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  1. Public Bookmark 81

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    “How do you feel?”

    Ellie thinks, sucks on her lower lip. “I guess- mostly just really sad.”

    It’s an understatement if there ever was one. Sometimes the sadness feels so big that she’s not sure how she’d ever manage to escape it, to exist outside of it. It feels like a balloon, constantly growing bigger and bigger and never once popping. Ellie’s terrified of what it’s going to feel like when it finally breaks.

    “Sometimes,” Maria says, “Sometimes, sad and stuck are the same thing. And that’s okay. You can be sad every day for the rest of your life, Ellie, and you can still live a rich, full, exciting life. Okay?”

    *

    Ellie Williams at the intersection of grief, faith, and love.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,822
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    87
    Kudos:
    243
    Bookmarks:
    81
    Hits:
    4,456

    15 Nov 2024

    Bookmarker's Notes

    Grief

  2. Public Bookmark 26

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    Summary

    Over the 24-hours after Sara's rescue, each member of the team tries to deal with recent events, and the revelations about Sara and Grissom's relationship. (Post Dead Doll, season 8 - ensemble POV)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,670
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    21
    Kudos:
    207
    Bookmarks:
    26
    Hits:
    2,293

    22 Oct 2024

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    And he realizes… there are parts of her that are weird because, well, she’s Ellie. She likes space and puns and dinosaurs. She does goofy voices and curses too much and she asks so many questions. He’s pretty sure that if she’d grown up before the outbreak, she would have been screened for ADD or something. And some of her weirdness is being a kid growing up in the apocalypse, like not knowing what a seatbelt is.
    But parts of her weirdness?

    FEDRA did that.

    And he hates it.

    Or: Thoughts on FEDRA schooling.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21,130
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    67
    Kudos:
    722
    Bookmarks:
    216
    Hits:
    7,927

    28 Jul 2024

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    "Maria's gonna be a little late tonight, she’s busy yelling at some kids that got caught jumping off the dam.”

    Stunned, Joel eyes the puddle slowly forming under her feet with quiet horror. “But you were smarter than that, right?”

    “Or faster?” Tommy cuts in hopefully.

    “Both,” Ellie agrees. Then, with a wince, “But also…neither.”

    A dangerous dare and a nasty sickness rock the Miller household on an already emotional week. Joel and Ellie learn that something always lurks deeper than the surface.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,707
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    83
    Kudos:
    557
    Bookmarks:
    158
    Hits:
    7,597

    23 Jul 2024

  5. Public Bookmark 12

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    Summary

    Ellie sighs and stops her half-spin, planting her feet squarely on the ground. “But maybe they didn’t, maybe they saw it and thought, ‘this looks like a kids backpack, we don’t need it,” and they just left it.”

    “Ellie, what is this about?” Joel asks, sighing.

    “I don’t know. I just maybe they left it, and if they did, maybe we could, like, go back and get it.”

    “Ellie, no. Absolutely not.”

    “But why not?”

    “You know why. It’s dangerous; we don’t know what to expect goin’ there, and it’s far.”

    “We could plan for it, like you know. Maybe Tommy can come with us, and we could take the horses.”

    “Ellie, no.”

    “Dude, but why?”

    IE: Ellie wants to go back to the hospital to see if she can find her backpack. When Joel refuses, Ellie makes her own plans.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,464
    Chapters:
    1/2
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    67
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    1,002

    28 Jun 2024

  6. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    It wouldn’t be so bad if she was alone in Jackson like she was in Boston. She’d figure out where she fit and she wouldn’t really care if people liked her. She’s done it before when they made her switch schools.

    But she’s not. She’s here with Joel, and she doesn’t want him to be embarrassed by her. She doesn’t want him to regret this. To regret her.

    OR: Ellie adjusts to living in Jackson.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    46,181
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    96
    Kudos:
    635
    Bookmarks:
    221
    Hits:
    9,539

    02 Jun 2024

  7. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Ellie knows before she’s even told that the woman is a former FEDRA officer. There’s a way she carries herself that raises Ellie’s hackles at once, makes her stand up straighter, makes her hyper-aware of the dirt on her shoes and the way her ponytail is slipping out, both infractions that would be punishable under FEDRA regulations.

    In an instant, Ellie knows they’re destined to hate each other.

    (a former fedra teacher arrives in jackson) (it goes badly)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,999
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    109
    Kudos:
    1,814
    Bookmarks:
    379
    Hits:
    17,062

    29 May 2024

  8. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “It’s not for you.”

