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the black cat nudged jeongguk lightly on the leg. it wanted his lunch.
"please. just go away," he genuinely talked to it, and it understood. but it didnt leave, merely leaped onto the picnic bench jeongguk sat at alone and poked at his sandwich.
jeongguk got angry again for no reason, really. "piss off!" he used the hand he wasnt holding his banana milk with to push the cat away–maybe too harshly–the cat screamed and bit jeongguks hand. he yelped.
the cat jumped back onto the grass and ran off into the forest next to where they were. maybe he deserved it, he thought and lifted his hand to look at it.
his third metacarpal taunted him. aching bones in the cold air.
jeongguk went home before he could finish his sandwich, leaving it there. it was horrid and tasteless anyway.
he washed the wound and covered it up, just in case. the pain was searing and made his wrists twitch and fingers cramp but jeongguk tried to ignore it as he walked back out of the house, back to his sandwich. somehow, now, it didnt seem so bad.
but when he got there, his lunch was gone, and only the leaking carcass of his banana milk lay, squashed into the grass beside his spot. jeongguk stared in disbelief but sat back down to ponder what couldve happened.
he did that for a while.
jeongguk found the cats skull, clean, unhampered by the regrets of cat life, later on that day, deep in the forest it ran into. this was the third time, so the cat was a third of its way there.
/
"hi," hoseok sat down in front of jeongguk with his half eaten weekly panini. (weekly, as hoseok was hardly ever in, but his favourite day appeared to be thursday.)
"whatre you doing here? arent you supposed to be in hospital?" jeongguk asked but only got a head shake and a toothless pity smile. "really, hoseok,"
"doctors said i have peculiarly fast healing rates. they let me leave way early," the older said, wiggling his now healthy fingers, as if he wore a new fancy engagement ring, and poking his ribs.
hoseok was strange. he was tan, his smile was one that obviously hid chunky braces behind it, and his grades were really quite bad. but jeongguk thought he was fun, so he stayed.
"but you broke all of your fingers, and half of your ribs last week," hoseok hummed to show he knew what jeongguk was thinking.
the brunet wiped his mouth as he finished the panini, "i know. not complaining though," hoseok said, and jeongguk agreed before they threw away their rubbish.
jeongguk went to walk away, out of school, but was stopped by hoseok slapping his shoulder with a concerned look. "the hell are you doing, schools not even half over,"
"... oh. i thought it was over already," hoseok heard jeongguk whisper damn it under his breath. he knew there was something else, but didnt bother asking. there was always something else with jeongguk.
"alright fuckers," mr kim, a young man with perfect eyebrows, swept back hair and a scowl plastered onto his face said whilst he slammed his thick binder onto his desk. "time to learn something," he plonked himself onto his not quite big enough teachers chair.
whilst he spun around on his chair, he slowly narrowed his eyes. "at the back, you, ive never seen you before," the puffy cheeked boy with pink hair contrasting with long dark roots jumped, as he knew mr kim was talking about him.
"i-i-im new, i– sorry..." he stood up, and, with the screech of his chair, the class shuddered and looked back. mr kim gestured with his hand for him to sit down again.
"okay, so today... its... plant biology? i dont know, i didnt plan for this today," he scratched his head. a student with dirty blond hair in the front row raised his hand.
"yes sir, it should actually be plant anatomy," jeongguk, from a further back row, could tell that he smiled after he said this.
mr kim took in a large breath, and stayed still for what was, in jeongguks opinion, too long for the average human man. sir stared at his desk and made discomforting sounds. "fucks sake," he said as he made his way through his books to, presumably, the register.
jeongguk learned through the roll call that the pink hair boy behind him was named park jimin, and the smart ass from the front row was called kim taehyung. somehow, he hadnt known this until now.
he pushed his earbuds further in and slowly fell asleep, slumped over himself.
/
the puddles scattered under jeongguks feet, as he sprinted as quick as his legs allowed him to. through, under the tunnel and the train tracks, he resisted the overwhelming urge to open his eyes and glance back to whatever was following him.
he knew where to turn and when to take steps up. a frenzy. this happened often enough that jeongguk now remembered everything about the streets of downtown—the alleys. they were normally vacant.
jeongguk takes 'normally' with a grain of salt.
he turned the corner and as soon as he did, there was a collision. with a person, or a wall, or a dumpster, jeongguk didnt know, but he scrambled to get up off the wet ground. he had flipped onto his back with what–no, whoever he bashed into right beside him.
he could sooner grab their wrist than see who they were and ask if they were okay, so thats what he did. slipping slightly, he took the other figures forearm in his hand and sent for it, around the corner, into some gated area of the back alleys. most likely of a bar or a hotel. there was neon fluorescent light behind whatever brick building it was.
jeongguk used whatever force he had in him to jam the gate shut. he whipped his head around to who he collided with.
"kim taehyung?"
kim taehyung looked back at jeongguk. oh right, jeongguk was unknown.
"from school," jeongguk continued awkwardly. "what are you doing around here? at this time?"
kim taehyung didnt speak back and instead stared into jeongguks eyes with slight fear.
to be fair, jeongguk thought to himself, he was just flipped over, dragged into the back alley of a random establishment by an unknown man, and somehow the unknown man knows his name.
"how do you know me?" taehyung said.
"i-im in your school. my name is jeon jeongguk," taehyung thought for a while. he was sure hes heard that before. "you talked to mr kim about... plant biology a while ago,"
"plant anatomy," he cocked his eyebrow as if to say that he was sick of buffoons like jeongguk not knowing the difference between plant biology and plant anatomy. there was an exchange of knowing silence. both of them knew each other, but did not want to know each other, nor find out why they were here. jeongguk side-eyed no one.
