Chapter Text
Da’o knew her name wasn’t common in the states. Named after her great grandmother she’d never met, Da’o was proud of having a name that wasn’t shy from declaring who she was and where her family was from.
Sure she wasn’t first generation. Sometimes she struggled with trying to speak Viet because her parents hadn’t wanted her to have a hard time in school, and now she was a teenager trying to learn her own cultural tongue while all of her cousins who’d taken ESL classes in elementary got to make fun of her for her accent. Even her parents— who had been the ones who insisted on keeping her from learning Viet— seemed disappointed she wasn’t as fluent as everyone else in their family.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to learn it. It’s that almost everyone in her family, in her community, already knew English and got frustrated with her for lacking fluency so gave up and just used their shared language. If they didn’t know English, and she tried to speak with them, they’d still get mad and condescending.
By the time she was in middle school Da’o dreaded the question What are you? Everyone asked when she couldn’t answer properly. Always assuming she must be some other sort of Asian if she couldn’t keep up with their lightning fast Viet. Everyone thought she was too Americanized but everyone at school thought she was weird and too Asian.
So maybe it was both rebellion and fondness that made it all happen.
“Hey Daisy! What class do you have next?”
Da’o always felt a familiar burn in her stomach when she came back to school and was reminded of the fact people refused to even try to say her name. Daisy was some white version of her that crawled out of people’s throats. Every teacher called her Daisy and it had stuck like tar and feathers in a way that felt like hate against her skin.
Middle School was supposed to be a fresh start where she could insist that her name was Da’o. Even if her parents always said Daisy wasn’t so bad. That if she tried to fight her teachers it would look bad on their family, on people like them. Da’o didn’t care, all she cared about was being allowed to be as much of herself as she could be. Especially when she never felt like she was ever enough of anything.
“Earth Science in room 201 I guess,” Da’o replied, looking at her paper schedule and trying to suss out where the room was on the map of the school. Stacy Yaw wasn’t a bad person. They’d gone to Elementary together so entering a different Middle School than most of their old classmates meant that they were kind of forced to stick together. Even if Da’o had wished she could just be alone. Start over.
“Sweet! I’m heading there too!”
The teacher was young, she wasn’t that much older than Da’o’s own mom. She also hadn’t put name tags down on the lab tables and when they’d walked in she’d sort of gestured them all to sit wherever. Da’o was both grateful she could sit at the front of the class but at the aisle at her leisure and also kind of angry that Stacy could freely plop herself in the free seat right next to her.
Even though it was Earth Science the room had been set up like a lab. Large black tables all lined up and facing a good sized counter containing a sink in front of the white board. “Mrs. McNallen” was written across the board in clear clean lettering. The rest of the class filled up before the bell, everyone on their best behaviour for the first few days of school. Da’o took out a folder— ready to pile in whatever flyers the teacher was going to foist on them— and a note book for any important information that wasn’t in paper form.
Once the bell had rung, the teacher placed herself in front of the counter with the sink and smiled brightly, “Hello class! Welcome to Earth Science I! I’m Mrs. McNallen, but you can call me Mrs. ‘M’. Since it’s your first day we’re going to be doing some introductions so we can all get to know each other better! Starting with the front row. Say your name, what school you came from, and a fact about yourself.”
Stacy, ever the social butterfly, happily stood up and introduced herself. “Hi! I’m Stacy Cleavland! I went to Mountain Ridge Elementary with Daisy here!”
Da’o felt that familiar sickness in her stomach building. It got worse when Mrs. McNallen said “Daisy? Oh, is that what you prefer to be called? Its a very nice name.”
“No I— Everyone just calls me that. My name’s Da’o Nguyen.” Da’o suddenly felt like her throat was closing. Everyone was staring at her and Mrs. McNallen was smiling.
“Oh! I can see why they call you Daisy! That’s a mouthful isn’t? I’m sure you won’t mind if we all continue that tradition. Daisy is a perfectly lovely name.” Mrs. McNallen just kept smiling, as if she was being polite and doing Da’o a favor. As if just thinking about going through middle school being called that awful name was going to kill her.
