Archive of Our Own ^beta

All the windows in the apartment were pushed open, hot air being swept in and out with little relief from the warmth. Summer beamed down on them, making it hard to do anything but complain over bowls of ice cream and three cups of bubble tea a day.

Jesper had his list of date ideas on his phone, it was long, and some of it was unrealistic, but a guy could dream. Afterall, he’d dreamed of being more than friends with Wylan and miraculously, somehow, Wylan had an even bigger crush on Jesper.

In order to share the happiness, not to rub it in everyone’s face, Wylan liked setting the flowers he got from Jesper on the kitchen counter. He ignored Nina’s scowl, from where she was sitting on the couch in a silky two-piece pajama set. There was little his best friend could do to make him sad about receiving a bouquet of sunflowers.

“I didn’t think it through when I agreed to move in with you.” Nina mumbled under her breath, she got cranky when she was so warm she melted. It was annoying that Wylan seemed fine, in his pair of little green shorts and a cropped striped shirt.

“Do you want us to bring you back some gelato?” Wylan knew the way to his best friend’s heart was through her stomach, and she crossed her arms over her chest. “Or are you in a sorbet mood?”

“Both, obviously.” Nina blew a piece of hair away from her sweaty forehead, unreasonably pissed that Wylan was gleaming with glitter instead.

“Are we ready to go? I’m ready to go.” Jesper slid down the hallway in his socks, skidding to just enough of a stop so that he could pull Wylan with him. Wylan laughed, steadying himself against Jesper’s bare arms that held his waist tightly.

“If they have tiramisu gelato,” Inej piped up, she was sitting in front of the electric fan, twirling her hair into a magnificent bun so it was off of her sticky neck. “I’d love some. Wy, are you wearing your sunscreen?”

“Uh huh, I watched him.” Jesper studied Wylan’s face for a few seconds, looking for the perfect place to kiss him so he didn’t disrupt his blush or glitter placement. Wylan burned not because of the summer sun but because of Jesper’s careful gaze, and then his tender kiss right under his ear.

“Make sure you’re drinking lots of water, not just iced coffee,” Wylan took a deep breath, leaning back into Jesper’s body as they stood together, Jesper tilting his head to rest on Wylan softly. “And make sure Matty makes it home from the pool, and make sure Kaz isn’t in the basement all day.”

“Wy, I am honestly really sorry I didn’t want to go swimming with Matthias.” Nina stirred her iced coffee with a glass straw, smacking her lips a few times. “It’s hot outside and I prefer to deal with that inside. In my pajamas.”

“I’ll make sure Matthias comes up for air and Kaz comes up for food.” Inej reached back for her stainless steel water bottle, covered in stickers. “We’ll watch the house while you’re away, go enjoy your date.”

“I’d enjoy the date more if I knew you were all okay.” Wylan batted his eyes, he couldn’t help that he was so anxious, it was a dangerously hot day and Jesper was surprising him with a special date. “Could you ask Kaz if he wants any gelato?”

“Wy, I am trying to get rid of you. Go on your date, Jes wants to sweep you off your feet, again.” Nina had been staring at the two of them clinging to each other in the kitchen in front of that pretty display of sunflowers. Neither of them were sweating. At least Wylan was in shorts, Jesper was in black ripped jeans with fishnets underneath them.

“I know Matthias’ number, I know Kaz’s number, I know how to contact poison control and what to do if somebody is suffering heat stroke.” Inej said softly, it made Nina laugh, Wylan’s shoulders stop being so tense, and Jesper smile warmly. She always knew what to say.

“Let’s get going, baby?” Jesper whispered right into Wylan’s ear, he watched the way he nibbled on his bottom lip while nodding eagerly. “I checked my bag a million times, what I don’t have in mine, you totally have in yours.” He patted Wylan’s infamous brown crossbody bag, that thing was bottomless, and perfect for date night.

“I’m ready, thank you, for everything.” Wylan pulled away from Jesper so they could get their shoes on. He knew the sooner they did, the sooner they could fall into each other again. No matter the weather, Jesper would put up with wearing his black lace-up boots, they were an integral part of him. “How are we gonna get frozen treats home without them melting?”

“We turn your little bag into an impromptu freezer by dumping ice into it.” Jesper neatly tied his boots and popped back up to his full height, grinning at Wylan’s soft pout. “Or I can just run really fast, you on my back, holding all the goodies.”

“Okay, we have done that before.” Wylan whispered as he shoved his feet into his shoes, comfortable blue and white leather sneakers that he wore whenever he had to walk a lot. Jesper had told him to dress casually, in something he could move around in, so Wylan dressed it up with his glittering eyeshadow and dangly earrings.

“We can worry about that later,” Jesper waved his hand absently, reaching down to lace his fingers with Wylan’s once his sneakers were on. Wylan perked up on his toes when Jesper spun him in a slow little circle, his way of getting a better look at his outfit. Even in cotton shorts and a cropped shirt, Jesper thought he looked completely gorgeous. “Oh, me too?”

Wylan laughed happily, tilting his head back as he attempted to also spin Jesper. It was harder than it looked, Jesper was so tall and insisted on wearing boots that made him even taller. Wylan almost knocked off the sunglasses sitting on top of his head, it was clear they were an accessory, not functional.

“Yes, you too, how pretty.” Wylan didn’t know if he’d ever get over Jesper getting his artwork tattooed over his collarbones, but here he was, wearing a black shirt with a square neckline. Jesper had done Wylan a favour by bending his knees so the spinning was a little easier, it was still very choppy. “What’s it gonna take for you to tell me where we’re going?”

“I cannot be bought,” Jesper opened the front door, offering his housemates a wave goodbye. It was returned by Inej and scowled at by Nina. She thought all that time Jesper spent using the bathroom with date jitters could have been used to get Wylan out of the house to stop worrying. Neither of them held it against each other, dates still gave them butterflies, even after all this time. “Maybe a kiss.”

“Just one?” Wylan stepped outside of the apartment with Jesper, turning to say goodbye to the girls who were more excited about the electric fan turning out to have multiple settings. He locked the door behind him, put his keys away, and then hooked his arm with Jesper’s. “Come down here, please.”

“Maybe I can be bought.” Jesper smiled against Wylan’s lips, he was all fluttery just at the thought of kissing him. So when it happened, he giggled, and got his free hand on Wylan’s bare waist to pull him closer. “What do you think about two kisses? Maybe four?”

“You’re not going to tell me.” Wylan would have liked to sigh and feign that he was disappointed, but it was really hard. He could feel Jesper’s cold rings against his waist. They kissed in front of the door for a few more seconds, laughing when Jesper had to fight to remind himself multiple times not to grab Wylan’s face so he didn’t ruin his makeup.

“Nope, it’s a surprise. A really good one, no funny business.” Jesper promised Wylan that he wouldn’t do anything he wouldn’t like, and after being together since high school, Wylan could trust him completely.

All of Jesper’s surprises had been completely innocent, usually surprise flowers. Maple the stuffed fox had been a surprise too. Even the couple's baking class they took for Valentine’s day had been a surprise. They still made the cherry cookie bars every once in a while.

“Is our three year anniversary date gonna be a surprise too?” Wylan said this very quietly, almost like he was just asking himself. They were walking down the hallway listening to the sound of their own footsteps, when Jesper almost tripped over his feet and Wylan snorted. He knew he was heard.

“It has been three years, hasn’t it? I mean I know it has." Jesper sucked in his breath when he realized how it sounded, that he had forgotten the day his life changed and he had started dating the boy he was going to marry. Wylan knew him better than he knew himself, he smiled, and softly poked his rib. “Oh my fucking God, I’ve been in love with you for three years, baby.”

“Yeah, you have, cutie.” Wylan didn’t think they’d be able to make it on their date, because he stopped Jesper in the hallway to hug him. Jesper hoisted him up off his feet and Wylan laughed so loud he wondered if his housemates had heard him. He half expected Jesper to toss him over his shoulder. “I’ve been in love with you for three years, we’ve been in love for three years!”

