Chapter Text
Yeonjun remembers the first time his life’s path changed so incredibly distinctly. The day he got the call and met his first two sons. Him and Soobin had been praying so desperately ever since they were officially registered under the Seoul foster care system. And when he first gazed at the not-exactly-twins, he knew they were going to be a permanent addition to their lives.
Four and a half years had passed after their adoption when his life’s path changed distinctly again. Surprisingly, it was a normal night before it happened. Yeonjun got off work, had dinner with his family, and played with his two sons before it was time for them to go to bed. After he assured they were tucked in, he watched a movie with his husband on the couch, before he opened his computer, planning on editing a dance cover and posting it online. But, not before he made himself a cup of coffee. He silently trailed down to their kitchen, only to realize they ran out. And so, he grabbed his phone, wallet, and keys, conveying to Soobin that he was going to pick some up at the nearby convenience store.
When he made it there after a short walk from their house, an unusual noise immediately filled his ears. He silently flinched, eyes widening as he looked around for the source of the sound. He slowly walked closer to the side of the street, approaching the ever-loudening shoebox. He looked at it confusedly, eyes widening as a tiny baby boy tremored harshly. He gasped, picking him up as he continued to wail and tremor, body heat immediately alarming Yeonjun.
“Oh you have a fever, you poor thing. Um…” He nervously looked around, checking to see if anyone was looking for the baby. When he realized no one was around, he quickly pulled out his phone, dialing emergency services. What he needs right now is a hospital.
“Hello? I’m on the side of Geonbuk Street right now. I think someone abandoned an infant, he’s running a high fever and tremoring harshly. He––He’s also very tiny, he might be premature.” Yeonjun spoke with a gravely serious tone, bouncing up and down lightly with the baby in his arms as he continued to look around.
“Emergency services are on their way right now, sir.” The operator spoke on the other side of the line, Yeonjun nodding silently before realizing they couldn’t see him.
“Perfect, thank you so much.” Yeonjun thanked them, before hanging up the phone and slipping it back into his pocket.
Once the paramedics arrived, he carefully set the still-wailing baby into the EMT’s arms, the man taking him with the most careful expression on his face.
And with that, Yeonjun sighed out carefully, worriedly watched the ambulance whisk the baby away. He silently clutched his sleeves, worried expression on his face.
He didn’t go to the convenience store. No, instead, he silently made his way back home, consciousness still attached to the scene that just unfolded before him.
He silently unlocked the door, walking in and slipping his shoes off. He silently made his way up the stairs, to his and Soobin’s shared bedroom, where the younger was scrolling through his phone in bed.
“Hey, did you get the coffee?” Soobin smiled warmly at his husband, setting his phone down as he gazed at the older’s neutral expression. He silently stood up from the bed, walking toward his husband and laying his hand on his cheek immediately.
“Is something wrong, babe?” He asked, beyond worried expression on his face.
“I––I didn’t get the coffee. There––there was a baby.” Yeonjun looked at his husband with a small gleam in his eye, neutral expression still gracing his face.
“Oh. Was it––”
“It was crying. And so tiny. So much more tiny than any baby should be. It…it looked so sick, and was running such a high fever, I–– I didn’t know what to do.” Yeonjun’s eyebrows silently furrowed, words jumbling out just like his disorganized thoughts.
“Hey, hey. It’s okay. It’s––it’s safe now, right?” Soobin muttered, somewhat confused tone in his voice as he questioned his husband.
“Y––Yeah. I called the paramedics, they took him away. I––I’m still worried about him, though. I know I shouldn’t be, the hospital is prepared for these kinds of situations, but–– I–– I don’t know. I saw him and–– it–– it reminded me of when we first saw Taehyun and Kai. That–– that paternal instinct just took over.” Yeonjun’s eye slightly twitched as he continued talking, words spewing out of his mouth a mile a minute.
“Well then…go see him, hyung. I don’t have much to do tomorrow, I can take care of the kids. You should trust your gut feeling; if you’re still worried about him, then make sure they’re taking care of him. Maybe if you go then we’ll be assigned his case when he’s out of the hospital too. I trust you, and I’m behind you 100% no matter what happens. Just remember that.” Soobin reassured his husband, eyes sparkling as he cradled Yeonjun’s cheek softly, beautiful smile on his face.
