PurplePatchwork
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‘You don’t have a body?’
“Nope,” the Narrator affirms, letting the P pop. “If you were expecting an actual kiss, I’ll have to sorely disappoint you.”
Stanley puts his hand to his chin and his eyes glaze over a little, like he’s thinking. The Narrator could just listen in if he so desired, if Stanley’s not actively blocking him out, but he’s a little curious to see what Stanley will come up with on his own. Not that he has high expectations. Stanley’s ideas usually border on the absurd or insane.
Stanley taps his finger to his chin.
‘I’ve got some ideas I’d like to try.’
The Narrator lets out another long-suffering sigh. Which is well-earned, since he’s done nothing but suffer since the day they started this little game of theirs.
“By all means, do your best to surprise me.”
Stanley grins. Challenge accepted.
Or: Stanley wants to kiss the Narrator. Seeing as the Narrator isn't human, and thus doesn't have a body, they have to rely on more unconventional means.
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oh my gosh they were roommates by PurplePatchwork
Fandoms: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
25 Oct 2025
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It’s Arnold who suggested it, of course.
You see, after… that which shall not be named, they technically don’t have to follow the rules anymore. Being semi-excommunicated, it isn’t really clear if they still get to call themselves Mormon once they go back home okaaaay time to stop thinking about that; the point remains: they’re free to make up a new way of living. But after nineteen years of having those rules hardwired into your skull, it’s not easy to break with habit.
There’s a list in Arnold’s near-illegible chicken scratch. Connor can barely make out what it says at the very top: Companion swapsies, with a little star drawn next to it.
They’re basically going to try and break as many rules as possible in the upcoming week.
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“Er. Yes.” The Narrator makes another weird face, half embarrassed and half annoyed. “You see, I sort of perhaps in a manner of speaking might have slightly broken a leg. A little bit.”
When Stanley told the Narrator to break a leg, he didn’t mean it literally!
Series
- Part 10 of Love in audio
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do Mormon boys dream of pink glitter vests by PurplePatchwork
Fandoms: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
04 Oct 2025
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“When I was in fifth grade, I had a friend Steve Blade,” Connor sings, doing a pirouette before leaping over to Kevin.
The other Elders are providing backing vocals, and they all have their hands clasped together as if in prayer. Kevin startles a little when Connor walks right up to him, completely ignoring the concept of personal space. Kevin leans back as Connor leans in and winks.
Oh. Oh wow. That’s a little, um.
Or: Kevin dreams he's in a musical. He wakes up in more ways than one.
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these hips don't lie by PurplePatchwork
Fandoms: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
28 Sep 2025
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Connor’s patience is wearing thin. “Well, why don’t you sing a song then? Alone. In your room. Not here. Or better yet, take your perky little ass and go think up a dance routine or something!”
Kevin’s suspiciously quiet. Connor sneaks a side-long glance, only to find the guy craning his neck to study his own butt. He’s got an almost contemplative look in his eyes, tip of his tongue peeking out.
What.
“...Everything alright, Elder?” Connor asks, and he tries desperately to sound casual.
“It is kinda perky, isn’t it?” Kevin muses, and it takes all Connor’s effort not to put his head down on the table and start screaming.
Recent series
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The Size of Orlando, Florida by greerian
Fandoms: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
20 Nov 2015
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“What are you keeping from me?” Elder McKinley asks. “I’m supposed to be your district leader, Ke- Elder, and I have to say you’re making it darn near impossible. I try to ask how you’re doing, I try to show you I’m there for you, I try to make sure you feel valued and supported by m- us, and you just… run away! Every single time, Elder! I’ve had enough of it! I will not let you leave this room until you feel cared for.”
Kevin Price has everything under control... except for his inappropriate reaction to his district leader.
Series
- Part 1 of The Size of Orlando, Florida
Bookmarked by PurplePatchwork
25 Sep 2025
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“Now this may come as a shock to you, but there are whole religions built on stories. Can you imagine it, Stanley? My work—er, any person’s work becoming so integral, so monumental, that others can’t help but worship it? Live their very lives by it?” He gave a giddy sigh, and it seemed to envelop Stanley.
Sounds fake, but okay.
(Stanley tries to understand the Pink Room. The Narrator tells the story of a woman named Eve.)
Bookmarked by PurplePatchwork
04 Sep 2025
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Ask an Exec: How to Navigate Cultish Colleagues, Soul-Stealing Bosses, and the End of the World at Work by shinyopals
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
02 May 2023
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I've recently been unexpectedly promoted to lead a department in my organisation, wrote the anonymous emailer.
As there was no one working here when I arrived, my manager, who is head of the organisation, had promised me the choice of my own assistants. However, without warning, he simply presented me with an additional assistant. This new assistant’s first act on his first day was to let a dog into the office. It took several hours to catch and clean up after this dog and it has only been downhill from there. I admit I'm not entirely sure what to do with this assistant now I'm stuck with him. I'm hoping you have some advice?
Kind regards,
New ManagerAbigail Bailey runs a successful management advice blog. One frequent contributor is from a workplace with some... issues.
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Bookmarked by PurplePatchwork
21 Jul 2025
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After a century or so of swapping from body to body as circumstances demand, Jonah likes to think he’s ironed out the kinks in the process. But even he has to admit that this one has been something of a botch job.
Or: Jonah Magnus' Terrible-No-Good-Very-Bad-Day
Bookmarked by PurplePatchwork
04 Jul 2025
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Beholding the GDPR: How the Magnus Institute Updated Its Privacy Policy for the Twenty-First Century And Only Caused One Nervous Breakdown In The Process by shinyopals
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
18 May 2020
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I'm sure given your position you already know about the advent of the General Data Protection Regulation next year, wrote Peter Lukas, to Elias Bouchard. However, the Lukas family wishes to be crystal clear that our continued investment is contingent upon the Institute taking its responsibilities with regards to privacy and confidentiality seriously.
The Magnus Institute hires a Data Protection Officer. He sets about diligently booking in meetings, writing policy documents, and training all the staff in the importance of confidentiality. Now if only he could get hold of the Head Archivist, who seems to have vanished again...
(Jon is only trying to save the world, but apparently some people think he should still be doing his day job.)
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Bookmarked by PurplePatchwork
02 Jul 2025