“I am so lucky,” Jesper squeezed Wylan just tight enough, gently swaying back and forth before putting him back down. Wylan kissed the corner of Jesper’s mouth, knowing them if he’d done it properly they’d spend even more time in this hallway. “Let’s plan it, let’s do something crazy.”

“Crazy?” Wylan hooked his finger in Jesper’s belt loop, and Jesper followed him easily, without any question about it. “Like we go somewhere? Or do we do something big? Skydiving? Skinny-dipping?”

“Who are you and what have you done with my Wylan?” Jesper could not imagine Wylan jumping out of anything, he was as careful as they came. He could however imagine his boyfriend naked, he did quite often. “I meant like a trip, maybe we learn how to ballroom dance, or maybe we can pick a piercing or tattoo for each other.”

“Maybe after three years with you I got a little more adventurous,” Wylan cooed, because this was completely true, Jesper unveiled this courage in him. Not skydiving courage, but still, he felt braver nonetheless. “If I agree to tattoos you can’t make it say ‘I, Wylan Hendriks, love Jesper Llewellyn Fahey, forever.’ Okay?”

“I wouldn’t.” Jesper shook his head softly, hand neatly curling in the strap of Wylan’s bag so they could both hold on to each other. Like they were going to get separated as they left the apartment building and walked out onto the street. It was too hot outside to be wandering around aimlessly, Jesper had a plan. “I’d leave Llewellyn out, that’d easily add another hour to the appointment.”

“I’d give you my birth flower,” Wylan said slowly, trying to convince the both of them that this was not a constant thought that bumped around in his head. “Right here.” He turned so he could bring his hand up from his waistband to Jesper’s bare midriff.

“You drive me crazy.” Jesper had meant to polish the thought but it just tumbled out, and Wylan laughed, pressing his fingertip into the side of Jesper’s stomach gently. He was staking his claim in the most thoughtful, artistic, Wylan-way he possibly could. “What if I drew you something? To the best of my ability. Some little stars, I can manage stars.”

“We’ll plan it.” Wylan was going to get giddy at the thought of Jesper trying his best for him, he’d happily get shaky stars on his body if it meant Jesper drew them. “I’m asking you this seriously, be really serious. Matching piercings, where do you want them?”

Jesper held his tongue because he was going to say exactly what was expected of him. Wylan pretended to look disapproving, narrowing his eyes until Jesper cleared his throat and pretended to look shameful about it.

If he had the opportunity to suggest a private piercing, he was going to suggest it, it was unclear if it was serious or a joke. Wylan was not good with pain, and Jesper was not good at not touching him.

“My serious answer is I can do another ear piercing.” Jesper said after a long, comfortable silence. The both of them looked at each other, Jesper’s eyes wandering over Wylan as he imagined piercings. “You’re kinda running outta ear real estate.”

“I am…” Wylan whispered, fingers reaching up to touch each of his earrings. Maybe he went overboard because he was out of the closet and with people who’d keep him safe, or maybe, he really liked trinkets. What was better than carrying shiny gems around with him all day? Hanging from his ears and catching the light?

“This one is still my favourite.” Jesper leaned down, lips brushing Wylan’s helix piercing and making him squeak. His very first piercing, the one Jesper had done in a classmate’s younger sister’s bedroom when they were both very drunk. “I could be convinced to get a lip piercing.”

“We have to change the topic.” Wylan plopped himself down on the bus stop bench when Jesper gestured towards it. So, they had to take a bus to their location. Jesper wasn’t good at secrets, especially when it involved keeping things from Wylan. The only way for him to not talk about the surprise was to distract him.

“New topic, how’s your first university summer going?” Jesper laughed at his own question, because he’d been with Wylan every step of the way. He knew how his summer was going, Jesper was Wylan’s summer. “I’m having lots of fun, any season is my favourite when I’m with you.”

“Oh.” Wylan sat up taller on the bench, adjusting his bag and holding his hand up toward Jesper. Dutifully, his boyfriend leaned down to meet his touch, and pressed his cheek to Wylan’s palm. “I thought the question was for me.” He teased, voice airy as Jesper was already leaning in to kiss him.

Wylan found himself amazed at how many first kisses he could really have with Jesper. He’d been his first actual kiss, and he is the first person he’s ever been in love with. They’d been together since 11th grade, and Jesper still managed to kiss him for the first time, all the time.

This was the first time Wylan had kissed Jesper and felt hot summer rain pouring over them. His eyes fluttered open to double check he wasn’t actually living it. It was just his mind, just the way Jesper made him feel. Like a hug of humidity, just enough to make him conscious of how much of it was in the air. Wylan wondered if Jesper could feel it too, that he could taste the air between their lips, and recognize it was summer rainwater.

“I did steal your question,” Jesper eased himself away from Wylan’s mouth, he really had to focus on it, they could kiss forever without complaint. “I got excited, sorry, baby. How’s your summer?”

“How is my summer so far?” Wylan repeated the question, so he could feel the way it felt in his mouth, getting away with licking the taste of Jesper off his lips. His fingers slid easily into Jesper’s grasp as he was pulled to his feet, the two of them boarding the bus as he thought about it. “I like summer, I like you, and I like your birthday.”

“You like my birthday?” Jesper laughed as he led Wylan through the bus slowly, peeking over his shoulder to make sure the driver wasn’t going to make him lose his balance. Wylan was watching their feet, also worried about it. “I like you, even though your birthday isn’t in the summer.”

“A whole day all about you?” Wylan shuffled into the seat closest to the window, leaning his head against Jesper’s shoulder immediately when he sat down beside him. The window had already been yanked open, as much cool air passing through the bus as it drove down the street. “I feel really free, no expectations, nothing keeping me away from you.”

“You’ll never be free from me,” Jesper held Wylan’s hand in his lap, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing over his knuckles. Wylan smiled brightly as Jesper paid special attention to the ring around his middle finger, a twinkling dark green gem pressed into silver that they’d found at Inej’s workplace. “I like when you’re relaxed, baby.”

Wylan didn’t care about messing up his makeup the way Jesper did, he was more worried about getting sparkles onto Jesper’s clothes. So he shifted up so he could nuzzle against his neck, Jesper was always warm, but the summer made him like the sun. If he thought about all the times he achieved true relaxation, it all circled back to Jesper, it had always been him.

The first time Jesper called him his friend, and told Wylan he meant it, he relaxed. When Jesper didn’t judge him for failing an exam he couldn’t read, when Jesper didn’t turn on him when he found out his father hated him for it. Jesper made Wylan relax, made him breathe easy, made him able to just bask in the comfort of being safe and alive.

“You got all quiet,” Jesper could stand the quiet when Wylan was around, usually it drove him crazy, but with Wylan’s nose pressed to his pulse like this, it was perfect. “Is that brilliant brain of yours trying to figure out where I’m taking you?”

Wylan laughed against Jesper’s neck, he tilted back so he could look at him properly. His fingers reached up to trace Jesper’s temple softly, to admire him and his dark skin in the sunlight. Jesper squinted, he should really put those sunglasses on. Wylan smiled, scooting forward so his head blocked the sun from blinding his lover.

Jesper turned his face into Wylan’s touch, pressing his cheek to his palm. Wylan took a good look at Jesper, following the lines of the small eyeliner stars pressed under the corners of his eyes. It took them a second to stamp them right, Wylan was too gentle and the points didn’t transfer.

“I was thinking about you,” Wylan shrugged, when was he not? Jesper bit his lip to try to hide how hard it made him smile, it was no use. They didn’t hide, not anymore, they just didn’t need to. Wylan watched his boyfriend’s flickering eyes for a few moments, before turning to look out the window, doing his own squinting in the sun. “Maybe I should try to beat you at your own game, I’m no good at surprises, I’ll figure it out.”

“You surprise me all the time.” Jesper said under his breath, he could spend the bus ride watching Wylan, but they had to get to their date eventually. His hand lightly touched the back of Wylan’s neck, he felt his pulse jump. Wylan wasn’t counting but they had to be on the bus for half an hour, the commute brought them to the edge of their college town.

“I didn’t figure it out.” Wylan frowned as they walked down the street, he didn’t recognize where they were, and his curious eyes had given up. Jesper wrapped his arms around Wylan’s waist, tugging him closer until Wylan melted in his grasp. “Are we here?”