Da’o tried to talk but it seemed like that meager introduction from someone else was enough to skip her turn and Mrs. McNallen was already talking to the boy across the aisle from Da’o.
“Alright, now whats your name and what school did you go to?”
The boy was blond, kind of lanky in that grew too fast way and his eyes were blue like ice. He glanced and Da’o and said “Don’t you think she should give a fact first?”
“Right of course! Sorry about that Daisy,” Mrs McNallen said sweetly, “Whats a fact about yourself?”
“I don’t like Daisies.” Da’o said. Everyone in the room stared at her as if she’d cursed but the boy who was supposed to go after her snorted a bit. Before anyone could comment on any of it the boy introduced himself.
“I’m Ryland Grace. I went to C.W. Mills, and my favorite subject is science.”
With that he plopped himself down and glanced at Da’o again. But when their eyes met he looked away. From there everyone went and took their turn. Giving their elementary schools and saying boring facts that nobody would remember.
When the bell rang, Da’o rushed out and hoped to god that Stacy wasn’t in her next class.
Da’o felt like an email had been sent out or something. Every teacher she met said “Oh you must be Daisy.” or had asked if she had a nickname that was easier to say. Which always led to some jack ass saying ‘Mr. or Mrs So-and so called her Daisy’. It was a familiar hell and Da’o wanted to scream until her lungs fell out.
It was lunch time when she was sitting in the corner alone trying not to let it get to her when she saw the boy from Earth Science again.
“Dah’oh, right? Can I sit here? I mean— there’s no assigned seats just—- I don’t know if you have friends. Not that you seem like the type not to have friends! I just—”
“Yeah,” Da’o kind of stared at him. If she was honest she hadn’t heard anything past her own name clumsily being said with a very bad inflection. “But its Da’o”
The boy stopped fumbling, sat down next to her, and then– like it was very important to him to get it right he formed the syllables in his mouth. “Da’o”
“Yeah.”
“Cool.” he nodded, “I’d hate to say it wrong. I’m Ryland.”
“If you’re worried about saying it wrong, why didn’t you just call me Daisy?”
“That’s not your name though,” He frowned, the look he gave her was like she’d said something insane. At that instant, she felt her heart skip a beat. Something about him was no longer gangly and tall but— a little cute? Maybe his eyes weren’t ice but soft like the sky?
“Isn’t it going to be annoying to remember?” she asked because that’s what all the teacher said. Hadn’t Mrs. McNallen just said it? A mouthful. Da’o was too foreign.
“If I can say Pythagoras I can say Da’o. I’m not an idiot,” he smiled a bit awkwardly. Da’o felt as if he’d left a little ‘not like everyone else’ unsaid.
Ryland was Da’o’s first real friend.
When she first started bringing him around her mother would call him “That White Boy” with the derision of a lifetime of racism that their people had faced as immigrants. Da’o would roll her eyes and just ignore when her sister made kissy faces.
Ryland was always a great sport though. He was awkward and nervous around her mother but he was always willing to try the food on offer. Da’o and him would do homework in the family area too, because her father would skin a boy alive before he was allowed in her room and—
There was something magical about the person who’s willing to taste the food your mother made when everyone else called it gross just because it was a little different. Ryland was— he was just good. Despite his terror when her dad glared at him– he still called him Mr. Nguyen with a smoothness that was clearly practiced. He’d fumble over the names of food until he got it as right as his untrained tongue could manage.
He was her best friend, she told him everythinand nothing. Whatever he was willing to hear. Complained about Daisy and he’d commiserate with her, even though he didn't get it, he still tried his best. Always said how awful it must be to be called something because nobody could be bothered to try.
Ryland wasn’t the cutest guy in school. He was easily the smartest. He always had his hand up with an answer and everyone wanted him in their group projects so they could foist the whole thing on him. Everyone thought he got straight A’s and would be their easy ride to a passing grade on whatever assignment.
Da’o knew he hated history class and Mr. Clive being a boring windbag made it worse. That Ryland only go As in the classes he liked and got low B’s in everything else besides English where he was skirting by with a high C. Hilariously he was also athletic enough that he was good at dodgeball, tall enough for the Gym Teacher to beg him to play basketball, but nerdy enough that all he cared about was Science Club after school.
