on Eddie, who has his goggles in between his teeth to tighten them. 

“How’s Ana?” Chimney asks, seemingly innocently. 

Buck isn’t much of the jealous type, which is definitely not why the mere mention of Ana Flores makes his right eye twitch. 

“Who’s Ana?” Ravi chirps, perking up from his wearied state. 

Eddie doesn’t know Chimney as well as Buck does, though, and he falls right into the trap. “Ana? She’s fine. I guess. We went out a few days ago.” 

“That’s great, man. How was it?” 

Eddie shrugs like he’s not even sure himself. “It was fine. She’s smart, nice.” 

Yikes. That is definitely how you talk about someone you like, though maybe Buck is biased. Buck would run for the hills if that’s how a romantic pursuit described him. Smart and nice his ass. Get a load of this guy. 

It’s just not how he would describe- well, Eddie. A thousand-watt voltage, a dancing fire, the sun when it’s just that side of too bright, metal so hot that the second you touch it your skin is already melted. That is Eddie Diaz. 

Okay, Buck has some issues. That’s not exactly news to anyone that’s been in his general proximity for longer than ten minutes. One of those issues being he’s basically all the way in love with his best friend who might not even like men. Buck never considered that. 

Even if Eddie is into men, why would he be into Buck? 

“That’s it?” 

“What do you want me to say, Chim? We kissed, like, twice. She’s not really my type.” 

At that, Chimney raises his eyebrows curiously. Buck makes a cutting motion with his finger over his throat dramatically, because if Buck has to hear Eddie babble about how he’ll never be the other man’s type, Chimney is going down with him. “What is your type?” 

“I guess… I don’t know. Hey, are we still going to brunch on Sunday?” 

Buck does not attend brunch on Sunday. Last year he didn’t miss a single one, always indulging in the fact that he got to hang out with Chimney, Maddie, and Hen. It was always a breath of fresh air for how hard last year was for all of them. 

Instead, Buck fucks Ali into her mattress. He moans in all the right places and ignores her begging for bruises everywhere his fingers have been. 

It’s not Buck’s place to leave them on her when he won’t be there to soothe the soreness they’ll leave. Buck couldn’t do that to someone, even someone he just knows for sex. 

From Eddie, 8:27am

If you’re late I can order for you. :)

From Eddie, 8:50am

Seriously, man? 

From Hen, 8:52am 

eddie is screaming crying and throwing 

up abt you skipping out on bfast

From Chim, 9:31am

just made a joke about u having sex w Ali 

and eddie looks So Suicidal u cannot skip 

sunday brunch again 

From Hen, 9:35am

doesn’t he have a gf? 

From Chim, 9:39am

really tho talk to the poor dude he’s acting like 

a widow whose husband died on the battlefield

By the next few days, Eddie has caught on to Buck avoiding him. The constant text messages and phone calls stop. The other man doesn’t reach out anymore. They’re stiff around each other and the team has noticed. They snap at each other during relay trials and backhandedly, pettily critique one another’s technique. 

It brings Buck back to the first week or so of practice. Maybe they were always meant to be this.

They’re behind the block waiting for Ravi to finish his round of backstroke trials, watching him intently. He’s improved a lot since he started and it makes something similar to pride blossom in his chest. 

“So,” Chimney says nervously when it's just the two of them. When is he not nervous? “I need advice.” 

Buck smiles softly at his friend, knocking their shoulders together for reassurance. “I can probably give some.” 

“I asked Maddie out.” 

“Congrats, man!” Buck cheers, smiling giddily at his friend. “I don’t need to give you a shovel talk, do I?” 

Chimney shakes his head rapidly. “No. No. I would never do anything to hurt her-” 

“Relax,” Buck laughs, placing a hand on the man’s shoulder in hopes it’ll ground him back to earth. “There’s no one better for her than you.” 

It’s not hard to make Chimney blush, but it’s always cute the way his cheeks go completely red at compliments. They discuss where he could take Maddie, where she would definitely hate but not say anything to preserve Chimneys feelings, where could be a hit or miss when it comes to her. 

Buck knows his sister likes Chimney too. She gets the same shade of pink in the cheeks when Buck asks about how it’s going between them. He doesn’t know too much about their relationship, only hanging out around the two of them at big parties or breakfast. He is aware that they’re practically inseparable and thoroughly in love. 

