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Shivering in the mid-summer evening chill and waiting for the grand spectacle of the summer festival to begin, Ryuji realized that he'd never seen fireworks before.
He knew what they sounded like, their resounding boom a distant soundtrack of childhood nights where he'd stayed up too late star-gazing. Their image, however, had only ever been seen in television screens or cell phones. Too pixelated and blurry to be astonishing or anything close to beautiful.
It wasn't a surprise, exactly, this gap in his life's experiences. Funds weren't exactly easy to come by with his mom always working more than one job just to get by. Any excess cash he could scrape together was better used up on cheap manga and convenience store snacks instead of saving towards the mere possibility of an event in the future.
Until three months ago, he wouldn't have had any friends to do something with, anyway. People avoided him after everything that had happened with the track team. The idea of going to the movies or visiting a theme park alone was too sad, even for him.
Ryuji still didn't know how to comprehend the fact that the four other people huddled under the awning beside him wanted to be around him. Didn't treat him like his presence was an anomaly or afterthought. The very idea that he was important made something like hope bloom in his chest.
Ren nudged Ryuji's arm with his bag, Morgana's eyes flashing through the space he left unzipped near the top. That wide grin that Ryuji would do anything to protect was on full display as Ren tilted his head toward the sky.
"Excited?" Ren signed before scratching under Morgana's chin.
"Of course, man!" Ryuji said, slinging his arm around Ren's shoulder. Morgana yowled as the action jostled Ren's bag. "Wouldn't miss this for the world."
The sound came a second before the light, echoing through the Tokyo streets and rattling Ryuji's bones. Sparks showered the stars in an orange fountain of glamour. It painted the night alive, as if waiting for the world to follow suit.
"Holy shit!" Ryuji yelled, jumping in place and shaking the energy rush out of his hands. "Did you guys see that?"
"Yes," Yusuke hummed. His eyes were on the sky as a green and blue firework materialized a flower against the moon. "Quite beautiful, indeed."
Ann buried a giggle behind her hand, linking arms with Makoto. "You're acting like a little kid, Ryuji."
"So what if I am?" Ryuji smiled wide as a red koi fish swam through the stars. "This shit is awesome!"
He should've known that his joy was never meant to last, as fleeting as the sparks fading from the sky. The impression of their design was a hollow reflection of the art that once reigned, a cruel reminder that the best things in life always ended before their time.
A drop of rain landed on Ryuji's nose before rolling down past the curve of his lips. Another followed, hitting his eye, before the downpour truly began. There was no easing into it, no smooth transition as the sky opened up and cried.
The overhang did little to protect him as people scrambled to get inside, pushing and kicking up the gathering puddles in the street. His legs were soaked in moments, sneakers soggy with rainwater as Ryuji held his arms up over his head.
All he succeeded in doing was drenching his bare skin, clothes sopping wet by the time Ren managed to catch his hand through the crowd and pull him inside the station. They kept moving until a free corner was found, the Phantom Thieves gathering in the pocket of solitude to wring themselves dry.
The damaged, bleached ends of his hair were flattened against his head, blocking his vision until all he could see was the growing puddle on the tiled floor beneath them. Ren pushed his hair back, ruffling it slightly before wrapping his overshirt around Ryuji's shoulders. It was see-through almost immediately, the white linen soaking up the water held in his tank until its yellow outline was clearly visible.
Shoving his hands in his pockets, Ryuji kicked at the water on the ground with a growl.
“Calm down, Ryuji,” Makoto said, wringing rainwater out of her yukata. Ann and Yusuke mirrored her movements, garments clinging to their skin under the fluorescent lighting. “There will be more festivals in the future.”
“I don’t give a fuck,” Ryuji said with a snarl, leaning against the wall and slamming his fist against an old movie poster. “The night’s ruined.”
“Don’t be so dramatic,” Ann piped up, throwing her hair over her shoulder. Her ponytails were flat, frizzing in the heat of the station. “The only thing ruining the night is you.”
Ren frowned, hands busy drying out Morgana on the floor with one of his socks. Ryuji blinked at the sight, eyes wide. When had he even had the time to houdini the garment off his foot?
Yusuke sighed, head held low. “It’s a pity that such a lovely night had to end this way. I was looking forward to studying the beauty of the festival longer.”
His friends dissolved into conversing with another, talking around Ryuji’s anger in favor of speaking about plans for their upcoming summer break. He swallowed the bitter part of him that knew their talk of theme parks and exhibit visits were out of his budget. The days free of school would be spent lounging around his room, stretched thin between the media he’d consumed time and again until boredom forced him to walk around the block solely to break up the tedium of it all.
