Archive of Our Own

Sonic stared at the camera on the bedside table. The glowing numbers on the digital clock beside it read: 3:27. The green glare gave the camera an eerie quality. He groaned, rolling over to face the wall.

Was it too much?

Was it not enough?

Would he like it?

With a huff Sonic sat up, the blanket pooling in his lap. He rubbed a hand down his face. He’d gotten maybe an hour of sleep. He just couldn’t settle. Maybe he should get Shadow something else. The camera was stupid. But what did Shadow like?

Coffee.

Shadow liked coffee.

But Sonic couldn’t just get him a bag of coffee beans. He knew nothing about coffee. What if he picked a bad brand? What if the quality was terrible and Shadow hated it? That would be worse than getting nothing! This was a mistake. Maybe he should just not even try. Getting a bad gift was so much worse. It was Shadow’s birthday. He deserved to be happy. And Sonic had no idea what actually made the dark hedgehog happy. Nothing he could give, surely.

He flopped back down, chest heavy and tight. He went from having one gift to no gift. And he’d spent so long in Station Square yesterday looking for the highest quality, but still small enough to carry anywhere, digital camera. There were a ton of professional grade cameras in the shop he’d eventually found this one in. And not only were they massive, Sonic couldn’t afford a single one. He’d barely been able to afford the one he did buy. But it hadn’t mattered to him yesterday. Because he’d found a light but decent quality camera. It had been perfect, rings be damned. But now he was second guessing his decision to do anything for Shadow’s birthday.

Shadow seemed like the type of guy who liked things simple. He probably wouldn’t appreciate Sonic making a big deal out of it anyway. He knew he hated when Tails did anything big for his birthday. Sometimes, with their lives, a nice slow day was all you really wanted.

But you couldn’t have a birthday without cake.

Sonic shot out of bed. He was halfway down the stairs before he had to stop again. What kind of cake did Shadow like? Did he even like cake? Sonic sighed and sat down heavily on the step. He stared down the carpeted stairs into the darkness. He could make a coffee cake. That was a thing, right? They kept coffee in the house for guests.

And Tails snuck some sometimes when he was working on stuff late. He thought Sonic didn’t know. He did.

Did they have flour? It was too early in the morning to go get flour if they didn’t. Chaos, he hoped they had flour. If they had none he just wouldn’t do it. It would be his sign that he shouldn’t make cake.

Sonic hopped the rest of the stairs and landed at the bottom without a sound. Tails was still sleeping, so he had to be quiet. After slipping inside the kitchen, Sonic flicked on the light. It was brighter than he’d anticipated and he had to screw his eyes shut with a hiss. It was pitch black outside; of course it was going to be bright. He was too frazzled to be that mad at himself for forgetting that fact. Sonic cracked open an eye and made his way over to the cabinets. He checked in the top cupboard that was designated for baking stuff. Sonic hadn’t baked in a while though…

There was a bag of flour inside. In date. Sonic let out a breath.

So he was doing this.

But should he find a recipe to follow or just wing it? He’d never made coffee cake before. The idea of searching up a recipe right now stressed him out though.

He’d wing it.

Maybe that was a mistake. He’d probably mess it up and it would taste terrible. But Sonic found that recipes were restrictive and could be confusing sometimes. And there were so many to scroll through; how would he know which one was actually good? There were too many factors, too many recipes. And he’d made a few disappointing recipes in the past that he’d found online.

Sonic sighed. After washing his hands and discarding his gloves, Sonic filled a saucepan with water and set it on the stove. Then he took out the bag of coffee and poured a bunch into a cup. How much was too much? He didn’t drink coffee, so he didn’t know. He thought half a mug was probably enough. He’d wait until the water came to a boil, then he’d lower the heat to let it simmer and tip the beans in.

While the water was boiling, Sonic took out two mixing bowls and started to gather ingredients. Self-raising flour, unsalted butter, eggs, baking powder, milk. He paused while picking the sugar. Would regular sugar do or would muscovado be better? After some debate, Sonic chose the muscovado. He thought the richer taste, as long as it was used sparingly, could add something. He just had to make sure not to make the cake too sweet; Shadow took his coffee black, so he probably didn’t like overly sweet things.

Sonic cracked three eggs and poured some milk into the first bowl. He eyeballed the amounts. Then he whisked them together, making sure to break the yolks. Then he put the butter in the second bowl with the sugar and mixed with the whisk until it looked fluffy. Then in went the flour and baking powder into the bowl with the liquids. Once that looked smooth, Sonic scrapped out the butter and sugar mixture into the other bowl. There was flour everywhere. And some of the milk had spilled. He’d deal with it later.

Should he have added actual coffee beans to the batter?

Shoot, maybe he should have.

After getting out the coffee again and dropping a handful into a mortar, Sonic remember the water. He checked it, saw it was boiling, and lowered the heat. The beans were dumped into the water and Sonic set about crushing the other coffee beans. He wasn’t satisfied until they were a fine powder. But Sonic had gone at them so aggressively and so quickly that there ended up being ground coffee all over the worktop when he was done. With the coffee brewing away behind him on the stove and the grounds covering everything with a fine dust, it was really starting to smell strong in the kitchen. Sonic paused to open a window. Then he stirred the coffee in the saucepan, watching the water disappear under a black cloud. Were they in there too long? Or should he leave them?

He left them.

The ground coffee was stirred into the cake batter. As an afterthought, Sonic threw in some cinnamon. He wasn’t even sure if it would come through with all the coffee but he panicked. Once the batter was looking well combined, Sonic took the coffee off the heat and strained it. He ended up burning himself and spilling some of the coffee because of course he did. Cursing under his breath, Sonic added it to the mixture. But then the batter was too soupy, so he had to add more flour.