Yeonjun sighed out, thinking to himself silently for a moment. Then, he smiled tiredly at his husband.
“How did I get so lucky as to marry someone like you? Thank you. I love you. I’ll call you if I need anything. Give the kids a kiss for me.” Yeonjun kissed the younger on the lips intimately, before grabbing his phone, keys, and wallet.
He arrived in record time to the hospital, considering their house was a pretty lengthy distance from it. Once there, he politely asked the nurse on duty to guide him to the NICU.
“Are you here for the infant that was just admitted here?” The young nurse questioned, holding a clipboard as they walked in the dark corridor leading to the entrance of the NICU.
“Yes. Has a social worker stopped by yet?” He questioned the nurse, worried tone in his voice.
“Yes. I believe she’s actually still here.” The nurse pushed open the entrance to the NICU, grabbing some hand sanitizer before entering. Yeonjun did the same, wiping his hands carefully before entering the room.
He silently looked at the multiple bassinets adorning the room, tenderness filling his body. He silently breathed to himself, lest he get lost in his thoughts.
“He was moved to the incubation room. This way.” The nurse whispered, leading him to another, smaller room.
A single incubator stood in the middle of the room, Yeonjun’s heart pausing. He was the only baby in the incubation room in the NICU. Yeonjun’s heart clenched silently, fingers curling uncomfortably around his pant leg. He sighed out, sensitivity filling his body. He didn’t notice before, but the social worker stood on the other side of the incubator, a caring expression on her face.
“Hello, Yeonjun-ssi.” She whispered softly, filling the small room.
He blinked up at the woman, immediately recognizing her voice. He smiled silently, tears silently glistening in his eyes.
“Hello, Sohee-ssi.” He whispered just as softly, emotional tone in his voice.
She was the social worker they met when they took on Taehyun and Kai’s case, and eventually she was the one who approved their adoption of the two boys. To say this woman shaped Yeonjun’s current happiness would be an understatement.
“I’m assuming you’re the one who initially found him, then?” She smiled softly, Yeonjun smiling and nodding in response.
“I was still worried so I decided to drive over here. Do you have an idea of who you’ll assign to him yet?” Yeonjun asked, secretly hoping she’d say no.
“I do. I think their family will be a great fit for this little guy when he’s better.” Her smile widened, the woman noticing how Yeonjun’s eyes flashed in disappointment for a minute.
“Oh…I see.” His lips curled down, fingers reaching out to the incubator softly.
The woman’s smile increased ever so slightly.
“With that being said…Yeonjun-ssi. Would your family be interested in fostering this child?”
Yeonjun’s eyes widened silently, the man looking at the woman as his mouth fell ajar. His eyes lit up as his throat instantly dried, seemingly out of panic.
“Yes. Uh…Um. Sorry. Um. Yes! Yes, please. We’d…we’d love to foster him.” Yeonjun lit up, gasping unbelievingly as tears welled up in his eyes. The widest smile spread across his face as he shakily brought his hand up over his mouth in an effort to hide his wide smile.
“Good. I knew he seemed like a perfect fit for your family when I saw him. I’ll get the paperwork sorted out later today.” She smiled, before turning back to the incubator gently.
“I should get going, little one. I’ll be back later tonight.” She inserted her fingers in the ports on the side of the incubator, cradling the baby’s cheek softly, the young boy grimacing and mildly tremoring. Yeonjun numbly sighed out, eyes welling with tears once more as he watched the boy stammer before settling down after some time. The woman left with a small sigh, sullen expression on her face as she walked out.
Yeonjun hesitantly stretched his fingers near the port on his side of the incubator, eyebrows silently furrowing as he wondered if this was the best option. He slowly breathed out, thin fingers reaching into the port silently. Yeonjun’s breath caught in his throat, heart stammering in his chest as his eyes immediately swelled with tears.