"why were you out so late–"
"okay i think i have to go!" taehyung smiled widely and moved his eyebrows excessively far from his eyes. which were uneven, somehow. jeongguk didnt have time to really focus due to taehyung slithering past him and struggling to open the gate jeongguk had masterfully slammed shut. forever, most likely.
"yeah. i dont think thats going to open for you, kim taehyung," jeongguk said after kim taehyungs exasperatingly pathetic attempt at prying it open.
"stop calling me—" he kicked the gate with as much force he could muster, and it did, finally, spring open. "—kim taehyung," he panted, "its very annoying,"
"youre telling me..." jeongguk mumbled. he was admittedly out of breath as well but hid it a lot better than the other.
"goodbye. i was never here," the blond made guns out of his fingers as he pattered away. jeongguk walked home through the crowds that night. he couldnt shake the feeling of whatever it was still being there.
jeongguk didnt have any idea of what kim taehyung had done to him.
/
taehyung, in his home, made a face of distaste upon coming back to his senses and feeling the burn on his forearm. rolling up his sleeves as he put his keys onto the kitchen table, there was what looked like a hand shaped burn mark staining his skin.
he took in air through his teeth, running the red under freezing cold water. it was relieving but didnt last. it continued to itch and sting and just wouldnt stop fucking burning.
kim taehyung didnt sleep very well from then on.
/
jeongguk stepped out of the shower and shook his hands off. he looked at them. his fingertips wrinkled and fingernails soft. wiping himself off with his towel and tip toeing to get dressed, without words or sounds or anything other than quiet rain outside.
he raked his hands through his still wet hair, walked back into the bathroom, and upon seeing the steam covering the mirror, wiped it off with his palm. he was a little cold without a shirt on, but without drying his hair, it was uncomfortable.
the stubble above his lip had been bugging him since he noticed it that morning. but the razor...
he covered his jaw with cream and slowly, carefully took the razor in his hands after grappling with its packaging. he swiped it across his face and, afterwards, ran it under the tap. it started dripping so he had to quicken, and he did. moving up the ways he removed the shaving cream and slight shadow with the blade.
it was up until then, he hadnt noticed the build up of small hairs between the razor blades that the water wouldnt take with it, into the drain. he used his partly soft fingernails to try and drag them out but alas, no.
before thinking, before realising that his heart was almost beating out of his chest and his breathing was frantic, he used his thumb and pressed it into the edge, then moving it quickly across.
the sting and the shock was unbearable. jeongguk choked when he did it again. and again. further up his thumb the blade was moved across, until it was covered in the gold it wanted to see so badly. it dripped into the sink, quickly, drop by drop it slithered down the plug.
jeongguk could watch just up until it gushed down his wrist and branched out like lightening scars. sparkling fury.
he looked up into the mirror. his cheeks were wet with tears, red with frustration and blue with insomnia. jeongguk looked down again. his forearm and hand and fingers were clear again. pale again. rosy again.
the razor stayed in its package that night. jeongguk used tweezers for each and every hair. the gold bubbled.
/
"namjoon," hoseok wearily said, giving namjoon a look of pure fury. "dont," hoseok slowly went to grab the phone from his friends hands until he pulled away, to which hoseok snapped and they began to wrestle for it.
hoseoks friend from out of town, kim namjoon, was coming from way down south to stay with him over the summer. apparently another someone was going to travel up here too in a few days.
kim namjoon was tall and a bit older than both jeongguk and hoseok, though there wasnt a very noticable difference in age. he was only cocky because of his height and the fact he went to a private school. his hair was brown and he had cheek dimples most of the time... and could be described, some may say, as attractive.
but you didnt hear it from jeongguk.
right before the wrestling began, namjoon was pulling out his phone after saying he would show jeongguk embarrassing pictures of hoseok from summer camp three years ago. admittedly jeongguk was ecstatic that he would have more roasting material for hoseok but, if it was going to cost hoseok his good teeth he worked so hard for, he wasnt so up for it.
"really, i dont think this is necessary–" jeongguk started.
"jeongguk, say one word and i will drag you into it as well!!" hoseok yelled as he pushed namjoons head away from his own. and with that, jeongguk walked into hoseoks house for a cold drink.
/
the condensation dripped onto the wooden table. jeongguk was reminded of the dream–er, nightmare he had only a few nights ago, and the night before that, and the night before that. he stared at the droplets until they formed golden eyes that stared at him. into him. into his eyes, head, soul—
"ah, are you good?" jeongguk coughed, startled by something other the-the eyes... h-he swallowed and wiped off the sparkling yellow. it stayed on his thumb. that was a mistake. this was too familiar.
jeongguk couldnt spit out anything other than "s-sorry," before tripping on his way to the bathroom and rubbing his temple.
he scrubbed his hands for as long as he could, as hard as he could, before someone knocked on the bathroom door. "j-jeongguk, you constipated or something? youve been in there for over half an hour," it was hoseok on the other side.
this was okay. hoseok was okay. joengguk was okay. this was okay.
jeongguk apprehensively opened the door to look at hoseok. he had wore a face of worry.
"i... i got caught up in... something,"
hoseok laughed. "hah, what could you possibly..?" he trailed off when he read jeongguks face, then slowly moved his hand up to jeongguks shoulder and nodded; smiled a little.
hoseok and jeongguk had been friends for quite some time. honestly, he was lucky to have hoseok. because without him, jeongguk would have no one at all. hoseok always had quite a lot of other friends, he was an outgoing kid, but no matter what, they always understood eachother in a way no one else could.
but anyhow... the sun was setting and, apparently, everyone was having dinner outside, by a self made fire pit consisting of grass, paper, flammable scraps and some kind of suspicious liquid. it was quite a hefty pile. hoseoks parents always left their son and his friends to themselves after the evening, which made hoseoks place the best for sleepovers.
he and jeongguk walked outside to see namjoon and some blond kid sitting in two of the four plastic chairs by the... pile. the latter was completely still as namjoon explained what a hyperbole was.
