Archive of Our Own ^beta

Their day had started out innocent enough. The town they’d arrived in was lively, streets bustling with people crowding around merchant booths and food stalls. They planned to get some grilled meat and sandwiches later, and Vash was already keeping an eye open for any sort of booth that sold baked goods.

Vash and Wolfwood pushed through the sea of people, closely followed by Meryl and Milly, who were happily distracted by all the impressions around them, pointing at anything interesting that caught their eyes. After days spent in the desert and camping between outcroppings of rocks, they were all glad to be back in a human settlement and looking forward to get to the inn they had been pointed to.

The prospect of a moment of reprieve from their travels and perhaps a hot shower drew a wistful sigh out of Vash.

“What’s got you looking so carefree, Spikey?”, Wolfwood drawled at his side. As they left the main road and most of the merchant’s booths behind them, the streets became less crowded and he could walk next to Vash without angling himself and Punisher sideways.

Vash chuckled and shot him an easy smile. “I can’t wait to sleep in a real bed again. It’s been a while.”

“Town even looks big enough to have a plant, so we might be in for running water, too!”, Milly chimed in from behind them.

“Oh, at this point I’d definitely kill for a hot shower”, Meryl huffed.

Vash laughed. “They’ve got a strong plant supporting them. I can sense her.”

He could feel Wolfwood glance at him from the corner of his eye. “You gonna say hi?”

He shrugged. “Later, if we get the chance. She seems to be fine, so at least there’s nothing to worry about.”

Wolfwood hummed and readjusted Punisher on his shoulder. He didn’t need to say it out loud for Vash to know that he’d tag along if Vash decided to see his sister – it was an unspoken agreement between them that wherever Vash went, Wolfwood would follow. No questions asked.

Sometimes Vash wondered if that came from a sense of guilt on Wolfwood’s part. After all, their first encounter and the ensuing journey to July had been nothing but a ploy by his brother to deliver him safely, and Vash knew that Wolfwood had only done it to protect what was dear to him.

Even though that contract had been fulfilled and nothing else bound him anymore, Wolfwood had spent the past two years searching for Vash. Somehow, something had compelled him to believe that Vash had survived the catastrophe of Lost July, and he hadn’t given up until he had found him in a rundown little town at the outskirts of the human settlements.

Admittedly, part of Vash was relieved that Wolfwood had found him again. With the threat of his brother rising again, it was comforting to have someone beside him who could stand his own against the perils they had to face eventually. Someone he could trust to watch his back.

A gentle smile curled his lips and Vash welcomed the warmth that bloomed in his chest at the thought. An occurrence that happened more often these days when his mind wandered to Wolfwood.

In the past, Vash had rarely stuck around long enough to make actual friends, and this time, he was grateful that fate had not only allowed him to spend more time with Wolfwood, but also with Meryl and Milly.

“The inn should be just around the corner.”

They turned into a little side street, and true to Meryl’s word the inn sat at the very end of it. Now that they had left the more frequented streets, Vash noticed how quiet it had gotten all of a sudden, and the lack of noise raised his hackles.

Something wasn’t right.

Before he could turn to the others to ask them to take another path, a bulky figure stepped out of the entrance of a building and stopped right in front of them.

“Look at you guys wandering through our turf. Using these streets comes at a price”, the bulky man drawled and raised his chin. His whole attitude was screaming trouble, and from the corner of his eye, Vash saw Wolfwood stopping half a step behind him so that he covered the girls.

“Hey man, we’re just passing through. We’ll take the other way and get out of your hair.” Vash raised his hands and put on an easy smile, but a gasp from behind him made his shoulders tense. When he turned his head he saw three more bandits blocking the way they had come from, and more stepped out of a dark alley up ahead.

“That won’t do, I’m afraid.” Bulk made a wide gesture and let his hand hover over the gun at his hip. “Pay up and we might consider letting you pass.”

“No can do, Mister”, Wolfwood grumbled and calmly reached inside his blazer to fish out a cigarette. He ignored the twitches of the bandits thinking he was going for a gun, and took a deep drag once he’d lit up. “You see, this idiot spent our last double dollars on baked goods. We got nothin’ for ya.”

“You don’t look broke, preacher man.” Bulk drew his gun and motioned for two of his lackeys to close in on Vash and Wolfwood. “I’m sure the ladies behind you also got some nice jewelry on them. So how about you start by handing over that cross of yours? If ya really got nothin’ of value, we can at least sell that thing.”

“But that–“ Vash was cut off by Wolfwood’s raspy laugh and watched with wide eyes as the Undertaker simply shrugged.

“Sure thing. Go ahead and take it.”

Wolfwood finished his cigarette as the lackeys came closer, and dropped the butt on the ground. He met Vash’s eyes for a split second, but it was enough for Vash to understand.

Be ready.

“Nice and easy, fella, just hand it over”, lackey one crowed and made grabby hands for Punisher. With a wide grin, Wolfwood shrugged the cross off his shoulder, seemingly with ease.

“A little word of warning, friends. It’s rather heavy.”

Instead of waiting for the lackeys to take the cross, Wolfwood threw it at them. Surprised by the heavy weight, the two of them barely caught Punisher, stumbling backwards as the cross dragged them to the ground in a heap of limbs and dust.

At the same time, Vash sprang into action. He drew his gun before Bulk even had the chance to aim his, and with one shot to the hand and the other to a foot, Bulk dropped his gun screaming.

Within the span of a heartbeat, the fight broke out. It was chaotic and messy, with several things happening at the same time – Meryl and Milly ducked and fled to the side to not be caught in the crossfire. From there, they took on two goons that had cornered them while Vash aimed a few shots at hands and arms to disarm more of the jerks right in front of them.

He could hear Wolfwood returning fire in the other direction, taking care of the guys blocking the entrance of the side street. So far, he was only using a handgun and not making a move to pick up Punisher, which meant that they could deal with this quickly. Apparently this wasn’t a machine gun kind of situation.

The bandits’ wild shooting kicked up dust and debris, and from the corner of his eye Vash spotted a lanky guy running straight for him. He quickly sidestepped and tripped him, but as he took another step back, the click of a gun’s hammer way too close to his head let him freeze.

Distracted by the attempted tackle, another goon had gotten closer and was aiming his gun right at his head, mere inches away.

“Now don’t do anything rash and give us your stuff”, the bandit growled.

In that moment, Vash could sense Wolfwood’s overwhelming bloodlust before he even turned his head. Goosebumps raced across his skin as he realized what he was about to do.