There was no point wishing he could run again, the long lazy trips his only solace when the hours stretched too long and it’d been days since he spoke to another human being. The most he could manage now if he tried to run around the block would be a stilted jog.
He was pulled out of his head with Ren’s touch at his elbow, dragging Ryuji’s eyes to him. Morgana was back to pouting in his bag, fur mussed and ears flat against his head. Ren looked at him with concern in his eyes that Ryuji didn’t know how to hold.
“The others went to the convenience store,” Ren signed before pointing to the nearby 7/11. “Getting snacks.”
Ryuji tried to school his features into something neutral. If the way Ren’s brow furrowed was any indication, he failed.
“Alright,” Ryuji said, looking away from Ren’s gaze. “Let’s go join ‘em, man.”
His sneakers squeaked against the tile floors on the way inside, drawing the attention of their group and the ire of the clerk manning the register. Ryuji ignored the latter in favor of grabbing a soda from an end-cap cooler and a bag of hot chips off the nearby rack. Clutching them against his chest, he pretended to listen as the rest of their group talked about some new American film he hadn’t heard of.
Before long, they’d all paid and parted ways, leaving the night behind in favor of returning to their separate homes. The only ones left beside the platform for Yongen-Jaya were Ryuji and Ren.
Somewhere between paying for his food and seeing the others off, Ryuji had realized he’d left his house key behind. His mom had been stuck working the night shift all week, so going home wasn’t an option. He’d walk to the nearest 24 hour cafe after Ren left.
It wasn’t a situation he was unfamiliar with, his own forgetfulness leading him to long nights fighting sleep in hidden corners of Tokyo. It always turned out fine. That didn’t mean he wanted anyone else to know of the shamefully common occurrence.
“Are you okay?” It was the first thing Ren had said aloud all night, cutting through the fog clouding Ryuji’s mind.
He didn’t want to lie, but the thought of unpacking more of his baggage onto Ren after everything he’d already carried for Ryuji felt like a sin. Settling on half-truths was easier.
“Will be before long,” Ryuji said, picking at his cuticles. “You don’t have to worry about me.”
“I want to,” Ren’s voice was raw with emotion and disuse. He wrapped his hands around Ryuji’s, ceasing his picking. “You deserve it.”
Ryuji laughed, mind scrambling for a joke to make. He’d never been good at accepting affection outside of deflection. Coming up blank, all that came out was a sad: “Okay?”
Ren frowned. He dropped his hold of Ryuji’s hands to sign: “Come home with me.”
It wasn’t a question. For that, Ryuji was thankful.
“Alright,” he said, listening to the roar of the train approaching through the tunnel. “Thanks, dude. I appreciate the place to crash.”
It wasn’t until the train had slowed to a stop, doors opening wide, that Ryuji realized he could barely hear the rolling thunder and rain of the storm from inside the station.
He allowed Ren to guide him into their seats. It took everything Ryuji had to stifle the blush rising in his cheeks when Ren placed his head on his shoulder, bag held secure against his chest.
~
The walk to Leblanc was brief, shared under Ren’s umbrella with their shoulders touching. Part of Ryuji longed to be selfish, to demand that the other boy never leave his side, his presence the only thing that calmed the constant tension wound around his ribs.
This part of him had been born the moment Ren awakened his Persona to save his life. Ryuji knew in the depths of his heart that he’d follow Ren anywhere if only he asked it of him.
Lightning cut through the sky above them, illuminating the dim backstreets as thunder rattled Ryuji’s bones. His bad knee ached, the storm a reminder of everything he’d never get back.
Ren squeezed his hand when they arrived at Leblanc’s front door, the sign flipped to closed and lights dimmed. He passed the umbrella to Ryuji before digging through his bag for the keys, waking Morgana in the process. An angry hiss emerged from the bag that both boys ignored.
Emerging from the depths victorious, Ren unlocked the door and pulled Ryuji inside. The umbrella was quickly abandoned in the rack near the window, its folds collapsing inward and depositing a pool of water in the tray beneath it. Ryuji leaned against a stool as Ren busied himself with securing the door and turning the security alarm off.
Morgana hopped free of the bag and trotted over to Ryuji, taking one deep glance into his soul before swiping at his ankles. Ryuji yelped, climbing onto the countertop.
Ever his savior, Ren grabbed hold of Morgana with a laugh, nestling his face in the black fur before telling him to be nice in a low whisper. Depositing him in one of the booths with a kiss to the head and a skritch to his ears, Ren turned and walked up the stairs to his attic room. Ryuji stood, stretching until his joints popped, and followed.
