Archive of Our Own ^beta

FOREWORD

This is the fifth entry in a series of stories meant to crossover several Nicktoons into a shared universe, and will make a few references to the prior stories. For full context of the references and to fully grasp the shared universe that these stories share, you are recommended to read the prior stories 'Hey Arnold! The Football Head Returns', 'Danny Phantom: End of Days', 'Rocket Power: Zero Gravity', and 'ChalkZone: Quest for the Golden Chalk' to chronologically follow the story.

Be noted that, as 'The Loud House' is still an ongoing series, this story is intended to chronologically follow after Season 3, ignoring all seasons after, 'The Loud House Movie' and 'The Casagrandes', none of which I have watched. This is in an alternate continuity from the main series.

Although this story is part of a bigger series that is meant to be taken seriously, this one is meant as a work of satire, as I try my best to keep each story different. Not only will this story satirize the superhero genre and comic books, but also the following aspects:

-The show itself and animation in general,

-Fans of the show and fans of animation in general,

-Writers and readers of fanfiction,

-4th wall breaking abilities with characters,

-The 'fringe' fans who incestuously ship Lincoln with his sisters,

-Pornographic/hentai/Rule 34 art,

-You, the reader, as you read this story,

-And me, DevilBoy216, who will place myself, the writer, as a character who interacts with Lincoln (via his 4th wall breaks, aware that I am controlling the story). This is a fictionalized version of myself meant to make me look like an idiot/asshole and insult both the characters and you, the reader, as the story progresses. Remember, it's a ficitionalized version of me, not actually me and what I think, and they're all just jokes.

If that was too long an explanation for your puny human mind to understand, here's one you'll understand better:

This story was written by an Autistic Florida man who consumes anywhere from 200-400 milligrams of caffeine a day. You have been warned.

With that out of the way, enjoy the ride.

-

PROLOGUE

Childbirth is a miracle.

This is a saying that has been repeated time and time again by the human race, promoting families and the prospect of bringing children into the world for the future.

There are some that dismiss this notion, mainly men and women more interested in their own personal lives, sometimes the occasional antinatalist who despises children and all association with them, and all dismissing the notion as an old wives' tale or an empty platitude created by capitalists seeking out future customers or employees.

For the married couple known as Lynn and Rita Loud, these notions could not be further from their own philosophy, having went through at least 6 so far now. Always having a desire for children before either had even met one another, their love and marriage making the arrival of children all but inevitable.

Their desire for children, however, might have proved to be a slight too zealous, resulting in a total of 6 children to this day, with a 7th and perhaps more on the way. Their love and desire for a family showed itself to be a strong factor than they had anticipated, as well as their Abstinence-Only sex education as children.

But probably most likely the Abstinence-Only sex education.

On this snowy Christmas Eve night in Royal Woods, Michigan, the family finds itself working through another holiday together, the family living up to its name of 'Loud'. With half a dozen young children on Christmas Eve, this night may be holy, but it is nowhere near silent. Just ask Bud Grouse down the street, he's never slept once since the Louds moved in.

The 6-year old Lori, the firstborn of the group, texts a boy named Bobby Santiago on a flip-phone; the two vicariously sharing their Christmas Eve nights with one another.

Baby Ronnie Anne just went to bed. You wouldn't believe how fussy she was to get to sleep. Just wait until she hits those teen years. Bobby texted.

"Bobby, that is literally the most adorable thing I have ever heard! My baby brother Lincoln's being pretty fussy right now, too. I bet the two are going to literally be best friends, or maybe even like us someday." Lori texted aloud.

Nobody could ever be like us, babe.

"Oh, nobody could ever be like us, Bobby Boo-Boo-Bear."

The 5-year old Leni, dropped on her head shortly after birth, occupied herself by dressing her feet in the Christmas stockings, unaware of their intended use.

"Mom, Dad, these socks are, like, totes adorable on me, but the socks match?" Leni asked.

"Leni, sweetie, we've been over this, the stockings go on the wall, not your feet." Rita said.

"But why would I nail my clothes on the wall? That would, like, totally ruin the fabric!"

The 3-year old Luan, a young girl learning how to speak not 2 years ago, has chosen to use her gift of language to annoy the ever-loving shit out her family members with bad puns. As evidence by this moment in time, she never rests from this newfound love of horrible attempts at comedy.

"Gee, I don't know, Leni, you've been talking about how you don't have a big enough wardrobe to put all your clothes. Mom and Dad's solution would really nail that problem! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it?" Luan asked.

None amused by the pun, the Louds in the vicinity let out a collected groan, annoyed by Luan's pun just as they always did. Lynn Sr., however, got amusement from the pun, giving out a hearty laugh, because not only is he always supportive of all of his children no matter what, but, like many fathers around the world, he has the absolute worst taste in humor brought about by a total lack of balls.

"Ha-ha! Good one, honey! That's Daddy's little comedian!" Lynn Sr. said.

Taking their attention to the living room, the remaining 3 children sit by the television set, flipping through the channels to find something of collected interest to watch. Accompanied by the 4-year old Luna was the youngest child and newest arrival to the family: Lincoln Loud.

After a streak of 5 girls, the addition of one boy was a welcome arrival, especially to Lynn Sr., growing impatient having a child of his own gender to relate to.

While the other sisters have found their niches of texting, fashion, and comedy, Luna had not yet found hers, leaving her somewhat unsure of her own identity. As such, she finds herself relating to Lincoln the closest, as he, being a baby, did not have any real identity of his own just yet. Not having any particular preference towards the group's TV choice, sought to find something to entertain Lincoln.

After moving through channel after channel, moving through holiday movie reruns, shopping channels, and news stations, there is nothing that has yet caught the attention of little Lincoln Loud. Not having something to keep his attention, Lincoln began to grow restless, squirming around in Luna's lap.

Trying to calm her brother down, Luna gave Lincoln a few tosses in the air, bringing a few giggles out of him.

"There you go, little bro, we'll find you something to watch. Just have a little patience, and something'll-" Luna began to say.

In her attempts to calm the fussy Lincoln, Luna received a strike in the head from the adjacent sister: the 2-year old Lynn Loud, Jr.

When Lynn Loud Sr. grew patient for a boy, Lynn named the second-youngest child after himself, trying to place in her an interest in sports. With the rambunctious 2-year old striking her baseball bat in her sister's head, the second of the name of Lynn turns out to have this interest as intended.

Because writers for kids' shows have no idea how gender works, and they just make shit up as they go, because their target audience is stupid enough to buy it.

"Ha! Strike 1!" Lynn Jr. said.

Lynn once again struck Luna in the head, adding to her frustration.

"Strike 2!" Lynn Jr. said.

"Hey, knock it off, sis! You're gonna hit Lincoln if you do that!" Luna said.

"C'mon, I can knock a ball out of the park with my eyes closed, I'm not gonna hit Lincoln! Besides, he's a boy, he's supposed to like this kinda stuff."

"DAD! LYNN'S TRYING TO HIT ME WITH HER BAT AT THE COUCH!"

"LYNN JR.! NO HITTING YOUR SISTERS AT THE COUCH!" Lynn Sr. shouted.

"Fine, I'm gonna go practice batting outside." Lynn Jr. said.

"Lynn, It's frozen outside." Luna said.

"Fine, then I'll go play some ice hockey!"

Getting up from the couch to play some sports as promised, Luna was now without any disturbance, a rarity in this house, but not that rare for little Lincoln, thanks to his big sister's efforts. Now back to the TV, Luna changed the station again, stumbling across a cartoon.

While the Loud children loved their cartoons, their young minds seeking out zany and colorful images to spark back and forth across the screen, this cartoon was not like any other that they had normally watched. This cartoon was known as 'Ace Savvy: The Animated Series'.

Adapted from the comic books of the same name written by Bill Buck, this dark and faithful adaptation of the comics, produced by animators Tim Bruce and Dino Paul, was immensely popular by the children of this age; the adaptation starting in the early 1990s and continuing to this day.

As the theme song began with a dark orchestra setting the scene of Ace Savvy setting out in his city to defeat various criminals, Lincoln was instantly entranced by the images, happily babbling and clapping his hands. Taking note of his happy reaction to the show, Luna decided to keep the TV on its station, finally finding something to keep Lincoln happy.

"Oh, you like Ace Savvy, huh? Well, this guy's kind of cool. All the boys at school like this show." Luna said.

"And everybody my age loved the comics when they were first being made. Back then, they were all colorful and kind of silly, not too much like today. Though I have to admit the 'dark' style is kind of cool." Lynn Sr. said.

Stepping into the room, Lynn and Rita Loud sat in front of Lincoln, having in their hands something for the baby boy on this Christmas Eve.

"Lincoln, you might not understand us just yet, but, as this is your first Christmas, we wanted to give you one present early. This is from us to you." Rita said.

"From my personal collection as a kid. I never really read it, so I kept it wrapped up in plastic for years. But, now, with my first son in the home, it seemed only right that you should be able to open and read it." Lynn Sr. said.

Rita handed Lincoln a single comic book issue: Ace Savvy #1. Opening up the comic book to the baby boy, Lincoln was again entranced by the colorful and stylistic storytelling, instantly taking the comic and beginning to read through it. While not quite able to read full sentences yet, the art and poses conveyed the story to him quite well, telling him everything he needed to know that was happening.

"Hey, the little guy likes it!" Luna said.

"Ahh-ahh. Ahh-ahh." Lincoln said.

Trying to speak out the name of the character in his comic, only the small babble conveyed from him here were all that could be taken from the boy for now. Regardless, there was one thing on this Christmas Eve that was certain, and a fact that made the Loud family very happy:

Lincoln Loud loved his present, and his family could not be any happier.

With the baby boy receiving his very first gift, this was an action that set in course a series of events that would forever change both the life of the young Lincoln Loud and his family soon enough, and lead to a greater destiny for a boy that would grow to become a man and bring about greatness to the world as he found his own greatness within himself.

If you can't take that line seriously, then you don't need writing lessons.

CHAPTER 1: NO MORE HEROES, PART 1

"For just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people that are worse than me at everything, whole bunch of... functional idiots. I'm gonna go there and I'm gonna be their Superman."

-DevilBoy216 quoting Deadpool 2, before he discovered fanfiction websites

-

The invention of the comic book has a long and complicated history, one far too entangled in dispute and myth to have any sort of conclusion or consensus. Many point out that ancient methods of record-keeping like cave drawings and hieroglyphics were meant to be ancestors to the format of the comic book; a picture accompanied by dialogue to convey to the reader a story.

In late 1930s America, near the beginning of World War 2, the world of entertainment was forever changed by the addition of a new medium:

The comic book.

Sold at only a quarter per issue and holding a full 20 pages or more of a story within, the youth of America was in marvel as they witnessed a new means of entertainment to keep themselves occupied. With the backlash of parents protesting against stories of horror or monsters, the medium manly stuck to superhero stories, still stuck under strict guidelines in fear that the youth would surely face corruption.

Nonetheless, with visionary creators rising in the 1960s and still managing to work under said guidelines, the comic book had thrived quite well in America, still offering its stories of superheroes; tales of seemingly regular folk with abilities greater than his fellow man using it to help those same brothers and sisters in need, all in a quest to work for world peace.

As many found themselves caught up in the fantasy of comic books, the world was forever changed with the emergence of the first real-life superhero:

The Green Eye.

Hailing from the corrupt city of Hillwood and cleaning his city from any crime and evil, interest of superheroes in the comic book format began to dwindle as the fantasy they sought after became reality before them, dying out just as the Western in cinema or Disco in music.

Thus was born the Hillwood Effect.

While many sought after the reality of real-life superheroes, there were those who could not escape from their fantasy. Comic book fans, those who sought to find some escape from the troubles of the real world and seek some temporary shelter in a fantasy of power where justice reigns supreme, were devastated to see their favorite comic lines no longer in production.

No longer able to live out their old fantasies through the pages of their beloved comic books, these same men and women (mostly men, and mostly gross, sweaty, fat men who still lived with their parents, like you) began to seek out their own means of becoming superheroes themselves.

Through means such as science, the supernatural, technology, and other strange, desperate measures...

...many of these people got themselves killed like the bunch of idiots that they were. They won't be missed.

However, while many died by purely asinine and moronic means of obtaining superhuman abilities, there was always someone to take advantage of the rush and cash in to get their money's worth out of them, offering great but bizarre abnormal powers and abilities at a price.

Thanks to the great wonders of capitalism (pfft), companies, seeing the prospect of superheroes becoming mainstream and commonplace within real life, began to develop their own real-life superheroes, hoping to cash in on the trend that started with the unexpected success of the Green Eye and what great influence that he has taken on the collective consciousness.

Companies like Yahoo Soda, Good Burger, Nasty Burger, and other large companies began making their own superheroes, capitalizing on this new societal change, and many, hoping to be the next Green Eye, stepped up to take their shot at the title, gladly accepting the money that came with it to fund both their own personal lives and their crusades for justice.

With a wave of real-life superheroes coming into existence, the dreams and fantasy that were once confined to the pages of a comic book became reality itself; the fans finally finding their fantasy come to life, and the regular people finding new idols to look up to.

This new generation of superheroes, their powers proving to be more than effective in stopping crime, were set on the world to defend their cities and their fellow man from crime, working for a better tomorrow. This was truly a golden age for superheroes, and one to be remembered in history forever.

But much like the comic books that inspired the real-life heroes, along the way, something went wrong.

Just as Alexander the Great found that there were no more worlds to conquer in his own crusade, the superheroes found themselves without any more enemies to battle in their own lands. Although the surge in superheroes was great, the rise in supervillains to fight was little-to-nonexistent.

As such, the focus of heroes was focused on petty crime and minor offenders rather than any sort of world-endangering threat. Having superhuman abilities to aid them in their quests for justice, their jobs were done all too well; reducing the crime in their cities to a record of dead zero.

This spelled doom for the profits for American corporations; just like every other hair-brained scheme that was concocted by Wall Street and the big banks, the market was sent into a boom-bust cycle, making their short-term gains turn into long-term losses for everyone.

On top of not having any superheroes being needed for the purpose of defending the public just as they were made for, saturating the market, but what damage was done by the superheroes caused massive lawsuits and civil movements against the corporate superheroes, as many of their powers left them doing more damage than the petty crime they fought.

In search of adventure and greener pastures to grow their career as heroes, many superheroes attempted to relocate cities altogether, moving to strange and foreign lands outside their areas of familiarity, all in hopes that they would find the thrills and excitement that they had become junkies for.

Many of these superheroes were unable to do so, as they were owned by the corporations they joined to receive their powers, unable to take their powers or superhero identities with them. They were forced to surrender their powers and costumes, leaving others to take up their titles, for better or worse in the draw of who took over the names.

Those who were legally savvy enough to keep their costumes and powers managed to succeed in this exodus, to little to no success.

The Mole Miner, whose powers allowed him to dig tunnels underneath his enemies, moved from West Virginia to Illinois, where there are no mines.

The Corn Star, who derived his powers from corn, moved from Nebraska to Pennsylvania, where there is no corn.

The Lavender Panther, an openly gay superhero, moved from California to Alabama, where he was lynched by the people he swore to protect.

With many superheroes in the field and not enough supervillains or even much crime to fight, the public favorite moving from the current hero of the week to the next, in a never-ending shift of trending heroes on social media, each receiving a mere 15 minutes of fame that got shorter and shorter by the day.

Having a market oversaturated with superheroes and the desire for justice taking a backseat to making a profit, the corporate owners of the superheroes attempted to come up with new solutions to the problem of their dwindling bank accounts by introducing new gimmicks to the market in attempt to appeal to greater audiences.

First, they attempted to add sponsorships to their superheroes, adding various NASCAR-like patches across their uniforms, reducing them into super-billboards to promote commercial products. Many of these advertisements happened to come from scams such as 'get-rich-quick' ponzi schemes, Chinese shopping websites, self-help gurus, and Donald Trump.

When this proved ineffective, they introduced major crossovers between their characters. Pitting hero against hero without crime to fight, all having nothing but hammers without nails, infighting became commonplace among superheroes, resulting in more battles between supposed heroes rather than actual threats, not that there were many.

When this also proved ineffective, the corporations attempted to break them into more dramatic scenes with reality shows, podcasts, and major religions, attempting to show a more human side as a means of deconstructing the very concept of superheroes to make the public think deeper about them.

Once again, this change failed to fix the fundamental problem. In another misguided attempt to recapture the public, this time focusing on the youth, the corporations coalesced with the U.S. Justice Department to start a rehabilitation program for offending criminals to be gifted superhuman abilities and serve the public in return for reduced sentences.

The action was made in an attempt not only to try the deconstruction method once more, but also to try to appeal to the young by creating violent, edgier heroes for them to look up to. The corporations, seeking out the most desperate souls for their own purposes, began recruiting from prisons, mental institutions, and Florida.

As many saw coming, the rehabilitation program failed instantly, resulting in a surge of supervillains and super-powered criminals around the nation.

With many of criminal minds spreading government-owned technology off to the highest bidder and revolutionizing crime itself, the once-nonexistent problem of supervillains skyrocketed, resulting in several states across the country, even the most quiet and unpopulated of ones, falling victim to the new insurgence of supervillains.

Once again, more superheroes were created in an attempt to combat the problem, turning to the same solution that caused the problem itself. In an attempt to appeal to the youth once again, corporations tried their hands at appealing to minorities, academia, and whatever counter-culture movements they felt they could appeal to, shrouding their cynical marketing approach in diversity.

The resulting new heroes not only failed to appeal to the groups that they pandered to, but they also drove away their primary fan base in turn, in the end appealing to no one. Once again, the world was left all the worse because of corporate greed, and the little people are forced to suffer the consequences.

Now, with superheroes scattered and broken, still trying to pick up the pieces of their broken golden age, the country is in need of a hero, a true hero, once again. Many had thought that the spirit of heroism had died out long ago, never to return in the way it had once thrived.

These notions were not true.

Its seed merely laid dormant within the heart of a young boy named Lincoln Loud, planted on his very first Christmas Eve with his first present of an Ace Savvy comic book. Having collected the comic series ever since, no one else on this Earth has become quite as big a fan as young Lincoln Loud has, making him a true rare breed among the other youths of his age who have lost hope in the concept of superheroes.

Reaching up to the age of 12 years old, just at the edge of his childhood where his life would lead to his journey to adulthood, the time has come for the seed to sprout and blossom, marking his time to emerge as the hero that not only his home city needs, but the world needs.

So what, pray tell, is this hero-to-be doing now?

-

Here, in Royal Woods, Michigan, we are about to see.

Resting at the address of 1216 Franklin Avenue, there stands a two-story house occupying a grand total of 11 children, all a member of a family known as the Louds. With a large family packed tightly into such a house, never is there to be found a quiet moment; not for those within or any neighbors within a 10-mile radius.

For anyone within, obtaining any sort of moment of privacy or peace is a commodity worth its weight in gold. With walls thin enough to hear through and every turn of a corner occupied by a relative looking down on you for crossing their path, never can you have yourself a moment of quiet; not anywhere in the house, not even in your own room.

But for Lincoln Loud, there is a way to solve any problem, and a way to obtain anything. Currently the only person present in the house, Lincoln has found his way to obtain his moment's peace on this afternoon, planning the day out for himself to relax and enjoy.

After an idiotic plan that convinced his family that he was bad luck in order to obtain more personal time had failed, Lincoln managed to allot himself his own 'alone time', sitting alone in the living room in an empty house. Having no more interruptions, Lincoln sits at the couch alone, not another soul in the house but the pets; silently plotting his next affair.

By 'silently', of course, I mean that he just explains it all to you out loud for me, as he also possesses the ability unique among cartoon characters to break the 4th wall.

"In a family as big as mine, there's almost no way you can get yourself some 'you' time. I tried convincing my whole family I was bad luck, and they all got paranoid and threw me out of the house. My point got across, but it took a long time to get them to drop the whole belief that I was bad luck; I just got rid of that squirrel suit. Also, having your mom working at a dentist's office and your dad running his own restaurant makes it way easier to get the house all to yourself. But, now, I've finally got that alone time, where I can do whatever I want for..." Lincoln said.

Checking his watch, Lincoln confirmed the amount of time he had left before one of his family members arrived back home.

"...at least half an hour. With a big house all to yourself and no one to bother you for all that time, there's only one thing a boy my age wants to do when he's all alone." Lincoln said.

Reaching his hand down into his pants, Lincoln reached for something hard and firm within, aching and yearning to be let out and played with. With one hand on this desperate and waiting object by the shaft, his other hand undid the belt loop on his pants, allowing them to fall down around his legs and no longer restrict his access to the object of his pleasure.

Standing in the living room in his underwear, Lincoln held the remote to the stereo in his hand, having stashed it down his pants earlier to avoid anyone misplacing or hiding it. Now removing his shoes and shirt, the final step to his moment of fun was about to begin.

"Dance like there's no tomorrow!" Lincoln finished.

[Soundtrack Cue: Scissor Sisters - Any Which Way]

Pressing the 'play' button on the stereo, Lincoln set his selected track to begin, playing his pre-selected song to enjoy his personal time. More importantly, turning the stereo volume up to its maximum setting, he was free to enjoy it as loudly as he wanted, living up to his surname.

Listening to the track play at blaring volumes, the entire house began to shake and rattle under the audio assault being let loose on its walls. The Loud House was not well maintained, possessing various sorts of holes and other signs of deterioration, making it susceptible to damage very easily.

Right now, however, that is no concern of Lincoln's.

Moving his body all across the house, shaking his rear end across the hallways without any sort of care or worry about anything else is all he cares to do. Having all the energy in the world and only a feeble 12-year old body to exert it all out, there was much to be done to let out the excitement from his moment alone.

"You see, I had to stash the remote in my pants in order to keep my sisters from getting their hands on it. They're always trying to hide it all over the place, thinking nobody else'll find it. Lori hides it under the dresser, Lynn hides it under her dirty laundry, Lana hides it in the toilet, and, after we got a new remote, Leni tried to hide it on the table. But, out of all the areas they could've thought to put it, none thought to hide it in their clothes. After all, in a house full of girls, who'd be so desperate for the remote that they'd stick their hand down my underwear?" Lincoln asked.

Moving his fun to the kitchen for a snack, Lincoln made a power slide to the refrigerator, grabbing a peanut butter and sauerkraut sandwich and taking a large bite.

Where any sensible chef or anyone who's ever had any food in their lives would instinctively retch at the very mention of such a concoction of culinary contents, feeling Anthony Bourdain roll in his grave, this was the favorite food of Lincoln Loud, eaten by him ever since he could consume solid foods.

"When you're throwing party all to yourself, there's nothing that makes it better than some of your favorite food. That's why I always keep my peanut butter and sauerkraut sandwiches pre-made in the fridge for times like this. I have them reserved right here in my designated spot in the fridge, where nobody'll steal it. Not that anybody would, because nobody can take the sheer deliciousness that is a peanut butter and sauerkraut sandwich." Lincoln said.

Taking another bite of his abomination of a sandwich, Lincoln moved his one-man party back up the stairs, seeking to snoop in his other sisters' rooms to seek out what other kind of fun he could have. Beginning his journey to the second floor of the house, Lincoln ran back to his room, gathering up his Ace Savvy mask, Lincoln strapped the harlequin mask on his face.

"Now, what I'm about to do is very top secret, perhaps even one of the deadliest things that I've ever done. With nobody else left in the house, I'm going to snoop in my sister's rooms and see what they've all been up to." Lincoln said.

Starting with the room to the left of his own, Lincoln entered the bedroom belonging to the two youngest of his siblings: Lily and Lisa Loud; the baby and the child prodigy. Looking among the various volatile chemicals and scientific components that Lisa was working on, Lincoln sought out to add to his attire, wanting to make it more eccentric.

Taking a pair of protective gloves hanging off a beaker, Lincoln had found his newest addition to his outfit. With his outfit having the addition he sought, Lincoln gave a spin in the air, letting out another burst of prepubescent energy. Unfortunately, this move had knocked over a set of chemicals from the beakers housing them, burning a hole in the floor and leaving Lincoln grown slightly nervous from the sight.

"Oh, well. Lisa does that all the time, anyway. That's how we have the TP-reload hole in the bathroom." Lincoln said.

Moving on to the adjacent room, Lincoln walked into the domicile of the twin sisters Lola and Lana Loud; the pageant princess and the dirty tomboy. Looking through the belongings of his twin siblings, Lincoln picked out a hat from Lana's belongings and a tiara from Lola's belongings, setting the tiara on top of the hat.

"For that time when you're not sure if you're feeling like a princess or a pit stop crew member. Get you a man who can do both." Lincoln said.

Progressing to the next room over, Lincoln entered the sleeping grounds of Lynn and Lucy Loud; the sports fanatic and the goth girl. Here, Lincoln selected himself a pair of rollerskates from Lynn's closet, and a set of fake vampire teeth from Lucy's items, adding onto the smorgasbord of random dressing items.

"When you're a member of the undead, but you still value your health and outside time." Lincoln said.

Skating down to the next room over, Lincoln moved to the room of Lucy and Luan; the rock star and the comedian. After sifting through a set of ill-placed traps like joy buzzers, springs, and diarrhea-ridden rabbits, Lincoln picked out a red clown nose from Luan's items. With a pair of spiked bracelets added to his wrists, it was time for Lincoln to move onto the final room:

The room of Lori and Leni; the ill-tempered young adult hooked to her phone and the mentally challenged secondborn of the family, respectively.

"Usually, there's a pretty aggressive security system on this room, thanks to Lori's insistence of no one else entering her room, but, since she's graduating very soon, the security measures were taken out for when she goes to live on campus at college with Bobby. Which means..." Lincoln started.

Opening the door to the eldest sisters' room, Lincoln Loud found himself able to step in and snoop around for the first time in his life without being booted out in seconds.

"...access granted." Lincoln said.

Stepping inside the room of his older sisters, soon to be the room of only one, Lincoln entered the bedroom of Lori and Leni. Seeking out more props for his makeshift costume, Lincoln took to Leni's drawer first. From her clothing articles, Lincoln selected a pair of sunglasses, one out of many similar ones in her collection.

For the last of his sisters, Lori Loud, Lincoln reached into her dresser in hopes of finding another item for his costume, only to find something else. Not only did this item not resemble any kind of clothing accessory, but it also did not resemble anything else that Lincoln had seen before.

[Soundtrack Cue End]

And, if you'll excuse the cliche of the music stopping at the joke, this strange object held a shape of a cylinder, with a rounded end at one end and a flat end at the other; all colored a bright pink. On the side was an on/off button, which Lincoln pressed in curiosity.

Flipping the object on, it began to shake and vibrate in Lincoln's hands, leading him to jump back as it vibrated, feeling it shake in his hands. His innocent mind had no understanding of what the strange object was nor its intended purpose, but the way it felt in his hands made him feel as though it held some secret power, looking on it with wonder and curiosity, as if he had pulled Excalibur out of the rock.

Yes, it's a dildo, and I know you know it's a dildo, but I am at least trying to be creative and subtle about it. Would it really have been as funny if I just said that?

"I have no idea what this is supposed to be. It kind of looks like a lightsaber, feels like one, too, but there's no blade." Lincoln said.

Using his imagination to fill in the gaps, Lincoln swished the vibrating object in the air, pretending to swing around a laser-powered blade to fuel his crusade for fun. After giving a few swishes of the object, however, Lincoln noticed a strange aroma coming from it.

Leaning in to smell the fumes, Lincoln placed this strange smell as belonging to some kind of fish, perhaps tuna.

"Ugh, fish. I guess Lana and her animals were playing with it, too. Too bad she didn't wash it after, not that she ever washes anything of hers. Oh, well." Lincoln said.

Now having his costume complete with all his props, Lincoln made his way back downstairs, immersing in his own fantasy to live out as some sort of adventurer fighting against a worldwide threat plotting to destroy the Earth. Picturing himself as his favorite superhero, Ace Savvy, Lincoln Loud held out his imaginary sword to slay his imaginary threat.

While his actions were seen as ridiculous and childish to anyone watching in reality, the only reality for Lincoln Loud is his adventure as Ace Savvy. With his childlike imagination fueling his fantasy, this simple moment of fun is a day of legend for the boy, living out his greatest dreams.

"In the heart of Fortress of Solitaire, there rests a man known as John Paul Basin, known to Spade Nifty as the Follow Suit. Spade Nifty was once known to the world as Ace Savvy, but this identity was stolen by the Follow Suit; taking both his title and his home as his own. Now, taking the magical Sword of Azrael, the most valued weapon of the Follow Suit, Spade Nifty returns to his home to reclaim his title. The Follow Suit, dressed in the garb of Ace Savvy, eagerly awaits Spade Nifty to make his move." Lincoln narrated.

"Spade Nifty. I thought I drove you out of this city long ago." Lincoln said as Follow Suit.

"You can never drive me from this city. This is my home, and I have sworn to protect it from anyone who seeks to destroy it." Lincoln said as Spade Nifty.

"That was back when you were known as Ace Savvy. As you can tell by my attire, I now hold that title, and it now falls on my shoulders to defend this city, from any enemy."

"You are no hero, John Paul. You take human life, where I have sworn to take none. You are no better than the villains that I have fought."

"Then why have you dressed yourself in my old garb as the Follow Suit? Do you wish to learn my old ways, become what I left behind in a desperate attempt to seek some sort of significance in your life again?"

"No, John Paul. I came to reclaim my life and my honor back from you, by any means necessary. If I must take your attire and adopt your past title to do it, then so be it. I, Spade Nifty, will never leave my city or my ways behind, but I will be leaving you in jail as soon as I take that costume off your back."

"You shall never take my costume from me, Spade Nifty! I have taken the title now, and it belongs to me forevermore! This is who I am!"

Swinging the toy in the air, Lincoln continued out his childish fantasy, pretending himself to be locked in a swordfight with the fictional character. Where no sounds were heard other than the vibration of the toy, Lincoln substituted the noise of the fantastical swordplay with his own sound effects.

Along with, of course, his own narration as if his life were a comic book.

"And so the hero and his former student were locked in great battle, John Paul attempting to take the life of Spade Nifty, and Spade Nifty attempting to stay true to his moral code and defeat John Paul the right way. Great is their battle and great is their conflict, both trying to see who will reign supreme over the other, and take the mantle of Ace Savvy. For who can take the mantle and keep it will also reign as the crusader of all crime, forever swearing himself as the one who will stand tall against the forces of evil and one day bring peace to Earth-" Lincoln began to narrate.

"LINCOLN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" A voice shouted.

Snapping out of the fantasy he had immersed himself in by the sharp and shrill scream, Lincoln had returned his attention from his fantasy as Ace Savvy back to the reality of the house's living room. Where he was previously under the impression that he would be alone for a good number of minutes, Lincoln quickly found that he was no longer alone, and his would-be fantasy of action and adventure had itself an audience.

Standing in the living room were the entire Loud family, just entering the house from the front door. Having the entire house to himself, Lincoln had allowed himself to enact his craziest fantasy and strangest antics out; actions that he would not dare do in the view of others, much less his own family.

Now, that privacy has been violated, and his actions have been on display for his parents and sister to see, all to his embarrassment.

"Uh... Hey, guys... What are you guys doing back so early?" Lincoln asked.

"It's Independence Day. Everything's closed early, including the restaurant, Dr. Feinstein's office, and all the girls' activities. What are you doing?" Rita asked.

"Me? Nothing, why do you ask?"

"Because you're wearing one of my tiaras." Lola said.

"And one of my hats." Lana said.

"And my rollerskates." Lynn said.

"And my pershonal protective equipment." Lisa said.

"And my fake vampire teeth." Lucy said.

"And a pair of my spiked bracelets." Luna said.

"And one of my clown noses." Luan said.

"And my sunglasses, like, how'd you get them off me when I was out?" Leni asked.

"Leni, you literally have several pairs of the same sunglasses." Lori said.

"Oh, right. I always forget because they all look the same. I just kept buying them because I thought I kept losing them."

While the bizarre and mismatched appearance of Lincoln's attire was off-putting enough to the group, the watchful eye of Rita Loud took notice of the still-vibrating object in Lincoln's hand, instantly recognizing what this item was, just as much of the older sisters had recognized as well.

Not aware of how her son obtained such an item, Rita immediately inquired her son as to how he obtained said item.

"Lincoln, what is that in your hand?" Rita asked.

"This? Oh, I think it's a lightsaber, but there's no blade on it. I think it's broken or something." Lincoln said.

"And where did you find that?"

"In Lori's room."

Seeing her brother with her private toy from her dresser, Lori's face instantly lit up bright red, embarrassed that her family now knew of the secret item she possessed.

Where the younger children, none aware of what this item was, gave confused looks and stares, the older sisters, except the absent-minded Leni, recognized this item and its purpose well, all giving smug looks towards Lori and chuckled over her embarrassing habit.

"Well, well, sis, looks like you've been holding your own, huh?" Luna asked.

"I bet you have some good vibes during your alone time. HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it?" Luan said.

"Oh, like, I was totes wondering what that thing was! I didn't know you liked playing with lightsabers, Lori! I always liked being Princess Leia. You wanna play Star Wars with me sometimes, too?" Leni asked.

Despite the younger children having no idea what the toy was, Lana caught note of something that is not associated with a children's toy, giving her insight to something being wrong. Despite surrounding herself with stink and filth constantly, she caught wind of a certain smell in the room that clearly did not belong.

"Hey, does anybody else smell fish? It kinda smells like tuna." Lana asked.

"That'd be me, folks, I cooked ourselves tonight's dinner before I left Lynn's Table. Tonight, it's fish fry, just like I used to do every Friday. Now, who's gonna help me get all this-" Lynn Sr. began to say.

Upon entering the house, Lynn Sr. joined the group in staring down Lincoln Loud in his most embarrassing moment, confused as to what his son could have been doing in their absence. Surprised and shocked by the unusual sight standing before him, Lynn Sr. nearly dropped his food, just barely ruining dinner for the group.

"Whoa, uh... Am I interrupting something important?" Lynn Sr. asked.

While Lori received her mocking and embarrassment from her siblings, she did her best to push aside all sense of mockery and ridicule to give a scowling face towards the brother who placed her in this situation; letting loose on him a stare with the wrath of an angry god ready to smite any heretic.

Lincoln, not realizing the trouble he was in, returned a face of confusion and innocence, not aware of the damage he had caused.

"Lincoln Loud. I am going to kill you." Lori growled.

"Crap. I guess that's what I get for messing with my sisters' stuff. Hey, before you kill me, can you tell me why you took Bobby's lightsaber?" Lincoln asked.

"...What?"

"This is his name on it, right? Is he letting you borrow it or something? Because he never shared his toys with me, I wish I'd known he had-"

Before Lincoln could name his last request, however, Lori pounced him and began choking him on the floor, attempting to commit fratricide on the individual who violated her privacy and exposed her secret to the rest of the family. The rest of the family, of course, was quick to try to stop the fight, but their efforts were far too little against the wrath of an angry young blonde woman.

Well, perhaps the seed of the superhero spirit has yet to be nurtured, but it undoubtedly lives within the heart of Lincoln Loud. After he receives a wrathful beating from his older sister and faces ridicule among the rest for a good number of years to follow, Lincoln will undoubtedly set himself on his way to greatness soon enough.

...Okay, a long way from greatness.

Nonetheless, our faithful young Lincoln Loud will find his way soon, and a new hero will arise to face the many evils to come. The adventures to come for our young hero will be challenging ones, no doubt, but these challenges will serve to give the young boy the drive he needs to rise to the call for heroism and fulfill his destiny.

...

Oh, you're still here?

Shit, I didn't think anybody would want to read anymore after that.

Well, okay, I guess I'll keep writing. But you must be really bored or have absolutely horrid taste to want more of this. You're lucky I have nothing better to do.

CHAPTER 2: NO MORE HEROES, PART 2

This is a fanfiction of the Nickelodeon show 'The Loud House'. I do not own the show or any of the characters. All rights belong to Nickelodeon, Chris Savino, or their respective copyright holders. This was made solely without profit and done within the confines of the law.

...

Not that you would assume some random fanfiction writer schmuck on the internet would actually hold the rights to a cartoon owned by a multi-million dollar corporation.

I mean, no shit, I don't own it. This is FANFICTION. A place where 14 year old girls (and grown women who are 14 years old at heart) want to write porn of their favorite anime and young adult fiction characters having hardcore gay sex. Yeah, sure, major companies actually waste their time looking on websites like these.

At least, that's my understanding of what the majority of fanfiction is. I haven't read any of it, and I don't want to read it. Sorry, I don't want to see your favorite anime villain get a rimjob from your fake anime character you paid someone to make for you on DeviantArt.

And I especially hate how they get pissy when you just call them porn writers, as if there's something even wrong or undignified about porn in the first place. Then, they throw around a bunch of insular and pseudo-intellectual words that make them sound more sophisticated than they really are, but they just end up sounding like a bunch of weirdos. It's all a big circle-jerk of people who can't get enough of themselves.

But why the hell is most of fanfiction porn, anyway? I mean, seriously. You have the ability to write literally anything you want and finish your favorite series the way you want. You could be the next Alan Moore if you wanted, and you choose to be a generic, grocery-store romance novelist. Yeah, Alan Moore wrote porn with 'Lost Girls', but he made lots of other great work as well, what's your excuse?

Well, besides the fact that you don't have the talent to pull it off. Steve Gerber you are not.

Hey, quit getting pissed, and hold your fire before you go all Karen and write some angry comment. I told you in the beginning that this was a comedy, and I was gonna make fun of a lot of different stuff, and I warned you I was gonna be an asshole. I, the writer, am playing a character in the story that you're supposed to get mad at and hate.  That's the point of this story.

What you're reading now? Not an author's note. This is me, the character of the writer, breaking the 4th wall and talking to you.

Now, how's that for sophisticated, 4th-wall breaking storytelling? Grant Morrison, eat your heart out.

Anyway, you probably want to just skip the stupid obligatory disclaimer that people feel the need to write and get to the main story, as if the people I'm disclaiming against even give a shit about this website. Well, go ahead and read. It's right there. No one's stopping you but you.

Enjoy.

...

Loser.

-

Lori Marie Loud is the firstborn of the Loud family; the beginning of a long line of children to come in the many that Lynn Sr. and Rita were fortunate enough to have.

For 18 long years, she has been the solid ground for which her siblings have stood on; enforcing order every Saturday night, giving rides to the others wherever they need to go in exchange for chores, and being a source of guidance to her siblings when she is needed.

Being the eldest of the family, Lori Loud is entrusted with the task of getting the family up for school. Where she is quite used to this duty and has made a good habit of getting her siblings ready for school each day, this will be the last day that she will have to handle this task, for today is no ordinary school day for her.

After over a decade of hard work, starting from kindergarten all the way to 12th grade, Lori Loud has finally reached the day of her graduation. Getting up especially early for her graduation, Lori was already 10 steps ahead of the others; already dressed in her graduation robe and hat and awakened at the time of 5:00 AM, a full hour and a half before the allotted leaving time.

The other Loud children, however, were not so eager to ready themselves as she was.

"GUYS! YOU HAD LITERALLY ALL GET READY THIS INSTANT! IT'S MY GRADUATION DAY, AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET ANY ONE OF YOU MISS MY BIG DAY!" Lori shouted.

The Loud children, rudely awakened from their beds, all crawled out to the central hallway; still groggy from their interrupted sleep. Lola, the one most obsessed with maintaining her sleep schedule, was among first to protest against the premature awakening.

"Lori! Some of us are trying to get our beauty sleep. Have a little consideration for other people." Lola said.

"I musht shide with Lola'sh poshition. I, too, wish to obtain a shufficient amount of R.E.M. shleep, and you awakening ush at shuch an early hour will not reshult in you getting to your facility of higher education any fashter." Lisa added.

"I have literally been waiting for this day ever since I met Bobby. We are going to move in together at Royal Woods University, and we are going to have the best time of our lives! Now, get your butts to getting ready or I will literally turn you all into human pretzels!" Lori shouted.

"Lori, this may come as a shuprishe to you, but it ish not schintifically posshible to alter the makeup of a human being into that of a German-originating pastry. Alsho, not particshipating in the act of exshperiencshing human emotshions, I fail to shee the exshitement of thish meaninglessh csheremony in the firsht placshe."

Leaning down to her younger sibling, Lori sneered down into the eyes of Lisa Loud, an evil flame burning in her eyes with the intent to maim and kill.

"Oh, really? Want to test that little theory, Lisa?" Lori asked.

Realizing that her sister was indeed willing to force the others into following her will, Lisa began to back down from her own protests.

"Uh... No, I do not believe sho." Lisa said.

"Good girl. Now, ramblers, let's get ramblin'!"

Following their eldest sister's orders, the Louds all rushed to the line to the bathroom to prepare themselves for Lori's graduation. With Leni being the closest to the bathroom, and therefore the first to enter, it seemed that it would be a while before anyone else would enter; knowing of Leni's habits of 40-minute showers and extensive makeup usage.

As the time goes by for the sisters awaiting their turn for the bathroom, there was still one sibling that was not present for getting ready for the ceremony.

Said sibling was Lincoln Loud, wearing a pair of Noise-B-Gone 2000 earbuds to ensure himself a good night's sleep. With the serene sounds of rushing rivers putting him fast to sleep the night before, the young boy caught no ear of his eldest sister's call for readiness.

Where the others were rushing to get themselves ready to leave, Lincoln was still fast asleep.

Eventually, after a full 8 hours of sleep, Lincoln rises from his sleep, stretching out his arms and letting out a yawn. With his sufficient amount of sleep obtained from his rest in bed, Lincoln had found the energy he needed to start his day. Stepping out of his bed, Lincoln removed his earbuds from his ears, placing them back in their box and placing them in his drawer.

"When I first bought these Noise-B-Gone earbuds, I'd been using them to ignore my sisters so I could read my comics in peace. I'd promised them that I wouldn't do it again, but I didn't say anything about using them to give myself a peaceful night's sleep. Ever since I started using them at bedtime, I've never had a more peaceful sleep before." Lincoln said.

And after the obligatory continuity nod, attempting to form more of an overarching narrative than the real show, Lincoln, walking over to his alarm clock, took notice of the time displayed on the LED screen, reading a sharp 6:25 AM. Having to wake up around 6:30 to prepare himself for school, Lincoln had found himself ahead of schedule this time around; not having his sleep interrupted in the night.

"Would you look at that? 5 minutes ahead of my designated wake-up time. A new personal record, if I say so myself." Lincoln said.

Just as Lincoln had finished his sentence, Lori had busted the door open, causing Lincoln to jump back and scream in a fit of fear. With the first face of the day to greet him being an enraged Lori Loud, the fear that he was experienced was only made all the more worse.

"LINCOLN! WHY AREN'T YOU READY TO LEAVE?!" Lori shouted.

"Because it's only 6:25. We don't have to get to school until 7." Lincoln said.

"It's my graduation day! You are literally putting us behind schedule and you are going to make me miss my ceremony!"

"Crap, that was today?! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I literally told you a million times, Lincoln!"

-

A few weeks ago, at the washing machines...

"Hey, Lincoln, don't forget, my graduation's in a few weeks, make sure you're up early that day." Lori said.

Lincoln, not paying attention to his sister, his attention indulged towards his Super-Snap 95 game console apathetically dismissed her.

"Yeah, sure, got it, Lori." Lincoln said.

-

One week ago, in the living room...

"Hey, Lincoln, don't forget, my graduation's in one week, make sure you're up early that day." Lori said.

Lincoln, once again not paying attention to his sister, instead placed his focus towards his episode of ARGGH! (Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters), watching the ghost hunter known as Hunter Spector investigate a haunted house for a ghost that was allegedly in the area.

"Yeah, sure, got it, Lori." Lincoln said.

-

Yesterday, in Lincoln's room...

"Hey, Lincoln, don't forget, my graduation's tomorrow, make sure you're up early that day." Lori said.

Lincoln, yet again not paying attention to his sister, rather wished to read his Ace Savvy comic book, reading the comic book in his underwear just as he always did since he began moving on from diapers to underwear, much to the disgust of his sisters and practically anyone else with a sense of decency.

"Yeah, sure, got it, Lori." Lincoln said.

-

The present, back in Lincoln's room...

"Sorry, I must have forgot." Lincoln said.

"Well, that doesn't matter now, because you have literally got less than 4 minutes to get ready to go, or I will turn you into a human pretzel. So get moving!" Lori shouted.

Exiting the room to head back to the car, Lori slammed the door behind her, loudly echoing a loud crashing of wood against drywall. Returning just as quickly as she left, Lori slammed the door open once again to deliver another word to her brother to make her final demands.

"And dress nicely! It's my big day!" Lori added.

Slamming the door shut once again, Lori had left Lincoln alone to prepare himself for her graduation. With the clock now at 6:26 and growing closer to 6:27, time was quickly running out for Lincoln Loud; the supposed headstart that he thought he had now gone in an instant.

"Dang it. I should've guessed that new record was too good to be true. Fortunately, I can take care of this just fine, and no human pretzels for me. You might be wondering: 'Lincoln, how are you going to get yourself ready for Lori's graduation in less than 4 minutes?' Well, worry not, I have a plan." Lincoln said.

[Soundtrack Cue: Megadeth - Wake Up Dead]

Rather than implement any sort of strategy or outline to make the most of his limited time to prepare, Lincoln instead bum-rushed his way to the bathroom, stripping his underwear off and hopping in the shower instantly. As the shower started, the hot water that Lincoln was expecting turned out to be an icy cold spray; leaving him to shiver and shout with his naked body being assaulted with cold water.

"Ooh, ooh, should've guessed that all the hot water'd be used up. Oh, and I really gotta tinkle. Normally, everybody hates it when I do this, but desperate times call for desperate measures." Lincoln said.

Allowing himself to be free of any social restraints, Lincoln let loose the urine collected in his bladder and flow out into the shower drain, succumbing to a natural instinct that he very rarely got to indulge in this manner. Where his problem of ridding himself of liquid waste was solved relatively quickly, his issue of brushing his teeth was in need of solving.

Reaching his hand out of the shower, Lincoln leaned himself backwards towards the sink, attempting to reach for his toothbrush and toothpaste, keeping his other hand on his extremities to control his aim. With the full force of stored urine still leaving his body at a large and rapid pace, Lincoln could not afford to step out; knowing his stream would cause another issue for later.

"Man, I gotta stop drinking whole 2 liters of Yahoo Soda before bed." Lincoln said.

Managing to reach his toothbrush and toothpaste, Lincoln leaned back inside the shower, beginning to brush his teeth and ready the last of his morning preparations to his day. With his shower, bathroom stop, and teeth all being handled at once, Lincoln had found himself a crude but effective way of solving his problem of being restrained on time.

"Man, my sisters would kill me if they saw me doing this, but it's a necessary evil to avoid getting mauled by Lori." Lincoln said.

After an eventful two minutes were spent in the shower, Lincoln had finished the last of his morning rituals in preparing to leave. Now, it was time for himself to get dressed. Rushing back to his room, Lincoln rubbed himself down with a towel, not having enough time to properly cover himself with it.

Fortunately, none of his sisters were present in the hallway to grasp a view of 'Little Lincoln and his two friends' swinging between his legs at such a high speed, sparing him any humiliation or embarrassment at the sight of being seen nude; one of the few difficulties he faces being the family's only boy.

Rushing back to his room and tossing the towel aside, Lincoln reached into his dresser and pulled out his baby blue suit; a suit 'borrowed' from his father's wardrobe and tailored to fit his smaller-sized body. Taking a pair of lint rollers in each hand, Lincoln began viciously running them down the suit, ensuring that every speck of dust was removed from the cloth to please Lori.

As Lincoln continued his rush to get ready, Rita Loud gave a call from upstairs, waiting on her son to get into the car to attend his sister's graduation.

"LINCOLN! WE'RE READY TO GO! YOU'VE GOT ONE MINUTE BEFORE WE LEAVE!" Rita shouted.

"ALMOST READY, MOM!" Lincoln shouted.

With the last of his touch-ups complete to his suit, Lincoln hopped into his suit, buttoning up the last buttons on the jacket and fitting it tightly to himself. Having bathed and dressed himself in a quick time, it seems that Lincoln had completed the hard part of his task, but still remained with the final step in completion:

Getting to the car.

The alarm clock read 6:29 AM, with 30 seconds on the time and counting down from there. Now, with the last of Lincoln's preparations done, there was only the task of getting downstairs on time. Running out the door to his bedroom, Lincoln hurried to get to the car before any consequences could befall him.

Having no time to simply step down the stairs, Lincoln jumped on the siderail of the stairs, carefully balancing himself and sliding down the the bottom floor as if he were skating across it. While his method of getting back downstairs had its expediency, it was not without its drawbacks.

Failing to jump over the newelpost, Lincoln tripped and fell to the ground, landing on his face. The fall proved itself to be painful, but it was not enough to stop Lincoln from reaching the car; his fear of abuse from his sister driving him beyond any thoughts of pain.

[Soundtrack Cue End]

Finally, jumping off the front porch and to the car, Lincoln had made it to his deadline after all.

Before stepping in, however, Rita pointed out one last adjustment Lincoln had to make before he was truly ready to depart.

"Lincoln, honey, zipper." Rita said.

Looking down to his suit pants and noticing that his fly was down, Lincoln grabbed his zipper and pulled it up; safely securing the goods.

"Right. Thanks, Mom." Lincoln said.

With only 1 second on the clock remaining, Lincoln made his way into the family car, taking his seat and securing his seat belt tightly. Now having all Louds secured inside at an acceptable time, Lynn Sr. placed his foot down on the gas pedal, starting the drive to school.

The family car was affectionately known as Vanzilla; a van passed on to Lynn Sr. from generation to generation. Housing one driver's seat and ten passenger seats, fitting the entire Loud family is not an easy task, but it is one that is done each and every drive to school or family outing.

Now, the van holding itself together by mere threads (thanks to Lana's maintenance), the Loud family make their way to Royal Woods High School, where Lori will step onto the school for the very last time in her life, marking an emotional moment for the family.

"Alright, Louds! We're finally making our way to school! About time, huh?" Lynn Sr. asked.

"Don't look at us, Dad. Lincoln's the one who nearly made us late." Lynn Jr. said.

"Sorry, I totally forgot that it was today." Lincoln said.

"Well, that doesn't matter. We're on our way now to Lori's graduation! I've been waiting for this day my whole life; the day when my baby girl finally grows up and leaves the nest!" Lynn Sr. said.

Unable to take the weight of his own words, Lynn Sr. immediately began sobbing under his own statement; no longer to see his firstborn daughter Lori in the house anymore. Covering his face with his hands, Lynn Sr.'s loud sobbing began to send tears flying everywhere; the sheer emotion of his daughter's commencement crumbling his composure.

"Oh, my baby girl grew up so fast! Where did all the time go?!" Lynn Sr. asked.

With his eyes being closed and covered by his hands, Lynn Sr.'s attention was no longer placed on the road. As a result, Vanzilla began swerving into the incorrect driving lane; coming into close contact with a passing truck. Rita, being closest to the steering wheel, grabbed the wheel tightly and began swerving the van back into place.

"Honey, dear, maybe you'd better take your mind off the graduation and put your attention back on the road." Rita said.

"Oh, right. Sorry." Lynn Sr. said.

Placing both his hands back on the steering wheel once again, Lynn Sr. began driving the family to their intended destination of Royal Woods High School once again; no longer distracted by his fatherly emotions interfering with his driving and potentially making this day in the Loud family its last.

-

Not too long later, at Royal Woods High School, all goes underway for graduation for the seniors just finishing their last steps towards reaching adulthood. With all graduates have taken their seats, all dressed in their blue robes and eagerly awaiting the moment of which they would finally finish their last moments of primary school, the event moves underway quite well.

Sitting through the ceremonies and celebratory rituals play out through the day, listening to the teachers and faculty of the school give their speeches regarding moving on to bigger things in life, the event moved on to another speech given by the class Valedictorian, Carol Pingrey.

Where Lori once held resentment against this classmate for many years for upstaging her most of her life, her newfound friendship with this girl has allowed this hate to subside, reforming into kindness and fellowship. Nonetheless, there was a small sliver of Lori that wished it was her on the podium giving the speech.

Lynn Sr. knew of this wish, attempting to comfort his daughter before she stepped up.

"There, there, honey, I know how much this meant to you." Lynn Sr. said.

"It's okay, dad." Lori said.

"Darn it. All those blowjobs for nothing." Rita lamented.

The remark led both father and daughter to look to the mother, unable to believe what she said.

"I mean... You did your best, sweetie. That's all that matters. We still love you very much." Rita said.

After another long set of speeches and platitudes given by the faculty of the school, it was time for the students to rise from their seats and collect their diplomas. As student after student began making their way up to the stage, collecting their hard-earned diplomas and shaking hands with the teacher handing them out.

Soon enough, after so many students began taking their diplomas, it came time for Lori Loud to receive hers, hearing her name being called up as she walked to the stage. Taking her diploma and shaking hands with the teacher, Lori began making her way back down to her seat.

While this day was an extremely significant one for her, Lori was not alone in bearing the emotional burden of this day.

Continuing his slobbering moment of pride and sadness melded as one, Lynn Sr. again cried heavily, burying his face into a handkerchief. Where he was once discouraged by his wife to do so as they were on the road, their change in scenery made the display (slightly) more appropriate, signaled by Rita herself joining in the sobbing.

"Oh, my god, it's so beautiful! I never thought I'd see this day!" Lynn Sr. cried.

"I know, it's sad, but our baby girl has to leave the house and live her own life, honey. That's what kids do." Rita said.

"Lily has to leave the house? But she's just a baby, she can't take care of herself." Leni said.

"Dude, they're talking about Lori, not Lily." Luna said.

"But Lily's the baby, not Lori."

"Well, it looks to me like they're the babies. They're the ones crying." Lana said.

"What can I say? This whole graduation thing is really starting to tear at their hearts! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it?" Luan asked.

Annoyed with Luan's obnoxious pun, the Loud children gave out a collective groan. Where the children were less than amused with Luan's pun, the elders of the Loud family, Pop-Pop and his significant other affectionately known as Gran-Gran, gave a hearty laugh, finding her joke funny.

"Ha! Good one as always, Luan." Pop-Pop said.

"Oh, that was indeed a hoot and a holler. I gotta say, though, this is a pretty big moment, and I'm just so glad to be part of it." Gran-Gran said.

"I'm glad to have you part of this family, Myrtle, and I'm glad to see my first granddaughter finally walk across that stage."

After returning to her seat with her diploma, Lori was immediately met with her entire family greeting and congratulating her. Among the first of her congrats was Lynn giving a congratulatory punch, sharply landing her fist into her sister's arm with a hearty amount of strength behind it.

"About time you made it, huh?" Lynn asked.

"You looked so fabulous up there, Lori. It was almost like that pageant I did for that learning center last month." Lola said.

"Congratulations. The prime years of your life are now gone forever, and you're one step closer on your way to the grave, all while sent out into a hellscape of the real world where you are forced to survive until you die alone." Lucy said.

Just like every other time Lucy let out what passed as a compliment from her, the Loud family cowered back in a fit of disturbance. Watching her family squirm away in fear, Lucy gave a slight move at the mouth, giving the closest thing to a smile that could be given from the preteen goth girl.

After one final speech given out by Principal Huggins, the class all sang out the school's official song, turning their tassels from the left to the right. When the song was finally over, all students singing together as one, all graduates tossed their hats in the air; finally moving past their lives as teenagers and moving on to adulthood.

With the ceremony finally over and done with, Lori Loud once again met back with her family, sharing numerous hugs and receiving much praise from all. Having finished the last of her days as a high schooler, there now remained the task of meeting up with Bobby Santiago so that the two might prepare their lives at college together.

Having Lynn Sr. and Rita to drive her to the Casagrandes apartment and bodega, Lori left one last goodbye to her siblings, about to plan out the rest of her life and take the first steps towards living it out. Lynn Sr. and Rita, despite having an entire 3-hour car ride to spend with her, still found themselves bawling over her graduation and the growth of their firstborn daughter.

"I'll see you guys later, I still have to get home and pick up my stuff. Leni, you are not to let anyone, and I mean anyone, touch my stuff. Got it?" Lori asked.

"Absolutely, sis. Your stuff is safe with me." Leni said.

"We'll be back later, kids. Pop-Pop'll drive you home."

With the last of her concerns worked out, albeit in the feeble hands of Leni, Lori stepped back into a taxi cab with her parents to make her ride to Great Lakes City to meet up at the Casagrandes apartment. The rest of the children, left to their own affairs, made their way through the rest of the celebration, indulging in the many snacks and foods available.

With 10 children left alone to an entire table of food, and big eaters like Lynn and Lana present, there was no hope for anyone else to get even a scrap of food.

-

As the festivities came to a close and the ceremony came to its end, the once-students who now stood as graduates returned back to their homes with their parents. Many began planning out their futures to come, some already prepared and ready to live out their futures right away, and a few simply staying home; not yet having any plans or nor interested in making any.

With Lori already heading off to the Casagrandes apartment and moving forward on said plans, the rest of the Loud family make their way home. Having Pop-Pop drive the children home as the parents help Lori with her preparations in moving, the Louds make their way home just nicely; Pop-Pop's age not affecting his driving skills just as none of his other extraordinary skills were affected.

Where the most of the children make their way back inside, their neverending anarchic fun in the Loud House was fueled by the ceremony's cake and other party foods in their bellies, Lincoln feels something different within his own; an emotion that never once crossed his mind in his younger years.

Seeing Lori walk across the stage and take her diploma, there awakened a certain sort of uncertainty in his mind and his heart. Knowing that Lori would be gone from the Loud House as a permanent resident and that she would be seeking out to fulfill her own life, perhaps pursuing her career in golf, Lincoln began to ponder of what would come of his own future.

Each of his other sisters had their hobbies and interests; Leni had fashion, Lucy had poetry, Luan had comedy, Lynn had sports; but Lincoln had no true passions of his own. Being a collector of comic books and hardcore gamer, there was not much in terms of a passion in his own life; still continuing to live like a child.

Needing some advice to clear up this uncertainty, Lincoln began making his way back up the stairs to seek out a sister that he knew he could confide in.

Moving past Lola and Lana tangling each other in a wrestling match, ducking under a football thrown by Lynn, and avoiding a swarm of bats let loose by Lucy, Lincoln entered the room residing Luna and Luan, needing to speak to the former sister to share his concerns.

Where Lincoln was seeking out a quiet moment to speak to Luna, or at least for a moment that was quiet enough, the boy found himself lured into a knock-knock joke set up by Luan. While he knew that no good would come of this joke, Lincoln played along all the same for the sake of siblingship.

"Hey, Lincoln! Knock-knock!" Luan said.

"Who's there?" Lincoln asked.

"Woo!"

"Woo who?"

"I know, I'm excited, too; no more Lori telling us what to do every Saturday night! Isn't this gonna be great?"

"Uh, sure, I guess so, but, right now, I'd really like to talk to-"

Before Lincoln could finish his sentence, Luan threw a peach pie in his face; abruptly ending his words before he could complete them as intended.

"Oh, sorry, Lincoln, pie just couldn't hold my enthusiasm and longer! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it?" Luan asked.

Wiping the pie residue off of his face, Lincoln tried once again to make his request to Luan, only to be interrupted by another pun.

"Oh, come on, Lincoln, don't act so gloomy, everything's gonna be peachy! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it?" Luan asked.

"Luan, I'm really not in the mood for jokes, I-" Lincoln tried to say.

"Not in the mood for jokes? I crust insist that you at least hear some of these out! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it?" Luan asked.

"LUAN! Please, can I just talk to Luna for a second?! Normally, I wouldn't be doing this, but it's really important to me. Please?!"

"Oh, alright, I'll give you a moment, but please by pastry about it! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

After letting out her final pun, Luan finally left the bedroom and closed the door, allowing Lincoln a moment to talk to Luna. Just as he had completed one challenge in the way of speaking to the 16-year old metalhead, from removing her roommate, Lincoln now faced the challenge of getting Luna's attention.

Like she did every day since her first Mick Swagger concert, Luna took to her guitar and began playing a speedy riff at full volume; not settling for anything less in the way of her music. While the music put out by her older sister were enjoyable to hear (though not quite as enjoyable being played at full blast up close), Lincoln required Luna's attention away from her guitar and towards him for a few minutes.

"Hey, Luna? Can I talk to you?" Lincoln asked.

Not hearing her brother's request, Luna simply assumed Lincoln was giving her a greeting passing or some form of praise; returning the wave and greeting back.

"Hey, Linc! Sick riffs today, huh?" Luna asked.

"Yeah, yeah, real good stuff, listen, can I talk to you?" Lincoln asked.

Still having her mind focused on her music, Luna continued aggressively playing her guitar, blasting heavy riffs loudly and proudly.

"Luna? Luna?! LUNA!" Lincoln shouted.

Despite his loud shouts and screams, none of them reached the eardrums of Luna Loud; the teenage rock star continuing to play away at her guitar. Realizing that he was not going to have any success with calling out to his sister, Lincoln sought after a different means of getting her attention.

Walking to the room's electrical socket, Lincoln unplugged Luna's amp from the wall, cutting its power supply and ending Luna's jam session. Not aware of the rationale behind her brother's actions, Luna became agitated with Lincoln's abrupt end to her fun and responded to it angrily.

"Hey, bro, what gives? I was in the middle of a great jam session." Luna said.

"I was trying to tell you that I need to talk to you. I've got something I want to talk about, and, since Mom and Dad aren't here, I wanted to ask you some advice." Lincoln said.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Linc. You want to talk, I'm right here. Come over and sit on the bed."

Taking Luna's cue, Lincoln sat upon her bed, with Luna joining him and sitting next to him.

"So, what's on your mind, brah?" Luna asked.

"Well, it's about Lori graduating today. She's already moved out and gotten all her things at the Casagrandes with Bobby, and they're both ready to head to college together." Lincoln said.

"You miss her already? Linc, I love Lori just as much as you do, but she's got her own life and future to look forward to. She can't stay with us forever."

"That's the thing, Luna. It's not about me going to miss Lori. Sure, it won't be the same without her around here, but it's about how she's planned everything out for herself already. I'm 12 years old; at least 6 years before I'll have to move out, too, and that's not counting when I have to watch all of you leave, too."

"So you're saying that you're scared that you don't have any plans for the future?"

"Yeah."

"But you're just a kid, dude. You don't have to worry about that stuff yet. All you gotta do is just relax a little before that happens. You've still got your friends to hang with and plenty of fun to have as a kid."

"But what about all of you guys? Almost all of you found what you love when you were little kids, but I haven't found anything that I'm passionate about."

"You know, Linc, I wasn't always the big rocker I am now. Remember when I told you about my first Mick Swagger concert? I said that before that day, I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, but it all made sense to me then and there. It took me some time before that all happened."

"But you were still younger than I am now when that happened. There's nothing that I like doing that you and everybody else likes doing. I can't help but thinking... I can't help but thinking that I'm some kind of loser."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lincoln, don't you cry tonight. You're not a loser, you're a Loud. You're Lincoln Loud; you're the man with the plan, you're the guy who always fixes every problem that comes our way, and you're the best little brother that anybody could ask for."

Giving her brother a side hug on her bed, Luna made eye contact with Lincoln for one last piece of information; one that would hopefully lay his worries to rest for the night.

"Listen, bro. You know why I always liked hanging with you the most when I was a kid? It's because I didn't know what I wanted to be back then, and you were just a baby, somebody who didn't have to worry about that. You just got to take it easy. Half the time, I kinda wish that I didn't have to worry about things like that. Don't rush your life, man, enjoy this time and live it well. That's the part of being a kid I wish I could have a lot more of as a teen." Luna said.

Turning the side hug into a full hug, Lincoln wrapped his arms around Luna, with his sister returning the hug as well. With Lincoln's confidence restored within himself, if only temporary by the efforts of his sister, clarity for the confused boy began to return to his mind, giving him a sense of levity on his own troubles.

"Thanks, Luna. It's great being able to talk to you about these things." Lincoln said.

"That's what family's for, little bro. I was the middle child once before you showed up, now it's only fair I get to help you out when you're feeling blue. Besides, us musicians know how to handle emotions better than anybody else. Speaking of which, how about we take your mind off your troubles and you get on that bass? We could make some sick tunes together." Luna asked.

"It's been a while since I played that thing at the state fair, I might be a little rusty."

"It doesn't matter, brah. Like I said back then, it's all about having fun. Right now, you sound like you could use a little fun. How about it?"

"Yeah, okay. I'm up for it."

Taking Luna's stand-up bass guitar, Lincoln began laying down a bass riff for his sister, giving her the cue to enter in with her electric guitar. With the two playing out a song together, the original intention of entering the room for life advice was changed to a bonding moment of fun, allowing Lincoln to forget about his worries for a little bit.

However, while his heart had gotten some relief from the worry in it, the questions Lincoln still had for himself still lingered in his mind. Where all but one of his sisters knew their own identities before any of them came of age, he still was unsure who he was and how he would find the answer to that question.

Can Lincoln perhaps find the answers to the questions he has?

Will he even be ready for the answers when he finds them?

Why am I asking you?

CHAPTER 3: NO MORE HEROES, PART 3

Having a child move out is never an easy thing for a parent; raising a child and having them a part of your life for 18 years will grow a strong bond between you and that child, leaving both of you connected forever. The Louds, having a total of 11 children, are surely no exception to this fact.

Having a large amount of children in their marriage, never had they lived the day that one would have to move on to live their own life, but, now, on this Sunday morning, that day has finally come. The firstborn of the family known as Lori Loud, having just graduated high school, has moved into the Casagrandes' house in Great Lakes City, living alongside her boyfriend, Bobby Santiago, just as she had always dreamed of doing.

Now, having a full 3 months before summer ends and she may finally be accepted into college (Royal Woods University, to be exact), Lori wishes to simulate her life as it will soon be with Bobby in college, as well as have her first official break from her family.

Returning from the previous night to obtain the last of her items, Lori packed the last of her belongings in the Maria Santiago's car, with her parents and Maria helping.

Still not over the fact that his first child was finally moving out, Lynn Sr. continued to make a large spectacle of the event; just as he did last night, he still loudly declaring his discontent by bawling his eyes out and holding his daughter tightly as he possibly could, as if he tried to make himself a womb for his daughter.

What a whiny bitch-boy. Somebody might want to check his testosterone levels.

"Oh, c'mon, Lori, are you really sure you want to go? Aren't you going to miss your family, all your friends, your family, your favorite shopping places, or your family?" Lynn Sr. asked.

"Dad, of course, I'm going to miss everybody, but I'm an adult now. I literally need to have my own life now. I still love you, but I just need to be me for a while." Lori said.

"But you'll make sure to visit and call, right?"

"I might not be able to visit too much, but I'll definitely call."

"Every day?"

"Sure, Dad, every day."

Giving his daughter yet another hug, Lynn Sr. grabbed ahold of Lori, sobbing all over her blue tank top and wetting it with his tears. While continuing to grow embarrassed at her father's actions, Lori still returned the hug, knowing that, deep down, Lynn Sr. was simply acting like any father would.

Stepping into the affair to break up the spectacle, Rita managed to break up the hug between the two, getting Lynn Sr. to calm himself down.

"Honey, remember what we talked about, we need to give her the space she needs." Rita said.

"I know, but it's just so sad that I have to let my baby girl go." Lynn Sr. said.

"She's not a baby anymore, honey. Just sit back and calm down."

Having placated to her husband and gotten him to back down from his severe manic episode, Rita turned her attention to Lori, having some final words to say to her daughter before she left the household for good. Taking her daughter's face in her hands, Rita made sure to take one last look at Lori before she had left.

"Oh, I'm so proud of you, Lori. I always knew this day would come, but it doesn't make this any easier." Rita said.

"I literally know, Mom, this isn't easy for me, either. I'm gonna miss you all." Lori said.

Giving her daughter a kiss on the cheek, Rita stepped away to allow Lori to go on her way. Before finally leaving for Great Lakes City, Lori shared one last article with Leni, needing to pass some household duties to the second-eldest sister, regardless of her lack of qualification with her IQ being as low as it was.

"Leni, you're in charge while I'm gone. Here's a list of everything you need to get everybody for school when it starts in 3 months. If you have any questions, call me on the phone numbers listed on the back. If I don't answer, get Luna. If she's not available, just... Uh... You'll figure it out, I hope." Lori said.

Handing Leni a piece of paper listing all of her duties as the elder sister in the house, Lori shared along with it all the duties included within. Only accustomed to reading magazines with less emphasis on words and more on the pictures, Leni felt a sense of overwhelming come over her upon seeing the paper.

"Wow... There's a lot of words on this paper. Are you sure that this'll help?" Leni asked.

"I'm sure. Just follow everything on the list and you'll be fine." Lori said.

Bidding one last goodbye to her sister, Leni gave Lori a hug, which the eldest sister gladly returned to her former roommate. The other Loud siblings, taking the cue from the two hugging sisters, joined into the hug as well; turning the simple two-person hug into a family group hug.

While the shared moment was warm and welcome to all involved, one onlooker was not too amused by the show unfolding on the front porch. Bud Grouse, affectionately (if that word applies) referred to as 'Mr. Grouse', grew tired of the event as it played out; calling for an end to the show and reach its ending.

"Hey, Louds! You gonna let the kid go, or what? We haven't got all day!" Mr. Grouse shouted.

As rude as Mr. Grouse's remark was, the cranky old man was right in one regard. With Maria Santiago waiting on Lori to be ready to leave, they could not keep her waiting forever, even if she, as a parent, was understanding of the time it all took, and Lori herself had little reason to be kept waiting other than sentimental reasons.

"Okay, you guys, I have literally got to go now. I'll give you guys a call when I get there. You take care, okay?" Lori asked.

"We will, Lori! Have fun!" The Loud children shouted.

With all the Loud children smiling and waving as their eldest sister left for her new life, Lori stepped inside the car, at last ready to make way towards her new life ahead.0

"Okay, I'm ready, Mrs. Santiago. Let's get going." Lori said.

Taking Lori's cue, Maria started the ignition to the car and began their drive back to the Casagrandes' apartment, beginning the 3-hour drive ahead of them to get back. With all signs of the car leaving the sight of all participants in the goodbye party, Lori had officially left for her new life, leaving behind an eventful 18 years in the Loud House.

Now, with the goodbyes over and their daughter gone from the home, Rita and Lynn Sr. shared a few final tears over their daughter, finally letting the young woman go. While their tears were heavy in their eyes, the pride in their hearts was heavier; trumping all sense of sorrow within.

"I can't believe it. My little Lori, all grown up and on their way. They just grow up so fast." Lynn Sr. said.

"They really do, honey. For now, we've still got 10 more kids to take care of, and we'd better make sure we're not there to miss them grow up, either." Rita said.

"You said it, Rita. Starting now, we're going to make sure every second with them is-"

As the two turned around to see their children, Rita and Lynn Sr. noticed that there were no more sign of their kids on the front porch. While there were no more sign that the children on the porch, the house itself gave several signs as to where the children were.

With Lori, one of the foundations of order in the home, finally gone from the house, the Loud children wasted no time to celebrate their newfound freedom.

Lola, driving her miniature car, began ramming into various objects in the driveway in a demolition derby, with Lana in the passenger seat, throwing mud.

Luan, acting out her pranks on their own house, chucked various objects like eggs and toilet paper all over the building.

Lynn, taking her baseball bat and an automatic ball shooter, batted back against several baseballs, sending them flying into the windows and shattering them.

Luna, standing atop the house itself, mounted an anarchy flag at the top, playing a familiar riff in celebration of their new order.

"Anarchy in the U.K.!" Luna shouted.

Upon seeing the madhouse that the children had turned their home into, Rita and Lynn Sr. decided to postpone on their plans of spending time with their kids.

"On second thought, maybe we can hold off on the 'spending time' thing for a while. How about a few hours' worth?" Lynn Sr. asked.

"How about the whole day? We really should let the kids work out their feelings... for everybody's health." Rita said.

"Good with me. Burpin' Burger?"

"Last one there pays."

Seeing the state that their house was now in, Rita and Lynn Sr. decided to race off to the Burpin' Burger, avoiding the new and chaotic state that their home was in and deal with the consequences later. Just as these adults were put off by the new world disorder in their home, the next-door neighbor also took issue with the insanity.

"Oh, god, no, I take it back, bring back the old one! Bring back the old one!" Mr. Grouse pleaded.

-

Just as the chaos insinuated outside of the house, the rampaging madness continued inside the house just as well. Stepping back inside his home, Lincoln Loud stands in front of the noise and disarray that the house was now in, facing off against the madness alone.

And, once again, do my job for me by giving you a recap of what's going on and some exposition, because I can't be arsed to spell it out for you morons every time.

"Well, that's my siblings for you. Lori was the head of order and stability around the house for the longest time, and, now that she's off for good, and Mom and Dad both have their jobs, the house's a total free-for-all now. But don't worry, I'm sure that they'll all work this out and we'll have some sense of normalcy soon enough." Lincoln said.

Lincoln's watch alarm then began to beep, preset to signal him of an assigned time of day reserved for one special purpose.

"Well, would you look at that? It's that time." Lincoln said.

Making his way over Lily as she walked across the floor, tossing her diaper at the nearest object, Lincoln dodged Lily's diaper attack and reached the staircase.

"You might be wondering, 'Lincoln, you just got your freedom from Lori once and for all, what could be more important than celebrating right now'? Well, you'll see in just one moment." Lincoln said.

On the top of the staircase, Lucy began tossing buckets of fake blood down the stairs, attempting to cover the entirety of the walkway in a trail of blood. Jumping over the flow of blood and catching the top of the staircase on the second floor, Lincoln successfully avoided the splash of blood, reaching the top unscathed.

"Out of all the things that I enjoy doing on weekends, there's only one thing that really makes my day worth it." Lincoln said.

Just before making his way into his room, a large explosion originated from Lisa's room, blowing the door to pieces and emitting a large trail of green smoke. Stepping out from the smoke, Lisa emerged from the aftermath of the explosion; completely covered in soot.

"Note to shelf. 700 milligramsh of dodecahedrane might be a little excshessive." Lisa said.

Moving past the explosion and into his room, Lincoln walked to his desk, booted up his laptop, and sat on his bed, waiting for the internet to make its connection.

"Out of all the things I like to do, there's nothing I like better than talking to..." Lincoln began to say.

As the laptop completed booting up, going through the painstaking process of waiting for all the bullshit Windows always has to do for some reason, the first program Lincoln opened was his webchat service, getting a call within seconds of starting. Accepting the call, the screen began to connect with the caller, revealing it to be another important character to the story and obligatory addition...

"...Ronnie Anne!" Lincoln said.

"Hey, Lincoln. How's it going?" Ronnie Anne asked.

"Well, Lori just moved out and she's heading your way, she just packed up the last of her stuff."

"Great. Now I get to deal with your sister and my brother ogling up each other firsthand for the next 3 months."

"So, why didn't you come down with your mom and say hi? Didn't you want a chance to take a look around Royal Woods again? It's been over a year now since you've been back."

"As tempting an offer as that sounds, Lame-O, I'd also be present for more of the 'Boo-Boo Bears' at play. I stayed behind for a little peace of mind."

On Ronnie Anne's video feed, a large commotion of chatter and talk played through the laptop's audio, giving Lincoln a good idea of what was was outside her room.

"No tengo tiempo para tus tonterías, our future daughter-in-law is on her way and I've got an entire dinner to fill out for when she gets here, you all get back to getting the place ready!" Rosa said.

"I just can't wait for Lori to get here! I want to photograph her the second she comes through the door!" Frida said.

"So Lori's comin', huh? Mi amor, I shall count the hours; nay, the minutes; nay, the seconds before she comes to me!" Carl said.

"Carl! Would you put your shirt back on?!" Hector shouted.

Hearing the commotion occur on the other side of the webchat, Lincoln gave out an amused chuckle, where Ronnie Anne emitted a fume of frustration.

"Nice going, guys. Sorry about my relatives, Linc." Ronnie Anne said.

"It's nothing, Ronnie Anne. You, of all people, should know that I understand wild relatives." Lincoln said.

"Yeah, you're right. Anyway, I'm glad we're able to talk again, I've got a whole lot to tell you about my day, and I've also got a lot planned this summer I want to tell you about."

"You have no idea. I've got lots of good plans for this summer, too. I've got at least 100 different things planned out this summer to do before it ends."

"100 and 1."

"101, huh? Tell me."