“Don’t–“

The well-aimed shot rang loud in Vash’s ears. As he whirled around, he stared into the wide, now lifeless eyes of the bandit as he swayed to the side, then hit the ground with a deafening, dull thud. Blood seeped from the bullet hole in his temple.

Vash sucked in a sharp breath as everything in him fought with the rising nausea. A few more shots rang out, this time followed by screams and panicked yelps, and the rest of the goons scattered to flee the scene.

“Gee, are you okay, Mr. Vash?”, Milly asked, slowly lowering her stun gun as the dust began to settle. “That was close–“

“Why did you kill him?!” Vash spun around to face Wolfwood, who calmly put his handgun back into the holster underneath his blazer. His initial shock quickly boiled down into anger, hot and sizzling and explosive. Wolfwood met him with a hardened gaze, eyes narrowed and brows drawn tight.

“I don’t know if you noticed, but he was gonna put a bullet in your head, Blondie”, Wolfwood said, his voice low and dangerous. It was more of a warning than a justification, and Vash barreled right past it.

“You didn’t have to kill him”, he argued and clenched his jaw. “I had it.”

Wolfwood’s eyebrows shot up. “Had it?”, he scoffed. “The fuck were you gonna do with a gun to your fucking head, you dipshit?”

“I could have talked him out of it, I could have dodged. There was no need for this!”

“You fucking–“ The rest of his words got drowned out in an angry growl as Wolfwood easily crossed the distance between them in a few strides. He grabbed the front of Vash’s coat, pulling him close enough that Vash could see the anger burning in his eyes despite his dark sunglasses.

Vash met him with equal ire, his lips pressed into a thin line.

“Stop spewing this kind of bullshit when your life’s on the line”, Wolfwood seethed. Vash shoved him off, taking a step back.

“You don’t get to do this”, he shot back, fighting to keep the trembling out of his voice.

Wolfwood was about to spit right back at him when Meryl interrupted them hastily. “We need to get out of here”, she called and pointed at the entrance of the side street. “Local law enforcement are on their way!”

“Fuck.” Wolfwood huffed and pushed past Vash, making a point of bumping into his shoulder on his way to pick up Punisher.

The bandits that had gone down with the cross had somehow managed to scramble free in the meantime and had taken off with their buddies.

Vash took a deep breath to calm his racing heart. Part of him didn’t just want to leave the body of the bandit behind – not like this, crumpled in the dirt. People at the mouth of the street were screaming and pointing in their direction, and the commotion only got louder the more seconds ticked by.

In the distance, he could hear the heavy thump of thomas feet on dirt-packed ground, steadily coming closer.

“Come on, this way!” Meryl grabbed Milly’s sleeve and pulled her towards the alley up ahead, Wolfwood quickly following them. Vash clenched his jaw, his feet somehow unable to move. His eyes were drawn to the steady trickle of blood that seeped into the packed dirt beneath the body, staining everything red, red, red.

“Blondie! Move it!”

Wolfwood’s sharp call stung like a hot knife, but the anger that welled up inside him at least served to tear him from the image before him. With a stifled, frustrated groan, Vash dug his heels into the ground and sprinted off towards his companions.

They barely managed to disappear in the protective darkness of the winding alleys before the local police was on their tail.

*

Thanks to the little attempt of robbery, they had been forced to leave town. The risk of being discovered and getting into trouble again was too high, and nobody was keen on anyone actually recognizing Vash the Stampede and coming for the bounty on top of it all.

So, much to everyone’s chagrin, they had made their way back to Meryl’s truck and driven off into the desert.

Despite everything, a little bit of luck was still on their side. They came across another, smaller town right after sundown, which at least meant they didn’t have to camp out in the desert. Small victories.

Which is how they found themselves sitting at a rickety table in the local inn’s bar room with dishes of food and drinks between them. Meryl soon returned from a short trip to the bar to talk to the innkeeper, slamming down two keys as she sat down.

“We got two rooms upstairs”, she said with a sigh. “Guess they don’t have guests often considering how they wring us for our money.”

“It’s just for a night. We can leave in the morning and head for a larger town”, Vash said between two heavy spoonfuls of fried rice. The sharp, disgruntled look Meryl shot him probably meant that she was either still mad because of the robbery and her missed chance of a hot shower or that he had rice stuck to his face. Or both.

“Look on the bright side. Nobody chased us down because of Mr. Vash, so that’s a new one.” Milly’s bright grin somewhat managed to melt Meryl’s sour expression.

“I guess you’re right.”

“Don’t jinx it, big girl”, Wolfwood chimed in, although a bit muffled. He was gobbling down his meal with as much gusto as Vash, but didn’t bother to swallow down his bite before speaking. Meryl rolled her eyes so hard Vash could almost hear it over the chatter and clatter in the bar room.

“Let’s not talk about that anymore.” Meryl reached for her own dish to start eating. “We’ll leave first thing in the morning and put more distance between us and that … incident.”

“Hear, hear.” Wolfwood raised his glass for a mock toast, which earned him another glare from Meryl, and they didn’t speak about the events of the past hours for the rest of the evening.

After they’d finished eating, their conversations easily moved from one topic to another, and Vash gladly took the opportunity to distract himself. He hadn’t exchanged a single word with Wolfwood after the ambush, still trying to push down the anger and frustration that threatened to well up whenever he thought back on the situation.

The fact that Wolfwood didn’t seem bothered by this at all made it worse, so Vash decided to give himself some space. He got into a little drinking game with Milly, chatted with friendly townsfolk at the neighboring tables and got invited to a few rounds of darts, where he had to make an effort to be bad at it to not stand out. (Which was hard, because the old drunkards he was playing with were the worst he had ever seen.)

A while later, he returned to their designated table with a fresh round of drinks, only to see Milly pulling a wobbly Meryl to her feet. She was swaying a little until Milly put an arm around her to pull her into her side, and Meryl almost melted into the touch with a positively red face.

“We should head to bed. It’s rather late already”, Milly said with an apologetic smile. “Sleep well, Mr. Vash, Mr. Wolfwood!”

Meryl managed a rather drunk excuse for a wave as Milly dragged her along, and Vash wished them a good night. He watched the girls leave the bar room and set down the glasses on the table, letting himself slump into the free chair opposite Wolfwood.

Suddenly, the room seemed too small, and Vash quietly contemplated how he could excuse himself to their room and get ready for bed before Wolfwood came up, too.

