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“I can’t believe you!” Dick fumed, kicking the weapon out of Jason’s hand. “After everything you– you—!”
Jason barely gave it a passing glance before he threw himself at Dick.
Dick dropped into a low crouch, dodging the would-be hit and transitioning into a quick sweep in an efficient arc, forcing Jason to jump backwards to avoid losing his balance.
Dick closed the gap, rolling into the beginning of a cartwheel, kicking upwards, landing a kick directly to Jason’s face. Jason staggered backwards, catching himself on the balls of his feet.
Jason wiped the blood trickling down his nose with the ball of his thumb, smearing it across his face.
“You always do this!” Jason screamed, roughly poking a finger to Dick’s chest, “You always choose something else! You want to know why I’m angry? Try being my brother and choosing me for once! Just do the right thing!”
“What do you WANT from me?!” Dick’s voice cracked from how hard he was yelling.
Jason instantly opened his mouth to rebut him, “I want you to listen to me! Just pick me for once in your life!”
“HOW?” Dick screamed, pushing Jason’s chest back. “How the fuck do you want me to?”
Jason fumed, “Obviously, maybe just don’t abandon me for once! You always do that! You too good for me, golden boy? Lil ole Jason is just too pathetic to—“
Dick looked pissed, like genuinely pissed off. “No, genuinely– what the fuck do you want from me, Jason?! If I go after you, you tell me to fuck off and respect your boundaries! If I give you space, you say I abandoned you! If I believe you when you say you're dangerous, you get hurt! If I don't believe you could hurt us, you threaten me with a gun or a bomb or some other shit because I'm not taking you seriously!”
Jason backed up a step, “I-“
“What the fuck do you want me to do?!?! Genuinely, I am pleading with you-“ Dick cried, clasping his hands together in mock prayer, his voice hoarse from yelling. “What do you WANT from me!? Just tell me the right answer, and I’ll go do it.”
“I-“
The sound of the rainfall felt almost deafening, his heartbeat loud in his ears.
“I don’t-”
Dick looked up at him in a mixture of anger and frustration.
“I don’t know,” the words fell out of Jason’s mouth against his will.
“I can’t keep doing this,” Dick sighed. “I can’t keep wondering if today's gonna be a good day or a bad day with you. I can’t keep trying to decode what you want.”
Dick looked tired. Old beyond his years. His face pulled into a disappointed frown.
“I’m sorry, Jason— I’m trying. I’m trying so fucking hard but I-” Dick massaged his temple. Stress headaches, Dick had plenty of them, just like Bruce. The gesture looked too much like Bruce and his constant disappointment and anger for Jason. For all they weren’t related to Bruce, they were all enough of his children to look like him in some twisted, terrible way.
“I can’t…” Dick backed away.
Jason wanted to move his hand to stop him- to do anything- but his body felt like a block of ice
“Dick-“
“I can't. Not today. Just… tell me when you figure out what you want.”
And like that, Dick was gone, leaving Jason alone with nothing but the sound of his own breathing and the pattering of the rain.
“Wait…” Jason’s lips parted, voice hoarse. His hand extended to no one. No tree fell.
Dick leaned against the doorframe of his apartment, arms crossed.
Dick’s boots were standard military-grade shiny black boots. Meant to look unassuming to anyone who doesn’t have the Bat’s eyes for gear, but they worked for both Dick’s civilian life as a cop and his nightlife. They had less leather and more nylon to fit Dick’s preference. The specific polymer for ballistic nylon in the boots was a Batman special, though. Strong, sturdy but breathable in a way that let Nightwing do all his unnecessary acrobatics. In the same vein it used composite fibres instead of steel-toed like Jason’s boots.
“Well?” Jason heard Dick’s voice demand and he bit down a wince.
Jason didn’t want to look up— he could almost see the disappointed look on Dick’s face.
Jason felt like a dog, showing up to its owner’s place grovelling after barking up a storm yesterday.
The boots moved backwards, and Jason's eyes jumped up- heart pounding in his chest.
Dick’s face was bare of his usual smile, clearly already tired of Jason after he messed up again.
Jason felt his heartbeat in his throat. “Do… do you…”
Dick moved out of the doorway, but… he wasn’t closing the door.
Jason’s hands fiddled with the hem of his shirt, his shoulders drawn into himself.
“Alright,” Dick sighed, giving space for Jason to follow.
Jason followed Dick inside, like a lost ugly duckling. Constantly chasing someone desperate for something he’ll never have in his reach, following Dick through his home.