“Maybe.” Jesper tapped his fingers over Wylan’s waist and his mouth softened into a pout, there was no being upset when Jesper held him this close. The weather should have them melting into puddles, and the contact would have made it even worse. Maybe Wylan was always cold and Jesper was always hot, so their absent touching was just right.

“Why would you take me so far away?” Wylan looked over his shoulders, both ways, taking a hard look at the surroundings. There were lots of trees down here, lots of wildflowers, but it didn’t seem like a garden surprise. Wylan knew the way to the garden, they’ve been many times. He spun around in Jesper’s arms so his back was to Jesper’s chest, and he hummed. “Are we going on that tiny bus over there? What’s it say? It has a picture of a long-eared owl…on…it…”

Jesper knew he had been caught because Wylan stood completely still. The entire lilt of his voice had changed too. Wylan had gone from pensive to breathless. He didn’t think he could breathe anymore. Jesper peeked down at him, carding his fingers through Wylan’s redgold curls for a few silent seconds.

“Jes, we are not,” Wylan grabbed onto Jesper’s arms tightly, he didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, but Jesper didn’t let him down, Jesper would never, ever let him down. “You’re not surprising me…with the wildlife sanctuary…are you?”

“Maaaybe.” Jesper barely got the word out because Wylan could have knocked him over at the speed that he twisted in his arms again. Wylan did not look like he could squeeze Jesper to death with a hug but he might. “Oh, baby, don’t cry, I’ll cry.”

“I’ve always wanted to go, and, and you need to book so far in advance,” Wylan took a deep breath in and held Jesper tightly, softly bouncing on his heels as he spoke. “And, they have wolves and owls and deer and, oh my God, Jesper, they have a bug zoo. Did you know about the bugs? Are you taking me to see the bugs?”

“I’m taking you to see all of it,” Jesper snorted as Wylan attempted to climb up him, he needed a running start to try to do what he wanted. But Wylan couldn’t handle not being pressed against Jesper right now. Jesper decided to help Wylan out, leaning down and scooping him up. “I’ve kinda been trying for months but they close reservations almost as fast as they open them.”

“Yeah, they prioritize field trips, but I wanna go too,” Wylan knew this because he’d been checking every few days, he had the website bookmarked and pinned. “I love you, I can’t believe you’re real. You’re the best, you’ll still love me if I cry cause I see my favourite beetle?”

“I’ll literally love you forever, no matter what.” Jesper began the walk to the little wildlife sanctuary bus, usually full of excited students ready to learn about animals. He’d read all about senior discounts and elementary school science class trips. He ultimately decided he and Wylan had to go during quiet hours. “I’m glad I got tickets for the summer, the butterfly house is open.”

“The butterfly house!” Wylan yelled, and then pressed his red face into Jesper’s neck when it registered he’d been so loud. Jesper certainly did not mind, and their driver seemed thrilled that somebody was this excited about visiting their workplace.

Wylan held onto Jesper like he’d go somewhere, even though they were on the bus with four other people including the driver. He did not say a word, but he shook the entire way, holding Jesper’s hand firmly in place on top of his thigh. He didn’t think he’d ever been so excited in his life. He may start crying before they actually got there.

He was loved. It wasn’t even about how much Wylan loved animals and bugs and conservation efforts. It was about how much Jesper loved him. For years he had been listening to Wylan talk about things he was passionate about, and he did things like this. He brought Wylan out for a surprise date to somewhere he’d been just dying to go to. Wylan had never asked.

Wylan blinked tears out of his eyes. He didn’t have to ask to be loved. Jesper just did. Jesper’s free hand rubbed up and down his back lightly, and Wylan finally stopped staring out the window to peek over at him. God, he was beautiful. It didn’t matter what Jesper looked like, his heart was pure and his hands were so gentle, Wylan would think he was gorgeous no matter what.

Jesper kissed Wylan’s curls lightly, and Wylan smiled through a shaky exhale. Love was overwhelming in the best ways. They’d been together for almost three years and yet Wylan could be disarmed like this. He’d never felt so sure of himself in his life, so certain. He was loved, and he loved, harder than he lived.

…

A handful of brochures poked out of the top of Jesper’s bag, too long to fit but too precious to be folded up. He’d collected them all so Wylan could look at them later, even got doubles of ones he thought his boyfriend might want to collage or journal with.

Wylan held Jesper’s hand tightly as he tiptoed through the huge rectangular room, they hadn’t even seen any live animals yet, they were wandering around the museum portion. Jesper eyed the taxidermy cougars, as Wylan bent down to inspect a muskrat.

They were cooling down after the bus ride, the air conditioning in the building was refreshing and necessary after their commute. Jesper couldn’t stop thinking about how happy Wylan looked just taking photos next to the bus, he’d learned so much about the animals just printed on the side of the bus.

Jesper’s head swarmed with knowledge of long-eared owls and their flight feathers silencing their flying, elk’s antler growth depending on sunlight, and rhinoceros beetles with their ability to squeak. He learned so much from Wylan, about things he didn’t often think about. His life felt so much richer with him in it. Like a new sphere of life has been unlocked, a deeper appreciation, a deeper understanding.

He found new parts of himself, came to terms with things from his past, and changed in ways that he didn’t think were possible without Wylan. Jesper raised his head from counting the whiskers of an arctic fox to see Wylan pointing hurriedly.

“Hm?” Jesper abandoned his mission, bringing Wylan’s hand around his waist, Wylan happily wrapped his arm around his boyfriend.

“That’s us.” Wylan whispered, because he felt he had to, this was a place of education. He was always so well behaved, even when nobody was watching. Jesper kissed the top of his head and then his forehead for good measure, Wylan laughed breathlessly.

What did Wylan want Jesper to see? What was the spitting image of their loving relationship? A badger and a skunk in a little wooden canoe. Jesper exhaled through his nose way louder than Wylan had whispered, and Wylan giggled, somehow still quieter.

“Are you my little skunk, then?” Jesper found himself still, falling wildly more in love with Wylan. He caught him off guard in the most magnificent of ways. Anybody who said Jesper was funnier than Wylan just didn’t pay enough attention. Jesper had never met anybody funnier, he got him with punchlines he wouldn’t even dream of.

“Why do I kinda like it?” Wylan made sure to get a good photo of the taxidermy display, he liked that learning was allowed to be silly. He pulled away from his boyfriend only so he could hold his hand again without them being all tangled up. “By the way, weiner dogs, they’ll get you.”

“Damn, godspeed little sausages.” Jesper thought about death by dachshund for a second, wondering if his skunk boyfriend would come to his rescue with his stench. Before he had too long to get into the daydream, Wylan pulled him over to the wall, where there were two doors and he poked the signs eagerly.

“Ladybug door, hawk door.” Wylan did not think he was ready for the bug zoo, and Jesper wanted to save this for last too. He lightly tugged Wylan over to the hawk door, the aviary, and Wylan nodded in agreement.

“How’d you know it’s a hawk?” Jesper didn’t even know, afterall it was just a silhouette, an engraving with no additional paint or colour. Wylan and Jesper held the door for each other as well as they could, Jesper’s hip was sacrificed, bumped on the way through. He’d live because Wylan patted it better.

“They’re smaller than eagles.” Wylan’s bright blue eyes flickered around the enclosures, he was incredibly thankful there was a marked out path. He would be overwhelmed without one, unsure of which bird to see first.

“Red-tailed hawk.” Jesper read off the name plate in front of their first stop, and Wylan leaned into his side heavily. He of course, caught him, and kissed the top of his head softly. “Let me know if you need to sit down or take a break at any point, we have all day.”

“Remind me to show you…” Wylan took a shuddering breath and Jesper’s hand was right there splayed over his back to comfort him. Maybe in another world Wylan might feel embarrassed, even uncool, or dare he say lame, but not this one. Jesper’s support and loyalty was fierce, Wylan didn’t have to wonder if he was bothering or boring Jesper. “Their courtship flight.”

“Writing it down,” Jesper nodded, grabbing his phone out of his pocket and starting a new note just for Wylan’s wildlife sanctuary thoughts. Wylan smiled as he tilted Jesper’s face down to look at him, cupping his cheek in his shaky hand. “Do you wanna play a game? You tell me a fun fact and I see if you know more than these plaque things?”