It’s the kind of love that makes Buck ponder his own ability to be loved. There’s no two people more compatible than Maddie and Chimney. They complement each other unconventionally and completely. 

When or if Buck will ever have that love, he doesn’t know. It seems impossible, seeing as how his last girlfriend fled the country and lost his number. It makes Buck wonder how bad it is to love him. How loving Buck destroys people. It shreds them from the outside in until there’s nothing left for them. Buck doesn’t know how to stop it, doesn't know how to smooth the sharp and rugged pieces of his that makes everyone he loves bleed practically to death.

Buck loves Eddie too much to do that to him. 

Dual Meet: November 19th, 2022

“What do we think went wrong?” Bobby asks. He’s steady as he looks between the four of them, though he wants an answer Buck can’t give him. 

They’re sitting in the second row to the front with Bobby in the first aisle, turned so he can look at all of them. Next to Buck, Chimney gnaws on his fingernails. In the row beside them is Eddie and Ravi looking in similar states of upset and anxious.

“I’m sorry, Coach.” Ravi says dejectedly. 

Ever the leader, Bobby doesn’t sway under all of their sheepish remorse. “We all have bad days. There’s no need to apologize or feel bad about yourselves. You all know I want open communication on my team which is why we’re talking about it. No one is in trouble. I want to know what felt wrong so we can fix it for next time.” 

Then, “Chim, we’ll start with you. What do you think you could improve on?” 

Chimney looks to Buck helplessly, then to Ravi, then to Eddie. “Um. My legs got tangled during the flip turn and I lost my balance.” 

Bobby gives a reassuring smile. “That’s good. We can work on that.” The coach turns to Buck next. “Buckley, what do you think you can improve for next time?” 

Buck takes a deep breath. He’s never been good with confrontation or problem-solving, especially when it comes from authority. That’s something to unpack another day. “My reaction time on the start was slow.” 

“You think?” Eddie mutters. 

“Yes, I do think. That’s why I said it.”

“You’re impossible. How are you so cocky even when you screw up the entire event?” 

Buck turns to look at Eddie, who is fuming in his bus seat, glaring right back at him. “Why is everything always my fault? I can’t say anything with you bitching at me to work harder.” 

“Because you’re exhausting! We all struggle with this shit but you don’t see us whining about it. No, somehow, we manage to suck it up. Why can’t you?” 

“That’s enough,” Bobby interrupts quickly. “Let’s take a few deep breaths to calm down before we say things to hurt one another.” 

Buck sniffles and brings his eyes to the headrest in front of him. He doesn’t pay attention to the rest of Bobby’s chat with Ravi, focusing instead on the shake of the bus to distract from the mantra. 

You’re exhausting. You’re exhausting. You’re exhausting.

Practice: November 24th, 2022

Eddie skipped practice. 

Eddie never skips practice. 

To Eddie, 8:03pm 

hey I know i’ve been a shit friend lately and im sorry. Are u okay? U never skip 

To Eddie, 8:05pm 

im bringing u dinner.
be there in 30 

Much to the concern of everyone, Bobby of course sends Buck to check on him quickly, with the instruction to be there if Eddie needs him. When Buck tries to argue that he may not be the best person for that, Bobby waves him away and begins writing the set. 

Buck pushes open the door to Eddie’s room with a quiet knock, not wanting to wake him if he’s asleep.

Eddie is sitting at his desk scrunched over his laptop, scrubbing his fists over his eyes and visibly shivering. 

Sick. Buck can work with sick.

“You’re not seriously skipping practice right now.” 

Buck sighs. “I know you’re still mad at me-”

“Do you know that?” Eddie grumbles without turning around. “Was it me yelling at you on the bus or ignoring all your texts and calls.” 

“-but I wanted to make sure you’re okay. You never miss practice.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“I brought you  grilled cheese. You should eat it. And take a shower. And brush your teeth. And change your sheets.” 

“I don’t need you taking care of me.” Eddie says. It sounds like it was supposed to come out mean, but his voice cracks in a way that slips through Buck’s ribs and is swallowed up by his heart. It has always hurt seeing Eddie having hard days. Especially right now as he’s so openly rejecting Buck’s company. 

Buck knows this isn’t all about him. That’s not why it hurts. Buck always wants to make things better. He always only ever wanted to make the world a little softer, a little more benevolent for Eddie to slip in and out of each day.