"yoongi, youre not–" namjoon noticed the two of them stand behind the blond; yoongi. "hoseok! jeongguk!" he stretched his arms out and jeongguk smiled.
yoongi turned around to look at him as they both sat down. hoseok jumped suddenly. "oh, jeongguk, this is min yoongi, namjoons friend from out of town also," yoongi still stared at jeongguk in a way he couldnt understand.
he finally paid attention and snapped his eyes to focus. the stuff normally in his head stopped being in there and his breathing slowly crept up. a shiver up his spine.
jeongguk didnt know if it was the sleep deprivation or the chaos of gold condensation but min yoongi was unnaturally mesmerising. he wondered if he was dreaming because, somehow, the blond looked cloudy and blurred... or...–
he fainted.
/
from min yoongis face to black to his own face, jeongguks vision brought him to the bathroom again. with the razor and the stray hairs he had seen so many nights before. he couldnt help it. he couldnt help taking the razor and pressing it to his thumb. it leaked again.
jeongguk audibly gasped in his unconsciousness. it wasnt gold anymore. what poured out of his thumb was no longer the ichor of gods–it was blood. red, gushing from the deep slit between his fingerprint. red, in his vision and mouth and sink.
"jeongguk," someone called, opening the bathroom door. it was–!
/
min yoongis face was so close to jeongguks when he woke up that he almost fainted again. it was hoseoks voice that finally woke him up fully.
"are you alright?? jeongguk!" his worried face came into jeongguks vision. "you collapsed!!" jeongguk groaned and pushed himself off the grassy ground. he weakly grasped at hoseoks jumper.
wwaterr......wT eg rr plleas e
jeongguk didnt know if he said that out loud or not but either way, namjoon went into the house and came back with a glass of tepid water. he could hear a distant string quartet playing in the back of his head. deep in there... the nutcracker.
time passed after the other three boys helped jeongguk onto a chair. hoseok purposely edged his chair closer to him. a headache; he could feel one coming. they all tried to keep it down for the next half hour, and by then, jeongguk could join in on the conversation.
they decided to let the whole thing slide— namjoon and hoseok—for now, anyway.
/
a few hours of mindless chatter later, it was almost pitch black, so everyone headed inside. it was a bit of a tight squeeze into hoseoks bedroom, but it worked. hoseok and namjoon were in the double bed (very spaced out, as namjoon was uncomfortable with the human touch), so yoongi and jeongguk had to make up their own single beds on the carpeted floor out of a lot of blankets.
it was surprisingly comfortable though cold as it was edging into the winter months soon enough. they fell asleep quickly, minus the tiny jokes and bursts of giggles.
/
the mirror, the hairs, the blade. the sting, the red, the— yoongi. yoongi opened the bathroom door. his hair was flowing gold like the ichor that normally was inside jeongguks veins. he asked if jeongguk was okay. then looked him in the eyes with the unknowable thoughts behind his own. startling.
he walked slowly over to jeongguk and brought him into a weak hug. jeongguk froze.
/
he woke up immediately; into the dark he fell once again, but the presence beside him was gone. yoongi was gone.
/
jeongguk got up wearily and grabbed a pair of trousers, not knowing if they were his. he stumbled as sneakily as he could (not sneakily) and squinted to go down stairs and hopefully not slip and fall onto his ass.
he looked around but saw no sign of yoongi at all, until he looked out of the glass backdoor and caught sight of him sitting where he did earlier that evening. it was pitch black excluding the new, surprisingly high fire in front of him. all of the rubble from before was gone.
jeongguk fought with himself until he had to open the door and talk to the ethereal looking angel with the yellow tinted fire reflecting onto his face. he was completely still.
"yoongi?" jeongguk coughed.
yoongi wasnt startled but just looked at jeongguk. "hey jeongguk. whatre you doing up?" then he glanced up to the sky, "its four in the morning,"
he dead panned. "i could ask y–"
"sit with me. you cant sleep,"
yoongi motioned for jeongguk to sit beside him, and jeongguk did. it was silent until yoongi started talking. he said a lot about namjoon and hoseok, then jeongguk blurted out a question.
"how old are you?" jeongguk didnt know why but it was bugging him. couldnt pinpoint anything about this boy. yoongis eyes stayed on jeongguk while his lips stayed shut.
he didnt say anything.
"yoongi?"
"i-... seve... sixteen... i-im sixteen," he fucking finally moved his gaze away to the trees beyond hoseoks high wooden picket fence. he side eyed it as if he was in disbelief of what he just said.
"ah... im fifteen." jeongguk moved around in his chair while looking into the fire. yoongi gulped and there was silence.
jeongguk wanted to make it more comfortable for the both of them so he asked another question. "so where are you from?"
oh, that made it worse and you could tell by the exasperation on yoongis face. there was more silence. the fire heating up jeongguks face until it was a little unbearable.
he got up without warning but as he looked towards yoongi, yoongi looked back at him, worried. jeongguk flinched and sat back down.
"sorry... the fire..." he looked around. no one was here except for them. "i woke up so early, because ive been having a reoccurring dream- er.. nightmare for weeks. and i... i keep waking up in a sweat almost every night. i have to force myself to sleep and eat. ah, i- i-" jeongguks speech sped up and he couldnt control what he was saying. his breath wobbled.
"jeon jeongguk, is it raining for you too?" yoongi pressed his hand into jeongguks forearm.
jeongguk was taken aback but then realised what he was saying. "yeah," he smiled a little sadly and stared at into the roaring fire... "kind of," his leg began shaking. was it cold, or was he nervous? there was goosebumps on his bare skin.
