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When Cole opened his eyes, he realized two things. One, he left the light on again, and two, he couldn’t move. He lay on his back, sprawled out and frozen to his bed. The arm he initially tried lifting refused to budge.
Panic laced through Cole’s veins. He swung his arms, kicked his feet, and twisted his head, yet every attempt proved futile. Not a single muscle twitched against his struggle.
The only thing Cole could move were his eyes. His gaze darted around the entirety of his room before landing on the door halfway open to the dark hallway.
He shivered internally.
He was not afraid of the dark. He meant to turn off the lamp and shut the door before actually falling asleep. In fact, he never meant to fall asleep in the first place. Didn’t he just close his eyes a bit before promising to get up and get ready for bed? If his lack of movement hadn’t already had his heart jumping out of his chest, then the unknown shadows beyond his bedroom door sent his mind into overdrive.
If he didn’t get up now, then something terrible would happen. Cole could feel it in his gut. An insistent warning played on loop. Its urgency increasing tenfold every second Cole’s body failed to perform a basic command.
He had to get up before it was too late. For what, he had no clue. All he had was his mind’s persistent insistence of GET UP AND MOVE. NOW. Desperation took over as he strained against the invisible force immobilizing him to his own bed. Why couldn't he move? Nothing was holding him down.
Then it hit him.
Sleep paralysis.
Again.
He was not in any immediate danger. His current state, while frightening to experience, was harmless. Or so Zane told Cole after the game room incident scared him into researching the topic.
It wouldn’t be long before he could move again. He just had to wait it out.
He glanced at his door.
His body needed to free itself faster.
Cole wracked his brain trying to remember what snapped him out of it last time. The first time it happened, Jay shook him awake. That didn’t help him now, he was alone in his room. The others were either off doing their own thing or retired to their own beds for the night.
He was on his own.
The best thing he came up with was to calm his racing heart and wait it out. Hopefully, it wouldn’t last too long, he thought to himself. He couldn’t stay stuck forever. Could he?
His door slid open all the way and Jay entered.
Pure relief flooded through Cole. Finally, his solution to freedom. Except, instead of walking into the room to shake him awake, Jay stood there. One hand braced against the edge of the door while the other hugged his middle.
“Cole,” Jay panted, “Heh, I did something…not smart. I think you need to -” he winced “-I need your help.”
Worry extinguished his temporary relief like an ice bucket dousing his head.
Jay? Jay?! What's wrong? Are you bleeding??? Was what Cole would've said, but his mouth refused to move.
Jay clutched his stomach.
“It’s so much worse than I thought,” he whined. “Cole, you're gonna have to take me to the hospital.”
Hold on, Jay!!
“Cole,” Jay said looking up from the dark red stain pooling across his middle. “Cole! Help! I need you! Help me!”
I'm trying! Cole wanted to scream.
“Please,” he said. “Please help me. I think I'm gonna…”
He drifted off, his death grip on the wooden frame slowly easing up.
No, no, don't do that, Jay! Just hold on!
Stupid, stupid body won’t let him move! Cole screamed or at least he would've if any of his vocal chords were working.
He could only watch as Jay slowly slid down the doorframe. As Cole struggled against his body, Jay’s glassy eyes met his. The look of despair strangled Cole’s heart.
“Cole, please. Please help me. I cant. I cant-” Jay shuddered around a sob. “Why wont you help me?”
The shattered plea unleashed something primal inside him. Nothing mattered except one simple thought. Get to Jay.
He thrashed against his body, yet his new found willpower proved useless. He kept trying anyways. For if he didn't move now, Jay would die.
Cole squeezed his eyes shut.
He was free! By pure brute force he finally freed himself. He looked around at the monastery courtyard. Where was Jay?
Cole dashed across cobblestone and spotted Zane near the main doors.
“Zane! Hurry! It’s Jay! He needs medical attention!”
He didn't spare a second glance before skidding into the hallway and sprinting towards his room.
