1 - 20 of 40 Works by problemsloth
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TG: u heard me
TG: that thing in ur loverboys belly? egg -
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Sometimes Dirk reminds you of someone else you once knew.
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After a mere eleven years of marriage, Caliborn comes to a stunning realization.
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won't abscond, bro by the meat machine (problemsloth) for Midnight_Disasters
Fandoms: Homestuck
02 Mar 2025
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There's plenty of perks to being a beta, really. Assloads of 'em. It's pretty much all perk, in your opinion.
But getting to stay cool as a cucumber when mating season rolls around and your stoic asshole of a brother goes out of his mind with rut? Yeah, that's the biggest perk of all.
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Betty Crocker™ brand products are delicious. Betty Crocker™ brand products are good for you. Betty Crocker™ brand products are all you need. Enjoy Betty Crocker™ brand products today! Enjoy Betty Crocker™ brand products forever. Never stop enjoying Betty Crocker™ brand products. Consume Betty Crocker™ brand products. Consume. Consume. Consume.
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Because some trolls consider the initial stages of nookworm infestation to be pleasurable, there is considerable trade in nookworms as self-pailing aids. Commercially sold nookworms are typically modified to render them incapable of parasitizing trolls. However, unmodified or improperly modified nookworms retain the ability to infest a troll's gene bladder and hijack their reproductive system. Because of this, recreational nookworm usage is the leading cause of nookworm infestations among trolls.
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Sollux acquires a reproductive parasite.
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how to fuck up a Mad Snacks Yo speedrun so bad you almost die for real by problemsloth
Fandoms: Homestuck
30 Jun 2024
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Here's where you went wrong: you thought your other self was too big of a pussy to ever say it.
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Two gods chillin' in a swimming pool, one inch apart because they're playing straight chicken.
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> Ultimate Dirk: Engage in father-daughter bon(d)ing activities. by the meat machine (problemsloth)
Fandoms: Homestuck
22 Apr 2024
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ROSEBOT: Incredible that when tasked with coming up with a suitable facsimile of genitalia for your dearest daughter, your response is to design her a massive, throbbing robo-phallus.
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DIRK: Oh. Nah. I don't do that shit.
JAKE: Do *what* shit??
DIRK: Sleep. -
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Either the good people of Earth C have no fuckin' clue what's supposed to go on a candy heart, or someone at the candy factory is an ironic genius of Striderian proportions.
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Dave comes home from school to find his Bro making out with a dude on the futon. At least two people are surprised by this.
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Caliborn always rigs his games. Dirk doesn't mind nearly as much as he should.
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As the eve of my master's birth draws near, the seed of him that has lain within me for eons grows feistier.
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i'd rather you not by the meat machine (problemsloth) for MermaidMayonnaise
Fandoms: Homestuck
09 Sep 2023
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Jake and Dirk have sex for the first time. It goes, uh... well, it goes.
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DAVESPRITE: what you humans always forget is that im not just dave
DAVESPRITE: im the crow too
DAVESPRITE: and thats what gives me the perspective to see you for what you really are
DAVESPRITE: which is so much carrion walkin around well past its expiration date -
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Some things are better left unfound.
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You are Dirk Strider's auto-responder, and there is exactly one person in the whole damn world who actually fucking likes you.
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Dave Strider is your bro. Not in any way people would have recognized in the before times, maybe. But his presence is all around you.
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Two haiku about Bats of the Republic.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 24
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 2
- Hits:
- 18