Dick kicked off his boots by the front door, and Jason copied the action. Dick’s apartment had a small hallway out from the front door as you entered, opening up to an open-floor kitchen and living room. The wallpaper had wear and tear from years of vigilantism and reckless sibling fighting that took place in the halls, damaging the once pristine blue.
Jason curled in on himself, pulling at his sleeves absentmindedly. He bit the inside of his cheek.
The walls were such a great blue colour. Great wallpaper. Really wallpapery
“Are you going to look at the walls the entire time?” Dick chuffed a laugh.
Jason turned his head 180 degrees away from the wallpaper and to Dick on his side.
Dick’s eyes sparkled with amusement, a familiar smile on his face.
Dick was laughing at him. The asshole.
“Do you have Mario Kart?” Jason asked instead of getting back at Dick because he is a kind soul.
Dick smile turned smug, and before Jason knew it, Dick threw his arm around his neck, forcing Jason down to eye level with Dick at an uncomfortable angle as Dick was much shorter than Jason. “The better question is which one.”
Jason planted his feet firmly and threw Dick over his shoulder onto the floor, laughing.
Dick stayed down on the floor instead of rolling back onto his feet like a normal person.
Jason kicked him in the stomach, “Get up.”
Dick laughed into the floor, “No.”
They played a mixture of Mario Kart and Super Smash Bros.
Dick thought things had been going good the previous few weeks.
Jason’s heavy reinforced boots made a violent thud every time they hit the wooden floor of his apartment. They were made for jumping across roofs, leaving marks as he hit the comparatively soft wood repeatedly.
“I mean, how could he!” Jason yelled, gesturing wildly.
His hair fell in front of his eyes annoyingly. Jason huffed and smacked it.
Dick stood by the window he had entered through, eyes following Jason across the room as he stomped.
The dingy lightbulb above Jason flickered.
Jason bit the thumb of his empty hand, flicking the nail downwards into his own lip, a trickle of blood falling down from the cut.
“What else did he expect me to do?” He cried, throwing his hands up, adjusting his grip when he felt it loosen. He felt so angry that he could throw up.
Dick’s eyes flicked down for half a second.
“I did everything he told me to!” Jason curled his fists tightly, his free hand tightening enough that he could feel nails digging into his skin. “Nothing is ever enough for him! There’s always something new I’m apparently fucking up!”
Jason turned and continued pacing in large circles across the room.
Dick tilted his head slowly. “Do you want something from me?”
Jason paused with his movements. “What?” He slowly came to a stop in the middle of the room.
Dick looked at him, cutting him like glass. Dick’s eye bags looked heavier, the wrinkle on his forehead more pronounced with his eyebrows threaded as they were, his jaw tense.
Dick spoke slowly, voice measured, “Do you want something from me, Jason?”
“I…” Does Jason want something from Dick?
Jason was just—
“Why did you call me?”
Just—
Dick waited, body unnaturally still for Dick Grayson.
Jason bit his bloody lip. He…
“If not, I'm going home.” Dick turned to leave.
“I don't— wait, Dick—“
Dick paused halfway to the door, his back to Jason.
“I-“
Jason’s hand mindlessly reached out.
Dick twisted his head to the side, turning slightly towards Jason. “Do you want something, Jason?”
Jason let his hand fall to his side. He shook his head.
Jason then remembered Dick couldn't see it— “I'm sorry—“
Dick’s shoulders fell. “Okay.”
Jason heard the soft thumps of Dick’s even steps slowly disappear.
Jason bit his bottom lip, a trickle of blood running down his chin.
He didn't mean to.
He didn’t want to make Dick upset or— or do the answer thing again.
He was just upset.
Jason fiddled with the gun in his hand. He turned the safety on his gun and put it in his waistband.
Ugh.
He really didn't mean to.
Jason got an earful about ‘basic firearm safety’ while being grabbed by the ear down to eye level.
But besides that, a month passed by peacefully, Dick wasn’t extra mad at him or anything.
Jason laid curled onto the floor of the destroyed warehouse as rain soaked his bones.
His body felt heavy and shaky. He stared at his hand trying to get it to move. When his hand clenched and unclenched, he attempted to extract himself from the position he was in. He should probably move. He’s gonna get a cold.
Jason’s knees dug into debris and gravel as he forced himself up. Jason took a deep breath in his half-kneeling position and then used his arm strength to force his body up. He staggered as the world spun around him.
His clothes stuck painfully to his skin and his wounds as he walked somewhere else. He needs to… get out of here.
His leg caught on itself, still stiff and sore from the fight. Jason held onto a crumbling wall and pushed himself off.
He walked through the streets, fighting the torrential downpour.
He’s pretty sure the rain washed off all the blood and debris from him.
