Chapter Text
Forgetting about Kenobi was easier said than done. Darth Vader had learned that the hard way following his recent encounter with the altitude-loving Jedi Master. The fact that his Mustafarian fortress overlooked the very lava plains where the dismemberment incident had taken place certainly didn’t help.
Now, there were some benefits to the location. The view fueled him with a healthy dose of vengeful rage every morning. He’d read on the HoloNet that Sith Lords required at least 200 milligrams of vengeful rage every day to remain strong with the Dark Side of the Force. Now, Vader wasn’t quite sure how to measure rage in milligrams. Judging from the number of Imperial officers he’d killed lately, he figured he was getting the proper dose.
In fact, perhaps he was getting a little too much of a good thing. Ever since the duel with Kenobi, Vader’s rage was so abundant, it was truly rather distracting. In spite of his best efforts to focus on the Empire’s current efforts, he often found his mind wandering.
Of course, Emperor Palpatine had been the first to notice, being the caring and emotionally attuned autocrat that he was. As such, his hologram call came as no surprise.
“My friend,” Palpatine greeted him amicably. “You seem agitated… again. I received a worrisome report from Grand Moff Tarkin which made me wonder whether you are perhaps distracted from the work of the Empire.”
Vader had not seen the report in question, though he could hazard a guess as to the subject matter. He’d been prone to daydreaming lately during lengthy meetings concerning the color of the WIP Death Star’s death ray. (They were currently trying to decide between lime green, magenta and kyber blue.) Usually, the daydreams involved throwing rocks at Kenobi or throwing Kenobi into fire (again) or some combination of the two. In short, the daydreams usually entailed a great deal of throwing something or someone in a violent manner, which, by virtue of Vader’s formidable midichlorian count, often resulted in something or someone in real life getting flung about.
Usually, this amounted to nothing more than a broken datapad or an officer getting scalded by hot caf. However, the last daydream had been particularly vivid, resulting in Admiral Manell taking a twelve-story drop out an open window. (Of course, the window ought to have been locked for the express purpose of avoiding such an accident. Consequently, the Stormtrooper who’d left the window open had been immediately thrown out said window shortly after.)
“Yes, Master,” Vader replied. “How is Admiral Manell? Is he alright?”
“I’m afraid that during your daydream, you killed him,” Palpatine said. “We have lost a great many Admirals due to your daydreams.”
“I shall be sure to promote some officers to make new Admirals,” Vader said, contented that at least that issue could be easily resolved. “I am sure we still have plenty.”
“Well, yes… but they are not in unlimited supply.” Palpatine sighed. “You have been going through Admirals at a very high rate lately, my apprentice. I am concerned that perhaps there is someone on your mind resulting in this wasteful behavior. Tell me, how often have you been thinking about your old master?”
“It is difficult to say.” Vader tried to think of a reasonable estimate. “Certainly, more than three times a day, but fewer than twenty-six.”
“I see. Three times a day is very often for a man you claim means nothing to you. It seems you are still troubled by your thoughts about Kenobi.”
“It is difficult,” Vader admitted sadly. “He was a friend of mine for many years. One might even say he was my best friend before he made me fall into lava.”
“Yes, indeed,” Palpatine said. “It is unfortunate when one loses a friendship, especially due to lava. Perhaps a short retreat with some new company would help to cleanse your mind.”
“I have attempted to cleanse my mind with the techniques provided by our generous Imperial Security Bureau,” Vader said. “Sadly, these attempts proved to be futile.”
Vader thought back to his failed “reconditioning spa” at the ISB. The ITO droid had fled the scene at the sight of him and refused to cooperate for the entire day. He hoped they would fix this error for the next model. It made it very difficult for him to oversee interrogations.
“That is most unfortunate,” Palpatine replied sympathetically. “However, I was considering something a little more relaxing. Tell me, my friend, have you ever heard of a luxury space cruise?”
After a final check to be sure he’d remembered all the essentials, Lieutenant Piett zipped up his suitcase with satisfaction. While he wasn’t one to get overly excited, he was quite looking forward to the upcoming voyage. He couldn’t recall ever going on a vacation, at least, not one of this nature. From the pictures he’d seen of the Halcyon, it looked far more luxurious than anything he could afford on his own. Fortunately, his recent promotion to Lieutenant and a few well-situated contacts from the Core Worlds had granted him a spot on the officer’s retreat.
“You’re sure you won’t be lonely?” Lieutenant Needa asked from across the room, having finished packing his own luggage as well. “It’s a shame that you couldn’t find a roommate for the trip. I’d love to have your company, of course, but my cabin will be full with Lennox and Gherant…”
“Oh, I’ll be alright, thank you,” Piett replied. “I actually do have plans for a roommate.”
“Is that so?” Needa asked. “Who is it?”
“Well, it’s a bit of a plan in progress,” Piett conceded. “I haven’t technically asked him yet, but I have reason to believe he’ll agree to it. As far as I know, he was planning on getting himself a single cabin, but the double room that I got has a much better view, and well, I don’t know. Perhaps he might want company.”
Needa frowned, attempting to piece through the rambling. Then, realization dawned on him.
“You were planning on asking Captain Veers?”
“You seem surprised,” Piett said. “Is there a problem?”
“No, no, I simply didn’t, well…” Needa hesitated, searching for the politest way to phrase his thoughts. “I wasn’t certain you would initiate such things. You’ve been awfully shy around him, which is fine, of course. But I’m glad to hear you’ve decided to go through with this. I’m proud of you. Though, you’d better hurry and ask him soon. We’re set to board in two cycles.”
