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It had only been two years since Pearl and Xornoth first met, but they’ve been nearly inseparable ever since. They had sent countless letters back and forth, and they had taken every possible opportunity they could to visit each other. The frequency of their meetings only increased when Xornoth’s wings could consistently support his weight and Pearl got her first elytra.
Pearl was currently lying on the floor in the children’s library, despite no longer being a child. She was thirteen years old so she was old enough to access the main library unchaperoned if she desired, but she still found herself in this room more often than not. It was a nice change of pace from her bedroom and it was free of pestering adults. Much of the toys no longer interested her, but she still engaged with some of the books and board games that resided in the library.
Being the sole Moon child, she was the only one who frequented the library. That fact made it a quiet space to reside when her parents weren’t hosting events (meaning ushering her and the other children who attended the events to the children’s library) and she wasn’t quite ready to give that up yet. Pearl wasn’t a child, no, but she was still young. She had a lot of self-exploration and learning to do before her eighteenth birthday.
It was Helianthian royal tradition that, if deemed suitable for the throne, the current emperor’s heir would become the next emperor on their eighteenth birthday. To ensure she would be suitable when the time came, Pearl had to attend way too many classes about far too many topics. Every day attempted to expand her knowledge in geography, anatomy, trade, history, etiquette, self-defense, agriculture, need she go on?
Pearl couldn’t exactly complain, especially when many of the classes genuinely interested her, but she could only handle sitting at a desk for so long. She wanted to run, to play, to
spar!
She wanted to make the most of her childhood while she still had it.
Unfortunately, she couldn’t. At least, she couldn’t go outside and play at the moment. Why? Well, it was down pouring outside. The sound of the raindrops against the roof thumped loudly and thunder echoed throughout Gilded Helianthia. After sneaking out during a thunderstorm one too many times, Pearl had received an extensive list of what her punishment would be if she attempted to do so again.
Pearl couldn’t understand what the big deal was. They had lightning rods for a reason! It wasn’t like lightning would strike her down the second she stepped foot on the grass. Ignoring the lightning and the clapping of the thunder, it was only rain. What could a little rain do? Muddy her boots? Wash her hair for her?
It was all very silly to Pearl, but she obeyed anyway. Pearl loved her parents, even if they annoyed her sometimes. She was just insufferably bored.
It would be better if Xornoth was here. He and his twin brother, Scott, had their fourteenth birthday not too long ago. Xornoth had warned her that one’s fourteenth birthday was a big deal in Stagorism, the religion Rivendell was founded on, and that he might not be able to come to visit her for a bit because of it… not that he could even make it here in this weather.
Pearl groaned loudly as she pushed herself up from the library’s floor. The room wasn’t doing anything to entertain her so why was she still lying there? Maybe she could find something else more entertaining to do in the halls or one of the other rooms.
She brushed the wrinkles out of her dress’ skirt so it wouldn’t be hiked up unflatteringly. If she ran into her Mom, Dad, or tutors in the hallway, they wouldn’t approve of her disheveled appearance. Pearl ran her fingers through her brunette- and blonde-streaked hair in an attempt to comb it down before exiting the library.
What would having siblings be like? She assumed it would be much like her going out into the surrounding towns to play with the other children but in the castle with her. They would be like live-in playmates! If she had siblings, maybe she wouldn’t be so bored.
A lot of the other empires had only produced one heir for whatever reason or another. The only other royal families she knew who had more than one child or heir to the throne (within the direct bloodline, anyway) were the Magentas and the Majors.
Magenta was the family name of Grimland’s royalty. Gilded Helianthia, Mythland, and Grimland were a part of the Wither Rose Alliance so their families have met up plenty of times so Pearl knew them all fairly well. Joey, Mythland’s heir, certainly acted like an only child, if stereotypes from books she’d read were anything to go off of, and he was an only child so reflecting on him would be no help.
Fwhip, on the other hand, had a twin sister, Gem. Gem was often away at Crystal Cliffs Academy the majority of times Pearl had interacted with the Magentas (that had changed about two years ago now) so she hadn’t conversed with her as much, but Fwhip always talked positively about her and they seemed to get along when she did witness them interact. Pearl hoped to get to know Gem better; she seemed really cool.