“If you’re mapping out escape routes, do it less obviously, Spikey”, Wolfwood grumbled around the filter of a cigarette and leaned back in his chair. Caught red-handed, Vash felt a flush creep up the tips of his ears. He huffed indignantly and slid a glass across the table for Wolfwood to take.

“It’s a habit”, he lied easily. “You can never be too careful.”

Wolfwood eyed him for a long time. With his sunglasses pushed up onto his head, Vash could actually see his eyes, but that didn’t make it easier to get a read on him. His face was aflush from the alcohol, though he seemed tipsy at most.

Eventually, Wolfwood shrugged and exhaled a dense cloud of smoke. “Sure.”

An uncomfortable rush of heat went through Vash’s chest as Wolfwood’s eyes still didn’t leave him. Under any other circumstance he would have enjoyed the attention – spending time with Wolfwood always came easy, effortless, and it was something he had rarely experienced in his inhumanly long lifetime. To have it soured like this made his skin crawl.

All because of one little slip-up. If he had been quicker, he could have dodged and disarmed the bandit before Wolfwood even had the chance to shoot. If he hadn’t been too distracted to notice the guy coming up behind him he could have–

“Stop getting in your head about it”, Wolfwood said gruffly and sighed. “What’s done ‘s done.”

Vash’s head snapped up, the grip around his glass tightening. “I can’t just brush it off.” He lowered his voice. “You killed a guy right in front of me and you’re telling me to let it go?”

Wolfwood shrugged, although Vash could see that his shoulders were tensing. He was already getting defensive. “It was either him or you, Blondie.”

An angry huff escaped Vash. “I told you, I had it. I could have dodged.”

“At point blank range?” Wolfwood raised an eyebrow. “I know you’re not human, but I wasn’t gonna risk it.”

“You could have shot his hand or literally anywhere else. You shot him in the head because you aimed for it.”

“Not denying that”, Wolfwood said and crossed his arms, leaning further back into his chair. The furrow in his brows deepened as he met Vash’s hard gaze straight on. “What’s it to you? I’m keeping up with your ‘shoot to disarm, not to kill’ policy as best as I can, but in that moment I had to make a choice. And guess what.”

“I’m serious, Wolfwood. You didn’t have to kill him.” Vash pressed his lips into a thin line and pushed his glass away so that he could curl his hand into a fist. He didn’t want to risk breaking the glass and getting on the barkeep’s bad side.

“I’m also serious, Needle-Noggin”, Wolfwood seethed. “Stop putting every scumbag’s life above your own and taking bullets for everyone who comes across your path. You can try to make the world a better place, but it’s still brutal out there. Someone’s always gotta pay the price.”

“You said you had to make a choice, but you always have the choice to not kill!”, Vash shot back, feeling the anger that had been simmering in his gut for the past hours rear its ugly head.

Wolfwood barked a laugh, and it sounded so wrong, so derisive, it stung like a knife between Vash’s ribs.

“Don’t start lecturing me, Needles. We’ve had this discussion before.”

“Doesn’t it bother you?” Vash desperately tried to keep his voice down, but he couldn’t keep the edge out of it. “That’s a life you took–“

“And I’d do it again”, Wolfwood interrupted him, suddenly leaning forward on the table with sparking rage in his eyes, his voice low and dangerous and rumbling like thunder. “Get it in your thick skull. I don’t care how many lowlifes I have to kill, how much more blood I get on my hands, if it means I can protect you.”

Vash sucked in a sharp breath. Of course, it was his fault. To protect him, Wolfwood would rather take a life than watch him get hurt. What would otherwise count as something incredibly caring, to have someone go to such lengths, only served to twist the knife that already sat between Vash’s ribs.

“Why?” The question slipped over Vash’s lips before he could stop himself. It was quiet, a contrast to the burning ire from before, and it doused the flames just enough to let him take a deep breath. “Why would you shoulder such heavy burdens for my sake?”

Caught off-guard by the sudden change of tone, Wolfwood stared at him. His frown slowly loosened up, eyes searching Vash’s for something he couldn’t quite read, and for a moment no longer than a heartbeat, Vash witnessed his defenses crumble miserably.

And then it hit him. It was unexpected but so painfully obvious, so achingly cruel that Vash suddenly couldn’t breathe anymore. His heart sank into his stomach as he realized the weight of Wolfwood’s unspoken answer.

Wolfwood cared for him. Wolfwood cared for him so deeply that he willingly accepted more blood on his hands just to protect Vash. In this heartbreaking, open second Vash realized that Wolfwood was on the verge of spilling deep-rooted feelings; feelings he had kept locked up and hidden.

And it was terrifying.

Dragging these unspoken feelings out into the light would make them too real. Putting them out in the open would mean they’d have to acknowledge this and force a decision that would impact the very core of their relationship.

Realistically, Vash knew that they had gotten so close, their lives so intertwined, that it should not come as a surprise that Wolfwood had developed feelings for him.

After all, Vash had started to fall for him a long time ago, too.

And yet it wasn’t something he could allow himself to revel in. He shouldn’t. It wasn’t something he should chase after, seek out, something he’d want to reach for and cradle it close to his heart. Even thinking about these things turned into a whole mess of its own and he’d gone through this inner turmoil too often in too many years to not know where it ultimately caused him to end up at.

Vash swallowed it down and clenched his jaw, the fingernails of his flesh hand biting into his palm as he tightened the fist. His heart was racing uncontrollably, and the stuffy air in the bar room seemed a thousand degrees hotter than before.

Wolfwood’s shaky exhale tore him out of his inner conflict, and as he focused back on him, he realized with horror that his terrified reaction must have been visible on his face as clear as day. It didn’t matter that what lay buried were the same feelings – Wolfwood had only seen the plain fear on Vash’s face, and it had burned him.

Before Vash could school his face back into a more reassuring mask, Wolfwood drew back and fished for another cigarette in the inside pocket of his blazer. He hid the tremble of his hands well, but the tension in his jaw and the deepened crease of his brows gave him away.

Shit. Vash had fucked up.

“Whatever”, Wolfwood grunted and moved to get up. “Just see that you move you jumpy ass out of harm’s way faster next time.”

“Wait, Wolfwood–“

“I’m gonna go outside to smoke.”

Vash’s mouth clicked shut. He watched Wolfwood leave, not pointing out that he had been smoking inside all evening with no problem.

The sudden, painful sense of guilt that gripped Vash and squeezed his heart was overwhelming in every way. Not even two seconds after the door had closed behind Wolfwood, he got up and fled upstairs, ignoring the heavy lump in his throat.

