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Summary
Modern, non-magical AU. Merlin and Arthur had always been close, made closer by early loss. But as Merlin comes out to himself and to the people who matter most to him, he finds it increasingly difficult to dodge that the way he feels about Arthur is not what it should be. Arthur is his first cousin, almost a brother, and he’s the gravitational centre of Merlin’s life. As they grow up, Merlin finds he can't look at Arthur without it stirring something that makes him feel ashamed. When Arthur comes to spend a summer with Merlin and his mum in New York City, Merlin is forced to confront his feelings, and left baffled by Arthur’s. This story follows Merlin and Arthur from childhood, through late adolescence, and into adulthood: it follows them through a summer of sexual awakening, and leads them through harrowing loss, to finally confront what seems an impossible choice.