spiderclown
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“Okay, so, I really don’t think I’m who you think I am.”
Matthew just stares at him. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m not Alfred Jones,” he says. “I’m someone else. I don’t know why I’m here.”
His not-brother scrutinizes him, inspecting him for something. Lies, maybe, Alfred doesn’t know. Concerned, he asks, “Did you pass out again? I didn’t see anything on the news.”
“No, no, no, you don’t get it,” Alfred pleads. Matthew sits next to him on the couch, listening carefully. “I’m not that guy. I'm not some politician. My name is Alfred Bonnefoy-Kirkland, and last night I was in Massachusetts, and today I’m here, and I don't know why.”
Or, the very human Alfred Bonnefoy-Kirkland gets dropped into the Nationverse.
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It’s hard not to be patriotic in the DONI office, but it’s a fresh kind of patriotism. A kind that comes easily and leaves you feeling good. The kind she’d felt in the lead-up to last November, and which immediately left her body right after.
David had laughed when she told him that. “That’s just Alfred,” he’d said. “Newbies always feel a little high around him when they get started.”
Alfred, of course, being the person they refer to as The Boss despite the fact that his ID badge says he’s an intern. Alfred, of course, being the reason why this department exists in the first place. Alfred, of course, being… The United States of America personified in a human body.
For the sake of bullshit government efficiency, countless American federal workers are let go from their jobs in the summer of 2025. It was only a matter of time before the Department of National Identity was hit, as no one knows what they actually do. Who would have thought this would set off a chain reaction leading to the reveal of... immortal personified country people who walk among us.
Series
- Part 3 of The Department of National Identity
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“Now therefore thou art cursed from the Earth, which hath opened her mouth to receive thy brother’s blood from thine hand.”
Rising tensions between the United Kingdom and the United States have forced Alfred F. Jones between a rock and a hard place—the desire to stand his ground against his estranged father and save his brother from the man’s rule, and the fact that he really, really, really does not want to go to war with Canada.
Except it’s not really a war with Canada. It’s a war with England taking place in Canada, for the purpose of liberating Canada and protecting American sovereignty by expelling the British from North America once and for all. That’s all. It’s really quite simple.
Working in foreign affairs sure is hard when all of your correspondents are immediate family.
Updates regularly on Fridays
Series
- Part 3 of Alfred In The Lions' Den
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“You’re going to laugh, but I accidentally made a wish in front of a unicorn,” Arthur admits.
Francis grins smugly at him, “Ah, you forgot?”
“It’s not like I hang out with unicorns much anymore,” he grumbles. “Alfred has become younger. It is only temporary, but his freshest memories are of 1764. I had hoped to get it fixed before you arrived to spare us from any drama, but he will be here until Boxing Day.”
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"Are you familiar with the painting done by Michelangelo, The Creation of Adam?" Alfred had written to his Russian friend. "I look at a globe, and that is what I imagine when I see the fingers of Russian America reaching out towards you. I imagine those could be my fingers, and we could be separated only by the Bering Sea."
And Mr. Braginsky had said, "I would like that very much, Mr. Jones."
And the American government said, "SOLD!"
Recent series
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- Words:
- 48,696
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 12
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Summary
Colossians 3:21 - Following the Seven Years’ War, Alfred’s father returns suddenly after an extended absence with his long-lost brother, and takes them to England to meet the king.
A Study in Acclimation (Luke 15:32) - Matthew likes to take things slow, watching and waiting as the world passes him by. As war continually breaks out around him, he’s left wondering if a world where his family can coexist is even possible.
Genesis 4:11 - In 1812, the United States of America declares its first-ever "real" war. It just so happens that the war is against Alfred's father and brother.
- Words:
- 147,053
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 10
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A study on how each of our heroes copes with going home after their quest together.
Post-LU. Lots of talk about death, reincarnation, hope, and the nature of time. Up next: Wild!
- Words:
- 17,735
- Works:
- 5
- Bookmarks:
- 53
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- Words:
- 11,891
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 42
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bio iron dad what more can I say it’s what the people want. full of angst, fluff, and whump. this baby has it all
- Words:
- 55,159
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 135
Recent bookmarks
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The Third Option by Uncertainty_Principle
Fandoms: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
27 Jan 2020
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Summary
Homecoming AU.
