1 - 20 of 29 Bookmarks by Colaproblems
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Deep in Derse's shadowy core languishes the stolen second-in-line to the Prospitian throne. He plays the part of reluctant Ambassador, though rather than politics he finds himself juggling the heavy heart of Derse's Prince, which he regrets ever asking for, and charting out his new life far from the Sunburst Court.
Jake is grimly sure he'll never be warm again.
Series
- Part 2 of A House Built, and Other Royal Fuckups
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 56,156
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 336
- Kudos:
- 1,426
- Bookmarks:
- 359
- Hits:
- 27,539
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
10 Sep 2023
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Summary
It takes a village to help Karkat Vantas, the troll least suitable to being a rainbow drinker, acquire one (1) thrall to feed from. Problem is, Karkat doesn't really like anyone enough to enthrall them.
Totally unrelated to that in every way, Karkat is saddled with a truly embarrassing crush on his next door neighbor, the working musician that Karkat spends most of his nights listening to through their shared wall.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 17,936
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 129
- Kudos:
- 1,104
- Bookmarks:
- 175
- Hits:
- 9,191
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
05 Jun 2022
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Summary
Karkat Vantas has escaped Alternia, and landed himself in a brand new problem. To pay his way to Earth, he takes a contract with the Undying Umbra as an assassin and wetwork generalist.
With a pricetag assigned to his life, Karkat assumes he just has to work his way out. Day by day, job by job, he's going to claw his way out from Under The Table.
Then: He meets his handler, Dave Strider.
And things get complicated. Like, really fucking complicated.
NOW COMPLETE!
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 252,409
- Chapters:
- 33/33
- Collections:
- 8
- Comments:
- 1,745
- Kudos:
- 1,780
- Bookmarks:
- 464
- Hits:
- 74,466
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
04 Jun 2022
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Summary
It was pretty common knowledge around the mortals that you had to be wary of tradespeople. Not that they were all malicious or anything, but when you lived next door to beings with that much power, it paid to be careful.
The problem is Dave Strider is not very careful.
Series
- Part 1 of the trades of clay and gold
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 35,286
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 234
- Kudos:
- 1,042
- Bookmarks:
- 224
- Hits:
- 14,444
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
11 May 2022
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The Four Kings, the God Thief, and the Black Diamond Pirates by oxfordRoulette
Fandoms: Homestuck
28 Sep 2019
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Summary
Dirk and Vriska have it good. They raid ships, pillage merchant vessels, constantly poison each other, possess a lucrative pact with the Wind King, sing a lot of dope fuckin’ sea shanties, and captain a loveable crew of pirate scum. They’re ready to kick back, take it easy, and become the vile and revered scourge of the diamond trading line.
Then they find someone in the water.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 132,487
- Chapters:
- 24/24
- Comments:
- 450
- Kudos:
- 643
- Bookmarks:
- 187
- Hits:
- 16,491
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
07 May 2022
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we float before the sea at dusk by Madame la Problématique (callmearcturus)
Fandoms: Homestuck
01 Aug 2018
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Summary
Jake English is a minor celebrity of the sublight net who often goes on intragalactic adventures to amazing locales to share his excursions with his lovely followers. It can be very good press for new interstellar tourist traps, so he's used to being hired to check out new vacation spots.
When his old friend Jane hires him, Jake winds up on Alcyone to promote the new resort CrockerCorp has opened there. There's but one small, remarkable detail about the planet: it's covered entirely in breathable liquid.
It would make a perfect tourist trap. Shame it's already inhabited.
(A very weird AU, in which humans try to settle a big waterworld to build a tourist hotspot, and the native mers enact castle doctrine.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 119,572
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 381
- Kudos:
- 579
- Bookmarks:
- 160
- Hits:
- 15,334
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
07 May 2022
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Summary
Some mistakes are so fucking big that they divert the path of your life entirely, sending you somewhere you were never meant to go. Some mistakes are so seismic and so obvious that when you look back on your life all you can see is the beacon where you made them. Some mistakes leave you so far off course you don't even recognize who you are or why you're still here.
You don't usually get a chance to make amends.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 24,595
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 54
- Kudos:
- 371
- Bookmarks:
- 111
- Hits:
- 4,873
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
31 May 2021
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Dave is so touch-starved that he flinches away when anyone tries to touch him. He hires a professional cuddler in an effort to work past his issues.
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
30 May 2021
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Jake's face quirks. "App?"
"Yeah, app. Like, application. You know your phone can do other things right? Like, apps."
"You sure do keep using that word! I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean."
"You know, apps." You try to think of how to explain apps. You suddenly can't think of what apps are.