Some frantic stirring later and there was batter all over the worktop and floor. Sonic stared around at the mess he’d made in despair. The cake needed to go into the oven. But it was already looking like a disaster. Sonic sat down at the dining table and just let his head fall against the tabletop with a thud.

What was the point in putting it in the oven? It was going to be awful anyway.

He sat there for maybe ten minutes before he eventually rose to get a cake pan. He buttered the pan, managing to get the butter everywhere too, and filled it with the batter. It smelled kind of ok but Sonic could only really smell the coffee. In the oven it went. Sonic didn’t bother setting a timer. He had no idea how long it had to bake. He just had to check in every now and then and hope it wouldn’t burn.

If it burned, he thought he might actually cry.

He paced for a while, unable to face the mess that was currently covering half the kitchen. Then he thought about the icing and had another little panic while he found another bowl. He was going to make a buttercream icing but half of the butter had ended up on the ground at some point. When had that happened? Sonic half groaned, half whined, and dug through the fridge for an alternative.

They had cream cheese. Cream cheese icing was always good. But did it go with coffee? Again, he didn’t know. There might have been just enough butter to make the icing but not much. There probably wasn’t going to be a lot of icing but maybe that was a good thing if Shadow didn’t like sweet. After tracking down the icing sugar and some vanilla extract, Sonic dumped it all into a new bowl and mixed it.

The he dropped the bowl frantically, dashing to the oven to check the cake. It still looked liquidy. Sonic closed the oven, relieved. He’d had a horrible feeling he’d let it burn. The damn thing was half cooked. Everything was fine.

Back to the icing. The bowl was on its side but Sonic managed to save most of the contents. Most. There was a splodge of cream cheese icing on the worktop.

He stared at the bowl for a moment. The colour just wasn’t Shadow. Sonic dug out some food colouring from the back of the baking cupboard. There was a red and a black. Sonic wanted to use both. He supposed he still had to write on the cake…

The cream cheese mixture was separated out into a bowl and a mug – he’d run out of bowls – and he  squeezed a few drops of the red into one and a lot more of the black into the other. After they were mixed, Sonic realised there wasn’t enough butter; the icing wasn’t thick enough. It might have been ok for the black, which he was going to use as the base. But the red was going to be a problem. He dumped a tad too much icing sugar into the red bowl to try and fix it. It thickened up slightly. Not much but enough.

“Uh… bro?”

Sonic snapped his head up.

It was probably the worst possible time for Tails to have woken up early. Sonic was hunched over a bowl of red icing, looking like a deer caught in headlights. The kitchen was a disaster zone. Flour, milk, cake batter, coffee grounds and icing on almost every surface. Sonic was at least 60% sure he was standing in butter too. Tails had paused in the doorway. His eyes were wide, clearly taking in the mess. Sonic felt his ears lower. He set down the bowl and straightened. His quills were bristling slightly.

“Hey…”

“Everything ok?” Tails asked slowly.

Sonic shifted in place.

“Yeah, I’m good,” he responded.

Tails narrowed his eyes. He didn’t believe him. Sonic probably wouldn’t have believed himself either.

“Are you sure?” Tails asked. “Not… stress baking or anything?”

“N-nope.”

His brother knew him too well. Sonic sometimes wished he didn’t. It would have been so much easier to lie to the fox if he couldn’t read him. Not that Sonic liked lying to the fox but he also didn’t like dumping his problems onto him either. Tails knew he was only messy in the kitchen when something was bothering him. And he hadn’t baked properly in a long time either. Both were a dead giveaway.

Sonic was a fairly tidy person ordinarily. Tails often called him a neat freak. Sonic insisted he was not a neat freak. And it was times like this that proved he wasn’t.

Because no matter how much the mess in the kitchen was killing him inside, Sonic hadn’t even attempted to clean it up. Because his mind was running faster than his legs and the idea of cleaning was just too much right now. He was trying to ignore the mess. The alternative just felt too overwhelming.

Flour was such a nightmare to clean up. And so was butter. And the brewed coffee might stain.

Tails dipped his head and retreated to the garage. He wouldn’t push it. Sonic appreciated that. The fox did call one last thing before he left him to it though.

“Just remember to breathe.”

Sonic blinked. He took a deep breath. He felt a little better.

He checked the cake again. With a knife this time, since the top was looking done. The knife came back clean so Sonic took the cake out of the oven and set it aside to cool. He sat down again and took Tails’ advice. Not just what he said but what was left unsaid. He meant he should relax, calm down. Whatever was bothering him wasn’t a big deal. And it probably wasn’t. Half of what Sonic worked himself up over wasn’t that big of a deal usually. Unless it was Eggman. Panic was never an overreaction when it came to Eggman. Never.

It was just hard sometimes. To breathe.

Maybe he’d still give Shadow the camera.

He’d already bought it. And Sonic had no use for the camera. If Shadow was going to throw it away or something, so be it. Sonic would rather give it to him than not even try. Not trying felt worse. He couldn’t believe he even considered that.

The cake would need a while to cool, so Sonic dashed upstairs to get the camera. Sonic had a handful of boxes stashed away that he usually used to give friends gifts. They were all folded up in his wardrobe. He’d run out of the smallest sized boxes, so the one he picked for the camera was a little too big. It would have to do. He pulled out a bigger one for the cake. His wrapping paper stash was empty – he’d forgotten to replace it – so he dug around in a box full of tissue paper instead. He found a length of black tissue paper and took the bundle downstairs.

