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Other Crabs Cannot Be Trusted by groovyphilia
Fandoms: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
27 Jun 2012
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Erik is a hermit crab and proud. He is also stalking a shore crab named Charles.
In which everybody in XMFC is a crab.
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Heinz Doofenshmirtz has always assumed he has no soulmate. Then he wakes up with a soulmark at age 41.
Perry the Platypus was born with a soulmark he had always assumed was for his owners. Then OWCA assigns him a nemesis.
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Perryshmirtz Week 2023, Day 5: Alternate UniverseSeries
- Part 5 of Perryshmirtz Week 2023
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,737
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 35
- Kudos:
- 387
- Bookmarks:
- 53
- Hits:
- 2,534
Bookmarked by revenblue
02 Oct 2023
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Bookmarker's Notes
Heinz Doofenshmirtz did not have a soulmate.
Most animals did not have soulmarks.
Perry was not most animals.
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Summary
A series of short stories featuring paradoxes, mad science, and troll science in Night Vale. Also kittens.
- Words:
- 2,632
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 63
Bookmarked by revenblue
13 Mar 2023
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Bookmarker's Notes
Carlos becomes a mad scientist. After all, Night Vale is a mad place.
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From a prompt:
Molly is infected with a genetic modifier that causes Sherlock to be extremely attracted to her pheromones.
She thinks this is groovy until he physically attaches himself to her and atrophies into a parasitic sack of gonads ready to impregnate her when her body is ripe.
No really, that's it. That's the plot.
Bookmarked by revenblue
09 Mar 2023
Bookmarker's Notes
How have I not bookmarked this already? The BBC Sherlock Anglerfish fic.
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Summary
When a ginger older man offers some oral pleasure in exchange for some cold hard cash, who are you to say no to that?
Bookmarked by revenblue
01 Feb 2023
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I cannot explain how or why this dirty bastard in the everything-stained bathrobe became a blorbo, but damn if this fic doesn't capture the exact appeal.
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Perry has taken some recent extra training and is feeling spry and confident. He doesn’t notice his increased strength until Heinz complains. Incessantly.
But Perry’s decision to placate him by kissing his wounds better leads to a routine his heart isn’t prepared for.
(In other words, a 5+1 fic about testing boundaries. Five times Perry tries to hide his feelings and the one time he doesn’t.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,245
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 23
- Kudos:
- 256
- Bookmarks:
- 20
- Hits:
- 1,603
Bookmarked by revenblue
03 Nov 2022
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Bookmarker's Notes
Perry decides to start kissing Heinz's injuries better. This goes... about as well as you'd expect.
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Say that you’ve been spending most days with someone for a long time. And you’ve always taken your relationship for exactly what it was, that being… complicated. But it's also so simple.
You’re still workshopping how to explain how you feel about him to other people, because it’s kind of difficult to explain.
Bookmarked by revenblue
14 Oct 2022
Bookmarker's Notes
Character study about what their relationship (nemesisship, friendship, etc) really means.
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Summary
When the interns at OWCA talk about The Academy, they do so in hushed whispers between coffee breaks. But what about the agents who've lived through it?
What do you do when the world made you into a killing machine, and you accidentally hurt someone you love?
(Or: Perry has a nightmare and Doof ends up with a couple bruises, leading Perry to struggle to trust his own paws.)
(Mentions of Perryshmirtz but I suppose this fic could be read either platonically or romantically, your choice.)
Bookmarked by revenblue
14 Oct 2022
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Bookmarker's Notes
You may leave The Academy, but The Academy never leaves you. This isn't a good thing.
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Summary
For Roger, most problems revolved around his brother. This one was no different.
What happens when half the buildings in Danville just happen to get turned into fog and everyone needs a place to sleep?
Roger is already at his wit's end with Heinz, and the night is just beginning. Except it doesn't go quite the way he imagined it would because Heinz may have forgotten to mention he has trouble sleeping at night, especially when a certain platypus is supposed to be with his owners.(Or: At two am, the screaming started, the fanfic.)
(And yes, there will be reconciliation. Why? Because they both deserve it. Also romantic Perryshmirtz. If that's not your thing, please just don't read. Thank you in advance.)Bookmarked by revenblue
14 Oct 2022
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Bookmarker's Notes
Roger comes to some realisations about his brother and their childhood, and chooses to prioritise repairing their relationship.
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Summary
Perry is a secret agent, and as so should be absolutely ready to handle anything the world could throw at him.
Right? Right??
But what happens when the world doesn't agree? What happens when things start to speed up just a bit too fast and years of secrets threaten to spill in one simple ingredient? What happens when they get close to nothing being the same again??