“Please be ok, please be ok, please be ok.”
Someone had closed his door. He wrenched it open and-
Cole opened his eyes.
The half opened door leading to the dark hallway taunted him from across his room. Horror seeped into his mind.
He never left his bed. His body refused to move. Whatever he saw lied to him. His pulse throbbed in his head while he searched frantically for Jay. The spot near the door remained vacant.
Footsteps pounded down the hallway and Zane rushed past his room
“Cole! We’re taking Jay to the hospital. He’s lost a lot of blood!”
I know that! I WATCHED IT BLEED OUT OF HIM!
He willed every fiber in his being to move. He was the strong one, the one that could break any door, lift any boulder, withstand any blow, but the one thing he couldn’t do was move his own body. Bound to his bed and forced to stare at where he could not be. If he ever got free, he never wanted to sleep again.
Wasted minutes ticked on.
He didn't know what snapped him out of it. One moment he couldn't twitch a finger and the next his body jerked up and doubled over gasping for air. His head felt like someone compressed it through a tight tube, however, things felt real, or at least more real than before. Whatever the case, one thing remained the same.
Jay.
Cole clipped his shoulder on the way out of his room.
“Jay!?”
He sprinted down the dark hallway towards the main doors of the monastery. If they took the Earth Driller then at least he’d know that they were getting Jay help.
“Oh come on! I almost had it that time!”
The explosive outburst halted him in his tracks. It couldn't be.
Cole whipped around and headed for the game room. His whirlwind of panic snapped into one clear purpose. With measured control, Cole flung the sliding doors open and strode into the room. He locked onto the back of Jay’s and Zane’s heads peaking out from the couch illuminated by the tv.
“Cole!” Zane greeted him.
His bright smile made Cole freeze. An eerie unease settled in him.
“Is everyone okay?” Cole asked tentatively.
“Everyone but Jay’s pride,” Zane replied.
Jay scoffed.
“When I said, ‘make a difficult level for me to beat’ I did not mean ‘break every rule I know about this game’. SEE WHAT WAS THAT??” Jay screeched. His pixelated character fell to its doom from the invisible block.
Cole breathed while trying to make sense of the scenario before him. They were conversing like everything was normal. Like Jay wasn’t bleeding out and Zane wasn’t urging him to hurry. Zane relaxed against one of the couch pillows while Jay sat in the middle, his body tense with frustration.
“Are you alright?” Zane asked, a frown beginning to form on his face.
Cole shook away some of his confusion. Focus.
“Forget me, is Jay okay?”
“Tch. No, this level is evil and Zane made this level therefore Zane is evil and I keep dying over the stupidest things like-like that! HA, thought you could get me this time!”
“He’s on his twenty-sixth run!” Zane explained as if that answered all of Cole’s questions.
“You sound way too happy about that. That's not–WHAT! YOU CURSED THE CLOUDS? HOW COULD YOU TURN MR. SMILEY CLOUD AGAINST ME!”
“Twenty-seventh,” Zane corrected as Jay groaned at another life lost forcing him back to his save point.
“You think you know a guy!” Jay lamented, “Ugh, ok, ok, ok. Everyone shut up! It’s extreme focus mode time.”
Cole rubbed at his face and stumbled the rest of the way into the living room. He rounded the couch and flumped into the spot next to Jay.
If no one else was panicking then he shouldn’t be either. Yet his heart still threatened to jump out of his chest and his cotton filled head teetered on whether this was real or just another cruel dream. He tried not to blink for too long just in case.
Instead, Cole focused his attention on Jay. Jay leaned slightly forward in concentration, his legs crisscrossed on the couch. The light from his platformer videogame revealed the little squint and slightly pursed lips he did when he meant business.
Nothing seemed wrong with him, or at least from what Cole could see. His face wasn’t screwed up in pain, and no blood stained his blue gi. But reality lied to him in the past, and the sudden whiplash of a normal night had Cole’s head spinning over whether or not what he saw was real.
