Chapter Text
Beetlejuice relaxed on his bed, thoroughly enjoying doing nothing except napping. Lydia had complained bitterly about being grounded, but he wasn’t seeing the problem. They were confined to the house, which would’ve bothered him if he couldn’t go outside, but the garden counted as part of the house, so that was fine. No laptops or cell phones, but he didn’t own either, so that was fine. The only shows they were allowed to watch were parent-sanctioned ones, which annoyed Lydia, but Beetlejuice was used to not being able to choose what he watched. While he was cursed, intangible and invisible, the only way he could watch TV was to watch what a human was already watching. At least now he could at least ask for something he wanted, and be acknowledged. So that was fine too! Frankly, after his and Lydia’s ‘adventure,’ which had involved fighting a murderous fragment of his evil mother, he was just glad to be in one piece physically, if not emotionally. He could just lay here on this soft bed and let his injuries heal, comfortable in the knowledge that no one was going to attack him.
That was when someone attacked him.
A weight landed across his stomach and chest and, if he’d breathed, the air would’ve been knocked out of him. Since he didn’t, he managed to suck in enough air through the fiery pain to yell, “Son of a dog-fucking whore!” He also got a hand around whatever was attacking him and yanked it off, his other hand raised to deliver a punch that would knock the head off his attacker.
“Beej! It’s me!”
Oh shit. He blinked and got a look at who he was holding. It was Lydia of course, her big brown eyes wide as saucers. He dropped her and sat up, rubbing his chest, which was aching. “Sorry! Jeez, you scared me.”
“I scared you ?” she repeated, getting up off the floor and sitting on the edge of the bed. “You almost punched me!”
He gave her a slightly aggrieved look. “Reflex. That hurt, Lyds. My ribs are still healing. Got the shit kicked out of me, remember?”
Annoyance turned to remorse. “I forgot. I’m really sorry, BJ. Should I go get you some more ice?”
His own irritation drained away. “Nah. It’s fine. I’ll be completely fixed in a couple of days. Just takes awhile when it’s another demon that kicked my ass.” Sitting up, he patted the spot next to him. “What’s up? Already bored again? I thought you were rereading that book series you like.”
Groaning, she flopped down in the offered spot, throwing a dramatic arm across her eyes. “Yes, I got bored. I can’t believe you, of all people, are more patient than me. You, the ADHD king of the millennium. How do you stand it?”
“I’m used to it,” he said with a shrug. “At least people talk to me now. The Maitlands are pretty chill about me bugging them, and Delia doesn’t mind me hanging out with her. Hell, even Chuck will at least say hi and ask if I broke anything today. That’s an improvement on the last five hundred years.”
“I thought you hate rules,” she said, lifting her arm enough to eye him balefully. Her tone was almost accusatory.
“Lyds, I’m just tired,” he explained, feeling like he was letting her down. It made his stomach all twisty. “In a day or two, I’ll be climbing the walls, same as you, but I’m still recovering from magic drain and getting a high heel to the skull. That takes it out of a guy, ya know?”
Again, she winced. “Sorry, sorry… it’s just weird seeing you okay with being grounded. It’s only been a day, but I’m bored out of my mind!”
Now he grinned. “Babes… you really think your parents, as responsible and sternly disapproving as they are, could really stop me from doing whatever the hell I want? Shit, I could go a lot of places without technically leaving this house once my magic is topped up again.”
Her eyes got wide and her pale cheeks flushed with sudden interest. “Oh?” she asked, voice oh-so casual.
“Yup.” He waited, knowing it wouldn’t take her long to break. This was fun. Lydia was usually the one tormenting him, so it was nice to be on the other end.
“You jerk,” she growled, gently nudging him with her knee. “Fine.” Clearing her throat, she batted her eyes and spoke with exaggerated eagerness, “Oh Beetlejuice, what ever do you mean? Do you have some amazing magic means of getting around my parents unfair edict?”
He snorted. “You take all the fun out of it.”
“I am a fun sucker,” she agreed, then froze when she realized what she’d said.
For a long moment, he stared down at her, lips pursed as he considered. At last, he said, “Nah. Too easy.”
“Kinda like you.”
“Oh, that's just mean!” he cried, pretending outrage. “True, but mean! And after I took pity on you and didn’t make an oral sex joke too.”
Her lips twitched as she fought not to smile. “You can joke about your name all you want… BJ.”
“Hey, I am proud to have those initials.”
“Yeah, I bet. Is it your professional name?”
“Oh, that’s it! You’re bored, let’s solve that!” Laughing evilly, he sprouted arms from the bed to pin her while he grabbed her ankle and used the very tip of his claw to write his name on the sole of her bare foot. She squealed and tried to kick, but he was a tough demon and she was just a skinny mortal girl. “Let’s see. B… Double E… T… L… J… F… Q… No wait, dammit. I have to start over.”
“Nooo!” she wailed.
Barbara stuck her head in through the door (not literally, poor thing still acted more alive than ghostly), and the concern on her face melted into a smile. “Oh, that’s what that noise is.”
“Just torture,” Beetlejuice agreed with his biggest smile.
“Yeah, listening to you having to figure out how to spell things,” Lydia taunted, breathless from laughing.
He raised his eyebrow at her. “You really gonna mouth off to the super powerful demon?”
“Which demon would that be? Wanna point them out?”
Oh, that little bitch. It was on. No mercy. “Barbara, you’re my witness,” he proclaimed. “She brought this doom upon herself.”
“Noted,” the ghost said, amused.