 Buck wants to soothe Eddie’s eternal ache, wants him to accept the balm of sweetness he so greatly deserves. 

“I want to take care of you.” Buck insists gently. He takes the chance to reach out and put his hands on Eddie’s shoulders from behind so that his thumbs are resting on the base of his neck. He’ll take it as a win that his friend didn’t automatically pull away. 

“No you don’t.” 

“I do, Eds. I still want to be here for you, even when you’re mad at me.” Buck mutters. “Let me do the work for a while.” 

“I’m not mad at you, Buck. And I'm sorry.” Eddie whispers, sounding dangerously close to tears. Finally, he looks up at Buck with shiny eyes and trembling lips. “I just miss you. You suddenly stopped talking to me and I don’t know why.” 

Buck is the biggest jerk in the world. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. It’s not- That’s not your fault. I’m such an asshole. I’m sorry. Please let me make it up to you.” 

“Why did you do it?”

Quickly, Buck runs one hand through Eddie’s hair, leaving the other on his shoulder blade. His fingertips just about graze Eddie’s collarbone from where it’s placed. He doesn’t have a fever though he’s a little on the warm side. Not only is Eddie getting sick, he's stressed over school most definitely and Buck ghosting him for the week. Buck will have to break out those disgusting drinkable Vitamin-C packages. 

“You deserve better than me,” is what Buck says. 

Buck isn’t lying. Eddie does deserve better than even Buck’s best. No matter how hard he tries, Eddie will always deserve more than Buck’s flimsy attempts at loving him right. 

“Even if it were true, which it’s not, that’s not your decision to make.”

Eddie adds, “you’re my best friend, Evan,” and it’s everything. 

“You’re mine, too. I’m sorry for leaving.” 

“I forgive you.” Eddie says with a glint of amusement. “Just don’t do it again.” 

“Never,” Buck promises. 

“Want to watch reruns of House Hunters?” 

Practice: December 3rd, 2022

Buck and Eddie aren’t good at being best friends. 

They are, that is- best friends. Eddie is the best friend Buck has ever had. 

They’re just not too good at being just best friends. 

After making up, Buck and Eddie go back to being BuckandEddie and everything falls back into place. 

Well. Sort of. 

They’d binge watched five entire episodes of House Hunters before Eddie passed out. Buck only watched two more episodes before following suit, plugging his friend’s laptop in and trying to scoot out from under him to make the trip back to his own dorm. 

Eddie tightened his grip and muttered incoherently until Buck had settled in next to him. 

It’s the best goddamn sleep Buck had in weeks. 

Their relay team has gotten stronger. They’re reaction times and paces are near flawless- they seamlessly swim around each other, not even having to talk to make corrections on form or technique. Chimney gloats in pride. Ravi no longer looks scared shitless every time the starting whistle goes off. It’s a win-win for everyone involved. 

They become attached at the hip again too, spending sunrise to sunset together and then everything in between that. 

Eddie looks at him all gooey-eyed and fond. It’s happening so often that Chimney notices and then spends the next three hours goading Hen into bullying him over text in the groupchat (thankfully the one Eddie is not in). 

Buck brings it up to Maddie and all she says is, “It’s because he likes you, dumbass.” 

Which checks out when Eddie smiles so widely a simple pops out from the strain of his cheeks and asks if he wants to go on a date. 

“Uh- I- Yeah! Yes. I’d love to.” Buck stutters, feeling the heat in his cheeks. 

Eddie, thankfully despite his cool demeanor, is also blushing. “Good. Great.” 

Before Buck can second guess himself, he swims forward and places one arm on the lane line to hold himself up and one arm around Eddie to pull him closer. The other man has always made Buck braver than he is. 

It’s a little awkward at first, but it’s the kind of awkwardness that has his heart fluttering, not the kind that leaves him unsettled. Eddie quickly gets with the idea and holds onto Buck’s shoulder before leaning in to kiss him, the most syrupy press that eases any left over rough edges. 

Eddie Diaz is kissing him. 

Not to be too sappy but holy motherfucking shit. Buck loves him.

Practice: December 7th, 2022 

Ever since Buck and Eddie first got their hands on each other, they can’t seem to stop. 