Between classes they’d hold hands when they could. He’d meet her at the trophy case after her Home Ec class and they’d talk about homework on their way to Earth Science. After that he’d walk her to Art and then they’d meet for lunch.
They spent after school together as often as they could. Half of it spent at his place and the other half was happily at hers. Though her dad would have preferred she spent it all at their house. Since Mrs. Grace always let them hang out in Ryland’s room as long as the door was open.
So of course, just before summer break when they were sitting around at the pick up area waiting for her mother to get them— he’d be staying over before they went off to Science Camp together— Da’o kissed him.
And maybe if she was older she’d have worried about ruining things. She was only thirteen though and he was her entire world. So when she pulled away and saw his face part of her felt a little sick.
Blue eyes wide, face red, Ryland seemed so shocked— but everything inside of her sang when he smiled and kissed her back. Fast and short.
“That means you’re my girlfriend right? Because if not your dad is gonna kill me.” Ryland said– clearly only half joking.
“Of course! I don’t just go around kissing guys!” Da’o huffed. He reached over and held her hand. And they kept holding hands for a long time.
For a while, Da’o just assumed Ryland was just a gentleman. Or maybe just super terrified of her dad. Those were the only reasons she could really think of that nothing really changed between them. They held hands just as much. The only difference is he would kiss her sometimes. On the head, on the lips, soft little things. Sometimes they’d spend lunch sitting on the grass and he’d lay out his jacket. Then they’d just lay together after sharing whatever her mom packed. Talking.
Fourteen year olds weren’t saints. Not the way most adults liked to pretend. Da’o had seen enough of their classmates making out after school or in the field between classes.
Ryland never seemed to want to do any of that. He just– held her hand. Gave her little kisses. And while that was nice– Da’o liked him- liked him. Ryland was cute. The way he got messy hair sleeping through english in the back of the class, he was so much taller than her and seemed to grow another inch every few months. Maybe other girls liked Shane Wilson —-who’s dad owned all the local Domino’s— but Da’o liked Ryland. He was hot ,smart, a gentleman, he wore silly shirts, and was always losing his glasses.
Every time they kissed she could feel that twisty feeling in her stomach — she wanted to keep kissing him. Maybe she didn’t wanna go all the way that was too scary to think about— but Da’o wanted to at least maybe touch him a little bit? She wondered if he ever thought about touching her back. She hoped he did.
So she kept waiting for him to try. For their kisses to stop being soft quick things where he smiled at her and then kept on keeping on with whatever homework the were doing or movie they were watching.
They’d dated all through summer camp. And while school was only a few months in, months were years to a middle school relationship.
Ryland’s parents had given them pizza money and taken off for their own date. It didn't really help that when Mr. Grace had handed off the twenties for the pizza and tip he’d teased them not to get into too much trouble. Da’o had felt herself burning up from the embarrassment and Ryland had fumbled, nearly dropping the money but eventually they’d survived the embarrassment.
After that Da’o had stood on the back of Ryland’s bike and they’d gone down to the Block Buster to pick up a few movies with his allowance. The cooling fall air on her face, wind in her hair. Da’o always put it up and back when they rode like that. Ryland was strong enough to pedal them fast— even in the summer.
They arrived at the Block Buster and he locked up the bike before grabbing her hand and opening the door for her. He was sweet like that. Once in the door, Da’o tossed her backpack by the counter so that the cashier wouldn’t kick them out for being shady.
“Did you wanna watch something funny?” he asked casually and they made their way through the aisles of movies chatting back and forth over whatever they hadn’t thought was good enough to drop $6.50 on for a matinee but was interesting enough to pluck from the walls of the rental place.
Once they made their decision they split up like secret agents– their mission? Making a perfect movie night.
Da’o grabbed one of those buckets of popcorn that came with the bag plastic wrapped to the bottom. Mostly because Ryland had ruined her with them and now it was the best thing to snack on outside of actual theater popcorn during a movie. She was a salty girl at heart. While she was in the snacks she grabbed a pack of twizzlers because she knew he loved them. They’d probably argue about what soda to order from the pizza place but Ryland was always happy to let her win and get a two liter of Dr. Pepper so she wasn’t really worried about drinks.
