1 - 20 of 40 Works by DerRumtreiber
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“Son, it’s OK,” his dad insists as Stiles twirls his pen and stares forlornly at his blank essay booklet. He’s not even allowed to type this assignment. What bullshit. “No matter who you bring home. If they’re good to you, I’ll be nice to them.”
Maybe he’ll write a holiday horror story. About a guy who goes crazy and burns down the town after being asked one too many times about when he’ll settle down with a nice girl. Actually–that’s not bad. Maybe he’ll call it Settle For This, You Nosy Fuckers. He’ll have to black out the profanity with a sharpie.
“No matter who, huh? What if I brought home Hitler?”
~*~
Wherein Stiles' dad insists on Stiles bringing someone home for the holidays, and Stiles responds with malicious compliance, AKA Derek Hale.
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“So what, I’m just supposed to waltz back into their lives? And they’ll just accept me as their alpha again?”
“Yes!” Stiles practically shouts. “That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do. I mean, ideally, you never would have left in the first place—”
“You told me to leave.”
Stiles ignores him. “ —never would have left in the first place. But you did. And now you’re back, and you’re going to fix what you broke.”
~
Or, the one where Derek leaves for a year and comes back with a teaching degree and a job at Beacon Hills High School.
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Alex perks up at that, pushing up on his elbows and lifting his head. “Gonna take me somewhere nice?”
Sid had actually been thinking room service. “Do you really think we should be going out together?”
Rolling off Sid and to his back, Alex grunts. “Oh no, someone maybe see two hockey players eating food in public. Big scandal. ESPN report on it, I bet. Sidney Crosby seen eating salad in Paris. Alex Ovechkin eat steak.”
~*~
In which Sid and Alex's relationship grows into something more, and much sex is hadSeries
- Part 2 of I Turn to You
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“Nooo, take it off. It’s so ugly, I can’t even look at you. Do you understand what kind of a travesty that is? I can’t believe you actually put that thing on.”
Derek looks down at himself. He’d argue that it’s not that bad, but it really, really is. It’s a fuzzy, day-glo orange monstrosity with a giant shiny, plastic-y Christmas tree on the front. The tree lights up and plays jingle bells when he presses the star at the top.
Series
- Part 3 of Little Holiday Shorts
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“Why does it look like the Ghost of Christmas Present threw up in here?” Derek manages to grit out without shouting—barely.
“Because without us you would live a sad, colorless, un-festive life, you grinch. Come see what we made you.” Stiles heads back into the kitchen before Derek can defend himself.
~*~
Wherein Derek gets his dose of holiday cheer, whether he wants it or not.Series
- Part 2 of Little Holiday Shorts
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“Son, it’s OK. No matter who you bring home. If they’re good to you, I’ll be nice to them.”
“No matter who, huh? What if I brought home Hitler?”
His dad is silent for a heartbeat. “You know what? I’m going to plan for three. Just in case.”
~*~
Wherein Stiles tries to pull one over on his dad, and ends up learning the real magic of the season is the (boy)friends we make along the way.
Series
- Part 1 of Little Holiday Shorts
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Enid is disturbingly quiet as Wednesday leads her into the manor and up the staircase, down the hall, and up another staircase. When they reach the Blue Room Wednesday stops and turns, finding Enid’s eyes on her, still big and dewy.
“What?” Wednesday asks. “What is it?”
Enid bites at her lip. Her smile twitches.
“Enid.”
“You’re wearing your snood.”
~*~
Wherein Enid visits Wednesday over break and things...progress.
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“What do you get someone for your five-month anniversary?” He and Lydia are grabbing cocktails to catch up; work life is a harsh, time sucking mistress, though neither of them have what most people consider normal jobs.
Lydia lifts her martini to her lips and raises an eyebrow. She takes a sip, puts it back down and sighs. “That’s not a thing, Stiles. It’s in the word. Anni-versary. You’re better than this.”
“Am I, though?”
~*~
Or, the one where Stiles wears lingerie for Derek, and Derek is all about pretending Stiles really is his blushing virgin bride.
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Geno’s nose scrunches up like he’s just sniffed someone’s rank gear bag. “He say you trigger Sasha’s rut. Won’t let no one near him, not even beta trainer.”
“I didn’t hit him that hard!” Sid argues. Geno nods along in agreement, until Sid adds, “And how could I trigger him? I’m not even in heat.”
Geno’s nose wrinkles again. God damnit, Sid hates that look sometimes.
“You a little bit in heat, Sid,” Geno admits reluctantly, inching back in his stall.
~*~
Or, the one where Sid triggers Alex, and Alex can't stay away.
Series
- Part 1 of I Turn to You
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“Did you hear,” said Miss Lydia Martin as Stiles was led into the parlor where she was holding court amongst a small cluster of tittering ladies. “That Beacon Hall is to be occupied? Within a fortnight, I’ve heard. The house is quite abustle in preparation for the new master.”
~*~
Or, the one where the mysterious Lord Hale comes home to Beacon Hills, a beast is afoot, and one Mr. Stiles Stilinski can leave no stone unturned -
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"We shouldn't leave him like that," Derek says, but he doesn't sound very sure of himself. "Were you—did he—?"