"what are you afraid of," yoongi kept his hand on jeongguks arm for longer than anyone had before as he asked the question.
"i guess, i used to think i wasnt afraid of anything, i never used to think about things like that... but i think everythings catching up to me now," jeongguk could feel yoongi smile somehow. "what are you afraid of, then?"
yoongi dragged his hand away and chuckled quietly. he kept laughing with his fist in front of his mouth until he was doubled over in his chair shaking. you know, when youre laughing and no sound comes out, and it feels like youre choking?
he calmed down after a long while.
"oh jeongguk." he looked at the brown haired boy with slitted eyes and wrinkled cheeks. "if only you knew; if only you knew."
jeongguk gazed into the fire that had changed from the orange of before to a glowing gold that seemed to stream up into the pitch black sky. there were no stars. he wondered, was there ever a moon at all?
thats when the back door slid open with a soft bang. "what the hell?" the boys looked over and saw a half naked kim namjoon that couldve definitely been mistaken for that girl that climbs out of the tv and eats you or something. jeongguk didnt see the movie.
jeongguk squeaked as namjoon dragged them both by the collar back into the house. yoongi didnt seem to look back. actually... he didnt react at all. they got to the bedroom and stood there awkwardly.
namjoon said nothing as he stared into jeongguks eyes and clicked off the light.
/
when everyone woke up at an ungodly hour, they went out back once again.
"th-the pile... the pile is- the..." jeongguk stumbled as he saw the rubble of last night; the bottles, the paper, the last of the liquid. it was all there again. he looked to yoongi who looked back at him. they had different looks on their face.
/
jeongguk left after he hugged everyone, excluding yoongi. he felt too awkward with him, while namjoon welcomed jeongguk into his arms. surprisingly. jeongguk waved bye to everyone including hoseok, who then walked back into the house to presumably put on a shirt.
/
jeongguk took up a job at a local convenience store to keep his savings up. there was a kind of looming feeling almost every day he worked there. someone keeping an eye on him, but no matter how hard he looked around, no one was in the aisles or by the tills. irritating.
/
the automatic doors opened one night when jeongguk was covering another workers all night shift. he jerked his gaze to the left, startled by the sudden noise. no one else had entered the shop since about midnight, which was four hours ago. if jeongguk was to be truthful, he was about to abandon this night.
"you," a dirty blond man that looked around jeongguks age looked him in the eye. jeongguk lifted his eyebrows. "jeon jeongguk," he came up to jeongguks till.
even though this man looked aggressive and fairly unreasonable, he still felt the need to be polite. "may i help you—"
before he could finish, the customer swung with all his might at jeongguks face from over the counter. reacting purely on instinct jeongguk caught the mans wrist and twisted so that he held it with ease.
there was silence between them both before jeongguk realised who this was. "kim taehyung!" he let go of the other fist. his face was painted with confusion— no, surprise— no, rage. "why did you try to punch me?"
the boy was looking at his fist as if there was something very, very wrong. he looked between his hand and jeongguks own hand, which was held up defensively.
"what the fuck are you—?" taehyung hesitantly turned away and walked out of the store. jeongguk rubbed his palms together trying not to think about what just happened.
/
taking off his rubber bands and throwing them away, hoseok took the new ones and hooked them onto his already aching teeth. he looked around and listened but there was nothing. house was empty again, in the middle of the day no less.
his knuckles and ankles and knees and shoulders cracked as he walked and stretched at the same time. (it did not look graceful nor did it particularly work.)
he took his alone time seriously, and this was a rare occurrence of complete silence, giving him time to, you know. do the thing teenage boys do every so often. so so often.
jeongguk climbed through the front window and landed in a room cluttered with tables and chairs. not one of them matched. he looked for hoseok on the first floor then went upstairs. foot steps light as air, and held his bag steady.
the air from the front window blew through the house and swept the building of any heat it had beforehand.
the brunet clicked open what he remembered to be hoseoks bedroom. he walked in and he and hoseoks eyes met before jeongguk looked down and immediately up again.
"im just going to walk out, and come back in again. okay?" he said. hoseok nodded quickly. he left and after a few seconds, entered the room again. "whats up, hobi?"
hoseok was now sitting with his bed covers over himself. "not much... um, how the fuck did you get in here?"
"window was open. i did come in here to talk about something but it seems as though youre busy so i feel inclined to leave immediately,"
"if its not much trouble." hoseok shifted around. "bye now," his hands firmly held down the covers.
jeongguk smiled and waved goodbye. jesus christ why does this always happen... you break into someones house and every time you walk in theyre committing one of the seven deadly sins.
jeongguk went to climb back out of hoseoks window but found someone else having the same idea. jeongguk panicked a little bit and proceeded to yank the man through the window, close it, grab them by the collar and— kim namjoon. a terrified kim namjoon. jeongguk dropped him and he landed with a thump.
after a bit of a long talk in the mystery room of chairs, jeongguk got the full picture.
"run it by me again,"
namjoon sighed. "my parents caught me smoking, im grounded forever, so i thought id stay at hoseoks until im forgiven. which may be when i die by my fathers hand."
"do you happen to have any leftover—"
"—NO. I DONT."
"jesus christ alright, ill be taking my leave." jeongguk opened the window and hopped out. right before they escaped each others sight though, jeongguk popped his head through the window again. "by the way, hoseoks in his room. i dont think hes busy,"
"uh, thanks," jeongguk left with hardly contained glee.
/
namjoon called jeongguk an asshole, and a liar, and a useless motherfucker the next day. jeongguk blamed it on his family troubles, and not on the fact he led namjoon into a lasting traumatic memory.