Before Ronnie Anne could share her first plan for summer, however, Lincoln's cell phone began to ring, taking his attention away from the webchat. Taking out his phone and seeing who the caller was, Lincoln's heart skipped for a brief moment on seeing who it was.

This new caller was Stella, the newest member of his friend group, and the girl that he had gained some interest in for quite some time. Although he had fancied this girl fairly well, Lincoln had never disclosed this fact with Ronnie Anne, as he still possessed some feelings for her as well.

And thus begins the also obligatory romance subplot, but at least you're getting a slightly more interesting one other than the simple 'meet-and-screw' formula.

"Yo, Lame-O, who's calling?" Ronnie Anne asked.

"Uh... Excuse me one second, Ronnie Anne, I have to take this. It's... my Aunt Ruth! Yeah, good ol' Aunt Ruth, be right back." Lincoln said.

Stepping outside his room, Ronnie Anne somehow buying that obvious lie, Lincoln temporarily left to talk to Stella, leaving his laptop still on and logged in to the chat. While not fully understanding the purpose of Lincoln's sudden need to answer this call, Ronnie Anne patiently awaited his return.

"Well, I mean, it's his aunt, I can't be hard on the guy for that. What? Oh, you didn't forget that I can talk to you like Lincoln can, did you?" Ronnie Anne asked.

Yes, I'm keeping Ronnie Anne's ability to break the 4th wall, I have more plans for that later on.

-

Outside his room, Lincoln answered his cell phone to Stella's call, ready to talk to her. While he felt some guilt about leaving Ronnie Anne during their allotted chat time, he was still very much interested in knowing Stella better; a goal in which he had been pursuing for nearly a year now.

"Hey, Stella, what's up?" Lincoln asked.

"Hey, Lincoln. Not much going on here, how about you?" Stella asked.

"Oh, you know, just hanging out at home. Lori actually just moved out and she's getting ready to go to college, so there's that."

"Really? Wow, that's great! Did the whole move go okay?"

"Yeah, it went just fine. I mean, Mom had to pry Dad off of Lori to get her to go, but it all went just smoothly."

"That's great to hear. You oughta see my mom when I go just to leave for school every morning. She acts like I'm some little princess that needs protecting or something."

"Well, if you want a hear about another princess, you should see Lola when she wants money from Dad. She's asked for 10 dollars every day from him every week since she could ask him for money, and, now, she's gotten an assortment of CDs and bonds placed in her name. If she keeps it up, she'll be a millionaire by 18."

"Ha! Your sisters are too much, Lincoln. Actually, I called to ask if you wanted to hang out at Mega Comics and check out some comic books?"

"Are you kidding me? You want to read some comics?"

"Yeah. Ever since somebody gave me a copy of Danny Phantom, I'm all over it. I admit I was skeptical about the whole thing at first, but I'm really starting to love it, although I could use some help with working my way through some of these titles."

"You, my friend, have just called an expert. I'd be happy to give you some pointers."

"Oh, but your sister just left, so, I'm not interrupting anything, am I? There's nothing important that you have to do?"

With Stella's words echoing loudly in his mind, every part of him wanted to answer 'yes'. For every Sunday morning for the past several months, Lincoln always made it a point to talk to Ronnie Anne during this time, and never before had he broken this ritual. Never in a million years would he consider cutting it short...

...but he had a certain exception to this particular day.

After trying to get a one-on-one date with Stella for months, Lincoln had finally found success in his endeavors, and even if he had gotten his wish at the most unexpected time. Not only this, but he had been asked to do one of his favorite activities to indulge in:

Reading comic books.

With a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Lincoln had a chance towards something he wanted for a long time; and he made his decision accordingly.

Accordingly to a 12 year old's rationale to make, anyway. What, have you ever seen a 12 year old with any sense of romantic loyalty? Of course not.

"Yeah, sure, I'd love to. Just give me half an hour and I'll be right there." Lincoln said.

"Great. I'll be waiting. See you there." Stella said.

"Yeah, see you there."

Ending his phone call, Lincoln stepped back inside his room, meeting again with Ronnie Anne over the webcall, who patiently awaited his return. Despite how bad it felt to lie to her, especially at a time like this, Lincoln had cut their webchat session short, basing the reason on a lie and idiotically snubbing his girlfriend.

"Hey, Ronnie Anne, I'm really sorry, but I've got to cut this short. My Aunt Ruth's got a problem with one of her cats, and I've got to come help." Lincoln said.

"Oh, man, really? Can't you just get one of your sisters to take care of it?" Ronnie Anne asked.

To give a visual example of why such a feat was not possible, Lincoln opened the door to his room and held the laptop outside, giving Ronnie Anne a view of all the mayhem happening within. Seeing the situation at hand, Ronnie Anne detracted her statement in realization of the circumstances.

"Oh. Right. I forgot your family's crazy." Ronnie Anne said.

"Half the time, so do I. It's just something you get used to." Lincoln said.

"Yeah. Well, sorry we couldn't talk much longer. Good luck getting your aunt's cat better."

"Thanks. I'll definitely get with you next Sunday."

"I'll be here. See you later, Lame-O."

"See you next week."

Shutting off his laptop, Lincoln placed his computer back on his desk, setting it away for the next time the two would chat. Despite the enormous guilt that he felt with his decision, he still tried to justify it under the guise of friendship with another. Looking back to his audience of you, he can feel your judging eyes on him, knowing that you want nothing more than to walk through your screen and bitch-slap the little brat.

"What? I've been trying to get a date with Stella for months! Do you know how hard that is? Okay, sure, I lied to Ronnie Anne, but it was a one-time thing, I'll still talk to her next week. It's not like I killed someone. Well, I don't know about you, but I've got a date to get to." Lincoln said.

-

Not too long later, at the comic shop known as Mega Comics, Lincoln made his arrival to the comic shop, seeking out Stella to join her in shopping for comic books. Just as he was hoping for, Lincoln was greeted by Stella's warm smile, waving towards him as he approached the shop.

Seeing Stella in the comic shop window, Lincoln returned the wave, immediately heading inside the shop.

"Hey, Linc, you made it." Stella said.

"Well, ask and you shall receive. You asked for me, here I am." Lincoln said.

"Ha, funny. So, anyways, I was having some problems in figuring out some Ace Savvy stuff. You know a lot about Ace Savvy?"

"Are you kidding? I've been reading those comics since I was a baby!"

"Wow. Well, I was wondering, where exactly should I start on reading this stuff? I mean, there's 'Ace Savvy', 'The Amazing Ace Savvy', 'The Spectacular Ace Savvy', 'Ultimate Ace Savvy', 'Ace Savvy and his Savvy Friends', and 'Savvy Super Stories'. I can't tell any of this stuff apart."

"Stella, you asked the right man. You see, first came 'Savvy Fantasy, Issue 15', where he was first introduced, then came 'Ace Savvy', then it was changed to 'The Amazing Ace Savvy', then, 'The Spectacular Ace Savvy' and 'Ace Savvy and his Savvy Friends' were two companion series that ran at the same time, and 'Ultimate Ace Savvy' is a different continuity altogether in a parallel universe, and 'Savvy Super Stories' are a spin-off of his appearances in The Power Company when it was still being aired."

"Uh... Yeah, I got none of that."

"Okay, okay, we'll start at the beginning. Where's the 99 cent boxes?"

After several hours of reading comic books, explaining the stories and continuities, and moving onto other titles that crossed over with Ace Savvy, like Muscle Fish and Vampire Cannibals (so I can plug the other stories in this series and keep a continuity), Lincoln managed to educate Stella on how to follow comic books and catch up on new titles.

Having spent through a long day of reading, throwing questions back and forth in discussion, the two finally expended enough mental energy, deciding to take a break.

Heading down to the food court of the mall, the two purchased themselves Good Burgers from the stand, adding to their purchase of various comics. Munching down on their burgers, Lincoln and Stella sought to only relax; not exchanging any more words, at least none regarding comic books anymore.

"Wow, Lincoln, I really learned a lot today. I had no idea that comics could really be so hard to keep up with how do you boys do it?" Stella asked.

"I guess it's mainly a 'guy' thing, we just pick up on it right away. You definitely got it all down, though. Soon enough, you'll probably find some titles that even I haven't heard of." Lincoln said.

"Yeah, that'd be the day. Honestly, I only really read that Danny Phantom comic because I thought the main guy was cute, especially his white hair."

"Oh, really? Does that mean I'm on your dating list from now on? I got plenty of white hair, too, you know."

With Lincoln's snarky joke bringing an unexpected laugh out of Stella, both of them soon began sharing the laugh together; her laugh bringing him to laugh, his laugh bringing her to laugh more, and so on. Shortly after, the two managed to calm down from their laughter, returning to a normal conversation.

"I gotta say, though, Danny Phantom's cool, but Ace Savvy's always my guy. I'm just real sad about what's happening to him." Lincoln said.

"What do you mean?" Stella asked.

"Ever since the Hillwood Effect happened with that Green Eye guy appearing, superheroes in comics aren't popular anymore. That means Ace Savvy stopped selling, and that means no more Ace Savvy comics. That's why a lot of the issues in their were cheap."

"Gosh. Sorry to hear that, Lincoln. That's a real bummer."

"Yeah. But at least I'll still have my old issues."

Staring off into blank space, Lincoln's mind began to linger on some of the negative thoughts that began with Lori graduating. Despite Luna convincing him all would be well, Lincoln was still not certain; still believing that something was wrong or missing in his life.

"Hey, Stella, can I ask you something?" Lincoln asked.

"Yeah, what's up?" Stella asked.

"Do you... Do you ever feel like you're growing up too fast?"

"'Growing up too fast'?"

"I mean, do you feel like you're not complete? Like, everyone else has some kind of talent or passion who makes them who they are, but you don't? Do you ever feel like something's missing in your life?"

"Well... Yeah, sometimes, I guess. Where are you going with this?"

"It's just... I just feel like I don't know who I am."

"Like you have no identity?"

"Sometimes. I mean, all my sisters have some sort of talent or something that they're good at, but I don't have anything I do but read comics and play video games."

"Well, you taught me how to follow comic books, that's a pretty good talent right there."

"But it's not exactly something that gives a good future. When Lori finishes basic college, she's going to Fairway University, Leni's got... Eh, bad example. Luna's got her music, Lynn's got sports, and Luan's got her comedy."

"I wouldn't say that Luan has comedy, per se."

"Fair enough."

The two shared another laugh, taking their minds off the troublesome topic of discussion.

"But don't worry about that, Lincoln. You're still just a kid, like me. Maybe you just haven't found what really interests you yet." Stella said.

"But I've tried a lot of different things over the years to try to find it, and I haven't found anything I like." Lincoln said.

"Well, some people take a long time before they find what they love to do. As long as you're enjoying your life right now, why rush things? After all, you had a good day with me, at least I hope. Why worry when you could have some fun instead?"

Seeing Stella's viewpoint, Lincoln nodded in agreement in her points, once again finding temporary placation to the question of purpose in his mind. Now, the theme of the story is well established, so unthoughtful peons like you can gawk at whatever cliche of the human condition I dig up with so you can go 'Oh, WoW, yOu'Re So DeEp! ThIs Is A tOtAlLy OrIgInAl StOrY!'

"You're right. I shouldn't worry so much. Thanks, Stella, I really appreciate this." Lincoln said.

"So do I. I had a lot of fun today." Stella said.

"Yeah, me too. Listen, I've got to get back home right about now, how about I call you some other time and we'll talk some more about what I didn't cover? I haven't even gotten past the Golden Age of comics yet."

"I'll keep an ear open. Even if you just want to hang, I'm down if you are. I've got a whole summer ahead of me."

"Same here. See you soon."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye."

While not quite finding a resolution to his question of fulfilling his need to find his talent, Lincoln had left this day with something else:

A stronger friendship with Stella. Where there was a certain amount of guilt regarding his decision to cut short his V-chat with Ronnie Anne, the guilt had managed to subside itself just enough to where his accomplishment on this day outweighed it, at least on a scale of a romantically inexperienced boy.

"And you were starting to think this would end badly for me." Lincoln snarked.

Of course, we're only 3 chapters in. You know and I know this little cheating prick's gonna get what's coming to him.

For now, however, let's return to our regularly scheduled programming.

-

With afternoon coming on the Loud House, the anarchic rampage of the Loud children has finally come to an end, leaving the house in shambles, but the children calmed down from their chaos. Witnessing the state that the house was in, Lincoln stopped for a moment to take in all that had happened to his abode.

Windows all around the house were broken, toilet paper was scattered all across the roof, and eggs, mud, and dirty diapers had been splattered across the ground and walls, leaving not a single inch of the Loud House left unspared by the mayhem caused by the girls.

"Well, we've had worse from the tornado." Lincoln said.

Upon entering the house once again, Lincoln began making his way towards his room; his eyes set on the stairway leading back up. With a new shared interest between him and Stella, there was endless amounts of other topics regarding comic books that he had to share with her.

Unfortunately for him, this mission would not last long, as he was stopped by his parents, both blocking his entry to the stairway. With an angered expression on both of their faces, Lincoln's disposition of happy and carefree quickly turned to confusion and fear; for it was never a good sign to see his parents angry.

"Uh, hey, Mom, hey, Dad, something wrong?" Lincoln asked.

"Well, while we were out-" Rita began to say.

"Avoiding the chaos in this place for the sake of our lives!" Lynn Sr. added.

"...we decided to stop by the school and pick up your certificates for finishing your grades."

"Really? That's great, Mom, glad to know everything went-" Lincoln tried to say.

"They told me you flunked social studies."

"Oh, did they really say that? Honestly, I think that I did pretty good on that class, I'm telling you, the grading system on that whole class is broken. Well, I guess, if we did the best we could, then that's good enough, right?"

"Wrong. You need to finish this class in order to move up a grade. If you don't, you'll have to repeat the 7th grade all over again."

"WHAT?! I can't fail the 7th grade! All my friends are moving up a grade, and I'll get left behind!"

"We know how much that means to you, so the school gave us the option of summer school and make up for the class."

"Summer school? But, Mom, I had this whole summer planned out, 100 different things to do!"

"Well, you're going to have to put that off until you can complete this course."

"Aw, mom!"

"Your summer school course is a lot simpler than you think, however. You won't be having to do the enitre course again at school."

"I won't?! Really?!"

"No. Instead, you'll have to write a 10-page essay."

"WHAT?! 10 WHOLE PAGES?!"

"And it's about the superheroes that came out during this whole Hillwood Effect your school keeps talking about. They want you to pick one superhero, any of your choice, explain about how he or she became a superhero, and what kind of effect that they've been having on their community, judging if it's for better or worse. Here's the workbook."

Rita handed her son the workbook given by the school regarding the assignment, resting it in his hands. While the workbook was not too heavy, only about 50 pages long, it felt much heavier in the hands of Lincoln Loud, having it burden not only his hands, but the entirety of his summer.

Although Lincoln Loud was less than impressed by the sudden new task being left on his shoulders, Lisa was extremely eager to enroll herself in summer school, seeking an opportunity to progress through school faster. Approaching the Loud parents, she waited to accept her assignment with enthusiasm.

"Mother. I preshume you have my shummer school asshignment ash well?" Lisa asked.

"Yes, of course, honey, here you go. I'm so impressed that you want to have summer school this year." Rita said.

"If thish progresshesh my grade level at a fashter pacshe sho that I may finish thish burden known ash 'primary educatshion', then I gladly accshept the tashk. Beshidesh, a shummer school class regarding schience should be quite a cakewalk for shomeone ash intelligent ash myshelf."

Walking off with her own workbook, Lisa walked back to her room, wishing to being work on her assignment right away. Conversely, Lincoln, still devastated by the sudden yolk placed upon his summer, continued to stand in place in the hallway, the workbook still in his hands.

"Remember, Lincoln, if you don't complete this assignment, then you'll have to repeat the 7th grade and your friends will move on to the 8th grade. Don't let us down. If you need some writing tips, I'll be happy to help you. Good luck." Rita said.

Having given their son the assignment needed to pass the 7th grade and make his way up a grade, Rita and Lynn Sr. left the room, leaving Lincoln to his own devices. Now having a full 10-page holdup on his planned out summer of fun, Lincoln still continued to mourn the loss of his beloved 3 months without school; unable to believe such a fate could befall him.

"Well, so much for that 3-month summer of fun. Now I've got this thing slapped on me. Hey, Lucy, can I borrow one of your nooses?" Lincoln called.

And then Lucy gave him a noose as requested and she used his corpse to summon a demon apocalypse to enslave the human race and everyone died. The end.

...

Just kidding, I have way less original stuff to write.

Now that I have the romance and themes set up, it's time to get the main plot underway, including all the mindless action you can bark and clap at.

CHAPTER 5: STRANGER THAN FICTION, PART 1

Any idiot would tell you that stepping inside a nuclear reactor is sure to kill you in an instant.

Any idiot would tell you that expensive scientific equipment is dangerous not to be tampered with in any way, shape, or form.

Lincoln Loud, however, was one of the biggest idiots on Earth for the action he had just taken. Defying all common sense of human rationale and logic, Lincoln Loud stepped inside a nuclear reactor in his sister's room, switching it on. Why would he do such a thing, you might wonder?

Simple. Because a dream convinced him that it would give him superpowers.

Despite his internal logic (or lack thereof) leading him to make a bad decision, Lincoln had survived the ordeal through nothing short of a miracle; his body healing itself itself within seconds of being burnt and irradiated. Having little recollection of the events that occurred of last night, Lincoln now awakens from his heavy slumber, rising off the floor and rubbing his eyelids.

With his eye opening to tell him where he was, Lincoln found himself laying naked on the floor, covered only by a small blanket. Just only barely beginning to remember the events that unfolded last night, Lincoln staves off a massive headache from the aftermath of his death and rebirth.

"Ugh... My head really hurts... Starting to hear some weird voice talk to me..." Lincoln said.

Picking himself off the floor, Lincoln-

Huh? Wait a minute, why did he say that last part? I didn't write that.

Oh, well, it's 4 AM and I've been at this for hours, maybe I put that line there for a reason. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah.

Picking himself off the floor, Lincoln placed himself on his feet again, pushing against his back to let out a few cracks. Following with these morning cracks of his back, Lincoln also did the same with his neck, now finally ready to begin his day. Upon looking down, however, Lincoln realized that something rather valuable was missing.

"Huh? My underwear! My beautiful red reading underwear! It got nuked!" Lincoln lamented.

While mourning the loss of his beloved red underwear, Lincoln picked the small blanket off the floor to tie it around his waist, aiming to make it a new, comprimised garment. The blanket, although only large enough to cover Lisa or Lily, was sufficient in covering his extremities.

Wrapping the blanket around his lower waist like a towel, Lincoln had found his temporary clothing situation resolved.

"Who's saying that? Is somebody there?" Lincoln asked.

Having-

What the-?! Okay, I know for a fact I didn't write that, why is he-

"Gah! Get away from me, you freaky, disembodied voice! Who are you?! And why are you describing everything I do?!" Lincoln shouted.

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, you can hear me?

"Yeah, who are you?!" Lincoln asked.

Uh... I'm... I was... How did you even-

Shit, think fast, what do I do? I know!

Breaking up this sudden and unexpected break of the separation between creation and creator, buying the former time to sort out this new blurring of the fourth wall, Lisa Loud walked back into the room, carrying with her a glass of orange juice from the kitchen.

"Well, Lincoln, glad to shee you're awake. Forgive me for leaving you before you awoke, but I required a glassh of concshentrated and shweetened fluids exshtracted from a Citrush shinenshish before I could continue on my day." Lisa said.

"What?" Lincoln asked.

"I needed a glassh of orange juicshe. Now, I shee you finally woke up, how are you feeling?"

"Lisa, you've got to help me, there's this weird voice talking to me!"

"Hold on, hold on, calm yourshelf down, Lincoln. What about thish voicshe you shay you hear?"

"I don't know. I don't see anybody talking, but I can hear them talk. He describes what I do in this weird melodramatic way. Actually, it really comes off like some wannabe comic book writer."

The hell did you call me, dipshit?!

"AHH! See?! There he was again! Didn't you hear it?!" Lincoln asked.

"Uh... No, sibling, I am afraid not." Lisa said.

"How didn't you hear him?! He just called me 'dipshit'!"

"Ash accurate ash that shtatement can be to shomeone like you, I'm afraid that you are the only pershon that hearsh thish voicshe. Ish thish perhapsh the shame imaginary individualsh you talk to on a daily bashish? The onesh that you feel the need to exshplain your entire life every few minutesh?"

"No, the viewers never talk back to me, at least not that I can hear. This voice is different, it's like he's controlling me or the world somehow."

"Uh-huh. Lincoln, I believe that, in the unexshplained event that your body healed from, your brain may have been altered or otherwishe reshtructured to where you are now highly shchishzophrenic."

"Schizophrenic?"

"Yesh. You claim that this voicshe, a voicshe that no one but yourshelf can hear, is shomehow controlling you and your life. That ish what ish called in the medical community ash shchishzophrenia. However, shuch a condishtion I can work with very easily. My primary conshcern is what that nuclear reactor did to your DNA makeup. I took the liberty of exshtracting shome blood from your body in your shleep, and analyshzed the contentsh."

"Well, what did you see?"

"The anshwer to that queshtion ish not eashily anshwered with wordsh, Lincoln. It ish far eashier for your primitive mind if I show you firshthand."

-

Moving their discussion to Lisa's supercomputer, the monitor screen began to display a full map of Lincoln's DNA, rendering the image in full. Having no understanding of DNA and its intricacies, Lincoln looked on the screen with confusion, hoping that his sister would explain exactly what made his new DNA makeup different.

"Yeah, pal, I can see that just fine, can you please quiet down? She's about to explain the whole thing now, I'm right here!" Lincoln said.

Hey, punk, I've got one job here, and that's to tell the reader how the damn story goes. If I don't, these people are just gonna stare at a blank white screen.

"Who's the reader? You mean the viewer?" Lincoln asked.

Not in this instance. You're not on TV now.

"So, what is this, an episode draft?" Lincoln asked.

Not exactly, I-

"Lincoln, if you would be sho kind ash to shtop shpeaking to your auditory hallucshinatshion, I have a preshentatshion to make regarding what happened to your body." Lisa said.

"Oh, right, sorry, Lis." Lincoln said.

Taking a laser pointer in her hand, Lisa pointed the red dot towards the screen, directing Lincoln's attention to the computer-rendered image of a DNA strand.

"Ash you can shee here, we have a normal DNA shtrand, taken from you approxshimately a week before you shtepped inshide the particle accshelerator." Lisa said.

"Wait, you took some of my DNA without me knowing?" Lincoln asked.

"...No?"

After hiding a mischievous smile and darting her eyes back and forth, Lisa shrugged off the question and returned to the presentation.

"Anyway, ash you can shee, your DNA is relatively normal; no shings of abnormality or any shorts of deformitiesh or hereditary disheashes, ash our family hash none ash far ash our genealogical records show." Lisa said.

"I have no idea how DNA works, so I'll take your word for it. So, what about my DNA now?" Lincoln asked.

"I'm getting to that."

Pressing a key on the computer's keyboard, Lisa showed another computer-generated image of DNA, this time of Lincoln's current DNA following his incident in the reactor. If not for the fact that Lisa said the two strands were the different, one would never tell the them apart from one another.

Yes, both are from the same person, smart-ass, but did you think it would be the same after being in a nuclear reactor? Of course not.

"Yeah, fair enough, that's a good point." Lincoln said.

"What?" Lisa asked.

"Uh, sorry, Lis, I was talking to... the voice again. But I was thinking it looks exactly the same. My DNA."

"Not quite. At firsht glancshe, the two look almost exactly the shame. However, ash I wash running some exshperimentsh on both shetsh of DNA, I noticshed shomething very intereshting regarding your new DNA. Watch what happensh when I had run an electrical current through both shtrands."

Pressing another key on the keyboard, Lisa played a new animation on the screen; representing both DNA strands side-by-side and both being ran electricity through. Where the 'control' DNA strand was heavily damaged by the electrical stream as it ran through, the 'post-incident' DNA strand was not only undamaged, but it seemed to absorb the electricity.

"Whoa... What happened to my DNA?" Lincoln asked.

"After running shome more teshts with other kindsh of energy fieldsh, it sheemsh that, ash a reshult of you entering the particle accshelerator, your DNA can now abshorb all mannersh of energy. Additshionally, not only can your DNA abshorb energy, but, as evidencshed by thish animatshion..." Lisa began to say.

The animation then showed the DNA strand being prodded with microscopic tools, causing it to react to its provocation. The DNA strand, releasing the energy stored within, expanded the energy outwards from itself; the energy destroying the prods, but the DNA itself not damaged or harmed.

"...it can alsho releashe it ash in an exshtremely violent manner." Lisa finished.

In this situation, any sensible person would find the news unsettling, perhaps even horrified. Imagine, for many years of your life, having a sense of self and identity, only to have it all stripped away and rewritten in an instant. Never again will you be normal, and forever this will be your fate.

Many would react in a state of denial; trying to downplay this change or pretend that it doesn't exist. Some would find themselves in despair; thinking themselves a danger to themselves and those around them. Some might even react violently; trying to deliberately harm themselves in order to end the confusion in their minds.

For Lincoln Loud, his reaction is...

"Lisa... THIS IS THE COOLEST THING EVER THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME!" Lincoln said.

...that, of course, because he's an idiot.

"Shut up, annoying voice! Lisa, do you know what this means?! I have superpowers now! It worked! Oh, Lisa, thank you for setting up that nuclear reactor, this is too perfect, it all worked out great! Now, I all I need is a cool costume, fight a few bad guys, pretend to interview myself, and I'm home free on that summer school." Lincoln said.

"Lincoln, are you out of your mind?! Out of all the worsht ideash you've had over the yearsh, and, believe me, you've had shome pretty bad onesh, thish ish undoubtably the shingle mosht worsht idea you've ever concocted! I told you before you shtepped inshide that nuclear reactor that giving you any kind of shuperhuman abilitiesh wash a bad idea, and I shtill maintain that opinion." Lisa said.

"C'mon, Lis, I only have to do this for a few months, then I'm good. You can run some tests around what happened to me in the particle accelerator, and you'll have your summer school project done, too. We both win."

"No, I will not condone shuch an actshion, not even for finishing my exshtracurricular activity. Now, the first order of business for me now ish to find a way to revershe your current shtate and bring you back to normal. If you'll gladly exshcuse me, I have work to be done on that front."

"Lisa, please, come on, at least just let me keep the powers, I'll be good with them, please?"

"Lincoln, if the rest of the family, particularly, our parentsh, were to find out how you obtained your abilitiesh, how do you think they would react?"

"Uh... how?"

"It may have been you shtepping into the nuclear reactor of your own volitshion, but it'sh my nuclear reactor you shtepped into and activated. Therefore, if there were no nuclear reactor, we would not be in this shituation. Therefore, becaushe of our parental unitsh, the blame will ultimately fall upon me. Therefore, I will have all my shcientific priviligesh taken away and all my life'sh work will be put to an untimely end."

"But since when has being grounded ever stopped you from working on your science projects?"

"Truth be told, it never shtopped me, but, for the shake of the bond I share with my parental unitsh, I do not wish to shatter that bond by doing thingsh againsht their interesht. Killing them is a lasht reshort."

"Lisa, please, I'm begging you, won't you please, please, please, let me do this?! If I don't complete this summer school project, I'll get held back and I won't be able to keep hanging out with my friends in school."

"Yesh, but I'm shure you can find some new friendsh, perhapsh onesh that match your apparent intellectual level."

Realizing that his pleas and efforts of begging would not work, Lincoln realized that he required a new kind of argument to convince Lisa to allow him to continue his own project. While Lisa was never a quite emotional person, Lincoln did have one last point that could perhaps convince her.

"Really? What argument do I have?" Lincoln asked.

Tell her about how you want a talent like your other sisters, moron. Didn't you just go off and hop into a dangerous piece of nuclear machinery because of your whole 'wanting to be special' thing? The whole point of the goddamn dream scene I wrote for you? For god's sakes, do I have to spell everything out for yout?!

"Oh, right, that. I forgot." Lincoln said.

Dumbass.

Taking in a deep breath and letting it back out again, Lincoln subsequently let one more thing come from his mouth: His final effort to reach Lisa. Approaching his younger sister and taking in one last bit of breath, Lincoln finally spoke his argument towards keeping his powers.

"Lisa? Can I ask you something personal?" Lincoln asked.

"If it ish shome short of attempt to convincshe me to allow you to continue your inshane plan, then you are free to make an attempt, but I will tell you that my mind shall not change from whatever emotshional platitude you can throw at me." Lisa said.

"Fine, just tell me, how do you think your life would be if you never had your passion for science?"

While Lisa was still strongly holding onto her position of reversing Lincoln's powers, the question she was asked threw her off her concentration into intrigue.

"Exshactly what ish the meaning of thish queshtion?" Lisa asked.

"If you never found your passion for science, if you were still just a regular 5-year old girl, how do you think your life would be like?" Lincoln asked.

"Well... I shupposhe it would be much lessh eventful and exshiting as it ish now. I would never have made the numeroush dishcoveriesh I had made during my time ash a schientist, and the world would not have benefitted from my work."

"Then think about how I feel. All my life, I've been surrounded by all of you guys, and you've all got amazing sorts of talents and skills that I could never do. But, while you guys all have your passions and... and all the things that make you special, I don't have anything. You know me, I've been reading my comics my whole life. I've always had a love for what superheroes do; fighting crime, beating bad guys, saving people in need, and working for world peace. My comics have always been a way for me to live that world, but all my favorite comics are disappearing. It's not just about the summer school thing, Lisa, I genuinely think that this is what I was meant to do in life. Just like you were meant to be a brilliant scientist, Luna was meant to be a musician, Lynn was meant to be an athlete, I genuniely think that this is what I was meant to do. Please, Lisa. At least let me try."

Steadfast in her opinion and stature against allowing her brother to follow through on his plan, knowing of the reputation he had built for himself with bad ideas, Lisa began to feel some sense of sympathy for her brother; something that she did not feel for many people. Hearing her brother's plight to be successful in a talent or passion like his sisters, Lisa could see that this was no attempt to change her mind...

...but a genuine plea for something he always wanted, appealing to her own personal interests.

With all of his sisters all discovering their talents almost in their infancy, understanding that Lincoln had seemed to be left behind the others. Thinking over all the anxiety and insecurity that he must have felt during such a long time, the need Lincoln had for this new power was suddenly completely understandable to her.

While most of her decisions in life were made solely on logic, this time, on this day, Lisa decided to make a decision based on emotion instead.

"I shtand corrected. I shee that thish need for a shpecial talent hash led you to take drashtic meashures, but I had not sheen the drive for shuch a decishion until thish new exshplanation." Lisa said.

"So does that mean you'll let me use the powers?" Lincoln asked.

"Againsht my better judgement... yesh, I will allow you to ushe your newfound abilitiesh which you sho passhionately refer to as 'shuperpowers'."

"YES!"

Jumping up in the air in celebration, Lincoln had unfortunately unraveled his blanket, unveiling the hidden treasures beneath. Not wanting to expose himself to his younger sister, Lincoln quickly reached down and pulled his blanket back over his waist, dressing him back up once again.

"Heh, sorry about that." Lincoln said.

"Think nothing of it. I've sheen your genitalsh on multiple occashions, and thish ish cshertainly no exsheptional time." Lisa said.

"What?! When did you see my winky?!"

"On one of the numeroush timesh either I or another of our shishtersh had walked in on you while changing. Also, you are 12 yearsh old, I would hardly call refering to your genitalsh ash your 'winky' to be age-appropriate. Then again, given your shizshe, I shupposhe the minishcule shound of the word makesh it ish rather fitting."

"Huh?"

"GUYS! DAD BROUGHT BACK FOOD FROM HIS LUNCH BREAK AND DROPPED IT OFF! IT'S LASAGNA!" Leni called.

Hearing Leni's lunch call from down the stairs, Lisa's awkward line of questioning and insult to the size of Lincoln's dick (which, to be fair, still has growing to do, but not much) was fortunately saved by the dinner bell. With Lincoln growing hungry from the promise of lasagna, Lisa, too, began to crave the pasta dish as well.

"Ooh, Dad'sh famoush lashagna, perhapsh we should shave thish convershation for later." Lisa said.

"You said it, sis, I'm starving." Lincoln said.

"Uh, Lincoln, before you head to the dinner table, may I shuggesht you place shome new clothesh on firsht?"

"Oh, uh, right. Good thinking."

-

One wardrobe change, a plate or two of Lynn Sr.'s lasagna, and a return back upstairs later, Lincoln and Lisa met back within the latter's room. Now having satisfied their mutual hunger, there now laid the task of planning out Lincoln's usage of his new superpowers.

"Okay, Lis, so, now, we just have to go out and find some bad guys for me to fight, and you just write down all the sciencey-stuff that happens in between it all, right?" Lincoln asked.

"Negatory. While I've acquired a decshent amount of data from your new shtate, I shtill have no full undershtanding of what you're capable of. Before shending you after all mannersh of threatsh and enemiesh, I need to run shome more teshts to find out what exshactly theshe new 'powersh' of yoursh can allow you to do." Lisa asked.

"Aw, come on, Lisa, do we have to do the tests now?"

"If we're not fully prepared for whatever could come our way in the line of fighting other poshthuman threatsh, any mistake could cosht your life, and I'll never be allowed by the parental unitsh to continue my work again."

Hearing Lisa's reasoning for not wanting him to be killed, Lincoln gave a slight scowl and a skeptical eyebrow.

"And, of courshe, ash you are my blood shibling, it would be immoral to allow you to get killed in shuch an irreshponshible manner. Beshidesh, you shaid that you wished to help me with my own shummer school project; thish ish the way in which you shall help me. In return, I shall give you my full asshishitancshe on your own project." Lisa said.

"Well, okay. If we get through this testing phase faster, that means I get to go and use my powers faster, and I'll know how to use them." Lincoln said.

"Exshellent. Now, give me a shtool shample."

Lisa then handed Lincoln a jar, kindly requesting that he return with it full of fecal matter.

"Aw, come on, Lisa, do I really have to do your weird and dumb stool sample thing again?" Lincoln asked.

"Yesh. Now go and don't come back until this beaker ish completely full of shit." Lisa said.

Begrudgingly, Lincoln left the room to the bathroom, returning back a few moments later with a full jar.

"There. For some reason, that was harder to get out than usual. Now, what are you gonna test with that?" Lincoln asked.

Instead of doing any test, however, Lisa simply began laughing, doing so uncontrollably until she fell to the floor.

"What's so funny? Aren't you gonna run a test?" Lincoln asked.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha... Of courshe not! You really think I can find shomething schientifically important in someone'sh bodily washte? Ha-ha-ha-ha..." Lisa laughed.

"WHAT?! Then why the hell did you make me poop in a jar for you?! Why have you been making us do all these stool samples for years?!"

"Becaushe, Lincoln, even though I am highly intelligent for my age, I alsho am shtill 5 yearsh old... and like many 5-year oldsh... I can't help myshelf to the immaturity of potty humor! Ha-ha-ha-ha!"

As Lisa continued to laugh, Lincoln stood stoic and frustrated, looking on his laughing sister with disapproval.

"Are you finished?" Lincoln asked.

"Ah... Ah... Alright, I've had my laugh. Now the real teshting beginsh. Now, if you'll kindly remove your shirt, I need you to put these clampsh on your nipplesh." Lisa said.

Following the end of her laughter, Lisa held up two high-powered electrical clamps, each just small enough to clamp onto a human nipple.

Not too fond of the idea of having any sort of electrical current being run through him, much less through two sensitive parts of his chest, Lincoln instinctively covered said parts over his shirt, wearing a scared facial expression, and desperately wishing that her immature act of laughter would come back.

"Uh... Did you say on my nipples?" Lincoln asked.

"...No?" Lisa asked.

Once again trying to sway from her lie, Lisa nervously smiled and darted her eyes back and forth, hoping that her poor answer would satisfy Lincoln. Still able to hear me tell the story, Lincoln now knows that Lisa is, in fact, lying, and that those clamps will definitely be going on his minuscule male mammilla.

And cringing as I made that alliteration.

"Thank you for that awful sentence, now I'll never get it out of my head. Can you just transition to something else so I don't have to live this out?" Lincoln asked.

-

Moving through a series of trials and tests that could not be explained so easily to the layman, Lisa began her analysis on Lincoln's newfound powers, seeking out to not only find all of his abilities, but to see how far said powers can be pushed. While the tests moved through like some kind of game to Lisa Loud, providing all sorts of endless fun in her mind's state of flow...

...Lincoln Loud could only describe such experiments in one single word:

"Torture. This is absolute torture." Lincoln said.

"Relaxsh, Lincoln, thish ish all in the name of shcienshce." Lisa said.

"So how am I supposed to deal with being electrocuted alive?"

"Jusht... think happy thoughtsh."

Before Lincoln could protest to such a simplistic and ineffective suggestion, Lisa began the electrical current, sending several gigawatts of power throughout his body. Underneath Lincoln's screams and shouts, a few shouts from upstairs could be heard; all protesting the interruption in the house's power from Lisa's electrical current.

"HEY! I'M TRYING TO WATCH PRISON PAGEANTS! ENOUGH WITH THE POWER OUTAGES!" Lola shouted.

"YEAH, BRAH, I WANT MY MTV!" Luna shouted.

Shutting off the power circuit, Lisa took readings off Lincoln's body, taking note off all the wattage he had just absorbed. Having absorbed a total ranging over 1.21 gigawatts, nearly as much wattage than a bolt of lightning, Lincoln began to feel the energy surging within his body.

A side effect of absorbing such a large quantity of power began to show; his eyes began to grow a green iris. As no one in the show was animated with irises, whether this be by artistic style or incompetence of basic human anatomy, this was a strange sight to witness, even in the logic of this cartoon world.

Lisa, handing Lincoln a mirror, showed the new side effect to her brother.

"Lincoln! Your irishesh have turned a bright green color!" Lisa said.

"What?! I mean, that's kind of cool, but what about Mom and Dad not finding out about this?" Lincoln asked.

"The irishesh changing their color musht be shome indicatshion that you have abshorbed a shcertain level of energy. Try to releashe the energy somehow."

"Uh... How do I do that?"

"Well, you sheem to believe that your comic booksh have given you shome idea on how to ushe shuperpowersh. Perhapsh you should think of shome ideash from them?"

Thinking back on the many sorts of comic books he had read over his life, Lincoln pondered over how he might use this new ability. Picturing every use of energy power he had seen used, Lincoln remembered that most of these powers were fired using some dramatic hand motion.

Gambling on this trick, Lincoln thrusted his open palms towards the wall; hoping to fire the energy stored in his body.

"Hang on, Lis, I got one... I always wanted to do this... Kame... Hame... HA!" Lincoln shouted.

While his motion had indeed worked in releasing the energy, and done what any Dragon Ball Z would have done in his position, this had resulted in the power being all expended at once in a manner much more violent than expected. Having stored more than an entire gigawatt worth of energy, expending it all at once resulted in a large explosion.

This blast destroyed not only the entire wall, but also reached Mr. Grouse's house as well. Along with an entire chunk of his house being destroyed, the explosion had destroyed just enough of his house to expose the old man in the process of using his toilet.

While Lisa was more than impressed with this new discovery, Mr. Grouse, of course, was not at all impressed.

"What the hell are you doing, you goddamn Louds?! Can't an old man take a shit in peace?!" Mr. Grouse shouted.

"Uh... Lincoln... perhapsh it would be in our besht intereshtsh if we relocated our teshting shomewhere elshe." Lisa said.

"I agree." Lincoln said.

Rushing out of the bedroom and heading down the stairs, Lincoln and Lisa went straight to Leni, needing someone to drive them to a new location for their testing.

"Leni, I require a favor. Would you pleashe be sho kind ash to drive me and Lincoln to the shcity shcrapyard? I require shome new partsh to build a new inventshion of mine." Lisa asked.

"The junkyard? Well, okay, I guess I can give you a ride." Leni answered.

Overhearing the conversation, Lana jumped into the affair, wanting to also head down to the scrapyard for her own affairs.

"Oh, you guys are going to the dump? Cool, can I go? Vanzilla could use a new carberator." Lana said.

"Ehh, no, Lana, thish will be purely shcientific work, you need not apply." Lisa said.

"Aw, come on, you know how much I love going among trash and junk!"

"Yesh, but that hash been proven to be exshtremely detrimental to your health, particuarly your dental health. I've already given you sheveral tungsten fillings, more than enough to keep ush from heading through an airport without you setting off all the shenshors."

"And now aluminum foil tickles my gums when I chew it, it's great!"

"A very inadvishable tactic, but of courshe I will not be able to convincshe you to stop, knowing you. I shtill will not have an unnecshesshary passhenger to this misshion."

"But how come Lincoln gets to go?"

"Becaushe he pershonally volunteered hish time in excshange for asshishtance on his shummer school report. Alsho, he will not take all the good partsh for himshelf."

"C'mon, Lisa, please?"

Needing a more practical way of getting rid Lana, Lincoln stepped in to use another measure of removing her from the equation. Taking a dog bone out of his pocket, Lisa waved it in front of her face, instantly sending Lana to her knees and panting heavily, as if she were a real dog.

"Hey, Lana! You see the dog bone? You see it, girl?" Lincoln asked.

Still entranced by the bone, Lana nodded her head up and down, her stuck-out tongue sending some saliva towards Lincoln's face.

"Go get the bone, Lana, go get it!" Lincoln said.

Lincoln then threw the bone down the hall, sending her after it. Going after the bone, Lana ran after the thrown dog treat, focused only on gnawing on it for hours.

"Exshellent thinking, Lincoln." Lisa said.

"Comes with knowing all your sisters." Lincoln said.

With Lana now out of the way, the path to the van was partially cleared, but the two were then quickly met with the obstacle of Lynn, also wanting a ride in Vanzilla.

"Hey, guys, you got room for one more? I could use a stop at the football field to meet with my team." Lynn said.

"Uh, sorry, Lynn, we're going to the junkyard, that's pretty far out of the way." Lincoln said.

"C'mon, please? I promised that I'd be there today."

"If I might make a shuggeshtion, how about you walk to the field inshtead? The walk would provide more of an exshershizshe and warm up your leg mushclesh for any heavy play." Lisa said.

"I don't know, Lis, it's a pretty long walk. As much as I love a good walk, it'd be a long while before I get to the field on foot."

"Then why not run to the field? You could call the rest of your team and have them all run to the field in a race! Whoever gets there fast has to buy snacks." Lincoln said.

"Hey... I like that idea. I get some exersize, and I don't have to pay for snacks this time. Good thinkin', Lincoln."

With Lynn now out of their way, Lincoln and Lisa were one step closer to getting towards Vanzilla. Just as they had taken one step towards their destination, however, another sister had placed them one step back. This time, the one requesting a ride was Luan, and accompanied by her ventriloquist doll, Mr. Coconuts.

"Hey, guys, wood you mind giving us a ride? The girl's got a hot date with Benny, and she's pine-ing for a ride." Mr. Coconuts said.

"Like the man said, Benny and I have a date to see the new owl exhibit at the zoo. It oughta be a hoot and a holler! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it? But, seriously, I need a ride." Luan said.

"Negatory. Ash Lincoln and I have exshplained to the last two freeloadersh attempting to join ush, we are riding to the junkyard, where none of your intended deshtinationsh shall be closhe to along the way." Lisa said.

"Oh, c'mon, Lisa, it's not out the way of the dump, I've got an offer you can't refuse! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

"Say, Luan, isn't that new comedy special on NetFilms out now? Why don't you put off the zoo date and have a movie-phone date instead? Lori did it with Bobby, and they had a great time!" Lincoln said.

"The one with Jim Laughagain? Wow, I totally forgot that was today! Thanks, Lincoln, I'll call Benny right now, our night should dial up nicely anyways. HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it?"

"Yesh, shibling, we get it. Now pleashe go away and shpare our shuffering eardrumsh." Lisa said.

"Hey, no need to get cranky with the girl, she's just looking for someone to share some mahogany with." Mr. Coconuts said.

"HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Good one, Mr. Coconuts! Although, honestly, I wouldn't go around telling so many people about that last part. I take my intimate matters very personally." Luan said.

"Hey, kid, don't mean to ply, wood you lighten up a bit?"

"Well, keep up the good lines like that and I maple consider it! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it?"

Just as Luan had been removed from the list of obstacles, giving Lincoln and Lisa a sense of security, that security was shortly violated with the presence of Lucy. Appearing out of nowhere and standing directly behind the two, Lucy gave her usual manner of greeting her siblings.

"Hi." Lucy said.

After jumping and screaming at Lucy's spontaneous appearance, both Lincoln and Lisa got themselves back on their feet again to see what the young goth girl wanted.

"Let me guess, you want a ride, too?" Lincoln asked.

"No. I never leave the house during summertime unless absolutely necessary. Too much sun; it burns my skin. I just wanted to ask you if you can stop by Hot Gothic and get me a new parasol so I can walk in the daylight, shielded from the scorching sun as I walk on this cursed Earth." Lucy said.

"Uh... okay, sure. We can do that."

"Thanks. Here's the picture from the ad."

Lucy handed Lincoln a picture of the requested parasol, specifying which particular one she wanted. To Lincoln's surprise and shock, the parasol was listed at a whopping $50, priced far above a reasonable deal. Despite that, however, I know most of you idiots would spend hundreds on some shitty-ass toys for all the shows you watched or used to watch as a kid.

Just so you can put it on your shelf and never touch it.

"50 dollars for an umbrella?! Are you crazy?!" Lincoln asked.

"It's not an umbrella, it's a parasol. It's a replica of the same parasol Griselda uses in Vampires of Melancholia. All my friends are getting one. Also, could you pick me up the latest issue of Vampire Cannibals of Piscataway, New Jersey while you're at it? I'm guessing that you're going to stop by the comic store since you'll be at Hot Gothic. Here's the money, plus a commission for all expenses." Lucy said.

Lucy handed Lincoln a sum of $75 dollars, an amount of money he was not expecting his little sister to have.

"Uh... where did you get all this money?" Lincoln asked.

"I go grave robbing to perform some burial rites for the dead, giving them a chance to come back as the living dead. Many of them have their wallets left with them when they're buried, so I ususally take it as payment for services rendered." Lucy said.

"You do know you're probably going to Hell for that, right?"

"Unlikely. The Chrishtian vershion of Hell, ash well ash Chrishtianity itshelf, ish hishtorically inaccurate and fallsh under itsh own logic, rendering it untrue. Ash taboo ash the concshept may sheem, Lucy ish free to rob ash many gravesh ash she wishesh without consquencshe, exshept perhapsh from the local authoritiesh." Lisa said.

"Uh... right. Anyways, we'll get your umbrella, Luce."

"It's a parasol, not an umbrella, but thank you, Lincoln." Lucy said.

While having gotten one sister off their list of concerns, there still laid two more sisters that would possibly request a ride: Luna and Lola. Moving quickly through the hallways, Lincoln and Lisa, while guiding Leni, all rushed to the outside to reach Vanzilla before they were given any more requests for more to join.

Before making their way out the door, however, they were still stopped by one of the two remaining sisters: Luna.

"Oh, come on, you can control what happens in the story, can't you give us a break?" Lincoln asked.

Not yet. I've still got 2 more pages before I can call this chapter finished; 25 a chapter's my quota. Besides, in the show, you usually have to go through all your sisters before you can get to your goal, I'm trying for authenticity to make this feel like it's actually part of the real show..

"What do you mean, 'authenticity'? I thought this was an episode draft?" Lincoln asked.

Yeah, about that... Uh, I'll explain later. You might want to pay attention to Luna for now. She's staring at you like your crazy.

"And why is she staring at me like I'm crazy?" Lincoln asked.

Because you're talking to yourself, or so it looks like.

Looking ahead of himself, Lincoln's eyes were met with Luna's, whose own eye were staring at him in confusion at his seemingly bizarre behavior.

"Uh, Linc? You okay? Is this one of your things where you talk to your imaginary friends?" Luna asked.

"No, no, not that, it's just some- Forget about it. Look, if you want a ride, Lisa and I are heading to the junkyard, and there's nothing along the way to drop you off to that you might wanna-" Lincoln began to say.

"No, dude, that's not what I want. I'm headin' out with Sam later; Chunk's driving. I was gonna ask you if you wanted to go to this local punk concert; it's this band called 'The Rejected'. It starts Tuesday in 3 weeks, are you in?"

"Oh, uh, sure. I guess."

"Great. I mean, I remember how you were talking about how you felt like you didn't really know your own interests, so I thought a good concert would help take your mind off things a little."

"Oh, well, that's very thoughtful of you, Luna, I appreciate that."

"Also, dude, I just want you to know, anything you need, any time you need it, you just let me know. I know how you get sad about a lot of things when they don't go your way, and I just wanted to be here for you when that happens, okay?"

"Okay, thanks, Luna. I really appreciate this, but, Lisa's starting to wait on me now. Can we maybe do this some other time?"

"Sure, bro, I won't hold you back. You and Lisa go have fun with that science stuff. See you at the concert."

"Okay, I will."

Although Lincoln felt bad about pushing off Luna's outreach attempts-

"No thanks to you conveniently placing them right as we're trying to leave." Lincoln said.

Hey, be a little nicer than that. She's a cool character and I made her be nice to you. That's more than what happens for most of your other sisters.

"Fair enough." Lincoln said.

As I was saying, although Lincoln felt bad about pushing off Luna's outreach attempts, he and Lisa finally managed to reach the front door, bringing Leni along to drive the car. After coming so far, they had finally reached the destination they set for themselves.

"LINCOLN!" Lola shouted.

Or so they thought, as Lola approached the two to make her demands.

"Lola-" Lincoln began to say.

"I know, I know, you're going to a yucky junkyard. I don't want to go, but Lana insisted that I give you this order for this part." Lola said.

Lola handed Lincoln a piece of paper with a photograph of a car part, as well as several identification numbers specifying the part.

"What's this thing?" Lincoln asked.

"It's the carburetor Lana needs to fix Vanzilla. If you're not going to let her come, you can at least get her the part so she'll get off my back." Lola said.

"Oh, sure, we'll take a look."

"Yeah, sure. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some makeup to put on. A girl's got to look her best."

With the last of the Loud sisters finally out of their way, the path to Vanzilla was at last clear and without any further interruption. Heading out the door and to the garage, Lincoln, Lisa, and Leni headed to Vanzilla, waiting for the eldest sister in their group to drive them to the junkyard.

Before leaving, however, it seemed there was one last interruption in the process of arriving.

"Wait, you guys, you think you can give me a ride? I wanna head to the mall while you're going out." Leni said.

"Leni, you're driving the car. You don't need a ride; you are the ride." Lincoln said.

"Oh, right. I forgot."

With Leni reminded of the task at hand, the elder sister stepped in the drivers' seat, buckling in her seatbelt, one of the few things that this blonde airhead can do on her own. Lincoln and Lisa, far past ready to make their arrival at the junkyard, buckled in their seatbelts as well.

Now, with all the siblings ready to leave, Leni started up Vanzilla and began backing out of the driveway, taking her younger siblings to the junkyard as requested. With the least intelligent of the sisters driving the pair to the junkyard, and the guise of their visit being based purely in science, there was bound to be little area for error.

Though, of course, for Lisa, this all still was based purely in science for her, despite giving into some of Lincoln's own needs.

"Hey, you're way past that 25 page mark and we're heading on our way to the junkyard, you can stop narrating everything now. For now, I'd like a little peace and quiet before the next scene." Lincoln said.

Oh, but one second, I haven't done the last line in the chapter. I think I'll do a joke this time.

"Hey, did you guys notice Mr. Grouse remodeled his house to have a sunroof? I didn't even know you could put those on the side of your house, we'll have to get one of those." Leni said.

Leni is the stupid character. GET IT? Are you laughing now?

Well, I hope so, because there's several more chapters of this shit I still have to write.

CHAPTER 6: STRANGER THAN FICTION, PART 2

Last night, Lincoln Loud almost died.

Stepping inside a nuclear reactor constructed by his younger genius sister Lisa, Lincoln entered with the intent of emerging with superpowers, attempting to solve two dire problems in his life, desperately seeking out resolve to fill both of these gaping holes in his heart.

One such problem was his desire to find a talent, a passion; something that gave him a sense of identity. Being surrounded by 9 sisters with their own talents and interests (Lily not yet having hers, being a baby), the desire to have a sense of self and importance like them drove him to desperate and manic measures to find who he truly was.

The other problem was to finish his summer school project. Right in the beginning of his summer vacation, his entire 3 months of fun and relaxation was cut short with the massive obstacle of a summer school project being placed upon him to make up for his flunking of history. Should he fail this assignment, he would be forced to be held back a grade, and be away from his friends.

His solution to both problem?

To obtain superhuman abilities and become a real superhero himself.

Living in a world where superheroes emerge left and right among every corner of the globe, the dream of joining among this new breed of posthumans in the new world that they crafted had driven him to get his own powers. As a result of stepping inside the nuclear reactor, having his very atoms bathed in radiation, Lincoln now possessed the ability to absorb and redirect energy itself

His plan has worked.

"That's a really nice summary so far, but they've been here since the beginning. They know what happened." Lincoln said.

Also, as some strange result of stepping within the nuclear reactor, another unforeseen consequence occurred; something not even planned by the writer himself. Throughout the run of the original show, Lincoln Loud possessed an awareness of the 4th wall, a separation between reality and fiction.

Using this awareness, Lincoln often communicated with the viewers of his show, seeking out a friend to seek out someone to relate to his problems, or perhaps provide an offering to be a friend to someone seeking out one in a hard time in their lives, seeking some escapism from their mundane or perhaps depressing real lives.

Being altered at the atomic level, however, this 4th wall awareness has found itself amplified greatly. Not only is he well aware of his being a fictional character, but he can now also hear me, the writer of this story, spell out each event as I describe it; something rarely seen in 4th wall-breaking characters.

This little dickhead also called me a wannabe writer. I'll get back at him for that.

Right about now, you may be asking:

'Wait, if you're the writer, how is this fictional character able to hear you if you didn't plan that? That doesn't make any sense.'

To that I answer:

'Shut your goddamn mouth or I'll sodomize you with a pineapple'.

Because now it's time for the fun part of the obligatory superhero origin story where we give the main character his powers, complete with all the clunkiest and heavy-handed writing and most perverse attempts at hard science fiction ever since George Lucas came into existence.

Anyways, the newly-superpowered Lincoln Loud, alongside the child prodigy Lisa Loud, take a ride in Vanzilla to the local junkyard, needing a safe environment to test his new powers. Driving them is Leni Loud, the second-eldest child of the Loud family. While her intellect level could be questionable in the way of her driving skills, her low intelligence also meant the benefit of her not smart enough to ask any questions.

Where Leni was preoccupied with driving her siblings to the junkyard, the passengers were biding their time on the journey in their own ways of coping. Lincoln began reading an issue of Ace Savvy, hoping to find some new ideas to use his powers, while Lisa began listening to some hardcore rap music, selecting 'M.V.P' from Big L's 'Lifestylez Ov Da Poor & Dangerous' and paraphrasing the chorus to pertain to herself.

"If shcienshce wash a game I'll be M.V.P,

The most valuable physhicisht on the committee,

If shcienshce wash a game I'll be M.V.P,

The most valuable physhicisht on the committee..." Lisa sung.

"So, are you going to tell me about what's going on here?" Lincoln asked.

As Lisa was preoccupied with her music, she could not hear Lincoln's question, still immersing herself in the words of the underrated hip-hop artist.

"I wasn't talking to Lisa, genius. I was talking to you." Lincoln said.

What? Who, me?

"Yeah, you. I've been listening to you blab about everything that's been happening for the past couple of hours now, so I've got some questions from you that I need answered." Lincoln said.

I can't just give you some help, man, that's not how this works.

"How what works?" Lincoln asked.

Fiction. If I just keep spelling out what you're supposed to do without you figuring it out, you don't actually progress as a character, then there's no story.

"Oh? Like when you suggested I try to appeal to Lisa to get her to let me keep the powers?" Lincoln asked.

Oh... Well, uh... I... Damn it, fine, you got a point. What do you want to know?

"Ever since I stepped out of that nuclear reactor, I've been hearing you talk this whole time, and you've been controlling everything that's been going on, but this isn't anything like what I've been doing before. Now that I'm stopping to think about a lot of stuff, there's a lot of things wrong here. Danny Phantom wasn't a comic book before I knew it, at least not that I can remember. In fact, nothing around here seems to fit here anymore. The Green Eye and Rocket Power don't feel like they belong here, nor does any of this superhero stuff going on. I've never dealt with that before." Lincoln said.

What do you mean, 'they don't belong'?

"As far as The Loud House goes, I've never dealt with anything more than having to help my sisters. I mean, sure, there were some pretty outlandish things we did, and, being a cartoon for kids, there were some instances where we followed some cartoon physics, but... being burnt to a crisp from radiation? That's pretty violent, and I seriously doubt Nickelodeon would okay that happening to me. And that's not even counting the swearing. Is this some kind of spin-off or some joke I'm stuck in?" Lincoln asked.

'Spin-off'?

"Yeah, I mean, Ronnie Anne's getting hers pretty soon, and I'm supposed to cameo here and there. Actually, that's another thing, how do I even know half of that stuff? I knew that I was a cartoon character somehow, but I didn't think about things like cartoon physics before. To me, these were just all regular physics. And how do I even know that Ronnie Anne's getting a spin-off?" Lincoln asked.

Well, she's not 'getting' it, she already has it now, but it got cancelled. It doesn't matter, anyway, I just ignored it for this story.

"Okay, then what is this story? Is this some weird movie script by some coked-up movie producer or some in-joke among the writing room? What the heck is this place?" Lincoln asked.

Well... Uh... How do I put this? You're not in anything official to the show, you're, uh...

"You're here!" Leni said.

Stopping Vanzilla inside the courtyard of the junkyard, Leni had finally brought the children to their intended destination.

Although oblivious to most around her, having her ears filled with her various rap songs and untouched by Leni's announcement, Lisa's proprioception sensing the car's lack of movement and her eyesight being met with the sight of scrap metal told her that they had arrived to the junkyard.

"Exshellent. Lincoln, if you would, it ish time for ush to depart the vehicle for our experimentsh." Lisa said.

With his younger sister now waiting on him to continue the experiment, Lincoln began to make his way out of Vanzilla.

"You're really subtle with your timing, you know that?" Lincoln asked.

And, conveniently, it means he doesn't have the time to question me regarding his current setting, sparing me from telling him an inconvenient truth.

With Lincoln and Lisa out of Vanzilla, Leni began to bid her temporary goodbyes to her siblings, vowing to pick them up later. Still not fully understanding the childrens' desire to be at a junkyard, a destination that the dirt and grease-loving Lana would usually seek out, Leni confirmed their decision to spend their day here.

"Are you sure you guys want to stay here? I didn't think you guys hung out at junkyards." Leni asked.

"Thish ish shtrictly for shcienshce, Leni. I have a shummer school project to perfect, and Lincoln is contractually obliged to asshisht me." Lisa said.

"Oh, but I don't feel right leaving you with all this sharp metal and rust. You guys could get tetanus."

"Lana frequentsh the junkyard and she hash never onshce contracted tetanush, and she engagesh in much more dangeroush affairsh than we are about to take. Here, why don't you take thish money and go buy Lushcy's parashol? You may keep the leftover money for your own fun at the mall."

"Hey, I was gonna spend that extra money!" Lincoln said.

"Lincoln, we can't afford to keep Leni around, we're shupposhed to be teshting your powersh, remember?"

"Yeah, but still. I wanted that money."

"Shut up. Er, never mind Lincoln, jusht take the money and go to the mall and have shome fun."

"I don't know, I really think I should stay here with you guys." Leni said.

"Reininger'sh ish having a 50% off everything shale, which, combined with your own employee dishcount, makesh it 100% off."

With the promise of 100% clothing being made to Leni Loud, the safety of her siblings and anyone else in the vicinity instantly became meaningless to the simple mind of the 17-year old girl. Snatching the money and picture of the requested parasol from Lisa's hands, Leni floored Vanzilla's gas pedal down, instantly darting the vehicle several miles per hour across town within seconds.

While her display of road rage and reckless driving was concerning to Lincoln and Lisa, the fact that they had removed the loose-lipped Leni from the equation had outweighed that concern, even if the means of removing her was based in bad math and a worse understanding of it.

"Well, that went better than I had exshpected. Now, let'sh get to work and-" Lisa began to say.

"Lincoln magic!" A voice said.

Upon looking to the source of the new voice, Lincoln and Lisa were met by the 2-year old Lily Loud, smiling innocently and waving towards her older siblings. Having no idea on how the baby Lily had arrived at the scene, their confusion towards the presence of the infant had also brought with it some form of panic.

"What the-?! Lily?! How did you get here?" Lincoln asked.

As Lily began babbling baby talk, as her 2-year old self was not yet capable of much complex speech, which Lisa deciphered and translated to legible English.

"Apparently, wanting to shee shome more of what she believesh to be 'magic tricks', Lily had attashched hershelf to the back of Vanshzilla using her blanket, and followed ush to the junkyard." Lisa said.

"Wha- How did she even manage to do that?" Lincoln asked.

"Apparently, she had shome of my homemade adheshive left over in her playpen and shaved it for an occashtion like thish. I shupposhe she takesh after me in the intellectual department."

"Oh, well, that's great, how are we supposed to manage a baby when we're experimenting with my powers? And what if Lily talks about it to the others?"

"The latter ish not a conshcern. Lily ish only a mere 2 yearsh old, not posshesshing much cognitive shkills shuch as long-term memory. Managing her, however, is only a shlight conshcern."

-

After welding the last piece of scrap metal in place to strap her in, Lisa successfully secured Lily into a damaged booster seat. Many sparks and shards of metal flew in the air, the bright light of the welder notwithstanding, but they are necessary actions taken to keep Lily secure and out of the way of their experiments.

"There. That should hold her. Now, are we ready to begin?" Lisa asked.

"Just one sec, Lis. I gotta get in uniform." Lincoln said.

Grabbing ahold of his orange polo and jeans, Lincoln ripped his clothes off his body, revealing his Ace Savvy costume underneath it. Placing on his harlequin mask as the final piece, Lincoln was now ready to begin the experiments. It is a costume that he has possessed for many years, but there is one factor that he has forgotten as he possessed it:

He is a year older than when he last wore it, and it no longer fits the same, making it contort tightly around his buttocks and groin, revealing what should never be seen in polite society. Nonetheless, Lincoln stood tall and proud in the unfitting costume, striking a heroic pose in it.

"I'm ready to... deal with these tests." Lincoln said.

"Lincoln, were you wearing that the whole time?" Lisa asked.

"Of course I was. Ace Savvy always kept his super-suit underneath his regular clothes for a quick change."

"Yesh, of courshe, but exshactly what neshccesshitates you dresshing ash your beloved comic book character?"

"If I'm gonna be a superhero, I need a costume, and I've been wearing this one ever since I got this when I was 5."

Providing more evidence that the costume was indeed the same one he had worn as a child, the fabric began to ride up his unmentionables, giving him strong discomfort.

"Ahh... And maybe it needs a little alteration." Lincoln said.

"Lincoln Loud, you are truly an idiot." Lisa said.

Not too long later, Lisa had managed to set up a sufficient testing environment for themselves to work in. Taking various discarded computers and electronics, Lisa rebuilt and repurposed these discarded pieces of technology to create sufficient recording instruments for Lincoln's powers, using primitive and jury-rigged but a workable way to get the job done.

"Are you sure that stuff's gonna work? I think half of these are from the late 90's." Lincoln said.

"You'd be shupprished how little technology actually changed shinshce then. Macrohard hashn't acshtually placshed any shubshtandard changesh to their shyshtems shinshce that aforemenshtioned decade." Lisa said.

"Really? Huh. Well, that explains a lot about the computers at school."

"Yesh. Now, I believe that it ish time to begin the exshperimentsh. If you will..."

Picking up a used car battery, struggling to carry it under her low bodily weight and strength, Lisa carried the large power pack over to her brother. While a car battery is not that heavy to the average adult, it would certainly be a challenge to a 5-year old, Lisa being no exception.

"There. Now, I want you to grab ahold of both of the contact pointsh on this battery. From what I've teshted, it should have about 2,000 wattsh left, enough to give you shome power to play with and not kill ush all." Lisa said.

Following Lisa's instructions and grabbing the battery's contact points, Lincoln used his body to complete a circuit to the battery; allowing electricity to flow through. Being the 'wire' that connected to the battery, however, the electricity within did not simply pass through, but began to collect within his body.

Collecting all the power within the battery, Lincoln's eyes, having gone back to normal after expending his previous collection of power, turned red rather than green.

"Intereshting. Previoushly, when you had accumulated a charge, your eyes had turned green. Now, they have turned red." Lisa said.

"Why's that?" Lincoln asked.

"I think I have an idea. Here, follow me where you can abshorb more power. I can't be bothered to carry heavy thingsh again."

Rather than carry another battery to Lincoln, Lisa led him to a collection of other car batteries, not able to carry all of them over to him.

"Thish time, I want you to abshorb... let'sh shay... 3 more." Lisa said.

Once again following Lisa's directions, Lincoln absorbed the power from 3 more car batteries; feeling the power once in them well within his body and collect itself inside him. With each battery he absorbed, his eye color began to slowly change color; turning a red to an orangeish-red.

"I think I know what may be behind your newly-acquired eye coloration change, shibling. Are you familiar with the electromagnetic shpectrum?" Lisa asked.

"Uh... maybe?" Lincoln asked.

"I'll take that ash a 'no'. Now, how would I exshplain thish to an idiot? Mmm... Do you know what a rainbow looksh like?"

"Yeah."

"Then allow me to exshplain it like thish. The rainbow followsh 7 basic colors; red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet, and purple. Theshe refractionsh known ash the vishible light shpectrum, which is a shubshet of the electromagnetic shpectrum. The colorsh we shee in the vishible light shpectrum correshpond with the wavelengthsh of the electromagnetic shpectrum. For exshample, infrared and the color red, and ultraviolet and the color violet are shuch equivalentsh. Judging by the amount of energy you accumulated during our experiment at home, I preshume that, with each increase in the capacity of energy in which your body holdsh, your eyesh will change color based on the vishible light spectrum to reshponshe to your capashcity."

Everybody got that?

...

No?

Okay, fine, I'll dumb it down for you.

"...Was I supposed to understand any of that?" Lincoln asked.

"The more power you have, your eyesh change color from red up to purple, matching the colorsh of the rainbow." Lisa said.

Got it now?

...

Good. Now, keep reading.

"Oh. Well, if I'm at red now from just a couple of car batteries, and if your huge generator put me at green, how much would it take me to go to purple?" Lincoln asked.

"I don't know. We don't yet know the limitsh of the capashcity of power you can hold." Lisa said.

"Well, then, why don't we test that first?"

"Hmm... An intereshting proposal."

"Cool, I'll find some more batteries to soak up."

"Not sho fasht, Lincoln. We don't know how elshe you can abshorb energy. Perhapsh, on the way to this goal, we shet shecondary goalsh to see what elshe powersh you up."

"Uh... okay, but what other ways are there to abshorb energy?"

"Ash long ash shomething ish in motshion, there ish energy behind it. I'm sure I can find some other waysh to produshce shome energy for you to shoak up."

At the end of her sentence, Lisa's mouth began to creak into a mischeivous smile, with her eyes hiding a series of sadistic and cruel experiments to run on her brother. Lincoln, not aware of what kind of horrors awaited him with Lisa's experiments, gave a nervous look on his face.

"Poo-poo!" Lily said.

"Yeah, I think I just did." Lincoln said.

Standing at the far end of the junkyard, Lincoln Loud awaited the first of Lisa's experiments, wearing on his body a heavy vest with a bullseye spraypainted on the front. Being somewhat naive of a boy, Lincoln had no idea what Lisa had in store, but displayed quite a bit of nervousness about the experiment.

"Uh... Lisa, what kind of experiment involves me standing with this vest on me? And why is there a bullseye on it?" Lincoln asked.

"There are many formsh in which energy ish exshpended, and many applicashtions in how. I figured, in the line of thish 'shuperhero work', you might encounter many advershariesh, mosht of them armed. For that, I want to shee if you can abshorb kinetic energy ash you can with electrical energy. For shuch a tesht, you will be shot at with a 9x19 parabellum round. Shtreet name: 9 millimeter bullet." Lisa said.

"WHAT?! You're gonna shoot me?!"

"No, of courshe I'm not going to shoot you. Lily's going to shoot you. I have to make her feel important, of course."

"Pew, pew!" Lily said.

Handing Lily a small handgun loaded with said 9 millimeter rounds, Lisa also placed upon both of their heads a pair of earmuffs, neither wanting to damage their eardrums. Lincoln, not wanting to have any part of his body damaged, frantically began waving his arms in the air in protest.

"No, no, no, no, no! I am not doing this!" Lincoln said.

"Oh, Lincoln, what'sh the matter? Don't you want to be a shuperhero?" Lisa asked.

"Yeah, but I don't want to get shot and killed!"

"Lincoln, while I might not be ash fond of your comic booksh ash you are, I do believe that many of the shuperheroesh that you sho worship have encountered opposhition armed with gunsh, have they not?"

"Not really. They ususally fight supervillains with superpowers, and they clash their superpowers together in a really cool fight."

"Well, there aren't any shupervillains in Royal Woodsh, Lincoln. Here, all the criminalsh you'll encounter will be armed with handgunsh. Moreover, many real-life shuperheroesh like the Green Eye often fight armed opposhition. Shurely you should have exshpected that thish would come with the territory."

"I don't care, and don't call me 'Shirley'! Forget it, I'm not gonna-"

Before he could further his protest (or steal any lines from better comedies from decades ago), Lily aimed the handgun and fired it at Lincoln, knocking him on his back. With the bulletproof vest placed upon his body, the bullet was caught in its kevlar weave, but the impact had been absorbed elsewhere.

Just as Lisa had sought to test, Lincoln had absorbed the kinetic energy of the bullet, his body containing it like the electricity contained in the car batteries. Now, having absorbed a large amount of power from the bullet, his eyes began to shade more towards orange than red.

Wanting to see the results of her test, Lisa rushed back over to Lincoln, carrying Lisa with her. Seeing that Lincoln was not only still alive, but had absorbed the power of the bullet, Lisa lit up in excitement, or, as she would pronounce it, 'exshcitement', because I love making you read through unintelligible English to make finishing this story harder than it needs to be.

"Amazshing! You abshorbed the kinetic energy of the bullet! How are you feeling?" Lisa asked.

"Like I want to beat the piss out of you." Lincoln groaned.

"Pish-posh, Lincoln. You've abshorbed the impact of the bullet, this meansh you'll have an advantage over your enemiesh in the field. All I have to do ish deshign you a bulletproof shuit, and you'll have an eashier way of abshorbing energy."

"Yeah, cool. Where did you even get that gun, anyways?"

"...Who shaid it wash my gun?"

Once again covering up a question she had no intention of answering, Lisa darted her eyes back and forth, with her mouth crawling into a mischievous smile.

"Whatever. Can we please just do another test now?" Lincoln asked.

"Not jusht yet. I want to tesht how much energy you can hold in onshce you abshorb it. Once we get your eyesh back to their green color, we can try something elshe." Lisa said.

"Okay, but can we please just go back to absorbing car batteries? That was a lot less painful than getting shot."

"Unfortunately, those batteriesh were all I could find with a shuffishcient charge. However, shinshce we know that you can abshorb gunshots and other forms of kinetic energy, I have a more effishcient way of powering you back up."

Lisa and Lily both pulled out a pair of handguns, weilding them akimbo-style.

"And I have many more calibers of bulletsh to try out on you; we haven't even gotten to the .600 nitro exshpresshessh yet. Lily, are you ready?" Lisa asked.

"Pew, pew!" Lily cheered.

"Oh, crap." Lincoln moaned.

-

Thousands of bullets in a wide range of caliber later, the torture had finally come to an end for Lincoln Loud; his efforts being rewarded with his eyes returning to their green state, indicating that he held the same amount of energy as their previous experiment at home. While Lincoln had managed to regain his previous level of energy, the experience had cost him a lot of pain, as well as dignity.

After all, what could be more embarrassing to happen to you than to be shot by your 2 and 5-year old siblings with large-caliber bullets?

"Yeah, don't remind me. I think I broke a few ribs from all those bullets." Lincoln said.

"On the contrary, your body wash relatively unaffected by the kinetic energy of the gunshotsh. Where most injuriesh shuch ash bruishesh or broken bonesh are caushed by damage from kinetic energy, you can no longer be injured by shuch attacksh." Lisa said.

"Then why do I hurt all over?"

"I shaid you could not be injured; I never shaid you could no longer hurt. Addishtionally, any short of projectilesh like bulletsh would shurely kill you, ash your energy abshorbtshion doesh not carry over to physhical objectsh; henshce why I gave you a bulletproof vesht and plan to create you a bulletproof shuit for your crime-fighting endeavorsh. Now, shall we begin with the neshxt phashe of our experimentsh?"

"What now? Are you gonna hit me with a car and see if I can absorb that?"

"Tempting, but not neshccesshary. As evidenshced by your ability to abshorb kinetic energy, this meansh that you could abshorb kinetic energy from virtually any meansh involving movement."

"Like what? Jumping off a building?"

"Theoretically, yesh, although I wouldn't quite recommend shuch a feat yet. Now, to anshwer your queshtion, we will be working on another field of shtudy. After having you accumulate all of that energy, we will now have see how you can redishtribute it."

"You mean, use all my energy as attacks?"

"Exshactly."

"Awesome! Want me to do what I did back at the house?"

"Negatory. Whatever you did, it had exshpended all your energy in one shot. That would prove extremely ineffishcient on the battlefield, and we need to find some different waysh to redishtribute your energy."

"Right. So, what else can we try?"

"Think back to your comic booksh. What kind of weapons do theshe charactersh of yoursh ushe to dishtribute their powersh?"

"Uh, not to question it too much, but since when did you start treating my comic books seriously? Aren't you always going off on how inaccurate they are?"

"Yesh, but, until lasht night, I didn't think that anyone could shtep inshide a nuclear reactor and shurvive. Sheeing ash thish ish unknown territory for me, I have no choishce but to try this your way."

"Okay. Well, while Ace Savvy ususally uses his detective mind and his physically-peaked body to fight crime, he also uses playing cards as his weapons."

"Playing cardsh, you shay? Do you have any in your coshtume?"

"Always."

Lincoln pulled out a full deck of cards, pulling them out of his costume's utility belt and heroically posing with them as the aforementioned hero would do. Having a new idea on how Lincoln could redistribute his powers, Lisa took a playing card and inspected it carefully, thinking of a new way for him to try his powers.

"Lincoln, how good are your card-throwing shkills?" Lisa asked.

"Not too shabby, if I say so myself. I've been practicing for some time now." Lincoln said.

"Hmm... Well, do you think that you could perhapsh transhfer shome of your energy to one of theshe playing cardsh?"

"Charge the cards with energy? You mean like Gambit from X-Men?"

"Er... Yesh, shure. Like whoever that ish. With the light amount of massh that the playing card carriesh, you could fill it with a shmall enough charge to make it a weapon; a shmall exploshive."

"Sounds cool, I guess I'll try it."

Taking a single playing card in his hand, Lincoln focused all of his thoughts on the card, trying to transfer the energy towards it. Having only previously tapped into this power before with explosive results, having to transfer a much smaller amount of energy was a challenge to be faced.

Placing his thoughts and his will into the energy accumulated in his body, Lincoln could begin to feel the energy within himself, finding a place to reach in to and take it from. Pulling just a fraction of energy out of his body, Lincoln began to concentrate it towards his hand; moving on to the playing card within it.

As the energy began to transfer towards the playing card, the card itself began to glow a bright red, with a large amount of heat beginning to emit from it. With Lincoln having transferred as much energy into the card as it could hold, the card was now fully charged with power, continuing to stay warm in his hand.

"Amazshing, I can feel the warmth from here." Lisa said.

"But why is it getting so hot?" Lincoln asked.

"The heat ish a reshult of the amount of energy added to the card. With more energy being plashced in the card, the atomsh and moleculesh are now moving at a much fashter rate than before."

"Cool, so, now what do I do with this thing?"

"Try throwing it against that scrapped car over there. Perhapsh, with a little agitashtion, the energy within the card could exshpand at an enormoush rate."

