Work Text:
Need to Read Episode 1 first
Still at the casino...
“Wolffe?” Captain Rex said, his voice overly dramatic.
Commander Wolffe turned to find his slightly younger brother staring at him as he himself held the helmet of his now deceased nephew whom Wolffe had just shot to death in a fit of rage.
“Rex?” Wolffe asked, trying to make his voice as annoying as Rex’s.
“Wolffe?” Rex repeated for some reason.
“Rex!?” Wolffe shouted at him.
“Wol–” Rex started again but Wolffe interrupted him this time.
“Rex! What do you want! I can see and hear you perfectly!” the agitated commander shouted.
“Where’s Echo?” Rex asked, his tone casual.
Wolffe looked around and then stared at Rex for a moment, before he said, “Oh, so you just got here? You didn’t see anything?”
Captain Rex made his way closer to his one-eyed brother. His eyes looked down at the helmet Wolffe held. “No, I had some free time and Gregor told me that he and Echo were gonna visit Canto so I wanted to come see my favorite only nephew. So where’s the lad?” Wolffe watched as Rex looked underneath the table. Wolffe raised an eyebrow at his blond brother as he continued searching for their other brother’s ugly son. “I dunno. He was here but then he said he had to go get something and the stup- I mean sweet boy ran off,” Wolffe lied. He figured if Rex hadn’t seen anything, there was no reason that Wolffe needed to unnecessarily confess to anything.
A shocked Rex looked at Wolffe, and said, “But he isn’t supposed to walk around without his helmet on. He knows that! People may get offended or even sick.”
Wolffe shifted nervously. “I know right. I told him that but the nasty brat wouldn’t listen to me. Well anyway, I think I’m gonna call it a night. I’ve lost all my money. I’ll be going now. Bye Rex.”
Wolffe started to leave and make his way past his brother Rex, but as he passed by, Rex grabbed his arm. Wolffe immediately stopped and looked down at where his younger brother held his arm, then he looked up at Rex’s face. The blond man looked serious. Suddenly Rex sniffed that air, and said, “Do you smell that?” Wolffe’s upper lip twisted at Rex’s comment, and then for curiosity's sake…he sniffed the air, taking in a big whiff. The commander immediately started gagging uncontrollably.
“Exactly,” Rex said. “Only one thing smells that bad: Echo’s poo. The boy is near.”
Commander Wolffe’s eyes went wide. Rex had to be mistaken. “How? I shot– I mean, I don’t smell anything.” But Wolffe definitely did smell it, but it just couldn’t be the boy. Wolffe had most definitely shot him.
“Come on Wolffe, let’s follow our noses,” Rex told him as he tugged on Wolffe’s arm to get him to follow.
“Rex, that sounds like a horrible idea. You want to follow the shit smell?” he asked his useless brother.
“If it takes us to that sweet little boy, then yes,” Captain Rex said, like a true hero.
Wolffe rolled his eyes. Rex was so dumb.
Admitting it was futile to resist, Wolffe let Rex drag him around the casino. The two, well mostly Rex, sniffed and sniffed until the odor had a certain “heat” to it.
“We are close, older brother,” Rex said.
“Please don’t call me that. Call me Wolffe or better yet, call me commander since that is what I am,” Wolffe instructed the captain.
“Ok, brother,” Rex responded.
Wolffe slapped his face with the palm of his hand in frustration. “Nope. I swear I will shoot you Rex. I barely like you. It really wouldn’t be that hard for me to do, trust me,” Wollfe warned him.
Rex didn’t seem to be listening. The man was pulled by the scent of his nephew’s fresh feces. The captain was determined. Finally, he dragged Wolffe to a large room full of slot machines. “We are very near,” Rex said, his nostrils flared to a size Wolffe had never witnessed before.
Wolffe looked around the room. Thankfully, he had no money left on him or he would be sitting at one of the slots right now. At that moment he wished his wife hadn’t run off so that he could ask her for some cash. As he drooled, dreaming about wrapping his fist tightly around one of those long levers and pulling on it over and over again, his eye suddenly caught something in the far end of the room. His dreaming ended, cut short by the disgusting site of Mama the Hutt again. Acidic vomit bubbled up into the back of Wolffe’s throat and he swallowed it quickly.