Xornoth was a Major, and (obviously) she’s talked to him plenty of times. He complained about Scott a good amount, sometimes going as far as to say she’s lucky that she’s an only child. Other times, he would claim that he loved Scott more than anything and would burn the world down if someone hurt him. Hm.
On second thought, having siblings seemed complicated. Maybe it was better that she didn’t have any.
It just sucked that Xornoth was gone because of his birthday for so long. Her family had already sent both him and Scott something, as was customary between royal families as a sign of goodwill, but that wasn’t from her. She had no say in those gifts! The gift that was currently tucked neatly in a box underneath her bed was actually from her. Pearl hoped that Xornoth would enjoy it.
Pearl continued to wander mindlessly down the hall, still bored out of her mind. She didn’t stay bored long for the sound of quick knocks against glass pulled her out of her thoughts. Pearl turned her head toward the window only to blink at it in surprise. “Xornoth?”
“Pearl! Open the window!” Xornoth’s voice was muffled, but she could hear him clearly enough despite that. Even if she couldn’t, he was aggressively pointing to the lock that kept the window securely shut.
Xornoth was being pelted with rain, completely soaked to the bone. His long, purple hair stuck to his face and his clothes were visibly dripping. Had he flown all the way here? In this weather?
Pearl didn’t waste time unlatching the lock and pulling open the window. She quickly jumped back to allow Xornoth inside while also avoiding the rain that entered in with him. Once he was inside, she moved to close the window so the elements would stay outside where they belonged. “Not that I’m not excited to see you, but what the hell are you doing here?”
“I finally managed to slip away.” Xornoth ran a hand through his hair to get it out of his eyes and shook out his wings. “Just my luck that it was raining, but I didn’t want to stick around the castle any longer. Mother has been on my ass all week!”
Pearl squealed, holding up her arms in front of her face to shield herself from the water previously on Xornoth’s feathers. “Xornoth! You’re getting me all wet!”
“Sorry.” Xornoth flashed Pearl a sheepish smile, though she detected a hint of amusement in his eyes that betrayed his true feelings. “Do you have towels I can borrow?”
“My bathroom should have some clean ones. The maids were cleaning it last night after my bath.” Pearl jutted her head down the hall toward her bedroom before turning on her heel. Xornoth was well aware of where her bedroom was at this point, but she led him there anyway.
As they walked, they engaged in light banter and playful teasing, a familiar dynamic between them. Upon reaching Pearl's bedroom and entering the en suite, Xornoth was provided with the promised towels to dry off his hair and body.
“If you sit down on the floor, I’ll preen your wings,” Pearl offered, having done it many times before. He would often get some of his feathers twisted or grime stuck in his wings when they roughhoused outside so she learned how to do so properly early on in their friendship. “I would let you on the bed, but you’re still wet.”
Xornoth didn’t voice any complaints about sitting on the floor, though he did make a subtle remark about how he could barely be classified as wet now that he’d used the towels. As he settled down, he spread out his wings to make it easier for Pearl to access them.
Meanwhile, Pearl plopped down on her bed, allowing it to bounce her twice before she crawled over to sit behind Xornoth. With a gentle touch, she began carefully sifting through his damp wings, removing any dirt and straightening out any bent feathers. Some of the feathers were too bent to be salvaged so she removed them as swiftly and painlessly as she could.
“You have no idea how annoying fourteenth birthdays in Rivendell are!” Xornoth filled the silence that came with Pearl’s concentration with complaining. “And it’s so annoyingly gendered too! Like, Aeor forbid I want to do some of the girl customs over the boy customs. Some of them sound like so much more fun! Why am I restricted like this just because I wasn’t born a girl? I’d be the same fucking person no matter what parts I have. It’s so stupid.”
“Would you rather be a girl?” Pearl asked as the possibility entered her mind. She was taught about the concept of being a different gender than what people assumed one would be at birth when she was very young. The topic of transgender people had also come up in her classes and she knew some transgender people herself! It wasn’t a foreign concept to her and it certainly wasn’t taboo in Helianthian society. Gilded Helianthia prided itself on being diverse, after all. “Being a specific gender doesn’t mean you have to like certain things, but you seem to complain about being a boy a lot.”