"So?"

"That meansh it will exshplode."

"Well, why didn't you say that? Let's watch it blow up!"

Upon trying to toss the card towards the aforementioned junk car, a rusty, old sedan sitting among other piles of scrap, Lincoln made a terrible mistake upon making his first throw. All too eager to make his throw, Lincoln tossed the card not towards the car, but straight towards the ground; causing it to explode right in front of them.

The card, as Lisa was hoping it would do, exploded upon impact with the ground; officially signifying that Lincoln Loud had a way to use his superpower. As impressive as this discovery was, however, Lisa was not as impressed as she would have initially been, having been right up next to the explosion.

"Kaboom!" Lily said.

As Lincoln, Lisa, and the nearby Lily wiped the soot from their faces, Lisa visibly expressed her distaste of Lincoln's blunder.

"Well, although my hypotheshish regarding your cardsh wash correct, I musht shay that I certainly do not approve of SHETTING OFF THE EXSHPLOSHTION IN OUR FASHCESH!" Lisa shouted.

"Sorry, it slipped out of my hand. But, hey, at least we know it works, right?" Lincoln asked.

"Jusht shut up and blow up that car before I shoot you again."

Not wanting to suffer any more gunshots, especially not without his bulletproof vest, Lincoln quickly drew another card, charging it just as he did the last one. With the fear of Lisa's threat driving his concentration further, this card charged much faster than the last one; reaching full capacity in seconds.

Now, having a fully-charged card again, Lincoln tossed it towards the junked car, landing his shot right on the hood.

Just like the last card, as soon as this one hit its target, it exploded within an instant; sending the car into flames in a loud, furious explosion. With his card-throwing skills combined with his new ability to charge objects into explosives, the fun was only just about to begin for Lincoln.

"Wow... that was cool." Lincoln said.

"Yesh, I musht agree. That rather wash cool." Lisa said.

"Are my eyes still green?"

"They are. I don't believe that we can return back home until your eye color hash returned to normal, and the only way that we can accomplish thish ish to have you exshpend all of the energy you accumulated."

"So, what you're saying is: 'Blow up more stuff?'"

"In layman's termsh, yesh, I am."

"Kaboom!" Lily added.

"Okay, then, let's deal out a little more damage, shall we?"

Alright, kids, now it's time for the fun music montage scene! Get excited now!

-

[Soundtrack Cue: Oingo Boingo - Weird Science]

Beginning a spree of destruction across the junkyard, Lincoln began charging up more cards, ready to unleash his new power upon the various pieces of scrap metal all across the junkyard. Having several decks of playing cards in his utility belt and several thousands of joules of energy stored within his body, there were plenty of ways for him to expend this energy, and lots of fun to be had doing it.

Charging more playing cards up to cause more destruction, Lincoln selected a group of junked cars on another end of the junkyard as his targets.

After tossing the first card in a relatively normal fashion, Lincoln began tossing the others with trick shots; throwing them from under his arm, behind his back, between his legs, over his shoulder, and other over-the-top and ridiculous trick methods to make the process as fun as possible.

With each trick shot pulled from his throws, each of his cards landed in his various targets; none missing one, a true testament to his many years of card-throwing skills since his love of Ace Savvy began. As each card made its landing in its target, each scrapped car exploded in a blaze of flames, being reduced to less than its former state of junk.

Not satisfied with using his powers on just his cards, Lincoln also sought to see if he could also transfer energy to other objects.

Making his first selection of a small motorbike, Lincoln grabbed hold of the bike, transferring his power within its mass. As the energy buildup inside grew to an overwhelming reaction leading to an explosion; leaving nothing in its wake except a crater of flame and scrap metal.

Not satisfied with blowing up just one dirtbike, Lincoln moved on to various other junked objects, passing by several junked cars and parts and laying his hands on all passed by, leaving behind from his touch a charge of power. Frolicking past every piece of metal left behind in his path, each charged piece of metal began exploding in a sequence almost seemingly to resemble some kind of melody just for Lincoln.

Still having much more energy to expend, Lincoln sought to further test his card-throwing skills.

Having Lisa and Lily toss various pieces of scrap into the air, Lincoln tossed his own kinetically-charged cards towards each pulled object. As each card made its impact on their aerial targets, a large explosion was made in the place of each piece scrap metal; giving a beautiful spectacle of light for the children to witness.

It is a fun affair for which every member of the Loud family present can enjoy, taking part in the chaos as a family bonding moment...

[Soundtrack Cue End]

...but, eventually, after many hours spent blowing up various pieces of junk and scrap metal, Lincoln had expended all of the energy he had accumulated; draining every joule of power out from his body, and the moment has passed. Just like any child does when they run out of energy from spending too much energy, Lincoln decided to take a break, selecting the gravel below his feet as his resting spot.

Lisa, accompanying herself with Lily, took notes on the many powers Lincoln had obtained for later use.

"Yesh, yesh, yesh. Thish shall all prove to be quite intereshting, Lincoln. Perhapsh thish little mishap of yoursh will prove to be a help after all." Lisa said.

"See, Lisa? I knew that almost getting myself killed would lead to better results for everyone." Lincoln said.

"Alright, now, don't push your luck, shibling."

As the siblings shared their banter, the horn to Vanzilla began honking, signalling the return of Leni Loud. Just before the sun began to reach dusk, the second-eldest sister had returned to bring the children back home for dinnertime, being sure to make their curfew.

"Hey, guys! I hope you had a fun time doing science stuff, I had a totes great day at the mall! Turns out that they did have a 50% off everything sale at Reininger's, but I had to use my employee discount to use it. I mean, I think 50%'s more than 100, anyway. So, you ready to go home?" Leni asked.

"Oh, yeah, we're good to go, be right there!" Lincoln said.

Where Lincoln and Lisa prepared to make their way back to Vanzilla, Lily began moving another direction, moving back into the scrap. Taking notice of Lily's separation from the group, Lincoln headed back to the 2-year old Loud to see what was breaking her apart.

"Lily, where are you going? It's time to go home." Lincoln said.

Grabbing ahold of something within the piles of scrap metal, Lily began pulling something out from the scrap, dragging it along with her. Looking to see the item Lily had salvaged from the wreck, Lincoln saw that the piece was the carburetor that Lana had requested.

"Cahbohrahtoh." Lily said.

"Oh, the carburator, I totally forgot. Thanks, Lily." Lincoln said.

Taking both Lily and the salvaged carburetor, Lincoln headed back into Vanzilla, seating himself inside and buckling his seat belt across Lily as she sat in his lap.

"Oh, wow, you guys found a baby in the scrapyard? I didn't know that's where babies came from! But, don't you think Mom and Dad are gonna say we don't have any more room for another baby?" Leni asked.

"Leni, it's Lily. She came with us." Lincoln said.

"Really? I don't remember her coming with us."

"You were, uh... looking at yourself in the mirror the whole time you drove; you never saw her."

"Oh, right. I do that so much, I totes forget who I'm even driving. Anyways, I hope you guys are hungry, Dad made some chicken fried steak."

"Great, I'm starving."

Just before she prepared to set her headphones back on, Lisa took notice that Lincoln still had a tint of red still in his eyes, indicating that his energy was not fully expended. Not sure if Lincoln was aware of this fact, Lisa informed her brother as such, needing him to somehow expend his last bit of energy before they got home.

"Lincoln, you shtill have shome power left. Your eyesh are shtill a little red." Lisa whispered.

"What? How am I supposed to get rid of it now?" Lincoln whispered.

"We need you to transhfer it to shomething and get it out of the way. Conshidering how oblivioush Leni ish, we might get away with thish clean. Do you have any more playing cardsh left?"

"No, I used them all up."

"Well, then, I'm shorry to shay thish, but we'll have to shacrifishce Lily. Shay your lasht goodbyesh while you can and place your energy in her."

With neither Lincoln nor Lily fond of this idea, both expressed their distaste for Lisa's suggestion; Lincoln scowling at Lisa and Lily blowing a raspberry at her.

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. Instead, I'm just going to put it in the carburetor and toss it out the window." Lincoln whispered.

"Oh, right... that works, too." Lisa whispered.

Placing the last of his energy within the carburetor and rolling down his window, Lincoln tossed the kinetically-charged car part out the window, sending it tumbling down the street. As it came to a stop in the road, the carburetor exploded, creating a decent-sized mushroom cloud behind Vanzilla.

While Lincoln and Lisa quickly thought of some form of cover story or way to distract Leni from the affair, they found that, for a woman as unintelligent as her, there was not a lot needed to sway her thoughts, easily able to sway the few questions she had with blatant lies she was stupid enough to believe.

"Oh, hey, there's a mushroom growing behind us! I've never seen one that big before." Leni said.

"That's jusht the mirror making it sheem larger than it ish." Lisa said.

"It makes things look larger? Oh, I hope no one sees me right now, I just popped a huge pimple not that long ago."

"Well, so much for Lana's carburetor." Lincoln said.

CHAPTER 7: STRANGER THAN FICTION, PART 3

And, now, I hope you've been reading the 4 previous entries in this crossover series up to this point, because now's the time not only when I introduce you to Lincoln's first opponent, but also one of my personal favorite characters that I retooled and rewrote to appear in the other stories:

Lars Rodriguez of Rocket Power.

And to make the proper introduction to this character, allow me to use a lame nu-metal song from the 2000s, perfectly accentuating the how I portray him.

[Soundtrack Cue: N.E.R.D. - Lapdance (Trent Reznor Remix)]

Once acting as a generic foil bully in his original show, also being the older brother of Twister, one of the main characters, I took what was a mostly forgettable and uninteresting character and made him way more fun, taking away any and all redeeming factors and made him a complete piece of shit.

And you will love every second of what I make him do.

First, a new trait given to this character is a penchant for obnoxious and offensive T-shirts, with designs that I personally came up with because I didn't think most real ones were bad enough. The one he wears in this scene is but plain text that reads the phrase: 'STEPDAUGHTER? DID YOU MEAN "THREESOME"?'.

Where we last left off with this character, he was relegated to a few appearances in ChalkZone: Quest for the Golden Chalk where he was healing from the wounds he received in his debut in Rocket Power: Zero Gravity. Now, he has made a pledge to come to Royal Woods, Michigan, for one purpose and one purpose alone:

Drink a Flippee™.

Heading into Oakland/Troy Airport, fresh off a cocaine high, Lars rode up the escalators to the airport's security, raising his arms to his sides as if he were a Christ-like figure ascending to heaven. Once reaching the top of the escalator, he took in a deep breath and let it out, taking in the first dose of air once entering a new city.

Once he reached the airport terminals, Lars did not take to the metal detectors like the majority of passengers did, but instead approached the security directly, pulling down the sleeve of his trenchcoat to reveal a metal arm, communicating to the staff that he required a pat-down.

While making his request, he made the index and middle fingers of his robotic hand vibrate in front of a female security guard, much to her disgust.

As he received a pat-down by the security, he let out sarcastically happy squeals, pretending to take pleasure in being groped (or not pretending, depending on your point of view). After the pat-down was complete, with the airport security failing to find any weapons or dangerous items on him, not knowing that his robotic arm itself was a weapon, they let him pass, if only to rid themselves of him.

Taking his leave of the airport, Lars gladly walked out to the city, ready to begin what he considered to be a vacation.

Now, you might be asking at this moment, 'How the hell has this man not been found by the cops, much less allowed on an airport after 9/11 and 8 years of Bush?'

To that I answer:

This is Michigan. Nobody gives a shit about Michigan. Why do you think Detroit is filled with crime and Flint doesn't have clean drinking water?

[Soundtrack Cue End]

-

When the world was introduced to the man known only as the Green Eye, no part of society was left untouched by his presence.

The comic book industry took a sharp turn away from the superhero genre that made it prosper for nearly a century, revitalizing genres that were once neglected, and many imitators and real-life superheroes arose in his wake, with many companies trying to create and/or sponsor their own.

Although many of the superheroes born within the wave of the Hillwood Effect, there are at least two groups that have gained some significance on their own.

The first is a group of renegade skaters from Ocean Shores, California, collectively as Rocket Power. Living in a ghost town sitting on the coast, the 4 members known as Otto, Twister, Reggie, and Sam discovered a plot to take over the city and recreate it into a giant skate park, which they foiled and brought the perpetrator to justice.

The second was the Tabootie family, living in Plainville, Minnesota. Rudy Tabootie, along with his childhood sweetheart Penelope Sanchez, and her children Carol and Carlos Sanchez, journeyed on a quest through the magical land of ChalkZone to defeat the malevolent being known as the Chalk King, using the Golden Chalk to end his tyranny and genocide and made it free for all creations in the 'Zone.

(That's your cue to read the other stories in this series if you haven't already, asshole. I didn't write a million words of this shit for nothing.)

Now, there is a third.

This third member is Lincoln Loud, a 12-year old boy infatuated with comic books and his favorite superhero, Ace Savvy, a poker-themed Batman rip-off.

Having little to stand out from his sisters, all of them having talents and passions that set them apart from the rest of the crowd, Lincoln took it upon himself to find a way to become great in his own manner. Having a love of superheroes for most of his life, Lincoln Loud decided to become one himself.

And having a summer school project about superheroes to finish didn't hurt his decision-making, either.

Stepping inside a nuclear reactor, one of science's most dangerous pieces of equipment, Lincoln Loud had moronically burned himself with radiation, surviving only by pure, blind, stupid luck. Upon awakening, there had been left two permanent changes upon the young boy.

Firstly, his 4th wall sensitivity was amplified, now rendering him able to hear me, the writer, as this very story is being created.

And if you question how this bullshit works, or think it's some cheap way to write his character and this story, I repeat to you:

'Shut your goddamn mouth or I'll sodomize you with a pineapple.'

Secondly, his body now possessed the ability to retain energy and redirect it into any object of his choosing, turning even the most ordinary of objects into explosives. After a long day of testing his newfound powers under the guidance of Lisa Loud, his prodigy-child genius sister knowledgeable in all practices of science, Lincoln had made his way back home to do the only thing a kid would do after a busy day of play:

Sit down and eat a large dinner.

While many families have a mother prepare the meals at home, these duties are laid upon the father within the Loud House. Having a famous local chef for a father makes this change more than welcome to the family, especially when he creates such delicious meals for his family, all restaurant-quality food for the whole family to eat, as evidenced tonight by the dish of...

"Chicken fried steak! Who's hungry?" Lynn Sr. asked.

Of course, as every member of the family was extremely hungry after a shared long day filled with play and work, every voice all shouted a collective...

"ME!" Everyone shouted.

Setting his foil tray on the dining table, Lynn Sr. began serving his family the steak to the hungry family, making sure to evenly distribute each to all his family. Lily, of course, being still 2 years old, had only a small portion, having her steak cut into very small pieces for her to consume, a task which Rita Loud gladly performed.

Taking himself a portion and sitting down at the table alongside his wife, Lynn Sr. began eating his own portion of chicken fried steak, enjoying his dinner alongside his family. While he had already spent some time with his other children upon arriving home, there still laid 4 he had not heard from, Leni, Lily, Lisa, and Lincoln, leading him to ask how their days went.

"So, I've heard just about how everybody's day was, but I didn't get to hear what happened to you guys yet. How was your day? Leni, why don't you start us off?" Lynn Sr. asked.

"Oh, well, while I was on my way to the mall, Lincoln and Lisa wanted a ride to the junkyard. Lily apparently wanted to go, too, but I don't remember taking her to the car with us. Anyway, I dropped them all off there where they went to do their science thing, and I went to the mall. There was a great sale at Reininger's today, but I had to use my employee discount to get it. I got a lot of cute new clothes, and, while I was there, I stopped in Hot Gothic and picked up Lucy and umbrella that she asked for in the catalogue." Leni said.

"It's a parasol, Leni. I thought you, of all people, would know the difference." Lucy said.

"I can't tell anything apart in that store. I don't understand why you like shopping there, everything in there is completely flat black."

"You just answered your own question, Leni."

"I did?"

"Okay, then, sounds like you had a pretty fun day at the mall. Lincoln, Lisa, how about you guys? Going to the junkyard sounds more like Lana's thing." Lynn Sr. said.

"That ish correct, father, but I wished to vishit the local junkyard for a shafe teshting environment for my shcience project for shummer school." Lisa said.

"Oh, wow, what kind of science thing you workin' on?"

"It'sh exshtremely advanshced, I doubt your feeble shimpleton mind could possibly comprehend even the mosht bashic deshcripshtion of my projectsh."

"C'mon, honey, lay it on me. You'd be surprised to what I know about science."

"Well, we had begun a tesht regarding how to transhfer kinetic energy into small, paper rectanglesh for purposhesh of-"

"Whoa, okay, okay, that's way too advanced for me, honey, I'm sorry."

"No offenshce taken. I don't exshpect any of you to undershtand anything sho shimple ash the lawsh of thermodynamicsh."

"Okay, well, Lincoln, how about you? What made you want to spend the day helping Lisa with her summer school project?"

"Oh, actually, we made a deal. If I help her with her summer school, she'll help me with mine. It's all going to work out great." Lincoln said.

"Really? That's great, glad to see you two starting to bond a little. So, what superhero are you gonna write your project on? There's probably a lot of good ones out there."

"Yeah, but there aren't any in Royal Woods. With the way things are going these days, though, we might just see one yet. I'm gonna hold out for a while until I decide who I want to write about and continue to help Lisa with her project first. That way, we both focus on one thing at once."

"Well, that's our Lincoln, always a man with a plan."

"Just remember, sweetie, you may have 3 months to get the project done, but don't use it as an excuse to slack off. They said they wanted something very special for your project." Rita added.

"Oh, don't worry. I think I've got something very special in mind soon enough."

Lincoln gave a wink towards Lisa; both of them in on the joke that no one else was aware of.

"And how was Daddy's little baby's day? What did Lily do all that time at the junkyard?" Lynn Sr. asked.

"Pew, pew!" Lily said.

Lily made gun motions with her fingers, telling the adults what she had spend the day doing to Lincoln with a visual image that brought concern to the parents. Lincoln and Lisa, not able to afford their secrets being revealed, instantly thought up a cover story to throw off their thoughts.

"Uh, while we were at the junkyard, we found an old Time Crisis 3 arcade cabinet. It was half-broken, but Lisa here fixed it all up, working like new again." Lincoln said.

"Uh, why, yesh, it wash indeed perfectly funcshtional after my work on it. It wash only a shimple manner of finding a new motherboard and some replashcement wiresh; all mere child'sh play for me. Actually, I believe thoshe were the firsht thingsh I played with ash a baby." Lisa said.

"That's right, Lisa, you always were quite the tinkerer. We actually have some old baby photos if you'd like to see, want to look?" Rita asked.

"Perhapsh shome other time, mother. I have shome more work to be done regarding my shummer school project, which I'll be having my asshishtant with. Right, Lincoln?"

"Oh, yeah, absolutely, no doubt. That's me, I'm your guy. Anything you want, I can do it." Lincoln asked.

"Hey, speaking of which, you said you were gonna bring back a new carburetor for Vanzilla. Didn't you guys get it?" Lana asked.

"Oh, uh, well, we found one, but it was really busted up. I don't think it could've been usable."

"Aw, man. Tell you what, next time you guys head to the junkyard, bring me along, okay? I'm sure I can find one."

"I think that's a good idea. Vanzilla's gonna need that new carburetor soon." Lynn Sr. added.

"Gee, well, I don't know, a lot of the science stuff we do is kind of dangerous, I wouldn't want-" Lincoln began to say.

Before Lincoln could finish his sentence, a strong and piercing sense of hunger fell before him, giving him an animalistic urge to devour as much sustenance as he could in a few seconds' time frame. Under normal circumstances, this feeling would have been perfectly fine; being at the dinner table and waiting to be served dinner.

There was one factor that made this strange urge different, however:

He already ate a whole plate for himself, enough to leave him stuffed.

"Hey, I'm still kind of hungry. Can I have seconds?" Lincoln asked.

"You want seconds? You just had a whole plate of steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, and a bread roll. Usually, you don't even finish the green beans, let alone the roll." Lynn Sr. said.

"Yeah, but I guess I was doing a lot at the junkyard with Lisa today. I'm just really hungry, can I please just have more food, please?"

"Okay, buddy, if you say so."

Lynn Sr. served Lincoln another piece of chicken fried steak, adding with it a smaller portion each of mashed potatoes and green beans. Needing to satisfy his hunger, Lincoln began chowing down on his second serving of food, wolfing it down as quickly as possible.

Where eaters like Lynn or Lana might have been expected of this behavior, it was a new for Lincoln; catching the confused looks of the rest of the family.

"Wow, Lincoln, looks like you've got a steak in a future of competitive eating! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it?" Luan joked.

Where his first serving of chicken fried steak and side dishes were already delicious in their own right, satisfying his taste buds, there was something missing on the second serving around. Upon eating some of his second serving, Lincoln had a desire to add some more flavor to his meal, needing to satisfy his need for taste.

"Uh, I'll be right back, I need to get some condiments." Lincoln said.

"I got the gravy right here, buddy." Lynn Sr. said.

"Not gravy, I want to add something else."

Heading into the kitchen and into the refrigerator, Lincoln began grabbing various items out of it, making sure not to select two of the same item to add onto his food. Returning to the table with his new condiments, the Loud family found their confusion added to; his choices of condiments being extremely unusual.

On his chicken fried steak, Lincoln added a heavy dose of hot sauce and whipped cream. On his mashed potatoes, Lincoln added cinnamon sugar, chocolate sauce, and shredded mozzarella cheese. On his green beans, Lincoln added garlic, butterscotch chips, and mayonnaise. For his roll, Lincoln mixed strawberry jam and ketchup in a small cup, dipping his bread in the mixture.

As Lincoln chowed down on his newly and eccentrically seasoned food, the rest of the Loud family continued to watch in confusion, their confusion now having been met with disgust. Lana, the least sanitary of the family, was the first to express her disgust for Lincoln's eating habits; a testament to the sudden strange act.

"Uh, Lincoln, what are you doing?" Lana asked.

With his mouth full, Lincoln replied to Lana's question, sending chunks of food flying her way.

"I'm eating. What's it look like?" Lincoln said.

"Yeah, but why are you putting all that stuff on it? That's nasty, even for me." Lana said.

"I don't know, I'm just really hungry. Besides, I make peanut butter and sauerkraut sandwiches, what's your point?"

"Yeah, but you also threw up after eating sushi with maple syrup, and, I never thought I'd say this, but... WILL YOU STOP TALKING WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL?!"

Despite Lana's message being shared with the rest of the family, her method of delivery put the entire table off for a moment, yelling not being an acceptable form of communication at the dinner table. Lincoln, not consciously realizing his mistake until Lana's outburst, backed down in his seat.

"Uh, I mean, please?" Lana asked.

"Hey, what's up with your eyes, Lincoln? They're turning kind of red." Lola said.

Having heard Lola's observation, both Lincoln and Lisa glanced at each other in fear; their secret at risk of being discovered. Having consumed several kilocalories' worth of food, his body began absorbing the energy broken down, turned into raw energy to be used with his power.

Energy. You're absorbing energy. Lisa mouthed.

Needing to find an excuse to leave, Lincoln quickly made his way away from the table.

"Oh, uh, well, I'm just really, really tired after all that work. You know what? I think I'll go to be a little early right about now. Right, Lisa?" Lincoln asked.

"Oh, yesh, well I shupposhe we can hold off until the morning to continue our shared work, I'll try to continue shome work on my own. Now, if you'll exshcushe me, family, I believe I should get to work now." Lisa said.

"And I believe I should get to sleeping now."

As Lincoln and Lisa excused themselves from the table, the rest of the family continued to sit in sheer confusion without an inkling of an explanation.

"So, uh, anybody have a clue what that was all about?" Lynn asked.

"Beats me, dude. One day, he's comin' up to me about advice on the future, now, he's actin' all squirelly. I'm all mixed up." Luna said.

"Asking about advice on the future?" Rita asked.

"Yeah. I didn't wanna bring it up, but he seems real uncertain about who he is. Ever since Lori graduated, he's been asking about how he could find some sort of talent or passion like the rest of us have, saying he doesn't have one."

"Hmm... Thoughts about the future, strange food cravings, feeling more sleepy than usual..."

Then, as if this story wasn't juggling enough cliches, Rita came to a conclusion which brings forth memories of the one moment of life in which no one's proud of:

Puberty.

"Honey, do you realize what that means?" Rita asked.

"He's pregnant?!" Lynn Sr. asked.

But, of course, it wouldn't be cliche enough without some boomer humor, 'I hate my wife', 'Women hate sex' level stupidity to go with it.

"W-What? No, he's a boy, how could he be pregnant?" Rita asked.

"Oh, right. I mean, that's exactly how you've acted when we had the kids, so-" Lynn Sr. Asked.

"No, Lynn. He's 12 now, so it means he could possibly be going through-"

Before Rita could finish her sentence, Lincoln returned to the dinner table, taking his plates and carrying them back with him.

"Don't mind me, just gonna have this as breakfast in bed tomorrow, or in 5 seconds." Lincoln said.

With Lincoln gone once again, Lynn Sr. asked for his wife to finish his last sentence; not yet understanding what her implications were.

"So, what were you gonna say?" Lynn Sr. asked.

"Ugh, you're dense. I was going to say he was..." Rita began to say.

Rather than utter the last of her words aloud, where they would cause a riot among the children, Rita whispered it in Lynn Sr.'s ear, telling him of the potential situation at hand. As soon as she had spoken the words, Lynn Sr.'s eyes instantly shot open; his entire self growing nervous and insecure.

"O-Oh! OH! That! Right, I mean, I went through the exact same thing around that time, too, I guess he's just an early bloomer." Lynn Sr. said.

"Right, well, don't worry, I can handle this." Rita said.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, you got this opportunity at least 5 times already, I want a turn. Plus, it's our only son, I need a little man-to-man talk."

"Honey, are you sure you're up for this? The first time you tried to do this with Lori, you nearly made her break up with Bobby out of sheer disgust. She said you made it all weirder than it had to be."

"What? Honey, please, I can handle this. I'll just plan this ahead of time, say... in a week. That should give me time to get what I need."

"Okay, then, if you're sure. If you need help, just let me know."

"Honey, when was the last time I asked you for help?"

As typical with many American housewives and mothers with their self-sense of superiority, thinking that because they participated in the basic and unremarkable societal and biological facets of marriage and childbirth, they somehow possess some kind of godlike knowledge of everything that there is to know like they're the most important people in the world and they deserve everything handed to them on a silver platter...

...Rita gave a disapproving look to her husband, sending a simple but effective message that makes any pussywhipped husband change their tune:

'Take it back or no sex'.

Wanting to ensure his psychological need of sex was still met, Lynn Sr. instantly retracted his statement, fearing the consquence of sleeping on the couch for a week.

"Okay, just kidding, just kidding, I'll let you know if I need your help like I usually do." Lynn Sr. said.

"That's what I thought you said." Rita said.

See? It's funny because 'real' men do all the work around here and bitches just be trippin' and shoppin' and talkin' shit. Isn't that totally funny and so original and super-creative and totally not something you roll your eyes at from seeing your racist MAGA uncle and drunk wine aunt who do nothing but spread this shit all over Facebook because they have nothing to do with their hollow, empty lives?

-

Upon heading upstairs, Lincoln chowed down the remainder of his food, finishing several highly-caloric foods and beginning to absorb the energy from it. Having finished his dinner, Lincoln could now turn his attention to the task at hand; asking Lisa for help on how to reduce his power level.

"Lisa, what's going on?! How do I have power just by eating?" Lincoln asked.

"It'sh jusht ash I thought could happen. 1 kilocalorie containsh approxshimately 4184 joulesh of energy, and the meals you conshumed had about 3,500 caloriesh. That's nearly 1.5 million joulesh of energy you jusht abshorbed. Dangit, I knew we should have teshted if you could abshorb caloric energy before we left." Lisa said.

"Crap. I obviously can't blow anything up around here to get rid of it, what do we do now?"

"Do you shtill have your Ace Shavvy coshtume under your clothing?"

"Yeah."

"Then its sheemsh we have no choice but to move onto your project. You'll have to go out on patrol and find a way to dishposhe of the energy accumulated."

"On patrol? Now? I don't know if I'm ready for this yet. I mean, what kind of supervillains would I fight out there?"

"Lincoln, if luck shervesh ush well, nothing may happen to you. Perhapsh, with a simple walk around the shcity for a long enough time, your body will ushe up the energy you accumulated and our problem will be sholved. Here, take thish before you leave."

Lisa grabbed an earbud and placed it in Lincoln's ear, giving her a means of communicating with him during his night out on the street.

"I'll be monitorring you closhely from here. You keep that in, I can communicate with you at any time, and feed you any information with thish." Lisa said.

Lisa then handed Lincoln a contact lens, crafted specifically by her to view whatever Lincoln may see.

"Anything you shee, I can shee on my computer, and anything I need to show you, I can do. I can feed you real-time informashtion regarding Royal Woodsh' crime reports and the besht routesh of reshponshe." Lisa said.

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, I just told you I'm not-" Lincoln began to say.

Lincoln's protest was met with a sharp feeling of pain to his right eye; having a contact lens shoved in it. For anyone who's ever put a contact lens in their eye for the very first time in their lives, you know exactly how this feels. Lincoln, not able to afford the others hearing of the events transpiring, held in his cries of pain and agony.

"That was the worst thing you've ever done to me." Lincoln said.

"That'sh happened to everyone elshe with poor eyeshight. Now, for the moment, your parentsh believe that you are ashleep. I shuggesht that we use thish as cover to our advantage. Head out my window and get to the city while they're all at the table." Lisa said.

"Out the window? I'll probably break my leg if I jump that height."

"Not anymore, Lincoln. You can abshorb kinetic energy to where it no longer affectsh you, remember?"

"Oh, right... but I still don't want to do this."

Reaching her hand behind her back and pulling out her handgun as it was used back at the junkyard, Lisa aimed the firearm straight to her brother's face.

"Lincoln Loud... I would almosht hate to do thish to you." Lisa said.

"You wouldn't." Lincoln said.

"If the parental unitsh dishcover how you nearly committed shuicshide with my equipment, my shcience career ish over. If I'm going to go down, I might ash well hit rock bottom and jusht kill you."

"Lisa, can you really, truly find it in your heart to kill your brother?"

Lisa cocked the hammer back on her handgun; her threat still standing.

"I don't have a heart anymore, I replashced it with a motorishzed pump. Now, get your little butt out that window and go fight shome bad guysh. You talked me into thish, and you're not going to talk me out of it." Lisa said.

Realizing that there was no way to reason with Lisa this time around, Lincoln had discovered that, like every last one of his plans he's ever conceived to find a clever way out of a bad situation, he was stuck with it backfiring on him. Letting out a heavy sigh and raising his hands in the air, Lincoln finally complied with Lisa's order.

"Okay, okay, fine, I'll go." Lincoln said.

Heading to Lisa's window, Lincoln opened it and sat on the windowsill, attempting to land on the ground as lightly as possible. Not wanting to hit the ground too hard, Lincoln tried his best to try to hang himself off the windowsill and slide down the wall, not wanting to harm himself.

Growing annoyed with Lincoln's cowardly approach to the jump, Lisa pushed him out the window, sending him screaming and falling to the ground, hitting it face-first.

Despite landing on grass and dirt, the landing was still a very hard one, leaving Lincoln not seriously harmed from the fall, having absorbed the energy from the impact, but still in some manner of pain. Picking himself up off the ground, he stretched out his back, hearing his vertebrae crack as he did so.

"Ow... That really hurt." Lincoln said.

"That'sh what you get for washting my time." Lisa said.

"What?! How did- Oh, right, the earpiece."

"Correct. Now, the shcity ish about a mile ahead on your left, sho get moving."

"A mile?! How am I supposed to get there from here?"

"Run. With the amount of joules you abshorbed, you'll have more than enough energy for the journey, and any sort of fatigue won't kick in until you run out of power. Sundown comesh in 7 minutesh, if you maintain a 15-mile per hour run, you could be in the shcity in 4."

"But I can't run a few feet without getting a Charley horse."

"Hello? Is someone there?" Lynn Sr. asked.

Hearing his father begin to investigate the sound made by Lincoln falling out of the window, Lincoln realized that there was no more time to debate. Beginning to run to downtown Royal Woods, Lincoln began making his way to the city and make his rocky beginning his career as a crimefighter.

"Then again, I have been working on my running stamina." Lincoln said.

As Lincoln darted towards the city, Lynn Sr. investigated that area where he fell; finding not anything so much as a trace as to what could have unfolded here. Looking up to Lisa's window, finding it open, Lynn Sr. called to his daughter within to further investigate the matter.

"Lisa?! Honey?!" Lynn Sr. asked.

Popping her head out the window, Lisa responded to her father's calls, needing to downplay the events and take away his suspicions.

"Yesh, parental unit?" Lisa asked.

"You didn't hear any sort of weird thudding noise, did you?"

"...No?"

-

In the city of Royal Woods, Michigan, there are plenty of fun distractions to be found for those looking for some quick thrills. With attractions like Dairyland Amoosement Park, the Lazer Maze, Hole In One-derland, Gus' Games and Grub, Spunk E. Pigeon's Pizza Palooza Paradise, and more, there is never a dull moment to be had in this loud town.

On the run from the law after his crimes in Ocean Shores, having his shark-eaten limbs rebuilt and replaced in the safe haven of South America, the renegade known as Lars Rodriguez comes to this small town to relax during his time of laying low. Looking for nothing more than a good time to sit out his hiding period, the first item on his list is a gas station known as Flip's Food & Fuel, recommended to him by its delicious Flippees™.

Taking his first step into the town, Lars prepares himself for what he hopes to be a few weeks of fun and relaxation...

...perhaps with his own taste of fun being thrown into the mix.

"Alright. Royal Woods, huh? This should be fun. Now, how about that Flippee?™" Lars thought aloud.

CHAPTER 10: DON'T HAVE A COW, PART 1

The first day of superherodom for Lincoln Loud seemed to be going all too well; nearly perfect as one could imagine for someone in his shoes. While the first few hours were filled with a strong amount of boredom, this all changed within an instant, all as a result from the simple task of obtaining a Flippee™.

Upon trying to get himself the aforementioned frozen, fruit-flavored beverage, he came into contact with one of the most dangerous men on the face of the planet:

Lars Rodriguez.

After spending time hiding out in Ecuador, obtaining new limbs transplanted in place of those eaten by sharks, Lars had made his official return to the States, marking his return by obtaining a Flippee™ as well. Though his mission was relatively simple, it was more than enough to drive him halfway across the globe, bringing him to Lincoln's home town of Royal Woods.

Unable muster the courage to face off against the infamous Lars Rodriguez, Lincoln immediately pussied out and ran out of Flip's Food and Fuel, abandoning his dreams of caped crusades in an instant. However, after I temporarily rewrote the story into... let's say...

...Lynn getting ready to play with a different set of balls, Lincoln, out of fear of being forced into incest with one of his sisters, brought himself to do battle after all.

Making good use of his new powers of energy absorption and redirection, Lincoln fought against the cybernetic psychopath, defeating the foe and saving the day.

After trying to expunge the last of his energy so that he could return home, however, Lincoln had found his energy blast was met with Lars Rodriguez's face; the aforementioned foe mustering up the last of his energy and going for one last attack, and his plan backfiring on him. His mistake led him to have his face burned off, and the pain of the experience leaving him unconscious.

Lincoln, believing he had murdered this opponent, lost all interest and drive to continue his path as a superhero, instantly returning home and shedding his costume. Placing his head between his pillow and desperately trying to shake away the shame of his believed act of murder, Lincoln tried to place his mind to his dreams to rid himself of the disgust he felt, only to get little to no sleep.

During his sleep, or, lack thereof, Lars had awoken from his coma, finding his face replaced with a clear piece of plastic preventing the muscles in his face from falling apart. Furious and in severe pain from his face being burnt off, Lars shot, burned, and slashed his way out of the hospital, swearing his revenge on Ace Savvy, craving his head on a stick.

On this new morning, however, Lincoln finally woke up from his restless sleep, wiping away the crust in his groggy eyes and sitting on the edge of his bed. Not quite ready to place himself on his feet yet, Lincoln decided to do what helps him best in the lowest points in his life:

Talk to the viewer, which, in this case, is you.

"I really, honestly thought that this superhero stuff would be a lot different. In the comics, Ace Savvy never has any problem taking out bad guys, and never killed any of them. But I just killed this guy. I killed someone. I'm just 12 years old, how could I just do something like that? I mean, I know Lisa told me it was just an accident, but I still feel horrible. Sure, that Lars guy was a real bad guy, but I still can't use that as an excuse. In any case, there's no way I'm putting on that costume again. In fact, I'm going to get with Lisa and tell her to undo all these powers right now." Lincoln said.

Placing his feet on the ground, Lincoln proceeded to head downstairs, ready to meet with Lisa and explain said situation to her. As this seemed to be a typical morning in the Loud House, it made sense that everyone would be downstairs for breakfast; the summertime meaning no school.

Where he was expecting a typical Loud breakfast, consisting of Lynn Sr. cooking up a feast for the entire family and every family member fighting for the most amount of bacon, Lincoln was instead met with the entire family lined up at the couch, all watching a news report.

Other than simple weather checks, this was extremely abnormal for the family to do, especially in such an engrossed way like they were watching this report. Upon seeing the news report on the TV, Lincoln saw instantly what warranted them to watch the news on this morning.

Continuing to be reported on since last night, Lincoln's first (and, as far as he was concerned, only) fight was played once again, with the Louds watching in excitement.

"Wow, a real-life superhero in Royal Woods! Isn't this the coolest thing ever?!" Lana asked.

"Eh, I suppose it would be if he didn't dress in such a shoddy costume. It makes Lincoln's little Ace Savvy costume look like Armani." Lola said.

"Hey, that's not polite, Lola, you really outta cos-play nice. HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it?" Luan asked.

"He moves so gracefully, like a vampire out on the night searching for innocent blood to feed on." Lucy said.

"He's got some good moves, I'll admit, but he could use some coaching. He really could use some meat on those bones." Lynn said.

"Oh, my gosh, there's bones in the sausage? Why didn't someone tell me?" Leni asked.

Hearing the mix of praise and criticism coming from his sisters, Lincoln tried to sneak past the couch, moving directly into the kitchen for his share of breakfast. Spotting her brother make his way down the stairs, Luna gave a shout for him to join, ending any stealth that he had.

"Hey, bro, check this out! There's this real-life superhero guy on the TV dressed like Ace Savvy! You're gonna love this!" Luna said.

"Oh, uh, yeah, sure, just one second, gotta get my breakfast." Lincoln said.

Heading into the kitchen to obtain his breakfast, Lincoln was met by Lynn Sr. at the stove, serving up his portion with Rita assisting him with his kitchen duties. Giving Lincoln his serving of eggs, bacon, sausage, and potatoes, Lynn Sr. and Rita also indulged in the hype surrounding the presence of Ace Savvy in their city.

"So, champ, you hear about that new Ace Savvy guy on the news?" Lynn Sr. asked.

"Uh, kind of. Luna said that everybody's watching it on the news, what exactly did I miss?" Lincoln asked.

"Oh, honey, you really should watch what's going on. Apparently, one of those awful people from the Ocean Shores Incident showed up to Flip's Food and Fuel, and this person dressed like Ace Savvy and beat him." Rita said.

"It's just like out of your comic books, Lincoln, isn't it cool?" Lynn Sr. asked.

"Uh, yeah, sure, real cool. You know what? I think I'm gonna see this for myself right now at the TV." Lincoln said.

Before taking his breakfast to the couch, Lincoln grabbed a new selection of condiments for his food. Taking Worcestershire sauce for his eggs, hazelnut spread for his bacon, grape jelly for his sausage, and clam sauce for his potatoes, Lincoln found his breakfast complete.

Topping off his breakfast with a cup of coffee, complete with ranch dressing, Lincoln headed his way to the couch to join his sisters at the TV.

His parents, once again disgusted by his choice of condiments for his food, mistook this as a side effect of puberty, not aware of his new power driving his strange food cravings. Remembering the need to talk with the young boy, Rita reminded her husband of said task, both planning it out for their soon outing to Dairyland.

"Remember, you were going to have 'the talk' with Lincoln at Dairyland today, remember?" Rita asked.

"The talk? The talk about what?" Lynn Sr. asked.

"You know, about growing up, and becoming a man, and..."

"OH! Oh, yeah, that! I haven't forgotten. Don't worry, I've been reading up on all the things related to sex these days. Really interesting stuff that these kids come up with."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"It's real interesting what people are into these days, maybe we should give this stuff a try. Here, I saved a few websites."

Lynn Sr. then pulled out his smartphone, displaying some of said websites to his wife, one in particular having 'hamster' in the URL.

With Lynn Sr.'s unassuming mind looking up such strange and bizarre debauchery on the internet and finding some of the most horrid possibilities to come about by experimentation on human reproduction, Rita's mind nearly shut itself down from the mere shock of what was being shown to her, never knowing such acts could be possible.

"WHAT THE FU-?!" Rita began to say.

Covering her mouth before finishing her swear, not wanting to utter a bad word to her family, nor raise the rating of this story, as Lily was present, and subject to learn any new words she would be exposed to. As amusing as I find babies and children dropping the 'F' word like it's nothing, Rita was forced to change her sentence for her baby.

"I mean, uh... 'Oh, what a fun day this shall be today"!" Rita lied.

-

Moving onto the living room, far away from where any such horrid images may be described, Lincoln moved his way to the couch, taking a seat in the middle of the group. Reliving the last night he had put himself through as it played back on the news was not easy, especially when he needed to prevent the others from discovering his true identity.

"Cool stuff, huh, Linc? I remember seeing you first get into Ace Savvy as a baby, amazing how somebody else loved it as much as you and went around dressed up like him, huh?" Luna asked.

"Uh, yeah, heh-heh. Really cool." Lincoln said.

"You know, his costume kind of looks like yours. Do you think maybe he based his costume off yours?" Leni asked.

Fearing that Leni might have discovered his secret, Lincoln began to grow nervous, not wanting to reveal his secret. With Lynn's interruption of Leni's comment, the suspicion that Leni had was quickly revealed to be vapid unawareness, as her observation was met with Occam's Razor.

"Leni, that's based off the comic book character Ace Savvy, you know, the one that Lincoln reads all the time?" Lynn asked.

"Oh, yeah, right. I forgot." Leni said.

As Lincoln let out a sigh of relief, Lisa sat herself beside Lincoln, gaining his attention to further their project. Gaining an audience with her older brother, Lisa began inquiring Lincoln regarding the past night, cleverly disguising her words through mere innocence.

"Well, Lincoln, I musht shay, thish new shuperhero truly ish popular, ish he not?" Lisa said.

"Oh, I bet he is, but I don't really think he'll be around that long." Lincoln said.

"Really? And why do you think that?"

"Well, anybody who had any sort of brains would realize that doing stuff like that's a bad idea, and come to their senses and quit in seconds."

"I beg to differ. I believe that the exshperienshce would only drive them to continue; unable to forget the sheer thrill and the exshitement of each battle they encounter."

"Maybe they also had the realization that they could get themselves killed and stop before that happened."

"Or perhapsh they could not die sho eashily and push ashide their fearsh to rishe up to the challenge and shave thoshe in need of shaving."

As Lincoln and Lisa continued their subtle debate in a not-so-subtle way, the other sisters began to grow confused and concerned with the fight, not fully understanding the context. With no one able to make anything of the fight, the sisters looked to each other to try to find answers, only to find none.

"Uh... did I miss something?" Lynn asked.

"If you missed something, then I missed something, too." Lola said.

"Yeah. Since when does Lisa care about comic books? She's always into science and stuff." Lana said.

"Yeah, what's your guys' deal?" Luan asked.

Realizing that their conversation was starting to cause suspicion among the others, Lincoln and Lisa ended the fight; pretending as if nothing had happened.

"Oh, uh... nothing. It's..." Lincoln said.

"...About our shummer school projectsh." Lisa said.

"Yeah, yeah, that."

With their answer having more sound logic behind it (and even more than the others would know), the sisters all ended their suspicion, having their curiosities sated. Before the group could do anything else, the parents walked into the room, bringing with them news of their family trip to Dairyland today.

"Hey, guys, you better get your clothes on and get ready to go, because we've got something special for you guys today." Lynn Sr. said.

"Last night, the two of us were wondering about the last time we all spent a day at Dairyland as a family, so, we decided to get tickets to go today." Rita said.

Hearing the news about their spontaneous trip to Dairyland, the children all gave a cheerful shout, all letting out their excitement and anticipation of heading to the dairy-themed amusement park. Lincoln, being the biggest fan of the park, was just as excited as the others to go, but still held his skepticism about the trip.

"Dairyland? What gave you guys the idea to take us today?" Lincoln asked.

"Well, sweetie, we know how things have been a little hard since Lori moved to the Casagrandes', so we wanted to spend a little more time with all of you before you all grow up on us." Rita said.

"And it only cost a quarter of our retirement funds, as opposed to our last vacation, which took half! It's almost as cheap as my vasectomy was!" Lynn Sr. said.

Still not completely satified with the answers given by his parents, Lincoln looked to Lisa, believing her to having a hand in this random act of kindness.

"So, you wouldn't happen to had something to do with this, would you?" Lincoln asked.

"Perhapsh I may have shubliminally influenshced our parental unitsh to grant ush a family outing to our favorite recreashtional shcenter themed around the foodshtuffsh conshtructed around the mammary exshcreshtions of the Bosh taurush, but I won't take full credit." Lisa said.

"Is this some way of getting me to do... you-know-what again?"

"...No?"

"Well, your bribe won't work on me, but I'm still going to take it, because I love free stuff. Mom, Dad, when do we leave?"

"In about 5 minutes, so you guys better pack it up!" Lynn Sr. said.

The instant Lynn Sr. finished his sentence, the Loud children all darted their way up to their own rooms, all dressing themselves up and getting ready to go on a fun trip to Dairyland. With the children all gone, Rita shared one final reminder to the task at hand for her husband.

"Just to make it clear, you are not showing Lincoln those websites." Rita said.

"Well, then, could we at least give some of those a try later?" Lynn Sr. asked.

"...We'll talk about it."

As the family all departed to prepare to leave for Dairyland, Lisa excused herself to make a phone call, contacting the local news stations.

"Hello, Channel 16? Yesh, I have an anonymoush tip for you regarding Acshe Shavvy." Lisa whspered.

-

Elsewhere, on the streets of Royal Woods, the fugitive and faceless Lars Rodriguez seeks out shelter from the law. With having no face and only a clear piece of plastic to hold his muscles in place, someone like him doesn't exactly blend in, much less in a small-ish town where many people know each other.

His choice of offensive T-shirts does not make his efforts of trying to stay incognito effective, either, as his shirt depicted a man penetrating a woman from behind in doggystyle position, with the man holding the woman by the hips, and text reading 'EXCUSE ME WHILE I SLIP INTO SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE'.

Trying to find some temporary shelter from the law, Lars' eyes were working overtime to keep aware from any coming threats. No longer having any eyelids, this task was not physically taxing, but mentally; leaving him unable to sleep well since the incident.

In the midst of their watchfulness, however, they caught a news report being played on a TV in an electronics shop, giving him a vital piece of information. While his mind was focusing on safe shelter to reside in for the time being, or perhaps a means out of the city, the news report gave him information on something he also wanted to know:

The location of Ace Savvy, the one who took his face.

"This just in, we've received a call from a source telling us that Royal Wood's newest hero, Ace Savvy, will be making an appearance today at Dairyland Amoosement Park. Many Royal Woodians have been reported to be heading to the park in hopes of laying eyes on the caped card dealer himself, leading to one of the highest sale days in the park's history, despite us declaring it a few seconds ago. Never let it be said that news doesn't travel fast." The reporter said.

Hearing this new piece of information, Lars took to it very kindly. Now knowing where and when to expect the man who took his face off, Lars now saw fit to plan his opportunity for his own face-off, making a joke so unoriginal and barely fitting to the situation that it fits his character perfectly.

"Dairyland, huh? Well, like I always say, 'why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free'?" Lars asked.

-

With Vanzilla pulling into the parking lot of Dairyland Amoosement Park, the Louds had finally arrived to the theme park, ready to begin a day of fun at the resort. As Dairyland was always a favorite retreat of the children, it became a favorite of the parents' as well; finding one of the few places they can leave their children to roam without any true consequence or worry.

Dairyland Amoosement Park is well known among Royal Woodians, famously created by and themed around the Dairyland brand of dairy goods, selling products such as milk, cheese, ice cream, and other forms of diarrhea fuel, being able to ride many rides based on these delicious foodstuffs while sampling many of them about the park was a twofold treat good enough for a child of any age.

While it is known for having a decent amount of traffic of parkgoers, especially on a hot summer such as this one, no other day could compare to this attendance on this day. With the announcement of Ace Savvy appearing at the park being shared on the news, attendance shot straight up for the park; forming lines circling around the entire perimeter of the park just to buy tickets.

The issue of tickets were already prepaid online and not an issue here for the Louds, but the line for those who had already purchased their tickets to get in was no cakewalk either; taking a decent amount of time to work through as well, passing through clogged lines of security.

At Disney World Resort, this phenomenon is known by the word: 'Tuesday'.

Everywhere else, this is known by the word 'Money Pit', because no normal human being would ever piss away their money going to Disney World.

"Lisa, you wouldn't happen to have something to do with this, have you?" Lincoln asked.

"...No?" Lisa asked.

With her eyes darting back and forth and her mouth cracking a crooked smile, Lisa's lie did not hold up against Lincoln.

A half-hour later, the Loud family had finally found their way into the park, ready to begin a long and full day of fun. Wasting no more time sitting around and waiting in line, the majority of the sisters began making their way towards the nearest rides around them, having waited long enough to embark on their fun.

All who were left were Rita, Lynn Sr., Lily, and Lincoln. With Lily in Rita's care, the mother had left the father up to the task of giving Lincoln a talk about adolescence. Just before Lincoln could set out on his fun, planning to head straight to the Milk Shaker, Lynn Sr. stopped him in his tracks, needing to speak to him about the trials he would soon face growing up.

"Yes! Finally! I've been waiting long enough!" Lincoln said.

"Whoa, hold on a second, son, think I could talk to you real quick?" Lynn Sr. asked.

"Aw, come on, Dad, I want to go on the Milk Shaker! You know, if you throw up while you ride it, your barf'll fly back in your face." Lincoln said.

"That sounds just as fun as it sounds disgusting, kiddo, but we need to talk about something important. Once we're done, I won't hold you up from having any more fun. It'll only take a few minutes."

"Oh, okay. If you say so."

As Lincoln and Lynn Sr. went off to find a secluded place to talk, one more guest had entered his way into the park. Where all other patrons had paid their way in honestly, this individual had not; sneaking his own way in. Where the others coming to the park were coming to find a day of fun on the rides, they also came to bear witness to a promised appearance of Ace Savvy.

This individual, too, came to meet with Ace Savvy, but for a completely different reason other than- Oh, what am I doing? You already know who this person is.

"Okay, Ace Sucky, I hope you're ready to have your cards cut, because I'm ready to slash your white ass limb from limb." Lars said.

Taking a secluded spot on a bench, Lincoln and Lynn Sr. sat down side-by-side, the father trying to give his son a sense of security. With such a discussion topic such as this one, trying to keep the one to be lectured as comfortable as possible was just as essential as making one's self comfortable to share such a subject.

"So, Dad, what's up?" Lincoln asked.

"Well, son, as you know, you are 12 years old now, getting your way to 13. That means that you are becoming a man very soon." Lynn Sr. said.

"What?"

"You know, you're starting to grow up. It's something that all of us go through. Your all your older sisters all went through it, at least, so far as it goes for girls and not boys, and it looks like it's around time that you catch up."

"Dad, where's this coming from?"

"Well, I mean, you've been acting kind of squirrely lately. Last night at dinner, you seasoned my steak with whipped cream. I mean, I know you love peanut butter and sauerkraut, but that's a new one for you."

"Yeah, that, well... Uh... I can explain that, I..."

"Your body's starting to change?"

"Well, I guess you could say that, just not exactly in the way you think."

"Oh, you'd be surprised, son, I went through very much the same thing that you did, believe it or not."

"Yeah, believe it, it wasn't like this."

-

As the conversation of growth and maturity between father and son continued, a conversation many have had, but no one is proud of, the other members of the Loud family sought after their own bits of fun to be had at Dairyland Amoosement Park, having fun where Lincoln was forced to suffer the talk of the Birds and the Bees with his own father.

Lynn, the most rambunctious of the children, opted for the Milk Shaker roller coaster, subsequently having her own vomit hit her in her face as Lincoln described.

Lola, wanting to exhibit her dominionistic tendencies, opted for the Cattle Battle, a mechanical cow like you see in cowboy bars.

Lana, having an undying love of animals, opted for the Friends 4 Udder petting zoo, eating some of the food that was meant to feed them.

Lucy, into the mystic and occultic arts, took a place for herself at The Udder Truth, a fortune-telling attraction, and doing a better job than the animatronic.

Finding a strange attraction different from the rest, Leni made her selection here. After a few mere minutes of waiting, a moment of anticipation that seemed to last an entire lifetime to the absent-minded Leni Loud, the secondborn child had finally reached the end of the line; heading to the attraction of her choice and preparing to step inside.

Before fulfilling her choice, however, Leni began to have second thoughts. While the young woman may not have had many fears, the most dominant of the few being spiders, there still were a few uncertainties and insecurities still preventing her from living through this new experience.

"Okay, okay, I don't want to hold up the line, but I just need to know something before I get on this ride. How fast is it? If it goes way too fast, I'll puke, and I don't want to puke." Leni said.

"Ma'am, this is the concession stand, not a ride." The cashier said.

"What's that? Is it some kind of weird new rollercoaster I haven't heard of?"

"No, we sell snacks... and that's it."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really. Now, are you gonna buy something, or what? I've got more people behind you."

"Oh, uh, right. Let me take... one vanilla Moo-ilk Shake, a small, please."

"With or without the cherry?"

"With, please, I totes need to get more fruit in my diet."

"Yeah, sure."

She's the stupid one. GET IT?!

Anyway, after taking her payment, the cashier moved to the kitchen and subsequently returned with Leni's milkshake, ensuring to add the cherry atop as requested. Taking her milkshake and thanking the cashier, Leni went to a secluded spot to enjoy her beverage, enjoying the frozen sweetness that the drink offered.

While her enjoyment of the milkshake was quiet and peaceful enough, there was an element of noise and violence that introduced itself to the blonde beauty in contrast to his appalling appearance, entering in the form of a dangerous man dressed in a trench coat, covering up his robotic arm.

Once again, if I really have to spell it out for you each time, you're either braindead or too damn young to be reading this. Go watch some Sesame Street or Bear in the Big Blue House or something, that's probably more up your emotional and intellectual levels if you need me to repeat it for you again.

Then again, if you're still here after all my other bullshit, I guess you're not going anywhere no matter what I do.

Anyways, just like Lars Rodriguez has been doing since first introduced in the Rocket Power story, which about only 5 of you have actually read (go read it, dickhole, I spent a year getting that one right), the simple-minded and sociopathic maniac sought out the one thing constantly on his mind:

An attractive woman.

With Leni being the first in his sight, or, more specifically, her large chest, Lars has found his next one to seek out. Despite being more of an 'ass-man', every mammal is born with an innate fixation on mammaries, and Lars is no exception, seeking out a different set of udders in the park in compensation for Leni's lack of a bottom; a curse that many white women have.

Making his approach towards the solitary Leni Loud, Lars laid out his best seduction for the woman, believing himself to find some luck. However, where he mostly finds failure by numerous slaps, punches, kicks, pepper sprays, tasers, rape whistles, and 911 calls, he will soon find a new failure on this day preventing him from getting his dick wet:

Stupidity.

-

Between Lynn Sr. and Lincoln...

"You'd be surprised, son. There's a lot of funny things that go on when you start to grow up. Believe me, I've been there a lot, and I'd be happy to share some of that with you." Lynn Sr. said.

"I'd probably be happy if you didn't share that with me, Dad. Look, I'm appreciating this whole talk, but can we please not do this? I'd rather just-" Lincoln began to say.

"Son, please, this isn't any easy for you as it is for me, but we've got to talk about this. You're growing up now, and you've also been spending a lot of time with that new girl... What's her name?"

"Stella."

"Stella, right. Say, what happened to you and Ronnie Anne? I thought you two were still staying long-distance?"

"It's... complicated."

"Right. Well, whatever girl you find yourself going with, you'll need to make sure you're safe, and you're not doing anything risky. I mean, I know you're still young, and, if this other girl is around your age, I... well... I just want you to be safe, you know?"

"Uh, yeah, sure, Dad. All we really do is hang out at the mall and stuff, it's not like we're going to the nuclear power plant."

"Oh, good, good, but that's not quite what I meant."

"Then what did you mean? Wait, I'm not sure I want to know."

"Well, son, when people grow older, they'll start to have feelings for other people. Sometimes it's towards girls, sometimes it's boys, sometimes it's both, sometimes it's something in between, and sometimes they don't ever have any at all. In my case, I had my feelings towards girls, your mother had feelings towards boys, and that's how we got together. But, on the other hand, sometimes there's people like Luna, who likes boys and girls the same."

"Dad, I don't- I'm not into any of that, I like girls, I like-"

"I know, I know, son. The point is your mother and I still love you any way you turn out. You're becoming a man now, and we'll still love that boy we loved before just the same when he's a man. That's all I'm saying."

"Okay, if that's the case, can I please go on some rides now?"

"Hold on, just one more thing, son. I wanted to get to the part where you'll be exploring some of those other feelings with girls, or whoever, but, if it's girls you say, then we'll say girls. Now, this is where the fun part begins."

-

Between Leni and Lars...

"Hey, vave, wanna tickle my hickle?" Lars asked.

"Oh, no thank you, I don't think a pickle would taste too good in this." Leni said.

"Oh, no, no, I'm not talking avout that kind of hickle. I'm saying I wanna take you on the one-way vone train, vave, vack at my hlace."

"You have a train at your house? That's got to take up way too much space. I mean, that is, unless, you've got some kind of mansion. Ooh! Are you a celebrity?"

"Sonething like that, vut, once again, that's unfortunately not what I'm asking for, vitch. I wanna hoke at your insides!"

"But I think only doctors can deal with my insides. The last time I saw a doctor was ever since I looked up implants. My sisters all say I have nice boobs, but I still think they could be better."

"Lady, you're just not getting it, are you?"

"Getting what?"

"You stupid cu- Ugh... Let me exhlain this to you very slowly. I would like to put my hee-hee in your vutthole. Would you like me to hut my hee-hee- in your vutthole?"

"What?! Ew, no! What's wrong with you?!"

"What's wrong with ne? What's wrong with ne, you vlonde vinvo?"

Pulling the hoodie off of his head, Lars revealed his burned-off face to the young woman, showing his bare muscles and skull to Leni. With his eyes covered by naught but a set of plastic and no longer able to blink, seeing these piercing, killer eyes wide open and staring right at her, Leni gave a horrified gasp.

"TAKE ONE GODDANN GUESS!" Lars shouted.

Having Lars' exposed face revealed in full to Leni in all its horror, the blonde Loud could do nothing more than scream; her simplistic mind not able to process a more logical solution like fleeing. Leni's screams, sharp enough to pierce any eardrum in the area, turned every head towards her in concern.

Seeing the newly-skinned face of Lars Rodriguez looking right back at them, the crowd all screamed in terror as well; fleeing from the faceless man before any harm would befall them. Tossing away his trenchcoat and preparing his robotic arm in its machine gun form once again, Lars grabbed Leni with his human arm, taking her as a hostage and human shield.

-

Before the 'joys' of sex could be presented to Lincoln Loud by the well-meaning but naive Lynn Sr., his lecture was stopped short by Leni's scream, instantly recognizing it as belonging to his daughter. As both of them shared a strong fear of spiders, they were well versed in each others' screams, making them unmistakable to each other.

And I guess the fact that she's his daughter would mean he knows her voice, too, I guess.

"What the- Did you hear Leni?" Lynn Sr. asked.

"Yeah, that was her. Must be on a fast ride, she never liked them. But, wait... then why would she be on one?" Lincoln said.

With both coming to the realization that something was wrong with Leni, Lincoln and Lynn Sr. shot up out of their seats, looking around for the airheaded Loud and seeing where such a sharp and shrill expenditure of air could have come from. Seeing the helpless Leni in the hands of Lars Rodriguez as he carried her across his shoulder, firing his arm-gun in the air to shoo civilians out of his way.

Witnessing his daughter lay helpless in the hands of one of the most notorious criminals in the country, Lynn Sr. began panicking in an instant, his mind not finding the solution to the problem he was in. Pulling at his hair and running in circles in hysteria, the once calm and composed Lynn Sr. turned himself into a complete wreck of a human being.

"OH, SWEET GRAVY! LENI! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! SOMEBODY CALL THE POLICE! HELP!" Lynn Sr. shouted.

Not too long ago, Lincoln Loud had obtained posthuman powers, and donned a cape and costume in search of seeking out his purpose and talent in life. Extremely knowledgeable in all things related to comic books, specifically Ace Savvy, becoming a superhero himself seemed like the most logical step to make in finding his calling in life.

Not too long after that, Lincoln Loud had abandoned said dreams with one simple mistake. Having expelled all his energy in one blast, Lars Rodriguez had placed himself in the way of the blast. While no saint by any stretch of the imagination, the prospect of killing enemies is not viewed in a positive way in the line of superherodom in Lincoln's comics, leading him to hang up his costume just as quick as it went on his back.

However, where he had no intentions of ever placing the costume on again or ever using his powers, there were two facts that instantly changed his mind.

The first was the current status of Lars Rodriguez. Not having received the news regarding his survival and escape, seeing him alive now revealed that he had never murdered Lars at all, instantly clearing his consciousness of murdering anyone and absolving him of his own accusation.

The second, more importantly, was the fact that Leni Loud, one of his very own sisters, was in the clutches of this maniac. Knowing that there could be no chance for Leni other than through his own efforts, having no security or police in sight, Lincoln knew then and there what he had to do.

Temporarily forsaking his father and heading towards one of the youngest but most brightest of his sisters, Lincoln sought out the way to save Leni. Lynn Sr., not aware of his son's plans, found his disappearance less than helpful to his hysteria; now growing scared for two lost children.

"Lincoln?! LINCOLN?! LINCOLN?! LINCOLN, WHERE ARE YOU?!" Lynn Sr. shouted.

-

Lincoln, needing the assistance of Lisa Loud, headed to the one place in the park that he was well aware that he would find her. Where nearly every corner of the park has its own area that fit the preferences of all the sisters, there is one area where Lisa can feel comfortable.

While Lisa might not care for many recreational activities that do not create some accomplishment, this one place captures her brilliant mind.

Heading down to the Shake Lab, a place where children are free to mix and experiment different flavors of milkshakes, the scientific mind of Lisa finds many possibilities, calculating them all, but the body holding said mind is found by Lincoln, interrupting her in the middle of a new creation.

"And, here, ladiesh and gentsh, I preshent to you..." Lisa began to say.

Before Lisa could finish her sentence, Lincoln pumped into his 5-year old sister, knocking the paper cup out of her hands and sending its contents to the floor. Less than impressed with her brother's actions, Lisa returned Lincoln's bump with a sharp reprimand.

"Lincoln, I had jusht perfected mixshing every lasht chocolate flavor to a prishtine balanshce! I hope you have good reashon to ruin thish exshperiment." Lisa said.

Running out of energy and out of breath, Lincoln did his best to convey the message between breaths.

"Leni... Kidnapped... Lars... Shooting... Everywhere..." Lincoln said.

"What?! Larsh got Leni?! Dangit, thish washn't part of the plan!" Lisa said.

"Plan?!" Lincoln asked.

"Yesh, well, I may or may not have informed the newsh that Acshe Shavvy would appear at the park today, therefore luring your new opponent to battle with you here, all in an attempt to end your early retirement from shuperhero exshcapadesh."

"You did WHAT?! Lisa, Leni is in that man's arms and she could be killed!"

"Fear not, brother, perhapsh thish can all go according to plan after all. I preshume you'll be needing thish."

Lisa pulled out her backpack, revealing the contents inside to be Lincoln's Ace Savvy suit, now fully upgraded and improved by Lisa herself. Wasting no time to get himself ready for the coming battle, Lincoln slipped himself inside, zipping the suit tight on himself.

"I added kevlar and shteel platesh to the lining of the shuit, fireproofed the fabric, and alsho made it more able to conduct electrishcity. You should have no problemsh abshorbing energy with thish." Lisa said.

"But there's nowhere here I can draw power from, Lis. What am I supposed to do to get to Leni in time?" Lincoln asked.

"Fear not, Lincoln, that solution can be arranged."

Turning to the other children also making their experimental milkshake samples, Lisa called the youth to attention, needing their assistance on getting Lincoln his energy.

"ATTENSHTION, AMETUER SHODA JERKSH! THISH SHUPERHERO REQUIRESH YOUR ASSHISHTANSCHE! CREATE THE MOSHT FATTENING AND HIGHLY-CALORIC FROZEN DAIRY PRODUCTSH ASH YOU CAN! WE'RE GONNA HAVE OURSHELVES A MILKSHAKE-CHUGGING CONTESHT!" Lisa shouted.

With all the children shouting in excitement, the kids all went to work on making their milkshakes again, adding as many flavors and contents as possible to their drinks. Readying himself for the coming challenge, Lincoln seated himself at a small table, ready to consume whatever milkshake would come his way.

At Lisa's instructions, no topping or condiment was spared in creating these milkshakes; the sugar content of one milkshake alone enough to make a lesser man diabetic. For Lincoln Loud and his newfound powers of energy absorption, however, the sheer amount of calories contained within were just calling out for him to turn to joules, the joules soon to be used in his playing cards as explosives.

Forming a line towards Lincoln, the children continued to feed him their milkshakes, one after another lining right back up with another creamy concoction of tooth decay in a cup. Having consumed at least 50 milkshakes in a few minutes' time, Lincoln proving himself to be a master in consuming sweetened goods, the efforts of him and the children had paid off, leaving his eyes with an orange glow.

"There! You're at orange. It'sh not that much, but it should be enough to make a shtand. Make shure you bring Larsh down for good." Lisa said.

"I got it. But, when I get back, we're going to have a long, long talk about baiting supervillains to kill me." Lincoln said.

-

In the middle of Dairyland Amoosement Park, Lars Rodriguez continues to hold his hostage of Leni Loud tightly, firing his machine gun arm at various parkgoers for the sake of a kill. However, due to the cost-cutting decision of selecting a Chinese knock-off of his old arm, Lars had suffered a severe aim problem with his arm, as well as the gun itself beginning to jam.

"Goddann hiece of shit. Dann Chinese can't nake anything right!" Lars shouted.

"What are you going to do?! Let me go!" Leni shouted.

"Shut up, vitch! I'm having a real vad day, and the only thing that can helf me right now is sone white vlond hussy. So keeh your nouth shut and save it hor my vlowjov. I'n gonna need it ahter I gut Ace Savvy."

Before Lars could retreat any further down the park, a trio of explosions were set off near his feet, stopping him in his tracks. Looking up to see the origin of the strange blasts, Lars looked up to the sight of Ace Savvy standing at the top of a rollercoaster; a deck of cards in his hand and charging with energy.

At last, Lars had finally received what he was looking to find, giving a smile from what was left of his facial structure.

"Just the white voy I've heen looking hor. Avout tine you showed yourselh!" Lars said.

"Sorry for the delay, I was enjoying myself on the teacups. Tell you what, why don't you drop the girl, and we can have a round 2?" Ace Savvy asked.

CHAPTER 11: DON'T HAVE A COW, PART 2

Hours into his career, Lincoln Loud ended his newfound life as a superhero.

Having believed himself to have killed another man in battle, the burden of having taken another human life, no matter if said life was despicable as Lars Rodriguez's, was too much for the young boy to bear. Mere seconds after victorious in first battle, Lincoln held his cape and costume up, swearing never to touch it again.

At a spontaneous trip to Dairyland Amoosement Park, Lincoln's early retirement found itself ending as quickly as it began, mirror to the career prior to it was. Steadfast in his decision never to return to his costume, believing himself to be susceptible to evil deeds if he had continued, he believed that there was nothing that would change his mind.

Today, however, Lincoln found himself dead wrong.

Having miraculously survived having his face being burnt off, Lars Rodriguez returned with a bloodlust for Ace Savvy, coming to Dairyland upon hearing the prospect of meeting with the superhero once again. While the event was mostly a fabrication on Lisa's part, there was one x-factor that presented itself only when the plan had come to fruition.

Leni Loud, the least intelligent and therefore most innocent of the family, was taken hostage by Lars. Not able to allow any harm to come to his family, Lincoln donned his Ace Savvy suit once again, this time having received new upgrades from Lisa allowing him more protection and bettering his energy absorption.

Now, standing atop a rollercoaster and holding a set of energized cards in his hand, Lincoln, readied himself to free his sister and defeat the maniacal Lars.

But this time, he immerses himself in the persona of Ace Savvy, the hero he chose to honor by dressing as.

"Sorry for the delay, I was enjoying myself on the teacups. Tell you what, why don't you drop the girl, and we can have a round 2?" Ace Savvy asked.

"I got a vetter idea. How avout you come and take her from me if you want her that vadly?" Lars asked.

Taking his machine gun arm and firing at his enemy, Lars sent several bullets flying the way of Ace Savvy, more intent on killing him than before. With a decent charge of energy in his body, Ace Savvy jumped and dodged his way away from the enemy fire, preparing his cards with their next charge.

Throwing a pair of cards flying back towards his opponent, Ace Savvy sent Lars moving back behind the wall of another attraction to take cover. Taking a peek at this particular attraction, a house of mirrors, Lars found opportunity to evade Ace Savvy and up the challenge of the battle.

"Hey, snow white! Cone and catch ne ih you can!" Lars shouted.

Watching Lars head into the house of mirrors with his hostage still stuck in his grasp, Ace Savvy jumped back to ground level, making his way inside in pursuit. Jumping from the tall height of the rollercoaster's body, Ace Savvy absorbed the energy of the fall, his newly-designed boots having shock absorbers built in, and the kinetic energy built onto his reserves and making up for the power lost.

For this fight, he shall need every bit he can get.

While most civilians made their way to a safe area away from the park, the Louds got as close as their common sense would allow them to, and a little further with the drive of concern for Leni's safety. All watching Ace Savvy run into the house of mirrors in anxiety and worry, the parents and sisters all watched on as the battle was about to unfold.

However, as a mother cares for all her children, Leni is not the only one on her mind in worry. With the absence of the only boy in the family, Rita expresses concern for Lincoln as well, being sent into further anxiety and fear over the now second of her lost children.

"Honey, where's Lincoln? Wasn't he with you?" Rita asked.

"I don't know. As soon as I saw Leni, I just turned my head, and he was gone." Lynn Sr. said.

"WHAT?! Oh, god, how could you just leave Lincoln?!"

"I didn't leave him! He... He left me!"

"OH! He left you? Well, that just makes it all better, now, doesn't it?! My baby's still out there and gone!"

"Our baby, honey! He's my son, too!"

"Hey! Guys! Will you keep it cool?! Fighting isn't going to help us! Now, wherever Lincoln is, he can't be any worse than Leni right now. That psychotron dude just took her in there, and Ace Savvy's going after him. We'll worry about Lincoln as soon as we see Leni safe." Luna said.

Always one of the more level-headed of the elder Loud children, Luna managed to bring the fighting parents and panicking children to a peaceful silence. With her logic putting them all to rest, the Louds went back to watching the entrance to the house of mirrors, wondering just what could be unfolding inside.

"You're right, Luna. Lincoln almost always handles himself well in situations like this." Rita said.

"I just hope Leni comes out of there okay." Lynn Sr. said.

-

Ever since carnivals and festivals gained popularity in the country, one of the key attractions of any such event for fun and distraction had been a house of mirrors. Designed as a maze with the added challenge of having to discern what is real and what is an illusion, millions have set foot in such an attraction for fun, most having no problem coming out the other side.

For someone of average intelligence, the challenge is not too hard, and perhaps even fun for those who enjoy mind games. Leni Loud, however, is not one of those people. Unable to even complete a jigsaw puzzle by herself, even with the actual picture for reference, thinking is not one of her strong suits, and a house of mirrors is no such place for her.

Right about now, Leni is stuck inside one, but with a different twist.

On one hand, thinking is not important for right now, because she is in the arms of a wanted terrorist with a machine gun arm, and all she can think of is survival.

On the other, while there is no challenge of having to find her way out, her new challenge lies in trying to stay alive.

Being dragged down the halls of the house of mirrors, Leni still struggles against the strangehold of Lars, trying to get herself free. Unable to free herself from his grip, Leni finds some security in the coming of Ace Savvy, knowing that she would be saved very soon by the spade-spangled hero.

"You're that Lars Rodriguez guy, right? Ace Savvy's gonna get you." Leni said.

"Not ih I kill his ass hirst." Lars said.

"But I don't think he has a donkey."

"Shut uh, slut."

Stealthily pursuiting his target down the halls of the house of mirrors, Ace Savvy continued to stalk his opponent, like a predator ready to catch its prey. Where only a few minutes ago, he had absolutely no interest in returning to any more caped crusades, the endangerment of one of his own sisters had driven all uncertainty away from his mind.

Continuing his stalking down the hallways of the house of mirrors, Ace Savvy no longer had any doubts or uncertainties about using his powers or any fear of what may come of him in the line of duty. Now, there is not only the concern for his sister on his mind, but also something that he was hoping to find upon becoming a superhero.

For the first time in his life, Ace Savvy finds a flow; a undoubtable sense of fun that can never be found elsewhere.

Now, he knows who he is.

He is Lincoln Loud, and Lincoln Loud is Ace Savvy.

Lars, not being the smartest of individuals in the world, was not easy to find his way out of the house of mirrors. Bumping into his own reflection at nearly every turn, escape seemed to be a luxury that would be too far out of his reach; even with the insurance of a hostage.

After colliding with many reflections of himself during his flight into the house of mirrors, Lars had found something new within one of the mirrors in this maze. Rather than show a reflection of himself, this mirror showed a reflection of Ace Savvy; his eyes staring right back into the eyes of Lars Rodriguez.

"Let her go, Lars." Ace Savvy said.

Not concerning himself with whether or not this image was real or illusion, Lars shot at the mirror, shattering it to pieces.

With the mirror shattering to pieces and no sign of the real Ace Savvy appearing, the image was confirmed to be an illusion. While the trouble with this image was over, it still laid out the fact that the threat of Ace Savvy was still about, and still on the hunt for him and his hostage.

Turning his head to see another image of Ace Savvy, Lars shot at the image, only to find it being another illusion with the fall of glass shards.

Looking over his shoulder for another image, Lars shot at it as well, still only destroying yet another illusion.

Growing anxious and paranoid from the images appearing around him, Lars began to feel his robotic arm growing shaky; not able to keep his composure much longer in a confined place. Facing behind to see an entire plethora of mirrors, reflecting the image of Ace Savvy in each one, Lars began to snap under the pressure.

Not able to take any more tension, Lars fired his arm to shoot down and destroy every mirror in sight, destroying every image of Ace Savvy with it. Leni, beginning to break under the pressure as well, covered her ears and screamed from the loud gunshots echoing across the room, trying to block out the horrible sound piercing her brain.

Eventually, the gunfire came to a stop, giving a moment of silence for the captive Leni as a break from the horrible noise brought with it. With not many mirrors left in the room, there was one final image of Ace Savvy laid in front of Lars. Receiving a punch in the face from the image, there was no question whether or not this image was real or not.

Ace Savvy, knocking Leni out of the grip of Lars, freed the once-captive girl, called out for her to seek her way out. Not wanting to expose his indentity to his sister, Ace Savvy disguised his voice in a compromised gravelly voice, attempting to sound intimidating but only sounding like he had caught a severe cold.

"Leni- Uh, I mean, young lady, you need to get out of here now, I've got him covered." Ace Savvy said.

"Okay, I'm totes not staying around for this!" Leni shouted.

With Leni out of the battlefield and out of mind of Ace Savvy, there only laid one more thing within his mind, and one more task left to complete:

To destroy Lars Rodriguez once and for all.