After carefully wrapping the camera in the tissue paper and snipping off the excess with the kitchen scissors – he couldn’t find the regular ones – Sonic set it down and unfolded the small box. He tore a page out of an old notebook he didn’t use much and scribbled a quick note as an afterthought. He hated what he wrote. Sonic scrunched up the note and wrote a new one before tucking that in the box too and putting on the top.

He almost took the note back out again but he stopped himself. It was fine. Everything was fine.

Another deep breath and Sonic went to check the cake. He was impatient. The cake was still hot.

So Sonic went for a run instead. The sun still hadn’t risen yet. But it would be up soon; the sky was just starting to turn a pale grey-purple colour. Sonic was used to running in the dark though, so he had no problem dodging trees. He did have to run at a slightly slower pace though. A good run usually cleared his mind. He let his legs do the thinking, carrying him wherever they wanted to go.

He ended up in his favourite meadow after a loop around Station Square. The sun had just started to rise. Early dawn light flooded the meadow, dazzling Sonic with the rainbow under his feet. He breathed in the floral scent of numerous flowers and his shoulders loosened for the first time since yesterday. Sonic allowed himself a moment to be slow, to just stroll through the meadow. With a hand out, Sonic trailed his finger over the petals of a few of the flowers. He stopped dead at one in particular.

A yellow daffodil.

Did Shadow like flowers? Probably not.

Sonic wanted to give him a daffodil. The flower of March. The flower of respect.

But one flower by itself didn’t feel right either. Whether Shadow would appreciate the gesture or not, Sonic suddenly needed to give Shadow flowers. He just needed to. He gathered the flowers he wanted in a sort of daze. He had to leave the meadow, had to go further out to collect all the ones he needed. He picked them with intention but without even thinking at the same time. He didn’t really need to. They came to him.

Yellow daffodil to show Shadow he admired him. And also because it was his birth flower.

Purple gladiolus. Because Shadow was mysterious, strong, graceful. He was charming too, in a subtle kind of way where he didn’t even know it. Sonic was drawn into that mystery, the unknown adventure that was Shadow the Hedgehog, Ultimate Lifeform.

Red amaryllis. Pride. Shadow was quite possibly the proudest mobian Sonic knew. But Sonic was also super proud of Shadow for the choices he’d made to better himself.

He picked up some sage for wisdom and immortality. The immortality thing was self-explanatory. And Shadow prided himself on being knowledgeable. But wisdom wasn’t just knowledge. Wisdom came from experience, change and growth. Shadow had certainly earned that wisdom.

Lavender was included too because the dark hedgehog always smelled similar to the delicate flowers. Shadow gave off a calming scent that Sonic was obsessed with. Lavender just also happened to symbolise devotion. That was just a little plus for Sonic.

And then Sonic paused for a moment. Shadow wouldn’t understand any of what he was trying to say. It would all go over his head, be lost in translation. But Sonic didn’t care. Maybe that was ok. But, with that in mind, Sonic wanted to add a few more…

Blue forget-me-not for the obvious meaning. Sonic knew Shadow was probably worried about getting amnesia again. He couldn’t imagine how horrible it was to just forget who you were, what happened in your life, the people in your life. The forget-me-not felt important to include. And for love and loyalty. But Shadow wouldn’t know that.

A purple bittersweet could be used to symbolise truth. Sonic coming clean, so to speak. Because Sonic needed to tell him how he felt. It just felt like a herculean task to even go about telling him. So, even if he couldn’t say it himself, the flowers could say it for him. Even if Shadow didn’t know what the flowers meant. He probably wouldn’t. Sonic hoped he wouldn’t. Because it felt easier to give them to Shadow if he had no idea how important they were to Sonic.

Pink spring camellia was next, which quite literally meant “longing for you.” That one was self explanatory and quite possibly the most obvious flower Sonic included in the bouquet. He almost took it out when he thought too much about what it meant. He left it in, albeit hesitantly. Shadow wouldn’t know anyway.

And finally, a white freesia. Trust. Sonic had surprising difficulty with trust. But he felt like he could trust Shadow. He was always so honest. He knew the hedgehog would never lie to him about anything. When he was being annoying or stupid, he knew Shadow would call it like it was. He valued that honesty.

Sonic was very careful while he gathered them. He moved tactfully, keeping the elegant flowers out of the harsh winds he kicked up so that they would stay pretty. Each flower was picked with great care. Sonic found the prettiest flowers he could. Shadow deserved the best of the best. Even if he didn’t like them. Even if he threw them away. They needed to be perfect. Everything needed to be perfect.

Sonic carried his assembled bouquet back home. He grabbed the last of the black tissue paper and wrapped it around the bouquet to add a little flare. But something was missing. Sonic frowned. It needed something to tie it all together.

Tie…

Ribbon!

It took Sonic a while to find his red ribbon; it hadn’t been put back with the rest of his ribbons. He eventually found the pesky roll under his bed. It took him a moment to remember exactly why it had been there. He’d been wrapping a present for Tails around Christmas time and the fox had walked in. He’d had to kick the present, the wrapping paper, ribbon and scissors under the bed to protect the surprise. He’d never retrieved the ribbon or paper. Or the scissors; that explained where those had been. The wrapping paper wouldn’t have been any good for his purposes today anyway; it was covered in holly and bells, far too Christmasy.