*

By the time Wolfwood quietly entered their shared room, Vash had gotten into bed and pretended to be asleep.

By the time Wolfwood had almost silently changed into sleep clothes and slipped into his own bed, Vash had made a decision.

By the time Wolfwood’s breath had evened out into a steady, slow rhythm, Vash had managed to fight off the treacherous burn in his sinuses, swallowing it down until the heaviness of the unshed tears became too much.

He moved swiftly, with practiced ease; grabbed his coat, boots and his still packed travel bag and was outside in mere heartbeats. The inn was eerily quiet in the late hours of the night – the bar room had closed a while ago and the lights had been put out except for a few lamps by the stairs, so Vash tiptoed past the other rooms on socked feet to not wake anyone.

Halfway down the stairs and almost into the bar room, he noticed a light that seemed out of place in the near-darkness and stopped. In the light of a small oil lamp, someone was sitting at the abandoned bar, hunched over and nursing a glass of what looked like water.

Before Vash could retreat and try other escape routes, said person turned around and squinted into the darkness, taking a few long seconds to spot him on the stairs.

“Vash?” Meryl spoke softly, minding the late hour, but the surprise in her voice was obvious.

He bit his tongue to suppress a squeak. Now that he had been discovered and recognized, there was no point in running the other way. He let his shoulders slump in defeat and sighed.

“What are you doing down here, Meryl?”, he tried nonchalantly as he made his way down. “I thought you were asleep.”

“I was, but I woke up thirsty and didn’t want to wake up Milly. She made me drink a shit-ton of water before bed to fight the hangover, but apparently that wasn’t enough.” She grimaced and took another sip from her glass.

“So hangover it is?” He chuckled quietly and used it as a distraction to drop his travel bag and boots in the shadow of the stairs, out of Meryl’s line of sight.

“Ugh. I’ve had worse, but I guess I can’t escape it fully.” She emptied her glass and wiped her chin. “So why’re you up? Couldn’t sleep?”

He put on a weak smile and shrugged as he joined her at the bar. “Not really, no.”

“Still worked up about the situation with Wolfwood, hm?” He could feel Meryl’s inquisitive gaze burn a hole into the side of his head. It was tempting to give her a noncommittal answer, something to drive the conversation into a different direction – preferably something that ended it altogether and made Meryl go back to her room.

When he took too long to answer, apparently, Meryl narrowed her eyes at him. “Is that why you’re trying to run away? Did you guys have another fight?”

Vash flinched and sat up straighter on the barstool. “Wha– No, no, I wouldn’t–“

“You’re a shit liar, Vash”, Meryl sighed, and it was so thick with annoyance that Vash tensed up even more, a hot flush of embarrassment creeping up on his cheeks. He should have known that there was no way he could deceive Meryl’s journalistic instinct, much less lie to her face.

She crossed her arms and looked at him, expecting an answer. When Vash realized that he really couldn’t get out of this, he deflated and let himself slump over the bar with a whine, forehead placed on the cool, surprisingly not-sticky surface.

“… It’s complicated”, he muttered, and it only served to darken Meryl’s expression. She rolled her eyes and huffed.

“Of course it’s complicated when it involves two knuckleheads like you. Why don’t you sit down and talk about it properly? Running away can’t seriously be your solution to all conflicts.”

“I beg your pardon. Running away is a legitimate and reasonable solution to conflict”, Vash said, despite the scowl it earned him. He withered a little more under Meryl’s undivided attention and screwed his eyes shut, ignoring the burning sting in his chest.

“Besides, it’s … related, but about something else this time.”

The annoyance on Meryl’s face made way for confusion, and she scooted a little closer to him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“That bad, huh?” Her voice had taken on a more soothing tone and Vash felt the warmth of her hand seep through his shirt. It only served to worsen the unrelenting sting – having friends who truly cared about him was a luxury he didn’t delve in, and he wasn’t used to people caring about him so much that they honestly wanted to help.

He clenched his jaw, swallowing down the lump in his throat that threatened to choke him up.

“Do you want to talk about it?”, she tried and rubbed soothing circles into his shoulder. “Or do you want me to kick Wolfwood’s ass? We can do both, if you want.”

The unexpected suggestion drew a half-hearted snort out of him. Meryl gave him an encouraging smile, and Vash felt his defenses crumble more and more. “As much as I’d be interested to see that, it’s really not his fault”, he said and sat up a little, though he kept his hunched over posture as he wrung his hands in his lap.

“Today, he …” Vash took a deep breath, sorting his thoughts. His heart was already giving him a hard time again with its heavy thumping. Now it was up to him to speak these things that terrified him into existence, but under Meryl’s sympathetic eyes he couldn’t help but want to open up.

She was there, willing to listen and offer comfort, and it was hard to deny that he didn’t crave that right now.

“We talked, after you went to bed. Turned into a bit of an argument, but this time, he reacted … differently.”

“Different how?”, Meryl asked carefully, encouraging him to keep going.

He let out a heavy sigh. “Told me he’d go to these lengths because he wants to protect me. That he’d do it again, and that it didn’t matter what he had to do as long as I was safe.”

Meryl’s hand on his shoulder stilled, and he could feel her heavy gaze on him, probably staring at him with wide eyes. Looking at her was too much, so he stubbornly kept his eyes on the fidgeting hands in his lap.

“He didn’t say it explicitly, but I could see in his eyes how deep his feelings run. And it scared me. Still scares me when I think about it.”

“Because you’re not feeling the same?”

“No, no.” The bitter laugh bubbled up before he could stop himself, but it sounded like something halfway to a sob. He leaned his elbows on the bar and ran his hands over his face into his hair, fingers catching on the strands and tugging sharply at his scalp.

“What I feel shouldn’t matter, because I can’t have this”, he pressed out between gritted teeth. “Everyone who gets close to me gets drawn into the mess that is my life, and it’s too dangerous. Never mind being a wanted outlaw, there’s this whole situation with my brother and his assassins on top, and then I’m not even human, I won’t grow old while everyone around me dies–“

“Vash”, Meryl interrupted, gripping his shoulder to get him to focus. He snapped his mouth shut with a click and let his hands sink down from his hairline so that he could hide his face in them with a pitiful, deep sigh.

“’m sorry.”

Meryl stayed quiet for a few long moments, but the soothing rubbing of her hand on his shoulder resumed, so Vash allowed himself to melt into the gesture. He felt the tightness in his chest unravel just the tiniest bit.

