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hey dave do you ever think about laying my neck down in one of those deli counter meat slicers and going to town on it like a salami by the meat machine (problemsloth) for cmdonovann
Fandoms: Homestuck
31 Dec 2022
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"So. Decapitation as a sexual activity."
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The baby you brought home from the record shop ain't quite what you expected. You roll with it.
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In your dreams, you are that kinda sick.
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Houston, late 1980s: A boy makes some interesting discoveries about his sexuality.
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- Part 2 of lil buddy
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On a green moon somewhere in Paradox Space, a doomed version of Dirk Strider attempts to escape captivity, and an omniscient guardian presides over a highly amusing game.
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Drabbles written for Derse Week 2022.
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Two moms talk at a party.
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Houston, 1982: A boy practices flashstepping in his room.
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- Part 1 of lil buddy
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Bro and Arquius fight and then fuck. Against all odds, a good time is had by all.
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DIRK: Wondering how worried I should be about the psychosexual implications of the fact that my AI brain clone wants me to stage a porno for him.
AR: Please. You think you're the one I'm going to be looking at? Don't flatter yourself.
AR: Obviously I'm in it for Cal. Someone's got to keep you accountable. Make sure you're giving our best bro the tender loving he deserves. -
Household Diplomacy in the Sweet Bar and Hella Den by problemsloth for Overandout
Fandoms: Homestuck
12 Jun 2022
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Karkat is going to force Dirk and Dave to get their heads out of their nooks if it kills him.
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the nectar of the gods by the meat machine (problemsloth) for Anamorph_Marco
Fandoms: Homestuck
04 Jun 2022
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Dave discovers something interesting about Karkat's genetic material.
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There are no true firsts for you. Not anymore.
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When Dirk Strider shows up on your doorstep with his deadpan expression and that absurd puppet propped up on his shoulder, you know that you would be well within your rights to slam the door right in his face. You should, really.
Unfortunately, you're not the sort of man who goes around slamming doors in people's faces, no matter how much they deserve it. Or at least, that's the excuse you give yourself.
Now, if only he would tell you what he's actually doing here in Washington.
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Caliborn shares his writing with Dirk.
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> Ultimate Dirk: Go fuck yourself. by the meat machine (problemsloth)
Fandoms: Homestuck
07 Apr 2022
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In this work of fanfiction, presented for your reading pleasure on Archive of Our Own dot org (and I do mean pleasure, you sickos), I, Ultimate Dirk Strider, engage in assorted narcissistic debaucheries with my own hilariously awful alternate universe doppelganger. That's pretty much all there is to say on the matter.
Wait. Why is this tagged "Metanarrative Humiliation"?
... Shit.
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Ever since you were young, you've been plagued (OBEY) by strange anxieties, preoccupations that seem to arise out of nowhere from your subconscious mind (CONFORM TO SOCIAL ORDER). But really, wouldn't anyone be worried about the implications (CEASE REPRODUCTION) of the sudden reintroduction of the Mother Grub into troll culture?
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At Rose and Kanaya's absolute clusterfuck of a wedding, Dirk and Karkat bond over their shared antipathy towards all things trickster.
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In which Dave and Karkat buy some curtains and manage not to kill each other with them, barely.
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Murderbot's shoulders are tense. ART suggests a massage. It goes over about as well as you'd expect.