Cole rested his head on Jay’s shoulder and wrapped an arm around his middle. He didn't feel any blood, but could he really trust any of his senses?
Instantly, Jay shied away from Cole’s touch.
“Hey! Don’t tickle me! Who’s side are you on?”
Jay wiggled out and used his elbow to shove Cole off of him.
Cole sat back and stood there, unsure of where to put his hands now that they weren’t checking to make sure Jay was okay.
If he wasn’t fine then he wouldn’t be able to do that, the rational side reminded him.
“Cooooole!” Jay groaned as his character got stuck under the death trap of blocks.
Zane chuckled softly beneath his hand.
“We are not counting that!” Jay stated as his character was forced to die over his careless slip up.
Cole couldn’t keep his eyes off of Jay. The image of him sliding down his bedroom doorway etched into his mind. He couldn’t see or feel any blood, but he needed to be doubly sure. Instead he sat there, his fists clenched and regulated his breathing.
“Ha! That’s what I’m talking about, baby!” Jay exclaimed in victory.
“Great job! It only took twenty-seven deaths and one controller later,” Zane stated.
“It still works!! The battery just fell out!” Jay protested while gesturing around the clearly intact controller. “And we are not counting Cole sabotaging me. That was totally foul play. Twenty-six deaths.”
“How does the saying go?” Zane pondered. “All’s fair in love and war?”
“Oh shut up. That doesn't make you less evil.”
Zane shrugged. “You said you wanted a challenge. Twenty-seven.”
“Twenty-six,” Jay persisted, jabbing a finger in his direction. “And proof that you are an evil troll.”
Jay held out the controller to Cole, while Zane mouthed twenty-seven behind his back.
“Here, you’ll see what I mean. You didn’t see the whole level, and I want to watch you fail at this.”
Ripped out of his internal dilemma, Cole met Jay’s gaze.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jay asked, instantly on high alert.
Whatever Jay saw on his face flipped his cocky grin into a demanding frown. His clipped tone caught the attention of Zane who leaned forward to look around Jay.
“It’s nothing,” Cole mumbled, finally finding his voice.
“Don’t you ‘it’s nothing’ me,” Jay lectured. “I can see you shaking. What is it? Are you cold? Zane, where’s that blanket?”
“You’re sitting on it,” Zane said, pulling the rest of the corner out from underneath Jay and passing it to Cole.
Cole reached out to take it and stared at his trembling hand with morbid curiosity. He dragged the blanket across Jay’s lap and clutched it to his chest, willing his breathing and body to calm down.
Jay was fine, Zane was fine, therefore he should be fine. Deep breath in, exhale out.
Jay gently tugged the blanket from Cole’s grasp and wrapped it securely around him.
“There. Is that better?” Jay asked, rubbing Cole’s arm through the blanket.
Cole nodded, appreciating his warm touch. He slumped forward, resting his head on Jay’s shoulder and wrapping an arm around his middle to try and sooth himself. Now that he had him secure in his embrace, Cole risked closing his eyes. The warmth from his body heat did not disappear, nor did Jay’s hand that rubbed circles along his back. With every measured exhale, some of the tension seeped out of Cole’s body.
“Your heart rate is abnormally high for someone who retired early for bed. What happened?” Zane questioned.
“Just had another sleep paralysis episode. It’s fine,” Cole replied from Jay’s shoulder.
“Sure, totally fine. Because running in here demanding if we’re alright, crushing my ribs and looking like you saw a ghost is absolutely the definition of fine. We should not be concerned in the slightest. Here that, Zane? Let’s carry on.”
“There’s nothing fine about that, Jay, this could be serious,” Zane leveled with him.
“You’re killing me here, Zane,” Jay deadpanned.
“I meant it’s just that and I will be fine. Really. I know it’s nothing that can actually harm me.” Cole interjected. “Although-” he let out a strangled laugh. “I’m not quite sure this is all real right now. Is this another trick? If I open my eyes right now will I go back to being paralyzed? Are you two actually-”
Jay reached between them and pinched his side.
