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“You got me, detective. I am at your mercy. Do what you must. I need to learn my lesson.”
“Spencer, what the hell were you thinking?”
“You’re right, detective. What was I thinking? Please, help me see the error of my ways.”
“Cut the crap.”
“I need to do the time. I did the crime. The crime being I’m just too darn handsome. I need to pay my debt to society. Put me in the back of your squad car. Take me downtown. Bring me to justice.”
“Don’t think I won’t.”
“Better yet, instead of all the paperwork, how about you throw me in the back, drive us up to some makeout spot where all the teenagers go to neck and we rip into each other like feral werewolves. Or coyotes. Your choice. You read me my rights, wrap my knuckles, do whatever you have to to put me on the right path. I deserve it.”
“How about I throw you in the back, drive to the station, and then just leave you there?”
“Someone would let me out eventually. I’m like a puppy in a hot car. They can’t bear to leave me in there. But like, we can do that. It doesn’t sound as much fun as my option but hey, whatever wets your whistle.”
“I could always call your dad.”
“Flag on the play. Come on, man. I’m getting all sexy and stuff and you go in bringing my dad into this.”
“Lecture now, sexy times later.”
“Boo! Fine, I promise not to walk into anymore crime scenes with frozen yogurt. To be fair, I didn’t know there was going to be a dog there.”
“What happened with the dog?”
“Nothing. Nothing, what am I talking about? Who knows? What were we talking about, again?”
“I’m talking about how you burst into my crime scene, reeking havoc, touching evidence, and then chock the whole thing up to murder.”
“I do that once, maybe twice a month. This isn’t anything new for us. Get with the program.”
“How about you fall in line with the letter of the law?”
“That’s what I was trying to do. Come on, detective. Teach me a lesson.”
“I’m serious, Shawn.”
“I know. I get it. I really don’t, but for the sake of your ego, I get it. I promise my best to be honest and fair…”
“That’s the girl scout promise.”
“How do you know that?”
“How do you know that?”
“How about we forget all about this and you get in the car?”
“We’re talking about this later.”
“Of course we are, gumdrop.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Okay… Detective Gumdrop.”