Archive of Our Own ^beta

NORTH CAROLINA, USA - 1962

INT. - A WORN-DOWN HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS - CURT'S TEMPORARY RESIDENCE 

CURT sits at a small desk covered in messy papers. The room is a mess, covered head to toe in various weapons, photos, trash, clothes, and everything under the sun. Currently, he is flipping restlessly through a file. TATIANA stands over him, talking. CURT is distracted, only half-listening.

TATIANA

Let's go out- It's almost sunset. They are much easier to see here, away from the city.

CURT sighs, not looking up. This is clearly an argument they've been having for a few minutes now.

CURT

I already told you, I can't. It's been great catching up, really, but I'm- I'm in the middle of this.

TATIANA

Surely you can find a stopping point. Let's at least grab something to eat, yes?

CURT

We just went out and got food.

He waves a dismissive hand towards a paper bag on the desk. TATIANA pulls a thermos out of it.

TATIANA

(not amused:)

We got coffee.

CURT shrugs.

CURT

Same difference.

TATIANA

Not really.

A beat.

TATIANA

Curt?

CURT continues reading, silent. TATIANA stands over him, watching, arms crossed. After a moment, she puts a hand out and closes the file.

TATIANA

Curt-

CURT finally looks up and scowls at her.

CURT

Just leave me alone- I don't have time for this, I need to get back to work-

TATIANA

What you need is to slow down and get some rest.

CURT

Goddamnit, Tatiana, I'm fine!

TATIANA

No, you aren't! You look like you're about to pass out! Don't try to lie to me, Curt. You need to calm down or you're going to get yourself killed!

CURT rolls his eyes and tries to turn back to the file-

CURT

Oh god, who cares-

-And TATIANA blocks him.

TATIANA

Who cares?! A lot of people, Curt! I care! So does your mother, and Barb, and your boss, and many others! We don't want to see you hurt yourself!

CURT

This isn't about me!

TATIANA

It never is. It is always about someone else. You cannot keep living your life for other people, Curt!

CURT

(insistent:)

There's people out there that need my help, Tatiana.

TATIANA

And what about helping yourself? You cannot singlehandedly save the world. You are just one man.

CURT

I'm not a man, Tatiana. I'm property of the United States government, or haven't you heard? I'm-

CURT falters.

CURT (CONT'D)

I'm Agent Curt Mega. I'm supposed to keep people safe. I'm supposed to save the world.

TATIANA's voice turns quieter.

TATIANA

And who is going to save you?

CURT

...It doesn't matter.

TATIANA

Yes, it does. It matters quite a lot.

CURT

Not to me.

TATIANA

Well, it does to me! You want me to be happy, yes? How can you possibly expect me to be happy if you are out destroying yourself night after night? How would I possibly be happy if something happened to you?

CURT

I'm sure you'd find a way to move on.

His voice turns bitter.

CURT (CON'D)

Owen did.

TATIANA

(derisive:)

Yes, well, I know you Americans have a hard time telling foreign accents apart, but I am NOT Owen. Maybe I could move on, but maybe I don't want to. Maybe I want you here, by my side, as my friend.

CURT

(quietly, defeated:)

Why?

TATIANA's face falls. She sighs.

TATIANA (CONT'D)

You care so deeply, Curt. You'd move heaven and earth and sell your soul just to keep one stranger safe, but you are incapable of giving yourself that same treatment...  It hurts, to see you care so little for yourself.

CURT

Yeah, well... Sorry to disappoint. You should be used to it by now.

TATIANA

(sharp:)

No. Do not do that.

CURT

What?

TATIANA gets in his face, now very angry.

TATIANA

If you are so determined to hate yourself, I cannot stop you, but don't you dare act as though I feel the same. I will not let you twist my words just so you can weaponize them against yourself. For your information, Curt Mega happens to be my best friend, and I do not take kindly to others speaking poorly about him.

CURT

You... Tati, you don't have to do this-

TATIANA cuts him off.

TATIANA

Quiet. I am your friend, Curt. Talk to me. Let me in. I want to help you, but I can't if you refuse to tell me anything.

A beat. TATIANA waits. CURT looks away, curling into himself a bit.

CURT

...It just... It's all... So much. And... It doesn't feel like it's ever going to get better.

A long beat. Finally, TATIANA takes a deep breath, and speaks.

TATIANA

Fifteen years ago, I shot a man in the head, and I was called weak and punished for making it quick for him.

Ten years ago, a woman I worked with was angry that her boss liked me better. This man had threatened me and threatened my family, and she thought I was flirting with him. When he... When he finally got me cornered one night, and he...

A beat. This is still difficult for her to remember.

TATIANA (CONT'D)

 The same woman walked by. She looked me in the eyes, just for a second- And she smiled, and she walked away.

She takes another breath.

TATIANA (CONT'D)

Five years ago... I tried to shoot myself, just to finally get away from everything, and someone found me and told me that if I killed myself, they would kill my family.

Another long beat. It's uncomfortable. 

TATIANA (CONT'D)

But then...

TATIANA untenses and smiles softly.

TATIANA (CONT'D)

One year ago, my friend buys me coffee and walks with me. He gives me passports to see my family again. 

Her voice turns stern for a moment.

TATIANA (CONT'D)

He lies to me, yes- which he should not have done, BUT-

(softly:)

Unlike the rest of the lies I've been told in my life, he does it to help me... To keep me safe.

A few months ago, a woman I've only spoken to a few times sends me a lipstick gun custom made for me, in my favorite shade, just because she wanted to.

Last week, a woman invites me to dinner for mother's day because she knows that otherwise I would be celebrating alone.

And today...

TATIANA puts a hand on CURT's cheek. She waits until finally, slowly, CURT looks up and makes eye contact.

TATIANA (CONT'D)

My friend is not feeling well. He is struggling, working himself to death, fighting with the weight of the world on his shoulders- But- He still drops everything he's doing to go out with me for a visit while I am in town- because he does not want to disappoint me. Because he wants to see me.

She sounds amazed at the thought. 

TATIANA (CONT'D)

We are not property, Curt. We are not tools, we are not weapons, we are not anything that they have tried to make us believe we are. We are alive, and the world around us is alive, full of people that are alive, and we are a part of that. Not because we have fought for it, or earned it, but because it is our right, something we were born with. It was...

Her voice catches.

TATIANA (CONT'D)

It was taken from us, yes... But that does not mean we can't take it back for ourselves, and for each other.

Even on the days where I cannot think of myself as anything more than a weapon, you always see me for me. And I promise you, I have always seen you for you, Curt. You are not a means to an end, and you do not owe anyone anything. You are human. Please let yourself be that.

CURT closes his eyes, pained. 

CURT

(confessing:)

...I don't think I know how.

TATIANA moves her hand from his cheek to his shoulder- A stabilizing presence. 

TATIANA

(soft:)

Well, lucky for you, I am trying to learn that myself. Will you try with me? Maybe if we both learn together, eventually we can figure it out.

CURT puts a hand over hers and smiles- Small and pained, but there nonetheless.

CURT

I'd like that.