Eddie looks like a vision; just after a little grinding and he’s already fucked out. His hair is a wild, wet mess from where Buck’s fingers were tugging at it for purchase and his entire body is slumped where he’s boxed into the stall from Buck’s arms. His lips are red and swollen and his eyes are so black that his brown irises are a thin circle surrounding the pupil. There’s the beginning blossom of a pink hickey halfway down his neck, sucked right in the spot that Buck thought would make him melt. 

The only time he’s willing to pull back is to look at the masterpiece he’s helped create: Eddie, gasping and pushing himself against Buck, chasing Buck’s lips every time they pull apart for air. 

Buck has always acknowledged how hot Eddie is since the first time he saw the man. Splayed out like this he is absolutely breathtaking. 

They get back to it. Eddie licks into his mouth. Slow, filthy, and just dirty enough to make Buck’s knees weak. Buck’s hands scramble at the tight seam of Eddie’s drag suit, purposefully letting his knuckle skim over the growing bulge just below at the chance to swallow another of Eddie’s mewls. It’s near pornographic how the wet slide of the leftover pool water is making them both so sensitive to each other. Buck has never been more grateful for an abundance of chlorine in his entire life.

“We’re supposed to be counting the pull buoys.” Eddie breathes. 

Buck raises from his place on Eddie’s neck, ignoring the other man’s whine at the lack of contact. “Do you want to stop?” 

“Bobby will be mad that it’s not done.” 

Taking a step back, Buck wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “Please don’t mention Bobby while we’re making out.” 

“I’ll make it up to you,” Eddie assures. He wraps his muscular arms around Buck’s neck and pulls him down for a quick peck. “Want to get dinner?” 

Buck nods, “I can make us Alfredo broccoli pasta.” He swipes a stray droplet of water from Eddie’s cheek absentmindedly. 

“No, don’t cook. You’ve been so tired lately. And you never let me help.”

“Baby, you gave half the team salmonella from the peanut butter balls you made. Besides, I like cooking for you. This time you can wash the vegetables and boil the water, how’s that?”

Eddie takes an all-suffering deep breath. “Fine. But I’m buying the ingredients.” 

“I already have the ingredients.” Buck insists. “C’mon, let's go. You’re shivering.”

“You’ll keep me warm.” 

Unable to help himself, Buck slaps Eddie’s ass playfully. He immediately scrabbles away when Eddie rushes at him with a wicked look on his face, and not for the first time Buck is reminded he wouldn’t want him any other way. 

Holiday Invitational: December 10th, 2022

“You need to tuck your dick.” 

Eddie is horrified at the suggestion. “Absolutely not” 

Buck swipes a hand over his face. He’s kneeling to Eddie’s side and working to get the tech suit over one of his hips. “Just do it, Eds. It is not going into this suit.”    

“I'm not cut out to be a drag queen.” 

“I don’t know, you have the legs for it. Plus you'd look totally sexy in a pair of thigh highs.” 

Chimney makes such a realistic gagging noise that it makes Buck’s stomach turn. “If this is what it's going to be like from now on I’m going to drink bleach as a preventative measure.” 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this. Chim, we need the Glide.” 

Eddie moans dramatically. “It smells so weird. What did Buck say last time? It’s his enemy. And any enemy of my boyfriend is an enemy of mine too.” 

“Awe, babe. That’s so sweet.” 

“Your enemy should be whoever gives you your ass and thigh workouts.” Chim retorts, coating his fingers in the substance and spreading it clumsily over Eddie’s skin. 

Eddie waggles his eyebrows at him. “Buck likes it.” 

Chimney looks up at the ceiling with a painful look across his face. “Dear God, what grave sin have I committed that being around these two idiots is my punishment? Don’t ever mention your sexual endeavors when I’m this close to your penis again.” 

With a lot of sweat, lubricant, and cursing divine deities, Eddie’s suit does make it over his hips. They make it to the warm-up pool with twenty minutes to spare, unfortunately running into Ravi and Jonah bickering about astrophysics, which is neither of their majors. Buck places his silent bets on Ravi winning and follows Chimney and Eddie into the pool. 

Eddie is unusually jittery today. His nervousness is almost always internalized, never paces or panics before his events. 

Today he’s a wreck. Eddie is jumping around and continuously warming himself up in the pool and doing push-ups to soothe himself. His eyes have very concerning, deep bags underneath them which Buck will have to ask about after the invitational. 

