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Five Times Guillermo Held Nandor After Sex (And One Time He Didn't) by cookinguptales
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
14 Dec 2022
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Summary
Semen collection isn't the same thing as having sex, and having sex isn't the same thing as a relationship. But they're getting there.
(A sequel to Five Times Guillermo Helped Nandor Collect Semen (And One Time He Didn't).)
Series
- Part 2 of ten times (and then some)
Bookmarked by exaliade
12 Sep 2025
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You figure out a lot of things when Kitsuragi transfers to the 41st Precinct.
The first thing is that Kitsuragi is as queer as a two reál piece.
The second thing is that Harry wants to fuck him.
The third thing is that Harry has not figured this out yet.
The fourth thing is that Kitsuragi has.
The fourth-and-a-half thing is that Kitsuragi also wants to fuck Harry.
The fifth thing is that Kitsuragi is a patient man.
The sixth thing is that you also want to fuck Kitsuragi.
The seventh thing is that Kitsuragi figures this out the day you lean in to light his cigarette on the station roof. Your hand is shaking because Harry almost got the three of you fucking killed that day by being his stupid fucking bullheaded self, who cares if you caught a fucking murderer, and while he’s downstairs getting stitched up, you and Kitsuragi are up on the roof smoking. Your hand is shaking badly and Kitsuragi reaches out and grabs your wrist to steady it, the warmth smooth leather of his gloves on your bare wrist where your sleeve’s pulled up. You draw in a sharp breath and he looks at you and you can see from the sharpening of his eyes that he’s figured it out.Bookmarked by exaliade
06 Mar 2025
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When Harry comes back from Martinaise, he comes back different.
You pretend you’re happy. Everyone is so happy. You are the only one, it seems, that knows something is wrong. Is missing.
You, and maybe Harry.
He watches you, his eyes following you like a ghost. Like you are some dropped clue, some missing piece. You usually meet his eyes and scowl until one of you looks away. It’s usually fifty-fifty on which one of you it is.Bookmarked by exaliade
03 Mar 2025
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I don't want to get better, I want to get worse by Houseofchaos
Fandoms: Disco Elysium (Video Game)
06 Sep 2025
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Summary
After Kim’s permanent transfer six months prior, Satellite-Officer Vicquemare became increasingly bitter and volatile around Harry, who always sought out the Lieutenant for second opinions during their cases, which gnawed at Jean’s sanity.
The screaming matches were nothing new for them. Some people would have even said that anything too quiet was suspicious, but since his amnesia, Harry didn’t fight back, just apologized, stayed silent and looked at his shoes. The kicked puppy routine made Jean go nuclear for a myriad of unpleasant reasons. The main being that anyone witnessing these exchanges would instantly feel sorry for Harry, as if his amnesia absolved him of all the sins past and future, as if he was not the catalyst responsible for this dynamic.
It lasted three more miserable months before an opportunity arose. And when it did, Jean asked Pryce immediately for the roles to be shuffled : that Kitsuragi officially be paired with Du Bois - he’s already doing all of his work with him anyways - and Vicquemare joining McCoy - Satellite-Officer Simon just went on indefinite sick leave didn’t he? I can take over.
Bookmarked by exaliade
02 Mar 2025
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The phone rings and startles Jean.
He’s not sleeping, but who the fuck calls somebody at 3am?
He doesn’t have work tomorrow, and even if he did, he’s a patrol officer now. Not someone who would be called in an emergency.
His family is dead.
He has no friends.
He answers the phone in the only way he knows how.
“Vicquemare.”
Bookmarked by exaliade
19 Feb 2025
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Summary
The body of a scholar washes up in the harbour at some time in the night of September 27th ’50. The investigation takes RCM dream-team Jean Viquemare and Harry DuBois to his last known location: an isolated medical centre on the cliffs.
Past and present intersect as the mystery takes them through an unsolved assassination from the '30s, the perils of ultraliberal hospital management, lost royal relics, long-ignored medical issues, inframaterial wiff-waff and so so so so so so so much speed.
Bookmarked by exaliade
16 Jan 2025
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Summary
What escapes the furnace comes back to haunt you.
Series
- Part 2 of History Book
Bookmarked by exaliade
06 Dec 2024
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Summary
“Let me take you to bed,” Harry whispers then, his words slurring; it’s a question.
Jean blinks back at him.
Disgusting, he thinks.
“Please,” he says.
Bookmarked by exaliade
09 Nov 2024
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Summary
After being fully turned, the drama of it all left the others forgetting to tell Guillermo an important detail of his new vampirism-- something Nandor quickly claims responsibility for explaining, as well as something he takes responsibility for solving.