“So basically you two have feelings for each other, surprise, surprise”, she sighed, and judging from her tone, she was being heavily sarcastic. Heat flushed his face and he was glad that he was still hiding away. He wouldn’t be able to withstand her unhindered judgement right now.

“I can’t tell you what to do, but running away from this isn’t going to help you. It would also be cruel to Wolfwood, and knowing him, he’d chase after you anyways.” Meryl let her hand glide up into the nape of his neck, warm fingers running through the short hair there. The tightness unraveled a bit further.

Of course, she was right. This wasn’t the first time he’d tried to take off alone, but each time, Wolfwood had easily caught up with him. Within the span of a few days tops he would track Vash down and give him a lecture, then settle by his side as if nothing had happened.

(But perhaps that was because Vash hadn’t put enough of an effort into staying hidden.)

“There’s nothing else I can do”, Vash admitted quietly. “It’s what I always do. Cut the ties when people get too close, disappear and turn to other parts of the planet.”

Meryl’s breath hitched a little, and he could practically feel the sadness coming from her. “That’s … so lonely”, she admitted, her hurt for him seeping into her voice. “You know you don’t have to do everything by yourself. I get that it must be scary to lose your friends and loved ones to time and age and the violence that waits out there, but ... is it so wrong to enjoy life?”

“How could I? When I’m the one who put everyone into this mess?” Vash swallowed thickly as he tried to blink the tears away that shoved themselves past his defenses. “I shouldn’t enjoy this life. I should see to correct my mistakes.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself”, Meryl admonished. “And have a little more faith in Wolfwood. If anyone can stick to your side, it’s him.”

Vash didn’t know what to say to that. The overwhelming feeling  of helplessness was still ever-present, his mind a wild mess of I don’t deserve this, I shouldn’t indulge, it’s not right. Opening up to Meryl had made it a little more bearable, but it was still a heavy load.

“I don’t know …”, he admitted. “I … it’s never happened before.”

“You’ve never been in love?” He could hear the surprise in her voice, and the heat in his cheeks intensified.

“I, uh … wouldn’t call it that. I’ve had crushes, but I always walked away before it could lead to anything. This is … Wolfwood is … different.”

“Then don’t you think it’s time to give it a chance?”

Vash didn’t answer.

“Promise me you’ll at least think about it”, Meryl said quietly after a while. “You might not believe it, but you do deserve happiness, Vash.”

He took a deep, steadying breath. “… I’ll try.”

It was not a lie, and when Meryl seemed to realize this, she gave his neck a gentle, reassuring squeeze before pulling away. “I’ll head back upstairs and leave you to it. If you need anything, come knocking on our door. No matter how small it seems.”

He couldn’t turn to look at her, but he nodded. “Thank you, Meryl.”

“No need to thank me”, she said as she headed for the stairs. “And Vash? I expect to see you tomorrow morning, or else we’re going to have a problem.”

He chuckled in lieu of a reply, although it sounded far more exhausted than he wanted it to. That seemed to be enough for her, because soon her quiet footsteps disappeared in the distance and Vash was left alone in the overbearing silence of the night.

It was too much.

Almost hastily, Vash got up from the barstool, slipped on his boots and fled outside, the cool night air biting at his skin.

*

The first light of the first sun had barely crept over the horizon, but that sliver of light hit him right in the face and tickled his nose. A tired groan rumbled in his chest as he turned to the side, drawing his coat tighter around his body in hopes of squeezing a few more minutes of sleep in.

The night had been awful, to say the least. The fresh air and clear skies had helped Vash to calm his racing mind, but that also meant he had gotten little to no rest. He had been tossing and turning, staring at the countless stars in hopes of finding guidance in lights such a vast distance away, only to feel more empty in the end.

The sight of the night skies always came with a deep-sitting uneasiness akin to homesickness.

A waft of cigarette smoke caught his attention, and Vash turned on his makeshift bedding on the luggage rack on top of Meryl’s truck. His muscles protested any movement after this rough night, and accompanied by a few cracks and pops in his spine, he slowly sat up with a groan.

As he stretched his arms far above his head, groan quickly morphing into a wide yawn, he spotted a figure watching him from the entrance of the inn.

Wolfwood stood there smoking, calmly leaning against one of the posts that supported the porch’s roof. Despite the early morning light, he had his sunglasses on, and for anyone else it was difficult to tell what he was looking at.

To Vash, though, it was easy as breathing. Wolfwood had angled himself in such a way that it seemed he was idly looking out at the horizon, watching the suns’ lazy rise, but Vash knew that he had already noticed him and kept him in his line of sight.

Memories of last night’s conversation poked at Vash’s guilty conscience as he watched Wolfwood smoke. Perhaps it would have been better to leave after all, but he also didn’t want to disregard Meryl’s honest concerns.

It did feel wrong to entertain these ideas, to hope that he could create a little corner of happiness for himself despite everything … but she was right about one thing: Wolfwood was different.

Perhaps they could talk about this. Perhaps they could figure something out together.

“You’re up early”, Vash greeted, keeping his voice light and neutral. Wolfwood simply shrugged, took one last drag and stubbed out the cigarette against the sole of his shoe.

“Same to you, Spikey”, he replied and exhaled a final cloud of smoke. “What’s the point of renting rooms if you don’t use ‘em?”

“Ah, I …” Vash laughed sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the heat return to his cheeks. “I couldn’t really sleep. Wanted to get some fresh air.”

Wolfwood raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment further on it. “Suit yourself. ‘s long as you pay your part.”

“Right, yes, of course!” Vash hopped off the truck’s roof and shook his stiff limbs, wincing at a stubborn crick in his neck. Wolfwood ignored him, picking up Punisher from its place by the entrance and pushing it up onto the luggage rack.

“Are Meryl and Milly up already?”

“They’re inside trying to talk some breakfast out of the innkeeper. Short stack insisted on getting some food in her before we hit the road”, Wolfwood grumbled. He secured Punisher on the roof, then dusted off his hands and fished out another cigarette from inside his blazer.

“That’s not a bad idea”, Vash hums, turning towards the inn’s entrance. Since Wolfwood lit up another cigarette and didn’t seem too keen on keeping up the conversation, Vash hesitated. There was this palpable tension between them, an awkwardness that felt so wrong it made his chest hurt.

Things used to be so easy. Good job for fucking this up, Vash admonished himself, biting on the inside of his cheek.