Xornoth pursed his lips in thought, considering the concept. After several heartbeats, he shook his head to reject the idea. “I don’t think I’m a girl. Like, if someone called me one, I would be fine with it, I suppose, but I don’t think I
am
one.”
“Do you think you’re a boy then?” Pearl furrowed her eyebrows, trying to recall the spectrum of nonbinary genders she had studied. Xornoth gave a discontent hum, giving the impression that he was not really residing with “boy” either. Pearl continued when he didn’t elaborate, “It’s okay if not; there are other genders! Katherine’s renny, Noble Blair, is nonbinary, for example.”
“Elwyn is nonbinary too!” Xornoth recalled one of the servants who actively participated in a lot of his and Scott’s upbringing. “I asked them about it before because they wear a lot of dresses and call themself a lesbian, which I thought was just for girls when I was little. It isn’t, by the way! They said that they had a connection to femininity, but not in a gendered way, and that ‘nonbinary’ and ‘lesbian’ were simply the labels that best fit their experience.”
“I think I feel like that,” Pearl paused cleaning Xornoth’s wings in favor of tilting her head and squinting her eyes before continuing to speak, “but mine’s sort of in a ‘gender’ way. Sometimes I feel like a girl and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes it’s in the middle of the two. Do you feel like that?”
“I don’t think so? I just feel like me. None of the genders I know of fully fit. I’m just Xornoth, you know?” Xornoth leaned forward, pinning his knees down with his elbows as he rested his chin on his hands. “Is it possible to not have a gender?”
Pearl didn’t answer for several moments as she returned to preening Xornoth’s wings. She searched through her memory bank, wishing she had the book she was required to read for her anatomy lessons. There were several chapters dedicated to genders and biological sex, and how it differed among the various races. Her blue eyes lit up once she mentally located the correct term. “Agender! A person who lacks an internal sense of gender.”
“Agender,” Xornoth echoed as if he were trying the word out on his tongue. He glanced over his shoulder and gave Pearl a grin. “I think that’s me! Oh, I can’t wait to tell Scott.”
“Are you going to tell other people? Other than Scott, I mean.” Pearl inquired, wondering if she should keep it to herself or not. She also learned that not every transgender person wanted everyone to know until they were ready. “Do you want to use different pronouns? Or another name! Oh, we could look at baby name books and pick out a new one for you!”
Xornoth snorted at the suggestion of changing his name, quickly shaking his head. “No, I like my name. It’s a strong, powerful name! In elven, it means… ah, how do I translate it to common again? The heart’s fiery passion? I don’t think it has a direct translation, actually…”
He narrowed his eyes as he tried to think before flicking his hand in dismissal, giving up. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter. As for pronouns, I don’t really care? People can use whatever they feel like for me. I’m just going to live how I want, you know? Their perception of my gender doesn’t really matter to me, as long as they don’t prevent me from doing what I want to because of it like Mother and Father did.”
“That makes sense,” Pearl hummed softly, committing the information he gave her to memory. Xornoth was her best friend, after all! She wanted to do what she could to make him comfortable.
Before she could think of something else to say, Xornoth spoke again, “Do you think you’re a girl? Or nonbinary? You said you feel like both at different times.”
“I think I’m both,” Pearl settled, both feeling the most correct to describe her experiences with gender. “A nonbinary girl. By the way, I finished preening your wings.”
Xornoth thanked her, shaking out his wings a few times before turning around to face her properly. “Can you do that? Be a nonbinary girl? Is that a thing?”
“I don’t see why it wouldn’t be allowed.” Pearl shrugged, unbothered by the questioning. They were working things out and that meant lots of questions. It was to be expected. “Mom says that gender is a spectrum anyway. Dad told me that he had a friend growing up that was genderfluid. If they can change genders, I don’t see why I can’t be two or move between them.”
“That makes sense,” Xornoth mirrored Pearl’s response to him before letting out an annoyed huff as his mind moved away from their gender conversation and back to his birthday. “Now if only I could have told Mother I was agender! Maybe she would have let me do the traditions I wanted that way. Aeor would have been okay with me doing both or being able to pick which I wanted to do since I’m not a boy or a girl.”