Sonic cut off the ribbon at an angle and wrapped it around the stems of the flowers. Then he tied it into a bow. But the bow looked crooked so he had to re-do it. And then do it again. And again. The more times he had to re-tie the ribbon, the more he began to get frustrated, and the more he got frustrated, the worse the ribbon looked. Sonic huffed, covering his face with his hands.

Just remember to breathe.

But it had to look perfect.

Sonic tried to breathe through the frustration. This sort of stuff wouldn’t have bothered him any other day. But today, it was so very important to him. He just felt irritable and frantic and panicky. For no reason.

The cake was probably cool by now.

Sonic skittered off to the kitchen, hoping to take his mind off the bouquet for a few minutes. The cake was finally cool enough to decorate. The kitchen was still a nightmare. Sonic made a note to clean up after he dropped off the presents with Shadow.

He never put his gloves back on, He’d been so frazzled he hadn’t even noticed. So he washed his hands again.

Taking a spatula, Sonic scooped the black icing and began to spread it out along the top of the cake. He spent a long time just trying to make sure it was all smoothed out and even. Way too long. But once the black icing was up to his standards, he dumped the red icing into a silicone piping bag he’d borrowed from Vanilla. It had a thin, metal, plain piping tip. With a very careful hand, Sonic spelled out “Happy Birthday Shadow!” but the cake looked too plain. There was some icing left, so Sonic made some random swirl designs around the lettering. They came out better than he’d hoped.

After releasing a breath that he’d been holding for some reason, Sonic put the cake on a large plate and lowered it very carefully into the second, bigger box. Typically, birthday cakes had candles but not only would that be super dangerous in a white cardboard box, Sonic also didn’t have any. So, he had to forgo the candles.

He went back to tie the ribbon

Success! It looked much better this time.

Sonic ran back to the kitchen for his gloves. Then he stacked the box with the camera on top of the cake box and balanced the bouquet on the top. He had to be super careful not to drop anything. If so much as one flower fell on the floor, Sonic was liable to just give up entirely. He felt shaky as he left the house. That didn’t help much.

Shadow’s house wasn’t too far away. Sonic had been there once. But he never forgot the path to anything. He just needed to walk it once to know where he was going.

Every step seemed to get harder and harder. Was he making a mistake? Was all this too much? Chaos, he’d thought the camera was too much this morning and now he’d added a full cake an a wholehearted bouquet? What the hell was he thinking? This was a mistake. This was a mistake.

This was a mistake.

Shadow’s house came into view; the dark roof and walls, the drawn black curtains in the windows, the little dirt path up to the door. And Sonic’s heart just seemed to stop beating entirely. What little resolve he’d had left crumbled away, a mountain slide of doubt and anxiety replacing it.

What was going to happen? What was he expecting to happen?

Worst case scenario, Shadow would throw the cake in his face, dump the flowers on the ground and break the camera in half. Right. And that was fine. That was whatever. It wasn’t a big deal. He could do this.

He could do this…

Sonic set down the boxes. He rose his fist to knock on the black-painted door. There, his hand hovered as he hesitated. Swallowing thickly, his ears lowered considerably. Was his throat closing up? It felt like his throat was closing up. His knuckles barely grazed the door before he lowered his hand, defeated.

He couldn’t do it.

His whole body seized up. He’d passed a flower in the forest on his way to Shadow’s place. Suddenly, Sonic felt it really belonged in the bouquet. He’d probably plant a few in the garden later. So that every late spring, around Shadow’s birthday, the flowers would bloom and taunt him, reminding him just how big of a coward he was. Sonic dashed off, found that offending red flower and brought it back to the house. He slipped it inside the bouquet, angry with himself.

But he’d already put it all together. So Shadow was getting his gift no matter what. Sonic just… wouldn’t be the one delivering it anymore. Some anonymous, cowardly idiot was.

Sonic clenched his fist, feeling his claws slice through the palm of his hand. Resentment had dampened his anxiety but not fully covered it. His anxiety was the basis for his resentment after all, his anger. And it was all directed internally. Shadow was going to think he was an absolute coward. Not that he’d ever know who left everything anyway. But now he could never, ever tell Shadow either. Because if Shadow held any respect for him now, it would be gone once he told the dark hedgehog he chickened out like a wuss. A big, stupid, not-worthy-of-Shadow’s-time wuss.

Dejected, Sonic dragged his feet away. He couldn’t even bring himself to knock on the door and run. If Shadow didn’t leave his house today he wouldn’t even see it. How pathetic was he that he was so afraid to be caught?

The further he got away the faster Sonic moved. He was at a full on sprint by the time he reached the house. He had to skid to more of a jogging pace. With one fluid movement, Sonic swung open the door, slipped inside, and slammed it behind him. He let himself fall onto the settee miserably, face first. A door opened further in the house. Sonic groaned. He shouldn’t have slammed the stupid door.

“Bud?” Tails asked gently. “You ok?”

Sonic mumbled out a response into the cushion his face was pressed against. Even he wasn’t sure if it was a no or a yes. He heard Tails take a seat on the floor beside the settee. He couldn’t even face the fox. They stayed like that in silence for such a long time. Sonic hated silence. Don’t get him wrong, he liked a nice quiet nap or companionable silence on occasion. But this wasn’t that. This was that cloying, awkward silence where Tails didn’t know what to do and Sonic wanted to disappear. It was the worst and Sonic had no idea how to fix it. He wasn’t in the mood to fix it.

And the kitchen still needed to be cleaned! It needed a deep clean by now, since he’d left it all long enough to harden and settle and stain. He almost whined thinking about it. Tails had definitely seen it by now; he would have had to go through the kitchen to leave the garage. He really didn’t want to clean right now.