Luckily, he has one incredibly handsome scientist (who is an expert on things not going to plan) to help him figure it all out.
(Or: Perry is having a tough time with some new changes. Heinz is there for him. Also romantic Perryshmirtz. I am no longer apologizing for that so just skip away if it's not your thing.)
Bookmarked by revenblue
14 Oct 2022
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Bookmarker's Notes
It was not about the soap.
Perry's stressed, and Heinz is there to help.
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Perry and Peter are partners in ghost hunting. They have arrived at the house to scout it out and planned on returning the next day to get rid of the ghost, but ghosts don't wait for anyone.
Moved over from ff.net
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,713
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 5
- Kudos:
- 45
- Bookmarks:
- 6
- Hits:
- 639
Bookmarked by revenblue
13 Jun 2022
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Best horror fic I've ever read
and also one of the few human AUs I like.Tl;dr Heinz was always the lawn gnome, and lawn gnomes are for protection...
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Summary
“So, what’s keeping you up this late?” they asked. “Nightmares? A looming sense of regret and existential dread? Unfinished essays due tomorrow morning?”
“I‘m-” an extended yawn filled the air. “Sorry, -‘m pulling an all-nighter. My mind wouldn’t shut down yesterday- today? Figured I might as well get ready for tomorrow.”
Robot pulls an all-nighter when it can't fall asleep in time for its next episode. For the first time ever, this seems to help with its productivity.
Series
- Part 1 of Fixing the Dice
Bookmarked by revenblue
08 Mar 2022
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Bookmarker's Notes
Headcanons. Accepted. (Robot character study with worldbuilding.)
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When Life's a Musical, and the World's a Stage by Fanfiction_obsession for revenblue
Fandoms: Phineas and Ferb
31 Mar 2021
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Summary
Perryshmirtz- but it's a musical. Perry attempts professionalism and fails, Heinz is an excellent songwriter with a mysterious source of information, and Carl is an amazing friend who can smell bullshit a mile away.
Aka: Perryshmirtz: The Musical AU
Bookmarked by revenblue
13 Aug 2021
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Bookmarker's Notes
AU where Heinz's mid-life crisis is making a musical, rather than evil science with musical numbers.
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Summary
Everyone in his life guesses.
Everyone in his life is wrong.
Except for you.
(Or: Doofenshmirtz breaks and, despite always helping others, doesn't expect anyone to help him. Perry, of course, helps him. Also cuddles)
Bookmarked by revenblue
13 Aug 2021
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Bookmarker's Notes
So when everyone around Heinz breaks, he knows exactly what to do, no questions asked. He takes care of everyone, in the way that no one did him, without expecting anything back, but you know better. You know he breaks too. And on one of those particular weekends, you knew exactly what to do.
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Summary
That's an awfully big spider that's been living in their closet...
Gifted to revenblue as my "fairly long imo, weird af au".
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Family sticks together, no matter who's in it. by Fanfiction_obsession
Fandoms: Phineas and Ferb
24 Oct 2020
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Summary
Only one sentence can create such chaos in this found family: Mother is coming.
(Or: Heinz learns that sometimes the family you create, is better than the one you started with)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,865
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 12
- Kudos:
- 420
- Bookmarks:
- 42
- Hits:
- 2,620
Bookmarked by revenblue
24 Oct 2020
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Bookmarker's Notes
Heinz doesn't need his gene donors, he has an even better family he's built/found all by himself.
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Perry's been taking on far too many late night missions and overtime. At some point it'll catch up to him. But this Platypus refuses to stumble.
He doesn't realize somebody's there to catch him when he falls.
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When Heinz calls out "sick" for the third time this month, Perry is sent over to get to the bottom of it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,661
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 26
- Kudos:
- 361
- Bookmarks:
- 38
- Hits:
- 1,841
Bookmarked by revenblue
22 Oct 2020
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Bookmarker's Notes
Heinz takes a mental health day, Perry gets sent over anyway. They talk about feelings.
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Summary
Bradley has a serious accident. And annoyingly, he can't even blame Milo this time.
Bookmarked by revenblue
21 Oct 2020
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Bookmarker's Notes
Bradley learns to appreciate Milo. Just a little.
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Summary
Late at night and miles deep in high school teacher paperwork, sometimes Heinz Doofenshmirtz still has a backstory or two left in him. Thankfully Perry will always be there to listen.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,017
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 5
- Kudos:
- 163
- Bookmarks:
- 11
- Hits:
- 795
Bookmarked by revenblue
19 Oct 2020
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Bookmarker's Notes
Heinz backstorys about talking.