Eventually, he gathered the courage to take a deep breath and speak up. “Listen, about last night–“

“Don’t wreck your spikey head bout it”, Wolfwood cut him off gruffly. “’s fine.”

“But–“

“I said’s fine.” Vash flinched at Wolfwood’s sharp tone and kept any other objections to himself. Wolfwood slowly took another deep drag, and Vash could see that the cigarette did little to ease the tense line of his shoulders.

“Whatever you think you want to talk about, just let it go.”

Vash gnawed on his bottom lip, trying to push away the heavy ache between his ribs. Before he could say anything, Meryl and Milly came outside, already carrying their travel bags.

“Oh, you guys are up already! Good!”, Meryl said cheerfully, pointedly throwing a wide smile at Vash. He could see that she was glad to see him after last night’s conversation, and he did his best to put on a smile as well. If she was sporting a hangover as she had feared, she didn’t show it.

The only clue that she wasn’t feeling too well was her handing over the car keys to Milly.

“No breakfast, then?”, Vash asked and helped secure their bags on the luggage rack.

“Ugh, don’t get me started”, Meryl grumbled. “Let’s leave this ditch before the greedy charlatan behind the bar drains us of our last double dollars.”

“Time to hit the road!” Milly cheerfully clapped her hands, her smile so bright it rivaled the suns’ early light.

Next to him, Vash heard Wolfwood grumble something under his breath. He made his way around the truck to climb in on his usual side.

*

Things between them got awkward and tense after that. They barely talked, and if they did, it was nothing more than meaningless small talk or short, clipped answers to questions. Meryl already knew what was going on and tried her best to help out, either distracting Vash or Wolfwood and wrapping them up in another conversation.

Most of the time they reclined to napping in the backseat so they didn’t have to talk at all.

Their route took them further out into the desert, iles and iles of sandy wasteland with no human settlement in sight. The next larger city was a few day’s travel away, and the innkeepers information on any charging stations nearby had been quite … outdated, to say the least.

This left them with no choice but to camp out in the desert, and Vash had to admit that he was glad about it. It meant that he didn’t have to share a room with Wolfwood and make things even more awkward by forced proximity – they had arranged themselves with the situation on the backseat, and Meryl and Milly were always close by.

Sharing a room, however, would put them way closer than Vash could deal with right now.

He knew that they couldn’t keep things like this forever, that they had to either talk about it eventually or go back to their old ways. Judging from Wolfwood’s behavior so far, they were leaning towards the second option. He had already said that it was fine, cutting off any chance of discussion, and it left Vash with no choice but to comply, no matter how much he itched to resolve this.

A few uneventful, otherwise peaceful days passed like this, and they slipped into some sort of routine. In the evening, when the second sun was about to set, they’d set up camp sheltered by some rocks or rusted remains of ancient spaceship hulls.

Tonight, they were lucky to come across the sturdy ruin of a spaceship, curling out of the sand like a half-buried cone, and it provided the perfect shelter from the cool winds of the night and any unwanted eyes.

“I’ll take first watch”, Vash offered after dinner as the girls unfolded their bedrolls. Meryl sighed in relief.

“You’re a lifesaver, Vash. I don’t think I can stay awake much longer after today’s drive”, Meryl said and rubbed at her eyes.

“Will you take over second watch, Mr. Wolfwood?”, Milly asked and looked over Vash’s shoulder at Wolfwood, who still sat in the sand by the small campfire. He shrugged, completely unfazed.

“Shouldn’t be a problem”, he grumbled, and Milly smiled brightly.

“Great! You can wake me for the last watch, if you want to. Sleep well, Mr. Wolfwood, Mr. Vash!”

As soon as the girls had climbed into the truck to get some sleep, Vash turned back to the fireplace and sat down cross-legged, keeping a respectable distance to Wolfwood.

As the silence stretched on between them, Vash took the opportunity to steal a few glances. Wolfwood still wore his sunglasses, and the empty packet of cigarettes by his feet betrayed how much he had smoked since they had left the last town.

Despite how much time they spent driving across the desert, and all the naps they could take in the backseat, Vash had the sneaking suspicion that Wolfwood was just as exhausted as him. In any other scenario, they’d sit there side by side and talk about anything and nothing, perhaps share a few glasses of whiskey between them to pass the night.

Right now, the silence painfully squeezed Vash’s heart. He wanted to say something, anything to lift the veil of tension, but he feared that Wolfwood would brush him off as harshly as before.

“You’re thinking too loud, Blondie”, Wolfwood muttered under his breath, snapping Vash out of his reverie. He sat up a little straighter at being found out and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Ah, sorry. If you’re tired, you can also go and get some sleep. I’ll keep watch.”

A quiet huff was the only answer Vash got, and Wolfwood stayed where he was. The tension grew even heavier, until at one point, Wolfwood broke the silence.

“You were going to run off that night, weren’t you.”

It was a statement, not a question, and Vash felt his heartbeat pick up the pace. He stared at Wolfwood with wide eyes like a thomas in the headlights, too surprised that he would suddenly bring up that topic.

He saw the muscles in Wolfwood’s jaw working, his shoulders drawn up more than usual, until he let out an irritated groan and reached into his blazer to grab another pack of cigarettes. His last one.

“God, you piss me off”, he snarked as he placed a cigarette between his lips. “You’d rather take the blame on yourself and leave than to straight up tell me to fuck off.”

Vash sucked in a sharp breath, wholly unprepared for this conversation right now. “You did nothing wrong”, he said quickly. “It would be unfair of me to ask you to leave.”

Wolfwood stayed silent at that, smoking and staring into the flames of the campfire. Vash had no idea what was going on inside his head. He used to be able to read him much better, but in the past few days he had closed off so much, it hurt to think about.

No small part of him admitted that he missed being the exception to Wolfwood’s defenses. He missed seeing his eyes, clear and unshielded by dark sunglasses.

After what felt like an eternity of silence, Wolfwood finished his cigarette and threw the butt into the flames. He exhaled deeply, crossing his legs under him and leaning his elbows on his knees. He looked so tired. Defeated.

Vash’s heart sank even further.

“I did everything wrong”, Wolfwood admitted, his voice gravelly from the smoke.

Vash knew that he meant so much more than almost laying bare his feelings for all the world to see, and that there were so many more unspoken things implied. Before he could voice his protest, Wolfwood sighed and carried on.

“You’re always so quick to forgive, Needles. I’ve betrayed your trust, and you welcomed me back with open arms. All I’ve known is to hurt, to kill, to soak my hands in blood, and yet you’d accept me to watch your back. You offer your forgiveness. And even now you’d rather take up my sins for me than cast me away.”