Jesper was kissed, and he shortly lost his composure. Neither of them were particularly focused or non-shaky now. There wasn’t any reason to complain. With a small giggle, Jesper attempted to follow Wylan for another kiss and he was given one on the cheek.

Maybe in front of the red-tailed hawk wasn’t the best place to makeout, they’d have to ask the bird.

“I wanna play. I will win.” Wylan didn’t look it, but he had a competitive edge. He could blame his father for constantly forcing him to chase for approval that wasn’t coming. Now, Wylan had to be the best in school, in art, and apparently, in fun animal facts.

Jesper squeezed his hip, and they considered the bird for a few quiet moments. She didn’t look like she cared if they kissed, but Wylan figured they ought to be polite. They were guests in her home.

…

They had to stop at the café, originally for a drink to cool down, then they noticed the menu. Wylan didn’t feel hungry until Jesper started listing off ingredients, all of the menu items themed around the sanctuary.

Wylan and Jesper sat at a table tucked in the corner of the cafe, Wylan’s feet softly tucked in Jesper’s lap. The flakiest croissant sandwiches were had, and now they were working on sweet tea and sparkling berry soda.

“Do you want another snack?” Jesper checked the time, the commute had gotten them here around noon and it had been a couple hours since then. They had breakfast before coming, but that was before the tour of the aviary.

“Mm, I kinda want to try the grizzly bear brownie.” Wylan chewed at his straw absently, he was staring at the dessert case out of the corner of his eye. Jesper tapped against his boyfriend’s shoes to the unfamiliar song on the radio, and then joined him looking.

“I wouldn’t say no to a slice of chipmunk cheesecake.” Jesper mused, peeking down to see the laces were uneven. As he untied and re-tied Wylan’s shoes, he asked if they were too tight or not tight enough. Sometimes, Wylan wondered how on earth he’d gotten so lucky.

He was on his dream date with his dream boy and he loved him enough to even up his laces and order dessert with him. When he was caught staring he didn’t look away, instead grinning when Jesper stuck his tongue at him very slowly. They both laughed and Jesper decided it was dessert time.

Wylan stared at Jesper from his spot at their table, he was tasked with keeping their seats safe. As if the quiet wildlife sanctuary was bustling with people. It was just them, another couple slightly younger than them, and an older gentleman.

He didn’t know what Jesper was talking about with the staff member, but what he did know was Jesper was glowing. Something about him, the way he carried himself, the way he was confident yet needed Wylan’s reassurance. Wylan’s mouth twitched every time he looked over his shoulder, Jesper only smiled brighter to see he was indeed still keeping an eye on him.

Wylan knew from ordering their drinks and sandwiches that the tip jars were split up between animals. He laughed to himself as Jesper counted out his change, and dropped equal amounts into the cups for prairie dogs and tiger beetles. He wasn’t even with him and he was being thought of.

His face was burning, something about Jesper’s gentle consideration made him feel completely naked. Jesper stripped away every front Wylan tried to put up, it was useless to pretend he was anything other than completely Jesper’s.

“You okay, baby? You’re pink.” Jesper leaned a knee on his seat, dropping their dessert down on the table softly. His hand pressed to Wylan’s forehead lightly, monitoring his temperature before leaning in to kiss between his brows. “This is a massive slice of cheesecake.”

After Wylan was done basking in the gentle kiss, he turned his attention to the absolutely huge piece of cheesecake Jesper had ordered. A surprised laugh left his mouth, and he tucked his brownie into his bag for later. They needed to work together to even dream about finishing this.

“It’s nothing, I was just thinking stuff.” Wylan took one of the disposable bamboo forks they’d been given by the staff, and he sunk it into the cake softly. “Thinking about how much I like you and stuff, nothing important.”

“That’s like the most important thing ever,” Jesper mumbled, not because he was upset, but because he had a mouthful of cake. Wylan leaned over to catch a crumb before it dropped from Jesper’s mouth, and Jesper’s eyes followed his hand to see what he was going to do with it. Much to his dismay it was put down on a napkin. “How’d I get you embarrassed with my back turned?”

“You just do stuff.” Wylan huffed, he was not going to give away all his secrets, he loved Jesper deeply but he needed his alone time to swoon over him. Jesper tipping tiger beetles because Wylan liked them made him pink. How did he begin to explain it? “Also…you do have a nice butt.”

“Oh, it was my butt.” Jesper nodded sagely, this he understood. It was a half lie, just a little one. Wylan liked Jesper’s butt a lot, but his kindness was better. He laughed to himself, wondering if Jesper might take this as an insult to his ass. Jesper raised an eyebrow, dropping more crumbs onto the napkin as he waved his fork at Wylan. “You’re not telling me something, why’re you being sneaky, baby?”

“I’m not being anything,” Wylan watched Jesper sink down in his seat properly, he lost a few inches but he was hurting his knees sitting like that. “I’m being very in love with you for bringing me here.” He took this chance to trap Jesper’s ankle between his feet, and Jesper laughed loudly at how hard Wylan managed to grab him.

“I love you so much, anywhere,” Jesper turned their plate of cake and scooped up a forkful of mostly the biscuit crust. He held the fork out for Wylan, who didn’t know he could get more red.

Jesper knew he liked the crust better, Jesper knew him, completely and entirely. Wylan leaned forward to accept the bite, suddenly hating tables for getting in the way of him and Jesper.

“I love you in our bedroom, I love you in the bathroom, I love you on the walk to the bus stop, I love you on the bench– does that actually sound so incredibly wrong?” He’d given too many examples before he realized, but Wylan’s quivering smile was a dead giveaway.

“It sounded a little wrong,” Wylan admitted he might be preoccupied with wondering how he was going to repay Jesper for his dream date later, in their bedroom. “But the message, the thought, it was really, really sweet. You love me, no matter where we are. Not carnally.”

“I do, just maybe not on a walk, or a bench,” Jesper softly chewed at his fork as he spoke, and Wylan lightly pulled his wrist away. He didn’t know the logistics of bamboo utensils, or if bamboo could splinter, but he’d hate for it to happen. “Anyway, I was just told you can feed some of the animals.”

“I love you too, so much,” Wylan stabbed his fork into the middle of the cheesecake, because he needed his hands to talk about this. Jesper nodded encouragingly, going back to eating because it would help him focus. Judging by the way Wylan perked up, softly shook and took a deep breath, he absolutely had to pay attention. “They have goats you can feed, and they have alpacas, which is so exciting, I’ve never seen one, and, also, white-tail deer, you can’t feed them, but I like them very much.”

“Mhm, yes you do,” Jesper hummed thoughtfully, during Wylan’s small burst of energy, he reached over to hold his hand. Jesper’s thumb rubbed over his boyfriend’s pulse, he could feel how much he liked animals, the date, him. Never before had Jesper been so sure he was liked, all he had to do was look into Wylan’s eyes, vast and comforting like the sky, and he knew. “Are you ready to go feed some goats?”

“One more bite.” Wylan had been so busy imagining all the animals he was going to see that he forgot Jesper was fending for himself with the cheesecake. He peeked down to see a few bites of the crust remained, and he squeezed Jesper’s ankle harder. Jesper’s shoulders jolted, surprised by Wylan’s strength reappearing so soon. He watched Wylan fondly, his thumb had since moved to touch his palm, making Wylan twitch every few seconds when it got too ticklish.

Jesper would have to save the bigger tickles for later, but for now, Wylan eating his favourite part of a slice of cheesecake he’d split with his boyfriend with a smile this warm was more than enough.

…

Wylan was just looking, his heart thumping in his chest faster than anything he’d ever felt in his life. Jesper was just standing, scrolling through pictures and videos he’d taken of Wylan trying to keep his composure around the animals to not startle them. He laughed under his breath, a fond smile curling on his lips as he picked out clips to post online, sharing his love for Wylan.

They were just looking and standing, but the sun was setting behind them, casting a hazy golden sheen over the two of them. Wylan couldn’t stop looking if he tried, it was like Jesper hypnotized him, had this magical pull over him. The sunset was like a halo, Wylan was so sure he was looking at an angel right now.