He groaned again, long, low, gloomy and frustrated. Could today just be over already? It was still morning and Sonic was done. He just wanted to curl up on the settee and stay there forever. Everything just felt like too much. Cleaning, moving, talking, existing.

Was it possible to hibernate in the height of spring?

Like he actually hibernated at all…

He certainly got sleepier around winter but most mobians – of the mobians who could  – didn’t hibernate anymore. It was an instinctive thing that was sort of phased out a long time ago. But it was still innate and he was sure he did when he was younger. It was too risky these days though. Because of Eggman, mostly. He needed to be awake to stop the mad man if he decided to attack after all. So even if he could hibernate in spring, it would be insanely dumb to do so just because he was embarrassed.

But insanely dumb seemed to be his middle name at the moment.

Sonic rolled slightly to face Tails. The fox held out his hand. Sonic took it.

“Breathe,” Tails said.

“I am,” Sonic muttered.

Tails squeezed his hand. Sonic’s hand was limp. He didn’t even bother to return the squeeze. He felt so shitty he couldn’t even pretend like he was ok. Tails sat patiently, just holding his hand and offering his presence. Why was this the thing that got to him so badly? Sonic had been stressed and anxious before – a lot – but he’d always been pretty good at masking. He didn’t have the energy today.

“What’s going on, huh?” the fox asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothin’,” Sonic huffed. “M’just bein’ stupid.”

“You’re not stupid, Sonic.”

He said nothing, just rolled his face back into the cushion. Tails didn’t let go of his hand. Even Tails must have known that was a lie. Of course he was stupid. Sonic knew he wasn’t the thickest book on the shelf; his brother didn’t have to lie to him. Shadow would agree. Oh, Shadow would agree alright. How did he ever think anything about today was a good idea?

Shadow hated him.

“I need to clean the kitchen,” Sonic groaned into the cushion.

It was definitely more audible this time. If only he could pull himself together to go do it.

“Already taken care of,” Tails said. “Don’t worry about it.”

Sonic was a terrible big brother. He’d left the kitchen a complete and utter mess after his catastrophic baking fiasco and he’d made Tails clean it up. It wasn’t the fox’s mess, he shouldn’t have had to deal with it. But Sonic had been so preoccupied that he’d taken time out of Tails’ day. The fox had probably been busy. Hell, he was probably busy when Sonic came home too. And now Tails was wasting his time here, with him, just because he was being pathetic.

He had to leave. Had to go somewhere else so that Tails could go back to doing whatever he wanted to be doing. His brother didn’t want to be sitting on the floor trying to comfort him. And Sonic didn’t want that comfort. He didn’t deserve it. There was no issue, just a stupid hedgehog being stupid. Whatever Tails was working on was far more important.

He told the fox he was going for a run. Tails looked like he wanted to protest. Sonic was gone before the fox opened his mouth.

Sonic spent probably two hours circling Central City. He’d been to Station Square a lot recently and he’d wanted a change of scenery. It hadn’t helped much. First he’d run down every street, every alley, covering the whole city. He knew the streets like the back of his hand and had relied more on muscle memory than sight to traverse the busy city. Civilians and cars were the only things he’d had to dodge, which were easy enough when you were used to running in cities. Then he’d stuck to the outside of the city, the forest to the east providing a little more challenge. The terrain was uneven and rough. He’d barely stopped. The sun was approaching its highest point when Sonic finally came to a breathless stop.

He could do with a nap now. And there was only one place he wanted to be. His favourite place in spring.

Within ten minutes, Sonic was searching around the meadow for the comfiest place to take his nap. There was a little spot by the hill where the tree’s branches cast a light, dapple-like shade. Sonic sat and took in the blinding colours all around him again. The thought of flowers sort of bummed him out today but their smell was so hypnotic and comforting. He took a deep breath, letting that floral scent flow into his lungs.

Sonic settled back, expertly dodging every flower in his way. Not a single flower was crushed. He rolled onto his side, still being mindful of the plant life around him. The ground was so familiar against his fur. Strangely soft but firm in a way only grassy ground could be. It was cool because of the grass but the earth underneath was gently warmed by the sun. It was the perfect balance and he loved it so much.

After a stretch, Sonic curled up. He shifted until he was comfortable. Then he fell asleep to the scent of daffodils and daisies.

Sometime later, Sonic’s ear twitched subtly. There was movement in the flowers around him. Something more substantial than just the wind was picking its way through the meadow. Sonic’s trained ear could tell the difference, especially when the breeze on his fur stayed at the same, gentle level. He took a deep breath, fur on end. He hadn’t yet determined whether the sound was a threat or not. It could have been a pocky. No, it sounded larger than that. And no motor or heavy step, so it wasn’t an Eggman robot.

And they were heading towards him.

There was a slight sound. Very quiet. Something metallic rubbing against the stem of a plant. It was so quiet that Sonic would have missed it if he hadn’t been listening so intently. He’d trained himself to notice even the most tiniest of sounds; a sound like that could be the difference between life and death. The metallic sound would have been cause for alarm, and it was briefly, but now the sound was closer he could hear it better. There was metal, yes, but the gait was definitely not robotic.

A mobian. One with metal soles on their shoes.

Did the universe hate him or something?

Sonic allowed his ear to flick a lot more obviously to warn the other that he’d been heard. He took his time to stretch before he sat up. He knew who it was and he wasn’t all that thrilled to see him. Not today. Sonic wanted nothing more than to avoid whatever this would be. He really didn’t have the energy today for a fight. He folded his legs and turned, offering the dark hedgehog a wave.

