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Misunderstood Marriage

Summary:

Basically rumour has it that Kaveh and Alhaitham are both cheating on their spouses with each other!
Collei reveals this to them and Kaveh goes through a mid life crisis, while Alhaitham finds this kinda funny.

*The KFC pet is named Aratini, why? idk

Notes:

guess who posted a fic after like a year of silence thats right. me. im never updating that pjsk fic btw sorry. thats too many characters to write abt
i apologize if this is like shit i wrote this all before going to work ikr me having a job? crazy and i actually like it

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“So Collei, how’s school? Do you like it? Made any friends?”

Collei smiles nervously at all the questions, uncle Kaveh means well, she knows… Just… Too well.

“Kaveh, we just sat down,” Alhaitham notes, putting his book away as he stares at the soup in front of him.

“I wasn’t asking you! Don’t worry Collei, answer at your own pace, while I take care of this big baby!” The two begin to bicker while at the dinner table as Collei, Cyno, and Tighnari watch in agreed silence.

By the time they’re done, and Collei finishes speaking about her first week at the Akademiya, Tighnari pipes up.

“Oh Collei, you should tell your uncles what you heard yesterday,” he says in a delighted tone as Cyno snickers beside him.

Collei becomes red with embarrassment at her dad’s suggestion, and pokes at her food nervously.

“Hm? What is it? You can tell us, Collei. It’s alright,” Kaveh comforts her, “it’s not rumours is it? Ugh, don’t tell me people were caught having sex the bathroom..”

“Nononono!!! Umm.. It’s just that… Some people think that.. You two are….” She trailed off, unsettled with the way everyone’s eyes were on her.

“Thatyoutwoarecheatingonyourspouseswitheachother!”

The table is silent.

“WHAT?!”
“Hmm..”

Kaveh side eyes his husband, “don’t you ‘hmm’ this! This is serious Haitham, people think we’re cheaters!”

Despite being very vocal and distraught about this, Alhaitham didn’t feel very bothered with the rumour since it is, and always will be, a rumour.

“We’re cheating on our supposed ‘spouses’ with each other, Kaveh,” he cryptically reasoned which only confused and frustrated Kaveh even more.

Said blonde downed another glass of wine, shaking his head in disbelief.

“The only thing Alhaitham would have an affair with is a book,” silence. “Since it’d be a pretty novel experience.”

Silence.

This time, Kaveh and Tighnari downed a glass of wine together.

On the other side of the table, Alhaitham smirked. But only slightly, he would never admit it out loud of how Cyno’s jokes do have some humour to them.

Meanwhile, Collei has been eating her food since everyone has distracted themselves in their own conversations until Kaveh turned the conversation back to her.

“Wait- Collei, do you know any specifics of why people think me and your uncle are having an affair? Or wait, who started the rumour anyways?!”

The girl thought for a second, recalling what had happened yesterday.

“Oh! I think it was Dori, she’s a second year and told me all about this!” The colour on Kaveh’s face was drained as he thought of Dori.

She’s an excellent student, acing his classes but she’s definitely the shady kind…. Personality wise, as Kaveh has fallen prey to her antics, which he hopes hold no malice!

As they wrap up dinner and relax, Collei continues to tell everyone what Dori had told her…

—/—

Evidence no.1
Secret Rendezvous
Witness(es) : Mika, Freminet
Location : Westside, 2nd floor
When : 3 weeks ago

Apparently, some students needed help with their English assignments and went to Mr. Alhaitham’s classroom, but stopped at the doorway after realizing that it was just him and Mr. Kaveh.

The two students were shy and didn’t want to interrupt them so they stayed outside until they were done, however the conversation was cut short as one of the two accidentally made a sound and they ran in fear.