Jesper had followed Wylan around with his phone recording and snapping photos of what he said was his dream date. He had pictures he could look at forever of Wylan at his happiest, he had photo evidence that he had done something right, and made his lover happy.

“I think I’m ready to go see the bugs,” Wylan whispered, his hand coming up to cup Jesper’s cheek softly. Jesper looked up from his phone, where he was staring longingly at Wylan’s bright smile like he wasn’t right there in front of him. “Do you need a little break? It’s been a long date.”

“This is my break,” Jesper gestured to his photo album brimming with the same photo of Wylan and an alpaca twenty seven times, and Wylan rolled his eyes softly. He didn’t mean to lose his composure, but he had, he was so sure that the alpaca hated him for crying so loudly. “I could go for longer, I could go on one date with you everyday for the rest of my life.”

“Everyday kinda is like a date.” Wylan murmured, eyes flickering around Jesper’s face glowing in the sunset, his gentle grey eyes shimmering. The sunlight bounced off of his septum piercing just enough for Wylan to notice it was uneven again, he lightly poked it back into place. Jesper dropped one hand from his phone, and grabbed Wylan by the hip.

With a small, surprised laugh, Wylan let himself be pulled right up against his boyfriend. They were hovering behind the deer enclosure, next to the public bathrooms where they’d taken a break after all the excitement. Jesper kissed Wylan’s nose, and Wylan tilted his head up for a proper kiss.

It was true that being with Jesper felt like being on a date all the time, with the surprises, the thoughtfulness, the kisses, the touches. Wylan didn’t know if he would get used to it, if he was ever going to get over the sheer luck he felt with his boyfriend. Even being friends with Jesper felt like such an honour, being his boyfriend, being somebody Jesper wanted to marry, well, Wylan felt like this was a dream.

On his dream date, which had been a complete surprise, Wylan kissed Jesper with all the love in his heart. At some point, his phone had been put away, so Jesper could hold Wylan by the face tenderly. He was still avoiding his makeup, nothing more than cream blush and glitter, but the thought made Wylan want to kiss him forever.

Jesper would never, ever, want to ruin something Wylan had created. He was careful with Wylan not because he thought he was fragile or breakable, but because Wylan worked hard and Jesper valued his effort, his time. Wylan pulled away when his heart almost leapt completely out of his throat. He loved Jesper so much it was overwhelming, he wanted to tell him more, he wanted to do more for him.

“I hope you’re not offended that I’d rather kiss here than in front of the bugs.” Jesper whispered against Wylan’s warm mouth, and Wylan smiled so big he couldn’t kiss him even if he wanted to. He leaned forward until his head rested against Jesper’s chest, right between his beautifully tattooed collarbones.

They’d been together for almost three years, and Wylan had laughed at every single joke Jesper had made. He thought he’d get used to it, or it would wear off, but it just didn’t. Jesper made him so unreasonably happy.

“I’m not, I get it.” Wylan loved bugs and wildflowers and painting them in memory of his mother, but in a way, they seemed sacred. Bigger than life even if they were smaller. Resilient and adaptive and around for way longer than he was going to be. Beautiful and frightening and misunderstood. But Jesper always, always made the effort to understand him. “We can go to the butterfly house last, so you can forget about the millipede.”

“I wish you hadn’t said that.” Jesper liked bugs from a distance, the glass between them was going to help, but he’d want ladybugs and butterflies over cockroaches and millipedes. Stigma be damned, Jesper couldn’t turn it off. He liked that Wylan could though, liked that Wylan had so much love and curiosity and willingness to learn in that heart of his. “I forgot to tell you, I’ve been watching lots of butterfly keeping videos.”

“No you haven’t.” Wylan frowned, he could feel himself wanting to cry again, it all welled up inside him. It'd happen if he had to listen to Jesper talk about keeping butterflies, his careful hand on the back of his head combing through his redgold curls. “You have to tell me when we get home, I don’t want to cry on our date, again.”

“Well I don’t wanna make you cry.” Jesper took half a step back, and kissed Wylan on the forehead. His hand moved to touch his chin, tilting Wylan every which way to make sure he wasn’t hiding any secret tears from him. “We get frozen treats, we freshen up, we climb into bed. No crying is allowed between those things.”

“I can cry during.” Wylan shrugged a little, to see how far Jesper was willing to go.

“I’m pretty firm on no crying during our gelato mission,” Jesper narrowed his eyes, he actually wasn’t very tough on Wylan at all, so the thought made him purse his lips and hide a smile. “I don’t want you crying while washing your face, or your hair.” He kissed Wylan’s softly, just a small peck, and let go of his face lightly. “Maaaybe, I can be convinced to let you cry in bed.”

“Are you aware of how that sounded?” Wylan softly bit at his bottom lip as he held onto Jesper’s hand, swinging their arms gently as they began their wander towards their last stop. As if he forgot the words that just came out of his mouth, he squinted and thought about it.

“You know, no I did not.” Jesper closed his eyes and willed himself to not think about his lover crying in bed, like that. He had honest to God meant it in the literal sense, no hidden motives behind it. “I also don’t do it on purpose.” He mumbled, and Wylan softly poked Jesper in the stomach. They were going to see the bug zoo, not talking about how good Jesper was in bed accidentally.

“Take me to my beetles.” Wylan sighed dramatically, he attempted a small little playful storm away from Jesper but his limbs were just so long. Jesper grabbed him before he could get too far, and instead of pulling Wylan back, he jumped forward to meet him.

The way Jesper often did, he swayed with Wylan on their little walk, a small, slow dance to ease imagined tension that didn’t exist. Whatever it was meant to do, Wylan always laughed, always held on and danced with him. They usually didn’t have music, so Jesper made something up, singing small tunes and attempting moves neither of them had the experience for.

This time Jesper attempted to dip Wylan and he screamed, holding on tighter and refusing to go. It’s not like Jesper would drop him, but he could. This could be the day. Jesper laughed at the sight of his fearless Wylan marching bravely to see a million legged critters apparently worried of being dropped by the love of his life.

Jesper patted him on the butt softly, to reassure him it was going to be okay, and Wylan bit down on his collarbone, a harmless punishment. Then he pulled away again, holding Jesper’s hand behind him and following every sign that had a little bug on it.

Stunned for no longer than two seconds, Jesper shook himself out of it and dutifully followed his boyfriend. No matter what, it was guaranteed the two of them would never be far apart. If Wylan was walking down a path with his hand reaching behind him, Jesper would rush to catch up, and get their fingers tucked together. Jesper squeezed his hand, Wylan squeezed it back. It was like a kiss.

…

Wylan had thought alot about what he wanted and what was too far away. Some dreams seemed too big, and too great for him. Then Jesper came into his life, and Jesper stayed in his life. Jesper stayed.

He was standing in a room full of bugs with a boy he was going to spend the rest of his life with. This was probably the happiest Wylan had ever been. How was he supposed to swallow this? How was he supposed to deal with being happier than this? He knew for a fact, there would be a bigger day than the bug zoo.

Jesper brought Wylan’s hand up to his mouth, kissing his knuckles lightly, and then pressing Wylan’s ring to his cheek. Wylan didn’t know what he looked like, but he was pretty sure he was unmoving while staring at a box full of ladybugs, thinking about being with Jesper for the rest of his life.

“Wy? You still doing okay?” Jesper said softly, leaning into Wylan’s touch when his thumb absently began to stroke his lover’s warm cheek. This wasn’t a dream, this was real life, and Jesper wasn’t going to disappear when he woke up.

“Mhm, thinking about getting married.” Wylan trailed off, sometimes Jesper got an unfiltered look into Wylan’s brain, and this was one of those times. “It doesn't feel real, that I’m here, with you and I will be with you, forever.” He finally looked away from counting ladybug spots, and stared at Jesper’s shiny grey eyes instead.

“I could pinch you,” Jesper offered, though he didn’t like hurting Wylan, even if it wasn’t much pain, it was still something. “Or you could pinch me. Cause I’ve been thinking this has been too good to be true since…you said you’d go out with me the first time.”