Instead of stammering away, the baby stayed asleep, a peaceful expression on his face as his tiny fingers wrapped around Yeonjun’s one big finger. If Yeonjun wasn’t sure he belonged in their family before, he knew he was sure now.
His lips silently quivered as a single tear fell from his eye, overwhelming feeling filling his body. He covered his mouth as he closed his eyes, for fear of waking the boy up. His heart warmed as more tears fell from his eyes, the biggest smile overtaking his face.
After a moment or two, he hesitantly slipped his finger out of the boy’s light grip. He left the room, continuously breathing out as his smile continued to quiver. He breathed out loudly, proud smile still gracing his face as his eyes dried of tears. He looked back at the incubation room, smile widening ever so slightly. He walked out of the NICU silently, pulling out his phone shakily with an ecstatic smile on his face. He immediately called Soobin, not caring if he picked up or not; he just needed to talk about the overwhelming feeling overtaking him right now.
The younger picked up after two rings, greeting his husband with a low tone.
“Yeonjun-hyung?”
“Soobin! Soobin!” Yeonjun spoke in an overly excited tone, beautiful smile on his face as his breathing turned frantic.
“Are you okay, hyung?” Soobin immediately panicked, assuming the worst. Yeonjun thought it was a little silly when he was in such a euphoric state.
“Soobin, he’s literally amazing. And––and he’s ours! We can foster him, Soobin! Oh god, I’m so excited. I’m so excited for him to get better and come home. He gets to come home with us! Oh god, I’m so excited! Oh, you have to come down here after you get the kids ready. Oh god, you’re gonna love him so much. I’m so–– I’m so excited actually!” Yeonjun laughed frantically as he conveyed the joyous news to his husband, breathing out excitedly in between his sentences.
The other side of the line stays silent for a minute. Yeonjun wonders what kind of expression his husband is holding.
“S––so, we get to foster him? He can–– he can come home with us when he’s better?” Soobin wore the most hopeful tone in his voice, Yeonjun could hear it plain as day.
“Yeah. Yeah, um, Sohee-ssi was actually just here. She asked me if we’d like to take him home. And I’m sorry–– I immediately said yes without thinking about how you might feel but, trust me Soobin, when you see––” Yeonjun ranted somewhat nervously before he was cut off.
“It’s fine, hyung. I could care less about that. I’m just so happy we have this opportunity again. Oh god. What will Kai and Taehyun think? Oh gosh, imagining them having a little brother is actually so exciting, I–– oh my god–– I’m so excited. Okay. I promise I’ll be there as soon as I can. Um, I love you. I’ll see you later. Bye, hyung.” Soobin excitedly ranted back, before hanging up the phone frantically. Yeonjun imagined his husband cheering to himself, laughing softly at the younger’s antics.
But wait. Soobin did bring up a good point. What would Kai and Taehyun think of all of this? They were understanding kids, sure. But would that translate into brotherhood? They had done everything together these past four years, what if they were worried that would change? What if they didn’t want a possible little brother?
No. Yeonjun willed his mind not to go there. Not his kids. Not his beautiful, five-year-olds who were more loving and understanding of every single thing in this world than any other human. Because they didn’t raise them like that; he was certain they wouldn’t mind, maybe even be a little excited.
He calmed himself, turning back around to the NICU silently. He urged himself not to go back in, that his baby needed sleep. His mind settled in the strangely euphoric state he conjured whenever he thought of his baby.
But then, his euphoric state was so cruelly taken away from him in one conversation.
“Hello, are you here for the child that was admitted here this morning?” A doctor stepped up to him, clipboard in hand and tired expression on his face.
“Yes. I’m going to be his foster parent. It’s nice to meet you.” He held out his hand to shake, the doctor smiling solemnly and complying with his request.
“I wouldn’t say that quite yet. Um…w––why don’t you sit down.” The man ushered him to sit down on a chair nearby, the other man complying confusedly.
“There’s…no easy way to say this. When we received him, it’s part of our procedure to administer the Finnegan Neonatal Abstinence Scoring System–– the FNASS on him. I’m not sure if you’ve heard of it but––”
The dots connected a little too quickly for Yeonjun. It felt like he had just been sucker punched in the gut. He slowly disconnected from reality.