Conversation according to Mika & Freminet :
K : Okay well, what does your schedule look like next week?
A : I have 2 reading comprehension tests, a film study, and we’re starting our essay outline at the end of next week which we’ll continue the following week.
K : Good lord, you are evil you know that? No wonder all of my students dread going to your class.
A : I’m simply preparing them for higher education, if they plan on going, if not then they should consider taking Ms. Faruzan’s class.
K : Yeah, yeah. But back to this, I have a unit test and homework to grade, so looks like we can only do Wednesday or Sunday.
….
K : Ugh, can you say something? Wait.. You know how Mehrak is right? I’ll have to distract her, then sneak out, then make it up to her when I come back… You should compensate me for all my efforts you know?
A : Mm, yes I’ll pay for our meal like always. You do know that you can just leave her without saying anything, right? There’s no reason to do all that.
K : You’re heartless! But don’t think you’re not the same with your other half!
A : My ‘other half’? Oh, you mean Aratini. She’s fine, she’s not needy in that aspect.
K : Hmph whatever, so Wednesday or Sunday?
A : Let’s do Sunday, Lambad’s?
K : You know it! Do you think- hm? Did you hear something?

Witnesses note that Mr. Kaveh and Mr. Alhaitham were very close and spoke fondly to each other even while talking about their spouses! Preposterous!

“What?! Mika and Freminet were there?! No wonder I felt some spying eyes then..” Kaveh muttered to himself.

Cyno chuckled, “this is definitely on you guys, heh.”

“Yeah, if what they heard was right then it’s very easy to misunderstand the situation,” Tighnari added, while peeking over to look at Cyno’s cards as he faced against Alhaitham.

“No it isn’t? Wouldn’t they assume that me and Haitham are married to each other? We have matching rings!” He defended, lifting his husband’s left hand to show their rings.

One gold with emerald, the other silver with ruby.

Clearly, to Kaveh the rings were obviously matching each other as his chosen jewellery colour was gold and his beloved’s eyes (save for his multicolour pupil) were green!

Whereas for Alhaitham, his chosen jewellery colour was silver and his husband’s eyes were a gorgeous red.

Tighnari sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “that’s.. People don’t know you two are married to each other just because of the rings, you know?”

Kaveh swirled his glass around, “well yes, I know that. But we show affection publicly right?” He nudges Alhaitham.

“Yes,” simple answer. Is it the truth? No.

The other 3 at the table sigh, knowing that their showing of affection is wildly different than what it actually is.

“That actually brings me to my second piece of evidence!” Collei pipes up, after Cyno was done going through the basics of TCG again.

—/—

Evidence no.2
Heated Quarrel
Witness(es) : Xiao, Wanderer, Kazuha, Sethos
Location : Backside of the building, dubbed the “Puff Point”, outside
When : 1.5 months ago

A group of friends were hanging out at Puff Point and accidentally overheard a loud argument between Mr. Kaveh and Mr. Alhaitham.

As they didn’t want to get caught, the group stayed quiet and were forced to listen to the whole ordeal before, during, and after.

Conversation according to the four :
A : Kaveh listen to me-
K : You can’t just bring her into this without discussing with me first!
A : Are you serious?
K : Yes! You always make quick decisions without telling me and now she’s in my house this very second, how am I supposed to act?
A : You mean our house, if you just listen to me for a second-
K : No, nope! Not listening, first time this happened with Mehrak I had to run around and do everything myself because you’re a cold hearted man Alhaitham!
A : Kaveh, this isn’t just about her, is it?
Sniffles could be heard
A : What is it?
K : It just.. It just feels so crowded in this marriage, Alhaitham.
A : Ha.. You sound like the wife getting cheated on.
K : Shut up and just comfort me, this is what you’re meant for.
A : Are you gonna explain why you’re so angry?
K : No. Kiss me.
The group noted that after hearing their whole argument, they skipped third period to get high to forget about it.

“Wow.” Cyno said, and the first one to speak after that.

“So there’s just kids getting high at school? And no one has done anything about it?” Tighnari complained, shaking his head in disbelief.

Cyno laughed, “like you can say anything,” the Valuka Shuna immediately went to cover his daughter’s ears.