“Oh, do not remind me.” Wylan shut his eyes tightly, it haunted his nightmares that he had misunderstood Jesper twice when he asked him out when they were 17 year old best friends. Everyday he thanked every force in the whole world that Jesper asked again and didn’t let Wylan’s comment about it being too rainy to go out stop him. “I think you should pinch me, I deserve it.”

“It was really, really cute,” Jesper shrugged, and lightly poked Wylan in the belly button. Wylan let out half a scream before covering his mouth and softly narrowing his eyes at Jesper. It was sort of like a pinch, it was definitely a shock, he felt like he had just woken up. “Did you hear the part where I said being with you feels unreal?”

“I heard it.” Wylan mumbled, he rose on his toes and kissed Jesper on the cheek. Jesper pouted when Wylan stood straight up again, turning his head pointedly so he didn’t get a real kiss. Jesper hooked an arm around Wylan’s waist, and began dragging him. “I wanna go in order…” He was about to complain when he noticed they were heading to his favourite beetle, making him laugh loudly and push all of his weight against Jesper to stop him.

“We can go in order, I just wanted you to like me again.” Jesper joked, spinning back around so he and Wylan could walk in a small circle around the room like planned. Wylan took Jesper’s hand from his waist, because he knew he wouldn’t be able to focus, and intertwined their fingers tightly. “Tell me about the um…the tree cricket.”

Wylan peered down at the enclosure of small pale green crickets, and hummed softly. It was quiet enough in the room that they could hear the chirps. Jesper seemed fascinated, hunching over to get a better look. Wylan was most amazed that his sunglasses had stayed put on top of his head today, he wondered if Jesper remembered he was wearing them.

“So, they live everywhere in the world, except Antarctica.” Wylan murmured, it was increasingly difficult to be interested in bugs when his boyfriend was bent over and really focused. Jesper was listening, but also glancing at every single part of this little bug.

“Too cold?” Jesper guessed, looking away just in time to see Wylan’s nod. He seemed really proud of himself, grinning at the crickets as he lowered himself a few more inches into a squat. “Something tells me this bug zoo was not made for guys who are 6’4” in stompy boots.”

“What a hard life,” Wylan sighed dramatically, letting Jesper pull him right over to sit on his lap. They did nearly topple over, right in front of the crickets. “Their chirps are actually lower in comparison to other crickets.” He continued, reaching both hands back to hold Jesper’s hips.

“Damn, good for them.” Jesper squinted his eyes to look at all the little legs behind the glass, watching the crickets chirp just like Wylan had told him. “It is hard, being so tall, and strong.”

“Uh huh, your two best traits.” Wylan smiled as Jesper lightly kissed over his neck, it was where Wylan was closest to him. He gently shuddered, rolling his eyes the second he felt Jesper’s mouth smirk against his warm skin. “I’m gonna sit here until your legs are numb.”

“Jokes on you, they already are.” Jesper patted over Wylan’s thighs a few times, taking a deep breath and getting to his feet again. Wylan tried to make himself as light as possible, but Jesper didn’t seem to need the help. “Tell me about this thing, a leaf.”

“Oh, leaf insects!” Wylan wrapped his arm around Jesper’s waist as they continued their walk. Jesper let Wylan talk about everything he knew about all of his favourite bugs, and when Wylan drew a blank, Jesper read the blurb beside the enclosure to him. They were learning together.

There was a certain pride welling up in both of them, Jesper was proud that his boyfriend knew so many things, and Wylan was proud that his boyfriend was willing to face things that made him uncomfortable. Even if Jesper wasn’t crazy about creepy crawly critters, he was crazy about Wylan, and he was willing to try anything once. Maybe, a little bit, Wylan’s millipede facts kind of helped him out.

Jesper hadn’t learned this much all summer, he knew he was going to go home and do some more research. Maybe he’d go down a rabbit hole and figure out how to become a bug owner. Wylan would be excited, maybe their other housemates would not be.

Wylan, very proudly, only cried a little bit when they got to the six-spotted tiger beetle enclosure. They took lots of time, Jesper rubbing his hand up and down Wylan’s back to comfort him. There was so much Wylan wanted to say, but he got excited, he squeaked once or twice, and Jesper nodded like he could make out his words.

Maybe he could, Jesper knew everything about Wylan, it would surprise absolutely nobody if he could translate small noises into sentences. All he knew was that Wylan was the happiest he’d ever seen him, and he was comfortable enough to let his guard down and let Jesper see it. Jesper kissed Wylan on the side of the head before reading the plaque to him.

Jesper found out the six-spotted tiger beetles were so fucking fast that their eyes couldn’t keep up, he thought these things were metal as hell, and understood Wylan’s like for them. He’d never heard of a bug moving so quickly it was temporarily blinded, he would never stop thinking about this.

“I thought of a tattoo,” Jesper said to fill the silence, a warm, comfortable silence that blanketed them in the cool air conditioned bug zoo room. Wylan wailed, because he knew what Jesper was going to say, and Jesper softly thumbed away a few, really big tears. “Oh, baby, you’re gonna drown your beetles in your tears.”

“I just really like tiger beetles.” Wylan finally managed, he’d been trying to say this for ten minutes but cried and shook instead. He had collected himself, Jesper’s comforting hands helped, and the thought of Jesper getting poked with Wylan’s favourite beetle made his heart soar. “They’re so pretty and so cool, sorry, I can’t breathe.”

“They really, really are.” Jesper hadn’t really seen one in person before, he’d seen lots of pictures, seen lots of Wylan’s art, but never the actual bug. He could appreciate a cool animal as much as the next guy, even more if his lover reacted to seeing one like this. “Do you want some water, I can go grab you some?”

“Mmm, I’m okay.” Wylan shook his head and blinked more tears away, he had to get some photos before they went to the butterfly house. He’d probably cry again if any butterfly chose Jesper to perch on top of, he’d have a new favourite core memory instantly. “Can you–"

“Yes, I can take a photo of you and your tiger beetle.” Jesper knew what Wylan was going to ask, because he’d been waiting for it and was prepared to spend as long as he needed to take pictures. His Wylan album was only getting bigger, and he needed photos to send back to his father, who knew all about the date and was excited to see what memories they made.

They spent so much time taking photos that Wylan calmed down completely, which he was excited for, he didn’t want all the photos to be snotty and shaky. Jesper had already changed his lockscreen, to the photo that made it look like the beetle was sitting on top of Wylan’s head. Maybe he could convince Wylan to draw it out in his sketchbook later, maybe he could steal the sketchbook again, it was a half baked plan.

…

Everything else about today feeling like a dream completely paled in comparison to the butterfly house. Hundreds of free flying butterflies fluttering around a huge domed greenhouse, perching on leaves and flowers and against the glass.

Wylan pinched himself a few times, when things got too overwhelmingly perfect. He was awake. He was awake and Jesper was being circled by an emerald swallowtail. Jesper slowly turned on his heel to watch it, he thought it was a waste to let it out of his eyeline.

It destroyed Wylan completely. Jesper, the most gentle, thoughtful man he’d ever met, his man. He was in a room full of butterflies, a bug he worshipped right behind tiger beetles. All he could do was just stare at Jesper.

Jesper looked like he wasn’t breathing in case he startled a butterfly off of their petal, and when he leaned in he was focusing so hard on keeping his balance. Wylan loved him, he was so sure of this.

“I know this one, monarch butterfly.” Jesper proudly announced, nodding towards the brilliant orange winged butterfly resting on a big leaf. Wylan blinked slowly, chest uncomfortably tight in the best way.

He opened his mouth to talk but no words came out, so he nodded instead. Jesper watched Wylan for a few lingering seconds, before making sure no butterflies were under his boots and wandering closer to his boyfriend.

“You’re okay, baby?” Jesper’s warm hands cupped Wylan’s face, cradling so softly he could barely even feel his touch. The caress of a butterfly’s wings, Jesper’s fingers taking care of Wylan. “Blink once for yes, twice for no. Oh, you can also just nod or shake your head.”

Wylan did none of the above. He softly stepped forward, pressing the toes of his sneakers to Jesper’s boots and kissed him. Jesper’s thumbs stroked Wylan’s red cheeks, he’d fallen in love with him all over again.