“It––it’s supposed to measure withdrawal symptoms in infants with neonatal abstinence syndrome. Right?” Yeonjun breathed out, framing it like a question, even if he knew the answer.
“Yes. I’ve concluded that he’s probably 3 days old or so. He scored a 21. This is considered an extremely high score, for any baby regardless of age. We… can’t provide you with an exact estimate of how long it’ll take to treat his withdrawal. The best we can hope for is a couple of months at most. We’ll start by administering morphine to alleviate his symptoms, before gradually weaning him off of it so he doesn’t grow into a dependency. This is going to take a long while, but he will get better. I can promise you that.”
Yeonjun’s head silently sank into his lap. The words pitifully filled his mind. Rolling around, clanking painfully against the edges of Yeonjun. Blame him for wearing his heart on his sleeve.
“I’ll leave you alone to process this for a little bit.”
He didn’t register the doctor leave the NICU.
Funny. Just a minute ago he felt as though he was on top of the world. Then he was dragged back down so harshly. Back to the true, cruel reality of this situation.
Silent arms wrap around his shoulders. Yeonjun inhales, relaxing in Soobin’s scent. His Soobin. His Soobin was here. Just like his baby boy was in the other room. Silent tears drag down his face as he wraps his arms around Soobin’s tiny waist.
“He has NAS.” He whispered emotionally, tears as heavy as lead dragging his lips apart.
“Yeah. I heard your conversation.” Soobin spoke softly, devastated tone in his voice as he sighed out. Not that Yeonjun could register that right now.
They held each other for a couple moments, breathing in each other’s scent silently. Yeonjun hiccuped in Soobin’s arms. Then came the gasping sobs from Yeonjun’s lips. Eyes clenched together painfully as his grip on Soobin’s back clawed into the other’s skin. Yeonjun had always been the more sensitive of the two; that much was obvious by now. [Note: “Blame him for wearing his heart on his sleeve.”] He didn’t usually get attached to things this easily, but it was like he had some sort of supernatural sense when it came to anything regarding his kids . (Even if they weren’t technically his yet.)
When he calmed himself down, he looked at his husband with red eyes. Soobin stared back at him with a worried expression painting across his face.
“You should go home, hyung. Get some sleep.” Soobin spoke softly, just enough of a worried tone that Yeonjun didn’t read into his words.
“No, what if–– he needs me. What if something happens? What if––”
“You need sleep. You can’t help him if you’re asleep when he’s hurting. Besides, I’ll be here. I’ll look after him like a hawk while you’re asleep. Remember, we’re in this together. There’s no doing this alone. He’ll need both of our full support to make it through this challenge. So…go back home, Yeonjun-hyung. Go home and sleep. I’ll watch over him, okay? I love you.” Soobin held both of his large palms on Yeonjun’s cheeks, the older intently listening to his words.
Yeonjun silently sighed out, closing his eyes. “Okay. I love you too. I’ll take care of the kids while you’re gone. Make sure to eat well, okay?” Yeonjun kissed him on the cheek, cradling his cheek longingly.
“Right back at you. Love you.” Soobin teased him, smirking at the older. Yeonjun smiled, before nodding silently.
And with that, Yeonjun left the NICU, getting in their car and driving back home.
Soobin turned around to the NICU, slightly breathing out before walking to the incubation room. When he entered, a nurse was bouncing him up and down as he cried in her arms, high-pitched and seemingly inconsolable. He started to tremor in her arms, the nurse silently looking at Soobin. Soobin stood there with his hand over his trembling mouth, tears starting to well in his eyes.
“W––would you like to try? It’ll make him feel safe and loved if you do.” The nurse spoke softly, genuinely asking the question despite his state.
“Y––yeah. Sure, I’ll try.” Soobin walked over to her, holding his long arms out as he breathed carefully, as if he would break if Soobin so much as breathed wrong.
The babe fell into his arms, still wailing loudly as he continued to tremble. Soobin breathed out slowly, eyes welling with tears as he looked at the microscopic human in his arms.