For now, Buck places his hands on Eddie’s shoulders and leans in to kiss his temple. Their height difference isn’t noticeable until they're this close, with Buck’s mouth lining perfectly with the bridge of his boyfriend's nose. Eddie is tactile- he pushes into physical affection and indulges every time Buck gives it to him. He loves laying on Buck’s chest and having the short hairs leading to the back of his neck played with, loves showering together and curling up on the lounge sofas together. 

It makes Buck want to tear up a little with how much he loves him. There’s an intrinsic part of Buck that’s just for loving Eddie. It’s sewn into his skin and flows through his bloodstream and is definitely the reason his heart beats too fast sometimes. 

“You’re like a little bundle of nerves right now.” Buck whispers right into Eddie’s ear. “What’s the matter, sweetheart? You worried about your event?” 

Eddie shuffles closer into a hug. Buck takes his weight easily, letting the other man lean his weight into Buck’s waiting chest. He would take it all if it meant Eddie felt better. “I know it’s stupid. I’ve been swimming forever and now I suddenly can’t take it? I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” 

“Don’t say that. There’s nothing wrong with you for being nervous. I just don’t want you to wear yourself out. What can I do?” 

“This is good.” Eddie’s voice is muffled from where his head is pressed into Buck’s neck. “How about a kiss for luck, too?” 

Buck chuckles, reveling in the way he can feel Eddie’s blooming smile, even when he can’t see it. “I think that can be arranged.” 

Make-up Practice: December 19th, 2022

Buck got lucky with his leg this season. His old injury has barely flared up, only twinging with climbing out and diving off the block. It’s the reason he doesn’t swim strokes that require his leg to extend too much or push off too hard like breaststroke and backstroke starts. Not that it’s much of a problem anyway- he’s tall and lanky, his body has always been more suited for freestyle and butterfly. 

“Motherfucker!” 

Buck shouldn’t have spoken so soon. 

“Motherfucking- ow!” Buck repeats, gripping the meat of his calf tightly to ease some of the tightening pain. The pangs are getting worse as the seconds go by, he can barely breathe with the climax of the pain, only able to wither on his back on the pool deck and hope it goes away soon. 

“Is it your leg again?” Chimney asks, kneeling down beside Buck and rubbing circles into the muscles above, an attempt in vain to get them looser. 

Eddie clambers out of the pool and takes the spot on Buck’s other side. His hands are hovering in the air like he’s unsure of where to place them. He settles one on the back of his head to prevent it from slapping the concrete below and the other grasps one of Buck’s hands to stop him from digging his nails into himself too hard. 

“What’s wrong? What’s happening?” Eddie asks frantically. 

Buck, too overcome with pain, wheezes pathetically. 

Chimney answers for him without stopping his ministrations. “Last year when he was having knee pain, he went to the doctor and they told him it was just Swimmer’s Knee without really checking. Happens all the time. He actually had an MCL sprain and it never healed right because they misdiagnosed it too late. Bobby thinks the physical therapist might have cleared him too early, too.” 

“Hasn’t hurt like this in awhile,” Buck tells him. The pain is slowly trickling into the territory of ‘manageable,’ no longer feeling like a truck was crushing his leg . 

“What can you do for it?” Eddie asks, keeping his tight grip on Buck’s hand.

Buck wants to reach up and smooth away the worry lines in his boyfriends, and wants to tell him that it’s not his fault, because Eddie will blame himself. For not noticing, for not making Buck rest more, for things he can’t control. 

“Nothing but wait it out.” Chimney shakes his head. “We’re done for the day.” 

They help him get up and get dressed into comfortable clothes, one that is suspiciously not smelling of his cologne. Buck is too tired to get all hot and bothered about wearing his boyfriend’s clothes, which is a shame because it’s Eddie for fuck’s sake. He’s always a walking wet dream whether or not Buck can do anything about it. 

“It’s not your fault my leg is fucked up.” Buck tells him when they’re lying on the couch. 

Eddie is massaging at the area gently as though he’s terrified of doing more damage. “I just- I should have known something was wrong. I saw you limping and I brushed it off. That’s on me.” 

“It’s not your job to baby me, Eddie. If I wanted you to know about my leg I would have told you. I promise it barely bothers me anymore. Only sometimes.” 