“Hey!” Cole yelped.
“Did you feel that?”
“Yeah, quit it!”
“Welcome to reality,” Jay said.
Cole sent him a quick glare before settling back into his side and hugging him closer. If this was reality then what did he see before? It felt way too real to be a simple dream, and besides, he was awake. He saw his room exactly how it was. Outside of momentarily teleporting to the courtyard, everything was in the realm of posibility.
“Are you sure it was just sleep paralysis?” Jay questioned as if he read his mind.
“Zane, what are your visions like?” Cole implored.
“My visions?” Zane repeated.
“Yes, how do you know that your visions are visions instead of just dreams?”
Zane thought for a bit. “I suppose I don’t really dream much so I never thought about it. My visions feel…important.” He settled on. “They are very vivid. And it feels like someone is trying to tell me something. Why do you ask? Do you think you experienced a vision?”
“I don’t know. What I saw felt really real. Too real.”
“What did you see?” Jay inquired.
Cole chose to ignore him. Jay bleeding out was too fresh on his mind to voice it here. Instead he smushed his face into the crook of Jay’s neck, afraid that if he did say it then it would come true.
“You most likely experienced a hallucination or sleep paralysis demon. It’s quite common. They occur in about 75% of sleep paralysis episodes,” Zane explained.
Cole perked up.
“Ok, but it doesn’t have to be something like a monster right?”
“Most people recall a dark presence. A shadow faceless human is the most common form. But it could be any sort of intruder or simply the feeling of being watched.”
“Right yeah, you mentioned that,” Cole dismissed. “But what about a normal person? What if I saw you? Or something that could hypothetically happen?”
“I’m your sleep paralysis demon?” Zane asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise.
“No, no, nothing creepy or weird. Just–I don’t know–seeing something that could happen normally with people you know instead of a random shadow man lurking in the corner of the room.”
Cole did shiver at that.
“Well, I can say that Jay and I have not left this room since you said goodnight to everyone. I’m unsure if I’ve come across any recounts of what you described, but I can look into it if you’d like. It’s highly unlikely that you’re experiencing visions.”
“Yeah, that’s Zane’s thing,” Jay cut in. “I’m sure whatever you saw was just a symptom of your sleep paralysis or a dream or something.”
“Probably,” Cole muttered.
“I’ll let you know,” Zane reassured him. “But in the meantime I really suggest you try and fix your sleep habits, Cole. The best way to prevent sleep paralysis is getting enough sleep.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m not trying to stay up on purpose,” Cole brushed him off. “It’s not like I want to stay awake. We can’t all power down like you.”
“That’s not quite how my sleep function works, I’m afraid,” Zane said with a small smile. “And technically what you’re experiencing is the misalignment between your body powering down while your mind remains awake.”
“Well then, the mind needs to get with the program,” Cole said icily.
Jay shared a glance with Zane before passing off the controller to him.
“Hey,” Jay said, bumping into Cole gently, “how about we try and get some sleep ok?”
“You guys can continue your game. I’ll just close my eyes here.”
“Nuh-uh, you are not falling asleep on the couch for the millionth time,” Jay chided. “You’re gonna get proper sleep in an actual bed.”
Jay tried to entangle himself, but Cole held onto him tighter.
“Cole, I mean it. Quit being a koala and get off,” Jay demanded.
“No,” Cole said, repositioning himself so that he fully hugged Jay. He shoved his head back in the crook of his neck.
Cole yelped when fingers attacked his side. While he tried to bat away the tickling, Jay ducked under his arm and escaped his grasp. Cole caught himself before he could faceplant into the couch cushion and scowled up at Jay.
Jay held out a hand to him, his body backlit blue from the tv screen. “If you’re done being difficult, I'll sleep with you.”