“Hey, Shads,” Sonic said, interrupted by a yawn. “Happy birthday.”

He’d tried to keep his tone light, nonchalant. Maybe if he didn’t piss him off he could leave this encounter without a single bruise. That would be refreshing for once.

Shadow’s face was impassive. Other than the crease in his brow that was always there, Shadow was as unreadable as ever. He always looked sort of moody. But that was his resting face. Sonic knew he couldn’t be angry all the time. He wondered absently if that was Shadow’s way of masking, like how he did with a smile? He wasn’t sure if that made them more alike or even more opposite than he’d thought.

“Someone dropped a cake and flowers off at my house this morning,” Shadow said.

Something in Sonic’s chest seemed to explode.

So why was he here? Why was Shadow telling him about that? Shadow didn’t talk to him about anything. Sonic had to fight to keep his quills from bristling. He couldn’t give anything away. Shadow didn’t need to know it was him.

“Oh, uh, really?” Sonic asked, hoping he sounded casual.

He did not.

Just remember to breathe.

That was pretty difficult right now. But he just had to keep reminding himself that Shadow didn’t know it was him. He couldn’t know. Because how the hell would he have figured that out? Sonic had left no clues. None that Shadow could pick up on. He didn’t think anyone other than Tails had ever even seen his handwriting.

He.

Didn’t.

Know.

“Yeah, it was strange,” Shadow said.

Don’t say something stupid. Don’t say something stupid.

“W-well, did it at least taste good?”

What the hell was that?! What type of question was that? He’d had one goal and he’d messed that up so horribly. Yeah, that sounded like a casual question alright. And the slight voice crack too? Oh, even better. He hadn’t even asked if it was the cake that tasted good. For all Shadow knew, he was asking about the fucking flowers!

He didn’t realise he was spastically tapping a finger against his leg at first. But when he became aware of it he almost laughed hysterically. He wanted out of this conversation.

Shadow shrugged noncommittally.

His explosive heart seemed to freeze mid-blast.

“O-oh…” Sonic mumbled. “What, um… what didn’t you like about it?”

What had he messed up now? Was it too sweet? Was the coffee taste too strong? Was it mushy? Dry? Grainy? What? What was it? He should have followed a recipe. Or made a cake he did know how to make. Or asked Vanilla, she always made such amazing cakes.

Or maybe he should have not gotten a Chaos damn cake at all.

“It was just ok,” Shadow said.

He shrugged again. Another bad sign.

Just ok didn’t mean ok. Just ok meant it was terrible but Shadow didn’t want to be too harsh. Which was strange. Shadow not wanting to be harsh? Who was he talking to right now?

“Not great.”

There it was. There it was.

Sonic rubbed his face so that he didn’t have to look at Shadow any more.

“I knew I should have asked Vanilla to make it,” he groaned.

Wait.

Fuck.

Fuck, did he just say that out loud? He did. Oh Chaos, he did.

Well done. He’d tried to avoid showing he’d had any involvement, then he just admitted it was him. How stupid was he? Screw the book analogy, he wasn’t a book. He was a fucking pamphlet about some brand no one cared about that you threw in the bin when you got home.

His whole body stiffened. He lowered his hand gradually. For just a second he managed to catch Shadow’s deep crimson eyes. Big mistake. Those eyes made his quills bristle in panic. They were so searching, so intense. Usually he loved that but right now it was horrifying. Sonic hopped to his feet, feeling his ears flatten. His breathing picked up. He had to get out of here. He had to leave. Now.

“I um…” Sonic mumbled. “I think Tails wa-wanted me for- I need to, um…”

Fuck coming up with an excuse. It wouldn’t matter anyway. It was much too late for excuses.

Sonic fled.

Just picked a direction and ran for his life like there was a pack of badniks behind him and he was a hoglet again. He felt like a hoglet again. Terrified and alone. Relying purely on instinct to get him out of the situation.

Sonic didn’t get far before something closed around his arm. Sonic was pulled to an immediate stop. A ripple of fear coursed through his body. He flicked his head around lightning-fast. He knew it was Shadow but part of him had still been expecting to see glowing red eyes surrounded by tinted blue metal behind him. He didn’t relax any when he saw for sure that it was the dark hedgehog though.

Shadow sighed.

“Chaos, I’m joking hedgehog,” he said. “The cake was good. I liked it.”

He… what?

Was he lying? He was lying, wasn’t he? Sonic though Shadow always spoke his mind. He’d been nothing but honest about what he was feeling since Sonic had met him.

“Y-you… you did?” Sonic asked hesitantly.

Sonic didn’t believe him. Had he misjudged the hedgehog? Was Shadow capable of lying to his face like this? And if so, why was he being weirdly nice? Was he just trying to get Sonic to confirm he’d made the cake before he mocked him? Was he that cruel? Sonic didn’t think he was but hell what did he know? He was an idiot.

“I suspected it might have been you,” Shadow said. “I was just trying to confirm.”

Sonic barely heard him. He was still processing the last thing he’d said.

“You liked it?” he asked again, a little spacy still.

He saw the crease in Shadow’s brow deepen. A real Shadow frown.

“Where did you get it from?” Shadow asked.

No mockery yet, But maybe he was trying to get him to say it before he launched into making fun of him. What if he lied? What if he said he got it from somewhere else? Some bakery in some city somewhere. He knew bakeries. Coming up with one was no biggie.

Until his brain went totally blank.

“It was, um…” he started shakily.

