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changbin, chan, and jisung were in the studio, working on songs, lyrics, and helping jisung through a mental health crisis. changbin felt warm again, it had been a week since the sleepover and he had somehow managed to convice chan that he was staying with hongjoong instead of the street.
"bin-hyung?" jisung called shakily, looking up from where he was innocently playing with his fingers.
"yes, sungie?" changbin put a soft smile onto his face, he remembered what chan had told him, jisung doesn't like it when he doesn't smile.
"can i stay with you tonight?" jisung asked, looking up at changbin with those damn eyes. changbin froze, he was screwed, chan would find out.
"uh-sung....i-i-" changbin was cut off by the younger who was practically begging at this point.
"please, hyungie, hongjoong-hyung wouldn't mind would he? i'd stay with you and borrow your clothes they-they-they wouldn't even have to feed me! just-just," jisung let a few tears run down his cheeks that chan quickly wiped, giving changbin a look, "just please, let me stay with you."
"i wish i could sungie, i would love to have you stay with me, but there's a problem." changbin sighed, running a hand through jisung's hair sadly, watching as the smaller started to break again.
"it has absolutely nothing to do with you, sungie. i promise." he whispered, pulling the smaller into his chest, comforting him like a little kid.
"cut the bullshit, changbin." chan said sternly from where he sat, he wasn't going to let changbin hurt jisung.
"hyung-" changbin started, getting cut off by an increasingly angry chan.
"no! you can't keep doing this, changbin! you can't-you can't build walls to protect yourself anymore! we care about you, and you fucking know it! let us care about you! tell us when you're having a bad day, let us hold you and wipe your tears like you are doing for sung!" chan shouted, tears pouring down his face,
"i know you aren't with hongjoong! i know that you're sleeping on the side of the road! but i thought-" chans voice broke and he got quieter again, barely a whisper, "i thought you would come to me, i thought you trusted me...but you don't you're going to put up with us for these next 5 and a half months, and then you're going to act like nothing fucking happened!"
changbin was silent, he watched as chan picked jisung up bridal style, through their bags on his back and walked out the door. changbin was silent.
chan knew. chan knew that he was sleeping on the streets...he-he wanted to make sure changbin trusted him, and changbin fucked it all up. changbin was aware, and he didn't know how to fix it. he wasn't sure he wanted to fix it...he wanted to...he wanted to let go. he wouldn't god no, after all he's already done to chan, and jisung, and surely their friends too.
no, he'd wait. he'd do exactly like chan said, he'd stay for the next 5 and a half months, and then he'd act like nothing happened.
he would forget about that night chan saved him.
he would forget about the soft feeling in his chest when he woke up to jeongin on his chest and minho laughing.
he would forget about jisung and felix laying in his arms, as if tatoonie was holding its two suns.
he would forget about it all.
and he did.
the next day, the duo returned, with the same chalky and rough atmosphere as that first day, and changbin did the same. changbin no longer tried to put a smile on for jisung, nor did he ensure chan that he was okay.
he let his face drop and his posture stiffen, he was back to who he was with his parents. he was scared, not mean and rough, someone who everyone was scared of. no, no he was the one who was scared, bullets of thoughts and memories bouncing around his brain.
"changbin, we need a low note for 3rd eye, can you do it?" jisung asked, snapping changbin out of his train of thoughts.
"have felix do it." changbin said quietly, "she has a nice low tone."
"okay." chan sighed, letting changbin go back to his thoughts.
' changbin was sitting on the swings at the park, tears streaming down his face. his dad had hit him again, he had gotten a b on his math test. he was proud, he had gotten an f last time, his back was still scarred from the belt whacks, nearly 15 years later. a b still wasn't good enough, changbin though his dad would hit him with the belt again, but he did.
that's when changbin came upon something he was still to this day trying to deny, that he would never be good enough for his dad.
he and wooyoung actually became that faithful night in first grade, wooyoung had found him crying on the swings, wooyoung swore...wooyoung swore from that day forwards, no one could hurt changbin under his watch. '
changbin had a headache, it felt like the world was spinning as he came back from the flashback, hearing jisung and chan talk to someone at the door, must've been food or something, changbin assumed, looking down at his notebook. he was suprised when he saw a few tears had fallen on the page, as he processed what he wrote.
it was about his dad, of course it didn't say that, but changbin knew, he knew what they were meant to be. he looked up as a to go container was slammed in front of him. he saw chan looking at his with harsh eyes, there was a glimmer of something else but changbin wasn't sure what it could be.
