RightSaidFredAstaire
Fandoms
- The Umbrella Academy (TV) (5)
- Loki (TV 2021) (3)
- Marvel (2)
- The Avengers (Marvel Movies) (2)
- Thor (Movies) (2)
Recent works
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The Mewling Quim by RightSaidFredAstaire
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV), Norse Religion & Lore, Fairy Tales & Related Fandoms, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Ancient Greek Religion & Lore
13 May 2026
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Summary
Life within these walls feels like a wet dream come true. Five gulps. His pelvic floor pulsed, brimming with unspent energy. Or as if everything is meant to be. He bites his lower lip, melting into the bed yet harder than any stone as a breeze tickles his scruffy neck. He slowly gives in to the mind-altering experience. Rolling his hips, thrusting, spreading. Losing himself little by little to their momentum.
It’s absolutely exhilarating.
*
What if the Metaphysics Department solved the problem of Number Five Hargreeves? Also known as Jarl Harald Gets His Wish or: Flett Learns to Stop Worrying and Embrace the Apocalypse.
Inspired by the Multiverse of Madness, Midsommar, and the original Sleeping Beauty. The tale includes some vaginal operatics, traditional as well as original myths, and a touch of scientific panache. I've also pulled references from all four seasons of Umbrella Academy.
Update: The one-shot story has become unwieldy, so I've broken it into nine chapters and have edited out about a thousand words.
Series
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La-la-la-la Ulysses: A Post-Apocalyptic Odyssey by RightSaidFredAstaire
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
27 Dec 2025
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Summary
“Nietzsche once said, 'Man is as a rope stretched between the animal and the superhuman. A rope over an abyss. It is a dangerous crossing. A dangerous looking-back, a dangerous trembling and halting.'
As much as you must strive for individual greatness — and strive you must, for it won't come to you of its own accord — you must also remember that there is no individual stronger than the collective. The ties that bind you together make you stronger than you are alone. They will make you impervious to the pain and hardship the world will thrust upon you. And believe me when I tell you life will be hard. It will be painful."
- Sir Reginald Hargreeves, S1.E1 We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals
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What if Klaus woke up fashionably late for the post-Apocalypse? A tale of romance, survival, and saving the universe.
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It'll take about five years for the team to regroup, during which I explore what's happening on Earth as well as the afterlife, plus five more years to escape their collective fate.
Series
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Dance While You Still Can by RightSaidFredAstaire
Fandoms: Loki (TV 2021), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
09 Jun 2025
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Summary
What if Five revealed his feelings to a benevolent god (dual perspectives).
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Taking a deceptively delicate hand in his, Five peers into the still waters of his Saviour.
"Words are insufficient to express how much I care for you... would you let me show you instead?”
A flicker of seiðr later Loki swims the depths of Five's devotion, surfacing to the feathery touch of parched lips on his fingertips. The warrior had faithfully given himself, heart and soul, to the God of Chaos.
*
References to mistreatment are neither explicit nor long.
Series
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Loki's Institute for Snarky Delinquents by RightSaidFredAstaire
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV), Loki (TV 2021), Marvel, Thor (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
26 Mar 2025
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Summary
"The physics of numerous quanta tells us we cannot be certain about anything, especially if time is concerned. Even if you knew everything there is to know about right now, you could never predict what will happen next. We don't live in a universe of rules, we live in a universe of chances. Some events, however, are more likely than others."
- Sir Reginald Hargreeves, 1962
Not accounting for a dashing prince of chaos, Five returns the day of Dad's funeral with a saga to share and a few new family members. Klaus might drop dead with happiness. Meanwhile, the Norns show Variant L.1130 he isn't meant to cause pain and suffering or death — he's there to help a gaggle of delinquent orphans achieve their best selves all while unravelling Project Oblivion.
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Loki, Prince of Asgard, Friggason, rightful heir of Jotunheim, and God of Mischief. Soon to be known in this not-so-cinematic universe as Loki, House of Loki, Faerie Godmother.
References to mistreatment aren't graphic and chapters 4, 8, & 16 are explicitly sexual yet consensual.