Charging up another set of cards in his hand and preparing to toss all of them towards his target. However, Lars Rodriguez, the cybernetic foe targeted by the spade-spangled hero, prepared his own counterattack in response to the cards, showing that he was not as easily defeatable as he was previously.

Taking his arm to its flamethrower form and turning it to the house itself, Lars began setting the house of mirrors on fire. Knowing that Ace Savvy could simply just absorb the power of the flame if they were thrown at him, Lars instead set the roof on fire, sending the ceiling falling down on them.

"THE ROOH, THE ROOH, THE ROOH IS ON HIRE, WE DON'T NEED NO WATER, LET THE MOHERHUHER VURN!" Lars shouted.

With various pieces of the building falling down atop of Ace Savvy, most notably a large piece of wood collapsing and burying him, Lars managed to make his escape from the house of mirrors, leaving his opponent to die inside. While managing to absorb the energy from the falling wood and the flames around it, Ace Savvy did not have enough strength to lift the wood off himself, leaving him stuck underneath it.

He is stuck without any sign of help.

-

Outside the house of mirrors, Lars began firing his flamethrower at civilians, only to have it begin to sputter and spit, its malfunction leading to him no longer using it. Changing to his machine gun arm, Lars still found his options limited, only to have the bullets miss again and the gun jam.

No longer having himself an efficient weapon in his arm, Lars continued moving through the park, seeking to escape justice before it came for him.

Before managing to flee the park, however, a security guard caught Lars before he escape. Pointing his gun at Lars, the officer sought to bring him to justice personally.

"Hold it, skullface! Police! Put your hands up!" The officer said.

Taking note of the officer's handgun, Lars had thoughts other than surrender in mind for him. Where he had troubles of having a reliable weapon with his malfunctioning arm, a more immediate and more effective solution now laid before him, being pointed directly at him by the guard.

Feigning compliance, Lars put his hands behind his back, pretending to surrender and prompting the guard to step forward...

...only to prepare his arm to its chainsaw form as he approached, waiting for it to start.

-

Inside the burning house of mirrors, Ace Savvy still possessed some troubles in escaping his current predicament. Still trapped in the burning house of mirrors, not only was he trapped underneath a pillar of wood that was on fire, but the fires around him made it hard to breathe, leaving him inhaling deadly carbon monoxide.

In the midst of his state of helplessness and the realization of his current situation, being surrounded by heat, i.e., energy, our hero had found his way to free himself. While he was not quite able to lift the portion of the ceiling off himself, Ace Savvy did possess an ability that would also solve his problem:

His energy redirection.

Putting his hands up around the flames rather than on the pillar, Ace Savvy began absorbing the heat of the flames, which, like the flames at Flip's Food and Fuel that he was thrown into, snuffed them out instantly as he began to take away its energy. The heat that the pillar once had now was a room-temperature cool, indicating he had absorbed it all.

Taking the energy he had absorbed from the obstacle and placing it back within, the wood began to heat and glow; subsequently exploding and leaving our hero free from any more obstructions to get to his target. Getting himself up from the floor, Ace Savvy began moving his way out of the burning house of mirrors, making his way outside and ready to face Lars once again.

Freeing himself from the house of mirrors and back outside into the fresh air, Ace Savvy looked around for the fugitive Lars Rodriguez, finding him cutting through an security guard with his chainsaw arm. Taking the handgun from this downed guard and making his way up the top of a rollercoaster by way of a service ladder, Lars sought out some high ground to take on his enemy.

Before Ace Savvy could pursue Lars up the rollercoaster, he was stopped by his arm being tugged at by Lisa, having with her a way to assist him in his fight.

"Lincoln, wait. I have an idea on how to dishplashce Larsh Rodriguezsh." Lisa said.

"Lisa, are you nuts?! What if the others see us talking? They'll know who I am!" Ace Savvy said.

"They didn't meet up with me yet, they don't know where I am. Lishten, I have a way to dishposhe of him non-lethally."

"Yeah? How?"

After handing him the earpiece, Lisa gave him a wristwatch, one that resembled another that sent him to an alternate dimension with male counterparts of his sisters.

"Remember thish?" Lisa asked.

"Wait... it that what I think it is?" Ace Savvy asked.

"If you think it ish the interdimenshtional wrishtwatch I invented for you when you wished to know what it would be like to live in a world where you were shurrounded by male equivalentsh of ush, then yesh."

"Wait, what?! That was real?! It wasn't a weird dream episode?!"

"Yesh, of courshe, I wash able to convincshe you that it wash a dream by meansh of drugging your dinner that night; helpsh with accshepting the exshperience better."

"You did what?! How many times did you do this?! Was The Butterfly Effect another one?!"

"Er, we're washting time! I've shet the deshtination, now go get Lars and shend him far away from here! You've got 10 minutesh before it shendsh itsh wearer to another dimenshtion!"

Not able to afford any more arguments, Lincoln complied with Lisa's orders, heading after the maniacal Lars Rodriguez. Following him up the ladder to the top of the rollercoaster, Ace Savvy pursued the cornered Lars Rodriguez. The cyborg was not able to escape with law enforcement on its way, making his flight useless, especially with Ace Savvy on his tail.

Continuing to fight back against Ace Savvy, Lars began firing his handgun down towards his enemy, trying to defeat his foe with a high fall. Not so easily stopped by being shot at, Ace Savvy charged a card and tossed it towards Lars, detonating it against his robotic arm.

Severely destroying much of the electronics in his arm, Lars began losing control of his artificial limb, unable to aim his gun straight. Without any more worry from Lars' shot aim, Ace Savvy raced to the top of the rollercoaster, propelling himself upwards by projecting energy through his feet.

Making his way at the top of this particular rollercoaster, the 'Fly Me to the Moo', Ace Savvy and Lars stood at odds with each other; both parties intent on ending one another, but both differing in how. Still staying to his superhero code of refusal to kill, Ace Savvy readied the interdimensional wristwatch in his hand, preparing to place it on his enemy before the watch sent its user to its preset destination.

Readying a set of energized cards in his other hand, Ace Savvy made his approach to defeat Lars once and for all. Seeing the cards begin to fly his way, Lars jumped back from the projectiles, sending the cards to fall on the rollercoaster tracks and explode.

Despite the fast moves that Lars seemed to possess, Ace Savvy did not back down in his attack, intent on landing on of his explosive cards right onto Lars himself. Continuing his attack, Ace Savvy tossed card after card, only to have each one miss its target completely.

"Nice try, snow white. I've veen a skater my whole lihe. I can dodge your hussy-ass hoker cards." Lars said.

Accidentally destroying a chunk of the body of the rollercoaster, Ace Savvy began to destabilize its build and cause the entire foundation to shake. With both parties falling off their feet and grabbing onto a solid platform to hold onto, Ace Savvy and Lars began pulling themselves up and balancing themselves once again, finding some good fitting remaining.

"Alright, you little hrick. That's enough of those stuhid card hricks, now I'm gonna-" Lars began to say.

Before the two could continue their battle, the sound of a running car began to make its way towards the two. Facing back to see what could be causing this noise, Ace Savvy and Lars saw the ride's rollercoaster coming straight towards them. While there were no tourists within the ride, the car itself was headed right towards them.

With Ace Savvy closest to the car, he was the first to be hit, with Lars shortly next by being pummeled atop of him. Absorbing the force of the car and not physically harmed otherwise, Ace Savvy managed to pick himself up, standing atop the seat in the car. Lars, standing atop another seat in the rollercoaster's car, steadied himself in place as well.

As Ace Savvy was no longer able to afford using his cards to fight his opponent, both with risking destroying the ground below their feet and the wind force of the rollercoaster ruining his aim, there only now laid the solution of fighting hand-to-hand. Just as Ace Savvy put his fists up, Lars also raised his own, more than happy to engage in such a fight.

"Oh, now this is getting interesting." Lars said.

[Soundtrack Cue: Green Jellÿ - Obey the Cowgod]

Meeting their each others' fists with their faces, Ace Savvy and Lars began battling in mortal combat atop the car of 'Fly Me to the Moo', the one of the park's fastest rollercoasters. With no safety equipment to keep either of themselves in the car, the force of each other's blows, and a rollercoaster platform destabilizing at their feet, it was only a matter of time before one or the other would fall off.

"You know, kid, you outta consider yourselh lucky. You're the second herson that's fought me several feet in the air like this." Lars said.

"I'm honored. Now, how about we just shut up and fight?" Ace Savvy asked.

"I thought you'd never ask."

Throwing each others' fists at one another, the fight continued on between the two, becoming just as brutal as before, if not more. While Lars' gun aim was thrown off by having the electronics within damaged, sharp aim was not important for this kind of battle; Lars using hooks and uppercuts to get the most range out of his punches.

For Ace Savvy, these punches were a package deal of thoughts to process.

On one hand, his body could simply absorb the energy from the punches, able to redirect these hits in whatever way he needed.

Conversely, while able to absorb the energy of any strike that came his way, he was not completely invulnerable, still able to be pained from each attack given.

Despite not being the most experienced in many fights, most of his experience coming from his comic books and the occasional target practice for Lynn's kickboxing, Ace Savvy did hold an upper hand in this fight. A moderate amount of fighting experience on one end of it makes one at least partially trained for the other, at least in knowing what to avoid.

Lars, being a punk and poor fighter most of his life, and relying on firearms for the majority of his career as a supercriminal, was never good in a fistfight against even the most amateur of street fighters. With each punch landed from Ace Savvy landing in his target, Lars was beginning to run out of steam, quickly becoming outmatched by the young but energetic fighter (no pun intended).

Finally, with one sharp cross to the face, Ace Savvy landed the one hit removing Lars from any means of fighting back.

Having nothing to protect his muscles and brain but a piece of hardened plastic, Ace Savvy's punch, backed up by his own energy, nearly incapacitated Lars in one swing. Feeling the bare muscle feel the impact of the fist, combined with the shattering plastic begin to crack and splinter into it, Lars began to howl in agony; covering his bleeding face in hopes of getting rid of the pain.

After the rollercoaster's car began to make a second pass to the point where Ace Savvy had destroyed part of the ride, our hero knew that he could no longer stay on the car, and neither could Lars. Taking the interdimentional watch in his hand, Ace Savvy strapped the watch around Lars' wrist, taking care of one of the two passengers to save.

"Sorry, Lars, but it looks like this ride's been closed for repairs." Ace Savvy said.

Grabbing Lars and throwing him off the rollercoaster, the faceless cybernetic supercriminal began plummeting to the ground, surely to fall to his death. With the addition of a wristwatch capable of taking its user to alternate dimensions, however, that death turned from a certainty to an uncertainty; leaving the fate of Lars back in his own hands.

"ACE SAVVY, I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU MOTHERFU-" Lars shouted.

Before Lars could finish his sentence, the time on the wristwatch ran to '0', opening the portal and sending him to the dimension of Lisa's choosing and once again conveniently saving the writer's one use of the 'F' word, so he can get away with saying this story is rated T.

Engulfed within a portal and disappearing out of the park just as quickly as he appeared, Lars Rodriguez was not dead, but surely gone for good.

Now, with the affair of Lars Rodriguez out of his mind, Ace Savvy had only one last person to save: Himself.

On a rollercoaster headed to destruction in a few short seconds, options on how to save himself were running low, leading him to seek out the best way to get down to safety. Knowing that he was practically invulnerable to any damage taken from kinetic impacts, instead absorbing the energy from the motion, he took the best exit he had available to him:

Straight down.

Taking a leap of faith off the rollercoaster's car, Ace Savvy spared himself from the nasty fate that would have followed if he had stayed on. The car, falling off of the broken rails, crashed against more of the rollercoaster's body, completely destroying even more of the rollercoaster itself and causing the car to ignite and explode.

Now in freefall off of the rollercoaster, Ace Savvy scanned the area for the best target to land on, hoping to find something soft to hit to land comfortably.

"Alright, now just to make a soft landing on the ground and absorb the fall, just like Steve Ditko's Speedball, minus bouncing all over the place. Now, where, oh, where, to land?" Ace Savvy thought aloud.

To answer his own question, Ace Savvy spotted a carnival-style shooting range with stuffed animal prizes, giving him the solution to his problem.

"Perfect! I'll just aim for the stand, and I'll land comfortably on the stuffed animals, where I'll be nice and-" Ace Savvy began to say.

[Soundtrack Cue End]

Rather than land safely on the ground, however, Ace Savvy landed into the concrete with a loud 'thud', smacking dead against the concrete and foiling his plan to safely land on the plush toys he sighted. Though surviving the fall, he was not without a large amount of pain served unto him for the fall, rising up with a groan.

"Ow..." Ace Savvy groaned.

"Lincoln, if you're quite finished with your inner monologuesh, I wash about to inform you that the dishtancshe to the ground wash far too little for you to make such a shafe landing. You wouldn't have had enough time to make it to the shtuffed animalsh." Lisa said.

"Thanks for letting me know."

Picking himself off the ground, Ace Savvy took a deep breath and let it out, needing to take a minute to move past the large chain of events that just occurred before him. Leaning back, he cracked his back into position again, groaning in relief as his vertebrae popped.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow... Why did that have to hurt?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Your powersh abshorb energy, but it requiresh shkin contact. Your shkin shtill hash nerve endingsh to feel pain." Lisa said.

"It was a philosophical question, Lis. But, since you brought it up, how is my spine hurting? That's bones, not skin."

"The kinetic forcshe hadn't reached your shpine becaushe your shkin ashborbed it, but that doeshn't mean your bonesh can't be bent or manipulated. If you shtretch the wrong way, you pull a mushcle or dishlocate a bone. Your back pain is caushed by the manner in which you landed."

"So if I pull a muscle or break a bone, that can still hurt me. I'll keep that in mind."

Regardless of the pain he went through in the process, there is one final fact that Lincoln Loud comes to realize when he stood tall once again. Having come to the park with no intention of returning to the costume, Lincoln had returned as Ace Savvy, and had managed to save Leni, all without taking any lives or having anyone else die.

All in all, this felt more of an official start to his superhero career, and it felt good and fulfilling, even with all drawbacks considered. Knowing this fact in mind, Lincoln, forgetting himself as Ace Savvy, gave a smile, looking back on a job well done with his job done here today.

And now that the fun, serious action scene's over, it's time to return you to our regularly scheduled programming.

"Well, that wasn't bad at all. In fact, that was actually great! Yep, just another day in the life of-" Lincoln began to say.

"MY HERO!" Leni shouted.

Rushing up and greeting the superhero with a tight hug, Leni grabbed hold of Ace Savvy and spun him around in the air, thanking him for all that he had done to save her in the line of duty. Needing to keep hold of his disguise, Ace Savvy once again turned his voice to its false gravelly imitation, seeing the remainder of his family approach.

"Wow, you did good, guy, I was sweating bullets watching that fight!" Luna said.

"Smooth moves, Ace! Not bad moves at all, looks almost as good as what I woulda done!" Lynn said.

"Uh, think nothing of it citizens, all in the line of duty." Ace Savvy said.

"Ooh, I love your voice. It sounds horrid and deathly." Lucy said.

"I don't know, it sounds like you just have a cold. You want some NyQuil?" Lola asked.

"Yeah, we'd be happy to give you some help, we wouldn't act cold towards you after all you did. HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it? But seriously, you sound like you need a throat lozenge." Luan said.

"Oh, I don't care what he sounds like, he's totes brave and handsome! Oh, come here, you!" Leni said.

Unintentionally omitting an act in a set of circumstances that can only be seen in the original Star Wars trilogy, Leni gave Ace Savvy a passionate kiss directly on his lips, completely unaware of his true identity as her brother. Lincoln, having fought so hard against the writer (me) to avoid such a sin as this, found himself forced into it anyway, all by having Leni simply give her thanks to this supposed stranger.

(Take that, you little son of a bitch!)

The only one aware of the true identity was Lisa, who, unable to afford having her secrets exposed, was forced to keep her mouth shut, unable to stop the taboo from unfolding before her eyes. While the spectacle was offensive to even her desensitized and amoral mind, Leni was not above exploiting the situation; taking out her smartphone and recording it to blackmail Lincoln with at a later time.

Lola, not knowing of Lisa's intention of recording the affair, looked on in curiosity, inquiring her motives.

"Hey, Lisa, why are you recording this?" Lola asked.

"Oh, no particular reashon, shibling. I thought, perhapsh, Lincoln would wish to shee it later." Lisa said.

Darting her eyes back and forth and mischievously smiling, Lisa began thinking of just how many ways she could exploit her brother with this, and for how many decades.

As Lisa schemed her blackmail plans with her brother, Ace Savvy was finally released from Leni's kiss and grip, left to sulk in a fit of pity, disgust, and a strong wish for mouthwash and/or death, unable to share with anyone this horrible affair he had lived through.

And, just like that, all of you reading are either cheering in happy Alabama noises, or you're plotting my death.

Joke's on you. I spend most of my life writing this crap. I'm already dead.

"Oh, thank you, Ace Savvy, you can call me up anytime." Leni said.

"Uh, yeah, sure, random citizen that I totally don't know and I'm totally not related to, I'll be sure to do that. In the meantime, you stay safe. I've gotta tinkle." Ace Savvy said.

Darting across the park to the nearest bathroom, Lincoln began to shed his garb of Ace Savvy, hoping in vain to shed the shame and disgust of having been given a kiss by his sister. However, even by rubbing the park's antibacterial soap in his mouth, none of it is enough to remove the shame from his mind and soul, leaving him to cry and sulk in self-pity.

After cleansing his mouth and changing his regular clothes atop his suit, Lincoln made his way back out of the bathroom, reuniting with his family and proving himself safe. Once again, as much as he tried to wipe the shame from his mind, he could not do so, not even able to face Leni's direction.

"Hey, guys, what'd I miss?" Lincoln asked.

Rita and Lynn Sr., both having been worried sick about their son, both scooped him up and hugged him tightly once he arrived, not wanting to lose him again. After their moment of mania had passed, the parents finally found the strength to ask where he had been.

"Lincoln, where on Earth did you go?! I was afraid that Lars guy had killed you!" Lynn Sr. said.

"Sorry, Dad, as soon as the shooting happened, I just ran to the bathroom and hid in a stall. I figured that'd be the last place he'd probably go, so I just waited there until it was all over." Lincoln said.

"Oh, whew, that was good thinkin', Lincoln. Now, how come I didn't think to look for you there?"

"Well, honey, the important thing is that you're safe, and we're proud that you had the smarts to stay safe and not try to play hero or something crazy like that." Rita said.

"Uh, yeah, that sure would have been crazy of me and totally not something I would ever do, heh-heh." Lincoln said.

"Well, sorry that this trip went upside-down on us. How about we go demand our money back from customer service and just go home and order some pizza? I don't think I can bring myself to do anything after all that but sit on the couch and watch The Dream Boat, how about you guys?" Lynn Sr. asked.

All the children, not wanting to spend another second in a battleground like this, all cheered in agreement, putting the vote to head home a unanimous 'yes'. Leading the group out of the park and into Vanzilla, Lynn Sr. proceeded to take the family home, aiming to put their minds off the affairs that happened today.

Lincoln, however, was not ready to get all matters off his mind yet. Taking note of Lisa's recording of Leni and him committing something only sickos like you write and draw, Lincoln immediately made demands that the video be destroyed and snuffed out of reality before it could haunt him.

"You're deleting that footage." Lincoln said.

"No, I don't think I will. Perhapsh I may need it ash... 'inshcentive' to enshure your cooperashtion in a few-thoushand-exshperimentsh in the future." Lisa said.

"I'm gonna get that phone from you later."

"I shaved the video on the cloud, and the cloud ish passhword protected. You won't get far."

"Ugh. Well, where'd you send Lars, anyway?"

"Oh, don't worry about that, I shent him where any damage shomeone like him could do wouldn't even be conshidered shignificant in the schemesh of the multivershe."

-

Falling from the sky in a portal opened by his wristwatch, Lars fell through the portal and onto the ground below, landing on a soft patch of grass below. Despite having fallen a heavy distance from the rollercoaster, the travel he had made through space and time had seemed to soften his descent, making his landing soft enough to survive through.

Picking himself up from the ground, Lars opened his eyes to find himself in a relatively normal place; laying on soft, green grass and looking up to a blue, clear sky. While Lars was no fan of any peaceful land such as this one, he could hardly complain that he was in any sort of danger here.

"Goddann, I don't know where the hell I an. It doesn't matter, when I get back to Royal Woods, I'm gonna find Ace Savvy, and I'm gonna-" Lars began to say.

Before Lars could finish his sentence, a loaf of bread dropped from sky and landed in his face, bringing more confusion to his mind. Taking a bite of the bread, Lars discerned it as a freshly-baked sourdough. Despite not knowing why a loaf of bread would fall from the sky, his newfound snack rid him of his concern as well as his hunger.

Before Lars could enjoy his bread any further, a sound of a rocket stole his attention away from his food, bringing his eyesight to a large, blue postal van in the sky, with a rocket strapped to the top. The rocket-powered van, flying its way to the ground, parked itself beside Lars, with its two passengers disembarking to greet him.

The passengers, rather than resembling human beings, were two anthropomorphic ducks; one wearing a blue cap, the other a red cap. Greeting Lars by shaking their rear ends towards him in an annoying fashion, the ducks proceed to make their acquaintance with him.

"Hey, there, fella, we've never seen anybody like you before! I'm SwaySway!" One duck said.

"And I'm Buhduece! What's yours?" The other duck asked.

Unable to reply with a pair of large, human-like buttocks being thrown in his face by the two duck-people, Lars found himself unable to think of a reply; his brain still trying to process just what kind of place this was. However, with the knowledge of his misdeeds catching up to him, he makes a pretty good guess as to what this place is.

And his reaction is as appropriate as you realize that this universe is the show Breadwinners, the dark shitstain on the good name of Nicktoons.

"Oh... Oh, no... Wait... Wait a second! I said 'yes' to the gay hihhie white dude! I said 'yes', that neans I go to the other place! I want my vig-tittied angel vitches and ny weed! No! NO! NOOOOOOOO!" Lars shouted.

-

Meanwhile, back in the real world, far away from the awful, horrifying purgatory that Lars was sentenced to, various news reports began to sprout up regarding the victory Ace Savvy had gained from his battle against Lars at Dairyland. Now, upgrading from a simple phone video of a bystander at his first fight, Lincoln had gotten a larger, more official start to his career as a hero.

Katherine Mulligan, Royal Woods' local reporter, gave a report on the situation at hand over the TV to update the events.

"While Dairyland remains closed for repairs and the manhunt for Lars Rodriguez continues, the country is seeing a large spike in popularity for the intellectual property of Bill Buck's long-running Ace Savvy comic. While the famous comic book character has had its better days in the past, the recent exposure of a new real-life superhero, basing his costume and name off the character himself, has turned it into a Danny Phantom-killer, so the markets say. Bill Buck, the creator of the comic and head of comic book publisher Key Comics, has just ordered a new revival of the title, bringing in new writers and artists for the job. As for the real-life superhero, the real-life Ace Savvy had managed to dispatch wanted man Lars Rodriguez, saving numerous lives at his attack at Dairyland Amoosement Park. The hero unfortunately fled from the scene before anyone could have a chance to interview him, but chances are very high that people may encounter more sightings of this real-life Ace Savvy. Personally, this reporter, a long-time fan of the comic, couldn't be happier at the news. Now, it looks like Ace Savvy has just been dealt back in the game. I'm Katherine Mulligan, Royal Woods, Channel 3. Here's Tom with the weather." Katherine Mulligan said.

While many people in Royal Woods were safely watching this from their homes, just regular people looking for a glimpse at the world out their windows from the safety behind them, there were a few others watching this program who were vastly different from regular people, and shared a different housing situation than them.

Hiding out somewhere in the cliches of evil supervillain organizations, an abandoned warehouse in an abandoned industrial zone where OHSA violations are as common as oxygen, a league of other superpowered individuals took note of this news report.

Where many people would feel safe and secure with the promise of a real-life superhero in their city, a shining knight to protect them, the presence of this kind of person is a threat to these people. Taking their gifts of extraordinary abilities and using them to fulfill selfish wants and desires, these men are nothing more than common criminals; their regular knives and guns replaced with lasers, flight, and super-strength.

"Well, now what are we supposed to do? I mean, we've been planning this, what, a whole year now, and this guy just comes along and screws it all up for us?" One supervillain asked.

"Yeah, this was supposed to be our get-rich-quick scheme, but we had to sacrifice that 'quick' a lot harder than we were hoping. Now, it looks like all that waiting was for nothing. What the hell are we gonna do?" Another supervillain asked.

"And wait for another goon in a costume to come up an screw it up for us? No, this is the quietest place we could get. Now, it looks like with this kid, the Hillwood Effect is gonna kick in, and our plan is ruined." A different supervillain said.

One supervillain, much different from the rest, spoke out with a more commanding voice; quieting down the rest. The other supervillains, listening carefully to their leader, sought after his advice, which he was soon to give in this moment of truth for their own conspiracy.

"No. The plan's moving along just like I'd hoped. If anything, this seems way too early, but the sooner, the better. The idea was to instigate the Hillwood Effect, so no one'll bat that heavy an eye when we show ourselves. All we had to do was wait for some chump to show up and pick a fight, and we wait for the rest to happen. One he starts picking up his own little rogues' gallery, we'll step in and we'll take it from there. For now, we sit, we shut up, and we wait." The head supervillain said.

The head supervillain, upon finishing his speech, gave a smile upon thinking over his own plan, proud in how it would soon succeed.

"Because that's what heroes do." The head supervillain said.

There, now you have the actual main plot, courtesy of some more heavy exposition. Stay and read more if you want, I don't give a shit.

CHAPTER 13: AMERICA'S LEAST WANTED, PART 1

Lincoln Loud's career as Ace Savvy has had a good start, having already fought off Lars and exiled him to an alternate dimension, one that we all fear and recognize as the equivalent as Hell in the Nickelodeon library. But, despite having a grand and successful fight against Lars at Dairyland, he has had no luck finding any other supervillains to fight, leaving him in a creative slump.

In his state of boredom, however, he received an invitaion from Stella to go on a date to the local mall's comic book store, which he quickly accepted. Now, that sounds nice and cute and all, but I have an ending planned with Lincoln and Ronnie Anne getting together, I like these two as a couple, and I don't want him going after that floozy, I've got other plans for her.

Arriving at the Royal Woods Mall, Lincoln made his way to the comic shop known as Mega Comics, ready to meet with Stella. As he made his way through the mall, Lincoln took notice of a huge line of people circling around the building, an unusual sight for the mall for when no events come about.

"Huh. That's funny. Not sure why this many people are forming a line like this. Another Smooch concert I didn't hear about?" Lincoln asked.

After working his way across the mall, Lincoln had finally reached the store known as Mega Comic, arriving at his destination as planned. However, upon trying to enter the shop, Lincoln found a large obstacle facing between him and the store, or, more specifically, several obstacles coming together to form one.

Due to the appearance of Ace Savvy in Royal Woods and every local comic store looking to capitalize on it, the line that circled around the building was the line to enter the comic store, making his entry taking a heavy delay. Where he was now believing that he would not be making his way into the comic store any time soon, a strike of hope was found with a hand waving in the air and calling out for Lincoln.

"Hey! Lincoln! I saved us a spot!" Stella called.

Hearing Stella's voice call for him in the air, and soon after seeing her wave her hand out in the line, prompting him to join her, Lincoln immediately made his way back up to his date, making his delay significantly shorter. Now, with Stella to talk to, it seems that wait would be even shorter with conversation to pass the time.

"Wow, what's all this line for?" Lincoln asked.

"For the Ace Savvy sale, don't you know? I said they were having a big sale for what happened at Dairyland." Stella said.

"Yeah, but... I'm just surprised that there's this many people. It was like yesterday that no one cared for Ace Savvy anymore, but now look at him."

"I know! Isn't it cool?"

"Yeah. And smart thinking, saving a spot in line, how long were you waiting here?" Lincoln asked.

"Like, an hour or something, but then all these people showed up, so it was worth it. We've got, like, 5 more minutes before they call us in. So, did you see that real Ace Savvy guy at Dairyland?" Stella asked.

"See it? I saw it almost too close for comfort. I was at Dairyland when it happened."

"NO WAY, really?!"

"Yes way, really. Me and my whole family was at Dairyland when it all happened."

"Shut up!"

In an act of comedy, Lincoln ran a pretend zipper over his mouth, signifying his silence. Once again finding his lame jokes humorous, Stella gave an affectionate laugh.

"You always have some great jokes, Linc." Stella said.

"Thanks, I guess it just comes naturally." Lincoln said.

"So, tell me about what it was like seeing the guy."

"Oh, yeah, let me tell you, the whole thing was a blast."

-

Eventually, the pair made their way inside Mega Comics, waiting only a few more minutes to enter where Stella had to wait over an hour. Heading down to what was left in the sales section, the two found some good deals on rare issues and variant covers, cheap toys and figurines, and other similar memoribalia for the character, taking full advantage of the sale.

While a chunk of their focus went towards getting the best sale prices they could, many of the items they were buying once being clearance and discounted now at the risk of becoming increased in price, the majority of their talk was regarding the real Ace Savvy.

Hearing Stella speak wonders of the costumed hero was an enormous confidence boost for Lincoln, especially having already increased his chances with her on his own. Now, it seems as if they were finally bonding and increasing their friendship a step further. Having no real luck with girls in his past, this seemed to be the first time he had actually built his relationship up to a point where he could call someone his girlfriend.

However, of course, he tends to forget that he already has one: Ronnie Anne. Just as every fan made the two their OTP and every other girl that Lincoln had his eye on written off or forgotten, I did the exact same, and I won't end this story until Lincoln ditches this bitch and goes for the Latina heat, because no one want a damn thing otherwise.

Or maybe you want him to get together with Stella. I don't really know or care. I just picked these two. Why do you really care about what cartoon characters hook up or not, anyway? Why is the vast majority of fanfiction in general either romance or straight-up porn? It's like TMZ with fake people. Or... just TMZ, I guess.

Is it because you're an ugly loser who can't get laid? If you're a woman, I guarantee you, if you get off this website and just go literally anywhere, pick any guy you want, and tell him 'I would like to have sex with you, please', your problem will be solved. Modern men are so pathetic and sex-starved that they'll literally take anything they can get, no matter how much of an ugly chud you think you are.

If you happen to be a guy reading this, sorry, but there's nothing I can do for you. Just hope the opposite gender followed the above instructions and wait.

So, anyways, these two little lovebirds made their way to the food court, chowing down on some Good Burgers. Where Stella just took the traditional condiments, Lincoln opted for chocolate syrup, an egg, peanuts, onions, pickles, and a strawberry milkshake poured on top, getting some concern from the former.

"Whoa, Linc, since when did you take your burger... Well... resembling a burger as little as possible? A milkshake on a burger is a new one for me." Stella said.

"I don't know, I guess you could say I like to shake up my condiments every once and a while. Oh, great, now I'm turning into Luan." Lincoln said.

Sharing a healthy laugh at Lincoln's self-depreciation, the two let out a few chuckles together.

"You know, Lincoln, you really are a great guy. I can't believe I didn't see this when I first met you." Stella said.

"Oh... really? You think so?" Lincoln asked.

"Yeah. I mean, you're smart, you're funny, you're really sweet, and your zipper's down."

"Wow, I didn't think you'd- Wait, what was that last part?"

Checking his pants to see the status of his zipper, Lincoln saw that it was not down as Stella had suggested, leading her to laugh as soon as he had checked his pants. Realizing this was another prank, Lincoln let out a laugh as well, staving off the embarrassment that would have been.

"Heh. Good one. You know, you're really funny, too. I'm just glad that you gave somebody like me a change. I really do like-" Lincoln began to say.

Hey, numb nuts. I thought we had a deal.

Recognizing the voice of the writer once again, Lincoln grew extremely nervous, beginning to lash out in defiance at me in defiance.

"Hey, what are you doing here? I thought we settled this!" Lincoln said.

"What? Lincoln, who are you talking to? Is it those weird imaginary friends you talk to?" Stella asked.

"Huh? Oh, uh, it's nothing, it's really nothing, really. Just... would you give me a minute alone? I've got to take care of this."

"Take care of what? Lincoln?"

Not wanting to give Stella an answer to her question that would surely blow away all the progress he made with her already, Lincoln sped off to the bathroom, locking himself in a toilet stall, knowing that no one would disturb him here. Of course, his resistance is futile, because it's ultimately up to me what happens in this story, and you know it, don't you, Lincoln?

"What are you doing back here?! I beat Lars, and I've been looking everywhere you wanted me to look for bad guys, but you didn't give me any to fight. What do you want me to do?!" Lincoln asked.

Well, I've got plenty that I want you to do, but, unfortunately, having to do it like this is starting to get annoying. So, instead of having to break the 4th wall like this and have to directly interfere with my own story, I'm going to just have to come down there myself and fix things up.

"Oh, yeah? How are you going to do that? You're some loser who lives with his parents writing violent fanfiction of a kid's show, even if you did make it in here, what are you going to do when you get here?" Lincoln asked.

That's the beautiful thing, there, Lincoln, because, with fanfiction, I don't have to follow any rules or regulations. I can do anything I want. Plus, now that we're talking about losers that write fanfiction, let me ask you, what's almost the first thing a lot of these kids do when they first write?

"I don't know, what?" Lincoln asked.

"Self-insertion." A voice said.

Turning around and screaming at the sudden voice that came behind him, Lincoln jumped out of the stall to see someone standing atop the toilet in a casual manner.

This new being brought into existence by the writer was unlike anyone Lincoln had seen previously, wearing all black clothing complete with a trenchcoat, spiky black hair, and a pair of piercing red eyes looking right back at him, subsequently covered by a pair of sunglasses, as if you thought Lars wasn't try-hard edgy enough.

"Sup?" The being asked.

"Who the hell are you?!" Lincoln asked.

"Well, see, the writer's getting a little tired of having to differentiate his commentary with you and actually telling the story, and he's getting a little scared that it'll confuse the reader as they go on. So, in order to keep a little balance to this story, he created me to keep you in line."

"And what are you supposed to be?"

"Like I said, I'm a self-inserted character. A lot of these fanfic writers like putting themselves in their favorite shows and movies to try to make themselves feel like they're part of the story, and they usually make themselves the main focus instead of the real main characters. They do this kinda stuff to make themselves look cool and awesome, but it really just makes them look even more sad and pathetic than they really are. The writer ain't too big a fan of this kinda crap, so he steers pretty clear of it, although he does like to put some of his own traits in you guys. However, given how you're becoming a little troublesome with chasing after the wrong brown pussy, he created me to keep you on track."

"Okay, but why are you dressed so... emo?"

"First of all, this ain't emo, it's goth, get it right."

"What's the difference?"

"Goth is when you hate everything and everyone. Emo is when you just hate yourself. The writer himself ain't really goth, but he does have penchant for some of their music sometimes, a lot more than the emo crap all the kids listen to. But, like I said, all these writers got to make themselves look like big bad-asses, but they're just trying to compensate for their small dicks."

"So, basically, the fact that you exist is an insult to the writer?"

"Not in this instance. This whole story is meant to be parody, so, I exist to satirize the concept of self-inserts while I'm at it. Also, by being a bit of a caricature of the writer, I'm also parodying him at the same time, so this outta be fun."

"Fine, okay. What am I supposed to call you?"

"Call me 'The Guy', let's keep it simple."

"The Guy?"

"Yeah, it's short and simple, isn't it? But, enough about me, let's focus on you, shall we? Let's start by getting you up off that floor."

The Guy then picked Lincoln up from the bathroom floor, dusting any particles of dirt that may have followed him. Placing his arm around Lincoln's shoulder, The Guy sought to put the boy back on track for the story, correcting the direction back into my favor in a pseudo-friendly manner.

"Alright, Missing Linc, let me talk to you, boy. Listen, the writer gets it and I get it, we really do, the last thing on a 12-year old boy's mind is keeping to one girl at a time. However, it's my job to remind you that your purpose is that, aside from fighting whatever bad guy you get thrown at you, you ultimately gotta get with Ronnie Anne. So, do us a favor and forget this Stella floozy. You got yourself a loyal girl already." The Guy said.

"But I really don't like Ronnie Anne in that way. I mean, she's a fun friend to have, but I can't see myself taking it any further. If you've seen the show, then you know what kind of pranks she's pulled on me, and how far she'll take things. I mean, I honestly thought she was raised by trolls before I knew she was Bobby's sister." Lincoln said.

"Oh, little Lincoln, you just don't get how these things are supposed to go. You see, it's the rule of every fanbase. The first girl that shows signs of liking you, hooks up with you, or kisses you, that means that's the girl for you, and you're already betrothed as far as the fans are concerned. It doesn't matter if the writers try to pass off something like 'it'd never work out' or give some BS as to why it wouldn't, they'll still put you two together, and ignore all that crap."

"But why does the writer care so much? I mean, he's already went pretty left-field with all the superhero stuff and now you, so what'd be different with me being with Stella instead?"

"Because, while the writer does still wanna do his own stuff, he still wants to make the fans happy and give 'em what they want. You don't give 'em what they want, they hate your guts and make death threats to you day in and day out. These people are savages, and you gotta know how to deal with these kinds of people."

"But why don't the fans care about what I want?"

"Because you're a fictional character, somebody who doesn't exist, and, therefore, someone who can't reason with or connect with these people, so you're reduced to an object for these fat neckbeards and skinny bitch-boys to live out their happy little fantasies of having a woman for themselves without actually having to go and better their lives to accomplish that. Not to mention beat off to your Rule 34 images."

"What's Rule 34?"

"You don't wanna know. Anyways, this is the point, kid: Just stay away from Stella and keep your eyes set on Ronnie Anne. We clear?"

"And why exactly should I have to listen to you?"

"Well, like I said, I'm a self-insert of the writer. So, that means I can do whatever I want. As such, I also have some permission to... 'persuade' you a little further."

-

With the environment around him changed to a comedy stage, Lincoln looked down to see that he was not only strapped to a chair and unable to move, but also completely naked in front of the audience. The Guy, having arranged the real world into the fantasy he was now in, laid his hands on the back of the chair, smiling evilly as he was about to bring way to what would come next, emphasis on 'come'.

"Oh, god, not this again! Haven't I suffered enough?!" Lincoln asked.

"Seeing as you're not getting on board with this program, apparently not. You said you wanted to know what Rule 34 was? You were introduced to it earlier with that little 'nightmare' with Lynn, and I'm about to give you another example right now. Ladies and gentlemen, figments of imagination in the mind of a madman with a cartoon fetish, please put your hands together for the lovely Luan Loud!" The Guy said.

As The Guy made his announcement, Luan Loud made her way onto the stage, covering herself only with pepperoni worn like pasties and a flower over her crotch. The audience, cheering in support for their paid act, gave a loud, (a)rousing roar for the smutty comedy about to be presented.

"Hey, everybody! Hope you don't mind my pepperoni nipples. My bras were all in the wash, and I didn't have any tomato sauce to go with them." Luan said.

Just as the audience gave a laugh at Luan's joke, The Guy joined in the laughter, looking forward to the entertainment to come, emphasis on- Oh, wait, I already said that.

"Oh, that's good stuff, huh? I gotta admit, I'm a sucker for puns. Oh, and speaking of sucking..." The Guy said.

Luan stepped over to Lincoln, standing with her flower-covered crotch in his face. Not wanting to have a close-up view of his sister's pubic area, Lincoln turned his head and closed his eyes, trying to rid himself of the unpleasant and unwanted sight being forced upon him.

"Oh, what's wrong, Linc? You look a little thirsty, there. Want a sip of honey from my flower?" Luan asked.

Luan pressed a button on her flower, activating a water-shooting mechanism to spray its contents in Lincoln's face. While trying to avoid the contents, Lincoln tasted the fluids as they reached his mouth, recognizing them as honey or nectar. At least, that's what he's telling himself to stay sane.

"Whoops! Should've warned you I'm a squirter. Now, I would make a penis joke right about now, but I don't want to get cocky. HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it? Well, that's not all your getting. This stage act is one job you're not going to blow." Luan said.

Luan then knelt down before Lincoln, reaching for his pants.

"Right about now, your wannabe-comedian sis is gonna put a little more than comedy on display for the audience tonight. The way I see it, you got two options, either you-" The Guy began to say.

"OKAY, OKAY! I'LL BREAK UP WITH HER! JUST MAKE THIS STOP!" Lincoln shouted.

"That's what I thought you'd say."

-

Reverting back to the real world, The Guy ended the sick, twisted fantasy that he had concocted, placing himself and Lincoln back in the mall's restroom.

Having faced yet another disgusting scenario between him and one of his sisters by the new controlling force in his life, Lincoln rushed back to his stall and began emptying his abomination Good Burger back up again, hoping to rid with it the horrible memory that remained in his mind.

"That is a damn shame, wasting a good burger like that, no pun intended. You know, at first, it was hard to think of how to have all the different Nickelodeon burger joints co-exist, but, then I thought: 'Wait, there's like 12 different ones in real life, why not just make them all exist at once here, too?' Easy answer to an easy problem." The Guy said.

"Stop it! You're crazy!" Lincoln shouted.

"I ain't crazy, kid. I'm just on a mission from god."

"What kind of god would allow that to happen?!"

"Well, last I checked, incest is okay in the bible if you look at the right verses, but that book's all full of crap anyways, so who cares? Anyways, I'm guessing once was enough to get you back with the program?"

"Ugh... Fine. I'll tell Stella I don't want to see her anymore."

"Very good. Now, let's go pay her a little visit, shall we?"

Putting his hand over Lincoln's shoulder and leading him out of the men's room, The Guy began escorting him over to Stella, preparing him to give his break-up speech. Concerned about how someone like The Guy would stand out in the world of The Loud House, Lincoln began to grow frightful of being seen with him.

"Uh... shouldn't you be, you know, gone?" Lincoln asked.

"Relax, kid. Only you can see me, one of these little godlike powers I've been written. Just focus on the task at hand, will ya?" The Guy asked.

Leading Lincoln back to Stella and giving him an athletic butt-slap, The Guy stood back and smiled, ready to watch the show unfold before his eyes.

Having concluded his business in the bathroom, Lincoln sat back down with Stella, relieving himself, or at least attempting to, with a deep breath let out. With Stella looking back at him, Lincoln looked back to The Guy, still uncomfortable in what he was about to do.

"Lincoln? What's wrong? Why are you looking over there? Is this one of those 'imaginary friends' thing Clyde was telling me about?" Stella asked.

"No, uh, Stella, there's... uh... something I have to tell you." Lincoln said.

Materializing himself a beach chair and leaning back on it, sipping on a Shirley Temple, The Guy prepared to watch the events unfold, keeping his interference in the story to a minimum. Lincoln, still not able to bring himself to push Stella away, looked back to The Guy, trying to find some way to get out of this difficult task.

Bearing him one final reminder to the consequences of what would occur if he were to defy once again, The Guy made a lewd motion, holding an imaginary shaft-like object to his open mouth and pushing his cheek with his tongue, reminding him of what the image of Luan would have done if he had not agreed.

Not wanting any memory of that event in his head anymore, Lincoln shuddered at the mental image, turning away from The Guy in disgust.

"Lincoln? What's going on? Why are you looking like that?" Stella asked.

"Well, Stella, there's something I have to tell you. I mean, I don't really want to say this, but I'm getting forced to say this, so I hope you don't take it personally." Lincoln said.

"What? Lincoln, what are you talking about?"

"I... I... Look, this isn't easy for me to say, Stella, but I think-"

Before Lincoln could finish his sentence, a large explosion occurred at the other end of the mall, shattering numerous panes of glass and causing dozens of mallgoers within to scream and run in fear. Taken away from the task at hand at breaking himself up with Stella, Lincoln turned to see the source of the explosion, finding the supervillain threat that he had been looking for all day coming to him.

However, while Lincoln had finally found the fight he was looking for, those who he would soon fight were not at all who he was expecting to face against.

Throughout the history of supervillains that have surfaced across the country, each have managed to strike fear into their cities; becoming a true symbol of fear and terror. One of the primary ways that they do this is by choosing a good costume; the right attire makes an enemy's knees weak.

Looking at this lot of supervillains, however, Lincoln's feelings towards this lot were quite mixed, as were most of the crowd in the mall. Where many were taken aback and running in fear of the threat that showed itself today, their fear soon replaced itself with confusion, seeing just what kind of supervillains these people were.

Standing in the blasted-open door was a group of 4, each striking an intimidating pose, and all intended intimidation left unconveyed with their ridiculous costumes.

The leader of the group was dressed in a fishing vest, carrying various fishing items like worms, grasshoppers, small fish, hooks, with a two fishing poles on his back.

To his left was a man dressed entirely in pink bicycle safety gear, wielding in his hand a pogo stick.

To his right was a man dressed entirely in paper-mache, carrying on his persons a collection of sheets of paper.

Behind him was a large, muscular man covered entirely in various meats like steaks, hamburgers, rump roasts, and other meats taken from cows.

"Tremble before us, Royal Woods, for we are your new rulers!" The leader said.

"I am Pogo Man!" The pogo-wielding man said.

"I am Oragami Man!" The paper-mache dressed man said.

"I am Beefcake!" The meat-covered man said.

"And I am the Master Baiter! Together, we are..." The leader began to say.

"THE EVIL FOUR!" The group shouted in unison.

Would this be The Freak of Hillwood, everyone in the room would be running and screaming in fear. Would this be Demon Phantom of the alternate future of Amity Park, everyone in the room would be begging for their lives. Would this be the Chalk King of ChalkZone, most of them would already be dead. But these four are none of them, nor will they even come close. Right now, they all look like to the people exactly who they are:

A bunch of losers in stupid costumes.

With no one taking the threat of these 4 seriously, the mallgoers began to rise up in one healthy gut-laugh, the entire presence they had tried to leave upon the mallgoers lost in an instant. The mall cop captain, despite being the one and only guardian in the mall, felt no threat from these persons either; preparing to take them to the holding cell.

"Okay, kids, you had your fun, now it's over. You have any idea how much those walls cost to repair?" The mall cop asked.

"Do we look like we care, Paul Blart? I don't know whether or not you caught it, but we're supervillains. That means you now serve our purposes, or we'll kill you. Got that?" The Master Baiter said.

"Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge, fisherman. You're coming with-"

Before the mall cop could handcuff any of the group, Beefcake landed a punch in the captain, sending him flying several feet across the mall and crashing into a food cart. This particular food cart was run by none other than Flip, hoping to still capitalize while his store was being repaired. Unfortunately, with his cart destroyed by an overweight old man, his profits were cut short.

"Aw, c'mon, man! I'm trying to make a profit here!" Flip shouted.

"Apologies, sir, I'll- Hey, didn't I tell you to stop selling your slushees in my mall, old man?" The mall cop asked.

"That's the Flippee™ to you, mister!"

Before either of the two could fight any more, a set of origami shurikens landed themselves in the mall cop's clothing, pinning him against the food stand. Looking back to see who had thrown the paper shurikens, the mall cop's suspicions were paid off shortly with the view of Origami Man folding another set of shurikens; his hands moving his hands at lightning-fast speed.

"That's what I thought. Now, for everybody else in the mall, would you be so kind as to empty your purses and wallets and handing over their contents to us?" The Master Baiter asked.

Now realizing the threat that these individuals posed, everyone in the mall began readying their money and valuables to these ridiculously-dressed but dangerous people, not wanting to be next on their list of people to attack. Lincoln Loud, on the other hand, rushed back to the bathroom to change back into his garb of Ace Savvy, not allowing the terror to continue.

While Lincoln went to change into his alter-ego, Stella was left back on her own, remaining even more confused.

"Lincoln?! Where are you going now?! What the hell is going on?!" Stella shouted.

Taking note of the confused young girl, the Evil Four surrounded Stella, looking to answer her question for themselves. Beefcake, grabbing Stella from behind, secured her from escaping, leaving her able to do nothing but struggle. The Master Baiter, searching through the girl's belongings, took notice of several Ace Savvy comics and memorabilia, commenting on her status as a fan.

"Oh, so we've got ourselves a female Ace Savvy fan, huh? You don't see female comic book fans that often, do you?" The Master Baiter asked.

"Yeah, well, my friend got me into it, so I can't take all the credit." Stella said.

"Is that so? Well, where is your little friend now? Running away to cry and piss his pants?"

Before the Evil Four could attack Stella any further, an explosive card landed its way onto Beefcake's back, exploding on contact and cooking the meat on his suit, forcing him to release Stella. While the smell left from the cooking beef was extremely appetizing, it was not enough to take their attention off the presence of the 'real' Ace Savvy; the transformed Lincoln Loud preparing another set of cards to toss at the villains.

"You guys with the weird costumes mind telling me what you're doing with that girl?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Well, well, well. Ace Savvy, or, at least so far as we can call you if the copyright lawsuit doesn't take off." The Master Baiter said.

Having a perfect opportunity for his school project, Ace Savvy hit the 'record' button a tape recorder, hiding it behind his back during their next conversation.

"So, what are your names?" Ace Savvy asked.

"My name is the Master Baiter." The Master Baiter said.

"My name is Pogo Man." Pogo Man.

"My name is Origami Man." Origami Man said.

"My name is Beefcake." Beefcake said.

"Together, we are the Evil Four; the world's most dangerous supervillain team!" The Master Baiter said.

"Uh... 'Evil Four'? That was the best that you guys could come up with?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Well, we were gonna go with 'Frightful Four', but Marvel slapped us with a lawsuit. Speaking of which, aren't you currently under one with your name of Ace Savvy?"

"Uh, never mind that. Why are you here in my mall?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Simple. We're here to take money and rule over humanity with an iron fist, and nothing you do will stop us, so prepare to fight!"

"Yeah, okay, okay, we'll fight in just a minute, but I just wanna ask you this question real quick."

Not expecting a superhero to delay a fight by simply pausing to ask a question, the Master Baiter did not know how to take this request, looking back in confusion. Too far baffled by Ace Savvy's casual attitude towards their fight, the Master Baiter decided to incline to his delay, albeit with some skepticism.

"Uh... okay... What's your question?" The Master Baiter asked.

"I've got a few. Let's just say it's... part of a school project. How did you guys all become supervillains and a team?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Oh, so you'd like our backstories? Well, I'd be more than happy to oblige that much, Ace Savvy. Listen carefully."

-

And, one flashback to the Master Baiter's past, Ace Savvy is given a full narration provided by the supervillain, combined with my descriptions to try to illustrate a full backstory for this stupid character. Yeah, it's both first-person and third-person narrations done at the same time, so sue me.

His flashback began with him getting fired from his job, back when he used to work as a fishing and tackle expert at a pro shop.

It was days ago when I was let go of my job of several years at the Mass Pro Shop, back when I was known to give the absolute best customer service, and always gave the best advice to young fishers. It was some kind of corporate lay-off, something soulless and bureaucratic like that. The Master Baiter narrated.

His narration then led to him returning to his home, constructing himself an attempt at a super-suit with his various fishing gear, as described above.

So, taking my fishing skills and applying them to super-crime, it was then that I decided to use my powers and talents for evil, for it was then that I became... THE MASTER BAITER! The Master Baiter narrated.

The narration then continued to him placing signs and flyers all about the city, in attempt to gather himself more supervillains to align himself with. The flyers he put up read: 'DO YOU ENJOY DRESSING UP IN SOMETHING BAD AND DOING HARM UNTO OTHERS? COME ON DOWN AND JOIN US!'

I had attempted to gather myself an army to wreak havoc on the city with my army of comrades, and I waited patiently, silently praying to Satan that my wish would be granted, and so it was. The Master Baiter narrated.

His narration then led to the Master Baiter himself hosting a large gathering of black-clad individuals in his hideout, all clamoring among themselves and waiting in anticipation for what would come with their gathering. The Master Baiter proclaimed his mission to them in a speech, putting their waiting to an end.

"Yes, my comrades! Together we stand! Together we shall overtake Royal Woods and defeat this new superhero scum of Ace Savvy, and prove that evil shall triumph over good once and for all!" The Master Batier shouted.

Alas, as I made my declaration of war, I had learned the hard way that messaging matters, and to better know how to advertise one's self. The Master Baiter narrated.

"Oh, uh, I'm sorry. I thought this was the new BDSM club." One 'supervillain' said.

"Yeah, me, too. My bad." Another 'supervillain' said.

"C'mon, let's get out of here." A different 'supervillain' said.

The apparent supervillains, after announcing their true natures, then left the building, leaving the Master Baiter standing alone and humiliated.

I took this hard-learned lesson in stride, quickly moving on from my mistake... The Master Baiter narrated.

"N-No, wait! Come back! It is a BDSM club! You can whip me and spank my ass, please, just don't go! No! NO!" The Master Baiter lamented.

When the crowd cleared of mistaken prospects, 3 men were left standing in wait, these three being Beefcake, Origami Man, and Pogo Man, soon to form the Evil Four.

...and Satan smiled on my with good fortune, providing me with my three comrades that stand by me proudly to this day. Together, we became the Evil Four! The Master Baiter narrated.

The flashback then led to the four celebrating their newfound group with beers, toasting to their new team and drinking down their alcoholic beverages.

"Oh, man, this is great. I've been looking for a super-team to do crime with ever since I was laid off from the meat plant!" Beefcake said.

"And I've been looking for one ever since I was laid off from my job as an elementary school teacher!" Origami Man said.

"And I've been looking for one ever since I got this pogo stick!" Pogo Man said.

It was a great beginning, but there was one difficult question that was posed, which became the bane of our very existence. The Master Baiter narrated.

"So, now what do we do, boss?" Origami Man asked.

Then, the four supervillains stood stumped and uncertain, with their cheerful celebration coming to and end. The simple question is more than effective at getting to the root of their existence in an attempt to give it purpose, but the lack of planning and inability to see into the future or any consequences lead them to grow silent.

The process to find a crime to commit took us several days, but we had soon found a way to resolve our issue, coming up with a genius strategy. The Master Baiter narrated.

Taking a handful of darts, the Master Baiter began throwing them at a wall, trying to discern what his newly-founded supervillain team would do first. Covering his eyes with his hand, he made the decision all the more left to chance, blindly throwing the darts at a wall of ideas.

The darts landed in sequence to say...

Blow stuff up...

...at the mall...

...to lure out Ace Savvy.

Upon removing his hand from his eyes, the Master Baiter looked at his completed plan with joy, cackling an evil laugh.

"Ah-ha! I've got it! We, the Evil Four, have our evil plan at last!" The Master Baiter declared.

-

And, now that the flashback is over, we return to the single narrator of me, where Ace Savvy attempts to make sense of all this nonsense for his school report.

"And our plan worked spectacularly, as it brought you here to us, Ace Savvy." The Master Baiter said.

"Great, great, but why exactly did you guys did you come to fight me? I mean, there's got to be a bunch of towns out there without any superheroes, and you'd be able to just take whatever you want without any effort. So, why come after me?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Wait... You need to ask us that?"

"Yeah. Why "

"Because you're you, that's why. We're supervillains, you're a superhero. That's the way this works."

"Yeah, yeah, but why? That's what I wanna know."

The question, simply as it was in inquisitiveness and syllables, was one that none of the Evil Four could answer, leaving them to think over it carefully.

"Oh, well, uh... I don't know. Hey, Origami Man, why did we do that?" The Master Baiter asked.

"I don't know, boss, I think it was Pogo Man's idea." Origami Man said.

"What, no, no, no, don't you blame this on me, this was Beefcake's idea, I explicitly remember him suggesting this!" Pogo Man said.

"Hey, whoa, guys, I thought this was the boss' idea. Right, boss?" Beefcake asked.

"So, you came after me when I popped up, and none of you know why?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Well... I mean... It's not... It's like... Look, do you want to fight us or not?" The Master Baiter asked.

Annoyed with the lack of answer given by the supervillains, Ace Savvy turned off his tape recorder and set it aside, raising up his fists to fight.

"Yeah, okay, let's fight now." Ace Savvy said.

[Soundtrack Cue: Powerman 5000 - Super Villain]

Rushing in with a set of charged cards still in his hand, Ace Savvy prepared to land each of his cards into the Evil Four, preparing to end them all swiftly and efficiently. Unfortunately, just as their capability against the mall cop had proven, these four proved to be competent against Ace Savvy as well. The Evil Four, all taking a different direction from the explosion, split apart to fight Ace Savvy on different fronts.

"Hey, Ace Savvy, look at the birdie!" Origami Man said.

Origami Man, folding up a flock of swans, sent the paper birds flying towards Ace Savvy; ensuring to send their sharpened beaks flying straight for his heart. Sliding across the floor and underneath the killer swans, Ace Savvy dodged the attack, preparing to return one of his own with another set of cards.

Before he could make good on his counterattack, however, a reel of fishing line covered in sinkers began wrapping around him, preventing him from moving. Seeing the source of the fishing line, Ace Savvy saw himself trapped in the clutches of one of the Master Baiter's fishing rods, unable to escape from the line's tensile strength.

As Ace Savvy continued to lay helpless in the line, Pogo Man began jumping on his pogo stick, each of his jumps reaching higher and higher in the air. With every step that Pogo Man took to getting closer, the Master Baiter pulled Ace Savvy to the ground, leaving him to lie on his back to take the attack.

Formulating a plan to get out of his trapped state, Ace Savvy directed a charge of energy to the fishing line, sending the energy all the way up to the Master Baiter's fishing pole. With the pole and the line exploded under the energetic charge, Ace Savvy was now free, charging another card and tossing it the aerial Pogo Man, colliding with him on impact and sending him flying across the mall into a wall.

Picking himself up off the ground once again, Ace Savvy met with his newest immediate threat and last of the Evil Four, Beefcake. Standing before the massive meat-covered mammoth of a man, his own body not even 5 feet yet, Ace Savvy readied a new set of cards to toss against his foe.

Unfortunately, not having kept track of the energy in his body, Ace Savvy found himself unable to charge his cards, having depleted his reserves.

"Uh-oh." Ace Savvy said.

Beefcake, having no resistance from his new target, wasted no time in beating him down with his massive fists, starting to pummel Ace Savvy into the ground. As Ace Savvy took his severe beating, two thoughts ran through his mind. One was the immense amount of pain that he was being forced through; his nerve endings not immune to pain with his new powers.

The second, however, was all the sheer power that he was being charged with under this beating. The average amount of joules in a human punch is about 150 joules, and, with Beefcake packing at least twice that in each hit, and landing in several, Ace Savvy had no trouble absorbing that energy and building it back up again; his eyes turning an orange-ish red.

Placing only one finger on a piece of meat on Beefcake's face, Ace Savvy began sending energy into the meat, setting it on a course to blow soon. After looking to his target with confusion for a brief moment, Beefcake finally realized what his enemy was doing, only to have the realization come too late.

"Order up: One ribeye steak, well done!" Ace Savvy said.

With the amount of energy placed in it, the meat on Beefcake's face exploded; the explosion knocking him out cold from the blast being up-close to his face. Now, with two enemies put out cold, the next foe to face was Origami Man, who was fashioning a new weapon to use just as soon as Ace Savvy was facing him.

Making a spike ball and fastening it to some of the Master Baiter's fishing line, Origami Man created a makeshift mace, spinning it and readying it against his foe. With each strike Origami Man made with his makeshift paper mace towards his target, Ace Savvy dodged each attack, moving one step closer to his target.

Charging another card and tossing it towards Origami Man, Ace Savvy set only a low-charged card towards him; no more powerful than a firecracker. Despite its low power, it was more than enough to disarm Origami Man; setting his paper-mache outfit on fire as well as his origami paper, disarming him and leaving him to put out the fire before he was left burnt.

Now, with the last villain to fight, Ace Savvy had found himself face-to-face with the leader of the Evil Four: The Master Baiter. Taking a set of large fishing hooks and tying them to his fingers, the Master Baiter turned his gloves into makeshift claws, ready to rip and tear into Ace Savvy and finish his opponent.

"Not a bad job you've done on my teammates, Ace Savvy, but you'll find soon enough why I'm called the Master Baiter!" The Master Baiter said.

Taking his hook-claws and lashing out at Ace Savvy, the Master Baiter began wildly swinging at his opponent, looking to take an ounce of flesh from his enemy, or maybe more. However, being nothing truly more than an overweight fisherman with a mask, his moves were not fast enough to land into his enemy; Ace Savvy having the advantage of youth and speed on his side.

"The Master Baiter? I think you should call yourself the Beginner Baiter, it's alliterative and fits you way better." Ace Savvy said.

"The only thing that fits here is you on my hook, boy. You're gonna be the best catch I've ever had." The Master Baiter said.

Taking out his second fishing pole and wielding it like a sword, the Master Baiter began charging towards Ace Savvy with it, hoping to impale him with it, even though there was no sharp or even pointed tip to the fishing pole. Despite this, Ace Savvy reacted as if it was, clapping the shaft of the pole between his hands and resisting the fishing pole back to prevent it from harming him.

Driving the fishing pole to his side and letting the Master Baiter lean into his strike, Ace Savvy landed a kick in the charging enemy's chest, knocking him down to the floor. The Master Baiter, having one more trick up his sleeve, took out a box of grasshoppers, preparing to unleash the insects within onto his enemy.

"Give it up, Master Baiter. Your catch has just been thrown back." Ace Savvy said.

"You might have beaten me, but you'll never take on my army of radioactive killer grasshoppers!" The Master Baiter said.

Opening up the box containing his grasshoppers, the Master Baiter unleashed the insects upon Ace Savvy, sending the bugs all flying towards him.

[Soundtrack Cue End]

However, where the Master Baiter made claim that these bugs were of a radioactive man-killing nature, these grasshoppers were nothing of the sort, only being regular, plain, old grasshoppers and nothing special. As such, Ace Savvy reacted indifferently towards the bugs, looking to the insects as they surrounded him and back towards the Master Baiter in pity.

"Really?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Aw, damn it. I spent the last of my severance pay on those." The Master Baiter said.

-

Not too long later, the police made their arrival to the mall, apprehending the Evil Four and sending the would-be criminals to jail. Before the supervillains would be sent off to jail, however, the Master Baiter let out one last threat to Ace Savvy before being taken away by the authorities, because he wasn't pathetic and uninteresting enough.

"You haven't seen the last of us, Ace Savvy! We will make a return, and you will be my greatest catch ever, mark my words!" The Master Baiter called.

"Save it, you filthy Master Baiter. No more appearances for you in this story." Ace Savvy said.

As the Master Baiter and the other members of the Evil Four were taken away by the police, Ace Savvy took a moment to reflect on his success; having defeated not one more supervillain, but 4 at once. In the midst of basking in his victory, Ace Savvy heard a name called out for his alter-ego, reminding him of the date he was on.

"Lincoln?! Hey, Lincoln?!" Stella called.

Overhearing Stella's calls for Lincoln and seeking him out, Ace Savvy realized that he could not continue to be in his superhero persona for much longer, as he had other obligations to fulfill. With a quick end to the conversation, Ace Savvy prepared to fulfill said obligations, running back to the bathroom to change back to his civilian guise.

Upon making it to the bathroom, Ace Savvy opened a stall to seek a private spot to change, only to be met with someone already occupying it; sitting on the toilet. This occupant was seen to be the writer's self-insert and personal agent: The Guy, sent to keep the story-defying Lincoln Loud back on track as I see fit.

"Hey, you know a 3-letter word meaning 'Came out on top'? I'll give you a hint, it's what you just did with against guys." The Guy said.

"Not you again! Look, I know I didn't tell Stella, but I'm about to right now. Cut me some slack, you saw the-" Ace Savvy began to say.

"That's not why I'm here, kid. I just came to tell you to call off the whole telling-Stella-to-piss-off thing. Got some orders from high up telling you to keep at it with her."

"Wait, what? Really?"

"Yes, really. I mean, if he didn't want you to date her, why would he even bother putting her in the story?"

"I guess that makes sense, but, then, why did he change his mind?"

"He didn't. This was a little test."

"A test for what?"

"Obedience. Put it quite simply, you're an agent of chaos. Your 4th wall breaking is one thing, but you've just been granted awareness that you're not only in a fanfiction, but you're able to hear the creator of the story as the story's in progress. Now, as fun as the writer's having fun playing with that concept, he still needs you in line for his grand scheme. Therefore, we had this little test. You just follow through the events we want you to, like in the deal, and we won't have to have any more repeats of what happened with Lynn and Luan on ya."

"But I was doing everything you wanted! Why this test?"

"Simple, he just wanted to screw with you."

"Oh, so that's how it is? I'm just some kind of playtoy for him to entertain people at my own expense?"

"Well, that was basically your role in the real show, wasn't it? You were a puppet on a string for the writers back then, the only difference now is that you can see the strings."

Unable to retort against The Guy's points, Ace Savvy let out a heavy sigh, lamenting over not having any good reply to give.

"Okay, fine, but can you please take it a little easier from this point on? It's bad enough I just dealt with a bunch of weird rejected supervillains, the last thing I need is you having my sisters do weird things to me. You know, I'm probably going to regret asking this, but what were they even doing to me?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Like I said, your dad'll give you a little talk about that in a few chapters. I don't know when exactly the writer plans on doing it, but you'll get there soon, trust me." The Guy said.

"Oh, so the writer doesn't even plan what he does?"

"Hell, yeah, he just wings his way through this stuff most of the time. Seems to work pretty well, so that's what he's gonna keep doing."

"Great, guess I'll just have no idea what to expect from this point on. Now, can you please get out? I have to change and go see Stella."

"No problem. Just a friendly reminder, though, I wouldn't get yourself too comfortable with her, because you're still gonna be with Ronnie Anne by the end of this."

"We'll see about that, edgelord."

"Yeah, I guess we will."

After vanishing in an instant, The Guy left the story, but only long enough until his services might be needed again.

Now, heading into the empty stall and placing his civilian clothes back on, Lincoln Loud makes his way back outside and searches out Stella, looking to meet back up with his date, assuring her that he was still alive and well. Not too long into his search, Lincoln met back up with Stella, meeting up with her near the food court.

Believing that something horrible had happened to Lincoln with his disappearance, Stella immediately grabbed him tightly and hugged him, joyful to have him safe once again. While not expecting this compassionate hug from Stella, Lincoln was extremely happy to recieve it, returning it in full.

And silently mouthing 'YES' as Stella couldn't see it.

"Lincoln, where did you go?! There was a bunch of supervillains that showed up, and you just left!" Stella said.

"I, uh... ran to the bathroom. I figured I'd be safe there." Lincoln said.

"Well, then, why did you just leave me? Couldn't you take me with you if that was the safest place?"

"Uh... Well... I mean... That's the men's room, and you're... Well... Uh... You know..."

"Lincoln, I think, in a situation where we're trying to stay alive from supervillains attacking, we can forget taboos like that."

"Yeah, I'm sorry, you're right, that was really selfish of me."

"It's okay, I'm not that mad, because I actually got to see Ace Savvy up close and fight them off in person, like you saw at Dairyland. Now we both have a story, huh?"

"Oh, yeah, we do. That's right. So, care to tell me yours?"

"Absolutely. But, do you think you could walk me home after all that? I can tell you along the way."

"I'd love to walk you home, sure! You just worry about telling the story, and I'll worry about keeping you safe this time."

"And I hope your idea of doing that's not running off and ditching me, is it?"

"Oh, no, no, no, not at all, I-"

"Just kidding, Lincoln, take it easy."

"Oh! Right! Heh. So, anyways, how about your story?"

"Oh, yeah, it was great! So, I was grabbed and held by that Beefcake guy, right? But, then, Ace Savvy threw a card on his back and it blew up, forcing him to release me, then, he..." Stella said.

-

After a half-hour of walking, with the day growing close to night, Lincoln and Stella had made their way across Royal Woods to Stella's home, concluding their walk.

With a full explanation to give to her parents and some dinner to eat as well, there was plenty for Stella to do upon entering her home once again, but there was not anything more for Lincoln to do. As such, the two children began to bid their last goodbyes to each other.

"Well, here we are, my house." Stella said.

"Yeah, that's your house, alright." Lincoln said.

"Listen, I had another really great time today. Don't let that whole thing when the supervillains showed up get to you."

"Thanks, I had a really good time too, and it's a good thing Ace Savvy was there too, right?"

"Yeah, the guy's really amazing. But, you're pretty amazing, too. I remember when I first came to this city, I was a little scared that I wouldn't make a lot of friends here, but, on the school bus, you were the first person who gave me a proper welcome. Then, I got included into your circle of friends, but you were always my reason for being in there in the first place."

"Heh, well, you know me, I just try to be the good guy, you know?"

Giving Lincoln one last 'thank you' for the day she had, Stella gave him a light kiss on his cheek, causing him to freeze up in an instant and blush.

"You do a good job of it. Keep up the good work, good guy, I'll see you another time." Stella said.

As Stella headed her way back inside her home, Lincoln continued to stand in place, still processing what had last happened to him. Having scored a kiss on the cheek from this girl, as light as an accomplishment as this may seem to some, Lincoln continued to stay in his state of shock from this event.

After a few seconds of processing, Lincoln finally snapped out of his thoughts, expressing them victoriously with a shout of 'YES!' in the air. Having tried to build some relationship with this girl since he had first met her in his town, the buildup had finally paid itself off; leading to a heightened state of friendship between the two.

Best off all, since I'll allow this ship for now, he'll get to enjoy himself for a while, happily skipping across town and singing victorious nonsense to himself all the way home. Of course, he has no idea what I'm going to do to him later on when Ronnie Anne gets more focus, so he'd better enjoy it while it lasts, because it won't end prettily. Just hang in there and you'll find out how.

-

But for a taste of what's going to happen with his comeuppance, here's one final scene where he makes it back home, walking up to his room to go to bed. As he stepped up to his door, he noticed a package laying next to it, placed there from a previous mail call earlier in the day.

Taking the parcel with him into his room, Lincoln looked at the return address to see it from Ronnie Anne Santiago, mailed from her apartment in Great Lakes City, Illinois. The package itself had a hefty weight to it and was quite large, making it entice curiosity to any who would look at it as to what content it contained.

Opening the package, Lincoln found its contents to be a full collection of Ace Savvy comics and memorabilia, most of it like the ones he bought with Stella, and some that he would not find anywhere else, with some items even being autographed by their respective creators.

Alongside all this was a note that read:

HEY, LAME-O. THAT NEW, REAL-LIFE ACE SAVVY GUY IN YOUR TOWN SEEMS REALLY COOL SO FAR, WE REALLY NEED TO TALK ABOUT HIM NEXT CHAT WE HAVE. BUT IN THE MEANTIME, THE WHOLE THING AT DAIRYLAND MADE MY LOCAL COMIC SHOP HAVE A BIG SALE ON ACE SAVVY STUFF, AND I TRIED TO GET ALL THE COOL STUFF I COULD, INCLUDING SOME OF THE GOOD LOOT FOR YOU. THOSE AUTOGRAPHED ONES AND THE SAME-DAY SHIPPING WERE THE BIGGEST CUTS INTO MY BUDGET, BUT IT WAS WORTH IT KNOWING THAT YOU'D LOVE IT.

MISS YOU, LAME-O. HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON.

R.A.

The intended guilt trip was not only effective, but it also led Lincoln to get pissed at me directly, looking up as if he was speaking to god (a compliment I appreciate) and speaking to me directly, trying to deflect his own shame away and onto me. He still can't hear me right now, but I'll hear him out.

"I don't know what kind of game you're playing, guy, but I don't like it. You tell me not to go out with Stella, then you say it's okay? And you throw this on me? I don't know what to think of it, but I expect answers by the end of this." Lincoln said.

Oh, you will, kid, trust me, and so will the readers. If you're somehow still with me after me treating you like shit, you've got more sights to see after this. Stick around.

Or go watch some porn, I'm sure that's a far more productive use of your time than watching me.

CHAPTER 14: AMERICA'S LEAST WANTED, PART 2

Most writers have their own issues and problems when creating their stories.

For some, it's simple writer's block; an inability to write anything down on paper for a variety of reasons, being no ideas or simple stress.

For others, it's trying to flesh out their stories; having a good idea, but no clue how to execute it or trouble trying to let it out right.

For a few, it's how to make good dialogue; for every Aaron Sorkin and Quentin Tarantino, there's an Uwe Boll and a Joe Eszterhas.

Now, I'm not one to brag (much), but I'd like to think I have a good grip on those things.

But, do you know what I bet none of these guys had to deal with? Having a fictional character actively defy you as you try to write the story itself.

Could you imagine pitting Spider-Man up against the Green Goblin only to have him say: 'You know what? I really don't think I'm up to this today. No thanks.' What kind of crap is that? I've heard of characters breaking the 4th wall, but how many actually try to defy you and get out of their own story?

Well, thanks to a nuclear reactor granting him powers and increasing his 4th wall sensitivity, Lincoln Loud managed to do so somehow, and I don't know how to get him to stop. I can get him to stop eavesdropping somehow, but I never really wrote how I was able to do that clearly, never even really explaining how I managed it or if I even did so or if he wast just ignoring me.

Are you getting confused as to how this 4th wall crap is getting?

Well, I am too, so, rather than keep up the Jay Ward-style 4th wall breaking and not run that joke into the ground, I came up with a new idea: Adding a self-insert character, named The Guy, to get him back on track. Just like all other self-insert characters, I decided to make him look badass as possible and give him godlike powers, because literally everyone who's ever done self-insert characters do exactly that.

Don't worry, though, he's not going to be the main character. He is, however, here to get Lincoln back on track and get him after Ronnie Anne again, because literally no one cares about Stella, and her character has little to no personality. Sure, I'm giving her a little here, and I've got more on the way, but nothing I do here is canon, so it doesn't matter.

Bottom line: From here on out, Lincoln can't hear me anymore, and, instead, The Guy will speak to him on my behalf in lieu of this unfunny 4th wall-breaking nonsense.

Okay?

Okay.

Now, the next morning after that little event, as well as fighting a team of incompetent supervillains, Lincoln woke up from his bed, still buzzing off his high of having been kissed by the girl he liked. Stepping outside his room, Lincoln was met with a dead silence in the house, an uncommon occurrence for this time of day.

"Huh. Pretty quiet right now. Where'd everybody go?" Lincoln asked.

"They're all on their shummer activitiesh. You shlept while they all left." Lisa said.

The silence was quickly cut short with an answer to his self-asked question, answered by one of said sisters greeting him from behind. This particular sister was, of course, Lisa, casually leaning up against the wall in wait for Lincoln to wake up. Hearing the tone in her voice from her first sentence, Lincoln heard a slight tone of disapproval or disappointment within her words.

"Sho, I take it your date with Shtella went rather well, deshpite your encounter with a handful of ametuer shupervillainsh." Lisa said.

"Oh, yeah, it did. You know, usually, when a sibling has a date go well, they're there to congratulate them or ask how it was, but you sound a little less than supportive." Lincoln said.

"Yesh, becaushe I shtill maintain that thish activity ish unfaithful to Ronnie Anne. If you wanted to date other people, you should have conshulted thish with her firsht."

"Hey, what is your problem? You don't really care if we're dating or not, get off my back! Plus, she's probably dated a bunch of guys since she moved, it's only fair that I date other people, too."

"Jushtify it any way you want, big brother, but I guarantee that you will shuffer dire conshequenshcesh for your unfaithfulnessh."

"Whatever. So, back to what we were saying about those supervillains. Those guys are, what, just a bunch of scrubs?"

"Bashically, yesh. But in any cashe, thish might be a worthy note to make within your report."

"And what exactly am I going to report? That a bunch of idiots will make crappy costumes and try to fight me just because they feel like it?"

"That'sh one ashpect of the Hillwood Effect. You really ought to be thankful that you haven't fashced any of the real shupervillainsh yet. Thoshe 4 you might have downed relatively eashily, but anyone elshe you would've had trouble with."

"Crap, that would've been really bad. What do I do to counter that?"

"We've shtill got a waysh to go before we truly hone your powersh, sho, in the meantime, returning onshe again to your floppy papersh to ideash I shuggesht we bring you in a shidekick."

"A sidekick? Where am I going to get a sidekick?"

"I wash vetting through your immediate friendsh for a potenshtial candidate, and I found one that I believe will sherve nishcely. If memory shervesh me correct, which it alwaysh doesh, you are not the only pershon in your shcircle of friendsh who sharesh an interesht in Ashce Shavvy, are you not?"

"Oh, you mean...?"

-

Elsewhere on this morning, the future sidekick to Ace Savvy was within his home, up to his own personal affairs. This future sidekick was none other than Lincoln Loud's own best friend and closest thing to a sidekick in his own life: Clyde McBride, the token black kid of the series with his token gay interracial parents.