“Agree to disagree.” Eddie says, his jaw set tightly like he’s going to beat himself up about it until he hits his grave. Knowing Eddie, he will. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I didn’t want to worry you,'' Buck admits. “I know how upset you get when you feel helpless. There’s nothing anyone can do to make it better. It hurts, and I have to deal with it.” 

“I’m always worried about you. Especially when you’re in pain and not telling me because you think it’ll hurt my feelings. You don’t have to deal with everything alone. I got your back, remember?” 

Eddie then gives him a big smacking kiss, the ones where he accentuates the ‘mwah’ for an obnoxiously long amount of time. 

It’s Buck’s favorite thing in the world. 

Buck is brought back to the bonfire. Their hands clasped over the illumination of the campfire and it’s definitely the exact moment he began to fall head over heel for Eddie Diaz. Loving him has always been inevitable.

“I remember.” 

Last Dual Meet: December 23rd, 2022

“Absolutely not.” Eddie shakes his head when he sees Buck attempting to change into his tech suit. “No way.” 

“I told you I only like to be bossed around in bed.” 

“Your leg isn’t healed yet.” 

Buck sighs, wringing the material of the suit anxiously between his fingers. Arguing with anyone, especially Eddie, makes him incredibly uncomfortable and upset. Everyone say thank you, Mom and Dad. “It’s fine. Barely hurts. I told you, it’s an old injury” 

“It shouldn’t hurt at all! You’re not swimming today.” 

“That’s not your call to make.” 

Eddie steps forward to place one hand on his hip and curl the other one over Buck’s jaw. “I went to your physical therapy with you, remember? You couldn’t do one squat without crying, baby. I don’t like watching you in pain when you don’t need to be.” 

Maybe it’s the pain in his leg that’s making Buck snap. Maybe it’s how no one has ever been just so gentle with him, and he can’t take it. He doesn’t know how to take it in without trying to shatter it. “You don’t get it. This is all I have- it’s all I’ve ever been good at.” 

“That’s not true.” Eddie shakes his head. 

“Swimming is my life.” 

“Your life is your life!” Eddie disputes. Even in his frustration, the other man has never raised his voice. Instead, he uses his thumb to brush away at a few of Buck’s stray tears. “You’re still you. No matter what happens to you, you’re still Buck. I’m sorry that’s not enough for you but it’s enough for the people that love you. It’s enough for me.” 

Buck doesn’t end up swimming the meet that day. He mopes next to Bobby’s blue folding chair for the entirety of the meet, only moving to kiss Eddie luck and watch his events. Buck might be a little annoyed at his boyfriend however nothing could change how much he loves Eddie. 

Every time Eddie is behind the block, he blows kisses at Buck and every time Eddie finishes a race, he blows kisses from where he’s panting and flushed in the water after the event. He placed third overall on his 100 breaststroke and fourth in the 200 intermediate medley. 

Watching Eddie swim is mesmerizing. He’s graceful and powerful, making the water look like it's doing all the work. In and out of the water he’s beautiful. After events his breathing is hitched and his chest and face are always flushed the prettiest red color that Buck wants to bite into. He’ll bound up to Buck with that gleaming smile and throw those strong arms around his shoulders, holding tight no matter how much they must ache from exertion.  

Chimney does fantastic at his last invitational. He places first and second place, receiving the medals placed over his neck with a wide smile. 

The relay does well enough. They barely skimped for the last place of making finals, coming in tenth overall. Some guy named Jonah took Buck’s place in butterfly. He’s just alright. His technique is shotty and he breathes every stroke, taking jerky motions that just don’t flow. The turnover rate isn’t good either- Jonah’s start off of Eddie is half a second slow and it throws the whole race off for the team. It’s stagnant and not at all practiced. 

“I’m sorry for earlier.” Buck whispers once they’re on the bus. 

Eddie takes a deep breath and snuggles in closer to Buck’s side. They’re sharing a blanket on their laps, Eddie’s head is resting in the crook of Buck’s neck where he prefers to nap after long invitationals like this one. “I am too. I shouldn’t have told you what to do like that. I just want you to be careful. I don’t like seeing you hurt.”

“I just- you know how my parents are. I’m still getting used to the idea that someone cares about me more than how good I can swim. I’m working on it.” 

Eddie sits up and places both of his hands onto either of Buck’s cheeks. Always so fucking gentle. “I love you. That’s it. No because or but or anything. I just love you.”  

Oh, God. This is what it's like to be loved by the sun’s brightest ray, Eddie Diaz. 