“It’s coming from that way,” Rex signalled. To Wolffe’s dismay, Rex had pointed in the exact direction of the fat blob. The blue and white captain instantly took off running. Wolffe had no intention of getting close to the grotesque creature, but after Rex had travelled halfway across the room’s width the man turned around and waved for Wolffe to follow.
The commander rolled his eyes and was about to take off and join his brother, when suddenly General Anakin Skywalker stepped out in front of him.
“General?” Wolffe asked the fair haired man. “What are you doing here?”
“Commander Wolffe. Oh hey, what are you doing here?” the General asked him, looking extremely nervous.
“I had some leave and wanted to take a trip to the casino as well as help out my brother with his kid,” Wolffe explained, still wondering how the Jedi had simply up and left during the middle of a war.
“Huh yeah same here. Hey I was wondering. I know weird question, but have you happened to see Pad– I mean Senator Amidala around by any chance?” the Jedi asked Wolffe.
Wolffe tensed up at the man’s strange question. Then the clone narrowed his eyes at the tall, strong, extremely powerful Jedi. Why would the General be looking for Wolffe’s new wife? Everything seemed so strange. Nothing was adding up. Wolffe continued glaring intensely at the Jedi, before saying, “Nope!” Then the commander ran off to catch up with Rex and get away from the General before he could ask him any more questions.
Meanwhile, Captain Rex had made it across the room and he stood near the creature he knew to be Mama the Hutt. The smell here was vomit-inducingly horrendous forcing Rex to put his helmet back on, but the worried uncle still could not find Echo. In fact, after examining the area, Rex could only come to one conclusion. The boy must somehow be inside the fat worm woman.
Captain Rex approached the woman causing her to turn around and look at him. “Ma’am, I think my nephew is stuck inside of you. Would you allow me to look underneath your fatness?” he asked her politely.
Suddenly, an out of breath Commander Wolffe rushed up next to Rex, the man kept looking behind him. The asthmatic Wolffe looked up at Mama the Hutt and his lips curled up in complete disgust. “Oh no not you again,” Wolffe told her.
Mama the Hutt smiled, then said to Captain Rex, “You can’t but he can.”
Wolffe looked around confused. “I can what?” he asked.
“Wolffe, I think Echo is trapped inside of this kind woman’s body. You are going to have to go underneath her fat droopy body and find our nephew,” Rex explained.
Wolffe laughed before he said, “Yeah that’s not going to happen. You see I don’t even really like the dumb kid that much, so there’s no way I’m touching that creature just to find the little weirdo.”
“Husband!” Wolffe and Rex suddenly heard and they both turned to see Padme approaching them.
Wolffe’s heart was full. “Padme, you came back!” he shouted.
“Rescue your nephew or I’m leaving you!” she demanded, her face furious.
Wolffe started having an internal battle with himself about why he had ever decided to get married in the first place. He slapped his face with the palm of his hand and dragged it down. He turned back to the hideous blob woman and whined, “But why can’t Rex do it!”
Mama the Hutt grinned, showing off her gums, then said, “I don’t like blue.” Then the woman stuck out her tongue and licked her mouth face because Wolffe was pretty sure she didn’t have lips. Wolffe held in his barf, he was about to go inside of the woman and he had no intention of making her mad before he even got in there.
Wolffe looked at Padme. “Are you sure we can’t just forget the boy and go back to the apartment and kiss?” he begged her.
“No!” she shouted.
“Ok, Ok calm down you don’t have to shout,” Wolffe told her.
“You’ll be fine, brother. I’ll hold your feet while you are in there,” Rex assured Wolffe.
Wolffe looked at Rex, his expression flat, and said, “I really hate my life.” The commander then slipped his helmet on and went towards the rear of the horrifically saggy worm woman. Wolffe concluded that the woman was even more repulsive from this angle. Her body just never seemed to end, it was just roll after roll piled up on top of itself. Wolffe swallowed hard, then took a deep breath. Then he shouted, “Echo? Are you in there?”
Suddenly, to Wolffe’s complete surprise, he actually heard a response. “Papa?!” he heard Echo’s voice say. It seemed so distant.