Ever since he had laid eyes on the eldest of the Loud sisters, Lori Loud, Clyde had an extreme fixation on the young woman, fantasizing day and night about having her as his own. Despite the fact that not only had she a boyfriend of her own, Bobby Santiago, as well as her being 6 years older than him, this never stopped his fantasies from living on.

Now, sitting at his desk, Clyde plays with a set of 3 dolls; one of himself, one of Lori, and one of Bobby, all sculpted by him personally. Acting out his own personal fantasy with dolls, his fantasy, something that can only be described as a mixture of deep obsession to pure insanity, becomes reality for him in his own mind.

"So, you want my girl, huh? What makes you think you can win her over from me?" Clyde said as Bobby.

"Because I'm going to personally defeat and humiliate you, and show how I am the superior man to you in every way. Once I do that, no one will stop me from getting Lori." Clyde said as himself.

"Oh, yeah? Come and try it, Clyde!"

"No, Bobby-boo-boo-bear, he's too handsome and charming and strong, he'll kill you instantly!" Clyde said as Lori.

"Don't be scared, Lori, I'll take this kid on easily, and then we'll get married and make lots of babies together, forever defeating Clyde and destroying all his dreams!"

"I wouldn't be too sure on that, Bobby. I've taken up the martial art Hokuto Shinken, and I've gotten to the point of mastering it." Clyde said as himself.

"Oh, really? Well, then, show me what you've got, Clyde."

"With pleasure. Make peace with your god, you puny man!"

Taking the sculpted doll of himself and hitting the Bobby doll with it repetitively, making various stereotypical and exaggerated martial arts noises as he did so, Clyde made believe that he was performing the aforementioned martial art, taken from a particular anime film infamous for its penchant for making any victim to it explode in a bloody mess.

"Your little fist is nothing compared to my power! I'll tear you apart!" Clyde said as Bobby.

"You're already dead." Clyde said as himself.

A master in any art that Clyde chose to pursue, his sculpting skills were not limited to just crafting simple dolls, but also created blood effects for his dolls to die in the deaths that he wished for. Plugging in a bike pump into the Bobby doll, Clyde began pumping air into it and inflating it, imitating Bobby's screams as he did so, and, when the doll exploded, a fake blood pack within splattered around with the pieces of the doll.

"Oh, my... I've never seen a man who could destroy a man like that before. I love you, Clyde, I want to be with you for the rest of my life!" Clyde said as Lori.

Picking up the Lori doll and giving a twisted smile towards it, Clyde no longer began speaking to the Lori doll through his own doll, but directly to it.

"Oh, I know, Lori. I know you can't get enough of me. That's why I'm going to make sure I'm with you all the time. I might not be there physically, but a part of me'll always be with you. Or, several parts over time, I should say." Clyde said.

Placing the Lori doll inside a glass jar, Clyde unzipped his pants, preparing to commit a horrific act commonly seen on the bowels of the internet, also known as 4chan.

Before he could fill the jar, however, Harold McBride, one of Clyde's adoptive fathers, opened the door to check on his son, bringing with him news of a visitor. Not wanting his activities exposed to his parents, Clyde instantly zipped his pants back up and hid the jar, hiding it from his father, and said father's timing sparing you of a horrific image.

Of course, knowing the internet, someone probably drew this already.

"Clyde?" Harold asked.

"WHAT?!" Clyde panicked.

"Oh, uh... Lincoln's here, thought you might want to know."

"KNOCK ON MY DOOR, KNOCK NEXT TIME, DAD!"

"Uh, sorry, I'm sorry, Clyde!"

"DID YOU SEE ANYTHING?!"

"No, Clyde, I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!"

"GOOD!"

With his father leaving the room, Clyde quickly disposed of the jar and the remainder of the dolls, not wanting anyone to see what his private activities ensued of. Having rid himself of all evidence, Clyde causally propped himself against his bed, ready to greet Lincoln as if nothing had happened. As Lincoln entered the room, his facade seemed to pay off; Lincoln not having noticed anything out of the ordinary.

"Oh, hey, Linc, what's up?" Clyde asked.

"Question. Do you still have your One-Eyed Jack costume?" Lincoln asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, you and I were such big fans of Ace Savvy back in the day, how'd you like to do it for real this time around?"

Upon finishing his sentence, Lincoln held up a playing card and charged it, causing it to emit an energetic glow and his eyes to glow a shade of red. Having been given the call of duty from his best friend to become a hero himself, his answer was an immediate...

-

"YES! THIS IS THE COOLEST THING EVER, LINCOLN!" Clyde shouted.

Standing atop the roof of Flip's Food and Fuel, Lincoln and Clyde find the time in their day to relax; their costumes of Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack remaining on, but their masks off. With Flip already knowing of Lincoln's secret identity, his convince store was something of a safe house for the two now, with Flip promising to keep silent of his real name via a financial deal.

"Whoa, whoa, Clyde, ease up on the secret identities. We're not just doing this for fun anymore, we're people with real enemies now. If our real names are found out by any potential villain out there, they could use our friends and family against us." Lincoln said.

"Oh, yeah, right. Sorry. Good thing no one's up here but us." Clyde said.

As the two continued to relax on the roof, they sipped on Flippees™, paid for by Lincoln with his new discount. Lincoln opted for blue raspberry, and Clyde opted for cherry.

"It's really cool that Flip gave you that 25% off discount on Flippees™. Now, I can get 5 Flippees™ for the price of 4, pretty good savings, if you ask me." Clyde said.

"You said it, Clyde. I'm just glad Flip won't give away my secret identity. The things that guy does for money, a business deal would be the only way to keep him quiet." Lincoln said.

"But Flip's an hone... No... No, no, you're right, I can't even say that with a straight face. But are you really sure he'd sell you out, though?"

"He sold his own mother by running her funeral as an auction."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He made $25, but there was only one bidder."

"Who'd bid on an old lady's corpse?"

"Lisa. She wanted the biomaterial for her experiments, and promised to give the leftovers to Lucy."

"Jesus. I know Lisa isn't the most morally strong person, but... Wow."

"Yeah, but, on the bright side, she managed to perfect her hair-growth treatment. My dad's hair never looked better."

"Really? You think you could hook my dads up with some of that? Howard's been losing some of his hair, and nothing's been working out for him."

"Yeah, sure. You know, he really needs to find a way to lose some of his stress, that's probably what led to his hair loss."

"It is, but, you know him, he just worries because he loves me; they both do. Anyways, what's on our agenda for Clincoln McCloud's first superhero team-up?"

"You're looking at it, Clyde. Right now, we just relax."

"Really? That's all you do?"

"Not really; Lisa and I worked out a new strategy. For the first few days I spent on the job, I basically just wandered across the town pointlessly only to have nothing happen. So, instead of wasting my time and energy, I'm going to sit here with this police scanner and wait for a call to come in."

Flipping the 'on' switch on his police scanner, Lincoln sat at the edge of the roof in a crouch, staring out into the city.

"Uh, Lincoln, what are you doing?" Clyde asked.

"Looking out into the city, just like the classic heroes do. It feels great, especially with the wind in your cape." Lincoln said.

"Oh, really? Let me try!"

Clyde then rushed up behind Lincoln in an attempt to brood over the city with him, but the attempt made him lean right behind his best friend in a manner too close for comfort, which brought a discontent look on his face, and turned the mood he once felt from the scenario into something different.

"Uh... Clyde? That's a deck of cards in your pocket, right?" Lincoln asked.

"No, why do you ask?" Clyde asked.

"Because there's something poking my butt from where you're standing. Can we trade places?"

"Oh, sorry. This is the same costume I had since you got yours. It's really tight."

The two then swapped positions to avoid the discomfort any further, with Clyde in front and Lincoln in back. This, however, did not solve the problem.

"Ooh... Yeah... This is way more comfortable, Linc." Clyde said.

"Clyde, now your butt is rubbing up against me." Lincoln said.

"Oh! Sorry, Lincoln."

"Forget it, let's just stand over on the roof again."

They did so once Lincoln suggested it, leaving them both awkwardly standing on the roof once again, forced to turn to conversation once more to pass the time.

"So, you said you fought some bad guys already. How was all that?" Clyde asked.

"Well, I don't know how, but whenever I went into any of my fights, I just immediately know what I'm doing, like all those comic books just gave me everything I need to know. Plus, whenever I'm in one of those fights, I feel like this is who I'm meant to be, you know? For the longest time, I've always really wondered who I was, but, whenever I face off against bad guys, I feel complete. I really haven't felt like this in my whole life." Lincoln answered.

"Whoa. That's deep. But I was actually just asking how the fights themselves went, technically speaking. Like, how did you physically beat them?"

"Oh, right. Just yesterday, I beat a bunch of weirdos calling themselves the Evil Four. It was one guy covered in steaks, one guy who made origami, one guy with fishing equipment, and one guy with a pogo stick. They were pretty easy to beat. Before that, I had to fight a guy named Lars Rodriguez. He was this angry Mexican psychopath with a machine-gun arm. He was a lot harder to fight."

"Holy crap! You mean one of those guys from the Ocean Shores Incident?"

"Yeah, him. He actually wasn't that good a fighter, to be honest. Most of him being a threat came from that arm of his, but it didn't seem to work that great, either."

"Well, where is he now? The news said he disappeared."

"Oh, don't worry, I took care of that."

"Oh, yeah? How?"

"About a year ago, Lisa made this wristwatch that let me travel through separate dimensions, and I used it to spend a day in a dimension where I lived with 10 brothers instead of sisters, and I decided to go home after not being able to stand 10 jerks like them, so Lisa held onto the watch and gave it to me to put on Lars here and send him to an alternate dimension where he wouldn't hurt anybody again."

After taking in that massive drop of information, Clyde simply responded with a nod; accepting it unconditionally.

"Oh, okay." Clyde said.

"Really? Just like that? No questions? You don't find that strange in any way, shape or form?"

"Well, statistically speaking, Lincoln, it's more impossible for there not to be a multiverse out there, as various comic book writers have clearly demonstrated. But you've got real-life superpowers, and we're living in a world with real superheroes. Kind of hard not to believe one without believing in the other."

"That... doesn't make much sense, but, okay."

"Speaking of which, let me run over your powers again: You can charge anything you want with energy, like Gambit, but you have to absorb it first, like Bishop or Sebastian Shaw. You can get it from eating, like Goku, from sunlight, like Cyclops, from electricity, like Electro or Cole McGrath, or radiation, like Doctor Solar. Is that right?" Clyde asked.

"I can also get it from kinetic impacts, like Speedball. Watch this." Lincoln said.

Lincoln jumped off the roof and landed the famous 'superhero landing', holding a playing card in his hand as he landed. The display is more than enough to impress Clyde, as someone as sheltered as him can easily be impressed by any obnoxious try-hard who attempts to make anything look cool...

...but it leads to a bad idea from Clyde's part.

"Cool! The superhero landing! Let me try!" Clyde cheered.

Then, Clyde proves that, just as there are men who can leap tall buildings in a single bound, there are idiots who think they can leap tall buildings in a single bound, and they learn the hard way that regular human beings are not capable of such feats, and should not imitate the actions as seen done by superheroes.

And demonstrate he does by jumping off the roof, attempting the same landing, but instead breaking his leg with a loud 'SNAP' in the process.

"AAAAAHHHHH! AAAAHHHH! AAAAAAAHHHHHH! HELP! MY LEG! LINCOLN!" Clyde called.

Snapped out of his facade of seriousness, Lincoln rushed over to Clyde in panic, nervously stumbling over trying to figure out what to do about his broken leg.

"Oh, my god, Clyde! Clyde! HELP! HELP! FLIP! CALL 911!" Lincoln called.

"The pay phone's in the back, Lincoln!" Flip called.

"WHY THE HELL DO YOU STILL HAVE A PAYPHONE?!"

"So I can make money, kid! I ain't runnin' a charity here!"

"CLYDE BROKE HIS LEG! WE NEED AN AMBULANCE NOW!"

"Then fork up a quarter and go dial 911 and quit botherin' me!"

Flipping Clyde around to lay face-first on the ground, Lincoln rummaged a dollar from his pants.

"I need to go break this for quarters!" Lincoln called.

"THAT'S MY DOLLAR, LINCOLN!"

"Clyde, I need to call 911! This is an emergency!"

"WHY THE HELL DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR CELL PHONE?!"

"I left it at home so I wouldn't lose it by accident! Secret identity!"

"I WAS GONNA BUY A FLIPPEE™ WITH THAT!"

"I'll pay you back, promise!"

"LINCOLN...!"

-

Soon, the debacle is resolved and Clyde's leg is mended, wrapped in a cast and leaving him out of commission for the rest of the day, but he is able to return the next day, and he does so. Now, the two are back on the roof of Flip's Food and Fuel, where Lincoln and Clyde try once again to wait for more crime to prevent.

With nothing to do but wait and listen to the police scanner, said scanner staying silent during this time, the two held another conversation.

"Okay, that was a bad idea." Clyde said.

"You think? I'm the one with the superpowers, Clyde. You can't just jump off a building and not expect that to happen." Lincoln said.

"But you made it look so easy."

"Yeah. Because I have powers, Clyde. You don't. You shouldn't try to imitate what you see superheroes do if you're not a superhero."

"Okay, got it. I learned my lesson."

"Also, I have to ask... What's wrong with your One-Eyed Jack costume? It looks sort of... girly."

Clyde's new appearel as the character of One-Eyed Jack no longer resembled the version from the comics, but was instead very feminine, including a skirt.

"Oh, this? Well, I bled all over my last costume, so I needed another one, but there was another problem. My dads told me that they didn't want me to do anything dangerous in my superhero costume, and I figured that I could get in real trouble if I got caught. So, it came to me: What if I dressed as a girl instead? That way, nobody would recognize me! Also, the Halloween store didn't have the male version in stock." Clyde said.

You might be thinking that's the stupidest idea ever, and you're not alone, as Lincoln is, too.

"Uh... How would nobody recognize you, Clyde?" Lincoln asked.

"Because I'm dressed as a girl! Think about it: How many superheroes have had their identities discovered by their enemies? Tons. But what's the clue that always makes it easy for them? Gender. If you know what the gender of the hero you're looking for is, you can eliminate literally half the people in the world from your suspect list. But what if you were in the eliminated half? Then nobody would suspect a thing!" Clyde said.

"Okay, even if I bought that, how would you explain the cast on your leg? I think your dads are gonna put two and two together if they see a kid with a cast and a One-Eyed Jack costume."

"But it's a girl in a One-Eyed Jack costume. They'd never guess."

The sheer idiocy of his best friend's statement made Lincoln groan in annoyance, pointing his frustration at me for how I characterize him.

"Man, this writer's got a weird and sick way of telling his story." Lincoln said.

"Huh?" Clyde asked.

"Oh, yeah, you know how I always say that we're in a kid's cartoon?"

"Aw, come on, Lincoln, not that again."

"No, listen, this is new. Now, we're in some weird 20-year old basement dweller's fanfiction."

"Lincoln, I really think that you should see Dr. Lopez about some of these things."

"C'mon, Clyde, I'm serious."

"So am I, man. You know that she had this one patient named Penelope Sanchez who was completely hopeless after friend supposedly died?"

"Hey, I know that name, that's Rudy Tabootie's wife, right? You know, Rudy Tabootie, the guy who wrote Vampire Cannibals?"

"Yeah, that's him. Well, she worked through a lot of stuff with her, and she came out great."

"Wait... How do you know that? Did Dr. Lopez tell you about her? That sounds really unethical."

"Of course not, she'd never do that. I found that little gem while I was looking through her files."

"...And why were you looking through her files?"

"I wanted to look up her comments about me. You know that she says that I'm likely to become a date rapist because of my obsession with Lori? That really hurts, so I decided to talk to her about that. Of course, that caused her to lock up her files somewhere else, but I'm sure I can find them."

"Clyde, I'm starting to think bringing you along might not have been the best of-"

Before Lincoln could give out his protests towards allowing Clyde to join his caped crusades, the police scanner began picking up a transmission regarding a crime, giving the two a crime to solve and villains to fight. With all thoughts towards their conversation completely gone, Lincoln and Clyde listened into the transmission, making sure to lose no details regarding this crime.

"Attention, all units, we have a 42000 at the Karaoke-Dokie, suspect is about 5 foot 6 and extremely intoxicated. Suspect also makes allegations of being a supervillain; Hillwood procedures may be necessary." The radio said.

"A 42000? Clyde, what is that?" Lincoln asked.

"Public drunkenness." Clyde said.

"A drunk supervillain, huh? This might be difficult. I guess I might just be needing you after all."

"Maybe not, Lincoln. Alcohol can seriously impair your vision and thinking, so maybe he won't be that hard to take down."

"Even so, after fighting the Evil Four and none of them having any real powers, they weren't that easy to take on alone. Plus, those were just one group of people. This guy might be totally different, and actually be dangerous."

"You're right. If that's the case, I can't let my best buddy face up against someone like that alone. I'm all in."

"I was hoping you'd say that. Looks like, right about now, it's time to..."

As Lincoln placed on his mask and turned to his alter-ego of Ace Savvy, he pulled out a set of playing cards, readying them in his hand in an overly dramatic pose, despite no one being around to observe and applaud it or even be aware of what he was doing except for Clyde.

"...deal out some justice." Ace Savvy said.

Placing his eye patch on, Clyde put himself in the alter-ego of One-Eyed Jack, ready to join Ace Savvy in the hunt for crime.

"I heard you, buddy. Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack are on the job." One-Eyed Jack said.

Taking a dramatic leap off the roof, Ace Savvy once again pulled off the superhero landing, continuing to hold his cards...

...while One-Eyed Jack carefully and leisurely walked all the way down to the ground level, ensuring that he was careful on his cast leg.

It kills the mood for Ace Savvy's landing, leading him to look at his sidekick with disappointment.

"What? I need to watch my leg now." One-Eyed Jack said.

"Right. Also, when we get back, we really need to have a talk with you about Lori." Ace Savvy said.

-

One transition later, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack arrived at the Karaoke-Dokie, entering the scene to find various police officers on the scene. Acting as if he were the one in complete control of the situation, Ace Savvy began to waltz his way into the karaoke bar, only to be stopped by a Chief Pisenschitt.

More specifically, the chief took a hostile stance towards One-Eyed Jack, pointing his gun straight at the child, causing him to raise his hands in surrender and fear.

"Hold it right there! What do you think a punk like you is doing on our crime scene?!" Chief Pisenschitt shouted.

Intervening to protect One-Eyed Jack, Ace Savvy stepped in to calm the chief, assuring him that they were not a threat.

"Wait, wait, wait! Calm down! It's me, Ace Savvy, you know, Royal Woods' own superhero? This is my sidekick, One-Eyed Jack. We came to give you guys some help." Ace Savvy asked.

Ace Savvy held up a playing card and gave it a slight charge, proving his identity. As the officer recognized the hero, Ace Savvy dischared the card and placed it away.

"Oh, it's you again. Listen, kid, we got everything under control here. We don't need any help." Chief Pisenschitt said.

"Really? Because it looks like you're just standing around and not moving in." Ace Savvy said.

"That's because this is a delicate situation. We can't just burst in without any information. This is a sophisticated police matter you're dealing with."

"Uh-huh. I'm sure you're more than capable of handling this, but I'm sure you'll forgive me if I have some reservations about that. After all, weren't you the ones who made it abundantly clear to me that you weren't actually interested in protecting the public at all after we first met?"

The comment from Ace Savvy made several bystanders turn their eyes onto the two, placing a degree of public pressure upon the police chief.

"Oh, uh, that little misunderstanding? Heh-heh, see, we didn't know you actually meant business, and you weren't just some kid. We're honest protectors of the people, see? We were just trying to discourage a young man like you from hurting yourself. We'd be happy to accept your help." Chief Pisenschitt said.

"Yeah, yeah. So, what am I dealing with, here?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Well, there's one patron in the bar who claims to be a supervillain, and he's been causing a lot of ruckus inside. The owners have asked him to leave, but he's been making various threats, and this could well turn into a hostage situation."

"Say no more, chief. Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack are on the case. Just leave it to the professionals."

As Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack made their way inside the Karaoke-Dokie, both heroes struck their own dramatic pose within, ready to face off against whatever supervillain may lie within the heart of the bar. Ace Savvy, charging up a set of cards, readied himself for the fight to come.

But Chief Pisenschitt they passed by glared at One-Eyed Jack, taking little care for what he assumed of him.

"Great. Kid's got a colored tranny for a sidekick. There goes the neighborhood." Chief Pisenschitt muttered.

"Lincoln, what was that about?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"Just a litltle public pressure on civil servants. Our civics lessons well-implemented." Ace Savvy said.

"If you say so. Hey, hang on a second, I need to take my painkillers."

One-Eyed Jack then retreived a bottle of pills from his pocket, taking a carefully selected single one with a small bottle of water he also procured from his pockets.

"I gotta be careful with those and not overdose, or else the doctor says I'll get heavy side-effects." One-Eyed Jack said.

"Well, that's definitely gonna turn into a running gag or something." Ace Savvy said.

While the past fight was against a set of inexperienced fighters in horrible excuses for gimmicks and costumes, Ace Savvy puts this past behind him and looks forward to the better fight that lies ahead of him; hoping for another sense of adventure that he once felt fighting Lars Rodriguez.

"Alright, supervillain, time to surrender while you have the chance, because Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack are here to save the helpless citizens that you- Huh?" Ace Savvy asked.

Unfortunately, he does not get that at all.

Where he was expecting every patron in the bar to be cowering in fear for help, none of them were exhibiting any signs of fear; only sitting in their chairs in a state without amusement or care. Not expecting this reaction out of a place where a supervillain may be lingering, Ace Savvy began questioning the patrons for answers.

"Hey, what's going on? Isn't there a supervillain here? Shouldn't you guys be, like, scared of him and happy to see me?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Not unless your idea of a supervillain is this guy." The patron said.

"Who?"

"Take a look for yourself."

Taking a look at the so-called supervillain that was in the premises of the bar, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack laid their eyes upon the costumed threat that 'terrorized' ther bar. Where the Evil Four were already ridiculous enough to witness, this individual was not only dressed worse, but even more pathetic than the past threat.

[Soundtrack Cue: Tha Alkaholiks - Only When I'm Drunk]

Standing on the front stage of the bar was a villain known as The Alcoholic, a man dressed in a costume made of boxes made from beer packages, glass bottles of beer, whiskey, vodka, and other beverages hanging off his 'utility' belt, and a cape made from thousands of drink umbrellas.

Although no music was playing on the stage, The Alcoholic was attempting to sing the lyrics of Neil Diamond's 'Sweet Caroline', but was so incredibly intoxicated that he was completely unintelligible. Needless to say, while Ace Savvy had at least had been hoping for a good fight today, it seems that his hopes were gloriously let down.

"Great. Looks like you were right, Jack. We aren't gonna have much of a fight with this guy." Ace Savvy said.

"Well, since we're here, we might as well try to bring him out." One-Eyed Jack said.

"Hold it right there, you two. I've been doing shome reading on thish particular caped conshumer of liquor. The Alcoholic ish not ash eashy a target ash he may sheem." Lisa called.

"Oh, yeah? How bad could this guy be?" Ace Savvy asked.

"The Alcoholic ish vershed in the marshtial art of Drunken Boxshing, a deadly kung fu shyshtem from shouthern China. Alsho, he posshesshesh a redushced shenshe of pain, the amount depending on how much alcohol he hash conshumed."

"Yeah, we got this, Lisa. He shouldn't be too hard to fight."

"I don't know, Ace. That martial arts part sounds pretty serious. I mean, I can barely take it when I get suplexed by Lynn." One-Eyed Jack said.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Jack, I was under the impression that you were a superhero and you actually wanted to fight some bad guys and save the day. Apparently, I was mistaken, forgive me for pulling you out of your life and forcing you into this."

"No, no, I want to do this, I'm sorry. I just want us to be careful."

"Jack, you were just saying on how alcohol makes people unable to fight back. After the 4 guys I fought the other day, this guy should be a pushover."

Heading up to the stage, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack took their stances against The Alcoholic, looking to intimidate him with their presence. The Alcoholic, his vision far too reduced with the amount of alcohol he had consumed, barely even noticed the two as they approached; instead taking another swig of a bottle of rum.

"Halt, evildoer! We're here to take you to jail and end your terror... or, uh... your bad singing." Ace Savvy said.

"Uh? Whuh doo whuh? I whuh suh uhh tuh stuh. Yuh nuh guh tuh thuh uhwuh?" The Alcoholic asked.

Just as his singing was completely misunderstood, his speech was nothing that resembled a full sentence. Not having understood a word out of The Alcoholic's mouth, if those strange noises could even be called words, Ace Savvy turned to One-Eyed Jack for interpetation.

"Uh... Jack, did you get that?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Not really, but I think he wants to stay on the stage." One-Eyed Jack said.

"I bet he does, but we can't let that happen. Hey, Alcoholic! Off the stage, you're going to-"

Ace Savvy proceeded to head straight up to The Alcoholic, preparing to physically drag him outside and escort him to the police. Unfortunately, before he could do so, The Alcoholic landed a sharp punch to Ace Savvy's chest, sending him flying back into the wall of the bar, landing just next to another 'hostage' patron.

"That's why none of us bothered to get rid of him." The patron said.

"And it doesn't bother you that this guy is hogging up the stage?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Not really. In fact, karaoke doesn't start until a few hours from now."

"Oh. Either way, I'll have him out of your hair in no time."

"Fear not, Ace Savvy, I'll handle this foe!" One-Eyed Jack said.

Activating a piece of equipment on his belt, One-Eyed Jack began firing poker chips at The Alcoholic, seeking retaliation on his teammate. Unfortunately, this attack did not effectively make any difference against The Alcoholic, save for irritating him and sending him into a drunken anger.

"Wuh wruh wuh yuh? Cuh uh muh suh uhn puh? Uhm guh kuh yuh!" The Alcoholic mumbled.

Despite not a single intelligible word coming out of his mouth, The Alcoholic began making his attack towards One-Eyed Jack. While his body seemed to have no clear signs of coordination in his movements, his attack towards One-Eyed Jack was anything but uncoordinated; sending him flying across the bar right next to Ace Savvy.

Although the two heroes might have managed to get The Alcoholic off the stage, by way of leading him to stumble off its steps and struggle to stand up, the heroes now faced the problem of fighting him head-on. The Alcoholic, making good display of his Drunken Boxing, took a Lu stance, making sure to emphasize his inner strength.

Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack, preparing for his next attack, readied their own weapons in hand...

"Yuh cuh buh muh! Uhm thuh Alcoholi-" The Alcoholic mumbled.

...but just before The Alcoholic could come close to speaking the closest thing to an intelligible word, the next thing to leave his mouth was not the final syllable to his word, but a violent fury of vomit comprised of a mix of imported beer, gin, and bar olives. After expunging the contents of his stomach, The Alcoholic fell flat on the floor, falling asleep in a pile of his own vomit and snoring loudly.

And, without even lifting a finger, The Alcoholic has been defeated.

"Huh. Well, that was significantly easier than I thought it was going to be." One-Eyed Jack said.

"Dangit, I thought we were going to have a real fight that time. It was really starting to show promise." Ace Savvy said.

"Well, look on the bright side, Ace, nobody got hurt. I'd call that a win."

"Fair enough. Let's drag this guy out to the cops and call it a day. Gus' after this?"

"Way ahead of you."

[Soundtrack Cue End]

-

And so The Alcoholic is apprehended and handed over to the police, giving Ace Savvy yet another win under his belt, regardless of the specific circumstances in which he achieved it. Walking off in a victorious manner, the heroes received a cheer from bystanders and police alike, basking in the approval of the masses.

"Alright, just beat the bad guy, and get cheered at by people. I can get used to this real-life superhero stuff. This is even better than all those other plans we had for summer." One-Eyed Jack said.

"Oh, yeah. You'll get used to it. But I promise there's better villains coming soon. At least, I hope, as long as this writer takes his job half-seriously." Ace Savvy said.

"In any case, I'm just glad this all means you don't have to get held back a grade. I can't imagine going into the next grade without you. Clincol- I mean, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack back together again."

"Yeah. But I just hope that I can figure out this whole Hillwood Effect thing. I mean, I've gotta figure it out, right? I'm just in a story, and stories always have happy endings, right?"

Oh, that's a mighty tall order, boy, but we'll see what happens.

And remember the moral of this story, kids:

Don't drink alcohol. It makes you a fool.

Oh, who the hell am I kidding? You need to be drunk in order to enjoy this stuff.

CHAPTER 15: AMERICA'S LEAST WANTED, PART 3

The concept of the multiverse can often be a cheap cop-out for any writer to worm his way out of the corner they write themselves in, but it is a concept that can be explored well, so long as the person who does it actually gives a shit about telling a decent story and not just trying to be too try-hard or pretentious in the subject matter. For who cannot be interested in the concept of infinite possibilities?

But our own universe itself is also full of infinite possibility, so why go for the easy cop-out when there's another one right there? When the universe contains so many galaxies and planets that we cannot even count them all if we tried our entire lives, who is to say how many different planets with intelligent life?

Such is the case in the far reaches of the Sbarro Galaxy, where the planet Uno lies under threat of its sun, the star that warms the planet's inhabitants with a warm bake, is about to explode. The hedonistic leaders of planet Uno, the little Caesars gathered by their round table, dismiss the threat as a hoax, much like how corrupt oligarchs of Earth pay politicians to pretend climate change isn't real.

The threat, however, is not lost on the brilliant scientist named John, papa to his newborn babe named Cal-El-Zone. Setting his only infant son in a lifeboat for him to flee this dying planet, he is accompanied by his wife, Domino, as they cast their child into space in hopes of finding a new home.

"[Farewell, my son. May the universe provide you with a new home, where you may be free from the troubles and trials of our doomed planet. We love you.]"
Papa John cried.

Just as the infant Cal-El-Zone is cast off from the planet, it is consumed by the sun in a supernova, destroying the planet and killing all of its inhabitants in a single blow.

Preserved in his escape pod, Cal-El-Zone grew up well in his confined, refrigerated environment, growing in intellect and body as he floated aimlessly through space. His growth necessitated the need for a new homeworld all the further, and the escape pod, hard at work, sought out a suitable world for him on a constant basis.

Soon, the ship and its passenger come into contact with a blue planet, the third of its sun, and it is deemed acceptable for the now adult Cal-El-Zone to live on.

It makes its landing on a seemingly insignificant speck of land, allowing Cal-El-Zone to disembark and observe his new environment. Seeing a green world about him with man-made creations of grey, he recognized the world as a civilized one, and ventured out in hopes of finding a world that would welcome him.

His search brings him to the town of Royal Woods, where he continues to find wonder and amazement with all that he sees. That which the human race takes for granted, he admires and loves to see. He has not previously known any world other than hsi escape pod, not even his home world of Uno, making this akin to a baby taking its first look at the world.

Soon, however, that wondrous search brings him to a restaurant known as Spunk E. Pigeon's. It is a combination of a family restaurant and an arcade, made as a place for children to enjoy food and games alike to indulge in a fun day away from school and other hard work.

But its particular choice of food it serves is what brings Cal-El-Zone great dread:

Pizza.

Seeing cheese, tomato sauce, and dough thrown together, it is like watching a Ed Gein create an arrangement of human flesh in a bizarre attempt to make art.

Seeing the mangled corpses thrown into ovens to be cooked, it is like watching the dead bodies of Auschwitz go up the chimneys.

Seeing the burnt corpses gobbled up by children and adults, it is like watching a cannibal tribe eat one of their own, or a primeval predator making prey of his family.

And it brings Cal-El-Zone unbridled rage.

-

Lincoln Loud is Ace Savvy.

Having been a fan of the comic book character of the same name since his infancy, there was nothing more that he desired than to become the hero himself. Now, in a search for a passion and a sense of purpose, Lincoln's ultimate dream had been achieved, but with a new twist.

On top of having a set of superpowers, something the fictional Ace Savvy did not have, he gained an elevated 4th wall awareness; aware of the writer, A.K.A. me, as I create the story as it unfolds. While he was initially able to hear me as I create the story, I've managed to deafen those ears of his, and I've created a self-insert of myself to use when need be.

Do yourself a favor and don't question how the 4th wall-breaking even works, you'll just give yourself a headache. After all, you don't question how Deadpool or She-Hulk can break the 4th wall when that's never explained at all, do you? So why would you question it with other characters?

Anyways, Lincoln has faced off against Lars Rodriguez, a character that's overstayed his welcome in my stories, and won after a lengthy and destructive battle at Dairyland. Following up with this was a fight against the first supervillains to come around from the Hillwood Effect: 4 morons dressed in stupid outfits called the Evil Four.

Despite these 4 being idiots with bad costumes, and having bound to face many more Z-list villains down the road, Lincoln decided to call in help for his endeavors.

While Lincoln had a strong desire to live out his fantasies of being a superhero himself, he was not alone in his strong love of Ace Savvy; sharing that love with his best friend: Clyde McBride. While his interest in the character had faced some decline as he grew out of popularity with the Hillwood Effect, seeing a real-life Ace Savvy sparked the flames once more.

To add to this newfound love, Clyde, too, was recruited by Lincoln in his quest for justice (and to finish his summer school project), becoming One-Eyed Jack, his sidekick.

A day after their first adventure in crimefighting together, Lincoln and Clyde stayed at the top of Flip's, both maskless and drinking Flippees™ to pass the time. While Lincoln relaxed in his lawn chair, Clyde saw fit to get some target practice with some new equipment: A pair of poker chip shooters attached to his wrists.

Aiming his arms at an array of empty Flippee™ cups with Bobby's face drawn on them, Clyde began shooting down each cup with ease; taking down a whole assortment of 10 in 3 seconds flat. Giving his shooters a blow a their ports, pretending a cloud of gunsmoke emerged, Clyde stood tall with a sense of pride, making believe that he had vanquished Bobby in his goal of making Lori his wife.

"That's right, Bobby. One day, you will fall before the power of One-Eyed Jack, and, once I wipe you off the face of the Earth, Lori will be all mine, and you will be nothing but-" Clyde began to say.

"Clyde. You are aware your earpieshce is on, correct?" Lisa asked.

"Oh! Uh..."

"While I may not be capable of articulating romantic emoshtions in the way you shimpletonsh do, I musht advishze that you let thish ridiculoush dream of wedding yourshelf to Lori go. Chancesh are she already hash her own plansh for marrying Bobby already."

"Don't you dare, Lisa! Don't you dare try to crush my dreams! Lori will be mine, do you hear me?! Bobby will suffer and crumble before my feet! You just watch!"

"Yeah, shure. Anywaysh, how are the poker chip shootersh working?"

"Like a charm. I can't believe you whipped these things up in only a few hours."

"You'd be shuprished what I can build in a limited timeframe."

Satisfied with testing his new poker chip shooters, Clyde laid back down in his lawn chair, sipping on his Flippee. Having heard the delusional shout proclaiming that he would make Lori his, Lincoln began to speak with Clyde regarding the issue, fearing for the quality of his sister's life.

"You know, Clyde, maybe people are right when they say nothing's gonna happen. I mean, how long have you been at this now?" Lincoln asked.

"Since the day I first laid eyes on her." Clyde answered.

-

In a flashback on the Halloween when Lincoln and Clyde first met, as seen in Season 3, Episode 18, 'Deal Me Out'...

The 5-year old Lincoln Loud, dressed up in his Ace Savvy attire, rushes to catch up to Lynn, running past her brother to make it to the next house to Trick-Or-Treat at. Unable to catch back up to his older sister, Lincoln called out for her to stop, only to have his request unheard.

""Lynn! Wait up! Mom said you have to stay with me." Lincoln said.

Leaping over a boy standing in her way, Lynn avoided the obstacle in her path, but Lincoln was not so fast to avoid the boy, colliding into him at full-speed. Upon getting himself up from the ground, Lincoln met face-to-face with the boy; finding something of interest to connect the two. Where he was dressed as Ace Savvy, the boy was dressed as One-Eyed Jack; the two characters known to be hero and sidekick.

As a result of their collision, the boy's nose began bleeding profusely. Lincoln, helping to stop the nosebleed, offered his cape to clog the bleeding.

"Oh jeez, I'm sorry. Here, use my cape. Ace Savvy is always ready to lend a hand." Lincoln said.

"Thanks, I'm Clyde, what's your name?" The boy asked.

"My name's-

"LINCOLN! Did Lynn leave you again?" Lori asked.

With both boys turning to the owner of the voice, Lori Loud, the reactions of the two were vastly different. Lincoln, irritated at Lynn's antics, made clear his distaste for her abandoning him. Clyde, on the other hand, felt a very different reaction, one that a boy his age should not have felt for at least several more years.

Seeing Lori in her Halloween costume of her choice, a generic princess outfit, Clyde felt a strong sense of want and desire that outclassed and outstrengthened all known forms of love and lust. While only being 12 years old, Lori proved herself to be moving along in age somewhat early, and this was all the more help to Clyde's young mind to appreciate.

"Who... Who is that angel?" Clyde asked.

"Oh, uh, Clyde, this is Lori, Lori, this is Clyde, my new friend." Lincoln said.

"Your new friend, huh? He's got a bad nosebleed. Do you need some help, Clyde?" Lori asked.

Rather than give a cohesive answer, Clyde's nosebleed intensified; causing him to fall to the ground and faint.

-

Back to the present...

"And that's why I get a nosebleed everytime I see her." Clyde said.

"I know, Clyde, it gets worse everytime you tell it. But thank you for the continuity pull, that's something I wish the real show did more." Lincoln said.

"Well, enough about me and my plans to marry, how's it going with you and Stella?"

"As a matter of fact, Clyde, it went great. Did I tell you, after our date the other day, she gave me a kiss on the cheek?"

"Oh. Sounds cool, I guess, but I still remember how Ronnie Anne kissed you on the lips; A.K.A. a real kiss."

"Please, Clyde, can we not talk about Ronnie Anne anymore?

"Why not, man? I mean, you guys were like, inseparable."

"Yeah, no thanks to the fact that she'd stick gum in my hair."

"You know what I mean, Lincoln."

"C'mon, Clyde, it's bad enough that I have to put up with this crap from the writer, now I have to take it from you, too?"

"What?"

"Nevermind, just listen. There wasn't anything between me and Ronnie Anne, okay? There never was, okay?"

"You sound awfully defensive over the whole thing, Lincoln. I'm starting to think that there's more to it than you're telling me."

"Coming from the guy who thinks he's going to marry my oldest sister."

"I don't think, I know."

"Well, I know that there wasn't anything between me and Ronnie Anne, so why don't you just-"

Before the argument could continue any further, the police scanner finally gave the two a report of a new crime, hopefully one with more adventure to be found within this crusade. Upon hearing the description of the threat, the two found that they might have finally found the battle they were looking for.

"All units, we have a hostage situation at Spunk E. Pigeon's on McGowan Avenue. Suspect is about 5 foot 6 and is armed and extremely dangerous, and makes the allegations of being a supervillain. Proceed with caution." The radio said.

"You hear that, Clyde? A hostage situation. That means we'll have to be more careful in helping these people." Lincoln said.

"Yeah, um, you know, I don't know about this whole 'fighting armed people' thing, especially when there's people's lives at stake. I really don't think I could live with, you know, somebody dying on me and it burning into my conscience and giving my PTSD and making me become an alcoholic to sooth my pain only to have it never leave me and contemplate suicide every night of my life to try to make it all go away and eventually put a gun to my head and-" Clyde ranted.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Clyde, get a grip. We're superheroes now, remember? We're not scared of people with guns, people with guns are scared of us, got it?"

"But you're the one who actually has the powers."

"Don't worry, Clyde, you'll do just fine. Besides, the guy's holding up a Spunk E. Pigeon's, how dangerous could this guy be? What would he even want out of them, the prizes? The pizza?"

"Well, I would, that's for sure."

"Me, too, but this is the world of supervillains; people who rob banks and science laboratories and art museums and stuff. If they had the powers to go rob those places, do you think that they'd go for a restaurant?"

"Well... I guess not."

"Right. So, what do you say we double down and go fight us a bad guy?"

"Alright. If you're all in, I'm all in."

-

Another transition later, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack, masked up and ready for battle, made their way to Spunk E. Pigeon's, finding it surrounded by police and making pleas with the supervillain within. Recognizing the heroes and letting them past their barricade, the officers set themselves aside for Ace and Jack, letting them take over in an area where they could not.

"Keep him talking, we'll handle it from here." Ace Savvy said.

Stepping inside the Spunk E. Pigeon's, a pastiche of the infamous pizza/arcade chain that we all spent our 5th birthdays at, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack readied their weapons, ready to face whatever supervillain may be within. Having previously faced the failed potential of a villain named The Alcoholic, chances were low that they would have any sort of easy victory like before.

A good sign that this would be the case was indicated by the patrons of this establishment not sitting by in apathy, but hiding against the wall in fear. Investigating the situation at hand, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack began making their way towards one of said patrons, looking for more information regarding the scene.

"Quiet, quiet, you'll tip him off. He just went to the back to talk on the phone." The patron said.

"We know, we just asked the police to keep him on the line. Tell us about him. What does he want?" Ace Savvy asked.

Before the patron could answer Ace Savvy's question, a sound of numerous gunshots began to ripple through the air, carrying with it a stream of bullets. Moving to protect the patron from the gunshots, Ace Savvy hugged the hostage tightly, taking the force of the bullets; having his costume absorb the bullets and his body absorb the energy.

With the patron safe, Ace Savvy turned to the armed supervillain, readying a card in his hand as he readied himself to fight back. One-Eyed Jack, ready to fight alongside his teammate, readied his own poker chip shooters. While both were ready for the fight to come, having finally found the excitement they were seeking, neither were ready to see what the actual enemy would be.

Rather than resemble anything truly human, this enemy, the alien pizza known as Cal-El-Zone, was a giant glob of various pizza ingredients; consisting of mozzarella and parmesan cheeses, marinara sauce, various thin and thick crusts sliding down his body, and countless toppings all over his cheese skin.

Looking upon the enemy to fight, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack were faced with a conflicting emotion of danger, confusion, and hunger.

"You shall not steal my dream from me, caped crusaders. One day, my ultimate goal will be fulfilled. I was born Cal-El-Zone, but now... I am... THE PERNICIOUS PIZZA!" Cal-El-Zone declared.

"Uh... The what?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"I said... THE PERNICIOUS PIZZA!"

"Yeah, yeah, but... You're a... pizza?" Ace Savvy asked.

"I am. I was born on a distant planet light-years from here, cast off into space while gaining my own consciousness and growing my way to become sentient as you humans are. Upon landing on this planet, I have seen countless numbers of my brothers and sisters devoured by you filthy things; sentenced to suffer and burn in the Hells that lay down your throats. Now, I have come to avenge my fallen brothers and sisters. Here, I make my stand and make my demands to the free world to end the slaughter of my brethren once and for all!"

"And... You chose to do that at a Spunk E. Pigeon's?"

"Of course! What better way to end the holocaust of my race than to do it in one of the very slaughterhouses that glorify the death of my people?!"

Acting on its routine of programming, the Spunk E. Pigeon animatronic began playing a song, with the rest of the band joining in. Before it could let out any lyrics or music of inane and bland messages of simply eating pizza, the Pernicious Pizza opened fire on the animatronics, destroying the band set in a fit of rage. Having expended all the ammo in his machine gun, the Pernicious Pizza prepared to reload his weapon.

Before he could insert the next magazine, however, Ace Savvy threw a card towards the Pernicious Pizza, exploding upon impact. Just as the explosion knocked the gun out of his hands, it sent chunks of cheese, sauce, and toppings flying towards Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack, hitting them directly in the mouths.

Tasting the ingredients as they flew to their mouths, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack were met with a strong, delicious taste; better than any other pizza they had eaten before. With their enemy disarmed and their stomachs growling in demand for more food, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack had their plan of how to defeat this opponent.

"Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"Only if you're thinkin' what I think you're thinkin'." Ace Savvy said.

"Oh, I am, and I'm thinkin' what you're thinkin' that I'm thinkin'."

"But I'm not. I'm only thinkin' what you're thinkin' that I think your thinkin'. What do you think of that?"

"Uh... I think we should just eat him already."

"Agreed."

Leaping towards the Pericious Pizza, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack began chowing down into his body; devouring his cheesy flesh and drinking his marinara blood. Beginning to suffer the same fate as his nonsentient brothers and sisters before him, the Pernicious Pizza screamed in agony, feeling every piece of him being torn off and devoured by the two young heroes.

Unable to fight back against the two eaters, the Pernicious Pizza continued to endure his awful punishment; his body being reduced to crumbs by the minute.

While One-Eyed Jack was beginning to grow full under the amount of pizza he had eaten, Ace Savvy's altered digestive system made him a bottomless pit; absorbing and retaining all the calories of whatever food he eats, and making him able to eat even more if he wished.

"What on Earth kind of human are you?! No one could eat as much as you!" The Pernicious Pizza shouted.

"You'd be surprised what I could eat. In a house of 10 siblings, you learn to eat as quick as you can before the food's all gone." Ace Savvy said.

-

Eventually, the screams of the Pernicious Pizza ended, leaving the police outside questioning what had occurred. As the hostages all began exiting the building at a calm and cheerful pace, their questions of uncertainty were given the resound they needed to calm their minds.

With first responders tending to the families that made it out, not a single human being was found harmed, all thanks to the heroes who stood against the villain.

Those same heroes, having been left to the curiosities by the police, soon made themselves seen as they exited the building. Where they entered as a pair of slim and clean superheroes, they exited as a pair of pudgy and cheese-covered superheroes instead; displaying in pride all the efforts of their victory.

"Dang, that hit the spot." One-Eyed Jack said.

"That was the best pizza I ever ate, and the most." Ace Savvy said.

Seeing their saviors emerge from the building, the freed hostages began cheering for their heroes, thankful to have been saved by the two heroes. Although the two were suffering from a small fit of indigestion, the pride they had felt from saving numerous lives had overrode any sense of discomfort in their bodies.

"That's right, you're very welcome, Royal Wo-" Ace Savvy began to say.

While the final word of his sentence was interrupted with a loud belch, his appreciation was conveyed very well, even if accompanied by a rude gesture. Having accomplished his mission and saved the day for these people, Ace Savvy sought to head back to base, accompanied by One-Eyed Jack.

-

Did all those pizza puns and descriptions make you hungry?

Well, don't get used to it, because I'm about to remove any semblance of hunger you might have had in your mind for the rest of this chapter.

Later, upon making it back to Flip's, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack continued to congratulate each other on a job well done; having beaten the supervillain terrorizing the restaurant. However, upon arriving back, the two began to feel a familiar urge within themselves, one that anyone would expect after eating obscene amounts of pizza.

"Oh, man, I gotta take a dump." Ace Savvy groaned.

"Me, too. I hope Flip fixed the other stall." One-Eyed Jack groaned.

Rushing into the gas station's bathroom, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack made their way to the stalls, preparing to release the inner demons within themselves and purify their bodies of the evils that churned their way through their bowels. The journey to relief was blocked by one of many obstacles:

The toilet stalls required 10 cents to open.

"What-?! Pay toilets?! Aren't these supposed to be illegal?!" Ace Savvy groaned.

"Hang on, I got two dimes!" One-Eyed Jack groaned.

Successfully paying the sufficient price to enter the stalls, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack removed their pants, seating themselves on the toilets.

Now, there is only the main task of moving out the pizza to worry about. Having consumed so much cheese from the Pernicious Pizza's body, moving the waste from themselves was not an easy task. The excessive consumption of dairy giving their bowel movements the consistency of solid bricks.

While the road to move the evils from their bodies was not an easy path to follow, the rewards of the process began paying itself towards our heroes; having felt the release of pain and agony leave themselves as the waste did. With heroic strength and valor, the two pushed their rectums to their maximum stretching point to move out their anal carpet bombs.

Unfortunately, while byproducts of their defeat of the Pernicious Pizza were long gone from their bodies, they still lingered within the toilets. With one simple flush of the toilet not enough to rid themselves of the sight of their enemy's remains, it was clear that the remains were here to stay.

But neither Ace Savvy nor One-Eyed Jack would accept this.

Taking the plungers stationed at each of their toilets, each hero began going to work to force the evils down back to the abyss where it belonged. Taking the plungers to the toilets, flushing the toilets continuously to provide a constant downflow, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack began forcing the matter back down to the sewers, pushing and churning against it to give it an easier texture to go down.

Finally, after much hard work of churning the dookie butter, the waste made its way down the pipes and far from the sights of the heroes, but not out of their memories. On this day, they shall know the final fight they had to put up against their foe, and how they vanquished their enemy forever.

I just spent five whole paragraphs describing two preteens taking a shit. I hope you're happy with yourself.

Exiting the bathroom, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack both let out a shared sigh of relief; having endured a severe anal exorcism. With the affair now over and behind them, the two began to shed their superhero garb, deciding to find a new activity to celebrate another victory against evil.

"Gus' again?" Lincoln asked.

"Yup." Clyde said.

As the two began making their way to the arcade, the children put the past horrors out of their minds, just as they had put it out of their bowels.

However, while they may have removed the evil from their own bodies, the evil was not so easily defeated. A certain voice began surfacing from the toilets, vowing revenge on those who defeated him. Through a horrific and repulsive rebirth, the being once known as the Pernicious Pizza vowed revenge once again.

"Shit... Everything is shit..." The voice said.

-

Another day dawns again in Royal Woods, with another day going by without Lincoln concluding his report, and therefore a step behind in passing his current grade to move ahead. This is a consequence of his superhero career hitting something of a creative slump; despite having fought one career villain and a team of decently-powered villains, his other fights have been lackluster or nonexistent.

Nonetheless, what success he had has led to Key Comics launching more merchandise and titles with their Ace Savvy character, capitalizing off of Lincoln's efforts. Sales for the character have dramatically spiked, resulting in Ace Savvy becoming a household name once again.

And in the household of Clyde McBride, the circle of friends he shares with Lincoln enjoy some of their own merchandise, showing off to one another various toys and memorabilia based around the character of Ace Savvy, and discussing the real-life superhero bearing his name.

"You think it's some kind of industry plant in order to sell more toys?" Zack asked.

"Oh, who cares, all this stuff is awesome! It's never been a better time to be an Ace Savvy fan!" Rusty said.

"Uh... Rusty, weren't you the one sayin' that Ace Savvy was outta date and all that stuff?" Liam asked.

"Yeah, but that was back when it was irrelevant. Now, it is, and I made sure to get all the merchandise. As fans, it's our duty to show our full support for the most popular characters in fashion and buy it all, so we make sure we're the coolest one on the block."

"I definitely say that he's an industry plant. And I bet he's making you think that right now with some kind of secret subliminal messaging." Zack said.

"Oh, come on, guys. I'm sure that Ace Savvy's a good guy who means well. I mean, I think so, anyway. I don't know him personally or anything." Clyde said.

"Yeah, sure, Clyde. Anyway, check out what I just got in from next-day shipping." Rusty said.

Opening a box he had with him, Rusty took out of it a flamethrower, with writing on the side that read 'ACE SAVVY: THE FLAMETHROWER' with art of the character.

"They banned this one in the U.S., but I managed to get a proxy mail from Japan, I got my parents to dip into that stupid 401k money pit they kept filling." Rusty said.

The last member of the group arrived in the front door, presenting himself as Lincoln Loud. The group all turned to him as he entered, including Rusty, who still held onto his flamethrower. In an act of poor trigger discipline and near-involuntary muscle reaction, Rusty opened fire with the flamethrower on Lincoln, sending a burst of fire heading towards him.

Raising his hands in response to the flames, Lincoln quickly absorbed them with his powers, sucking up the flames and taking in the energy of the fire. The display is not clearly seen by the friends, only just enough to discern that Lincoln somehow stopped the fire himself, and that alone is a feat that catches their full attention.

"Whoa... Lincoln, how'd you do that?" Rusty asked.

"Oh... It's, uh... easier than it looks." Lincoln lied.

Wishing to test Lincoln's statement, Rusty turned and deliberately shot the flamethrower at Clyde, setting him on fire and making him stop, drop and roll, all while screaming in agony as his flesh burned. The group all looked to the burning Clyde with an indifferent look of disappointment, seeing Lincoln's statement proved wrong.

"Hmm. Doesn't look so easy from here." Rusty said.

"You're late, Lincoln. What took so long?" Zack asked.

"Oh, I'm not staying, guys. I just came to pick up Clyde." Lincoln said.

"Whaddya mean, 'pick up'? Weren't we supposed to get together today to play some D&D?" Liam asked.

Clyde picked himself up from his fit of pain and burning, standing up straight and speaking as though nothing happened.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you guys, I'm helping Lincoln with his summer school project. We're having a lot of fun with it. Man, these painkillers are so good." Clyde said.

"Really?" Rusty asked.

"Yeah, we're doing a report on the-"

"No, not that. The painkillers. You didn't feel that at all?"

"Oh, no. That fire was honestly more like a... tickle. But it still was really hot, that's where most of the pain was. In any case, the stuff they gave me is great. I can't feel any pain whatsoever."

"Really? What about this?"

Rusty followed his question by kicking Clyde in the groin, making him stumble and fall to the ground in a groan.

"Nope." Clyde said.

"But you just fell over and groaned." Rusty said.

"That one was more like a... pinch."

"In any case, guys, we really gotta go, so we'll have to do this another time, alright?" Lincoln asked.

The group of friends groaned in protest, taking their items and beginning to leave, putting Lincoln and Clyde alone once again when they departed.

"See you guys later." Rusty said.

"See y'all next time." Liam said.

"See ya." Zack said.

When the others all left, Lincoln and Clyde wasted no time to return to their 'summer school project', picking up as though they were never present.

"Clyde, listen, I was re-reading some old Ace Savvy issues last night, and I just had a great idea." Lincoln said.

"Oh, yeah? What?" Clyde asked.

"You were talking off-screen about how your leg was hurting from all the walking we were doing, and Royal Woods is a pretty big city, so I had a thought come to me. Just bear with me for a second here... 'The Savvy Car'."

-

One hard cut later, the heroes known as Lincoln Loud and Clyde McBride, in their garb and personas of Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack, rather than spend their time waiting on the roof of Flip's listening to their police scanner, decided to spend their day a little differently, having new plans.

"So, Li- I mean, Ace, tell me again why we're doing this?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"Simple. We've been wasting too much time just running from place to place to get where we need to go. We need some better transportation. If we keep walking like this to every bad guy we fight, the whole story'll be over." Ace Savvy said.

"But do you really think that we can do this?"

"Sure we can, Jack, what makes you think we can't?"

"Uh, because you and I are 12, and, last I checked, 12-year olds can't just buy cars that easy."

Making their way outside the car dealership known as Todd's New/Used Cars, the two heroes stepped forward inside the business. Ace Savvy intent on getting himself a car of his own, continued forward, but One-Eyed Jack, while still following, only skeptically offered his support.

"But we're not any 12-year olds, Jack, you and I are superheroes now, we've already put a few supervillain defeats under our belts, so this should be pretty easy. In no time at all, you and I are gonna be cruising down the streets patrolling in our brand-new 'Ace-Mobile'." Ace Savvy said.

"Yeah, that's the thing, Ace, I really don't think this whole thing is gonna work. I mean, we haven't had that many supervillain fights under our belts yet. And do you even know how to drive?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"No, but I've seen my parents drive, and Lori and Leni. How hard could it all be?"

Before the two could progress any further down the establishment, the kids were stopped by an employee of the dealership, offering himself and his services to his potential customers. He was a man in a white dress shirt and black dress pants, wearing a name tag reading 'Steve'.

"Hi, there, kids, can I help you?" Steve asked.

"Actually, yes, you can. I'm local hero Ace Savvy, and here with me is my faithful companion, One-Eyed Jack. We're here to buy your finest and fastest car to make into our Ace-Mobile for our purposes of fighting crime." Ace Savvy said.

Not believing the two to be the 'true' Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack, thinking the two to be enthusiastic cosplayers, Steve gave a hearty laugh, at their enthusiasm.

"Oh, you two are great. I gotta tell you, I just recently got into that Ace Savvy stuff after that real-life Ace Savvy showed up, and, I gotta say, you two nailed the costumes and attitudes. You guys outta do it professionally when you get older, like those people dressed up at theme parks do." Steve said.

"I think you misunderstand, fair citizen, we are the real Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack." Ace Savvy said.

Ace Savvy took out a playing card and gave it a charge, proving his identity to the car salesman. Seeing the expression of the salesman change drastically, Ace Savvy saw that his message was made well, prompting him to discharge the card and place it away.

"O-Oh, I'm sorry, sir, I didn't recognize you, I didn't expect you to be so... well, young." Steve said.

"Yeah, I get that a lot." Ace Savvy said.

"So, I understand that you'd like to purchase a car for your, uh... 'crimefighting purposes'?"

"Yes, sir, that's the plan."

"Well, then, allow me to give you a viewing of what we have for sale here at Todd's New/Used Cars. If you'll just follow me..."

-

The typical human being lets out an average of 14 ounces of fecal matter a day. The population of Royal Woods has about 20,000 residents, leading to a total of 280,000 ounces, or, 17,500 pounds of waste produced by human beings on a daily average, roughly accurate to the weight of your mother.

Not many people put a concentrated amount of thought into what happens to their excrement, only spending the 10 minutes it takes to fully remove said waste from themselves and flush it away (a few hours if a smartphone is involved in the waiting process).

For those who work at the Royal Woods Sewage Treatment Plant, however, it is the one and only concern on the minds of these men and women.

Working endlessly and tirelessly to process the vast amount of freshly-baked butt brownies that get deposited into the plant, the numerous workers of the sewage plant never find a moment's rest, all getting paid to take your shit, literally. For as long as the good people of Royal Woods spend many of their nights binging on beer and tacos while out on the town...

...there will never be an end to many contributing to the giant chocolate fondue that broils in the plant.

Also, would you believe that 100,000 gallons of water are wasted in the process of reclaiming sewage?

Well, you shouldn't, because I just made that up.

One of said sewage treatment workers, a man known as Mr. McCann, continues to move through his regular work day, fulfilling his duties in making sure that the large amount of sewage taken into the plant is reclaimed and recycled properly as clean, drinkable water.

While many of his days were not filled with many changes or variety, perhaps the most excitement in his day consisting of fending off the occasional alligator that makes its way to the sewage, this day held something very different in mind for this fine employee.

Within the sewage itself, a strange and foreign noise began to emerge from the water, one unlike anything he had ever heard before in the plant, and unlike anything he had encountered anywhere. Although he had only heard this noise in passing, one thing was certain: This noise resembled a human voice.

"Shit... Shit..." The voice said.

With the strange voice reaching McCann's ears as he passed by, the sewage worker turned to the bubbling calderon of caca to get another reading of the sound. While his ears were open to the sound in full, his nose was unfortunately open to the foul smells of liquefied and condensed crap; the smell burning out his nose hairs.

"Hey, you guys hear that?" McCann asked.

"What? Another alligator?" A coworker asked.

"No, no, it's not that, it sounds... almost human."

"What, you think something human could survive in there?"

"What do you mean, 'survive'? It's sewage, not acid."

"Might as well be. I wouldn't go in there."

[Soundtrack Cue: Green Jellÿ - Misadventures of Shitman]

As the two continued their conversation and their speculation, the deathly brown bog beneath them began to bubble and react much more violently; signifying some form of life laid within the pile of ass-dump brewing under them. Out of the swampy mess within, the amalgamation of anal evacuations in the pit within began culminating themselves into a larger entity; a deadly demon of doo-doo growing out of the filth below.

"Shit... Everything is shit... EVERYTHING IS SHIT!" The beast belowed.

Having no word for the sight of stool standing before them, McCann and his coworker dropped to the ground; their minds were unable to process the sight they were witnessing, but their bowels were more than able to process their waste in their underwear.

"What... What do you want from us?!" McCann asked.

"Not you... Want the one who made me... who birthed me... who shat me... I... want... ACE SAVVY!" The creature shouted.

[Soundtrack Cue End]

-

As Steve led the two on a tour of the premises and all the vehicles for sale, the underground sewer pipes in the area began to rumble. The rumbling might not have been enough to catch any attention from bystanders or warrant any serious attention, but it did signal an incoming threat that would come for the two soon enough.

While this threat continued to go unknown to the heroes, the continued to peruse the vehicles in the sales lot, hearing Steve's explanations of each one to find their preference for an 'Ace-Mobile'. Had they heard their police scanner, they would be well aware of the dangers that awaited them now, but now only stroll around the car lot, ignorant to the danger.

Instead, their only present concern is to listen to Steve, who tirelessly gave out his pitch for every car on the lot. Having little to no knowledge of cars, however, understanding the details as being given to them was quite a challenge, but they found the prospect of pretending to understand slightly easier.

"So, this guy here's a pretty popular one. This is a 1979 Gibson Pursuit Special. It's a V8 engine, gets around 35 miles to the gallon, automatic transmission." Steve explained.

"Uh-huh, yeah, sounds pretty standard." Ace Savvy said.

"Oh, no, far from it. This is a decommissioned police car once used by the Australian Federal Police; only about 4 still exist in the world, if the rumors are true. A lot of people say that this one is the last of the V8 models in its line, meaning it's a true rarity."

"Oh, wow, I had no idea. So... I'm guessing that this one's a lot pricier than most?"

"It is, I won't lie to you, but I'm sure we can work that all out with the paperwork and financing."

"Financing?"

"Yeah. I mean, not to pry into your personal life, but, with somebody like you single-handedly pulling up a whole media franchise again, I'm sure this oughtta be pocket change, right?"

"Uh... Yeah... Sure. That's me, Mr. Deep Pockets. I'm just flowing with cash. I've got so much money, I don't know what to do with it."

Realizing that his entire plan had completely fell apart on itself with the simple prospect of money being absent, Ace Savvy began to grow weary of how he would work his way out of this situation. Looking to his sidekick for advice, he began seeking an answer from One-Eyed Jack, who was slightly less of a dumbass then he was in certain situations.

"Jack, you're right, this was a bad idea. What am I supposed to do when he finds out I don't have any money?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Maybe you could ask him nicely if you could have the car for free." One-Eyed Jack said.

"Really?"

"Uh, no. That was sarcasm."

"Sorry, it's hard to tell through plain text."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Before the two could further figure out a solution to their monetary problem, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack began receiving calls from Lisa on their earbuds, giving them a temporary reprieve from their issue. Taking full use of the call to excuse themselves, Ace Savvy and Clyde did just that with Steve.

"Uh, pardon us for a second. That's our accountant right now, working out the details on our banking accounts and routing numbers and all that stuff." Ace Savvy lied.

Steve nodded in response, allowing the two to step away and talk, which they did as they finally answered Lisa's call.

"Lincoln, Clyde, come in. I have shome bad newsh for you two. Are you leaving the dealership shoon?" Lisa asked.

"What- How'd you know we were at the car dealership?" Ace Savvy asked.

"I bugged your shuit to keep track of you if need be. I figured it would come in handy should you fall victim to kidnapping or anything of the short."

"Oh, okay, but what's the problem?"

"I may need you to come back for shome teshtsh."

"What for? I thought we already mapped out most of my powers."

"Yesh, but thish ish different. You informed me that you dishplayed heavy indigeshtion and diarrhea following conshuming the Pernishcioush Pizza?"

"For lack of a better term, yeah."

"As evidenshced by the firsht dinner you had eaten following the acquishition of your powersh, your body should have abshorbed the food in itsh entirety rather than excrete it."

"Could you repeat that in English?"

"You should have abshorbed the eaten pizza monshter ash energy and not have pooped hish remainsh out."

"But, wait, even with the amount I ate at dinner, I did eat a lot of that guy, and I should've-"

"Can you remember the lasht time you defecated in between aquiring your powersh and fighting the Pernishcious Pizza?"

Realing that he had never once removed any solid waste from his body since he had received his powers, a mixed sense of confusion and worry began to fall over Ace Savvy, not knowing what this could mean, and the subject matter itself baffling him with how bizarre it seemed.

"I... I haven't since. What are you trying to tell me?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Well, if my calculashtions are correct, which they ushually are... then the Perishcious Pizza ish not yet defeated."

"What? You mean he's not dead?!"

"Oh, sho, now you don't value human life?"

"Well, I mean, he told me he was an alien pizza, so, he's not actually human, so it wasn't really murder."

"Never mind that! If, through the act of being digeshted through your bowelsh, then he hash taken on a... different form."

"Uh... How different?"

"How do you think?"

"...Oh. Well, was there some report on it?"

"Not yet. The closhesht thing I've sheen is a dishturbanshce at the shewage plant. Two workersh were hospitalishzed and apparently contracted diptheria, but reportsh of a- ...Oh, no. Thish ish not good."

"What? What's not good?"

"Lincoln, Clyde, I have reportsh of shevere sheweage dishruption in the area. You two look to be bound for-"

Before the heroes could catch ear of Lisa's final sentence, the heroes found what she was about to warn them about had made its appearance.

A nearby manhole shot up in the air, spewing with it a fury of brown sphincter water, spreading out into the air as a mist. Out of the fury of the violent eruption of buttmud, a culmination of harder and firmer dung began forming from the splattered scat, forming itself into one larger being.

As Ace Savvy, One-Eyed Jack, and Steve helplessly sat by and watched the spectacle of waste form into something more lifelike and humanoid, the form began to increase far beyond the size of a regular human being, setting a face and a pair of piercing green eyes.

Unable to fully realize the display of power being brought to life before them, the three huddled together in fear.

"Shit... Shit... SHIT!" The creature yelled.

Hearing the giant guano monster form a face and speak its first words, the three cowards let out a collective scream, trembling in fear of the massive monster of human waste form before their eyes. Ace Savvy, being the one most responsible for the Pernicious Pizza's defeat, was singled out among the others; both One-Eyed Jack and Steve hiding behind him.

"Oh, real nice, guys. You know, you ate some of him too, Jack." Ace Savvy said.

"In my defense, you ate more." One-Eyed Jack said.

"SILENCE!" The creature said.

Cowering under the scream of the sentient pile of poo-poo, Ace Savvy no longer found the courage of the hero that he was, but found himself both weak at the knees and assaulted at the nasal senses. Of all Lily's dirty diapers he had to change and dispose of, none of those horrors he had faced before compared to this monster.

"Uh... The Pernicious Pizza, was it?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Not anymore. Where I was once a being of purity and beauty, the last of my race and people, you have turned me into something horrid and perverted from my true nature. You have shit on everything that I am and my culture, and, through your anus, I was reborn as shit. No longer am I the last son of Uno; now, I am... DIE-ARRHEA!" The creature screamed.

As Die-Arrhea proclaimed his new name, several chunks of ripe and rancid refuse began spewing from his mouth, splattering on the ground. Ace Savvy, not wanting to be given a chocolate drizzle from the monster, narrowly dodged the spray to avoid the dookie spray.

"Lincoln, what are you doing?! Fight him!" Lisa shouted.

"But I just washed the outfit. Plus, how am I supposed to fight... that?!" Ace Savvy asked.

"Hish form ish a massh of human washte. Perhapsh if you break him into shmaller pieshces, hish form will disshipate and he will not reform."

"And what if that doesn't work?"

"Well, you may feel free to shtay victim to his revenge."

Looking back towards Die-Arrhea, Ace Savvy watched the giant fecal monster form one of its limbs into the form of a sledgehammer; the matter beginning to dehydrate and harden into constipation, all the more deadly to the intended victim. Not wanting to go down in history as the first man to be murdered by someone else's constipation, Ace Savvy leapt into the air, letting out a burst of energy to his feet to fuel his ascent.

"Okay, no, no, no. That's it. A giant poop monster is where I draw the line. Now, writer, I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm not putting up with-" Ace Savvy began to say.

As Ace Savvy turned around to try to avoid fighting Die-Arrhea, The Guy appeared directly in front of him, appearing to correct his disobedient behavior.

"Oh, no. You again." Ace Savvy said.

"Not gonna fight, huh? Well, kid, you know the rules." The Guy said.

"No, wait, wait, wait, we can talk about this, I'm sure-"

Before Ace Savvy could voice his protests, The Guy changed the scene to his next area of torture, needing to step up his methods from the last instance.

-

Opening his eyes, Ace Savvy, now back in his alter-ego of Lincoln Loud, found himself placed back within his bedroom. He hopes that all the past events he were only a mere dream, but that is far too easy a cliche to use, and Lincoln is much smarter than to assume that.

"Great. I'm naked in my bed again, but at least my covers are on, so, it's technically not actual nudity in the story. So, how are you gonna traumatize me now?" Lincoln asked.

Rather than have The Guy answer his question, he began to feel his question answered with a two sets of small hands make their way to his extremities. Recognizing one set as smooth and lotioned, and the other as muddy and calloused, Lincoln soon found which sisters were next on the writer's list.

As Lincoln looked down under the covers, he saw Lola and Lana fondling his unmentionables, they let out playful giggles, further ruining his image of his own family.

"You really stress yourself too much, Linky. You really should let yourself... relax." Lola said.

"Yeah, you shouldn't be afraid to get dirty once in a while." Lana said.

Taking a seat on Lincoln's chair next to his bed, leaning on the seat's back, The Guy looked right back at his victim with a wide, ear-to-ear grin, enormously enjoying the torture that he was putting the boy under. Having suffered through at least two unwanted incestuous situations with his sisters, this latest occurrence does not even disturb him, but instead just anger and frustrated him.

"Hey, 'Linky', you remember those old gum commercials? You remember how that jingle went? I think it was something like... 'A double pleasure's waitin' for you...'" The Guy mocked.

"Okay, okay, I said I'd fight him! What more do you want?! Are you trying to make this story R-rated?!" Lincoln asked.

"Oh, not much, I just wanted an excuse to make that joke. Anyways, you really sure you wanna fight that guy? I mean, Lana might be about to use your balls as a dog chew toy, but I'm sure that can't be nearly as worse as fighting a huge shit monster, now, can it? Because that's how you reacted when you first saw him."

"Yes, yes! Enough dicking around with me! Just get this out of my memory, please, and all those other parts with my sisters!"

"Well, that last part's not a guarantee, but, if you'll fight the guy, then, here you go."

Snapping his fingers, The Guy retconned the preceding scene, placing Lincoln back to the fight against Die-Arrhea.

I just wrote a 12-year old boy nearly committing incest with his 7-year old twins on this website and I got you to read it. I love my job.

-

Placed back at the fight against Die-Arrhea and dressed back up in his uniform, Ace Savvy unfortunately not had the memory of the previous scene wiped from his memory, but it had driven him to face against the monster. Watching the last moment before he had attempted to leave the story again, Ace Savvy prepared himself for another fight.

Taking a new set of cards and charging them up, Ace Savvy prepared himself for his next attack.

Tossing a set of charged cards towards the giant pile of shit, Ace Savvy let out a few large explosions into the body of Die-Arrhea, blowing large holes into his body and projecting dropping onto the street behind him. While several passing cars were given a decent caramel shower, Die-Arrhea was not affected so easily; reforming the holes in his body and preparing his next attack.

Directing his brown and pulpy body into large tendrils to reach out and pummel his enemy, Die-Arrhea began retaliating against the spade-spangled boy. Impacting the surrounding area with several cracks in the pavement, most filled in with a creamy dark butter, the monster had made some moderate property damage, but made no effect on Ace Savvy.

The aforementioned caped hero, still determined to win his battle, continued to fire off numerous cards towards the mountain of soggy tree logs, hoping to reduce his body to a mere puddle. His efforts, while making large holes into the body of Die-Arrhea, were only minimal victories; the damage done being undone in seconds, and the aftereffects of his attacks leaving Hershey stains across the concrete.

Avoiding yet another counterattack from the mass of digestive by-products, Ace Savvy began calling his sidekick for help, not able to defeat this opponent on his own.

"Jack, where are you? I could really use your help right about now." Ace Savvy said.

"I'm behind a sedan protecting Steve. My poker chip shooters won't do much in the way of harming him, your cards should do far better than I can." One-Eyed Jack replied.

"Well, you think you can at least do something helpful? The least you could do as my sidekick is to help your main hero."

-

Behind the cover of a white sedan, the aforementioned One-Eyed Jack and Steve continued to hide behind their compromised vehicular shelter, not wanting to be sprayed with nature's candy bars. Concluding their conversation over their earbuds, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack put their words to an end to give way to action.

"Okay, just hang in there, I'll think of something." One-Eyed Jack said.

"Easy for you to say, you're not the one who has to deal with a guy that smells this bad." Ace Savvy said.

"Oh, I hear you, I can smell him from here."

"Will you just do something, Jack?!"

"Okay, okay, I'll think of something."

Ending his conversation with Ace Savvy, One-Eyed Jack turned to Steve for assistance, having no one else to give him guidance in this hour of need. Now, facing up against a giant creature made of excrement, the balance of the battle rested in the hands of a 12-year old sheltered boy, and a used car salesman.

The hopes of One-Eyed Jack are about as good as you expect.

"Okay, Steve, if you had to face off against a giant poop monster, how would you beat him?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"What the hell are you asking me for?! I sell cars, kid! You think I have any idea how to do this hero crap?!" Steve asked.

"Hey, man, I just started this 'hero crap' 3 days ago, and I haven't even really fought a bad guy yet; Ace's been doin' all the work. I have no experience in this whatsoever. In other words, you and I are in the same boat."

Realizing that the two were in the same level of danger and experience, Steve quickly began brainstorming ways to defeat the monster, thinking of how a giant dookie monster could be eliminated. The period of waiting takes so long that both are left quiet for several minutes, turning the silence into frustration.

"C'mon, Steve, think. Any idea helps at all." One-Eyed Jack said.

"I- I don't know! I mean, I'm just a used car salesman, the worst of poop I've had to deal with was cleaning the bathroom, and even that didn't compare. You know, one time, there was this one client who had Thai tacos before he got here, and, when he made it to the restroom... Whew." Steve said.

"Wait, wait. Go with that. How did you clean that up?"

"Not that easily. It took me 2 gallons of bleach to get rid of that mess. I was never the same. On the bright side, I managed to get him to purchase a 1998 Fonda Civil. He paid credit, I put him up for a 4.39% interest rate. Pretty low rate, but he took a while to pay it off, we made a good profit with that. I managed to get myself a new stereo with my commission, it gets 7.1 surround, works great with all my movies-"

"Okay, okay, I get it, try to focus. Now, you said you have bleach?"

"Yeah, it's in the janitor's closet."

"How much bleach do you think you have?"

"Oh, a lot, trust me. I wasn't taking any second chances after that guy, so I stocked on as much as I could."

"Perfect."

-

While One-Eyed Jack began devising his own plan to defeat Die-Arrhea, Ace Savvy continued to face the creature head-on, continuing to toss numerous explosive playing cards in the foe. The attacks dealt towards the excremental creature had managed to reduce his body size by a slight degree, but it had taken many explosives to do so, not to mention Die-Arrhea could reincorporate his lost matter into himself again.

Worst of all, the greatest challenge in fighting Die-Arrhea had not come from avoiding his attacks, at least, not the attacks specifically. The greatest challenge for Ace Savvy now laid in the task of finding a clean spot to land his foot; having his battle field covered in racing stripes.

Now, with little footing left in his step, Ace Savvy runs low on options against Die-Arrhea, left vulnerable to the destructive defecation that he was at fault for spawning. Having little energy left in his body to use towards his cards, Ace Savvy began calling on his sidekick for his assistance once more.

"Jack, could really use you right about now." Ace Savvy said.

"I've got a plan, I'm on my way." One-Eyed Jack said.

"Running low on energy, pal, don't really have a lot of time before I'm empty."

"I said I'm on my way, Ace, just hang in there. Just save one charge for when I come back, okay?"

"Heh. Yeah, sure. I've only got one left, not like I could do anything with it."

Facing against Die-Arrhea with only enough charge for one last card, Ace Savvy stood his ground against the monster, holding his final card in hand. Sporting a shit-eating grin across his face (pun intended), Die-Arrhea paused on his attacks, awaiting the card to be thrown at him.

"C'mon, Ace, throw it! Waste the last bit of your energy on me!" Die-Arrhea said.

Having been promised a good plan from his trusty sidekick, Ace Savvy could not throw the final card, needing to save it for his partner's own plan of action. Die-Arrhea, mistaking his opponent's temporary inaction as surrender, smiled and gave a laugh at his supposed victory.