The mention of Xornoth’s birthday sparked a recall within her about the present sitting underneath her bed. A smile grew wide on her face as she slid off the bed to her knees, bending down to reach the box. “I can’t change the past, but I do have a gift for you!”
“Your family already sent gifts,” Xornoth pointed out, mildly confused. “Mother and Father sat Scott and me down and made us write ‘thank you’ notes ‘til our wrists cramped.”
“That was from my family,” Pearl dismissed, pulling the box from under the bed and holding it out for Xornoth. “This is from me!”
Xornoth raised an eyebrow at her as the ends of his lips twitched up. He took the box from her and set it down on his lap. “You didn’t have to-”
“I wanted to,” Pearl interrupted before he could say much more. She was too eager to see how he would react! “Now open it!”
She didn’t have to ask him twice because he didn’t waste any more time to remove the box's lid. He looked inside and hesitated before pulling out the fabric. “What is it?”
“A dress!” Pearl gave him a nervous smile, hoping he liked what she picked out. “You always comment on my dresses, thinking they’re super pretty, and you mentioned that you would like to wear one at some point. None of my dresses can really fit you so I had to go to the shops to find one that would work with your wings. I didn’t find many options in your size that also fit what I was looking for. I know you like black, so I wanted to get you a black dress, which isn’t a super common color in Helianthian clothing, but I also wanted to include Gilded Helianthia’s official flower. It also happens to be my favorite flower because sunflowers are great and, uh.”
Something Pearl didn’t quite catch flashed in Xornoth’s eyes, but she assumed it was positive because he returned her smile. “Can I try it on now?”
“Yeah, of course!” Pearl nodded, using her bed to help her up to her feet. She held out her hand to help Xornoth to his feet as well. “You can change in the bathroom. I probably should have given it to you earlier so you wouldn't be forced to sit in damp clothes. I hadn’t expected you to show up so I forgot about it in my surprise. Hopefully you won’t get sick.”
“I’ll be fine,” Xornoth promised, not worried about it. He gathered the garment in his arms before making long strides to the en suite. Not wanting to waste any more time, Xornoth closed the door behind him and started to change.
Pearl busied herself as she waited, throwing away the preened feathers and moving the box the dress had been on to her nightstand. He still wasn’t out when she finished that, so she (impatiently) called through the door, “Xornoth? Are you almost done?”
“Yeah, I am! Just give me a second!” Xornoth responded, accompanied with lots of movement Pearl couldn’t quite make out. The sounds were muffled by the wooden door. “I’m brushing my hair now that it’s dry; I don’t want it to tangle. I’m almost done.”
“Okay,” Pearl accepted that answer. Before she found another task to do as she waited, the door to the en suite bathroom swung open. She turned toward the Xornoth and gasped in delight. “Xornoth, you’re beautiful!”
And beautiful he was! The dress had an asymmetrical neckline, sweeping down across his chest diagonally from his left shoulder to under the other arm. A black strap was seamlessly integrated into the dress, ensuring that the right side stayed perfectly positioned. The back of the dress was intentionally mostly open, leaving plenty of space for his wings to move comfortably. While the top of the dress remained purely black, except for the neckline which mirrored the skirt, the skirt section was adorned with multiple sunflowers and featured a high-low hemline. Xornoth’s purple hair, previously clumped with rainwater, had now dried and lay neatly on his shoulders.
“Of course I am,” Xornoth claimed confidently, but Pearl noticed the light blush that graced his cheeks at her compliment. “I’m always beautiful.”
Pearl giggled in response to that, jumping forward to grab his hand and bounce on her heels. “We’re both wearing dresses now! We match! Do you like it?”
Xornoth twisted his torso back and forth to get the skirt to swoosh without letting go of Pearl’s hands. He watched it move with an expression displaying his glee. He glanced up to meet her eyes, purple eyes bright. “I love it. I love you. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Pearl let go of his hands in favor of giving him a hug, warmth blossoming in her chest at his joy. Xornoth returned it, wrapping both his arms and wings around her. The contact was nice and she was proud that she made a good selection because she enjoyed seeing him smile. Xornoth’s unexpected presence had improved her day, and he was her best friend, so she had no problem replying, “I love you too.”