In as orderly a fashion as they could, the pair plopped their haul onto the counter and Ryland used his mother’s Block Buster card to check out the movies they’d settled on. The moment they finished, Da’o grabbed her backpack and Ryland put the movies in her bucket which she put into her back pack. It didn’t close all the way, if she tried to it would bend the cardboard, but it closed enough it would be safe on the ride back.
They did their homework and by the time they were done the pizza arrived. Which meant they could spend the rest of the evening watching movies and stuffing their faces.
Everything was perfect. It really was. Ryland was the best boyfriend Da’o could ever ask for. Da’o knew there were plenty of guys that were terrible, her own sister– who was in high school– always talked about how the guy she went to school with were pigs and only wanted one thing. So Ryland was— he was perfect.
But Da’o was ready for more. She hoped he was too.
It was after pizza, halfway through the second movie when she made her move.
Really it was easy. They were cuddled up together like any boyfriend and girlfriend. Ryland had an arm around her and she had rested her head on his chest. This was the easy part. Being close. The hard part was taking it further. Da’o had thought about it for a long time. Not really sure what to do since he was her only boyfriend ever and— well it wasn’t like she wanted to tell her sister about how much her and Ryland weren’t making out. That would be so embarrassing that Da’o would just want to die.
There was enough to be embarrassed about when it came to her family. The only thing that had ever been good enough was her grades. And sure they loved her but sometimes it felt like they only loved her because they had to. Ryland liked her— maybe even loved her because they were both nerdy and liked the same kinds of movies and pizza. He was so special because he just accepted her in a way nobody else ever had.
So, Da’o mustered her courage and leaned out a bit so she could kiss him. This part was also normal. They kissed plenty and Ryland kissed her back because he was her boyfriend. Closed mouth and gentle. When he started to pull away— like usual– Da’o pushed for more. Getting closer so the kiss could keep going. Her stomach fluttered and her skin suddenly felt super heated. That’s when she put a hand on his thigh and squeezed.
Sure, she expected him to be nervous, Da’o was nervous too. Neither of them had ever done anything like this before. She didn’t expect him to yelp and pull away so hard he flopped over to the other side of the couch.
The sound he made was cartoonish and the way his glasses flew up to his forehead from the force of the way Ryland had leapt away like she’d come at him with a gun— it was like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on her.
Suddenly— Suddenly Da’o felt like maybe she was the problem. That– maybe Ryland was hot and attractive. Tall, strong and fun– even if he wasn’t as funny as he tried to be— maybe she jut wasn’t pretty enough for him to want her the way other boys wanted girls.
“Da’o!” Ryland said her name strangled and clearly panicked, “I thought we were gonna watch a movie!”
His entire face was red as a tomato and there was a glazed look in his eyes like she’d actually made an attempt to kill him.
“We can pause the movie…” Da’o hesitated, hands off him she shrank away to the other side of the couch while Ryland awkwardly pulled himself back up to sitting instead of flailing like a dying fish.
“But– but— I mean… sure but…” Ryland stumbled over his words, eyes darting around like he was trying to look at anything but her. As if he was trying to discover and excuse. Which was proven when he choked out, “My parents could be home any minute!”
“Then we can go to your room.” Da’o said, but part of her felt far away. Like she knew that wasn’t the reason.
“But… I don’t have a tv in my room for the movie?”
The way he phrased it like a question— the way he kept looking at the screen as if the fictional universe of Rom Coms would save him—-
“Do you even like-like me?” Da’o asked and while she felt a little silly asking that way– it was the easiest path to not confuse all the ways people liked each other.
Ryland was quiet. Da’o wondered for a moment why that would be such a hard question to answer. The way he just stared at the space between them on the couch and rubbed his palms on his jeans already felt like an answer.
“You don’t do you.”
“I do!” Ryland suddenly yelped, eyes darting up and finally looking her in the face. “I… I like kissing you. I like– I like you a lot. More than I ever liked anyone. You’re really beautiful and smart and— and I just— I don't know. I never thought about– you know. All that other stuff.”