“Of course,” Piett replied with as much confidence as he could muster. “Everything’s in order. I plan to ask him tonight.”
Unfortunately, by the time “tonight” rolled around, Piett’s confidence had dwindled with the passing hours.
He wasn’t sure why this was so difficult. In theory, the offer was innocuous. Roommates, under most circumstances, were only roommates. However, he’d heard from Lieutenant Jerjerrod that occasionally, deeper relationships had developed in the Empire between roommates. Jerjerrod had called it a “trope”. Therefore, Piett figured if he were to have a roommate, it would be wise to find an attractive one, specifically one with that classic kind of masculine charm that came from extensive experience crushing Rebel Scum under AT-ATs.
He found Captain Veers in the AT-AT hangar, drinking spotchka straight from the bottle, still wearing his armor which was covered in mud, soot and bits of bantha hair from a recent mission on Tatooine. It was the kind of sight that would make any man weak in the knees.
“Excuse me, Captain Veers,” Piett said. “Do you have a moment?”
“Depends on for what,” Veers said, setting aside the spotchka bottle.
Piett took a deep breath and gathered himself before continuing:
“I wanted to ask you something concerning the upcoming officer’s retreat on the Halcyon. I heard that you are currently booked for a single cabin.”
“That’s right,” Veers said. “Thought the privacy might be nice.”
“Oh.” Piett tried not to sound too deflated. “I see. That’s perfectly understandable.”
“Unless you had another suggestion,” Veers said, taking another swig of spotchka.
“Well, actually, I happened to get assigned a double suite without a roommate by some logistical mix-up. You certainly don’t have to take me up on the offer, but I just thought I would mention it in case you would be interested. It’s a rather nice suite from the pictures. The location is very convenient relative to the other amenities on the ship. See here…”
Piett scrolled through the floorplans of the Halcyon on his datapad and frowned. The vacant spot in his suite was no longer vacant. There was no information on the intruder, save that they were a “VIP”.
“Oh well, it was vacant just a few minutes ago, I swear,” Piett insisted. “I’m terribly sorry for the confusion.”
“It happens,” Veers said with a shrug. He gave Piett a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “I appreciate the offer though. Maybe next time. I’ll see you on the cruiser anyway. In the meantime, I hope you have fun with your VIP roommate, whoever that is. Who knows? Maybe it’s Tarkin.”
Veers chuckled at his own joke. Piett could only offer a halfhearted laugh of his own. The idea of rooming with Grand Moff Tarkin was petrifying. Granted, it was unlikely that Tarkin would waste his leisure time on a crowded officer’s retreat, but it wasn’t impossible.
As he walked out of the hangar, Piett mulled over the identity of the unnamed VIP. Perhaps they were an Inquisitor. He hoped not. The Inquisitors terrified him, and their spinning lightsabers always made him dizzy. Or worse, perhaps Director Krennic had decided to take a vacation on the Halcyon. Piett shuddered at the thought. There was only so much talk about fashionable capes and schoolyard gossip about the Imperial command that he could tolerate without going mad.
After a great deal of worrying, Piett finally settled down for bed. The moment his head hit the pillow, a strange notification appeared on his datapad:
Dear [Insert Rank] [Insert Last Name of Disposable Underling],
Congratulations! You have been summoned to a mandatory audience with his majesty Emperor Palpatine himself. Your shuttle will depart from the main hangar in 3 hours. As a gentle reminder, failure to attend this meeting will result in forfeiture of your current intact airway.
As he hurried to put on his uniform again, Piett wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry at this latest misfortune. The shuttle was in the main hangar, as promised. A pair of red-robed guards escorted him onboard. From there, the journey was a blur, as he wondered idly whether this was all a nightmare. Maybe this was indeed a dream. The free luxury cruise with the potential company of Captain Veers had seemed too good to be true.
Sadly, Piett received no such reprieve from reality. In what felt like no time at all, he found himself kneeling before none other than Emperor Palpatine and Lord Vader.
“You may rise, Lieutenant,” the Emperor said with a cursory wave of his hand. He then turned to Vader. “Lord Vader, this is Lieutenant Firmus Piett. He will be your new replacement friend and roommate during your vacation on the Halcyon.”
Suddenly, the prospect of rooming with Director Krennic, Grand Moff Tarkin and all twelve Inquisitors seemed like a kinder alternative.
“Well, my apprentice,” Palpatine said. “What do you think of your new friend? According to our records you have the same favorite color. He has a reputation for being very neat and sweeping often, and therefore will not track sand into your room. I believe you will be compatible. Will he be a suitable replacement for Kenobi, or shall I search for another?”
“He will make a much better friend then Kenobi,” Vader declared.
“Good, good,” Palpatine said. “It is decided. Lieutenant Piett, you will serve as Lord Vader’s replacement friend so that he will no longer dwell on Kenobi and throw our Admirals out of windows in vengeful daydreams. If you succeed, you will be in a favorable position for any field promotions moving forward. If you fail, it is likely that Lord Vader will kill you.”
“U-understood, your majesty,” Piett managed a weak reply. “It will be an honor.”
Darth Vader eyed the Lieutenant curiously. The man’s eyes were wide. He was trembling from head to toe. Both signs were likely due to excitement, given the circumstances. He reminded Vader of a porg. A happy porg.
They were off to an excellent start.