/
jeongguk took the subway into the city, a place covered in grime and unfortunate souls bound by chain to the concrete. much to his despair he had to go, as he had grown out of the school uniform he had only owned for a few months. even though he didnt feel much taller.
his mp3 player had a gritty tone to it and the volume button was broken, so through his ear buds it sounded like it was very very far away. he stepped off the train, looking around at only a few people, which was weird, as it was midday and the weekend.
the underground was quite dark for day time, only muffled talking able to be heard. ever since a few years ago, when... it happened, people in the city just werent as open as before.
jeongguk walked towards the exit, but stopped with a screech of his shoes, when a violin had begun to play. down back where he came from.
perfectly tuned, haunting sound that kept picking up and up and louder and louder. like a skeleton was holding the bow and playing its own ribcage, whittling itself away with every swipe. jeongguks feet moved themselves, towards the symphony that came from only one instrument. the space was empty suddenly, except for one pink haired boy with a violin placed under his chin and its case..
his roots were gone, replaced with the pale pink, but he looked smaller, thinner and a lot less highly strung. the sound he produced resonated in jeongguks skull, almost cleared his mind completely, so much so that he was forced to shut his eyes and hunch over himself. his mp3 player no longer made any sound. ever again. just a heartbeat in his ears.
"are you alright, sir?" jeongguk flinched and opened his eyes. it was a middle aged women looked concerned. he looked around. no pink haired violinist, just the underground bustling with strangers, all with things to do and things to see. he looked around for a moment, then left to buy his new uniform once again.
he just couldnt recall that boys name, no matter how hard he tried for the next two days. nothing came up.
/
school started once again after what felt like the shortest summer holiday ever. jeongguk was still asleep as he stepped into his home room at 7:30 wearing a uniform a little too big. hoseok perked up as he felt a droopy hand on his shoulder.
"hoseok... i need you to slap me... in the face," jeongguk mumbled, swaying.
"man, you know i couldnt do that. especially not with people here,"
"then come with me,"
hoseok walked with jeongguks hand still on his shoulder, just outside the main building. it had a lot less people.
"come on. give it to me..!" he opened his arms.
"jeongguk, no matter how tired you are, im not going to slap you!"
"come onn... just think about that time i walked in on you feeling yourself up, or that time i made namjoon walk in on you feeling yourself up, or that time at the circus—"
"THAT WAS YOU?!"
"thats it! yes, it was all me! even all the shit that happened on your birthday two years ago—!" jeongguk finally felt that impact on his face that he had wanted, but it was harder than he thought it would be, had more force... holy shit...
"did you just fucking punch me??" jeongguk held his hand up softly to his cheek. he winced as it stung at his touch, realising he was crouching on the ground. he looked up at hoseok, who was no longer there; he already went back inside. the bell rang for every student to go to their first class of the day. he was sure as hell awake now. just in a different way than he thought.
he just went to his first class, then the next and the next until the end of the day, not knowing anything about the furious red mark on his cheek. he avoided eating and walking and talking to anyone, his jaw ached enough for him to forget about it all.
he got to his locker with as little movement as possible, grabbed his bag and turned around. he saw that boy—with the violin and the pink hair and the sounds that still rung through his own head.
he remembered once again the melody, cloudy yet so, so blinding. even if it hurt and burns to hear and behold, he needed to hear it again. he needed to hear his own heart pound in his head again.
"you!" jeongguk spoke loudly, it didnt hurt to talk as badly as he thought it would. though it still felt like he was doing something he wasnt supposed to be doing. he walked toward the boy with pink hair. the corridors had cleared by now.
the violinist look terrified.
"play—... play your violin. for me,"
the boy looked at him for a moment before flinching. "y-your cheek!" he got a bit closer and looked at him. in unwavering interest.
"o-okay..." jeongguk said after a good few seconds of silence, stepping back. "whatre you doing,"
"come with me," he said and spun around. he held onto the fabric on top of his backpack, and it scraped across the floor with each step. jeongguk followed him in bewilderment, until they got to the nurses office. jeongguk was about to say that he didnt need any help when the pink haired boy reached into his back pocket and pulled out a jumble of keys—what looked like twenty on one key ring;
jeongguk silently wondered how this boy remembered what each one unlocked. then he chose a golden one, which looked the newest of the bunch, though jagged and a little rusty still.
he pushed through into the room.
"how do you know that there was no nurse in today? and how do you have a key to the—"
he cut him off. "i am the nurse,"
"wh—"
"if you havent noticed already... this school is under funded by a few tens of thousands," he took a few things from a cabinet up high, having to hop on the tips of his toes to do so, after closing the office door tight. he froze a little. looked like he realised he fucked up in some way. "p-please! sit down..!"
"im really okay... my cheek doesnt hurt at all. in fact it doesnt hurt So Much that i forgot that i was even punched in the first place!" jeongguk lied through his teeth. he said all that, too, and still he sat down on one of the beds. it was in the corner, a tall window way above. it shone through, revealing the tiny dust particles that burst from the beds lining as jeongguk sat. he struggled greatly not to try and grab each and every speck.
"someone punched you?!" his hair bobbled as he turned around and quickly knelt down to look jeongguk in the eye. his hand glided towards jeongguks face, to cup it in a delicate way. like cotton. he did not touch the blood stained place. jeongguk looked at him with wide eyes. he side glanced, and immediately the other stopped staring and fiddled with the disinfectant. he got everything ready, while jeongguk tapped his foot, the restlessness growing. "this may sting,"
jeongguk closed his eyes quickly, then felt the amazing, stunning pain of the disinfectant being pushed into the wound. he swirled it, and left it there for a while. jeongguk kept his eyes sewn tight, his breathing apparent. the boy swiped something cushioned and perfectly smooth across his entire face, and then presumably left to throw the used products away.
jeongguk opened his eyes finally, and saw the violinist sitting in a stool that wasnt there before, admirable posture, watching. just watching. still as a painting; a painting of a pink haired violinist, smiling at an injured creature. he blinked.