The butterfly house felt like the perfect place to kiss his boyfriend again and again. Jesper kept Wylan there, holding him tenderly and kissing him even softer. Wylan nodded, all of Jesper’s words registering too late.

The knock of their teeth didn’t hurt that bad, but it made Wylan’s nose scrunch and Jesper make a funny noise. They pulled away at the same exact time, checking on the other for any tooth-to-tooth injuries. Jesper smiled first, because he looked at Wylan and was so happy all the time.

“Don’t move, but there’s one of those see-through butterflies on your shoulder.” Jesper whispered, he didn’t know if butterflies could hear, but maybe he’d blow it away if he spoke too loud.

Wylan stared blankly at his boyfriend, he froze in place and thought really hard about his heart slowing down in hopes that it might happen.

“There is not a glasswing butterfly on me right now.” Wylan spoke slowly and his eyebrows furrowed, Jesper was the furthest thing from a liar. But he was too afraid to turn his head in case the bug flew away.

Jesper nodded towards the butterfly that Wylan still hadn’t seen, and got his phone out to take photographic evidence. Apparently something was very funny, Jesper was making that face he made when he wanted to be serious about something unserious.

“You look like you’re about to sneeze,” Jesper explained, and Wylan fought between completely paling in mortification and turning red in humiliation. “It’s cute, you’re cute, sneeze on me, I don’t mind.”

“Don’t. Make. Me. Laugh.” Wylan took small even breaths, making an effort to not look Jesper in his beautiful face and also not scare the butterfly off of his arm.

“Really, really cute.” Jesper had taken a hundred photos by now, maybe a video or two. All Wylan knew was when Jesper turned his phone to face him, he saw the glasswing butterfly and maybe looked like he was going to faint. Jesper moved as if he was going to catch him but Wylan looked like he might hiss.

The butterfly was more important than Wylan passing out because he was excited. Jesper didn’t agree, but he liked Wylan enough to pretend he did.

They stood for a few quiet minutes, then the butterfly must have gotten hungry and flew off to sit on a flower instead. Now that Wylan could breathe and make noise, he made a lot of it.

His hands reached out to grab Jesper’s wrists, which quickly slid back so they could hold hands instead. Jesper intertwined their fingers and Wylan squirmed, grinning brighter than anything Jesper had ever seen.

“This is the best day of my life.” Wylan declared, he stepped between Jesper’s boots and plucked the sunglasses off of his boyfriend’s head. “You are my favourite person in the world, do not tell Nina.”

“Secret’s safe with me,” Jesper said softly as Wylan stole his sunglasses and popped them onto his own face. Of course he looked incredible in them, of course they should have been part of Wylan’s outfit instead. “But if I could I’d be screaming that shit from rooftops, and putting up posters all over town.”

“Yeah? You’re very romantic.” Wylan couldn’t even tease him about it, Jesper loved in a way that erased all doubt. Wylan confidently believed in their future, their relationship and their life together. He knew Jesper wasn’t going anywhere, the same way Wylan wasn’t.

“I don’t wanna kill the mood but the sanctuary will be closing soon and I wanna hit the gift shop…” Jesper kissed Wylan on the forehead, giving his hands a gentle squeeze as he watched Wylan gasp.

They had to go home eventually, but not without something to remember the best date ever. Wylan began dragging Jesper towards the door, he also wanted to visit the gift shop, he wanted to buy everything.

…

Bug themed sticker packs sat on top of the luna moth soft cover sketchbook Wylan had almost not bought, it took Jesper’s sneaky hands planning to buy it under his nose for him to do it himself.

Wylan stared at the tote bag hanging from the back of their bedroom door, the wildlife sanctuary’s logo printed on the light brown fabric. His chin rested against a criminally soft new friend, a smiling ladybug stuffed animal.

Wylan let Jesper buy it for him. Jesper insisted he surprise Wylan one more time, and he stood outside the gift shop looking at his new necklace, a little iridescent beetle wing. As he fiddled with the smoothness of the pendant, Jesper placed the plush on his head and Wylan turned to look at himself in the shop's window.

Maybe he cried again, and maybe he held the ladybug tighter than he did Jesper, to the point that Jesper got a little jealous. Wylan didn’t have to worry about cutting off a plushie’s air supply, he did have to worry about hugging Jesper to death. Jesper always said he didn’t mind, but Wylan needed to keep him around forever and ever.

“Hey, baby, you ready for bed?” Jesper mumbled around his toothbrush, dragging his slippers across the floor as he plopped down beside Wylan. They’d just gotten out of the shower twenty minutes ago, washing each other’s hair and getting distracted and trying again afterwards.

“Not yet,” Wylan yawned into his new stuffed animal, burying his face in the soft material. He didn’t want the day to be over, he didn’t want the date to end. The whole bus ride home Wylan convinced himself that wasn’t the end of their date. Even when they stopped at the store to buy their housemates gelato and sorbet, it still felt romantic. Maybe Wylan was feeling extremely grateful for his boyfriend’s kindness. “Movie?”

“Oh, yeah, we can watch something.” Jesper carded his fingers through Wylan’s soft, half-dry hair, and then down to his neck. He smoothed his thumb over the small bruise he’d kissed into the base of Wylan’s neck. It was low enough so he could cover it if he wanted to, Jesper didn’t get the sense his boyfriend wanted to hide it.

“We can watch something you like,” Wylan softly batted Jesper away from the sore mark on his neck, not because he didn’t like it but because Jesper had a mouthful of toothpaste. Jesper got the memo, he left the room as fast as he entered and Wylan listened to the water running. “Do you wanna watch Up? You like Up.”

“I like a lot of things,” Jesper kicked off his house slippers at the same time that he grabbed his laptop off of his desk. Wylan pulled back the covers, it had gotten cooler with the setting of the sun, but not by very much. Summer was not kind to fuzzy blanket lovers such as themselves. “What’s up, baby? Why’s it all about me?”

“Since today was for me,” Wylan started, rolling onto his side so Jesper could slot his arm around his shoulder slowly. “We can do something you like. I want to do something for you.”

“It was for us, I like when you’re happy.” Jesper leaned his head on top of Wylan’s and softly stroked his arm like he needed the extra heat. “You think I don’t like beetles and birds and bunnies?”

“I love you…” Wylan held the ladybug stuffed animal to his chest with one arm. The other hand was guiding Jesper’s arm to hold him tighter, keeping him close now that they were in the privacy of their bedroom. “We’ve just had a quiet day, and I like quiet, but it’s okay if you don’t.”

Jesper brought Wylan up a bit so he could kiss his redgold hair, and then looked into his eyes. Wylan stared at Jesper for a few silent seconds, sometimes he was so sure he was looking right through him, into his heart and reading him completely.

When Wylan’s eyes flickered away, cheeks flushing pink, he attempted to hide behind the stuffed ladybug. Jesper grabbed it right out of his arms and tossed it onto the other side of the bed. Wylan gasped, hands uselessly reaching for it as Jesper clasped his wrists neatly above his head.

“I love you most.” Jesper climbed on top of Wylan as he said this and Wylan swallowed the lump in his throat. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be kissed into the mattress or if Jesper had something else planned. Jesper leaned forward, and kissed Wylan’s forehead, and he lightly squirmed under him.

His heart raced in his chest in anticipation, Jesper’s full weight on top of him made his stomach churn. They were just looking at each other for a long ten seconds, then Jesper’s lips gently smirked, and Wylan opened his mouth to protest. He wasn’t fast enough.

Jesper’s free hand, the one that wasn’t holding Wylan’s arms to the bed, began scurrying over Wylan’s bare side. He was being tickled. It was a gut reaction, he didn’t mean to, but he screamed. He didn’t know if anybody liked being tickled, but it wasn’t Wylan’s favourite thing.

This was the most Jesper could ever bear to punish Wylan, tickle him softly until he was gasping for air and kicking his feet as he laughed loudly. This was how Wylan knew he was really in trouble, and not real trouble, Jesper’s version of trouble. Jesper just didn’t like how Wylan was talking so he got a visit from the tickle monster.