Vash’s chest hurt as he forced himself to draw in another breath, and another. The lump in his throat returned with vicious revenge.

“Don’t make it sound like an apology”, he said carefully, hoping his voice would remain steady. “You’re a good person, Wolfwood. I know that. You have nothing to apologize to me for.”

A breathless chuckle escaped Wolfwood, and it sounded so tortured that Vash’s heart squeezed.

“Then why does it feel like I have to? You see good in everyone, or at least you try to. But you should come to accept that some people just aren’t good.”

Vash shifted on the sand, unsure of what to say. Of course it didn’t sit right with him that Wolfwood had killed a man to protect him, but he knew better than anyone that people would go to extreme lengths to protect those they loved. Wolfwood was no exception.

His gaze dropped to the hands in his lap and he felt a weak smile tug at his lips.

“I don’t necessarily approve of everything that you do, but I see your reasons underneath it all. You just try to survive and protect what is dear to you. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“It’s all wrong”, Wolfwood grit out. “It’s wrong and I got too greedy. I wanted to … keep this to myself, but now I’m putting another burden on you.”

“You– it’s not a burden.”

“You don’t have to baby me”, he snapped back, and Vash recoiled a little, a rush of hot frustration bubbling up inside his chest at Wolfwood’s anger.

“If it weren’t, we wouldn’t be like this”, Wolfwood barreled on. “All messed up because I couldn’t keep my goddamn mouth shut, because I had to burden you with something you don’t even want.”

Vash’s breath hitched at the stinging unfairness of it.

“But I do want it”, he said on a rushed breath before he could stop himself, and as soon as the words had slipped out, he froze. Wolfwood’s head snapped up to stare at him, eyes wide and unbelieving.

“What’s that mean?” His voice sounded so fragile that it sent a chilling wave of fear through Vash’s gut.

This was it. This could be the moment to clear things up, to spill his guts, and teetering on this dangerous edge almost had him giving in. It wouldn’t take much to cross the line.

He pressed his lips into a thin line and shook his head, ignoring the heat that flushed his cheeks. He couldn’t breathe, his heart thundering so loud inside his chest that it rivaled the turmoil in his mind.

“Spikey”, Wolfwood tried again. The note of hopefulness was not lost on Vash, but it only caused his fear to constrict around his heart even more.

“Vash–“

“Forget I said anything”, Vash said in a rush and moved to get up. “Go get some sleep, I’ll check the perimeter–“

“Don’t you dare run this time!” Wolfwood jumped to his feet as Vash got up. With a swift movement he was right in front of Vash, catching the front of his coat to keep him in place. The sudden movement had caused the sunglasses to slip down the bridge of his nose, and suddenly Vash was met with the unshielded intensity of Wolfwood’s eyes.

An intensity on the verge of deep hurt.

“You don’t get to run from this”, he hissed, his fist tightening in the sturdy fabric of the coat. “Either we’re doing this, or I’m leaving. So tell me, Needles, what do you want?”

Vash was at a loss for words, his mind drawing a blank. A voice in the back of his brain screamed at him to just get over with it, to lay everything open because Wolfwood had asked, because he would understand.

That at this point, Wolfwood deserved to know that it hadn’t been the revelation of his true feelings that had sent Vash reeling with fear, but the fact that Vash was too much of a coward to voice his own.

After a few long, tense moments, the imploring look on Wolfwood’s face became too much. Vash clenched his jaw, his face surely twisting into a pained expression as he reached up to grab the hand that was desperately clawing into his coat.

“I’m sorry, Wolfwood. I can’t.”

Something snapped inside Wolfwood, and Vash’s heart sank into his stomach at the sudden explosion of anger that twisted his face.

“Yes, you can!”, he almost snarled and jostled Vash by his coat. “Don’t just say something like that and pretend it never happened.”

He was so much closer now, his face mere inches away from Vash’s, with no chance left to avoid his burning gaze. Vash’s stomach fluttered as his throat suddenly became too dry, goose-bumps racing across his skin.

“Nothing good will come of this.” Another attempt to get out of this conversation, although it was a weak one considering how raw his voice sounded. It only served to make Wolfwood angrier.

“Fine, then don’t”, he seethed, his eyes narrowing dangerously. “But I need you to spell it out for me, Blondie. Tell me to get lost, and I’ll go.”

Vash shook his head and tried to swallow past the thick lump in his throat. “No”, he croaked. “That’s not on you.”

“Then what’s so fucking awful about this, about me, that makes you want to run?”

“That’s not– I just … I–“ Vash broke off with a frustrated whine, clenching his teeth. His grip on Wolfwood’s wrist tightened, but it was more to ground himself than to get Wolfwood to let him go.

“Vash.”

“I don’t deserve this!”, he gritted out, barreling past the treacherous burn in his sinuses. “None of this. Not your kindness, your protection, and least of all your feelings. It’s all … I’m not good enough.”

As if burned, Wolfwood let go of his coat, though he didn’t step back. His hand hovered over the crinkled fabric, and from the corner of his eye Vash spotted the slight tremble in his fingers. Vash swept his gaze to the ground, too scared to look Wolfwood in the eye after what he just said.

The sudden silence became unbearable.

Vash sucked in a shaky breath and screwed his eyes shut as Wolfwood stared at him. The weight of his gaze burned, too hot, too much.

“When you said you wanted to protect me at any cost, I got scared”, Vash whispered. “I got scared because seeing that you have these feelings for me made me so happy. But I … I shouldn’t have let it come this far. I was too selfish to draw a line, to keep myself from wanting, and the thought of inevitably hurting you terrified me.”

“You fucking idiot.” Wolfwood’s derisive scoff made Vash flinch. Before he could get some distance between them, before he could even think about leaving and running off into the desert, a solid body suddenly crashed into him and strong arms drew him into a tight hug.

Wolfwood’s embrace didn’t leave any room for negotiation – he tightened his hold as he felt the shiver that ran through Vash’s body.

“And here I thought I was the one spewing self-deprecating shit at myself”, Wolfwood growled under his breath as he tucked his chin on Vash’s shoulder, the stubble on his cheek scratching Vash’s jaw.

Vash couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. He just stood there, frozen, confused by the unexpected reaction and the sudden proximity. Then, as he thought he felt Wolfwood’s embrace easing up, a sudden panic overcame him – he didn’t want him to pull back, to go, to leave him, so he quickly lifted his own arms to return the gesture.