He stared up at Dick’s apartment. That’s weird. Dick lives an hour away.
Jason stumbled to the door.
Jason’s knuckles rapped against the wooden doorframe.
The world spun again and Jason stumbled backwards, catching himself with the doorframe.
“Coming!” Dick’s voice rang out somewhere within the apartment.
Jason leaned into the door and closed his eyes, listening to the hustle inside of Dick running around finishing up whatever he was doing.
Jason stumbled when the door opened, warm, bright light flooding the otherwise dark hall forcing Jason to squint.
Dick steadied Jason upright. “Shit-”
Jason was curled in on himself, arms hugging his sides. Jason was soaked to the bone, body shivering under layers of wet clothes. His bottom-most layer of water-resistant armour was still decent, but it was short-sleeved and under layers of simple cloth like his red arm wraps or his hoodie, no less insulated for this weather. His hair lay damp on his forehead, lying over a black eye. There were a few cuts on his chin.
Dick’s thumb brushed over the wounds.
“Jesus, man, are you okay?” Dick eyed him warily.
Jason’s eyes watered.
Oh, shit. Jesus. Okay—
“Can I have a hug?” Jason mumbled so softly Dick wouldn’t have heard it over the rain if he wasn’t straining his ears.
Dick wasted no time and brought his arms around his little brother in a flash.
Jason rarely overtly asked for affection, much less a hug, even back when he was just a kid.
Dick frantically reconfigured his position as Jason’s knees gave out, holding him close to keep him from toppling over. “Jesus Christ— it’s okay. I got you.”
Jason let out a wet sob into Dick’s shoulder, arms dangling down limply.
Shit. What the fuck.
Dick cradled the back of Jason’s head. “Hey, it’s fine, Jase.”
Which did the opposite of help as Jason instead started shaking with sobs, holding onto Dick’s shirt like a lifeline. He pressed his face tightly into Dick’s shoulder as if to escape from the world, muffling his sobs just as kid Jason used to do.
Dick didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t make Jason more upset, so he settled for trying to comfort him, running a hand up and down the back of his head, holding him close in the rain until the sobs died down.
“Jase? You alright there, bud?” Dick asked hesitantly when he finally managed to peal Jason off him.
Jason blinked slowly.
Shit. Okay then.
Dick sighed and led Jason in, away from the rain at least.
His footsteps left a puddle of water beneath them as they entered. The two of them were soaked to the bone, standing in the rain, hugging.
Movies are lies, by the way, that only looks cute in movies because you are not actively in the rain while watching the movie.
Dick eyed Jason’s costume. He’d been out in the storm for god knows how long, and even though he may have been mostly covered in water-resistant material, it was only water-resistant, before even accounting for all the cloth that’s part of Jason’s uniform.
Dick’s own T-shirt and shorts were basically water at this point, and he’d been out for far less.
Dick sighed and led Jason to his bedroom. Dick took out some towels and quickly dried himself off enough to change in a minute. Dick went over to his wardrobe where he kept spare sets of clothes for all his siblings— the little shits broke in three times a week.
“Little Wing, you want the ghost T-shirt or the Nightwing T-shirt?” Dick asked, pulling out the two Jason-sized ones.
Dick received no response, which is about what he expected.
Dick sighed and grabbed the towel and ghost set, throwing it on his bed.
“Jason, I’m going to help you change now, alright?” Dick said loudly and clear, facing Jason with his hands up in surrender to him.
A casualty that was lost very early on to their vigilante careers was their sense of shame or embarrassment about different states of undress. Can’t exactly do anything if you got shot in the hip and need immediate treatment. Likewise, there have been many scenarios where they’ve had to help each other with basics sometimes, like changing.
Dick eyed Jason’s injuries as he fixed him up. He had a few cuts, a lot of bruises on his back probably fell down hard, nothing bleeding hard enough to need stitches. Dick doesn’t have an x-ray at home, but from touch, nothing seemed broken, thats good. Dick bandaged him up— fuck he’s out of bruise cream he never restocks on those. Dick shined a light in his eye, good, no concussion he was worried about that with the bruises and head wounds. Jason didn’t flinch at all to the light. That’s not good, but survivable.
Dick, with the impatience of a mother of five trying to get her kids dressed before school and they need to be in the car in five minutes, shoved the T-shirt over Jason’s head.
“There we go, nice and comfy, aren’t we?” Dick smiled, towel-drying Jason’s hair.
Dick closed his eyes took a deep breath in.
No way in hell is Jason allowing a better check right now. Currently, seems like a severe case of dissociation after an emotional battle but the black eye and head wounds are complicating it but for now doesn’t seem anything that requires immediate hospitalization.