    That shuts off her stream of words at once. He resists the urge to blink back at her in surprise. He hadn’t known he was going to say that until he said it. Seeing the way her shoulders have lost some of their tension, though, he knows at once that it was the right call. It galls him a bit, what he’s about to say, twenty years of survival making him reticent to admit any weakness.

    But fourteen years before that has him speaking anyway.

    Ellie won’t admit her weaknesses. That’s fine. She’s clearly been knocked over hard by that fucking place. He can take the fall for this one, if that’s what it takes to get her somewhere safe, a place where he can tend her properly, can tuck her away in a soft bed in a safe town, can get some meat back on her bones.

    Can–please God–get some life back in her eyes.

    (after silver lake, joel and ellie return to jackson to recover)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    50,442
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    116
    Kudos:
    986
    Bookmarks:
    228
    Hits:
    19,562

    19 Apr 2024

  9. Public Bookmark 36

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    Summary

    A stupid soccer game is all it takes to unravel the jealousy Ellie has been concealing since she learnt about Sarah. Spiraling with uncertainty of where she stands with Joel, Ellie falls back on coping mechanisms from her FEDRA days - her support system scramble to fix it;

    She wants to push him; to shove, to kick, to spit, to scream, to writhe on the floor. Her hungry, greedy hands that latch desperately onto kindness and always scramble for more, more, more – she wants to use them to tear her insides out as messily as she can; blood spilling out, staining the wood, flesh getting lodged in between his floorboards, damning the entire house, she wants to hold up the rotting flesh to Joel and make him look at the ugly that is rooted at the core of her.

    Maybe that’ll finally be his breaking point. Maybe he’ll finally give up this little act that he cares about her.

    Observing her, Joel’s face flicks through several different emotions before settling on one that sickeningly looks close to pity.

    “Don’t fucking look at me like that.” She snaps.

    “I’m not–” He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose and screwing his eyes shut in exasperation, “will you just sit, Ellie, for god’s sake. Please?”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,040
    Chapters:
    1/2
    Comments:
    34
    Kudos:
    154
    Bookmarks:
    36
    Hits:
    1,896

    18 Apr 2024

  10. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Joel stumbles into Ellie while he's still a hunter with Tommy. It changes everything, and nothing, about their story.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    112,250
    Chapters:
    55/?
    Comments:
    691
    Kudos:
    1,018
    Bookmarks:
    158
    Hits:
    34,055

    05 Apr 2024

  11. Public Bookmark 40

    Mystery Work

    Part of private collection
    Summary

    This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!

    15 Feb 2024

  12. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    He wonders sometimes if someone is missing Ellie. Someone who thinks she’s safe at school, someone who doesn’t know she’s gone on this harebrained mission. He doesn’t really think it’s true, but it’s not really the point.

    The point is this whole little road trip would be so much fucking easier if he could stop remembering that Ellie is somebody’s baby.

    Or: The little pieces of herself Ellie leaves in Joel's life.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,127
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    74
    Kudos:
    587
    Bookmarks:
    176
    Hits:
    6,488

    11 Feb 2024

  13. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Joel sighs, runs his hand wearily over his face. “Baby,” he says, and despite herself, Ellie feels her shoulders relax at the nickname. “This - it’s a threat against all of us. It’s not something we can let lie.”

    “I’m not telling you to just let it lie,” Ellie retorts. “Just- why does it have to be you?”

    Joel looks away, shifts on his feet. “Ellie,” he says, and the timbre of his voice rakes a claw down her spine. “You know why.”

    She does, and that’s the thing- she’s not sure she’s worth it, this kind of love that goes blind with rage in the face of threats, the kind of love that drives people out of their homes and into the night and away from their families. The kind of love that demands sacrifice. It sits uneasily beneath her skin, like an electric current.

    *

    Jackson is threatened - and Ellie steps up.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    190,234
    Chapters:
    20/20
    Comments:
    951
    Kudos:
    1,056
    Bookmarks:
    250
    Hits:
    37,582

    10 Feb 2024

  14. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    “Duck do?” Ellie asked from her spot in the carrier.

    Joel kept a hand on her back as he scrambled eggs. He was half twisted away from the stove to keep her out of kicking distance of the pan, “Quack-quack.”

    “Dog do?”

    “Woof-woof.”

    “Snail do?” She peered up at him expectantly.

    “Snails don’t make a sound,” He flicked the burner off and scooped eggs onto the waiting plate.

    “Yep,” Ellie brightened, “They do crunch!”

