Work Text:
“Kyle what the hell,” said Guy.
“My name isn’t Kyle it’s Guy,” said Kyle. He had never been more punchable than in that moment.
“No it’s not,” said Guy.
“Yes it is. I went down to a courthouse, filled out the form, paid the fine, and attended the hearing. My name is Guy Kyle Gardner because I wanted to be just like you, the greatest green lantern,” said Kyle. Kyle was a little shit.
“Where did you get the money to do that, you’re an artist?” asked Guy, who was slowly turning redder and redder.
“Batman gave it to me,” said Kyle. This was actually true. He had told this idea to Batman as a joke. Much to his surprise Batman had actually laughed. It sounded like a sick seal barking. Kyle had actually, legally changed his name because he was that committed to the aesthetic.
“I hate you, I really do,” said Guy.
“Aren’t you just hating yourself,” said Kyle. Guy chose to walk away for the first time in his life, if only not to give Kyle the satisfaction.
Unfortunately for everyone involved he ran into Hal, who was now Guy Hal Gardner. He had even had a wig.
“Get out of my way loser. I’m Guy Gardner, the best lantern ever,” said Hal. Hal had also legally changed his name. Batman hadn’t given him any money because he was just like that. He had saved money for months to do this. He and Kyle hadn’t coordinated this.
Guy actually punched Hal so hard that he died for a second, but Hal died the week before when he tripped over his own dirty laundry.
“Hey no one walks away from me, Guy Gardner,” yelled Kyle-Guy from down the hall.
“You’re a pansy,” said Hal-Guy.
“I’m going to kill you both,” said Guy-Guy. He did punch Hal-Guy again, but not hard enough to kill him because twice in three minutes was a lot even for him. Kyle-Guy escaped because he flew away though Guy-Guy chased after him.
While he was flying after Kyle-Guy Guy-Guy ran into John. John tried to speak, but Guy just flew past. It was for the best. John had heard about what the other Earth lanterns were doing and was going to make a joke about it. However, he hadn’t changed his name, he wasn’t an idiot.
Unfortunately for everyone in the surrounding area, Guy-Guy caught Kyle-Guy. Before he could beat the shit out of him Jessica tried to step in.
“Stop!” exclaimed Jessica.
“Stay out of it Jessica,” said Guy-Guy.
“My name isn’t Jessica,” said not Jessica.
“Don’t say it,” said Guy-Guy. He would explode.
“It’s Guy Gardner, punk,”said Jessica-Guy. Guy exploded.