Chapter Text
So that’s how it all went down. Did you forget? Of course you fucking forgot! You forgot that this story started in a hospital bed just like I forgot that Mr. Ridiculous was out to get me from the start!!
God! I feel like a cute little desert mouse. Just walking along, minding his own business, and then WHAM! He’s fallen into the cunning web of the wolf spider. Or whatever the fuck kind of spider lives in the desert and builds hidden webs in the sand. I’ve seen it on a nature documentary before…fucking freaky.
So yeah, some kind of stealthy “phase II” bucket exploded right in my face and I woke up in the hospital. Well, good job Stede, you got your wish. You took me out for god knows how long…still waiting to find out from the doctor what the damage is.
“Knock knock,” a tentative voice says from the doorway.
I look up to see fucking Stede standing there sheepishly, a bundle of balloons floating above him and a covered plate in his hands.
“Oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” I say, harshly.
“Edward! How are you feeling?” Stede asks, like he didn’t fucking put me in this hospital bed single-handedly. He walks in (without being invited I may add), sets down the peace offering he’s brought and perches in the chair next to the bed. Ugh! “The others were here but I sent them home, said I’d wait until you woke up again.”
“What do you mean ‘until I woke up again’? Was I awake earlier?” I ask.
“Oh,” he looks down and shuffles his feet a little. “You don’t remember? When you first got here?”
“No. I just woke up like 10 minutes ago.”
“Oh, ok. Well, um…There was an accident. At my market stall,” Stede starts.
Yeah no shit.
“I remember that Stede,” I say, venom in my voice and stare.
“Right. Ok so you remember that. Well, it knocked you out cold. And we called for help but they were taking too long so I brought you here. And you seemed to wake up when you were admitted. I tried to explain what happened then, but I guess you don’t remember. Or maybe you weren’t fully conscious…” he trails off.
Oh no you don’t. You are NOT going to act all cute and innocent like this wasn’t your whole fucking plan the whole time. Like you’re not internally CELEBRATING the fact that I’m laying here immobile. Fuck you man!
“I think I have a pretty clear picture of what happened,” I say, cool as anything. Stede’s eyes widen in alarm. “You had it all sussed out didn’t you? You couldn’t let things go once the pranks stopped so you tried a different tactic. Woo me into believing there was something more going on, that we were something more…then take me out when I least expect it! Well you may have put me in the hospital but you haven’t won yet you son of a bitch! I’ll never stay down, I’ll never surren–”
“Ed! Ed I was not trying to take you out!” Stede interrupts. God, the nerve of this guy! Even now! “I mean it, this whole thing was a huge misunderstanding! Well, not the wooing part, I’m glad that worked,” he says and smirks and his fucking dimples are on full display goddammit! Thankfully that stops instantly, probably because of the murderous look on my face. “I’m sorry! I mean, I meant it. I meant it all! Except of course, this,” he gestures to the room, me in bed.
“I don’t think so, pal. You’re not getting away with it that easy! I saw the label on that bucket– ‘Phase II’. This was your plan all along!” I scream.
“No, Edward, it was nothing like that! You weren’t supposed to see that–at least not until I was done…” He pauses, exasperated. “Let me explain, please!”
“Fine, out with it,” I say. “Not that I can trust anything you tell me.” I roll my eyes, since it’s pretty much the only part of me that can move.
“Right, well, I guess I can understand that. But I hope in the end you do.” Stede says, taking a deep breath. “Ed I loved getting to know you. And I love the passion you have for your work. It’s inspiring! And then when you started collaborating with me?! I couldn’t believe it! It was like winning the jackpot!” Stede’s face lights up and he actually does look like he won the jackpot. “It also made me realize that if I continued on with just selling pickles, well, where would it really end up? I didn’t want to steal your customers Ed. I mean, I guess maybe I did want to steal some…”
I never shot daggers at someone so quickly.
He waves his hands frantically. “No! I mean, after the pranks started! I guess I did want to get back at you. But then I actually met you. And got to know you. And I knew that I didn’t want to take anything from you. You’ve worked really hard for what you have. And who am I? I got the grand idea to sell pickles in my mid-life crisis!”
“The Gentleman Pickle idea wasn’t bad,” I say quietly.
“Oh, come on, stupid idea. I’ve only got stupid ideas,” Stede whispers with a frown.
“Oh, shut up,” I say, hoping it comes out as intended.
Stede smiles a little and looks away wistfully. “You inspire me, truly. And I didn’t want to ruin what we had, even if we didn’t have it for very long.” With that he stands up and moves to the small table where he set the covered plate when he came in. “I asked Roach for some help with this–he helped me with the cake pops before,” he adds with another little smirk. “I’m not much of a baker you see, but I at least had an idea. Something that would compliment pickled treats, instead of compete with them.”