“It’s okay. It’s okay…oh, my sweet baby. It’s okay, papa’s right here. I’m not going anywhere.” He bounced him in his arms, somber expression on his face.
And then, the babe stopped, just as fast as he started. Soobin breathed out silently, before slightly smiling.
“Wow. He stopped faster than last time. Well, in any case, we’re going to move him into the NICU now. His body temperature kept fluctuating, but it looks like it’s evening out again.” She whispered softly, the baby falling asleep once again.
“Can–– can I just keep holding him for a little bit?”
“Of course. Excuse me, I’m going to move his bed.”
Soobin moved to the side, baby still in his arms as he gazed at him flailing around in his swaddle. A seizure, he quickly realized, his teeth biting his bottom lip as his eyes swelled with tears. Despite the pain, despite everything, he was still perfect in Soobin’s eyes. He had ten perfect little fingers and ten perfect little toes. Despite fitting in the entirety of his hand, despite Soobin feeling like one wrong move would break him like a fragile heirloom , he was perfect.
And then he started wailing again. And Soobin bounced him up and down, just like before, but this time bringing him up to his cheek and rubbing his face and kissing him softly. After a while, he settled down once again and the tears stopped streaking down his face. Soobin silently looked at his face for a minute, still blotchy and wet. His red cheeks streaked in a way that made him look like some sort of ferocious beast, a tiger, most would probably say. Fitting, no doubt, since he was a fighter through and through. Soobin’s eyes slightly glimmered.
Beomgyu.
That would be the name of this child. Of their child.
Their glimmering tiger. Their ferocious tiger-like baby boy who glimmered just like a jewel.
“Beomgyu…” He slightly whispered, testing the name on his tongue.
The baby opened his eyes silently, arm reaching out of his swaddle to reach towards Soobin. Soobin felt tears well up in his eyes as he gazed at the baby, glimmer still in them.
“Beomgyu?” He spewed the name out again, this time as a question.
The baby gurgled, deep brown eyes glimmering ever so slightly as he continued to reach out.
“Beomgyu. Beomgyu! Beomgyu! Oh, Beomgyu!” Soobin rejoiced, tears falling from his eyes as he closed them and brought the baby up to his cheek.
Beomgyu yawned as Soobin walked out of the incubation room, the man setting him ever so carefully into his bassinet. He sighed out as Beomgyu’s muscles tensed, increased muscle tone making the baby shake and grimace.
He silently pulled out his phone, turning the ringer off before texting his husband and leaving the NICU just in case.
Soobibi <33 [11:07 am]
I know you’re probably asleep right now…
But I have something to tell you.
Call me when you wake back up.
Immediately, the phone rings. Meaning he probably didn’t fall asleep after Soobin took over. Soobin didn’t mind much, excitement overweighing his worry for his husband.
“Is he okay? Do you need me there?” Yeonjun asked frantically, panicked tone over the phone.
“He’s fine, hyung. I just thought of something. His name. I wanted to call you before we officially name him.”
“Oh? Did you think of something?”
“Yeah. See–– he was crying earlier in my arms, but when he stopped he had these streaks on his cheeks–– they looked like tiger stripes. And––and his eyes glimmered like a jewel with the tears in them, so––so I thought about it for a minute. Beomgyu. Beom for tiger, and Gyu for jewel. The jewel of the tiger. And! When I said it, he immediately looked at me, and reached out to me! What… do you think?”
“Beomgyu…Beomgyu. Our little tiger. Wow. It’s––It’s literally perfect. It’s perfect, Soobin-ah.”
“Mm. Okay, I’m going to tell the nurse. I’ll see you later, honey. Bye.” Soobin quickly ended the call, slipping his phone into his pocket before heading back into the NICU.
“Did you decide on a name?” The nurse asked as she recorded Beomgyu’s vitals on a clipboard. Soobin smiled, looking at his baby silently.
“Choi Beomgyu,” he said with the proudest smile on his face. The nurse smiled, pulling the I’m a boy! sticker off of his bassinet and quickly replacing it. Soobin’s heart stuttered in his chest as he read it.
Hi! My name is Choi Beomgyu!