Dick took a breath out and opened his eyes.
“Come on, Jase, I got a kickass tea blend from Alfie,” Dick said, pulling Jason into the kitchen.
Dick sat him down on a bar stool and put a kettle on the stove.
As soon as the kettle was on Dick turned back to his hallway closet and got a weighted blanket.
“I got a gift for you!” Dick dumped the blanket on Jason. “No need to thank me, I, the kind, generous and humble Dick Grayson, already know.”
Dick wrapped the blanket around Jason’s shoulders and fixed up his tussled hair a bit.
Jason blinked at the weight.
Dick took out some cookies. “Got these from my coworker, Cathy. I’ve told you about her, she has like 3 kids and agreeing to take them to their soccer meet got me infinite cookie points for the rest of my life.”
Dick put a few on a plate and put the plate on the island between them, “It’s cinnamon and nutmeg. I think there was supposed to be cinnamon sugar on top like a churro, but they didn’t last for long— the sugar like fell off.”
Dick shoved a cookie into Jason’s hand, as the kind and just older brother he is, then starting eating off the plate himself.
“Yum. Cinnamon and nutmeg cookies,” Dick hummed to himself. “Wait— am I getting old? I’m in my thirties and love cinnamon and nutmeg cookies.”
Jason took a nibble of the cookie.
“Good, right? Cathy is a godsend, I tell you.”
The kettle whistled, and Dick turned back around to the stove, quickly pouring the boiling water into the teacups with the teabags.
“Alfred told me to try this one after I complained about not feeling too hot a while ago, but I kept forgetting to drink them— don’t tell Alfred, kay?”
Slowly, the smell of Chamomile filled the kitchen.
Dick— gently because tea is hot— shoved the teacup into Jason’s hands, holding his hands over Jason’s long enough to help him put his hands around the teacup. The warmth will help.
Dick took a sip of his tea, “I would’ve made some Lady Grey as you like, but I ran out a bit ago. I need to restock on several things. Kori called me a dumbass like a week ago.”
“You know how we bats are,” Dick sighed. “ ‘World’s most stupidest geniuses’. We’d all be dead without Alfred,” Dick joked.
Jason took a sip of his tea.
“It’s an Alfred recommendation, so they’re always good.”
Dick sipped his tea in silence for a few moments.
“Haly’s asleep right now, so the apartment seems so quiet now.” Dick took a sip of his tea, “Little pupper spent all day today running around. He demanded two walks today, Jase, it was exhausting. Little guy tuckered himself out tho.”
Jason took another sip of his tea, accidentally making the blanket tumble off his shoulders.
Dick fixed the blanket back around Jason tenderly with an obnoxious grin, “Don’t want the big bad Red Hood to get a cold.”
Dick wasn’t sure if Jason was all here…
Dick, obnoxiously sweet as an old grandma, patted Jason’s cheek.
Jason swatted Dick’s hand away, “Fuck off.”
Dick cackled, only half meanly because he is so kind and humble.
Jason glared at Dick through his bangs while sipping his tea.
The poof of a fire went off, and Dick turned around lightning fast— “SHIT I LEFT THE STOVE ON—”
After two minutes of hitting the fire with a towel while Jason giggled at him, the fire was finally put out, and Dick sighed in relief.
Dick finally got to sat back down and drink his tea next to Jason, though they migrated to the couch for comfort.
Jason nibbled on a cinnamon nutmeg cookie. “They should make churro cookies.”
“Like churro-flavoured or churro dough flattened and baked into cookies?”
“Yes.”
Dick drank his tea in comfortable silence.
After Jason finished the cookie, he went back to his tea, drinking in small sips.
Dick sipped at his tea until it was almost done. He might need to make more— admittedly the tea blend is delicious.
Jason took a tiny sip, humming at the taste.
Dick ran his finger over the rim of the cup.
Dick really wanted to know what happened, but he shouldn’t pressure…
After like 10 minutes, Dick is actually the one who breaks and asks, “Bruce?”
Jason snorted, “When is it not?”
Dick sighed and accepted that answer. Truly, when is it not?
“You good?”
“Fine… he’s just stupid,” Jason said softly into his cup.
Dick nodded. “He does hold the ‘World’s stupidest genius’ title.”
Jason laughed, lying back on the couch comfortably and throwing his legs onto Dick’s lap, mainly to be annoying.
“I should probably get going soon,” Jason said through a yawn, “It’s late.”
Dick looked two seconds away from breaking the no-kill rule, “Jason.”
