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Estella was good at hiding.
She used to be good at climbing and flying, too, back when she could shift into any shape. She had learned how to get away from the boys and their daemons a long time ago. But then, she settled into this form, and now she was stuck running in the grass, a prime target for the hunt.
“There goes dinner!” the boys would yell gleefully as their big, proud daemons chased them through the fields, barking as they nipped at her feet, her heart pounding as she ran as fast as he possibly could.
“Bunny Bonnet,” Chauncey would jeer, throwing rocks at the boat he had tied Stede onto until they were finally far enough away to avoid the blows.
“Pathetic,” Father would say, glaring daggers into her thin, vulnerable fur as Stede tried to sneak her inside after a long, painful day.
“Change back,” Stede said tonight, crossing his arms, his normally soft and kind face sharp in the moonlight. “Change into… I don’t know, a whale, or a seagull — anything but a stupid bunny!”
Stella’s ears flinched, then lay flat on her back. He never used to yell at her like this when Mother was alive. Father always had, of course, and his demon has growled at her since before she can remember. But not Stede.
“I can’t,” Estella said quietly, her voice thick with shame, “I tried.”
“I know you’re lying,” Stede insisted, his watery eyes undermining the fury he was trying too hard to replicate from their Father, “and you’ll stay outside in the cold until you settle into something better!”
Stede didn’t slam the door – he knew he would get in trouble if he did – but it closed on Stella’s face anyway, cutting her off from what little light and warmth there was in their home. A few minutes passed and Stede didn’t come back, so she hid in the grass as the night got darker. She curled up against herself to get warm, but a sharp pain in her tummy grew worse the longer Stede stayed away from her. She sniffled to herself; pathetic. Estella knew why Stede was mad at her, but she didn’t know how to fix it. She didn’t know how to fix herself, and that was all her fault.
Suddenly, hands lifted her into the air, and something warm and wet pressed against her fur. It took a moment to realize that it was Stede’s tear-stained face.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her side, his voice high and cracked. “I’m sorry, Stella, I’m sorry, I won’t leave you, not ever again—”
His sadness and regret echoed through their bond and Estella’s entire body, and she dug her nose against Stede’s neck, desperate to ease the horrible feelings for them both.
“You’re not getting rid of me, right?” Estella whispered as Stede’s sobs tapered off.
“Never,” Stede swore.
“It’s still you and me?”
“You and me,” Stede promised, holding his daemon so tight that it hurt. “Even if there’s no one else, there will always be you and me.”
As the two of them grew into what their Father and society expected of them, Estella realized that she wouldn’t get any better at belonging, and that Stede wouldn’t, either. They tried for a while, but strangers would look at her and make their minds up about Stede very quickly. Words like ridiculous and embarrassing and undignified passed within whispers, but Estella had excellent ears and could hear every one of them. So she tried to be good for Stede to make up for it, tried to be proper and quiet and “never seen” – their Father’s words – but strangeness always seemed to spill out of her, no matter what she did.
When Stella unintentionally thumped her foot or hopped in public, the daemons and their humans of high society would look at her like she had two heads. When she scurried around the children’s daemons while playing pirates, pretending to be anything other than a rabbit, Mary and her lizard daemon, Robert, always stared at her and Stede with such blatant disappointment. When Stede clutched her at night instead of Mary, she told herself that this was just married life, and it was fine. Everything was fine.
But then, an idea sparked between the two of them, completely unsaid, but powerful just the same. From that one shared thought, it all moved quickly: selling the acres of land, commissioning a ship, finding a crew. Running away in the middle of the night, tucked in Stede’s arms with a model ship at her side, felt equally dangerous and exciting. But when the sun rose over the horizon from the bow of the Revenge, Estella felt like she could breathe for the first time in her entire existence.
And then: Blackbeard and his daemon, who despite what rumors might say, very much existed. And thank God for that, because Estella had never seen a daemon as lovely as the snake coiled in front of her when she awoke, her scales shimmering a dark violet against the sun setting outside the window.
“Oh, aren’t you a beauty?” The words slipped out unexpectedly since Stede’s fever just barely breaking, but she didn’t take them back. Ever since that moment, all she wanted was to be near the other daemon. She waited for Charlotte to look at her like she was strange, or annoying, or a bother, and she never did. And after a while, Estella stopped worrying about being too loud or moving around too much when she was around Charlotte. She stopped worrying at all. With Lottie by her side, she could just – be.
“It’s like breathing,” Mary told Stede later, as everything slotted together in his mind for the first time. Finally, Stede understood why Estella had refused to speak to him ever since they ran away from Ed and Lottie, why she had frantically scratched into his skin when Stede walked in the wrong direction on the beach that night. Finally, finally, Stede understood.