"s-sorry, i was waiting for you to wake up. maybe i went overboard..." he hopped off the stool.
"what was that..?" jeongguk rubbed his forehead.
"nothing! were done now; follow me," he left. jeongguk looked to the left, at the sun, who was setting. he paused, but got up and scrambled to catch up to the shorter. he got to him just as he walked into the main hall, where the school held the assemblies and performances and such.
the swingy door into it held a strip of vertical glass. jeongguk could partly catch the reflection of his unblemished face in it just before it slammed into him. he trembled before following the other once again. the hall was obviously empty, silent and a little dark. jeongguk felt for the light switch but there wasnt one.
"what are we doing here?"
"i am going to play the violin. is that not what you asked me to do?"
jeongguks heart started pounding at the thought once again of the memory—fabricated or not—of the melody so entrancing. he could hardly see a thing, stumbling to a hazardous bench that lay in almost the middle of the huge room.
the violinist held a violin which seemingly appeared out of thin air at the boys command, and the bow, so familiar yet so distant seeming. a draft bloomed underneath them both, swirling as though a sea of light, uplifting.
the first note sounded. jeongguk looked up, his uniform billowing, he once again saw that figure. a skeleton destroying itself, a malefic thing. park jimin. his mind softened, dulcified.
the bow moved so slowly, carefully and gently. this was a different being. it would be foolish—if not impossible—to say that the violinist resembled even slightly the small, shaky boy of before. park jimin.
his vision went so blurry, so bright that he lost his mind and his heart. his hands and his eyes were stolen. taken so forcefully that it took his aback. he lost his mind.
jeongguk woke up again. his head spun. veins full of gold. of sparkling liquor, shimmering fucking ichor. his eyes focused. jimin sitting once again. watching.
"you pass out a lot, are you alright?" he got up and walked towards jeongguk, who furrowed his forehead in discomfort. jimin stood in front of him, looking down with a face that gave little away.
"park jimin." jeongguk looked up, into jimins eyes. "park jimin, park jimin, i— you fuck—"
jimin cupped jeongguks face again, this time it wasnt as caring, or as soft. not like cotton at all. he leant down quickly and pushed his lips into the brunets. jimin closed his eyes as he cut the other off.
jeongguks eyes widened at the touch of another being, warm and soft, so soft that he froze. jimin deepened the kiss as his tongue brushed against jeongguks bottom lip. the pink haired violinist could feel jeongguks cheeks heat up under his fingertips.
jimin pulled away and removed his hands from jeongguk. he looked at him. they made eye contact, but jeongguks vision grew clouded as he covered his mouth with the back of his hand. he looked down as he got up and walked as quickly as he could out of the hall. the slam of the door made jimin flinch.
he looked back to where jeongguk had sat. he left his bag there. it fell onto the floor.
/
jeongguk got to his house as quickly as he could. his mouth tingled with something unfamiliar. he had yet to decide if it was welcome or not.
he unlocked his front door to immediately go to his bathroom and look in the mirror. it compelled him like nothing else to see his cheek free from blood. free from bruising or marks. did hoseok ever hit him at all? he felt around where the red used to be but there was no trace.
he knew the blood inside of him was now golden. again he was cursed. park jimin, what had he done?
/
the dreams—they continue. merciless in their grace. dancing around his corpse, sparkling and twinkling, like stars they are immortal.
/
jeongguk opened his locker, his eyelids heavy. he took out the books he needed for the day and shut it again. he looked to his right and to his surprise—happy or not—park jimin stood where the locker door had blocked. a very small space, one which probably couldnt fit a human being.
"you forgot your bag, jeon jeongguk." jimin lifted up the bag he held.
"oh." jeongguk yanked it from the smaller. "i figured i forgot it somewhere," he turned around to walk to his class.
"j-jeongguk!" he stood still but stayed facing away. "im sorry. i— you dont— would you let me explain wh—" he stuttered.
"what is it that you would need to explain? i think that you did a pretty straightforward thing, park jimin." he didnt look back. jimin stood there for a while. maybe it was for the best.
/
"namjoon?" jeongguk was on his way home when he spotted namjoon standing outside a convenience store idly. when the tall boy saw jeongguk his face grew guilty. "why are—"
jeongguk got his answer as hoseok walked out of the building holding two cans of some kind caffeinated drink. their eyes met but jeongguk was the one to look away. his posture involuntarily worsened as he hunched. "oh, sorry,"
he left as neither of them said anything. only when jeongguk turned was out of sight, namjoon mumbled something. "what an ass," hoseok gulped.
jeongguk felt eyes on him everywhere he went. no one to go to, no one to be with. he thought he would like it this way but now that he was trapped, it didnt seem so good. like voices whispering—incoherent from the sky. looking down on him for a reason he couldnt understand.
he thought of min yoongi again. hadnt seen him since the sleepover they had. before everything grew mangled. he wondered if the conversation that they had even happened at all.
he went home to nothing again.
/
the hall was bright as the light shone through the windows, which were entirely too high on the walls. jeongguk heard his name quietly called from the benches at the side. he saw min yoongi sitting there. you could see the specks of dust in the air where the golden light went.
jeongguk sat next to him with his hands on his knees. tense.