Cole gave him a pointed look. “Jay, I’m not really in the mood–”
“I meant actually falling asleep, dirtclod,” Jay interrupted with an eyeroll.
Cole pouted. “Only if it’s your room.”
“Deal.”
Cole took Jay’s hand and pulled himself up. He let Jay guide him away from the couch, his hand interlocked in his.
Zane moved to the middle of the couch and opened up the level editor.
“Make an impossible level and tell Kai you beat it on the first try,” Jay suggested to Zane over his shoulder.
“Now who’s the real evil videogame mastermind,” Zane mused.
Jay snickered.
“Night, Zane!”
When Jay kicked him out of the bathroom to finish getting ready, Cole opted to go straight to Jay’s room. Lingering in the hall felt too desperate even in his frazzled state.
Cole sat on the bed and fidgeted with his hand. Jay would be back any moment now. No need to freak out. If he breathed a bit easier the moment Jay returned, then no one else was the wiser.
On his way to the dresser, Jay stopped and looked him up and down.
“Do you sleep in your gi now?”
“Wha-no? I just forgot to change before lying down.”
“Did you forget to change before sitting down too?” Jay joked with an eyebrow raise.
“My room’s so far away,” Cole complained.
“Your room is literally right next to mine.”
The small scar across his knuckle he traced at suddenly required his full attention.
“I just don’t feel like going back,” Cole admitted.
Cole half expected Jay to respond with something snarky, but when silence stretched for too long, he looked up and caught the tail end of a slightly furrowed brow. Jay resumed without comment towards his dresser.
Cole tracked his movement as Jay shrugged off his shirt, adding it to the array of clothes scattered across his floor. While Jay tried to locate something to wear, Cole scanned his exposed skin. The side that should’ve held the mysterious wound was completely untouched, not a trace of a gash or scar.
Jay rummaged in his drawers for a bit before tossing Cole one of his shirts.
“You know I don’t fit into anything of yours,” Cole reminded him.
Just as he prepared to chuck the bunched up shirt back at Jay, he stopped. The fuzzy texture and dark gray color looked familiar and not something at all from Jay’s wardrobe.
“Hold on. This is mine! You had it the entire time?!”
“I only borrowed it,” Jay defended himself.
“I’ve been looking for this! It’s my coziest flannel!”
“Oh I know,” Jay said wistfully.
Cole glared at him, mainly out of principle. He didn’t actually care about Jay stealing his shirts. If he was honest with himself then he kind of liked it. But still, this one went missing for months and he sorely wished he had it on the colder nights.
Shaking his head in exasperation, Cole stripped down to his boxers and threw on the shirt. It hugged him in the same comfy way that he remembered, but something felt different about it. With a flush, he noted it smelled a bit like Jay. Maybe Cole could forgive him a little for holding on to the shirt for so long.
He crawled under the sheets just as Jay finished changing into an oversized black t-shirt.
“Wait a minute, that one’s mine too! Jaaaay,” Cole groaned, “Just how many shirts did you steal?”
“Oh uhhh,” Jay paused mid-crawling onto his side of the bed. “There’s probably another one around here somewhere. For some reason, they keep disappearing.”
“Maybe if your room wasn’t such a mess, you wouldn’t keep losing my shirts.”
“Don’t act like you’re neater than me,” Jay retorted. “You wouldn't be able to find it even if you had it. I’ve seen the state of your closet.”
“Of course you have, pajama burglar,” Cole grumbled.
“I’m just saying. All sorts of creepy crawlies could be living there and we’d never know,” Jay warned while wiggling under the covers.
“You didn’t happen to steal any of my pants did you?”
“Mmm, no,” Jay replied. As he reached to turn off his lamp, he threw a sly grin over his shoulder. “Nice sunflowers by the way.”
“Oh, come here,” Cole ordered.
Jay cackled as Cole dragged him back to the bed by his middle.
The normalcy of the past five minutes calmed him a bit, but as they settled down in the dark together, a bout of anxiety pulsed through Cole’s veins.