"thanks." changbin bowed softly, opening the box to see ramen. he felt jisung sit behind him on the couch, opening his own ramen. changbin took notice in the shakiness of the youngers hands but just looked down at his food, picking up the chopsticks.
about half way through the meal, changbin was contently listening to jisung and chan talk about their friends, how hyunjin, minho, and felix had just been accepted into the schools prestegious dance team. changbins heart filled with happiness for the three boys he barely knew, they deserved it more than anyone in his opinion, he had seen him dance before.
just as changbin was gaining the courage to own up to his mistake, to maybe, save the friendship before it was gone, he felt a burning hot liquid pouring down his back, he let out a scream, tears brimming in his eyes as he jumped away, unable to really comprehend anything happening around him.
' "AN F? YOU GOT AN F?" his father shouted as tiny little changbin stared down with tears in his eyes.
"answer me." changbin's father growled, grabbing the boys chin and looking him in the eyes.
"ye-ye-yes sir." changbin sobbed, yelling as his father dragged him into his room undoing his belt and throwing him over his lap.
"what letter in the alphabet is f, seo changbin?" his father asked, lifting up his shirt and rubbing the smooth skin.
"the- the- the- 6th s- s- sir." changbin shouted, tears pouring down his face.
"then you get 6 hits, if you behave that is." his father said, getting ready to whip his own son.
changbin screamed as he felt that scorching hot sting hit his entire back, his father told him to shut up, slapping his hand over the young boys mouth, but changbin couldn't help but scream into the hand.
changbin got whipped with a belt 13 times that night, he slept on his stomach every single night for three months before it stopped hurting to lay on it, even putting shirts on felt like hell for the small boy.'
it all had come rushing back as the ramen poured down the back of his shirt, and he knew that his scars were practically invisible, even more than those on his arms, it felt as if they were fresh, just like that day his father gave them to him.
"please, please, don't whip me more! it hurts!" he screamed, rushing into the corner startling chan and jisung. "please, appa! sir! sir! sir, i'm sorry, it won't happen again! please- it hurts!" he continued, yells turning into sobs as he pried his shirt off, rubbing his hands on his back.
"hyung- what-what do we do?" jisung asked, looking over to chan, watching as his hyung's eyes felt with guilt, regret, worry, and empathy all at once.
"get jaebum and jinyoung, now." chan commanded, watching as the squirell like boy ran out the door.
chan slowly approached the boy, leaning in front of him cautiously. "hey, binnie, can you hear me?" he asked softly, unsure on how to help the man.
"please, don't-don't whip me again." changbin sobbed, scratching at his back, causing chan to grab his hands.
"bin, it's me, it's channie-hyung. i'm not going to hurt you, no one is going to hurt you." chan said softly, holding the boys hands softly, watching as jaebum and jinyoung came running into the room, jisung, younghyun and jae shortly behind.
"what happened?" jaebum asked as jinyoung and younghyun went into mother hen mode, trying their best to coax the boy back into the present, or pass out.
"sungie accidently spilled ramen down his back, we were going to help him take his shirt off and cool down but he completely freaked out...he-he kept saying 'don't whip me, appa' and 'don't whip me, sir'... i think it's similar to how hyunsuk used to be before he found his boys..." chan commented, holding a panicked jisung in his arms.
"you don't mean..." jae trailed off, thinking back to how bad hyunsuk used to be before he found jihoon and his boys.
"you think he was abused as a child?" jaebum said. jinyoung taking a sharp inhale at the statement.
"yeah..." chan said sadly, he was so mean....changbin is probably terrified of him now.
"he passed out, do you know where his house is?" younghyun interrupted, picking the shorter up bridal style,, being careful of his back.
"he's homeless, let's take him to mine. sung, call minho and tell him what happened." chan incharged, taking changbin from younghyun easily.
"he's homeless?" jinyoung questioned sadly.
"refuses to let anyone help him, even his best friend." jisung said from where he was dialling minho's number.
changbin woke up on his stomach, a cool feeling on his back but a nice and warm comfort everywhere else. "what- where?" he mumbled to himself, trying to move his arms but feeling an all to fimilliar burn, letting out a whimper.
"chan-hyung! he's awake." changbin heard who he could've sworn was jeongin yell, wait chan? didn't chan hate him?
"how are you felling, changbin?" chan asked leaning down in front of the younger, watching as he squinted to see him.