"dont be afraid—" before jeongguk could react, the blonds eyes lightened until there was everything. everything in those things they call eyes. the everything grew to envelop the boys figure like liquid.
a rich fragrance surrounded them. it was terrifying. flowery and delicate and graceful but below that was an untouchable vessel of pure hatred. min yoongi. "i know you," he forced his hand onto the back of jeongguks neck. "and you think you know me,"
his eyes widened as the hands covered his upper body. ancient pigmentation. "i am you," the hands faded into him. the hall became nothing—or everything—not something. "arent you feeling listless,"
what jeongguk thought was min yoongi rose to be in front of him. he could tell, he knew it was the same boy. it just... he looked different. he felt his hands being lifted by the being in front of him. the being was beautiful, too perfect to be human.
yoongi held their hands in between them and let them interlock. "i feel the things you feel, think the things you think. we are the same. i— you dont have much time," jeongguk gripped the others hands.
"you—?!"
"i could make you afraid. i could destroy you. i will keep you afraid, if you dont do what you know you should," the after image slowly fell. jeongguk moved his gaze. "i know what you know. dont look away,"
his conscience imploded as his skin cracked. the gold leaked.
/
jeongguk went to the bathroom the next morning. ichor had ran down his cheeks and settled on the shirt he slept in. it had already dried and by the time he had scrubbed it off, his under eyes were scarred. blossoming fractures in his skin. in shock his eyes welled up and the gold appeared. it did not go away.
/
jeongguk sat outside of hoseoks house. looking around, it was obvious no one had been here for a long time. the grass was long and shrubbery jagged. thistles and weeds slowly growing. jeongguk had been waiting here for hours at a time, days had gone by. just waiting. something bubbling in his head, sediment swirling.
he noticed that they werent many people around. at least a lot less than there used to be. hoseoks front garden was closed off by a gated fence. it wouldnt be private if the plants werent so overgrown. jeongguk shifted around on the front door step. he leaned against the door with a thump.
"jeongguk?" a voice full of anger said. hoseok. "what the fuck?!"
"hoseok, where the hell have you been? ive waited here for days," jeongguk got up.
"i was helping namjoon out with his family, you fucking dick! why are you here?! we arent friends anymore!" jeongguk froze.
"i-i came to apologise—"
"i dont want to see you again, never mind talk to you." jeongguks jaw clenched. "just go..."
his mind clouded as he lay his hands on hoseoks neck and tightened. hoseok tried to separate them and scrambled to move but he couldnt, he was caught.
"wh-what happened to your face?!" jeongguk blinked and looked at hoseok, whose eyes were wide. his head was tripping up. his chest twisted.
/
i know you,
"help me,"
and you think you know me.
"everything is wrong,"
i am you.
"it was all you,"
arent you feeling listless?
"i dont feel it—i dont feel anything,"
we are the same; dont look away.
red. so much red.
/
"why did you take it from me?!"
take it? i only held it for a while.
"why did it happen twice? why to me?!"
i know that you know the answer.
"fucking give me the answer! i dont know! i cant!"
you grew comfortable in hatred, and it is only now catching up to you. it was always inside you. but now its too much to hide inside. you are but a vessel. you scarred us before you realised we are a mirror of your insides.
"—us?"
your outsides reveal your insides now. it was only a matter of time before you crumbled.
"you are wrong."
i am not. i am you.
"this is not who i am... it cant be,"
/
jeongguk clawed at his eyes, the voice of what he thought was min yoongi made him want to throw up. he knelt down on the ground with his eyes entangled in his hair.
park jimin. this was all his fault. jeongguk was used. he didnt do this... park jimin.
/
jeongguk waited until the end of the next day to talk to the root of this. he knew where that boys locker was and where he would be. there he was, putting things back into it.
something inside of him commanded the rest of him to do this; dragging the collar of jimins blazer back and using his other hand to bring them face to face. pressing his lips into the others. he shut his eyes and kept them shut as they both moved their lips together and closer they became. the taller moved so that his back leant on a locker and the shorter was leaning into him.
jimin felt a burning on his cheek and on his lips. not the burning of lust, but unbridled fire and untapped fury. is was deafening, as jeongguk deepened the kiss just as jimin did before. but as the kiss deepened so did the pain. before jimin knew it, he lost his consciousness.
jeongguk blinked as the boy he was kissing fell onto him, limp as though a corpse. he panicked and held him up, but looking at him he saw a darkening mark in the shape of a hand on the pink haired boys right cheek. he started to sweat as he swapped their positions so that the unconscious boy was slumped against the locker, sitting on the floor.
his lips looked charred as did the mark on his cheek. jeongguk resisted the urge to throw up again, putting a hand over his mouth like he did before. the smell...
what did he do?
the stains only grew. he was corrupted. overtaking him. jeongguk stood there, above this thing that was gone. it was gone. like the boy was never there, the only thing was the smell, still flowing.
jeongguk looked around but couldnt understand what happened. guilt.
dont feel bad,
"wh-what?!"
i was never alive. i was a manifestation of your insides.
"... jimin?"
i am you. you are me. your passion, your heart, your faith. you killed me, but i was never alive. you decide if the guilt is worth acting like none of this ever happened.
jeongguks breathing deepened. spiralling from the highest of high.
the things youve done, i didnt think they could ever be forgiven. youve forgiven yourself already. i can hear it inside my head. youre the lowest of the low—the worst you could possibly become.
"that—"
dont act like you dont know. i have your eyes. i have your mind. you know your worth.
"why me? why me..?!"
it will always be you. you were born to be torn apart and sewed back together. your ichor is your downfall.
"you fucking gave it to me!! you!"
it was always yours.
"fuck you,"
laughing resounded inside his head.
youre missing something.