"So, you realize now that you can never defeat me. I may no longer be the beautiful creature I once was, but I shall take vengeance for the suffering I have faced. It was your bowels that made me what I am now, allow me to show them to you!" Die-Arrhea said.

Shifting his arm into the form of a scythe, Die-Arrhea prepared to end his opponent once and for all, taking revenge from being digested and destroyed into his coprolic form. Before Die-Arrhea could have said revenge, however, One-Eyed Jack managed to pull through on his plan, calling out to Ace Savvy with a simple order:

"ACE! PULL!" One-Eyed Jack called.

Looking up in the air, Ace Savvy caught eye of a bottle of bleach flying through the sky, heading straight for Die-Arrhea.

Catching onto his sidekick's plan, Ace Savvy placed the last of his energy into his card, tossing it up to the bottle of bleach. As soon as the card collided with the bottle, the attitude of Die-Arrhea changed from a sense of arrogant victory to a sudden realization of defeat.

Once the bottle was detonated by Ace Savvy's card, the contents exploded and sprayed all over the body of the muddy monster.

Bleach may be seen as one of the best cleaning items on Earth, and, while misusing the chemical could be poisonous, said poisoning on humans could never match the damage it did towards Die-Arrhea. With each drop of bleach landing on his body, the fecal matter that comprised his being was swept away; the bleach burning straight through his body.

Watching the deadly defecation suffer from the effects of the bleach, Ace Savvy gave an enthusiastic smile; now having a way of defeating this opponent. One-Eyed Jack, taking pride in his successful idea, took a place beside Ace Savvy to share his victory, carrying with him numerous bottles of bleach.

"How'd you figure that out?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Steve gave me the idea, and all this bleach." One-Eyed Jack said.

"Well, don't spill any, I'll be right back."

Running up to a car with an open hood, Ace Savvy grabbed the contact points of the car's battery, absorbing its electrical energy. Having taken enough of a charge to continue the attack, Ace Savvy prepared another set of cards to toss. Readying himself to do his part on the fight, One-Eyed Jack prepared his bottle of bleach, ready to toss each one towards Die-Arrhea.

"Ready?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"When you are. Pull!" Ace Savvy said.

Tossing a bottle in the air as ordered, One-Eyed Jack sent a bottle of bleach flying towards Die-Arrhea. Ace Savvy, charging another card, hit the next bottle as it flew, dispersing its contents over the monster and once again causing him to scream in pain with more of the poison dispersed across his body.

Now that the two had an effective attack to make against Die-Arrhea, the pair readied themselves to attack again, intent on making the pile of number 2 less than zero.

"Pull!" Ace Savvy said.

-

Several bottles of bleach and cards later, the monster known as Die-Arrhea was reduced to nothing, the bleach cleansing away all traces of human waste and excrement. With all traces of the monster cleansed away and erased from the area, the fight against Die-Arrhea was won, leaving all chances of encountering him again little to nonexistent.

"I'll never complain about changing Lily's diapers again." Ace Savvy said.

While the heroes shared a moment of victory and pride, there was one bystander that had a strong feeling of thankfulness, intent on sharing it with those who saved his life. Said bystander was, of course, Steve, the used car salesman. As car salesmen are the most pathetic of human beings on Earth, he knew there was no chance of defending himself against such a creature, and gave his thanks for his saviors.

"Oh, thank you, sir, thank you, ma'am, thank you two so much, I don't know what I would've done against that horrible creature." Steve said.

"Well, if it wasn't for that bleach idea you gave me, we would never have beaten him. Thanks for that." One-Eyed Jack said.

"Oh, you're absolutely welcome. Please, tell me, how can I ever repay you two?"

"No need, sir, it's all in our line of work."

"But there must be someway I can repay you. Anything you want, you just name it."

"No, sir, we-"

Before One-Eyed Jack could finish his sentence, Ace Savvy covered his mouth, stopping him from dismissing Steve of all need to repay them. Having come to the dealership for an 'Ace-Mobile', he found this to be an opportunity to get his vehicle after all, and by taking One-Eyed Jack's sarcastic advice.

"...were still kind of interested in that Pursuit Special if it's not too much trouble." Ace Savvy said.

Before One-Eyed Jack could voice his own protests, Steve instantly handed the two the keys to the vehicle, showing no hesitation in giving two 12-year olds a car for free.

"Absolutely no trouble at all! It's all yours, take it!" Steve said.

"Thank you, Steve, we'll be sure to-" Ace Savvy began to say.

Before Ace Savvy could take the keys, One-Eyed Jack pulled his partner aside, wishing to discuss with him the moral implications of what he was trying to do.

"Ace, what are you doing?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"What do you think I'm doing? I'm getting us a free car." Ace Savvy said.

"Since when does the real Ace Savvy demand payments for his heroic deeds?"

"First of all, I am the 'real' Ace Savvy. Second, since when do you suddenly care about the comics? You completely stopped caring about them until I put on the costume. Besides, you're the one saying you want to kill Bobby all the time. You think that's something the 'real' One-Eyed Jack would do?"

"That's... Uh... Well... Lisa, a little help?"

"I experiment on my own family with dangeroush shcientific experimentsh. What givesh you the idea that I am shome short of paragon in thish shituashtion?" Lisa asked.

Realizing that he would not win this particular argument, One-Eyed Jack decided to go along with his partner's plan; shamelessly exploiting a used car salesman. Turning back to Steve, Ace Savvy took the keys to the Pursuit Special, preparing to take it for its first drive.

"Thank you, good sir, we'll take good care of her." Ace Savvy said.

"Oh, thank you, Ace Savvy. Enjoy!" Steve said.

"You seriously don't have a problem with this, do you?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"Are you going to keep complaining, or are you going to take a ride in the new Ace-Mobile?" Ace Savvy asked.

[Soundtrack Cue: John Williams - Main Title (From Star Wars)]

Taking their brand-new car for its first drive, Ace Savvy floored the accelerator, wasting no time to make full use of the speedometer. With several hundred units of horsepower behind the engine being shot all at once, the experience of the engine roaring beneath their feet was unable to be expressed with words, giving the two a thrill like no other.

While One-Eyed Jack had his skepticism about taking a car so easily, there was no denying that he was enjoying this new thrill of being behind a loud and roaring sports car. As the still-speeding car made its way to the curb, the vehicle launched into the air, taking significant aerial time with the speed still shooting it forward.

Propelled into the air at an extremely high speed, the car continued to fly through the air, leaving its occupants with an extremely unsafe but amazing thrill; something that not even most professional racecar drivers experience. It was then and there that Ace Savvy knew that this was the car for him, and it would serve well as an Ace-Mobile.

[Soundtrack Cue End]

Then, once the car reached the ground, it crashed and tumbled across the road, completely destroying the vehicle in seconds.

While Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack were protected by their seatbelts, the car had no form of protecting, left to fall to pieces. After trying to turn over the engine again, Ace Savvy had no luck getting the car to start again, leaving him with a broken mess of metal that was once a beautiful and expensive sports car.

"What was that you said about driving being easy?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

Rather than answer his sidekick's question, Ace Savvy proceeded to get out of the car, with One-Eyed Jack following after. As the car had not even managed to get a few feet from the parking lot, Steve was there to watch the spectacle unfold; leaving him staring in shock with his mouth agape.

Walking back up to the devastated Steve, Ace Savvy tried to explain himself, only to have no luck in doing so.

"Well... You see... I... Uh..." Ace Savvy stammered.

Unable to offer any consolation to Steve, Ace Savvy handed back the keys to the car, proceeding to walk back home. One-Eyed Jack, having to go the same way, followed his partner, not wanting to stay in such an awkward place. Steve, having just lost a car worth thousands of dollars, had no thoughts left in his mind, only continuing to stand in place in total and complete shock.

Steve was soon fired and committed suicide later that day.

-

Elsewhere, at the unknown hideout of unknown supervillains, unknownst to you but knownst to me, in that the will remain unknown until I know that it is time for them to be known to you or maybe you will know on your own soon enough, the supervillains in question began making their own plans for Ace Savvy, needing to put their own plan into effect soon; the plan known to them and known to me but unknown to you, you know?

Anyways, the supervillains, now having let Ace Savvy make somewhat of a name for himself, realized that it was time for their own plans to be put into effect. The head of the supervillains, needing to send out his own people a few at a time, began looking for who to make his candidate for a new foe for Ace Savvy.

"The kid's not bad, I won't lie. He's definitely got some skills and ingenuity." The head supervillain said.

"Easy to say when he has to fight senile fishermen, a drunk guy, and an actual pile of shit." A minor supervillain said.

"Granted, he's getting caught with the Z-listers where we're the A-listers, but that's not gonna last. He's had his fun, so, now, it's our turn."

"You mean one of us is finally gonna start having some fun?" Another minor supervillain asked.

"Only a little. We know he's not that bad against the idiot wannabes, but we haven't seen how he handles himself against real bad guys."

"What about that Lars guy he fought at Dairyland? You know his body count's up there with Stephen Paddock?" A different minor supervillain asked.

"But he was still just some skater punk with a fancy robot arm. Anybody could do what he did with the wrong kind of wiring in his head. That being said, I still don't want too much attention on us; we've got a lot riding on this plan."

"Then who's gonna go out first?" The first minor supervillain asked.

"Easy. He likes explosives, so we'll send our own explosives nut at him."

"You mean-" The third minor supervillain asked.

"Yeah. Nailbomb, you're up first. Give the kid a proper introduction."

CHAPTER 19: KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

Before recently, Ace Savvy was a forgotten comic book character.

Despite its top-notch writing by Bill Buck putting it high on the names of comic titles, expanding to numerous merchandise and media, it could not survive the Hillwood Effect, falling into yesteryear like every other popular superhero franchise. Its glory days were surely over, never to be seen again.

This all changed with the actions of a young, die-hard fan named Lincoln Loud.

Having an undying love of the show instilled from him almost near birth, the young boy grew up to be one of the biggest fans of the character, especially in the days where he was no longer as popular as he once was. In this solitary love of Ace Savvy among his friends, Lincoln felt some degree of alienation; his friends choosing to indulge in other sorts of entertainment.

With a summer school project to finish and a sense of misbelonging driving him to seek out desperate measures to his issues, Lincoln Loud sought to become the character himself. Jumping into a homemade nuclear reactor created by his genius sister Lisa, he became a new superhero in order to complete his project.

Gaining abilities of energy absorption and redistribution, and a few successful supervillain fights under his belt, Ace Savvy was reimagined and reborn for the real world, with his fictional counterpart receiving a large boost in sales like never before. The fictional Ace Savvy may be finding much success with his popularity, but the real-life Ace Savvy has found his success dwindling as of recent.

A few successful fights with Z-list supervillains might have placed him highly in the eyes of many, especially being the first official superhero of Royal Woods, but this success has dropped steadily in the midst of facing off against more serious and capably supervillains, all who claimed to be part of a larger group.

As a result of one of said fights, clashing with a sound-oriented villain named Decibel, Ace Savvy had faced not only another defeat, but was left completely humbled before the villain, completely ruining his credibility and legitimacy as a hero. These problems may cloud the young mind of Lincoln Loud, but they are not the worst thing on his mind at this moment.

That is, as far as his mind can function at the moment can tell.

Laying in a soft surface that he could recognize as a bed, Lincoln's consciousness began returning to him, with his eyesight following suit. Having exposed his secret identity to yet another one of his sisters, Luna, Lincoln only hopes that his gamble had managed to save his life without resulting in his secret being revealed to the world.

"Hey, bro, you okay?" Luna asked.

Having his eyesight begin to clear in from the blurred mess that his conscious mind was receiving, Lincoln recognized the voice as Luna Loud, with his eyes telling him the same message. As his vision began to clear, however, Lincoln found that he was not alone with Luna; his numerous other sisters being present in the room.

Additionally, seeing the wall color and decorations of this small room, Lincoln recognized the room as his own, with the sense of the soft bed below him being his own bed. His mind, becoming more and more clear by the moment, managed to piece together that his sister had saved him, as he hoped. Unfortunately, the presence of his other sisters left him to ponder on how secret his life as Ace Savvy stayed.

"Luna... Did you..." Lincoln began to ask.

"I brought you back here after that supervillain guy nearly killed you. Don't worry about Sam and Chunk, they promised not to tell anybody." Luna said.

"But what about..."

"Everybody else? They, uh... Well, you guys wanna tell him?"

"Yeah, uh... I kind of... told Lola." Lana said.

"And I told Lynn." Lucy said.

"And Luna dealt me that information as well. HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it?" Luan asked.

"Luan, this is not the time. Need I remind you he nearly died?" Luna asked.

"Oh, right, sorry. I should've guessed those cards were off the ta-"

Luna gave an angry stare towards her pun-loving sister, mentally signalling her to not finish her pun.

"Uh, sorry, force of habit." Luan said.

"What about Mom and Dad? And... and where's Leni?" Lincoln groaned.

"We didn't tell them, dude. You think we're crazy enough to tell them?" Lynn asked.

"Yeah. I just told Mom and Dad you were just really tired after the concert." Luna said.

"And no one in their right mind would tell Leni anything meant to be a secret. I mean, I might have been a tattletale, but Leni is just loose-lipped; far worse." Lola said.

"Now, now, will you all pleashe shettle down? I have shtill have shome work to be done on our brother." Lisa said.

Lisa hopped on the bed, inspecting Lincoln carefully and writing down various notes on a clipboard to take record of his recovery. As Lisa continued to observe her brother, Lincoln began sitting up straight on his bed, finally fully coming to and recovering from his past battle.

"So, I take it Decibel got away scot-free?" Lincoln asked.

"Correct. Looking over your vital shtatsh, it sheemsh that you were on the verge of not doing the shame. Had you shuffered any more head injuriesh, and had Luna not brought you back here exshpediently, you jusht might have perished." Lisa said.

"Dangit. I don't get it, how could that guy just take me out so easy?"

"That particular enemy, which you shay ish named 'Deshcibel', hash the ability to abshorb and redirect shound, much like how you do with energy. Shound and energy are two different forms, and you could not abshorb his attacksh like you did with Nailbomb or fight towardsh hish weaknesshesh like Icebreaker. Whoever this group that theshe shupervillainsh belong to sheems to have been shtrategically trying to shtop you."

Angered over his own loss in battle, Lincoln laid back down in his bed, covering his face with his blanket to forget his troubles.

"Lincoln? What's the matter, bro?" Luna asked.

"Don't you guys get it? I'm finished. I can't beat any of these real bad guys that are showing up. I keep this up, and I'll be dead before summer's over. I give up." Lincoln said.

"But what about protecting the innocent and standing for justice and all that superhero crap you love so much?" Lynn asked.

"And what about dressing fabulous outfits? Well, yours needed work, but it was passable, considering the circumstances." Lola said.

"And what about instilling fear and terror in the hearts of your enemies?" Lucy asked.

"And what about fighting giant poop monsters?" Lana asked.

As no one in their right mind would find this to be a positive trait of being a superhero, the other sisters looked to Lana in a mix of confusion and disgust.

"What? I see that as a win." Lana said.

"Look, Lincoln, maybe the problem isn't with you, maybe it's just that you're... inexperienced at this." Luna said.

"And how do you propose I get experienced? There's no Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters out there, and Mom and Dad would definitely not approve of me joining any superhero school if there was." Lincoln said.

Realizing that Lincoln was right in the way of not having any real way to sharpen his skills by guidance of another superhero, the girls looked to each other to find a way to solve this problem. While none had an answer at first, the group suddenly began thinking of an idea that would surely help bring Lincoln back to a path do superherodom, in a way that would be guaranteed to assist him in gaining his popularity once more.

"Maybe a superhero can't teach you anything, but we can." Luna said.

Not understanding their reply at first, Lincoln sat back up and pulled the blanket down again, giving his sisters his full attention for clarification.

"You are gonna teach me about being a superhero? Me, who's read comic books and learned from superheroes my whole life? And exactly what do you think you're gonna teach me that could help?" Lincoln asked.

"Well, you know how big an athlete I am. I can whip you in shape and give you some more strength and endurance against those bad guys." Lynn said.

"I can move around in the shadows like they were my own world. I can teach you how it's done, and you could sneak up on bad guys." Lucy said.

"I'm good with gymnastics as well as modeling. I could teach you how to be more agile, and be a lot more fashionable as you do it." Lola said.

"I know tools like no other, but I can teach you how to swing one as a weapon. You could improvise weapons better on the battlefield." Lana said.

"I might be able to help you sharpen up your zingers against bad guys. Imagine the kind of great lines you could ace! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it?" Luan asked.

"You know how good I am with a guitar. I can teach you some better hand and finger coordination. You could be more efficient on tossing cards." Luna said.

"I concur with the shiblingsh. If they already know of your shecret identity, the leasht they could do ish offer shome shupport and aide. You jusht might be able to bounshce back out of thish temporary drop in popularity." Lisa said.

Lincoln's enthusiasm towards his sisters' suggestion might have been withheld by skepticism at first, but hearing their plan in full gave him a change of heart. Where he had previously had to face the path of being a superhero alone and figure it out for himself, having the prospect of help sounded more than appealing to him.

Just as they always did, his sisters came through in his time of need.

And, just as he always did, he accepted their help.

"Okay. You guys say you can teach me? I'll give it a shot." Lincoln said.

-

[Soundtrack Cue: D.V.D.A. - Montage]

As the day began, the first one to give Lincoln his training was Lynn, being the one most experienced in physical fitness.

He was no stranger to Lynn's training routine or her extreme health habits, but experiencing the worst of what she had to offer was nowhere near close in comparison. Tasked with a goal of accomplishing 300 pushups a day, above average for even a Navy SEAL, the enthusiasm put towards the exercise was strong, but his performance was less than strong.

Known more for sitting on his bed and reading comic books or playing video games rather than performing any sort of physical activity, Lincoln's muscles had faced serious atrophy, barely able to finish a set of 5 pushups. The last of the 5 was finished with a struggling effort, showing a grand effort with little means to back it up.

Giving him a negative reinforcement to continue through his pushups, Lynn Loud pushed her brother on to another set, aiming for a goal of 20, adding one feature to get him moving. Removing her jockstrap from her pants, Lynn placed it underneath Lincoln's face, adding the imminent threat of being met with a faceful of her sweaty minge if he failed.

Putting even more effort into his pushups, Lincoln found a few more reps cranked out of him, breaking his maximum with every new pushup. Unfortunately, while his efforts were vailiant, and backed by the threat of falling into a used jockstrap, his body could only take so much, even with a good charge of energy backing it.

With his muscles giving out, Lincoln lost the ability to support himself, and, therefore, suffered the imminent face-plant into Lynn's jockstrap. Within seconds, Lincoln immediately moved away from them, gagging and coughing to remove the stench from his mind.

He did not manage to remove the smell from his memory, only finding it reinforced with the laughs of Lynn humiliating him.

Speaking of laughs, his next teacher was Luan, offering him to up his wit on banter when facing off against supervillains.

The concept of useful banter might seem impractical within a battle against supervillains, but it serves quite well in many ways. Not only is it good practical relief for the hero, but it sends the target in a misfocused mess; their pride being hurt too hard to focus on the fight.

Luan, being the one most versed in jokes, had no lacking in means of insults and mockeries. Propping up a picture of a generic supervillain on an easel, one themed around brooms and other cleaning supplies, Luan prepared her worst jokes against the villain, having Mr. Coconuts as her 'sidekick'.

"You don't look so tough, I outta sweep you up no problem!" Luan said.

"Hey, pal, looks like you're about to get dusted." Mr. Coconuts said.

"HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Good one, Mr. Coconuts! Now, that's how you make some good banter with supervillains. Take a look at their getups and their gimmicks, and think of a joke you can make about it."

"That's it? Sounds easy enough." Lincoln said.

"Easel said than done, Lincoln. HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it? But, seriously, you're up."

Luan changed the picture on the easel to another supervillain, not giving Lincoln a chance to repeat her jokes. This one was a book-oriented supervillain, his costumed comprised of many famous literary works. Despite being exposed to Luan's comedic attempts on a daily basis, Lincoln had some trouble coming up with his own quips for the villain.

As no one ever found Luan's jokes funny, many going as far to say none were actually jokes, most of the Louds (save for Lynn Sr.) blocked them out of their heads. Now, after spending years of moving the numerous bad puns made by his older sister day after day, Lincoln wishes he would have at least listened to a few, perhaps able to pick up a few that would help here.

"Uh... So, read any good books lately?" Lincoln said.

Unsurprisingly, neither Luan nor Mr. Coconuts found this joke good, both giving looks of disapproval.

"Really, kid? That was the best you got? My left leg is funnier than that." Mr. Coconuts said.

"He's right, Lincoln. That was pretty bad." Luan said.

Not having any good banter to come up with, Lincoln gave a frustrated sigh, signalling the end of this lesson.

As that exercise had its long ways to go, the next trainer Lincoln had to take from was Lana, teaching him how to wield heavy weapons in battle.

No stranger to large tools and equipment, Lana picked up a 14" wrench, swinging it around as if it had no weight at all in all manners of complex tricks to show off her strength. For an 7-year old girl, this was no easy feat, and Lincoln, much older, would surely have a better chance at it.

Sadly for Lincoln, this was not the case. Putting aside the weakened state that he was left in after being subjected to more pushups than he was used to handling, he still lacked much strength in his body, leaving him unable to even pick the wrench up, regardless of his efforts.

While not easy to give up on picking up the wrench, Lincoln soon fell back to the ground, unable to pick up the wrench. Trying to give him an easier tool to work with, Lana exchanged the wrench with an 8" one instead; a pitiful downgrade, but one that at least gave Lincoln a starting point.

Taking Lana's instructions, Lincoln watched carefully on how to wield it, ready to try it for himself.

Lana, more than capable of handling a wrench from her years of mechanic work, swung it around as if it were part of herself, striking at the air like her tool was a club striking down its enemies. Attempting the same on his own, Lincoln swung the wrench in the air, only to have its weight throw him to the floor in one swing.

Not impressed with Lincoln's failure, Lana placed her face in her hand in annoyance.

Moving onto Lucy, Lincoln observed on how he would soon learn to sneak through the shadows and scare his enemies from behind.

His first lesson was provided with Lucy appearing from behind, giving him a scare and an example on how a master performs their art. After shaking off his own fear, Lincoln directed his full attention to his teacher, awaiting his lesson in stealth and utilizing Lucy's sneaking abilities.

Giving her next lesson, Lucy stepped backwards into a shadow on the wall; the shadows engulfing her in darkness and hiding her from any prying eyes. Lincoln, checking to see if his sister was still there, placed his hand through the shadows and felt around for her, only to not find her.

Lucy, offering the last portion of her demonstration, appeared behind Lincoln, tapping him on the shoulder. Once again, Lincoln, scared of Lucy's sudden appearance, screamed and jumped back, landing on the floor. Unable to take two shocks in a row, Lincoln continued to lay on the floor, passed out in shock.

Shaking her head in disapproval, Lucy saw that Lincoln's first lesson here was at its abrupt end.

Needing a break from the hard and trying lessons that he was put through, Lincoln's next teacher would be Luna.

Her approach in giving him superhero skills is met in providing him some basic music lessons, in order to sharpen his finger and hand coordination. By accomplishing this, Luna set him up to learn piano; one of the easiest instruments to learn, but capable of far from the simplest music.

Setting him up with a basic electronic piano, Luna used it first, providing him a demonstration of what he would be performing. Giving him one of the most well-known beginner songs on piano, Luna played a rendition of Euphemia Allen's Chopsticks. As she was skilled in practically every instrument she played, performing the song was no trouble for Luna, having played it numerous times in learning.

When it came for Lincoln to try, however, the task was far more difficult than he was expecting.

Where the past goals were physically tasking in the extreme, this new task was mentally tasking. Barely experienced in the realm of music, staring at the sheet music for the song resembled less of musical notes and more of some manner of gibberish... written in Korean.

Giving the song his best attempt, his rendition came out sounding less of music and more of the results of a rabid monkey bashing against a keyboard, thinking it was its sworn enemy. After giving the piano an undeserved punishment, Lincoln looked to Luna for approval, only to find her staring back with a look of concerned disapproval hidden by an attempted smile, telling him all he needed to know.

And despite the masked disappointment, Lincoln felt it in full.

Finally, as the day came near an end, Lincoln's last lesson was in acrobatics, taught by Lola.

Lola, being the second most physically fit of the family (short of Lynn, of course) to keep her figure well for pageants, was more than versed in tasks like acrobatics, keeping her body slim and limber. As such, her lessons would give him better agility, allowing him better means of avoiding attacks.

Providing a narrow plank elevated off the ground, Lola demonstrated her first lesson, giving Lincoln a goal to shoot for.

Being a girl obsessed with pageants and displaying her full talents, Lola spared no opportunity to show off; performing various flips and backflips, handstands, and splits on the narrow plank. Upon jumping off, Lola patiently awaited her brother to attempt the same, eagerly awaiting his imminent failure to gloat about it.

Giving his first attempt at acrobatics, Lincoln carefully stepped across the plank, trying desperately to keep his balance. Having been taught how to deal with narrow walkways before by Lola herself, the task was fairly easy, but not what he should be aiming for.

Lola, letting out an unamused stare, gave a signal wanting to see him try actual stunts.

Following his sister's order, Lincoln tried for a flip, carefully balancing himself before doing so. Leaping off his feet and flipping his body forward, Lincoln seemed to land the aerial portion correctly, but, speaking of 'land', his efforts at doing so came at a large price.

Or, should I say, two large prices... Or small ones, depending on how you see it.

Rather than land upright on his feet, Lincoln slipped and fell with the plank between his legs, sending his extremities hitting hard wood, and not in the fun way. Feeling his testicles take the blunt of the impact, the two berries made their way back up the tree, looking for a place of safety and security in their time of pain.

Although looking forward to seeing Lincoln suffer, Lola could not stomach the fall he had, instinctively covering her own crotch, despite not having the same equipment.

As the day came to an end, the broken and batter Lincoln crawled his way back into bed, hoping to sleep away the agony and pain that he had suffered. Every injury he had suffered was telling him to give up, and every part of his mind was thinking of as many reasons as he could to follow through on that idea.

However, despite all logic telling him to stop, Lincoln made no such plans to do so.

Ever since he was a boy, he wanted nothing more than to be a superhero; and, here and now, he will do whatever it takes to fulfill his dream. Also, because if he does not, he will fail his summer school project and fail 7th grade, costing him the opportunity to remain with his friends.

Having a long day ahead of himself tomorrow, Lincoln closed his eyes and placed away all thoughts of failure and loss, instead placing them on his imminent victory. Thinking only thoughts of winning and succeeding as a superhero, Lincoln makes his way to sleep, even though the racing thoughts in his head make that task a challenge.

And that attitude stays with him in sleep, soon to follow him in the morning.

-

The next week was much of the same deal; starting with Lynn on strength training, no delay to the harsh conditioning. Just like before, Lincoln was still short of 300 pushups, but came very close. Regardless, most of his sessions ended the same way: With a faceful of sweaty jockstrap. Even though he had faced the smell and taste each time before, never had he gotten used to it.

With Luan, still not much progress was found; not a single good joke or zinger coming from the lips of Lincoln Loud. Despite having great material to work with by way of villain choices, not one line Lincoln threw at the picture could cause Luan nor Mr. Coconuts to laugh, even with the two lowering their standards.

With Lana, Lincoln had finally managed to get the wrench up, even if it were a smaller size than Lana was using. While getting his 8 inches up all by himself, Lana still held high her 14 inches with ease. Being made look to be smaller is one thing, having a sister with one larger is worse. Regardless, although getting his wrench up somewhat easily, wielding it was still too high a challenge.

With Lucy, Lincoln tried once again at stealth; finally managing not to get a heart attack from Lucy's random appearances. Attempting her means of stealth was still a challenge, however; being the master of stealth within the walls of the Loud House, none were sneakier than Lucy Loud, making it look easy. However, Lincoln's attempts ended with him stuck in the shadows, needing Lucy to guide him back out.

With Luna, Lincoln managed to make his way onto using the piano. sounding more like an actual human being behind it and not the aftermath of it being forcibly shoved up someone's anus by a rabid gorilla. Although significant progress was made towards actually managing to play the instrument, he was still off-key, leaving much room for improvement.

With Lola, Lincoln made extremely sure not to land between his legs again, knowing that he would surely suffer a low sperm count later on if this was repeated. He may have managed to keep his gonads unharmed, but his glutes suffered many upon many falls. If he did not absorb the impact as it occurred, his asscheeks would surely be a dark purple from their bruises.

Upon going to sleep, however, he still puts aside all doubts and fears, knowing that he had indeed made progress, and was still not ready to give up on his goal. Closing his eyes and placing all thoughts from his mind, Lincoln readied himself for the next regiment of training.

Once again, he persists on.

-

The following week showed significant improvement, a true testament to his tireless training efforts. Starting with Lynn once again, his pushup count was met in full, reaching the full 300 pushups. Having accomplished just one part of Lynn's exercises, there still lasted much more to be done. Moving onto exercises like planks and pullups, along with a jog around the neighborhood, there still went a long ways to finish.

With Luan, his progress towards making witty comments was still not perfect, but gained some ground. Following lesson after lesson taught by Luan and her powers of observation, watching her numerous stand-up tapes on repeat, there was much Lincoln learned in the way of comedy, giving himself more material to work with. At the moment, he had but old and cliche jokes to work with, but it was still better than naught.

With Lana, Lincoln managed to stand with the 8" wrench, using it against his sister in a duel, like in the early days of mankind when they used clubs to fight one another. Lana, knowing her way around a tool like no other, succeeded in bringing Lincoln on his way to using a weapon, like helping the first neanderthals take their first steps out of the caves. Knowing Lana, of course, she would prefer to stay in the dirty cave.

With Lucy, Lincoln managed to navigate the shadows much more efficiently. The shadows may have hid his figure, but they were not able to conceal his sounds, as his footsteps were still heard quite audibly, and his general clumsiness caused him to knock over various objects within the shadows. In comparison to the deathly silent Lucy Loud, there was still much to do in the ways of completing his goal.

With Luna, Lincoln managed to improve his key, working also on his timing and rhythm. There were many notes still missed and misplayed, but they were still far above average for the typical piano student, showing great promise for the young boy. With 'Chopsticks' relatively comprehended, there were many other songs that Lincoln was ready to learn as well; Luna making sure to teach them all.

With Lola, his acrobatics also saw improvement, partially due to Lola giving her standard authoritarian approach to teaching. Facing major improvements in this area, which means that he fell significantly less, Lincoln found his way to better body flexibility well within his reach. His tricks and flips may have been somewhat amateur, but, being an amateur himself, this was expected, and only expected to get better.

Falling back to sleep that night, the doubt and desire to quit began to fade to a non-existence, with sheer, pure confidence in its place. Returning to bed once again, the only thing that kept Lincoln Loud up was his eagerness to continue in the morning, a minor obstacle against his sleep.

But it is also the thing that motivates him further.

-

Now, on this third and final week, the progress that Lincoln Loud had been making had come by in full, all his efforts paying off the price of a new man.

Starting once again with Lynn, his physical challenges found themselves become challenges only for Lynn, his body able to hold far more energy than hers thanks to his powers. Fulfilling his assigned pushups, pullups, planks, runs, his physical strength was well-developed and proven strong.

Being beaten out in almost every sport and physical activity, from running to kickboxing, any form of ball game, without any sign of fatigue or weakness in the well-known couch potato, the work of Lynn Loud was proven done, with a great accomplishment on her hands.

With Luan, the time for comedy came, with the aforementioned sister sitting in anticipation. Placing a photograph of a light-themed villain for Lincoln to banter with, Luan and Mr. Coconuts watched in eagerness for the insults to be thrown, their standards raised to their highest to judge with. Lincoln, having more than enough insults to throw at the villain, spared not one thought in his head to shoot at this made-up enemy.

"Hey, pal, you seem like a bit dim, like you've got a bad bulb somewhere in there!The electric bill's up, and it's long overdue for you! It's gonna be lights out for you, buddy! Hope this lesson gave you a little illumination! So, tell me, how many of you does it take to change a lightbulb?" Lincoln asked.

More than impressed with the banter thrown at the villain, Luan let out a strong and hysterical laugh, proving that her work was done. Conversely, Mr. Coconuts, being the hard case that he was, gave light praise to Lincoln, but enough of it to signal his approval.

"Eh, not bad, kid. But as long as I'm around, yule always be second best, see?" Mr. Coconuts asked.

"You know, 'yule' refers to firewood. Would you call that remark burning yourself?" Lincoln asked.

"...Dangit. You are good."

With Lana, his skills were not only sharpened with an 8" wrench, and not only a 14" wrench, but had even progressed their way to an 18" wrench; a size that Lana herself could not even wield. Lana had fended off many hostile animals against herself and her own pets in the past, but never before had she faced opposition like Lincoln was giving her.

After being knocked to the ground with one last swing by her brother, it was clear that Lincoln had surpassed his teacher, more than capable of holding his own with a weapon. Once Lincoln helped his sister off the ground, Lincoln and Lana shook hands in joy, followed by a hug with her jumping into Lincoln's arms in pride.

With Lucy, his stealth had reached a near-perfection, something that he had craved for years on how to learn. Sneaking into the shadows, Lincoln's movements were dead silent and completely unseen, hidden to even Lucy herself. The sudden disappearance made her inclined to believe he once again got lost in the shadows, prompting her to look for him again.

Amidst pondering where in the shadows Lincoln might have been, her question was answered with her brother appearing behind her, giving her a fright and falling to the floor, finally giving the frightener a taste of her own medicine. Seeing her student succeed in an area that not many others dealt in, the closest thing to a smile appeared in the corner of Lucy's mouth.

With Luna, Lincoln had not only managed to play all of the beginner songs that Luna had provided him, but moved his way up to some of the most advanced compositions, playing Mozart and Beethoven with ease as though they were games of Guitar Hero.

Luna always had managed to see some decent musical talent among her brother, but never saw it fulfilled in this way before, giving her a sense of pride and a stronger bond with Lincoln than before. Excited over her brother's success, Luna grabbed him in a side-hug alongside the piano chair, congratulating his accomplishment.

With Lola, his acrobatics were at the best they could be for a boy his age; his young age being a perfect condition for performing well. Not only had he managed some of the most difficult tricks and flips on such a narrow piece of walkway, but his performance in doing so was filled with a sense of grace and debonair, making Lola herself jealous.

Ending his performance with a landing light on his feet, Lincoln gave a bow, displaying a sportsmanship to his sole observer. Satisfied and impressed with her brother's work, Lola, keeping a stoic face, rewarded him with an enthusiastic clap, maintaining a debonair appearance to her excitement.

Now, the last of his lessons was complete, and the fun montage scene is over, meaning he's ready to really kick ass.

[Soundtrack Cue End]

-

The next day, it came for Lincoln to face the 'graduation' of the trials that he was put through. While he always enjoyed spending time with his sisters, and always learned from his experiences with them, he never before learned how to apply these skills to his superhero fights.

Now, after acting as an amateur hero to Royal Woods, it came time for Lincoln to make his return to fighting for justice.

"Well, Lincoln, I musht admit, watching this metamorphoshish wash quite the shpectacle." Lisa said.

"Yeah, bra. You're the best around, nothing's ever gonna keep you down." Luna said.

"Dare we say, you aced it. HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it?" Luan asked.

"You did great, Linc, looks like I can't make fun of you for being weak anymore." Lynn said.

"You did fantastic. I'm so proud of you. You can tell by the look on my face." Lucy said.

"Hmph. Not bad. I've seen better, but not many." Lola said.

"Great going, Lincoln. You really came a long ways." Lana said.

"Gee, thanks, guys, I'm just glad that I'll be ready when I get back out there and fight again. I've got a long ways to make up for my failure period. So, Lisa, you got my costume?" Lincoln asked.

"Indeed, and I've made a few alteratshionsh." Lisa said.

Pulling out a remote and pressing a button, Lisa activated a wardrobe behind the group, causing it to open. Upon seeing the contents inside, Lincoln's eyes and mouth went as wide as can be; laying eyes on a brand-new and redesigned Ace Savvy costume.

From out of his mouth, something of an orgasmic squeal could be heard, not unlike a fangirl seeing her favorite actor without a shirt on.

"I've created you a brand-new Acshe Shavvy shuit, with a redeshign created by Lola." Lisa said.

"Anything to help my family stay fabulous." Lola added.

"And, additshionally, I alsho crafted you a new weapon to fight with."

Lisa handed Lincoln a metal baton, holding it to display a button on its side. Lincoln, his curiousity guiding him, pressed the button, showing its purpose to himself and the others. Upon pressing the button, the baton began to expand telescopically on both of its ends, turning into a small staff.

"That fight you had with Icshebreaker gave me an idea. With thish shtaff shlash baton, you can not only ushe the weapon normally, but you can charge it up with energy and ushe it ash a heat-emitting weapon, without having it exshplode. I crafted it out of an alloy made with tungsten, the metal with the highesht melting point on Earth." Lisa said.

"I helped with the blacksmith work." Lana said.

"Yesh, and all for the shmall pricshe of a dog bone, I might add."

"Well, guys, this has been awesome, but I can't stay any longer. I've got my pride to take back, and bad guys to fight. If you'll excuse me, I've got a mission to carry out." Lincoln said.

"We hear you, Linc. Back in the saddle again!" Luna said.

"Uh, no, I'm about to change. Can you guys please leave?"

"Oh, uh, right, we knew that." Lynn said.

Giving Lincoln the means to change in peace, the sisters left Lisa's room, allowing their brother to disrobe and redress with privacy. More than intent on wearing his brand-new Ace Savvy costume, Lincoln had no hesitation jumping out of his clothes, hopping right into the new ones right in front of him.

Zipping up the last zipper on his suit and placing his mask over his face, Lincoln Loud made his way back into the mind to give way to Ace Savvy, the boy now taking on his heroic identity once again. Taking his new baton/staff and placing it on his utility belt, alongside a fresh deck of cards, Ace Savvy jumped out the window to the room, allowing his cape to fly through the air during his descent.

Landing on the ground, absorbing a light charge of energy from the impact, Ace Savvy began making his way into the city, ready to take on whatever laid in wait for him.

-

Meanwhile, within the undisclosed hideout of the 'serious' villains, said supervillains began to grow restless in the confinement of their base, holding back a craving to cause more mayhem and destruction throughout the city. With no one villain able to keep their mind on the mission for another minute, tensions began to grow high, just as their irritation levels were.

"Ugh, goddammit, how much longer do we have to wait on this damn kid to make his way back, already?!" Icebreaker asked.

"Hell if I know. Last time, he came right back the next day. It's been, what, 3 weeks? Decibel, are you sure you didn't kill him?" Nailbomb asked.

"I wish I did. I was this close, you know? I could feel it in my hands." Decibel said.

"Yeah, well, need we remind you that if you had killed him, you'd screw up everything we've been working for... What, nearly 2 years now?" Another supervillain asked.

"Yeah. And where the hell do you get off killing kids, anyway? What are you, The Freak?" A different supervillain asked.

"Hey, don't compare me to that psycho, I don't need this crap! You know, I remember, back in the old days, we had a hero around, we'd just kill the bastard and get on with our lives." Decibel said.

"Well, if you'd actually remember why we're on this little plan, you'd remember that those old days didn't work. You screw this up, we all go down, and we're back to square one. Is that what you want?"

"No, but I'm thinkin' maybe I want to see you go deaf for the rest of your life. Seeing as your outfit looks like shit, you're probably blind already, so I might as well make you the next Anne Frank."

"That's Helen Keller, dumbass. Anne Frank's the girl who hid from the Nazis."

"You'd know, wouldn't you, you Nazi prick?"

"Nazi?! My great-granddaddy fought the Nazis at Normandy, you son of a bitch, I outta-"

"ALL OF YOU, SHUT UP!" The head supervillain shouted.

As the head supervillain's voice echoed through the halls of the building, every dissenting voice instantly died down, none wanting to face the wrath of their leader. The head supervillain, keeping his subordinates in line, gave them a short speech of reassurance, letting them all know that the plan was well underway.

"None of you worry about a thing, the plan's moving along just fine. I've just gotten word that the kid's back in action, and he's making his way downtown now." The head supervillain said.

"Ooh, cool, so, who's next? Me?" One supervillain asked.

"No way, man, I should go next." Another supervillain asked.

"Forget you two, I'm going next." Icebreaker said.

"Are you kidding me? You just had your shot at him!"

"And I almost had him, too. You give me another shot, and I'll-"

"No one is going after him again." The head supervillain said.

"WHAT?! C'mon, boss, please?" Icebreaker asked.

"No. He's not your concern anymore. Now comes the easy part of the plan. Once we get him softened up on these fights, he'll be out of the picture in no time. All we have to do now is just make him quit."

"And how exactly are we supposed to do that, boss?" Nailbomb asked.

Underneath the shadows that covered his face, the head supervillain gave a sly smile, anxious but patiently awaiting the next part of his plan.

"You won't be doing anything. Another hero will take care of it for us." The head supervillain said.

CHAPTER 20: STOLEN THUNDER, PART 1

After suffering a series of defeats and losses, Ace Savvy has returned.

Now, having put himself through 3 weeks of training towards bettering himself as a superhero with the help of his siblings, the time has come to reclaim his title as Royal Woods' official superhero; ready to protect the public from whatever threat may come to its people.

With One-Eyed Jack at his side, the patrols are just as easy as they were before, with the two continuing to march down the streets and lie in wait for any crime or villains that posed a threat to the people of the city. However, as a result of his recent failures, Ace Savvy faced a new opposition, one not too easily defeated, and one not that cannot be defeated by brute force or fights:

The citizens he was sworn to protect.

The losses and failures that he had faced in his recent battles began to take their toll on his public approval: Where he was once a revered and admired superhero, the people turned their heads in disapproval when he walked down the street; a contrast to when they would cheer him on and shout various praises.

This time around, these same people that offered the hero their adoration now only gave him vilification, as if he were never loved in their eyes. Hoping to find one outsider that would offer his praise, Ace Savvy greeted one citizen in passing, offering a cheerful and warm greeting.

"Good morning, citizen. Lovely day we're having, isn't it?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Piss off." The citizen said.

The citizen passed him by, not even bothering to look back. Not understanding how and why anyone could respond to a friendly greeting in such a rude way. Feeling a sense of sadness come over himself, Ace Savvy began to wear a frown over his face, facing regret over his previous defeats.

"Hey, Ace, what's wrong?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"What do you think, Jack? People are starting to hate me now. I screwed up." Ace Savvy said.

"Oh, come on, that's just one bad apple. I mean, you're Royal Woods' first superhero, how can everybody in the town just turn on you like that?"

"Hmm... I guess you're right. Maybe it was just him."

Passing by another citizen during their patrol, Ace Savvy greeted this passerby as well, offering the same demeanor as the past one.

"Lovely day, isn't it, fair citizen?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Loser." The citizen said.

After sharing his rude words, the citizen continued on his way across the city, paying no more mind to the superhero and his sidekick. Once again, Ace Savvy felt his confidence subside even lower, losing his very will to continue on his mission. Once again, however, One-Eyed Jack returned to his side to offer his support.

"Hey, man, forget those guys. You'll be getting some wins under your belt in no time, then they'll all be giving you some praise just like before." One-Eyed Jack said.

"Maybe. If this many people are really starting to hate me, I'm not sure if I can win them back." Ace Savvy said.

"That's only two people. Like they say, third time's a charm, right?"

"Well, I guess so."

Taking One-Eyed Jack's advice, Ace Savvy greeted one more citizen during his patrol, hoping to obtain at least a little bit of praise from the townsgoer. Offering yet another friendly smile and wave, Ace Savvy bid his warmest greeting to the citizen that he could, seeking the feelings to reciprocated.

"Morning, citizen, quite a great day we're having, isn't it?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Oh, hey, you're Ace Savvy, aren't you?" The citizen asked.

"Why, yes, I am. You a fan?"

"No. You suck at fighting bad guys. My grandmother could do a better job than you, and she's been dead for 10 years. Now, beat it, will you?"

Leaving Ace Savvy behind just as the past two did, the citizen continued on his way to whatever affairs he had planned for the day. Humiliated and insulted once again by the very public he was seeking to protect, Ace Savvy began to find his strength dwindled to a minimum; not having the drive to continue patrolling the town.

"Okay, that's it. I'm going home." Ace Savvy said.

"What?! No, man, you can't give up!" One-Eyed Jack said.

"I'm not going to quit, but this clearly isn't the right time for me to come back yet. Everybody hates me. Maybe I should just sit it out until they actually start needing me again."

"Hey, no, man, we're both in this together now. You and I are going to keep on our patrol until something comes along. You just faced off against 3 serious bad guys in a row, there's got to be another one just waiting for you around the corner."

"C'mon, Jack, I'd rather not-"

"Look, don't even worry about that right now. How about we just go get ourselves some coffee?"

"Coffee?"

"Yeah, man, we'll have some coffee together just like partners do. Look, there's a Decent Donuts right here, we'll have some coffee and donuts."

"You think the promise of donuts is going to keep me from going straight home?"

"Yes."

"Well, you're absolutely right, because I love donuts. I'm getting strawberry with sprinkles."

"I'm getting cream-filled."

I could make all kinds of jokes with Clyde's last line, as he has two dads, but I won't, because that's just homophobic. I'm not that evil.

-

Inside the Decent Donuts, a pastiche of a real-world business famous for selling the world's worst donuts and inedible food, continuously proving Krispy Kreme the superior eatery, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack sat themselves down at a small booth to themselves, enjoying a breakfast of donuts and coffee.

Ace Savvy opted for a caramel macchiato filled with mustard and a strawberry iced donut with sprinkles and swiss cheese, fitting to his new and strange tastes that came with his nuclear empowerment, and One-Eyed Jack chose a white chocolate mocha with a cream-filled, chocolate iced donut.

As the two continued enjoying their pastries and caffinated beverages, One-Eyed Jack continued to offer his consolation to his partner, not wishing to see Ace Savvy contemplate giving up the prospect of being a superhero. By means of lifting his spirits, One-Eyed Jack inquired further into Ace Savvy's original desire to be a hero, hoping to remind him of that reason.

"So, Ace, you said the whole reason that you wanted to become a superhero was to feel more complete in your life, right?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"That and getting the summer school project done, but, yeah." Ace Savvy said.

"So don't you feel like if you quit, you'd lose your purpose in life? I mean, could you imagine if Luna gave up music, or Lynn gave up sports, or if Lucy gave up her Satanic rituals?"

"I'd actually prefer if Lucy gave up her Satanic rituals, honestly."

"Why?"

"Have you seen the stuff she does? She's tried to kill or dismember me at least 153 times. The last time she tried it, I was naked and tied to a pentagram, and she held up a knife to my chest and chanted in Latin."

"Oh... Yeah, okay, I can see why you'd want that to stop. But what about everybody else? Can you imagine how their lives would be? They wouldn't live the lives they have now, and probably feel pretty empty. If someone doesn't have something to live for, it starts to make a person crazy."

"Yeah, right. I'm guessing Dr. Lopez gave you that advice?"

"No, that's how my life is with Lori. It's only her I live for."

"Of course. Well, I guess you're kind of right, but that still doesn't make this any easier. How is it that guys like the Green Eye can make being a superhero look so easy, and get people to love him, but comic book nerds like us can suck so bad at it, and get crapped on by everybody? What is he doing that we're not, besides not getting beat up?"

"In fairness, I heard that the Green Eye's not completely human, or something. He can heal from a lot of wounds pretty easily."

"Yeah, well, after that nuclear reactor, I don't think I qualify as 'completely human', either. The powers? You don't have any."

"Oh, on the other hand, Ace, I found out that I do have powers."

One-Eyed Jack took his bottle of painkillers out of his pocket, leaving Ace Savvy to look on in confusion regarding his sidekick's comment.

"Really? What superpowers do you have?" Ace Savvy asked.

"I got it from my painkillers. When we were fighting Icebreaker at the supermarket, I accidentially took more than my perscribed amount, and time started to slow down around me. While you were honing your powers, I was doing the same thing." One-Eyed Jack said.

One-Eyed Jack then emptied a large amount of his painkillers into his hand, subsequently swallowing them with his coffee. As Ace Savvy looked at the bottle to read its ingredients and side-effects, among the listed notes on the pharmesutical bottle was 'DO NOT TAKE WITH CAFFIENE'.

"Uh... Jack, I think you were just overdosing." Ace Savvy said.

"Nonsense, Ace. Hourman gets his powers from his pills, doesn't he?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"Well, yeah, but-"

"And Nuke from Daredevil: Born Again?"

"Yeah, but-"

"And Captain America got super-soldier serum. That's a drug, right?"

"Yeah, Jack, but that doesn't sound like a superhero origin to me. Those perscriptions are precise for a reason, you know. Most doctors tend to know what they're talking about when it comes to side-effects and stuff like that."

"So did the scientists that said superheroes can't actually exist, right? So what do they know?"

Unable to argue his way out of his sidekick's reasoning, Ace Savvy gave up and abandoned the subject.

"Whatever." Ace Savvy sighed.

"At least I'm still able to hang with you, right?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"But we haven't had any real supervillain fights, aside from Icebreaker, and he got away. I just don't know anymore, Jack, I'm starting to have some second thoughts..."

Ace Savvy's voice then faded out of One-Eyed Jack's concentration, replacing itself with another version of itself, etherially heard without speech.

Clyde, can you hear me? 'Ace Savvy's voice' asked.

"Yeah, I can hear you fine." One-Eyed Jack said.

"...Huh?" Ace Savvy asked.

"I said I can hear you fine."

"Uh... Okay, so, as I was saying, this is all stemming from my own emotional problems and feelings of inadequacy by comparing myself to my sisters..."

Ace Savvy's real voice drowned out once more, replaced by the hallucination that One Eyed Jack heard.

Okay, Clyde, listen to me. I only have a short amount of time. I'm contacting you through my past self through telepathic means. 'Ace Savvy's voice' said.

"You're telepathic?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"Uh... no?" Ace Savvy asked.

No, Clyde, you are. It's a power you got from the pills. 'Ace Savvy's voice' said.

"It is?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"Whatever. As I was saying, it just makes me feel all the more pressured to be somebody for the sake of trying to discover myself..." Ace Savvy said.

Listen very carefully, Clyde, what I'm about to tell you will mean the difference for everyone in the future. Adolf Hitler's head has been resurrected by a group of Satanic lesbian vinyl collectors to enforce a new world order in which penises are completely eradicated from society and all people are forced to conform to feminine norms in order to hurt the fast food industry and force them into weight loss programs. There is a secret facility that is resurrecting the corpses of John F. Kennedy, Prince, and Adam West in order to form an all-male squad capable of bringing about the final war of the sexes, which in turn will cause the human race to go extinct in a nonconsensual orgy of death. Your goal is to contact XYX-153 from the planet Qzxylk to obtain an herb that will induce pure happiness and complete understanding in whoever consumes it, containing a biological agent menat ot be used in an experimental Soviet bomb that will increase the average female arousal by 27% and stabilize the population growth. From there, you need to ask the ghost of Alex Trebek how to inhale colors, which you need to do in order to gain the ability to eat planets by breathing in indigo. In the Andromeda galaxy, there is a planet of sentient cheeseburgers with precognitive abilities with plans to turn the nearest black hole into a deep-fryer to cook the universe in and tell the dinner bedtime stories. Also, Lori'll totally marry you and dump Bobby and you'll live happily ever after. You got all that? 'Ace Savvy's voice' asked.

And concurrent with the ending of One-Eyed Jack's hallucination, Ace Savvy concluded his heartfelt speech, leaving his actual words unheard.

"...and if I fail 7th grade, I get held back, and we can't hang out as much anymore. This whole thing is just real hard and difficult to navgavigate. You know what I mean?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Uh-huh. Yeah. I got it all, Ace." One-Eyed Jack said.

"Well, good to know I have at least one real friend. Right now, I don't wanna think about my troubles. I just wanna focus on our donuts and coffee. I mean, we've got ourselves a moment of quiet to ourselves and our treats, and there's nobody around to take it from us. How often do we get to enjoy little luxuries like that?"

As One-Eyed Jack finished his sentence, a large explosion erupted from the front entrance of the Decent Donuts, causing panic to the citizens within. Looking to the destroyed entrance of the donut shop, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack looked upon a trio of supervillains in the doorway, making themselves a dramatic appearance just like every other supervillain as previous did, in true cliche fashion.

"You know, seriously, I'm getting a little tired of these guys blowing up doorways. Can you people not just open a door?" Ace Savvy asked.

Brushing aside his criticism, Ace Savvy waited for the smoke to clear from the area; giving him a view of whatever this new set of supervillains may be. Most importantly, the question lingered over whether or not these 3 would be a competent trio that presented an actual danger, or another group of fools with uninteresting gimmicks and could be dispatched with ease.

Upon finally seeing the supervillains, Ace Savvy found that the result was a mix of the two; leaning towards the latter depending on your point of view.

The leader was dressed in an armored leotard, the one to the left was dressed in a metal bikini, and the one to the right was in a very small tube top and extremely short skirt. If it wasn't particularly clear, every one of these supervillains were female, and, as the final touches on their costumes, each had an insignia based on a vulva on the fronts of their outfits.

"Fear not, women of the world, for we are The Third Wave, and we have come to eliminate the patriarchy of men and bring equality to all females!" The leader said.

Although most customers saw these women as a threat, one pudgy male customer with a video game T-shirt did not, hitting on the new supervillainesses.

"Hey, girls, no need to be so mean, you're all really hot. You just need a prime example of a man to set you girls straight. You wanna come over to my place and play some Minecrap?" The customer asked.

The villainess to the right of the leader kicked the customer to his feet, quickly wrapping her thighs around his neck and crushing with all her might. Unable to breathe under the extreme stress placed on his trachea, the misguided moron of a man choked and gasped for air, gaining very little in his efforts.

"You're a prime example of toxic masculinity. I'll take great pleasure in eliminating you!" The grappling villainess said.

The villainess continued to grip harder down on the stoner's neck, attempting to crush his head and neck with her thighs. With each gasp for breath that her victim took, the villainess found herself gasping heavily as well, feeling the blood rush from her face and her eyes sharpen in pleasure.

"God... I'm so hard right now..." The customer choked.

While the customer shared what a chunk of the male readers are probably experiencing right now (and some female ones, to kink-shame everyone equally), Ace Savvy rose from his seat, not able to allow the supervillainess to take the man's life. Tossing a card towards the supervillainess, she released her grip in surprise, allowing the customer to escape and catch his breath again.

"You know, I admit the donuts aren't the best here, but I don't think the patrons deserve to take the complaints." Ace Savvy said.

"So, you must be this 'Ace Savvy' we've heard of, and this must be your sidekick, One-Eyed Jack." The leader said.

"That's us. And you are?"

"Ladies, care to show these boys who we are?"

The three supervillainesses aligned themselves as one group again, preparing themselves to give a coordinated and coreographed entrance to their appearance. Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack, not knowing what they were in for, watched with caution, waiting if some form of attack would come of it.

But what follows instead is an introduction from the supervillains, set to a shitty pop 40 song from a decade ago you used in your half-assed AMV when you were 14.

[Soundtrack Cue: Fergie feat. will.i.am - Fergalicious]

The supervillainess to the right, the one who had apprehended the stoner and garbed in the bikini, began the show; perfoming a striptease-esque dance, but with out any actual stripping. Performing a dance on the floor, involving much grinding against the ground, the supervillainess grabbed a nearby wodden chair with her legs, crushing it in under the strength of her muscular thighs.

Moving herself off the floor, the supervillainess struck a pose with her hand around the biceps of her raised arm, a fist enclosed in it.

"I am... Vagina Vendetta!" The supervillainess said.

The supervillainess to the left, the one clad in the tube top and skirt, began her performance, moving up against a support beam and giving a pole dance on it.

While dancing against the pole, the supervillainess also grinded herself against the object, showing a serious case of sexual repression amongst the group. More worthy of attention than this, however, was her ability to grip the pole without any use of her hands; her pelivs and pubis showing clear signs of superhuman strength.

Finishing her own performance, the supervillainess struck a similar pose to Vagina Vendetta's, but mirrored against hers to lean against the lead supervillainess.

"I am... Power Pussy!" The supervillainess said.

The lead supervillainess, being left to finish the performance, turned her back to the heroes, then bent over backwards to display her rear end in full. Moving down to the floor, the supervillainess flipped back over, spreading her legs wide open and aggressively thrusting her hips in the air, showing perhaps the most repression among the 3.

Finally, the lead supervillainess rose up off the ground, standing tall with her fists on her hips.

"I am... Commander Clitoris! And we..." The supervillainess said.

The three supervillainesses lines themselves up with their poses, coming to pose as one team.

"...ARE THE THIRD WAVE!" The three said.

[Soundtrack Cue End]

As the demonstration came to its end, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack stood in a state of confusion and shock, not sure what to make of the trio of supervillainesses. Being well aware of his current status as a fictional character in some dickhead's fanfiction, Ace Savvy voiced his concerns about how these characters would be taken by the reader.

"Oh, boy. I hope the writer's ready for the vast amounts of angry messages and trashing on Tumblr. Or, wait Tumblr's dead... I don't know, whatever the equivalent for it is these days." Ace Savvy said.

"Now, boys, you two are obviously young, so perhaps you can be saved. Bow down and kiss my feet, like a man should, and we'll spare you." Commander Clitoris said.

Not sure what to do in this situation, Ace Savvy consulted with his sidekick, hoping to find an easy solution to his problem.

"Uh, Jack, what should we do?" Ace Savvy asked.

"What do you think we should do? We should go and give those 3 a taste of justice, that's what." One-Eyed Jack said.

"But, I mean, is it sexist to hit them, or is it more sexist not to hit them? I mean, I don't see how we could come out of this looking-"

"Lincoln, I normally try to shtay out of your affairsh until you require my shupport, but, ash a woman, or, at leasht, a girl, shut up and fight them." Lisa said.

"Uh... Okay."

Putting aside his confusion over double standards and facing back against the 3 supervillanesses, Ace Savvy charged a set of cards in his hand.

"Not a chance. The only one who's gonna be kissing anything is you kissing the ground when I send you to jail." Ace Savvy said.

"I should have guessed you would be too Ladies, show them just how strong women really are!" Commander Clitoris said.

Beginning their attacks, Vagina Vendetta and Power Pussy began rushing towards the superheroes, aiming to down and subjugate the two. Having pushed himself through a series of training and self-improvement, Ace Savvy welcomed the attacks, preparing a few of his own.

Tossing a set of cards towards his enemies, Ace Savvy landed impact on both his targets, seeing his weeks-long training paying off in his aim and power control. The cards, only lightly powered, did not kill either target, only sending the two on their backs as intended.

"Ugh... You literally just raped me!" Power Pussy said.

"Wh-What?! No, I- What?!" Ace Savvy asked.

"So, you think that, just because you're a man, you're entitled to our bodies, do you?" Vagina Vendetta asked.

"Uh, no?! What the hell are you talking about?"

"GET THEM!" Power Pussy said.

Before Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack could even finish processing the insane accusation that they were faced with, Vagina Vendetta and Power Pussy subdued the two; grasping their legs and thighs around their necks. While One-Eyed Jack was knocked out from oxygen deprivation in mere seconds, Ace Savvy was harder to subdue, having more than enough physical training to increase his lung capacity.

"Look at his accomplice. Dressed in drag of stereotypical feminine wear, straight out of a man's gender role books. If he wasn't already black, he might as well have put on blackface and put on a minstrel show with how offensive his garb is." Power Pussy said.

"You're a hard one to take down. All that testosterone has made you far too violent. I think, with a steady diet of soy, and maybe a castration, we can make you a nice, little, behaved boy. You can be like a little puppy for us." Vagina Vendetta said.

"You're such an unbelievable straw feminist of a character... Are you sure you're not from a Disney cartoon?" Ace Savvy choked.

Acting to save himself from the deathly grip that he was stuck in, Ace Savvy leaned his legs up to Vagina Vendetta's neck, grabbing it with his feet. Enacting his own leg strength in the fight, Ace Savvy threw the supervillainess off, forcing her to release her grip on him.

Upon catching his breath again, Ace Savvy prepared his baton, ready to finish the fight.

"Alright, that's it. Time for some real equal treatment." Ace Savvy said.

Moving to save One-Eyed Jack from his captivity in the legs of Power Pussy, Ace Savvy landed the baton in the face of the sueprvillainess, forcing her to release her grip and cover her face in pain. After placing his unconscious sidekick out of harm's way, Ace Savvy prepared himself to face against the two supervillainesses alone, readying his baton to its staff form.

Acting as one, Power Pussy and Vagina Vendetta both teamed up against the superhero, hoping that numbers would be on their side. As Vagina Vendetta made her made her attack, Ace Savvy transmitted a small amount of power to his staff, preparing to send it towards the oncoming enemy next.

Upon making impact with the approaching Vagina Vendetta, Ace Savvy sent her flying against a wall; the power transmitting itself through the staff to disperse on the villainess. Now, with one enemy down, there remained the other; left to deal with Power Pussy next.

Power Pussy, moving to avenge her fallen teammate, began making an attack of her own, reaching out towards Ace Savvy. As Ace Savvy prepared his staff to use against the oncoming Power Pussy, his staff found its way into her hands; the villainess trying to take it from him in a vertical tug-of-war.

With another surge of power sent towards his staff, the heat emitted from the metal rod began searing into the hands of Power Pussy, forcing her to scream in pain and release her grip. Having delivered another powered blow to the other supervillainess, Ace Savvy downed her as well, leaving him against the leader of the pack.

Commander Clitoris, left on her own with her other two teammates defeated, sought to handle the affair on her own, having no choice but to do so now. Readying herself a whip, Commander Clitoris prepared to face off against Ace Savvy herself; aiming to down the spade-spannered hero once and for all.

"Just like you men. You think you deserve to rule over women and run everything yourselves, don't you?" Commander Clitoris asked.

"Hey, lady, I've got 10 sisters. There's nobody on Earth that's more for women than me. But being anti-men doesn't make you pro-women, it just makes you a bad person." Ace Savvy said.

"Mansplaining won't get you anywhere, boy. Right now, I'm going to make herstory with your defeat, and-"

Before Commander Clitoris could finish her own sentence, the ceiling began collapsing on the two, causing the entire shop to fall into further chaos.

As the dust settled down, the cause of the collapse ceiling made its appearance; all eyes gazing upon the new figure. This new figure revealed itself to be a new superhero; dressed in a sliver one-piece suit and cape, and sporting a well-shaped face with a clean haircut.

Where many seemed not too caring towards Ace Savvy, even though he was fighting for the citizens within and doing so much more effectively than before, this new figure seemed to be catching many looks and gazes of astonishment, with many instantly cheering at his appearance.

"Did someone call for a hero?" The superhero asked.

At his short, simple, and somewhat uncreative entry, the entire shop cheered for this new hero; his charisma more than paying off his flat line. Taking note of the reactions of the crowd, Ace Savvy began voicing his own complaints towards the hero, finding it to be infringing on his own battle.

"Uh, excuse me, I've got this handled just fine, can you-" Ace Savvy tried to ask.

"Stand aside, fair citizen, I've got to give this misandrist a true sense of equality." The superhero said.

"But that's what I was just-"

Ignoring the pleas of Ace Savvy, the superhero flew towards Commander Clitoris and landed a punch to her face, sending her straight to the ground in defeat. Not only was she unable to pick herself up off the ground, but Commander Clitoris also found her will to fight back dwindling.

Looking back at the superhero, all her sense of resistance and anger subsided to nothing, finding herself too caught up in the face of the superhero to fight back. Whether this result was simply from his unnaturally handsome appearance, or perhaps some other superpower resulting from the silver sparkles around his eyes and mouth, the result is ultimately the same.

"Oh, my... You're a handsome one, aren't you?" Commander Clitoris asked.

"I tend to get that a lot. Unfortunately, you've just broken the law and attacked helpless citizens, and you must face punishment for your crimes." The superhero said.

"Oh, yes, of course. I don't know what on Earth I was thinking to resist you like that. I'm so sorry."

"That's quite alright. We all have the permission to make mistakes, my dear; it's called learning."

With Commander Clitoris surrendering to the new superhero, the threat in the Decent Donuts had finally ended, having left all the citizens inside safe and sound. Sharing their gratitude for the efforts of the superhero, the citizens all cheered in ecstacy, giving their new hero a heaping amount of praise.

Around this time, One-Eyed Jack woke from his sleep, finally regaining his consciousness. Having missed the majority of the battle at hand, the sidekick found himself left confused to the large praise going to someone other than Ace Savvy, and who this new entry was.

"Uh... What happened? Did we win?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"No. This guy just stole our win." Ace Savvy said.

"Really? And who's this guy?"

One female citizen among the shopgoers approached the new superhero, preparing to ask that same question. Looking into the eyes of the well-dressed and shiny superman, this citizen found that very simple task extremely difficult; finding his eyes to have a sparkle that caught her in a web of enamoration.

"Buh... Buh... Buh..." The citizen stammered.

"Something wrong, fair citizen?" The superhero asked.

"Uh... Who are you?"

"Me? Oh, nobody special, really. I'm a guy who likes truth, freedom, justice, and the American way. My name is... The Silver Sentinel."

-

Less than an hour later, the police arrived to pick up the captured members of The Third Wave, taking the supervillainesses to jail and move them out of mind of the citizens. While the sight of seeing them taken away was a sight of levity, what really laid on the minds of the citizens was the appearance of the new superhero that had made his appearance in Royal Woods:

The Silver Sentinel.

Just like every other main event that involved super-crime in the city, the press was quick to report on the scene, with Katherine Mulligan being present to report on the affair. The Silver Sentinel, having just finished off the last bits of resistance from the villains, stayed for an interview with the reporter, still retaining his shiny and friendly demeanor.

Katherine Mulligan, on the other hand, hid her arousal with a bitten lip and grinding legs, attempting to hide her wettening crotch.

"Thank you, Carl, I'm standing outside the Decent Donuts on Shropshire Street, where, just moments ago, a group of 3 feminist supervillains calling themselves The Third Wave made an attack, threatening all the male consumers in the shop. This act was soon defeated by the efforts of a brand-new superhero making his appearance in Royal Woods. I have him here with me; his name is the Silver Sentinel. Tell me, Mr. Sentinel, how did you defeat these dangerous foes?" Kathrerine Mulligan asked.

"Oh, nothing much, I just did what any other responsible person would have done in that situation, you know? I couldn't just stand by and watch my fellow citizens fall victim to any supervillains like that." The Silver Sentinel said.

"That is simply, amazing, Mr. Sentinel. Tell me, do you plan to stay here in Royal Woods long?"

"Oh, but of course; it's a lovely little town with plenty of good people like yourselves. And, of course, I've got to make sure it's safe for everyone in it. I just couldn't bear the thought of a pretty little thing like you in danger."

"Could you bear the thought of a dinner date with me, say, tonight at 8?"

"I'm quite flattered, Ms. Mulligan, but I'm a married man. If it's all the same to you, I've got more crime to fight elsewhere. Catch you some other time?"

"Oh, most definitely. Well, there you have it folks, The Silver Sentinel is here in Royal Woods, he's here to stay, and he's made a huge impact by defeating 3 supervillains all on his own."

Wishing to address his lack of credit, Ace Savvy approached the reporter, expressing his concerns over the full credit that the Silver Sentinel wrongly received.

"Uh, hey, aren't you forgetting about me?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Hey, kid, this is a news report, will you go away?" Kathrine Mulligan asked.

"What?! I'm not some kid, it's me, Ace Savvy. You know, Royal Woods' first superhero? You reported on me a month ago?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes, I remember. That was so yesteryear. What do you want?"

"You do know that I beat two of those supervillains before that guy swooped in and took the third one, right?"

"Really? Because, in the recent reports, you lost to the last 3 supervillains you fought. Do you really expect us to believe that you actually beat any of these ones?"

"Look, I screwed up with those guys, but I went through some training and got better. I'm telling you, I beat those first two before he came by."

"Mmm-hmm. I see. Well, there you have it, folks. Local vigilante named Ace Savvy has just attempted to steal credit from the victory of the Silver Sentinel and claim it for his own. It seems that the failing superhero of Royal Woods has reached a new low in his career."

Angered that the media was not believing him by trying to reclaim his title, Ace Savvy felt a strong desire to toss several explosive cards towards the reporter and her cameraman, but resisted to the best of his ability, knowing that this would only further tarnish his reputation. In a fit of humiliation and anger, Ace Savvy stormed off, looking to get to the source of the problem.

Just before the Silver Sentinel could fly off to wherever he may go next, Ace Savvy stopped the silver superman before he could leave, wishing to take his concerns to the hero himself. Grabbing at his cape and tugging against it in frustration, Ace Savvy voiced his immediate feelings towards the new superhero.

"Hey, silver guy! You do realize that you just stole credit for my supervillains, right?" Ace Savvy asked.

Mistaking the young Ace Savvy for a young fan, the Silver Sentinel pulled out a piece of paper and began signing it, handing the autograph to the costumed boy.

"Oh, of course, young man, here you go. I love your costume, by the way. That's a great Ace Savvy costume, did you make it yourself?" The Silver Sentinel asked.

Ace Savvy swatted away the autograph, not amused by being seen as a young fan.

"I'm not dressed as Ace Savvy. I'm the Ace Savvy. You know, the real-life one that fights supervillains in Royal Woods?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Oh, you're Ace Savvy? The one who beat Lars Rodriguez?" The Silver Sentinel asked.

"Yeah. I was about to take down that last supervillain, and you stole my win. Now, the press is saying that you beat them all, when you really showed up for the last one. What gives?"

"Actually, I was hoping to talk to you about that, and I'm glad I was able to meet you myself. How old are you, son?"

"12."

"Well, you're 12 years old, don't you think that this is dangerous business for someone your age?"

"No. I have superpowers, I can handle myself."

"I had heard that you had lost to about 3 different supervillains before I got here."

"I got better, and, like I said, I took down those two myself. If you hadn't shown up, I would've handled the last one."

"Are you sure? And what if you hadn't? Don't you think someone would've gotten hurt?"

"If I didn't try, then everyone would've gotten hurt. If you're really a superhero, I think you, of all people, would know that."

"Son, I'm experienced in this field. You're just a kid, you have a lot to learn about the world before you're ready for anything like that."

"Spare me the pep talk. Now, answer the question, what are you doing taking my fights?"

"Well, ever since I saw you fail to stop those other supervillains, I came to take care of things myself."

"Look, I appreciate the help, but it's not necessary. I can call you if I need your help."

"You misunderstand, son. I'm not here to help you. I'm here to take over for you. If you can't do the job, then I will."

The Silver Sentinel, finishing the last of his sentence, took off to the skies, presumably working towards another set of supervillains to battle. Ace Savvy, having been left with a bad taste in his mouth and a newfound rival in the realm of fighting crime, it was clear that his path as a superhero was only going to get more difficult from here.

One-Eyed Jack, having went back to save their donuts and coffee, returned with said items, hoping it would lift their spirits. Offering the coffee and donut to Ace Savvy, One-Eyed Jack sought after a warmer response from his partner with the food, but found no luck in doing so.

"C'mon, man, it's not that bad. We've still got our donuts." One-Eyed Jack said.

"I lost my appetite, Jack. Right now, we've got bigger problems than supervillains and my summer school project." Ace Savvy said.

"We do?"

"Yeah. Now, after people think that I can't do the job, this new guy's come in to steal my job."

"Oh, c'mon, I don't think-"

"He just said it to my face."

"Oh... Crap. Well, what can we do?"

"There's only one thing to do in a time like this, Jack. If people are starting to think we can't do the job, we'll just have to keep at it and prove them wrong. More importantly, with this guy out for my job, we'll have to seek out how to remove him from the picture."

And, so, with that last thought lingering in his head, their now laid the concers of what would be done about this new superhero, and how he would gain his popularity back. For now, Ace Savvy decided to make his way back home, thinking over the ways in which he would accomplish this new goal.

Will he find the strength and the means to overcome his dwindling popularity and win back the hearts of the people of Royal Woods?

Or will this new superhero drive him out for good and take his throne as the official superhero of Royal Woods?

Eh, hell if I know, I just work here. But, you'll keep reading, anyways, it's not like you have anything better to do with your life.

CHAPTER 21: STOLEN THUNDER, PART 2

For the many cities that house their own superheroes, there is always one who is held higher than the rest; marked as the 'official' superhero of said town.

For the city of Hillwood, it is the Green Eye, the one who had begun the legacy of superheroes in the United States.

For Ocean Shores, it is the group of 4 known as Rocket Power, if they count as superheroes.

Once, the city of Royal Woods had claimed Ace Savvy as theirs.

With a defeat of the fugitive known as Lars Rodriguez under his belt, it seems that his career as a superhero was only destined to get better. His success did not seem to last very long, however, as he quickly found the path of a superhero is harder to walk than one would think.

The boy under the mask, Lincoln Loud, understood that he was not entirely ready for the task he had taken, but all too late.

His enthusiasm was high, but he was completely unprepared, and suffered the consequences. Having suffered some heavy defeats under supervillains like Nailbomb and Decibel, and failing to capture Icebreaker, his public opinion began to dwindle, leaving him to be villified by the very people he was sworn to protect.

Now, after an extensive period of training provided by his sisters, Lincoln Loud was finally ready to take on the challenge of protecting the people of Royal Woods again. Unfortunately, due to his previous failed attempts, he found that it may have been all too late to save his reputation; the people turning their heads to him. On top of this, Lincoln had faced a totally new opposition:

A rival superhero called the Silver Sentintel.

Having his most recent battle and win stolen from him by the aforementioned rival, Ace Savvy found the heart to continue his patrols gone, choosing to end the day by returning home. Shedding his costume and heading back inside his house, Lincoln opened the door to find a majority of his sisters greeting him to offer their sympathies over his stolen credit.

"Hey, bro, we heard about how that Silver Sentinel guy stole your kill. We're real sorry." Luna said.

"Yeah, don't worry, this day could have a silver lining. HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it?" Luan asked.

"Luan, not now."

"Oh, right, sorry."

"I can't believe that they were all over him and not you. Do you have ANY idea how much work I put into that costume?!" Lola asked.

Luna gave Lola a disciplinary look, reminding her that their focus was meant to be on Lincoln.

"Er, and, uh, it sucks that they gave him all the credit, too." Lola said.

"You totally had those crazy women. Where'd this guy even come from?" Lynn asked.

"I've been doing shome exshtenshive reshearch on thish new shuperhero. It sheemsh that the Shilver Shentinel has made shomewhat of a name for himshelf in the shcity of Monopolish, but apparently deshcided to relocate here." Lisa said.

"But why? Wasn't there enough crime to fight there?" Lana asked.

"Not for long. From what I read, it sheems that he, like many other shuperheroesh, took to to proshpect of relocashtion after defeating all hish enemiesh. In other wordsh, onshce he beat all hish shupervillainsh, he went looking for new onesh, and it sheemsh that he picked here."

"But why here? Wouldn't he want to go somewhere where there's actual crime to fight?"

"He told me why he came here. Apparently, he thinks that I'm not good enough to do the job myself, so he's here to do it for me." Lincoln said.

"Really? Why would anyone think that about you? You're a great superhero!"

"Most of the bad guys I fought were idiots, and the ones that weren't beat me up. Before you guys gave me training, I sucked, and now it's coming back on me."

"But shurely you fashced no difficultiesh dishpatching the Third Wave?" Lisa asked.

"No. With you guys giving me pointers and training, I got a lot better, and I would've had it if he hadn't shown up."

"Then perhapsh the besht way to be rid of him ish to prove hish shentimentsh wrong. If the public sheesh that you are indeed capable of handling yourshelf, then perhapsh you will win them back."

"Maybe. Right now, though, I just want to get some rest. I'm real tired after all that work."

Lincoln prepared to make his way upstairs, hoping to rest off the large amount of stress accumulated from his efforts and sleep away his own troubles. Before making his way back to his room, Luna stopped him for one last note, pertraining to yet another trouble on his list.

"Hey, Lincoln, one more thing. Ronnie Anne called again asking for you. She said that she had something important to tell you." Luna said.

"Oh, uh... Right." Lincoln said.

"So... You're gonna call her, right?"

"Yeah, uh... Sometime later."