Jason immediately opened his mouth to argue— he doesn’t know what, but he will argue.
“It is storming. You have a head wound. You are not leaving. I have pyjamas. You get the couch.”
“Why do I get the couch!” Jason whined, kicking Dick’s thigh.
“This is my apartment???”
“I always get the couch!!”
“This is my apartment???”
“It’s unfair! I demand a retrial!”
Dick pushed him off the couch while Jason laughed in victory. Anytime he successfully pisses off Dick is a victory to Jason!
It was a very brief sleepover, they went pretty directly to bed.
Jason glared at Dick as he put on his boots to leave, “Tell anyone about this and I will kill you.”
Dick was leaned against the kitchen doorway with his arms crossed. He sounded very unimpressed. “Uh-huh?”
Jason points at Dick accusingly, “This never happened.”
Dick rolled his eyes.
Jason bit his lip, pacing around the roof. He dodged a puddle of vomit he previously threw up, shaking like a leaf, as he paced.
He—
He can’t…
Jason was only half aware there was even a phone in his hand or that it was pressed against his ear until he heard Dick’s voice on the other end, “Hello?”
“Dick—” Jason murmured into the receiver.
“Shit—” There was a crashing noise as Dick tripped over something probably on the other end, “You good?”
“I…” Jason bit his lip.
“Jase?”
“No, nothing. My bad.” Jason hung up the phone.
“Have you tried talking to Bruce about it?”
“Of course, I have!” Jason yelled in frustration, “But when does he listen— that’s his problem, he never listens! He never respects anyone but himself! Why the fuck would I even want to try talking to him at this point!”
“You’re right,” Dick pacified, his hands up in surrender.
Jason felt his face scowl. “That’s not what I mean!”
Why can’t Dick just get it?
“What do you want to do about it?”
“What I want is to shoot up the place and yell at everyone! I’m not going to because I’m on ‘probation’ or whatever. Stop giving me that look.”
Dick smiled uncomfortably. “Maybe try sleeping on it?”
“I didn’t ask for advice, Mister Golden, boy!” Jason hollered, “God, you don’t get anything!”
Dick’s eyebrow twitched.
“Jason,” Dick’s voice was slow and measured.
Jason froze.
Dick was giving him that tired voice again, the one he always does when he fucks up and Dick doesn’t want to yell at him.
Jason bit his lip. Jason’s fucking up he knows he's fucking up again somehow— when is he not fucking up? What did he ruin this time—
“Do you want something from me?”
Fuck.
Jason bit his lip harder, the urge to curl his fists.
He’s going to ruin this too.
“I don’t…”
He didn’t think before calling Dick. He just- just-
“I don’t know.”
Dick sighed, massaging his temple again.
“You know we can’t keep doing this,” Dick didn’t even sound angry was the scary part. He sounded tired. Tired of Jason.
“I–-“
Jason snapped his mouth shut.
He doesn’t even know what he was going to say.
Jason looked down at the ground, Dick’s black leather boots shining under the shitty lightbulb of Jason’s apartment.
Dick’s boots tapped in a quick rhythm. Tap tap tap.
Jason didn’t look up, his hands just playing with the hem of his shirt.
Tap.
Jason listened to the sound of the taps.
Tap.
For a few minutes, maybe. Or hours. Time felt slow.
Tap.
Nearly ten minutes passed without any sound but the impatient tapping.
Dick’s boots backed up. “I’m leaving.”
“Wait-!” Jason’s head snapped up.
Dick waited. He tilted his head as if to ask again, ‘what do you want, Jason’
Jason didn’t know.
“Please don’t go.”
All he knew is that he didn’t want Dick to leave. “Please.”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
Dick’s boots turned towards Jason again.
Dick sighed again, a heavy thing from the bottom of his lungs.
Jason knew he ruined it.
The wood thumped as Dick sat down next to him.
“Of course I won’t leave, Little Wing,” Dick’s voice was fond. “You want me to stay, I’ll stay.”
Jason stared up at the shockingly soft eyes of his big brother, “Really?”
“What? I need a permit or something?”
“Fuck off.”
“You just said you didn’t want me to.”
Jason let out a watery laugh, tears somehow falling out of his eyes, “You're such an asshole.”
Dick looked concerned and Jason probably looked concerning. Like a starving dog begging for one last meal.
Jason turned his head away, resting his head on on Dick’s shoulder instead, feeling the warm body heat against him.
The sun was rising soon, he could see the beginnings of dawn peacefully on the horizon behind the skyscraper-filled skyline of Gotham.
Dick sighed and wrapped an arm around Jason, probably to steal Jason’s body heat during the cold morning hours.