Ineffable Them
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Bits, Bites & Borrowed Cardigans by Anonymous
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
25 Sep 2026
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Summary
Aziraphale and Crowley are two Twitch streamers, polar opposites, absurdly popular each in their own way. Aside from the moderators, no one watching would ever guess they live together. Much less that their feelings go far beyond friendship...
Series
- Part 1 of Ineffable Them
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The Serpent's Mercy by Anonymous
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
14 Jul 2026
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Summary
When the pirate ship Serpent's Mercy descends upon His Majesty's naval vessel HMS Providence, the attack is swift and merciless. Lieutenant Aziraphale Archer, a navigator with more love for books than bloodshed, watches his crewmates fall one by one until only he remains—spared for reasons he cannot fathom.
Captain Crowley is a legend whispered in fear across the seas, a man who leaves no survivors. Yet when his gaze lands on Aziraphale—pale, trembling, but refusing to beg—he makes a decision that defies his reputation.
Now Aziraphale finds himself a prisoner aboard the ship that destroyed his world, forced to navigate for his captor while navigating the treacherous waters between hatred and an inexplicable attraction. As days turn to weeks, he begins to see the man behind the monster—and the darkness he carries.
But can a pirate captain truly change? And can Aziraphale ever forgive the man who took everything from him?
Series
- Part 2 of Ineffable Them
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Summary
Crowley and Aziraphale have been partners in crime—and in life—since they were kids. When their latest job goes sideways and they end up stuck with a kidnapped baby, they're forced to confront everything they've been avoiding: their feelings, their future, and the fact that maybe, just maybe, they've been on the wrong side of the law for entirely the wrong reasons.
Because nothing says "I've been in love with my best friend for twenty years" like accidentally becoming co-parents to a stolen infant.
Or: The Rob-B-Hood AU where Crowley is a chaotic thief, Aziraphale is his reluctantly willing accomplice, and a baby changes everything.
Series
- Part 3 of Ineffable Them
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A Very Interesting Agreement by Anonymous
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens - All Media Types
21 Jul 2026
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Summary
"We are not human. Therefore, it is not a sin. It is not a virtue. It is... experimental."
— Crawly, in Eden, 4004 B.C
In the beginning, it was just an experiment. An awkward kiss in the rain, a whispered agreement between two celestial beings who understood nothing about human love...
Series
- Part 4 of Ineffable Them
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The Pitcher and the Catcher by Anonymous
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
23 Jul 2026
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Summary
Anthony J. Crowley is the most talented pitcher to ever play school pitchers. His throws are legendary, his numbers, impeccable. The only problem? He never, ever managed to form a long-lasting battery with a catcher.
Series
- Part 5 of Ineffable Them
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What I Do For You by Anonymous
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
23 Jul 2026
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Summary
He never knew what Crowley did on the nights he didn't come home...
Series
- Part 6 of Ineffable Them
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Summary
Aziraphale always believed his love for Crowley was a well-kept secret, a one-sided feeling he had harbored since childhood. Crowley, for his part, always thought the same. But when Aziraphale is dragged into a rock concert, he discovers that the band playing is none other than his childhood friend's band – the world star Crowley –, All certainties begin to crumble. Will they finally find the right harmony this time?
Series
- Part 7 of Ineffable Them
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Summary
MI5 agent Aziraphale Fell has one shot to take down a major London crime syndicate. His only in? A charismatic informant named Crowley—who plays by no one's rules and trusts no one, least of all a man in a suit with a badge.
They'll have to work together. They'll have to trust each other. And if they fall into bed along the way... well. That might be the most dangerous part of the operation.Series
- Part 8 of Ineffable Them
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The Exception to the Rule by Anonymous
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens - All Media Types
27 Jul 2026
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Anthony J. Crowley is the most feared boss at Elite Holdings – rigorous, ruthless, and capable of making interns cry with just a look. His employees know that the only rule is not to cross his path.
———
This story has no plot; I write it to pass the time. I hope you enjoy it (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
Series
- Part 9 of Ineffable Them
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The Ineffable Alliance by Anonymous
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens - All Media Types
22 Sep 2026
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Summary
The war left them both with scars they never show anyone — and a secret neither knows they share: eight years ago, a dying boy in a frozen ditch, and the stranger who pulled him out.