“So you don’t like-like me.” Da’o frowned. Because that’s what it sounded like. It sounded like he kissed her cause she was a girl but doing more— well clearly he wasn’t into her like that. “Why’d you even say yes to being my boyfriend if you don’t like me like that?!”
“I DO!” Ryland insisted, scrambling closer on the couch. Suddenly Da’o didn’t want to be closer. She wanted to be far far away.
“I do! I don’t— You’re the only girl I want to kiss! You’re so cool and— I do like you!” his voice cracked and his eyes watered— like he was going to cry.
For a moment, Da’o wondered if he just wasn’t ready for more. Just like she wasn’t ready to go all the way.
“I just want to make out. We don’t have to do anything crazy,” Da’o tried to assure him and something started in her chest like hope. That fragile feathered thing was murdered brutally when he made a face. Like the idea of making out with her was disgusting.
“Right, okay.”
Da’o felt something choking her, stinging in her eyes, and her chest was tight as it all came crashing down on her that the one boy who ever liked her— cared so much— her best friend— had lied — had just went along with things— had—
“No! No! Da’o I really like you I do!” Ryland’s voice cracked and suddenly all she could feel was rage that he was about to cry when he was the one that had the problem!
“But you don’t like me the way I like you!” Da’o could feel the tears burning down her face like a volcano that had exploded.
“I—” Ryland choked— “I don’t know what that means… I–”
“You only like me as a friend!”
“No! No I don’t!” Ryland insisted and it was just— all she could see was the way he’d run away on the couch, the face he’d made like was going to turn green and throw up when she said she wanted to make out.
“No you fucking don’t! If you did you’d actually want to touch me back!”
He stared at her and the worst part was that he just kept staring and watching as she grabbed her back pack, gathered her homework and called her mom to pick her up. Da’o refused to stay in the house— something about made her want to scream so she rushed out and sat on the porch steps.
Somehow, Ryland made it worse by sitting on the other side. Watching her quietly while she cried. Like he was some sort of fucking robot with no feelings. It was thirty minutes of Da’o feeling like her heart was being ripped out of her chest, thirty minutes of Ryland sitting there, tugging at the edge of his stupid fucking shirt.
When her mother arrived he barely mustered up a quiet, “I’m sorry.”
Da’o turned to him and spat, “Đệt mẹ mày”
At thirty-something, Da'o thought about Ryland sometimes. Long summers. When Block Buster closed. Yellow raincoats and sometimes she’d hear an old song and realize it came out when they were friends when they were together. It was silly, just nostalgia she was sure. They hadn’t stayed friends. Teenagers were like that. He had been her entire world, and part of her is sure he was her first love. She’d loved him as much as any thirteen to fourteen year old could love. All her childish heart had wanted him so bad.
That sort of thing fades though, and her second boyfriend in High School was way too into sex, but — after dating around— she’d finally found the right guy.
Carlisle was perfect, smart and funny and had wound up as a High School teacher. Da’o’s own work was a little more varied as a lawyer. So it was her work that found them in San Francisco. They’d had kids young but Carlisle had been happy to be the one to care for them from home while she finished school and started her career.
Da’o always did her best to make time for her family though. Even if it was Carlisle who was always ferrying them to and from school, recitals, clubs, and playdates. He really was perfect. Da’o always did her best to take her vacation or use her sick time to tag team when the kids got whatever was going around at school and it eventually took her husband out for the count too.
Since moving to the city, things had been hectic and Carlisle had gotten sick from the stress of the move, so it was Da’o who took the twins– Loan and Hằng— to the open house their middle school was having. From all accounts she’d been told, Grover Cleavland was the best choice. San Francisco had a decent population of Asian-American Immigrants and was very well known for its varied cultures.
Trauma was a hell of a thing though and Da’o was just showing up to be sure her kids would never have to deal with being anyone other than Loan and Hằng.
Her kids were old enough that she let them wander around the moment they entered the gymnasium where ‘meet the teachers’ was being held. She wanted them to be able to make friends, choose their electives and everything that came with middle school early registration.