    (or how Tess and Joel accidentally restarted parenting in their 40s)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    42,097
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    105
    Kudos:
    494
    Bookmarks:
    164
    Hits:
    9,458

    30 Jan 2024

  15. Public Bookmark 68

    Tags
    Summary

    Joel takes care of Ellie after Silver Lake.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,785
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    37
    Kudos:
    285
    Bookmarks:
    68
    Hits:
    3,579

    01 Jan 2024

  16. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    “Hey,” he says. “Look at me.”

    She does. His face is cast in shadow, lined with soft pearlescent moonlight, but his eyes are sharp and bright and glittering, dissecting. She feels like she’s being flayed alive, like every inch of her is being peeled open and left out to air. She finds that she doesn’t hate it. She knows that whatever Joel sees in her, he’s gonna keep whole, protect.

    “I’m gonna be alright,” he says, that same firm tone he used in KC. “You don’t gotta worry. I’m okay.”

    She breathes, “Okay.”

    *

    Somewhere between Kansas City and Wyoming, Ellie gets sick.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,941
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    47
    Kudos:
    386
    Bookmarks:
    106
    Hits:
    6,343

    19 Dec 2023

  17. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Uncle Tommy’s teased her about being a homebody before, but she really and truly just doesn’t like staying away from home. She likes to tease her dad that it’s because it’s the only place she gets to be the boss of everything. He grumbles about her sassing him, but she’s still the one making the grocery lists, so he can grumble as much as he wants as long as her will still rules the roost.

    Not that there’s much to rule over right now, not with her dad and uncle out in Wisconsin helping one of her nana’s friends who needed help making her house more wheelchair-accessible since her husband had a bad fall. Her dad had been hesitant about leaving her, but she’d thought this would be great practice for her not having her dad a mere two hour drive away if she really needed an out. After all, she’ll be off at college in just four years, and she definitely doesn’t want to end up being a weirdo who has to call her dad to come get her.

    Hearing the nearly deafening sirens going by outside, though, she desperately wishes she hadn’t been quite so insistent about being just fine without her dad for two weeks.

    (when the outbreak happens, joel and tommy are out of the state, and sarah's left to survive on her own)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,824
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    85
    Kudos:
    1,118
    Bookmarks:
    166
    Hits:
    13,155

    22 Nov 2023

  18. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    She thinks that this is what love entails, warm houses and long hugs and baby fingers tangled in her hair and back rubs and hot tea at midnight - but sometimes it just feels like she’s walking that cliff’s edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the expectations to shift, knowing she can’t meet them. She’s never been loved before and she doesn’t know that when it stops being easy, stops being new- is it still there?

    *

    In Jackson, Ellie goes to pieces. Her family fits her back together again.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    47,546
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    195
    Kudos:
    775
    Bookmarks:
    194
    Hits:
    15,268

    08 Nov 2023

  19. Public Bookmark 67

    Tags
    Summary

    Him and Tommy, they’ve done this thing before- this thing where they’re the best goddamn parent/uncle tag-team around. They pick up the slack for each other, and Joel will never be anything but grateful for another adult hanging around that’ll treat Ellie the way she ought to be treated.

    Or:

    Four times that Joel and Tommy are the world's greatest co-parent/uncle-ing duo...and one time they co-fuck up.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,492
    Chapters:
    1/5
    Comments:
    35
    Kudos:
    319
    Bookmarks:
    67
    Hits:
    2,801

    06 Nov 2023

  20. Public Bookmark 93

    Tags
    Summary

    Of all of the things in the entire goddamn world he could possibly have guessed for what Tommy left behind in the box, a kid would never have made the list.

    Especially a kid with a goddamn knife.

    The girl popped up the moment they finally managed to get the crowbar just right to crack the lock open, and her battle cry startled them almost as badly as the glint of steel in her hand. He’d grabbed Tess entirely on reflex to yank her back, and he barely registers the one hand she has fisted around his shirt as they stare in disbelief at the kid who appeared like the world’s worst magic trick.

    “Hey!” He snaps as their surprise Jack-in-the-Box waves her knife around wildly, looking far more likely to stab her own eye out than come anywhere close to hitting him or Tess. “Knock it off.”

    “Funk you!” The little girl cries, waving her knife with more fervor even as she struggles to try and get over the wall of the box. He darts forward to grab her when she tips over with a squeal, horrified without meaning to be at the idea of her landing on her knife.

    The moment she’s safely on her feet, however, she’s back to being stabby.

    (joel finds tommy's note) (and then he finds a whole lot more)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,188
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    75
    Kudos:
    909
    Bookmarks:
    93
    Hits:
    9,128

    03 Nov 2023

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