It’s good. A great thing, even. Buck has loved Eddie maybe forever, just waiting for Eddie to come along and fill the empty space in his chest that’s always belonged to him. 

Buck leans in to peck the corner of Eddie’s mouth. He wonders if Eddie can feel the fast pace of his heartbeat underneath his palms, because it’s all for him. “I love you. A lot. An embarrassingly large amount, except it’s not embarrassing because it’s you. I love you. I love you. I’m going to tell you everyday. So often you’ll get sick of it. I love you.”

Eddie settles back into his spot, sinking heavily into Buck’s side tiredly, but he’s smiling all the same. “Come home with me?” 

“Yeah, Eds, I’ll go home with you. I love you.” 

“I love you too, Buck. As much as I love you, please shut up so I can sleep.” 

“That’s rude. I confess my undying love and you’re just going to fall asleep on me?” 

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Eddie kisses a line up Buck’s neck, letting the last one land on his lips before slumping for the last time into Buck. 

Buck chuckles lowly, presses his own admission of love through a kiss into the crown Eddie’s head. “I know you love me, Eds. Go to sleep so I can love you more when you wake up.” 

End of Season Banquet: December 30th, 2022

“Why would you wear this?” 

“It’s- oh, fuck- it’s a banquet, Eddie. We’re supposed to look good.” 

Eddie stops sucking on Buck’s collarbone to press another filthy kiss to the bottom of his spit-slick lip. “Mm. You look more than good. It’s provocative. Make me want to get on my knees.” 

Buck lets out a breathy moan at Eddie’s shameless suggestion. “Our entire team is outside.” 

“Then you’ll have to be super quiet for me-” 

A loud banging is the only thing that knocks them out of being completely enraptured with each other. “Yo, dumb and dumber! It’s not soundproof in there, get your asses outside before Bobby gets you for public indecency.” Chimney yells. 

“Later.” Eddie promises, pressing one last open-mouthed kiss to Buck’s neck. “Don’t touch yourself until I get to your dorm.” 

“My roommate isn’t going to let you in.” Buck says into Eddie’s mouth, their lips grazing with every word. “You know how he gets on Fridays.” 

“I’ll just have to climb-” 

More banging. “Guys. I am begging you to have this conversation any other time. Ravi has to pee and you are scaring him with how cringy your dirty talk is.”

Eddie gives a wink before he’s pulling Buck out of the bathroom by the hand, passing Chimney and Ravi who look so mortified it’s funny. 

The banquet goes smoothly. Buck does not cry, thank you very much, he’s just emotional when Chimney gives his senior speech and hands Buck his end of season awards. Chimney pats his cheek all proud and shit, and gives him a wet smacking kiss on the cheek. From their table Eddie wolf whistles and claps louder than everyone. 

They go through until everyone gets an award. Buck and Eddie get Two Peas in a Pod together and they both blush when everyone shouts awes at them. Ravi is crowned favorite freshman which makes him giddy the rest of the night, jumping around like he’s gaming for hugs. Chimney receives the team Big Brother Award and swears he’s not crying over it (he totally is). 

“How’s the leg?” Eddie leans over and asks, setting his warm palm on the back of Buck’s neck. 

Buck shrugs. “It’s alright. The physical therapist said I’d be okay for next season if my strength training goes well.” 

“That’s fantastic! Are you excited?” 

Since making Eddie blush is literally all Buck is alive to do, he says, “Excited to swim with you? Always.” 

“Did the physical therapist have anything against dancing?” 

Wow. That is not at all what Buck was expecting. “You want to dance?” 

“With you.” Eddie confirms. He stands up and offers a hand to Buck, which he takes immediately and lets his boyfriend pull him to the floor. 

Whatta Man by Salt-N-Pepa is playing through the speakers. It’s not exactly a dancing song though there are a few others jamming along to the melody. He is leaning a little heavily onto Eddie to take some of the pressure off his leg. His boyfriend takes the weight happily as if it’s nothing to hold Buck up. 

Wrapping his arms around Eddie’s shoulders is as easy as breathing, as easy as loving him. Eddie leans up for their smiling lips to press together. Neither of them can stop grinning enough for a real kiss. 

They sway for a few more song changes until Eddie pulls him outside and presses him against the brick of the wall, cradling a hand behind Buck’s head so it doesn’t smack and kissing him eagerly. 