He knew Jay was okay. He saw and felt it with his own eyes. But that didn’t stop him from hugging Jay a bit tighter so that he was flush against his chest. It didn’t stop him from snaking the hand originally holding Jay’s midriff to splaying over his heart. It didn’t stop his need to feel the rise and fall of Jay’s breathing against his own.
Cole inhaled deeply. One, two, three, four, hold, then exhale on four.
“Whatever you saw, Cole, it wasn’t real,” Jay whispered.
Cole startled out of his controlled breathing.
“I know,” he murmured.
“You don’t sound very sure,” Jay observed. He covered the hand against his chest with his own and gave a reassuring squeeze. “What did you see?”
Cole toyed with the truth. On the one hand, he didn’t want to talk about it, he just wanted to forget it. It wasn’t even a real event anyways so it shouldn’t matter. He didn’t know why his mind decided to come up with this. Sure they were all in mortal danger on a semi regular basis, but Jay was one of the few that didn’t have a near death experience. No blasting apart into a million pieces, or slowly dying to a venom none of them remember extracting, or lying unconscious in the hot sun with wires exposed after a mission gone wrong, or going missing for an entire year just to come back as a toddler. Jay just didn’t do the whole dying thing. And when he did get himself in a sticky situation, Cole was always there to bail him out.
On the other hand, after the whole erased timeline and ghost scar fiasco, they vowed to not keep secrets against each other anymore. Besides, if Cole wasn’t going to say something then the memory of Jay, pale and bleeding out, would invade his thoughts for the entire night. Better to rip off the metaphorical band-aid on his own terms then have it extracted in some painfully embarrassing way later down the road.
Cole sighed.
“You were injured,” he explained. The words sat heavy in his chest. “Badly. And you needed my help. And I couldn’t help you. I tried to move but no matter what, I couldn’t. And you were there. Bleeding out and-and, I could only watch as–”
His breath caught.
“I’m supposed to have your back,” Cole realized, “And I couldn’t even do something as simple as getting out of bed. I can’t help but think how if this was real, if you really were hurt and I was like-like that. Then you would’ve died. I would’ve just let you bleed out.”
“No offense, but fake Jay sounds kinda dumb. I think I would’ve screamed for someone else if you couldn’t reach me. We don’t live alone you know,” Jay reasoned. “I’ve been told my voice projects.”
“Yeah, I know but. You came to me. You trusted me, and when you needed me most, I ended up failing you. And–” Cole stopped. The memory of that tear stained face filled with hurt and betrayal burned into his mind. “It’s not–” he tried to continue, but his throat threatened to close up. “You were begging–”
His voice cracked over the memory. He breathed in deep to try and reign in the sudden overflow of emotions, but the sound of Jay’s pleading had his exhales rattling like a broken record. Not to mention the horrific realization poisoned his gut that if Jay did die, it would’ve been entirely his fault.
Jay pried Cole’s hand off his chest and twisted around to pull Cole into a hug. He squeezed him tight as Cole burrowed his face into the waves of Jay’s hair and focused on regulating his breathing.
“It’s okay. You’ll be okay,” Jay soothed, running a hand across his back.
Cole shook his head.
“But you weren’t!” he croaked.
“It wasn’t real. See I’m here.”
“I felt so useless,” Cole confessed. His shaking had returned.
Jay held him tighter and whispered sweet reassurances into his neck.
Cole curled around him. He focused on Jay’s warmth against his body. How Jay was alive and not dead due to Cole’s own inadequacy. He still had him in his arms, safe and warm, and that was the realest thing he felt all night.
One, two, three, four, hold, exhale on four. Rinse and repeat.
When Cole’s breath evened out, Jay gently pushed him onto his back and kissed the spot over his heart.
“Feeling better?”
“A bit,” Cole admitted.
Jay nodded. He covered half of Cole’s body with his. A head rested under his chin and a hand placed over his heart. He tapped a little rhythm in time with Cole’s heartbeat.