He drew his arms around Wolfwood’s middle, reluctantly at first, then with more courage as the other didn’t pull away at all.

“God, we’re such a mess”, Wolfwood murmured into Vash’s shoulder. It drew an unexpected, breathy chuckle out of Vash and he allowed himself to relax, really starting to melt into the hug. Wolfwood’s warmth and his weight all round him were so comforting that it made his eyes burn with tears.

After a while, Wolfwood drew back – he didn’t go too far, instead he stayed close enough to let his hands wander up Vash’s shoulders and his neck until they cupped his cheeks. Although the look on his face was riddled by a deep frown, it was so soft, so fond, that Vash had no chance against the tears welling up in his eyes.

Soon enough, his vision became blurry and something hot and wet ran down his cheeks and into Wolfwood’s hands.

“Hey, there’s no need for that, Blondie”, he murmured and wiped at the tears. “What are you crying for?”

“’s not fair to you”, Vash pressed out, staving off a hiccup. “I shouldn’t do this, I should stay away.”

Wolfwood’s face twisted in sympathy. “You said you wanted it. There’s so much you do for others, so much you give, don’t you think it’s time you let yourself have something?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want”, Vash muttered almost breathlessly. “There’s a reason I let people not get too close. I’m a hazard for others.”

Wolfwood huffed, a sound between a laugh and a scoff. “A menace is what you are. And I’m still here, aren’t I?”

Vash stayed silent, but when he looked up at Wolfwood’s face, the raw determination he was met with did dangerous things to his heart. He sniffled, finding himself on the verge of fully ugly-crying and it only made his face burn hotter. How embarrassing.

“So let me get this straight”, Wolfwood continued slowly and let his hands glide down to Vash’s shoulders. “We basically want the same thing, you and I. Ain’t that right?”

“I–“ Vash swallowed thickly and started to furiously rub at his eyes with his sleeve to get rid of the tears.

“Apart from the doubts and concerns about the rest of the world, of course”, Wolfwood added and lowered his gaze, his fingers fidgeting with the front of Vash’s coat. Vash inhaled shakily, but managed a weak nod.

There was no going back, so he could just as well fully admit to it. He hardly ever admitted to wanting, to being selfish and taking something for himself, but with Wolfwood so close in front of him right now, it was difficult to think about anything else.

It was difficult to think about anything at all, if he were honest.

“I want that.” His voice was barely enough to be a whisper, wet and raw and trembling. He sharply sucked in a breath, gaining more courage from the soft upturn of Wolfwood’s lips, something like silent pride in his eyes.

“I want–“ Vash’s tongue darted out to wet his dry lips. “I want this. With you. I want you.”

Wolfwood’s eyes crinkled at the corners as a breathy, almost disbelieving huff of laughter escaped him, and Vash didn’t think he could ever look this relieved. What kind of doubts had plagued him after seeing the fear on Vash’s face? What kind of pain had he inflicted him with his carelessness?

Whatever it had been, it had been washed away now, replaced by a look so fond yet unfamiliar on Wolfwood’s face. It looked good on him.

The fluttering in his stomach intensified and he gently wrapped a hand around Wolfwood’s wrist to drag his hand a little deeper, to the center of his chest, right above his heart.

There was no doubt Wolfwood could feel the rapid heartbeat underneath his palm.

“Then let me start over, because apparently we both think we don’t deserve this”, Wolfwood murmured and leaned in, closing the gap between them. “Fuck it. All cards on the table. I’ll follow you wherever you go for as long as you’ll have me. I’m too deep into this shit to leave anyway, so let me stay. Let me do this with you.”

He exhaled deeply, his eyes darting down to his hand above Vash’s heart, lingering on his lips on their way back up until he looked him in the eye again.

“And maybe I can get it into your thick skull that you do deserve nice things.”

“Wolfwo–“

“I love you”, Wolfwood said in a rush, but there was no regret to be found in them.

Vash stared at him with wide eyes, the weight of these words spurring on a bout of fresh tears that threatened to spill over once more. Before they could slip down his cheeks, he surged forward and pressed his lips to Wolfwood’s.

It was a quick kiss, wet and messy, and Wolfwood let out a surprised grunt at the force with which Vash pushed into him. When he didn’t pull back but melted into it instead, Vash found the courage to fist his hands into the lapels of his blazer to keep him close.

He gasped when Wolfwood returned the kiss without missing a beat, and Vash could swear his heart was going to explode inside his chest. When their sunglasses got too much in the way, dangerously clinking against each other with each movement, Wolfwood pushed his up into his hair and slipped his hand around the back of Vash’s neck.

Vash lost track of how long they stood there, taking each other in, but he couldn’t find it in himself to stop. Not when the weight and warmth of Wolfwood’s body against his own felt so good, so comforting. Like it belonged there.

“I’m sorry”, Vash gasped as he drew back to catch his breath.

“Do you see me complaining?” Wolfwood shot him a crooked, toothy smile and gently wiped his thumbs across Vash’s cheeks to get rid of the last tear tracks. “Stop apologizing.”

It was such a loving, soothing gesture that Vash felt fresh tears well up again, and he bit on his bottom lip to contain his growing smile. He leaned in again, until his forehead touched Wolfwood’s, and closed his eyes to simply take in his warmth. The breath so close to his lips as if it were his own, the quick drum of a heart so close to his.

And despite all of his concerns, all of his worries, having Wolfwood this close to him just felt right.

“You good?”

Vash opened his eyes at the deep rumble of Wolfwood’s voice, his smile simmering down into something gentle. The longer he looked between his eyes, the more he started to fidget in his hold, brimming with too much energy and a giddiness almost unfamiliar to him.

“Say it again?”, he asked carefully, and it took Wolfwood a second to understand the request before he let out a soft snort.

“Sure thing, angel.” He licked his lips and shifted in Vash’s arms. The distance between them melted away further, until Wolfwood’s lips ghosted against Vash’s.

“I love you”, he whispered into the little space between them. Vash’s heartbeat kicked up another notch.

“I love you, too”, he replied in kind. The heat on his face grew almost unbearable, burning the tips of his ears, so he quickly dove in for another kiss, which Wolfwood accepted with a deep, satisfied hum.

Yes, they were a mess. A pretty big one, with so many still unspoken things between them, but maybe it was going to be okay. Maybe it was a mess that could work out.

And for the first time in a long, long while, Vash actually started to believe that he did deserve something like this.