“My brother in Christ, could you keep your hands off each other for thirty seconds?”

Buck reluctantly looks away from Eddie’s debauched look and glares at Chimney, who’s leading Maddie out by the wrist. “Are you fucking kidding me? You were about to do the same thing with my sister! That’s so much worse.” 

“You want to talk about what’s bad? It is torture having to deal with the two of you. Your sexual tension stinks up the pool worse than the chlorine does!” 

“We wouldn’t need so much chlorine in the pool if you would stop pissing in it.” 

“I’m going to miss you so much.” Chimney says suddenly, his eyes shining for at least the third time this hour. “And you promised to never bring that up again.” 

“Stop.” Buck warns, scrubbing his own eyes quickly. “If you start crying then I’m going to start crying, and if I start crying, Eddie is going to cry.” 

“I’m not going to cry.” Eddie says, sounding awfully close to crying. 

Maddie, who has been awkwardly quiet, wiggles out of Chimney’s grip. “I’m going to leave you guys to… whatever it is you’re about to do.” 

“Me too.” Eddie chirps. 

With that, they make their way back inside back inside. Buck can distantly see Maddie patting Eddie on the back awkwardly. 

The two of them look at each other with a hopeful sadness that comes with the end of every season. It’s the first time either of them have had to say goodbye to a teammate like this, and it’s breaking Buck’s heart into shards they’ve never been in before. 

Chimney was the first person to take Buck in, the first to be nothing but kind. Even when Buck was an arrogant asshole that slept around with everything that had a heartbeat, Chimney never gave up on him. The other man would pat his back after hard meets and showed him how to properly roll out his muscles and told him it’s okay to be upset after a bad event, but it’s not okay to give up. 

Buck trudges over and throws himself at Chimney, holding him tightly and hoping not for the first time, that he never has to let go. 

Just like he always has, Chimney catches him just as tight. 

“I’ll miss you too.” Buck whimpers. He is eminently close to sobbing into the expensive fabric of the other man’s suit. “Even though you're a huge cock-block.” 

“You better fucking miss me. I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you, Buckley.” 

Chimney isn’t exactly wrong. They cry together for a little, holding each other and wiping away tears and muttering goodbye’s. They go inside once the outside air falls too chilly. They’re sporting matching blotchy cheeks and red-rimmed eyes as they make their way back to the table. 

“It’s going to suck when you leave.” Buck groans into Eddie’s shoulder. 

“Me graduating is not getting you out of this relationship.” Eddie teases into the shell of his ear. “You’re stuck with me now.” 

All Buck can think to reply is, “There’s no one I’d rather be stuck to.” 

Last Bonfire: December 31st, 2022 & January 1st, 2023

If someone told Buck at the beginning of the season that it would end in a leg injury and having Eddie Diaz as a boyfriend, he’d have himself admitted into the psychiatric ward. 

Buck shows up to the bonfire with Eddie’s arms slung around his waist and a six-pack to contribute to their last bonfire of the season. Their teammates whoop at them in their various inebriated states and come to shake their shoulder in greetings. With Eddie at his side, and his team all around, it's the most Buck has ever felt at home. 

Eddie smells like cologne and beer and sweat and Buck has never been more in love. 

They’re lazily making out in the bed of Eddie’s truck when they’re swept away by other teammates to mingle with other people. 

From Eddie, 4:09am 

I love you.  

To Eddie, 4:11am 

love u too 

To Eddie, 4:12am

why are u awake? 

From Eddie, 4:20am 

Miss you. Unlock your window  

To Eddie, 4:21am 

it is unlocked 

To Eddie, 4:22am 

so is the door u weirdo 

From Eddie, 4:23am 

I'm trying to be romantic. 

To Eddie, 4:25am

we can work on it baby 

“You know we have practice in-” Buck dramatically checks the clock on his phone- “three and a half hours.” 

“I know.” Eddie replies, restless under the covers until he finds the comfortable spot of Buck’s chest to wrap himself around. “And we’re going to bed. Go to sleep.” 

“You sure you didn’t come here for any other reason? Nothing at all?” 

“Shhh, I’m sleeping.” 

Buck laughs softly before pressing a few kisses to Eddie’s temple. “I love you.” 

“… Ugh. Love you too.” 

“I thought you were sleeping.” 

“Shut up.”