"did i die? chan-hyung hates me." changbin mumbled groggily, squinting more.
"no, you're alive, changbin. and i don't hate you." chan smiled sadly, grabbing changbin's spectacles and placing them on his nose.
"huh...weird." changbin giggled softly, "thought i ruined everything...geuss not."
"no, no but when you feel better we need to talk." chan smiled, while it took a panic attack and chan yelling, (which he never does), changbin finally was really opening up.
"okie dokie." changbin giggled again, causing chan to smile wider, was changbin really this cute? "what happened?"
"sungie accidently poured really hot ramen on you, you freaked out and ended up passing out, i took you home after." chan explained, running a hand through changbin's hair.
"oh...you figured it out then?" changbin mumbled, groaning in ecstacy as chan rubbed burn gel on his back so he could move.
"yeah, i did. sungie did too, no one else knows, nor do they have to, but they are all quite concerned." chan explained, planting a soft kiss on the crown of the smallers head, watching as he eased into a relaxed state.
"really?" changbin asked, slowly working himself into a sitting position.
"oh yes! the 00 liners insisted on staying the night, minho and i just barely got them out for classes. minho took them out to lunch as a reward." chan smiled, handing changbin a glass of water and a pain killer.
"you and minho are a cute couple." changbin smiled, laughing loudly as chan spit out the water he was drinking.
"we-we aren't- we are- we-" chan fumbled nervously, eyes wide.
"oh ho ho, does channie-hyung have a crush?" changbin teased, a wide smile on his face.
"what about hyungs crush on minho-hyung?" jeongin asked walking into the room and pulling up a chair, as the eldest blushed furiously.
"hate you both." he groaned.
changbin had been staying with chan, minho, and jeongin for about three days now. he still felt weird, and unsure if he was saying the right thing, doing the right thing, but it felt nice. just like he had said at the sleep over it felt like, like a home.
"hey changbin?" minho called one morning as changbin sat at the kitchen counter writing lyrics.
"yeah, minho-hyung?" changbin said, covering his mouth as the hyung slipped out of his mouth.
"yeah, hyung, you brat," minho teased, ruffling changbin's hair, "anyways, i want a tattoo, where do you get yours done?"
"oh, uh, uhm born to be tattoo parlor! i'm close friends with the seven hyungs who own it! if i come with i can get you a discount, what are you getting?" changbin asked excitedly, smiling as soonie, one of minho's cats, jumped into his lap.
"oh, a snake on the side of my neck, i've wanted it for a long time." minho smiled sheepishly, putting a plate of bacon, toast, and eggs infront of changbin.
"any reason? or you just like it?" changbin asked, taking a bite of his breakfast/lunch.
"hmmm, personal reason, i'm sure you understand." minho explained, sitting across from changbin.
"of course, hyung." changbin smiled, "this is really good."
"why thank you, you know, if being a dancer fails, i've always wanted to be a chef." the elder laughed, "think i'd be any good?"
"you'd be amazing, you and lix could open a little resteraunt or something, if dancing fails, which is very unlikely." changbin reassured.
"oh, chan-hyung said he needs to talk to you, so may i pay my amends to your chan's therapy virginity." minho shook his head.
chan and changbin were sat in chans room, sat in an awkward silence. "sooooooooo, uhm, what's up?" changbin said.
"i'm sorry." chan and changbin spoke at the same time.
"no, let me go first." chan said, a soft smile on his face.
"i-i have dealt with this before, every single one of those boys that make fun of me and call me dad, they all have been so badly hurt, and i-i thought that you were different, i thought you were some suicidal jackass who didn't know how bad it hurt to act like you care and then get up and leave, but i was wrong, you know that feeling better than anyone, and its scarred you, both mentally and physically. i was wrong to jump to conclousions, and i'm sorry." chan said, rubbing changbin's knee.
"i'm sorry, for being so scared to trust you, and-and to let you care about me. it's just, ever since i was little, i-i've gotten nothing from pain letting people care about me, and-and-and it hurts." changbin finally let the wall break down, "and i can't do it, i can't let myself get hurt again, and i dont want to trust you, and end up hurt. i-i can't fully trust you, just yet."
chan pulled the smaller into his chest, rocking him back and forth as he sobbed, sobbed, and sobbed into his chest lovingly. "that's okay, binnie, that's okay. shhh, i'm right here. right here, i will always be here."
changbin hoped what he said was true.