Series
- Part 1 of The Vampire Polycule Goes Into Heat
Bookmarked by exaliade
06 Oct 2024
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Summary
Harry is the pale and Jean is the man who navigates this madness every day.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 320
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 3
- Kudos:
- 37
- Bookmarks:
- 5
- Hits:
- 325
Bookmarked by exaliade
11 Aug 2024
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A series of drabbles centering around Jean Vicquemare, with several surrounding his relationship with Harry pre-Martinaise. I'll add to this as I go along.
Bookmarked by exaliade
26 Jul 2024
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Summary
They aren’t oil and water. Harry and Jean are both oil. They’re both a deep red port in the same exact bottle of Commodore Red.
Bookmarked by exaliade
08 Jul 2024
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do i turn into light if i burn alive? by houseatreus
Fandoms: Disco Elysium (Video Game)
08 Sep 2022
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Summary
“Jean,” Harry murmurs finally, his eyes filled with flames, “Have you ever wanted to burn yourself alive?
(on the edge of jamrock, there is a church on fire. harry and jean watch as it turns to ash.)
Bookmarked by exaliade
01 Mar 2024
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Summary
What if Harry had gotten sober? What if Dora had married him? And what if he ended up unhappy anyway?
Bookmarked by exaliade
13 Feb 2024
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Kim feels for the Satellite Officer. It’s clear what he’s been through, what Harry has subjected him to over the last few years - Kim only knows the half of it, of course, but he’s seen it before, hermit-cops pushing everyone away, their partner last man standing at the bombsite. Still, it feels cruel to punish this person for it, this wiped-clean, remade Harry, looking at Kim now like a bottle-fed animal about to be released into the wild. If Kim does go to the 41st, navigating all this will be an extra layer of complexity. He should think very carefully about it - about whether it’s worth getting mixed up in all of it. The mess.
A slow-burn, Kim-POV story about going to the 41st, against his better judgement.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 47,301
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 555
- Kudos:
- 3,399
- Bookmarks:
- 724
- Hits:
- 53,789
Bookmarked by exaliade
03 Feb 2024
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if you stay i would even wait all night by wizardlover
Fandoms: Disco Elysium (Video Game)
02 Oct 2022
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Summary
KIM KITSURAGI — He takes one step past the threshold, staring down at something in his hands, and then he looks up and startles. “Harry?”
RHETORIC [Medium: Failure] — Your name tastes sweet in his mouth—even when it’s shocked out of him. You open your mouth to make an excuse—any excuse—and then actually get a good look at Kim.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Heroic: Failure] — He’s wearing leather. So much leather? Everywhere? You have no idea where to look.
ENCYCLOPEDIA [Challenging: Success] — It’s not quite a full biker suit, but it looks styled after one. The jacket is a little too big in length but snug on his shoulders and wrists, with padded elbows and a flared collar.
DRAMA [Formidable: Success] — He’s wearing tight leather pants. You manage to *not* stare at his crotch too much.
PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Easy: Success] — The thing he was holding is a motorcycle helmet. He’s wearing biking gloves, too—big and cushioned. Kim owns a *bike*.
KIM KITSURAGI — “Detective, is there a reason you’re standing outside of my house at eleven P.M. on a Saturday?”
Bookmarked by exaliade
27 Jan 2024
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Summary
Harry finds himself in the liminal space between Martinaise and actually having to be Harry Du Bois again. He needs to return to his apartment, and his job, and his life, but the prospect is terrifying; everything that was once him is everything he can't allow himself to be ever again. Kim helps him make the transition, and Harry pines wildly over him. They eat food and talk about the homo-sexual underground. Harry tries not to cry a lot.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 29,219
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 777
- Kudos:
- 9,993
- Bookmarks:
- 2,267
- Hits:
- 92,298
Bookmarked by exaliade
25 Jan 2024
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Summary
ANALYST: He’s stable, probably going to wake up soon.
MEMENTO MORI: He still may die.
STARGAZER: Perhaps that’s what he wants.
SACRE COEUR: What we want is sometimes bad for us.
Series
- Part 1 of apprendre élysée
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,879
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 197
- Kudos:
- 4,394
- Bookmarks:
- 740
- Hits:
- 35,324
Bookmarked by exaliade
23 Jan 2024
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Summary
Road trip time stamps, or, Gabriel Reyes and Jack Morrison apologise to each other and other people, or, Tupac Shakur released like six albums after he died, Gabe, so the least you can do is check your phone.
Series
- Part 3 of now that you are dead
Bookmarked by exaliade
22 Jan 2024
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Summary
Sometimes, to find the way back you just need room to breathe. Or a quiet moment to work on your biotic techniques.
Kaidan thought he’d hallucinated the incident on Mars. It had to be something his addled brain cobbled together in the aftermath of having his head crushed against a bulkhead. Shepard may have always been unpredictable under live fire, but he’d never tried to use himself as a mass-accelerated object.
No one’s that insane.
Series
- Part 8 of Opus - The Multiverse
Bookmarked by exaliade
18 Dec 2023