1 - 20 of 34 Bookmarks by noideawhatsoever
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The Art of Chair Maintenance by swaps55 for CR Noble (erudite12)
Fandoms: Mass Effect Trilogy
20 Jun 2024
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Summary
A poker game on Omega goes awry. AKA, Kaidan and Joker walk into a bar on Omega and wind up on the run from the vorcha mafia over a bottle of whiskey and 5,000 credits.
Joker exhales. “Well, uh. I may have gotten us an invite to a backroom poker game at Afterlife.”
Kaidan rests his hands on his knees and eyes Joker warily. “Why would I want to play poker on Omega.”“You love poker!”
“On Omega? Are you kidding? They play poker with guns on Omega.”
Joker gestures to the arsenal at Kaidan’s feet. “Look at all the things you have in common.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,061
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 53
- Kudos:
- 122
- Bookmarks:
- 26
- Hits:
- 796
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
10 Jan 2026
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Consequences by Alucard_Vampiry
Fandoms: Hazbin Hotel (Cartoon), Helluva Boss (Web Series)
29 Dec 2024
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Summary
Adam, the first man, is dead, killed by a Sinner following his confrontation with the King of Hell. And Heaven is none too pleased by this.
Series
- Part 1 of Consequences
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 28,249
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Comments:
- 675
- Kudos:
- 1,448
- Bookmarks:
- 217
- Hits:
- 65,286
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
17 Dec 2025
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Summary
After the first round of Robert roleplaying a villain for the heroes in his life, he will be at their mercy when he loses every fight in the second round
Series
- Part 3 of Role Reversal - An HR Violation Series
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
11 Dec 2025
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Summary
The guy in the sunglasses has been staring at him across the bar for the past ten minutes.
Robert makes the executive decision of following him into the bathroom, because obviously it's an invitation, right?
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
17 Nov 2025
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Summary
A place for my "Dispatch" art. Robert is entirely too shippable with all characters in this game.
More tags to be added with additional art.
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
15 Nov 2025
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Summary
Sonar and Flambae don't come back after their shift ends. Robert decided to find out why.
Series
- Part 1 of FlamMechBat
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
14 Nov 2025
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Summary
Seemingly, nobody's told Robert to mute himself while hacking yet.
Is Sonar gonna be the one to do it? Fuck no, c'mon. It's free ASMR.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,041
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Comments:
- 325
- Kudos:
- 3,151
- Bookmarks:
- 378
- Hits:
- 30,748
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
14 Nov 2025
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Summary
The Z-Team didn’t like Robert.
They were villains. They were fuck ups. They each had a giant chip on their shoulders that barely let them stand next to each other on a good day. As soon as his voice first came on the group call, they had to give him shit. If they didn’t start harassing him, the Blonde Boss Lady would have benched them thinking they were being mind controlled.
Every handler thought they could “handle” the Phoenix team. Tame them, make them palatable, water them down. Turn them good. So they didn’t like Robert.
But they did like his voice.
Series
- Part 1 of Hear You, Feel You - ZTeam Polycule
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 34,492
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Comments:
- 799
- Kudos:
- 7,424
- Bookmarks:
- 1,603
- Hits:
- 124,847
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
14 Nov 2025
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Robert is being strangled on the sink of the villain dive bar. He can see Sonar snorting lines off the back of the toilet of the open stall in front of him. The villain has a hand on his neck and it feels like burning.
When Robert Robertson the Third comes under the effect of an aphrodisiac's powers he gets to experience all Z-team has to offer.
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
14 Nov 2025
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Summary
"Hans shuddered. He could almost hear Henry's grunts in his ear, his hot breath against the noble neck, the blacksmith's sweaty body flushed against his back – and the bulging erection pressed to his hurting backside. His own grip was too light, too feathery, the fingers not rough enough to replace the years of labor; they weren't square and strong but slim and tall, and he couldn't shake off the feeling that Henry's would just feel better."
...where Hans Capon needs to deal with a restless night, all by himself.
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
19 Sep 2025
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But If Thy Wife I Were, And Had Thy love by gondolinarchivist
Fandoms: Kingdom Come: Deliverance (Video Games)
05 Apr 2025
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Summary
Henry playfully wrestles him to the ground, and their laughter shakes the trees. This is what life ought to be: easy and sweet and without any past or future. The rest of the world can hang for all Hans cares; all he wants is to make Henry laugh, and to turn him every shade of red possible.
“Shut up or I'll fill you up,” Henry threatens. “I’ll get a strong son on you.”
Something flutters in Hans’s chest. “I'm not a fucking maid, Henry.” He struggles a little more, just for show, and Henry pins his hands above his head.
“Could be,” Henry counters, grinning. “My maid, my girl, the way you take me.”
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In which Henry helps Hans forget about his upcoming nuptials, a wedding night is shared, and Hans yearns to become something other than what he is.
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
02 Aug 2025
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Something Like Hope by PinkCherryBlossoms
Fandoms: Kingdom Come: Deliverance (Video Games)
31 Jul 2025
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Summary
“Hans listen to me.”