"He didn't bite me," Stiles snaps. "He locked himself out there before he turned. He wanted to—" Stiles looks at the pistol in his hands and it makes him want to hurl. "But I didn't let him. I was scared. I couldn't—"
"Stiles." Derek interrupts him before he bursts into hysterics. "I get it. Do you want to now?"
~*~
In which there are zombies, Stiles has to build a new life, and Derek's there to help him -
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“Uh, hi? I mean. Hi. I uh, got home early and wanted to see if you—I mean. I didn’t mean to see—”
Had it been just about anyone else, Derek would still have half a hope they hadn’t noticed. Stiles, unfortunately (actually, most of the time, fortunately, just really not this time), notices everything. And going off his inability to finish a full sentence and the red blooming across his cheeks—oh, he’s noticed.
“What do you want, Stiles?” Derek goes for casual, blasé; he pointedly does not look down to the waistband of his jeans, where he knows a strip of red lace is riding several inches higher than his beltline.
~
Or, the one where Stiles learns Derek's dirty little secret but it all works out for everyone in the end
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“OK, so Derek made these. This. The lunch in front of me is from Derek. Derek made all of us, including me, lunch.”
“What happened to all that genius of yours, Stilinski?” Lydia is snuggled up in the curve of Jackson’s arm, apple held daintily in her manicured fingertips. There is nothing dainty about the bite she takes out of it.
If Stiles has learned anything over the past two years, it’s that you should absolutely look a gift horse in the mouth, because the horse probably isn’t a horse at all, or if it is, it’s got fangs or halitosis or secret powers or something else that will fuck up Stiles’ day. He’s also crazy hungry, though, and the sandwich is like…a real sandwich, with two different kinds of meat and cheese and lettuce.
~*~
Or, the one where Derek starts taking care of the pack in all the little ways, and Stiles wants to pay him back
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He’s your friend. He’s your—friend. He’s—
He’s John. He’s still John. He’s still John. He’s still John.
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Just recently he’s been coming around to the maybe of it all—
Maybe he can have this. Maybe, one day, when Stiles isn’t jailbait, maybe in the comfort and safety of his own bed, or maybe in Stiles’.
Maybe has never included the back seat of a police cruiser with two deputies and the Sheriff sharing a laugh just barely out of sight of what’s going down while Derek is handcuffed.
~*~
Or, the one where Derek needs a hand and Stiles is happy to assist. -
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“Derek?” Stiles squeaks.
“Yeah?” It sounds like there’s not much air left in Derek’s lungs.
“When Deaton said come together, do you think he meant…”
“Whatever you’re about to say,” Derek punches out in a rare moment of elocution. “Please don’t.”
~*~
Or, the one where Derek gets cursed, suddenly there are two Dereks, and the only way to get them back together is through the magical powers of Stiles' ass.
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From the floor, Derek groans out something that almost sounds like words.
“What was that, Mr. Sick Puppy? Your advice, as always, is indispensable, Stiles? Thank you for saving me from myself, Stiles?”
“I think,” Isaac chimes in. “He said ‘Don’t call Deaton’.”
~*~
Or, the one where Derek gets high, gets the munchies, and gets into something he shouldn't.
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Scott huffs, like it pains him to say whatever is about to come out of his mouth. “It’s just… whenever you bring up the boyfriend thing. He gets this… smell.”
It can’t be a good smell, with the way Scott’s face looks.“A smell. Like, what kind of a smell are we talking, here?”
“Like longing,” Scott grits out, and oh.
~*~*~
Or, the one where Stiles calls Derek baby, and Derek likes it a little too much
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“– with a ticket taped to your head! You’re damn lucky Derek didn’t enter this into the system, Stiles. People end up on lists for this sort of thing!”
Stiles reaches up and pats at his cheeks. Huh, yeah. Look at that. There is a ticket there, stuck just below his left temple with a single piece of scotch tape. He’s probably lucky it wasn’t stapled there, instead.
He peels it off and holds it above his face.
“Found nude in tree,” he reads aloud. “Huh.”
~*~*~
Or, the one where Derek does a favor for some pixies, and Stiles pays the price.
Series
- Part 4 of TFLN Shorties
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Belle of the Bar by DerRumtreiber for astuteweasel (whimsicalmeerkat)
Fandoms: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Deadpool - All Media Types
08 Sep 2021
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Summary
"I'm sorry for whatever I messed up," Peter says in a rush. It comes out on the tail end of his own deep breath. "Just tell me how to be better. I'll do it, I swear. I really need this job, Mr. Wilson."
Does Peter even hear himself? He can't be a virgin.
If he is, Wade would like to apologize to whichever magical Sky Daddy (or Mommy!) he offended. This is some straight up Temptation of Adam bullshit right here, except instead of an apple it's a juicy, ripe little peach being shoved in his face.
~*~*~*
Or, the one where Wade and Weasel own a strip club and hire a college-aged Peter to help at the bar, and Wade is faced with the reality that yep, he's officially a dirty old man.
Series
- Part 3 of TFLN Shorties
- Part 1 of Belle of the Bar