He reached down and tickled the back of her knee. Lydia shrieked, squirming with everything she had. “Okay! Okay! I yield!” she shouted, far too quickly in his opinion. “I’m going to pee if you don’t stop!”
“I’ll just wrap you in tarp,” he said serenely. “Like a corpse I don’t want leaking all over my trunk.”
“I’ll tell you where Delia keeps her sugar crystals!”
He stopped. “Bribe accepted.”
"You two are nothing but trouble," Barbara mock scolded as he released Lydia and hopped to his feet.
He grinned at the ghost. "I am creature of chaos. Of course I'm trouble!"
"And what's your excuse?" Barbara asked Lydia, who had managed to disentangle herself from his spare arms.
She shrugged and gestured grandly. "Just lucky I guess."
He poked her gently. "You owe me forbidden sugar."
"Yeah yeah, come on."
Barbara stepped back to let them through, amusement plain on her face. “You’ll get yourselves into even more trouble, you keep going like this,” she warned.
“Mother hen,” he teased, and took a moment to lean on the wall and leer at her. “I like ‘em bossy.”
Two months ago, this would’ve sent her into a stammering protest, but she’d found a spine since her death (and yes, he knew the irony of a ghost with a spine), and so she just snorted. “I don’t believe that for a second.”
“You kidding? Put on some leather pants and heels and watch me do exactly what you say, Babs.” He saw her eyes narrow and grinned, knowing he was pushing her buttons. It was too fun. “Come on. Tell me to shut up.” He fluttered his lashes at her. “You know you want to. Boss me around.”
“Beetlejuice! Stop bugging Barbara and get your ass down here! You want forbidden sugar or not?”
He jumped as Lydia shouted up the stairs after him. “Yeah! I’m coming! Later Babs.” As much fun as it was teasing either Maitland, the call of sugar was louder at the moment.
About fifteen minutes later, they had raided Delia’s secret sugar stash. Lydia watched Beetlejuice bite into the hard sugar crystal as easily as he munched on plates and actual crystals. What were his teeth made of? He could even bite through metal. Maybe he was a shark demon? Was that even a thing? Were all demons like him? There was so much she wanted to ask, but she was afraid to push too hard. Beetlejuice was a little like a feral cat she was coaxing into the house. She didn’t want to scare him off. There was a line of questioning she felt secure in asking now though. When he’d first come through her mirror, more than a month ago, he’d told her that he’d been in the Neitherworld— a land of monsters he’d called it, somewhere completely different from the Netherworld.
“Look, remember Halloween Town? From The Nightmare Before Christmas? It’s like that. It’s like… adjacent to here? Connected, but separate.”
She’d been dying of curiosity ever since, but hadn’t pressed. But just a few minutes ago, he’d bragged to her that he could go somewhere without ever actually leaving the house. She’d bet her best goth boots he meant the Neitherworld.
“So,” she said, tone deliberately casual, “tell me about the Neitherworld.”
He slid a glance her way, then said, “What do ya want to know?”
“What’s it like?”
She watched him think as he took another bite. At last, he said, “Big.”
“Big?” she repeated flatly.
He nodded. “Real big. Big as human imagination, I guess.”
“That… is soooo poetic, but tells me nothing.”
Snorting, he waved the last bit of crystal under her nose. “Then you ain’t listening, Scarecrow. I meant it literally. When’s the last time you ran into a vampire or a unicorn, huh? There’s beasties out there that can’t handle this plane full time anymore, either ‘cause there ain’t enough magic to sustain them, or because humans tend to put a bunch of holes in them, or both.”
Lydia felt her pulse speed up. “So… is that what you meant, when you said you could go lots of places without technically leaving the house?"
Grinning proudly, he nodded.
Yes! "Awesome! Can I go with you?”
The grin vanished and her demon friend scoffed at her, stuffing more sugar crystals into his mouth. “Not a chance,” he mumbled through the crunching.
“Oh come on, Beej,” she begged. “Please? Pretty please?”
“It ain’t safe, Lyds.” He frowned at her, and for once his goofy expression was actually something close to stern. “I told you, it’s a land of monsters. There’s things there that would look at you the way you look at poptarts, and then there’s other things that would make your brain melt.”
“I’d be safe with you though, wouldn’t I? You’re the Ghost with the Most. I don’t have to worry if you’re with me.”
It was unfair of her to pull that card on him, and she knew it. If he denied being able to keep her safe, it would be a blow to his ego, but if he agreed, then he’d be doing something he didn’t want to. She knew it, but she also really wanted to see the Neitherworld, now more than ever. And besides, she was right. She had seen what her demon could do when he put his mind to it. At this point, it'd take the devil himself to get her actually worried.
Beetlejuice grabbed another candy stick into his mouth, chewing violently and eyeing her with disfavor in his amber eyes. Finally, he said, “Let me think about it. I can’t do anything for awhile anyway, ‘cause I definitely ain’t takin’ you to that place when I’m not in top form.” His head tilted to one side and his expression softened, and then he smiled his bright, cheerful smile. “Strange and unusual, huh? Guess I shouldn’t be surprised you’d wanna go check it out. Might be fun, if we don’t die.”
"Don't exaggerate," she scolded. "What could be worse than Juno's killer leg?"
He rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, Lyds! You should know better than to say that. You'll activate the foreshadowing trope!"
She rummaged around in the plastic tub for another bit of sugar crystal. Taking a bite, she pretended that she was grinning because of the sugar rush. "Whatever, weirdo. This is gonna be so cool, just wait and see."