7 Works by LoquaciousOcelot
Listing Works
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Summary
Gringotts is not just a bank: it is a place of exchanges and secrets. Harry Potter, tired of feeling like a prisoner in his own life, will discover all that they offer... for a fee, of course.
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The Dragonborn Comes by LoquaciousOcelot
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
10 Feb 2024
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Summary
Harry Potter is desperate to find a way to not die a horrible death against the dragons in the Triwizard Tournament. When Hermione finds a (possibly illegal) book on Daedric conjuration, he doesn't have much to lose. Unfortunately, conjuration magic is difficult enough at the best of times...
Khajiiti Dragonborn Khissa finds herself summoned to a strange plane called "Earth" where she must compete in a silly little tournament for silly little mages. Luckily, Khissa isn't a mage at all. It's not like the Triwizard Tournament was set up to kill anyone or anything. What could go wrong?
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A Murican Yankee in Hogwarts' Court by LoquaciousOcelot
Fandoms: Key & Peele (TV), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
13 Jan 2024
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Summary
Vincent Clortho's Public School For Wizards has a lot of problems: demon babies, wizard pepper, and worst of all, low test scores. Michael Sanchez is used to walking these dangerous halls. But now that his family is moving to Britain, he must navigate a whole new world of wizards at Hogwarts. Featuring idiotic blood supremacists, American rules Quidditch, some guy named Harry Potter who may or may not be a celebrity, and the mighty Swiffer WetJet. One-shot.
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Summary
With Albus Dumbledore in jail for committing tax evasion, Dolores Umbridge is finally free to pursue her vision of what Hogwarts can truly be.
Meanwhile, Fred and George Weasley come up with the BEST. PRANK. EVER.
Featuring returning (and new!) OCs, payroll taxes, stink bombs, and wizards doing jail time.
Series
- Part 3 of Voldemort Commits Tax Evasion
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Harry Potter and the Philosophy Pebble by LoquaciousOcelot
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
15 Jul 2023
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Summary
Harry Potter has always known that he is magical and a genius in every way. Unfortunately, he is stuck living with his fat, stupid, and revolting aunt, uncle, and cousin. But one day everything changes- Harry totally unexpectedly receives a letter to go to Hogwarts, a magic school.
He'll have to face off with crazy teachers that would be fired anywhere else, manipulative goats, Brazilian snakes, alternate dimensions, destiny, and possibly most harrowing of all, friendship. Will Harry rise to the occasion? (yes) Can Harry take on the wizarding world? (yes) Will Snape wash his hair????? (no)
(This is a Harry Potter parody. Hopefully the jokes aren't TOO bad.)
Now complete!
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Dumbledore Commits Tax Evasion by LoquaciousOcelot
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
13 Feb 2023
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Summary
Jessica Russell, Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs surveyor extraordinaire, is ready for another boring day at work. She's going to go to this property in Scotland belonging to someone named Dumbledore, take some measurements, and then go home and read horror novels.
After all, it's not like those weird ruins are magical or anything. That would be crazy.
Series
- Part 2 of Voldemort Commits Tax Evasion
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Summary
With the rise of technology in the late 1990s, Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs has begun digitizing tax records, and those previously fell through the cracks are investigated. Unfortunately, no one has been paying taxes on Riddle Manor for years.
Series
- Part 1 of Voldemort Commits Tax Evasion