Relief flooded into Wolffe’s body. His nephew was alive! He wasn’t a murderer after all and Gregor wasn’t going to kill him. All he had to do was get the boy out of this monster. Wolffe shouted back at the idiot, “I’m not your papa!”
“Ok Uncko,” he heard Echo say.
Captain Rex, now giddy from also hearing his nephew’s voice, came up behind Wolffe. “Ready?” Wolffe heard him say.
“No,” Wolffe said, but then got down on the floor. The man laid flat on his stomach and he felt his brother grab hold of his ankles. Wolffe reached out his hand to make first contact with Mama the Hutt’s body, nearly vomiting as he touched it and only then realized that her fat was moist. Holding in his food that was trying to come out of his mouth, he lifted up the fat and started to crawl underneath the oversized woman.
Captain Rex’s lip curled up as he watched the Hutt woman's body as it seemed to twitch as his older brother had finally gotten all the way in. There was nothing left of the commander except for his feet. Rex held on tight to his brother’s ankles.
Commander Wolffe moved his hands around inside the spongelike body of the worm lady. It was dark inside but his helmet let him see. After several minutes, he finally saw his nephew. “Echo!” Wolffe shouted, ecstatic.
“Uncko Woffie!” Echo shouted back.
“Echo, how did you get in here?” Wolffe asked the weird kid.
“Uncko Woffie shot me and I flew super fast and now I here,” Echo explained.
“That doesn’t make any sense. And I didn’t shoot you, what are you talking about?” Wolffe said, nervously.
“Yes, you did,” Echo corrected him.
“No, I didn’t!”
“Yes, you did,” Echo said again.
“Fine! I shot you! You are just so annoying and gross!” Wolffe shouted at the boy.
Echo hung his head low and Wolffe could hear sniffling coming from him. Due to not caring, Commander Wolffe ignored the boy’s sadness and reached out his hand, saying, “Come on Echo. Let’s get out of here. Rex is holding my feet and he will pull us out.”
Echo pulled further away from his uncle, and shouted, “No! Uncko Woffie doesn’t wuv me. I’m not leaving!”
Wolffe started to get angry. He did not want to be inside this creature any longer than he had to be. “Echo, I love you so much now, please take my hand.”
“If you wuv me then kiss me, or I’m not leaving,” Echo gave Wolffe his ultimatum.
Wolffe’s body tensed up, then he thought he could trick Echo. “Ok we can kiss when we get out Echo, I promise.”
“No! Kiss me now!” Echo shouted.
Wolffe felt sweat pouring down his face. The boy was simply not going to leave until Wolffe did as he asked. “Fine,” he said, in defeat. Wolffe pulled off his helmet. The smell of all of Echo’s accumulated poo suddenly filled his nostrils and he vomited. As he wiped off his mouth, he watched as his nephew removed his helmet. The smiling boy still had the brown smudge of something disgusting on his face.
“One quick peck, Echo. None of that Gregor kissing nonsense. Got it?” He threatened the trooper.
“Got it, Uncko.”
Wolffe watched Echo push his lips out far, again the boy began to moisten them with his tongue. Wolffe closed his eyes and held his breath. At least in here no one would see them kissing. Soon, he felt Echo’s big disgusting wet lips on his, and he had to use every muscle in his body to not barf on the poor boy’s face. When he was just about to pull back, he felt Echo’s probe and his hand grab his face and pull him closer. The action caused Rex to lose his grip on Wolffe’s feet and the commander fell all the way into Mama the Hutt. He fell forward on top of Echo and the repugnant boy continued holding him and kissing him just like he had kissed his father, Gregor. Finally, Wolffe regained his balance and pushed Echo off of him.
“What is wrong with you, Echo!” he shouted at the boy.
Echo grinned. “Uncko Woffie wuv me,” he teased Wolffe.
Trying to simply forget the horrifying things that had just happened to him, Wolffe spun around to evaluate their current predicament. They were both stuck inside the wet blob.
“Echo, you are so dumb! Now we are both stuck in his hell hole!” Wolffe screamed at his nephew.
“We can just stay here and kiss,” Echo suggested.