“J-Jes!” Wylan managed, blinking tears out of his eyes as he lamely wiggled beneath him. Jesper’s fingers brushed over his tummy with devastating accuracy. He yelped, shutting his eyes tightly and giggling so loudly he was awfully aware of how high Jesper could get his voice to go. “Enough, Jes! I’m…I can’t!” Wylan tensed a few times, one final screech leaving him as Jesper prodded his fingers into his sensitive waist.

“I like you and I like hanging out with you.” Jesper reluctantly let go of Wylan’s wrists, kissing over the delicate skin in case Jesper Fahey would ever mark Wylan Hendriks up with anything other than love bites.

“Is that why you’re mad at me?” Wylan shakily exhaled, Jesper was still on top of him but he wasn’t making him laugh so hard he thought he might pass out. Jesper’s version of being mad at Wylan was just sulking, pouting and letting his hypothetically puppy ears flatten against his hair.

“Yeah, I am mad.” Jesper laid down on top of Wylan and he made a small grunting noise. Jesper was not the lightest person simply because he was so tall, but Wylan still wrapped his arms and legs around him. “I don’t do stuff if I don’t wanna. And I want to be with you and do stuff you like, it doesn’t matter what. I wanted you to have the best day ever, I planned it for you. It was my pleasure to be there with you.”

“You’re being really cute.” Wylan buried his face in Jesper’s neck and shook his head softly. He inhaled his boyfriend’s scent, mostly body wash and hair products after their shower. Wylan held him tighter. Since they’d moved in together their scents started to mix, he no longer could decipher himself from Jesper.

It did wonderful things to his body, made him lightheaded and sick in the best way. He and Jesper were so intertwined that there wasn’t really a version of them that existed without the other. Wylan blinked more tears out of his eyes again, he just couldn’t stop his love for Jesper making him emotional.

“I think…” Jesper said this differently, he said it carefully, when he was trying to be gentle. Wylan curled his hands in Jesper’s soft oversized shirt, nodding against his neck. “Things have been loud for me for a long time, and I just need it to be quiet now. Things are quiet with you, and it’s like…a dream.”

“Jesper…” Wylan breathed out, he hugged him tighter and Jesper’s arm slid underneath him to do the same. He sighed loudly, crossing his ankles to keep Jesper flush against his body. “Jesper.” He repeated, he wanted to be closer to him, he wanted to be a part of him forever.

Jesper raised his head so he could kiss Wylan, and Wylan hummed into his mouth happily. They could’ve kissed forever, in the comfortable silence of their bedroom. Their bedroom where they smelled like each other and couldn’t relax unless they were tightly curled around each other.

“As much as I wanna take your pants off right now, I’m also really thinking about watching Up, and that opening scene isn’t really making me wanna take your pants off.” Jesper pulled away with great effort, he felt the small, involuntary jolt of Wylan’s hips against his. He must’ve done something with his tongue, not on purpose, Wylan liked it when Jesper made his body react without trying.

“I’m not having my pants taken off to Married Life from Pixar’s Up.” Wylan said softly, he begrudgingly unfolded himself from Jesper’s warm grasp. With a little effort, Wylan flopped onto the bed and Jesper rolled off of him to set up the movie.

Wylan collected the ladybug again, who certainly didn't appreciate Jesper tossing her around like that. He hugged her tightly and laid there waiting for his invitation to cuddle. Jesper was loading up the movie and checking the captions and the volume.

“Hi, pretty, you look tired.” Jesper whispered, fluffing up Wylan’s curls with one hand as he put the movie on fullscreen.

“I’m not.” Wylan was a little tired, but he wanted to spend more time with Jesper. He and the ladybug crawled over when an arm was raised and Jesper’s chest looked mighty inviting.

Wylan laid down against Jesper’s side, resting his head on his chest right below his tattoed collarbone. The laptop was sitting on Jesper’s stomach, and Wylan draped his arm around Jesper behind it so he didn’t block the screen.

“Okay, movie’s starting, baby.” Jesper kissed Wylan on the temple, and then leaned over to kiss the ladybug. Wylan giggled happily, pressing his face right into the fuzzy material of the stuffed bug. He loved Jesper, he loved today, he loved the surprises, he loved the tenderness, he loved being able to be himself.

A couple minutes into the movie, Jesper’s hand began brushing up and down Wylan’s back. His eyes fluttered, he was too tired to even register he was being lulled to sleep on purpose.

“What time is it?” Wylan opened his eyes again a while later, staring at the screen to see they were already floating in the sky.

“I thought you liked Up, you liar.” Jesper was poking fun at his boyfriend who snoozed and snored on his chest after insisting he wasn’t sleepy.

“I like Up.” Wylan said firmly, eyebrows furrowing, he did like the movie, it was a good movie. His head was just so heavy and Jesper was so warm and he felt so safe with him.

He felt so safe. Wylan’s eyelids were impossible to keep open, he went as far as trying to lift his head but it all but slammed back down onto Jesper. His lover laughed in surprise, kissing Wylan’s sleepy head and reassuring him it was a joke and he could sleep as long as he wanted.

“Goodnight, Wylan, I had the best date ever, and I love you so much.” Jesper whispered under his breath, watching Wylan’s face flush red in real time. He was thinking about the date again, his dream date, his boyfriend surprising him with something he wanted so badly but wouldn’t dare ask for.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” Wylan began to say, voice quiet and warbly and losing strength multiple times. Jesper laughed at him, of course he did, that gorgeous honeyed laugh that made Wylan want to climb inside his chest where it came from. That pure, vivid, hot-to-the-touch joy that Wylan chased. It lived inside of Jesper, beautiful and golden and magnificent.

“Baby?” Jesper was waiting for a goodnight, maybe a comment about the date, but the ladybug rolled down him instead. Wylan had completely passed out, mid profession of love, and let go of his stuffed animal in the meantime. “I’ve got you.” He laughed to himself, hugging the ladybug to the other side of his chest.

It was one of the hottest days of the year and Jesper had managed to give Wylan something he’d always wanted. Jesper would always go the extra mile, to him it didn’t even feel like much, it wouldn’t to a guy at college on a track scholarship.

If Wylan wanted to visit a wildlife sanctuary that was appointment only, Jesper would get him that appointment. If that sanctuary offered hours that were quiet so Wylan could focus and enjoy himself, Jesper would schedule them in for quiet hours. If Wylan wanted the moon, then Jesper would start figuring out how he’d get there.

Wylan did so much for Jesper, made all the noisy discordant fuzz that lived in his brain just melt away. He centered him, grounded him, gave him something to look forward to. Jesper wasn’t so lost anymore, he had a purpose, he had a future, he wasn’t disappointing anybody anymore.

Before Jesper could think about it too hard, Wylan’s nose chose now to whistle, and he almost choked on his laughter. He wished he recorded it, it was perfect blackmail material. As if Wylan wouldn’t just do what Jesper wanted because Jesper wanted him of all people.

The movie went on, Jesper held Wylan and the ladybug dutifully, watching all by himself even if he never was alone anymore. He thought about where he might take Wylan next, what they might do on their third anniversary.

Jesper didn’t want to cry when Wylan was asleep, he liked when Wylan kissed it all away and held him and told him nice things. But he couldn’t really help it. He managed to keep it contained, three years with the love of his life was big. After three would come four and then five.

His stomach started to hurt, he was so excited, he was in so much disbelief, he was dreaming. Jesper lightly pinched himself, and Wylan was still snoring on his chest and the ladybug was still perpetually smiling at him.

This was real life, and Wylan was his forever, and he had no complaints. He could watch his favourite movies listening to his boyfriend rest peacefully beside him for the rest of his life. One day he’d be his husband, and he’d get to listen to his husband snort and whistle.

Jesper grinned, all by himself, Wylan under one arm, his stuffed ladybug from their dream date under the other. This was the dream, no matter how Jesper looked at it, this was the life he’d wanted all along. Relaxed and understood and loved.

In their shared bedroom in their shared apartment, Jesper felt loved, and Wylan knew he was loved enough that he could drool in his sleep if he really wanted to.

Unconditional love lived in a college apartment, curled under light blankets and warm, protective arms.