Ben and May divorced before Peter’s parents died, so when Ben is murdered Peter goes into foster care. It takes just a tiny taste of superpowers for Peter to decide he doesn’t want to put up with his horrible foster father anymore—the streets are infinitely more appealing. All he wants is to be Spider-Man anyway.
So he leaves.
Simple.
Simple, that is, until Iron Man needs Spider-Man’s help. Peter isn’t about to turn down an opportunity to fight alongside Tony Freaking Stark, but he also isn’t going to let his hero know that his recruit is a fifteen-year-old homeless dropout. So they strike a deal. Peter will help Tony. In return, the mask stays on.
And that’s when things get complicated.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 220,959
- Chapters:
- 37/37
- Collections:
- 170
- Comments:
- 11,853
- Kudos:
- 59,108
- Bookmarks:
- 15,613
- Hits:
- 1,236,802
Bookmarked by spiderclown
15 Jun 2025
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Bookmarker's Notes
this was the first fic I ever read that had be CONSTANTLY refreshing for updates. it's SO good
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Mondays, am I right? by Bergen
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
02 Dec 2024
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Summary
“I finally saw the footage of Coney Island. What were you thinking?”
“I was thinking we probably wouldn’t crash. Actually I wasn’t, uh… you know how you sometimes just operate on that part of your brain that was, like, originally reserved for hunting woolly mammoths?”
“That’s an exceedingly verbose way to say ‘I was a fucking dumbass’.”
Peter laughs. He rolls his head to the side to smile at Tony. “You know, Mr. Stark. I thought you were gonna be way more upset about all this.”
“It’s been a long day,” Tony says.
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Or: Tony dealing with the plane crash on Coney Island for a whole Monday. Shouldn’t take long.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 31,533
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Comments:
- 298
- Kudos:
- 1,820
- Bookmarks:
- 330
- Hits:
- 17,506
Bookmarked by spiderclown
19 Jun 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
Tony gets stuck in a timeloop the day after the crash and hes a huge asshole and i love it
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the universe is not against you by seekrest, thesemovingparts
Fandoms: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
28 Mar 2021
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Summary
It’s not possible, not possible, not possible.
“Pete?”
It’s a breath of a thing, hopeful and scared and loud in Peter’s ringing ears. Because put all together, the location and the voice and the face, it feels like his feet have been sucked in by the earth and his lungs have been entirely removed from his body.
He’s looking at a dead man.
“Might be time to stop drinking, Parker,” he mutters to himself.
He’s looking at Tony Stark.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 58,813
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 940
- Kudos:
- 1,511
- Bookmarks:
- 440
- Hits:
- 26,499
Bookmarked by spiderclown
23 Jun 2025
Bookmarker's Tags:
Bookmarker's Notes
I cried. I’m still crying.
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can you hear me? by bstarship
Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
05 Apr 2020
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Summary
Peter has reason to believe that Tony Stark is still alive. A few reasons, actually.
And then the reasons become too much to ignore.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 43,050
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Collections:
- 7
- Comments:
- 301
- Kudos:
- 847
- Bookmarks:
- 200
- Hits:
- 12,000
Bookmarked by spiderclown
25 Jun 2025
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Bookmarker's Notes
This was like a horror movie and I wanted to cry at the end
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The King of Queens by E_Jay
Fandoms: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
23 Jan 2022
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Summary
It happens so gradually that it’s impossible to tell when it starts. His sandwich has been pre-paid. There’s a twenty-dollar bill stashed in his backpack. The elevator in his apartment is finally working.
Or;
Peter Parker’s identity is the worst-kept secret in Queens. Tony is only partially responsible.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 42,549
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Collections:
- 11
- Comments:
- 461
- Kudos:
- 4,547
- Bookmarks:
- 1,247
- Hits:
- 67,705
Bookmarked by spiderclown
28 Jun 2025
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Bookmarker's Notes
"Afterwards he accepted a position at Stark Industries, where his official title - printed on his welcome letter - was Guy in the Chair. Ned framed it." I started crying. this was so beautiful