“Cyno!” He hissed.

“Well.. Either way, that was… Something.” Kaveh noted, feeling a little tipsy as he tried to steady his vision.

Alhaitham grabbed the cup out of his husband’s grasp, “that should be enough for you.”

Kaveh rolled his eyes, “whatever! And to be honest, that argument was your fault. You brought Aratini in with no regard to how I’d take it!“ He argued, digging his finger into Alhaitham’s chest. His very plump chest.

Alhaitham raised an eyebrow, which in Kaveh’s defense, was very hot and he shut his mouth.

Now at the table, it was Cyno vs. Collei, a friendly match between father and daughter.

“But either way, Collei you’re old enough to know to not get close with those people and that drugs are-“ Cyno chided, feeling a bit protective around the topic of smoking.

“Bad, I know dad.” Collei finished his sentence, smiling knowingly as she rolled her dice.

Tighnari got more snacks for everyone, mainly for Kaveh to even out all the alcohol in his system.

“Even if you do get into all that, come to me first,“ he offered, not wanting his daughter to go through what he did in highschool… But that’s a story for another time.

“Okay, okay, I get it! I’m not interested in that anyways, but I’m almost done with everything Dori told me, just one last thing…”

—/—

Evidence no.3
Ball… and Chain…?
Witness(es) : Furina, Neuvillette
Location : Staff Lounge
When : 2 months ago

Mr. Neuvillette brought his younger sister, Furina, into the teacher’s lounge to gather supplies for the drama class and as he went into the staff only room, Furina overheard Mr. Kaveh in the next room on the phone.

The witness intends to clarify that she did not eavesdrop intentionally and was only bored while waiting for her brother, but she described the call as tense, tear jerking, and reminiscent.

The call according to Furina :
K : Are you joking?
? : Why would I be?
K : You want us to move, that’s crazy. I’m not leaving Sumeru, I have a job here, friends, memories!
? : But family, Kaveh. Is that not what’s important to you?
K : It is, it’s just.. You can’t ask me to move to Fontaine so suddenly, we’ve been apart for so long.
? : Oh Kaveh, don’t cry sweetie. Even if we’re apart, my heart is still with you and the house.
K : …Right, me too. I’m not moving to Fontaine though, okay?
? : Hm, alright Kaveh, I love you don’t forget that okay? And call me more often, I want to hear from you more.
K : I will, I will. Love you, bye.

The witness says that the room is silent for a few minutes until Mr. Alhaitham passes by and enters the room, and completely closes the door.

Furina then says that she only picked up a few words but definitely heard the sentence “the old ball and chain” which, is a very common saying for when husbands complain about their wives. But it also just generally refers to something/someone that weighs you down.

“I was talking to my mother! Oh my god, this is so embarassing..!” Kaveh whines as he digs his face into his palms, now aware that all he does is embarrass himself in-front of his students.

“Hey, hey, cheer up Kaveh, it’s alright! Misunderstandings happen all the time, here have some more fruit,” Tighnari pats his back and shoves the bowl of fruit his way.

Kaveh reaches for the bowl, but somehow grabs another glass and drinks it all in one go.

“Don’t comfort me when you were never mistaken for having an affair on your husband with your husband!” The two laugh, while Alhaitham reads his book in silence, but still slightly amused with the whole situation.

“So that’s it Collei? All the evidence to support thaf uncle Kaveh and Alhaitham are cheating on each other with each other?” Cyno teases, while prepping another game of Invokation TCG to play against his husband (who will beat him).

Collei thinks to herself, “yup that’s everything! Oh, it’s really late now I should go to bed, and uncle Kaveh stop drinking! Goodnight everyone!”

Everyone says goodnight as they continue to chat well into the night, up until Kaveh ends up passed out on the table with a drink in his hand.

“We should head home, who knows what Mehrak and Aratini did to the house,” Alhaitham says, closing his book and lifting Kaveh up to support his right side.