“I get it you know,” Jay spoke softly. “Feeling useless. Being so close to saving someone, only to have them slip through your fingers. How you constantly go back and ask yourself what you could’ve done differently. Only to come to the conclusion that maybe it just shouldn’t have been you this person trusted in the first place. Because at the end of the day, you were not enough. And so you watch them die in front of you with the last thing they see is you letting them down. And that…well it sucks.”
“That’s,” Cole began a bit stunned, “surprisingly perceptive of you. How did you–”
“Cole.”
Jay lifted his head off of Cole’s chest to stare at him. The moonlight that reflected in his misty eyes cut into Cole like shards of glass.
“Because that’s how it felt to watch you fall from the Bounty.”
Ah.
That.
He didn’t think he could feel any worse than at that moment. Because of course Jay understood. He witnessed it first hand. In fact, if he really thought about it, Jay watched him die more times than once.
“So yeah,” Jay continued with a dark laugh. “I get it. And I know you’re not gonna believe me right away, but it’s not your fault. I trust you did everything you could and that’s all that matters. Even if this is just a hypothetical scenario.” He tacked on.
“I’d never forgive myself if I let you die."
“Yeah, well,” Jay said lightly. “I wouldn’t forgive you either, but we both know that’s not what happened. I don’t believe for a second you’d let me die. If you did, I’d come back from the departed realm and haunt you for the rest of your life.”
“It doesn’t matter my intention. It matters what happened,” Cole argued.
“But none of this actually happened!”
“But it could’ve!”
Jay suddenly leaned back, a smug smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
“What?” Cole demanded.
“But it didn’t,” Jay reminded him, his voice sugary sweet. “So ‘you can't forgive yourself over something that never even happened.’”
Cole shut his mouth. Echoes of the very same words he told Jay a couple months ago had come back to school him. Well played, Jay.
He chuckled over the irony. “Thought of that all on your own did you?”
“Someone needed to hear his own advice,” Jay said, poking his cheek. “So you better listen.”
“First you steal my clothes and now you steal my own words,” Cole listed off. “You really are a little lightning thief.”
“Oh that’s not all I stole, baby,” Jay boasted, mischief sparkling in his eyes.
Cole squinted up at him in suspicion.
“Jaaaaay,” he accused. “What else did you steal?”
Jay smirked as he splayed the hand on Cole’s chest.
“Your heart.”
Cole stared at him.
“Really?” he said in unamusment. “You sure I didn’t let you borrow it? Because I’m taking it back.”
“Nuh-uh no take backsies,” Jay insisted. “I stole it fair and square.”
Cole rolled his eyes. “Fine, whatever.” He leaned up and stole a quick kiss from Jay. “Two can play at that game.”
“Hey!” Jay laughed before pushing him down to kiss him properly.
Warmth bloomed in Cole’s chest as he savored Jay’s soft lips pressed against his. The fuzziness in his head transformed from uncertainty into something cozy. Every little kiss and huff of breath served as a reminder that Jay was safe and that this was real. As Cole held him close, hand tracing bare skin along the small of his back, Jay clenched the fist protecting his heart. He deepened the kiss, smushing Cole further into the pillow, and chased away the last remnants of his anxiety.
Jay broke away, leaving Cole a bit breathless. Satisfaction graced his rosy smile from above.
“I mean it,” Jay pressed. “Don’t beat yourself up over things outside of your control. Otherwise you’re a hypocrite.”
“Stop stealing my stuff and maybe I will,” Cole sassed.
“Go to sleep, Cole.”
Jay lay back down using Cole’s chest as a pillow for his head. The little rhythmic tap of the finger on his heart returned, something Cole found comfort in.
He relaxed with a sigh. Not a moment ago, he thought he would never fall asleep again. But with Jay lying half on top of him with a leg thrown across his body, he realized just how tired he was.
A very real and alive Jay had him pinned to the bed.
This time, Cole didn’t want to move.