Da’o’s first experience with Mr. Ramirez was pleasant, he was very clear he’d never call a student anything they didn’t want to be addressed as and would ask them. Ms. Davies was the same and it was a comfort to have so many teachers agree so directly. Though practice and preaching were two distinct things she knew.
She kept going through the many stalls and teachers when she wound up looking at the sign up sheets for PTA. Carlisle would probably want to be involved, she realized. Reading the board, Da’o looked over all the events PTA would be doing. Bake Sales, car washes, food drives, charity works to both fund the school and show the kids the power of a helping hand to the less fortunate.
Looking down at the table she grabbed a flyer to show Carlisle, and that’s when someone from behind her leaned around and snagged pen from the nearby cup that had likely been set up for the sign up sheets.
“S’cuse me! Just need a pen for the Science Club sign ups. Mine seem to have sprouted legs and run off."
The man chuckled a bit at the barely existent joke he’d made for himself and Da’o turned to look at him. He was tall. Much taller than her. Easily in the six foot range. Dirty blonde with big blue eyes and wire framed glasses. It was easy to see he was a teacher, the lanyard and badge gave it away. Besides, he was wearing a nice button up and tie with clean pressed jeans.
For a moment, Da’o felt like she’d met him before.
Glancing at his name tag she—--
Dr. Ryland Grace (Science Dept.)
“Doctor? A bit over qualified.” Da’o said instead of anything else. Her chest felt something heavy and awkward in it.
“Ah! Academia is overrated. I have the kids call me Mr. Grace though so I try not to make them feel overwhelmed.” He grinned and offered a hand to shake.
Da’o took it, “Da’o.”
“Oh my gosh!” He shook her hand faster and with more excitement than he probably should but let her go professionally. Ryland was looking at her like they had been best friends all through school and he hadn't torn her heart out. Then again– they had been children. “Da’o Nguyen! I guess— unless you’re married. Wow! It’s been forever! How long have you been in San Fran?”
“Just moved out, I was offered a partner at a law firm here.”
“Crazy! That’s awesome!” Ryland laughed bright and deep. “Good for you!”
“What about you?”
“Oh I– I came here to teach,” He placed his hands on his hips and let out a breath that filled all the years between them, “Like I said, Academia is overrated. Ended up taking this as a ‘for now’ and loved it so much I couldn’t really leave.”
“And I’m Nguyen-Givers now.”
“Good for you! How old is your kid?” he laughed “I guess it doesn't matter, I teach eighth and seventh. I’ll probably have them but if I don’t— Ms. Abimbola is way better than me with a good third of the curriculum.”
“Maybe we should do dinner,” Da’o said, because she was both crazy, and nostalgic. They had dated in Middle School and he hadn’t even been attracted to her. “Me, Carlisle, and you and your— Partner?”
“Yeah, I’m not married, or Partnered or anything really — so that would be weird,” Ryland huffed out an extremely awkward sound, “Yeah– um. It was good to see you though!”
“Oh— um–” Da’o suddenly realized that the moment he realized who she was he stopped being able to meet her eye.
“Yeah it was good to see you! Hopefully your kids have Ms. Abimbola!” he said cheerily then beat a hasty retreat like talking to her had been the most terrifying thing in the world.
The kids got him of course. Carlisle was the one dealing with PTA though and he had nothing but love for Mr. Grace. Since they’d dated in middle school it wasn’t something she really brought up. There was no reason for Ryland to bring it up either— especially to her husband.
Which made things awkward when the Parent Teacher meeting arrived and Ryland greeted them with “Ah! Mr. Givers! Da’o! It's good to see you both made it! Loan and Hằng are doing great so I have nothing but about fifteen minutes of praise to heap on those two.”
“Do you two know each other?” Carlisle’s smile was awkward while he looked between them.
Ryland’s mouth stayed hanging open with an awkward, “Uuuuuuh”
While Da’o had no idea where to even begin.
Finally, Ryland laughed a bit and said, “We went to middle school together! Lost touch when we went to High School– bigger school and all that. It's crazy right? Small world and all that!”