Cyno clears the table as Tighnari gets up to walk them out and to catch Kaveh if he stumbles on his feet.

“Well, thanks for coming out tonight you two, I know it’s not ideal on a school night but we haven’t gotten together in so long!”

Alhaitham nods and Kaveh slurs out a goodnight, they tumble just a bit on the staircase but eventually they make it to the car.

The drive home is peaceful as there’s not many cars out, and the music on the radio is calm enough for Alhaitham to enjoy as he holds his husband’s hand to reassure him.

Once home, the two make it to the door and are welcomed with a long string of meows from Mehrak and angry thumps from Aratini.

The gray haired man settles Kaveh on the divan gently and puts a blanket over him, he turns on the lights to fetch his husband a glass of water and a couple treats for the pets.

He goes to Aratini’s cage which is basically Kaveh’s old room, but without the door, and bribes her with some carrots to pick her up and bring him to Kaveh.

Aratini is a handful, taking care of a bunny is no easy feat and Kaveh was always worried about if they’d be able to truly take care of her.

By the time he’s back to Kaveh, Mehrak is already curled up against him and Alhaitham decides that tonight would be a couch sleeping night with his beloved rather than the bed.

He sets Aratini down and sets up the tiny fences up so if Aratini does get fed up with them cuddling, she could just play in the space below them.

“Kaveh, water,” he says gently, caressing his husband’s face and lifting his chin.

The blonde lazily opens his mouth and is barely even conscious as he drinks, simply falling back asleep mid sip.

Alhaitham lets out a soft, airy chuckle. He loves Kaveh so much, he sets the glass down on the table and maneuvers Mehrak around to not disturb her sleep so he could get under the covers with Kaveh.

He rests Kaveh’s head against his shoulder as he nuzzles into his smooth, silk-like hair and whispers, “I love you, Kaveh,” so gently and falls asleep like that on the divan.

The next morning, Kaveh awakes to the sun shining in his eyes with Mehrak and Aratini lazily playing with each other.

Immediately, he jumps up and checks his phone.

“It’s already second period?! I’m fucking late!” He screams as he runs to the kitchen and pours himself a coffee, but to his surprise his mug has been used to house water instead of coffee! Horrifying!

But right next to the mug there’s a sticky note with his husband’s handwriting on it.

Good morning, Kaveh.

You will definitely be hungover, so instead of coffee, have water.

I have already called Nahida, I will be teaching your class as a substitute, do not worry about it.

Stay home, indulge in a surprise day off with Mehrak and Aratini.

I love you,
Alhaitham.

The blonde holds the sticky note in his hands like a prized possession, bestowed upon him from the gods.

“My husband actually said he loves me on paper! Aw, what a softie he’s so cute, but I don’t like how he predicted this hangover,” Kaveh mutters to himself, definitely feeling the nausea and headache now.

Yet, behind all the pain and joy all he can feel is love and happiness.

This is truly his love. His home.

EXTRA

“Goodmorning, unfortunately Mr. Kaveh is absent and I will be replacing him for today.” Alhaitham announces, trotting over to Kaveh’s desk and organizing his notes to see what he’ll be teaching today.

A student raises his hand, Ororon, a 4th year student on his way to graduation. He’s smart, but when paired his Ifa it seems like their brains fuse into one.

“Yes?” Alhaitham says, looking directly into the boy’s eyes.

“Why is Mr. Kaveh absent today? Is he okay..?” He asked, a bit absentminded and personal.

He sighs, “he’s hungover and currently recovering at home with our pets.” He answered, moving towards the board to write down practice questions.

“OUR?!”

“Yes, our. We are married and have two beautiful daughters, Mehrak the cat and Aratini the bunny.” Alhaitham states a bit proudly, fond of his family.

He thinks of them for a moment, and then turns serious as he steers the class’ attention towards math and their upcoming final rather than his personal life.

Notes:

this will be turned into a series btw im gonna have
wriolette
chili
wanderer x sethos
idk abt xiaother tho will think abt that

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