Now the Grey is eating both kingdoms, a dead witch's prophecy demands a wedding, and Prince Aziraphale of Aurelia is to marry Prince Crowley of Nocterra — an alpha to an alpha, a lily to a serpent, two princes who have never once let anyone close enough to learn the shape of them.
They have five months until Midsummer.
"When the lily shall wed the serpent, and two alphas learn to share one throne, the End shall lose its horses and be obliged to go on foot." — Agnes Nutter, The Nice and Accurate Prophecies
Series
- Part 10 of Ineffable Them
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The Cold Case of the Serpent and the Angel by Anonymous
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
16 Aug 2026
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Summary
Crowley and Aziraphale grew up together in the Atlanta foster care system, two abandoned orphans who survived neglect and oblivion.
Series
- Part 11 of Ineffable Them
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Six Thousand Days by Anonymous
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
30 Aug 2026
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Summary
The end of the Jaeger program was scheduled for a Tuesday, which Crowley thought appropriate—there had never been a Tuesday that was any good. Thirty days remain, four Jaegers, a breach in the bottom of the Pacific, and sixteen years of things that two pilots saw in each other's heads and never dared to say aloud.
Series
- Part 12 of Ineffable Them
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It Always Passes by Anonymous
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
10 Sep 2026
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Summary
After eight years of silent suffering, a degenerative diagnosis erupts into a shared crisis, forcing Aziraphale and Crowley to confront the secrets that built their life—and choose to face the future, together, or fracture under the weight of what was always meant to be carried alone.
Series
- Part 13 of Ineffable Them
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Demons and Archangels by Anonymous
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
17 Sep 2026
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Summary
Anthony J. Crowley runs London's second-most-feared gang, the Demons. He's made his name through violence, loyalty, and an absolute refusal to let anyone touch what's his. When he spots a soft-looking blonde stepping out of the Ritz one rainy night, he expects a bored businessman. Instead, he finds Aziraphale Fell—a man who smiles like he knows something Crowley doesn't, and who carries himself with the casual confidence of someone who's never had to be afraid.
What Crowley doesn't know is that Aziraphale is the Seraphim, the most dangerous crime lord in the country. And the Seraphim collects beautiful things.
Series
- Part 14 of Ineffable Them
- Part 1 of The Light Is On
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Forced Orbit by Anonymous
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
13 Sep 2026
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Summary
Captain Anthony J. Crowley doesn't play well with others. Lieutenant Aziraphale Fell doesn't either — he just hides it better behind pressed uniforms and a polite smile. When the Interstellar Fleet Command assigns them to co-lead a deep-space reconnaissance mission aboard the ISV Eden, they have approximately four years, seven months, and thirteen days to either kill each other or figure out why they can't stop looking.
The universe is vast. The ship is not.
Series
- Part 15 of Ineffable Them
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The Improbability of Tulips and Other Calamities by Anonymous
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
18 May 2026
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Summary
It's been three months since the new neighbor, owner of "Aroma & Pétalas", decided that the local bookseller was the most charming man in Soho. Crowley, on the other hand, is one step away from turning all her tulips to ashes.
Series
- Part 16 of Ineffable Them
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The Keeper of the Serpent by Anonymous
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
19 May 2026
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Summary
The bell at the AZ Fell & Co. bookstore rang so loudly that it almost fell off the door.
Aziraphale was polishing a rare volume of poetry, trying to ignore the weight of the new world order on his shoulders. He wore the immaculate white uniform required by the new regime.
When he looked up, his face turned pale.
Series
- Part 17 of Ineffable Them
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The Last Year Before Everything Changed by Anonymous
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
09 Jun 2026
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Series
- Part 18 of Ineffable Them
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the space between heartbeats by Anonymous
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens - All Media Types
15 Jun 2026
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Summary
Crowley and Aziraphale have been best friends since childhood...
Series
- Part 19 of Ineffable Them
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In Loco Parentis by Anonymous
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens - All Media Types
20 Jun 2026
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Summary
At six years old, Adam Fell has already made it rain in the backyard, made the neighbor's dog talk, and brought the school's goldfish back to life. His father, Aziraphale Fell, a widowed librarian and staunch pacifist, lives in a constant state of alert, trying to hide his son's extraordinary nature from a world that is not ready for it.
Series
- Part 20 of Ineffable Them