Wolffe’s lips curled up. “Echo, I'm never going to kiss you again. That was a one time thing. You are nasty! I don’t want to kiss you!”
“Ok Uncko,” Echo said.
“We have to find a way out,” Wolffe said as he looked around.
“Will this help?” Echo said. Wolffe turned around to see what Echo was referring to and saw that the boy was holding a lightsaber.
The commander smiled. “Of course that will help! Here give it to Uncle Wolffe I happen to be very proficient in using light–”
Before he could finish, Echo had turned on the saber. A blue light flashed in Wolffe’s eyes, blinding him. The commander could hear a shrill scream. When he was able to see again, he was back in the slot machine room. Captain Rex and Padme stood in front of them. Padme had her hands to her mouth, her face a mask of terror. Wolffe looked down at the ground around him to see that he was surrounded by a disgusting blubbery corpse that used to be Mama the Hutt. The commander found his helmet amongst the gore of the horrible woman and picked it up. Joy filled his heart as he thanked the galaxy for giving her what she deserved.
“Uncko Wexy!” Echo shouted upon seeing Captain Rex and the trooper ran to hug his uncle.
“Echo, Echo! Turn off that lightsaber!” a terrified Rex shouted as the boy ran towards him. Echo wildly threw the lightsaber behind him and then jumped to wrap his arm and probe stick around his uncle’s neck. Commander Wolffe watched with horror as the blue lightsaber rapidly flew towards him. The clone’s body completely tensed up and he clenched his backside like there was no tomorrow. The commander flinched, closing his eyes just as the saber was about to hit his face, no doubt with his luck, taking out his one good eye. When the pain never came, Wolffe slowly opened his eyes back up. To his amazement, the lightsaber floated in the air just in front of his face before it was pulled to the side and into the hand of Anakin Skywalker. Wolffe instantly let out a sigh of relief, upon realizing that he was safe. The commander unpuckered and a small, thankfully silent, puff of fart was released.
“Thanks for finding my lightsaber, Echo!” the General shouted to the child. Echo was so consumed with passion while hugging his uncle that he hadn’t heard what the Jedi had said. Wolffe, remembering his encounter with Skywalker earlier, searched for his wife who he had just seen moments earlier, screaming at the sight of the dead Hutt. The commander failed to find her.
Captain Rex set Echo back down on his ugly robot feet.
The commander approached the two creeps and Rex looked over at his brother. “You guys are gross,” Wolffe told Rex and Echo.
“It was just an innocent hug,” Rex said, before continuing, “I mean it’s not like I would ever kiss the boy.”
His words caused Wolffe’s eyes to dart over to the sickly looking Echo. Ever so slowly, the boy’s face curled up into the nastiest smile the commander had ever seen. Wolffe shook his head slowly at the boy, using his eyes to plead with him to not tell Rex that they had kissed inside of Mama the Hutt. To his shock, the idiot must have understood him as he didn’t say anything about their moment together. Instead, Rex spoke up again, “How did you even end up in that woman, Echo?”
Wolffe felt his stomach cramp up and he suddenly needed a toilet. The commander prepared himself for a quick exit.
“I flew at the speed of light when Uncko Woffie got mad and shot me,” the dipshit said, completely nonchalantly.
Rex’s jaw dropped, and he shouted, “When Wolffe did what?!” The blue captain turned towards where his older brother Wolffe had just been standing, but to his surprise, the commander was gone. An angry Rex moved towards his nephew, and put his hand on his shoulder, “Are you ok, Echo?”
Echo’s gross gray lips curled up as he smiled at his uncle, causing Rex to shiver. “Yes, Uncko Wexy. I’m not mad at Uncko Woffie. When we were inside the fat lady, he kissed me and showed me how to hold my lightsaber. Uncko Woffie wuvs me so much.”
Upon hearing his nephew's words, Rex’s eyelids completely retracted and his lips stretched out to a fine line. When he regained his composure, after forcing the thoughts of what Echo had just told him out of his mind, he patted the trooper on the back and said, “Let’s not tell that story to your Pa, ok Echo? Now let’s head home.”
Want to read something more serious? Read my Star wars Clone novel.