Come on! He could pick a bakery. He’d run by at least six in Central City only a few hours ago! He could do this. He just had to search through his brain for the name of one of them. Any of them.

For the love for Chaos, why was this so difficult?!

“That bakery by… uh… the one that…”

Shadow rose a brow at his floundering nonsense. Sonic sighed. It came out sort of like a whine, which was mortifying. Was he shaking? It felt like he was shaking.

“I didn’t buy it,” Sonic admitted. “I-I made it.”

Shadow looked surprised. Still no mockery yet though. Sonic tensed, waiting for the laugh. None came. Sonic didn’t understand. What was happening? Why did Shadow look… contemplative? Was he just trying to find an insult or something?

“You bake?” Shadow asked.

“N-not very well,” Sonic mumbled in response.

Huh. Nothing. Shadow just hummed.

“I beg to differ,” he said.

Sonic pulled his arm away from Shadow. Surprisingly, Shadow let him go. Sonic took several slow steps away from the dark hedgehog. He rubbed his arm, averting his eyes. Chaos, he probably looked so pathetic right now.

“You can tell me it was bad,” Sonic said. “I suck at baking.”

“I don’t think you do,” Shadow said.

He sounded sincere. So he really liked that crappy coffee cake he’d baked in a panic this morning? Sonic couldn’t believe the cake had come out good. After the mess in the kitchen, Sonic had no idea how that was possible. Tails often said his baking was really good. So did Vanilla and Cream. They were the only three who had ever even tasted his baking until Shadow. Cream and Vanilla were really nice and Tails was his brother. They’d definitely lie to protect his feelings. And Shadow wasn’t even supposed to know it was from him in the first place!

Even when Sonic had been aiming to give it to Shadow in person, he never planned to tell him where it came from. It was far too embarrassing. Plus, if it was bad, it would just be even worse knowing Shadow had hated it. It also opened the door for much more mockery than a store-bought or bakery cake. Because he’d put effort into it. Real, genuine effort. And that was sad.

“I liked the camera, thank you,” Shadow said suddenly.

Sonic blinked.

“I just thought it might help,” he said quietly. “I know you worry about losing your memories again and…”

Sonic paused. This was stupid.

“Well, a camera won’t fix that but… I thought maybe…”

Shadow cut him off, saving him from even more embarrassment.

“No, it was very thoughtful, thank you,” Shadow said.

Sonic fought back a smile.

A click. A flash.

Sonic flinched. He looked up at the dark hedgehog. In those gloved hands sat a camera. The exact camera he had bought for him yesterday and had almost not given him at all. Shadow had it pointed directly towards him. Chaos, he was smiling too…

“Can’t let myself forget who gave me the camera, can I?” Shadow asked playfully.

This wasn’t happening, right? He was dreaming. There was no way this interaction would ever go this smoothly in real life.

Maybe he’d actually fallen asleep properly earlier? Surely his run hadn’t worn him out that badly?

Either way, Sonic properly returned the smile. If it was a dream, might as well enjoy it.

“Did you have to take such a crappy one of me though?” he groaned

He hadn’t even been looking at the camera.

“Why?” Shadow asked. “I like it. I want to preserve that look on your face.”

Wait, what?

“H-huh?” Sonic asked eloquently.

“I might not see it again,” Shadow said.

Sonic had no idea what he was talking about.

“Wh-what look?” he asked.

Shadow didn’t respond.

“What look?” he asked again.

Sonic pouted, tilting his head to the side. Damn it, what look was he talking about? Had he pulled some weird face or something? Sonic had half a mind to tackle the grinning hedgehog – Chaos, that still felt so strange – and rip the camera from his hand just to figure out what he meant. And maybe to delete the picture. If it was embarrassing he couldn’t let Shadow have that sort of blackmail. Who knows what he’d do with it! He could get it printed a thousand times over and hand them out to all his friends. Or spread them around the cities or something.

“Did you know flowers have meaning?” Shadow asked.

Sonic practically choked on his own spit.

No.

No no no no no!

There was no way Shadow knew any of that stuff! Sonic wanted to throw up.

“Oh, Chaos…” he mumbled.

He hid his face behind hands. This was the worst thing that could have happened. The worst! His face felt so hot. This dream had just turned into a nightmare and now Sonic knew it was real. Maybe Shadow was saving his jokes for now? Because what was more laughable than a heartfelt gift and a homemade cake? A fucking bouquet that screamed “I love you and I think you’re awesome” tied with a Chaos damn bow!

“Admittedly, I had to ask Vanilla to explain it to me,” Shadow said.

Ah, that made sense. Sonic didn’t think Shadow was a flower person. Still didn’t make it any less horrifying. Did Shadow also get the idea that Sonic had sent them from Vanilla? Oh, why was he so close with the rabbits?

“An interesting way to confess, hedgehog,” Shadow said. “Especially if you don’t know if the recipient will even recognise it for what it is.”

A whine escaped Sonic’s throat. Damn it, couldn’t stop that one.

“You weren’t supposed to,” Sonic groaned into his hands.

Shadow laughed. Honest to Chaos laughed. Sonic snapped his head up so fast he almost gave himself whiplash. He’d never heard Shadow laugh in a not mocking way before. The dark hedgehog’s laugh was enchanting. Sort of deep and rumbly. Like thunder. Delightful, gorgeous thunder. And his smile really lit up his face. It made him look so handsome.

“Well, if you’re serious…” Shadow trailed off.

Sonic’s ears perked up. He leaned forward slightly.

“I don’t mind seeing where this goes.”

