Works in Challenges/Collections
Listing Works
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“So what, I’m just supposed to waltz back into their lives? And they’ll just accept me as their alpha again?”
“Yes!” Stiles practically shouts. “That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do. I mean, ideally, you never would have left in the first place—”
“You told me to leave.”
Stiles ignores him. “ —never would have left in the first place. But you did. And now you’re back, and you’re going to fix what you broke.”
~
Or, the one where Derek leaves for a year and comes back with a teaching degree and a job at Beacon Hills High School.
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“Nooo, take it off. It’s so ugly, I can’t even look at you. Do you understand what kind of a travesty that is? I can’t believe you actually put that thing on.”
Derek looks down at himself. He’d argue that it’s not that bad, but it really, really is. It’s a fuzzy, day-glo orange monstrosity with a giant shiny, plastic-y Christmas tree on the front. The tree lights up and plays jingle bells when he presses the star at the top.
Series
- Part 3 of Little Holiday Shorts
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“Why does it look like the Ghost of Christmas Present threw up in here?” Derek manages to grit out without shouting—barely.
“Because without us you would live a sad, colorless, un-festive life, you grinch. Come see what we made you.” Stiles heads back into the kitchen before Derek can defend himself.
~*~
Wherein Derek gets his dose of holiday cheer, whether he wants it or not.Series
- Part 2 of Little Holiday Shorts
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“Son, it’s OK. No matter who you bring home. If they’re good to you, I’ll be nice to them.”
“No matter who, huh? What if I brought home Hitler?”
His dad is silent for a heartbeat. “You know what? I’m going to plan for three. Just in case.”
~*~
Wherein Stiles tries to pull one over on his dad, and ends up learning the real magic of the season is the (boy)friends we make along the way.
Series
- Part 1 of Little Holiday Shorts
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Enid is disturbingly quiet as Wednesday leads her into the manor and up the staircase, down the hall, and up another staircase. When they reach the Blue Room Wednesday stops and turns, finding Enid’s eyes on her, still big and dewy.
“What?” Wednesday asks. “What is it?”
Enid bites at her lip. Her smile twitches.
“Enid.”
“You’re wearing your snood.”
~*~
Wherein Enid visits Wednesday over break and things...progress.
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"We shouldn't leave him like that," Derek says, but he doesn't sound very sure of himself. "Were you—did he—?"
"He didn't bite me," Stiles snaps. "He locked himself out there before he turned. He wanted to—" Stiles looks at the pistol in his hands and it makes him want to hurl. "But I didn't let him. I was scared. I couldn't—"
"Stiles." Derek interrupts him before he bursts into hysterics. "I get it. Do you want to now?"
~*~
In which there are zombies, Stiles has to build a new life, and Derek's there to help him -
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He’s your friend. He’s your—friend. He’s—
He’s John. He’s still John. He’s still John. He’s still John.
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From the floor, Derek groans out something that almost sounds like words.
“What was that, Mr. Sick Puppy? Your advice, as always, is indispensable, Stiles? Thank you for saving me from myself, Stiles?”
“I think,” Isaac chimes in. “He said ‘Don’t call Deaton’.”
~*~
Or, the one where Derek gets high, gets the munchies, and gets into something he shouldn't.
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Belle of the Bar by DerRumtreiber for astuteweasel (whimsicalmeerkat)
Fandoms: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Deadpool - All Media Types
08 Sep 2021
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"I'm sorry for whatever I messed up," Peter says in a rush. It comes out on the tail end of his own deep breath. "Just tell me how to be better. I'll do it, I swear. I really need this job, Mr. Wilson."
Does Peter even hear himself? He can't be a virgin.
If he is, Wade would like to apologize to whichever magical Sky Daddy (or Mommy!) he offended. This is some straight up Temptation of Adam bullshit right here, except instead of an apple it's a juicy, ripe little peach being shoved in his face.
~*~*~*
Or, the one where Wade and Weasel own a strip club and hire a college-aged Peter to help at the bar, and Wade is faced with the reality that yep, he's officially a dirty old man.
Series
- Part 3 of TFLN Shorties
- Part 1 of Belle of the Bar
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BDE (Big Dick Emergency) by DerRumtreiber
Fandoms: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
21 Aug 2021
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Summary
“Oh my god,” he says again. “Oh. My. Gaa-awd, Becky. Did you?” Wade is visibly vibrating. “Did you really say ‘giant penis problem’? Really? Truly?”
“What did you think I meant the first time?” Peter asks through clenched teeth.
“I dunno, wrong hole?”
~*~*~
Or, the one where Peter is in need of some practical advice, and Wade is always happy to share his
assknowledge.Series
- Part 7 of Spidey Bingos 2021
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Ice Ice Baby by DerRumtreiber
Fandoms: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
30 Jul 2021
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“Uh, hello - record scratch moment, here,” Wade holds up his hand like a kindergartner (as if he's ever asked for permission to speak in his life, but Peter will play along. He owes the guy, after all).
“Yes, Mr. Wilson?” Peter puts on his best harried professor face.
“Can we circle back to the date part? And more importantly, the next date part? Are we dating?!”
~*~*~*~
Or, the one with the conveniently inconvenient blizzard.