Trying to be as short and quick with his answers as possible, Lincoln continued his way up the stairs as discreetly as possible, hoping to avoid the topic as much as possible. The sisters, despite their best efforts, still could not reach Lincoln in trying to talk to him about Ronnie Anne, knowing that he would not speak to her for some unspecified reason.

"Is it me, or is he really avoidant of Ronnie Anne?" Lynn asked.

"No, it's not just you. I don't get why he's acting like this. Ever since he went out with Stella that one time, he's put all his focus on her and away from Ronnie Anne." Luna said.

"Perhapsh he no longer holdsh a romantic interesht in Ronnie Anne?" Lisa asked.

"Gee, I sure hope not. I mean, how's it all gonna work out when he hears that Ronnie Anne's-" Lana began to say.

Before Lana could finish her sentence, the collective of sisters all leaned in and shushed her, none wanting to reveal the secret too early. With a house with thin walls and poor maintenance, privacy is a hard thing to maintain, and any secrets that exist must be protected at all costs.

"Shh! Lana, we don't want to spoil it, remember? Ronnie Anne said that she wants to say it herself." Lynn said.

"Oh, yeah, right. I forgot." Lana said.

-

Meanwhile, Lincoln made his way up to his room, closing the door behind him and throwing his backpack on the bed, allowing the costume inside to spill out. Just like he always does with his own problems, trying to put them aside in another way, Lincoln turned to you, the reader/viewer, to try to vent them out, as if you were too dumb to figure out the conflict on your own.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say he loves doing this just because he loves the sound of his own voice.

"Figures that my big return turns out like this. After I lost to Nailbomb, people were all starting to crap on me, and, after letting this guy get away, I can't help but feel like that people are still gonna trash me for this, too. Even though I beat the guy, people are probably still going to side with the store owner, saying that it was my fault Icebreaker was there in the first place. I mean... is it? Was this whole thing a good idea? I don't know. All my sisters, with the things they love, they do what they do and make it look easy. Luna's a great musician, Lynn's a great athlete, Lana's a great mechanic, and so on. Was I wrong? Is this not what I'm supposed to be? I thought that I wanted to do this and become who I was supposed to be, but I didn't think it'd be this hard. After all that, I get myself back into shape, working so hard to get myself better, and I end up getting upstaged by some shiny superman who only gets the all the attention because he looks handsome. What about me, huh? I put in my work, why aren't I seeing results from it?" Lincoln asked.

Contemplating all the events that had unfolded during his career as Ace Savvy, Lincoln looked to his costume as it laid out on the bed, thinking over where it was all going. After taking a look at the costume as it laid out, Lincoln leapt on his bed, landing on it face-first.

"And now, on top of all that, I'm still getting harped on by my sisters to talk to Ronnie Anne, and I... Look, you might not get it, but I just don't think it can work. I can't just keep talking with someone over a computer and hope it leads further. How much further can it get through a computer screen, and how could anything happen at all with my sisters, and, now, this crazy guy writing the story to force me into it? Well, at least I haven't heard from the writer or his self-insert in a while." Lincoln said.

"Did you call?" The Guy asked.

Startled from the sudden appearance of The Guy showing up on his bed, Lincoln gave a shout and jumped off his bed, landing on the floor. Having been forced to meet with the edgelord creation of the moron writing this crap based on a kid's show (A.K.A. me), Lincoln's fear quickly changed to a strong annoyance.

"Oh, great. What do you want?" Lincoln asked.

"Nothing. I just wanna talk. You probably could use a little dialogue to work out your character, right?" The Guy asked.

"Well... I guess so."

"Alright, then, lay it on me. What troubles you, my good friend?"

"Well, I don't know if I'd go so far as to call you a 'friend', considering what you forced me through with my sisters, but, if you're connected to the writer, then you know that what's troubling me is the new superhero you threw in the mix to steal my thunder. What's with that? Do you not want me to be a superhero?"

"Of course we do, but nobody can just wake up and be a hero. It's a lot of hard work. You think the other heroes in this shared universe like the Green Eye or Rocket Power got where they are by doing nothing?"

"I guess not."

"Yeah, of course not. It's about challenges and growth. Tell me, you familiar with evolution?"

"Kind of. Though the show never says, there's a good chance my family's canonically religious, maybe heavily so with the 11 kids, but, I guess, if you're in charge, then that's not the case."

"Right you are, but that's not the point. Listen, you know what evolution is, right? A life form changing to survive and fit in its environment?"

"Yeah."

"Well, why do you think they change?"

"Because... if they don't, they die?"

"True, but what is it that makes them change?"

"Survival instinct?"

"Not quite. It's the environment that makes them change. A fish at sea level is suited to live in its environment; it lives in a moderate amount of sea pressure and it may not have that many predators, only just enough to keep it reproducing enough to retain its lineage. Now, imagine that this same fish goes deeper into the ocean depths. It's in a new environment now; heavier sea pressure, new and different predators, and a change in diet. It's somewhere completely new. From there, it has two options. The first option is to just give in and die. If it just says 'I can't make it', then it won't, and its lineage is over. The second option is to strive and adjust to its environment, to change its entire lifestyle to survive in its environment. And, eventually, when it starts reproducing, its offspring will take on a few new traits to survive in this environment, and they'll only get more and more suited with each generation."

"Is there a point to this pseudo-biology lesson?"

"There is. The point is, you're the fish, and, this whole get up the writer's making, that's the environment. He's trying to make you suited for the environment that he needs you to be suited for."

"But why is he doing this? Wasn't my show good enough; light-hearted humor, wholesome messages, a sense of family for those who have none? Why does it all need to be a superhero story?"

"Hell if I know. I might be his self-insert, but I ain't him. The guy's mind works at a million miles per hour, seeing things from every angle, working out every possibilty through his head and working out the solution he wants. Why he wants what he wants I don't know, but, if you just pull through this, you just might get to see what the plan is. So, for the sake the story, will ya stick around and see how it plays out?"

"Why not? It's not like I have a choice in the matter. After all, if I don't, you'll just make one of my sisters sexually torture me, right?"

"That's right, and I haven't even gotten to the baby yet."

"Lily?! Really?! You'd go that far?!"

"Maybe, maybe not. That all depends on how well you cooperate. Anyways, I think I served my purpose, you've probably got it from here. I'm gonna go away now."

The Guy then disappeared; leaving no sign of his presence.

While the character may have temporarily left the story, his words did not leave Lincoln, leaving him to linger on the concepts shared with him. Underneath his pragmatics and metaphors, Lincoln found some courage to continue on his path of being a superhero, dedicated once again to win the hearts of the people back.

While he may have his courage now, however, he does not yet feel ready to continue right at this moment, even though the hour still sat near noon.

Needing to relax after the hard work put into his day, Lincoln sought to hang out with a friend to spend the remainder of his day. Taking out his cell phone, Lincoln looked through his contacts to find someone else to spend time with, but stopping upon seeing the amount of missed calls he had accumulated.

Just as his sisters had mentioned, Ronnie Anne had made numerous calls to him, as well as an assortment of repetitive texts and voicemails. Not having spoken to her in quite some time now, especially not after leaving the hospital, her persistence would only continue to grow, and her calls would have eventually have to be answered.

For now, however, Lincoln chooses to ignore them again, still not having the heart to speak to her about his current status. Instead, Lincoln elected to call the linchpin that changed the affair (emphasis on 'affair'), Stella, hoping to arrange another date with the new girl in his life.

As much as he did enjoy their new dates, hoping that it would continue to lead to something higher, Lincoln still held his fear of how he was to share this infidelity with Ronnie Anne, if it indeed was. After all, with neither party particularly looking for new dates since their separation, it seemed that their relationship was still intact, albiet reduced to long-distance.

Putting this aside for now, Lincoln pressed the 'call' button, awaiting Stella's response. After a few seconds of waiting, the other line picked up, with Stella answering.

"Hey, Link, what's up?" Stella asked.

"Hey, Stella, you, uh, you wanna hang out?" Lincoln asked.

"Sure. I was just thinking about heading to the Burpin' Burger for some lunch, you wanna meet there?"

"Yeah, sure, that sounds great."

"Awesome. See you there, Link."

Hanging up the phone, Lincoln proceeded to make his way out the door, ready to meet with Stella at the Burpin' Burger for a shared lunch together. The sisters, under the impression that Lincoln would be resting, found his seemingly spontaneous action to leave quite strange.

"Uh, hey, Lincoln, didn't you say you were gonna rest?" Lynn asked.

"Not tired anymore. Got something to do, see you later." Lincoln said.

With Lincoln heading out the door and out of their line of sight, the sisters began to question into the new relationship status between him and Stella.

"You know, he's been spending a lot of time with Stella and brushing off Ronnie Anne lately. Do you think maybe he's-" Lola began to say.

Before Lola could finish her sentence, a light headache came over her, stopping her before she could complete her words and letting out a groan. While giving her temples a rub to try to relieve the pain, the others inquired her actions, not knowing the context behind her sudden display.

"Hey, Lola, what's wrong?" Lana asked.

"Ugh, I don't know. I just got a really bad headache, like I was supposed to remember something." Lola said.

"Oh, really? Was it, perhaps, a tea party with Hops and Izzy?"

Lana pulled the aforementioned pets, a frog and a lizard, respectively, preparing to place both on her twin sister. Less than interested in having a pair of slimy creatures lay on her pamped skin, Lola screamed and ran away, trying to avoid the touch of the animals.

"AHH! GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU GROSSHOG! Aw, where's Lori when you need her?!" Lola shouted.

-

In a slight detraction from the focus of the Louds, allow us to turn our attention from Royal Woods to Great Lakes City, where the aforementioned Lori Loud currently resides with her fiancee, Bobby Santiago. Where Lori may be away from her family following her graduation, she is not short of being part of any large or loud family, finding her stay with the Casagrandes much of the same ordeal.

However, at the current moment, all is quiet for the young woman, both in the area around her and in her own voice.

Rather than speak her troubles aloud, Lori deals with an internal struggle on her own, not finding any drive to share it with others. Where she would spend a good amount of time texting or indulging in some other vapid means of entertainment, Lori finds the drive to do naught but lay on the couch; laying on her stomach.

In the midst of laying alone on the couch, Lori felt a foreign entity make its way on her back, slowly rolling its way up to her neck and eventually to her head. Not knowing what this strange object was, Lori watched in anxiety as this object made its way near her face, finally giving her a sight of what this object was.

Seeing the object as it hung in front of her face, Lori instantly recognized what it was, more than familiar with her previous use of it. Seeing the pink shaft hang in front of her, Lori gave a hard blush, looking to see who would have found this private toy which she once thought safe and secure.

As Lori turned around to face who was holding her toy, she found Bobby standing over her, letting out a laugh as he caught a view of the expression she gave off after seeing him. While Bobby took pride in his own silly prank on his fiancee, Lori was not too amused, wishing that no one would ever find that particular item of hers again.

"Bobby, what are you doing with that?" Lori asked.

"I was looking for some clean underwear when I found this in with it. I'm flattered that you named it after me." Bobby said.

Too embarassed to face her fiancee after seeing him hold that particular object, Lori laid back on her stomach again, facing away from the item.

"Damn it, I thought I threw that thing out." Lori said.

"What? Babe, I don't care if you have one of these, it's actually kind of hot." Bobby said.

"It's not that, Lincoln found it once and thought it was a lightsaber... and it resulted in my whole family finding out I had that. I can't even look at it without thinking about that day again."

"Oh, man, everybody found out about it?! Babe, you gotta tell me more, that's funny."

"No, Bobby, I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, c'mon, babe, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring that up. Look, how about we forget about that and go get some deep dish pizza?"

"I'm not hungry right now, and that's not the problem."

"Then what's the problem? C'mon, talk to me, what's the problem?"

Lori buried her head against the cushioning of the couch, refusing to share what was troubling her.

Acting as the concerned husband-to-be, Bobby began rubbing her shoulders, trying to elicit a few answers, but found his efforts unrewarded. Realizing that he would not find a result with this line of coaxing, Bobby tried for a more humorous approach to get answers.

Standing in front of the couch, Bobby turned on the toy, feeling it vibrating in his hand, pretending that it was indeed a lightsaber. To add to the illusion that the toy was a lightsaber, Bobby deepened his voice and began quoting a few famous lines from the movie in which lightsabers were concieved.

"I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner, now I am the master." Bobby said.

Despite how hard she resisted, Lori could not help but laugh at his antics, letting out a few chuckles and snickers. As Bobby continued in his play of lightsaber-fighting, Lori's repressed chuckles soon turned into full-out laughs, causing her to gasp for breath and hit the couch in hilarity.

"That's the kind of happy Lori I like to see. Now, tell me, what's bothering you?" Bobby asked.

"Well... it's just that I just miss my family. I mean, I do love being here, especially with you, but I'm just not used to being away from them for so long. I can't even imagine what it'll be like when we go to college. It's already been hard like this." Lori answered.

"Oh, babe, I know, I know. I might not have had my big family as long as you have, but I'm gonna miss them when we head off, too. If anything, we've always got each other, right?"

"Yeah, but still. It's just... growing up just happens to fast, you know?"

"You can say that again. I guess that's why Ronnie Anne and I get along so well together; it's like I get to be a kid a little longer when I'm with her."

"Hmm... Maybe we can make ourselves a situation where we can have a kid with us, if you know what I mean."

"Uh, I don't- Oh! Oh, you mean- Well, don't you wanna wait until after college first?"

"Just kidding... for now. After all, you and I were in big families for a while, maybe we ought to have a big one of our own."

"Well, that does sound like a pretty nice life, but we'd have to make sure we're financially good for it."

"Then how about you make an investment?"

Seeking some emotional comfort in the moment, Lori placed her lips against Bobby's, placing the two in a kiss. Allowing their kissing to elevate to something only slightly warmer, needing to keep their actions friendly to the family within, Bobby leaned back and let Lori lay over him, allowing the two to continue comfortably.

As the pair continued on their session, they were met with an unintended audience; the seating housing one disgustsed Ronnie Anne. Having been gifted 4th-wall breaking abilities by Lincoln, Ronnie Anne sought to share her concerns with you, the reader/viewer, finding a listening ear to lay her troubles on through you.

"And here, we are in the presence the wild Lori and Bobby bears in their mating ritual, quite common to see in this portion of the woods. You know, it's times like this when I'm glad you're still here with me, so we can suffer together. Seriously, though, it was bad enough watching these two call and text each other constantly, now I have to see something worse, and up close. Eh, sorry to drag my problems on you like this, but it's not like I have anyone else to talk to. I haven't even gotten a part in this story for, what, 20 chapters now? I really just wish that Lame-O would just answer my calls, I got a good surprise for him. Maybe these two know what's going on." Ronnie Anne said.

Looking for answers as to why Lincoln was not returning her calls and texts, Ronnie Anne made her approach to the two young people in their makeout session, giving their kissing and groping a premature stop with a signalling cough. In an instant, Lori and Bobby ended their moment almost immediately, not wanting to display their private moment any further, especially not to someone too young to witness it.

"Oh, uh, hey, Ronnie Anne, what's up?" Bobby asked.

"From the way your pants look, you are. Do you mind?" Ronnie Anne asked.

Noticing the results of his private moment of Lori embarassingly shown, Bobby closed his legs and readjusted his pants, hiding the display from his sister's sight.

"Eh, sorry. We thought we were alone." Bobby said.

"Yeah, whatever. Anyways, I don't suppose you guys know what's going on with Lincoln, do you?" Ronnie Anne asked.

"What do you mean? Is something wrong?" Lori asked.

"So it seems. He hasn't answered a single one of my calls or texts for over a month, not even doing our weekly web-chats. He didn't even call me to tell me he was alright after he got out of the hospital."

"Really?! Why wouldn't he call?"

"If I knew, I wouldn't be asking you."

"Well, did you try today?" Bobby asked.

"Like, half an hour ago. I've gotten nothing. I didn't get to tell him yet."

"Well, then, that does it. I'm getting him on the phone right now." Lori said.

Lori pulled out her cell phone and quickly proceeded to dial up Lincoln, aiming to put an end to the lack of communication once and for all. Having a different idea to fix the problem, Bobby intervened by placing his hand over her phone, preventing her from finishing her dial.

"Hey, babe, wait, maybe we can turn this into something else. Ronnie Anne, you said you didn't tell him yet, right?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah?" Ronnie Anne asked.

"Well, then, why don't we just make the whole thing a surprise? Just picture how he'd look when he sees."

Finding Bobby's approach far more interesting, Ronnie Anne found her frustration turned to intrigue, changing her mindset to the issue. Liking her brother's idea far better, Ronnie Anne found herself agreeing to his plan, giving a nod after a moment of contemplation.

"Lori, put the phone down. I think I like his idea better." Ronnie Anne said.

"Are you sure? I don't like that he hasn't said a word to you this whole time, even from the hospital." Lori said.

"I can live with it for the sake of surprise, and I'll get him back later. Besides, you always value that stupid picture of me and Lame-O kissing at Jean Juan's, just imagine the picture you'd get when you see me and him again."

"O-M-G, that is literally the best idea ever! You're right, Ronnie Anne, I'll let it stay a surprise."

As Lori put her phone away, Ronnie Anne turned to you for one last piece of exposition, sharing a few last thoughts on her mind.

"I bet you're probably really confused as to what's gonna happen next, but most of you put together that I'm coming back soon. When that happens, you can all rejoice when you see me and the Lame-O back again. I still love the guy, don't get me wrong, but I still love to mess with him. I guess I just do that to everybody I love." Ronnie Anne said.

Not familiar with Ronnie Anne's 4th wall breaking abilities, Bobby looked to Ronnie Anne's line of sight in confusion, hoping to find who she was speaking to. Alas, much like everyone else who tried to peer into the 4th wall with another, Bobby found nothing, feeling some concern over his sister's mental health.

"Uh... Ronnie Anne, who are you talking to?" Bobby asked.

"Some weird eyeball-headed people. She gets it from Lincoln." Lori said.

-

Back in Royal Woods, moving back to our protagonist, Lincoln Loud sits at a small dining table with Stella, fulfilling the dinner date at Burpin' Burger as planned. Where Stella opted for a regular burger with simple toppings, Lincoln customized his to have buffalo sauce, a soft taco, an apple pie, and a scoop of chocolate ice cream.

"So, how far along are you?" Stella asked.

"Huh?" Lincoln asked.

"With the way you eat, people'd think you're a pregnant woman."

"Heh. Well, what can I say? I guess I just recently picked up a taste for weird food."

"Just recently? What caused it?"

"Puberty."

Realizing the disgusting turn the conversation took as Lincoln gave his answer, he immediately retracted the comment, hoping to save the two some embarassment.

"Uh, sorry. That was a joke. Or at least a bad attempt at one." Lincoln said.

"Oh. Ha! Well, I wouldn't call this the best time for gross-out humor, but I always think you're funny, Lincoln." Stella said.

"Thanks. Sorry I had to bring up that gross topic. Hope I didn't spoil your appetite."

"If I can watch you eat that thing somehow, then nothing'll spoil my appetite."

Lincoln then went silent once again, even when hearing Stella's laughter. Taking note of Lincoln's downtrotten face, Stella inquired into his state of mind.

"Hey, Linc, what's wrong? You're looking really down." Stella said.

"Sorry, it's just... I can't seem to get this summer school project down." Lincoln said.

"Oh, you got a summer school project? What's it about?"

"A report on the Hillwood Effect going over the country right now. With superheroes all over the place and why they're coming up."

"You made any progress yet?"

"Almost none. I'm basing it on the new hero here in Royal Woods, Ace Savvy, but I can't get any clue on what the whole thing's really about."

"Really? You can't figure out anything about superheroes? Lincoln, you love comic books, that's, like, your whole bread and butter!"

"In comic books, yeah, but not so much in real life. It's way easier to understand how it all works in comic books, because those are just books written by people who get to decide where the story goes. You might not always see where it goes until the end, but it all makes sense in the end. It's not so easy with the project. It's here in real life, where there's no writer pulling the strings... for most people, anyway... and you don't know where it's all going, despite all your efforts."

"Isn't that just how life is? You just don't know where life takes you, you just gotta try your best and hope it all works out. As long as you're doing your best, that's all that should matter."

"But, still. I have a lot riding on this summer school project. What if I fail it all?"

"'It is not given to us to know whether we shall succeed or not. In failure there is no disgrace. There can be but one ultimate shame: The cowardice of not having tried'."

The comic book quotation not only impresses Lincoln in its profoundness, but he also takes pride in where the reference originated.

"Holy crap! Silver Surfer: Parable!" Lincoln cheered.

"By Stan 'The Man' Lee and Moebius. I read it off a list of best comics ever written and got my hands on it." Stella said.

Thinking over the line from two acclaimed names in comics, Lincoln contemplated the line and agreed with its conclusion, removing all his doubts.

"You know, not only should you read more comics off that list... I think you've been a great help to me, too, Stella." Lincoln said.

"I'm happy to have helped, Lincoln. And I want to read some more of Moebius' work, his art is amazing." Stella said.

"Just wait until you get to The Incal with Jodorowsky. His art on that is phenominal."

"Will do. I'm still kind of hungry, you up for a milkshake?"

"Sure."

"I'm getting strawberry, what kind do you want?"

"Maybe chocolate banana... with onions and peanut butter."

And, so, the lunch date between the two lingered on for some time longer, eventually coming to an end with both parties returning back home. For once, it had seemed that Lincoln had built himself a stable relationship, and looked forward to having his next rest much more comfortable, his sleep just a bit easier without the worries of his assignment keeping him up.

However, with the prospect of Ronnie Anne returning, there still remains much for him to answer for, and an unfinished relationship to settle. Moreover, with the new introduction of the Silver Sentinel, his path to rise back to popularity will not be an easy one, and much lays on his mind to solve this problem.

-

Further into the day, Lincoln, back from his date, stepped back inside his home, ready to rest and recover for another day of superheroing to do the next day. After having a nice day with a girl that he happened to take a liking to, he was looking forward to a nice night alone on his bed to have a nice sleep...

...but, instead, he entered his room again to find his parents sitting on it, waiting for him in a casual, friendly manner.

"Hello, Lincoln." Rita said.

"Hey, Linc. How's it going?" Lynn Sr. asked.

"Oh, uh, hi, guys. What are you doing in my bedroom?" Lincoln asked.

"Have a seat with us here, please." Rita said.

Lincoln cautiously complied with his parents' request, keeping skeptical of their calm and friendly approach.

"You've been out a while, son. Whatcha been up to?" Lynn Sr. asked.

"Uh... I was... spending time with a friend. Stella, from school. I've been putting a lot of thought into the summer school project, and I guess I needed a break to get my head straight." Lincoln said.

"Oh, I see, good to take a break once and a while. I bet there's a lot going on in your mind recently, leaving you to try to figure it all out on your own, right?"

"Yeah, you could say that. So, why are you guys in my room?"

"Well, Lincoln, we've been meaning to have this conversation with you for awhile. Your father started to have this conversation with you at Dairyland, but we had to cut it short because of that whole... Well, you know. So, after deciding we put this off long enough, we can finish that talk with you together."

"Ugh, come on, can this wait until some other time? I'm pretty tired."

"Please, Lincoln, you're becoming a young man soon, and we want you to be ready for when that happens. You're the only son we have, and we want to make sure you make it through life alright. I haven't been able to have a man-to-man talk in a really long time."

"Okay, okay, fine. So, what's this talk about?"

"Sex." Lynn Sr. and Rita said in unison.

Having prepared themselves for this day, Lynn Sr. and Rita pulled out a large book and held it in front of him, getting ready to read the entire contents. The title of the book was called 'The Wonders and Joys of Sex You Thought You'd Never Know', depicting a couple in bed engaged in coitus with happily surprised faces, and their extremities covered by a blanket.

Upon hearing their answer and seeing the book, Lincoln knew immediately that he would not enjoy this particular talk, instantly regretting his decision to agree to it.

"Uh-oh." Lincoln said.

"So, then, let's talk to you about sex. It all starts in your brain." Lynn Sr. said.

SEVERAL PAINFUL HOURS LATER

(Admit it, you read that as the French Narrator from 'SpongeBob SquarePants', didn't you? Well, this shit ain't SpongeBob, nigga. Read it in another voice.)

As the two concluded their lesson on human sexuality to their son, Lynn Sr. and Rita closed the book, feeling proud and triumphant that they had accomplished their task.

"...and that's how you and all 10 of your sisters were conceived! Wasn't that a great story, Linc?" Lynn Sr. cheered.

Lincoln gave no response to his father; his body was left in a catatonic state and his eyes and ears had bled profusely, leaving him dead slient.

"Linc? You okay, buddy?" Lynn Sr. asked.

"He'll answer you in the morning, honey. His ears started bleeding when you got to the twins' conception." Rita said.

"Well, then, he's a little trooper. Lynn Jr. tapped out at Luan. Anyways, good night, Lincoln, have a great sleep!"

While Lynn Sr. held a strong sense of pride in his lesson, Lincoln did not share any positive sentiments towards the matter at all. Wearing a deathly expression upon his face and having his skin turn the whitest pale, he was completely disgusted by his mother and father's in-depth and intense attention to detail with both his own lesson and the book.

Now, the rest and the peace that he sought after is nowhere to be found, with only nightmares and horrors left to settle in his mind for a long time to come.

As Lynn Sr. and Rita left his room, their cheery, happy demeanor was quickly replaced with a sense of victory, high-fiving each other over their work.

"Yes! Operation 'Prevent-ourselves-from-becoming-grandparents-too-early-by-completely-disgusting-our-children-around-sex-by-describing-the-nights-they-were-all-conceived-and-also-think-of-a-shorter-name-for-this-operation' Phase 6 was a complete success!" Lynn Sr. cheered.

"Now that just leaves Lucy. That one's gonna be a challenge." Rita said.

"Should we mention the fact that she left you with only one hole during delivery?"

"No, that might just make her proud of herself instead. Especially with all the stitches it took after to fix it."

"True. Did I really grunt like a pig through the first three, though?"

"Yes, but they're cute little grunts, honey. I like it when a man makes noise and shows he's enjoying himself."

"Ooh-hoo-hoo... Should I show you again, honey?"

"Not tonight, honey. I have a headache."

Rita then stepped off on her own, leaving Lynn Sr. unsatisfied.

"Aw, but, honey! Don't you know sex helps cure headaches?" Lynn Sr. moaned.

There, have another sex joke. Now laugh and call me a genius, stupid human.

...

...

...

That's it for now. Go away. I'll have some more for you later.

CHAPTER 22: STOLEN THUNDER, PART 3

Royal Woods has a new superhero in town; a superhero by the name of the Silver Sentinel Clad in a shiny silver suit and cape, and sporting a handsome face and haircut, the hero became a favorite within an instant. Of course, his first win was stolen from another local hero:

Our own protaganist, Lincoln Loud, known to the city as Ace Savvy.

While Ace Savvy has found a fantastic start to his career with the defeat of Lars Rodriguez, his fights, and, subsequently, popularity, have taken a sharp decline.

Reduced to fighting a group of misfits with powers barely qualifiable as powers, a drunkard, a sentient alien pizza, and a huge pile of shit made from eating said alien pizza, Ace Savvy was completely unprepared for the actual battles he would face with Nailbomb, Icebreaker, and Decibel, being laid to defeat.

His sisters, unable to allow him to give in, dedicated a month to training him to develop new skills to properly apply his powers and better fight crime. Although the training had paid itself off quite well, there was still much to be done to earn his reputation back, and many fights to be fought to accomplish that goal.

Now, with his sidekick with his parents on some other affair, Ace Savvy walks the streets alone, keeping a sharp eye out for any sort of crime or supervillains to fight.

As he continued his patrol down the streets of Royal Woods, its citizens, who would once look on and cheer his efforts, only scoffed and turned at his appearance. Tempted as he was to confront the people on their sudden change in attitude, Ace Savvy knew he could not do such a thing, as it would only ruin his reputation further.

For the moment, he continues to walk the streets, searching for a foe to fight.

"So, Lis, anything on the police scanner for me?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Negatory. What little crime there wash hash been dishpatched by Shilver Shentinel." Lisa said.

"Dangit, I...! I just really hate that Silver Sentinel guy. Why, out of all the cities in the whole country, did he have to pick here, and pick now, when I'm trying to prove to people that I know what I'm doing?!"

"Lincoln, calm down. Sho you have a little competishtion, it'sh not like you're comepletely out of the game."

"Competition is like Good Burger and Nasty Burger growing across the country, Lisa. This is more like a small business getting eaten up by a monopoly."

"And how do you figure that metaphor? Are you not shatishfied with your powersh?"

"Well, I might be able to redirect energy and turn anything into explosives, but this guy can fly. I didn't even get my Ace-Mobile, and I have to hoof everything on foot. Plus, he's obviously got some kind of super-strength, how am I supposed to beat that?"

"Brainsh alwaysh triumph over brawn, henshce why I am alwaysh one shtep ahead of all of you."

"One step ahead of us how?"

"Oh, I have my waysh. Anywaysh, you really should be focushing on the tashk at hand, Lincoln. A threat could be waiting to shtrike at any time."

"Yeah, but, to be honest, I'd rather not look around me right now. All I'm seeing is a bunch of angry citizens who hate my guts. I was hoping to get my mind off them for a few minutes."

"Lincoln, jusht remember, your goal ish to sherve ash their protector at all coshtsh, even if that meansh they never shee how much work you put in."

"I know, I know."

"Jusht think back to one of your comic booksh. Wash there an isshue where Ashce Shavvy became vilified by the media?"

"Well, not with Ace Savvy, but there was a storyline in Danny Phantom that had something similar."

"And what wash it?"

"Well, Danny Phantom had a long arc where he was labeled as the cause of all the ghost invasions in Amity Park, and people often hated him or tried to capture him."

"And how did he sholve it?"

"Actually, uh, in later issues, they kind of show that it was his fault. If he never went in the portal, none of the ghosts would've shown up. You know, that really makes me think, if the Hillwood Effect says that supervillains only show up around a superhero, then am I to-"

"Don't shtart with thish again, Lincoln. You are not to blame for the actionsh that theshe people take. Even if it wash, the appearanshce of the Shilver Shentinel ish not helping the shituashtion, and perhapsh it could help if you remove him."

"Okay, okay. I just never thought that this superhero stuff would be so hard. I mean, I knew that I'd have a lot of stuff to go through, but I never thought I'd have it this hard."

"Jusht shtay focushed, Lincoln. We all put in a lot of work to make you a more effective shuperhero, and we're not about to shee our effortsh go to washte. Now, lishten, I jusht got report that a shupervillian attack ish taking place at Reininger'sh. Right now, it looksh like the Shilver Shentinel is off shomewhere elshe. If you hurry, you can beat him to the punch."

"Got it. Ace Savvy on the job."

Rushing across town to the Royal Woods mall, Ace Savvy made his way towards the aforementioned clothing store, ready to deal with whatever kind of supervillain may be waiting for him within. After the affair yesterday with the Third Wave, he simply hopes that he can take this threat more seriously.

-

Arriving outside the Reininger's outside Royal Woods Mall, Ace Savvy made his way inside the department store, readying a set of cards in hand to toss towards whatever kind of supervillain laid within. Observing his surroundings, Ace Savvy took notice of the many customers being held hostage within, kneeling down to one to get information.

"Give me the sitrep. What am I dealing with?" Ace Savvy asked.

"What do you think you're doing here? You're only going to make things worse!" The customer whispered.

"Relax. I know I screwed up with those other guys before, but I've been away to get better. I can take this guy, trust me. Just tell me who this guy is."

"Well... Fine, I guess it'll be a while before the cops get here. It's The Nudist."

"Uh... Why is he called The Nudist?"

With the sound of machine gun fire coming his way, Ace Savvy leaped out of the way, somersaulting to a nearby sales display for cover. Once the gunfire ended, Ace Savvy stood up to catch eye of his new opponent, catching a glimpse of the new supervillain called The Nudist.

And upon seeing him, not only did Ace Savvy see why this individual was called 'The Nudist', he saw much, much more than he ever wanted to see in his entire life. Where a few parts of his body were covered in tactical clothing, the remainder had no such coverings of any kind.

Taking in a large sight of unkepmt body hair, wrinkles, and skin blemishes enough to make any stomach heave, Ace Savvy instantly covered his eyes from the sight of the naked supervillain, groaning in disgust. While he managed to keep his lunch down, any future appetite for the rest of the day was nowhere to be found.

"Oh, god, what is wrong with you?! Put some clothes on!" Ace Savvy said.

"Clothes?! CLOTHES?!" The Nudist yelled.

The Nudist cocked his machine gun once again, preparing to fire it at Ace Savvy. Hearing the sound of the gun under his covered eyesight, Ace Savvy dove out of the line of fire, ducking back behind the sales display. With the sales display growing smaller and smaller with each bullet passing through it, Ace Savvy knew that his cover here would not last.

As such, he jumped to duck behind a new piece of cover, taking the cash register counter as his next shelter. No longer able to hit his target behind the cover of the desk, The Nudist lowered his weapon, continuing the conversation between him and Ace Savvy.

"You clothers are all the same. 'Put on some clothes! No one wants to see that!' Why can't you people appreciate the beauty of the human body?!" The Nudist shouted.

"No offense, but, from what I could stand to look at you, I don't think anybody would find your body beautiful. Have you never used lotion or any skincare your whole life?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Cosmetics? So, you're one of those people, too, huh? That just makes you even worse in my book. You people can't find comfort in your natural bodies; you have to cover and chemically alter them to fit society's vision. You've got no individuality."

"No, but we at least have decency, pal."

"Spoken like a true clother. Well, I've had enough of you people and your clothes! I hereby declare war on all clothes, and all clothers! Gone are the days of pants and underwear, gone are the days of shirts and suits! No longer will flaps of clothing be flying in the wind, but glorious flaps of skin; penises, testicles, breasts, and butts all sagging and hanging low!"

"Hey, quick question, can you be any more disgusting? I think I can actually throw up if I hear another word out of you."

"Oh, I don't have anything more to say to you, clother. I've got something else for you now."

The Nudist readied his next weapon to use against Ace Savvy, having a way to work around the obstacle of the cash register.

In addition to having a number of harnesses and pouches made for tactical gear, The Nudist also kept an assortment of grenades hooked to his pubic hair; utilizing his short hairs to house more weapons. Grabbing a grenade and giving it a pull, the force of the pull removed the grenade from its holster, plucking with it a strand of hair.

As painful as the experience was, The Nudist continued on his attack, holding back a wince and some tears.

"Trust me, clother, this hurts me more than it hurts you!" The Nudist said.

The Nudist pulled the pin to the grenade, tossing it over the counter. Seeing the grenade land in front of him, Ace Savvy instinctively jumped onto it, surpressing the explosion and absorbing the energy. Although such a move would kill anyone else who attempted it, Ace Savvy was still well alive, albeit slightly pained at the impact.

Rising back up from the counter, Ace Savvy turned right back at The Nudist, his eyes elevated to an orangish color. Once again, his eyes were met with the appalling sight of The Nudist's bare body on full display, forcing him to avert his eyes to avoid the sight. Keeping just enough sight through the slits of his fingers, Ace Savvy prepared a set of cards, tossing them towards the disrobed villain.

With his eyes averted from fully viewing his target, Ace Savvy's throws were not completely accurate, allowing The Nudist to dodge his throws with relative ease. Rather than reach towards their intended target, a few cards made their way to a display of dresses, and one very nearly hit a hostage.

"Hey, watch it, you idiot!" The hostage said.

"Er, sorry! It's really hard to look at this guy, much less hit him with anything!" Ace Savvy called.

Realizing that this particular strategy was not working, Ace Savvy ducked behind another piece of cover, contacting Lisa for support.

"Lisa, I need some help. I'm fighting a guy called The Nudist. What do I do to beat him?" Ace Savvy asked.

"I've looked into him. From what I can shee, no one hash laid a poshitive I.D. on him becaushe no one will dare look at him, and never get a look at his fashce. From what reportsh I can gather, he hash no shpeshcific powersh, and reliesh mainly on firearmsh. Lincoln, have you not beaten him yet?" Lisa asked.

"Well, I... Uh... I can't look at him."

"Oh, Lincoln, don't be ridiculoush, the human body ish not that appalling to look at. Shurely you can overcome your nudity taboosh for the shake of thoshe in danger?"

"Lisa, you haven't seen this guy. He is ugly. I mean, like... really, really, really ugly."

"Lincoln, pleashe, enough!"

"No, seriously, I'm telling you."

"I don't care. Go and fight him already."

"Forget it. I don't care if you hate me or if the writer and The Guy force me into another weird situation with one of you, No force on Earth is gonna get me to-"

Before Ace Savvy could finish his sentence, a sudden x-factor made its appearance in the store, completely changing the factors of this battle. Said x-factor was Leni Loud, the last of the Loud sisters that knew not of Ace Savvy's true identity, and also the least intelligent, and least likely to defend herself against this villain.

"Hey, guys, totes sorry I'm late. Every time that those big light things on the street turned red, other cars kept coming in from the other side of the road, and I hit a few on the way here. The front front of Vanzilla also disappeared somehow, that was kind of-" Leni began to say.

Walking into the battlefield between Ace Savvy and The Nudist, Leni took notice of the latter; looking right at the villain as he looked back. Interestingly, where everyone else in the store had to avert their eyes from the sight of the unclad villain, Leni did not feel any such obligation, not taking any sort of offensive reaction to his appearance.

Instead, Leni gave a look of surprise, letting her next words clarify these feelings.

"O-M-G, it's a good thing you came to us, sir. I can't believe that you lost all your clothes. Actually, to be honest, I do it all the time. One time, I walked all the way to school with nothing on but my sandals, and nobody even told me until I got there. Everybody was just looking at me, and I thought it was just because they liked my outfit that day. Interestingly, a bunch of them must've gotten a really bad itch in their pants, because all the boys reached down their pants and scratched themselves pretty aggressively when they looked at me." Leni said.

"You... work for this place?" The Nudist asked.

"Oh, I totes do. I'm assistant manager, I got the job by knowing fashion. I really don't assist the manager that much, so I guess I just manage assisting instead. How can I assist you, sir?"

"You... filthy... CLOTHER!"

The Nudist readied his machine gun to open fire on Leni, ready to gun down the ditzy teenage girl for the crime of being knowledgable in fashion.

Ace Savvy, unable to allow his most innocent sister to be murdered by the stark psychopath, leapt out from his cover and tackled Leni behind another piece of cover. Saved once again by Ace Savvy, Leni Loud hugged the spade-spangled hero tightly, grateful for his actions.

"Oh, my hero, you saved me again!" Leni said.

Leni prepared to give him another kiss, but Ace Savvy quickly averted the kiss, not wanting to further ruin his image of his sister and possibly traumatize himself. After averting the kiss, Ace Savvy once again disguised his voice in an over-the-top gravelly manner, hoping it would be enough to fool his dumb sister.

"Please, no, er, thanks are necessary. But, uh, how did you do that?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Do what?" Leni asked.

"You looked right at that guy and didn't flinch. None of us can look at him without puking."

"What? That's really mean, you know? Everybody's body is different, and we shouldn't judge them for how they look."

"But he's so ugly."

"So? Everyone can be beautiful in their own way, even if they don't have any makeup."

"Uh... right. Random citizen, you really should be running for cover. I've got to fight this guy."

"Oh, right, I forgot. Can I get you a cough drop while I'm back there?"

"What? Uh, no, no. I'm fine, thank you."

"Are you sure? Your voice sounds really rough."

"I'm sure. This is just how my voice sounds, really. Just please go hide."

"Oh, okay."

Sending Leni to her cover, Ace Savvy's search for some quick answers from her to win this fight were met with naught, leaving him with finding nothing. Now, Ace Savvy would have to rely on his own savvy wits to defeat this new opponent, hoping that he would do it before Silver Sentinel would arrive.

"Any bright ideas, Lis?" Ace Savvy asked.

"If you really musht inshitsht on not looking at his naked body, may I shuggesht clothing him to prevent hish body from blinding you?" Lisa asked.

"Hey... that's a really good idea. I'm gonna try that."

Leaping his way back into the battle, Ace Savvy placed his cards back away, needing a new object to use against The Nudist. Needing to keep his enemy distracted for the task he was about to carry out, Ace Savvy continued a conversation between the two, allowing him to grow distracted from his true intentions.

"So, tell me, Nudist, why do you hate clothes?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Must it be said?" The Nudist asked.

"Apparently, because I don't get you. Don't you like the feeling of a nice suit, the tight hug of a pair of undies, or the warmth of socks?"

"Never! I hate it all!"

The Nudist fired another volley of bullets towards Ace Savvy, which the hero then dodged and ducked in retailiation.

Running out of ammo in his weapon, The Nudist reached for a new magazine, reaching deep into a pocket where the sun never shines. Placing the magazine in and cocking back his machine gun, The Nudist sought after his target again, losing Ace Savvy within the aisles of the store.

"I've always hated the feel of clothing! Every T-shirt, every pair of jeans, every tennis shoe; it's all been nothing but a prison to me!" The Nudist shouted.

"Then why didn't you try a different color or style? There's got to be something that works for you." Ace Savvy said.

"No! It never worked for me! It never did! No piece of men's clothing was anything more to me than a prison!"

Hearing the key word of 'men's clothing', Ace Savvy then gained an idea to subdue the foe. With Lucy's teaching of how to sneak paying off well, Ace Savvy's light steps made his way to the women's department, selecting something to dress the villain with.

Upon finding something perfect for his target, Ace Savvy readied a new card in his hand.

Tossing the card through the air, the card flew its way towards The Nudist, immediately catching his attention. Trying to prevent it from hitting him and exploding, The Nudist let off a fury of bullets towards the card, hoping to detonate it prematurely. While his bullets did indeed hit the card, the card itself did not explode; indicating that it had no charge.

Before The Nudist could question what this tactic meant, Ace Savvy leapt over his head and placed a dress over his head, fitting him with it.

"Well, then, you say men's clothing never worked for you, how about women's clothing?" Ace Savvy asked.

Hopping off the back of The Nudist, Ace Savvy readied his next card, ensuring to charge it well this time. Wishing for instant retaliation for having been clothed by his opponent, The Nudist readied his machine gun again, more than intent on killing Ace Savvy than ever.

"That's it, you little clother! I'm going to make sure there's nothing left of you to cover when I'm-" The Nudist began to say.

Before The Nudist could finish his sentence, the feeling of the dress over his body left him with a sudden sense of understanding and peace, making him lower his weapon.

"Wait... What's this? I feel so... free... so... at peace..." The Nudist pondered.

Looking in a nearby mirror at himself, laying eye on the obese man in a woman's dress, he saw an indescribable beauty he had never before seen, staring in amazement.

"Yes... Yes... It all seems so right now! I don't hate clothes! I'm just a crossdresser! Oh, what a joyous day this is!" The Nudist cheered.

"Finally, I get a win, and a peaceful one at that." Ace Savvy said.

Then, out of a showing of pure cosmic cruelty, a laser fired towards the supervillain, burning the dress right off his body. With the sudden spontaneous combustion taking away the focus of both parties, Ace Savvy and The Nudist both turned to view the new factor in the equation.

"You know, blue is not your color." Silver Sentinel said.

With the presence of Silver Sentinel in the store, a mixture of reactions were brought out from the occupants. The customers, all being held hostage by the supervillain, gave a collected and elated cheer. The Nudist, not only having his joy taken from him, also now had another superhero to fight.

Most importantly, Ace Savvy was left extremely frustrated and annoyed at his presence. Having worked hard to get to this villain before he could, having Silver Sentinel try to steal his fight once again left him growing more angry at his appearance, especially when he had won moments ago.

"You again?! C'mon, man, I just fixed this one, just leave me alone so I can do my thing here!" Ace Savvy said.

"I thought I told you, I'm here to do the job now. Just go home, kid, I've got this." Silver Sentinel said.

"No! This is my bad guy, and I'm gonna beat him! I did not spend a whole month to train just so you could steal my job!"

"Son, this isn't about whose job it is, it's about protecting people. If you were an actual hero, you would know that."

"I don't care which one of you's a hero, both of you filthy clothers are going down!" The Nudist said.

Arming his machine gun again, The Nudist fired his weapon on Silver Sentinel, aiming directly at his head. Rather than avoid or dodge the bullets, Silver Sentinel stood in place, taking the full force of the gunfire. The bullets all miraculously bounced off his body; not a single round penetrating him or even scratching him.

Upon seeing that he would not be stopped by gunfire, The Nudist lowered his gun in fear, not wanting to agite him further.

"Oh, come on, you're bulletproof, too?! Any other powers of yours that I should know about? I mean, if you're going to one-up me, you might as well just show it all off, right?" Ace Savvy asked.

Tossing his weapon to the ground, The Nudist pulled all the grenades from his crotch, preparing to use them all against Silver Sentinel. While the motion had left his crotch with a complete wax job, the cost was nothing but extreme and acute pain. Pulling the pin on one grenade, The Nudist rushed to Silver Sentinel, aiming to make himself into a suicide bomb.

"I give my life... and my pubes... to take yours, clother!" The Nudist cried.

Not allowing the grenades to go off where any civilians could get hurt, Silver Sentinel landed a hit to The Nudist's stomach, forcing him to drop his grenades. Holding his cape under the falling grenades, Silver Sentinel wrapped the grenades tightly within. Enclosed in the indestructible material of his cape, the grenades let out not a large explosion, but a light 'poof', ending the bomb threat.

"Well, son, among my other powers, I drive a mean uppercut." Silver Sentinel said.

[Soundtrack Cue: AC/DC - Big Balls]

Landing a sharp uppercut to The Nudist's jaw, Silver Sentinel sent the supervillain flying through the air, sent on a course to land hard on the ground. Unfortunately, there was one obstacle in the way of that flightpath that was not intended to be part of it, and that was Ace Savvy himself.

Standing directly behind The Nudist as he was knocked out by the unwelcomed superhero, Ace Savvy had unintentionally put himself in the way of Silver Sentinel's attack. At first, the problem only seemed to be that Ace Savvy would have The Nudist land on top of him, leaving him crushed under his weight.

Upon watching the supervillain fly towards him, Ace Savvy soon understood that his fate would be far worse. While the prospect of having a large, naked man on top of him was bad enough of a problem, but, watching the trajectory on which he was sent, Ace Savvy noticed not one, but two large problems that would make it far worse.

With his crotch no longer covered by the numerous grenades tied to his pubic hairs, his hairless crotch was not only completely uncovered, but it was sent on a course to land straight towards Ace Savvy. Although the meat was a relatively small size, the two veg were a larger portion, taking more space on the plate.

More importantly, the course on which The Nudist was sent was having the whole meal flying towards the young hero's face.

Ace Savvy was not alone in his sudden realization; every customer and onlooker in the store took notice of the affair, watching in slow horror as they all realized what awful fate was about to befall him. While not appearing to have the most sympathy towards Ace Savvy, Sliver Sentinel suddenly realized the dire mistake he had made, but lacked the speed to avert the problem he created.

As The Nudist grew closer and closer to Ace Savvy, the aforementioned superhero grew more and more terrified at the fate about to befall him; the knowledge of what was about to unfold well in his mind, but his body lacking all ability to avoid the terrible fate about to occur.

Worse yet, the knowledge left him screaming an elongated 'no'; making the mistake of leaving his mouth open.

[Soundtrack Cue End]

Finally, The Nudist made his landing, as did two other low-hanging members of his party.

Ace Savvy was immediately forced to the ground under the sheer weight of The Nudist, his head nearly being crushed under the mass of cellulite. The pain of being nearly crushed was the last of his worries, however, as the warm and salty taste of man berries filled his mouth.

Despite being seriously muffled by his mouth being filled, Ace Savvy let out several agonizing screams, his cries echoing throughout the store. Every onlooking customer turned their heads and groaned in disgust, pitying upon the poor boy for the terrible trauma forced upon him.

Most importantly, Silver Sentinel showed a severe showing of regret, not intending to leave his rival with a mouthfull of spaghettiless meatballs.

"Ooh... Uh... Whoops." Silver Sentinel said.

-

Not too long later, The Nudist was taken away by the police, arrested on charges of armed assault, indecent exposure, and, lastly, sexual assault of a minor. While the latter charge was debatable on whether Silver Sentinel was responsible for it, the others were more than enough charges to put him away for good.

After speaking with the press and receiving his words of praise, Silver Sentinel walked away to address one last concern.

Ace Savvy, trying to remove the awful memory from his mind, took a place on his own, staying away from any judging eyes or ears. Running a water fountain in his mouth, Ace Savvy desperately tried to flush the taste of sweaty man balls from his mouth, washing out any horrid taste in his mouth.

The taste may have been gone from his mouth, but never shall the taste nor the experience be gone from his mind.

"Oh, dear god, why me?! WHY ME?! WHY?! WHY?!" Ace Savvy cried.

Bashing his head against the metal build of the water fountain, Ace Savvy began bawling over fountain itself in a mix of frustration and disgust, his innocense far more violated than since the writer began this story. Coming to address his last concern, Silver Sentinel placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder, offering with the other a bottle of mouthwash.

Snatching the mouthwash for himself, Ace Savvy instantly began pouring its contents in his mouth, violently swishing it around in his mouth.

"Ugh... Ace Savvy, I offer you my deepest sympathies. After all, superheroes like us are called 'balls-to-the-wall' for a reason. For what it's worth, I'm extremely sorry." Silver Sentinel said.

Spitting out the mouthwash, Ace Savvy tossed the empty bottle at Silver Sentinel's face, venting out his anger and frustration in one explosion of emotion.

"YOU DID THIS! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" Ace Savvy said.

"Son, look, I-" Silver Sentinel began to say.

"NO, YOU LISTEN! I WAS THE FAVORITE IN THIS CITY BEFORE YOU STOLE IT FROM ME! THIS IS MY TOWN! IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU, PEOPLE WOULDN'T HATE ME, AND I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD A GROWN MAN'S BALLS IN MY MOUTH! WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO AWAY?!"

"Son, please! I wouldn't tolerate a lot of talk like that, but, I did just cause... that to happen, so I suppose I deserve some of it. Just please listen. It's not about whose town this is and whose it isn't. You're a kid, son. Even if you could save people, you could seriously get yourself hurt. If you thought today was bad, just imagine what could happen another time; maybe you could be more physically harmed. Please, not for me, but for yourself, just go home. I can do the fighting, and you can just be a kid."

Having vented out most of his frustrations regarding The Nudist, Ace Savvy let out a deep breath, changing his tone for the conversation. Seeing Silver Sentinel's reasoning behind taking his place as Royal Woods' superhero, he laid out a different line of reasoning for his side of the debate.

"I'm not just a kid. You've seen my power and what I can do. I can handle myself, and I can't be hurt that easy. I always wanted to be a superhero, so just let me do my thing. There's probably a bunch of cities you can go fight in that need you more, just take one of those and leave me alone." Ace Savvy said.

"I can't do that, son. I swore myself to protect everyone from any kind of threat, even if that threat might be themselves. If you won't stop, then I'll have to get you to stop." Silver Sentinel said.

"You're more than welcome to try, pal."

"This isn't a game, kid. People can die out here, and I don't want to see you get yourself hurt. For now, just go home and relax. You probably need it, all things considered."

"Fair enough, but this isn't over. Not by a long shot."

"Fine, then. Don't say you weren't warned when something happens."

Silver Sentinel proceeded to fly away, proceeding to find another fight to take on. Before he left, Ace Savvy shared one last word with his rival.

"There's just one thing you should watch out for, Silver Sentinel." Ace Savvy said.

"Hmm? Yes?" Silver Sentinel asked.

"There's only one town, and there's two of us superheroes trying to be its protector. You know what happens to superheroes who fight over a city, don't you?"

"...What?"

The simple question from the Silver Sentinel seemed easy enough to answer, but Ace Savvy stood in silence with no answer, soon nodding and simply walking away.

In response, Silver Sentinel flew away, looking for another citizen in trouble to aide. With the shiny superman no longer in his sight, Ace Savvy renewed his vow to remove his rival; ready to prove to the city that he was still a serious and capable hero, and more than able to protect it from any threat that may come its way.

"Dangit, I should've known the answer to that. I've been working on this report, I should've known that." Ace Savvy lamented.

"You could've ashked him if he bled. It might've shcared him a bit." Lisa said.

"Nah, Batman vs. Superman tried that, and it was just as weightless as the rest of the movie."

"Uh, hey, excuse me, Mr. Ace Savvy?" A voice asked.

Turning to see Leni Loud approach him, Ace Savvy disguised his voice again, returning it to its gravelly state to keep his identity hidden from the loose-lipped sister.

"Oh, uh, hello again, random citizen, how can I help you?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Hi, do you remember me?" Leni asked.

"Uh... Oh, that's right, you were the girl at Dairyland, weren't you?"

"Um... Oh, right, but I meant if you remembered me from the store. You jumped and saved me from geting shot."

"Well, uh, yeah, of course I remember that. It was only a few minutes ago."

"Oh, good. I forget things a lot, just wanted to make sure."

"Right. So, uh, what can I do for you?"

"I, uh, I just wanted to say thanks again, and I wanted to tell you not to worry about what people are saying about you. You saved my life twice, that makes you my favorite superhero, always and forever."

Flattered by Leni's kind words, and elated to be seen with pride by one of his sisters, Ace Savvy gave a smile, accepting Leni's support in full.

"Thank you, Len- I mean, random citizen. That really means a lot to me." Ace Savvy said.

"You're welcome." Leni said.

Leni leaned in to give Ace Savvy another kiss, but the hero quickly held his hand up in opposition, not wanting to traumatize himself further than he had to be on this day.

"No! No, no, no, no, no. No, please." Ace Savvy said.

"What's wrong?" Leni asked.

"It's, uh... Kissing weaken my powers! Yeah, that's it. It weakens my powers, and I need to stay strong."

"Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry. Don't worry, I'll never kiss you again."

"Good, that's a huge relief. Thank you."

"Well, I've got a lot of work to do to get the store back in shape, see you later."

Leni proceeded to head back to Reininger's, ready to begin her shift on work, even though the store would most likely be closed anyway after such an attack. Before heading back, however, Leni walked into a light fixture, accidentially hitting herself in the head. Upon correcting her course, Leni continued her way back.

With his sister gone and leaving him alone to his thoughts, her words were left behind in the mind of Ace Savvy. Where his motivation was primarily driven by petty rivalry more than anything else, he now had a newfound fuel to the fire behind his crusade for justice.

If he could not have the people of Royal Woods to love him, he could at least have the support and admiration of one of his sisters, giving him ground other than blind family support. His heart feels the strength it needs to carry on, and he looks forward to the next day, ready to make his name known again.

For now, his only thoughts are to get more mouthwash.

-

Elsewhere, at the nondescript warehouse where the 'serious' supervillains laid, tensions continued to rise as the eager villains grew more and more restless to get out and cause more terror and mayhem. Growing tired of having nothing to do but sit around and watch TV, boredom began to give way to anger, leaving the group to lash out at one another to relieve their tensions.

"Goddamnit, how much longer do we have to sit around here? I'm gonna go crazy in here!" Icebreaker said.

"You're going crazy?! Your whining and bitching is making me even crazier!" Decibel said.

"Both of you are making me even more crazy! Next opportunity one of us can go out, I'm taking it. I need to blow shit up." Nailbomb said.

"What?! Hell, no, you're not. I'm going next. I haven't had my chance to shine yet!" One unnamed supervillain said.

"What about me?! I haven't had my shot, either. Some of us want to shoot at shit too, you know!" The other unnamed supervillain said.

"That's enough, all of you!" The head supervillain said.

Just like they always did, the supervillains quieted down at the booming, commanding call of their leader, listening carefully to his directions. Having his subordinates give to him their full attention, the head supervillain let out another piece of information regarding their ultimate plan.

"I understand tensions are high here, but I assure you, we'll all have our chance yet. For now, Silver Sentinel's playing the part we need him to, and so is Ace Savvy. Before we know it, Ace Savvy'll be gone, and Royal Woods will be ours." The head supervillain said.

"Then what are we supposed to do until then?" Decibel asked.

"For now, just do what you've been doing: Relax. Watch some NetFilms, play some poker, read some books; actually try to bond and get to know each other while you're here. If we're going to work together, then we might as well at least try to get along and know each other. For now, I think we have room for some more appearances."

"Really? Who's going next? Is it me?" Icebreaker asked.

"Give me a break, it's me going out next, pal." Nailbomb said.

"No, no, you two and Decibel had your moments. The other two haven't, and it's your turns. It might be a few more days, but, Killer Crab and Tommy Gunn, you two will have your moment to shine yet." The head supervillain said.

CHAPTER 23: STOLEN THUNDER, PART 4

Every era of pop culture has its one-hit wonders; a group of has-beens that had their 15 minutes of fame, always trying to obtain that one moment of fame once again, but never finding it again. From the likes of Vanilla Ice, Kris Kross, Sir Mix-A-Lot, Aqua, James Blunt, Alien Ant Farm, Trapt, Crazy Town, Foster the People, Gotye, and Psy, all go through the same fate.

One minute, you're the talk of the town, being the number 1 single and pop culture phenomenon of the whole country in seconds.

The second, no one gives a shit and they forget about you.

The third, you realize how many of these talentless hacks get churned out of the music industry and how forgettable they really are, then you go and try to find actually good bands in an attempt to save face and act like you're cool, and fall too far down the rabbit hole to find some experimental bullshit that nobody listens to except you.

Such is the case with Lincoln Loud, known to the city of Royal Woods as Ace Savvy. After a spectactular fight against the cybernetically enhanced maniac known as Lars Rodriguez, Ace Savvy became the town celebrity and official superhero; reinvigorating the dormant Ace Savvy franchise and bringing protection to the city.

After suffering many losses against actually competent supervillains, however, his 15 minutes of fame were up as well; leaving him forgotten and in the dust. With the placement of a superhero being left as a power vacuum, that empty space was quickly filled with a superior and more powerful being:

A man known only as the Silver Sentinel.

For all the hours and training Ace Savvy had spent to better himself and prove himself worthy to the people of Royal Woods again, they were all for naught after having this new hero steal his spotlight. With defeats of the Third Wave and The Nudist, Silver Sentinel made it clear he was here to stay.

This was not an acceptable answer for Ace Savvy. Despite the man of silver telling the spade-spannered boy to quit at every meeting the two faced, Ace Savvy let none of these words reach his head, continuing his caped crusades to further his quest for justice. Young boys may be lacking in experience within life, but one thing that they never lack is enthusiasm, and this drives Ace Savvy onwards on his quest.

For this particular moment, however, Lincoln Loud takes a break from his duties as Ace Savvy, needing to concentrate on the other portion of his superhero career.

Protection of the people of Royal Woods was one of the more important aspects, but his particular case left him with another task to fulfill. Needing to complete a summer school project to move on to 8th grade, this was one of two forces that drove him to gain his powers and don his costume.

Just like the last time he attempted this task, Lincoln finds himself within a fit of writer's block.

Not being the strongest in the field of literary works, a feat that his mother did hold, his troubles were clear and present here. Worse yet, with less than two months to complete this paper, his goal of completing the paper in time to pass this assignment seems to be further and further away.

In the midst of his frustration and annoyance, Lincoln soon found an unexpected visitor enter his room. This visitor was one of the people responsible for putting his entire prospect as a superhero to a start, and the most intelligent of all his sisters, Lisa Loud, offering her support.

"Greetingsh, shibling. How goesh the literary porshtion of your shuperhero career?" Lisa asked.

"Ugh, not good, Lisa. I've been at this for over a month now, and I've got no idea what I'm supposed to write." Lincoln said.

"You've been at your coshtumed crimefighting for over a month and you've shtill learned nothing on what to write on your paper?"

"No, nothing. I don't get it. I've been trying to ask about why these supervillains were all coming after me, but none of them have an answer for me. You'd think it'd be as simple as just asking them, but they've got nothing. How do they all come after me specifically, but have no idea why?"

"A driving queshtion to the approach of the Hillwood Effect. Your job ish to anshwer that pshychological inquiry."

"Well, you're supposed to be the smart one, haven't you any ideas or theories?"

"Negatory. I may be the first pershon to create time travel at 4 yearsh old, but, unfortunately, I am not ash vershed in human behavior."

"Crap. I thought- Wait, when you'd invent time travel?"

"It wash in an alternate timeline that began lasht year, back when that schienshce inshtitute offered me a poshititshion. In that particular timeline, I accshepted the offer to attend the inshtitute, then, after a few weeksh of shtay, I grew tired of it and altered time to come back."

"Okay, but why'd you leave? Oh, wait, I know, was it because you missed us? Was it because you realized how much you needed us as a family?"

"No. The food tashted like shit."

Dissapointed by Lisa's apparent lack of learning a moral lesson about family, one of the main points of the show itself, Lincoln sported a face without impression.

"Of course. I should have guessed that you wouldn't have learned anything." Lincoln said.

"I and should have guesshed that you wouldn't learn that I care not for your fickle human emoshtionsh." Lisa said.

"Whatever. I'm gonna go out and fight some crime, or at least try to before Silver Stupidhead steals my credit. Back me up on the radio."

"Uh, don't you have a paper to write firsht?"

"I can't think of what to write. Maybe I can clear my head a little if I go out and fight a little."

"You've been fighting shinshce the beginning of your crushadesh, and you've not accomplished a shingle word on your paper."

"I know, Lis, okay? Just let me work it out, okay?"

"Fine, if you inshisht."

Exiting the house and placing his Ace Savvy costume on, Lincoln Loud let himself go to give way to his alter-ego, ready to face against whatever strange and bizarre supervillain that would come his way in Royal Woods. Having been burdened with many troubles on his mind, Ace Savvy once again turns to you, the viewer/reader, to find a listening ear.

"I don't get it. I still haven't figured out this whole Hillwood Effect crap. Why is it that all these weird and dumb bad guys all feel the need to come to me? I mean, it's bad enough that I have an annoying silver guy hogging my fame, but I can't even finish the school project I'm supposed to be working on. If I fail, I'll never see my friends again. Okay, okay, that's a little melodramatic, but they certainly won't hang with me as much. I mean, nobody wants to hang with a kid that was held back. Look at me, about to fail a whole grade because of one stupid class, and I go to some extreme length to try to fix it. Only instead of going time travelling in a phone booth with George Carlin, I'm going off fighting poop monsters and naked terrorists. What kind of crackhead comes up with this stuff?" Ace Savvy asked.

Still not feeling vented from his many misadventures on this story, Ace Savvy took his frustration to the sky, venting at the writer as if he were a desperate man cursing his god for his misfortunes, not unlike what is actually occuring now within in this very story. Symbolism, anybody?

"I MEAN, FOR GOD'S SAKES, YOU HAD A GROWN MAN'S BALLS SHOVED IN MY MOUTH! IS THIS FUNNY TO YOU?! IS THIS FUNNY TO YOU?!" Ace Savvy shouted.

Why, yes, it is, thank you for asking.

Anyways, in the midst of his angered rant, Lisa Loud contacted the agitated Ace Savvy, giving him updates on a recent super-crime occuring in the city.

"Pardon me for interrupting your argument with your shchizophrenic hallucinashtion, Lincoln, but I've got a report of a shupervillain in the shcity. If you hurry, you can beat Shilver Shentinel to the punch." Lisa said.

"Good. I'm gonna show Silver Sentinel, I'm gonna show Royal Woods, and I'm gonna show the writer himself that Ace Savvy will not be stopped by inane writing and gross-out humor. Ace Savvy will not be stopped by a silver douchebag and career-stealer. Ace Savvy will not-" Ace Savvy began to say.

"Ashce Shavvy will not make it in time if he doeshn't move his poshterior to the bad guy before Shilver Shentinel doesh."

"Uh, right. Thanks, Lis."

Moving himself faster to downtown Royal Woods, Ace Savvy prepared himself for the next battle to be held, readying himself both physically and mentally for the fight.

-

[Soundtrack Cue: The Offspring - Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)]

Moving his way into town to face the next supervillain to be fought, Ace Savvy's next place of battle was placed at a hardware store, more specifically, in its toilet aisles. Within this hall of thrones was a maniac known as the Toileteer, a man dressed with a toilet on his head, and armed with a toilet plunger and toilet brush, his utility belt holding bleach, a bowl cleaner, and a pornographic magazine.

The villain's goal was to claim the aisle to be an independent country known as Lavatoria, a city-state completely populated by toilets, vowing to no longer take any shit, but deal it out instead. This goal was to be thwarted by Ace Savvy, promptly arriving on the scene, but his appearance was upstaged once again by the Silver Sentinel.

Within seconds, the Toileteer was put down, with his delaration of Lavatoria being declined and left unrecognized. Similarly, Ace Savvy's credit was left unrecognized as well, with Silver Sentinel taking all credit and brushing him to the side. Nonetheless, Ace Savvy swore never to give up, and he stays true to this promise now.

-

The next day led Ace Savvy to a local grocery store, dealing with the supervillain known as the Cereal Killer, dressed in various cut-up cardboard cereal boxes. A man born with an innate hatred for cereals of any kind, the goal of the Cereal Killer was a simple but bold one:

To destroy every form of cereal that existed, and eradicate the food from the face of the Earth.

Ace Savvy, once again arriving to save the day, prepared himself for his chance to stop the villain; preserving the cereal for the customers who might buy it and feed themselves and their family with. Where the Cereal Killer continued stomping on a box of Zombie Bran, Ace Savvy prepared a set of cards, ready to defeat the villain in one short attack.

Before the spade-spannered hero could make his attack against the man smashing the pile of corn flakes, the Silver Sentinel appeared before any attack could be made by the boy; making some attacks of his own. Downing the Cereal Killer in mere seconds, the Silver Sentinel once again stood tall to take in the praise of the press and the people.

Having faced yet another upstage, Ace Savvy made his departure, making plans for his next comeback.

-

The following day led him to a meat packing warehouse, specializing in poultry. Here, the warehouse was under siege by a pair of supervillains named the Turkey Twins, a tag team of two twin brothers with uncooked turkeys as masks. Taking over the meat packing warehouse for themselves, their goal was to take control of all markets of turkey for themselves.

Ready once again to save the day, Ace Savvy readied his baton, extending it to its staff form.

Placing some energy within the staff, the metal weapon began heating itself up, charged with the intention of cooking the turkeys right off his foe's faces. Just as with his last two attempts, however, Ace Savvy was once again upstaged by Silver Sentinel; the man of silver taking his own battle for himself.

Using his heat vision to cook the raw turkeys on the Turkey Twins' heads, Silver Sentinel forced the duo to abandon their masks, revealing their true faces and taking away all sense of pride and honor within themselves. Scoring yet another win away from Ace Savvy, the Silver Sentinel had left the spade-spannered hero to sulk in an anger and annoyance, having his honor taken away once again.

-

The news apparatus bolsters not only many of Silver Sentinel's accomplishments, but also bury Ace Savvy under his many failures, making his significance slip by the day. Such is the case with news reporter Katherine Mulligan and her bland co-host, Carl Grapefruit.

"Yes, Royal Woods, it looks like we've got an official new superhero, and he's here to stay." Katherine Mulligan said.

"That's right, folks. Who isn't going crazy over Silver Sentinel right now? The man's got so much charisma and charm, he's already got his own comic and action figure line going." Carl Grapefruit said.

"And it's already outsold all of Ace Savvy's merchandise, already being reduced to the bargain bins and dollar stores, if they survive the dumpster, a perfect analogy for his career."

The report was then temporarily interrupted with a breaking news report, which Katherine Mulligan reacted to with bordeom.

"Ugh... Oh, whoop-de-doo. Another school shooting. Carl, you wanna take this? I did the last three." Katherine Mulligan said.

Katherine Mulligan handed the story to Carl Grapefruit, who began reporting it with an unfaltering fake smile and inflection.

"That's right, folks. We've got yet another mass shooting at a local school, with a dozen children dead, and the shooter, who was known to previously share plans for a school shooting before purchasing his firearm, is also dead. We, as a community, offer our thoughts and prayers to the people of Royal Woods. After all, it's not our job to offer policy solutions and pushback on the goverment to do its job, we're in the entertainment market, and we have heavy competition alongside movies, TV, video games, and religions, meaning we have to focus on talking about the issues instead of solving them in order to keep our cash flow coming." Carl Grapefruit said.

"That's right, Carl. And to get back to the fun and exciting part of the day, we're all looking forward to what amazing feats the Silver Sentinel will accomplish next. Don't go away, folks, next up is the firing of Carl Grapefruit from Channel 16 news for sharing company secrets." Katherine Mulligan said.

-

And, so, this vicious cycle continued itself on for quite some time.

For every fight Ace Savvy would take on himself to battle, just as he was about to fight these villains, Silver Sentinel would appear and steal the glory for himself. No matter whether these villains would pose as semi-serious threats to just minor inconveniences, the Silver Sentinel would receive untold amounts of praise for even the smallest of wins.

Facing off against many foolish foes from every corner of the city like Dirty Willy, The Masochist, The Ass-Ass-In, Fapjack, The Cow Sodomizer, Tampon-And-On, and The Diabetic Dildo, each and every interaction followed this path, all ending with the same result.

Despite the persistent nature of Ace Savvy, the constant opposition from Silver Sentinel began taking its toll on the boy, leaving him more frustrated with each loss.

[Soundtrack Cue End]

-

Taking his time to recouperate after a number of heavy losses against his rivalry with Silver Sentinel, Ace Savvy decided to take some time to bide away his troubles, heading back to his own home base to build back his morale. This very home base was Flip's Food and Fuel, a fortress far from solitude.

As customers made their way in and out of the store and gas pumps, Ace Savvy sipped away at a Flippee™, washing his troubles away with frozen blue raspberry flavoring.

In the midst of his relaxation, one customer of Flip's pulled his car beside the hero, sharing one last exchange before departing.

"Hey, pal, you need a ride? I was just on my way to Loserville." The customer said.

"You were on your way to Loserville?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Uh... No! I... ...Loser!"

Driving off in anger of his own insult falling apart on itself, the customer stormed off to his intended destination.

While the customer may have been out of Ace Savvy's sight, he was far from out of his mind. Having faced much villification from so many others like the one customer, the goal of restoring his honor once again would seem like a task he would never achieve, let alone finishing his school project.

In the midst of trying to place his thoughts away from the Silver Sentinel, the aforementioned superhero had made his appearance before Ace Savvy himself, having flown into the area. Not at all impressed to see his competetion arrive at his one place of peace, Ace Savvy gave an unwelcoming scowl towards the hero, hoping that his expression would be enough to signal him to leave.

Unfortunately, it seemed this would not be the case. Silver Sentinel was not planning on leaving, at least not yet, until his piece was shared.

"Hi, son. Got a moment?" Silver Sentinel asked.

"My dad calls me 'son'. You call me 'Ace Savvy'. Of course, knowing you, you probably want people to forget my name too, right?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Look, I didn't come here to fight you."

"Yeah, because I'd easily beat you without a problem."

"I seriously doubt that. ...Listen, I know you probably don't like me that much."

"Am I that transparent?"

"C'mon, Ace, I want the same thing as you: To keep the people of Royal Woods safe. We're both superheroes, our job is to protect the innocent."

"Then why are you trying to get rid of me? If you have to fight crime here, then why can't we work together? We could easily sweep up everything in the city and pretty much take care of every bad guy here. Of course, that's assuming you actually mean you consider me a superhero."

"But that's my point. You've got great powers and a lot of spirit, don't get me wrong. I wish I was half as enthusiastic as you are when I was your age. But the fact of the matter is that you're just a kid."

"So what? Since when was there some kind of age limit on doing the right thing and using your powers for good? I got these powers to defend people, so wouldn't it be wrong of me not to use them to help others? Whatever happened to 'With great power comes great responsibility'?"

With his approach not seeming to reach the young Ace Savvy, Silver Sentinel let out a heavy sigh, preparing himself for a different approach to his topic.

"Look, Ace, just answer me this. What's something that kids your age do?" Silver Sentinel asked.

"Well... I mean, we play video games, we read comic books, we watch movies and TV, we hang out; a lot of stuff." Ace Savvy said.

"Right. And do you know what makes all that special?"

"What?"

"It's the fact that you don't have to care about anything but just being yourself. You probably hear everywhere about kids that wanted to be adults already, and that adults wished they were kids for a little longer. Ever think about why they say those things?"

"Not really."

"Being an adult is hard buisness. People have responsibilites; duties and tasks that they have to carry out for the betterment of society. There's people who fill the role of construction workers, cooks and waiters, firemen, and a lot of other jobs we don't think about. And, on rare occasions, you'll have somebody like me; someone with powers that very few people have, and meant to be used for good and to protect people. In the end, we all serve a greater purpose: The sustenance and betterment of society."

"And where does that fit into you talking about kids and adults?"

"Kids don't have to worry about that yet. That's a long ways off, and you don't want to think about stuff like that for a while."

"So what if I want to grow up faster than other people? I'm having the time of my life being a superhero, or at least I was until you started ruining it all. All my life, I've been looking for something I can call my own, something I can have some identity with, and you came in and stole it from me. Why can't you just let me live my life?"

"Because I don't want you to live the same mistakes I have, Ace."

Not understanding Silver Sentinel's last statement, Ace Savvy inquired further into his words, looking for the meaning behind them.

"What do you mean, 'the same mistakes'?" Ace Savvy asked.

"You think I got these powers from some freak accident or they were given to me by some alien being? They weren't. I've always had these powers for as long as I can remember. Since the beginning, I was forced to save other people, no matter the cost. Because of it, I started to really lose focus on myself, and forget who I was as a person. That's a horrible thing to go through, and I don't want anyone else to have that." Silver Sentinel said.

"But heroes are supposed to put away all those things and help people. It's the sacrifice of being a hero in the first place, isn't it?"

"But you have a choice, Ace. I'm giving you that option. All my life, I wanted to have a childhood of my own, something I never got to experience. Please, just live your life. That's all I ask."

Where he once looked upon this superhero as a bitter rival, a change of opinion came over the young Ace Savvy. On the surface, Silver Sentinel seemed like a brash and haughty man; focused only on praise and fame, but there seemed to be much more to the eye than him now.

A child may lack many of qualities that adults do, but empathy is not one of them, perhaps one of the few important traits lost during growth. As such, Silver Sentinel's argument began to reach him, prompting him to change his ways as a superhero. He was not ready to quit his career altogether, but he did find a way he could make a deal with this rival.

"I'll tell you what. How about I just take a break? If you want to take on all the crime in the city, it's all yours, but only for a week. I'll take some time to think over what you said and see if I can find some enjoyment of not having responsibility. If I never show up after that week, then you can consider me having quit. If I do show up, however... Well, you and I are gonna have another talk about taking care of crime in Royal Woods." Ace Savvy said.

Accepting this deal from the boy wonder, Silver Sentinel extended his hand out for a handshake, aiming to make this deal official.

"Sounds like a deal to me, Ace Savvy, but I guarantee you'll be seeing it my way by the end of the week." Silver Sentinel said.

"Oh, we'll see about that." Ace Savvy said.

"Yes, I suppose we will. In any case, I wish you a good week. Good day."

With his task completed, Silver Sentinel flew off to find another citizen to save, continuing his neverending quest to protect the people of Royal Woods. Having made his deal with the man of silver, Ace Savvy now had a part of his own to carry out. For one whole week, he would abstain from crimefighting; leaving such duties to Silver Sentinel.

Where Silver Sentinel would fight the many supervillains of Royal Woods, Ace Savvy would have to take a sabbatical, rethinking his life further and trying to realize if this path of dressing up and fighting crime was truly what he wanted in place of his chance to live a normal childhood.

After all, after fighing numerous eccentric fools in imbecilic costumes, anyone could use a break.

"Okay, I know what you're thinking: 'Lincoln, there's no way you can just give up being a superhero! You've come so far and finally fulfilled your purpose in life!' Don't worry, if you've been keeping up with the show, then you know that I'm the man with the plan. All I have to do is take it easy for a whole week, and I get to relax. Plus, he's bound to slip up and screw up a fight somewhere, then people'll stop caring about him. Then, that's when I come back and take back my glory, and that silver stupor will get a taste of his own medicine." Ace Savvy said.

"Hey, Lincoln! You talking to your imaginary friends again?" Flip called.

"What? My name's Ace Savvy, who's Lincoln?"

"Yeah, yeah. Well, can you tell your imaginary friends to make themselves useful and buy a Flippee™?"

-

And, so, as the week began to fly by, Lincoln Loud, putting his persona of Ace Savvy to a temporary rest, put his own plan into action, making the most of his week by making it a melding of a vacation and a stakeout. Having his best friend Clyde McBride by his side, this new stakeout would be far more easier than he had anticipated.