The parent teacher meeting was just as smooth as Ryland said it would be. What wasn’t so smooth was when Da’o and Carlisle were clear of the classroom. It was tense in an eerie way, not that Carlisle had ever done anything to her– it was just that he’d clearly been thrown off by the start of the meeting and hadn’t quite settled yet.
When they hit the exit of the school he placed his hand on the push door and finally said, “So, how do you really know Mr. Grace?”
Da’o felt a bit odd— then she realized the best option was to be honest, “We dated in middle school.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.”
He laughed, “That’s hilarious, how long? Two whole weeks? How serious.”
“A year.”
Suddenly the smile on Carlilse’s face was weird. Then he joked, “That’s like— being married in middle school.”
Da’o rolled her eyes and kept pushing the door so they could leave the school, “We’d been friends for ages. It doesn't even matter. I married you. Don’t make it weird. ”
“Wait wait wait—” Carlisle’s joking suddenly ground to a halt, “Why are you acting like this is a big deal? You dated when you were like twelve years old.”
“I’m not making this a big deal, you are.”
“You just said you married me, like– like marrying him was an option or something.”
Da’o was going to roll her eyes again but realized— he was right. That was a very strange thing to say about someone you—
“I guess I loved him.”
It was the first time she ever said it out loud. It was weird. She was a kid when she had loved him.
“Shit. Geez, Da’o. That’s— you should have said something.”
“I— why? We were kids.”
“Yeah but— he was what? Your first everything? That does shit to a kid,” Carlisle said softly, he pulled her in close. His warmth comforting and everything she needed in the moment.
“He really wasn’t.” Da’o admitted and suddenly she realized that’s why she felt so— so— this way, “He should have been but he wasn’t. It's–”
Her husband held her close, softly and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, “That’s… yeah.”
Da’o didn’t love him. She wouldn’t call Ryland the one that got away that woud be silly. Carlisle was everything to her.
“Kids grow up at different rates,” Is what she ends up saying, because it would be so much easier to write off what happened. Da’o can’t even begin to describe how unwanted and awful Ryland had left her feeling. “I just grew up faster. “
Carlisle hummed, “So you’re saying I don’t have to be jealous.”
Da’o laughed, “No you don’t have to be jealous of our childrens’ Science Teacher.”
When Dr. Ryland Grace shows up on TV because he’s second in command of the Petrova Task Force, Carlisle whistles low and teases her.
When Dr. Grace’s name is on every single press release because he’s in charge of what the world is allowed to know about their impending doom, her husband holds her and jokes, “See, imagine if you’d married him. He’d never have time to pick the kids up.” Da’o laughs because its just a joke between them.
They’re at a launch party. Everyone is eager, eating popcorn and excited to see the start of the end and the beginning of the answer.
“You think your boyfriend will be on TV?” Carlisle asks and Da’o snorts.
“Of course he will, he rules the world apparently.”
That’s when it’s announced that the replacement Science Officer was found. That Dr. Grace himself who had originally taught the Science Team their jobs has nobly sacrificed himself for the world.
Da’o pulls on her coat, sits on the back porch. Everyone inside is celebrating the rocket launch that will take the astronauts to the ISS and load them into Hail Mary. All Da’o can think about is the boy who refused to call her Daisy.
The boy who she had loved with all her thirteen year old heart– who’d cried because he didn’t like her the same way.
Da’o cries.
And for the first time in her life— she realizes why Ryland cried when they broke up that way. Why he’d been so— why she felt this way all her life about him. So nostalgic and fond even though she’d grown up and found her true love.
Because they’d been best friends first. Hadn’t they?
Because they had held hands and stood against the world and— and she’d ruined it all because he just hadn’t liked her the same way. Da’o cries and wonders what life would have looked like if she had been more mature. Been able to stay friends.
Ryland was so alone. He didn’t have a partner— clearly he had no friends or else there would be interviews now. All the astronauts have their families at the launch. Have their own groups of people talking about how loved they are.
Ryland had nobody.
If she’d just been a better friend would they have stayed in touch? Would he have had someone to stand there and tell him he was going to be missed? Did he know?
Da’o was sure he didn’t.