Series
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The Chaotic Revengers by RightSaidFredAstaire
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV), Loki (TV 2021), Marvel, Thor (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
30 Oct 2024
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Summary
Rather than returning to his family and figuring out how to avert the Apocalypse, Five stumbles onto the eastern shores of a people lost to the ages. More precisely, four harvests have passed since he fell through the headman’s roof. It happens on Samhain Eve and, when the heavens tear, he appears to the tribe as a strangely dressed elderman — youth restored — struggling to get free of a desolate land. The thinning of the veil is brief but deafening. Welcomed among the Picts as Flett, by the time Five is honoured as a Wolfwalker, he’s instrumental to the community’s survival.
A prickling chill overtakes Five as salty air floods his senses. I hear seabirds. His pulse quickens, intensifying the bulging beat in his addled grey matter. He opens his eyes and jolts upright, only to be blinded by the light.
Fuck.
He’s on a ship. A Viking ship.
*
Also known as Five flees his post-apocalyptic hellscape before the Commission finds him but he still can't acorn. Angst ensues. Deus ex machina saves the day. Vengeance is had. A family remains.
References to mistreatment aren't explicit but chapters 9 and 11 are written from a couple of assholes' perspectives.
Series
Recent series
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When Universes Collide: The MCU meets the Umbrella Academy by RightSaidFredAstaire
Fandom Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Fairy Tales & Related Fandoms, Loki (TV 2021), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Norse Religion & Lore, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Umbrella Academy (TV), Thor (Movies)
13 May 2026
Summary
Known as the Norse matrix of fate, the Web of Wyrd represents all the possibilities of the past, present, and future.
In this crossover series the Norns show Loki he isn't meant to cause pain and suffering or death — he's there to help a gaggle of delinquent orphans achieve their best selves. To do that, and prevent Oblivion, the shapers of destiny let the Multiverse break and drag Five through hell until the mischievous scamp arrives to save his new reality.
Things get super weird.
- Words:
- 95,333
- Works:
- 5
- Bookmarks:
- 21
Recent bookmarks
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Tags
Summary
Christian comes back from a party, drunk, and Dani is unable to stop him from doing what he wishes.
Bookmarked by RightSaidFredAstaire
25 Feb 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
That night by sirsparklepuff
Despite the short word length, it's a well-written backstory to some of the dialogue in Midsommar
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The Ultimate Guide to Writing Smut Fic by QuinnAnderson for kali_asleep
Fandoms: Original Work
05 Sep 2013
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Summary
A comprehensive guide to writing both queer and het erotic fiction, written by published novelist Quinn Anderson. Includes lists of sexy words, references, and some general writing tips. Please feel free to use without credit.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,878
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 852
- Kudos:
- 15,715
- Bookmarks:
- 8,262
- Hits:
- 698,081
Bookmarked by RightSaidFredAstaire
20 Mar 2024
Bookmarker's Notes
The Ultimate Guide to Writing Smut Fic by QuinnAnderson
Smut writing tips
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Misfire by VivatRex
Fandoms: Supernatural, Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
18 Feb 2020
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Summary
Crowley finds himself in another universe; Aziraphale goes to fetch him. In the meantime, Team Free Will has to figure out what to do with the 6,000 year old demon that won't stay in a devil's trap and keeps rooting through Dean's vinyl collection. Shenanigans ensue.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 99,362
- Chapters:
- 25/25
- Collections:
- 15
- Comments:
- 2,109
- Kudos:
- 13,273
- Bookmarks:
- 3,300
- Hits:
- 261,296
Bookmarked by RightSaidFredAstaire
16 Jan 2024
Bookmarker's Notes
Misfire by VivatRex
crossover, crossover
Well thought out, good pace, long read.
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Answer All My Prayers by STARSdidathing
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Iron Man (Movies), Thor (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
22 Oct 2018
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Summary
It was rather ironic that the first mortal to pray to Loki in centuries, was not only an enemy, but a man who had no idea what his words were doing.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,916
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 11
- Comments:
- 369
- Kudos:
- 10,980
- Bookmarks:
- 1,974
- Hits:
- 80,661
Bookmarked by RightSaidFredAstaire
22 Jan 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
Answer All My Prayers by STARSdidathing
my god
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Summary
“I know what you want.”
“And what, pray tell,” Trevor grits out, writhing beneath Alucard, “is that?”
“Come, now. I’ve seen you stalking around, pent up like a bitch in heat. You’re quite high-strung; it’s beginning to wear on the others, me included,” the vampire drawls. His sharp eyes find Trevor’s, narrowing slyly. “You need a good fuck.”
Bookmarked by RightSaidFredAstaire
13 Feb 2021
Bookmarker's Notes
devil's backbone by feyhound
they fuck