Sonic widened his eyes. Shadow wanted to… to…

He couldn’t even think the word, it was so foreign to him. But did he really want to? Sonic had like-liked Shadow for such a long time. He’d tried telling the dark hedgehog once before, after an Eggman attack, but… well, the words just wouldn’t come. And when the words wouldn’t come, Sonic hated to be around people. So he’d just left instead.

But what if Shadow was just messing with him? What if he didn’t really mean it and this was some elaborate joke?

What if this was just a dream?

“You’re fucking with me,” Sonic choked out.

Shadow started slightly. The dark hedgehog blinked. Then he looked Sonic dead in the eyes. Sonic found he couldn’t look away this time.

“I’m not,” the dark hedgehog insisted.

Sonic dashed off into the flowers.

A mixture of confusing emotions swirled inside his chest. Terror, elation, relief, some more terror. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He wanted to run to the other side of the planet. But he also didn’t want to leave. He spun around on his heel and launched himself at Shadow, catching him around his chest. They fell together, rolling a few times in the colourful flowers. A petal grazed his ear and Sonic flicked it back. He nuzzled his face into Shadow’s neck. Shadow didn’t just smell kind of like lavender, he smelled exactly like lavender.

Sonic felt like he couldn’t breathe. His eyes started to sting but he didn’t know why. A strange sound was building in his throat. And his throat felt like it was closing up. Air escaped easier than it went in. Damn it, why were his eyes burning? Sonic fought against the strangely familiar but unwelcome reaction. He couldn’t place it but he knew he didn’t want it.

So he tried to force it away, like he always did. But the feeling was fighting back, struggling to surface.

Everything shifted for a moment. Sonic clung tighter to Shadow, afraid if he let go he’d wake up from whatever nightmare-dream he was in. He was suddenly upright instead of sideways.

“Sonic.”

He heard Shadow’s voice reverberate from deep in his throat. Hands found his cheeks. Sonic flinched and turned his head away. He tried to curl closer to Shadow, hoping to hide his face.

“Sonic?”

Shadow pulled Sonic’s hands from him. He was so much stronger than Sonic was. Sonic relied more on his speed and agility but Shadow had much more strength. That’s why he gave him the gladiolus. Those hands found his shoulders next. He was being pushed away. Sonic allowed himself to be rolled off the dark hedgehog. He made himself into a ball and bounced away.

He just did what Amy did to him all the time. Why had he done it? Damn, he was stupid. If Sonic hated that, Shadow most definitely did.

Was he coming on too strong? Did he just ruin everything?

Damn it, his stupid eyes!

Sonic scrubbed his fists over his eyes and face, violently wiping away what he now realised were tears. Tears. He was crying. He was crying in front of the one mobian he cared about as much as Tails. The one mobian whose opinion he cared so deeply about besides his brother’s. The one mobian who could probably kill him with his words. The mobian who had made him cry and he had no idea why.

Those same hands gently tugged his hands away from his face this time. Strong arms encircled him, pulled him close. He could hear the steady beat of Shadow’s chest and for some reason that made him feel worse. Sonic felt the tears finally slip between his eyelids and crawl down his face. Shadow felt so warm. And his chest was fluffy.

“It’s ok, Sonic,” he heard Shadow whisper.

He tried to say something. To pull away and say he was fine. But he whined instead.

Something brushed the fur between his ears and Sonic recoiled. His quills stiffened again. No, absolutely not, he did not like that feeling. The second stroke ran all the way through his quills. He hated it, he wanted it to stop. Another one lightly brushed back his fur and quills again and Sonic found himself relaxing slightly. Huh. Maybe…

Maybe he did like that actually.

He’d never felt this strange feeling before. Someone running their hands through his quills. It felt odd and weird and wrong. Except maybe not wrong. But definitely weird. Maybe a good weird, a good odd. A soothing kind of weird…

“It’s ok.”

Just remember to breathe.

Breathe. Right.

Sonic took a deep breath. When it left him it was shaky. He took another. Less shaky. Progress. If Shadow kept up that strange, rhythmic stroking feeling he might be able to pull himself together. But his pride was effectively ruined.

“It’s ok,” Shadow said once more.

Sonic’s breathing had finally evened out somewhat. Now was his turn to push Shadow away. But he didn’t want him to go too far either. He pushed just enough to pull himself from Shadow’s chest. He swiped a hand over his eyes again irritably. His face still felt annoyingly wet.

“Sorry,” Sonic muttered.

Shadow sighed. Uh oh. Now had he done something wrong?

Shadow took his hands in his own and gave them a little squeeze like Tails had done earlier. Once again, Sonic couldn’t bring himself to return it. Shadow smiled at him. It was a reassuring sort of smile that made him relax again. The sort of smile that said “you can trust me” and meant it. Right. He could. Freesia.

He could.

“Next time,” Shadow said, a playful hint present in his voice. “Just tell me, idiot.”

Sonic laughed. It came out a little off but he’d meant it. In a sort of half-panicky way.

He spotted something white on the ground behind Shadow. Curious, he wriggled one of his hands free and reached out to grab it. It was a daffodil. It wasn’t in the ground though; this one had been picked. And they hadn’t accidentally pulled it from the ground because there were no daffodils growing in this part of the meadow. But another flower was. One Sonic knew very well. He picked the closest one, the red flower no longer looked quite as mocking as before.

Columbine…

How strange that they’d ended up in a columbine patch. He didn’t even know they grew in the area.

Sonic pressed the two flowers into Shadow’s hand. The dark hedgehog looked down at them, a hint of surprise in those crimson eyes he loved so much.

“No promises, Shad.”