Estella knew she was partially to blame, of course. She had known how she felt about Charlotte for a while by then, but she hadn’t told Stede, expecting him to reach the same conclusion about Ed much sooner than he had.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Stede insisted when she confessed.
“I was afraid,” Estella said truthfully, “and so were you.”
It wasn’t an accusation; Stella had grown tired of fighting by then. She knew that Stede knew it, too. For the first time in a long time, they were on the same page.
“Not anymore,” Stede said proudly, before scooping the rabbit up into his arms.
“We’re getting them back?” Estella asked, delight peaking into her voice, especially since she already knew the answer.
“We’re getting them back,” Stede confirmed and pulled her tight against his chest. For the first time since that horrible night in the jungle, Estella laughed, invigorated and excited and hopeful.
Wait for me Lottie, Estella thought, the words jingling like bells in her mind, I’m coming back. We’re coming back.
Estella was deeply asleep, but she knew that she was close to something scratchy, but warm and safe. As consciousness pricked at the edges of her peace, Stella groaned, then burrowed closer towards the familiar warmth. But then, the warmth started to vibrate, and something that sounded like a dying animal reached her ears.
“Smmmgh..”
“Huh?” Estella croaked, voice dry from sleep.
A hand lifted her from her nice, warm spot, and she twitched her nose in protest.
“Starshine,” Ed grunted, sounding exasperated and fond in equal measure. “Can’t fuckin’ breathe, love.”
“Oh!” Instantly, Estella was wide awake – she had done it again. She fell asleep on Ed’s chest and burrowed herself under Ed’s chin in her sleep, almost smothering him without realizing it.
“Sorry, Ed, sorry,” Stella scurried out of Ed’s hold, embarrassed as always, but Ed’s calloused, gentle hands pulled her back toward his chest before she could get too far.
“Never said to leave,” Ed protested, his voice rough with sleep. Estella still wasn’t quite used to this, being blatantly wanted. But she settled, then laid her head down on her favorite spot: right below the inked raven, where the curve of his chest dipped inward, right towards Ed’s heart. A warmth washed over her as soon as Ed started to card her figures through her fur.
“Sorry,” Stede repeated blearily beside them, and Estella looked over to see that his eyes were not quite open yet, even though she already knew they wouldn’t. The relaxation she felt in Ed’s arms was practically radiating off of Stede now, his limbs loose and splayed all over.
“Shut up,” Lottie said sleepily, coiled on Stede’s stomach. Estella could feel the tip of Charlotte’s smooth tail threaded through Stede’s fingers, could feel the weight of the beautiful snake on his stomach as he breathed in and out. She felt everything Stede felt, and it was so easy.
Ever since Ed and Stede had started touching each other’s daemons, they had all gotten tangled up, the four of them, and it was the best thing in the world. Estella didn’t know if this quiet contentment in her heart came from being cradled in Ed’s hands, or from Stede smoothing his palms against Lottie’s scales. She didn’t care, as long as she got to keep it.
“We should get up,” Ed rumbled, the vibrations in his chest pleasantly tickling Estella’s stomach. “The roof ‘n shit.”
“Ah, yes,” Stede agrees, rolling to his side and taking Charlotte with him, her black head peaking out from between Stede’s arms. “The roof.”
Neither of them moved for a while after that. Then, as comfortable as Estella was, she eventually slid out of Ed’s hold and climbed over Stede’s side, nudging the middle of Lottie’s body off of Stede.
“Let go of Charlotte, Stede,” Estella insisted, thumping her foot once, far too lethargic to be effective in making her point. “It’s my turn.”
“Alright, alright,” Stede grumbled, relinquishing his hold, and Charlotte immediately wrapped Estella up into a wonderful serpentine bundle. Estella recognized, vaguely, that Charlotte could kill her like this if she wanted to. Estella knew that she never would. There was only one place safer than against Ed’s chest, and that was wrapped in Charlotte’s long, lithe body. It was perfect. It was home.
Estella knew without looking that Stede would be similarly wrapped up in Ed’s arms, just as lovesick and content. Yes, there was work to do at the inn, and something would inevitably go wrong during the day – if there was one thing consistent about this place, it was its problems – and they might bicker about it, but they would never shout. Neither of them wanted shouting in their home anymore. And most importantly, at the end of the day, they would make it right before falling into bed next to each other.
Sometimes it was messy, sometimes it hurt, but that was okay. They were a team, the four of them. And they would figure this out.
“What are you thinking about?” Lottie murmured, her head pressed side-by-side against Estella’s in their beautiful cocoon.
“Us,” Estella said truthfully, rubbing her nose against Lottie’s scales. Everything was soft, everything was warm, and from across the bed, she could feel Stede smile.