"So, tell me the plan again?" Clyde asked.

"Simple. Silver Sentinel's been capitalizing on my screw-ups, so I'll capitalize on his. That way, we get our places as Royal Woods' offical heroes back, and people start loving us again." Lincoln said.

"But are you sure this is gonna work? I mean, no offense, but people hate your guts right now."

"Ace Savvy's guts, Clyde."

"You know what I mean. But are you sure that they're gonna turn back to you that easy?"

"They turned away from me in the first place just as easy, right? I shouldn't have any problem if that pendulum swings the other way."

"Huh. I guess you got a point. But what about the summer school project? I mean, I don't want you to fail that whole thing and get held back."

"This is all in the name of the school project, Clyde. If I'm not a superhero, then I can't write about myself being a superhero."

"Oh, good point."

"Right. Now, without further ado, time to put Operation Wait-For-Silver-Sentinel-To-Screw-Up-And-Steal-His-Win-And-Get-My-Popularity-Back-So-I-Can-Be-Cool-Again-And-Also-Think-Of-A-Shorter-Name-For-This-Operation into action."

"Okay, what's step one of the operation?"

"Step one: Last one in buys lunch."

Rushing to the nearby Gus' Games and Grub, Lincoln sought to be the first one in, looking to spend his week by waiting out his opponent to make a mistake which he could exploit. Realizing that his best friend had a new, unquenchable appetite, Clyde hurried along as well to avoid having to fit a large bill.

"Wait, man! I can't afford to feed you anymore!" Clyde shouted.

So, their week off consisted mainly of such ordeals; Lincoln and Clyde would spend some much-needed off time during the summer, with Lisa watching the events surrounding Silver Sentinel closely. Most days went by very much the same: Lincoln and Clyde would spend their days relaxing and playing video games, eating pizza and breadsticks together.

On occasion throughout the days, Lisa would report a crime in the city, making special note of the presence of any supervillains. Rather than rush out to the scene in a haste, Lincoln and Clyde would let the crime go solved by Silver Sentinel, technically upholding his end of the deal. This cycle had continued on for quite a few days, with the end of the week reaching soon.

Another occasion would have the day end with Lincoln going on another date with Stella, leading the two continuing to build their relationship with one another.

Still on his mind was Ronnie Anne, the thought occasionally returning to bring with him some guilt. Not having heard from her in quite some time, part of him wished to think that perhaps his troubles were finally over, but his intelligence forbid that safety. Instead, he took advantage of this relief to keep his mind on Stella during his time with her.

On the 6th day, Lincoln and Clyde began to take a stroll down the streets of Royal Woods, looking to exercise their legs more and give their minds a break from endless electronic stimulation. Watching the streets appear more clean and far more safer under the control of Silver Sentinel, the two took note of the hero's effects on the city, never before having stopped to see the effects of a hero on the streets of the city.

Without any sign of a threat on the streets, the two found no care in their hearts for caution.

"You know, Linc, I gotta say, this Silver Sentinel guy's doing a decent job of keeping Royal Woods clean. Are you sure you really want to keep at the superhero stuff?" Clyde asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry, were you not concerned with me completing my summer school project?" Lincoln asked.

"Well, of course I am, but you could always find something else to write it on, right?"

"After all the work and trouble I put myself through to get where I am now? No way. That'd just be a huge waste."

"Yeah, but you really have to admit that it might be easier to just leave it to him."

"A hero never takes the easy way out of doing the right thing, Clyde. I was hoping that you, of all people, would know that. Or are you suddenly having second thoughts about everything?"

"What?"

"Nothing. I'm just saying that you might want to keep your head in the game."

"'The game'? Lincoln, I thought the whole thing behind us being superheroes was to help people, you know?"

"Yeah, but I still wanted this to find my belonging. This guy's not gonna take it from me, and neither is anybody else."

With the entrance of an unexpected event unfolding to their right, the minor fight going on between the two came to a temporary pause; the talking at its end, but the emotions not having their resolve yet. In the midst of their stroll, a convience store was under attack by a pair of supervillains, drawing the attention of a crowd and a selection of cops.

"Clyde, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Lincoln asked.

"But what about waiting for Silver Sentinel to show up?" Clyde asked.

"Exactly, but we're going to wait in-costume. Once the people realize that he's not showing up, then we get to handle the problem ourselves."

"Oh, I see. Okay."

"Got your costume ready underneath your clothes?"

"As always."

"Good. Then let's get ready for step 2."

After a subsequent visit to a back alley and change to their superhero uniforms, Lincoln Loud and Clyde McBride put their civilian alter-egos away to give place to Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack, ready for action. However, they would not simply rush into the action haphazardly, but instead decide to sit out and wait, taking their time to see what these new threats were.

Stepping up to the police, all the officers immediately pointed their guns at One-Eyed Jack, to which Ace Savvy stepped in again to stay their weapons.

"Whoa, whoa! Relax, guys. It's us again. So, what's going on in there?" Ace Savvy asked.

"You again?! Look, kid, we can handle this, and Silver Sentinel's gonna be here any second, so how about you just sit back?" Chief Pisenschitt asked.

"Actually, that's the exact plan I had. I was just a little curious."

"Well, from what we can see, it's a pair of guys calling themselves Tommy Gunn and Killer Crab. They've had us at bay for at least a full half-hour."

"A full half-hour, huh? Excuse me for a second."

Moving to his earbud, Ace Savvy contacted Lisa Loud back at home, seeking more information on the affair.

"Lisa, I'm at the front of a convience store on Dean and Palmer being held up by a couple of supervillains named Tommy Gunn and Killer Crab. Any sign of Silver Sentinel showing up soon?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Negatory. I've alsho got reportsh that thish shtandoff hash been going on for at leasht half an hour."

"That's what one of these cops were telling me. So, I take it that S.S. isn't coming?"

"It appearsh not. Perhapsh you can make your way back with thish battle after all."

"Oh, I know, but I'm not stepping in just yet."

"What? Why not?"

"Need I remind you that these people still hate me? I have to make these people realize that Silver Sentinel's not coming. So, I'm going to sit here, in-costume, and have them actually want me to solve the problem."

"Lincoln, do you have any idea how dangeroush that ish? What if shomeone getsh themshelves hurt?"

"Since when did you start caring about other people's welfare? You experiment on me and the whole family for fun."

"Well... I... Uh... Damn it. Fine, do whatever you want."

Hanging up his conversation with Lisa, Ace Savvy continued on his course of relaxing, waiting for his moment to come and fight the supervillains within the convenience store. Where the cops and the civilians would let out worried mutters or frightful yelps, Ace Savvy would continue to sit back and await the moment for him to step in.

"Uh, Ace, are you really sure we should be standing by like this?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"Well, these people have made it clear that they don't want us helping. So, we have to leave the decision to help up to them." Ace Savvy said.

"But isn't a hero supposed to help people, no matter what?"

"Who's the sidekick here, Jack?"

Angered once again by Ace Savvy's dismissive attitude, One-Eyed Jack held back his frustration and emotions once again, placing his focus back on the task at hand.

"Okay, fine. But how are we gonna know when to jump in?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

Coming from the convience store was a barrage of bullets landing straight into the cop cars, sending all the policemen behind cover and all civilians ducking for some form of cover for themselves. Still continuing to act nonchalant, Ace Savvy still stood against the car, not paying any mind to the bullets.

By way of relaxing, he finally managed to catch a glimpse of one of the two supervillains within, stepping out to make his appearance.

The first of the two villains that revealed themselves was Tommy Gunn, a man dressed in a classic 1930's gangster zoot suit and cigar in mouth, wielding a M1928A1 Thompson Submachine Gun, better known to many as the 'Tommy Gun' to anyone with even a basic understanding of weapons.

"Alright, ya damn dirty coppers, if none of ya wanna spend ya retirements in a Chicago Overcoat, I suggest ya just keep yourselves back. We ain't leavin' till we got the cabbage, ya got that?" Tommy Gunn asked.

Taking a megaphone, Chief Pisenschitt actually attempted to do his job, but did so in a far too ineffectual way.

"Now, hold on, Mr. Tommy Gunn. We know that, deep down in there, there's a beautiful white person who just needs love and attention. We're more than willing to help you, just please put the gun down and come talk to us. That's all we want." Chief Pisenschitt pleaded.

Tommy Gunn responded to the chief's pleas by firing his machine gun once again, landing bullet holes within every single cop car before him. The police as a whole did not respond to the shooting with gunshots of their own, save for one officer who aimed his gun and fired.

And this one officer who tried to do the correct thing was immediately met with punishment from Chief Pisenschitt.

"Who fired that shot?!" Chief Pisenschitt yelled.

The officer who fired meagerly raised his hand, shyly admitting his guilt.

"Uh... I did, sir." The officer said.

"Rookie, give me the gun." Chief Pisenschitt said.

"But I-"

"Give me... the gun."

The rookie officer then handed the gun to Chief Pisenschitt, doing so in sad silence.

"Now, when you learn to use it correctly, you can have it back." Chief Pisenschitt said.

Behind Tommy Gunn was the other half of the supervillain duo terrorizing the store, Killer Crab, a man in a giant crab suit with large, razor-sharp claws.

"If you try anything funny, you're gonna be sleepin' with tha fishes, with my buddy Killer Crab sending ya there personally." Tommy Gunn said.

Giving a demonstration that the two meant business, Killer Crab grabbed two cop cars and flipped them upside-down, sending them flying towards the nearby populace. No one was harmed, fortunately enough, but tensions were flying much higher than ever before.

With Silver Sentinel never arriving, it was clear that the man of silver would never arrive, and their only option at this point was Ace Savvy.

Ace Savvy, still awaiting the public to give him the signal, continued to relax and sit out the affair. While One-Eyed Jack saw his partner's logic in handling the affair, he could hardly agree with the tactics behind it, growing more frustrated by the second from inactivity. Soon, he grew tired of standing by and waiting, proceeding to jump in himself.

"I can't take this anymore! I gotta stop them!" One-Eyed Jack said.

One-Eyed Jack attempted to jump into action, but Ace Savvy grabbed him by the cape, preventing him from heading inside.

"Not just yet, Jack. We've still got to wait for our moment." Ace Savvy said.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Ace?! People are in danger here!" One-Eyed Jack shouted.

"Well, yeah, and I would love nothing more than to save them, but they just don't like it when we do."

Unable to handle the affair themselves, Chief Pisenschitt ran up to the spade-spangled hero, begging him to assist them in the fight just as Ace Savvy wanted.

"Ace Savvy! You gotta help us! We can't take this guy by ourselves!" Chief Pisenschitt begged.

"Oh, but what happened to 'Look, kid, we can handle this, and Silver Sentinel's gonna be here any second, so how about you just sit back'?" Ace Savvy asked.

"He ain't comin', man! You're all we got!"

"Well, I don't know if you've heard lately, but people are really starting to not like it when we help. After all, isn't fighting these guys your job?"

"Are you nuts, man?! I can't defend the public, I'm a police officer! My job is to beat up nigg-"

Taking notice of One-Eyed Jack and bystanders with darker skin color stopping and raising their eyebrows at him, the policeman quickly retracted his statement.

"Uh... I mean, we're not qualified to handle these sorts of people. You guys are." The policeman said.

"Oh, well, in that case, I suppose we can give you a hand." Ace Savvy said.

"So, does that mean-" One-Eyed Jack began to say.

"Yes, Jack, it's about that time to deal out some justice."

Preparing to face off against the two supervillains, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack readied themselves against their opponents; both facing one-on-one with their selected villain. Tommy Gunn and Killer Crab, not expecting the presence of the two heroes, were both taken by surprise by their appearances.

"What the- Ace Savvy and his sidekick? Didn't that Silver Sentinel guy run you outta town?" Tommy Gunn asked.

"This is my town, I'm not going anywhere. You two, on the other hand, are going straight to jail." Ace Savvy said.

"Yeah, don't be too sure. Killer Crab, you take the mulignan, I'll take Ace."

"With pleasure." Killer Crab said.

Tommy Gunn proceeded to retreat into the convience store, firing at Ace Savvy as he backed in. Taking the gunfire on his super-suit and absorbing the impact of the bullets, Ace Savvy began heading into the store after his target, ready to fight against him and put a stop to his holdup.

As Ace Savvy went off to fight Tommy Gunn, One-Eyed Jack was stuck with Killer Crab, having his own battle to play out with him. Having only dealt with mainly lesser supervillains before and only one serious supervillain previously, One-Eyed Jack did not know which of the two to make of Killer Crab, not finding the fear factor of a crab.

"Quick question. Exactly why, of all animals would you base your outfit off a crab?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"Simple, kid. A crab's claw can crush 90 times their own body weight. Allow me to demonstrate." Killer Crab said.

Killer Crab reached to a nearby car, placing his pincers over the roof. Upon closing his claw around the roof, the edges of the claw cut through the car's metal build like butter, tearing through it as if it were never there. Understandably, where One-Eyed Jack had some skepticism about the competency of the supervillain, all doubts instantly swept themselves away after this.

"Oh... I see now. Uh... I think I just peed myself a little." One-Eyed Jack said.

-

After nearly a full week of waiting as Lincoln Loud, Ace Savvy found his opportunity to fight a villain, and he wasted no time hopping right into the fight. Taking the stage inside a convenience store, Ace Savvy and Tommy Gunn stand at odds; one party more than ready to do battle with each other.

"So, 'Tommy Gunn', huh? That was the best you could come up with?" Ace Savvy asked.

"That's the real game, kid; no gimmicks here. 'Gunn' was my daddy's name, and 'Tommy' was the name my momma picked." Tommy Gunn said.

"Then what's with the tommy gun?"

"This here is the same tommy gun my great-granddaddy used at the beaches of Normandy."

"Shooting out or in?"

"This here's an all-American weapon, boy, take a guess. I always had a bit of a penchant for gangster films growin' up, so it only seemed fair that I carried on this gun's legacy."

"Listen here, my Pop-Pop fought in Vietnam. I might not know a lot about what soldier have to deal with in war, but I can take a pretty good guess that they wouldn't like their grandkids killing innocent people."

"Oh, so, you're one of those people, huh? Well, killin' is killin', kid. Back then, it was killin' guys tryin' to tell us what to do. For the made men, it was killin' guys tryin' to tell us what to do. Now, from where I'm standin', it looks pretty much like you're tellin' me to stop all this, i.e., tellin' me what to do, right?"

"Yeah, I guess that's right."

"Wrong. Ain't nobody tells Tommy Gunn what to do, or else they get a load-a-bullets outta my tommy gun!"

Aiming his eponymous weapon at the spade-spannered hero, Tommy Gunn began firing straight at the boy, sending the shots straight for his head, the one unprotected portion of his body. With a swift leap behind a sales counter, Ace Savvy avoided the shots, taking cover behind the counter as his temporary shelter from the gunfire.

Readying a set of cards in his hand, Ace Savvy prepared to return some projectiles of his own.

-

Outside the convenience store, One-Eyed Jack had his own troubles with the foe known as Killer Crab. Not many may see a crab as a particularly threatening creature, having a man-sized crab face off against you may change your attitude towards the crustacean, especially when you haven't even reached 8th grade.

Such is the case with One-Eyed Jack and his opponent of Killer Crab. Having watched the aforementioned villain pinch his way through a car with his claw, he knew fighting this opponent would not be an easy task, much less for a small, young preteen such as himself.

"So, kid, still see crabs as just a seafood dish?" Killer Crab asked.

"On the contrary, all I'm thinking about is whether I'd like you boiled or steamed." One-Eyed Jack said.

"Oh, a funny girl, huh? Well, that is pretty funny, because I was wondering the same exact thing about you."

Killer Crab began his attack on the crossdressing boy hero, picking up the nearby sliced car he had pinched through not a few seconds ago. Lifting the car over his head, Killer Crab pulled on the two halves, preparing to rip the remaining parts of metal holding the build together to make into two objects to throw.

In less than seconds, the car was ripped in half, giving Killer Crab a pair of heavy objects to toss at One-Eyed Jack. Tossing the driver's side to the boy, Killer Crab sent the half flying in the air, leaving the promise of over a thousand pounds of metal crushing his body.

With a quick leap to the side, One-Eyed Jack avoided the attack, dodging the threat being crushed under the immense weight of a destroyed car, instead leaving it to slide down the street, hitting a few light posts and newspaper boxes. Although he may have avoided the attack of one half of the car, there was still one more half of the car Killer Crab had ready to throw.

While once setting his sights on One-Eyed Jack to toss the car his way, the sight of a few civilians standing to the side changed his mind, giving him a new target to send the car to. Taking notice of his enemy's change in target, One-Eyed Jack began making his way towards the civilians, quickly working to save them both.

Just before Killer Crab could toss the car, One-Eyed Jack fired a barrage of poker chips at the crustacean caitiff, landing his shots into the enemy's face. With his eyesight being diverted away from his target, the throw of the car was sent off, giving One-Eyed Jack more time to save the endangered civilians.

Having made the car been just slightly out of the way of the civilians, One-Eyed Jack leapt to remove the two from the line of fire completely, knocking both to the ground. Where the car half would have easily crushed the two under its sheer weight, it instead went flying into the adjacent store, leaving no injuries or casualties.

With the civilians safe and on their way, One-Eyed Jack now had less challenges in the task of defeating Killer Crab, no more innocents in the line of fire. Now, having One-Eyed Jack and Killer Crab standing each other down, each on an opposing side of the street, the fight could give itself a proper start.

"Not bad moves, kid. But you'll find a case of the crabs is very, very hard to get rid of. Right now, I'm thinking this crab is gonna boil you." Killer Crab said.

"Don't worry, I always bring a pack of garlic butter with me. Really, my dads make me pack some in case I need it for dinner." One-Eyed Jack said.

-

Back within the convenience store, just as the battle continued between One-Eyed Jack and Killer Crab, the fight between Ace Savvy and Tommy Gunn continued as well. As Tommy Gunn expended all the ammunition in his weapon, the supervillain was quickly put under attack by Ace Savvy, who readied his own attack to retaliate on the gangster-wannabe.

Watching a barrage of energized cards being sent his way, Tommy Gunn realized that he was in need of desperate cover, and fast.

Using a gutsy move to protect himself from the blasts, Tommy Gunn took off his suit jacket, tossing it behind himself to catch the cards and soften their explosion. His gambit was not recommended, to say the least, but it had managed to work well enough to avoid the explosions.

Taking cover behind a collection of aisles, Tommy Gunn readied another magazine out of his pocket, inserting it into his submachine gun. Cocking back the weapon and chambering the first round to be fired off, the villain carefully took an eye out of the corner of the aisle, watching for the next move of his target.

"Those suits are ungodly pricey, kid. Ya owe me a new suit jacket." Tommy Gunn said.

"I wouldn't worry about that. Where you're going, they'll have a nice set of orange suits for you to wear, and they're quite stylish there, if you know what I mean." Ace Savvy said.

"You know, kid, I really thought you woulda appreciated a guy like me to fight. You've had to fight a buncha morons so far, and nobody with any real class. See, guys like Capone and Hoffa, those guys had class. The world deserves a betta class-a-criminal, an' I'm gonna be that guy."

"There's not such thing as a better criminal, Tommy. There's only good and bad. Since you made it clear you're the bad guy, that pretty much narrows down my place, doesn't it?"

"Don't be so quick there. From what I hear, you've been gettin' kinda jealous-a-Silver Sentinel suckin' up all your glory. Sure this ain't about pride more than that whole heroism crap?"

Rather than answer the villain's question, Ace Savvy readied another set of cards to toss towards his opponent, his frustration with the question leading him to only further desire the defeat of his enemy. Tommy Gunn, having reloaded his weapon with a full new magazine, shared the sentiments in full, never wanting to face opposition from the boy in the first place, nor expecting it.

With both having their armaments reloaded, the two opponents faced back up against their covers, firing their artillery at one another in a gunfight not unlike those fought in the old west. Just as those gunfights were fought over profit and personal disputes, this one was fought over good and evil; between two archetypes seeking to fulfill their own goals.

Of course, in the case of Ace Savvy, his goals also included personal motives.

Once again, after several shots fired back and forth at each other, many bullets and exploding cards were thrown back and forth at one another, but none of it managed to hit a single target. The result of the two thrown projectiles is nothing more than a deadlock of a battle, leaving nothing hit but various background objects.

As the draw between the two opponents came to a close, it came time once again to take cover and reload for the next round. Ace Savvy took cover behind the cash register, and Tommy Gunn took cover behind another aisle, both parties preparing to attack once again.

"You're a real shit aim, you know that?" Tommy Gunn asked.

"So are you. Tell me, does your bad aim come from those gangster movies, or just your bad accent?" Ace Savvy said.

"Up yours, you little prick!"

-

Outside the store, as the two primary opponents took a temporary break, the fight between One-Eyed Jack and Killer Crab went on without any sort of pause. Where the fight continued on for quite some time, with One-Eyed Jack firing poker chips towards the massive crab-man, and narrowly avoiding the heavy blows dealt by the red-suited monster.

With every dodge and duck exerted by One-Eyed Jack, his body began to grow tiresome under the stress, not leaving him with enough energy to continue the affair. Unable to keep up these methods of defense for much longer, the boy sidekick began blasting through various alternate methods of attack through his mind, thinking of a new means of defeating his opponent.

For obvious reasons, there was no real way to defeat him head-on. Facing up against a giant crab monster with nothing but a pair of bare fists would not be feasable for a 12-year old boy. Where Ace Savvy may possess powers to aid him in situations such as this one, One-Eyed Jack was without any sort of abilities; forced to rely on nothing but his own wits and skill.

Many might be overwhelmed by such a scenario, perhaps even unable to do it on their own, but One-Eyed Jack was not simply any average person.

Having read many Ace Savvy comics since his early childhood and recieving extensive tutoring from his two adoptive fathers, the boy had honed a sheer set of detective skills, enough to help him find his way out of any problem, much like this one here and now.

With one eye covered by his eye patch, all mental attention was focused on the one optical outlet, further enhancing this power of observation. While limited to only one side of the street, his skills were greatly enhanced from both limitation and danger; sharpening them higher than even most regular senses could go.

As such, One-Eyed Jack has found a way to end the fight.

Taking notice of a large billboard atop the adjacent building, One-Eyed Jack found an idea to defeat his large opponent without having to use much physical force of his own. Running to the building holding said billboard atop, One-Eyed Jack began making his way up the fire escape, preparing to reach the billboard for his secret weapon to defeat Killer Crab.

Unfortunately, while his movements were fast to get him up the fire escape, Killer Crab proved himself to be just as fast, despite his large size.

Although unable to fit through the fire escape itself, the villain had found his own way to catch right up. Driving his claws into the brick walls of the building, Killer Crab began to climb up the building by crawling the wall, following alongside One-Eyed Jack as he climbed the fire escape.

Crap. I'd better hurry up if I'm gonna beat this guy. Wonder how Lincoln's doing? One-Eyed Jack thought.

-

Within the convenience store, yet another duel occurred between Ace Savvy and Tommy Gunn, with the duel once again ending in a mutual draw. Both parties had expended much of their own ammunition, but neither had managed to hit one another. Taking cover behind their respective shelters, the two readied themselves for another duel, each hoping to make it the winning duel in their favor.

"You know, you really outta consider yourself lucky. Ain't nobody managed to keep me held up in a fight this long. I'd-a-bumped most guys like you by now." Tommy Gunn said.

"And I would've taken you out fast enough by now, too. For somebody with no powers, you're pretty good." Ace Savvy said.

"Well, in a world where guys can stop entire crowds with their thoughts or draw things outta chalk in the air, you gotta keep up somehow. In any case, it don't matta. None of them got to me, and you ain't gonna get me, neither. Only thing you're gettin' today is a ride in a meat wagon."

"Not gonna happen. You spent about 6 magazines during our fight. Those clothes of yours can't hold more than 7 or 8. Once you spend that last bit of ammo, you'll have nothing left to fight with."

With another check into his pockets, Tommy Gunn realized that only one magazine remained in his possession, and he had just placed it inside the gun, making it the very last of his ammo. Knowing that this would not last him long in the fight against Ace Savvy, Tommy Gunn began observing his surroundings for another means of beating his opponent, looking for a way to make the most of his ammo.

Taking notice of a variety of liquor bottles above the head of the cash register, the place where Ace Savvy was taking cover behind, Tommy Gunn began to speculate an idea. Taking notice of a pack of toilet paper and a bottle of lighter fluid, the idea began to solidify itself into a plan.

Removing a roll of toilet paper from the pack and covering it in the lighter fluid, Tommy Gunn readied the means of defeating his opponent, relying on this as a last-ditch method. Readying the toilet paper roll in one hand and his tommy gun in the other, the villain prepared himself to make use of his surroundings this battle to his own advantage.

Taking his weapon in one hand, Tommy Gunn began firing at the liquor bottles, shattering the majority in an instant. Weilding a 45-caliber machine gun one-handed was nearly impossible to achieve, and sure to make his accuracy suffer greatly, but his efforts managed to fulfill their purpose.

Behind the counter, Ace Savvy, still taking cover behind the counter, suffered little from his attack, only having particles of glass running off his suit. Not immediately knowing Tommy Gunn's plan of attack, Ace Savvy decided to make a mocking remark about the choice of attack.

"So, what exactly was that supposed to do? Make me smell like a homeless man?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Not quite, kid. Haven't you heard that alcohol can be flammable?" Tommy Gunn asked.

"Yeah, but have you heard that I'm fireproof?"

"Yeah, you are, but he ain't."

"Who?"

Rather than have the villain answer his question, his eyes gave a very clear answer as to who he was referring to. Hiding underneath a shelf in the counter was the clerk of the convenience store; having spent his time in this hiding place for the entirety of the fight.

"Oh, god, I'm not even supposed to be here today!" The clerk said.

-

Between One-Eyed Jack and Killer Crab...

Racing his way up to the top of the building, One-Eyed Jack readied himself for his plan to defeat Killer Crab, having the aforementioned villain chase him up the building to finish him off. As One-Eyed Jack had no powers of his own, he was forced to rely on his own wits to defeat his own opponents, not having an easier means of fighting like Ace Savvy did.

With the prospect of a billboard atop this building, however, One-Eyed Jack's wits found him a means of defeating this opponent. From here, it was only a matter of effectively implemeting the plan. Now, watching Killer Crab make his way to the top, there was no more choice now but to carry it out.

"Running isn't going to help you, girlie. Why don't you just give up already?" Killer Crab asked.

"Why don't you just go to jail already?" One-Eyed Jack.

With neither question going answered, Killer Crab prepared a swing towards One-Eyed Jack with his claw wide open, looking to slice the boy in half with his sharpened claw. Performing a somersault to the side, One-Eyed Jack avoided the slash, only leaving the claw to cut through the support of the billboard.

Killer Crab found this miss to be a minor annoyance, but One-Eyed Jack hid a sense of excitement, knowing that his plan was working.

Continuing to strike at the boy, Killer Crab continued to land several slashes and pinches towards One-Eyed Jack. Each and every strike had missed the faithful young sidekick, but they had been following his plan to destroy the billboard perfectly, all to Killer Crab's obliviousness.

Finally, after dodging many slashed and pinches, many attacks that would have surely left him dead, One-Eyed Jack stopped his dodges, grunting in pain.

"What's the matter, girl? Finally ready to accept death?" Killer Crab asked.

"Nope. I just need to take my painkillers. Hold on a second." One-Eyed Jack said.

Pausing the fight, One-Eyed Jack took out his painkillers and a small water bottle, swallowing a multitude of pills to enact what he believed to be his powers.

"Okay, I'm ready. Now, observe my true power!" One-Eyed Jack declared.

WIthin his imagination, One-Eyed Jack's body began to glow like that of a Super Sayian, with his muscles growing larger and gaining strength. Feeling his new power surge through his body, One-Eyed Jack let out a powerful scream, feeling ready to fight Killer Crab on his own now.

Of course, in reality, all he ended up doing was scream like a lunatic and swing his arms around randomly and without coordination, foaming at the mouth as he made his hallucinated attacks. Believing every swing he made to be a landed attack, he shouted out his victory with every perceived hit.

"That'ssss right... Tasssste mmmmy chemical furrrryyyy...!" One-Eyed Jack slurred.

Before Killer Crab could question the bizarre sight, the loud groans and creaks of breaking metal began to flood the area, leaving no time for the villain to question One-Eyed Jack. Looking up to the sounds of the bending metal, Killer Crab watched the billboard above him, a medical ad ironically asking 'Have you fallen and can't get up again?', began to bend and fall over...

...and he stood right in the middle of its flightpath.

Upon seeing why this happened, Killer Crab instantly realized what a mistake he had made.

"Oh, shi-" Killer Crab began to say.

Before Killer Crab could finish his sentence, the billboard fell down over the villain, sending him falling to the ground with several hundred pounds of metal sending him down. One-Eyed Jack, safely out of the way of danger, watched the villain take his fall under the weight of the billboard, taking the entirety of the fire escape with it, hallucinating it as one of his own attacks.

When Killer Crab finally reached the ground, the villain was stuck between a sandwich of crushed fire escape and a crumbled billboard; leaving the foe out of commission. With One-Eyed Jack handling his opponent, there was only now the question of how his partner was coming along with his own opponent.

"Thhhhattt'sss right... I'm One-Eyed Jack... I cannnnn beat... annnnnyboddddy! But I... hope Ace'ssssss doooooing alright." One-Eyed Jack slurred.

-

Between Ace Savvy and Tommy Gunn...

Now realizing the added danger of a civilian in harm's way, the realization came to Ace Savvy all too late. Peeking behind the counter again, the spade-spangled hero watched Tommy Gunn light up the doused toilet paper roll, creating a makeshift fireball to ignite the liquor. With one toss into the air, the fireball was sent flying towards the back of the counter.

Unable to allow any harm to befall the clerk, Ace Savvy leapt into the air and caught the fireball, allowing himself to set on fire.

Containing the flames of the fireball and only allowing himself to be ignited, the flames began to die out as quickly as they were set. Absorbing the energy of the flames being emitted, the energy that gave light to the flames quickly died out, elminating all traces of fire and sending all energy into the body of Ace Savvy.

Now, with another charge of energy sent into his body from the flames, Ace Savvy had the energy expended on the fight with his opponent refilled; readying him to finish the battle once and for all. With no more ammunition for his tommy gun, Tommy Gunn seemed to be all but defeated already by Ace Savvy.

However, this villain would not be so easy to face defeat like that.

Tossing the empty magazine out of his machine gun, Tommy Gunn hit his enemy in the face with the blunt object; not harming him in any way, but granting him enough time to prepare for another form of attack. Taking a bayonet out of his pants, he began attaching it to his gun.

To throw a bone to all you gun nerds out there (or educate the MSNBC liberals who don't have any), while the tommy gun is not designed to house a bayonet save for the for the experimental Model 1923, Tommy Gunn had made a modification of his own allowing one, using his time of distraction on the hero to attach a bayonet to his gun.

With the attachment of a bayonet turning his weapon into a makeshift spear, Tommy Gunn began wielding the weapon as such.

Taking various swings and jabs at the hero like a primal caveman battling a beast for his next dinner. Where such a battle would be driven only by survival and a need for food, however, this one was driven by concepts of morality; something a mere caveman would not comprehend in its stage of evolution.

A simple beast or animal might not be able to defend itself against a man with a spear or bladed weapon, but Ace Savvy was no simple beast. Both of these enemies were human beings; a species capable of constructing tools for its own needs and survival.

Just as Tommy Gunn had his tommy gun, Ace Savvy had his baton; quickly extending it to its staff form to fight back with.

Ace Savvy's suit was made well enough to take gunfire of bullets up to 50-caliber pistol rounds, able to stop and absorb the impact for him to absorb the kinetic energy, but the suit itself was not completely proofed from all means of attack. Something like a knife or a blade, much like Tommy Gunn's bayonet, for example, was at risk for landing into an unprotected joint or loose plate; more than enough for the villain to exploit.

Of course, there also laid the most obvious risk of having his face and head completely exposed; making it the primary target of Tommy Gunn. Ace Savvy was quick enough to avoid most attacks by the villain, the blade only hitting his hair at best, but one wrong move had cost him a nick of skin on his cheek.

With one move made too late, Ace Savvy had suffered a small cut to the side of his face, letting out a panicked yelp from the boy. The one small moment of surprise and shock had taken nearly all of the hero's concentration, leading him to cover the wound by reflex and drop his staff.

This one reflex granted Tommy Gunn one last opening he needed to finish his opponent, prompting him to drive his bayonet straight into the eye of the hero. Acting on a more beneficial reflex to save himself, Ace Savvy grabbed the tommy gun by the barrel, preventing him from getting stabbed, but only just enough to leave the blade just near his eye.

"I was born with this gun in my hands, kid. I spent years learnin' its ins and outs; learnin' how it works and how to make it better. I've put countless hours into modifying it and makin' it the very best weapon on Earth. This gun's a part of me, an' I'm gonna make it part-a-you!" Tommy Gunn said.

Unable to allow himself to be defeated by this supervillain, Ace Savvy placed both of his hands on the weapon, feeding energy into it and setting it ready to blow. The metal body of the tommy gun began to grow red-hot to the touch, having a vast amount of energy placed within it, giving the wielder of the weapon a good clue as to what was about to become of it.

"That's alright... keep it!" Ace Savvy said.

Unable to hold itself together with the energy placed within its body, the tommy gun exploded under the buildup, sending both opponents flying to opposite ends of the store. Where Ace Savvy crashed into the glass doors of the refridgerators, Tommy Gunn was sent flying out the front window, crashing through the glass and falling onto the windshield of a parked car.

Picking himself out of the wreckage of the destroyed refridgerator, Ace Savvy dusted himself off, shrugging off several smashed beer cans and milk cartons. Standing outside the convenience store, the spade-spannered hero took a look at the downed Tommy Gunn, watching him writhe on his back after suffering such an attack.

While the villain might still have lived, he was clearly in no shape to continue fighting.

"You... You destroyed... my tommy gun... and my suit..." Tommy Gunn said.

"Well, I think that second part might have done you a favor. That zoot just didn't suit you." Ace Savvy joked.

"Ugh... That's a shit joke, kid..."

"Blame my sister. It was her idea to teach me puns."

With his own villain defeated, One-Eyed Jack regrouped with his partner, looking upon the efforts that he had put out to defeat his own opponent.

"Well, looks like you took care of things alright on your own." One-Eyed Jack said.

"Yeah, but it wasn't easy. This guy wasn't any pushover." Ace Savvy said.

"Oh, really? You should've seen what I had to deal with on that crab guy."

"I noticed. All that rubble on him, I don't think he's getting up again."

Although the two were greatly enjoying their moment of victory, the last remark about their battle had been spoken all too soon.

Out of the rubble of the destroyed fire escape and billboard, Killer Crab emerged from the wreckage, ready once again to attack the two. While the crustacean super-criminal was still standing, he was very visibly damaged from the fall, but in still good enough shape to fight back.

"Oh, crap, that didn't get him?!" One-Eyed Jack panicked.

"Relax, I got him." Ace Savvy said.

Ace Savvy reached for a playing card to toss towards the last villain to put a swift end to Killer Crab, but found a new difficulty in that task. After his elongated duel with Tommy Gunn, he had expended all of his cards, leaving none left to toss towards Killer Crab.

"Uh-oh." Ace Savvy said.

"What?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"I'm out of cards."

"What?! How are you out of cards?!"

"I- I don't know, I just used them all up."

"Well, what do we do?"

Searching around their surroundings for another object to throw, the pair found a godsend within the convenience store.

Hanging off the register were a set of Ug-Li-Oh cards packs, giving Ace Savvy a different kind of card to fight with. Upon trying to take the packs to fight with, the clerk, no longer cowering behind the counter, protested the two using the cards for these purposes, grabbing at the card packs himself.

"Hey, man, that's 10 bucks a pack!" The clerk said.

"We need it, it's an emergency!" Ace Savvy said.

"I don't care, man, you gotta pay!"

"Just put it on our tab!"

"We don't do tabs here, man!"

"We'll pay you back, just give us the cards!"

"No way, you want it, you gotta pay!"

"Guy, do you want us to beat this supervillain or not?!"

Taking the packs from the defiant clerk, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack opened the packages, rummaging through the contents to find the least valued cards to throw. Unfortunately, where the two had little luck with gaining rare cards, these packs were loaded with expensive and rare cards, making the challenge of picking bad ones a troublesome task.

"Crap, why did it have to be now when we get good cards?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"Look, don't worry, just pick something crappy."

"Okay, uh... how about a White Dragon?"

"What, are you, crazy?! That's valued at $800!"

"Okay, okay, how about a... Mineral Light Witch?"

"That one's your pick?! That's got to be over two grand!"

"Fine, then, what have you found?!"

"Uh... Two-Headed Lion?"

"No, dude, not that one, that's 1 in a thousand!"

As the supervillain named Killer Crab grew closer with each step, time began to run low for the two to make a decision. Within mere seconds, Killer Crab would approach the two, and it would surely spell doom for the two, forcing them to look back to the cards to find an expendable one quicker.

"Okay, okay, how about the Vamp-Cyber?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Toss it." One-Eyed Jack said.

Charging the inferior card and tossing at Killer Crab, the card exploded on impact, taking out the last of the supervillain's stamina. Unable to rise from the ground again, Killer Crab laid on the ground in defeat, unable to get back up again after the last blow, and spelling victory for the heroes.

Except for one simple fact that One-Eyed Jack remembered too late.

"Wait a minute, was that a silver or a gold Vamp-Cyber?" One-Eyed Jack asked.

"Uh... gold?" Ace Savvy asked.

"Dude... That was the only one of its kind, worth 7 million dollars, at least. And you threw it."

"Dangit. Well, uh... At least we saved the day, right?"

At this moment, any one would expect a numerous amount of praise to be showered upon the two, every saved life in the area thankful for being delivered from the attack of the supervillains. After all, with Silver Sentinel achieving much of the same with his own efforts, it only made sense that Ace Savvy received thanks and praise for his efforts, and he would surely regain his honor and fame back.

But that is not what happens.

"Boo! You two suck!" A civilian said.

With all civilians joining in jeering Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack with the dissenting citizen, the supposed moment of praise for the heroes turned into a full public trashing in seconds. Having put in innumerable effort to defeat the two supervillains, neither hero could understand why they were receiving such harsh words and cruel messages.

"Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute, we just beat these guys for you! Would you prefer if we didn't do anything?" Ace Savvy asked.

"You destroyed half the city block fighting these guys off! The fire escape and billboard's been destroyed!" A citizen said.

"And you wrecked my store!" The clerk said.

"And my car!" Another citizen said.

"And my car, too!" A different citizen said.

With many angry citizens continuing to shout numerous dissenting and hateful remarks towards the heroes, the moment of praise and honor that the two were looking to recieve had quickly turned into the very last thing they wanted. It seemed, at this point, there was nothing that could be done to win back the hearts of the people of Royal Woods.

To make matters far worse, Silver Sentinel had entered the area, flying down from the skies to give the two a scolding. Flying down from the sky and landing sharply on his feet, the man of silver stared right at the pair of superheroes, adding insult to injury among the vilification they were facing.

"Now do you see how I've been trying to tell you how this superhero business is not fun and games for children?" Silver Sentinel asked.

"Hey, Silver Stupidhead-" Ace Savvy began to say.

"That's not nice."

"...I get that we caused a little damage, but, hey, we at least got the bad guys, didn't we? Plus, nobody was hurt."

"Nobody may have been hurt, although they seriously could have been, but, as for the villains... Well, did you manage to secure them?"

Looking to where the downed Tommy Gunn and Killer Crab once laid, the heroes looked upon a pair of empty spaces, signalling the two were still at large. Now, it seems that even this one win had subverted itself into a victory of Pyrrhic proportions, and Ace Savvy has done even more damage to his own career.

"Dangit." Ace Savvy said.

CHAPTER 24: GIRL TROUBLE, PART 1

The Silver Sentinel has taken the place of Royal Woods' official superhero from Ace Savvy.

Appearing out of nowhere in a set of shiny silver clothes and taking opportunity of Ace Savvy's recent failiures, the fame that the young hero had made for himself was snatched up and brought under the name of the new superman that had appeared in Royal Woods.

Unable to accept his 15 minutes of fame being up to give way to the next trend, Ace Savvy fought tooth and nail to regain his honor. His attempts were noble as they were numerous, always being the first one on the scene and ready for battle, and determined to gain his popularity back.

Despite how fast he was to arrive to the scene, each and every villain he would go to fight would be taken down by the Silver Sentinel, downing the opponent before Ace Savvy could even lift a finger. At this point in his career, it was a question of how long his persistence would last.

Youthful and eager as he was, it was only allowing his mind and his body to take so much.

With the arrival of Silver Sentinel coming to make a deal, Ace Savvy found a prospect to regain his fame and honor. The deal Silver Sentinel had to offer was simple:

Take a week off and make sure that he was still sure if he wished to continue a career in superherodom.

In this deal, Ace Savvy found himself some opportunity of his own:

By taking the deal, he would await a time, a moment of weakness, when Silver Sentinel would not show up to save the day, and take the opportunity for himself.

After nearly a full week of waiting as Lincoln Loud, Ace Savvy found his opportunity, having two villains to face: Tommy Gunn, a 1920's-obsessed gangster archetype, and Killer Crab, a man in a massive crab suit with claws capable of pinching through anything. Where the latter would be taken on by his sidekick, One-Eyed Jack, Ace Savvy would take on the outdated if not classy Tommy Gunn.

The battle was hard-fought and resulting in the first victory for the spade-spangled hero in a long while... only to be met with revile and jeers from the bystanders he expected support from, seeing that his attempt to regain his status was a fool's errand, and left him all the more humiliated.

Later on, with Silver Sentinel taking care of some of the fallout of the fight, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack made their returns back home, their journey turning to a walk of shame. Where One-Eyed Jack could at least find the peace to take his troubles in silence and peace, Ace Savvy had an entire family of nosy sisters to peer into his life.

Changing back into the persona of Lincoln Loud and stashing his costume away, the aforementioned boy made his way through the front door of the Loud House, preparing himself for said sisters to involve themselves in his troubles, taking in and letting out a deep breath.

Upon stepping inside the house, a gallery of 8 feminine faces looked back on him with sympathy, all knowing of his troubles in the line of duty.

"Dude, we saw what happened on the news. We're really sorry." Luna said.

"Yeah, Linc, we were sure that you had it that time." Lynn said.

"Trust me, honey. If there's one thing I know, it's tough crowds. But, worry not, we can get you ready for the next time." Lola said.

"I concur with the shiblingsh. I believe that we jusht may make thish work for you yet. I've devished shome new tacticsh in which you-" Lisa tried to say.

"Not now, guys. Just leave me alone." Lincoln said.

Hopping onto the couch and planting his face into the side cushion, Lincoln went for an approach to his troubles not unlike how the ostrich does: By sticking its head in a soft and secure area where it cannot see its troubles. Just as this tactic is ineffective for the flightless bird, it is just as ineffective for the witless boy; having his sisters bombard him with questions and support.

"C'mon, Linc, it's not that bad. It's like unclogging a toilet: Sure, it's dirty and smelly, but it's gotta be done, and you can have lots of good fun doing it!" Lana said.

"Yeah, Lincoln, you just gotta know how to play a crowd. You know me, I always kill 'em with my jokes! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it? You know, Killer Crab? Kill 'em with jokes? C'mon, Lincoln, I'm not made out of puns, cheer up already." Luan said.

"I don't have anything to say, I just want to say you look great lying there. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you look just like a corpse." Lucy said.

"Poo-Poo?" Lily asked.

"Will you all please shut up?! I've had a long day with a lot of crap happening to me, the last thing I need is 9 sisters all-" Lincoln began to say.

Upon taking a headcount, Lincoln realized that there were only 8 sisters present, leaving out Leni from the group.

"Hey, where's Leni?" Lincoln asked.

"Well, I believe we made it clear that we could not allow her to know your shecret indentity ash Ashce Shavvy, did we not?" Lisa asked.

"Yeah, but, how'd you get rid of her?"

-

And, shown by one quick cut to the basement, the aforementioned Leni Loud found herself strapped to a chair, unable to move from her spot. As none of the Loud sisters possessed any official handcuffs, the lot were forced to settle on a Chinese fingertrap, securing Leni in place and preventing her from moving.

"Help! Someone, please! I really have to pee!" Leni said.

-

Back in the foyer, where the serious stuff is still going on...

"We took care of her. Look, don't worry about her, we're here for you, dude." Luna said.

"Yeah, anything you need from us, we'll-" Lynn began to say.

"Forget it, you guys. I just want to lay here and do absolutely nothing. I've had enough with dealing with people today." Lincoln said.

"Very well, but, before we depart, I should inform you that we should have-" Lisa began to say.

"I SAID QUIET! I SWEAR, IF I HEAR ANOTHER PERSON TALK TO ME AGAIN TODAY, I'LL-" Lincoln began to say.

Before Lincoln could finish his sentence, the doorbell to the house rang, further adding to his frustration. Wanting to personally see about the interruption to his moment of peace, Lincoln began marching towards the door, intent on venting all his frustrations on whoever may be behind it.

"I swear, I don't care who's behind that door, I'm going to give them a piece of my mind!" Lincoln said.

"Uh, Lincoln, we kind of forgot to tell you, that should be-" Lana tried to say.

"FORGET IT! I'll handle this myself!"

Swinging open the door, Lincoln, his face a bright, beet red, vented out the intense anger and frustration he had inside him in one loud blast of emotion.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT, MOTHERF-?!" Lincoln began to scream.

Initinally not knowing or caring who would be behind the door, Lincoln's outburst of emotion and anger immediately came to a screeching halt upon seeing who this particular guest was. The guest herself, while no stranger to Lincoln in his most vulnerable moments, was not too thrilled to have an outburst of anger let out on her, sharing her sentinments to the perpetrator.

"Well, Lame-O, is that your idea of saying 'welcome back'?" Ronnie Anne asked.

"Ronnie Anne?!" Lincoln asked.

Just as Lincoln had asked, the girl known as Ronnie Anne was standing before him in the doorway, looking right back at him. Best known to the first girl to ever like him, not to mention kiss him, Ronne Anne was practically already a Loud; all but betrothed to the young Lincoln.

"Uh, yeah, it's me. What else would I look like, a Jehovah's Witness?" Ronnie Anne asked.

"Well, no, I just- What are you doing back?" Lincoln asked.

Adding to the sudden confusion placed upon Lincoln Loud, popping up from the side of the door was Lori Loud, accompanied by Bobby Santiago. Letting out an ecstatic squeal of delight, Lori pulled out her cell phone and took a picture of Lincoln, wishing to capture the look on his face for this moment.

Where the expression Lincoln held, an expression holding confusion by his friend's reappearance and the thoughts of his past actions coming to haunt him, would have simply passed and gone, it was now forever immortalized in the digital files of Lori's phone, soon to become a laminated photograph in short time by the rest of the family.

"O-M-G, you were right, Ronnie Anne, it was literally worth it to see the look on Lincoln's face when he saw you again!" Lori said.

"Yeah, you look pretty surprised, bro. Are you?" Bobby asked.

Trying to compose himself from the shock that overtook his body, Lincoln tried brushing off his emotions with humor, hoping to laugh his way out of the confusion.

"Surprised? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now. So, you guys stop by to visit?" Lincoln asked.

"Oh, there's way more than a visit in store here, Lame-O. Whatcha got in the fridge?" Ronnie Anne asked.

Not even waiting for an offer to enter the house, Ronnie Anne stepped inside the house without a second thought, acting as if she lived in the house. As Lori previously lived in the house for the past 18 years, she joined along in the entry brigade, bringing Bobby along with her. While they welcomed back with open arms and tight hugs by the sisters, Lincoln continued to stand in the doorway, still trying to process all that unfolded.

Naturally, the first step he takes to avoid this is denial.

"This isn't happening. This is not happening right now. This is... This is just a rough draft of the chapter, he's not actually putting Ronnie Anne back in now, he can't possibly be putting her back in now. I mean, I've got so much going on already, the writer wouldn't seriously just drop this on me now, would he?" Lincoln ranted.

Oh, I will, and I just did, boy.

"And of course I heard him again. That means something really bad's gonna happen." Lincoln said.

Speaking of which, Ronnie Anne, holding a sandwich in her hand with her mouth full of a bite of it, returned back to the doorway to address the still-standing Lincoln.

"Hey, Lame-O, you gonna just stand there and talk to the viewers or you gonna join the party?" Ronnie Anne mumbled.

-

The gathering of the sisters and family friends had all brought themselves into the living room, with Lincoln sitting at the center of the event as it unfolded. If this were a hurricane of emotions and events, Lincoln tried his best to place himself at the eye of the storm, hoping that it would grant him some sanctuary from all which was happening now.

Unfortunately, the eye of a storm only offers temporary peace, quickly following up its temporary utopia with another fury of chaos. As such, Lincoln quickly became subject to the comments and observations around the two being reunited, seeing it as a game of matchmaking.

Of course, being family, matchmaking their only brother was all too fun and easy to do, especially when putting him beside the very first girl he ever had a relationship with.

"So, Lincoln and Ronnie Anne finally back together. I always knew you two would somehow come together again." Luna said.

"I know, right? It's literally the cutest thing ever. I just can't wait for the next double-date. I bet you've been looking forward to this too, right, Lincoln?" Lori asked.

"Uh... Yeah... Sure... Really looking forward to it." Lincoln said.

"Hey, Linc, what's the matter? You're really lookin' shaky there." Lynn asked.

"I agree. You appear to be dishplaying exshtreme shignsh of anxiety. Ish there shomething on your mind?" Lisa asked.

"Uh... Well... It just occurred to me, Leni's not here. Shouldn't she be around for this?" Lincoln asked.

"Oh, yeah, where is Leni? She should literally be out for this." Lori said.

"I think that Leni got trapped from trying to finger someone to the cops. HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it?" Luan asked.

"Uh, no, I don't. Where's Leni?"

"We threw her in the basement and secured her with a Chinese fingertrap." Lola said.

"What? Why?"

"Don't know, she insisted on it. Who knows what goes Leni's head?" Lana asked.

"Ash shomeone who hash exshperimented my fair share on her, I can confirm that she hash exshactly nothing on her mind. Ever." Lisa said.

While Lisa was indeed quite serious about Leni's (lack of a) thought process, the group all collected into a hearty laugh. Except, of course, for Lincoln, as he still sat in silence in hopes that the event would pass him by, but he still let out a few chuckles to avoid sticking out.

"But, seriously, can you go get her? I literally haven't seen her or any of you guys in over a month." Lori said.

"Right. We'll get her." Lola said.

"I'll chew my way through the fingertrap." Lana said.

As Lola and Lana departed to the basement to retrieve Leni, Lincoln was finally brought to attention for the conversation.

"So, Lincoln, pretty sweet having Ronnie Anne back, huh?" Lori asked.

"Yeah, Lame-O. Glad I'm back?" Ronnie Anne asked.

"Uh, yeah, yeah, real great. It's great having you guys visit. I mean, all the times I visited you, I can't believe you didn't do the same. But, I guess with Lori there and missing us, it wasn't that hard to get up and go, right?" Lincoln asked.

"I told you, Linc, this ain't just a regular visit. I've been trying to tell you this for, like, a month now, but you haven't returned any of my calls. So, to make up for your laziness, I decided to just make it a surprise."

"Uh, surprise?"

"Yeah. You know that Ace Savvy guy that's been kickin' butt here in Royal Woods recently? I mean, obviously, you know him, you and I read his comics out the wazoo."

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard of him. He's definitely really cool. I mean, I've never really met the guy, but he is pretty cool."

"Right. Anyways, with all these supervillain attacks that have been going on, there's gonna be a lot more work at the hospital, right?"

"Yeah?"

"So that means they're gonna need some more staff to deal with injuries and hurt people, right?"

"Yeah?"

"And, as you know, my mom's a nurse, and had to move out because she got a promotion in Great Lakes City, and having us move in with my extended family, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, where's all this going?"

"Well, with more people needed here, my mom got an offer to come back, now with even better pay. Plus, with Bobby on his own with Lori, or, more specifically, him and her staying with my extended family for college, she's gotten a lot more financial freedom."

"Oh, okay, your mom got a new job. Great, that's really great. Congrats-"

"No, dude, not that. With my mom having to move back here, she took me along. I'm moving back in!"

In any other instance, the final words leaving Ronnie Anne's mouth would bring Lincoln untold amounts of joy. There might be a bit of an adjustment period of having to endure some teasing by his peers, but having his second best friend and first love interest return was an immense wish that he held; wishing that Ronnie Anne would return someday.

With all the running around he had been doing with Stella behind her back, however, this wonderful news just became his worst nightmare come to life. Fidelity is never a strong trait among children, sometimes developing with age, sometimes not, and some mistakes are permitted in the process of learning.

The only flaw with learning from mistakes, however, is having to make that mistake and bear its consequences.

Now, Lincoln has to find his own way to deal with his issues.

"Well, dude, what do you think? Isn't this great?" Ronnie Anne asked.

"Uh... Excuse me for a moment." Lincoln said.

Wasting no time to remove himself from the situation, Lincoln sprinted up the stairs straight to his room, hoping to hide from his own troubles. Where the unanimous expectation of Lincoln's reaction was to see him elated and excited, none understood the subvertion of this collected prediction; sitting in confusion at the young boy's reaction.

"Uh... What just happened?" Luan asked.

"I literally did not expect him to just bolt. What's the deal?" Lori asked.

"Well, this was a bit much to lay on him. Maybe he just needed to be elsewhere to vent out his excitement." Lynn said.

"Yeah, yeah, maybe he's just letting it all out by himself. That happens, right?" Bobby asked.

"Uh... no. That doesn't seem like him. I'm gonna go talk to him." Ronnie Anne said.

Making her way up the stairs to meet up with Lincoln, Ronnie Anne prepared to investigate the strange reaction from her friend. Those downstairs did not interfere or involve themselves in the matter, wishing to let the two get back together without their interference.

In the midst of the confusion, Lana and Lola returned with the liberated Leni, letting the small-minded young woman join the party. Within seconds, Leni forgot the entirety of being trapped in the basement, just as easily as she forgets her own name during most days.

"Wow, Lori's back? I thought she moved out to college. Or did she? I can't remember." Leni asked.

With Leni speaking of unable to remember things, Lola began to feel herself grow close to remembering something, but unsure of what it was she was supposed to be remembering. Feeling the headache associated with this memory arise as the memory itself did, Lola began rubbing her temples, groaning in pain at the tightening headache.

"What's wrong?" Lana asked.

"It's that stupid headache I get everytime I try to remember... whatever I was supposed to remember. Would someone get me an asprin?! This stupid headache is killing me!" Lola said.

"Someone's killing Lola?! Oh, my gosh, we need to call the police! Somebody get the third aid kit! Or was it the seventh? Why do they have to list those things in such a hard order to remember?!" Leni panicked.

-

As the sisterly chaos continued on, Lincoln made his way up to his room, seeking for a way out of his troubles.

For obvious reasons, the idea of simply hiding and running away from his troubles would not work. Any normal person would have to face up to their problems themselves, finding some way to work through the troubles they had put themselves in and work out a solution for the best of everyone's interests.

But Lincoln Loud is not a normal person. He is a cartoon character, and one who is able to communicate with his own audience through the trope of breaking the 4th wall, a concept not quite as clever as it thinks it is, but can be dependent on the writer. Unfortunately for you, the writer of this story is a bored Florida man who hates everyone and thinks everything is stupid.

Looking for a way to retcon his solutions, Lincoln calls out to me, the writer, to change things to make things more convenient for him.

"Writer? The Guy? You there?!" Lincoln called.

Appearing as an agent of the writer (to avoid confusion as to what is the writer's dialogue and what is describing the story), The Guy appeared at Lincoln's call.

"You rang?" The Guy called.

"Guy, listen, can you get the writer to write Ronnie Anne back out? I really can't do this." Lincoln said.

"No can do. We told you from the start, your goal is to get with Ronnie Anne and please the fans, and that's what we're sticking with." The Guy said.

"But I have it great with Stella now. Can't I just be happy with her instead?"

"The writer has other plans for her, kid. Look, you're 12 years old. What's the difference between one coochie and another at your age?"

"First of all, I'm not old enough to think about that yet."

"Maybe not you at 12. I got buds that say otherwise."

"Second, there is a very big difference. I mean, I like them both, but... Actually, I don't suppose there's a way I can have both, can I?"

"As much as I'd like to let you and then give you props for being the writer's first poly relationship, I don't think you or either of them would actually be down for that canonically, so, no can do there, either. Plus, even if it did, how do you think it's gonna break? 'Oh, hi, Ronnie Anne, I was dating this other girl behind your back while you were gone, think we can throw her in the mix?'"

"What's with you people and 'dating behind her back' crap?! We were miles apart and couldn't be a thing anymore! Did you seriously think that we wouldn't try to date other people?!"

"She never did. All she thought about was you, kid. You could have at least asked her about it, but you didn't. Now, she's downstairs and back for good in Royal Woods."

"Okay, okay, fine, if you really want me to be with her that bad, then fine, but can you at least retcon the time I spent with Stella? Rewrite it so we were just friends instead?"

"We don't do retcons, kid, not unless it's absolutely necessary. This you got yourself in, this you gotta get yourself out."

"Please, I'm begging you, I'll do whatever you want, just retcon something! I don't care what you do, just get me out of this mess! Isn't this going to mess up the whole story?"

"You'd be surprised what the writer can pull off with his weird tangents. Besides, here's something that's really gonna make you think later: Are you actually defying us by going with Stella, or was it our plan to put you in this conflict? Maybe you're just not as 4th-wall breaking-capable as you thought you were."

"What? But, then... Have you just been lying to me this whole time about giving me some freedom? Was it even actually the particle accelerator that allowed me to hear you? Was I never out of bounds on the story? Is anything I've been doing of my own doing?"

"Who knows?"

"You know! You people are the ones writing this crap! Can't you give me a solid answer?!"

"And make it too easy for you? No way. To make a character interesting, you have to give them some conflict: Give them a problem, then watch how they try to solve it. If you just hand-deliver them an answer, then there's no more conflict, and no more story."

"So, what am I, then?! Am I just some victim of your imagination?"

"Yeah, pretty much, kid. So, uh... suck it."

"Oh, yeah? Well, guess what? I don't think you're actually still controlling me. I think I really do have my own control over what happens to me in the story, and you need me to cooperate. So, then, what happens if I just sit here and do absolutely nothing at all? Then, the story just stops, right?"

"You think you're going to beat us just by sitting down and doing nothing for the duration of this story?"

To prove the point Lincoln was making, the white-haired boy sat on his bed and laid back, attempting to stop the story by refusing to progress it any further.

"Why, yes, I think I will." Lincoln said.

"Well, then, I think you remember what happens if you start going against the story, now, don't you?" The Guy asked.

"Pssh. I'm not scared. You need me to continue the story, and only I can make it continue. Besides, I had 'the talk' with my mom and dad, and they made it as disgusting as possible. There's nothing you can do to break me."

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure of that."

Setting up the first of many scenarios to make Lincoln to continue the story, The Guy snapped his fingers, changing the environment to something completely different.

-

Opening his eyes to the first of the change in his environment, Lincoln felt his face being driven to the ground, with the back of his head being pushed down by a sharp high heel. Turning to get a glimpse of what was driving this heel into his head, Lincoln familiarized himself with the first scenario that The Guy prepared for him.

Standing above him were Lori and Leni, both dressed in leather black dominatrix outfits, wearing Nazi officer hats and carrying whips. Conversely, Lincoln was wearing a striped blue raggedy outfit, with a Star of David emblem printed on the front, subjucated under his Aryan oppressors.

"Well, look at what he have here, sister. A filthy little Jew. Doesn't he look so pathetic?" Lori asked.

"Indeed, sister. He is nothing compared to the master race. It's a shame, really. He's far too cute to be a Jew." Leni said.

"Perhaps he is. That doesn't change what he is, and how repulsive he truly is. Why don't we show this little Jew what his purpose is?"

Lori pulled on her whip, wrapping it tightly around the neck of the subdued boy at her feet. As painful as the experience was to Lincoln, especially having this humiliation and pain put unto him by his eldest sisters, he reminded himself of the troubles he would have to face with his infidelity to Ronnie Anne, fearing it far more than whatever The Guy could throw his way.

"Changing that tune yet? I could keep this one up for a while, you know. Not a fan of the Nazis for obvious reasons, but femdom and straight shota seem to sell pretty well with the people who read crap like this. Makes you wonder if there's some woman who likes the opposite? Of course, you try to draw that, and everybody immedately calls you a pedo." The Guy said.

"You can't beat me with these porn scenarios, Guy. Ronnie Anne's the only person who can really scare me, especially when she's angry. I'm not changing my mind, I won't continue the story." Lincoln said.

"Oh, don't be so sure. I've got plenty more where this came from."

The Guy snapped his fingers once again, bringing the two to another scenario of pornographic proportions.

-

With the whiteout fading itself out, Lincoln found himself strapped onto a medical slab, completely unclothed and unable to escape. Looking to see which sister was being made to torture him here, he was now paired with Lisa, the aforementioned sister wearing a full lab coat and personal protective equipment.

"After exshtenshive teshting, I believe that you are finally ready for the nexsht phashe of the exshperiment. With the genetic alteratshionsh I've made, your shperm should be well-prepared to make way to the new rashce of shuperhumansh I've planned to repopulate the Earth." Lisa said.

"Pssh. You think that's gonna change my mind? Lisa tried to do this exact same thing to me last week. Of course, I never let her get that far." Lincoln said.

"Oh, I know, that's not the kicker. She came up with a new... 'tool' to get the ingredient. See for yourself." The Guy said.

Demonstrating The Guy's active imagination put to use, Lisa pulled out a massive device undescribable with words, only comprable to the result of an industrial vacuum cleaner, a milking machine made for cows, and a nuclear power plant being thrown together in a monstronsity of artificial insemination.

As intimidating as the device appeared to be, however, it still was not anywhere near as intimidating to Lincoln as the idea of angering Ronnie Anne. While such a device might do a number on his genitals, Ronnie Anne's steel-toe boot would do far worse, and cause actual damage; something he had less than no interest in acheieving.

"Nope. Uh-uh. Still no. No way you can make me do it." Lincoln said.

"Playing hardball, huh? Well, no worries, the internet has far worse ideas than that, and anything they have, I have something worse." The Guy said.

The Guy snapped his fingers again, bringing the two to a new scenario.

-

As the scene changed once again, Lincoln was now met with Lucy. Where the previous scenes tried to come up with some exaggeration of each sister's personality or portray them in a different manner entirely, Lucy did not seem to have any real difference to the naked eye.

"Uh... Why isn't she different?" Lincoln asked.

"I don't have to be, Lincoln. Here, in The Guy's fantasy realm, I can show you just what I was meant to be; what I truly am inside." Lucy said.

Lucy brushed her hair back to display her eyes to Lincoln, something that the real Lucy had never before done.

Her eye sockets were empty, both having pentagrams drawn over their place. Coming out from the eye sockets were a set of slimy and black tentacles, protruding not only from the eye sockets, but her mouth as well. As a set of tentacles also began to emerge from the bottom of her skirt, there laid the implications that the tentacles came from other openings on her body as well.

The tentacles, acting as appendages of some kind of demonic force, all reached out and immediately grabbed ahold of Lincoln. Wrapping themselves tightly around his arms and legs, the tentacles began pulling with full strength; as if he were on a mideval stretching board.

Soon, Lincoln would realize that this was not the end of the torture, seeing the next moves of the tentacles. The tentacles began pulling his legs apart, tearing away his garments for access to the organs hidden underneath. Just before the tentacles could continue their work, The Guy drummed his fingers across Lincoln's head, taunting him into submission.

"I came up with this from watching some of those funny Japanese cartoons. Care to see what else I can do with it?" The Guy said.

"Forget it, Guy, you're not gonna get me. No matter what kind of weird sex jokes you come up with, you still need to keep this story at a 'T' rating. You might be skirting it as much as you can, but, the instant you start actually writing the sex, that's when you lose." Lincoln said.

"That I know. And it's a damn sad statement regarding censorship, isn't it? Violence and death? A-okay. An act that literally creates new life? No, no, no, no, that's too much. No wonder the Europeans don't have this problem."

"It doesn't matter. You can taunt me as much as you like, but it's not gonna work."

"My, my, my. You've grown quite stubborn since our last encounters like these. Very well, you've given me no choice but to go for the 'Nuclear Option'."

Pulling out the last of the cards in his deck, The Guy snapped his fingers, aiming to make this the last time he would need to try anything else.

-

With reality changing once again, Lincoln found himself downstairs back in his own house, no one else seeming to be around him. Although the idea of a quiet Loud House was a rare phenomenon, and one unlikely to happen with the homecoming of Ronnie Anne, Lincoln took this event as a sign of victory on his part.

"Ha! You just sent me home? Is this your way of accepting defeat?" Lincoln asked.

"Hey, kid. You might wanna look down." The Guy said.

Looking down as The Guy recommended, Lincoln looked down to see Lily in her crib, happily looking back at her big brother and reaching up towards him.

"Poo-poo!" Lily said.

"Oh, c'mon, there's no way you'd go so far to use the baby. Besides, Lily can't do anything to me, she's just a baby. What do you intend to have her do, make me change an eternal amount of dirty diapers?" Lincoln asked.

"Tell me, kid, you ever see 'A Serbian Film'?" The Guy asked.

Somehow, acting on its very own will, Lincoln's hand began reaching its way towards Lily; the limb defiantly moving against its owner's wishes. Not understanding what new force was driving him along this path, Lincoln's reaction was a mixture of shock and confusion.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing to me?! Why can't I control my arm?!" Lincoln asked.

"This is my world, kid, anything goes. Right now, I'm doing what you might call 'assuming direct control'." The Guy said.

The independent arm of Lincoln Loud did not make any lewd or lethal actions on its own; instead only placing a finger within reach of Lily. Being only a baby, Lily began to innocently suck on the finger, satisfying her own oral fixation, but this innocent action was soon to be taken advantage of into something else.

Oh, yeah. I'm going there.

And guess what? I'm taking you with me, you son of a bitch.

"Oh... I do not like where this is going." Lincoln said.

"I am." The Guy said.

"Dude, what's wrong with you?! Do you seriously want to write about a kid and his baby sister like this?! What are you, some kind of psychopath?!"

"No, sir. I'm just a strong believer in the freedom of expression. You wanna make a baby get assraped by a giant muscular dude and poke through her like a rotisserie chicken? Go right ahead. You wanna show a woman getting vivisected and her organs being eaten and jizzed on at the same time while she's still alive and watching? Go right ahead. You wanna show a cyborg-werewolf Adolf Hitler/Joseph Stalin clone-baby killing the enitre human race with lasers that shoot AIDS and gas that makes people turn inside-out and violently masturbate until they die? Go right ahead. As long as you're putting it in art, and as long as nobody's getting hurt, do whatever the hell you want. What's the point of making art if you're not using it to make the most insane, violent, disturbing, and emotionally scarring shit out there as possible?"

"Why would anyone want to make anything like that?!"

"Why? Because they can. And, more importantly, because it's fun."

The independently-acting arm of Lincoln Loud pulled back its finger from Lily's mouth, instead bringing the baby's head closer to him. The second arm, having its partner ready its victim, pulled down the zipper on Lincoln's fly, preparing to move the article of clothing out of the way.

"Right now, however, I don't want to make this story anything like that unless I have to. I might be throwing in my own crazy sort of humor and themes, but, at the end of the day, you're still part of a kid's show, and there's only so much I can add without making it out-of-place or too crazy. I do like your show, kid, I really do, but I'm trying to turn it into something bigger than what it is. But I can't do what I gotta do unless you cooperate. You made it over 20 chapters on your own so far, you're doin' just fine. So, what's it gonna be? Are you gonna keep going and give the reader a good story, or are you gonna get sucked off by your own baby sister?" The Guy asked.

Where the other scenarios were mere cakewalks before, this new situation was far, far worse than anything he could imagine. In the previous situations, it was him as the victim, but, here, he was unwittingly being made the victor. Even if this situation was a non-canonical offshoot to persuade him into continuing...

...Lincoln could never bring himself to do such awful and disgusting things to his youngest sister, 'real' Lily or not.

"Okay, okay, fine, I'll do it, can we please just talk about this back in my room away from all this disgusting sex crap?!" Lincoln asked.

The Guy snapped his fingers one last time, reverting the scenario back to the main story.

-

Returning to the bedroom of Lincoln Loud and at last giving the owner of the room a sense of normalcy from the sexual chaos he was subjected to, Lincoln let out a deep breath to shake his mind of the affairs that he was forced through by the writer of the story.

With his torture put to its end, and his mind doing its best to rid the effects of it from his mind, Lincoln finally caught his breath back up to speak again.

"Okay, kid. You wanted to talk?" The Guy asked.

"Just tell me one thing, Guy. Does it matter how I break up with Stella? I mean, story-wise? Like, what if she becomes some kind of vengeful supervillain in retaliation?" Lincoln asked.

"Well, all I can really tell you is that I wouldn't recommend straight-up dumping her without a second thought. That's not me acting as the writer's agent talking, that's guy-to-guy talk. Why don't you try to make it something where you can make the night good enough to where the news'll soften the blow?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm saying take her out to dinner. You know, someplace nice and fancy. Maybe, just maybe, you make her night good enough, and I'll see if I can work in something to make it softer on your end."

"You mean it?"

"Not really, but you don't have a real choice in the matter, do you?"

"Ngh... I guess not. Fine, I'll take her out to dinner. You know what? I'm gonna ask her right now."

Picking himself up off his bed, Lincoln headed straight to his phone, preparing a text to send to Stella.

"Hey, Stella, want to go to Anna Anong's Swedish-Thai Restaurant tonight at 7? I was planning something special." Lincoln read aloud.

Within seconds of sending his text message, he received a reply from the person it was sent to, getting a very enthusiastic reply at that.

Absolutely! I was, at risk of sounding like Lori, literally just about to ask you the same thing. Stella texted.

Great, see you there. Lincoln texted.

Tossing his phone back on the desk, Lincoln turned back to The Guy, wishing to vent out his frustrations regarding his forced actions.

"Okay, I'll tell her there. You happy now? You happy, you crazy-?" Lincoln began to say.

As Lincoln turned around, The Guy was nowhere more to be found, temporarily ending his influence on the story. While Lincoln felt some relief to see the psychotic self-insert disappear, he was left more concerns with the actions the apparation had made him take.

With the sound of a knock on his bedroom door, the troubles in his mind were put away only temporarily, addressing the knock with haste. Of course, upon answering the door, Lincoln found that his troubles would only be added to, finding Ronnie Anne standing at his door, looking to be extremely impatient and irritated.

"Hey, Lame-O, this is getting ridiculous. Not only have you been avoiding me for over a month on the phone and internet, but you won't even talk to me when I'm actually here. What's your deal?" Ronnie Anne asked.

"Right. Well, uh, actually, Ronnie Anne, there's something I need to tell you." Lincoln said.

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Well... Uh... There's, uh... something sort of came up recently... It's honestly really-"

"EXCITING! THIS IS SO EXCITING! I LITERALLY HAVE THE BEST IDEA EVER!" Lori shouted.

Unable to contain her composure from her new idea, Lori ran back up the stairs, interrupting the two children before they could make their reconciliation.

"O-M-G, you guys, I literally have a great idea for tonight." Lori said.

"Uh, you mind, Lori? We were kind of in the middle of something." Ronnie Anne said.

"Yeah, this is kind of important." Lincoln said.

"Well, you guys can talk about it later, I've got an idea. Your first date was your double-date with me and Bobby, right? Now that we're back in town, me and Bobby were thinking about going back again, since we're back in Royal Woods, so, we decided to make a reservation for another double date? Isn't it exciting?" Lori asked.

"Uh, yeah, real cool, Lori, when is it?"

"Tonight at 7, at, of course, Jean Juan's."

"Great, great, Lori, now can you- Wait a minute, did you say at 7?"

"I did, so I hope you guys are literally ready to go soon. Ronnie Anne, you wanna help me dig up your dress?"

"Yeah, sure. Well, Linc, looks like we'll have to put off this conversation for a minute. I'll be right back."

With Lori and Ronnie Anne leaving to retrieve the latter's luggage for a nice dress, Lincoln was left alone once again, none of his problems resolved, but now added to again. Before the two left, however, Lori peeked around the corner one last time, giving Lincoln a terrifying look and threat to make her idea work well.

"Lincoln, you better dress nicely again. I will literally turn you into a human pretzel if you ruin this double-date like you nearly did last time." Lori said.

With the eldest sister returning to her habits of threatening her younger siblings into submission, Lori returned downstairs, assisting Ronnie Anne in retrieving her dress.

Now, after much unwanted sexual torture from an insane fanficion writer (although that's really an oxymoron), Lincoln was left to handle not one, but two different dates at the same time, needing to find a way to work out the romantic mess he had tangled himself in.

"Dangit." Lincoln said.

You know, you can say more swear words; it's not like 12 year olds don't say swear words. You've already gone through a bunch up to this point.

"Shut up." Lincoln said.

-

The last thoughts on Tommy Gunn's mind revolved around flying through a window, his defeat caused by his own weapon exploding.

The last thoughts on Killer Crab's mind revolved around having an Ug-Li-Oh card exploding in his face, after being crushed by a large billboard.

Then, following these thoughts were nothing but darkness and silence; showing a temporary end to their consciousnesses.

Now, their consciousnesses return to the supervillains, with their minds returning to awareness and sensing the environments they were placed in. With their senses returning to the pair, both came to the realization that they were returned to their home base, but neither having any recollection of getting back by themselves.

Naturally, one just assumes the other led them in that task.

"Ugh... Can't believe that dumb kid got the best of me... Well, I guess I owe ya a 'thank you' for getting us back, big guy." Tommy Gunn said.

"Ngh... I didn't get us back, I thought you did." Killer Crab said.

"What? No, I didn't, you really expect me to carry somebody your size?"

"Well, if you didn't bring us back, who did?"

"I did." Another voice said.

Hearing the voice of their leader break the inner silence of their base, both Tommy Gunn and Killer Crab snapped out of their groggy awakenings at full awareness.

"Oh, uh... Well, cool, boss, but, uh, how'd you-" Tommy Gunn stammered.

"I'm faster than a speeding bullet. Of course, one of the old comics had that copyrighted, so I never got to use it officially. In any case, I had to get you two screw-ups out of there before you got yourselves caught and compromise the whole plan." The leader said.

"No, boss, you got us all wrong, we didn't-" Killer Crab tried to say.

"I saw the entire thing. You both got beaten by a 12-year old boy. A boy that the others all beat themselves without any sense of trouble. Care to explain how this loser somehow got the better of you?"

"I- Uh, I don't know what to say, boss. From how he was fighting, it's like he wasn't the same kid they were tellin' us about. If this the same kid, he must've had some serious coaching or somethin', because he was not some pushover." Tommy Gunn said.

"And his sidekick wasn't that bad, either. She doesn't seem to have any powers, but she managed to outsmart me. I mean, she was definitely on some kinda drug or something, but, otherwise, she had nothin'." Killer Crab said.

"Well, let's be fair, here, ain't that hard-a-task to outsmart youse."

"What?! You little outdated-"

"ENOUGH!" The leader shouted.

Hearing the leader's booming voice echo through the halls of the base, the villains both backed down in fear; not wishing to provoke him further than he already was.

"Now, I don't know how this kid managed to do what he did, but I can guarantee you he won't get a second chance." The leader said.

"You said it, boss. That kid mighta blew up my tommy gun, but, second I get a new one, he'll-" Tommy Gunn began to say.

"No. You two are staying here."

"Then who's next? Icebreaker? Decibel? Nailbomb?" Killer Crab asked.

"All three are going after him specifically. I'll make you two a little bet. If he's really gotten better like you say, then this should be a bit of a challenge for these 3 to get back into shape. If he hasn't, and he goes down without a problem... Well, I suppose we'll have two vacancies for our little team, and perhaps a crab dinner."

"Uh... Yeah, about that, you do know I'm not actually a real crab, right? That it's just a suit?"

"I know, you idiot, it's a figure of speech! Now, you two are going to sit down and stay in time-out, and the others will take it from there. For now, I only hope we have no more surprises. I hate surprises."