"what? what am i missing?"
silence.
jeongguk felt like screaming and crying and— he looked at his hands, they were torn, his palms bruised and littered with lacerations that sprouted from the middle and reached around to his wrist. bones apparent. he was withering away.
the broken thing didnt know where to go. suddenly, nothing seemed real. how could he know what was happening, and what was his soul playing tricks with him? everything was changing. rapidly spreading to his surroundings. his own weaknesses painted the ground where he walked and affected everyone.
by now, no one was left to go to. namjoon wasnt coming back, his parents didnt forgive him; hoseok wasnt coming back... yoongi and jimin were never there—or they always were.
jeongguk went to the roof, compelled. the door was unlocked already. part of the roof wasnt fenced off, somehow. he sat there, legs dangling in the air. he looked at his torn hands again.
he kept his eyes on his hands when someone sat beside him.
"what did you do?" they asked him. jeongguk twitched and felt ill. he gulped and set his hands on his thighs. the wind grew a little stronger. "youre not really you, are you?"
he flinched at that and looked to see kim taehyung once again. his shirt sleeves were rolled up. jeongguk couldnt help but trail his eyes over the searing discolourations that covered his forearm and most of his hand. a deep laugh came from the marked boy. "you did this to me,"
jeongguk furrowed his eyebrows.
"and i really, really hate you for it!" his eyes infused with the red jeongguk craved as their pupils met. "but i cant—shouldnt do anything to you. even though i... i desperately want to... you look bad enough,"
tear welled up in his eyes. jeongguk couldnt process this. "it still hurts you know. still burns," he reached out to touch taehyungs arm again. his hand fit his wrist perfectly. jeongguk could see the others discomfort as he stretched out his arm.
jeongguk couldnt feel a thing when he pressed into the marks and they flowed through his deadened nerves. they sat on his forearm now, his skin tingled though that was the only feeling he had since those dreams first began.
jeongguk moved his hands over taehyungs fist and took more from him. the curse was lifted. he looked up so see taehyungs face stained with tears. clear tears. he forgot what those were like. the handover was carried out now. his debt... a small portion of it was repaid.
"i think im finished,"
taehyung blinked through the clouds that his eyes had succumbed when the brunet stood up slowly. the strength he had left was enough to stand up as well. "what do you mean?! you saved me," taehyung stood back as jeongguk stepped to the edge.
"theres nothing left here. im being blown away like dust," he faced away from the edge and his heels hung off the side. time slowed as his body tipped to throw him over the side. jeongguk felt a shaky hand on his now torn wrist. he grabbed taehyungs forearm.
they fell together. plunging to the ground, the lines bonded and they became one. when jeongguks mind rolled back into his skull he was angry. roiling. he hadnt died—or, he did, but he was awake and wary.
deprived of any senses he once had, consumed by an unstoppable force that led him to the end. taehyung spoke, he knew he did like the others before him, he just couldnt hear it, or feel it. he knew it.
an insurmountable amount of feelings welled up as the time went by. whether it be seconds, minutes, days or years. jeongguk had to wait for however long. it was eternity that was nothing. he flashed and could smell the mix of burning skin, lavender, delicate white compounded inside of his skin.
the gold liquor flowing drunkenly inside, tinges ringing over him. then, everything. those things they call eyes, yoongi, a face, or so he thought, until it spoke.
"do you understand now," jeongguk coughed up gold that trickled through the air. the thing used its hands to feel the rivets surrounding this boys eyes, this poor boy, cursed for the rest of time. "why it came to this?" jeongguk shook his head for one last time.
"you were born with the gold. you were chosen, whilst god had bled, face falling, they called out the words that transformed into yourself. you, the antique, are worthy of the millennium," this creature spoke so calmly as though it had done this hundreds of times and will continue to do this infinitely. "you are the god incarnate, the supreme angel of the ephemeral world. the empyreal embodiment of gold,"
"why," jeongguk cried, "why me?! what have i to give, anymore? you have taken everything from me!" he looked down at his old self which seemed to be false. he was see through now. "what kind of god suffers this way? and cries at the angels feet to forgive him, in such a pitiful way?!"
the angel looked down at the young man who was curled into himself as a dog would to die in silence. only this dog was not silent. it was wailing as yellow tears slowly mantled its muzzle. a muzzle bred for vanity and cruelty, for a strange place up here, where the sun shines so often. it was pitiful.
"to cry is to accept, lord," the angel kneeled and took jeongguks chin in its hand. "even if your face was sun washed stone, and bones cold obsidian, the blood of god is you. you, yourself let you become this thing. this thing you detest so strongly. do not be afraid. the firmament has waited for you for so long now,"
"i dont understand," jeongguk blinked as more shine coated his skin. he wiped it away again. "you think of me as you would a dog—"
the angel said nothing.
"—to keep me here and pretend as if i was chosen to be a god! of course i wasnt, do you expect me to believe you?!"
"i didnt have a choice, jeon jeongguk, you were born to be torn apart limb from limb and built back up for the rest of time, whether it bring pain or not,"
"... you turned him against me,"
"wh—"
"i fucking murdered my best friend! i killed him! i killed three other people! it was all my fault, it was!"
"those three people were you. they were beings of yourself, you know this,"
"jung hoseok...?!"
"he was a fervid mortal,"
jeongguks breathing started again for the first time in years, really. the angel blinked as he saw the young gods chest heave. in was painful, a stabbing pain with each breath, before the angel could say anything more, jeongguk stopped.
"j—!!"
there was nothing, and then everything, and then something again.
/
"hi," hoseok sat down in front of jeongguk with his half eaten weekly panini. (weekly, as hoseok was hardly ever in, but his favourite day appeared to be thursday.)
"what—" jeongguk froze. this was something. something again. it was different and new but familiar. "hoseok," he trembled as he jumped up and hugged jung hoseok as tight as he could. hoseok hugged him back even if he didnt understand why this was happening.
jeongguk could feel the ichor. he had the scars and the searing pain and the memories still—he was god. but now he was back, to the something. the eyes of angels were his own. the golden eyes, gurgling below. the golden god of forever.