Stede moves closer with his covered plate and finally pulls back the foil to reveal a batch of what look to be homemade pretzels. A bit wonky and misshapen, but with a beautiful and appetizing golden brown color.
“I wanted to try my hand at some snacks, these pretzels are my first. The bucket that you found, that was for my next batch. Roach said increasing my proving time would make them a little lighter. I read somewhere that you can get some pretty good results if you let it prove under pressure. I really should’ve put it somewhere else. Somewhere no one would have accidentally found it. I’m so sorry Ed, I hate that I put you in here,” Stede truly looks sorry.
Dammit. I want to be angry! I want to be spiteful! That’s what comes easy to me. That’s what has always felt natural. Me against the world and fuck anyone who tries to get in my way! This is…new. And difficult. Looking into the face of someone I was starting to trust, who then blew up that trust (literally) and having to decide if he could have my trust again. Just like that? Just with one little apology? It makes me feel like a fool. But it also feels…nice. Like taking a load off. Like maybe I can stop being angry and for once give someone the benefit of the doubt. If it backfires again it’s going to hurt worse than how I feel right now, injured in a hospital bed. But the thought of staying the same, of staying angry and resentful, that’s like a weight that wants to pin me down in this bed forever.
“Right, well, let’s have a taste then,” I say, and am rewarded with another sunshine smile from Mr. Ridiculous. “‘Cept I’m kinda stuck like this,” I jerk my head to gesture at my arms held up in slings.
“I’ve got it! Don’t worry!” Stede says brightly. And he breaks off a little piece of one of the pretzels and fucking feeds it to me with all the care in the world.
“Mmmm, not bad mate,” I say. “But yeah, I suppose Roach is probably right. A bit dense. And trust me, I know dense.”
“Yes I suppose you do,” Stede says with a smile. I’m grateful that he accepts that’s the best apology he’s going to get from me at the moment.
“Well, maybe just one more bite. Never judge a snack based on the first taste and all that,” I say, in no way suggestively.
“Never,” Stede says quietly as he brings another piece up to my mouth. He gives it over freely but his hand lingers, his thumb brushing down my lower lip and rests on my chin. A little shiver seems to follow straight from that spot down my spine.
“Ahem, um, hello?” a voice says as a woman in a white coat and a stethoscope around her neck comes into the room. “Sorry to interrupt.”
“Oh! Uh, nope! You’re fine, nothing to worry about!” Stede scrambles and god bless the hospital lights for emphasizing the beautifully bright blush that immediately sets into his cheeks.
“Ok, well, good news Mr. Teach! You must be pretty tough because it looks like the only serious injury is a fractured collarbone,” the doctor says, adjusting my arms out of their contraptions as she does. “You’ll have to keep your left arm in a sling to protect it, we’ll get you one fitted to go home here soon. But your right is just bruised. It will be tender for a few days but you should use it as much as you’re able to, it’ll heal faster if you do. As for the bruises on your face, well, they’ll fade. Maybe just use the old ‘you should’ve seen the other guy’ line for a while,” she says with a smile and a wink.
“Too bad the ‘other guy’ is a pressurized bucket of dough,” I deadpan, earning a small chuckle from the doctor and a bark of a laugh from Stede who looks very pleased.
“My nurse will be in shortly to get you fitted with the sling and explain the prescription I’ve written for you. We’ll get you out of here in no time. I’m sure you’re in good hands from here,” she finishes with a kind smile towards Stede and he blushes again. Fuck me I think that’s my new favorite thing.
“Thanks doc. Yeah, I think I’ll be fine.” I say.
The doctor leaves the room and leaves Stede and I in an awkward silence for a moment. Stede finally breaks the tension.
“Well! What good news! I mean, not good news that your collarbone is fractured. But that it’s not worse. That you’ll be able to get out of here and be on your own, without too much help…”
“Stede…would you like to help me get settled in at home? I don’t really think I can drive so it would be a big help if you could take me.”
He lets out a breath and replies, “I would love that.”
I forgot how long I had gone without eating but suddenly my stomach rumbles rather audibly in the silence, outing me.
“Maybe we should pick up some food on the way,” Stede giggles.
“Mmm, sounds great. As long as you feed it to me once we get home.” I say, because I still have one bum arm right?
“Of course,” Stede smiles. “And once you’re all healed up, I’d like to take you out for a proper dinner. As a date, if you’ll have me.”
“I think I can confidently say I’d face another batch of exploding dough for you Stede.”
“Oh, no knead Edward…get it? No… knead. ”
Jesus christ I cannot believe I have fallen for such a gigantic nerd.
“Yeah, I get it Stede,” I huff, shaking my head. “Let’s go home.”