That got through. Hans stared at him, blinking like he’d only just remembered Henry was still there. His lips parted, his chest rising too fast.
“It’s too late,” Henry said gently.
Hans' mouth stayed open a beat too long before shutting, he looked away sharply.
Henry’s voice stayed low, steady. “And what do you think we’ll be if we do run? Do you honestly think they’ll just let us vanish?”
Hans went still. Something flickered in his eyes. Hurt and humiliation, quickly masked by fury.
“You’ll lose everything,” Henry went on. “And for what? A hovel on the road? A boot in your ribs from the first man who thinks you’re lying about your blood?”
Hans' jaw tightened.
“You remember Trosky,” Henry added. “How they treated you when they thought you were no one. Do you really think you’d survive that twice?”
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5 times they shared a First, and one time they shared their last.
Collection of moments starting with Henry saying goodbye in Suchdol, ending the night before Hans and Jitka's Wedding.
Set in the same canon as my other KCD fics but can be read as standalone.
Series
- Part 1 of Something Like Tomorrow
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
17 Jul 2025
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Lord of the Distant Isles by Stelladonie
Fandoms: Kingdom Come: Deliverance (Video Games)
05 Oct 2025
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Summary
Two years ago, at the feast of Corpus Christi, Hans Capon heard a French minstrel sing of a tragic knight undone by love. He thought little of it—until a mace to the head and his squire's sky-blue eyes leave him wondering if he’s fated to share Galehaut’s story.
As war in Bohemia rages on, Hans tries not to end up like his literary brother in spirit. But fate seems determined to make him walk in Galehaut’s footsteps no matter how much he squirms. After all—winning a war against Sigismund might be easier than winning one against his own heart.
KCD2 from Hans’s POV with the romance amped up.
Series
- Part 1 of Lord of the Distant Isles Trilogy
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 90,619
- Chapters:
- 32/32
- Comments:
- 1,116
- Kudos:
- 1,575
- Bookmarks:
- 266
- Hits:
- 40,070
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
24 Jun 2025
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Summary
Two guys wanking together, one room's length apart and in the dark because they're not gay.
//
It was quite nice to have a good, self-indulgent wank from time to time. No relying on anyone else to do what he wanted at any given moment. Just Hans and his–“Fucking hell, Hans,” came a gruff voice out of the darkness, accompanied by the shuffling of sheets. “Are you really jerkin’ off over there?”
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
20 May 2025
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His Place at the Lord's Table by AgnesFitch
Fandoms: Kingdom Come: Deliverance (Video Games)
19 May 2025
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Summary
When Hans doesn't return to Pirkstein after a meeting with his uncle, Henry sets off into the snow and wind toward Rattay's upper castle to retrieve him. What he finds is a sour and maligned Sir Hans Capon. Ever the faithful servant and friend, Henry attempts to console his lordship and does his best to assuage his mood.
Or, to spite his uncle, Hans breeds Henry on the table on which Hanush eats his meals.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,850
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 55
- Kudos:
- 549
- Bookmarks:
- 123
- Hits:
- 7,219
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
20 May 2025
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Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
16 May 2025
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Summary
“There.” Henry swallows through the thickness once again. In an attempt to bring about some levity, Henry teases, “You look pretty as any bride.”
Hans laughs wetly, something more of a spit than humor. He shakes his head and attempts to run his fingers through his locks but his hand pauses at the first touch of the chain. Bringing his own hand to his gaze, Hans’ mood fizzles, like barely there sparks bowing to a downpour. “Rather be your bride than her groom,” Hans clenches his hand into a fist and Henry watches the well-kept nails threaten to bleed the soft skin of his palm. As if Hans is on his knees seeking forgiveness for his confession, bleeding and paying his way into Heaven’s gates.
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
26 Apr 2025
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you better put your kingdom up for sale by Brittnodo
Fandoms: Kingdom Come: Deliverance (Video Games)
05 Jun 2025
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Summary
A collection of missing and misplaced scenes from but time makes you bolder
Chapter 4: Glimpses of Chapter 15 through Hans’ eyes – and his big mouth.
Chapter 5/6: Parts 1 and 2 of but time makes you bolder from Hans’ POV
Series
- Part 2 of but time makes you bolder series
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
30 Mar 2025
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Summary
Eyes on Henry’s and now with the taste of him coated on the tip of his tongue, Hans drags his lips down the side of his cock.
“At night when I must please my future wife, I will sink to my knees between her legs and wish it were you I was kneeling for,” he whispers against the skin and feels the tremble his words bring.
With a wedding looming and Henry safe at his side for the night, Hans seeks a place between his best friend's thighs.
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
01 Mar 2025
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Summary
The young Lord Hans Capon had become quickly fond of the peasant blacksmith's boy thrust unwillingly into his service - not that he'd admit as much aloud.
A too-drunk night lost in the woods presents a complication that may change things forever.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 127,951
- Chapters:
- 51/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 1,963
- Kudos:
- 3,463
- Bookmarks:
- 563
- Hits:
- 118,830
Bookmarked by noideawhatsoever
27 Feb 2025