Series
- Part 6 of Spidey Bingos 2021
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(Don't) Stop and Smell the Roses by DerRumtreiber, thisDamnWasteland (DerRumtreiber)
Fandoms: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Deadpool - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
23 May 2021
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Summary
Not Aunt May, he silently begs the universe. Anyone but May.
His Spidey senses tingle (guhhhh, bad tingle! bad tingle!) and he thinks he hears his window opening, but it's hard to hear anything over the rushing in his ears. He zones in just enough to hear the window slam back shut.
The only people who come in through windows are burglars and Deadpool, and Peter's not sure which of those he's hoping it is. He's also absolutely convinced Loki has hidden some sort of outer-dimensional Monkey's Paw in his sock drawer.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Or, the one where the author had Fuck or Die for a bingo prompt, Peter Parker gets a a face full of plant jizz, and Deadpool knows how to show up exactly at the right time.
Series
- Part 3 of Spidey Bingos 2021
- Part 1 of Chapel-verse
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Walk a Straight Line by DerRumtreiber
Fandoms: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Deadpool - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
14 May 2021
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“Alright, so let me see if I’ve got this straight,” Wade says to the room.
Spidey slumps in his hospital bed, knees pulled to his chest so he can hide his face in them.
“In honor of our very own Webhead’s TWENTY FIRST birthday, he spent the past week formulating a.. drug… thing to temporarily slow the roll of his radioactive alcohol tolerance. And since he didn’t tell anyone about it,” Wade continues as all eyes turn to Spidey, who cringes despite not being able to see. “No one thought to look for him until he was caught fishing dirty spandex out of a dumpster so he could, and I quote, ‘pretend to be Spider-Man.’”
~*~*~*~
Or, the one where Peter tries to get drunk, fails, embarrasses himself, successfully gets drunk, and winds up on Wade's dick (in that order).
Series
- Part 2 of Spidey Bingos 2021
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Make it Official by DerRumtreiber, thisDamnWasteland (DerRumtreiber)
Fandoms: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
09 Mar 2021
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“Mmmph mpdsj pfgh.”
He gives Wade’s shoulder a squeeze and a shake. “Ok, now try telling me instead of the pillow, Space Cowboy.”
One angry eye peeks out as Wade cranes his neck just far enough to peer past a cushion Peter hadn’t even realized was removable. He’ll have to confirm that later. Sometimes Wade likes to… modify things and forget to mention it. He’s pretty sure normal people who marry other normal, non-mercenaries never have to worry about throwing stars stashed in couch pillows.
“I said,” Wade enunciates petulantly. “Everyone thinks you’re fucking the human zippo.”
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Or,Wade is feeling a little homicidally insecure about their relationship. Peter fixes it by doing what he does best.
Written for Spider-Man Bingo square: Coming Out, and
Trope Bingo square: Happily Married.Series
- Part 1 of Spidey Bingos 2021
- Part 3 of Chapel-verse
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Shutterbug by DerRumtreiber
Fandoms: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Deadpool - All Media Types
19 Jan 2021
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Summary
"Oh my God. I told you my name. I told you my name. Oh God."
It's lucky the alley by the coffee shop is empty, because Peter is about to hyperventilate.
"Well yeah, technically you did, sure. But you really think I found your address and real phone number and didn't manage to catch your name, too?"
Oh yeah, there's the panic attack.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wade accidentally reveals that he knows more about Peter than he's let on, and decides tit for tat will make them even.
Once Peter catches on, he makes sure he gets what he's properly owed (in his own awkward way).Series
- Part 2 of TFLN Shorties
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An Eye(ful) for an Eye(ful) by DerRumtreiber
Fandoms: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Deadpool - All Media Types
28 Dec 2020
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Summary
“This some kind of a sick joke, Petey? You and- you and him, you fuckin’ with me? You get dragged along for the ride? ‘Cause it’s a little late to tell you now, but I am not one-hundo-p put together in the attic, if you catch my drift, and, Sweetheart,” Wade steps in close enough that Peter can feel his breath through the leather, warm on Peter’s cheek. “I like to play with my food before I eat it.”
Oops, this is not going how Peter planned, though he is totally coming back to this fantasy later when he’s alone.
Plan B, then.
~~~~~~~~~
Wherein Peter is very bad at this whole "identity reveal" thing, and equally bad at Christmas, but all's well that ends well. -
The Hanamura Assignment by DerRumtreiber, thisDamnWasteland (DerRumtreiber)
Fandoms: Overwatch (Video Game)
28 Aug 2018
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Jesse Van McCree has been recalled by Overwatch to investigate a series of events threatening to disrupt the balance between the living and the dead. He finds himself back in Hanamura for the first time in a decade, working with the abandoned castle’s demon lord - the head of the now defunct Shimada Clan. Together, they begin to piece together a puzzle that goes deeper than the dead rising from their graves, and find themselves faced with a fight that will reawaken the past and tie them together in the present.
~*~*~
A voice breaks through the buzzing in his mind and trembling of his body, and he near jumps out of his boots like the green recruit he thought he’d trained out of himself.
“Calm yourself, cur,” it hisses into the night, quiet enough that it might be a whisper, except it seems to come not from in front of him, but from the walls of the building around him, and from the stone steps beneath him.
It’s the voice that he was expecting, had thought he would never forget, but he realizes memory could never do it justice.
“Look up at me,” the voice says. “And calm yourself.”