What's the name of an app.
Literally just name any app.
He's staring at you.
Oh my god.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,139
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 40
- Kudos:
- 570
- Bookmarks:
- 88
- Hits:
- 6,662
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
27 May 2021
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- Words:
- 35,467
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 9
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
12 May 2021
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Summary
Jake English is a shepherd living a solitary life atop his mountain. He lives a humble lifestyle and has few things to worry about other than his bones creak a little more than they used to. When his sheep, his only livelihood, start disappearing, Jake makes an offer to a god out of desperation. After that, his simple life gets a lot more complicated.
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
05 May 2021
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Summary
There's something almost magical about that time between too late at night and too early in the morning.
It's the perfect time to meet a stranger and go on an adventure.Bookmarked by Colaproblems
04 May 2021
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Dirk's lovely oddball roommate (for whom he's harbored the most Reddit-infamous crush of the decade, in a post that has gone viral after a fateful event) suggests they make a few edibles for quick cash. But of course, someone has to try those, and who better than the cooks themselves? Hilarity, gender, horror, and 11.1k Upvotes ensue.
(Or: And They Were Roommates, except neither knows how much weed goes into an edible and both are horrible, terrible, no good gay dumbasses. Events are set prior to the first fic, contextualizing Jake's behavior)
Series
- Part 2 of Two Idiots At Homoville, N69, TX
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
23 Apr 2021
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Summary
Your name is Dirk Strider, and all your life as far as you can remember, which is a pretty damn long time by now, you've lived at this hidden temple to Apollo. You study medicine and music, keep the temple in good shape, say prayers, and occasionally take care of pilgrims who make their way here on religious journeys.
Or at least you did, until the temple stopped getting visitors. You'd resigned yourself to living alone out here until Jake English, a young man wandering the world with a curse. He's "questing", he says, but the look of it is he's got no choice.
You tell yourself you shouldn't, but it's hard not to bond over curses.
(NaNoWriMo 2018 entry, won on November 29 2018, finished November 30 2018.)
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
20 Apr 2021
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Summary
Dirk goes home with a hot demon and things get... interesting pretty fast. Please mind the tags!
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
16 Apr 2021
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You’re quite possibly the last remaining selkie in the world and you just went and did the worst thing you ever could have done.
You lost your sealskin.
Good thing a handsome stranger is there to come to your aid.
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
25 Feb 2021
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Summary
"Bell the cat"
DEFINITION:
To put yourself in a dangerous position. The phrase comes from one of Aesop's fables: The Mice held a general council to consider what measures they could take to outwit their common enemy, the Cat. After a general discussion, a young Mouse rose to present a proposal. “You will all agree,” he said, “that our chief danger consists in the sly and treacherous manner in which the enemy approaches us. Now, if we could receive some signal of her approach, we could easily escape. I venture, therefore, to propose that a small bell be procured, and attached by a ribbon round the Cat's neck. By this means we should always know when she was about, and could easily retire while she was in the neighborhood.” This proposal met with general applause, until an old Mouse rose to ask, “That is all very well, but who is to bell the Cat?”
Jake meets Ultimate Dirk again.
(And then again.)
- Words:
- 23,219
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 13
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
16 Feb 2021
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Bookmarked by Colaproblems
12 Feb 2021
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Summary
Jake English waking up sore and alone on a cold floor is not a strange occurrence for him as of late. The ethereal beam of light and sluggishly churning floor is new, but he's woken up in stranger places.
If circumstances were better he'd probably have something shocked and relevant to say about this strange landscape he's found himself in, but circumstances are in fact legendarily shit right now.
(A comic fic where Jake English gets rights)
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
25 Jan 2021
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you can only take what you can carry to the edge of the sea by callmearcturus
Fandoms: Homestuck
06 Feb 2018
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Summary
Crocker Magitech is among the foremost developers of innovative magic and technology for the modern home, and the team of Crocker, Lalonde, and Strider are among the most important cogs in their clockwork machine. After a long dry spell without new projects to work on, Jane hits it big with a grand new discovery: a remote island out in the South Pacific that’s teeming with lost majyyks to rediscover.
What the team finds out there is far more than their next big break: a lost settlement, a forgotten god, strange arcane flora, and a friendly boy living in the lake. Not even the combined knowledge of the team can prepare them for their expedition to this strange, hidden island.
Magic, sex, and mayhem ensue.
(Main story fully complete, epilogue in progress.)
Series
- Part 1 of Sex Magic Island AU
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 150,254
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 839
- Kudos:
- 1,895
- Bookmarks:
- 275
- Hits:
- 46,689
Bookmarked by Colaproblems
18 Jan 2021