The stairs creaked beneath his feet, the aging wood protesting Ryuji’s rough steps as he held onto the railing and heaved himself toward the only place that felt like home other than his own bedroom. He found Ren knelt over a cardboard box, pulling towels and spare clothes out of its inner confines. The only light that illuminated the dim space came from sporadic street lights outside and the glow-in-the-dark stars scattered on the ceiling.
Ren tossed Ryuji a towel before drying his hair off, black locks protesting the abuse by clumping together in sad waves. Ryuji’s own settled flat. He didn’t have to mess with it to know that his damaged ends were screaming, begging for the moisture to return.
Abandoning the towels on the ground, they set about changing out of their damp clothes for the night. Ren turned away as Ryuji stripped down to his boxers and slipped into the spare pair of sweats and a hoodie that he’d never seen him wear before. Likely remnants of his life before Tokyo, too painful to wear yet too precious to get rid of. A small remnant of hope that before could be restored.
The space heater rattled as Ren cranked it to life, metal groaning as the coils slowly started turning red, the barest hints of heat seeping out. He held one hand up to its surface, the barest hint of a smile appearing as the appliance worked its magic.
Ryuji plopped down on the couch, resting his elbows against his knees as Ren abandoned his clothes for a simple sweatshirt and pajama pants. It was weird to see him like that, all stripped down to comfort like any other teenager in Japan on a summer’s eve. He’d seen the renegade Joker dressed to the nines in the Metaverse, the reformed Amamiya obediently wearing his school uniform to the letter, even the barest hint of carefree adolescence in the blazers and jeans he adored in the free moments they grasped outside of responsibility most afternoons.
This Ren felt too private and personal for Ryuji to witness, drowning in comfort under a thunderstorm, nestled away in an attic most didn’t even know existed. A new barrier had been crossed between them, an intimate trust Ryuji wasn’t sure if he’d earned.
Ren coughed to catch Ryuji’s attention before signing: “Take the bed.”
“No way, man,” Ryuji laughed, rubbing his hands down his face. “You’ve already done too much.”
“Share?” Ren’s hand shook around the sign.
Ryuji hoped his blush was hidden in the lowlight. “Uh, sure. I’m okay with that. Are you?”
Ren nodded. He waited until Ryuji had climbed atop the mattress and settled himself against the wall before lying down on the bed himself, pulling the blanket over them.
Back flush with the cold window panes, Ryuji faced Ren in the small space, faces inches apart. Flashes of lightning passed through the sky, storm deepening. The rain pelted the roof, angry and harsh in the night.
Ryuji’s eyes were starting to droop closed when Ren’s voice broke the quiet between them.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I’m just…tired of being behind you guys in everything,” Ryuji sighed, knowing he wasn’t making any sense. “I get the worst grades, don’t have a job, hell I don’t even got a future really. The best thing about me is Skull and no one can know except for us.”
Ren said nothing, waiting for him to continue.
“I can’t even watch fireworks for the first time without it gettin fucked up.”
“The weather’s not your fault.”
Ryuji’s chest ached. He buried it with a laugh, comedy his old mask. “No. But how I reacted is.”
“So try again tomorrow,” Ren buried himself under the blanket, eyes closed.
He made it seem so simple, untangling the guilt that kept Ryuji up until sunrise. As if fixing himself was easier than their quest to change the world.
Ryuji buried his face in the mattress with an exaggerated groan. Sleep clawed at the back of his eyes, begging for him to abandon these thoughts before Ryuji could spiral.
He didn’t move away when Ren placed his hand on his chest, leaning further against Ryuji until all of his body was curled up against him. Ryuji wrapped his arms around him, resting his head against Ren’s shoulder and wrapping his legs around his knees.
It felt right, holding each other together against the world. Ryuji cherished every burst of light in the sky that illuminated Ren’s face, highlighting the way his closed eyes reflected a quiet peace that he hadn’t seen in him before.
Ren carried too much too young. Ryuji figured they were the same in that way.
The rain was a steady drum as Ryuji tightened his grip on Ren, anchoring them to the attic as if they would drift away otherwise. He wouldn’t let anything get between them, not ever.
If they woke up entwined in the morning, still entangled as one with Morgana nestled near their feet, it was a secret summer could keep. One that Ryuji would frame and hold onto before the season’s haze could swallow him whole in its humid disarray.
He could only hope that Ren would do the same. The idea was more thrilling than the fireworks had ever been.